People Are Desperate for Advice With Their "Am I A Jerk?" Stories
40. AITJ For Not Sending A Gift To My Late Nephew?
“My sister’s son died 8 years ago at the age of 3 in a terrible accident. My sister and I are close, but we live across the country from each other. When her son died she had an infant daughter and since then she had another daughter.
Of course this was so horrible for everyone but especially for her and her husband. She has coped over the years by including her son in everything. Like family pictures that she sends out have a picture of her son included.
The year her son died I had already bought his Christmas present. I have two kids and 10 nieces and nephews and I’m that boring auntie who gives all the kids a very nice Christmas ornament in a series.
I went ahead and gave my sister the gift for her dead son and she was so appreciative of it.
I decided to give her the next ornament in the series the following year, but that time she did not say anything. That did not surprise me, we are both busy with our families and me with work.
Last year was the last year of the ornament series and since she had never said anything I thought it was a good time to end the gifts to my dead nephew.
Welp I sent my nieces their ornaments and did not hear anything from my sister. I sent a text to find out if she got the presents. She texted back that she did, but that she did not get her son’s present.
I told her I did not get him anything. She did not text me back.
I find out she has been so sad and has been talking to our mom and other sisters saying that I’m basically telling her that her son does not exist anymore.
Before I was the only one still in her grief with her and now she feels alone. 2/4 of my sisters think I did the wrong thing here and that I should keep sending presents every year. (To be clear I’m the only one who has done this) I’ve tried texting her (the way we mainly communicate), and she does not answer.
Frankly, it was a weird thing I was doing and I wanted to stop before. Now, I’ve hurt my sister.
AITJ for no longer sending my sister presents for her dead son?”
39. AITJ For Trash Talking?
“My mother got custody of my uncle’s children 2 years ago while he was in jail. The kids were removed from their mother’s care. My mom went from having 2 children to 5. That’s a very big jump for it to happen in 2 weeks.
One of my cousins is the same age as my sister (both 16F).
My cousin posts a comment on social media that my mom felt was inappropriate so when she came home from work, she told my cousin to take it down.
And then she told my sister and my cousin “They need to learn to stay in a child’s place”. My cousin lies to her dad and says my mom cussed her out and told her to stay in a child’s place but didn’t say anything to my sister.
My uncle texts our group chat with extended family in it (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) and starts trash-talking my mom and my sister. Saying that my mom mistreats his kids and keeps the 16yo locked in the house but she lets me and my sister do what we want (I’m 21 so my mom doesn’t care what I do but that’s beside the point).
Called my 16 yo sister a lot of nasty names.
So I speak my mind and tell them how much my mom has sacrificed and lost to take care of 3 extra children when she didn’t have to. That she was basically broke because she had changed her shift and cut her hours at work to take the middle kid (8yo) to and from school (I and my sister caught the city bus). As messed up as it is to say, she could have let them go into foster care but she didn’t want to because they’re her nieces.
I told him how my other was the only person in his family or in their mother’s family who would take all 3 kids. Everyone else said they would take only 1 kid. I told him if he wasn’t always in and out of jail maybe he would have been out when they were taken from the mom and he could have custody of his own kids.
I brought up how since my mom took them in, he’s shown her no gratitude and he hasn’t given her a penny towards helping with bills, food, their birthdays, or Christmases. I told him how dare he criticize my sister when his daughter does the same thing.
When she went to visit him one time, she waited till he went to work that night and snuck her partner in the house and he stayed the night with her. And I also mentioned his other daughter who got caught doing inappropriate things at school on multiple occasions.
(This is where I feel like I could be the jerk.)
Now they’re telling me that we’re family and we need to “forgive each other” and “move on”. That I need to “quit bringing negativity to the family”.
When my uncle or his daughter haven’t even attempted to apologize to my mom or my sister so how can they be forgiven?
So I just want to know am I the jerk?”
38. AITJ For Defending My Son's Career?
“So basically my son is a professional aerial performer and is currently performing in this large and popular horror-themed circus where we live. I know I may be biased but in my opinion, he’s really good and it’s just amazing to watch him perform, maybe a little scary sometimes and I sometimes worry about him with some of the tricks and acts he does.
My wife however will just tell people he works in the circus. Never mentioning that he’s an aerial performer, that he actually works independently and is basically a contractor (I don’t know if there are any proper terms, but this is the best way I can describe it), that he works with a very large and popular circus.
Just that he works in the circus.
Whenever we are out and she sees a clown she will point at it and say “Look, it’s [son’s name]”. And it is very clear she looks down on him for what he does, she assumes he makes next to nothing and is “poor”.
He doesn’t make a crazy amount, but he makes enough to support himself well.
This all came to a head when we were with some of her friends and one of them asked if our son could entertain her kids at a birthday party, promising to pay him “generously” since “he must be struggling”.
My wife laughed and responded with “I’ll see if he’s free”. I butted in saying “he probably won’t be able to since the birthday falls on a day when [popular circus], which is where he works as a headline aerial act in is fully booked because it’s so close to the New Year.”
Almost everyone there was shocked since all this info was new to them, my wife looked upset and left. She sat in the car and texted me that she wants to leave. I stayed for about 20 mins answering questions and showing them some videos.
The woman who asked apologized, saying she was given the impression by my wife that our son was a struggling and failing cheap circus performer and wanted to help him.
When I finally left and got in the car my wife yelled at me, saying that I made her look like an idiot and horrible mother in front of her friends.
When we got home she stormed out the car and locked herself in our bedroom crying loudly she’s been like this for almost an hour now and I’m starting to feel awful and like a jerk. I could have just left it alone, so AITJ?”
37. AITJ For Taking Back A Vacation Gift?
“I (51m) was in a 23-year relationship with my partner (m51) until he ended things by falling in love with a new guy. In Nov 2019 I got him (us) a 10-day vacation for his birthday. It was paid 50% in advance.
The trip was supposed to be in June of 2020 but couldn’t happen due to personal and global issues. So the hotel allowed us to bump the reservation one year out. He broke up with me in November 2020. So we never got a chance to go on vacation.
Now I’m left with a half-paid vacation. So I requested a refund. Our separation involved me giving him a large sum of funds, as we settled up our estates. So technically I never really gave him the present at all for his 2019 birthday.
I didn’t really want to give him a vacation that he would then use with his new partner. I didn’t really want to give him a half-paid vacation. And I didn’t feel like paying the full amount for the balance now that he’s leaving me.
Am I the jerk?”
36. AITJ For "Babying" My Daughter?
“My (34F) ex-husband (40M) married a woman (36F) with 4 children (1M, 11&11F, 14M) six years ago, we have a mutual daughter (15) who has told me before how she tries to ”impose” a relationship between her and her step-siblings.
My daughter is a very introverted, shy girl, she’s told me that her time together with the kids is usually watching movies or spending time with her dad and that she doesn’t like being left alone with them because she’s too easily distracted and they’re always running and doesn’t listen to her, but that he step-mom is always scolding her because ”that’s not the type of relationship she wants them to have”.
Both my ex-husband and I’ve talked to her and she’s always insisting that as ”their older sister” she should be ”more involved” with them in babysitting, diaper change, offering to wake up with the baby, and taking care of him for an hour or two but my daughter doesn’t feel comfortable with that kind of responsibility and I get it.
Not everyone is made to take care of babies.
My daughter was invited to this ”party” on Sunday and was super excited about it, my ex and his wife had a wedding that same day so the plan was that they dropped the kids off with her sister around 2 pm and my daughter with their friend after that, I thought that was what they did until around 5 pm my daughter called me and told me that she left her with all the kids and the baby needed his diaper changed and she didn’t know how to do it, she was crying and scared so I drove there and took care of them.
I called my ex and asked wtf and he told me that my daughter said she didn’t want to go to the party anymore but my daughter told me that his wife forced her to say it because ”she was done with her laziness” so she said she didn’t deserve to have fun and had to work for it he obviously got a mat and drove back immediately, I left with my daughter when they came.
He came back yesterday to apologize to my daughter and apparently, he’s thinking about divorce because she endangered all 5 kids and she’s calling me a jerk for ”babying” my kid.”
35. AITJ For Telling My Father To Stop Having Kids?
“Some much-needed background: My Dad (58M) has been married 4 times and has 6 children among his first three ex-wives (including me 22F), we range in age from 33-16, He also has two grandchildren ages 4 1/2 and 6 months.
He has never been the most emotionally sensitive or physically present parent either considering the amount of children he’s chosen to father. It’s like if he ignores the kids their mother whom he is now bored with will vanish
In 2019 my Dad married my current step-mom (37F) and last week I found out they are expecting a child together when he texted me. I’ll admit my reaction was not positive, I called my dad irresponsible for having yet ANOTHER child he will neglect with a woman he will again eventually get bored of, not to mention he is way too old to be fathering more children.
My dad called me a brat and said I should be happy for them, but how can I really be? I know what’s going to happen. Am I the jerk?”
34. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Son?
“My father was a Captain for Pan American World Airlines. In the early sixties, he purchased a Rolex GMT-Master through a company program. This gives it official Pan Am provenance, which is very important to its value, I’ll get to that later.
An Air Force reservist, he was called up to serve in Vietnam. Before he was due to ship out, my mother secretly took the watch off his nightstand and had it engraved at a local jeweler: “Fly safe, come home.
Love – [her name].” He actually thought he had lost the watch until she surprised him with it a few days later. She wanted it to be a good luck charm during his war service. Family lore says that it was, as the one-time dad says he forgot to wear the watch, he had a very close call with a surface-to-air missile.
He wore the watch every day thereafter, taking it all over the world, until I got engaged. Before my wedding, he took me aside and said that since I was starting a family I would need all the luck I could get, and gave me the watch.
I got married wearing it, as you can see in several of my wedding photos.
Before his death, my father asked me to continue the tradition and give the watch to my son for his 21st birthday – he didn’t want me to wait until he got married, “kids take longer to get hitched these days.” I want to make it clear how big of a responsibility and gift this is: when I went to insure the watch I had to buy a separate policy to my homeowner’s insurance and it was appraised at $100,000.
Anyway, I gave him the watch on his 21st birthday. I told him to be careful where he wore it, but to wear it at job interviews, on dates, etc. as a good luck charm as his grandpa would have wanted, and to treasure it.
I never brought up the value except to tell him that if he needed help covering any insurance premiums, that wouldn’t be a problem and that he should insure it ASAP.
A week ago, six months after I gave him the watch, I found out he sold it to a pawn shop for $11,000.
That’s the market value of a newish GMT-Master with no history. He explained to me, only after the fact, that despite the fact that his grandfather’s trust and I and his mom paid for his education, he had racked up $8000 in credit card debt while at school and was trying to get rid of his debt.
He said he didn’t feel right owning a luxury item like a Rolex while having that debt, and he felt it was only right to sell it and get out of debt. I told him that while he was still my son, I would never forgive him for selling a part of our family history, and to make matters worse, selling it for a fraction of its value and basically getting ripped off.
I told him not to expect any further financial support, which is ironic, since, if he had just been honest about the debt I would have happily helped him pay it down. He isn’t speaking to me, and my wife has taken his side, we almost never fight and she called me a jerk since “he didn’t know better and was just trying to be responsible.”
33. AITJ For Refusing A Gift From My Parents?
“My parents and I (33m) always had a strained relationship.
I won’t get into the history here too much, but, as an adult, I went through a period of no contact with them.
We have resumed contact years ago, and our relationship is civil, but I keep them at arm’s length.
There has been a cycle we go through every year it seems. They do something out of line, I set boundaries, they adhere for a while, and then eventually they are back to their old ways. Rinse repeat.
I am in a good place in my life right now.
I got sober over 8 years ago, finished university, have an amazing partner and a decent job in the field I went to school for. That is not good enough for my parents though. There is always some backhanded criticism, whether it’s my weight, my partner, my career or whatever else is not good enough.
At best it’s annoying, at worst it’s hurtful. I keep a cordial relationship with them though, they live 8 hours away so I can visit them a few times a year and tolerate it. They are the only family members I am currently in contact with.
The point of criticism lately has been my vehicle. It’s nothing special, a VW sedan from last decade with 125,000 miles on it. Never gave me any serious trouble, it’s been long since paid out, and frankly a fancy vehicle is just not a priority in my life right now.
Not to mention the used car market is absolutely bonkers right now.
Anyway, my parents have been hounding me to buy a new vehicle for the past several months. I considered it, did the budget, calculated the monthly payments on what I would want, and realized it would be financially irresponsible to do that.
I would really struggle to make ends meet and would have to cut back on things I enjoy.
My parents seemed to understand all that. Then they found a vehicle they really wanted to buy but I could not afford it.
It’s a newer Jeep and it’s something I would like but I cannot justify it right now. So I told them it’s not a consideration at this point. Anyway, this morning my mother calls me and tells they have bought the vehicle “for me”.
Let me clarify – this is not a gift. I am expected to buy the vehicle from them, take out a loan and pay them. So I was livid and I told them if they wanted it enough to buy it, they can figure out what to do with it now.
I want no part in this. I have then blocked my mother on my phone and intend to keep it that way for a few days to process this.
My partner 100% has my back. But some of my friends think I am overreacting.
I feel guilty but I also don’t want to foot the bill for my parents’ strange decision-making. I also am considering canceling the Christmas visit if I am completely honest. Am I the jerk?”
32. AITJ For Not Inviting My Parents Over?
“I (30F) just moved into my own place. I just ended a long relationship with my partner who I was technically married to. We have common-law marriage here, but we never had a ceremony or called each other “husband/wife”.
My parents considered our relationship ending to be a divorce (edit: this goes against their religious beliefs) so they weren’t happy with it. They didn’t talk about it much until I needed some help moving into my own place, and they declined to help me pack or organize furniture because it meant they were supporting the decision to get a “divorce”.
I was furious, and for about a week every conversation we had erupted into a fight. Of course, in their normal fashion, about a week later they forgot all about it and whenever I mentioned my move they were either polite and changed the subject or my mother would say something like “Oh that sounds very stressful.
It’s a shame this has to happen to you”.
Relevant context: They weren’t happy when we initially moved in together, but they didn’t make as much noise. We didn’t need their help so it’s possible they would have said something had we asked them to be involved in the situation, but they did buy it as a housewarming gift.
Additional context: We discussed whether the Bible considers common law marriage to be a “real” marriage under God. My research says that it doesn’t and that a public declaration of commitment is required, but they say it does count as a Biblical marriage.
Either way, it was my relationship so the semantics are up to me.
It’s been about a month and I’m finally settled in. Now they’re jokingly asking when I’m inviting them over for a cup of coffee and cake (!). I just stared at them and said “You’re not welcome into my home.
You made it clear that you weren’t supporting this decision. Why would I play host?”.
Am I the jerk here? Obviously, they seemed really hurt, and I was worried whether I was overreacting. After all, they didn’t say anything nasty towards me, they just made it clear they didn’t support me and they wouldn’t help.
I gotta tell you, if you’ve never moved an entire home by yourself without professional movers then you don’t know how frustrating it is when someone won’t help. It took a month to finally unpack, and I really could have used my parent’s help to lift furniture or unpacking.
Even a housewarming gift would have been great. It’s clear they valued how closely I lived up to their religious standards more than my own happiness. I don’t know if I’m being the jerk by barring them from my home.”
31. AITJ For Not Liking My Sister?
“My parents are dealing with some stuff with my sister right now.
She’s 14 and they have come to realize she has no friends and nobody wants to be her friend, not their friend’s kids, not family members and not even me, her sister. It’s something people have brought up to them before but it was only when dad’s best friend’s daughter had a birthday sleepover and they found out my sister wasn’t invited despite them growing up side by side and in my parent’s eyes, being friends, that they asked and they seemed to accept the truth that she had no friends.
My parents were rambling while my sister was in bed the other night and I told them they had been told countless times but refused to listen. They said as her sister I should have been helping her and I pointed out I didn’t want to be her friend either.
That I kept my distance for a reason. They asked me what is so wrong with her that I would feel that way.
I told them she’s clingy and demanding and she will suck the life and fun out of things if she’s not happy.
That you can’t just include her one time because she’s already planning months and months and expects you to commit to it. And you better read her mind because otherwise, she will let you know.
Examples of this that I gave them.
One day I was hanging out at home and she was home too. This was maybe 2/3 years ago. I asked if she wanted to play a video game with me. We had fun for a few hours and then had dinner.
I ended up talking to a friend after dinner and she came into my room and stared at me and refused to leave because she had expected me to get back on the game with her, even though I told her I had other plans, and the very next day and for weeks after she expected video games to continue at the same time, for the same length of time.
Even said it was “our thing” after only one day. And when I told her I had other plans or didn’t have time she would get upset and claim I didn’t get to ditch her when we had plans and would not accept we had none.
One of the girls in her class asked if she wanted to play softball with them one day. She did. The next day she chased the girl around trying to make her play again and claiming they had started something and shouldn’t back out of it, and then moped when she was invited to join the game the girl was playing that day.
It ended after a few more days of that when the girl said no wonder nobody liked my sister.
Another time we were at a family party and my sister didn’t like the game we were all playing. So she whined and whined and whined and eventually sucked all the fun out of it until we gave in and because we were all in town for a week, she expected us to play her game each of those days and would put up a fight when told no.
She’s like that all the time. I told them that. I told them I find her exhausting and I don’t like her. They were upset I talked about her the way I did.
AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Snapping At My Brother On His Wedding Day?
“Let me start by saying that I (36f) adore my brother (25m) and SIL (23f), but their wedding was frustrating to say the least. Our immediate families (8 people total, including the bride and groom) and their closest friends (17 people) gathered at an enormous cabin mansion at a ski resort for a week-long vacation/celebration.
My parents and my SIL’s parents cooked every day for 25 people and my uncle and I did the cleaning and other chores like decorating, picking up the flowers, shopping, etc. While the bride and groom and their friends went skiing all day, the family members worked.
When I tried to talk to my mom about how there should be boundaries and rules (adults should pick up the beer cans they left everywhere, the friends should help pay for food, the friends should wash their own dishes, etc), she said I was being selfish and not generous.
She said that the work was a gift to my brother and I shouldn’t complain.
So, I spent my only vacation of the year catering to my bro, sis, and their friends. When I tried to set boundaries myself (I’ll wash dishes after breakfast but not after lunch, for example), I always ended up working again because I felt guilty burdening the rest of the family.
I also felt a lot of anger towards my sis because she did all of the bridesmaid stuff with her partners and never included me (they all got matching dresses, got their hair and nails done together, got matching jewelry and flowers, took wedding pics together, etc.).
And the friends paid for absolutely nothing – not even part of the cabin or food.
The wedding was on the last day of the week. By that point, I was absolutely furious. I felt taken advantage of, insulted, dismissed, and angry because my family felt the same way and I saw how burdened my mother was.
She was so busy cooking and serving on the day of the wedding that she barely had a spare moment to enjoy the festivities. I was also angry at myself for letting people treat me that way.
So, after dinner, when my brother asked me why the cake wasn’t out yet, I SNAPPED and hissed “I’M NOT YOUR SLAVE!” We were alone when I said it.
Nobody else heard me – I didn’t make a public scene. But my brother was shocked, very insulted, and was mad at me for a long time.
I regret what I said. I think I was right to feel taken advantage of, but was I right to hurt my bro at his wedding?
AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Refusing To Be Around My Partner's Friends?
“Me (25 M) and my fiancé Becca (27F) have been together for 3 years and engaged for 8 months. We get along very well despite being total opposites. I was an athlete growing up, joined a frat in college, enjoy sports/golfing/grilling and work in finance.
She is very artistic, into classical music and works for an art gallery. We always support each other in our hobbies. She comes golfing with me (she likes to read in the cart) and I go to her art shows.
Recently though we’ve had some issues.
She has some friends who I absolutely hate. They are pretentious, rude and snotty. Most of them are artist she works with. They only go to fancy restaurants and shows, and look down on certain groups.
I play on a softball team, Becca comes to every game, talks with the other partners and joins us at the bar we go to after every game. These are my best friends and she is friends with the partners including being a bridesmaid to two of them.
A couple of weeks ago she brought her art friend Julia to the game. Julia was standoffish the whole time and then complained the bar we go to didn’t have certain drinks. Becca decided to go to another bar with Julia.
A couple of days go by and Becca informs me she doesn’t wanna go to games anymore. She won’t give me an answer other than she doesn’t like going to them and only does so for me.
I want to clarify I never asked her to come to every game, I would get ready to leave, she would grab a book and come with. I was hurt because these are both our friends. The championship game was last month and I asked for her to be there for me.
She said she would try but she didn’t show, checked Snapchat and she was at a boujee restaurant with her friends. She also blew off my friend’s wives when they texted her asking her if she was coming. I was livid and after the championship, I went to a friend’s to stay the night.
Woke up to a bunch of calls. Came home and she finally said she didn’t like my friends, calling them rude names. We made up but things have been tense.
Weeks ago I went to dinner with her for one of her friend’s birthdays.
During the meal, one of her friends referred to her as a sugar mama. I asked why and she said because your woman makes more than you. I saw red, Becca does make more than me but it isn’t a significant amount.
I immediately stood up and walked out. Becca followed apologizing, to which I said I refuse to be around her friends again. Last weekend was her gallery’s holiday party, its her biggest event of the year. Planned for weeks, invited a bunch of potential buyers, artists and employees.
All her friends were going and Becca asked me to be there for support, I told her I’d be there and then didn’t show. Went to a football game instead with my best friend Jennifer. When she called crying I told her, “You don’t like my friends so I don’t have to like yours”.
We haven’t spoken since and I’ve been sleeping in the guest room. AITJ here?”
28. AITJ For Protecting My Son?
“So… I’m in a predicament right now. My MIL has three grandsons, my husband’s brothers two boys (4 & 6 yrs) and our boy (2 yrs).
She has always shown favoritism towards the other two boys, especially the oldest since he was what made her a grandmother. She’ll offer to watch them and go over to their house multiple times a week, and they live 45 minutes away.
My husband basically has to bribe his mom to come over and see our son (and that’s usually inviting her over for supper and she’ll show up two minutes before our son’s bedtime LONG after supper has been over) and we only live 10 mins from her house.
She posts all over social media about the other two boys, and sometimes about our son. But when I post anything about our boy she likes to come off like the “doting grandmother”.
Okay… so fast forward to today… we asked if she could watch our boy (which we rarely do) and she said she was with the other two boys but she would gladly watch him with the other two at about 8pm… well, our son’s bedtime is at 7:30 and she was going to come here with the other kids and spend the night.
We asked why so late… turns out she hired a photographer to take pictures with her, my FIL, and the two boys to make a Xmas card. And not including my son…
I could see my husband was hurt by this, so I told him to ask why our boy wasn’t included and her excuse was “We wanted him there, but we had no way to get him there in secret for it to be a surprise” and I told him she was just backpedaling because she was caught.
I told him he should just stop asking her to come over and spend time or watch our son. I canceled my plans tonight because I thought she didn’t have the right to hang out with my kid, and part of my job of being a parent is that sometimes plans get canceled because you don’t have childcare.
And I’m 100% okay with that, it’s life. I don’t need to go out anyway, but good lord. My husband still wants to keep trying, and I get it, it’s his mom. But I feel like she’s doing more damage than good.
Don’t get me wrong, I won’t keep her from her grandchild. But I also feel like we should no longer ask her to come over. So… AITJ for telling my husband to no longer reach out to her?”
27. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help The Host?
“This past weekend my brother and SIL hosted a family Xmas party. Due to my SIL already having other family commitments for Xmas get-togethers later this month we had to do our family this weekend.
Bro and SIL bought a new house this year so they offered to host our family this year. My parents offered to host instead because bro and SIL have 3 kids, including a 4-month-old. But brother and SIL were adamant about hosting in their new house.
It was me, my parents, brother and SIL, and my sister. So not a big group, but still probably more than my bro and SIL should have taken on.
My sis and I drove together and when we arrived it was already chaos.
Bro and SIL were running around like crazy in the kitchen, the two older kids were running around and screaming, and the baby was crying. Sis and I were immediately put to work helping in the kitchen because SIL had to feed the baby.
OK, fine with me. I’m happy to help since they hosted it.
But sis and I ended up preparing pretty much an entire meal because bro and SIL were constantly running around getting other things ready or dealing with the kids.
Sis and I did everything except for putting things in the oven. Finally, my parents arrived and my mom helped in the kitchen. But bro had some electrical problem in one of the kid’s rooms that he wanted our dad to help with so they went off to deal with that.
I finally got a chance to sit down but then SIL came over and said that sis and I should take the kids outside to play in the snow so they can burn off some energy. I said no. She said it would really help to have the kids out of the way for a bit so they can finish getting everything ready.
Sis pretty much pulled me off the couch and we got the kids in all their snow gear and brought them outside. The kids wanted me to play in the snow with them but I didn’t have my snow gear so I kind of just stood and watched them.
After a half hour or so I started getting cold so we brought the kids back inside. I went back to the couch and sat down and bro then asked me to help him with moving some tables around. I did, but I kind of sighed and groaned about it.
He made a joke about me being a “Grinch.” So I joked back that if I had known we were all going to be enlisted to be helper elves all day, I wouldn’t have come so early.
SIL then made a remark about how hosting is a lot of work and guests should be willing to help if needed. Then I said that if hosting was so much work, maybe they shouldn’t have insisted on hosting if they can’t handle it all themselves.
My bro took offense to that comment and told me I was out of line. I told him that asking guests to take on the brunt of the work is bad hosting etiquette.
He asked if I was calling his wife a bad host and I said that it’s pretty obvious that there were some issues with planning and execution.
He threatened to kick me out but my mom stepped in and told us both to stop it. The rest of the day was pretty awkward and I left as soon as I could.”
26. AITJ For Not Supporting My Sister With Her Adoption?
“I (25F) am having a moral dilemma with my sister (45F) and her husband (37M).
My sister, we’ll call her Tina, around 7 years ago, met and started seeing her now-husband (we’ll call him Greg), and none of us (her other siblings) like him.
He doesn’t treat my sister the way she should be treated, frequently speaking down to her and even insulting her looks/weight, and generally just being a jerk to us, her family.
Now to the current problem: they have been trying to get pregnant and have a child since they got engaged. They got pregnant on their own once, had a miscarriage around 6-7 weeks, and then never conceived naturally again.
Back at the beginning of their relationship, I offered to donate eggs to them for free. After their miscarriage and further infertility issues, they started looking into IVF and approached me about my offer. I agreed to do it and went through the entire process.
In the end, we got 30ish eggs, 25 or so were fertilizable but only one good embryo was left at the end, we were all devastated, and I was told I might be infertile. They transferred the embryo, it didn’t implant and then tried the whole process again with a paid egg donor (which cost around 8-10k), and once again only got 1-2 viable embryos.
Neither embryo took, and my sister did many more testing/procedures to try and conceive and was unsuccessful. Not too long ago, it came to light that part of the problem was that Greg was actively smoking when it came time to donate his sperm samples for the two egg donations, despite being told by the clinic that he couldn’t smoke, or do any other substances leading up to giving his sperm samples.
Our family was very upset to learn this because we already don’t like him, and we see our sister killing herself physically and mentally to give him a biological child, just for him to be unwilling to give one thing up to make the process work.
Now, they are trying to adopt, and have asked me and my husband (31M), our family, and everyone else to help them pay for it. My husband and I just had our first child this year, and aren’t rich by any means.
The problem for me is that Greg has made comments to me about how my egg donation wasn’t enough and that if I was a good sister, I would help support them. We haven’t seen them since they put in the family group chat about wanting funds, and I’m dreading the thought of seeing them because I know that they will bring up the fact that my sister paid for two of my semesters at community college and bought me a laptop for school, which they have told me that I don’t have to pay them back.
It’s causing me a lot of anxiety because I know that Greg will not be respectful/gracious about asking, and my sister will cry and try to guilt us into helping them financially, which I’m not willing to do. We’ve received lots of passive-aggressive messages in the group chat about how this is all they want for Christmas.”
25. AITJ For Not Loaning Out My Charger Anymore?
“Whenever I go to work (and wherever else I go) I *always* bring a charger for my phone. I bring it to charge my own phone, but I let people borrow it to charge their own phones (I think you should always have a phone charger on you wherever you go, but things happens).
Long as they bring it back, it’s cool. So I let a coworker borrow my charger, and when my own phone reached 10%, guess what? He lost my charger! No big deal, I guess, I have several of them at the crib.
A little while later I let a different coworker borrow my charger and she let someone else borrow it (when I ask that person where my charger is, they act like they have no clue what I’m talking about).
At this point, I get a little bit annoyed and I decide to stop loaning out my charger to my coworkers.
Soooo when a *different* coworker (yes, yes, I know) that I usually loaned out my charger to and I know is reliable asks for my charger; I declined. She starts getting huffy and asks why and I said I don’t want to let people borrow it anymore.
That’s when she breaks out into a full on fit, talking about how she has a sick son at home and people she needs to check up on (… at 2am in the morning?). I just walked away and now she’s going around telling all my coworkers I’m the jerk.
I feel like I could have been the jerk in the situation because she didn’t do anything wrong and we were on pretty good terms – and it’s all over a phone charger. On the other hand, it *is* my property and I do have the right to decide how I can use it.
AITJ?”
24. WIBTJ If I Stopped Talking To My Friends?
“I (22F) have been close friends with my two best friends (23F 23F) for many years. The two of them share a dorm while I have a small apartment that I sometimes share with my gf (22F). My gf and I recently had to drive down to her family’s place to attend a function, and I asked them to take care of my fish while I was gone.
I trusted them fully and didn’t even worry about it. While I was gone, they decided to pull a prank, nothing horrible, just moving all of the things in my apparent slightly to the right.
Doesn’t seem too bad, but it really bugged me.
I have autism and while I am “high functioning” I have my limits and triggers. I have a strict routine and I get very easily frustrated and upset if something is off. I experience very bad paranoia, and I also have a very big fear of being “crazy” after I experienced mild hallucinations when I was younger due to bad meds.
Coming back to an apartment where everything was just slightly off drove me insane. I didn’t realize what happened for a week, and the entire time I could barely stand to be in my apartment because everything felt so off.
I noticed everything was out of place but it didn’t make any sense and I got very paranoid that I was hallucinating again or that someone was in my house. This stress caused me to have at least four major meltdowns in the week as well as having me in a constant state of anxiety and paranoia.
I could barely function with the feeling of something being off. I even stayed up the entire night clutching a kitchen knife because I was so paranoid that someone was in my house specifically messing with me. I’m behind in school because I can’t focus or function doing basic things, let alone pay attention in class.
When i opened up to my friends about the feeling, they laughed and told me what they did. I got very upset. They are aware of my diagnosis and knew my past struggles. When I got mad they told me I was overreacting.
I explained how badly their prank impacted me and they expressed remorse but remained firm in saying that it was harmless and they had no idea it would mess me up like this. They apologized but they didn’t seem to mean it and refused to come back to my place to fix everything they moved. I told them that until they properly apologized and fixed my stuff I would not be spending time or talking to them.
They got very upset and told me I was overreacting for a stupid prank they didn’t know would hurt me so much and that they never meant to be malicious. I left but they still refuse to fix it and our other friends say I am being too harsh.
I’m currently living with my parents again because I can’t stand being in my own apartment. I’ve fixed all that I can but everything still feels off and just being there makes me very panicked. I fear that I might have overreacted, especially since I know they wouldn’t do anything to explicitly harm me.
My parents and gf are on my side, but I’m starting to think that maybe I was overreacting to a mistake. Am I the jerk here?”
23. WIBTJ If I Cooked My Own Food When I Visit My Mother?
“I recently got diagnosed with PCOS, and have had a lot of confusion regarding the diagnosis.
However, one thing has been made clear: there is a chance I can reverse it if I lose weight and change my diet.
In my early 20s, I had a restrictive diet due to a different health issue (IBS) and through peer pressure, as my 20s progressed, I eventually ate things that did not adhere to my prior low FODMAP diet.
Part of this peer pressure was from my mother, who I had my permanent address with until my mid-20s, and then from that point on the pressure came from my (now ex) partners.
My mother refused to listen to my dietary restrictions, and when I would highlight them to her, she would roll her eyes, dismiss me, and mother-knows-best me.
In the run up to Xmas, I will be visiting my mother this coming weekend. I have explained my new predicament and restrictions to her, alongside my exercise and weight loss plan. I have told her I am happy to cook and bring the ingredients but she turned her nose up at this, saying her husband will get in the food, adding that he may be “bad at following instructions”.
I should add here that my mother is recovering from an operation which has left her needing to be sedentary as much as possible. She can go up and down the stairs, from one seat to another, etc., but cannot stand.
This was another reason I gave to her as to me cooking rather than her or her husband, giving him some time off from working FT and then also caring for her.
My mother and I have gotten to a point in our conversation now where she has said “I’m not taking any of this in” when I asked her to please listen to what I’m saying about my diet, because it’s important to my health and given that I’m approaching my 30s and childless, but want children, this isn’t a diet I can just “turn off”.
I need to be doing this long-term, possibly forever, depending on my doctor’s opinion (appointment tomorrow).
With all this backstory in mind, would I be the jerk if I prepared my own food at home, then took it to my mother’s to heat up, and left her & her husband to their own devices?
Her not listening to me is making a mountain out of a molehill, when I’m already very stressed out about this new diagnosis.
My father (parents divorced) thinks I should cut my losses, not visit her, and post out their Xmas gifts instead.
I feel like that might be an extreme reaction but, with the way she is making me feel, it’s an option I’m also considering.”
22. AITJ For Offending The Bride and Groom?
“One of my friends Katie (fake name) is getting married soon, and while hanging out she mentioned that she will be sending us her Venmo so that we could ‘pitch in’ for the wedding.
I was confused, so I asked her what she meant. She said that since she and her soon-to-be husband couldn’t afford the wedding party, they were requesting people to help fund it. I come from a culture where parents usually* pay for their kid’s weddings, or sometimes the soon to be wed do it for themselves or, borrow funds (which they return back).
I was confused and I asked Kate when will she return the funds then because I really didn’t think we were so close as to we could borrow funds from each other and she probably got offended or something over that.
My other friend Maya (fake name again), who is also from my culture, then explained to me that it’s apparently normal to chip in for your friends’ wedding here. I again got confused and somewhat offensive, asking if it’s a wedding PARTY, why do the guests need to pay then?
Kate really got mad and called me a jerk for embarrassing her in front of everyone. Her fiance later called me to say that I really hurt their feelings and now I am disinvited from the wedding.
I am wondering where I went wrong and if I was being ignorant, Maya is citing this to be some sort of culture shock.
AITJ, and how do I fix this?”
Be relieved they uninvited you.
21. AITJ For Calling Out My Co-Worker?
“I f30 am a daycare worker and have been a daycare worker for 6 years now.
I admit there are parts of my job that I resent but I love kids and have 2 of my own so.
Anyways, we had a new co-worker come to our daycare last week. her name is Suzanne and she’s 26. Me and the other co-workers had some “get to know you” conversations with her and we were all shocked when she stated that she’s married but is child-free.
Side note: I’ve always viewed child-free people as people who don’t want to be involved with kids, not just kids of their own but kids in general. In my experience, all the child-free people I met tend to not deal with kids in any situation or be involved with them no matter what.
So I told her I was shocked to learn she was child-free and explained that working with kids requires experience love and compassion and quite frankly she was kind if a hypocrite to choose this line of work when she’s child-free.
She got offended and said yes she’s child-free but that’s a personal manner free and she adores kids and has no problem working with them and said that she didn’t appreciate how I questioned her abilities to interact with children but I was just giving my opinion based on experience.
Some co-workers still agree that Suzanne is a hypocrite for saying she’s child-free then saying she has no problem working closely with the kids even though it makes a huge difference when people who aren’t child-free and better yet have their own kids are hired for this type of work.
Suzzane left looking upset then started ignoring me.
Most my co-workers said I was spot on with my opinion but based on how Suzanne reacted I’m not sure if I overstepped my boundaries. AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Leaving My Mom's Birthday?
“A little context. I have social anxiety, I also dislike my mom’s friends. IMO they’re not great people. They constantly make jokes that center around a person’s insecurities or such and such. I am very uncomfortable around them.
I usually excuse myself a few minutes after politely greeting them.
My mom’s birthday was yesterday. I planned a birthday party for her but decided not to attend because she said she wanted her friends there. I asked her if she just wanted friends, and she said she wanted both family and friends, yet it was VERY obvious she wanted her friends more.
I decided to not stick around for my mom’s party, I was there for the cake cutting but I left after that.
After I left, my mom called me at around 2 AM, sounding slightly intoxicated, chastising me for what a terrible child I was.
I reminded her I was the one who planned her birthday and that she was the one who prioritized her friends over her children. She told me I could’ve just endured being around her friends for one evening, and that after I left my siblings had left, too.
My mom says her birthday was ruined because of me. I feel guilty now, I didn’t expect that to happen when I left.
AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Not Being My Brother's Best Man?
“When I (37M) was a kid my dad my dad was an abusive homophobic jerk to me and my mom which got even worse when he found out I was gay at 13. He made our lives a nightmare till he eventually left my mom for another woman when I was 16.
After almost a year and a half of no contact, he reached out to me and told me I had a little brother now Danny (20M), and that he was sober. My mom declined to talk to him and the only reason I reached out was to know my brother.
I went out of my way to not spend time with my dad and only did when it was unavoidable when spending time with Danny. Over the years me and Danny got really close and my dad turned out to be a great father for Danny and even accepted him when he came out.
When Danny got old enough to realize the rift between our dad and me and how we never spent time together he’s been trying to get us to reconcile ever since. I’ve told Danny what it was like for me growing up and that we don’t have the same dad especially since he’s never apologized to me about all the stuff he put me through.
Well, Danny is getting married to his high school sweetheart Logan(19M) in a month and he asked me to be his best man, but what he didn’t tell me was that he asked our dad to be one of the groomsmen and to wall him down the aisle.
I found out from Logan Monday.
So yesterday I talked to Danny and told I couldn’t be his best man not with having to spend so much time with our dad. He got visibly upset and pleaded with me and I told him I just couldn’t do it, but that I’d still be there for the wedding.
My husband thinks I should just let it go for Danny since it’s his big day and that I’m being selfish. AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Controlling My In-Laws Christmas?
“I’ve always had issues with my in-laws.
I see them as poorly mannered, rude, and sometimes cruel, and I know they think I am some uptight control freak.
Christmas gifts are a point of contention. For a while, MIL did not get me Christmas gifts, but got them for her daughter’s partner.
I know she doesn’t owe me a gift, but to me, this was a deliberate message. When my husband confronted her she lost it about no one controlling her funds, but she began to get me gifts, such as cheap ugly shirts that she knew were too small, while getting her daughter’s BF a $500 gift card towards a hobby of his.
I finally told her to stop buying me gifts.
Then we had kids, and she never got them anything, which I found weird, but continued giving to her grown son. I found this even weirder and had him confront her again.
MIL’s solution was to start buying for everyone, including going back to buying me stained XS shirts from someone’s garage or something.
Three Christmas ago we had some bad drama on Christmas because MIL’s partner, now husband, leaned over and whispered to his mom that my husband didn’t get MIL a Christmas present and he just “hates that piece of crap” (my husband didn’t get MIL a present due to the rude gifts she got me) I confronted her partner about how he didn’t get her a present either besides some candy and a couple of small things, and he freaked out.
I knew they were going to the Maldives for New Year’s, but I didn’t know he had paid for all of that, so that was his gift and I guess somewhere she had always wanted to go, so obviously he did get her an expensive gift and I was wrong, but he went crazy screaming how he would never do that, and do I know how much funds he spends on her.
We left and he has hardly spoken to my husband after that.
This year is our year to spend with his family and I sent out a group text saying I think there needs to be a new rule, and no Christmas gifts can be exchanged between adults, due to all of the drama and let’s just focus on the kids.
SIL is child-free by choice and accused me of gatekeeping Christmas. MIL ranted that I don’t control her funds and she hates people who think Christmas is just about kids, and MIL’s husband sent an irate message about I don’t get to make rules for his marriage and I need to learn my place.
My husband is usually good about backing me but says I am being controlling and I should not have sent that out without talking to him, and he will not support me in this.”
17. AITJ For Swimming In Dangerous Waters In Front Of Kids?
“For context, my partner’s parents live on a block that backs onto a river, it is quite far back from the house, but there are steps into the water and his dad fishes there most days, the area is quite shady.
My partner and I and his sister and their two kids, 3 and 5 year olds were visiting on a very warm weekend. It was 40 degrees C or 104 F or something, but it was a dry windy heat so it felt hotter.
Now the kids know they aren’t allowed to swim in the river, it has a current, it’s too deep, and they aren’t good enough swimmers yet (obviously). However, their grandparents do turn the sprinklers and the hose on in the backyard for them to splash in them.
My partner and his dad were off organizing some food and the kid’s mum was sitting on the deck watching the boys play.
Because it was such a hot day, I was rotating between getting into the river fully clothed, swimming around for a bit, then getting out and sitting in the shade reading and watching the fishing lines.
The boys would come over when I was out of the water and try to distract me from reading by trying to get me with the hose or climb on me, kids stuff. When I was in the water they wandered away from the backyard and kept asking to get in the water with me, and I told them no, they said why, and I said it’s just for grownups.
Basically, they got jealous and tried to go down the steps to the water while I was in the river, the older one getting his shorts wet, so I swam over, scooped him up and took him to his mum so she could tell him off.
She did, but then she got super mad at me for “letting him go in up to his knees” and “not watching the kids and how I was irresponsible for going in the water around them because they copy me”.
To be fair, they do that. This might have made me a jerk but I said it wasn’t my job to watch them, it’s hers, unless she asked me to, and that if she was so worried they’d go in she’d stay closer to them instead of just sitting there.
It was a hot day and everyone was already on edge, but she’s still upset with me, and is saying stuff to people behind my back about me and how I don’t care about the family.
AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Overreacting To A Stranger?
“Bit of background info: I(18F) live with my SO(18M) and his mom (43F, let’s call her Lisa), and I do the majority of the housework/cooking and help with the bills.
So there’s this car that would keep driving by our condo at least 5 times while slowing down (while the driver looks into the house), and we live on a small road that no one drives through unless they’re delivering food.
The person would also sometimes just come to a dead stop and stare into the window while I’m in the living room, but quickly back up/drive away if I look towards them. On more than one occasion, they actually just parked in front of the condo and started to get out of the car, but quickly drove away when my SO came downstairs and saw the person.
We tried telling Lisa so we can get a sidelight/curtains or a camera (I offered to help with payment and installation), but she just said that I was overreacting and that there was nothing weird about the car’s behavior.
She also said there was no way the person was stalking me and that it was “all in my head” and told me I needed psychiatric help. The car only came by at night, so she was always sleeping and had never seen it happen.
I initially got a bit upset but brushed it off.
A few days later, we ran out of food, so my SO and I wanted to go shopping. Lisa was about to go see her partner and told us to stay home (or have only one person go) because there’d be no one to watch her 7-year-old kid.
My SO said she could just stay behind for 1/2 an hour, because he didn’t want me staying home or going to the store by myself at night for safety reasons. I was in the middle of telling Lisa that we needed food when she yelled at me saying “BUT THERE’S A STALKER ON THE LOOSE, WHAT IF HE GETS TO MY CHILD?” (stalker dude has never seen her kid when he comes around, only me and my SO)
At that point, I got really upset, because Lisa essentially called me delusional when I told her about stalker dude, but she used the stalker argument when she didn’t want to wait an extra half hour to see her partner just so my SO and I wouldn’t starve for the next 36 hours.
I went upstairs before she finished talking, and she started raving about how I, a little 18-year-old child, was disrespecting her, a grown 43-year-old woman by walking away from the conversation.
AITJ for getting mad at her? Maybe I was just overreacting and it’s normal for cars to keep driving by to look into your house?”
15. AITJ For Helping My Niece Out?
“I have an 18-year-old Niece, my brother is very controlling and won’t let her get a job as it’ll take away from her studies but this also means he controls what funds she has as she has no way of making it herself, because of this I’ve always slipped her some funds whenever I’m round.
My brother doesn’t let her use Netflix as it’s a distraction and has shows and movies on it he doesn’t approve of, she has been using my Netflix for a year because of this as I feel she’s old enough to use it.
My brother recently found out and went on the warpath screaming at me about how I was trying to corrupt his daughter and how I had no respect for him as a parent and lots of nastier things. Perhaps I overstepped the boundaries and shouldn’t have given her access to something he was so against but any attempts from me in the past to convince him to give her freedom have been immediately shut down and told to mind my own business and how I can’t understand what it’s like to be a parent since I can’t have kids.
I may be the jerk here though as no matter how nasty he was about it, she isn’t my child and I knowingly betrayed his rules.”
14. AITJ For Wanting A Home Office?
“Yesterday, I had a bit of an altercation with my wife.
I have always worked from home. I and my family live in an older Victorian-era home on the East Coast. I and my wife bought it almost 20 years ago for a below-market price, and boy was it a fixer-upper. Eventually, we repaired it as much as possible.
One room was a proper study, complete with gorgeous built-in bookshelves, and centuries-old furniture. I promptly made this my office for my business.
Time passed, we now have a family together. Here comes the conflicts.
1. We currently have 3 children. 16m, 8f, and 6f.
I don’t want the two youngest ones to come to my study. Mostly because I often paint models and have many fragile art pieces in there, and I honestly don’t trust my youngest to keep their hands to themselves. This resulted in accusations of sexism from my wife, who said I have always allowed my boy In with me.
I told her that’s not the case, and that I only let him in when he was around 11 or 12 years old.
2. After said conflict, she now insists on calling my office my “man cave”. I really don’t like this title.
It implies that this room exists purely for my pleasure. An implication that is false, it is where I do my work. I communicated this to her and she basically told me to stop being so sensitive.
I can’t help but see myself as reasonable.
AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Switching Seats On A Plane?
“We were going home after visiting my (25m) partner’s (24f) parents. My partner fought with her mom before leaving and wouldn’t stop complaining about her on the plane.
I was trying my best to get some sleep as I had work in the morning but couldn’t with her being so annoying.
I told her to forget about it multiple times but she wouldn’t. Then she started berating me for siding with her mom earlier.
I honestly couldn’t deal with her anymore and asked a guy sitting near us if he would switch seats with me.
He probably agreed because I had a window seat. My partner was very angry at me but I got the sleep I needed.
She has been giving me the silent treatment since we reached home and told her friends I made her sit next to a creep on the plane.
AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Roommate's Partner?
“I(26M) and my partner (25F) live with my roommate (27M). His partner (26F) also lives with us but will stay with her parents on the weekends. We do have some rules that must be followed, our main one is to please clean up after yourself.
My partner and I are the main people on the lease and the roommate asked if he could stay in the second bedroom until he found a place of his own. His partner is a super nice person, but the one thing we have noticed is that she is very disorganized and messy.
She’s never used a vacuum cleaner or mop. She will leave her dishes in the sink, she will leave her sanitary products that were used in the garbage can where we can see them, and she will leave food in the fridge for days until one of us cleans it out.
They have a cat that they own and will not clean the litter box.
My partner and I have been cleaning up after her mess and have spoken to her on multiple occasions regarding her cleaning up after herself. She always tells us that she will get to it when she can.
The final straw was when she asked my partner if she could clean up the apartment as she was having friends over. I came home and saw the two of them fighting. I had enough and told her that we were not her maids and if she couldn’t clean up after herself, then she should not be living on her own.
My roommate did ask if we could talk and he told me that she was very upset with what I said. She feels uncomfortable living in the apartment because she thinks we are all against her. My roommate and I are fine, but I can feel a lot of tension in the apartment.”
11. AITJ For Not Listening To My Sister About My Baby's Name?
“My sister (f21) and I (f22) are arguing over a name that I chose for my daughter. The name I chose is my great-grandmother’s name and I wanted to name my daughter after her because she’s the one who raised me for most of my life until the point of her death when I was 10.
My sister believed that I have no right to name my child after my great-grandmother simply because she claimed that when she has kids she wants to name her children after her and since she was closer to her I have no right to the name.
I told her I do not care and will name my daughter whatever I want. My sister is a spoiled brat and gets whatever she wants this is one thing I will not back down on nothing because I was with my great-grandparents all the time instead of her.
I told her she can get over it because this is what I want to name my child. So am I the jerk?”
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Go On A Trip?
“My partner (25 M) has had major financial struggles over the last few years. I’ve always helped him through because I (24 f) kept a steady job and even got lucky with a small promotion.
We’ve been together close to 5 years now and have lived together for 2. I feel it fair that I help more as I’m more financially stable while he is getting on his feet.
For example: We needed an expensive surgery for our shared cat and I fronted the whole bill because he was unable to afford it.
His brother (22M) makes a good income and convinces him into going on lavish trips he can’t afford with the promise of “the brother will pay for everything”. They’ve been on 4 week long resort trips in the past year and a half and my partner has paid for none of them.
I was invited on one but had to pay my own way.
Last night I got home after a 14-hour shift and was told that the brother wants to bring my partner on yet another all-expense paid trip right before or right after the holidays (next weekend).
We were supposed to spend the holidays with my family and have been planning this for months. I told him his actions would need to be met with decisions and consequences… he will have to choose a holiday trip or holidays with my family.
This sparked a huge argument about how I’m just jealous I have to work and shouldn’t stop him from living his life. But my biggest concern is I work hard and I front so many larger costs (We split most things but I definitely pay more – and for anything last minute that may come out of the blue).
He claims he’s back on his feet and found a good new job but I’m so tired of these fun out-of-country trips being planned and he doesn’t have to pay a thing for them. If I wanted to go on a trip just us the response is always – yeah that would be nice but I can’t afford it.
If he’s truly on his feet I feel he should his pay his own way for the trips his brother has been giving him for free…
I will say I am sad to be left behind again – Especially when I’ve put so much into our living situation and our shared animal costs this past fall.
And especially for the holidays….
Am I the jerk?”
9. AITJ For Not Leaving The Drive-Thru Line?
“About 2 weeks ago I went to the drive-thru at the McDonald’s closest to my house.
Nothing out of the ordinary, but at the last window they asked me to pull around the front and wait because they had to make fries and it would be a few minutes.
No problem, I pull around, and play on my phone, the usual. I do however keep seeing new customers enter the drive-thru and exit with their food.
I glance at the time that I paid on my receipt and notice I have been waiting for a meal for 16 minutes.
I go inside and talk to someone, come to find out my order was placed with the GrubHub orders, it was never going to be walked out at all.
Anyways, get my food and leave.
Yesterday…. the same thing. Same McDonald’s, they ask me again to pull around the front.
I hesitate but decide that no, I’m just gonna wait here. I explained how the last time I had to wait and that whole situation, an employee asks again, I still say no.
The manager comes over and basically orders me to move, I refuse, obviously not much he can do.
So they eventually get my food out after about 5 minutes. I could tell the employees were super mad and the guy behind me looked annoyed as well at the wait.
AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Rent?
“I am a recent graduate in UK and have gotten a job that I’ve had for the last 5 months.
As of next year I have been asked to contribute to rent, bills etc, which I have always been mindful of since it’s something I can get behind completely.
However, the issue is, the amount asked for is reasonably larger than expected. I am currently bringing in £2000 into my pocket each month, of which I wish to save half in order to get a mortgage ASAP and become financially stable.
I want to be able to move out with a fair financial cushion. I have been asked for £700 including bills rent food etc, however if I want to cook food myself that’s out of the shopping list since I want to lose weight, I need to pay for that myself.
I am also expected to buy the occasional meal out and what not, so the real cost may be higher.
I am WFH currently but if I need to work in the office I need to buy a travel card which in London costs ~£200/month or more since we live close to central. I have looked on SpareRoom and the current market rate for a place to get is no more than £250 with bills included on top of what my parents ask of me.
I have parents who I would argue don’t make good financial decisions thus a part of this “I don’t want to” attitude is because I know it won’t be funding something smart such as mortgage repayments but rather maybe fancier meals out for birthdays and the occasional clothes order that my dad will take out.
I have asked where that £700 will go to and if it will be used smartly and the answer I’d gotten is: “you will find out in a few years, it won’t go to something bad” says my mum.
I have asked to pay no more than £500 since I explained my financial goals clearly and I know I will abide by them since it is my ambition. I have been told by my dad that since this house will be mine after they die or whatever that I am an auctioneer (beneficiary maybe?
Not sure how to translate in English). However upon asking my mum what their plans are with this property and why it was bought in the first place the response had been that it will be used once they retire to fund their retirement living, renting say a house in Spain and giving this one up to rent to make up for that house cost and living cost to follow.
They personally think I should only save “half” of what is left after outgoings, as that’s how real life will work apparently, but isn’t it in my best interest and theirs for me to save as much as possible?
Now, shortly onto family problems, I do not like my dad whatsoever, does nothing around the house, my mum does all the cooking etc and he just sits on the sofa, and as a result my attitude is not massively different since while I do want to help my mum I can’t stand him being the one free riding.
Hence in my own family house I do not do much in comparison to how I was at university, while still maybe lazy, nowhere near like now, which I do the bare minimum if that which of course upset mum.”
7. AITJ For Having My Partner Over?
“Me 20F and my partner 21M live in different cities but because he travels a lot for work he stays with me a couple times a week it can be anything from 1 to 4 depending.
My housemates 3 others 2 female 1 male, tonight have raised the issue with me that he is here too much and it makes them uncomfortable, I will admit I got mad and shouted at them. They have basically told Me I can only have him here one to 2 nights every 2 weeks and it can’t be on the weekdays as it disturbs their routine because he can get up early.
However one of them works nights on a Wednesday and Thursday, the other goes to the club every Wednesday and stays at his partner’s house and the last one hasn’t been here for a while due to a passing in her family.
And I work weekends so when I am I mean to see him if not during the week and they’re uncomfortable with him being here when at work even though the housemate who works night leaves their partner here while they go to work sometimes.
So tonight telling me that it is illegal for my partner to be here and that I’m selfish for having him over so much. Saying that I’m controlling about everything and that I don’t think about them at all.
Because of this conversation, they wanted me to kick him out that night, he had to drive an hour home when he alright drove an hour to get here.
Edit: we all pay equal to rent and have the bills included. Also when we viewed the house I said I would take the smaller room as they both had partners that stay with them as well.
Edited again: as I have said before all the bills are included in our rent we do not have to pay any more for them. No matter how much water gas electricity we use!
Have I been a jerk about this?”
Straightforward, if they have partners who stay over sometimes they can't use rules against you, they're breaking them too. And if they have varying schedules that they get to switch up as they like, they can't insist that you stick to one either.
6. AITJ For Laughing At My Sister's Singing?
“Me (22) and my oldest sister (28) and brother(26) are in the doghouse with our parents and other sister(25) atm.
A month ago, our great-grandfather passed away at 98. He was our paternal Grandmother’s father and we all really loved him. It was sad, of course, but he had had a long wonderful life so we were at peace with that.
This past weekend our grandmother held a “celebration of life” dinner for my family and our extended family to attend. My siblings and I had a running bet going whether or not our sister, Lacey, was going to cause a scene.
She’s the dramatic sibling and always manages to put the attention on herself.
The night of the dinner comes and my siblings and I already know Lacey is up to something when she shows up in black(we were all asked to wear pop’s favorite colors) and keeps occasionally pulling out tissues to “wipe” her eyes during dinner.
This wasn’t really a sad occasion. We were all smiling and telling stories about Pop’s when my sister suddenly stood up saying she had an announcement. We knew she was about to do something completely out of pocket. Oh and she does.
She starts by saying she wants to dedicate a toast to Pops and a song to honor his memory. Oh brother.
She starts to sing the song “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley. You know, the one from Shrek? The rest of the family is dead quiet while she’s singing and it is so awkward because Lacey is getting more and more emotional while she sings.
(like full on tears and snot). I know it shouldn’t have been funny but at this point I am STRUGGLING to hold it together, and I’m trying so hard not to look at my other siblings but when I catch my brother’s eye we both lose it entirely and our older sister soon joins us.
We try to disguise our laughing behind our hands, but it isn’t working and our other relatives and grandmother notice. Lacey is looking at us with “a look that could kill”, still singing, and our parents are trying to shush us, but we are in absolute hysterics at this point.
Eventually, we excuse ourselves to the kitchen to try and get a hold of ourselves. Our dad comes and scolds us for “embarrassing” our sister and a few minutes later our mom and sister also join us. Lacey is crying and upset.
We end up apologizing to the rest of the family for being so disrespectful. Lacey is still fuming about the whole thing. My siblings and I do feel a little bad. We know it wasn’t appropriate considering it was for our dead grandfather and we also do love our sister.
I guess we were probably the jerks.”
5. AITJ For Being Resentful Of My Stepbrother?
“I [16F] live with my mom & my stepdad. My mom has me & my brother [10M] from her 1st marriage to my dad.
My stepdad has two stepdaughters from his first marriage that stay sometimes (15F/12F) and then my mom & my stepdad (married 8 years) have two kids together (7M/3F). After 8 years, we’re pretty blended together & I think of them as my siblings & vice versa.
They treat us the same. But the other thing is that my stepdad also has a 10.5M son from a one-night stand before he married my mom. (Using 10.5M to distinguish from my 10M brother)
My stepdad didn’t know he existed he was 5 and they didn’t tell us until just before they told him when he was 7.
He’s mostly been raised by his maternal grandparents who I think would have preferred it never came out but whatever. He’s still living w/ them but my parents said that he will probably come live with us in the next few years because his grandparents are getting too old.
Now they’re doing longer visits to ease him into it. He’s been here for a month.
The problem is that he’s really spoiled/annoying. He’s not really richer than us but because they’re only one of him he has nicer stuff and he will complain that at home he has this or that until my brother was like okay well go home then and then *he* got in trouble.
My parents have this policy of everyone eats the same dinner, there are always lots of sides and it’s served family-style so it’s easy to skip certain dishes. The other night he threw a fit because my mom said he needed a veggie on his plate and he was like “Well I WANTED mashed potatoes but THEY ate them and that’s not my fault blah blah blah”.
There were 5 other veggie dishes bc 2 people are veggie. If my bro (who is the SAME AGE) had said that, he would have probably made to help whoever made dinner the next night or help clean up. A few nights earlier, he threw a fit at me because I was cooking & I wouldn’t let him get a snack an hour before dinner.
We live on a farm so some of our chores involve animals & we all know that you can’t just neglect those chores in the same way you can not clean your room. Except for him, who was being really lazy about his 1 animal-related chore.
Now he has to have my 10M brother do it with him which means that my brother has the same chore. Overall he definitely has fewer chores and does them worse.
Those are just 2 examples but it’s like that with everything.
It just ruins the vibe and everyone is like walking on eggshells and my parents are stressed.
I told my mom I was sick of it & also it was really unfair to the rest of us especially my brother who is the exact same age and being forced to hang out with him.
She told me that it wasn’t this kid’s fault he was like that and to suck it up. AND she told me that I was setting a bad example for my sisters because if I’m nice they’ll be nice.”
4. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Partner For A Romantic Gesture?
“So today is my 30th birthday (woooooo) and my partner of 2 years revealed my birthday gift, a brand new fresh tattoo on his hip, my name with flower petals around it, I was honestly angry about this, both of us have tattoos so it’s not the fact he got ink that is whatever, but my name…I have no idea why he’d do this without consulting me and making sure I’m ok with it, I’ve always thought name tattoos (excluding your children) are tacky at best and at worst look like you’ve been branded. He doesn’t understand why I’m unhappy and people are telling me just to accept the romantic gesture for what it is, but I can’t believe he’d get something permanent like this done without checking…”
3. AITJ For Refusing To Take Sides?
“I recently got engaged and literally the only thing that is even an occasional issue between us is his mom.
She is super rude and she doesn’t like me, but we’ve talked about it and know how to handle it going forward. My parents on the other hand are extremely supportive of us and warm.
After getting engaged we decided it was time for our parents to meet.
MIL and FIL are divorced but on good terms and she agreed to host it. Also, my stepdad knows MIL’s husband from mutual business acquaintances and they play golf together.
So the day of the dinner we got to her house and she wasn’t home, because she got delayed at work, which is a little annoying because she absolutely had the ability to leave, but chose not to.
She is a college professor and the hours she actually has to help students are super specific, but she really likes her Ph.D. students (and thinks everyone else is an idiot)
Her husband let us in. My stepdad and her husband went into the room that has all the drinks and MIL has a pole in there, which my stepdad asked about.
My stepdad doesn’t really know what pole dancing is and thinks it is just holding the pole and swaying back and forth or whatever, but MIL’s husband was telling him all the tricks she can do, and he didn’t believe him.
MIL came home and her husband told her to demonstrate because my stepdad doesn’t believe him, and MIL flipped herself upside down on the pole and did some other stuff. My mom was furious and began screaming at her. MIL said she needed skin to stick (I know that’s a real thing) but my mom was irate and stormed out of the house.
MIL was just like meh whatever.
Now there is a lot of drama between the two of them, and it is causing some minor issues with the wedding planning and lots of gossip. My mom wants me to talk to MIL and make her understand how wrong she was.
I refuse to involve myself. My fiancé on the other hand is very firmly on MIL’s side and said my mom is sexist, a “puritan” and he lost respect for her. He is telling this to MIL, who is obviously enjoying it.
I told him that he shouldn’t take sides because we are becoming a new family and he needs to focus on that and not defending his mom, and he should be more diplomatic. He feels I’m trying to silence his opinion.
My mom feels I don’t care about her feelings and am defending MIL because I’m scared of her. I’m not scared of her. I just don’t want to be involved.”
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move To My Partner's Small Town?
“I (25F) started seeing my current partner (24M) back in February 2021. When I met him, he was very upfront with me about his life. He is a marine that is stationed where I live right now.
I live in a city in New York (not NYC). He is from a very small town in Missouri, his graduating class was less than 50 people. Anyways, when we first started talking he explained to me that he was planning to move home to Missouri when he got out of the Marines.
He still had not made up his mind at that point but shortly after this conversation, he developed a genetic condition that made him severely ill. Because of this, he is now being medically discharged from the Marines and has no choice.
To add some context to make this more understandable. I have severe anxiety, which has led to intense bouts of depression. I’ve been this way since I was 5 years old and it has only progressively worsened. So when my partner told me that he would only live in Missouri I was terrified, because my family is my biggest and actually only support system.
I still went through with pursuing a relationship with him.
In July of 2021, I met his mom and dad. They are both wonderful. I feel comfortable around them. They came to us though. When Thanksgiving time came around my partner and I decided to take that 900 mile drive to his home in Missouri.
I kind of knew what to expect but not to the full extent. I’m used to city living, people everywhere, fun things to do on every corner. Here, there are cows with the occasional human walking down the street.
So yeah, Cows, hay, and barns. It’s definitely peaceful, I’m just really not used to that.
On our way home, he asked me how I liked it. I explained to him that if he wanted me to go to Missouri with him and change my entire life, as well as leave my only support system…I would have to take baby steps.
There is a small suburban type city 45 minutes away from his home town and I asked him if we could start there instead of jumping into the country living. He didn’t jump down my throat or anything but he gave me a funny look and told me “I told you from the beginning this is what I want”.
I followed through with the fact that I was willing to go to Missouri with him I just needed some sort of compromise in the beginning so I could take baby steps being away from home…possibly forever. He was very upset with me, and we didn’t talk for a majority of the ride home.
Which was about 10 hours left.
I feel like crap, I know I need to be understanding about his life. He’s spent the last 6 years away from his family and he just wants to be back with them. I just don’t know if I can jump into country living like that
AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Doing My Daughter's Homework?
“My kid (6y/o) is currently very sick with flu, and so are her baby sister (1y/o) and me (30y/o), the only healthy one is my husband (29 y/o) but because he is working with food I don’t want him to be too involved.
Since my oldest is sick she is been having online school and the teachers told me that she still needs to make her project for her exams, which I think is bullcrap but whatever.
I’m currently sitting in my dining room, making said project (which they only informed us about it this Monday) and my family is saying I’m spoiling my daughter and making her entitled by doing her work for her.
AITJ for doing this project for her? She is getting a little better but her medicine makes her very sleepy and drowsy, my husband is also helping me, but I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.”
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