People Worry Over Their Exasperating 'Am I A Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Sister's Tuition After She Accused Me Of Being Jealous?
“I (24) have siblings (4f, 13f, and 19f), and they have lived with me for 5 years. And our mother is not mentally there. I didn’t even know of my youngest sister’s existence until she was 2, and a family member expressed concern for her.
That is just to give you an idea of how unstable my mom is.
My 19-year-old sister (let’s call her Emmy) went to college in the fall. Financial aid had covered a really heavy fee, and it was left to me to cover about $6,000 after it, which didn’t seem too bad considering how much uni is without it, and I also agreed to give her $50 a month to sustain herself.
I agreed to pay those funds for my sister because, at the time, I really didn’t want her taking out any loans. I didn’t get the opportunity to go to college. I have been working since I was pretty young, and I had my siblings, so there was no way I could juggle a job that would sustain us and college.
Now my sister called me a few days ago and asked for a $100 to go out with her friend. I said I don’t have it. She got upset and said that the funds I gave her was only enough for her sanitary supplies and she could barely eat out (she has a meal plan and a dorm).
I told her for the fifth time to get a job. Guess what she told me after that…
She told me I wanted to ruin her college experience because I am uneducated and didn’t get the chance to go to college, so I am placing my anger on her because I am jealous of her.
We even argued for a hot minute, She Even asked me what I was spending my funds on, and I asked her if she knew how much she knew it was to maintain our youngest sister. She said she was in school half the day.
My younger sister is in daycare; public school is free, daycare is not. I need to work, and in order for me to work, I have to pay an outrageous amount to leave her in a daycare. Now Emmy is somehow unaware of this and is acting like taking care of three of them is a financially easy task.
(Mind you, this is not the first time she is being selfish. I asked her to apply to be an RA so she could get free housing, but she didn’t even attempt to apply. (If she got rejected, I wouldn’t be upset, but she did not even turn in an application!!)
After arguing with her that what she said was selfish, I gave in and agreed with her. I told her I was so jealous that I was not going to pay for tuition ever again, and when she comes home, she can get a summer job to maintain herself or take out a loan.
I don’t know why I am working myself thin and exhausting myself for someone who doesn’t even appreciate it. I told her I wasn’t joking and was dead serious and hung up. She sent me some apologies after.
Am I being a jerk and cutting her off (she will still always have a place in my home; I am not leaving her homeless), or is she just a teenager and am being childish?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-I’m surprised you took them in. Some can and some can’t because the financial burden is a lot. That said. Kudos for doing so. It is time Emmy stands up on her own. You did a great job helping her get a start, now she has to take it and run with it.
Let her pay her way, that is not your obligation when you have two others to support and help them get a jump on life as well. I think she’ll appreciate her college experience more and all you have done when she has to work for it.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would encourage you to sit down and have a real conversation with her about it. Even if you come to the same conclusion, which you very well may, you should discuss things with her in a way that doesn’t crumble your relationship.
She’s young and stupid, and she’ll likely come to regret how she spoke to you one day and recognize how ungrateful she was on her own. But I wouldn’t wait for that if you can improve things now.” FlaxFox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, I commend you for taking on your siblings because THEY ARE NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
Second, NEVER allow someone to disrespect you. There is no amount of help that will make them respect you. STOP giving her funds (even the $50). Third, let her FEEL exactly what a financially responsible adult feels. She can get loans and still make out better than most. She can get a job and take care of her own needs.
Fourth, it is time for her to take responsibility for herself and her finances. She is responsible for her college experience. Fifth, DO NOT allow her to speak to you like a sister but expect you to finance her like a parent. Cut the cord.
Her attitude is entitled and disrespectful. Time for you to take back your power and do things to BETTER YOUR LIFE.” LouisV25
19. AITJ For Suggesting Kids Shouldn't Cycle Erratically On Campus?
“So I (f19) am a full-time uni student living in student halls on campus. I don’t know if the way our campus is structured is the norm (especially for people in America, I’m not American but I know lots of people on Reddit are) so I’ll describe it.
The university I’m at has a very large campus with roads throughout it. You can drive on them but usually people just walk unless they’re looking for somewhere to park their car.
There are a few houses scattered around the corners of the campus. Some have students living in them, some don’t.
One of the houses was sold a few months ago to a family with two parents and three kids, although this story only involves their oldest two who are ages 9 and 12.
The parents seemed like pretty friendly people and I’ve had small talk with them quite a few times.
Their oldest two kids have a habit of riding their bicycles erratically around the campus unsupervised. The kids are homeschooled and often do this when the campus has the most foot traffic (Monday to Friday mornings and afternoons). They often swerve in between groups of students and I have seen them nearly crash into people many times.
Some people from the student union did talk to the parents about this due to students complaining. I wasn’t there for that talk so I don’t know exactly how it went down but for about a week the kids did not cycle round the campus, only for them to start doing it again the next week.
Recently, I ran into the parents and they unprompted were complaining to me about students complaining about their children. They said that the campus is a public place and their children are not doing anything wrong, and at least they are exercising. I was pretty frustrated hearing this so my tone may have been sassier than I intended but I told them that it’s not really safe for the kids to go cycling around the campus the way they are.
The dad got quite annoyed at this and said that everyone just wants to put kids in bubble wrap and I wouldn’t understand because I’m not a parent. I admit I got a bit defensive and said I’m not trying to dictate how they raise their kids, just that cycling in a park is probably better for the kids than cycling on a university campus.
The mother laughed and said to me that unless I’m volunteering to take their kids to the park every day, she doesn’t want to hear my opinion. There was an awkward silence and they walked off.
They took much more offense to this than I thought they did because now whenever I say hello to them they avoid eye contact or scoff and ignore me.
Was I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but maybe suggest they teach their children riding etiquette and explain that to the students it seems like these kids are trying to knock them down like bowling pins. Maybe also suggest to the uni to introduce bike lanes and have signs up that bikes should only be ridden in these pedestrian-free lanes.” Railuki
Another User Comments:
“They’re defensive because they’ve already been bashed for being bad parents by other people. They’re lashing out for being faced with repercussions. You did nothing wrong here, even if you got twice as sassy as you did. I would report them harassing you about their children to the university just to document them being this way to the students THAT PAY TO LEARN THERE.
Them buying a house near a school does not mean the school has to babysit for them.” letsgetligious
18. AITJ For Not Spending More Time With My Roommate Despite My Busy Schedule?
“I am 20M in a stressful college major with a 20F roommate. Roommate mentioned a few times that we hadn’t hung out recently and she was somewhat sad about it. I expressed that I was extremely busy with my school/research obligations, but apologized and said it was nothing personal. After, I invited her a few times to come and study with me.
She declined all of my invitations. This was just after spring break and tensions weren’t bad at all, we would talk while in the apartment and catch up daily at the very least. I still had some free time, but spent most of it with my best friend who I don’t live with, or by myself to recharge because I am introverted.
~2 weeks after spring break I started talking to a girl whom I had feelings for my freshman year. We became closer and some of my free time I spent by myself I decided to spend with her. We are in the same classes and she has no problem studying with me, so we also spend a lot of time together that way.
One night I came home and found my roommate crying. I asked if there was anything I could do but she told me to go away. I texted her and said that if she needed to talk or vent to me about anything I would always be available and just to let me know.
She never responded to this text. For nearly a week we didn’t talk and anytime I saw her she completely ignored me. My thought was that it would be best to give her space if she was angry with me or going through something entirely different, as I had let her know she had my support anytime.
Eventually, she texted me back and said she was sorry for not responding and being distant. I told her not to worry about it at all and if she wanted to talk about things I was available. When we talked she let me know she felt like I wasn’t being a good friend.
I acknowledged that I had been incredibly busy, and apologized that I had made her feel that way. I suggested that we could watch GOT that weekend and grab some food as a way to make up for it. She was happy with this but when I mentioned my new relationship she immediately got mad again and told me I could do way better than the girl I am seeing (who is a friend of her friend).
Later that week, I was hanging out with my partner at her house when my roommate (who has my location) told me to call her. She asked if I could bring her a sprite. I was more than a mile away and it was about midnight.
I didn’t feel like ditching my partner just to bring my roommate a sprite. I told her to try the vending machine downstairs but that I would walk over with my partner and grab a Sprite if she needed me to. She declined and said we needed to speak alone.
I told her we could have a conversation and the next day when we talked, she started crying and told me I am a terrible friend and roommate and I don’t make any effort or reciprocate the nice things she does for me, and she effectively told me she wasn’t my friend anymore.
I was at a loss for words because I genuinely hadn’t felt like I did anything wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nothing about your post indicates you are a bad roommate. Nothing about your post indicates you view your roommate as a close friend, just as a roommate.
Being roommates does not require being close friends or spending a lot of time together. Is it too late to get a different roommate? I’m sure there are many people at your college who will be more compatible for both you and her.” remainsofme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nothing here makes you out to be one, but your roommate is acting like a jealous partner. It’s nice that you’re concerned about her, but you don’t owe her your time or attention. You may want to take some space from her, whatever that looks like when you’re roommates.
She sounds exhausting, but also manipulative. If she’s not interested in you romantically, then she feels like you need to entertain her and keep her busy. Prioritize your life, your time, however YOU want. Don’t be guilted or manipulated by her tears.” glimmerseeker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But you are a blind bat for not seeing what is going on here. Your roommate has the feels and is jealous. She probably thought living with you would bring you two closer together. It also sounds like she has some issues with esteem and communication.
It might be time for a new roommate situation.” ConnectionRound3141
17. AITJ For Being Upset With My Fiancée's Family After They Moved In Without My Consent?
“I (27F) have been with my fiance (31M) for 8 years now.
Background: This started when I first met her at my fiancee’s (then partner) convocation. She flew here to see his ceremony as he studied abroad.
It was all going well until the day of the ceremony. We were running late. My mom and sister were coming to show support and we had difficulties finding 4 seats together near the front. That is when my MIL suggested that she sit at the front in a single seat and we can all find a seat in the back together.
I was very upset and this turned into a big fight between my fiance and me. After that, I was low contact with my ILs.
Context: I have always struggled with my weight. I have health issues that have caused significant fluctuation in my weight.
My MIL would make comments, whenever she sees me, about losing weight. My fiance said it is from a place of concern. Besides those remarks, we rarely spoke. The rest of his family were kind to me and we were rarely ever in contact beyond the odd check-ins.
She would also reach out to me when she could not get a hold of her son but not much beyond that.
Last year, we purchased our first home together with financial help from my parents. My ILs did not offer any assistance with that, nor did I want them to.
It is a small 2 bedroom home. Half a year later, my SIL (40f) said she wanted to move to a new country with her child (10f) and come live with us. She told my fiance that she waited for us to buy a house first before moving.
I was not asked for my thoughts as from their culture, we were expected to help. Having them live with us was a nightmare. I cleaned up after them while also teaching them about how to live here. When they first moved here, they video-called my MIL.
My MIL saw my body for the first time as I had avoided video calls due to comments about weight. The first words from my MIL was oh wow, you have gained a lot of weight. I laughed it off and went to my room to cry.
After that, my feelings towards my IL soured. SIL and niece were not good house guests. They rarely cleaned or help out with the house. They originally contributed to groceries but stopped soon after. They did not pay rent or help financially.
Recently, SIL and child finally moved out.
They left after 6 months since the relationship got very bad at the end. I have not emotionally recovered from their stay and my face sours every time my fiance mentions his family. This caused a huge argument as recently as his sister asked for help with things for her new place.
I got upset and asked why she couldn’t do it herself and this led us arguing about how disgusted I look whenever he talks about his family. I am angry but I can also understand how difficult this is for him as they are his family.
This led me to think if I am the jerk for not being more understanding. My fiancee has always been supportive and had my back so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are also his family and he owes you the courtesy of listening to how you feel And managing his relatives’ bad behavior towards you.
There’s no reason for you to feel badly about the pressure his family is putting on him — he needs to establish boundaries. Helping family doesn’t mean destroying your own life in order to do so. NTJ” loverlyone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you really need to rethink this relationship.
Are you in it because of your insecurities? Or do you like how he takes his family’s side on everything, treats you good only when he wants something from you or when it benefits him? You seriously need therapy to learn how to love and respect yourself.
Cultural differences shouldn’t mean him putting himself and his family first. If he wants the relationship to work, then he needs to go to couples therapy with you and he needs to stand up to his family for you. Don’t marry him, just because you think you won’t find anyone else.
You will be alone but happy, not together and suffering.” Effective_Brief8295
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your face showing your feelings is normal. Trying to hide your hurt and sadness to make him feel better wouldn’t be healthy for either of you. Why wouldn’t her commenting negatively on your weight be rude?
It’s totally unkind and it assumes attractiveness is based solely on weight, when that’s simply not the case. She’s undermining your self-esteem and confidence in part because you also believe that your weight and worth are tied together. They are not. ” Tough-Combination-37
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconcile With My Dad In Therapy?
“My dad has me (16m) going to therapy with him.
BG: My parents broke up when I was just a baby. They were never married. Dad wasn’t in my life as much when I was young.
He had to work out of town a lot. So I would see him every other weekend and if he could take me for two weeks in the summer he would. Sometimes I went years without seeing him for Christmas too. He only quit the job when he met his wife Lisa when I was 9.
I admit it stung a lot. They got married fast (8 months of seeing each other). And I was 10 when Lisa was pregnant for the first time.
My mom ended up having a brain aneurism the day Lisa had their first kid. My dad was told and he said he couldn’t make it because Lisa was showing signs of early labor.
He wanted me to be brought to them but I refused to go and I told him mom was dying and I needed him. He told me he couldn’t leave Lisa or miss seeing the baby be born. But he said he wanted me by his side so come to him.
I ended up staying. He didn’t come. My mom died the same day his first kid was born. Then he tried to take me to the hospital to see the baby like 12 hours after I lost my mom and he talked nonstop about the baby.
I told him I’d never forgive him.
And I haven’t. Lisa told me I should understand and be happy for them and their daughter that she got to have dad watch her be born. I told her they weren’t my problem. She said I had a bratty attitude.
I didn’t care.
I stopped being close to Dad. I never developed a relationship with his daughter or his other son. I don’t have a relationship with Lisa. Dad tried therapy a few times. He tried telling me to see the positive. To took joy in the fact I got to come home to a baby sibling.
I told him I’d rather have my mom. I told him I wanted my dad with me in the worst moment of my life. But his wife and new kid were more important.
Over the years he told me he wanted things to get better but I didn’t.
A few months ago Lisa said I should live with my grandparents or my aunt out of state if I feel this way. I said I agreed. Dad thought I was joking and it took him 2 months to realize I was serious and he brought me to therapy.
The questions started. Don’t I love them (him, Lisa, and the kids), don’t I want us to move past all this (no is the answer to both except for maybe loving dad but I’m also angry at him). Then he asked me if I wanted to move out.
Yes. Then it was to imagine how Lisa and the kids feel. I don’t care. The therapist lets him ask and let me answer. They never really say much. He asked me if I cared about his other kids at all and I said no. He got so distressed and agitated and I told him to stop asking questions he doesn’t want the answers to even if we are in therapy.
He told me I was not even trying. And I told him I had told him that already. He said therapy is about asking questions and working through things and I’m not behaving the way I should.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All other things aside, your father was in a lose-lose situation when it came to choices – scared child with his mother/his ex-wife dying, and scared current wife giving birth.
I honestly don’t know what I would’ve chosen when both your child and your partner equally need you. But that aside, his behavior before, during, and after was atrocious towards you, and he really shouldn’t be surprised when you gave him no indicator that you care about his current family.
Both things happening at the same time were unfortunate, and extremely likely to end with the side left alone not forgiving him. I’m sorry for you that he didn’t choose his child.” Yumehayla
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is partly right. Therapy is about asking questions and working through things.
Ask your questions if you have any. Ask the therapist’s opinion on the point of this and the direction of the therapy. This is your therapy, too. Turn it around on them, and make them give you the answers you need. My advice? Take advantage of the opportunity to speak your mind.
Let your dad ask the questions that yield answers he doesn’t want to hear. He needs to hear it. He has been lying to himself about your situation and feelings and the potential for reconciliation. You are not a jerk for what you said. Your dad is not a jerk for trying therapy, although it sounds like he is a jerk for how he has handled everything outside of therapy.” TheOpinionIShare
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I’m so sorry for your loss! It is one thing that he wanted to stay with Lisa during her labor. Perfectly acceptable and a good thing. But him asking you to go to them while your mom was dying? Nah, disregard that.
And if that wasn’t enough he practically dismissed your grief *the same day* when the only parent that ever really cared about you passed away and told you to be happy about the new baby? Oh no! This guy is the jerk, not you! Good for you for being able to go on without a parent, neither this man nor his new family deserves your presence.
Additionally, I wouldn’t be surprised if he only wanted you in their life now because you could do free babysitting/daycare…” faulty_rainbow
15. AITJ For Revoking My Offer To Let My Friend Stay At My Apartment?
“So, my friend Jo (27M) lives on the other side of the country and is coming to my city to meet his partner, Bo (27F) who is flying in from another country for a few months.
So, around the end of March, through text, he told me he was coming in May. On 3rd April, he asked me if he could crash at my place and gave me the dates – 21st to 27th May. I said, yes, he can.
Context for the apartment in question.
My family has two apartments. The first, my uncle bought back in the 90s. I have lived in this apartment since I was born. The second belongs to my parents since 2014. From 2017 to – the end Jan 2023, I was living in that apartment, alone. The two are on either end of the city.
It takes about 40 mins b/w them.
There were many times I hosted my friends, including Bo, who is closer to me, there for a few days. One of these times, Jo had come too. They lived in a hotel for a day and then stayed at mine for a week.
I used to do most of the cooking and house chores because I wanted to. My friends paid for some groceries and meals, but every other bill was paid either by me or my parents.
Then, in Feb 2023, I had to come to the old apartment, where my uncle lives.
I have moved almost everything important from the other apartment to this. So, the new apartment is vacant, collecting dust. When my father is here, we go and get it cleaned, but only the bare minimum, and once every few months. If I wanna house guests there, I would have to pay to get it deep cleaned, wash and change all the sheets, and buy a lot of groceries.
The reason I agreed to him crashing in the new apartment like the last time was because the weather was nice and I was going out a lot, getting a lot done. Getting the house cleaned did not feel daunting at the time. Yesterday, my dad told me to ask him not to, because at some point they will take me for granted. There is also a heatwave going on for weeks now, and it’s impossible to go out, let alone travel back and forth b/w the two apartments to get the other one to be habitable.
I told him and Bo, that I wouldn’t be able to host them, that my mom wasn’t happy with the arrangement and it was too hot to get anything done. My argument is the same, and I gave them almost a month’s notice. At first, I felt guilty, but then they began to say that I should have told them before so he did not plan for so many days and booked flights.
Now he has to change flight dates and, acc. to Bo, it will be a big fin. burden on him to do that AND get a hotel room. She can’t keep him in her house because of her parents but doesn’t want to live with him in a hotel because last time, the hotel was terrible.
I looked for good places for him for this time.
Bo is messaging me, telling me that it is very financially stressful for them, and maybe he should just not come. This is making me feel cornered and pressured to say yes to housing them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You never should have said yes without asking your parents, the actual owners. They’ve booked the flight already and probably won’t be able to get a refund and will be out of funds if they can’t afford a hotel for that many days.
If you had just said no in the first place, they would’ve booked the flight for however many days they could afford a hotel, but now you’ve put them in an awful financial situation. Could you ask them to pay the cleaning fee? You owe them an apology and I’d offer to help cover the lost funds if they have to cancel the trip if it were me.” These-Buy-4898
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. In law, this is called adverse reliance. In friendship, it’s called being a spineless wimp who promises things until Daddy changes his mind for him. Don’t worry about all these lessers taking you for granted much longer; they won’t be in your life for long.
Edit: a further context for my legal comment: he could sue you over this. When he spends funds booking flights relying on your promise to house him, and you pull it away, thanks an exception to gratuitous promises not forming a contract. But he won’t.
Because he’s not like you. But you’re wrong on the level where he could.” FermisFolly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The apartment is not yours and belongs to your uncle and parents, so the final say is with them. You are probably the jerk for saying yes, before asking your parents, what you should have done is when they asked, that you ask your parents first and then let them know so they could plan things accordingly.
one thing you can do is ask your parents if they pay will they be up for letting them stay and if they are, let your friend know that they can stay as long as they pay rent to your parents.” redandbluedragoneyes
14. AITJ For Calling Out My Pregnant Friend For Ghosting Me?
“I go to college 7 hours away from my family and high school friends.
The fall of 2023 was my freshman year. However, I had to withdraw from college in February because of medical issues. I leave to go back to college in 2 weeks.
My best friend and I have been friends for 8 years, since 6th grade. Now, our friendship wasn’t perfect it had been on and off since freshman year.
Since graduating we have gotten closer and our friendship has been better than ever. My partner came to stay with me over spring break and I had asked her if he could spend some of the nights at her house as she had a spare room and a queen-sized mattress.
I only had a twin-sized mattress and I had to make my partner sleep on the couch. She said that he could stay the whole week if he wanted to.
Around this same time, she stopped her birth control and she said no that she and her partner wanted a baby.
They are nowhere near ready to have a baby. They just got a puppy and they live in an apartment they can barely afford. It wasn’t a stretch to say I thought a baby right now was a bad idea, but I bit my tongue and said I was happy for her.
She was super excited and said that I would be one of the first people to know right after her family. After my partner left she ghosted me. We kept our Snapchat streak but every time I asked her to hang out she came up with some excuse.
Fast forward a month, she posted all over social media that she was pregnant and she had not told me at all. A few minutes after she responded to my snap from earlier in the day, I opened it and didn’t respond as I normally would.
A few days later she sent me a text message saying that it was good being my friend but goodbye. I asked her what I did and she said that she was upset that I didn’t congratulate her on her pregnancy. I explained that I was hurt that she didn’t personally tell me about it.
She said that it was because I said that she didn’t need a baby because now she had a puppy. In all honesty, I don’t remember saying that but I could’ve said it. We talked it through and worked it out. I asked her when she could hang out as I go back to college in 2 weeks and I don’t know when I will be back.
She once again ghosted me so I reached back out to her and asked why she was doing this. She made a bunch of excuses and I called her out on it. The biggest excuse was her pregnancy and I asked how her being pregnant prevented her from texting me back.
This turned into a fight and she ended up saying that I would be happy if she had a miscarriage. I have no idea where she got this idea from. I don’t agree with terminating a pregnancy just because. I told her to quit lying to herself and I hope that she and the baby are healthy.
I have also removed her from every social media. Am I the jerk or was I justified?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but you’re not the jerk for distancing yourself. Look, however, you felt not congratulating her was the wrong move if you wanted to keep the friendship, and explaining you wanted a personal reach out and that’s why you snubbed her, made you look petty.
But also according to you, she’s just making things up about how you wanted her to have a miscarriage. At that point you just back away. She already ghosted you once before and had been ignoring your texts before this. The friendship was already over, this is just pointless drama.
Move on, make new friends, be glad you’ll never be asked to babysit.” Irish_Whiskey
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here although you were coming from a place of care and love, it wasn’t your place. She’s grown enough to make those decisions herself.
Her ghosting you instead of communicating as to why she’s upset shows her immaturity. It seems that she isn’t over your comment after you talked things out and that is her problem at this point” AggravatingJob8379
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Jesus.
What drama lol I don’t pine to be your age again. You were petty for ignoring her messages when she didn’t immediately share the news with you that you faked being happy about. She also is sending you pretty clear non-verbal messages that she doesn’t want to hang out with you right now.
Take the hint. This is some main-character syndrome stuff. And she was petty for referencing something random you said a MONTH prior and having some kind of weird delayed knee-jerk reaction to it. She’s likely disappointed that you don’t share her excitement over her pregnancy which is fine.
It’s also totally fine of you not to be excited. Each of you feels what you feel. The pain of it is not acting rashly because of said feelings. Logically you’re correct in that it’s likely not gonna end well for her but as you get older you’ll realize that people are gonna do what they’re gonna do and a dissenting opinion is just gonna upset them.
If you don’t want to make amends, then I see nothing wrong with deleting social media contacts. But if you do, maybe try leaving your opinion as ‘If that would make you happy then I’m happy for you.’” PutNameHere123
13. AITJ For Choosing To Sleep On The Couch To Avoid My Sick Family?
“Friday night, my son went to bed at his normal time and threw up in bed. Reluctantly, I got up and took care of things and the rest of the night was uneventful.
In the morning we found that he threw up again overnight. I had already washed the sheets so I put them back on the bed and threw his 2nd set in the wash.
That night, Saturday night, my younger daughter threw up in bed. Once again I was the one that went and cleaned everything up.
I found a bowl for her to use in case she threw up anymore. I think I emptied the bowl 4x throughout the night. At about 1:30 am my wife said she didn’t feel well so I found an old mop bucket for her and, just in case, I found a couple of buckets for my son and other daughter.
Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep Saturday night.
All day Sunday the 3 girls complained about how terrible they felt and I did everything for them all day. Made specific meals for them depending on what they had an appetite for, ran to the store (30 mins away), and bought Nyquil, Dayquil, Pepto, pepto tablets, ginger ale, and 7up.
My younger daughter continued to throw up periodically until I got the Pepto in her.
Sunday night rolls in. I gave both my daughters Nyquil and tried to offer some to her. She said no because she didn’t want to throw it up. I offered pepto she said no to that because it tastes like chalk.
I told her I had pepto pills and she declined those as well. So I’m upset already because she won’t stop whining but won’t take anything to help either. Then she invites the younger daughter to sleep at the foot of our bed. I’m annoyed but I decide it’s fine.
I decide to cover all my bases. I make sure everyone has a bowl/bucket and a towel so that I can try and get some sleep.
I get up at about 11:30 to fill my water bottle before I go to bed and I see a light in the hallway.
My oldest looks at me and says “I feel like I’m going to throw up” and proceeds to throw up all over the hallway. Now I’m annoyed “Why didn’t you throw up in the bucket?! I gave you that bucket, showed you where it was, and told you to throw up in that if you felt like you needed to puke!
You had to step over the bucket to get here! Why didn’t you grab the bucket?!” She said “Sorry” and I said “It’s fine. Just grab the bucket next time” and go to bed.
My wife got up and went to my daughter’s room and said something I didn’t understand and when she came back in my older daughter was with her.
W- “I told her she could sleep in here”
Me- “WTF? Why?! We don’t have any more room in our bed.”
W- “She can sleep on the edge on your side in case she needs to throw up”
M- “Nope. Forget this. I’m not sleeping in a room, surrounded by sick people.
I’m sleeping on the couch”
W- “What the?!”
I grab my phone charger, CPAP, a pillow, and a blanket and leave the room.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to sleep in a room surrounded by sick people?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I’m so sorry because I know (and every parent here will agree) how truly rotten you feel! And … none of you are jerks though. You’re just a sick family going through a tough time while one of you somehow escapes the worst of it, and it’s tough because you’re the one getting dumped on.
But still, no jerks here. Just sick folk going through it. And I hope you all feel better and get back to some normalcy soon!” eaunoway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You needed to sleep to continue providing care and that was the right thing to do.
Your wife was not contributing, not being considerate and her refusing to take medication is asinine. You don’t have a wife, you have an extra child. (Maybe worse as the kids at least took meds to help.) You aren’t a jerk for snapping: if she had time to say it, she had time to grab the bowl.
At some point you have to learn if you don’t grab the bowl, then you are the one cleaning up from the hall and it sounds like she is old enough to learn that. ” DaladalaGALS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Effectively, your wife kicked you out of bed (so your daughter could sleep there).
Now, she doesn’t want it to be portrayed that way, so she’s pretending like the only reason you’re sleeping somewhere else is because YOU chose to. Just understand that the people you’re taking care of now aren’t going to have any sympathy for you when they get better and you catch this thing.” Fragrant_Spray
12. AITJ For Choosing My Grandpa Over My Stepdad For Wedding Father-Daughter Traditions?
“I’ll (27f) be getting married in the next year to 18 months (no date finalized yet). Originally I had planned to have my stepdad and my paternal grandpa share the father-of-the-bride duties because my dad has been dead since I was 6 years old and my stepdad has been there for me almost as long but my grandpa is hugely important and has played the role as most important man in my life after my dad.
My stepdad did not want to share the role and he wanted the walk down the aisle and the father/daughter dance to be just us. He told me he was not okay with my grandpa doing either alone or both with him. He told me when it comes down to it he was the real dad in my life since I was 7 years old and while he might not be biologically my dad he has been married to my mom and taking care of me for 20 years and he is also the father to all my siblings and his place in my life should be honored and not shared with a grandparent just because I lost my dad.
So I told him I would have just Grandpa then.
This was not the end of the conversation and it came back up during my mom’s birthday dinner. He mentioned it in front of his family, aka his parents and siblings, as well as my mom and my mom’s family.
He told me he wanted to be the father of the bride, he wanted to walk me down the aisle, he wanted a father/daughter dance, he wanted a toast, and he wanted everything that comes traditionally with this. Because he brought it up in front of them and because I was slightly annoyed by him bringing it up again without clarifying he was okay with sharing the role, I told him no again.
I also told him I had already asked Grandpa. This was in front of both families and it did start a debate over this. Once I realized I was hated for saying no, by his family, and some of my mom’s family including my mom disliked that I couldn’t let him do it (but some were on my side) I decided to leave.
My stepdad told me I had humiliated him and made the dinner all about me. I said he brought it up first and he told me kindness and decency would suggest I not turn him down in front of everyone. I also got a very angry message from one of his siblings and another from the same sibling on behalf of his parents.
They told me I had no business treating him this way. When I didn’t reply to this person either time my stepdad told me I was going out of my way to behave inappropriately and to hurt him.
The importance of my paternal family in my life has always been an issue for my stepdad and his family, but especially the importance of my grandpa.
For many years my stepdad has been jealous and his family has commented that I shouldn’t need my grandpa because I have my stepdad. His family has expressed their dislike for me several times because I have the relationship with Grandpa that they feel I should have with their son.
My stepdad expected an apology and when he didn’t get one. He told me yet again that he didn’t like my behavior at the dinner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did ask him to participate as a father in your wedding. He should be happy you have a great relationship with your grandpa as well and it makes no sense for him to be jealous.
In a sense, it was he who rejected being there for you because he decided he’d rather act like a kid than be there for his daughter. I’m sorry that you have to go through this OP, it’s hard to set your boundaries when you’re surrounded by toxic people but you did it and you should be proud of yourself!” ladyheckno
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You made your position clear. He knew your position on the matter. He decided to try and publicly guilt and shame you into changing your mind because his entire family was around. He made the mistake of thinking you would cave to his demands because people were around.
He embarrassed himself.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. your stepdad & family members sound very toxic. You’re going to only be thinking about you, it’s your darn wedding! I could bet you he brought it up in front of everyone intentionally in hopes it would pressure you to change your mind.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that drama when it should be a time when you’re supported and celebrated. Stand your ground because you did nothing wrong. He brought it onto himself and is embarrassed” Lemondeahh
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change Myself After Friends Started Ignoring Me?
“I (21 F) have had a friend group of 3 other people for about a year now who I’ve hung out with a lot.
Let’s call them Stacy, Jim, and Greg.
Things were great near the beginning, but I noticed in the past 4 months that none of them reached out to me anymore through text. Like, they’re supposed to be my good friends and never text at all.
I have to be the first one to reach out, and even then it’s rare that I get a response that isn’t 1 word. I have no idea what caused this, maybe they just got tired of me? And when we all hang out in person, sometimes it’s like I’m not even there.
Stacy started talking about plans she made with Jim and Greg that I wasn’t invited to, and I was sitting right there. It just felt awful. There are many other examples of these small things but that’s something that stands out right now.
Whenever I try to talk in the group or tell a funny story, they just look at me with blank stares and hardly react. When anyone else does the same thing it’s all laughter. It just feels strange at this point. I’ve even tried giving them all gifts to see if that would make anything better, and they seemed grateful for the gifts, but nothing changed.
I tried talking to Jim about it after finally getting the courage to say how I’ve been feeling (I didn’t want to cause problems). I told him that maybe I talked too much or something so they began to feel annoyed by me.
Idk. Jim is the coolest of the 3, so I felt like he’d be the best one to admit this to. He responded by telling me that he doesn’t know what I’m talking about, but if I feel like Stacy and Greg have been treating me this way, maybe I should promise to change and not talk so much and that could make things better.
I thought about what he said for a moment but then I thought, I don’t think I want to change who I am. I truly do care for all three of them, but I don’t think changing who I am is the answer here.
It just doesn’t feel right I guess. I’m probably just going to let it drop here, I don’t want to say anything more about it to any of them. If they reach out to me great, if they don’t, well, there’s nothing else I can do about that.
But, I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for potentially being paranoid and maybe causing issues here. Although they’ve been treating me maybe not great, maybe I should just be quiet about it for the sake of peace.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your friends aren’t treating you great.
And Jim’s advice was hurtful, suggesting someone change and not talk is bad advice, so either he’s not very bright or he doesn’t care about you too much. In your early 20s, you’ll find yourself growing away from certain friends, and closer to others. I think your friendship with this group has probably run its course, especially based on Jim’s advice that entirely negates your feelings.
You’re not being paranoid here. Don’t initiate contact, if they invite you to things and you want to go, go ahead. But build friendships with people that treat you well and value you.” Superherowho
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Try an experiment, don’t contact them for a few days, a week even, and see what happens.
If you don’t hear from them, you’ll have your answer. I know it’s hurtful, but spending time with these people appears to be having a detrimental effect on your confidence and self-esteem. Also if they were concerned about hurting you, they would have apologized and not blamed you for ‘talking too much’ and changed their behavior.
That they haven’t is concerning. I hope you have other, better friends, but if you don’t, being alone is better for you than being with people who make you feel bad about yourself. Are you neurodivergent OP? I’m only asking because I am and this aspect of life can be a minefield for us ND types.” YrCeridwen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like these friends don’t like you and you shouldn’t change for them. Find friends who like who you are and know how to communicate if they have an issue — stonewalling is not okay and you deserve to not feel on edge with your friends.” here_comes_reptar
10. AITJ For Not Accepting My Mother's Partner and His Kids as My Family?
“I (17F) do not like my mother’s (38F) significant other, Patrick (50M) and his 2 youngest kids(M and F).
Before my mother got with Patrick, it was just her, my brother (14M), sister (10F), and me. At the time we were 15, 13, and 8, but then she met Patrick who happened to have 8 kids but 2 of them are 9 and 10, and the others are grown. His kids are the most hateful, spiteful, rudest, and most ignorant kids I know.
They practically bully my sister to the point that she cries and when I bring it up to my mom she says there’s nothing she can do because they aren’t her kids. The minute my sister is rude to his kids, he’s allowed to get onto her with no issue.
His kids talk the most nonsense to people and ask the rudest questions and he thinks there’s nothing wrong with it, when my mother met this man she would leave for days at a time and it left me to have to take care of my brother and sister.
Then she came and took them with her and left me here by myself I had no food, no hygiene products, no nothing. To the point that my grandmother had to start raising me all over again because when I was younger, my mother was never there either.
Well about a year and a half later they broke up, so my mother came back. Well, two weeks after they got back together and this time she only took my sister. She left us in the same predicament as before, except now that Aunt is here we are getting fed, with clean clothes, and have hygiene products to clean ourselves with.
The first time my mother got with him she would constantly leave me out. On my sister’s ninth birthday, she left me at home and took his kids instead. She’s been doing this since they’ve been together.
Well it makes me uncomfortable to be around him and his kids and she blames it on me not knowing them, but he’s 50 and he acts like he’s 12.
The minute I met him I got this weird and uncomfortable feeling so I decided to distance myself from it. She always tries to victimize herself and make me look bad. Well, I told her that when they got married my life wouldn’t change.
I would have the same 5 siblings I’ve had growing up and I have no stepdad. I told her to not refer to his kids as my siblings because they are not. I told her not to call him my dad or stepdad because he is neither.
I told her they can’t be offended when they aren’t invited to anything of mine. I want nothing to do with his rude kids and I want nothing to do with his childishness. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those children are not your siblings.
Technically if he marries your mother he will be your step-dad, and they will be your step-siblings, but that doesn’t mean you have to treat them like family. Certainly, you are old enough to decide who you want to claim as family. Regardless of the reasons.
And obviously, your mother is doing a very bad job of parenting, so she’s the jerk for prioritizing a new relationship over the well-being of her children.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and not to sound alarmist but if he gives you weird vibes and his kids bully your sister it’s a little suspicious that your mom has your little sister living there, I’d keep an eye on that.” PanPolyHexenbiest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This man is clearly trouble, & your mother is no help for you. Their relationship is harming you & your sister. If anything, she is someone you need to reduce your interactions with, despite the fact she is your mother & supposed to be caring for you.
You need to look after yourself. My unsolicited advice is for you to make plans to move away from her. You mention your grandmother & aunt: can either provide you housing while you get on your feet to live on your own? At the least, they should be able to provide some advice for you.
If they cannot provide housing, then find a friend who can, or just focus on collecting the funds to do this. (That is, get a job if you can.) If possible, see if you can bring your sister with you, in order to get away from this toxic environment.” FunnyAnchor123
9. AITJ For Struggling To Interact With My Niece And Nephew Due To My Autism?
“I’m 25 F and diagnosed with autism (Aspergers). My niece and nephew are 1 and 4 years old. I struggle to interact with them, I just freeze up and can’t say anything.
I’m generally like this with everyone, people have to initiate a conversation with me first for me to respond and in these situations, I can mask okay, but not for long periods. As kids generally need you to approach them first I’ve struggled with this.
I’ve never interacted with kids before, my sister’s kids are the first. I’m incredibly socially isolated, rarely leaving the house.
It’s my nephew’s birthday and when my mom asked if I wanted to go to the party I said yes but I don’t want to spend several hours there as I get exhausted from intense social situations (my mom always stays all day and more when visiting them).
My mom has just spent the last hour shouting at me for being selfish and horrible. She revealed to me that she thinks my behavior is disgusting and that she thinks I don’t have autism and I’m just using it as an excuse. I realize that what I do looks incredibly rude but I really do just freeze and stare blankly.
I wish I wasn’t like this. After this conversation, I do feel like the jerk.
For context, I spent 1 year in a hospital at age 11 and was diagnosed with autism there. I also dropped out of school due to being unable to be in the classroom as I was overwhelmed with anxiety.
I tried to go to college on 4 separate occasions but was kicked out due to lack of attendance. I did distance university incredibly successfully, however. I’m unemployed now. I did one job and struggled with face-to-face meetings, it was exhausting and I did freeze up at times.
My mom uses the fact that I am intelligent and have a long-distance partner to argue that I am actually normal and just being selective about who I like to spend time with. Basically I use autism as an excuse. My partner is someone who always contacts me first and leads me nearly all the time.
I do sometimes struggle with him and he has negatively commented on my passivity before.
My mom says that I hate my niece and nephew but I don’t, I just don’t know how to interact with them. I can’t help but feel I am the jerk and I should try harder or something, but when the time comes I freeze up.
I’m worried about what my sister and her husband think about this too as my mom said they must be so heartbroken about how I treat their babies. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hi friend! I’m on the autism spectrum too. I’m sorry that your mom doesn’t believe your diagnosis and treats you poorly.
Have you talked with your sister about your diagnosis and how it impacts you? I’m wondering if she might be a bit more understanding. If you still feel up to going to your nephew’s birthday party, it might be nice to say hello!
I think that limiting the time you spend at the party is a reasonable accommodation. Or, if your sister is supportive, maybe ask her if there is a quiet space you can go to, so you can take a break when things get too overwhelming.
You might be surprised by how perceptive small children can be to non-verbal communication. A smile and a wave can say a lot to a small child. Also – more and more parents these days teach young children simple sign language. Maybe ask your sister if your niece and nephew know any signs.
That might be a good way to bridge the gap. Kids also like people who listen to what they have to say – maybe you can have a relative ask your nephew to show you his favorite toy! Most kids would LOVE the opportunity to show off their toys, and will happily chatter with little to no input, lol.
Lastly – it sounds like you are struggling a lot with social anxiety and communication. I completely understand where you are coming from – I’ve been there too. Have you been able to talk with a therapist? I know that therapy can be expensive and sometimes it can be difficult to find a therapist you mesh well with.
However, I speak from experience when I say that therapy can be incredibly helpful in learning skills to help cope with anxiety. Hang in there, friend. I know how hard it can be. You deserve kindness and respect.” Maotaodesi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother, on the other hand, is the jerk.
I suspect that she’s refusing to believe that you’ve got Autism because she doesn’t know how to deal with it. That or she’s just dimwitted. Talk to your sister and your BIL. Make sure that they know that you love your siblings. Also, I suspect that you’ll find them sympathetic to your plight.
Most adults find small kid’s birthday parties very overwhelming. BTW the great thing about small kids is that you can do activities together where you don’t need to sit and talk much or engage in prolonged eye contact. They also don’t mind repetition. Talk to your sister and try to find something that your siblings would like to do.
Visit them when it’s just you, them and their parents there. Having you there for, say, 4 hours on a random afternoon, keeping the 4year preoccupied with activities, means that your sister or BIL can catch a break. They’ll love it. Also, once the kids are used to you, you needn’t worry about approaching them.
They’ll come to you. Regarding your anxiety, have you tried medication? Something like Pregabalin doesn’t have much in the way of serious side effects in my experience and I know at least one person on the spectrum, who found it extremely helpful.” Sufficient_Soil5651
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have autism too and interacting with kids is way easier than you think, NT people may act like your family and insist you interact with them the way they do but it’s weird and intense imo. Kids are flexible and will respond to any genuine people.
I’ve got 3 and I’m around other people’s kids a lot and all of them are cool with me and trust me. Even the squirrelly ones. All you have to do is be in their space with them. You don’t have to stare them down just live your life around them and let them see you being yourself.
If they make eye contact say hi and smile but they’ll probably rush back to what they’re doing and that’s ok. If you want to interact with them, do something interesting like the other day I called my daughter to watch ants dragging a little bug into their nest and you better believe another kid hustled to come look too.
If they’re hanging in the outskirts and watching invite them without a ton of intense eye contact say hey come look at this bug and let them decide. I have noticed it helps to interact with them side by side doing things facing them and demanding their eyes.
Good luck! Kids can be cool but yes they are annoying but they are amazing at respecting boundaries in a way adults are not.” blackonvantablack
8. AITJ For Telling My Ungrateful Mother I Don't Want To Hear Her Complaints Anymore?
“To preface- I come from a very dysfunctional family. I grew up watching my substance-dependent father get into (mostly verbal) altercations with my undiagnosed bipolar mother over her terrible spending habits.
Eventually, my mother got fired from her job for having a manic episode at work- resulting in the eventual foreclosure of the family house. Not too long after that, when I was a teenager, our family dynamic fell apart when my father died. My mother spiraled into a mental break and was unable to provide for me.
In the 15 years since then, she has failed to hold gain, or hold, any meaningful employment. She is in her early 60s now and has not worked since she was 49.
To be blunt- she’s spent the past 20 years of her life or so not even trying to find work, planning for retirement, or taking care of herself in the slightest. She’s overweight, incapable of walking more than ten or twenty minutes at a time, and would be completely destitute if not for my wife and I literally buying a house for her last year (it’s in our name).
She doesn’t have any friends because she’s burned every bridge she’s had through just plain being mean and/or a giant emotional burden on anyone who gives her time of day. Every phone call with her is just her complaining about her life, despite the fact she is completely materially taken care of- almost solely due to my efforts, mind you.
As she ages, her ability to process the world has declined. Her memory is going. Her emotional control is pretty much completely gone. She’s scared of it all, and has no one to talk to it about. She calls me constantly to complain about her husband (also a piece of work in his own right), her medical problems, her interactions with people, and anything else she can think of- and I’m fed up with it.
I’ve tried my best to be a good son, but the honest truth is that I don’t want to be burdened with her problems. She’s made her bed by being lazy, unproductive, toxic, and shortsighted since I was a teenager. I have sympathy for her plights, but I can’t help but just keep thinking that this lonely descent into an unsatisfying end of life is wholly her own fault.
I can’t fix someone who has spent nearly their entire life being a myopic sloth with a mood disorder.
I’ve recently taken a new approach of telling her that I am not her therapist or her parent. I don’t want to be her shoulder to cry on.
I would, honestly, just prefer she accepts her aging gracefully and spends her remaining time enjoying the secure retirement she completely did not earn or deserve.
So, anyways. AITJ for telling my mom that I don’t want to listen to her problems anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have bipolar disorder. So does my mother. I take care of myself. I go to therapy, I take my meds, I see my psychiatrist every 90 days. I take an active role in managing my mental health. I know that I would not be good to my partner, my friends or my family if I didn’t.
My mother on the other hand has chosen not to take care of her mental health. Choosing to “leave it in God’s hands” and it is killing her relationship with me and my other siblings. Mental health diagnoses are out of your control, but how you manage it is something you can control.
You have done all you can. It’s up to her to take control of her life.” Rach-Ham-226
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ Limit frequency and keep conversations short, “Hi Mom, I only have 10 minutes, what’s going on?” Honestly, after 10 minutes, “gosh, okay, well, I have to go, talk soon” hang up.
It’s clear you care about your Mom, but that does not mean you are obligated to her regarding this and so many other ways. You have your own life to live! Create your own boundaries and stick to them. She is not that old for this behavior.
It’s pretty inexcusable. She did this to herself. My mom is 85, currently going through the same. I bought her a cell phone and taught her how to text because she would psycho call me several times per day. (I cannot stand listening on the phone) It really helped. I respond if/when I want to.” CapricornCrude
Another User Comments:
“So sad, she’s wallowing in self-pity, hasn’t somehow learned yet how utterly unproductive that is. In addition to telling her what you will not talk about, let her know what you are willing to discuss. Things that are constructive, that work for a positive end.
And that you will hang up and get back to taking care of your own life should the conversation veer back to her complaints. NTJ.” CaliforniaJade
7. AITJ For Not Inviting My Coworker To Join My Alternative Lunch Plan?
“I work in an office of 28 women with different sections. There are 6 women in our specific room section. It’s a smallish room so conversations are normally heard throughout the whole room unless hushed on purpose.
This week has been kind of an appreciation week for the whole office and we’ve been eating together every day this week in our common area.
It was discussed over a week ago that for today (Friday) that we would all order crawfish and eat outside since we have a nice park area on campus.
Personally, I don’t like much seafood and I really don’t like crawfish. A coworker of mine, Kylie, also doesn’t eat crawfish and there is another who is allergic to shellfish, Amber, who is in another section (All fake names). So Kylie and I decided to go get something else so we’re not sitting there like lumps while everyone else eats or stay in the office or whatever.
We start talking about where to go in our little room and we talked about it multiple times both last week and this week. Well, there’s another person in our room, Carrie, who does eat crawfish and had voiced multiple times that she was getting a couple of pounds.
Kylie and I have not formally asked anyone else if they want to get our alternative with us except for Amber this morning.
Well, Amber asked Carrie this morning if she was getting food with us which I guess was a huge insult. Carrie came into our section acting up with sarcastic comments about us going somewhere and it being secret.
Eventually she began berating Kylie and me that we snuck around and didn’t want to ask anyone (specifically her) if they wanted an alternative, calling us “snakes” “low down” and “dirty”. To be fair, we never asked the full room, however, everyone else in the room had already said they would get crawfish, she was in the room many times when we talked about it, and almost everyone knew Kylie and I don’t eat that and would want something else.
When she started her rant I immediately tried to apologize for not thinking to ask but at no point did she even stop to even hear my apology. I did get a little sarcastic and petty myself and jumped up and dramatically asked if her or anyone else in the room would want anything.
She still did not shut up to listen to anyone else. I’m serious, it was like a five-minute-long rant with no breath.
I get that she’s upset but that seemed EXTREME, especially calling us snakes. Like seriously it’s lunch. I didn’t take your job.
I didn’t say much after.
I did say that there was nothing malicious toward anyone else and I tried to just do my work and let it go.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Unless your company was paying for the food they have no right to dictate where you get your lunch.
If you are buying your own food, you can get whatever you want and you have no obligation to include the entire office. NTJ, your coworker is childish.” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“Uh, what’s he gonna do, write you up for having lunch? What is this petty tyrant stuff.
Someone with such a disproportionate reaction to trivial stimuli has got some deep dark stuff going on, but it’s completely unprofessional to bring in to a business environment. You are NTJ.” daric
Sounds as if this jetk is being childish and petty so ignore her.
6. AITJ For Asking My Stepson To Wear More Clothes At Home?
“Married a few years, together a few more. I have a WONDERFUL 18yo stepson Tate, and my bio son Sam 11yo. I hate to even differentiate them like that because to me they are both my sons.
The boys were only together sporadically until recently, Tate’s university change has him living with us full-time now. All’s great. I can’t say enough good things about Tate. He’s smart, funny, polite, LOVES me, calls me “Ma” (his own wonderful mother is “Mom’), always ready with a hug or a kiss on the forehead, and I love him to pieces.
He’ll wake me up to tell me he’s home safe from out with friends or a date.
He’s also a fantastic big brother, you’d never know they were steps. Takes Sam places, helps him with projects, teases him about girls, and total big brother stuff.
After many of the nightmare blended-family stories I’ve seen here, I should just sit down and be quiet. But…
Tate never wears normal clothes around the house. Always shirtless. Or usually in just a towel (if we’re lucky). Can’t count the number of times I’ve walked past an open bathroom door while he was brushing his teeth or shaving as bare as the day he was born.
Or seen him walking down the hall to get a towel without a stitch on and no care in the world. It’s nothing to him, I don’t know if it’s 0% modesty or 100% confidence or both, but that’s just who he is. I’ve been “Ma” for a few years so he’s just that comfortable and has been since day 1.
Frankly, I wouldn’t care. It doesn’t embarrass me in the slightest and doesn’t offend me. I grew up in a house full of brothers so I’ve seen plenty of bare butts and more hot dogs than Oscar Mayer. It doesn’t faze me.
But Sammy ADORES his big brother and I’m seeing him start to copy.
It’s a struggle to keep a shirt on him. Reminders to put on shorts. Showering with the door open. Lately I’ve woken him up in the morning to see his pajama shorts on the floor, because “Tate sleeps bare.”
Hub doesn’t care, and laughs it off.
My friends are even LESS help with my complaints. Comments like “Hubba hubba,” or “I need to drop by more” or “Call me Mrs. Robinson.” Tate IS a pretty great-looking young man, but… eww. I reminded them they were old enough to be his mother..
and married.
So would I be the jerk to just ask Tate to CONSIDER maybe wearing some clothes around the house? He would do absolutely anything I asked of him, but I don’t want to repress him or come off as controlling. Or that I’m trying to be the Queen Bee here and my word is law.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there might not be much you can do with it, some boys are just that way. My own son is coming up on 20, but for the past 6-7 years he has always been like that. Once he went through to the kitchen to the laundry room with nothing but a towel on… when my wife was sitting and having coffee with a friend.
They DID get an “Oh my God I didn’t know you had company!” but at least one percent of me will always be convinced he did it on purpose for shock value. He has answered the door bare to get a Doordash delivery, too, but I put a stop to that.
I’m surprised your galpals don’t have more sympathy, though.” ChrisMartin_1978
5. AITJ For Blaming My Parents For My Lost Friendships Due To Their Strict Phone Rules?
“My mother and I are close. But her biggest problem is she never accepts her mistakes.
This is coming from a household where being the oldest child I had my personal phone when I was 17.
Before that, I used my mother’s phone for any needs. I was not allowed to have any social media accounts or anything. I was not allowed to text my friends. I only got to talk with my friends when I went to school.
I have never been good at making friends.
The person who used to sit beside me in class would be someone I’d talk to the whole year and the same thing continues in next year. But in my eighth grade for the first time, I made actual friends. And they remained my friends until my tenth grade.
After my tenth (I was 16) it was a difficult time. I did not go to school with that I chose pure science as my higher secondary subject so life was not easy.
Anyway back then as I said before since I did not have any friends, I sometimes texted my friends from my mother’s phone.
And whenever I get caught my mother would scold me cause I’d get addicted to it. Even my sister would go tell my mother whenever I touched her phone.
One day I was talking with one of my friends via text about our math homework or something like that.
My sister needed help with her school project. I asked her to wait. Instead, she complained to my mother. She got angry and we had a huge fight. Things like that used to happen very often. Either my mother or father would shout at me if they saw me with the phone just for a few minutes.
Their excuse would harm my studies.
During those two years of higher secondary school, my relationship with my parents was very toxic. For this reason, I stopped talking with all my friends via text. My father said you can call them. But whenever the call duration was more than one hour that would also be a problem for them.
Gradually they all left me except for my two best friends.
Now after four years my parents and I have a better relationship. Today while talking with my mother I just said “You and dad are the reason why I have lost many of my close friends.” She was so offended by that.
We had a huge fight. Yes in the end my voice was kinda rude, but I was angry and frustrated. She would never accept her mistake. There would be silent treatment from both of us… I don’t like it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am so sorry that you have lost friends and grown up so isolated. Having helicopter parents is exhausting.
It is not normal to grow up without being able to have relationships with friends, and communication is part of having relationships. Having friendships helps you weather all the tough things in life. It’s part of a well-rounded life. Not everything is about studies.
I’m so sorry your mother didn’t hear your side of the story and is unwilling to see your pain.” FocusWeary8046
4. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Off Contact With My Abusive Adoptive Parents?
“I (20m) was adopted by my current parents when I was really young.
Growing up was incredibly difficult as both parents were abusive. Now that I am an adult and moved out they still continue the abusive behavior.
I used to text everyday multiple times a day but slowly my mother got more and more hostile towards me which caused me to not text as often.
When I lost my job she said I should have sucked it up and gone to work (lost job due to sick days from vomiting blood). I tried explaining to her that the job I worked at did not want us coming in if we were sick as it was a health risk for everyone there, but she didn’t care.
After that I started getting sicker landed in the ER twice and had to wait months for doctors to tell me nothing about what was happening.
During this time I got married and did not tell her or my family that I was married. She found out and we got into a fight about it.
We did come to a somewhat tolerable conversation at the end. Even after that conversation she was still resentful and got even MORE hostile towards me and began accusing my wife and her family of forcing me to cut contact with her. (Mind you my Wife treats me well and my mother loved her up until this point).
When I try to explain to my mother why I don’t talk to anyone much (from being sick to feeling like she doesn’t love me due to the hurtful words) she would simply tell me “that’s not true” “you’re twisting my words” “I was angry when I said that” or she would try to get my in laws on her side by yelling at me in front of them and telling them I was lying.
She doesn’t treat me like an adult she still yells at me and shames me for not visiting enough (I’m out of state). She’s been purposely pulling me aside when we do visit to yell at me so my wife can’t intervene. This causes me so much anxiety and stress that by the time we leave my hands are bloody from picking my nails and cuticles.
With all of these reasons together over the course of roughly 20 years I feel as if it would benefit me more to cut her off and lose that side of my family than continue to torture myself trying to appease a woman who’s never going to admit fault.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While cutting off family is a tough decision and typically requires a deep justification, your mental and emotional well-being has to come first. If that means limiting contact or even severing ties with family members when other attempts to resolve the issues have failed, then that is what you need to do for the sake of your own health.
From what you’ve described, it sounds like you’ve reached your limit, and if this is what you need for peace of mind, it’s justified.” Portia_Whitecotton
3. AITJ For Not Attending My Half-Sister's Baby Shower After Years of One-Sided Effort?
“My (30F) and my sister (23F) have never been close. She’s my half-sister and was openly and obviously favored by my stepmother, her mother, growing up. She took advantage of this all too much, and did things knowing that I would catch the blame.
Even so, I recognized that she was just a child and didn’t blame her.
The fault lay with my parents. When I finally turned 18 and left that house, I tried to maintain a relationship with her. I texted and called. I sent presents on her birthday and Christmas. When she graduated high school, I flew across the world to take her to NYC as a graduation present—paying for the flights, hotel, museums, everything.
But as the years went on, it became pretty clear that it was a one-way relationship. We didn’t talk unless I initiated the conversation. We both had cars, but I only saw her if I went to my hated childhood home to see her. I wouldn’t get any gifts from her for my birthday or Christmas.
I wasn’t invited to her big 21st birthday trip because she only wanted her friends there.
All I excused… until I had a baby.
The day I gave birth, I didn’t hear a word from her. Not even a congratulations text. She didn’t call me in the weeks and then months after.
She didn’t drive up to see us even though I only live 45 mins away. Nothing.
That was the last straw. We’ve never been sisters in any way that actually matters. I figured it’s past time we stopped pretending.
Fast forward to her baby shower. I knew she was pregnant (because my parents told me, not her) so I dropped off some things for her baby.
Brand new and hand-me-downs. She was at work at the time, but she knew I was bringing them. Afterward, I again didn’t get a call or message of thanks.
When the baby shower came (invited by my parents, not her) I didn’t go. I didn’t RSVP no. I let the day come and go without comment or notice.
A few days ago, I got a text from her, cursing me out for not coming and saying she was done with me. She claimed she watched me treat our parents like trash for years, and she tried to have a relationship with me despite that, but *I* failed at that.
She claimed it was my fault she didn’t know her niece, and that I was ungrateful, nasty, and she was glad her baby would never know me.
The rest of our family and friends are disappointed in me for not going, and claim I should’ve let it go and put everything aside for my niece.
I do agree now that I should’ve at least RSVP’d no to the invitation, so that no one was sitting around waiting or hoping that we would come.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should follow her lead. Don’t be afraid to say something like “when I didn’t get a thank you for the things I dropped off, I got the impression that you didn’t care, so I stopped worrying about it.” Just do not fall into the trap of accepting that she can treat you one way and expect an entirely different standard back from you.
If communication isn’t going to be important for her, then why would she have the right to expect it would be important for you? eta: as far as being nasty or ungrateful – what are you supposed to be grateful for?” mifflewhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Acknowledge that you each may have your own baggage and differing perspectives from childhood and set that aside. She’s also considerably younger than you, so it makes sense that you’d be the one exerting most of the effort for a span of years while she’s still a child or young adult.
Expecting her to show interest in the birth of your child was a low bar, though. Just tell her that you exerted the same level of interest in her child that she did for yours and disengage from the drama.” LadyCass79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This one hurts to read. I feel sad for what you went through. I think it was really sweet of you to try to have a relationship with your younger stepsister, not blaming her for the role she played in your abusive childhood because you recognize that she was a child herself.
But, there’s limits to compassion. She just wants you around as a punching bag, someone to ignore and neglect to make themselves feel better, because then she can feel important by comparison. Being the favorite isn’t enough if you don’t have a least favorite around for comparison.
She freaked out because you took that away from her, not because she cares. Cut ties, walk away, and don’t waste another moment wondering what you did wrong. It isn’t you. It never was. You have your own life to live, don’t waste it on someone who sees you as an extra in her story.” throwaway07272
for her with your parents to take to her so why would they think you were going. I wouldn't worry about her tantrum. Block her and go NC. Anyone who jsrrasses you over ui should also be blocked including family. You certainly have her more attention re her new baby coming vs tne fact she didn't even acknowledge you had a child
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents Involved In My Second Wedding?
“My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years, my siblings have met him but my parents have not. I got divorced a long time ago and my parents were awful to me about it, it was the worst time of my life.
My ex was unfaithful and doing a lot behind my back to not get too much into detail he gave me extreme anxiety and I was afraid to go home most nights.
Our marriage was only a year because I was unsafe. The divorce needed to happen but at the same time, I have never been so hurt and so lonely when it did. I lost all of my friends because they were all his friends, he took most of my funds without me noticing and when I tried to fight that he said his rich parents would pay for a lawyer and he knew my parents would never help me and because he took my funds “I can’t afford it”.
So I let it go.
When I told my parents I was getting divorced they were furious. They were so ashamed and kept on saying how shameful this was what are people going to think of them (never did they ask what I was going through) and how embarrassed they were of me.
They also explicitly said they didn’t want to meet any new man until I was engaged. They cared more about what they would look like rather than what I was going through.
This was the worst time in my life because not only did I lose someone I thought I would be with forever, but my parents were now no longer talking to me because of it.
I found out about a year ago that my mom never told her siblings I got divorced and she has pretended for years that I was still happily married, all because she is ashamed. They found out recently I was divorced because of my wedding invite.
Fast forward 8 years, and I am now happily engaged to the love of my life. We have lived together for 3 years and we get along so well, we never fight besides the usual bickers, he is my twin flame and just my perfect match and I am so excited to have my real dream wedding and be so happy with him.
I honestly don’t even remember my last wedding because it was so traumatic so this is truly the wedding where I want my little girl dreams to come true.
Anyway, when I got engaged my mom said she was happy for me and my sister said she was ranting about how she hadn’t even met this person.
I was planning on flying out for the whole family to meet him (we have lived in different states for about 10 years) but at the same time, I don’t care about their opinion. They can come if they want but how they treated me after my divorce hurt our relationship and I have no interest in their opinions.
My sister thinks I need to give them a chance and let them try again, which I’m happy to do but I don’t want to inconvenience myself for it, we’ll be there for a family event in July and I was thinking of just introducing him at the same time.
AITJ for not caring to go out of my way for them to get to know my fiance or for not involving them in our wedding planning/caring about their opinion? Should I be giving them another chance?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You did give your parents a second chance when you told them you were engaged. They complained to your sister about how they have never met your fiancé after they explicitly told you to do this after your divorce?
They didn’t support you, made you feel like crap for leaving an abusive relationship (oh yeah, they didn’t know that because they didn’t bother to ask), and then lied to your whole family. My advice? Don’t invite them to the wedding.
Also, the family who didn’t know you got divorced 8 years ago? Uninvite them too. You haven’t talked with them in almost a decade, why do you want them at your wedding? Use the funds to have that dream wedding you and your fiancé want!” Miserable_Cow403
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They have been actively lying for over 8 years. They have not apologized for being terrible parents to you. Do not go out of your way for them. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.” Icy_Department_1423
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s ugly what your parents did, and they do not deserve either a second chance or even to be invited, if they couldn’t support you when you had problems, everything worked bad for you, and you were upset, why would they be with you when you are finally happy?
No girl, they lost it.” misskeny
1. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Stop Complaining About Our Family Dynamic?
“A little bit of IL context first: One of my BILs “Joe” is married to “Jesse” who was his childhood best friend. Jesse was always like another son and brother in the family.
He’s known them his whole life and had a rough childhood with his biological family so my ILs adopted him. He even lived with the family for a while. Because of this Jesse was always included as a member of the family as a unit and not just as an IL.
Honestly, Jesse is my MIL’s favorite child lol and I think he’s the favorite brother of the family.
This was something I always knew. My husband was upfront about it when we were seeing each other. I know the rest of his siblings have been upfront with partners as well.
I don’t take it personally that Jesse is treated like a son/brother in the family but I’m a DIL and SIL. It makes sense to me. We don’t have the same long history where they watched me grow up and I never lived with my husband’s family.
Another BIL “Frankie” is married to “Emma”. Of all the fellow ILs, Emma is the one who has a problem with Jesse being just another son/brother but us being more clear ILs. She has complained about it to a number of us fellow ILs.
We’ve all explained that we’re cool with it because we get Jesse has grown up with the family. Emma likes to vent to me a little more. I asked her once why she married Frankie if she was so bothered by it when I knew he told her.
She told me she had assumed that it was only at first and after a while everything was the very same. That she didn’t believe they called Jesse their son/brother and not SIL/BIL. And on she went whining about it. She heard Jesse was written into the will alongside the children (I don’t know if true and I don’t care) and she was so outraged.
It gets annoying. The others find it old too. Especially because she likes to get us alone to do this.
It was Joe and Jesse’s birthday and everyone was celebrating Emma decided to track me down to complain about it some more and she sounded like a child.
I asked her to stop and she told me she needed to get it off her chest. I tried moving away but she walked and talked. Then I rolled my eyes and she was like omg stop being such a jerk and I told her I was tired of her whining.
She told me I should be more understanding and supportive and we unwanted ILs need to stick together.
I don’t feel unwanted. I just know I’m not their daughter/sister.
She demanded an apology from me later that night.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oddly, everyone’s so touchy about the parent-in-laws’ affections, and why their relationship with Jesse took so much “acceptance” in the first place.
Emma’s not respecting your boundary so in place of apology could let her know (again) you’re not going to be around complaining over a family member.” Justsaying0000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Emma’s got some issues, but they’re her issues to deal with. If she has an issue with the way she’s treated, she needs to talk to her husband about it, not complain to you when you’ve made it clear that’s not how you feel.
From the way you’ve described it, it doesn’t seem like the ILs treat you guys badly, so I’m not sure why it bothers her so much that Jesse is treated as a child/brother. But again, that’s her issue, you don’t need to be understanding or supportive of her complaining about your ILs.” Superherowho
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a pretty great thing for your husband’s family to include Jesse this way. Your one SIL trying to demand that the rest of you ILs should show the same jealousy she feels about this is ridiculous. Of course, you aren’t going to band together and talk against the family you married into about something that you have no problem with.
Emma has no right to keep burdening you with this complaint—in your shoes, I would feel somewhat disloyal for continuing to listen to it. You’ve nothing at all to apologize for.” Auntie-Mam69
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