People Want Us To Get A Good Handle On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Friend Out With An Investment?
“My closest friend of almost 10 years randomly texts me about how he needs £1000 for investment (I think he wanted to invest in stocks and by doing it then instead of when he got paid, he’d make more).
He currently doesn’t have the funds to invest but he’ll pay me back as soon as he gets paid in 9 days’ time. I said no, I said that I don’t give out funds unless I’m happy to never see them again and I’m saving up for a house.
I specifically said though, if he was about to be kicked out of his apartment or it was a necessity I would’ve given it to him instantly.
Cut to a few days later, I texted him with good news, normally we share good news with each other and get excited for the other person, instead, he left me on read.
When I asked him what was going on he said he ‘needed some space’ from me and confirmed it was because I didn’t want to lend him the funds. Apparently, he saw this as me not trusting him and he’s incredibly hurt about this. I explained to him that it was not just him.
I don’t give funds to anyone unless it’s absolutely necessary. I’ve even said to him multiple times before that I would never ask him for anything because I never want him to ask me for anything.
Here’s where I personally believe I was a bit of a jerk: I brought up the irony of the fact that recently he trusted someone and gave them funds.
They didn’t pay him back and that’s why he has nothing currently. I agree it was a low blow and it was out of anger because I couldn’t believe that this guy who I’ve helped at his lowest points and been there when no one else was is throwing this in my face as if I’m not a good friend.
I found it incredibly manipulative.
We used to text every day and he hasn’t texted me for three weeks. I got fed up and asked what was going on and he said that he didn’t know what to say to me anymore and that he trusted his friends blindly and expected me to do the same to him.
I pointed out that he put me in a crappy situation, either I give away a lot (something I’ve said before this I’m not comfortable with) or he gets upset and I lose his friendship, and he dodges this question.
I absolutely refuse to apologize to him for any of this, I didn’t start this, I’ve said before not to ask me for funds as it ruins friendships, and while I was a jerk pointing out the irony of the situation, it was nowhere near as bad as how manipulative and insulting he’s been to me.
However I want to check that I’m not just ‘dying on a hill’ (his words), so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not lending a friend funds. As you say, it wasn’t an emergency; he wasn’t about to be evicted or have the power shut off (even if he was, it’s not your responsibility, but certainly an investment is far down on the priorities list).
It was more than a ‘low blow,’ however, to remind him that the reason he didn’t have income was because he had lent some to a friend who didn’t return it. You spelled out that the bottom line was you didn’t trust your friend to return the funds.
That shouldn’t ever be the (stated) issue amongst close friends (even if it is true, you don’t say it). ‘Sorry, I can’t — things are tight right now’ is all you need to say.” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t do business with friends, they say it for a reason.
If he wants to invest this is his decision. All investments have risks involved and by asking you for the funds he is asking you to take that risk but he would get the benefits. I share your thoughts of lending only when really needed and I still have encountered friends lying to me to get funds that weren’t really on spare.
When you give people a hand sometimes they take the whole arm. When you usually are there then they take it for granted and if you don’t, they freak out.
Stand your ground even if it’s to find out what kind of friend you had all along.” Upset_Reflection8320
23. AITJ For Throwing Money At My Parents And Then Walking Out?
“So after I graduated university I moved out of my parents’ the second I could and I haven’t spoken to my parents in 5 years.
The reason being that they were very controlling, they would prevent me and guilt me from doing anything or hanging out with my friends. When I used to try and stand up for myself they would always say ‘We can do whatever we want to you and we can say what we want to you because we give you money’.
So at the age of 21, I moved out with my degree. I am now 26 living my best life until about a few months ago when my parents wanted to see me again. I didn’t want to see them because I really didn’t care what they were up to or how they were but my cousin convinced me to so I decided to meet my parents at a restaurant.
When I got to the restaurant my parents were happy to see me so then after a small talk I asked them what made them want to get back in touch with me. They instead asked me why I stopped talking to them so I told them why I did.
I told them everything they did to me, listed out events and everything and how they used to treat me, how they would guilt me and so on, and during this they gaslit me telling me that these events didn’t happen or that I was remembering things differently.
So here is where I may have been the jerk in the situation: I got up and told them if they even want to fix our relationship or whatever then they need to admit what they did and that they can’t just pretend that it didn’t happen.
Then my father said that I couldn’t talk to them like that so I threw $100 at them and said I can talk to you however I want because I just gave you money, and left.
So after a few days, my cousin called me and called me insane and said that I publicly shamed them because everyone was staring at my parents after I left. Also apparently my mother’s co-worker was there and she now won’t stop asking my mother what happened at dinner.
To be honest I could’ve just gotten up and left or I could’ve just sat through it and just gone back to it so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you told the truth and they deserved it. If you hadn’t they would’ve told a sob story about how they did their best with you and they don’t know why you’re so mean and hateful now.
They just want to love you and you won’t even talk to them etc etc etc. NTJ.” ArtemisStrange
Another User Comments:
“You are a baddie! Don’t let those horrible people continue to try to control you. You are free. Don’t give them the reins back.
I love how you threw their words back at them by throwing the $100 at them. Truly inspiring. You got this, go low to no contact with them and keep living your best life.
NTJ.” LiteFox196
22. AITJ For Quitting A Theater Play?
“For the last three months, I have been working on a school play where I was designing the set. I got into it because I had heard that people hated the show last year because the set was so bad. I worked on making sets when I was in theatre back in my old school so I have some good experience.
So I signed up and told them about some ideas I had and they loved it.
I started showing up at every single meeting they had, not that It was necessary but I really enjoyed working closely with the actors and director, helping them recite lines, and also I made some great friends while continuing working on set designs and ideas.
I started spending my free time preparing the set, buying props, studying the dances so nothing would interfere, and taking some inspiration from other school plays.
It didn’t take too long until I got an official status on the committee as the set designer and they got me some people that wanted to help me build it.
About two months ago I had my vision finished, so I presented everything I was going to do and the budget I needed. The director and the chairman of the committee loved it and supported me 100% and were excited about what I had planned, even though they wanted changes about some things to make it cheaper.
So most of the next 2 weeks went into preparing and deciding what materials were going to be used so that they fit into the budget that they gave me.
We had some trouble getting started including members getting sick but about three weeks ago now we started purchasing things and painting and everything has been going well but, to be honest, it has been extremely stressful even though I didn’t like to admit it.
A short time ago the director quit for personal reasons and a new one was hired a week ago.
The new director seemed like a nice guy until two days ago when he said that set designs are unnecessary and he didn’t want to have one.
I never got to talk to the director himself, but had a long argument with the chairman of the committee about the importance of sets in a theatre but he agreed with the director since he wanted to cut the set budget to get a professional light designer.
After all this time preparing and making this thing they just cut it out and I had nothing to say about it.
They sent me yesterday a confirmation from the director that a set was unnecessary so I just replied ‘Well, that’s a bummer.
Good luck with the show though.’ And left the group chat.
There were some expectations of me to be a doorman and control the music and I have heard I stirred the general morale of the group by quitting and indirectly motivated other people to do so too.
So I feel kind of guilty but also not since I wasted so much time on this project.
I have been getting messages from the actors about how much crap the chairman spoke about me to them, but luckily most of them are on my side, but many are angry.
What do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They ‘fired’ you… By eliminating your job… By eliminating the set. It’s kind of expected that you wouldn’t automatically agree to do a different job without negotiating that with you… And assuming you’d do it is weird.
Good for you. Also yeah it sucks, especially when one portion of the design gets cut to fund a different portion of the design. Sorry to hear it.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you were the set designer and there was now no set sounds like they made your job obsolete so not sure what else you could have done.
That being said, if you had made a commitment to undertake other roles like doorman etc then it’s a bit trashy to quit but it’s not like you quit on opening night, they’ve got plenty of time to find someone else.” Remarkable-Ad6903
21. AITJ For Wanting To Keep The $750K For Myself?
“My (50s F) and my younger sister’s (50s f) mom passed away recently. My mom was getting old and sick so my sister decided she would move in with her to help care for her in her last year of life. My mom had a lot of income in the stock market – over a million dollars.
My sister knew about this, as did I. My mom wanted the stocks to go to us when she died.
Well, my mom died not too long ago, and I met with the attorney/executor of her will. My mom had $6,000 left, overall. Not just $6,000 to me, but $6,000 total, including stocks.
I was confused – my mom had A LOT of funds last I checked, and so I decided to investigate, as there was no possible way that my mom could have spent over a million dollars in a year.
While looking into things with the attorney, I found out that my sister had been cashing out the stocks, and then writing the funds to herself in checks made.
She had stolen 1.3 MILLION DOLLARS FROM MY MOM. My mom had been asking me for months to see her bank statements, and when I brought it up to my sister, she said that she had shown my mom the documents and she was well aware of what happened.
Now on to where I may be the jerk. My mom told me, and not my sister, that she had a safe deposit box with more stocks in it. I didn’t know why she didn’t tell my sister at the time, but maybe she thought something was up.
Anyway, I went to the safety deposit box and there was another $750,000 in stocks. I told my sister about it but I think I want to keep it all for myself, as my sister already stole 1.3 million from my mom.
My problem isn’t with finances, I mean having part of the 1.3 million would make life easier, but what I actually care about is that my sister stole from my mom.
I talked to my attorney and they said I could take it to court, it would cost 70k and it is a he said she said.
So AITJ for wanting to keep the 750k for myself? My sister hasn’t asked for it yet (probably cause she knows I’m investigating what happened) but my husband and my friends say I am no better than her if I don’t share the funds.”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister stole from your mom. Your mom knew something was up and that is why she was asking for you to look at the bank statements.
Also, your mom told you about the deposit box and she didn’t tell your sister.
750k is less than 1.3millon but as you said it will be a ‘she said, he said’ argument in court.
If it is legal to keep the 750k, it is what your mom wanted, to split the money evenly, 750k is not totally even but it is not bad.
Make sure to validate with your lawyer so your sister doesn’t go after you in court, make her sign something or so. Make it clear that if she doesn’t sign you go after her in court.
You have to also think of your own family, your children, and grandchildren.
Your sister is set, now it is your share.
You wouldn’t be the jerk if you kept it. NTJ. Your sister is a jerk and you need to be careful with her. Some people just lose themselves when it is about money. It is sad, but you can’t trust her anymore.” SkyLightk23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Consider the amount she has stolen as hers that she already used. I would speak to your lawyer however about the stocks in the safe for his opinions on the matter before cashing them in so that they can either be kept away from your sister or ensure that your sister cannot claim her half from them.
Honestly, if it was me I would move the stocks into a safe place and leave them there until the matter has been resolved.” MersWhaawhaa
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Religious Family To My Wedding?
“I (23F) am planning on getting married to my partner (M25) later this year. I grew up in an extremely religious community and had a lot of issues with my family growing up.
I was constantly told I was too emotional and dressed too provocative for the church (for reference I am a bit more curvy than my family members and was wearing leggings & flannel when I was told this).
When I turned 18, I left the church and lived on my own.
I realized a lot of my beliefs were extremely toxic, and on top of that, the church was full of internalized misogynistic teachings. I ended up leaving the church and met my partner shortly after. I moved in with him, and things went down with my parents.
They threatened to cut me off and take everything away from me if we didn’t get married. This included: my savings, which was the money I earned but the account was in their name, my car, which I had purchased and put money towards, but was in their name, my phone bill, and health insurance.
They blamed their thinking on religious morals and told me, ‘God couldn’t accept’ the way I was acting. My partner and I talked about it, and while we loved each other, it had only been like 8 months and we weren’t in a rush to get married.
Additionally, I didn’t want to get married just to please them. I ended up telling them that if their love was conditional on how I lived my life, I didn’t want it. I returned everything (that I could) and became financially independent at 18.
One of the hardest but best decisions of my life.
Fast forward to a year ago, and my family reached out trying to have a relationship. There was no formal apology from them, and my ‘behavior’ was chalked down to me being ‘too emotional’. They continue to contact me and try to engage with me and my partner.
I haven’t given them an inch, and refuse to maintain a relationship with them. However, our wedding is coming up and I’ve had other family members try and pressure me to invite my family telling me that I’ll regret it someday if they’re not there.
I’ve been told that I’m making a rash decision and I’m being selfish by not inviting them. Additionally, my dad has reached out saying he expects to walk me down the aisle and be in my wedding because ‘it’s tradition’ & he ‘expects to walk me down’.
I know I’m young but I can’t imagine down the road me regretting inviting the family that cut me off based on religious beliefs.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding, your rules. Your dad especially with the misogynistic crap of walking you down the aisle and that he demands-expects it.
Don’t invite them. If anyone pressures you tell them it’s your decision and your fiancé’s and they don’t have to come to the wedding and if they continue to pressure you then they are uninvited.
I’d password-protect all your wedding stuff in case the family decides to change stuff behind your back.
And maybe hire security if they show up uninvited. I’d say tell them the wrong date but the flying monkeys pressuring you have probably given them all the info.
This day is the first day of your life with your chosen partner and it should be a happy one.
You both should be surrounded by people that love and support you. Since your family can’t do that they cannot come. And please don’t fall for last-minute changes of heart. They just want to come and make trouble.” disney_nerd_mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, regardless of the past. You could have had the most perfect upbringing and STILL not be required to invite them.
But adding the fact they’re narcissistic, manipulative, and abusive people they have been to you your entire life they are not entitled to ask or expect an invite to the wedding much less the ability to walk you down the aisle.
It is your life, your wedding, I think if you let them come you’ll regret it, allowing him to walk you down the aisle you’ll regret, they’ve done 0 to earn the titles of mom and dad, in my opinion, even in your writing I can sense the stress they bring up in you.
If they came you’d be stressed when you shouldn’t be especially when your wedding day should be looked back on with love, happiness, and joy, not looked back on with regrets and I shouldn’t have, etc.
Set boundaries, back them up even if that means it goes to 0 contact no one is entitled to your time or space in your life if they haven’t earned it and can not respect boundaries.” SassyFrazz76
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Stuck In A Hotel Room With My Cousin For Ten Days?
“I (26f) am visiting family for what was meant to be a two-week trip that will probably turn into a 2-3 month trip because of family reasons not relevant to the story. My uncle (late 30s) who lives in Florida had a child a few years ago whose mother sadly passed away in October.
My uncle is a plumber who occasionally works out of state with his company, and I (when my last 2-week stay turned into nearly a year visiting partially due to this), my parents (46f and 47m), grandmother (67f/GM), and younger brother (23m) have watched him on and off for the better part of 2 years because of my uncle’s work and then him trying to sort out things after my cousin’s mom’s death.
He had an out-of-state job scheduled to start Monday fall through temporarily with no new start date currently available. The original plan was to drive my GM down to stay with my uncle and cousin in the hotel for the 10-day duration of the job so that he could spend more time with his dad.
Apparently, my GM told my uncle without talking to me that I could go down when the job does happen and stay with him for 10 days at this hotel since she’s supposed to get hand surgery at the beginning of April and won’t have that much mobility in her hand to do certain things.
I adore my cousin. He’s the sweetest 3-year-old I’ve ever had the pleasure of interacting with, but I told her that I would lose my mind if I was stuck in a hotel room with him longer than overnight and that I wished she hadn’t volunteered me for the job.
She tried to guilt-trip me by confirming I wouldn’t do it and said she wished I’d said something before she told my uncle I could, but she never talked to me about it in the first place.
I don’t mind watching him here at my parents’ house where he has a yard and playroom to spend time in, but I know he’d get bored of sitting in a hotel room for 10 days where there isn’t anything around to walk to other than a waffle house and an indoor playground that costs nearly $15 a day to go to.
AITJ here or do I at least have some reasonable points?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 10 days in a hotel room with a 3-year-old? 10 hours would be too much! While I applaud your family for stepping up for this child, in this situation they are all jerks.
First, this child needs stability and consistency, not to be traveling and staying in hotel rooms. The child needs their own space, routine, and consistent caregiver.
If dad has to travel for work why is the child going and disrupting everyone’s routine? Just to make Dad feel better?
This child should be sleeping in the same place every night and following the same routine every day, whether it’s a family member as a caregiver or a daycare program. The person who volunteered you for this is a jerk to you and a moron for not seeing that this is not what’s best for this child.” unionmom4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all!
You never have any obligation to do anyone a favor, especially without your consent. It is great that you love your nephew, but you have no duty to drop everything to care for him for an extended period in unfavorable circumstances, and it’s unfortunate that your family is putting you in a position where you think that it might be.
This is a problem for your uncle and grandmother to solve because their poor planning created it.” Mbt_Omega
18. AITJ For Not Buying My Boss Lunch?
“I (28f) had recently lost my job and because my family and I were tight on money, I decided to find a part-time job at a local shoe store.
It was temporary until I could find something better and more permanent so I was fine with the pay. Anyway, my Boss Dana (30f) has 3 other employees. Max (25M), Gina (35F), and Annie (26f).
When I applied for the job I was told I would work the register, make phone calls to our clients, clean the shop at least once a week, work the back and bring in the inventory, etc. I was fine with it and agreed. Dana seemed like a nice enough person at the interview.
The first day I thought was rather strange. Like me, Dana is a plus-size woman and the first thing she asks me is if I have social media. When I say I do she asks to see my pictures. I find it strange and don’t know how to react.
She seems to pick up on it and laughs it off and instead shows me her photographs. She goes on and on about how so many people find her beautiful and how an agency contacted her and wanted her to model for them. She asked if that ever happened to me before.
I smiled tightly and told her I thought that was cool but no. She laughed and left it at that.
The first few days I had a normal amount of work. The register, a client list to call, working in the back. I noticed however that all Dana did was sit in the back playing on her phone while everyone else stayed on their butt in the back.
By lunchtime, someone would buy Dana lunch. (She would never pay for it simply say she was hungry and someone would offer to pay for her).
Weeks go by and I find myself doing everyone’s work. Bringing in the merchandise from the trucks inside the shop.
Putting in inventory, taking it out if we needed to send it back. I took everyone’s phone calls, I cleaned the shop before and after closing. Gina would always make me clean even when I’d done my turn for the week. Then Dana starts to pester me.
Whenever lunch came around she would say ‘Oh. I’m starving’ or ‘You know what I could really go for right now?’ ‘I’m dying to eat a burger.’ It was clear that she was telling me it was my turn. Finally, she outright told me I should buy her lunch.
I was already fed up with her behavior and simply said ‘Okay. Venmo me the money for your meal first. I always bring my lunch from home there’s no need for me to go out of my way to buy something.’
At first, she was shocked but then got angry and asked Annie to run down the street to get her something.
Since then everyone is calling me a jerk for refusing to pay for her lunch and she has been running me ragged. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, see who is above her in the company hierarchy and let them know what’s up. Stop doing other people’s work and if she tries this again shut that crap down.
Document everything. I dunno where you live or the laws there but might need it for wrongful termination if they fire you for retaliatory reasons.” LazySoftware13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is she the owner? What about the other managers? HR? Start documenting how everyone is on their phones not working and such because I’m really sure there are cameras to back it up.
Document how she’s using and abusing her position of power to get free food from people. Also, tell her you have no money on top of it too. Document how much work increased for you since denying her and what little they do. She’s taking advantage of her position and you because you didn’t cater to her hand and foot and buy her food when you told her you bring your own.
That job is not worth it. I hope you find another real soon.” amaerau03
17. AITJ For Wanting To Evict Our Roommates?
“My (20f) roommates brought bedbugs into my house before. My partner (24M) and I decided not to evict them for that incident.
Time has gone on and now I’m facing another issue.
Our lease ends May 31st and it goes up around $50 starting June 1st. Our roommates were made aware of this. Our roommates have their parents pay their rent, they do not work.
The point; yesterday while I was at work my partner texted me telling me of a proposition/request our roommates asked if we could do.
I asked what that request was. He informed me that our roommates’ parents are struggling to maintain/pay their rent and are asking if we can cover a third of their half until one of them lands a job. It’s around $150-$170 each month for who knows how long.
Immediate no.
My partner thinks I’m being petty because I haven’t liked them since the incident about the bed bugs when in reality I don’t like them because of all the issues and the fact that they’ve taken over our space and have no decency.
I have learned my lesson from when they brought me bed bugs. They do not deserve for me to be good to them and allow them to stay while I pay their half of the rent.
They have taken over the whole fridge, and the cabinets, there are always dishes in the sink, I have to throw away their trash daily, they’re loud and inconsiderate when one of us is sleeping, the electricity bill has always been high because of them and they somehow can afford to eat out daily.
I’m tired of it.
My partner said that having them stay would save us money. We could afford to pay that third as long as they pay the other two-thirds of the rent. But I didn’t find it fair for 20-something-year-olds to have me and my partner pay for them being lazy.
My partner didn’t want to be involved in the conversation since they were his friends. He didn’t want to be painted as the bad guy and lose more friends which I understand. But we’ve been taken advantage of for too long this year.
So am I really the jerk for wanting to evict them?
Am I judging them too harshly?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – get them out as quickly and legally as possible. You will be so much happier for it. My roommates are breaking the lease and moving out today and I can’t wait. Everything you said we’ve dealt with too – taking over our space, the fridge, cabinets, not helping out with any chores.
Roommates are not worth it and if you and your partner can swing the cost of rent on your own, I would start the process of getting them out, today. Your sanity and health will thank you!” Informal-Swordfish-2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are inconsiderate freeloaders and neither of you owes them anything.
Christ I’d love to sit around all day doing nothing while someone else pays all my bills but that’s not how life works! They’ve had plenty of time and warning to get a job and they’ve done nothing to fix that other than running to their parents with their hands out.
Time to teach them a valuable life lesson.” woodenpickle17
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive My Siblings Around Anymore?
“I (19f) live at home full-time with my parents. I’m currently taking a couple of classes at the community college, and every time school is mentioned they take that opportunity to disprove of me going there instead of a university.
I work full-time and go to school part-time and have explained multiple times that I can’t do both because it’s draining both physically and mentally.
My mom brags that she completed nursing school while taking care of five kids.
That’s where the conflict is. When she was in school, she completely neglected my siblings and me, and my dad was working overtime to afford her schooling, my older sister and I had to take care of the three young ones.
Now the younger ones are 17, and the other two are 16, and they’re all social butterflies and spoiled. Refuse to take the bus home from school, party every weekend, and hang with their friends every night type of thing. I try to be supportive of this and have been driving them around to all of their events, but with gas prices, even with my car that is amazing on gas, it’s starting to take a hit to my bank account.
I went to my parents about it and asked them if they could give me gas money, not expecting more than 30 bucks, which I was fine with, but my mom went off on me, saying I was ungrateful for everything she had done for me.
I brought up how I did more for myself and how I have been since I was 12 and she neglected us for a career.
She then said it was a privilege that she decided to keep a roof over my head and I needed to show gratitude.
I told her that I couldn’t be constantly driving her kids around because I had my own things to do and she said that if I didn’t have gas money to take her kids places then I didn’t have gas to hang out with my friends.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – time to find your own place. I would just tell Mom that you will no longer be driving your siblings around so that you can save money unless each one of them gives you $10 for every trip you make.
If she says no, then tell her no, I will not drive them around anymore. They are HER kids, not yours. Do they know that after you’re done at a community college you can transfer to a university to get your Bachelor’s?” Eight_is_enuf
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your mom sounds awful. Never let anyone tell you you should be ‘grateful’ for a horrible parent, especially when that parent neglected you for so long. Also, there is nothing wrong with community college. Capitalism is the only reason why people say you should go to a university instead of a community college.
CC gives you the same education as a university, it’s affordable and allows you better flexibility. Always pick CC and Trade School over Universities. You’ll be better off in the long run.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.” NightWitch65
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother And His Pregnant Partner Live With Me Anymore?
“The last few weeks have been very stressful for me (24m) and my roommate (23m) as we were informed that we’d soon have a new landlord and that rent was going up.
Since we’ve had various issues this year anyway, we decided it was better for us to just move, so we’ll be leaving in July. We have a new place, but we will be staying with my roommate’s partner until we are able to move in.
This stress comes at the end of a very stressful year. In May 2021, my younger brother was kicked out by our mother and stepfather when he announced his partner was pregnant. He’s lived with me full-time since last August. This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement, but he is still here.
His son was born in January and suddenly my roommate and I found ourselves living part-time with an infant, making life even worse. He has never once contributed towards rent or any bills, although he does occasionally buy his own groceries.
Earlier this month, while my roommate and I were stressing out about the new flat, my brother and his partner announced that they were expecting their second child.
I thought it must be a joke as the last six months had been a nightmare for everyone involved and they still didn’t have anywhere to live, but no, they were serious. This was the last straw for me. My brother and I argued and we have basically been ignoring each other ever since.
We did, however, end up discussing how we – my roommate and I – are packing everything up and I explained that we’re moving, but I refused to give him any more information. I told him that at the end of the month, I’m done with him and his nonsense and he needs to figure it out for himself.
This, understandably, freaked him out and it looks like he’ll be homeless if I don’t change my mind. He has reached out to our parents again, but neither are willing to take him in.
Part of me feels like a complete jerk for moving on with my life while he’s struggling, but I also feel like a jerk for inflicting him and his child on my roommate for so long and can’t force his partner to house the ungrateful jerk.
I feel like a hypocrite as I was so angry when our mother kicked him out, but at the same time, I don’t feel that I should have to be responsible for him or his kid. He isn’t making any effort at this point to sort his life out and is content with relying on me and I don’t want to sacrifice my sanity anymore.
AITJ? Should I apologize and tell him he can move into the new place with us?”
Another User Comments:
“Here’s the thing. Birth control exists. And it exists for a reason… well several reasons… but one of them is that kids are expensive, being an adult is expensive.
It sounds like your brother is really good at making kids but not so good at being an adult or parent. He (and his partner) need to figure this out. From applying to jobs to gov’t aid to housing, he’s had a year to get his act together and he hasn’t.
And that was when he had one kid. To add a second child, when you already don’t have a place to live is the definition of insanity.
By all means offer to help your brother do things like review leases, complete job applications, and direct him to aid that he or his partner may qualify for but he can’t move in with you.
Honestly, you don’t say how old he was when your mom and stepfather kicked him – but I have to wonder if they were already frustrated with his failure to launch and the possibility of him living at home and wanting to raise kids there was enough to force the issue.
NTJ.” rak1882
Another User Comments:
“First off, your roommate’s an absolute legend for having stuck around.
Your brother has been working on the art of freeloading, it seems; it’s kinda astounding that he and his partner have not been paying more attention to contraception and organizing a place of their own (knowing how few options they have to continue living with family, and they HAVE to be aware of what a strain it’s put on your living circumstances).
Continuing to enable him is going to screw your quality of life, and isn’t really going to help him either – it’s just going to continue his cycle of dependency and irresponsibility.
Do not, under any circumstances, offer for him to stay ‘for a few days’ – you know full well it’ll be ‘Sorry, bro, didn’t manage to sort something, just till the weekend’ and then ‘end of the month’ and before you know it you’ll be suffering a long-term freeloading lodger again.
Tough love is sadly what he needs.
NTJ.” ieya404
14. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Stop Always Expecting Handouts From Our Family?
“I (24F) have nine siblings (14, 15, 17, 20, 23, 26, 29, 31, 33).
We grew up in a very small house, like imagine the Weasley family and the burrow, with tiny living space, and most people shared rooms. And we were pretty poor too.
We had enough to get by but extra things like toys and gifts often had to be handmade or improvised.
This revolves around my 29-year-old brother, who’s called Tim. He’s always wanted a big family just like our parents, he’s already married and has 3 children.
He wants to have at least 6, which some people in my family think is a good idea, and some not so much, but we all respect his choice to do whatever he wants with HIS life. The kids go from 2-7 years old, and his wife is currently pregnant with baby #4.
The issue is that he’s struggling much like our parents did, which was always a worry of mine when he told me about his dream. It’s become normal for him to ask for money, and help with toys, food, etc, I was fine with helping with some of it, especially when it came to my nieces and nephew since I enjoy giving them things, but I’ve noticed that he mainly asks our parents (AKA the people who are still taking care of three minors themselves).
I tried not to get too involved at first except for when he was asking me, but now that baby number 4 is coming, he’s been asking for money so much more. I went to my parents on Sunday and my mother genuinely cried over how she felt she couldn’t do enough for him.
I comforted her and told her that it wasn’t her fault and he was a big boy who could make his own life choices.
It really annoyed me though, my parents have done so much to provide for us over the years, and I feel like my brother is crapping all over that.
When I got home I phoned him and told him that he should stop asking our parents for money and that he should start to apply for benefits if he really needs them, since it isn’t fair to mooch off of people who are still currently taking care of minors anyway.
He told me that he didn’t want to apply for anything, since that would reflect badly on him, that it wasn’t my business and I should stay out, and that our parents could say something themselves if they had an issue.
I then replied, ‘That’s well and fine, but if you were really making a family like our parents did then you wouldn’t expect handouts constantly from everyone’.
He got offended and hung up.
Over the past two days, I’ve been getting blown up by my parents and some of my siblings. I apologized to my parents but told them that I thought he was asking too much. My siblings have been ranging from saying I should’ve stayed out to saying that they agree with me, so I’m wondering.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your brother is taking advantage of your family’s kindness. If he can’t take care of his family on his own, he should stop/shouldn’t have had 3 to 4 kids. Instead of asking for so much help, he should be working harder and not gotten his wife pregnant again so she could work a job to also provide for the family.” Nobody56778
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they are asking for money that frequently, they are living well beyond their means and NEED to get any kind of assistance that they qualify for and to set their pride aside. It’s not fair to anyone in the family.
And someone outside of your brother and your parents need to point that out to the three of them. Your parents are partially at fault for letting this go on so long as well, but I’m assuming they are thinking of their grandchildren. I hope everything improves for how your family sees what you did.” korli74
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cook For My In-Laws Anymore?
“I don’t mind cooking as I love it. My wife is an only child and can’t really cook and it would take a long time if she does cook something.
I do all the cooking at home and both of us have a full-time job.
We have a 3-month-old baby girl. Before giving birth I called my parents (who live outside the U.S.) and asked if they could help me out as this is our first child.
My mom was like sure, not a problem. She helped us out a lot and I really appreciate her for doing so. She helped with the cooking and watching the baby as I had to work (2 days off for paternity leave) and my wife was pumping and getting some rest (3-month maternity leave).
3 months went by quickly as they had to go back home and my wife’s mom (who lives 10 minutes away) was going to help watch the baby as I had to go back to work.
The first day watching our baby, I texted my wife asking if her mom and grandma had any food for lunch and she said yes, she told them they could grab whatever was in the fridge.
She then asked if I could prepare lunch for them also (as I cook extra during dinner to pack lunch for work for both me and my wife). I didn’t really respond to my wife as I didn’t know where this was going.
When I got home from work (I leave at 7 am for work and get home around 6 pm), I said hi to my in-laws and went up to change and wash my hands and face so I could hold my baby.
Came down the stairs and my MIL said she thinks the baby pooped. I say no problem, grabbed her, changed her, and came down and sat down on the couch. She then said, your wife’s uncle is coming by and bringing you guys something. Why don’t you cook dinner for all of us and we all can sit and have dinner together.
I was annoyed but went to the kitchen and cooked dinner. My wife came home 30 minutes later and noticed me being annoyed.
After they all left I told my wife I won’t be cooking lunch or dinner for her family again.
I know they are helping us tremendously with the baby.
But I feel like they can cook and use whatever we have in the fridge if they are hungry. AITJ and should I just suck it up and just cook for them as they are helping us with the baby?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your in-laws sound useless and rude for inviting people over and expecting you to cook for them.
Ideally, your wife would step up and explain you can’t cook every meal every day and that they should check with both of you before inviting anyone over for dinner. In the meantime, maybe you could stock up on cheap frozen lasagnas and stuff to make sandwiches for those days when your in-laws expect you to cook for them.” PikesPique
Another User Comments:
“They are doing you a big favor by looking after the baby. No question.
BUT looking after a three-month-old is NOTHING. It’s a potato that craps itself. If I were your mother-in-law I’d have made dinner, cleaned the kitchen, and hoovered the lounge, because I would want to be of actual help, you know, not just sit on my butt and then expect someone sleep-deprived who’d just done an 11-hour shift to cook dinner for 5.
All of which is to say, you have all my sympathy, but clearly, you don’t have a particularly useful MIL. Just remind yourself that you’re saving money, stock the fridge with sandwich ingredients (no, you do not have to premake her lunch), and set a firm boundary alongside your wife that they go and eat at home, and any dinners at yours are by prior invitation only.
NTJ for being annoyed that you were asked to cook, but don’t lose sight of the long game here. You’re sleep-deprived and everything grates, but this too shall pass. Congratulations on the baby!” threeforagirl
12. AITJ For Giving My One Employee A Bigger Raise Than The Other?
“I have a small business and employed my first two employees last summer.
‘E’ (F/22), is a local, and ‘A’ (F/27) is from America and moved here last summer (it’s her first job here). Both are doing pretty much the same job.
I have a bit of an ‘I don’t care’ mentality, as long as the work gets done and the hours match they can leave early or come later whenever they want.
The ‘problem’ is that ‘E’ is far more efficient and productive, she gets about 28% more done (not hourly, in total). ‘A’ would work all day if I let her, while ‘E’ does pretty much only the minimum hours. (I ‘only’ allow 50h/week max. ‘A’ would work the max.
legal 60h)
This spring I gave both a raise again, but as ‘E’ is more efficient and hardly gets paid overtime she gets a chunk more now. (After taking the overtime of ‘A’ into consideration they both get about the same in the end again).
Yesterday after a bit of chitchat ‘A’ complained that she now earns less per hour than ‘E’ while ‘E’ ‘hardly works at all’ (her words).
‘E only works the bare minimum hours, goes out with the dog twice a day, goes on holiday twice a year, has her partner in all the time… While I’m working my butt off, coming in every day, working overtime, hardly ever taking sick leave, etc., and still E is getting more than me.
That’s discrimination!’
I of course listened and was concerned as she clearly was sitting with her anger for a bit now.
I tried to explain to her that she could do all these things too. Her taking the dog out for a short walk takes less time than the smoking of ‘A’ and both do not have to clock out for either.
She goes on holiday twice a year because she has 30 days of paid leave a year (25 is the legal minimum, I give a week more because I’m happy with their work), and reminded her that she has to take the paid leave too, I told her this many times before and she will be 6 weeks at home this winter if she does not consume it beforehand.
And I know that her partner is here, when she finishes her day at university, to drive home with ‘E’. She is not really lowering her productivity so I don’t care. (I even got them a cheap IKEA couch where she can wait)
Finally, I told her that she does not need to do so many hours, their contract is 40 hours/week, and I would not care if they work 35 as long as the work is done (I proposed that before that when after 3 months someone is a little bit in the negative with the hours the other one will receive the same amount in overtime, but it never was needed yet).
She got offended and yelled at me, ‘She works more so she should get more’. I countered (a bit louder than I wanted in hindsight) that she only works longer, but ‘E’ works more, and that they earn the same after keeping the overtime in mind.
I understand where she comes from, and I showed her the numbers today. She seems a bit less agitated (I hope she understands that I don’t care about the fact that she is an immigrant).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s business and they both make about the same in the end, if A wanted to do better and with fewer hours, she has the ability to do so but it sounds like she hasn’t even though she does her job to satisfaction.
I would say this isn’t on you, if E worked more hours, they could get more but it actually is level with the way it works out, and sounds like you’re being reasonable and accommodating to both styles like a good employer should be.” wickedpoetess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s an American thing. She thinks she’s kissing your butt right now by staying the max amount of time you’ll let her and never taking time off when in reality American employers want their employees to work themselves 6 feet under and market it as ‘loyalty to the company.’
Tell her that it’s not America, that she doesn’t have to stay the maximum amount of time or never use her PTO, as long as she gets her work done you don’t care! You’re completely right, she’s not working more she’s just working longer.” User
11. WIBTJ If I Don't Go To A Party I Wasn't Invited To?
“So I (18M) am the oldest of my friends. All our ages range from 15-18. One of my friends (16M) is having a birthday party to celebrate his 17th birthday, I’ll call him Greg.
I wasn’t actually invited to this party by Greg. Greg is going out with my other friend (15F) and I live with her and her parents due to some circumstances so I found out about the party through her parents.
They were asking me if I knew anything about the party and who was gonna be there since they found out Greg’s parents were planning on serving booze.
I told them I didn’t know anything about the party and I hadn’t met his other friends that he’s bringing which led to them asking me if I would go to keep an eye on my friend.
I told them I didn’t have an invite but I wouldn’t mind going to look out for her if it was okay with Greg, which is where I started being a jerk.
Her parents got into a fight with her later on and ended up making the ultimatum that she couldn’t go without an adult that they trust (referring to me) so now she can’t go if I don’t go.
She invited me later to the party after being given the ultimatum, so now I feel an obligation to go since it’s basically my fault if she can’t go.
I just don’t feel very welcome and honestly, I’m a little hurt. These are my friends too and I get I’m busy with college and work now but they didn’t even bother with an invite before it meant someone else couldn’t go.
Plus, they have a birthday chat for this party that they keep telling me about but haven’t added me to and I still don’t know when the exact date of this party is.
I tend to get emotional so I want to make sure I wouldn’t be making the wrong decision if I don’t go.
WIBTJ for not going to a party I wasn’t technically invited to and ruining everyone else’s day?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the parents are jerks for basically asking you to chaperone. You are 18, and no offense, but if I were the parent I wouldn’t be asking an 18-year-old to chaperone my 15-year-old, who is allegedly friends with the 15-year-old.
I’m not saying you would not be responsible and watch out for her. But it sounds like what the parents want is someone to act like another parent present.
I also question your ‘friends’, why they wouldn’t invite you. Unless there was a cap on attendance (only 5 friends for dinner) and you didn’t make the top 5, then I can understand.
But if it’s a bunch of people and no limit on invites. I’d make new friends who are also legal adults.
Something to note: I don’t know if you are in the US or another country, but in a number of states it is illegal for parents to provide booze at parties they throw for their kids who are under 21.” sailorangel59
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t invited by ‘Greg’ and weren’t added to the group chat so obviously they weren’t planning on inviting you. Tell your friend that it’s really on her and her partner because why would they not even ask again like y’all are all friends so why wouldn’t they even ask?
Regardless of how busy your life has been. That’s just weird to me. You’re not a jerk. You’re also not responsible for your friend either regardless of if you’re older or not.” Natari_natori
10. AITJ For Not Letting The Woman Who Hit My Car Leave?
“About a year ago, I (40F) was hit by a truck on my way to the airport to catch a flight.
The man who hit me gave me his contact and insurance information. To be honest, I didn’t want to get the police involved as I was already running late and this was a very important flight to catch. The elderly man kept going on and on about how he was a Christian (this should have been my first red flag) and that, as a man of God, he would be agreeable and helpful, admitting fault, when my insurance company contacted him.
My gut said to go ahead and get the cops involved but there was minimal damage to the car and I simply didn’t have the time. Well, you can guess how this all turned out.
Bottom line: nothing came of the claim so I had to pay out-of-pocket for the damages.
Fast forward to yesterday. I was driving down a residential street that had cars parked on both sides. A few streets away, a church was having a Thanksgiving food drive for not-well-off families. The first 200 cars in the line would get a turkey and other foods to celebrate Thanksgiving with.
(I didn’t know any of this at the time).
The short version is that I had the right of way and a car pulled out and smashed into my driver’s door. Nobody was hurt but there was significant damage to the car. The woman who hit me (maybe in her 50s?) didn’t exit the vehicle to see if I was ok or to inspect the damage.
She merely sat in her car and waited for me to approach. Didn’t say sorry, or look remorseful, simply handed me her information and nonchalantly said, ‘Here’s my information. Just have your insurance company call me. I need to go.’
I straight up told her that she couldn’t leave.
I intended to get the police involved because I wanted all the info on record. At first, she was angry, saying that she NEEDED to get in the church line for a turkey. I basically shrugged and said, ‘You can leave but I wouldn’t advise leaving the scene of an accident.
I’m calling the cops either way.’
At this point she burst into tears and said that her family couldn’t afford a turkey this year – her husband lost his job and they were on welfare and that I was essentially robbing her children of a Thanksgiving feast.
I was so upset by the whole situation that I just shrugged and walked away and called the police from my car. The whole ordeal took at least an hour and a half but everything got resolved.
But today, now that my anger has dwindled, I’m starting to wonder if I should have not gotten the police involved and let her get in line and just dealt with insurance myself.
I kind of feel like a jerk.
AITJ for potentially ruining her kids’ Thanksgiving?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even if her story was true, you aren’t the one who ‘ruined’ her Thanksgiving – she ruined it herself by disobeying traffic laws, smashing into you, and causing significant damage.
That’s completely and totally on her. She didn’t give a crap about how the damage (that she caused) would impact your Thanksgiving or Christmas. She fully expected you to eat the (significant) cost of repairs with absolutely no regard for how it would impact your (likely younger) family.
You should feel no guilt in this. Sorrowful that the incident happened and she missed out on a free turkey, maybe, but no guilt.” SirMittensOfTheHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was going to flake. 100 percent. She did not care. And a Thanksgiving meal, while nice, is NOT a necessity!
Having food in general absolutely is, but a turkey, no. She hit you. If you had hit her, absolutely I would have gone with her to a store after calling the police and bought her a Thanksgiving meal because then you would have been responsible for her missing out on the free one.
But she was the one solely responsible for missing out on the turkey, which again, is a luxury.” Corduroycat1
9. AITJ For Not Giving My Sister One Of My Bags?
“I recently got in the mail some beautiful brand bags. Some I never EVER thought I would get my hands on unless they were kinda scuffed and used at a thrift store.
So when I had a recent visit with some family my aunt pulled me aside and showed me a few pictures of some brand purses. She asked me ‘Do you like them, do you think you would use them?’ I replied ‘Yes they’re so beautiful!’ I was still looking at pictures while she was admiring her collection.
‘Give me your address then and I’ll send them to you, think of them as your early Christmas gift,’ she said and I just did not know what to say. I hugged her and said thank you. I gave her my address and today I got them.
Still can’t believe I now own these beautiful bags. And I was showing my older sister and as she was looking at them she looked at me with one of the bags and asked ‘Can I use this one?’ I asked ‘When?’ She smiled and said ‘Forever’.
And I laughed thinking she was joking. ‘No not forever but you can borrow it’. That made her smile falter ‘So you’re not gonna give me one?’
Keep in mind I already promised my sister one of the wallets because I thought it was so her.
I replied still smiling ‘No these are my presents’. She put down the bag and mumbled something about being greedy as she sat down on the couch. Now pouting. I was in shock at the sudden change in vibes coming from her now. ‘Good for you, hope you use ALL of your new bags, she said in a very obvious sarcastic tone.
I laughed in disbelief at what was happening now ‘You’re not seriously mad, right? I gave you the wallet’. She was glaring at me now. ‘I don’t need a wallet. Give it to mom’, when on the phone just hours ago when I got the purses and promised her the wallet she was excited, saying ‘I needed a new wallet!’
After that, I just grabbed all the bags and went to the room trying to salvage some of the excitement I had when I first opened the box.
But now I just feel like maybe I should give her one. Like I don’t want her to hate me for this and have her be mad all Christmas.
My heart just hurts with her reaction. AITJ for not giving her one, am I being greedy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You received these bags as a gift from your aunt and have every right to keep them for yourself. Your sister may have expressed interest in borrowing one of the bags, but that does not mean you are obligated to give it to her.
You already promised her one of the wallets, which is more than fair. It is not your fault that she is now pouting and mumbling about being greedy. If she truly wants one of the bags, she can ask your aunt for one herself. Do not let her guilt trip you into giving her something that was gifted to you.” Willman3755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt took you aside to ask if you could use them and you said yes. So she sent them to you. What in there suggests that she actively WANTED you to share them with other people (family members or not)?
Sometimes an aunt or uncle just has a special feeling about a niece or nephew: it’s not against the rules. Sharing would be nice, but they’re yours and it’s up to you.
What I hate about this story is that now Big Sis has probably ruined them for you.” FerretLover12741
8. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Brother An iPhone?
“I hate my brother. From childhood he would treat me badly, was mean towards me, and was practically not by my side for most of my life, never talking to me even if I called him.
Since I was from an Indian patriarchal society my parents loved him more and gave him a lot more facilities than me. He was sent to a great college for education and I slogged and worked hard to get into a good college.
With time things changed, I got a good job and earned good, and my brother despite getting an education from the UK isn’t doing so well financially and working with a small organization.
And after all this time now that I am successful he messages me every now and then, sometimes to help him get a job or sometimes for something stupid.
I remember he bought some gifts from the UK – chocolates, Nike shoes, a purse, and some makeup when he returned after completing his education.
Now I have moved outside India and he wants me to bring an iPhone for him as a gift.
Recently I got married and we are saving to build our house, I have paid for my education loan all on my own which is why I have a lot less savings as compared to my husband.
On the other hand, my brother did not have to pay even a single penny for his education ever. He spends all he gets on stupid things eating and splurging on random things. I, on the other hand, saved, paid my loans, and am in a position of surplus with no outstanding loans.
I feel very bad if I don’t give him the gift after earning well, it would look bad on my part. But then I don’t want him to go all dependant on me as my parents aren’t earning anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he shouldn’t be asking you to give him such an extravagant gift!
You’ve worked hard to get where you are, it’s your hard-earned money and you’re under no obligation to gift him such an item. It seems to me he isn’t reaching out to be a brother or know anything about your life, he’s only concerned with himself and his wants/needs/and his life.
If you’re alright with getting him an iPhone, I’d buy him the least expensive one possible or even a remanufactured one. But I know that I won’t buy it. I’d let Mommy and Daddy do it.
Just some words of wisdom, never make someone else a priority in your life when you’re nothing more than their option.” BluEydRedhead
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Tell him if he sends the money you will bring him a phone. Tell him straight that you are married and your responsibility is first your new little family, you do not spend your money frivolously and you both make decisions together before spending such large amounts as an iPhone.
You have both decided you can’t justify taking that money from your house downpayment fund. He has a job and no marital responsibilities so should be able to afford it.
If he brings up the gifts he brought back with him, tell him he had his education paid for and the money given to him to spend as he wanted. You had loans and support yourself, you couldn’t have fun money until you paid them off, now you are married and saving for a house.
He has to accept your parents favoured and supported him but that doesn’t mean that everybody else should because he is a grown man, an adult.
You have no reason to feel obliged to get him a phone. You are doing better than him because you are working harder at being successful and getting into the right jobs.
He is either not working hard enough or not as clever as he thought. He seems stuck in his job with lower pay, he sees your success and thinks it should rub off on him in the form of an iPhone.
If your parents think he is in such need let them pay for it.
Don’t. Think about your future home and how you will get there that bit quicker by NOT buying your brother an iPhone than if you do. Good luck with your future home.” Fun-Attorney4071
7. AITJ For Hating Cooking?
“So 15 years ago I married a guy from Central America. We have 3 kids who are teens and tweens. I am Caucasian and my family can burn water when cooking. My husband is a master griller and chef. He has been doing side hustles since 2020 so he has a lot of flexibility.
He will start a chef job and quit after a few months. He’s done that about 7 times since the beginning of 2021. I work 6 days a week. 45+ hours. Same job for 4 years. My boss asks a lot and I have sacrificed family time.
For years we agreed that I pay kids’ stuff, Christmas and birthdays, phones, car insurance, utilities, and my own expenses.
He has to pay the mortgage and food. He usually makes 3x what I do.
He started going to the store for what only he deemed was acceptable, and he wouldn’t use a list of coupons or plan ahead. He won’t do family trips and he won’t buy food I like usually.
He doesn’t go often and he gets mad if I buy food on his dime saying I have no right to spend money on his card.
When I would cook, often I would buy the food. He would make fun of it, not eat it and then it goes to waste because he wants to make something else.
My husband hates my cooking. He likes fresh food, not canned or frozen kind of thing. I have worked hard to learn but still, it’s hit or miss. I’m a picky ADHD eater. When he cooks, he makes sure it’s stuff I dislike.
So, I just stopped cooking.
I tried for 15 years. I honestly feel like it wastes food. I hate to cook. I only get one day off a week. Am I the jerk? He makes me feel like I’m worthless because I don’t cook. What does it matter? He won’t eat it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
His opinion would matter if you were jobless and had to be a housewife. And even then, not like he did.
But you pay most of the expenses already and work overtime to please your boss. You’ve done your best, but now your husband wants you to please his stomach, too.
In your case, I think he’s demanding too much. If he can cook well, he should cook something all of you like. You’re paying for 5-6 things, while he pays for 2. A third task such as cooking is absolutely in order for him.
This should be talked about more in a civilized manner.
He has more money, has more experience in the kitchen, and wants better ingredients. It’s a perfect recipe for a perfect recipe. Better ingredients + better cook = better food.” darkySp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is financial and emotional abuse! Perhaps consider couples therapy so he can widen his perspective and learn to appreciate you.
Otherwise, take the kids and leave. Kids watching their father get away with disrespecting their mother repeats the cycle of abuse. They will then think it’s okay and repeat the abuse in their lives.” Fresh-Counter3601
6. AITJ For Lying To My Mom About Where My Partner Would Be?
“My mom is very homophobic and always has been. I (24F) grew up DEEPLY catholic, raised with their thinly veiled hatred of homosexuality. My mom is also controlling, including control over how I dress, my weight, my friends, and now my sexuality.
I came out to my parents in college and it’s been a rough ride, to say the least. They both tell me they love me but then follow it with guilting and accusations over my sexuality. My mom begged me to not go out with women, which I tried and it was miserable.
I forced myself to go out and be with men, but it was wrong. I always was and continue to be desperate for their love and approval. They claim they aren’t homophobic and love me unconditionally, and that I am overly sensitive.
I met the love of my life (H, 24 NB they/she) about 8 months ago and we are so happy together.
We came out to my parents as a couple and my mom has resented me for it ever since. I should have told her alone, but I’d been out for 5 years now and didn’t realize she’d react so badly. Now she doesn’t acknowledge my partner at all and has purposefully ignored her.
Recently I was able to leave for a trip I’ve been planning for a while. It’s half a year overseas in an unpaid internship that will help my career immensely. I was able to save up enough for half and my parents told me they’d help me manage the other half.
I’m deeply grateful to them and that I have parents with the financial means to support me in that way.
Before the trip though she told me H couldn’t visit me. I informed her that H would be since they bought a ticket and we are both adults with the freedom to see each other.
She blew up and it’s been a continuous argument since. H does not have the money my family has, by far the opposite, and can’t lose money on a plane ticket nor can afford to pay for their own housing. They were going to stay with me since it wouldn’t cost me and my parents any extra.
I should’ve asked first but my mom hates H at this point and I figured there was nothing we could do. I didn’t want to have to be without H for half a year. The homophobia from our families (my siblings are supportive but have their own lives) and where we live is super hard and we really only have each other.
Being apart is really difficult.
So I lied to them saying H was living somewhere else and had an internship of their own. Just to stop the constant fighting – which happens even if I stop talking to them. H says I shouldn’t have and wants me to come clean, but I’m terrified and my mom is unpredictable and crazy and I don’t know how she’ll react.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Enjoy your trip and your partner. Work with your partner to figure out how you will set boundaries once you have a good job and don’t need your parents’ money. Make a timeline with your partner. They need to know that they aren’t a dirty secret, but that until you are economically independent there are things that you will have to keep from your parents.
(Maybe after this trip?). Or figure out how to not need your parents’ money now, this will be freeing.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom’s just a straight-up homophobe who refuses to accept your sexuality and treats your partner like crap. You could come clean one day, but with how your mom treats H and everything, I think if you told her the truth now, it would make things worse considering your mom acts like she loathes H.
You were tired, drained, and just wanted the argument to stop. NTJ.” Hefty_Row4197
5. AITJ For Asking My Wife's Sister To Stop Bothering Her?
“My wife is pregnant with our first child. The estimated due date is November 7. One of my wife’s sisters just got engaged. The wedding is scheduled for October 29.
Apparently, the venue has already been paid for because it is a popular choice. The bride and groom have also already told everyone who is coming from outside Nevada of the date so they can plan ahead.
My wife and I both understand the date can’t be changed and would never ask them such a thing.
But since the wedding is so close to the due date my wife declined to be involved in the wedding party in case she gives birth before the wedding, or is so heavily pregnant at the wedding that she is uncomfortable being on her feet and outside all day.
She is worried about going into labor at the wedding and not being super close to a hospital. She told her sister she might not be able to come depending on whether or not she has the baby before the due date or how the pregnancy goes.
She said she would help in any way with the planning she could, would give a nice gift, and would go if possible. But she doesn’t want to commit to being in the wedding party or being involved in case she can’t be present at the wedding.
We haven’t told anyone about the pregnancy yet. She told her sister to explain why she was declining to be a bridesmaid or involved. They announced the engagement and the date/location at the same time so it was a perfect storm. The word is out to my wife’s family because her sister has been complaining about my wife declining because all their other brothers and sisters and the groom’s brothers and sisters agreed to be involved, even the ones from out of state.
To be fair to her family they didn’t know we asked her sister to keep the pregnancy a secret. We told my family so that they heard from us instead of randomly or on social media because it was mentioned there. My wife is very stressed over her sister complaining and not taking no for an answer.
I asked her sister to please stop bothering my wife about it and she is pitching a fit because I’m not involved in the argument between them and wants me to stay out of it.
Was I out of line to ask her to stop bothering my wife because she was already stressed?
If my wife wasn’t pregnant and stressed I would have acted differently for context. I was calm and said please and only asked her sister once.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife is being perfectly reasonable. Her sister is not. You’re not ‘sticking your nose in’ when presumably the wedding would also involve some effort on your part.
Also, you’re telling her sister to back off, not getting in between their ‘argument’. Which isn’t an argument. Your wife said no, and her sister is being a whiny, entitled little jerk about it. I wouldn’t send her a gift OR help with her wedding.
If the sister doesn’t adjust her attitude rapidly I doubt there will be a wedding anyway. It will only get worse as the date approaches.” FileDoesntExist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her sister needs to let this go and as many things may go in pregnancy, you may need to help out when things are just too much.
Which is also an excellent point for the wedding. You guys were both thoughtful and respectful to have the foresight to know being in the wedding party is a bad idea and were nice to warn that being at the wedding might not be possible.
You guys never said you wouldn’t go, you respectfully told her that who knows how things will be so close to the due date and how rough the pregnancy will be (could be high risk, she could be on bed rest, she could go into labor, etc).
You guys all did nothing wrong. Hopefully, her sister doesn’t take offense and moves on.” Open-Possibility-723
4. AITJ For Not Letting My Dad Take Over My Cooking?
“The other day I had a family weekend at my dad’s house consisting of me, my siblings, and him (we grew up without a mother).
We decided beforehand that I was going to cook this time so I picked my recipe, did the groceries, and got ready to start cooking a salmon dish.
I cooked while my family sat at the table (the dining room is in the same room as the kitchen) and while I was cooking my dad got agitated and told me I was doing it wrong (not in the way he would do it).
Whenever he starts with this, he has the annoying habit of immediately aggressively taking it out of my hands and doing it himself, not to help but because he is too eager to interfere whenever he sees anything that makes me seem ‘incompetent’ and he wants it done his way.
I got annoyed and told him I knew very well what I was doing and that I literally had the recipe right there, which I was following to the letter.
He barged into the kitchen and told me to give it to him and that he would do it.
Told him no again and he tried to aggressively take over as I had expected. At that point I wasn’t having it and held the salmon above the trashcan, telling him ‘Either I cook this or nobody does’. He backed down and spent a good deal of time sulking at the table and our heated interaction soured the mood.
I’m not sure if my reaction was called for, but this is not the first time he’s done this sort of thing. Immediately aggressively taking over for minor things like me asking how he wants something done or cutting something the ‘wrong’ size and I’ve just about had it.
What was supposed to be a fun family night turned into an awkward silence for a good while. Thankfully we managed to pick the atmosphere back up and I buried my annoyance with my dad for a bit for the sake of the night.
Did I get too heated or go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, you did not handle it optimally, but your father is an appalling jerk, so the balance definitely comes out in your favor by a significant margin.
In case you’re planning to use this post for vindication to someone else:
I have some sympathy for the urge to just take over when you watch your kids doing something badly. After all, you could do the thing better/faster/more easily.
Tough, basically. They’ll never learn if you don’t let them try on their own. Unless they’re endangering themselves or someone else, sit down and hold your tongue unless they ask for help.
Even if the kid is doing it wrong, they’re not going to learn to do better if you just take over. A child old enough to cook without close, direct supervision is old enough to follow a recipe without parental intervention. You just are not justified in taking over.” Otherwise_Window
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Imagine fighting over a salmon, frankly, that’s pretty hilarious. But with all seriousness, your dad was a jerk. I, too, experienced that but with my grandpa. He said that I’m doing it the ‘wrong’ way, or in translation: the way he isn’t doing it.
It felt like he was making me look incompetent so he could feel superior, and I hated that side of him.
Back to the topic, you were in his house so he has the right to what he wanted to do. However, it was planned that you’re the one who’s cooking so it would be rude for him to interrupt.
Just because his way is what he sees as right doesn’t mean that he was right. You also bought the ingredients, so you had every right to do what you wanted to do with them. He could kick you out, sure, but the grocery is yours to keep.” Pyrotechnic17
3. AITJ For Asking My Wife What She Was Reading?
“I (26M) was sitting on the couch with my wife (29F). She reads A LOT. She’s always reading fanfiction on her phone whenever she has a free moment and I think that’s cool.
Sometimes I do tease her about it but never in a mean or overdone way.
As an author of both fanfiction and published fiction and a reader myself, I respect a voracious reader.
Today I decided to ask her what she was reading because she seemed really engrossed in it. I don’t normally ask her, but I felt curious and decided to take an interest.
Instead of just telling me, she just got upset at me and immediately switched to social media. No, she’s not doing anything wrong. Yes, she was really reading I saw the app go from Archive of our Own on Chrome to social media.
She refused to tell me, kept saying ‘No’ and just ignored me.
I got a little frustrated because I didn’t understand what the big deal was and things started getting a little heated. In the end, she sent me the link to what she was reading but she was incredibly upset and reluctant and told me to stop being so mean all day.
I have not been remotely mean at all.
I walked away and came back later and apologized if I upset her. I asked her why she got so upset. She asked me why I even cared. I told her I just wanted to take an interest. She told me ‘When I am interested in sharing something she’ll come talk to me.’
I asked why it was such a big deal and asked what she was reading and why she didn’t want to tell me. She told me ‘Because.’
I got frustrated again and just stopped the conversation there because it was going nowhere and I didn’t want it to start a fight.
She proceeded to tell me that something crawled up my butt and died to make me so cranky.
I have refused to speak to her since cuz I’m hurt and upset at what she said.
But I gotta ask cuz I might be a clueless idiot, AITJ here?
Did I break some unspoken sacred rule of reading or wives here?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. As you describe it since her initial reaction was extreme, but then you kept pushing it, which also makes you suck too. You definitely weren’t the jerk the first time you asked what she was reading.
However, this sounds like something is missing here. I don’t believe you left it out intentionally, but you need to do some real reflection on recent interactions with her to figure out what went wrong. It really feels like you’ve done something to frustrate her.
It could be something you said or did when she was reading before this time, or it could be something completely unrelated at all. Or you could do the healthy thing and just actually talk with her and ask her if something is wrong or if you did something to make her upset with you.
Yes, you’ll probably have an argument, but confronting issues in relationships sooner rather than later is almost always better than letting them fester. The cornerstone of a healthy relationship is communication.” Affectionate-Show331
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You saw she was engrossed in her reading. Why did it have to be about you?
You wanted to interrupt something she was enjoying without you so you could share it with her. It is ok for members of a relationship to have different interests and they shouldn’t be required to share every thought or interest. If she wanted to be having a conversation about it I’m sure she would have done so instead of reading by herself.” The_Tax_Lady
2. AITJ For Announcing Our Miscarriage To My Partner's Family Over Text?
“I am a 20f and my partner is 25m. We found out we were pregnant and were so excited to tell everyone right away. We did a cute announcement for his family when we were only about 6 weeks along.
His grandma and aunt were so excited and super supportive.
When we told his mom she seemed upset and started telling me what I could and couldn’t do and when I told her what baby names I liked or that I wanted a baby shower she would make fun of the names and say ‘I wasn’t the type of girl who wanted a baby shower but that’s your choice’.
When we lost the baby I was so upset that I just didn’t want to have to talk about it. I honestly felt embarrassed. His family kept asking us what was going on and I knew we should have sat down and told them in person but I was just not mentally ready for that.
I realized we couldn’t just keep it a secret so I asked my partner to send a message to them to tell them what happened.
I didn’t realize he sent it in a group chat and told him it would have probably been better to send it individually but it had already happened.
Whenever I did see his family they seemed very standoffish and upset towards me. Maybe it was just super wrong but how his mom reacted when we told her and her reactions in the past I just knew I would say something rude if I had to see her when I was in a vulnerable place and she said something mean.
I don’t know… I kind of feel bad that we didn’t tell them in person but at the same time we never got the chance to tell my family and they still have no idea about the miscarriage so it’s just hard for me to feel bad for them.
I don’t know. AITJ for doing it over text? Are their reactions towards me justified?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Please stop worrying about this. There is no right or wrong way for you to handle breaking the news of your miscarriage, it’s your experience to share however you see fit.
The family is likely also grieving the loss of your baby and perhaps doesn’t know how to express it. Everyone handles things differently, try not to stress for now, and when you’re in a better place mentally, you can address it, if you still feel the need to.” emmacalgary
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Texting is fine. I can’t imagine the kind of emotional energy it would take to repeat this heartbreaking news over the phone or in person. I’m sorry for your loss. I think their behavior is on them, they don’t know how to process it or what to say or are dealing with their own emotions, so don’t worry about it.
I hope you have other friends and family who can give you the support you both need right now. All the best.” aknomnoms
1. AITJ For Throwing My Roommate's Wet Clothes On His Bed?
“So a few months ago my roommate and I got a shared apartment. In the morning my neighbor showers. And he throws his dirty clothes on the floor. And he doesn’t pick them back up. He just leaves for work. When I got home first, I figured maybe he had forgotten to pick them up (He had woken up late and was in a hurry).
So I picked them up and put them away for him.
He did it again the next day. I asked him to pick it up and he said: ‘No, you’re fine with picking them up’. This went on with him for a few months, with him consistently refusing to pick them up.
So I had to leave for a week to visit family, and I told him ‘Pick your clothes up off the floor’ and left.
I had a great time with my family and got to see my sister, who I hadn’t seen in a few years.
Anyway, I came home and had to pee, so I went to the bathroom and IT WAS COVERED IN DIRTY CLOTHES. He didn’t even pick up his clothes. I grabbed a basket, put all his clothes in it, put it in the shower, and got them soaking wet.
I then dumped them all over his bed. I was furious so I left before I could do worse and went to grab a burger and cool off. I came home. And he came in about 20 minutes later. He went down to his room, sat on his bed, and ran out and screamed at me that there were soaking wet clothes on his bed. I yelled at him that he shouldn’t be leaving his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor.
He yelled that I should have just asked him to pick them up. I then yelled that ‘I will be treating any clothes I see on the bathroom floor as trash now’. He yelled at me about how he didn’t have anywhere to sleep now.
He stormed out of the apartment. He came back after work the next day and called me a jerk. He has been barely speaking to me except to demand I make dinner for the past week now. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I would have begun to hide his clothes until he ran out and wondered where they were going, likely not even noticing they were because he sounds like such a dunce. I then would have charged him the price it would cost to have it all dry-cleaned before I returned it.
So maybe I’m not the best judge. I have low tolerance for adults acting like this, especially if it’s a man saying this to a female.
But it was a bit jerkish to wet them and toss them on his bed, you may have damaged his mattress.
He sounds like a peach though and should get used to people being mad at his attitude/retaliating. This isn’t and won’t be the last time he acts like that.” Ravioverlord
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. And your roommate was wrong because you weren’t okay with it.
I do think what you did wetting his clothes was actually mean. But it did make the point you were furious. If he does it again then that wouldn’t be smart of him. I could see taking his dirty clothes and tossing them on his bedroom floor.
Or on his bed. But not wet. Demanding you cook that is another issue.” pensaha
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