People Want Us To Evaluate Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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In order for us to live harmoniously in a community, it's important that all of us get along and have positive relationships with one another. However, this can be hard to achieve if we have negative impressions and bad reputations. This usually happens when we easily believe in hearsay and gossip that a particular person is a jerk when we haven't actually gotten to know him or her well. Here are some stories from people who want to know if they deserve to be called jerks. Read on and let us know who you think the real jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

15. AITJ For Letting My Fiancé Fend For Himself After Comparing Me To His Mom?

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“My fiancé had a heart attack and required an open heart surgery two weeks ago. He just got home a few days ago and I am caring for him.

A little backstory. His mom and I don’t have a good relationship. Since the beginning of my relationship with my fiancé, his mom would constantly try to compete with me and one-up me on everything. She always claimed she should be the first woman in my fiancé’s life because she birthed and raised him and how I can’t break their bond.

For the most part, those comments were unprovoked and at first, I would be too scared to defend myself but later I stood up for myself and my fiancé stood up for me and established some boundaries with his mom. His mom sometimes crosses some of those boundaries but for the most part, she’s been acting a bit better.

During his stay in the hospital, both I and his mom took turns staying with him.

Ever since we got home I am the one caring for him 24/7. And I don’t mind, I love him and I want him to get better. But I got extremely upset because after we got home he was being ungrateful about everything. He started comparing me to his mom. He started saying his mom would do x thing better and why can’t I do it like his mom since that’s how he likes it.

He gives backhanded compliments on the foods I make and says ‘it’s good but not like my mom’s.’

He sometimes also snaps at me because I won’t do something quick enough or properly enough and he will tell me words like ‘I wish my mom was here, she wouldn’t be so useless, just tell her to come here if you can’t do these basic tasks’. I was patient with him because I didn’t want to upset him during his recovery.

What made me lose my mind and leave the house was when he told me that his mom was probably right when she said she should be the first woman in his life, since she’d care about him better than I do and how it was a mistake establishing boundaries with her and that I was the one he should’ve established boundaries with. After this comment I didn’t think twice, I just packed two clothes in my handbag, and left and went to stay at my cousin’s house.

He called me and said I’m a jerk for leaving him home alone while he’s recovering and that I should’ve at least called his mom first so she’d come. I told him he should call her and it’s none of my business anymore.

My parents told me I was out of line leaving him to fend for himself and that he’s right that I should’ve called his mom first and how I’m the jerk for making this about me when my fiancé’s recovery should be my priority.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

So not the jerk here. It sounds a lot like he puts up a front with you when everything is alright but expects you to be incredibly subservient when he’s not at his best. Constantly belittling you is a control mechanism, and he’s using guilt over his current state to lay it deep.

Let’s look at a few points here:

  • He has a phone. Obviously, he called you, he can call his mommy just as easily, he just can’t berate her and that’s apparently what he wanted to do.
  • Of course, it’s not like mom’s, you’re not his mom.

    Imagine. Obviously, he doesn’t want to build a life with you in thick and thin if he’s just looking for a mom 2.0 so he doesn’t have the shame of living at home (where his needs would be best met!)

  • It’s a great sacrifice to be on care 24/7, I assume you have other things to do, school or work, or even just grocery shopping at times.

    This is why people take turns with injured people, to give others breaks. To be constantly the one expected there AND belittled certainly chews through coping ability.

  • You still call him your fiance and I’d seriously be rethinking that honestly. It’s obvious he’s not ready for a committed relationship with someone outside his family if this is how he is under stress.

And related, sort of, what are the ages involved here? Is there a harsh discrepancy?” Veldrin_Dalharil

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

He’s being a jerk and he and his mom need to just… stop. Like all of it. Him having a scary, life-altering event doesn’t mean he can treat you like garbage, and insult you to your face – no significant other ever deserves this. Ever.

It’s never, ever a mistake to have boundaries and enforce them, and you deserve boundaries. You deserve basic respect and kindness, OP.

You’re not a jerk for leaving him to fend for himself – he can call his mommy. You do not ever have to sit there and deal with abusive language, even if you’re caring for someone.

Your fiance was insulting you to your face, over and over – and it’s not little things, it was Big Things, Big Disrespect. You do not have to put up with it, and if he’s got the energy to insult you and then call you to insult you further, he’s got the energy to call his mom for backup care.

Please reconsider whether or not you want to be married to someone who thinks you don’t deserve healthy boundaries, who thinks you don’t deserve a loving partner, who thinks it’s okay to insult you and compare you to their mother.” CalypsoContinuum

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You need to leave him. The only thing he actively wanted you for was your body. He wants all his emotional needs filled by his mother.

He is in no way ready for a relationship, never mind a marriage. You’re his pass-time, and he’s not concerned at all about your feelings because he doesn’t care about them. He only cares about his mother’s feelings. He only put boundaries in place so he wouldn’t lose you, and figured once you were tied down he could just ignore them again. A super common tactic of manipulative people is to hide their true intentions until you’re ‘trapped’ in the relationship.

If you had kids with him he would poison them against you and let his mother raise them with him, shutting you out as a parent.

‘Grandma is better at caring for you than your mother, see how lazy she is? She can’t do anything right.’

This kind of language is what he would use, as he’s ALREADY using it just without kids in the equation. It’s horribly damaging for kids to grow up in that kind of environment, never mind how damaging it would be for you.

It’s good this came to light before marriage, because you can very easily walk away. Just leave. Take whatever time you need to get over him and try to watch out for these huge red flags in your personal life after him.” potattooed

10 points (10 votes)
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TJHall44 4 weeks ago
NTA & unless you want to be treated like a doormat for the rest of you life, rethink your marriage.
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14. AITJ For Kicking Out My Brother After Making An Offensive Comment?

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“My M34 wife F26 just had a stillbirth and returned from the hospital a week ago after they had her stay for a few days because of her health issues. When my wife was pregnant, they told us that there were some issues with the baby, they said that our baby might be born with a major health condition and even discussed that they’d keep him in the ICU because of a heart defect.

None of that happened, we didn’t even get the chance to hear his voice, he was already gone and it was so devastating for us.

My wife has been affected by this tragedy and has lost weight very fast. My family started visiting once we got home, they knew about our son’s condition and knew that there was a chance that we’d lose him.

My brother visited with his wife and two kids, he’s not on good terms with my wife but he said he wanted to visit to extend his and his wife’s heartfelt condolences.

He sat with us in the living room and started talking about how he and his wife were struggling with their kids and that raising a kid wasn’t easy let alone a sick kid, then he talked about how it must’ve been devastating going through all this pain then giving birth to a dead baby.

I sat there next to my wife with my patience running out seeing how he was making her uncomfortable and causing her pain.

They decided to stay for dinner. He kept yelling at the kids the whole time to stop playing and being noisy, my brother then asked if we wanted to move out after this, saying that when someone passes away then the family needs to move to another home because of bad luck. I told him no, the house had nothing to do with what happened. He noticed how my wife didn’t talk much and told her that she should be relieved that she had a stillbirth knowing that there was a possibility our son will be sick if he lived and would’ve made it worse for us and that she should pray to God to thank him for sparing us all this pain and heartache.

My wife broke down crying. I knew my brother said this internationally to cause more pain, I had enough and told him that he shouldn’t have talked like that about our beloved son and that he should respect our grief. He said he was sorry and was just trying to help us look at this situation differently. I told him he just needed to leave, he got offended by that and said that I was causing issues between him and my wife thinking she was okay with what he said just because she couldn’t say anything.

He left then had my mom call me to berate me for kicking him out like that and said that I needed to make things right with him or I’ll lose him because I hurt him with what I did when he was just trying to extend his condolences and be with us through these times.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ (neither is your wife). I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope your wife is physically recovering as well as can be expected.

But what your brother said is inexcusable, IMO. You are actively grieving your loss. Your wife is still physically recovering. It’s a hard time for you, and I’m sorry you are going through this.

I’ve been in your brother’s shoes, and I would NEVER have said anything like that to my family members. Some family members think ‘this may have been a less painful path (long term) for this child and the parents than the other likely outcomes.’ That’s how some folks see the situation, and that’s ok – they see things from an angle that is different from yours.

But it is NOT ok to bring this up unless the parents broach the subject first. Especially now, so close to the loss of your beloved son.

Losing a child is heartbreaking for many parents. That’s the case if your child would have been born 100% healthy, or with serious health problems that would have followed them through life, or with serious health problems that would likely have significantly shortened their life.

It’s okay for parents to feel conflicted about (or even relieved by) the loss of a child who would likely have had serious ongoing health issues – it’s not easy for the parents or the child. I think it’s healthy and important for parents who feel this way to be able to talk about it. But telling a parent grieving the loss of a child before birth that they should be thankful makes your brother the jerk.” FrugalChef13

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

What he said was cold and cruel. Frankly, his visit was cruel and showed how awful he is. Who brings their kids to visit a family who just lost a baby? Then sits there yelling at them while simultaneously complaining about them. Then the grand finale of his monstrous behavior and he says to thank God your baby’s gone? When you next talk to your mother, if you ever do, ask why you would ever want your brother back in your life? Cause, having buried a child myself, if someone took the side of a monster who did what he did, I would block them both.

The only thing that would make you the jerk is inflicting that horrible excuse for a person on your wife ever again or allowing your mother to utter a single sentence in his defense near you or your wife.

I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. Please don’t waste your time on soulless monsters who take their children for granted and mistreat you and your wife.” Dachshundmom5

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your brother is a heartless jerk. He expects you to apologize for hurting his feelings but he doesn’t care about the hurtful things he said. Yeah, he’s the jerk here and so is your mom for enabling his behavior and thinking what he said was perfectly fine and saw nothing wrong with it. If they were my family I wouldn’t apologize and distance myself from them both. I’m sorry for the loss but you really don’t need people like them adding more hurt in both your lives.” CODE_NAME_DUCKY

8 points (8 votes)
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lasm1 3 weeks ago
That asshole would be put in time out with no contact, and mom would absolutely be put in check and told to apologize, and if not, she would be also put in time out with no contact until she learned to MHOFB.
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13. AITJ For Not Wanting To "Share" Our Nanny On Vacation?

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“My (33F) husband (35M) grew up with younger siblings, however, he also had two older half-brothers (43/46M) from his dad’s first marriage. He wasn’t close to them growing up, they didn’t even live in the same state. But 43M recently moved to a nearby area with his family and wants our families to be best friends. His kids are about the same age as ours (11,8,3).

We do an AirBnB vacation every year with our kids (12,8,6,2) and our nanny ‘Lauren.’ Having Lauren there means we can spend more time with the kids 1:1, they get to do more of what they want to do, there’s someone to take the baby back to the house when she gets overstimulated, and yes occasionally my husband and I can have a dinner out alone.

In addition to the 7 of us, my husband’s brother (29M) usually comes along as well. We don’t expect him to babysit but he’s still sort of around for the kids and another set of hands.

This year, 43M also wanted to come so our families could ‘bond.’ But we’ve had issues at different points during the planning.

For example, we were looking at AirBnBs. What we would usually do is a master bedroom, 1-2 rooms for the kids, a room for Lauren, and then 29M on the pullout couch.

SIL really wanted to put Lauren in with the kids which I felt was inappropriate.

Second of all, it became clear as we approached this trip that SIL expects to be able to ‘use’ Lauren as well. For example, I said on our first morning, that my husband and I were taking 12/8/6yo on this sailing activity while 2yo stays with Lauren, and she said great, I think we’ll take 11/8yo into town.

Clearly intending to leave her 3yo with Lauren. I said hmm not sure if Lauren will be available to accommodate and my SIL was like ‘it’s only 2 kids, what’s the problem.’

I went to Lauren and said what do you want here and she said she’d be fine with it as long as she was paid 50% more and also was never solely responsible for more than 4 kids outside the house (in other words it’s fine if they’re just hanging around but she wasn’t comfortable keeping 7 kids safe at the beach).

She was also open to sharing responsibilities with a second babysitter. SIL’s kids are actually pretty easy, which she knows.

I told SIL that and gave her the option of covering that 50% increase or covering another babysitter. SIL was like well we can’t afford a babysitter for the entire vacation or to pay Lauren, and I don’t understand what the big deal is considering she’d rarely be alone with all 7 kids anyway, there are 5 other adults.

SIL/BIL are doing okay money-wise, but we are significantly more comfortable, so my husband thinks we should just eat the cost of Lauren’s additional payments to keep the peace. But I’m really irritated by SIL’s attitude and honestly want to just cancel the entire trip at this point, even though flights and the house have already been booked. This feels like a sign of things to come.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but what I actually think is happening here is that BIL and his family just have no idea what having a nanny along for a vacation is like and what the norms are.

You seem like a nice person and are aware that your level of wealth is well above average. Having a nanny is a high privilege situation, having one travel with you is an entirely different level.

I don’t think it’s possible to do this trip, bring Lauren, and have everything turn out OK. It’s 100% going to result in your SIL thinking that she can use your employee to watch her own children.

If I were in your shoes, I’d go on the trip without Lauren. Give her a paid vacation so she doesn’t have her income stream impacted. I understand that having a nanny along with you on vacation makes things easier and better, but it’s only a week and there are 5 adults along for this trip, I’m sure you’d be fine.

I think being able to connect with family, and having the kids be able to form memories together is important enough that not going on the trip is the wrong choice.

But also bringing Lauren on the trip and expecting SIL and BIL to not use her services is also not going to work.

It would be the equivalent of taking your own children out for ice cream and then eating it in front of the other family. There’s no technical rule violation happening, but it’s still kind of a jerk move.” Miliean

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

But I think you should consider either canceling the trip or doing it without Lauren.

You have 3 outcomes if you keep the trip as planned:

  • Neither you nor SIL pays the added fee, Lauren inevitably ends up helping with the extra 3 kids, gets fed up and you lose a good nanny
  • You cover the fee but don’t tell SIL, which gives Lauren some leeway to say no but also means she’s not feeling totally ripped off for those moments when she does end up caring for extra kids.

    Problem is, given how entitled SIL is she’ll probably still use Lauren as much as possible, and when Lauren does say no, she’ll make rude comments about how lazy Lauren is for not making snacks for all the kids, or how it’s Lauren’s fault that her kids will miss out on some fun activity because she won’t watch them.

  • Either SIL does pay the extra fee, or you cover it and she knows.

    But my guess is she’s going to want to sit on her butt and say ‘Lauren can get the kids lunch, that’s what we’re paying her for’ ‘Lauren can look after all the kids tonight, let’s go out’ etc – basically treat her like a full-time servant while she gets a relaxing holiday without any responsibility.

Even without the younger brother having any babysitting responsibilities you still have 4 adults for 7 kids, and as you say they match up relatively well in ages so you could probably plan a good selection of activities to suit all the ages – some as a big group, some split up.

Will it be different from your normal holidays? Yes. But it was always going to be, with a whole extra family you weren’t going to get the same amount of 1:1 time with your kids, the dynamic is always going to be different. I say embrace that, give Lauren a holiday of her own, and enjoy your time with the family.” kiwifarmdog

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I find it really icky that they don’t view Lauren as a person who gets a say.

They expect her to do twice the work for free or for you to foot the bill.

I’m 100% getting the vibe that the reason BIL suddenly wants your families to be best friends all of a sudden is that they want to take advantage of you being better off than them.

And I wouldn’t ‘keep the peace’ ‘just this once’ and pay to have their kids watched as well because IT WILL NOT BE JUST THIS ONCE.

It’s clear that they are not only expecting free stuff, but they’re also demanding it, acting all indignant that you/Lauren aren’t just gonna go along with being taken advantage of.

This is why, sadly, going on vacation with them will most likely be a bad idea. You shouldn’t give in because then they will expect more handouts. And if you go with them without them having access to Lauren (bc they won’t pay) they will whine about it the entire trip. Trust me. They probably also will try to pull a fast one on Lauren and ‘accidentally’ leave her with their youngest when they leave for an activity.

This won’t end well no matter what. Better to nip it in the bud.

No being reasonable about childcare = no vacation for them.” Roux_Harbour

7 points (7 votes)
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TJHall44 4 weeks ago
SIL & BIL sound like they enjoy using people. Don't let them use you
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12. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Friend's Pet After Being The Cause Of Its Passing?

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“So I (13f) I have a very bad fear of bugs. When I was little, before I was adopted, I was in a foster home that was infested with roaches and now I just can’t stand any bugs. I can look at them, but I can’t have them on me or I will have a panic attack. I know it sounds stupid but I just can’t explain the way it makes me feel.

So I went over to one of my friends’ (14f, Cassidy) for her birthday and we had a sleepover. It was us and another girl (15f Mia). Now we were sitting playing two truths and one lie. If you don’t know what that is it’s where you say two truths about yourself and one lie and the other people have to guess which is the lie.

So one of my truths was ‘I am afraid of bugs and I can’t be near them’. So we got done playing at like 2 am and we decided to go to bed. Well, what I didn’t know is that Mia and Cassidy were gonna pull a prank on me. Cassidy had a pet praying mantis, that I did not know about.

So I was almost asleep when I felt a crawling on my leg.

I had barely even opened my eyes but I was already slapping at my leg and trying to scoot back. My friends had put Cassidy’s praying mantis on my leg and it got crushed while I was trying to get away. I went into a panic attack and Cassidy’s mom woke up and called my mom for me.

I was still sobbing when my mom picked me up and we left.

That was yesterday. Cassidy won’t stop texting me about paying for a replacement mantis. I told her I’m sorry but she knew I had a fear of bugs and I won’t be paying crap for her mantis. She said I killed it and that it’s my fault and I should pay the 100 dollars price of the mantis. I told her no way but Cassidy and Mia have been texting me and saying that I overreacted and I’m being a jerk.

I just wanna know if I’m being a jerk or not. I really don’t wanna have to ask my parents to fork up 100 dollars to pay for this bug that I killed. And I also really don’t think it’s my fault.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your friends are being huge jerks. You are not responsible for the bug’s death, they are. Even if you weren’t afraid of them it would have been a stupid risk to put the bug on a sleeping person! And doing so knowing about your phobia was just cruel.

If I were her parent I would tell her no more pets for some time because she’s clearly not responsible with them.” lightwoodorchestra

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It was beyond cruel of your ‘friends’ to exploit your phobia like that. As someone who had some toxic friends growing up, let me give you some advice I needed to hear: when people who are actually your friends find out about a weakness, their immediate reaction shouldn’t be to exploit it.

If they do, they’re not actually your friends. Even when playing pranks on you, there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed. Pranks between friends should never escalate to ’cause a panic attack’.

And even if you weren’t terrified of bugs, putting the praying mantis on top of you while you were unconscious was a dumb idea. If you had been a deeper sleeper, you could have rolled over in your sleep and crushed it anyways.

If Cassidy wants to have a bug as a pet, then she needs to know what situations are dangerous to it and not to put it into those situations.” OneLuckyLucario

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. A prank is waiting until your friend is asleep and drawing a mustache on their face or putting shaving cream/whipped cream/toothpaste in their hand and tickling their face with a feather.

What your friends did could be considered emotional abuse depending on the severity of your fear and if you have a diagnosed condition related to it.

Would it be a ‘prank’ to push someone terrified of water into a swimming pool?

Would it be a ‘prank’ to lock someone petrified of the dark or small spaces in a closet?

Would it be a ‘prank’ to force someone into a car if they had a massive fear of motor vehicles/car accidents?

No. Full stop, it’s not funny or cute to exploit someone’s fears whether you think they’re mild or not.

Your ‘friend’ is facing the consequences of her actions, which is part of growing up. I had hamsters as a child. I kept them away from my grandmother who was terrified of rodents (at first, she now allows hamsters to sit on her because they are ‘clean’ in her opinion) because I knew she was scared of them and could easily see that going badly and ending up with a stepped on or injured hamster.

You don’t owe them anything. Her pet’s fate is her own fault and if she was willing to do that and is so eager to replace it I doubt she cared that much for it in the first place.” abrokendefinition

7 points (7 votes)
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Pabs 3 weeks ago
NTJ. Find new friends cuz these 2 stink
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11. AITJ For Being A Buzzkill At Family Dinner?

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“My wife’s dad is a very rich man. I’m talking crazy rich. My wife is amazing but out of touch with reality in a lot of ways. FIL got married 2 years ago to his much younger trophy girl. His wife does like the money but is also uncomfortable with it in a lot of ways since she came from a humble background. She is also dealing with entering his social circle and being looked down on.

FIL has been trying to get her to feel more comfortable and have fun with the money and has been stressing how fun it is to be rich and how she can do whatever she wants. Recently my wife, SIL, and FIL’s wife went shopping and they told her about how they used to shoplift as teens. At first, she was confused, because FIL handed them everything on a silver platter, but they explained that they did it for fun (to be clear my wife hasn’t done this since she was a teen).

SIL dared FIL’s wife and she ended up stealing something.

She came home very proud of herself and was bragging to FIL about stealing this makeup pallet. FIL treated this with amusement. He joked about her going to jail and she said he could buy her way out of anything and she would just seduce the cops because she is so hot. We went to their house for a weekly dinner and FIL gave us a heads up that he was going to prank his wife.

I really didn’t want to go because I hate pranks, I’m not that fond of FIL, and I didn’t want my kids witnessing this. My wife insisted so we went.

During dinner, FIL got up to take a call and came back acting panicked. He said his friend who works for the governor called to give him a head’s up that there is a warrant out for her arrest.

She said it was just one thing and he said they think she was connected to a larger crime circle. She began to panic and said he can bribe them or whatever. FIL said that isn’t how it works. At this point, she was freaking out. He had some siren noises from his phone and she lost it and ran upstairs. At this point, FIL, my wife, and SIL began laughing.

He did apologize and hug her. She was cussing at him but did laugh at one point. SIL questioned why I didn’t look amused and I said because it is all messed up and they are a messed up family. FIL is terrifying and emotionally abusing a woman for entertainment, my wife is laughing like a high school mean girl, and no one cares that this woman is a criminal.

I said they should all be ashamed of themselves and I lost respect for everyone who laughed and my kids don’t need to see this.

FIL rolled his eyes and said I’m no fun. My wife was quiet but laid into me in the car about how I’m uptight, embarrassed her, and I’m dramatic. She accused me of being too judgy and just hating her family.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

This whole thing is representative of a much larger issue in your own marriage. Clearly, your wife comes from an entitled family that has leverage in some situations because they have money. Your FIL sounds like he is proud of this and likely encouraged unsavory behavior in your wife and her sister when they were growing up, teaching them, ‘Do what you want because my money will protect you.’ These are not values you want to instill in your children and you knew poking fun at this situation in front of your children might make them question/think stealing is no big deal.” droseri

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Tell her you hate her family, and you have every reason to.

They bully this woman because she’s not as familiar with their louche entitled lifestyle, so she has to tolerate being the butt of their jokes, is being taught that stealing is fun, and has to live with everyone laughing at her because it’s her only path to a life of luxury.

Every word you said was right on the money, and you were right to say it.

The fact that they dislike your comments is more a reflection of their entitlement and their wish to avoid looking into what utter garbage they really are.

Your wife doesn’t judge them because her morals and ethics are no better than theirs although presumably she’s learned to fake it better than them, and I would have no respect for her either if truth be told. You know your kids are going to choose this rich lifestyle over your morals and empathy don’t you? And your wife will see nothing wrong with that.

She embarrassed herself with the person whose opinion she should most care about, but that would mean her having some introspection.

You’re dramatic because they are jerks.” itsallminenow

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

This is bullying and classism in a deep, sick way. Your wife seems out of touch enough that she doesn’t realize what’s actually at the heart of the matter – the constant reminders of ‘otherness’ directed to your FIL’s wife, taking advantage of the fact that she’s ‘not of their world’ and exploiting her lack of knowledge and her feelings of powerlessness – it’s all psychological class warfare on an interpersonal level.

Their behavior is like a really bad episode of Gilmore Girls – and the root of it is sicker than your wife might realize (I’m being optimistic here in assuming her privilege has blinded her). She needs to be told and shown, and more than once, about her participation and the real meaning/effects of it. It’s high school level stuff with a deeper impact than they hopefully are realizing.” unicoroner

5 points (5 votes)
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Gamma 3 weeks ago
FIL pulled a mean PRANK and should not be praised for it. New wife should not have shoplifted and then bragged about it either. Bad on both of them but YANTJ.
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10. AITJ For Bragging About Getting Accepted Into My Dream University?

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“I (20F) recently applied to 11 universities, my intended major being Neuroscience. My dream was JHU, the other 10 were a matter of precaution.

I went to high school in SK, and my then English teacher also taught English literature when I majored in Literary Analysis.

I went back home to Europe for Easter, and, on the 15th, the previously mentioned teacher called me and told me SNU admissions had come out.

He asked me about the other schools I’d applied to and, as I told him the results hadn’t been posted yet, he let me know they’d been out for a long time.

I was hanging out with my relatives and my childhood friends, and I had brought with me my best friends. I was terrified of checking the results, so my friends opened them for me and pretty much forced me to look eventually.

I had gotten admitted to all schools I applied to. I was (am) very insecure, but that was sort of my epiphany.

I started crying my butt off and my friends did too (the ones that had joined me there).

One of my childhood friends had gotten accepted to the biggest medical school in my native country and, since I had applied to different universities but had not been gotten back to yet, she (and her family) kept rubbing it in my face (prior to me checking the results).

She got mad at me for crying and checking the results in public and told me I was an attention seeker. She added that I probably faked it and there’s no way I met all requirements (since I hated Math). I was quite euphoric at that point and couldn’t be bothered, but my best friend told her my exact GPA, MCAT, and SAT score, to which she laughed and, once again, considered a lie.

I felt very proud of myself after I was accepted and kept blushing and mentioning it (to my friends) any time I remembered. She said, ‘Get over it! They’ll probably take it back when they meet you!’

Today, I was hospitalized for a small intervention, and, finding out from my mom, the same friend texted me and told me this is what I get for being attention-starved.

I’ve always overshared and now, after the high has passed, I can’t help but think I should’ve been a bit more rational and gone home to check.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Do not compromise yourself to keep a person who doesn’t respect you.

This person is evident that they are not ready to be an adult, however, you are. This is your time to be able to make a positive impact on your life, this person will continue to tear you down, every success you have will be met with competitiveness or anger, they will compromise you daily every achievement you make, and if they don’t succeed then it is your fault too.

Be kind to yourself and make the best of your life, go to your dream school, and forget about her. She wasn’t really your friend.” OriginalDogeStar

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – this person is not a friend, they’re just a toxic person who feeds on other people’s misery. They are petty and jealous. You have every right to brag about your accomplishments.

Never let anyone diminish or belittle your accomplishments.

Never allow someone to push you down in order to raise themselves up.

You’re not there to make them look better; you’re accomplishments are not about them and just because they cannot reach your level it doesn’t mean you should feel the need to lower yourself to theirs.

You’re clearly very intelligent and simply by the fact that you thought to consider their feelings clearly a far better person all around.

They’re jealous and bitter. You deserve actual friends rather than emotional vampires who just love to take away other people’s happiness.

Keep the friends that were supportive and shared in your happiness. Ditch the one who only gets joy from making others miserable… you’ll be much happier in the long run.” acegirl1985

Another User Comments:

“NTJ whatsoever.

Being young and going ‘SCREEEE’ with your friends in joy over good news and babbling ‘omg CAN U BELIEVE IT’ – ‘GIRL NO I CAN’T’ – ‘I GOT IN!’ – ‘You got in!!’ over and over is kind of what being young is! Your friends yelling along with you and you repeating yourself from euphoria is so deeply normal.

Your ‘friend’ however is clearly resentful that everyone shared this joy with you and feels threatened so much that she has to keep putting you down. If she were just a sloppy jealous kid that’s understandable because your early 20s are a mess for everyone, but TEXTING you while you were in the HOSPITAL like that is beyond the pale.

Distance yourself from her and just focus on being good friends with the ones who support you and likewise, you support them back. You got so many more important things to think about now instead of this ‘friend.'” mignyau

5 points (5 votes)
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rbleah 1 month ago
NTJ You need to get rid of excess bagagge. Namely the girl who can't get over herself.
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9. WIBTJ If I Ask My Stepkids To Move Out?

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“My husband (40M) and I (34F) have been married for 4 yrs. I came into my stepdaughter’s (16F) life when she was 10. Both she and my stepson (now 12M) were somewhat neglected and had behavior issues when I met them. My husband and his ex aren’t bad parents but he travels a lot for work and she is a bit flighty and self-indulgent. My SD and I hit it off really well and I love both my stepkids.

We all co-parented well, with me taking on a more active role in their school and other stuff. Both husband and his ex-wife were satisfied with me doing the grunt work for the kids. They both travel a lot and I became the sole parent who was fully engaged. I own a 3 bedroom house I had inherited from my parents, and my husband and kids moved in to live with me.

Kids love their rooms in our home and their lives in our town. The custody arrangement they have on paper is 50-50 but their mom doesn’t have as much space as I do, so the kids are here almost full time.

A few months ago, I came back from an overnight school field trip with my stepson to a very distraught SD. She found her parents together in my bedroom and was upset about the infidelity.

I was devastated to hear this from her. After some sleuthing, I found out that their affair had been going on for months and possibly a whole year. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for the past 2 years so realizing that my husband was sleeping with both me and his ex back to back was especially nauseating for me. I have filed for divorce and asked him to leave.

He doesn’t want this marriage to end and seems somehow convinced that I’ll change my mind. But he agreed to a separation and has moved out to an apartment.

My SD was mad at both her parents and wants to continue living with me. Neither of them is taking any steps to move out the kids who are still living in their rooms and living their lives as if this family hasn’t imploded.

I’d have been happy with having the kids with me, but my problem is that both my husband and kids’ mom feel at liberty to come into my house whenever they feel like it because their kids are here. She feels no guilt about the infidelity and acts as if I am the interloper. She treats me like I am their nanny expecting me to continue taking care of things for the kids and leaving me with instructions and criticisms.

Meanwhile, my Ex frequently drops by under the guise of seeing the kids but keeps trying to cajole me into letting him move back.

I love my SD and I don’t want to do anything to hurt her further, but I can’t take living like this. The amount of hurt and anger I feel towards my husband and his ex-wife is too much and it’s painful to have to keep dealing with them.

The absolute cheek of them to treat me like this is making my head explode. But I don’t know what to do about the kids. Everyone in my life is expecting me to suck it up and do what’s best for the kids. I love them but this is becoming unbearable.

Update: I talked with different lawyers to see what I could do in this situation. What I found out wasn’t very promising and the lawyer retainer fee for a custody fight is too high.

With the separation, my financial situation is pretty tight and I couldn’t afford to chase this issue legally.

I’ve been stressed and working late these days. The day after I made the post I was gonna be late home and had asked SD to reheat the frozen lasagna I had made for dinner. When I arrived home, it was to both the kids having a meal with the Ex and their Mom (I’ll call her M).

M had decided to turn it into a family dinner and set out the food I made, on my formal dining table, with my nice dishes. She had created a pretty family moment with her and Ex under my roof. I completely lost it at that point. I regret to say I behaved abominably, screaming at her and my Ex and telling them to get out of my house.

This happened in front of SS who was pretty shocked, so far I had kept him out of most of this mess.

After my breakdown, I needed some time away, so I drove out to spend the weekend with my cousin. SD wanted to come with me and we left SS with his Dad. SD was so sweet to me and very understanding of why I was upset.

She hadn’t invited her parents, her Mom had shown up, and then she invited Ex for dinner. SD hadn’t anticipated that I’d get this upset. Frankly, I am surprised too that I blew up like that. That’s not the typical me.

After we got back I let M know that she shouldn’t come over anymore and if she did then I’ll report her for trespassing. M didn’t believe me and showed up to talk and I lost it with her and this time I did call the cops.

They nicely asked her to leave and she did. SS was very upset with me for this. M showed up again the next day acting all sweet and telling me that I am being unreasonable. Unfortunately, I became pretty unhinged at this and swore and yelled at her. SS shoved me and screamed at me to shut up. I fell on my butt and was shocked into silence.

M was pretty surprised too and left immediately, whereas SS ran and locked himself in his room. He called his Dad to come to get him but he was out of town and M ignored his calls.

SS is a very loving kid so his reaction was very heartbreaking. I understand where he is coming from though. M is his mother after all. M is also a very pretty person who comes across as very sweet and delicate.

She’s the type of woman people jump to help. It is natural that SS would feel protective of her. I hadn’t expected that he’d turn on me though.

The rest of the week was bad with SS angry at me and refusing to talk to me. When his Dad got back in town he came and got him. SS told him he didn’t want to live with me anymore.

A few days later Ex wanted me to take back SS, but the kid didn’t want to come back. I told Ex I will not force him and Ex got pretty mad at me. He wanted me to fix the situation somehow. When I refused to make SS stay with me, Ex became pretty mean. He said a lot of ugly things, the worst being that he’s relieved I didn’t get pregnant because I’d make an awful mother.

I was afraid of things turning out this way, but I’ve got Ex and M out of my house and that is a relief. SD is going to live with me till she moves out to college. Ex is struggling to find childcare for SS and is so angry at me that I think he’ll not slow down the divorce anymore. I want to fix this with SS, but a big selfish part of me is afraid to do anything that’ll bring his parents back into my life.

I really don’t understand M’s actions and motivations in all this. She wanted to sleep with Ex and I had walked out of the picture and it was all hers. If she wanted her kids, it wasn’t like there was anything I could do about that. If she didn’t want her kids, I was already taking care of them. But she’d keep violating my boundaries with a smile on her face and be all surprised that I am not happy about this.

Right now neither she nor Ex wants to be the daily parent to SS, but he is angry at me enough that he doesn’t want to choose me. I feel so crushed about that.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And speak to an attorney ASAP if you haven’t already. OP stated she owns the 3 bedroom house, that she inherited from her parents, and that her husband and kids moved in with her.

So most likely, she owned the home before marriage but even if she didn’t, depending on where she lives, most states do NOT consider inheritance as marital property unless it is co-mingled. Like if she added the husband to the mortgage or deed. Or if they used their husband’s money or marital assets to make improvements to the property. That would be considered co-mingled.

However, if she protected her assets and didn’t co-mingle or even better if they have a prenup in place (seriously every single person entering a marriage should get a prenup in writing, including addendums for assets you earn during the marriage), then she can change the locks.

But she can still get in trouble for not formally evicting the husband, and possibly kidnapping (again depending on the area) if the parents even just accused her of denying them access to their kids.

She needs to protect herself, prepare for her divorce, and get help. As sad as it is, those kids are no longer her responsibility, once she’s divorced, she’ll no longer be their stepmom.

They should have been their bio parents’ responsibility this whole time, and they should move out and in with their mother or father. If the bio parents want to be back together then they can move back together and take care of their own children like they should have been doing. And the longer she stays in the kids’ lives when she’s no longer their stepmom is going to make it that much harder as they realize how crappy their parents are, and how much better they had it with her.

What happens when she gets remarried? That’s a lot of baggage that’s not her responsibility. And what if she were to move away?

Honestly, it’d be better to explain to the kids, that the issue is their parents (without being harsh, the stepdaughter already knows why, so just an age-appropriate explanation for the stepson if he doesn’t know). That she and their dad are getting divorced and they need a clean break now rather than getting deeper involved and allowing herself to be hurt further by her awful husband and his ex-wife.” Kea12312

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ at all.

First of all, change the locks. Ex-wife and STB ex-husband should not have free access to the house. A paid in-home sitter does not give the parents a key to their house. If they want to pick up their kids, they can come to pick them up, but it doesn’t entitle them to enter the home (that you owned prior to the marriage).

I know this sucks but those kids do have parents.

Those parents need to be responsible for them. If you want to allow SD to visit, then she’s old enough to make trips between the houses and coordinate things on her own. Neither of her parents needs to come to your home. She is also old enough to have a rational conversation about the situation.

If SD16 wants to live with you (or if both kids want to) and you are open to it, then discuss with your lawyer about filing for third-party custody.

I would 1000% not agree to anything with the soon-to-be-ex that doesn’t provide you child support, a set schedule, a meeting place away from your home, and clear boundaries. However, do not feel obligated to pursue it, as it would mean dealing with the stbx and the ex-wife for 6 more years.” spite2007

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Get security cameras for your house including a ring camera for your security, safety, and peace of mind.

File for divorce and have your ex served with divorce papers and eviction paperwork. After he’s been given his 30 days to get out, change the locks. Get his ex served with an official cease and desist letter stating she’s not to come to your home anymore, if she does call the police and have her trespassed.

In regards to the kids, you have several options.

  • Tell your ex and his ex that they need to take their children by the end of the day as you aren’t their parent or legal guardian, and due to their parents’ actions they are no longer your responsibility.
  • Call CPS and report both parents for abandonment.

    Immediately explain to CPS what their parents have been doing and how you’ve basically been their parent and get them to either help you get support or they can take the kids back to either their father or mother.

  • Go down to the courthouse and file for emergency custody of both kids and file for child support asap against both parents.

Either way, your ex, and his ex are the jerk here, they’ve shown that they don’t care about their kids so now that they’ve screwed up big time they now need to take responsibility for their actions and look after their kids.

At the end of the day, you’ve done nothing wrong and have every right to feel safe and secure in your own home.” G8RTOAD

4 points (4 votes)
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Theflamazing1 1 month ago
Ntj. File for divorce. Help SD check into filing for emancipation or other legal avenues to stay with you (your divorce lawyer can help ) . Do not let them force you into taking SS back.
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8. AITJ For Letting My Nephew Get Hurt During An Easter Egg Hunt?

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“I (32M) am childfree. I occasionally don’t mind babysitting for my sister and her husband, who have three kids (12F, 10F, 8M), but I’ve never wanted kids of my own. I know it sounds harsh, but I literally just don’t like them. I’ll hang out with my nieces and nephews for a few hours every so often, but I really have never been interested in spending more time than I have to with them.

This is all just for context.

My sister and her husband put together an Easter egg hunt for their kids this weekend, plus a friend each of them could pick out, but they didn’t tell me that I’d be supervising until the last minute. Apparently, they had scheduled an Easter lunch but thought I would reject babysitting the kids if they told me ahead of time (which I would have) so they just didn’t tell me until the last minute.

They said they had already hidden all the eggs and all I needed to do was keep an eye on the kids while they egg hunted, and my sister was pretty much pleading with me, so I gave in and said I’d watch them while they egg hunted.

I figured that the kids probably knew what they were supposed to be doing since they had been looking forward to the hunt for a few days, so I counted them off and just let them start hunting.

For further context, my sister and her husband live sort of in the middle of nowhere, and their backyard is pretty huge. There’s also a stream running just outside the boundaries of their yard, but I figured my sister had told the kids not to mess around near it, so I didn’t remind them. She didn’t give me any instructions on where the eggs were hidden vs where they weren’t.

I had things to catch up on, so I sat down on the deck on my phone. Things were all good for about ten minutes until my oldest niece came up to me with my nephew, who was crying and soaked and bleeding from scraping his knee. She said that he tripped on one of the stones near the stream and fell in and she had to grab him and haul him out.

I tried to get him cleaned up before my sister got home, but my older niece tattled, and my sister and extended family are FURIOUS. Apparently, it was my job to actually watch them and that I was lucky nephew hadn’t fallen in and drowned, or she’d be suing me for neglecting her kids.

I don’t think that’s fair; after all, they’re not my kids, I didn’t want to babysit, and it’s not like anything serious actually happened.

Nobody drowned. The worst thing that happened was a skinned knee, and all ten-year-olds skin their knee at some point. My sister told my extended family and now they won’t stop texting me about how awful I am for letting this happen. I don’t think I should have to apologize, but my family probably isn’t going to stop harassing me until I do.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Hot take but everyone sucks here.

They shouldn’t have just dumped their kids on you that’s for sure. That was terrible of them. That being said you did say you would watch them, and you just straight up didn’t. You just lied to get them to leave you alone then ignored the kids. I get not liking them, but come on dude what if something serious had happened cause you weren’t watching them? What if he HAD drowned on your watch? If he fell and hit his head on a rock in the stream? Knocked himself out and drowned while unconscious?

Kids do dumb stuff and if you really weren’t gonna watch them when you said you would, you needed to hold your ground and not do it, even if it made your sister mad.

You not wanting kids is fine. You not wanting to watch her kids is fine. Are you saying you would watch her kids and then scroll on your phone like a 16-year-old and not ACTUALLY watch them? That’s not fine. It also says a LOT about your maturity level that a 12-year-old told her mom her little brother got hurt, which is a perfectly normal and reasonable thing for her to do, and you referred to that as her tattling.

Your whole post reads as an immature teen who doesn’t take anything except himself seriously.” GoddessMistyDomme

Another User Comments:

“I cannot believe your sister (and her husband) pulled this stunt on you. Inviting you over for Easter and then noping out and leaving you to supervise not only their three kids but three additional kids?? Without asking in advance because they knew you’d (rightly) say no? This is horrifying.

Not only is it a gross manipulation of you, but it’s not fair to the families of those three friends who presumably thought their kids would be supervised by actual parents, not an uncle who was tricked into the whole thing. It’s trashy all around.

Now to the actual events. If it was kids under, say, 7, I’d say you should supervise them up close on the property.

Since these were 8- to 12-year-olds (I’m assuming the invited friends were roughly the same ages), I think you were fine to just sit from afar. Both my kids are in that age range and I’d have done it the same way. In fact, they do play in a little stream in the woods behind our house with the neighbor kids of the same ages. If one came back wet with a scraped knee, I’d understand what happened and wouldn’t make a fuss.

Your sister is 100% out of line–obviously for sticking you with this in the first place, but also for her reaction. You are absolutely NTJ for any part of this story, with the possible exception of your future actions–you should not agree to babysit for them ever again, under any circumstances. If you do you are just inviting more trouble. Honestly, I think it would be worth going NC with your family, who are all jerks too for backing your completely unreasonably sister up.” eugenesnewdream

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, all you had to do was say no.

I get that your sister dumped the whole egg hunt on you at the last minute but you still could’ve said no. It’s one thing to be childfree and even to not like kids but you don’t seem to even care about your nieces and nephew. ‘I tried to get him cleaned up before my sister got home but my older niece tattled’. And ‘Apparently, it was my job to actually watch them.’ YES IT WAS what do you think babysitting means?! You don’t think everyone’s reaction is fair because ‘they’re not my kids, I didn’t want to babysit, and it’s not like anything serious happened’.

Would you have even cared if something serious did happen because honestly, it doesn’t seem like you would? And if you didn’t want to babysit then don’t babysit! No is a complete sentence. I could maybe understand if you were a teenager or even earlier twenties but you’re freaking 32 years old you should not be this dense. The good thing is you’re a guy so you should have no problem getting yourself sterilized if you haven’t already.

In the meantime do these kids a favor and stay away from them because I’m sure they can pick up on your coldness towards them.” phoenixdragon2020

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – The kids are all old enough that a scraped knee is nothing… my 3-year-old will be scraped knees all summer, it’s no big deal. It also likely would have happened whether you were on your phone or not, 6 kids is a lot to keep tabs on, but at that age, they should be fine unless they need help after hurting themselves.

I will chide you lightly for planning on not telling them, but honestly, that’s also not a big deal.

However, your sister dumping the kids on you is nonsense. My brother has three kids, and I’m always happy to watch them, but they would never just dump them on me… the closest they came was me having the kids for two days because of a snowstorm, but that wasn’t their fault, just bad luck.

An 8-year-old getting a little bloodied isn’t a big deal and your family is overreacting likely because you’ve chosen to not have kids and they want to apply outdated social narratives to your decisions.” buck_godot

3 points (3 votes)
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rbleah 1 month ago
The moment she said you were to watch them as they were going somewhere else I would have said NOPE and left. They can deal with their own kids.
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7. AITJ For Canceling My Order When The Deli Complained?

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“My local grocery store deli has always been nice to me. I take care of a young man with special needs, and he loves corn dogs. The workers all engage with him and treat him kindly.

In addition to this, I have two Autistic children who are picky eaters. While they like fried chicken, they will only eat drumsticks/legs. This is my wife’s preference as well.

So a couple of weeks ago I go into the deli, and one of the usual workers asks what they can get me, and I ask for 8 legs.

The worker looked at me surprised ‘8, really? You don’t want a regular bucket?’

‘Yes, 8. My family is pretty picky. I’d get a regular bucket, but they won’t eat it.’

She looked annoyed. ‘You know you’ll have to pay a la cart for that, each piece individually, right?’

Me- ‘Yeah, I’m ok with that.’

Her- ‘We do have an 8 piece with thighs and legs that would be cheaper…

oh you said they won’t eat it. So you need 8 legs?’

Me- ‘Yeah, if that’s ok… I mean I could get something else if there’s a problem.’

Her- ‘Oh, it’s fine. Sigh, let me get that.’

Me- ‘Are you sure?’

Her- ‘Yes.’

A fellow worker then came up to the chicken case to help the next customer, and the worker helping me leaned over and said ‘he’s ordering 8 legs…’

‘Ugggggh,’ says the coworker.

‘I know, I know,’ the worker helping me said. She started opening a box to load my legs. ‘So eight legs…’

At this point, I felt annoyed and embarrassed.

Me- ‘On second thought, never mind I’ll get something else.’

Her- ‘What? It’s ok, we can…’

Me- ‘It’s ok. Nah. Nah Nah Nah…’ (I walk away waving my hand and repeating ‘Nah’ like a weirdo as they stare after me confused).

I ended up cooking something. I avoided the deli since, but today I had to get some cold cuts, and one of the workers from the chicken incident was there and gave me some pretty nasty looks.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, because I get where they were coming from. When you’re serving food like that in a deli environment, it’s like there’s an assumption on the customer’s part that they’re cooking chicken parts one at a time – which, no, they’re going to be cooking whole chickens constantly keep all part options available as much as they can.

This means they’re staring at you wondering how many more chickens they’ll have to cook and how much food will be wasted if you take all the legs and then lots of other people come wanting them, but then no one wants any breasts or wings, so those get thrown out, and then that’s a lot of money lost and good food gone to waste because they had to cook up the whole chicken for only a few wanted parts.

It’s not malicious on their parts, I promise. It’s more likely them trying to work under the guidelines they’ve been given by their overhead in terms of food prep and waste. It’s them trying to figure out the rest of their cooking for the day around a new request. It’s not at all an unreasonable ask, what do you need? Totally understandable! Absolutely we all have the parts of the chicken that we prefer, and with sensory issues that should be particularly respected.

But this is a case where calling ahead with a warning about what you needed could have made their lives easier and your chicken more easily attainable.” BogwitchOfTheBog

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it’s not their place to question what you’re ordering, she should’ve just gotten you your food and left it at that. Seems like she just didn’t want to look for the 8 legs. I also find it really rude how she was trying to get you to order something else even though you made it clear what you wanted and that you were okay with paying extra.” amiraaah

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, fun fact what most grocery stores do (I know for a fact Publix because I was a deli cook for 10 years) they try to throw the breast in the hot case but all the spare chicken parts get thrown away as waste.

Whenever the manager sees all the shrinks they write up the deli clerk for allowing that order. You placed a no-win situation for the clerk out of greed. The boxes of chicken don’t come with random pieces. They come pre-packaged to be sold in a box. Before someone says grab the legs from the meat department that is a huge no because the manager loses full retail of the legs out of their checks and it is a great way for the clerk to be retaliated on by having their hours cut.” Skrow1

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

They may hate their job but that’s not your problem.

I used to work in a cinema and to help ourselves get out quickly if we were on the closing shift we’d do little things like clean and put away the milkshake blender, put away most of the stuff we used to make sundaes, etc. This was usually in the last 20-30 mins in the hope nobody would order those things and it just gave us a little headstart on the close-down.

Buuut we were still open, so customers had the right to order what they want and if we closed at 9:45 that night, a customer had every right to order a milkshake or a sundae at 9:40. We’d just have to get the stuff back out and it’d need cleaning/putting away again. A pain in the butt for us? Yep. The customer’s problem? Not at all.

And I would have never dreamed of making it obvious to the customer that I was annoyed at them for ordering it – even at a job that paid little and I didn’t plan to stay at forever.

Unless a customer is actually being unreasonable/being a jerk, I’d never make them feel bad for ordering something and that’d be my approach if I ever went back to retail/service.” BaseballFuryThurman

3 points (3 votes)
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Jazzy 1 month ago
NTJ. Make a complaint about them
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6. AITJ For Refusing To Serve Booze To A Pregnant Woman?

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“In my state, it is illegal for pregnant women to drink, or at least there can be legal consequences for it. The law is unclear as to whether bartenders can be sued, fined, or prosecuted for serving liquor to pregnant women. To prevent any complications, my job has a rule in place that you cannot serve liquor to any visibly pregnant women. We treat it the same way we treat an ID that we aren’t sure if it’s fake.

If the possibly underaged person (or in this case, pregnant person) doesn’t leave, we kick out the whole party to prevent them from buying booze for the person who shouldn’t be served.

Last Friday, I had a visibly pregnant woman and a party of 4 other women come in. I’m super lenient on what I consider visibly pregnant. Like you have to be clearly wearing maternity clothes and be like 8 months.

This woman was clearly very very pregnant. She went to order booze. I told her unfortunately, I can’t serve her booze. She asked why. I told her that she is visibly pregnant and it’s against policy. All of her friends and she just groaned and walked out. I thought it was the end of it.

The next day, a man came in and asked for me by name.

He then proceeded to yell at me, saying his wife had been in there and I refused to serve her. She was pretty much the only person in recent memory I had refused to serve so I told him that it was policy to not serve booze to women we believe are pregnant. He instantly broke down in what I can only describe as angry tears and told me his son was going to be stillborn, and his wife’s friends took her out to distract her.

I feel terrible but the wife came in yesterday to tell me that it’s okay and that her husband is just really going through it. She asked to speak to my manager and they talked about the policy. My manager actually congratulated me on doing the right thing but I can’t stop thinking it was a jerk move on my part.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, that’s the policy.

I don’t think I agree with it. Yea, drinking while pregnant is a no-no morally but I don’t agree with it being a law. But that’s a WHOLE other debate I am not prepared to get into. The fact of the matter is there is a policy. You followed it. The wife could have easily asked to see a manager and told you/the manager the truth of what was going on and then you guys figure it out from there.

How were you supposed to know her problem? The husband was an emotional jerk. And yea, you may feel sorry for the woman; but you shouldn’t feel guilty for following the rules of the bldg. THEY would not have felt sorry for you if you broke the rules and you got fired for doing so. You did the right thing.” Sweet_Charming82

Another User Comments:

“I agree with you in principle, I really do.

Pregnant women should not drink liquor. But you can run into some really uncomfortable situations, as you have learned from this one. Another is that some women genuinely look very pregnant when they aren’t. Look up diastasis recti. Some women suffer a muscle separation during pregnancy that causes their stomachs to protrude unless they have surgery to correct it. I’ve known two women personally that have had this.

One of them is in her sixties and still looks very pregnant. The other one did get the surgery and it made a huge difference.

You can’t always assume whether a woman is pregnant or not, or if she is in a situation like the one you encountered. I think it’s out of your purview to decide who is and is not expecting. As long as they are over 21, I think the prudent thing to do is assume they know their own body and health status and you do not.

But definitely take it up with management and ask them what they would have you do if this were to happen again.

I’m going to say ‘no jerks here’ because I think your intent was good, although your actions were not appropriate.” SamiHami24

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

You are NTJ and the customer is NTJ either (in this rather impossible situation that OP could not have anticipated). Phooey!

The cognitive dissonance is really real in this situation.

I kinda agree with both sides and it is an uncomfortable truth that two opposing views can exist in tandem.

On the one hand, a responsible bar does not serve underage kids with a fake ID and it is a wise policy to not allow the ‘crew they roll with’ to circumvent the law. The liability is too much of a risk for responsible risk-averse business owners (underage folks are not supposed to even be on the premises anyway).

Also, dram shop laws still apply in some jurisdictions that can hold both the bartender and the owner to be liable for ‘over-serving’ an objectively intoxicated person to get blackout wasted, get in their car, drive and wind up killing others under the influence. Add on the very troubling cases and repercussions of fetal booze syndrome impacting the health and welfare of the child…

On the other hand, policing a woman’s choices and imposing ill-informed rules on an autonomous adult with the agency to make their own choices is also abhorrent.

My mom smoked while pregnant back in the day and that was ‘no big deal’. Having a glass of wine or champagne on occasion while pregnant was not looked down upon either (FYI, I am not young and I am not old, and as time and knowledge progress we all can learn to do better…) Smoking, doing illegal stuff, and/or getting wasted on the regular are clearly not good choices for anyone.

That said, as VisiblePerspective very rightly asserted,

‘NTJ. The jerk is whoever thinks it’s okay to pass a law against women. Like we don’t know how to protect our unborn children. I’m so tired of all the calls for personal freedom unless you’re a woman, then freedom is screwed.’

This story and the comments that follow are where the rubber meets the road for a much-needed discussion about autonomy and individual rights vs imposing ill-informed policing of fundamental rights on another person and is a valuable dialog to read.

OP, you are NTJ and neither is the customer in question. You could not have known her particular situation and she is under no obligation to share private medical information with you. Thank you for posting this moral dilemma as it is the exact type of conversation we must engage in.” Sheisawholesituation

3 points (3 votes)
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rbleah 3 weeks ago
It is the law where you are. You did the right thing. Did not matter what she didn't tell you. Maybe find out what the result would be if she said that to you but lied?
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5. AITJ For Asking People To Stop Cutting Through My Property?

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“I’m quite lucky to have found a wonderful home in a very private lot that backs up to a river. On one side of me is a subdivision and on the other is a very nice park… Behind my house, I own a bit over an acre on the river, with a relatively small public pavement so people can walk along the river.

For many years the people in the subdivision have used my driveway to streamline their access to the park, or the river.

At first, it annoyed me that people were letting their dogs off-leash in my backyard and not sticking to the pavement, but I got over that. I mean dogs are great. Our dog was dog aggressive, so it annoyed me to see her frustrated, but she’s since passed.

Unfortunately, I have not gotten used to people (and cars) coming down my driveway multiple times a day to cut down on an additional 3 blocks to go around properly.

We’ve recently taken to asking them to refrain from cutting through, with limited success. The signs I have up are just ignored.

Today I confronted an older man who in response started his response back ‘let me explain something to you’ and proceeded to tell me he’s been doing it for 20 years and he’s a disabled vet. If he had humbly asked in the first place, or even in this moment, instead of a ‘let me tell you Sonny’ I may have agreed to let him cut through.

Still, I do feel bad.

We bought this ‘forever’ home to provide some privacy, unfortunately, there are people essentially in our backyard constantly making noise and then people cutting through the front down our 200′ long private driveway, with full visibility into our home.

I know I’m the jerk for complaining about such amazing privilege, I get that, but AITJ for requesting people to stop trespassing on ALL of my property and just stick to some?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It’s not just about your privacy, but since you’re in the US it’s about legal liability and maintaining full control over your land, and not losing your legal right to it.

An inexpensive, quick deterrent is to get a large ‘under video surveillance’ sign. At a minimum get one of those fake security cameras. But if possible put a real one out there. Take the first batch of videos with a list of license plate numbers into the police station and ask to have trespass warnings sent out.

But just the fact that you’re advertising video surveillance and there appears to be a camera will likely reduce the trespassing dramatically.

Keep working on the gate though.” pupperoni42

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. If he’s been doing it for twenty years others probably have too which means in many (most?) states that the public has gained the right to cross your land and access this river, even aside from a formal public easement.

Might have some restrictions on it but some states would call this a ‘floating easement,’ meaning it’s not attached to any part of your land but just includes reasonable routes from the road to the lake. And either way, just morally, you clearly knew or should have known this was what you were getting into when you purchased. Twenty years!

Talk to a lawyer before you do anything stupid based on the advice of well-meaning people.” Mojojojo3030

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

While I have nothing but love and support for veterans and especially disabled veterans, that’s not an excuse.

It’s your property, and it’s your decision. If asking them to stop cutting through your property doesn’t work, then you need to take measures to prevent it. You can try putting up no trespassing signs, and then involving the police. Once enough people have been cited or even arrested, Lord will get out and they’ll stop. You could try putting up a fence or a gate, but that’s going to be expensive.

Either way, if this is something that you’re serious about, then get serious about it.” Comfortable_Fig7671

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. A fence around your property is definitely needed. Also, gate your driveway, you can get a remote for the gate as well. So worth it check prices online if too expensive see about a second mortgage or loan. You will be so much happier.” Cannotbelievesome

3 points (3 votes)
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rbleah 1 month ago
So this old dude has been TRESPASSING for 20 years? Just no...NTJ
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4. AITJ For Telling My Cousin To Uber Home And Leaving Him At A Bar?

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“My aunt and cousin Mark (26) are visiting my parents and I was home on spring break. My aunt and parents got it in their head that I should be entertaining my cousin Mark and taking him out with my friends since he’s close to us in age. Mark is all that is wrong with middle America and has complained about visiting us in Santa Monica this whole time.

He made a point of saying when will he get to see a smash and grab and he took pictures of homeless people posting them on his social media. The funny thing about Mark is he’s on disability and lives with his mama still.

We took him to a bar and he said he’s not tipping anyone because they already make a living wage of $15 an hour and it’s ridiculous to tip people like that.

He was so disrespectful to my friends and the staff that I finally left his butt at the bar without telling him. He had to Uber home and complained to his mama that he had to spend $50 on an Uber. I got in a fight with him saying well you saved all of that money from not tipping so I guess you can afford it.

I left my parents’ house a few days early to go back to work at my job in the Bay Area and Mark and his mom said my friends and I are the rudest people ever and we don’t know how to show any hospitality to a guest. My mom told my dad we are not hosting Mark or my aunt ever again and now my dad is mad at me because I just couldn’t suck it up to deal with Mark for one night of my life.

I feel like no one should have to put up with Mark’s nonsense at all especially an unknowing server or bartender.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here! I’m sorry, but you don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe your cousin a good time. You don’t need to put up with his ignorant behavior. Your aunt is an enabler as well as a leech. The apple certainly didn’t fall far from that tree!! Your parents are the ones that wanted to host your aunt and cousin, so therefore they should be the ones to feel obligated to entertain them.

Commenting on what’s wrong with middle America and everything else you said? That earns you a light jerk and makes you just as ignorant. Seems like a family full of ignorant people.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Mark might fully suck, but you earned two suck points for not telling him you were leaving him and labeling him as ‘all that is wrong with middle America.’ Mark sucks because he sucks, not because of where he’s from.” Substantial-Ice-7340

2 points (2 votes)
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thmo 3 weeks ago
The two commenter on the post nailed it. You're both jerks.
3 Reply

3. AITJ For Not Saving My Dad's Pendant During A House Fire?

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“I (17m) have three younger siblings (4yo, 7yo, 9yo). Back in May, my dad woke up in the morning with the intention to cook but realized he was late for work. He rushed out of the house and forgot to take the pot full of grease off the stove. I still don’t know what he was wanting to fry at 7 am but… Yeah. I don’t know if it’s entirely accurate but that’s what my dad said happened when we were trying to figure out how the fire started so I didn’t question it.

On the weekends I don’t wake up till about 11 AM because those are the only 2 days I get to sleep in depending on if I have to work or not. I woke up to my little sister screaming and shaking me because of a large fire. Internally I was freaking out. Our bedrooms are upstairs and we couldn’t get out downstairs. I opened my window and I threw my sister down.

I ran to my younger brother and other younger sister’s room.

When I was in there I saw the pendant my dad got from my grandma before she passed away on top of the dresser. My dad lets my sister wear it. I had to hurry and get my sister & brother so I could throw them down as well. There were three people below helping to catch them.

After that, I jumped as well but when I stood up I nearly passed out & my neighbor had to hold me. My head was hurting really bad, I was dizzy, and my chest hurt. I was coughing and coughing. We were taken to the hospital & my dad showed up.

Once he made sure we were okay, he asked me if I managed to save anything else.

I said ‘Yeah your kids’ because I was upset that he left hot grease on a stove with a 4, 7, and 9-year-old in the house. He asked about his pendant and I admitted that I saw it but didn’t grab it. He started crying and got upset with me for not grabbing it, claiming it took 2 seconds. I apologized but told him he can’t actually be mad at me for being focused on little kids.

He told me that I knew it meant a lot to him and he’s just disappointed is all. Months later, we are living with our Aunt now. My dad gets snarky and rude whenever he talks to me. I keep trying to apologize but he’s just not accepting it. I understand that it was the only thing he had from his mother. I should have grabbed it, but I didn’t and what’s done is done.

I’m not sure what else to say or do.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and how dare he? Let’s look at this broken down:

  • He messed up by causing the whole disaster in the first place by being so thoughtless with his morning cooking.
  • He basically abandoned you all while he swanned off doing who knows what?
  • He cares more about an object than your health as he eventually bothered turning up at the hospital.

    It had huge sentimental value, yes but he does not get to try and lay a guilt trip on you while you’re recovering from heroically saving your siblings.

He is NOT a good father at all despite some of what you’ve said in your comments. Get away from him as soon as you can, at a minimum he’s toxic for your mental well-being.” MurchadhCainneach

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, in those two seconds it could have come down to your life, your siblings’ lives, or the necklace.

His mother’s necklace is not worth more than your life and he should realize that. I live in an older building that had caught fire (wiring issues) and six units went up in flames in less than four minutes. That time is meant to grab what is most important, in your case your family, and get out safely.

Your father needs to understand that he is holding an inanimate object to the lives of his children.

I suggest some therapy for yourself and your younger siblings, going through that experience had to have been terrifying and I am so glad you all got out safely. I hope you can speak to your father and get him some sort of counseling because perhaps he is feeling some sort of guilt that his decision and forgetfulness brought this situation onto your family.” DecentDiscussion7

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your father is treating you awfully obviously.

However, I can’t help thinking he is focusing on this necklace rather than something which scares him more.

That could be that his carelessness nearly killed his children. However, his inability to explain, & your suspicion, over what actually caused the fire is a red flag. How old is your father? Cooking at odd times & leaving things on the stove is a well-known sign of dementia.

Clearly, you & your father should talk to a therapist, especially your father as he is acting illogically & taking his problems out on you. However, I can’t help but think there is also an underlying problem going on that your dad suspects but isn’t man enough to face. Maybe a therapist could see signs of this too & make him explore his deeper problems.” Buffy_Geek

2 points (2 votes)
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Pabs 3 weeks ago
NTJ. Maybe it’s time to stop apologizing and the next time say “I saved your 4 children from a fire that you started. You’d think that would be more important a piece of damn jewelry.” Dad needs a verbal slap down.
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2. AITJ For "Forcing" My Husband To Sleep On The Couch?

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“I (f29) used to use tampons for my periods but due to medical reasons couldn’t do it anymore. Now I’m using pads which isn’t that big of a deal but my husband disagrees. He firstly complained about me not ‘consulting’ him first but like I said it’s not a huge deal. He then said he doesn’t feel comfortable with me sleeping in bed wearing pads. This threw me off hard because I wasn’t expecting him to have an issue in that regard, but he said it just doesn’t feel comfortable for him and he would like me to use tampons at nighttime or sleep somewhere else.

I laughed him off and kept sleeping on the bed while wearing my pads like there was no issue. This made him so uncomfortable he basically took the couch and then started complaining about how I forced him on the couch by making him uncomfortable after he already offered me compromises. But I told him he was being a drama queen because his compromises are illogical, I wouldn’t stop using pads and free bleed on the bed nor risk my health and use tampons when the doctor advised against them.

He’s still upset with me even though I’m no longer on my period saying I owe him for making him uncomfortable and brushing off his complaints.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Wearing tampons at night can cause toxic shock syndrome, which can be fatal. Not only does he not have a leg to stand on since you have the right to bodily autonomy with how you deal with your menses, but also…

what he is suggesting could seriously make you sick.

Periods are normal and around half the population will have to deal with them for a significant chunk of their lives. It’s way past time to normalize them.” gothpotatogremlin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it isn’t your fault that your husband doesn’t understand how period products work. The fact that he wants to force you into using tampons while sleeping, when your doctor told you not to use them overall and you are more likely to bleed through or get sick using a tampon at night is amazingly just stupid.

He wants you to compromise your health for his comfort.

If it was me, I would start free bleeding all the time, sit all over everything in the house, and when he starts freaking out say, ‘oh I’m sorry but you didn’t consult on what period products I am allowed to use today, and as my doctor advised me against using tampons, I assumed that meant you wanted me to use nothing’.

Honestly? If he doesn’t get his head out of his butt and understand why you can’t use tampons, and that pads are perfectly fine, and learn how periods work, I would consider divorce.” mockingjbee

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! Not at all! But wow, I think you have bigger problems with this relationship than where you each sleep. While it’s easy to dismiss his irrational and out-of-touch reaction (and indeed it is), I think you should attempt to understand what is causing his fears and uncomfortable feelings.

There are cultures and religions out there where this kind of reaction to the monthly bleeding is quite normal for men. Is that a consideration in this case? Marriage needs to be about compromise, understanding, and support… that has to go both ways. Your relationship will not survive having this argument on a monthly basis. Talk about it. You will only find a solution to this if you understand his fear. You’re NTJ, but you can take the high road… because someone needs to, and since he is being irrational about this, he literally can’t think this through. You need to help him.” LWoo11

0 points (2 votes)
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TJHall44 4 weeks ago
Omg just throw the whole man away, honey. Go out & get you a real man.
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1. AITJ For Excluding My Ex-Sister-In-Law And Nephew From Our Family Parties?

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“So my brother and his ex-wife separated last year and they finalized everything in their divorce recently. They have a six-year-old son together and I noticed my brother hasn’t really been a part of his son’s life since the separation the way he used to and when I had asked him about it he said that she has full custody and that’s that.

Since our family all have kids around the same age we always throw big parties for them where we rent out a space and hire different forms of entertainment.

We usually do this every summer and once during the school year. It’s always really fun and throughout the years we’ve opened it up to our kid’s friends as well so it’s always a huge celebration and like a mini carnival. We had to cancel the summer party this year because of a destination wedding so we are having a huge party tomorrow instead.

It came out last week that my ex SIL has a social media account where she started posting about how she and her ex-husband had to use a donor because he couldn’t have kids and how since their separation he disowned his son and doesn’t want any relationship with him anymore.

She has a few thousand followers and like 10 videos talking about the process and answering people’s questions. When we asked our brother about it he already knew because someone showed him and was having multiple breakdowns because this was a sensitive subject he didn’t want anyone to know about and that she’s doing this as revenge because he’s not in his ‘son’s’ life. I was disgusted by the behavior.

If my brother doesn’t want to be in his ‘son’s’ life he doesn’t have to be. To expose a secret he hadn’t even told our parents to the world was appalling.

To my complete surprise, my SIL had the nerve to message me a few days ago asking for the address to the party. I called her and told her that we know about her little account and that she and her ‘son’ have no place at our party and that she was disgusting for even asking.

She told me multiple kids in her son’s grade are going and I told her that’s not my business and to lose all of our numbers. She then had the nerve to post a video about our call and multiple people in her comments have been calling me all sorts of horrible names including ‘jerk’. I didn’t care since my entire family agrees that she or he doesn’t go but a student in my daughter’s class’ mom who must be friends with my ex SIL that’s always attended the party messaged me saying her daughter won’t be attending because of my ‘childish disgusting attitude’ and she will be telling others the same.

I’ve been sick about that ever since. AITJ? She did expose my brother’s deepest secret. And also this isn’t a party you can just drop off, parents are required to stay since there are multiple events going on and we don’t want to be liable and we DONT want her there.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Your brother chose to use a sperm donor. That doesn’t make him not the kid’s father.

Lots of couples have fertility problems, but that doesn’t make kids conceived through artificial insemination not your own. That boy is your nephew. You’re right that your brother doesn’t need to be part of his son’s life if he doesn’t want to be, but choosing to not be part of his son’s life makes him a deadbeat. A low life. You in turn disown your own nephew? How could you? As an aunt myself, I couldn’t imagine loving my niece any less due to the actions of my BIL or if I found out she wasn’t related to me biologically.

Maybe your ex-SIL shouldn’t have posted this on social media, but your brother intentionally chose to traumatize your nephew for life by disowning him. I guess it’s better for the son not to be around a family who are callous enough to base love on genetics. He’s better off without you in his life, but YTJ.” FrederickChase

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here – Your brother’s ex for exposing the fact that they used a sperm donor as a seeming revenge tactic.

Treating it like it’s something shameful when all it is is an alternative form of conception.

Your brother for abandoning his son. No, not his ‘son.’ HIS. SON. HE RAISED THAT CHILD FOR SIX YEARS. Then he just drops him? Just because they don’t share blood, that doesn’t mean that isn’t his son.

That is his son.

He is your nephew.

Because guess what? To use a donor was a joint decision.

A decision your brother made along with his ex. He decided to have this child. He chose to have him. He doesn’t get to just abandon him now. Your brother is a deadbeat.

You’re a jerk for punishing your nephew for his parents’ dirty laundry and petty arguments. The poor kid is being abandoned by his dad. Now the rest of the family is disowning him because he’s not ‘really’ family and he’s being excluded from an event he’s always attended.

You are being cruel to a literal child and refusing to hold your brother, the child’s father, accountable.

You’re all disgusting, God help that poor baby.” CrimsonKnight_004

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and your brother too. She had the kid through a donor because your brother can’t have biological children and he agreed with it… it’s not like she lied to him. Just because this kid didn’t come from him doesn’t mean he’s not the only father this child has ever had both on paper and in his life and he will never understand why his dad abandoned him.

Something tells me that after the breakup he’d not care about him even if he was his own blood, now he just has one more reason to leave. It’s absolutely disgusting that they both decided to bring this child into their lives and now he just backed out of it like nothing. Most people I know wouldn’t do this to a dog let alone a little human.

Now go remind your brother that if he was doing the parental duties he signed up for during his marriage when the child was conceived to cover up for the fact he’s infertile the entire internet wouldn’t have to know.” tinka-bx

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Your brother is for disowning his son. He and his ex-wife made a decision together as a couple to use a donor.

Now that they’ve broken up he’s decided he wants nothing to do with the kid, possibly because he isn’t biologically his?? The one who suffers here is the kid.

You are for enabling your brother’s behavior and putting son and cousin in quotes. Stop putting so much stock in genetics, the kid IS his son and your child’s cousin.

Your SIL is as well, for blasting everyone’s business on the internet publicly. But then again your brother deserves to be called out for treating his family horribly.” Kitotterkat

-1 points (3 votes)
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Pabs 3 weeks ago
All the adults suck. I feel sorry for your 6 year old nephew, surrounded by a bunch of lousy examples
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