People Try To Gather Honest Responses To Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
37. AITJ For Pointing Out The Truth To My Mother About Her Hubsband?
“I’m (26 F) one of two children. My father passed away thirteen years ago. A year later she met Dennis and six months afterwards he moved in.
He has three kids from a previous relationship.
Things changed drastically. I was sixteen when they married. It was just an awful environment. He’s the kind to throw a rock and hide his hands. He often ridiculed my brother and his sexuality, spoke about our late father, nitpicked with me about anything he could, and then acted as if he meant no harm.
Honestly speaking, no we didn’t like him or his children. We tolerated him because our mother loved him which still rings true today. He came in trying to take over. His kids are rude, disrespectful, and entitled.
Like my brother, I basically planned to never look back, but I was offered a nice job here right out of college.
My brother is more forgiving and accepting than I am. Then again it may be because he lives over ten hours away in another state. Lol. I don’t visit my mother unless she is alone, or she visits me.
Our relationship has grown tremendously and it’s the best it’s ever been as long as we don’t discuss her husband.
I’m due to give birth to my first child in about four months and she’s excited. This will be her first biological grandchild. She’s been here every step of the way. Her plan is to stay with me once the baby is born to help out, only one problem she wants Dennis to come.
Not happening. I live two hours away from her, so I suggested she just visit.
I guess determined to get to the root of the problem, she asks me why is it that I won’t accept him. I brushed it off because this was a conversation, I felt she wasn’t ready to have, but seeing how passionate she was about it, I gave her the truth.
He’s a lazy, leeching, bum. That he doesn’t love her, only what she can do for him. (My father left us a nice but strict estate). Dennis only has worked four years out of the entirety of their marriage. My mom pays all the bills.
He’s a narcissistic jerk. (He and my mother share no kids. He’s not disabled.) He hasn’t contributed anything to their marriage but another mouth to feed. He’s practically a roommate with benefits.
The man doesn’t even mow the yard. Barely takes out the trash.
Loves to dictate what can and can’t happen in a home he will never legally own nor pay bills in. His kids keep hitting her up for money because they can. That he’s only around because she puts up with his nonsense, but if a better payout came along he would be gone.
That he manipulated her till the point, that she overlooked how my brother and I felt. For years she tuned us out. It was only when we moved away that she wanted to come around. This upset my mother, she left, and told me that she couldn’t believe I felt this way.
That no matter how I felt Dennis was still her husband.
I told her I know; you’ve always pushed my brother and me to the side for him and nothing has changed. I blocked her number. Now I’m wondering if I should have said anything at all.
AITJ?”
36. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law That Our Kids Are More Important Than Her Destination Wedding?
“My husband and I are foster-to-adopt parents. We have two children we adopted from foster care and our oldest but the second child to become our child, is 8 years old and has a lot of trauma built up. My husband comes from an almost identical background to our son.
Right down to how he was treated for so many years.
Our son has a very strong attachment to my husband and is only calmed by him when seriously distressed, which is every night without fail. He suffers night terrors due to his experiences in the system.
My husband will often hold him until he can fall asleep and he will stay with him and hold him after his night terrors. Without this, our son cannot settle again and he becomes inconsolable. He does love me but does not get the same comfort from me.
Because he knows his dad gets it and it helps him feel safe(er). Some time ago my husband had to leave for three days and our son was a mess by the time he got back. He actually had to leave early because he was meant to be gone a week.
But my son couldn’t function without him.
SIL told us in December that her early September would be a destination wedding in another country. We could not afford to fly all four of us and we communicated this to her. She expressed that she needed her brother to be there at least. My husband told her he would see what he could do.
She said it gave us plenty of time for our son to be okay without him for ‘just four nights’. The four nights are because he would be flying for an entire day, and the wedding festivities are over a day and he wouldn’t make it home quickly.
We said we would see. But it hasn’t happened. My son still needs his dad. He has made some progress. But it is delicate. And could be set back if he is pushed for too long too soon.
My husband told his sister and she was mad.
She said he couldn’t keep putting the kids above all else, and that we need to live our lives, especially him. He told her he couldn’t risk our son’s progress and that progress was slow, which it has been.
She came to me and begged me to talk him around.
She told me how badly she wants her brother there and how much she’ll miss him. She said it’s not her fault we didn’t want to spend the money to all come. I told her it was not that we didn’t want to, but we couldn’t, because it was a lot of money for just one person even.
She accused me of coddling our son too much. I asked her if she remembered what her brother went through when their parents adopted him. She said he was never like that and he hasn’t been harmed by not being coddled the same way. I told her they were different people, but surely she knew it had caused trauma.
She said her wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event. I told her that our kids are more important than her destination wedding. She did not take that well.
AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Being Upset When My Fiancé Proposed To Me Using His Deceased Wife's Ring?
“My fiance (26) and I (21) have been together for 2 years, he has honestly been the best partner and support person in my life.
In the past, I honestly lost all my faith in men due to many bad experiences and he was the one to restore it.
My fiance had been married before but his wife unfortunately passed away due to someone driving under the influence, my fiance and my fiance’s family both described her as an amazing woman who was basically a saint.
Sometimes I feel like I am compared to her and even get comments from my fiance’s family members that I look and sound like her, it sometimes makes me if little uncomfortable because I’m not her replacement.
I always knew that my fiance kept some of her belongings, including her engagement and wedding ring and I had always been okay with it but I never expected for him to actually propose to me with her ring.
When he proposed he organized a family picnic to announce my pregnancy and honestly I hadn’t seen a picnic so fancy before, everything was perfect my and his family were both there but when he proposed I saw that the ring he chose was his deceased wife’s ring and I was a little taken aback I hesitated before I said yes and his sisters and mom noticed.
Later on his sisters and mom questioned me about it as if they were some kinda interrogators and I was honest, I told them I felt uncomfortable being proposed to with his deceased wife’s ring and I felt that it belonged to her and not me.
They told me that my fiance wanted to pick a meaningful ring and nothing spoke to him but his deceased wife’s ring. I answered back saying that I would’ve been happy with any ring even if it was a freaking ring pop candy but something doesn’t sit right with me being proposed to with his dead wife’s ring.
They ended up telling my fiance and now he’s been being a little distant ever since. I love him and don’t want this to ruin our relationship. I understand he’s still hurt about his wife dying but sometimes I feel like he’s trying to replace her with me and I can’t be her because I’m me.
Am I the jerk for being upset?”
34. AITJ For Giving An Uber Driver A 2-Star Review?
“I (25 F) took an Uber with my mom 2 days ago to attend a family function. The moment we entered there, I saw the driver was using YouTube to listen to religious songs. The volume was too loud for my comfort but I did not say anything initially.
The journey was 2.5 hours long, around 30 min in I checked with my mom if she could stay awake during the ride so I could have a quick nap. She was okay with it and then I told the driver to lower the sound of his song as I was trying to sleep.
He did lower it but it was still loud for someone who was trying to sleep.
I ignored it and tried to rest but after some time the driver pulled the brakes really abruptly and I was awoken due to the sudden jerk. I asked my mom about it and she said our driver was speeding and we were almost going to crash the vehicle ahead of us.
I freaked out and was wide awake during the entire journey. We did not have the option to get down as we were on the highway. Our driver kept driving recklessly while listening to the songs (he even increased the volume later).
I got down and gave him 2 stars and narrated the whole incident.
He called me today and said that he knows the only reason I gave him 2 stars was his religion and he could see I made strange faces while the songs were being played (I did because some of the songs had lyrics that made me uncomfortable as I follow a different faith).
He said I was ruining his life only because of his religion. I was disturbed by the lyrics of some of the songs and the fact he listened to them for 2.5 hours straight but had he not driven so rashly I would have given him at least 4 stars.
My mom said I should have let it go and gave him 4 stars anyway and I am screwing a poor person’s life.”
33. AITJ For Letting My Trans Niece Come Out To Our Family?
“My niece, Sam, came out to me months ago as trans. Cool, doesn’t bother me one bit. At that point, only her mom, Sierra (who had known for years at this point but kept it a secret), and my brother, Ryan, who is gay, knew.
We’re all together for Christmas. Ryan went on all night that Sam’s significant other didn’t exist. Sierra gave a male-affirming necklace along the lines of ‘You’ll always be my son’ and paraded it around to everyone. So Sam is feeling a sense of betrayal and hurt.
The next day my partner and I have lunch with Sam to catch up. We had a feeling something was up because both Sierra and another brother tried to prevent us from meeting privately for lunch. During lunch, Sam tells us that they get the feeling that several members of the family know about Sam’s secret and to prevent the whispers from circulating Sam was forced to move her timeline up about coming out to the family.
She didn’t know when but it had to be soon.
That evening as we’re preparing for dinner whispers are circulating and tension is palpable. Sam feels like it’s now or never and informs Ryan that she plans on coming out tonight. Ryan felt like it was appropriate to tell Sierra.
Sierra springs into action and informs my dad and another sister, Minnie. This is where the pullouts begin, first Sierra pulls me out to demand that I call this off because they somehow think I’m the reason. I told her if she kept trying to repress Sam this would only continue to damage their relationship.
Then my dad pulls me out and asks essentially the same thing that Sierra does.
My dad has a hard time accepting it as he boils down to a contradiction of our religious beliefs. In that conversation with my dad, he wishes I would have told him this first because he has the right to know as the patriarch of the family.
I tell him if he really wants to know he needs to talk to Sam herself. After this, I mentioned to Sam that things were about to go down as one by one Sam got pulled out to talk to Sierra, my dad, Minnie, Ryan, and another brother.
That night Sam was ambushed by her own family. By the end of it all, no big confession happened. Everyone knew.
Minnie calls me later, she is upset with the fact that we were going to let Sam’s confession happen without giving her advanced warning.
She said it was to protect her girls (9, 12, 14) from knowing and not forcing some agenda on them even though Sam was only ever going to come out to the adults. Ultimately, Minnie blames my wife and me for not saying anything and even ‘encouraging’ this event to happen.
We went around and around about this but we knew that there was no convincing her. She deemed us a bad example for her kids and banned us from ever seeing them, we were prepared for drama but we were really hurt about not being able to see our nieces.
That call ended with animosity and hurt feelings. AITJ?”
32. AITJ For Trying On A New Style?
“My friend, J, (we are both 19 f) has been quite upset about this for some time and I’m beginning to question if I’ve actually done something wrong. This requires a breakdown of both of our styles.
J has a very gothic style, all bats and blood red, harnesses and platforms. Her room reflects her style, with a massive Ouija board tapestry up on the wall and a series of skulls lined up along her windowsill. I, however, am bland. My wardrobe is a series of greys, beiges, and occasionally yellow.
I wear cardigans and graphic tees and don’t have much style. My room also reflects that. I can’t hang things on the wall because they’ll crumble (good old Victorian house) and most color is on my bookshelf which is littered with trinkets. In summary, she’s a goth and I’m not.
I was recently gifted quite a few wax melts because a friend remembered that I wanted to try using them, but I don’t own a wax burner. So, I had to go hunting for one and I found loads I liked. I settled on a black one with a cut-out of a crescent moon and stars which I thought would look cool projected onto my walls when lit.
And it does.
When I sent J an image of it she didn’t respond for ages and when she finally did she asked what I was trying to do. Confused I replied, ‘Melt wax?’ Not satisfied she asked why I couldn’t have chosen a different style burner.
Still confused I asked what she meant. She told me that it felt like I was stealing her style that she worked really hard to perfect and that I should just stick to not having one if I was going to steal someone else’s (ouch).
Stunned, I asked if she was being serious and apparently she was because now she refuses to speak to me.
Her significant other recently messaged me that she’s still upset with me for now but is sure that if I wait long enough she’ll forgive me and move on.
Forgive me for what? Move on from what? It’s been two weeks. Is this as ridiculous of a situation as I think it is? Am I really at fault here because I’m beginning to question?
(There’s a girl at her college who she says is always copying her style and I’m beginning to wonder if maybe she just wears black occasionally…)”
31. AITJ For Not Changing My Name After Marriage?
“I’ve been with my significant other for 13 years. We just got married this year. We have 2 children together and 2 from previous relationships. I have always said I would not change my name if I got married.
During the wedding process which I admit was not complicated, but he did not help at all.
I made all the appointments, found a place to do online marriage counseling, found a place for the ceremony, etc. He said he would drop off the marriage license at the courthouse a few days after the ceremony. I said ok, make you look it over to see if I missed anything (because I filled it out).
He dropped it off and didn’t say anything.
We were married in February. Yesterday while making a joke he said ok Mrs. (insert his name here), I’m like LOL, I didn’t change my name. I’m still (insert my name here).
Now he’s extremely upset I didn’t change my name.
Yet I never told him I was changing my name. I explained that to him and he says I know but I thought you were going to hyphenate it.
I also want to add that my oldest daughter just turned 18 and is in the process of changing her last name to mine (because her father isn’t in her life).
Another reason I want to keep my last name is for her to feel like she belongs.
Also changing my last name will require an extreme amount of tedious work that I honestly don’t want to do, our younger children have special needs and I handle everything for them.
I don’t want to add having to go to the social security office, bank, health insurance, etc to change my name. It might seem insignificant but it’s just another thing added to the list.
I could always hyphenate my name but I didn’t think it was a big deal since he never said anything about it before.
Am I the jerk for not changing my last name?”
30. AITJ For Kicking My Dad And His Family Out Of My House For Breaking My Only Rule?
“I’m (27 M) an architect who is about to finish his MSc in ‘Strategic urban planning and policies: Managing socio-spatial dynamics for sustainable cities’ and I’m doing my thesis now, I mention this because I consider it good reasoning to do what I did but let me know what you guys think.
Context: My dad (50 M) and mom (51) divorced when I was 6, I stayed with my mom (she was the most stable of both of them, financially and emotionally) for around 15 years, my dad was absentee, he’d come to see me once in a blue moon, he didn’t pay child support because mom refused but he wasn’t like legally pushing to pay.
He became more constant and could improve our relationship when I was three semesters away from finishing college and didn’t have to pay child support.
October last year, my father lost his house because of some TERRIBLE financial decisions, he asked me for a place to stay, I wasn’t at home at that point so I told him that he could stay.
I came back in December to work on my thesis (I’ll go back to Amsterdam in August to present it) so we had to live all together, me, him, his wife, and his sons (14 M, 11 M) I had one rule: NO ONE can go to my office (while I go to the university, I’m a professor) NO one means NO ONE.
I set that rule because I’m working on my thesis and have important papers there, one day I got back from work and I had a meeting with my tutor to show my advances, I checked the search history and I saw: cooking recipes, adult content, online games; that wasn’t me of course so I confronted them and my dad admitted that his sons and wife saw the PC free and as they were bored decided to have some fun, well I calmed down and told them this would be the last time it happens because I have my thesis filed in that PC and I didn’t want it to get ‘accidentally’ deleted.
His wife and I have never gotten along well so I think she did this on purpose, last weekend I wanted to work on it but when I got to the file it didn’t exist anymore, I was furious and my face went white (3 months of work gone to the trash can) I went to search history and there were the cooking recipes again, at this point I had enough and told them to leave immediately.
(I told them my brothers could stay with me until they settle down but refused and said I was being unreasonable and it was an ‘accident’)
This is where I think I could be the jerk: After crying myself to sleep I checked my Drive and I have a backup file but it was saved 2 weeks before the one that was deleted so anyway I lost 2 weeks of work, but I didn’t tell them to come back, my dad has been posting things on social media stating ‘I don’t know what I did to deserve my son’s hate’ and his wife says that I left ‘two kids homeless’ (they are staying with granny in a small house, and grandma can’t afford the grocery as I did).
My partner says I should’ve told them to get back as soon as I found the backup file or help them find a new place.
So, tell me, AITJ here?”
29. AITJ For Pulling Away From My Step-Grandmother Who's Playing With My Hair?
“About 4 years ago, my mom, stepdad, and sister were properly meeting my new grandmother by staying in her nice cabin in the snow. This was my mom, sister, and I’s, maybe 3rd time meeting her.
I have very long hair that I take pride in its upkeeping.
Upon meeting me, she immediately started gushing about my hair and went in to start grabbing and playing with it without asking me. I am very used to people touching my hair without permission, so although I do not like it it isn’t a big deal if someone plays with it without my consent once or twice.
Throughout the time we are with her and going to places together, she continuously plays and grabs my hair, gushing about it, sometimes lightly yanking it for 3 minutes at a time without asking me first. I don’t enjoy this but I let it happen for the sake of peace.
My mom also doesn’t seem to have a problem with it.
We go to this play and we are waiting in line for it. No one was talking, just waiting. Amidst the silence, all of a sudden I felt something grab my hair and my primal instinct was to pull away.
Her hands fell out of my hair. She looks totally distraught and offended. My mom was profusely apologizing and insisting she could touch my hair whenever she wanted. I kinda stood there uncomfortably and awkwardly, probably let out a really small giggle to ease the pain, and everyone seemed offended by what I had done.
She seemed cold and offended for the rest of the trip.
Ever since then, she’s always been extremely distant from me. She has never been as loving or welcoming as she was before I pulled away. I have to see her today and I am not looking forward to it because she is so distant to me, while being very welcoming to my sister and mother.”
28. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Back My Ring From My Widowed Daughter-In-Law?
“I (51 f) had two children: my son who passed away three years ago at the age of 27, and my daughter who is now 26. Before his passing, my son was married to a wonderful young woman and they had been together since they were teens.
When he came to me for proposal advice my son asked if he could use my parents’ wedding rings. Like many of my parents’ assets, their wedding rings had been willed in equal portions to my children and I held them in trust until it came time for the children to make use of them.
So when my son came to me asking to use the rings, I spoke with my daughter (who was only 17 at the time, too young and with no plans to get married) and we agreed the rings could be given to my son.
Flash forward to now, my son has been gone several years and my daughter has met a nice man and she now wants to get married. She approached me and asked me to go speak with my DIL about getting the family rings back from my DIL, because my daughter wants to use them.
My daughter explained that she wants to use the rings to keep them in the family and that by using them she would feel closer to her grandparents and to her brother. But I immediately said no I would not ask that of my DIL.
I said I consider my DIL part of the family too and that it feels wrong to demand a widow’s wedding ring back. I also don’t consider myself guardian of the rings anymore, so they really aren’t mine to take or give in the first place.
My daughter grew upset and teary-eyed and asked me to please at least speak with my DIL because my daughter really wanted to use the rings. My daughter left last night from dinner and said she would not speak to me again until I speak to my DIL.
From a legal standpoint (my parents’ will), I don’t think my daughter has any grounds to demand the rings back. From a familial and emotional standpoint, I absolutely feel for my daughter and understand where she is coming from: she wants to use a family heirloom from her grandparents.
However, I just don’t feel right trying to request the rings back from my DIL who I know is still grieving my son and who hasn’t met another man yet. AITJ? Should I request the rings back from my DIL?
Edit: When my son was considering proposing, and when I spoke to my children about what their grandparents had left them, they talked amongst themselves about the rings too.
It was agreed that my son would take the rings and that my daughter would take several other pieces of my mother’s fine jewelry. At the time it seemed like a fair deal for my kids, however, circumstances have certainly changed and the rings mean a lot more sentimentally now for my daughter than they did when she was younger.
Prior to last night when she came over to broach the topic, my daughter had never seemed upset that the rings went to my son.”
Good luck. And I'm so sorry for your loss.
27. AITJ For Keeping My Sister's Friend's Cat?
“5 months ago, my sister’s friend, Bella, gave us her cat, Marcy, to catsit for about a month until Bella’s mom could settle into a house.
(Bella’s mom was living out of her car) When we got Marcy, she had fleas, and worms, had never had her claws clipped, & had never been to the vet. I took her to the vet to get spayed, immunized, tested, & treated for worms, etc. I paid for all her bills, food, etc. After a few months, Bella said she couldn’t take Marcy back and just put her up for adoption.
I didn’t want to give her away so I decided to keep her. That was 3 months ago.
Here’s where the trouble starts: Today, Bella texted my sister saying that her mom found a place & will be moving in soon so she will be able to take Marcy back.
My sister & I explained to her that I had chosen to keep Marcy when she said to put her up for adoption. I don’t know where the wires crossed but there was some type of miscommunication & Bella thought that we were still keeping her in our house to continue cat-sitting for her & just assumed that we would keep her with us until she was ready to take her back.
This is obviously not the case. I told her that I would not be giving Marcy back to her.
Here’s the thing: since Bella never officially adopted Marcy (she had gotten Marcy from a friend) & had never taken her to the vet, she had no documentation that Marcy was hers.
I, however, DID take her to the vet, so all documentation of Marcy’s existence is under my name. When I heard she was trying to take Marcy back, I scheduled an appointment to get her microchipped with my information.
In civil court cases dealing with pet ownership, the first thing they look at is if the animal is microchipped & with whose information, & second, they look at any veterinary records.
No matter which way you flip it, in every legal sense of the word, Marcy is MY cat. & even if they did try disputing it, I could argue that they are unfit to take care of an animal, seeing as the state I got her in was very poor & they don’t have stable living conditions.
(It’s also worth mentioning that they have another cat that lives with Bella’s dad & that cat is very ill & had so many fleas, that their entire house is now infested)
You can’t choose to take care of an animal whenever it’s convenient for you.
Although I know the housing situation makes it different, at the end of the day, she told us to give Marcy up for adoption & find her a new home – which I did: my home.
So am I the jerk for keeping the cat?”
26. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Come On My Birth Day?
“Around the time I got pregnant, my husband lost his job which also provided housing for us. My mom is a landlord so I asked her if we could stay in one of her properties while we figured out a more permanent housing solution.
My husband decided we weren’t going to move because he thought we had a good chance to fight the eviction.
Around December when I would have been roughly 4 months pregnant we lost the eviction case and had only a week to vacate. My mom said the offer for us to stay at her duplex for a bit was still good, and I started packing here and there but I’m very much a last-minute person and knew for me at least packing would be easier to do all at once right before we moved.
My mom came over 4ish days before we were supposed to move and came in unannounced, like just opened the door and came in. When she saw that we weren’t fully packed she laid into my husband for not having the house all the way packed already, then drove to find me at work where she berated me on the salesfloor in front of customers and my coworkers about how she’s going to force him to take responsibility and he’s not welcome in her property until he cleans his act up, because how dare he not have the house completely packed by this point.
For some context, my husband was fired because he developed a skin condition that left him disabled and in chronic, extreme pain. Physical activity was very hard for him and he could only do a little at a time before it got to be too much.
He was also severely depressed so I was managing the household while he tried to recover.
After she said I could stay but he couldn’t, I decided screw that and we were able to find another apartment with the help of a friend, luckily. But I’ve never forgiven her for saying she’d rather her pregnant daughter be homeless if I was going to stay with him.
So our relationship did not improve throughout the pregnancy and when the day came, I knew they wouldn’t get along at the hospital and I would need to pick only one of them. I picked my husband, and my mom says it’s the cruelest thing anyone has ever done to her since that will likely be her only grandchild.
Was I wrong to keep her from being there? Was I overreacting to her not letting my husband stay because she didn’t think he deserved it?”
25. AITJ For Hating A Sticker On Our Pick-Up Truck?
“I’ve (27 F) been married for 2 years to my husband (30 M) with two children. We have two vehicles and both work full-time.
One is a pickup and one is a car. He mostly drives the pickup and I mostly drive the car. However, we traded in my old pickup for the new one.
This being said, I like cars to stay mostly stock with the exception of replacement bumpers because deer.
I don’t mind some modifications if they make sense. Winches for off-road vehicles, beefed up tow package, tow mirrors, radio upgrade etc. What I’m not a fan of is unnecessary decals, stickers, pinstripes, etc. I just think it makes our nice vehicles look cheap and cluttered but I do put up with it somewhat because my husband really likes stickers/decals.
Most of them are stuff like ‘Navy Vet’ or ones for a fishing tackle company he likes. I have no issue with any of them. None are political either which I already put my foot down about. I just think it’s tacky to have political bumper stickers but that’s just me and they are my vehicles as well.
Well, his buddy got him a ‘POW’ sticker last year. No, not a prisoner of war/missing in action sticker. It’s a ‘prisoner of wife sticker’. I hid it for a while thinking he wouldn’t find it and unfortunately, he did and put it on the pickup.
I. Hate. That. Sticker. Hatttteeee it. I despise the ‘I hate being married’ stigma. The ‘Teehee, I’m a prisoner in my home’ stigma. It makes me really sad and every time I see it, it makes me think that my husband didn’t marry me willingly/out of love.
I’ve asked him several times and told him that I’ve had anxiety attacks over it. The response is ‘It’s MY pickup, so I’ll put what I want on it.’ I asked him today and he finally said ‘Fine, take it off’ but it makes me think he’ll be upset with me if I do that.
So would I be the jerk if I removed it? Am I overeating or is there a joke I’m missing?”
24. AITJ For Embarrassing My Dad At A Family Reunion Because Of His Offensive Comments?
“I have an older half-brother who I don’t know very well. He is from my dad’s first marriage and was 16 when my mom and dad married. He hated my mom and cut the wedding dress up the night before the wedding, so my father disowned and disinherited him.
He is 34 now and my dad wanted to reconnect with him because he was beginning to feel guilty. So we all met up at our house and it was extremely awkward. My dad had no idea how to express his feelings, so we were just sitting there.
My brother clearly wanted no part of it and had been coerced into coming, and when anyone talked to him just rolled his eyes.
My brother went to ‘take a phone call’ which really I think he just needed some space. My mom was trying to sort my dad’s feelings out, and my dad said he mostly feels guilty for cutting him off financially because my sister and I will have so many things he never got.
My mom pointed out that my brother looked like he was doing well, and my dad said she was right and he was an idiot for feeling bad. My brother must have succeeded, because look at his wife.
I asked what he meant by that, and my dad said she was stunning and she wasn’t going to be with anyone broke.
My mom rolled her eyes at that but agreed that my brother’s wife was beautiful, so he must be doing well. I told my dad that was disgusting and what kind of father would say that in front of his teenage daughter.
Now I might be a jerk because I told my brother’s wife (and my brother heard) what my dad said.
I was hoping she would call him out and he would feel uncomfortable, but she brushed it off and said he wasn’t wrong and she had a lot of options, and wouldn’t have married a guy who didn’t ‘have everything’. I called her gross and she told me to grow up.
My brother then screamed at my dad that he didn’t need him, looked at his car, and looked at her, and they left.
My dad went off upset and my mom tore into me and said I was disloyal and shouldn’t have tried to embarrass my dad.
She said he wasn’t being sexist, but it is clear my brother has done well and I should have cared more about my dad’s feelings than making a point.”
23. AITJ For Giving My Husband's Warhammer Mech To Our Son?
“My (42 f) husband (60 m) is not the cleanest person. I had blinders and made a lot of excuses for him. When we moved in together, he had some Warhammer Mechs he had put together and painted years ago.
Really freaking cool looking.
He admitted that some had value and I’m like okay, put them in the closet. Then we started cleaning up and he decided to give all his old DnD things to his nephew. He offered the Mechs also but they got forgotten.
Fast forward 9 years later. We live with my mom and he is in the basement and I’m in an upper room. Going through marital issues. His drinking, not cleaning, and being an absent father are the main issues.
We ended up with rats due to a neighbor and access to plenty of dog food.
Because the basement was so filthy, I didn’t realize we had a problem till I saw it run from the kitchen down the basement stairs. So I did what any person with issues with boundaries does: I started to clean the basement. I’ve asked, hoped, and waited for him to do it for almost a year.
He is not going to do it and now it’s impacting the rest of us.
Well, those Mechs he said were expensive? They were on the floor, case broken, and most of them were missing parts. So I said screw it and gave them to our son.
I explained that Daddy built them and painted them but he could have them and maybe we could fix or buy more so the two of them could do that together.
So today my son was upset because his daddy went into his room, saw the Mechs, and took them.
My son got upset and told him ‘Mommy gave me those!’ To which he replied, ‘They aren’t mommy’s to give!’
So he said he wasn’t upset about our son having them, he was upset because I didn’t have the right to give them away.
I retorted that he was going to give them away before and now they are busted.
‘But a couple are worth thousands!’
‘Not broken, they aren’t.’
Am I the jerk for giving our son something that my husband didn’t even realize was buried under all his trash and beer cans?
I feel like I am because I was really angry cleaning and if it was on the floor, I felt like it couldn’t have been important. Think of a hoarder house. That was the basement. I even found the picture frame that had the program for his father’s funeral. Glass broken.
I did not throw that away. I was well aware of what was important to him. Or so I thought.”
22. AITJ For Suggesting My Neighbor To Go To Church?
“My neighbor, Emma, and I (both 30ish F) are on ‘smile at each other and say hi, how are you?
every time’ kind of talking terms with each other. It’s generally a pleasant family, especially her daughter who has Cerebral Palsy and is as charming as a 10-year-old you will find.
Saw Emma in their garden yesterday and got talking when she brought up how her daughter feels a little lonely at times coz of being home-schooled and not having many friends around.
Obviously, her disability means she can’t go around to the park and play as much. Actually even prefers to stay at home reading or watching stuff. She only maybe needs similar-aged people to talk to at times as she has no siblings.
So I suggested that my neighbor attend church a few Sundays in order to avail a sort of service the local church provides where they make ‘book clubs,’ ‘flower clubs,’ or ‘bake clubs” by grouping together some interested children from the community.
So if she signs up Alex for such a thing, the church would send some potential friends to their house and do activities and have a chat with Alex. But the problem is that you can’t just fill out a form for this, you have to go to church and talk a bit to some mothers or the pastor before requesting to hold the clubs at your own place.
This is something people do for each other and it will be unsafe to send your children over to a stranger’s house. Emma may as well stop going after assuring the other mothers that she will take care of their children.
Emma got offended by this and told me to not try to lure her to my religion.
Church was a personal choice and she didn’t wanna become a fanatic by volunteering to be brainwashed by a pastor every week. I am a practicing Christian (not very diligent in it though) but I never suggested she should start actually paying heed to the Pastor, just make acquaintance enough to help Alex make friends.
Nevertheless, she called me a jerk for pushing religion on her and her innocent daughter. AITJ?”
Do not attempt to inflict your imaginary friend on other people without a specific invitation to discuss it. Ever.
21. AITJ For Refusing To Give In To My Mom's Wedding Suggestions?
“I’m planning my wedding and to be clean I have three separate parents all wanting to help pay, my mom does not want one of them to help. I want a wedding venue that has a vintage feel, she thinks they are all too cluttered and wants me to get married in a banquet hall (the one where I had high school prom).
I want breakfast for dinner at the reception. Breakfast for dinner was me and my fiancés first date. There will be many children in attendance at the wedding. Also quite frankly I have a small food pallet and my wedding day is not the day I want to widen the pallet.
My mom fully disagrees and says no one will like breakfast for dinner and no one will give me money if I serve them breakfast. (I don’t really care if people give me money, if I wanted more money I wouldn’t have a wedding at all).
The moral is she hates breakfast. She finally agreed to do breakfast if we have a morning wedding reception, which just doesn’t sound fun to me, also getting ready (hair, makeup, ext would suck).
I want to pick wildflowers and a flower-picking place with my bridesmaids the day before and make our own bouquets.
My mom says this is a horrible idea and I won’t have time. She also says it will look cheap and she has a friend who owns one of the flower pick places who makes bouquets, but it’s expensive.
I want a tea-length dress, and therefore I want the entire wedding party to have tea-length dresses, at least the ones who will be wearing dresses.
Since my mom is walking down the aisle before me she is included, but she refuses to wear a tea-length dress.
We’ve also had arguments over the color scheme as I’m going for muted 70s colors. She wants me to just choose two colors one of which is gray.
There are probably more disagreements, but AITJ for constantly fighting with her about it? She says she’s not going to pay for breakfast for dinner, so I said just pay for the dress and the DJ. But she doesn’t want to split up pay like that.
Should I just give in to what she wants because she’s paying and admit I am the jerk, or continue to fight for what I want?”
20. AITJ For Confronting A Parent About Not Feeding My Son During A Recent Sleepover?
“My son ‘Ted’ is 10 years old and we recently moved. He hasn’t been having the best of luck in making friends, but he made a new friend called ‘Will’. One day Ted called me and asked for my permission to go home with Will after school.
I said he could as long as Will’s parents agreed. I messaged Will’s mother to double-check that she had okayed this and we agreed that I would pick Ted up at 8. Well, I turn up at 8 and, Ted gets in my car and I ask him if he had had a fun time, to which he replies ‘Yeah, I guess.
I don’t know, I’m just hungry’. So I ask him jokingly if they didn’t feed him, and he says that no they didn’t.
When dinner came around he was told to go wait in the living room while Will and his family ate. My son had not had any food since lunchtime.
I was baffled because in my mind it was a given that he would eat at Will’s house and I did not think I would need to ask if he was going to be given food. Anyway, we get home and I make him some food and my husband asks him how it was at Will’s house.
I explained that they didn’t give Ted any food, and my husband agreed that it was really strange, but he didn’t seem as upset about it as I was. However, we agreed that there wasn’t a need for confrontation and that we’d just try to make Will come here instead of the other way around.
A few weeks go by and turns out that Will and Ted get along really great, and they’ve become really good friends. Eventually, the idea of a sleepover at Will’s house manifests itself and I suggest that they can have the sleepover at our place instead.
However, Ted insists that it has to be at Will’s house because he has a PS5 and we don’t. Okay, the sleepover has to be at Will’s house, I better make sure that Ted gets food this time. So I talked to Will’s mother and she’s thrilled about the idea of a sleepover.
I gently ask about the food situation, like if I should pack some food or anything like that. This really offended her and she asked me something along the lines of ‘Do you think we’re that cruel that we wouldn’t feed your son on a sleepover?’ to which I replied ‘Well, you didn’t last time’.
And that was the end of our conversation.
Now it turns out that Will’s parents have told Will that they can’t have Ted over anymore as I was apparently too demanding, which has caused the boys to basically stop hanging out. Ted is very upset and says that it wasn’t a big deal and that I should’ve just stayed out of it.
My husband agrees with Ted and thinks that I definitely shouldn’t have confronted Will’s mother about it, or at least waited until we could’ve found a better compromise that wouldn’t have cost Ted Will’s friendship. I’ll admit that I was being a bit rude and did act in bitterness when talking to Will’s mother, but I really wasn’t going to send my son to a sleepover knowing that there was a possibility he wouldn’t be fed in an entire day.
So, AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Wearing My Sister's Dress That My Dad Stole From Her House?
“I have an older sister ‘Elizabeth’ and we do not get along. She is my half-sister and she hates my mother. She is just a difficult person in general and doesn’t get along with most people.
When I got married, two years ago, Elizabeth claimed the only thing she had was white. She was 8 months pregnant at the time, so I understood her clothes didn’t fit, but come on. She did have a gorgeous white maternity gown because in her husband’s culture fancy baby showers are a big thing, but her husband has plenty of money.
He can definitely buy her another dress.
My dad has always favored Elizabeth pretty blatantly. He has a bunch of excuses, she is more like him, he was younger when he had her, he was a single dad, etc. I’m petty over it, to be honest, and so is my mom, so she pretty much told him if he let Elizabeth get away with this their marriage was going to have issues.
He stole Elizabeth’s dress from her house. Oh my god, she was so mad and it was the best thing ever, but after the wedding, I did ask if she wanted it back. She said no, she was going to have the baby in a week and it would never fit again.
Well, I am currently pregnant and decided to do a photoshoot and use the dress, because it is in perfect condition, beautiful, and from a designer I could never afford. We did a lot of beautiful pictures, and then some involving mud, but it has been two years and she didn’t want it back.
Well, Elizabeth found out and said I was creepy and did it on purpose to annoy her. She said I had no right to wear it when she paid for it. I think she is just salty because my mom has the mud ones and wanted someone to photoshop Elizabeth’s head onto them, so we can joke about what would have happened if she tried to wear it to my wedding.”
18. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Revealing Our Baby's Gender With His Best Friend?
“My husband and I are expecting our second child and had a small cookout/gender reveal to celebrate. We really don’t care about the gender, but saw some cute ideas online (not trying to stereotype the baby at all and we plan to expose her to a variety of things).
Our older daughter loves slime, so she knew the gender ahead of time and made some slime with the help of my MIL (so we could be surprised) It was really cute and she had a little lab coat and a little Sciency setup and pulled out her slime.
It was pink, everyone clapped, and I thought it was time to move on.
My husband has a female best friend ‘Sadie’. I really don’t like her for a couple of reasons unrelated to this, but I have zero issues with his best friend being a woman, and I don’t think they have ever crossed any lines.
My husband pranks Sadie all the time, sometimes I think it is really mean, but she does stuff back to him and it is just their dynamic.
Also, my husband did not like Sadie’s hair that day and had made multiple comments about how dumb it looked. So he decided it was the perfect time for a prank and to ‘celebrate’ he dumped the entire vat of slime over her head.
This was all caught on camera with our gender reveal video, and I get it that is their relationship, our daughter thought it was really funny, but I felt weird. I felt like he was including her in a family moment when she wasn’t family.
I brought it up to him when were both inside for a minute. He said I was being dramatic and everyone thought it was funny, and that he did it because he was excited. I pointed out that she isn’t family, and he made her the center of the event.
He got annoyed and said I was looking for a fight when it should be a happy day. He said I hate Sadie, so I should just be happy that she got slimed and move on. I asked him to at least validate my feelings and apologize, and he got annoyed and asked why I wouldn’t let it go, though he did apologize.
We enjoyed the rest of the party but he seemed a bit tense.”
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Stepmom Near Our Family Again?
“My husband’s stepmom is a real piece of work but I’ve always gotten along with her.
She has 2 teenage boys and I have a preteen so we spend a lot of time together. She is hateful to her children and cusses them nearly daily. I have always overlooked this behavior because who am I to tell someone else how to raise their children?
Fast forward to last week.
She is picking the boys up from school. Her boys are busy playing basketball and sent my 11-year-old to see if any parents were there yet. I normally pick them up, he looked for my car, but it wasn’t there so he went back inside the school and watched the 14-year-olds play basketball.
20 minutes later someone came in to tell them she was waiting. When they got into the car they immediately blamed my son, because apparently he should be held responsible for all 3 boys, and she proceeded to cuss him out. She called him a stupid jerk and also told him he was never getting in her car again.
Apparently, she apologized. We didn’t know about this until Sunday. My son was worried that if he told us she would go off on him again. I honestly would have had the same fear.
Come Sunday my husband asked if her boys could help us at the house with some fallen limbs.
We didn’t even know it was an issue. They said sure and we all went to church. My MIL picked my son up for church because we don’t go to Sunday school and they do. Apparently, she cussed our son the entire way to church because we asked for help.
After church, he told us what she said and what she said during the week picking him up. He also told us she apologized for the school incident. Of course, she cussed him out again a few days later so the fact that she apologized is a moot point.
I messaged her and told her I was upset with her over the way she talked to my son and that I didn’t appreciate it.
She proceeded to come into my house (just walked in and came to the basement where my husband and I were) and started yelling at my husband and me for trying to ‘farm her kids out for labor’.
Honestly, we ask each other for help all the time like this so it really seemed insane to me. She left. And left the boys here. We told her we didn’t want any help with anything for her to have a reason to justify her treatment of everyone.
We had my FIL come and get the boys.
A few days later my husband and I told his father that we didn’t want to be around her because of her behavior toward our son. Everyone’s opinion is ‘That’s just how she is’.
I think that’s a crafty excuse for bad behavior. My son comes from a life that that was normal behavior because I was in an abusive relationship and we try really hard not to put him in any kind of situation like that. Am I the jerk for saying I don’t want her around my family unless she changes her behavior?”
16. AITJ For Asking My Husband About Finances?
“I (f 30) married my husband (m 32) when I was 19. Our first child was born when I turned 20, and we had another baby a couple of years later. I’ve been a stay-at-home mom to them. We switched banks when my youngest was a newborn, about 7 years ago and almost immediately after he changed the passwords and I have not had access to the account since.
It’s something I’ve brought up to him for years, and anytime I do he gets angry and finds ways to be mad at me. He’s hit things, yelled, would swear at me, and then say this is all my fault because ‘I just can’t stop questioning him’.
Our finances have been especially tight lately, and just a few issues have been credit card debt, our lights being shut off, our car being repossessed, etc) but still, when I ask questions or ask for the banking password, it turns into a fight. All of these things directly affect me, and my credit has been destroyed over things I have no control over.
This morning I asked him again about finances, and he started saying how incredibly stressed he is already and then I’m making it worse by asking questions. I told him that I was stressed too because all of this affected both of us. He said ‘If I’m dealing with my stress how am I supposed to care about yours’.
I told him if he gave me the account information I wouldn’t have to ask as many questions and he told me to get lost.
In the past, I always felt like I was the jerk, for not letting up and stressing him out, but still, after all these years, he won’t give me an answer.
He calms down and pretends nothing happened until I ask again and the cycle repeats. I’m tired of being villanized for wanting to know our checking balance.”
15. AITJ For Not Giving My Grandma's Ring To My Crazy Aunt?
“My great-grandmother (GG) passed away last year and she left most of her things to her daughter (my grandmother).
My grandmother let me look through some of GG’s old jewelry and pick what I wanted to keep. I was the third person to see the jewelry. My aunt, let’s call her Diane (47) got first pick, then my mother Jane (42), then me. Diane looks through the jewelry and takes some necklaces and Jane doesn’t take anything.
I take a ring with green stone WORTH $30 (GG bought it at a local festival) When looking through the jewelry, I ask my grandmother ‘Are you sure no one else wanted this?’ And she said yes she’s sure. So flash forward about three weeks later and it’s Christmastime.
Diane is in town and comes to visit our house. She walked in and saw me with one of GG’s rings on and immediately went crazy.
This is how the conversation went:
D:’ Where did you get that ring?’
Me: ‘It was GG’s.
Nana gave it to me.’
D: ‘Oh really? Because that’s actually my ring that she specifically told me I could have and you’re not supposed to have it.’
Me: ‘Well that’s interesting because she said that you already went through the jewelry and didn’t want this ring’.
D: ‘Nana just doesn’t remember. She’s been on a lot of painkillers lately and doesn’t know what going on. (Nana had gotten cancer removed from her breast THREE WEEKS EARLIER) I’ll take that ring back now.’
Me: ‘I’m sorry.
Nana gave me this ring. I’m keeping it’.
She then started cussing me out to which I remained dead silent until she was finished and stormed out of our house. Keep in mind this ring is worth $30 and made my finger turn green.
She spam-called Nana every day for a week because ‘she’ll give the ring back to you but not me’ but my whole problem with Diane wasn’t about the ring.
She sees something she wants, she demands it and then throws a fit until she gets it. And my whole family lets her. Except for me. This is a repeating cycle that Diane does to get what she wants because it normally works for her.
My family is too nice to tell her no but I’m not. They can’t keep letting her walk all over them. She will never stop because she always gets what she wants in the end. So I didn’t give the ring to her because 1.
It was never hers and 2. She needs to learn that she cannot throw tantrums to get what she wants. At her grown age… if she wants to try and break up the family over a $30 ring from a craft fair then so be it.
As a result of this encounter, Diane books a flight home the next day and does not stay for Christmas.
She has since completely cut off my mother because she ‘didn’t stand up for her that night’. She also canceled her trip for New Year’s and Easter.
Am I a jerk if I didn’t give her the ring?”
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Grandma To Move Back Home?
“For about five years I have been living in my diabetic grandma’s house with her mostly calling ambulances for her diabetic fits and feeding her random crap but it wasn’t until late November last year that my grandma had to live with my aunt.
In the living room of our house is a massive furnace with a heat dial of 1 to 9, 1 being the lowest and 9 being the highest. My grandma during the incoming winter had asked that it be set to 4, yet was always still cold and never content until it was set to max at 9.
This went out after mid-December and my grandma couldn’t afford to buy any because she liked to spend her money because she can even though I told her not to so she left to my aunt’s and left me to deal with her frozen shack like she did every time she ran out of something she couldn’t live without.
December turned into January and January into February as I tried to plead with the Department of Human Services and literally anyone else for propane as I was a jobless high school senior who just got back in school after falling out, who couldn’t do anything as I faced hypothermia, sickness, the inability to cook on the stove which required propane, no hot water or showers, and the inability to dry my clothes as the dryer required propane.
My grandma’s friend bought me frozen foods to heat up in my microwave which was the only thing I could use to heat up food most of which required TEETH this is important later. All while my grandmother and aunt did nothing
I was told today that propane was going to be filled in the propane tank.
My grandma called and told me because the propane was being filled and my aunt was sick of her she was coming back home. I got mad at her and told her that she had no right to come home because she couldn’t take care of herself and I couldn’t take care of her either.
My grandma is a withered smoker who can’t walk but to the bathroom and back, running the risk of falling and can’t eat more than a quarter of a sandwich and has diabetic fits where she used her last conscious words to tell me not to call the ambulance calling me a jerk when I do, even though the paramedics say she would’ve literally died if I didn’t.
As my grandma has withered away, her doctor, me, the hospital, paramedics, and her friends have tried to put her in a nursing home so she can walk more and eat better, but she always calls my aunt and escapes because ShE DoEsN’T NeEd THe OlD fOLks home and constantly gets worse with her telling me she’s gonna do what she wants when she wants, even if her doctor says she will literally die.
I ended up text spamming her that she’s gonna die if she was left alone, I had no food for her, I had school, and she couldn’t take care of herself, and neither could I.
So am I the jerk?”
13. AITJ For Wanting My Grandfather To Be At My Wedding?
“I (23 f) am getting married soon to my fiance (26 m).
Growing up I knew three of my grandparents; both of my maternal grandparents but just my paternal grandmother. All I ever heard of my paternal grandfather (who’s 74 now) was that he was a bad guy; a womanizer and a heavy drinker who had mistreated my father and his brothers.
My father especially hated him and filled my head with bad things about him from the time that I was young, but his mom – my grandmother – also only ever badmouthed him whenever I asked about him.
I always wanted to meet my grandfather just once.
I guess I was just curious – after all, the man did supply a quarter of my DNA. Finally, in my sophomore year of college, I managed to track him down and contact him. He was really excited to hear from me and we ended up getting lunch together.
During the meeting he laid it all out on the table; yes, he had been a horrible husband and father. He said though that he had changed and no longer touched liquror. He was really interested in hearing about me, my siblings, my father, his brothers, and his ex-wife.
He told me that he was retired and had done well for himself financially and that he knew I was in college so if I ever needed any help to please let him know.
I ended up having to take him up on that offer a couple of times.
But I also just kept in regular contact with him and came to absolutely adore the man. My grandma, father, and paternal uncles hate him for whatever reason. They have their reasons. But to me, he’s nothing other than a kindly old man whom I’m related to and whom I’ve come to love.
Anyway; I want him at my wedding. Pretty much everyone is against it, including my younger brother and sister. In fact, the rest of my family are pretty upset with me about this. I get it, but I think he’s almost become an overhyped boogeyman to my family.
I can’t help but wonder if a lot of it was my paternal grandmother being bitter that her marriage didn’t work out and filling her sons’ heads with her resentment. But, even my mom and maternal grandparents are against him coming though they’ve never even met the man.
My fiance just says ‘If they are that against it they must have a reason. Let’s just go with the majority on this one’ even though he’s met the man himself and likes him just fine. So AITJ for not just going with the group on this one and insisting that my grandpa who I love be at my wedding?”
If you're serious about including Gramps in your future family gatherings, then I would try one out after the wedding, but this is your incredibly special day, and you don't want it ruined by one questionable decision.
12. AITJ For Not Taking Care Of My Little Sister While I Was Sick?
“Over the weekend, three of my siblings got really sick. My 2-year-old and 7-year-old sisters both ran fevers and were puking all over the place while my 5-year-old brother had a fever and a bad case of diarrhea.
While the baby was sick, I helped out a lot. Needless to say, I ended up getting her sickness. She’s over hers, but last night I threw up twice and kept waking up in cold sweats feeling like I was going to throw up again.
After my first time puking, my mom came into my room and asked how I was doing. After establishing that I was pretty sick but would be okay, she asked me if thought I’d be able to watch my sister the next day since I’d be staying home from school (the usual babysitter’s baby is really sick).
I told her I wasn’t sure because I felt really weak and sore still, and would let her know how I felt when I woke up. She said okay and walked out.
Well, this morning she came into my room and asked me if she thought I could do it and I told her that I didn’t think I could.
I still feel really weak and sore and feel that I can barely take care of myself, let alone an infant. I love my sister and if I was any stronger I’d be fine with watching her, but I’m scared I would fall asleep and she’d get into something, or that she’d climb onto something and I’d be too weak to pick her up.
My mom got really mad at me for telling her ‘No’. I apologized to her and she said ‘It’s fine, you know I can watch you guys when I’m sick’ and then slammed my door on her way out. I didn’t think I was the jerk, but now I’m not sure.
I feel really bad about everything. AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To My Brother For Telling Him That I Don't Need Him And That I Don't Have A Brother?
“I (22 F) have a complicated relationship with my brother (24 M).
For more context, I was always super independent growing up. Our family has that weird legacy thing with names, sons, and firstborn (I don’t understand it either), so he was always babied and hand-held more growing up, even into adulthood, I never really received the same treatment from our family, and we were always put against each other.
Here’s the thing we’ve NEVER been close in our teenage years and adulthood, there has always been conflict between us somehow. We always fought a lot when we were younger. In all honesty, I was pretty horrible to him when we were younger (7-11 years), but as we got older the fights got more intense and he got more abusive (high school), to the extent that I was leaving to my moms with psychical bruises, or going to my friends’ houses to get away from him.
My dad would interrupt it when he could, but I have a hard time remembering what would usually happen. We usually would just get separated, only for some sort of instigation to happen later, usually happening on my brother’s end.
After my dad died he moved to my mom’s house (I lived with her full time, him with my dad full time for context).
We still fought a lot, but he didn’t physically hurt me, it was more of a gaslight antagonistic approach, where he would instigate, I would have an emotional reaction, and then I would be the one in trouble/screamed at.
There have been times when he had TRIED to be there emotionally as a good brother, it’s a topic we talked about a lot after I moved out.
But I couldn’t help but not trust him or his intentions.
I’ve been moved out for 3 years now, so when/if my brother and I do fight, I just usually ignore him until he’s done being passive-aggressive, or petty (a common occurrence) because it’s just so emotionally exhausting and I don’t have the energy to waste (full-time student).
In 2021, We had a fight over text, and I told him that ‘I don’t need him, I never did’ and ‘I don’t have a brother’. I don’t remember the context of the argument, and I have since apologized for saying what I said about not having a brother.
However, he won’t let me live it down and I never apologized for the other part I said. It felt right when I said it, but I do understand how that might hurt his feelings. I did try to apologize for how it made him feel but he wasn’t having it.
I think deep down I meant it to my core, and that’s why I’m having such a hard time apologizing for it.
I moved out to get away from my family and build a better relationship over distance. I’ve never really asked much of my brother for anything, except maybe a ride back home once or twice.
He was never a person that was consistent enough for me to count on, plus our past, I have minimal trust in him.”
10. AITJ For Changing My Sister's Name?
“My (30 F) family and I were what I could only describe as white trash, and that reflects on mine and my sister’s names, which are: Shantelle, Shauna, Shambray, and Shardonnay – in that order. Being the eldest daughter of a drinking addict couple, I basically raised my sisters, especially the youngest one who is now 20 years old and lives with me and my husband.
I absolutely love her with all my heart.
Now to the problem. Last year I finally changed my name legally since I always hated the one my mother gave me. That, and the fact that I said I won’t continue the ‘S-names tradition’ with my children, already made my mother pretty mad (going to my and then my husband’s workplace, and taking my sister for a few days kind of mad).
My sister found it very cool how I could just change my name like that and asked if she could change her name to her gamer name. I told her ‘Firesiege4987’ wasn’t allowed, but that she could change to anything else she wanted. She said she wanted me to choose her name then.
I asked if she was serious and she said yes because ‘Moms choose names and you’re like basically my mom’. A few days later I talked to her about it again and explained what a legal name change would mean. She said she wanted to have a new name like me.
She liked the name I chose (I chose hers from the same TV show and the same way I chose mine – something that would be a small change from the nicknames we already use: Telle to Theo AKA Theodore and Nay to Nell AKA Eleanor).
So we started the process.
Our mother found out about it when Eleanor mentioned it to her, thinking she would find it really nice and exciting like she did. Our mother blew up at me, she called everyone in the family to tell them how I was controlling and manipulating our younger sister.
How I changed our names because I think I’m better than them now that I ‘married rich’.
I really didn’t see a problem, since it was what Eleanor wanted, but they said I should know better than to manipulate her to want it since she was autistic and couldn’t make choices like that.
I must add that Eleanor has a job and goes to community college – she’s more than able to make choices like that.
But now I feel like a jerk because I know her wanting it has more to do with a desire to be like me and do what I do than with any particular dislike for her name and because I feel like I’m erasing our roots or my mother’s legacy or something like that.
So, AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Being Tired OF My Parents' Comments About My Hygiene?
“I grew up in neglect, even though I always had at least one parent at home, and there was food on the table. My room was a mess, my parents were never available before noon, and I was once sent to the doctor because my back looked like I had shingles.
I lied because the real reason was that maggots had gotten into my mattress and bit at my back while I slept. I never had clean clothes unless my siblings cleaned them, and I was constantly making excuses as to why I never had clean clothes.
I very recently opened up to my mother about it, but my dad outright denied the fact that I went through anything, calling it nonsense.
So, present day, my dad is a trucker. I see him 1-2 times a month and every time, he makes unnecessary jokes and comments about my hygiene.
I have hyperhidrosis (sweat a lot disease) and I try to get ahold of my hygiene, but my depression and chronic fatigue make it hard. I do everything else correctly, but showers are just… hard. I wash my clothes, wear deodorant, brush my hair, everything.
Well, my dad was laid off recently so now he’s constantly home, and CONSTANTLY making comments on my hygiene and how I need to shower and whatnot. It’s getting exhausting at this point, so I just started crying. It is so hard to force myself into the shower, to waste so much energy that I need to use for other things.
I just started crying, and Dad started pulling out excuses. I blew up at him how he is constantly making jokes about my hygiene, and about both he and mom are constantly making notes on my hygiene.
They defended themselves by saying that I’m a teen and that I need to, and that they’re also making those comments towards my sister.
It doesn’t defend their actions, though. I feel already awful, and I have endless pain relating to my childhood of neglect. I’m sensitive enough, but they keep prodding me. My dad keeps saying that I’m exaggerating this and that everybody needs to shower regularly, and I know that.
Am I the jerk?
(EDIT: Not maggots, likely fly larvae.”
8. AITJ For Not Sharing My Money With My Sister?
“My sister (f 21) and I (m 22) both used work in our teens while we still went to school. The parents of a childhood friend of mine own a beverage market, so I used to help out there from time to time.
As I got older, I started to cover the shifts of people who went on vacation in the summer, so I basically worked full-time during my summer break and only occasionally helped out during the school year. My sister on the other hand wanted to relax on her summer break, so she worked as a waitress 2 or 3 nights a week and took school breaks off from work.
I also wasn’t a very social kid, so I saved most of the funds I earned aside from an occasional tech upgrade, while my sister spent all of hers on clothes or trips with friends.
I started university in the fall of 2018 and the following summer I discovered that my summer break at university didn’t really line up with most people’s holiday plans anymore, so I looked for another job I could do during September and October.
I found an agency that was hiring people to do customer support remotely for some of their clients, so I worked there for about 7 weeks in 2019. The platform they paid their contractors through offered payments in either bank transfer or crypto, but I wanted to avoid the fees they had on bank transfers, so I had my wage paid out directly to the Ethereum address of my Coinbase account.
Coinbase wanted more information from me before I could do anything with the money, and with the university starting to pick up again, I kind of forgot about the money on the account.
Fast forward to this Christmas, and I overhear my uncle who works in IT talking about his crypto investments to my grandpa.
I tell him that I had some crypto that I forgot about and his eyes go a little wide. I tell him what happened and he basically says that if I’m telling the truth my money has multiplied in value and I should definitely cash it out and run if I’m not going to actively monitor it.
So the first thing I did the next morning was log into the account and finish cashing out the money. I was paid a little over 13 ethereum in 2019, which as it turned out were now worth about 45.000€ instead of the 2.200€ I earned in 2019.
I told my family about the windfall at dinner and my parents were happy for me, but my sister got quiet.
When we asked her about it a few minutes later, she said it wasn’t fair that I’d accidentally made so much money, and that I should share the funds with her because we both worked just as hard but I had simply gotten lucky.
I don’t think she’s entitled to any of the money, because it could’ve just as well been worthless and nobody would have expected her to pay me in that case.
My mom told me she agreed with me but she wasn’t going to get involved, while my dad says he can understand us both and I should at least offer to buy her a car or pay for a vacation to keep the peace. Am I the jerk if I don’t share the money with her?”
7. AITJ For Refusing To Wear A Jersey From My Mom's Husband?
“I (16 f) split time between my mom and dad’s house. My birthday was recently, and I spent the weekend at their house. Her husband is a big sports fan and happens to like the team that is the team my dad and I like’s biggest rival. I’m not sure if he knew this or not, but I’m fairly certain that I’ve worn at least a hat or jersey for my favorite team to their house at least once, and I also know that I definitely have never said or worn anything that would make him think I was a fan of his favorite team.
Anyway, he got me a jersey for one of their best players. This is, coincidentally, a player that my dad and I love to hate. He’s been pretty good for a while and always seems to do best against our team.
I tried to pretend to like it but no way am I putting it on.
I figured I could just shove it in the back of my closet and forget about it, which I did the second I went upstairs.
The next day (Sunday) we were watching the Super Bowl and somehow the team that he likes came up. He asked how I liked the jersey and I just said it was fine.
He asked why I was being unenthusiastic and I just said I wasn’t, I didn’t want to be rude. He suggested I put it on and I said no and went upstairs.
Monday he was still upset and said something to my mother about it and she agreed with him and said I was being ungrateful.
She said it was probably expensive and I was being ridiculous and should’ve shown appreciation for it.
I don’t think it’s that ridiculous, I know I certainly would not get someone a jersey for a team I didn’t know for sure that they liked and then expect them to wear it, but maybe I’m mistaken.
AITJ for refusing to wear it?”
6. AITJ For Renaming My Fiancee's Bluetooth Speakers?
“My (40 F) fiancee (43 F) has had two Bose speakers for many years. They’re identical in every way, so any time you have disconnected or forgotten them on a device you have to go through the whole process of inevitably tapping the wrong one first, then waiting for the connection attempt to error out in order to tap the right one.
Both of us find this marginally annoying, and we’ve both done our share of ‘Yeah I’ll connect to the Bose – gosh! One sec…’ over the years. I’ve asked her several times if she would rename them. She responds that it’s pointless to rename them because they’d still look the same and we wouldn’t know which one was which.
The last time this happened I said that I’d just make one a hat and call him Herman. She ignored me. Probably because she was doing things that were actually important and I was messing with the Bluetooth speakers.
Many months later the speaker in the kitchen wasn’t playing.
I downloaded the Bose app on my phone and found that the speakers were badly in need of a software update. After the update, I saw I could rename them, so I did.
I put them both back where they were supposed to be and forgot about it until today.
She went to connect to the speaker and sounded a little freaked out that her phone ‘couldn’t see’ the speakers. I realized that she just didn’t see the name she was used to, so I said ‘Oh! I renamed that one Herman.’
She was annoyed that I renamed it, and brought up again that they look identical. I showed her the underside of the speaker where I’d drawn a tiny hat and the name Herman.
Then she realized that I must have also renamed the other one. She looked at her Bluetooth list and yelped ‘You called the other one witch in the kitchen?!’
I laughed because we’re both women and I’m the one who does all the cooking so yeah, I did think it was pretty hilarious.
She did not. She says I’m a jerk because I renamed HER speakers, I drew on one ‘like a child,’ and I named one ‘something stupid’ and the other ‘something sexist (…) that anyone with Bluetooth can see.’
When she puts it like that yes I do feel guilty… but I’m wondering if it really rises to the level of jerkery.
I thought I was finding a cute solution to a mildly annoying problem. It’s a very small drawing on the underside that nobody sees. Herman seems like a perfectly fine name, and I really don’t think that our neighbors or friends are going to be offended that I’m repeating a sexist trope in my gay relationship.”
5. AITJ For Not Liking How My Husband Makes Toast?
“My husband and I had a baby around a month ago. My husband is back at work and I am on maternity leave. Lately, my husband has been making me toast every morning as a little treat for me before he goes to work, and it’s such a sweet gesture!
(All I’ve been craving post-pregnancy is peanut butter on toast.)
But the thing is… his toast… I can hardly call it that. He BARELY toasts it. The middle of the bread has only changed color VERY slightly, and the edges are still perfectly soft. It’s warmed bread, is what it is.
Have you ever had slightly toasted toast? It’s confusing. Be bread or be toast, but if you try to be both then you’re neither.
And while I do appreciate that he’s making me a meal, and I know in my heart that it’s the thought that counts, I just want actually toasted toast back in my life.
Especially as it’s all I’m craving.
I’ve mentioned several times in the last week or so that I don’t mind making my own toast, but he insists on making the toast for me before he goes to work. And I eat the barely toasted toast because I don’t like food waste if I can avoid it.
But then because I’ve eaten the barely toasted toast, it’d be too much food for me if I made myself a second piece of actual toast after he’s left, so I don’t get the toast taste I’m really craving.
So the other day when he was going to put the bread in the toaster, I asked him if he wouldn’t mind leaving the bread in there just a little bit longer this time.
He asked me if I didn’t like his toast, and I said, ‘No, I love that you’ve been making me toast! I just wouldn’t mind it a little bit toastier.’ He got a bit annoyed and said that he got up earlier to make me my toast every morning, and now he felt like I didn’t appreciate his toast. I said I did appreciate his toast but would appreciate it more if it were actually toast. Maybe I shouldn’t have put it like that, because he told me I could make my own toast if I didn’t think he was up to the task of toasting.
I said I would, and I think this hurt him even more.
I feel like we’ve always asked for and given feedback on dishes we cook for one another previously so I thought it’d be okay. Should I have kept eating the bad toast, and AITJ for bringing it up with him?”
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Include My Brother In My Bonding Moments With My Mom?
“My mother had me (22 f) at 15, which isn’t the point of this story but when she started seeing other men when I was in middle school. It wasn’t a surprise that the men she was seeing who had kids had much younger children and that was something we talked about before she got serious with Steve.
Mom started going out with Steve when I was 16 and married him when I left for college. He has a now 12-year-old son, Joey.
I didn’t live in the house with them for very long and obviously, the age difference is big so Joey and I get along but we’re not close at all.
He’s a nice kid but I don’t know him super well. He’s very attached to my mom though which I totally get, my mom is awesome.
After I graduated this spring, I moved back closer to home (about 30 minutes from my mom).
I was really excited to be nearby, we’ve always been really close and I missed her a lot when I was at school.
I wanted to have a dedicated girls’ day with my mom at least once or maybe twice a month now that I’m home and we got to do that for a couple of months but the last two times, my mom has shown up with Joey.
Again, I like the kid but we were doing stuff like getting our nails done, having lunch at new places, seeing plays… Joey changes that entirely. Last time we went to the zoo because he wanted to visit the reptile house and then got cheeseburgers.
It was fine but that’s not the day I planned with my mom.
We got into an argument on the phone that night and it came out that Steve had demanded that Joey be included on our days together because he felt that my time alone with my mother was her showing me favoritism.
I didn’t even know what to say, I’ve never known my mom to be so spineless especially when it came to me. It really hurt me to say it but I told her I wasn’t interested in that and if that was my only choice, I guess I would just have to see her on holidays and family gatherings.
She’s been calling me and begging me to change my mind but she won’t stand up to her husband about it so I’ve just kept apologizing and saying I’m not interested in having a kids’ day every month. I miss my mom though and I feel really guilty and I don’t know if it was a jerk thing for me to say or not.”
3. AITJ For Thinking Of Not Going To My Best Friend's Wedding?
“A couple of years ago my best friend got together with this girl who I had a thing with back in high school but after some stuff happened, we had a falling out.
When they got together I was happy for him cause he’s never been the best at getting people to stick around due to his personality, he asked me if I could be civil with her, and I, of course, agreed as I do not hold a grudge against her since all that went down with us happened back in high school (back in 2018) but apparently, he never asked her to be civil with me, and she was rude to me constantly when I would hang out with them, it got to the point when I had to have a talk with best friend about it, which he said ‘she’s allowed to still be angry at you’.
I asked him what she was even mad about, I won’t go into it so as to not out myself, but all the things she was angry about, apart from one instance, I wasn’t even a part of. He explained it to her and she seemed to change and was nicer to me when we were in the same room, I have no problem with people hating me, but I do have a problem with people not showing me the same respect I give them.
Anyways fast forward and they are engaged now, and best friend makes me best man, I write my speech and I’m pretty happy about it, I call my best friend and read it to him and he loves it, then I start getting texts from a number I don’t recognize telling me to send my speech for ‘review’, I call best friend and he says the number belongs to fiancés best friend and said they want to read it cause they don’t ‘trust me to write an appropriate speech and might ruin the wedding’ and if I don’t send it, I won’t be allowed to give it, he also said they were talking about having me searched to get in, like I’ll be the only one getting searched, which is weird because I hardly drink (maybe a couple of beers a week) and I don’t do illegal stuff.
I have no problem with sending the speech, though I don’t like the reason for it, but getting searched is taking it too far, I told him he needs to shut it down and told him to think about how it would make him look if his best man is the only one getting searched. He tells me to just ‘play along with it’ since he’s just ‘doing the wedding for her’.
He doesn’t care about having a ceremony and has said he’d be fine with just doing the paperwork, but she wants it. I told him to tell her to knock it off or I simply just won’t go. I talked with the other groomsmen and they all agree that it’s ridiculous.
To be honest, I do want to go and enjoy the experience and I’m super happy for my best friend that he’s found someone he can be happy with, but if I’m just going to get treated like dirt, I don’t want any part of it.
AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Being Upset At My Husband For Getting The Wrong Bra Size?
“I (F 29) have always been a rather skinny person, size 00 with barely (read none) existent curves so to say, I don’t wear a bra for the lack of need, but when I do need it would be some AA bralette and call it a day.
Recently I got to know I have somewhat serious medical issues and I needed to start hormonal therapy. Most likely I will gain weight, which doesn’t bother me that much, I just want to be healthy again, but I did start feeling a little insecure not only with potential weight gain but with already starting to see some side effects on my skin, hair and generally I am just moodier.
My husband Jeremy (M 34) has been nothing but really supportive, he is very understanding of my current moods and goes out of his way to compliment me and get me to feel better, like saying that there will be just more of me to love, or that I will look beautiful no matter what.
And now onto the story that got me feeling really mad and upset at Jeremy. Sometimes he needs to travel for work for a few days, this time as he came back usual stuff proceeded, I went to wash his clothes from the weekender bag and found an obvious pink bag, inside which I found a really pretty set of lingerie, with the bra cup size C.
I was really confused and asked him about it. Jeremy then told me that he knew I had been feeling insecure about potential weight gain and wanted to surprise me that there are good things in every size.
I don’t know it just made me very upset, like most likely my breast wouldn’t even grow to that size, like why on earth would he buy a bra for me 4 sizes larger, like he has some kind of expectations of how my body should look like, I just don’t know.
He says I am being emotional and overreacting and if I don’t like it, he will just take it back, that he wanted to make me feel better, and instead, I am just throwing a strop at him.
So AITJ for not appreciating a wrong bra size even if it was with good intentions?”
1. AITJ For Making Our Daughter Stay With My Stepdaughter?
“My husband’s daughter, my stepchild, Aysha is in hospital. We immediately rushed there, only to be refused entry to the ward by the nurses.
Due to what happened to her, the ward placed this strict policy that only the two ‘next of kin’, written down can see her.
One of them is a friend and one of them is me and my husband’s daughter, Lucy.
We only know Aysha’s in the hospital because my friend, who is an agency nurse told us but she couldn’t give much info because Aysha wasn’t her patient.
She told us that if Aysha verbally consents to changing the ‘NOK’ to ours, we can see her. The police have her mobile and the nurses don’t seem to pass messages when we call.
Lucy refuses to mention us or even tell us how she’s doing.
When my husband shouted at her, Lucy cussed us both out and said all we ever did was use Aysha for her time, labor, and money, we allowed Ann and May to bully her and that she’s basically Cinderella except she never had fairy Godmother.
She then said that she doesn’t consider us parents as we gave her away to her real mother, but we still kept the child benefit. Lucy ended the video chat and my husband was silent. He hasn’t spoken much except to tell me that, this is all my fault and that Lucy is right about me.
Our family didn’t blend well because Anna and May (my daughters from my ex) are outgoing and Aysha is quiet and younger, they would argue, but no bullying occurred. Naturally, my husband and I took my daughter’s side because we moved into my husband’s house, so my daughters had to change schools, and Aysha didn’t.
Before we moved in, Aysha did chores as my husband worked long hours, so there wasn’t much point in changing this setup. My husband and I had Lucy and Aysha help. When Aysha turned 18 she moved out, Lucy who was 10 at the time, started misbehaving at home and at school.
My husband and I had had enough, so we decided to send her to Aysha’s for 6 months because living in a tiny studio above a curry takeaway would teach Lucy to be grateful. Despite what Lucy says, we didn’t give her away.
We informed Lucy’s school that Aysha’s uni hours fitted in with Lucy’s hours and Aysha worked part-time as a cleaner for the same Uni, so was able to change her shifts.
After 6 months, Lucy refused to come home, so Aysha asked for more of her things. My husband and I didn’t take their disrespect seriously as we felt Lucy was playing games and Aysha would give Lucy back once she finally got a man. We packed all her things and gave them to her.
That was 13 years ago. In that time we haven’t had much contact. Aysha has helped us with money 4 times and looked after my mother when ill as I have a bad knee, but never did I use her. Whenever Lucy visited she would just argue with her sisters who live with us.
When 2020 happened we didn’t hear from them at all.
AITJ?”
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