People Need Help Finding A Remedy In These "Am I The Jerk?" Situations

"I (f21) have been very fortunate and am living in my own house. Recently (in the last 2 weeks), my 2 suite-mates from college moved in with me until they can get on their feet.

We all have pretty packed schedules as a result of our jobs and two of us being in grad school.

Due to this, they created schedules for when each person will do certain things. For example, “Cassidy” will do her laundry on Monday mornings, while “Marie” will do hers on Tuesday mornings. My day-to-day agendas are less open than theirs, so they don’t include me in these schedules but I’ve learned when they do what.

We’ve found that keeping things on a steady rotation makes it easy for everyone to have access to appliances and whatever else when needed, so we kind of assigned ourselves times at which we shower (there’s one bathroom and one-half bath).

I always shower in the mornings, “Cassidy” midday, and “Marie” in the evenings.

This is because these are the times that our schedules open up. It sounds silly but it’s really worked for us and reduced arguments so I’m fine with anything.

Here’s where the issue comes in:

Last night, “Cassidy” and “Marie” attended a university banquet while I was in my evening classes.

In my lab, we ended up doing dissections and I felt pretty gross afterwards so I planned to shower as soon as I got home.

I was aware that “Marie” usually showers in the evenings, but they had both said they wouldn’t be home until well after midnight.

I got home at 8 and immediately took a shower (15 minutes max).

When I got out, both of my roommates were sitting on the couch glaring at me demanding to know why I showered outside of the schedule. I apologized several times and told them I wouldn’t have showered if I knew they’d be home at that time.

“Cassidy” let up and said she doesn’t care and knew I wasn’t trying to be rude, but “Marie” has been making side comments.

AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ, but girl, wake up and smell the toxicity. These girls are fully taking advantage of you and the longer they stay the harder it will be to get them to leave.

You need to find your spine and boot these two girls out. Not only are they taking advantage of you but are also mocking you. Why are you allowing this to happen? You are going to suffer so much so quickly if you let them stay.

“I thought this arrangement could work, but it can’t. You have 30 days to find other accommodations. I will not be commenting further or entertaining any questions.” That’s all you have to say, in writing. Those 30 days will be awkward but when it's over you’ll never have to deal with them again.

Alternatively, you can continue letting them walk all over you and be miserable for who knows how long. If you rent your place, then just tell your landlord and he’ll get them out." gobledegerkin

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. First, it is your house. Second, you had a valid reason to shower “out of schedule.” Did they expect you to wait until morning to shower, while you were covered in god-knows-what?

Third, you showered from approximately 8 pm to 8:15 pm. This should not have interfered with Marie’s evening shower, other than to delay it for a few minutes, if she decided she wanted to shower at 8:05. Fourth, Marie told you she wouldn’t be home until midnight. And what the heck were they doing home at 8:15, when they said they wouldn’t be home until midnight? Why did they lie? Why did they ambush you as you left the shower? And it stands to reason that occasionally, someone will get dirty or sweaty and need to shower out of rotation.

You did your due diligence—you thought they were at the banquet, and they told you they wouldn’t be home until midnight, it’s not like you took a three-hour-long shower. A word of warning. There are three of you. Very often in that setup, two people will band together against the third.

I see signs in your post that this may be happening. Remember, this is your house. They are there because you allow them to be. If they make life at all uncomfortable for you, they should leave. Because I think they are trying to pull a power play on you. Marie especially needs to hear that if she is unhappy with the owner of the house taking a shower while Marie is out of the house, Marie is free to leave any time she chooses." krankykitty

Another User Comments:

"Good news!! It's been less than a month since they moved in.

This is perfect, they showed their true colors. Ask them to leave before they become legal tents or get a rental agreement signed that's favorable to you. Ex. they leave with 2 weeks' notice. Friends wouldn't want to control your actions. Friends wouldn't want to disrespect you in your own home. Friends wouldn't try and control when you shower after a hard day. This favor you're doing for them? Nope, they feel entitled to your time, money and to change your routine for no valid reason. Time to change the terms. Also, treat them as individuals if one agrees and the other doesn't kick 1 out. NTJ, but you learn in life you choose how you let people treat you. Don't be a jerk to yourself." otterknowbeter