People Worry They'll Get Roasted After Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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Being a jerk is easy. It's a quick reaction to frustration, a hasty retort to someone's mistakes, or a dismissive attitude towards others' feelings. But in truth, being a jerk achieves nothing positive. It only breeds negativity and alienates those around us. This is why these people want to explain their actions so they can clear up whether they're jerks or not. Read their stories and let us know what you think of them. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

20. AITJ For Telling Someone They Have Crappy Taste In Men?

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“I (29M) have known my wife (30F) and her best friend Jess (29F) since we were all 11.

We attended middle and high school together, but I wasn’t in their social circles at all. I was always one of the sort of nerdy awkward kids and the two of them were both very popular. My wife in particular was extremely popular because she was (and still is) extremely beautiful, kind, and intelligent.

She was our student body president and valedictorian. Jess was also very pretty (I even had a tiny crush on her back then) and similarly popular. My wife and Jess have been best friends since kindergarten.

My wife and I started going out during our senior year of high school after we were paired together to complete a project in one of our classes.

We realized that we got along really well, and she asked me out, and I definitely wasn’t saying no to her. Jess from the very start, did not respect our relationship, and firmly believed that my wife could do much better.

She has, in the decade-plus since, consistently told me that my wife is out of my league, that I was lucky she settled for me so young, and that my wife belongs with a more attractive and successful man.

Now, I’m the first one to admit that my wife is out of my league.

She’s far more attractive, makes more money, and is just generally an amazing human being, but hearing it so often doesn’t exactly feel good. Jess also has tried to convince my wife to have an affair multiple times and has even tried to set her up with other men, because she doesn’t approve of my wife and I being the only ones we’ve slept with.

Jess has a daughter (5F) whose father bailed on her and raises her as a single mom. Jess actually dropped out of med school to raise her daughter once she realized the father was not going to be in the picture.

My wife and I absolutely love her daughter and love having her over. Jess had a date on Saturday night, so she left her daughter with us for the night and came to pick her up on Sunday, and stayed for lunch.

As I was preparing lunch for everyone and her daughter was playing in the yard, Jess and my wife were talking about her date. Jess was going on and on about how attractive the guy was, how good he was in bed, and all of the details, but I just ignored it.

Jess then looked at me and said ‘You’re lucky you locked her down when you were so young before she knew that there was better out there’ and then turned to my wife and offered to give the guy her number in case she wanted to ‘try him out’.

I got really angry at that point so I just said ‘I doubt you know anything about better, since your taste in men is why you’re a single mom and not a doctor right now’. Both of them just stared at me in shock, and then Jess called me a jerk and left quickly with her daughter.

My wife has been upset with me since, so I have to ask. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“They’re mad at YOU. I’m not. You needed to put this person in her place. But moving forward that is your wife’s job.

For real. If she lets her friend tear you down in your company or not in your company. That’s a problem dude. Clearly, her issues with you having to do with her messed up value system in regard to relationships.

I don’t know why your wife tolerates this. You deserve to be defended by her. And I think you need to figure that out. NTJ.” dekebasswood

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your wife is the biggest one.

Her friend constantly belittles and is disrespectful towards your marriage and your wife is ALL GOOD.

It sounds like your wife deep down agrees with her and believes you should be happy that she’s even with you to begin with.

And honestly, your willingness to keep defending your wife in this makes me think you feel the same way, willing to accept all this crap, simply because an awkward guy like you landed a popular girl.

Both your wife and her friend are completely shocked that you stood up for yourself tells me that she feels that you should take it because she believes her friend is right.

You deserve better OP.

Do not apologize. They should be apologizing to you.” _A-Q

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. At all. They might be mad at you and maybe I could understand why if I was your wife and had more loyalty to my friend than to my husband, but alas no.

You gave brutal honesty to someone who was long overdue and honestly, your wife’s friend sounds pretty trashy.

You brought to light a hard truth that I’m sure she’s aware of. Your wife’s friend may also be a bit jealous of your wife and the life she’s made with what seems like a nice person (I don’t know you though so healthy skepticism.

LOL).

I think you have more of a wife problem. What I mean by that is that your wife consistently lets her ‘friend’ disrespect you and your relationship. What’s more, is that I wouldn’t put it past your wife’s friend having feelings for your wife and/or you…” melodic_equivalent69

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deka1 1 year ago
NTJ. Your wife and her friend sure are though. I think you need to sit your wife down and ask her why she lets her friend say this crap about you. It sounds as though she doesn't respect you. Her friend sounds horrible. You need to confront her each and every time she does this crap and maybe one of them will at least figure out that what they are doing is wrong. If your wife stands up for her friend and not you then maybe they should be a couple and you can find someone who respects you.
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19. AITJ For Feeling Hurt After Finding Out My Friend's Husband Doesn't Like Me?

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“I (38f) have known ‘Ally’ (40f) for 15 years. We first met at work when were single and the youngest people there. We became good friends and socialized together and still do.

Ally then met her partner ‘Matt’ who she is still with years later.

He does not share her interests. He is an avid football supporter (UK) and very anti the rival football team. Even when he doesn’t go to watch matches live, he watches at the pub with his male friends. He plays sports with his friends.

She’s a football widow. She likes going to the theatre and to dinner. He’ll go to dinner with her but doesn’t much enjoy the theatre unless it’s a serious play (she likes musicals) and she ends up going with female friends.

She says she doesn’t mind, they aren’t joined at the hip and she has plenty of friends and relatives who enjoy going to the theatre with her and that she doesn’t want to go to football. I wonder…

I am known for being brutally honest. When she introduced me to Matt, she asked my opinion and I gave it. I didn’t really see them together. I didn’t like that he drinks and swears. He has a professional job but isn’t very ‘refined’ unlike her and I found him a bit difficult to connect to.

At the time she was hurt but got over it and generally just engineered it so I never really saw him. He was always ‘busy’ when I organized a party etc. They now have 2 young boys and he looks after them when she goes out with her friends.

To be honest, more recently my opinion of him has improved. He seems to be a really good daddy to the boys and they clearly adore him. They are also football mad!

It took me longer to meet my SO ‘Edward’ but I now have and we have just got engaged. Ally and Matt both attended our engagement party.

Edward actually also likes football and ended up getting on really well with Matt.

Later I asked Ally if she’d be up for doing something as couples, as Edward and Matt got on well. She was non-committal. A few weeks later I tried to arrange something and she accepted for herself but ‘Matt was busy’.

I explained I wanted to do something with the 4 of us when he was free. She kept stalling. I pushed it (maybe I shouldn’t have) and she said it wasn’t a good idea because he and I didn’t get on.

I said it was ok, I’d changed my opinion more recently and Edward liked him. She looked surprised and then awkwardly let me know it was because he didn’t really like me! She ‘thought I knew’!

I didn’t and I was upset – this was news.

I asked her why. She was embarrassed but said he found me judgmental and ‘too much’. I don’t even know what that means. A few other examples as well!

I was hurt and told her I had assumed she kept us apart because I didn’t like him, not the reverse.

She said that we didn’t get on so what difference did it make? I’m beyond hurt and did react badly and told her some home truths about him. I regret this now and tried to apologize but she won’t return my calls.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You judged him too harshly initially, he correctly read you as judgmental, and Ally was being a kind friend by carrying on in a way that allowed her to maintain the friendship without the two of you crossing paths.

Now you have realized you weren’t totally right about him, yet let your anger and rejection cause you to say hurtful things about him to his wife.

I don’t know what he means by ‘too much’ but based on this story, it’s possible that you lack tact, are too quick to judge, or let yourself treat others badly or too harshly.

I hope she’ll take your apology seriously, and that you’ll all get over it. I hope for the peace of your friendship that you could bring yourself to apologize to Matt as well, and express to him that you know you haven’t ever grown close but that you’ve learned some things about yourself recently and would like to start fresh as friends.” owls_and_cardinals

Another User Comments:

“On the real: your opinion of Matt was never the priority to Ally compared to Matt’s opinions concerning you. And I’m sorry you are the last to know this. YTJ unfortunately because you seem hostile and judgmental regarding something that you aren’t intimately associated with.

What you think of your friend’s man should not ever become her burden to carry. Spend less time with a friend if you can’t support her choices. But, don’t drag her for the right to choose. She gets to live her life as she sees fit – even when you find someone she loves to be lacking.

Matt could tell how you felt and he weighed you, assessed you, and found you wanting.” AndSoItGoes24

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. She probably told him what you said about him years ago, and now he’s uncomfortable around you because as a basic stranger to him, you called him things like ‘unrefined’ and not good enough for your friend.

You made your bed, and rather than accept it, you lashed out at your friend’s husband unprompted. Honestly, they’re right about you being judgmental, and he has every right to not like you for your comments. Even if you have changed your opinion of the husband, it’s going to take effort on your part to change his opinion of you.

After what you said recently, you probably messed up your friendship permanently though.” ncslazar7

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LizzieTX 1 year ago
Boy, are you ever a massive jerk! You really have to ask? Your judgmental attitude toward Matt is really insulting to both him and Ally, as you're questioning her choice of partner. And you honestly are shocked that he doesn't like you? Why on earth would he? You've never been anything but a jerk to him, despite Ally telling you that their relationship works, whether it pleases YOU or not.
I agree with ncslazar7; you'll be lucky if Ally continues your friendship, after you putting her in such an awkward position for so many years. I wouldn't, in her shoes. Matt is right - you're judgmental and "too much".
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18. AITJ For Asking My Sister Why She Didn't Call Me When She Went Into Labor?

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“Throughout my sister’s (21F) pregnancy I’ve (34F) been one of her main supporters. I’ve gone with her to doctor appointments when her partner couldn’t make it, I’ve helped her out with baby essentials, and I’ve been a shoulder for her to cry on.

Our mother isn’t in the picture, so I played the part during her pregnancy. Anytime labor and delivery were brought up I was always included in the plan. She told me multiple times that she was scared to go into labor, and she wanted someone with her who knew what was going on.

Fast forward to Saturday when I get a text from my sister’s partner in our family group chat announcing that my sister had given birth. At first, I was worried because I thought maybe she had to have an emergency c-section or something since no one called me.

Then I read the text that said that my sister had given birth early in the morning after being in labor for sixteen hours. This confused me, but I didn’t say anything.

My husband and I went to visit my sister in the hospital to see the baby and bring her dinner.

I asked my sister how she was feeling, how was the birth, and all the other things people ask after someone gives birth. After seeing my niece and talking with my sister for a while I asked her if there was a reason she didn’t call me when she went into labor.

She told me that she didn’t think of it at the time, ‘everything was moving too fast.’ I made a joke asking her how being in labor for sixteen hours is too fast to call me.

My sister’s partner took offense to this.

They told me that my sister didn’t have to call me. I told them that if they weren’t going to tell me when my sister was in labor then she shouldn’t have told me that she wanted me at the birth.

I was under the impression that I was going to see my niece be born, and it isn’t fair to take that away without a heads-up. Things got awkward, so my husband and I left. Later I got a text from my sister’s partner telling me that I need to apologize to my sister because I was out of line.

I don’t think I was out of line for asking a question, and neither does my husband, but my sister and her partner are making me feel like I’m a jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Sorry, but you were out of line on this one.

Your sister made a promise, yes, but when the time came, it turned out that she wanted her partner there and that’s her choice. 16 hours or 6 minutes, it doesn’t matter. Things can seem to go by pretty fast and who are you to judge?

Giving birth is a highly personal, emotional, and special time and this was her time to choose who would be there for it. She chose her partner and you need to gracefully bow out. Apologize to her privately and to her partner.” LoveBeach8

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You should feel glad that both her partner and the hospital made her feel secure enough to not need one more person in that room, where you would be in the way and offer nothing of practical value.

You should see her needing you there as a sign that something was wrong and her being able to focus on her actual task instead of having you as yet one more worry and distraction as a blessing.

You should congratulate your sister and the facility and partner who helped her.

Instead, you chose a moment when her body chemistry is so messed up that women literally go postpartum and die to make this about you and your disappointments.

Shame on you.” cobright

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. She obviously wanted you to be a part of this, but at the moment she went into labor, what her body and mind need at the moment – or the 16 hours of moments – is all that matters.

Why wouldn’t you have told her ahead of time that if her needs during labor don’t include you, that’s just fine? I would have told that to a person I was supporting on, like, day one. Yet, you seem like the kind of person who not only didn’t think to tell her that but actually wants the opposite.

I never would have felt slighted if my sister felt the need to focus on things other than me during labor, no matter how much I’d invested in supporting her. You’re being pretty transactional here.” minetruly

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IDontKnow 1 year ago
YTJ. It was going fast for her even if it was 16 hours long. I was in labor for 36 hours and never called anyone. That wasn't what she was thinking about in the moment. Her partner should have called you though. And your gripe should be with him. Not your obviously busy sister.
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17. AITJ For Uninviting Someone From A Concert After A Bad Joke During Dinner?

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“I (34M) have a good group of close friends. It consists of 4 other guys my age, and one girl (Val 24F). Val is like our little sister. We have known her for 5 years.

She used to go out with one of our other friends (Jax 34M). When they got together, I and the guys warned her about Jax and begged her to leave him. But we didn’t know how bad things were until Val broke up with Jax and we found out just how bad Jax was to her, and also how bad his substance abuse was.

Our group collectively decided to not be friends with Jax anymore and took Val in instead.

We all adore Val and look out for her the best we can. Val was diagnosed with stage 1 cervical cancer a few weeks back.

She says she is not worried about it because stage 1 is curable. She has started radiation and is doing pretty well. She wants to keep it on the down low and has only told me, and her friend Jessica (24F).

Val and Jessica met about a year ago, they hang out often now. Jessica is alright. She’s pretty harsh to Val and likes to cause drama. She and Val are complete opposites, so it’s an interesting duo. Jessica tags along on occasion when Val comes to hang out or goes out with us.

Yesterday morning, I called Val to check in on her (as I usually do) and invited her to dinner and a concert that I got a bunch of tickets for from work. She said she would love to, but already had plans with Jessica.

I told her to invite her as well. Val and Jessica met up with us at a sushi place before the show. Jessica was already pretty lit and was being her usual loud, wasted self. One of the boys (Matt) bought shots for the table.

When they arrived, Val said she was alright and just said she wasn’t feeling super good that day due to low blood sugar issues (she’s T1D). Matt jokingly said ‘You sure you aren’t pregnant Val?’ and everyone started laughing.

Jessica quickly said, ‘Even if she was, the radiation and chemo would take care of that for her!’

As you can imagine, the laughter quickly turned to confusion and Val was forced to explain to the rest of the boys while Jessica kept laughing.

Val was pretty upset, and Jessica didn’t think she did anything wrong. After dinner, I told Jessica that it was best if she just went home, and offered to call her an Uber. She declined and stormed off. Val was concerned for Jessica, but also grateful that I did that.

We ended up having a really good night. The next morning I woke up to tons of messages from Jessica’s partner and her friends saying I’m a piece of trash for that, and that it was an accident on Jessica’s part.

I’m now questioning if I made the right choice. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You’re good. Val is a sweetheart and it’s nice that you are protecting her. But keep in mind she is the one who keeps choosing abusive people to cozy up with… I know she’s fighting cancer.

But if you’re her friend, you might want to nudge her to take a look at that. She’s the only one who can change it. There’s always gonna be another jerk around the corner. Jessica’s friends will scurry back into their holes in a minute.

I wouldn’t worry about them. NTJ.” dekebasswood

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Jessica not only disclosed the news that wasn’t hers to disclose – and, by the way, there’s no amount of being wasted that could make this a ‘mistake’ – but also wrapped it up inside an extremely hurtful comment.

It sounds to me like she has gotten far too comfortable making mean comments to Val and the only mistake she’s regretful of is doing it in front of somebody who will stand up for her. Good for you for tactfully making it clear that Jessica’s actions have consequences, I’m not sure I could have been as discreet as you in handling this terrible situation!” CacklingMossHag

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

First things first, Jessica is a massive jerk. Blurting out a secret while being wasted can be a forgivable mistake. Making jokes about cancer and the consequences of pregnancy are not. The liquor only loosened her tongue there, all her spite is still there even when she’s sober.

Her partner messaging you I can somehow comprehend, ‘How can you leave a poor wasted girl behind’. Her friends I can’t. Not my party, not my business. I hope Val finds some replacement for Jessica and Jax who are reliable.” FalconJaeger

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LizzieTX 1 year ago
"In vino, veritas." has, and always will be, a human truth. Jessica is a garbage pail of a human being for her treatment of Val, and especially now for this latest cruelty. Time to kick her nasty @$$ to the curb and that goes for all of you.
I think Val may have gotten used to nasty treatment while jerk Jax, from your comments, which is probably why she's put up with Jessica's cruelty because it feels normal.
And good on you for booting the b!tch, and I hope the rest of your friend group do the same.
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16. WIBTJ If I Propose To My Partner Two Weeks After My Brother's Wedding?

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“My brother and my future SIL will have a destination wedding in the Philippines. And they wanted us to fly in 2 days prior to their wedding day.

However, they’re not paying for any of our flights, hotel, food and etc.

My partner grew up in the Philippines and moved to the USA at 13 (she’s 27 now), but haven’t visited her home country at all. She told me she wanted to visit the country to pay respects to her late grandparents and to see the beaches again.

Well, since we’re there, we planned to extend our stay for another week or two after my brother’s wedding. And during that time, I plan to pop the question (we’ve talked about marriage, and she gave me the okay sign to propose).

I was dropping off some stuff to my brother and future SIL, and my brother joked about me getting married. I then mentioned to him that I plan to propose in the Philippines. I explained that we were extending our stay in the country and staying on a different island after the reception.

My brother was thrilled and promised to not let the beans spill. However, my future SIL overheard the conversation and screamed at me to not do that. That the trip to the Philippines was all about their wedding, and I will be a major jerk if I proposed.

My brother chimed in and said I won’t be a jerk, and it’s not like I’m proposing at their wedding/reception. And might as well make use of the travel.

FSIL said that it would be taking away the attention from their wedding.”

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ. You are paying for your travel, hotel, etc. It is essentially a holiday with their event at the beginning. Do the wedding, go to the other island, enjoy your time with your partner exploring her home country, and then have a beautiful proposal. If SIL carries on, speak to your brother privately.

I would be concerned she’ll say something to other people, maybe even your partner, in order to gather supporters that your plan is wrong.

Tell him you are concerned she is going to ruin this moment for you by saying something or making it into an issue.

If she threatens your surprise proposal in any way, she will not be welcome at your wedding. Hopefully, he can talk some sense into her. She doesn’t own the wedding week, month, the Philippines, etc.” crazyunicorns6

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ but I would plan it towards the end of the trip so the entire vacation doesn’t become telling your partner’s family about the proposal over and over again.

When you publicly announce your engagement and refer to the location mention the island you will be visiting after the wedding instead of just saying that you proposed in the Philippines so your SIL doesn’t feel like it was related to ‘her location.’ She’s being over the top about it, but I would purposely differentiate your extended vacation just to avoid drama and conflict.

Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful trip and a terrific proposal.” Agreeable_Doubt_4504

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, provided it’s after the wedding, away from all other guests, and you don’t bring any attention to it during any wedding activities.

If you do it during your extra vacation time and everyone else has left you can do whatever you want. FSIL cannot enforce a time frame of when guests’ life events can happen to maintain post-wedding attention. Truth be told, once everyone leaves the destination, the wedding will just be a memory, not something guests are constantly thinking about for weeks to follow.” AlgaeFew8512

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shko1 1 year ago
I’m sorry but I feel like I didn’t read this right because of the comments. Didn’t he say he WAS GOING TO DO IT AFTER THE WEDDING/RECEPTION and on a DIFFERENT ISLAND?
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15. AITJ For Ignoring My Neighbor's Package?

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“I live in a townhouse-style apartment building where we all have side-by-side front doors that face out to the parking lot. They’re staggered, upstairs downstairs. The downstairs apartment address will be 300. The upstairs apartment address will be 300A.

I’m the downstairs neighbor and the couple in the upstairs A apartment are the bane of my existence.

I can hear everything that they do. It will seem like they are rattling and bumping things for hours. Sometimes steady noises that I think are them cutting on a cutting board. The rumble of their TV. EVERYTHING.

They’ve lived in the building longer than I have, when they first moved in they used to say hi.

Now they don’t say anything. And I once suspect they called the cops on me and a girl I was with just for arguing after I have to deal with their noise constantly. The girl is definitely stuck up. The guy seems shady.

Well, last week I got a box on my mat that definitely wasn’t for me. Since our apartment numbers are the same except for the A at the end of theirs it’s an understandable mistake. It had the girl’s name on it.

I didn’t steal it, I just left it. It was there for a couple of days and then it was gone. I assumed she took it finally but I guess it was actually stolen which is too bad.

This morning I was outside watering a new plant and the girl came up and said she heard from a family member that they had sent her a surprise birthday present and they were wondering if she ever got it but she didn’t.

She showed me the delivery photo they forwarded to her and yep it was the box on my mat. I said I didn’t take it which was true. Then she got upset and asked me if I realize that she moves my packages from her door to mine almost every week.

I said I didn’t ask her to do that and our doormats are only 5 feet apart so if I’m missing a package I can figure it out myself. She said she didn’t know anyone was sending her anything and didn’t think to come to stand in front of my door and read what was in my mail.

Then she said that I have a problem with her and her partner because they’re an interracial couple and she used me giving her the middle finger while driving in town as ‘evidence’. I told her I have a problem with her and her partner because they are trashy neighbors and they can’t inconvenience everyone who lives around them and expect favors.

Also, she sucks at driving and I suspect that she left a small scrape on the corner of my car parking. Just another reason they are trashy neighbors. I feel bad for the gift sender who is out of their money but not for her.

But she called me a jerk so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

If the door mats are 5 feet apart, by your logic, it’s just as easy for you to move the package. I’ve delivered misdelivered packages that were for the same house number a block over.

Maybe if you did nice things, they would be nice, too. They probably sense the fact that you don’t like them, which is why they stopped saying hi.

Also, calling them the bane of your existence because the noises of them living life annoy you is petty.

Sounds like the building is made of cheap materials that don’t insulate sound. Part of living in a multi-unit complex is dealing with noise from the other units. If they move, you would probably hear the noises of the new tenants, and then they would be the bane of your existence.” AgentAlpo

Another User Comments:

“I don’t get what they’re meant to do to be ‘considerate.’ You only hear a rumble from their TV, so it seems like it isn’t loud. Because you can also hear them chopping things when cooking, and that definitely isn’t a super loud activity.

You didn’t see her scrape your car. You just assumed it was her. She moved your packages over to you because most people would, even if not asked. I’d imagine they can also hear your TV if you can hear them chopping things.

I would think that they aren’t being friendly because they heard you have an argument…

Are they meant to not cook anything and live in total silence so you won’t know of their existence? YTJ, I think.” seventeenblackbirds

Another User Comments:

“Yep, you are absolutely the jerk here.

You intentionally did not move the package because you consider them ‘trashy neighbors’. You were being petty and your pettiness caused her not to receive a gift that had been sent by a relative.

She is right – she shouldn’t have to walk over and inspect every piece of mail left at your door, just in case it might be for her. And I wager if she did do that, you would be on here complaining about how weird your neighbor is for inspecting all your packages.

Most of your issues with the neighbor have nothing to do with them being bad neighbors and everything to do with the place you live in being poorly built so you do hear everything through the walls. Their TV at a normal volume or cutting things on a chopping board is normal living noise.

It’s not like they’re jackhammering the floors at 2 AM. They’re just living.” MauserGirl

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NeidaRatz 1 year ago
Don't be surprised when they stop returning your packages. YTJ
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14. AITJ For Telling My Wife I Can't Afford Our Dog's Luxurious Lifestyle Anymore?

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“We got a dog a few years ago and training him was rough. He was already a full-grown dog and had never lived inside.

Anyway, we’d give him treats and encouragement and eventually, he stopped being so wild inside and chewing things up and he now uses the bathroom outside, etc.

Like I said, we already give him treats for doing good things or listening to commands, etc.

But in the midst of the initial training, my wife came up with the idea that we should give him a weekly ‘allowance’ for being good and not having accidents, etc.

This was set at $25 a week. Obviously, we didn’t give him the cash lol. Instead, she’d take him to PetSmart and whatever he started sniffing or seemed to like she’d buy, or she’ll get him special treats beyond what we already have at home.

I thought it was silly then, but whatever, I was just happy when we’d go a week without pee on the carpet or a chewed-up pillow. So I agreed.

And it’s been this way for years. But now money is tight.

We can’t really afford $100 a month extra. Not only that but that money takes priority over our own ‘allowances’.

For instance, I wanted to go out to eat last week, but because I have to set aside $50 every paycheck, my wife said we couldn’t go otherwise we wouldn’t be able to essentially pay for our dog.

Not to mention going outside to potty or not chewing things up is second nature for him now. And it’s not like I don’t want to buy him stuff, but we are barely making ends meet at the moment.

$50 a check is a big expense.

I brought this up with her last night and she got very upset that I would even suggest not rewarding him. That I was being selfish for wanting to spend the money on myself.

I told her we already buy him food and treats, that he already has 30+ chew toys, and that he doesn’t need a bigger bone every week, he doesn’t need gourmet food all the time. None of this is even including relatively frequent dog spa visits.

She told me I shouldn’t have let her get the dog if I ‘didn’t want to take care of him’.

But I do take care of him. We go on walks and play in the backyard, he has a whole room in our house with chew toys and a big bed.

I think it is unfair to say I’m not taking care of him because I can’t afford to give him a luxurious lifestyle anymore, or that I’d like to go out to eat and have a little luxury myself every once in a while.

But maybe I am wrong.

AITJ?

Additional info I meant to mention:

My wife cannot have kids due to a medical issue that would put her at high risk and was devastated when she found out, as was I. But we also cannot afford to adopt or even have that desire right now to be honest. Our dog I think was her way of coping with this and being a mother in some sense.

So he is like her child. I love him too but she is attached to him in a way that is much deeper than what I would say is typical.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

She is prioritizing your dog over your relationship based on what you are saying.

And it is completely unfair to suggest you don’t care about the dog. I think it is good she loves him so much, and it would be nice if you could give him all the extras. But it does not sound like you are in a place to do so financially.

And dogs don’t need all of that to feel happy or loved.

I think also dogs can sense stress. And if the money you are spending on his allowance would make you less stressed if spent on yourself or saved, the dog would probably feel happier overall to live in a happier home.” nickrashell

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but this isn’t about the dog. This is about her inability to ‘take something away’ from a member of the family because of her guilty feeling, sad feelings, and feeling of loss about not having children.

Paying the dog is a tool for her to be less sad, and less hurt about the no-baby situation. It’s a soothing blanket for her. It’s a recurring event that helps her feel better.

Instead of the money, the dog should get to play in a puddle, requiring extra petting and grooming.

Or the dog gets to ride in the car, and then go hiking in a field off-leash, both of you together. This should be a family event.

In short, transition to events over cash.” PerkyLurkey

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – She equates human behavior to canine behavior.

They are not cognitively the same. The dog can’t comprehend a new plush is an award for not peeing in the house since Tuesday. I know this stresses your relationship but gosh it’s more than slightly funny. How did you allow your wife’s perspective to grow to this exaggerated level?

You’re not wrong but good luck; it’s hard to put a treat back into the box once removed.” DesertSong-LaLa

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deka1 1 year ago
Oy...and I thought I was a crazy pet owner. Just tell her you can't afford it anymore and you're changing his allowance to once a month instead of once a week. I'm sure he'll cope.
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13. AITJ For Spilling My Brother's Secret Regarding His Finances?

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“So a few years ago my older brother (m29) and I (m22) decided to share an apartment. We figured it’s much cheaper for both of us this way. I work in a very well-paid job that allows me to work remotely.

So I’m at home most of the time. My brother also works from home as he is a freelancer. Last year he got together with his now-partner Jane. The way he got with her is a bit weird but I played along.

He told her that he makes a lot of money to try to impress her. He told me that he thinks his money is the sole reason she’s with him. She claims that she truly loves him but I’m not buying this.

She always expected him to buy her new stuff or take her out for dinner. And here’s where it gets a bit tricky. My brother lied about the money he is making. In fact, he only makes about 20% of my income.

This is no problem to me as I’m perfectly fine with paying every bill for as long as it takes for him to make more money. But this also means that he asks me for money when it comes to his partner’s demands and wanting to be a good brother I always helped him out.

But recently Jane is complaining about me. Apparently, my brother told her that I was unemployed and that I was living off his income. I could have exposed him right then and there but I decided to play along and pretended that I was poor so that he could look better for her.

He thanked me for playing along and apologized to me. He said that he truly loved her and doesn’t want to lose her. I told him she was taking advantage of him but he wouldn’t listen.

One time she shouted at me that I should do all the chores since I’m ‘not working at all’ and my brother supported her.

I looked at him with an angry glare and he set up this pleading face again. And again I played along now not only making all of the money but now doing all of the chores. I really played along for a long time but when she started talking crap about me while we were eating I had enough.

I told her to look at his bank account and to look if he ever paid one of the bills. She was confused and his facial expression went blank. She asked what I was talking about and I showed her the money I was making and the bills I was paying.

I also showed her that everything he bought her actually came from my pocket. She looked at him angrily and stormed off. She didn’t return until the evening when they had a huge fight. At this point, I didn’t care anymore.

After that, she left again and my brother started to argue with me about how I ‘ruined his relationship’ and that I was an awful brother, and that I was a huge jerk. I told him I wouldn’t have done it if he stood up for me earlier.

I later got a call from my mom telling me a similar thing telling me I should’ve just played along for my brother’s sake. So he even called her. By the way, his partner sent me an apology on WhatsApp afterward.

So AITJ for exposing my brother like this?”

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ for telling his partner the truth, but you are a jerk for being complicit in this lie for so long. You and your brother don’t deserve to have women in your lives.

His partner told you she loved your brother, not for his money but for him. Just step back for a moment and take this woman at face value, that she was telling the truth. She invested in a relationship only to find out that her so-called partner has lied and manipulated her.

Not only that but his brother was involved and between the two of you, she has been made to look a fool and has wasted her time.

Instead of treating her like a human being who has feelings, you assumed she was a gold digger but was she?

Did she really ‘expect’ him to treat her to dinner and gifts or did he offer and she was a grateful recipient? You can’t trust his word, given how much he lies.

You’ll never know the truth now because if I was in her shoes, I wouldn’t go near your brother again.

Not because your brother is skint but because as a family, you are seriously lacking a moral compass.” PoetRevolutionary160

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You lied and let your brother treat you like trash. You’re almost as bad as him.

To me, you’re playing the victim. You don’t get to complain about something you continuously caused. You’re an accomplice to his lies.

Your brother is a jerk for building a relationship based on lies, then cries when it blows up in his face.

He treated both of you horribly.

And finally, his partner. She does sound like she values money. Guess what, when you lie about your wealth or even talk about it that’s what you’re going to attract.

All of you brought this on yourselves.” Prudent_Border5060

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – a relationship with a foundation of lies, yeah that will work. Your brother had some serious self-esteem issues and he shouldn’t be dragging you down to make himself feel like a man. You can’t make him into something he’s not.

I suggest getting your own place. If he can’t appreciate you then he doesn’t deserve you. I’d demand he pays back all the money you gave him and tell him a woman who truly loves him doesn’t care what he earns.

Also, tell your mother if she thinks the way he behaves is OK then she can foot the bill and lie to women for him in your place.” SarcasmandWool

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Your brother for lying to pretty much everybody and doing it in ways that makes all of you look like terrible people in the eyes of each other.

You for playing along which was never fair to your brother’s partner. There are issues of informed consent here. It was also a jerk move towards yourself for allowing yourself to be disrespected and taken advantage of by your brother.

Your mom for defending his behavior, though I strongly suspect he twisted the truth to make himself look good to her. Because your brother is like that, no compunction about lying.

His partner, for saying mean things about you. I’m going to give a pass on the supposed gold digging because I think that’s the image your brother created in your mind.

He tries to make everybody else look like bad people so he can feel better about himself.

Be on guard against your brother. He will obviously try to make you feel in the wrong so he can manipulate you into doing what he wants.

E.g. mooching off you and refusing to do chores etc. in order to ‘make up’ for what you did to him.” Aedronn

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deka1 1 year ago
NTJ Dump your brother NOW. He's manipulating you into doing everything for him and he takes absolutely no responsibility. Have a little more self worth because he doesn't give a real crap about y ou so you need to care about yourself. He needs to move back in with mommy and you need to get on with your life without him in it except in very small amounts. And don't give him another PENNY.
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12. AITJ For Reporting My Mother's Neglect To Animal Control?

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“My mom has an unhealthy addiction to new dogs. She’s constantly bringing home new dogs and trading out older ones, and one of her Great Danes had a large litter of puppies a few months ago. Her house is full of dogs.

It’s also full of her grandchildren. My sister has 5 kids and lives with our mom. The dogs are untrained and primarily kept indoors, and there isn’t a corner or couch in the house that isn’t regularly drenched in dog pee or poop.

My nieces and nephews play around this and often end up slipping or stepping into puddles and piles of dog poop waste. I visited with my kids recently, and when we got home their clothes (and mine) reeked of dog pee, just from being on furniture in the house.

My siblings who still live at home with my mom all wish the dogs were gone, but they’re dependent on her for housing. Those siblings are also tasked with caring for the dogs since my mom will not care for them herself.

After my most recent visit to the house, my sister expressed her frustration feeling that she can’t provide a clean home for her kids at our mom’s, but she’s otherwise unable to provide a home big enough for their family of 7.

I was the scapegoat in my family growing up and into early adulthood, and my relationship with my mom was essentially nonexistent.

Up to today, my mother expressed that she only ever wanted a superficial relationship with me, which I told her I wasn’t willing to maintain.

I’m already the bad guy in her eyes, and since no one else could get through to her about her dogs and providing a clean, sanitary home for the people she has living with her, I decided the best thing I could do for my nieces and nephews was try to have the dogs forcibly removed. I informed my mom that I was doing this for the health and safety of the kids, and got the usual explosive response.

As of this moment, there are about 10 dogs in the house. 10 people live there, 5 of which are kids 5 and under. They live in literal pee and poop. AITJ for reporting her to Animal Control?

The dogs are still currently in the home.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And completely agree with calling animal control & CPS.

But you’re telling me there are 5 adults living in that house, and considering they depend on the housing probably not all of them (if any) have a job so at least some are at home full-time (this is an assumption) – and they are not able to take care of 10 dogs, train them to not pee in the house, and clean the house?

Sounds like their need to change the situation is not really that big. I get that it’s 10 big dogs, but still. They seem to have a big yard, they could put the dogs outside for a day and clean the house up.

I’m not sure how involved you want to get, but if you really want to help improve their situation, you could offer some help in cleaning (only one time tho) either in manpower or financially.” Infamous-Panic5673

Another User Comments:

“Qualified ‘no jerks here’. Your mother is the one in the wrong by her actions, but I don’t want to call her a jerk because animal hoarding is basically a mental illness (and usually starts from a deep love for animals and desire to help) and needs to be addressed with compassion.

But it needs to be addressed.

Once it gets to the point where the home is so overcrowded that it can’t be kept sanitary, it’s harming everyone: the animals, the hoarder, and anyone else in the home. Intervention is absolutely essential in the situation you describe, but it is unlikely to go over well with the hoarder who is probably not able to be rational about it.” Cyborg_Ninja_Cat

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sounds like your mom has a problem with animal hoarding and is mentally unwell. You need to call Animal Control TODAY to have all the dogs removed, and CPS. Call the local shelters and have them put your mom on the Ban List so she can’t adopt and bring home any more animals due to proven animal neglect.

First off your mom is committing animal neglect by continuing to bring home dogs when she doesn’t care for the ones she has, not potty training or caring for them, and refusing to clean up after them. Second, CPS needs to be called to have these kids temporarily removed – it is a SERIOUS HEALTH HAZARD to have 5 young kids living in a house covered in dog pee and poop and breathing all that toxicity into their lungs on a daily basis.

On top of that, due to your mom’s neglect, I’m guessing she’s never taken any of these dogs to the vet or has them on flea & tick medication so you all have no idea what transmissible diseases the dogs could potentially give the kids.

Your sister is the jerk for having 5 kids she can’t take care of and forcing her children to live in such filth. Jesus Christ.” Brooklyn_Bunny

3 points - Liked by IDontKnow, LizzieTX and OpenFlower
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Kclillie 1 year ago
Your sister should call because when the come into that home and she has so many kids in those conditions she’s lucky if they don’t call cps to collect her kids along with all of the dogs
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11. AITJ For Not Giving My Friend A Ride Because She's Been Ignoring Me?

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“I (18 f) am roommates with my best friend (19 f) of 7 years in college right now. My best friend has been seeing this boy for about 5 months now and he stays over every weekend. She asks me every time he’s here to sleep on an air mattress in the living room of our suite-style dorm to give them ‘privacy.’ I had no problem with this for the first month but after 5 it’s a little ridiculous.

She gets upset if I have to walk in to get something of mine.

The problem starts here, my SO came to our college town on the day of our 2-year anniversary. We spent the day all over town and he came back to our dorm for an hour before he left. My best friend refused to talk to me or him and even went as far as texting me ‘When is he leaving’ when my SO was sitting beside me.

She has been completely ignoring me since that day a week ago.

This Friday my dad is supposed to take us both back to our hometown for the weekend (we can’t have our cars on campus as freshmen since our college is in a city).

I was asking my mom’s advice on this situation when my dad spoke up that he will not take her back if she continues to go out of her way to ignore and be rude to me like this.

So I texted her for the 10th time today and told her if she doesn’t talk to me about why she’s acting like this towards me she can’t get a ride from me. She is still ignoring me, so my dad plans to get to my college at 12 pm Friday (I get out of class at 11 and my best friend doesn’t get out until 2).

So, am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ regarding leaving her at the campus. But also – I know you said she has been your best friend for a long time, but she is being the jerk. To expect you to be uncomfortable in your own living space is beyond inconsiderate, especially if this wasn’t part of a spoken agreement prior to going off to college.

Sounds like she is placing her relationship above your friendship, and you should tell her that. Once in a while is one thing… but ALL THE TIME? Nope nope and nope again.” mama_AC

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. As my wise psychology teacher said back in high school, ‘Never become roommates with your best friend, it’ll be the end of that friendship.’ 9/10 times that’s the truth.

Being roommates is hard, you have to deal with so much that you generally don’t just being a friend. Plus it’s definitely harder to communicate your frustration with your best friend most of the time, so it builds into resentment until things boil over.

Sounds like she’s been very selfish, but you probably should’ve put your foot down on the air mattress thing ages ago. Then whatever issue she has about your SO coming over and refusing to actually tell you why she’s upset?

Yikes. You can’t make her mature and talk things out though, you did warn her she’s not getting a ride if she doesn’t, so now the decision is up to her, and if she still gives you the silent treatment then just leave her behind guilt-free.” ArielxLazarus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

If they want privacy then they can go to a hotel. It’s your dorm too and it’s fair enough for the odd time to help them out but seems like they are taking advantage of you.

Tell her that if he continues to stay over they will be the ones in the living room and he will be covering some of the rent and bills.

Also, leave her to make her own way home as she is just being rude.” sjw_7

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Kclillie 1 year ago
She wants a life but doesn’t want you to have one? Yeah this friendship is over and you need a new roommate next year
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10. AITJ For Making An Exception For My Cousin?

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“So I (25M) am getting married to my fiancée Sarah (24F) in early November.

We’re currently in the middle of our wedding preparations, and we have decided on a child-free reception (18+). Now, the issue rises because I want to invite my cousin ‘Will’ (17M). Will turns 18 a couple of weeks after the wedding.

My MIL isn’t too happy with the no-kids rule.

She keeps on talking about how ‘kids are wonderful’ and ‘they make everything better’. My fiancée and I have repeatedly told her that we don’t feel comfortable having kids at a reception because they tend to run around and can be pretty clumsy and careless.

While at my fiancée’s parents’ house, I was mentioning a story about Will and my mother-in-law cut me off, asking about Will’s age. I told her that he was 17, turning 18 a couple of weeks after the wedding. My MIL asks if he’s coming to the reception, and I answer yes.

My MIL got mad at me. She said that I was intentionally picking and choosing which kids could come to the wedding and that I’m contradicting my own rules. Here’s where I may be the jerk. I told her that Will is going to be a part of the reception and that a two-week cutoff before his birthday is inconsequential. I also said that I’m not excluding my first cousin from the reception simply because he’s two weeks too young.

It wouldn’t be fair to him that his other cousins would attend the wedding but he couldn’t. The argument turned heated, and I left with Sarah shortly afterward.

MIL told her side of the family and everyone’s split. My FIL and my sister’s siblings think that my MIL is making too big of a deal for a person she doesn’t even know.

Sarah’s other relatives keep on blowing up her phone, shaming her and me for the no-kids rule at the reception. It’s gotten to the point where Sarah asked me if I could consider asking Will to stay at home for the sake of the family.

Sarah doesn’t agree with her relatives but wants to keep the peace. I tell her that Will is extremely important to me and that I won’t exclude him because he’s two weeks younger than the deadline.

I’ll accept any judgment, so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The people who matter here are you and the bride. Making an exception for one almost-18 year old seems totally reasonable. I’m not quite understanding why 17+ won’t work if MIL wants to play ‘rules lawyer.’ If the ‘kids’ you are concerned about are younger than 14, then 17+ includes Will, but nobody else on the list. Or what am I missing?

I would be concerned about the fact that the bride is letting her mother bully her into doing something she doesn’t want to do ‘to keep the peace.’ MIL sounds like a bit of a piece of work, and if this is the dynamic between them, you’re going to have a whole lot of intense conversations in the future.

The English have a saying ‘Begin as you mean to go on.’ In other words, set boundaries and limits early, and stick to them. If you don’t it will be much harder to set them in the future.” NotWithoutHopeYet

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Putting aside the whole no-kids thing, because regardless of how anyone feels about it it’s not the issue here; I don’t think you did anything wrong except maybe getting a bit too overheated about the issue, which is honestly understandable given the reaction you got (and that goes for MIL getting heated too).

Two weeks is fine as a bit of leeway and it’s okay to establish your boundaries and express your own feelings on an issue that is directly affecting you and your fiancée and the day you’re both planning, it is your wedding after all and hopefully, your MIL cools off and lets it drop.

If it becomes too contentious maybe you could broker peace by lowering the age limit to 16+. I don’t know if that would add too many people to your guest list but maybe it’ll calm the situation a bit with a small amount of compromise?” ImmediateCookies

Another User Comments:

“For sure NTJ.

It’s your wedding and you can and should do as you please on that front.

Normally I’d say that you are per your own admission technically bending a rule (however slight) and whilst you are still NTJ you should probably expect to take the odd snotty comment for it.

But your story makes it pretty clear that MIL is blowing this dramatically out of proportion. So that’s out the window.

Curious as to why the situation has blown up to that degree. If I had to hazard a guess, your age restriction on the wedding means that a few people on that side are having to stump up for childcare whilst they’re away at your wedding and are making a big stink to get out of that.

Not that it’s any of my business of course.” CaTiTonia

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deka1 1 year ago
NTJ You really want to have her for a MIL, huh? I think you should do exactly as you please and then get as far away from MIL as you can. She's going to try to run your lives and manipulate her daughter into doing what she wants.
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9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Include My Sister's Dog In Our Family Photos?

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“I’m (M33) getting family photos done this upcoming weekend. I have 3 kids and a wife. I’m also inviting my parents (M & F, old) and my sister (F36). We are getting them for my side of the family, we will do some for my wife’s side later.

The issue that is arising is my sister wants her dog to be in the family photos. I nixed that as the dog is not family to me and I’m not paying for photos with her dog. My sister considers her dog family and it’s her furbaby and that’s why she wants it to partake.

It’s well and fine that she considers it family, but I don’t have to or want to consider it family and don’t want it in the photos I am paying for.

I told her she could chip in and pay for some photos including the dog, I’m paying by the hour and only get so many photos edited. She said she didn’t want to pay, and said it was a favor to me that she is even participating.

She even dropped she may not come because ‘it’s not a family photo to her’. I’m holding firm and she has even gotten my mom to try to persuade me. My mom said she’d enjoy the dog in the photos.

My dad doesn’t care. LOL. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here – you’re paying for the photos and don’t want the dog in them, and you’re entitled to request that. She is then entitled to say no to doing them at all because she doesn’t want to do them without her dog, who is her family.

So neither one of you is technically being a jerk, you’ve just got a standoff.

And technically your parents broke the tie anyway – your mum said she wants the dog in them, and your dad says he doesn’t care – so by my count that’s two votes for, one against, and one abstain.

Side note – those kind of family photos nearly always look pretty boring; if I was going to have to look at them on someone’s wall I would probably enjoy them more with the family pet in them because then they look more kitschy than the usual tacky.

You should let the dog be in the photos, it’ll make them more interesting looking and memorable. I vote for more doggos in family photos!” GeekyGoesHawaiian

Another User Comments:

“If you want all your family to come, you’re going to need to make it comfortable for them.

Your sister has every right to say no. I was waiting for you to say you’d be okay with that but it sounds like you still expect her to come. You want the pictures to be all about you, but you expect other people to put their time and effort into being there with no benefit to them.

I promise the honor of being in your photos won’t do it. YTJ.” Internal_Progress404

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If you are doing these photos for yourself alone, tell her she isn’t doing you any favors by forcing a pet in the photos as it is hard enough to get adults and kids to behave during pictures and she can stay home.

If you are doing these for your parents, it may be more important for her to be in the pictures so you may want to compromise. You can also tell her if the dog ruins the photos, she will have to pay you back 100% of the cost for the photos.” holisarcasm

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. She sucks for the ultimatum, they’re generally always dumb no matter the terms. And I do think she’s silly for insisting, yes, but it clearly matters to her. You suck because unless the dog is ill-behaved, it’s just a dog.

Let her bring it (and allow her to include it ONLY as long as it’s cooperating), have it in one or 2 photos, and who knows, maybe some delightful candid shots with your kids. Are you well within your rights as the human footing the bill to dictate the terms, of course?

But it seems like a lot of drama over a dog when there is an easy compromise.” vinesofivy

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LizzieTX 1 year ago
NTJ. If she wants her dog in the photos, she gets to chip in - period. You shouldn't have to pay for her dog's pictures if you don't want to. You gave her a compromise, but she turned you down. That's on her, not you. Tell Mom that if she want's sister's dog in the photos, to tell sister to fork over. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, but your mooch of a sister certainly is. Stick to your guns.
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8. AITJ For Asking A Kid's Mom To Pay For My Sister's Broken Glasses?

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“A few days ago my (18F) sister (11F) and a kid who’s 11M were playing around. My sister who’s been annoyed by this kid because he’s taken my sister’s backpack more than 10 times decided to get back at him for the first time by taking his backpack and running with it.

The kid overexerted his power and ran at full speed to her to get his backpack and pushed my sister with his whole body strength. This made her be pushed and fall straight on the concrete floor with her face meeting the floor completely.

As for the result, she has a swollen and scratched cheek, and her glasses lenses are all scratched up and the leg of the frame broke. We didn’t know at the moment if her pinky broke but it was swollen.

We took an x-ray and they told us it was broken.

So we went over to the kid’s mom and told her about the situation and she blames my sister for taking his backpack. She said she’d pay half for the glasses only which infuriates me.

I do kind of get her stance of how ‘kids were just playing’ and such but it doesn’t make sense how she can get hurt to this extent just cause a kid couldn’t control his strength. I get that my sis took his backpack but he knows it was just a joke and he shouldn’t have been that forceful and seen her like a target.

And the bookbag was unharmed, not even a single scratch but my sister is badly hurt. She can’t hold a pencil straight either cause of this and she has really bad eyes so we get a special kind of lens for her.

I think that I’m entitled to getting full payment for glasses/lenses. I’m not asking them to pay for the x-ray or broken bone, just the full payment for glasses but they told me they aren’t going to do that since it is my sister’s fault for taking his backpack.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

So basically she was standing up to a bully who has taken HER backpack 10 times.

He becomes so enraged by her defending herself by taking his backpack to let him see how it feels to have one’s belongings taken, that he knocks her down face first on the concrete, scratches her glasses, breaks the frame, and breaks her finger.

I think you should go to the police and file a complaint and ask them to replace the glasses and to pay for the x-ray and other medical care.

You said he took her backpack 10 times previously, did she ever react so violently that she broke his finger or knocked him down?

I’m guessing not. You don’t mention their sizes – 11-year-olds can vary much in size. Some are still very childlike in size and others are much larger & taller. For instance, I’m 5’6″ tall. I’ve been that tall since I was 10, and at the time most of the other 10 yr olds only came up to my shoulder.” Gladtobealive2020

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

I hope your sister is OK. But I have to agree with the other kid’s mom that your sister initiated physical contact this time. Without her initiation of backpack stealing, there wouldn’t have been further contact.

Kids don’t know their own physical strength and you can’t expect another 11-year-old to moderate how hard he would push back once challenged.

Accept the offer to pay for half of the glasses, which is generous in the circumstance.

As for the other bullying from this kid, it’s really trashy that she’s been a target, but there are other better forums to deal with that than her further instigating the other kid.

Talk to the school about the overall context and what kind of support they can provide.” frandiam

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

The boy took her backpack TEN times and she never resorted to violence. The day she does the same, she’s thrown to the ground and gets up as the culprit.

Mom should get a lawyer and sue the parents and the school for not having stopped the bullying, as picking up someone’s backpack TEN times is highly disruptive and made the girl feel insecure all the time. Now that she got her turn, she’s the sole culprit?

No, there must be a legal agreement there, involving the school, and no 50% of anything.” cityflaneur2020

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow, NeidaRatz and OpenFlower
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IDontKnow 11 months ago
NTJ. Take them up on the offer of paying for half the glasses, and tell them that also have to pay for half her medical bills. If that doesn't work, take them to court.
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7. AITJ For Asking My Son To Return My Tools?

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“When my ex-wife and I decided to divorce, our son was 2 years old. I very stupidly trusted her and okayed her to stay with her parents for a few months with our son during the proceedings.

She then established residency and tried her hardest to prevent me from seeing my son.

I ended up getting summer visitation and some breaks. I’d also go down to their state whenever I could.

When I got remarried 4 years later, I had a stepson a year older than my son.

This led to a lot of jealousy issues that I tried hard to address but with the way the custody order was, I spent more time with my stepson by default.

My kids are now 32-33 years old. When my stepson was 21, he asked me to help him build his house because I have the skills to do that.

I immediately offered to do the same for my son.

My son asked me to help him build his house in 2019. Unfortunately, by then, I had broken my back in an accident and was forced to retire. I have medical issues.

It created a huge issue with my son and I offered him all my tools and $50000 dollars to try and make it fair.

This calmed him down. He came down and loaded everything from my workshop into a U-Haul and drove it two hours away to his land.

I was completely ok with it.

But it’s now been 3 years. I’ve lost my wife and my only hobby has been woodworking. But since I gave all my tools away, I have been unable to do the one hobby that I loved.

My son is taking a lot of time to build this house. I’m not even sure if he’s interested in completing it.

Am I the jerk for asking for my tools back? I haven’t done it yet because I am afraid of how my son will react.

I tried hinting at it in the past and he got annoyed just at the suggestion of it.”

Another User Comments:

“You would not be the jerk for asking, but what do you value more the tools or your son?

Because your son spent his youth feeling less than his stepbrother and while this isn’t your fault trauma isn’t logical and there’s a good chance this will be salt in the wound for your son.

Could you replace the cheap stuff and ask your son to take back certain tools you can’t replace with the caveat that he can come to get them if he needs them?

Are there other solutions?

You so deserve things in life that bring you joy and you deserve to be able to woodwork. You would not be the jerk to get the tools back but if you want to maintain your relationship with your son proceed with sensitivity and lots of deliberation.

How you approach your son about this is going to make all the difference.

I bet your woodworking is going to be awesome. Best of luck.” bobbleheadjoe_

Another User Comments:

“A very light YWBTJ. Your son grew up without a dad and he feels entitled to something to compensate for that, whether it was your fault or not.

Then several unfortunate circumstances lined up, and now he has your tools. Unless you can physically help him complete his house and rebuild a relationship and trust with him, you have to chalk those tools up to a loss, I’m afraid.

I would see if there are local woodworkers in your area that are selling their tools, or a place you can go and borrow tools as you need them and slowly rebuild your collection. Asking for them back will just ruin your relationship because it doesn’t sound like he’ll give them back either.” ohjasminee

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You loaned them to him, and have every right to expect to get them back if you now need them after he had them longer than anticipated. You shouldn’t have to do without when you have a need for them, especially when that need is driven by grief, and one would hope he would understand that.” User

2 points - Liked by Sheishei101 and OpenFlower
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IDontKnow 11 months ago
NTJ. There's no harm in asking, right?
Unfortunately, I think this relationship with your son is lost due to his mother taking him away and probably poisoning his mind against you.
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6. AITJ For Refusing To Move My Pole?

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“A few months ago, I (F20) decided I wanted to take up pole dancing. I told my roommates Amanda (F20) and Holly (F26) that I was thinking of getting one and installing it in the living room, and they said to go ahead.

Side note: we had no furniture at the time, so this pole was installed in an empty living room. A little while later, since nobody else was getting furniture, I got a couch from an online marketplace. Holly also got a TV for the living room.

Right after we got the TV, Holly demanded that we move the pole out of the backside of the living room so that the TV and couch could fit in the corner where the pole already is.

I was confused by her request because the couch was already placed close to the center of the living room and there was an outlet available for the TV to go in front of the couch.

I asked Holly why she wanted to move it into the corner, and she said because she wants a ‘cozy little nook.’ I told her that the pole is quite difficult to move and install, and the pole being in its existing spot gives me enough room; the new spot she suggested would have me slightly in the way of the hallway, and I couldn’t tell if there was a stud where she wants to move it to.

Because of those reasons, I told Holly kindly that I wouldn’t be moving the pole and the couch can stay where it is on the other side of the living room. Partly because I own the couch, and since she simply asked me, I’m allowed to say no. She didn’t respond well to this; she contacted our rental company and told them that we had an ‘unauthorized pole’ in our unit that no one agreed to.

An administrator came to our unit and told me that the pole needed to be removed.

I was obviously mad she snitched on me, so I told Holly if she still wants her ‘cozy little nook,’ she can get her own couch.

I’m restricting her from using mine. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. That’s not how it works. Not unless your rent split included the provision that the living space is specifically yours to use and not theirs. If you don’t want your roommates using your items you can put them in your private space, ie your room.

You don’t get to prevent people from using things in common space because that prevents the use of that common space. i.e. your laying claim to shared space by marking it with your furniture/exercise equipment. When I lived with two other guys I owned literally all the furniture.

The couches, the TV, the dining table, the plates, and the silverware. If you don’t want someone to use your furniture, move it.” budshub

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You’re a jerk because you are unwilling to compromise in a shared living space.

The pole was okay in the living room until you got furniture, now you don’t have an empty room, so it makes sense for your roommate(s) to want to use the living room for its intended purpose. Your roommate is a jerk because she went to property management instead of trying to work with you on finding a compromise.” Bold_Phoenix

Another User Comments:

“I’d say NTJ, you asked if it was okay to place the pole there and was given the go-ahead. And the couch that your roommate wants moved belongs to you. It sounds as though you wouldn’t have been able to use the pole if it was moved elsewhere, as to where she wanted the other furniture moved for convenience.

She acted like a toddler for going behind your back and contacting the rental company instead of conducting herself in a mature and civil manner.

Personally, I wouldn’t let her use my couch or anything else of mine (food, furniture, dishes, etc.), and would be finding a new place to live.

I have a sneaking suspicion that since she was able to get her way this time that in the future she will try more underhanded tactics to get her way. Sounds like she’s toxic as heck to me!” bugggg1

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You asked first they were fine with it. They didn’t want it to go away, they just wanted to move it into the same room, but neither of you was willing to check if it was movable.

She could have offered to do the leg work for you. No one else bought furniture so it’s unreasonable for one person to dictate where your furniture goes. It’s a communal area so placement should be agreed upon, but it does sound like where the couch is, is the more reasonable placement.

You both suck for your pettiness but since she lied to the leasing office and could have gotten you fined or kicked out I don’t blame you for being petty honestly. I wouldn’t want her lying butt on my couch either, and I definitely wouldn’t be moving it around so she could gain her nook when she did all of this in such an entitled way.

I’d just sell the couch though, because next she won’t let you use the TV, and it will be harder for you to prevent the couch use than her the TVs.

I don’t recommend resigning for another year.” empathetic_tomatoes

1 points - Liked by OpenFlower
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Theaudacitylol 1 year ago
I wouldn’t let her use my couch or anything else of mine after she snitched on you to the landlord. Especially when she had previously okayed you putting up the pole
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5. AITJ For Telling My Wife I Don't Want To Carry Her Purse?

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“I (32, m) work fully remotely and my wife (30, f) works 2-3 days in the office. On days when she commutes in the morning, I wake up early with her, make us French press coffee while she gets ready, and walk her to the ferry which is approximately a 5-minute walk, and then approximately a 5-10 minute wait for the ferry onboarding.

On our walks, she insists that I carry her purse, saying that her bag is heavy, that she has to carry it all day, and that if I carry it on the walk it would mean a lot to her.

I told her that she was putting me in an awkward situation, where I need to either a) carry her purse which I would prefer not to do, or b) have an argument first thing in the morning because I refused to carry her purse.

Maybe I am just stubborn, but to me, carrying my wife’s purse, and then standing in line with all of the commuters waiting to board the ferry as I hold my wife’s purse for her commute to work, is a bit emasculating and humiliating.

She on the other hand thinks that it would be a nice gesture, and the fact that I find it embarrassing for me is irritating because I should a) care more about what she thinks than what other people think and b) be comfortable enough in my own skin not to feel emasculated or humiliated.

So what do you think? Am I the jerk for telling my wife I don’t want to carry her purse?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

People who bring more than they can comfortably carry themselves, and then expect other people to haul it around for them, are, by definition, jerks.

She obviously manages to get her stuff from the ferry to her office; she can manage to get it from your home to the ferry.

If she really needs all that crap (can’t she just leave some things at the office?), then she should invest in a wheelie bag to carry it.” SamSpayedPI

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. And should maybe think about why your sense of masculinity is so fragile that carrying a bag for her for a bit is humiliating. Unless you think she is specifically asking you to carry it because she’s trying to dominate you mentally, just suck it up and be nice and hold a smaller person’s crap for them for a few minutes if they ask you to.

Which is, by the way, more of a ‘manly’ thing to do, traditionally.” craigalanche

Another User Comments:

“Nope. You don’t get to call men’s masculinity fragile in the same breath as calling yourself too weak to carry something.

You’re a modern woman/feminist. You can do anything so you can also carry your stuff, and then you can call out others for outdated views.

Or you’re a traditional woman, too weak, and need a man to do stuff for you. In this case, your vocabulary shouldn’t have fragile masculinity in it.

Buy her a backpack on wheels. If she says, ‘It doesn’t go with my outfit.

What will others think?’ Call her fragile, I guess, and tell her not to care about what others think.

NTJ.” miriamcek

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You for being sensitive about carrying a purse due to it being emasculating.

This is a very childish excuse, if you said you don’t want to or she packs too heavy that would be a better excuse, in my opinion. She is constantly trying to make you do something you don’t want to do after repeatedly discussing it and for packing her purse so heavy if she has a problem carrying it herself.” dunks615

1 points - Liked by OpenFlower
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Theaudacitylol 1 year ago
You need to work on your self image because if holding a purse emasculates you then you’re not very secure in your masculinity. My boyfriend carries my purse and does numerous things that are not traditionally masculine but he is very secure in his masculinity and he prioritizes helping me
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4. AITJ For Embarrassing My Son In Front Of His Friend?

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“My son Jack is 10 and it was time that he started to use deodorant and pick out his own body wash too. Plus his briefs were getting tight and needed new pairs. We went to Target and he saw his best friend Luke shopping with his dad too.

They asked if they could go loiter at the toy and game section while we shop.

I really didn’t need anything aside from what my son needed so I said I’d give him 25 minutes and then I’ll come get him.

After 35 minutes (because I’m a nice dad), I went to grab him and he asked if he could stay until Luke’s dad picked him up.

I said no because I still need to get you your stuff. He said I could just get it for him and he did not care.

I said he’s old enough to pick out his own briefs, deodorant, and body wash and I want him to pick it out. Luke laughed and my son said bye.

My son was angry at me and I asked him why.

He said I didn’t need to talk about personal stuff in front of Luke. I said please. You and Luke are like brothers. You literally showered with him last week. I don’t think what I said what shocking.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

That being said – if your kid tells you that you embarrassed him & you respond by, say, looking for more opportunities to embarrass him THAT would be a jerk move. Kids are weird and sensitive about stupid things but I’ve seen too many parents have fun at their kids’ expense.

Anyway, you gave him 25 minutes and he took 35 and I figure if he didn’t want his friend to know he could have kept to the schedule.” Deliquate

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – You are not a monster, but you DO owe your son an apology.

You don’t get to decide what is upsetting to your son or what he can/should be embarrassed by. The correct response when he told you why he was upset was ‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I will do better to respect your privacy in the future.'” Forward_Squirrel8879

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you gave him more than enough time to be with his friend, I would’ve given him 0 time, I’m not spending 35 extra minutes in Target so my kid goes to the toy/electronic section to be with his friend and get nothing.

Then he basically says, give me more time and pick up the things I need because I don’t care. He sounds spoiled.

Don’t think you said anything wrong, the other kid is probably going through the same things, part of growing up.” alberThor_PR

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ. Kids are sensitive about weird things. They also don’t think rationally like adults. All your son knew is he didn’t care about what deodorant or briefs you picked out for him because he was with his friend.

Should he have listened to you? Of course, but kids aren’t always so good at that. I only say YTJ for your reaction to his expressing his feelings. You couldn’t have known you’d embarrass him, now you do.” instinctual_panda_19

0 points - Liked by OpenFlower
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3. AITJ For Feeling Hurt After I Wasn't Invited To Be In The Wedding Party?

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“One of my (28F) best friends, Mark (28M), just got engaged and he and his fiancée are planning to get married next Spring.

For context, Mark and I have been good friends since high school. My partner (28M) has also really bonded with Mark over the past two years of our relationship, and they regularly go golfing together. We have also done lots of couples’ vacations/dates/outings together and were seemingly very close to Mark and his fiancée.

My partner and I just recently went to their house for a party, and Mark and his fiancée asked my partner (whom they know through me, and only for a couple of years) to be in the wedding party as a groomsman.

I was not asked to be a bridesmaid, so I would not be involved in the wedding party at all. When I asked Mark about this, he said it was because they wanted even numbers (5 groomsmen and 5 bridesmaids) for the wedding party, and that his fiancée already had enough bridesmaids.

I thought for sure I would be asked to be in their wedding as a bridesmaid, seeing as they were my good friends and I would have 100% included them in my wedding party if I ever got married. So not only was I not asked to be in their wedding party, but my partner, whom they’d known for all of two seconds, was.

I felt very hurt that they would ask him to be a part of their big day but not me.

I confronted Mark about how hurt/sad/angry I was about this, especially because I don’t know if my partner and I will even still be together a year from now.

Mark told me that he was sorry that my feelings were hurt, but he and his fiancée don’t want to apologize for doing what they want with their wedding. Mark told me that this situation has impacted our friendship, especially since he doesn’t think they have anything to apologize for.

My partner declined to be a groomsman and we haven’t spoken to Mark since. AITJ?

Just to clarify, I never expected to be asked to be in their wedding. Of course I would love to be in their wedding party because they are my friends (I have been friends with Mark since I was 16 and friends with Alisa (Mark’s fiancee) for going on 8 years now) and I would love to celebrate their love and happiness, but I never ever demanded it.

If they never would have asked either of us to be in the wedding, I would have been totally fine with that. It’s that they asked everyone else in our friend group to be in it, including my partner. Everyone except me.

When Alisa (Mark’s fiancee) talked to me about it, she said the only reason she didn’t ask me to be in the wedding was because of the matching wedding party numbers, which was disappointing and hurt. I totally understand that it is their wedding and they should do what they like, but I also hoped they wouldn’t exclude me like that because of wedding party numbers.

I know everyone says to not make it about me – but what do you do in that situation? Not say anything at all? I just felt a little blindsided. Maybe Mark and I weren’t as close as we thought.

Perhaps it’s all for the best.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Groom has been socializing solo with your partner for two years (which you change to ‘all of two seconds’ at the end of your story) and selected him as a groomsman.

No mention here of you socializing solo with the fiancée, and she probably picked people she was closer to. You’re not owed a spot in the bridal party just because your partner got one. You’re being a bit dramatic here over a wedding that’s not even yours.” TemptingPenguin369

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s so unbelievably tacky to single out one good friend for exclusion because you need numbers to match. That’s the epitome of valuing appearances over substance and makes this bride and groom pretty shallow people.

That’s before you factor in asking your partner to be in it and not you. That’s hurtful because it’s acting like a 2-year friendship is worth more than a lifelong one. But it’s also just unfortunate and something most people would go out of their way to avoid having a guy in the wedding party while excluding his partner.

Maybe if you didn’t really know or weren’t really friends with the partner it would make sense. But that’s like… the opposite of the case.

The fact that the reasoning is that there are matching numbers of girls and guys makes it even worse.

They are literally manipulating the situation to have your partner walk down the aisle with some random bridesmaid instead of you. Way to celebrate actual love. Oh wait that’s not what their wedding is about. It’s about appearances.

And lastly, the bride and groom are being sexist here. Your partner is in the wedding because the groom chooses men and the bride chooses women. Lame.

There is so much wrong with this. Good on your man for declining.

And I’m not saying to cut these people out of your lives or anything but they’re not the kind of friends you can trust your heart to. Move on and find better people to be close with as a couple.” StompyKitten

Another User Comments:

“After going back and forth I am going with ‘everyone sucks here’ rather than YTJ because I feel like ultimately, your friends are being the bigger jerks.

Mark and his fiancée should have known ahead of time that it’s kind of insulting that you’ve been his good friend since high school and he’s including your partner in his wedding party and not you.

I think the considerate thing to have done was to not include you both or at least have a proper conversation with you about it.

I think you crossed the line by expecting to be a bridesmaid, confronting him about it, and saying that stuff about your partner.

The last thing was really not cool.

Time is not at all a benchmark for how good a friendship is, but I think they should have let you know ahead of time because you are operating under the assumption that you are very close with Mark, and since you’ve vacationed with them as a couple, his fiancée as well.

They sort of just blindsided you and I get why you feel so hurt.

Yes, it is absolutely the bride and groom’s prerogative about who gets invited to the wedding and who is involved in the wedding party. But, they should also have some consideration as to how those decisions affect their friendships after the wedding is over.

The only non-jerk here is your partner. He has done nothing wrong and I feel bad that he is caught up in the middle.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter whether I think you’re not a jerk here. Mark thinks you are and does not want to apologize to you.” pinksinthehouse

-1 points (1 vote(s))
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LizzieTX 1 year ago
You're definitely the jerk. And you changing the facts of your story to fit your narrative only shows that you're not above lying, and REALLY makes you look like a jerk. If I were the happy couple, I'd not only uninvite you from the wedding, but ditch you as a "friend". And if your partner has any sense, he'll ditch you too.
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2. AITJ For Making A Joke To Shut Down My Mom's Rudeness To A Cashier?

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“My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney failure in 2017 and has waited patiently for a new kidney since. Well, great news she was blessed with a new one a year ago and you would think she’d be grateful for a new life.

Nope. She became super entitled. She’ll use her condition as a way to justify her being a jerk to everyone even employees at stores like today.

We were at Aldi’s and during checkouts, cashiers will put your stuff in the cart next to them.

My mom wanted her stuff in the cart that she already sanitized. Honest mistake cashier didn’t know. She instantly went into attack mode talking about her condition and all that jazz. The same old song and dance. I looked at the cashier and told him that he was lucky he doesn’t have to go home with her and my mom lost it even more when the cashier laughed at my comment.

He told her to have a great day, but she went in on him for not being sensitive about people with disabilities and stuff and that’s when I came after my mom telling her that the cashier doesn’t get paid enough to deal with entitled people like her who use their disability to abuse service workers and that she’s a 57-year-old woman and she needs to act her age and get over herself.

Obviously, people were watching the drama but I didn’t care and went to my car. And my mom went straight to my sister who btw doesn’t live with us and told her that I ’embarrassed’ her in public with my outburst.

My sister called and told me that I should’ve taken the situation with a grain of salt as that is to be expected of our mom, but I told her that it must be nice to live her life on her own and do whatever she wants and not have to be our mom’s primary caregiver all the time and deal with her crap.

But now that I’ve cooled down a little perhaps 2 wrongs don’t make a right? AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your mother doesn’t have the right to be rude, disrespectful, and entitled to everyone she encounters. She really needed to hear that her behavior is out of control, and it was time for her to start being pleasant to those around her.

I think you are getting caregiver burnout. Is it possible for you to step back and get her to be more independent? You need to start living your own life. Being a caregiver is hard work and you need to take care of yourself.

Good luck.” me0mio

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here — yes, she should not be using her condition to lord over other people, especially service workers who cannot really walk away.

But you have to be a little more empathetic.

She has spent the better part of a decade sick, stressed, and frightened. Her status as a ‘disabled person’ is the only control she has in a very dangerous world. Yes, it’s frustrating for you to have to deal with it, but you have two working kidneys and you don’t have to worry every hour if the next infection is the one that’s going to kill you, so suck it up a bit.” substantial-freud

Another User Comments:

“I have a suspicion that she may not have been as vicious as you make her out to be, given you are definitely a biased source who dislikes their mom.

That disclaimer aside, from your retelling, she embarrassed you as much as you embarrassed her.

You’re right, cashiers don’t get paid enough for dealing with customers who lash out over a minor mistake. You were justified to push back against your mom and diffuse what seemed to be an unpleasant situation with a joke.

But your sister also has a point: it seems your mom has a long-standing pattern of behavior and this isn’t new/easily changed. If you don’t want to argue every time she’s unpleasant and you need to coddle her, you may just need to spend less time with her in public.

NTJ.” pdubs1900

-2 points (2 vote(s))
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LizzieTX 1 year ago
NTJ. Your mother was out of line, and it was entirely appropriate for you to call her out on her behaviour.
I feel your pain. I too had a mother who actually rejoiced at an opportunity to jerk others in public. Fortunately, she saved those precious moments for her family and didn't inflict them on service workers. It took a looooong time for me to stand up to her in public when she intentionally embarrassed me, but once I started, she backed off. It took a time or three, but the message got across.
I think what finally drove it home to her was when I told her that if I had behaved in public the way she just did when I was a child, I wouldn't be here to have her jerk me. And that I wasn't going to stand for it now, any more than she would have when I was a child. You might try that when next she gets her @$$ up on her shoulders. Good luck!
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1. AITJ For Pointing Out That My Sister-In-Law Technically Threw A Birthday Party For Her Son?

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“My (32F) SIL ‘Lucy’ became a Jehovah’s Witness a couple of years ago.

It caused a bit of a problem in her marriage as my brother, ‘Todd’, didn’t want to convert and the church (at least the one she attends) encourages you to cut out those who will not follow the teachings.

I’m not sure exactly what happened but Todd and Lucy have remained married. He hasn’t joined the church, she attends and said they’d raise their future children doing so. Our family has been supportive, once we got over the hurdle of her trying to convert us.

It has been a little tricky as Lucy doesn’t celebrate holidays and will scoff at invites. So, Todd will go by himself and she resents not being invited. We’ve let it know, if she wants to come, then she’s more than welcome, but we’re not going to just not have celebrations.

Lucy has also told us since she joined the church to not get her gifts and she won’t get us any. We were okay with that.

Last year, Lucy and Todd welcomed their son, ‘Andrew’. His first birthday was on Saturday.

I wasn’t expecting a party but then Lucy said they were having an ‘I love you’ party for him. It seemed like a cop-out but my husband and I agreed to bring our daughter (2) to the party.

Again, Lucy has stated several times that she and Andrew cannot give or receive gifts on holidays and birthdays.

She even said no birthday gifts. So, I didn’t get him anything, though I helped my daughter make a card that just said ‘We love you, Andrew!’

The party was mostly for Lucy’s church friends. She doesn’t have a large extended family, my and Todd’s live in a different state.

When we arrived, the table was stacked with presents. We were the only ones who didn’t get him something. I heard someone from the church calling it an ‘I love you’ gift but didn’t want to make a thing of it.

Monday, Lucy called and the subject of the party came up. I was trying to understand the difference between a birthday and what the party was. She just kept saying it was different and they weren’t technically celebrating his birthday.

I said it was semantics really. It’d be one thing if they celebrated it on a random day but it was on his birthday. She accused me of judging her religion and I said no, I just think that this is a cop-out.

It’s totally fine to celebrate your child. I love my nephew and will do my best to be at every party. But that 100% was a birthday party. She can dress it up as she wants, but that’s what it is.

Lucy said I was a judgmental jerk and hung up. Todd is actually on my side but feels I shouldn’t have said it. He wanted to and kept quiet to keep the peace. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You are right but you are a jerk for having to prove that you are right.

Please stop. You don’t have to start an argument just to prove your superiority. Close your mouth, go to the party, make a positive relationship with your nephew, and live peaceably with your sister-in-law. Some people learn to feel more ‘them vs us’ (especially from some churches) and your actions are just making her feel more justified. If you are kind, loving, and accepting, this will lessen her mental isolation from you and others who are not in her church – this is a good thing.

And stop arguing for no good reason – it’s immature.” DaisySam3130

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Religious norms were not created so that the faithful could find cheap loopholes—if the believers actually care about the tenants of the religion, they will understand the reasoning behind banning certain things and avoid them for those reasons.

Often times ‘religious’ people just use their membership in a particular sect as a tool to judge others. That seems like exactly what your sister-in-law is doing. She does all the same things you do but uses the right code word for it so she’s arbitrarily ‘better’ than you without having to actually sacrifice anything.

That’s not religion, that’s just being a jerk.” thegoatmenace

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. She’s trying to figure out her faith and balance whatever her spirituality is with the people in her life, supporting them and helping them. That’s actually really difficult for a lot of people.

She wants her child not to be without a father, and wants her husband to have his share of parenting decisions and important moments but also wants to uphold what she believes to be morally right for her. She’s tried to find a compromise and a solution that, you may be right, probably required her to maintain some faux delusion.

But, ultimately, that faux delusion was what was best for everyone involved. That ignorance was bliss and not one person benefitted from your actions.

You appear to be prioritizing being right (or making everyone know just how right you are and admit to how right you are) over being good.

Even if you’re right, it’s not your place to ‘correct’ her and berate her and mock her. It’s literally nothing to do with you.” MagentaKevin

-4 points (4 vote(s))
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LizzieTX 1 year ago
NTJ. Your sister in law can't pick and choose which rules of her religion she wants to follow, without opening herself up for criticism. She's Mormon when it's convenient so that she can point fingers at those who aren't, but can't take the heat when others do the same to her? Yeah, she's a wooooonderful example of her faith. People like her nauseate me.
I'd just continue to call her out on her hypocrisy when she displays it, and ignore anything she says about her faith. As much as your gag reflex will allow, that is.
Good luck!
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