People Reflect On How They Handled Others In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

We all want to be agreed with. It provides consolation and affirmation. Unfortunately, not everyone will always agree with our decisions or viewpoints. It may sound awful, but it's truly for the best. People who hold contrasting opinions to our own enable us to see things from multiple angles and widen our understanding. This is one approach to making things better. Continue reading as the folks below seek our opinion regarding their problematic situation. They want to know if they were acting like jerks or if their behavior was reasonable. Let us know your thoughts in the comments! AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

34. WIBTJ If I Tell My Husband He's Not Welcome In The Delivery Room When I Give Birth?

“I (26 f) am pregnant with my third child. This pregnancy is a high-risk pregnancy and I have been in and out of the hospital this whole pregnancy because of it and I have had to quit my job due to all the health issues I’ve been having.

Not to mention the baby is going to be born premature. This has caused me to have to rely on my husband (28 m) a lot because basic tasks are really difficult for me to do.

I will give him some credit as he has helped a little here and there with our oldest kids (5 and 3) but other than that, he only helps with household chores after I literally have to beg to help because he rather play Xbox than help around the house even though I need the help doing simple tasks.

Today, I was having a really rough day and not feeling good at all and he suggested I take a nap. I asked if he could watch the kids and pick up a little bit just to make it one less thing I have to do.

He agreed so I went and took a nap. I woke up to my kids telling me that my husband just played on his Xbox the whole time and didn’t do any of the household chores.

Now this is not the first time he has said he would help around the house and he has not.

It’s been a constant thing that I find out from my kids that he was only on Xbox the whole time and it’s getting to the point that it shows that getting the house ready to welcome our newborn is not as important as playing Xbox with his friends.

He also has not been the best support person during this time at all and he just keeps getting worse. But, on the outside looking in he tried to put on the ‘I’m a really helpful husband’ front to everyone we know.

Now I’m down to a week (at most) before I have the baby to make sure everything is ready and I’m stressed out to extremes because I have so much on my plate with little to no help from him.

WIBTJ if I tell him he’s not welcome at the birth because I don’t want him there due to him not helping me get ready for the baby after having to beg for him to get off the Xbox to do a little bit of work and causing extra unnecessary stress during this whole pregnancy?”

2 points - Liked by Eatonpenelope and LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ at all. I certainly wouldn't want my husband with me in a high stress situation when he's been acting like an irresponsible @$$hole and making me angry at him. Tell him he needs to hold down the fort with your children while you're at the hospital and not to worry about you. He'll be mad, but it sound like he gets annoyed whenever he's required to parent, so I wouldn't let that stop me, in your shoes. Wishing you a swift and uneventful birth and a healthy child.
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33. AITJ For Refusing To Be Part Of My Niece's School Project?

“I (30 f) have a niece, Lucy (10), who is my sister Maggie’s stepdaughter. Lucy’s dad Jason (37) has been with Maggie (35) since Lucy was less than two years old, so Lucy has been in our family’s lives for pretty much all of hers.

They also have a son, Adam, who is 5.

A couple of weeks ago my parents, Jason, and the kids all came to visit me. Maggie was supposed to come as well but her work changed her schedule last minute and rather than pay to change the flights for everyone, Jason brought the kids alone.

During the trip, Lucy asked if I would be part of a project she had to do for school about women who inspire them. She said everyone in her class was doing it about their mums but she wanted to do hers about me. I was touched and agreed.

The project is part of a media module and had to include some form of multimedia and an interview. Lucy wanted to do an interview video, sort of like those ’72 Questions’ videos from Vogue, so Lucy and Jason ‘shadowed’ me for a few days and Lucy would film segments for her interview.

At the end of the two days, I took Lucy to meet a friend of mine who does content creation and he showed Lucy how to edit her video with all the right programs. She also wrote up a more in-depth interview. We had a lot of fun and I was really proud of her and she seemed so excited about the project.

Everyone went home a couple of days ago and Lucy showed Maggie the project and Maggie flipped out. She called me angry and said there was no way I should have let Lucy use me for the project. She said the project was meant to be about mothers, and while the school can’t really SAY that because some kids are raised by other relatives, that’s what is meant.

She said I should have known how hurtful this would be to her since she has always tried so hard to be a mother to Lucy and she feels like she’s been looked over. She said it was my fault for letting Lucy use me for the project rather than steering her to ask Maggie.

She also accused me of adding extra things to make myself seem more interesting and better than her so that she wouldn’t be able to convince Lucy to change it.

All of this doesn’t represent how I approached Lucy’s request at all, but Lucy did say most people were doing it on their mothers, so AITJ for not encouraging her to do it on hers?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and it's not your fault Maggie's stepdaughter finds you more interesting than Maggie. She's just jealous. Leave her on read for a few months and let her calm down and then maybe reach out and see how she's doing. Hopefully she'll get over herself.
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32. WIBTJ If I Take Back My RSVP To My Friend's Wedding?

“We’ve been friends (both 32 F) for 6.5 years, despite the distance (I have been abroad for 5 years). She is a talented but discontented employee in business consulting. She took a year off to rethink her career and returned to her old firm with a promotion.

She was supportive as I explored my business idea alongside a demanding job.

Once I realized it would end up being much effort on her part (she listened to my pitch for 1 hour, twice) I offered to compensate her financially for her time. She declined.

During her ‘year off,’ our dynamic shifted. Celebrating her birthday, we hosted her (while her partner was traveling for a bachelor party), but her reaction to our thoughtful surprise (cake, etc) was unexpectedly negative.

Her discomfort grew evident during her visit a few months later. Then, our relationship deteriorated. I asked what was up – ‘Nothing’.

Since returning to work a year ago, her responses to my communication have been monotonous – ‘Fine, nothing new.’ She shared no details about her engagement or wedding plans.

I offered to help with the wedding and she refused, saying she preferred doing it alone (and that she denied the help of her mum and MIL).

6 months ago, when our (ex-)business coach ditched us, I was in desperate need of someone to quickly check my business plan before a competition.

Seeking her help, I acknowledged it as a ‘BIG favor’, and specifically said I totally understand if she cannot, if she is busy or overwhelmed. She replied, ‘You put me in a very difficult position. Can I help you? Yes. Do I want to help you?

No.’ Her decision was totally fine, but her tone upset me. Despite her attempts to justify (she ‘hates consultancy’), she offered no real apology, only ‘Sorry if I made you feel upset’.

In a challenging period (had to decide if I quit my day job while my sis was in hospital and a family dog died), I asked for her sympathy but she deemed my goals (have a job that I love that also pays the bills) unrealistic and projected her dissatisfaction onto me.

That’s unfair bc I’ve always supported her choices without judgment. When her fiance said that her promotion was merely a lure to make her return, I stood by her and celebrated her success. Despite my concerns about him, I chose not to offer unsolicited negative opinions.

I respected her decisions and wished for the same.

Finally, I quit my job, took some time off, and joined a business incubator, while I stopped initiating contact. Out of the blue she reached out, sharing holiday updates and expressing excitement about us attending her wedding in 7 weeks (5-hour travel each way and on stay).

Here’s my dilemma: Her wedding collides with crucial pitches during my business incubator program (sources of funding). My husband and I are adopting a puppy and will have to put him in night pet care. Her actions strained our once-close bond. She drags me down with her negativity.

I’m torn between attending her wedding or canceling our RSVP to prioritize my commitments and well-being.”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ. Cancel your RSVP and be done with her. Sounds like she was maybe counting on a nice fat wedding gift from you, because the timing of her "reconciliation" and the wedding invite is very suspicious for being anything else. And since she's given you exactly zero support or validation for a very long time, I don't think you owe her anything. People grow apart, and it's clear that she was ready to make a break from you long before the wedding invites were sent. Just say no.
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31. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out After My Brother-In-Law And His Wife Had A Child?

“My partner (29 M) and I (24 F) currently live in a house with his brother and sister-in-law. The house is set up like an illegal duplex, so we have the basement with our own separate kitchen/bath, etc. My partner and his brother bought the house together in 2019 (Neither could afford a house on their own at the time), under the agreement that after 3 years they would both start looking for their own homes.

His brother assured him that he and his wife wanted kids, but wouldn’t start trying until the 3 years were up.

Flash forward less than a year into the mortgage and they’re pregnant (and yes, it was on purpose). Neither of us ever wanted to or agreed to live with a newborn, and neither of us is super happy about it.

We have been making an effort to be debt-free and save up so we can eventually move, but his brother and wife seemingly just continue to spiral into more debt, constantly buying expensive things they don’t need, making minimal effort to pay off their student loans and line of credit etc. to make it worse, since they got pregnant and had the baby, they have stopped helping out with the few shared chores we have (never take the garbage out or shovel the driveway, don’t help with gardening or lawn maintenance).

We are now in a situation where we have been approved for a really good mortgage, have saved for a down payment, and are ready to leave. His brother, on the other hand, likely will not get approved for much at all and still has loads of debt, and now a 4-month-old to provide for.

They are both unhappy that we want to move before they’re ready (they want to wait until spring of 2023), and his parents agree that we shouldn’t be allowed to move until the other two and their baby are able to move as well.

I don’t want to put anyone on the street, but they have options to rent and will make a profit off the sale of this house.

The noise levels from both the baby AND the adults have been insane since the baby was born, and I just don’t want to live in this situation anymore (I realize it could be MUCH worse, but I’m not happy here).

My partner is worried that it will cause a rift in their relationship, and would be willing to put our plans on hold so that his brother won’t be mad at him.

AITJ for wanting to move, whether it works for them or not?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and move! The agreement was that no one would get pregnant for at least three years, and less than a year in, BIL and his wife got pregnant on purpose. They broke your agreement, because it was never on that y'all would have to live with a newborn. And since they haven't kept up their end of the bargain in many ways, I don't see why you and your partner wouldn't be justified in moving out and leaving them with the place. If they don't want to sell it, they could buy your partner out and everyone's happy. But PLEASE move out and away from that baby noise! I can't imagine anything worse than having to live with a couple with a newborn. Kiss any thoughts of sleeping in for at least a year, goodbye. Do you really want to subject yourselves to that? Nope. Move. Move now. Move now and be happy together and leave lying BIL and his wife with their screaming spawn that they planned in spite of your agreement. Good luck.
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30. AITJ For Wanting My Money Back After My Parents Canceled My Order?

“So I (17 F) come from a pretty conservative household. My mom (56), dad (59), and I have never been close. They normally don’t care at all about my hobbies, and I don’t really care about theirs. Recently, my mom has tried to get to know what I like and such, to the point I was actually thinking she was trying to get closer to me.

I started to show her some of the art of my fursona and showed her the fursuits I was thinking about getting. I have been looking for pre-owned fursuits that I liked for a while now, almost three years.

I finally found the suit I wanted. A simple gray and white wolf with green eyes was perfect, but I didn’t have quite enough to get it.

I asked my mom if she could help me with the last $150 (the fursuit cost $450 USD, I had already put $300 up). She agreed, and we placed the order.

We had made the order in November, and since it was coming overseas, I knew it would probably take the suit a while to get to my house.

January rolls around, and while I’m in my Graphic Design class, my phone tells me it has a new email. It was on my mom’s email (my phone used to be her phone, and she hadn’t taken her email off of it yet) saying the order had been canceled and she had been issued a refund.

I was shocked and confused, but when I got home, I wanted to see if they would bring it up. They didn’t, so after a few days, I spoke to my mom privately about it. She told me my dad had told her to cancel the order, saying the fursuit was stupid of me to get and that I was childish for liking such things.

The furry community has helped me so much in my early teenage years, helped me grow my creativity, and gave me my passion for drawing and animating. I wanted to get the fursuit so I could try and attend cons in the cities nearby and try and brighten some people’s days by saying hello to them in the suit.

I was really upset but told her I’d like my money back. She said she would, but she didn’t give the money to me. I waited for a while, all the while, my dad was making smart comments like ‘Where’s your wolf suit?’ or ‘Did you get scammed like I told you you would be?’ I bit my tongue because quite frankly, I don’t feel like starting drama like he’s hoping to do.

Tonight, I asked my mom about the money (this is the first time I’ve brought it up since I told her I’d like the money back). She got angry, throwing a small adult temper tantrum over it, saying I need to learn from my mistakes of ordering such a dumb thing.

She gave me my money, but she told me she would be taking away my car (which I need to drive to school and back, not to mention I need it to go get lunch since I can’t really eat anything at the vending machines at my school) until I learn better.

I just wanted my money back, I need it for gas and food when they’re at work (they are both truck drives and rarely ever home) but now I’m not sure about it all. Maybe I didn’t go about it the right way? I’m not sure.


1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ but your dad is a flaming @$$hole. And with your mom enabling him, I would go on the downlow with the fursona stuff until you can move out on your own and not have to listen to their bull$h!t about your hobby. It sucks, but you are still a minor, dependent on your parents for everything and besides, you don't want them to try to steal more money from you to "teach you a lesson". What a $h!t show. Your parents really are excruciating.
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29. AITJ For Getting My Roommate's Cat Euthanized?

“My roomie (J) and I have been living together for close to 4 years now. A little less than two years ago our household grew as she brought home a kitten at the start of 2020. We called him Carlo.

To make this abundantly clear: We both loved Carlo in our own ways.

That being said, I was the one who mainly took care of him and he bonded a little bit more with me than with her (he basically slept in my bed every night).

J also didn’t really think through what owning a pet means in terms of commitment: I was the one who insisted on getting him neutered and immunized. We talked it through back then and – after a bit back and forth – agreed that on paper I would be Carlo’s owner because she didn’t want to come with me whenever I needed to take him to the veterinarian for routine stuff.

Anyways, last week the unimaginable happened. I was preparing our patio for the spring with Carlo as he snuck up to the balcony of our upstairs neighbors, somehow tried to get through their tilted window, and got stuck. The few minutes I tried to get a hold of them and, eventually, just got a ladder to climb up the balcony were too long.

I still feel really guilty.

I rushed him to the vet and, after I arrived, informed J who was away for a short vacation for a few days. Sadly the damage was too extensive and the vet said they would need to put Carlo to sleep.

I looped J in who tried to convince me to wait until she was able to travel back. I replied that this was not possible and that Carlo was in agony. She tried to put up a fight but I basically shut her up so that I could spend a few last moments with our poor boy.

I will cherish those bittersweet moments forever.

When J returned two days later she was unusually cold. At first, I was thinking that was just her way of processing grief, and, to be honest, I was still devastated myself. I told her that I was there for her and would be very grateful for her by my side, though.

This is when she confronted me that she felt me letting the vet put him to sleep was overstepping the boundaries of our ‘owner on paper so I don’t have to attend to routine stuff’ agreement, that it was unacceptable that I basically hung up on her and that I didn’t even send photos or videos.

I have to admit that I thought about doing that last part for a second but decided against it because I felt Carlo would prefer me petting him over a smartphone in his face in his last minutes.

But the more I think about it, the worse I feel.


Edit: J did not delight in Carlo’s suffering nor did she not care about his pain. The call is a blur, to be honest, but I’m pretty sure she was in the process of cutting her holiday short and trying to get back as soon as possible if I had given her the chance.

The same goes for wanting to see our little rascal one last time: That’s not a malicious reaction, it’s the human reaction of someone losing a friend without any warning whatsoever.”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and your "friend" is a flaming @$$hole for wanting you to prolong Carlo's agony just so she could say goodbye. You did right by the poor boy, and you have nothing to apologize for. Tell your friend to go suck a big one.
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28. AITJ For Having A Wedding Ceremony In French Language?

“I (30 f) am getting married to my fiancé (37 m) next year. I’m English and he’s French and we’re getting married and throwing a big celebration in France.

His family is quite religious and they want him to have a religious ceremony in the church he was raised in (which I’m fine with, I’m not super religious but I am a little bit religious). The only problem is the ceremony is going to be totally in French (the priest doesn’t speak English).

I speak French but my family doesn’t, so they won’t understand what’s happening during the ceremony. We’ve spoken to the priest about this and our plan was to have an order of service written up in French and English so that my family and friends can follow along, and a couple of the groomsmen are also going to help by telling people when to stand up and sit down, which page they need to be on, directing them to their seats, etc. We did consider hiring a translator for the ceremony, but I don’t really like the idea of that – I don’t think it’s necessary, and I just have this image of it being a bit awkward having everything translated into English after the priest has said it in French?

I’m not sure why. His mum also really isn’t keen on that idea for similar reasons to me (she thinks it’ll be weird having someone standing up next to the priest translating).

Anyway, I didn’t think this would be a big issue because it’s a quick ceremony and then we’ll all move to a hotel where everything will be in both French and English, and we’ll all get very wasted and eat a lot of food.

However, my extended family (my aunts and cousins on my dad’s side), are complaining that they won’t know what’s happening, won’t know when to stand up and sit down, and won’t be able to follow along, etc. They essentially told my dad that if we didn’t find an English-speaking priest, they wouldn’t come.

I’ll admit that when my dad told me this I was not in the best of moods, and I just said that that was fine and they were welcome not to come if a 45-minute service in French was a deal-breaker for them, but now my dad is upset with me for what he feels is me not caring about my extended family.

I should also say that part of the reason I’m so annoyed is my fiancé’s family is paying for the entire wedding (except my dress/bridesmaid dresses/groom’s suits etc), including accommodation for my extended family. Given how generous they’re being, I don’t know why it’s such a big thing for my family to just deal with not understanding the ceremony.

I’m inclined to stick to my guns with this but I’m also very aware that it’s been stressful planning this whole thing and I might be being a jerk without realizing it. Please, please tell me if I’m being unreasonable here.”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
I don't think you're being unreasonable, but you want your family to be comfortable. They're already going to be intimidated by being in a foreign country whose language they don't speak, and add your fiance's wealthy parents to the mix and it's a recipe for your extended family to feel overwhelmed and a bit outclassed.
Would it be possible to get the program printed in separate editions, one in French and one in English? And make sure that there is someone besides the groomsmen to help your family follow the ceremony? Also, you might want to have an interpreter for the reception too, so that both sides can talk to each other without fear of being misunderstood.
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27. AITJ For Wanting My Stepsister Pay For The Books She Destroyed?

“My (16 F) dad married my stepmom two years ago, she has a daughter (16 F) named Bianca.

Bianca and I don’t like each other, she thinks I’m a spoiled brat and that I have ‘a princess complex’ because both my parents come from money and ‘I always get what I want’. This is, by no means, true at all, while my parents bought me lots of things, I have a part-time job and I keep my grades up to earn everything I ask for.

Some of the things I love the most are books, fantasy, romance, crime, and mystery, I love them all, my mom and I share this hobby so we’re always buying books and reading them together, I also have a Nintendo Switch and a TV at my room, aside from my laptop and my phone, those are my most prized possessions.

My sister is always asking to borrow my things, clothes, make-up, my Switch, or my books. I let her use the first three because I don’t really care, but when it comes to my books, I don’t let anybody else have them.

A few weeks ago she came and asked me to take one or two because she saw the guy she likes reading ‘The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo’ and I happen to have that book (tho I’m still yet to read it).

I said no and we had a discussion because ‘I was so spoiled to share’. She asked again by dinner and I said no, then she asked by breakfast and tried to get my dad and stepmom in, and both of them agreed with me.

I sent her a few links to the book at a discount and I thought that was it, but three days ago when I came back from my mom’s house I found 7 of my books (including the one she wanted) ripped to pieces, some big chunks of my wallpaper missing and a few posters on the floor all destroyed.

It was no mystery, as soon as I told my dad and stepmom they knew it was her and grounded her. She was supposed to go to LA in June for her birthday but her stepmom said that she wasn’t gonna be paying for it and since her dad won’t either (deadbeat), she’ll pretty much miss it since some of the money will be mine to replace all the things she destroyed and the rest will be kept as punishment, she’s now cursing me and calling me every name under the sun because I ruined her trip AND the guy has been talking to other girl.”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and Bianca has just learned the meaning of "feck around and find out". She asked, you said no, your parents backed you up, and she responded by destroying your books and your wallpaper? Really? Entitled much? And if she's cursing YOU for HER bad behaviour, I think she can look forward to a lot of groundings in her future because she clearly has no boundaries and can't control herself. Not your circus, not your monkey, not your problem. Sounds like your parents will handle Bianca just fine.
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26. AITJ For Leaving My Dog On The Balcony?

“I (26 F) have a large breed dog that has the personality of a cat. His most favorite activity is to glare at people from the balcony (never barks though) or lay in the sun and nap.

I leave the door to our apartment’s balcony open and he spends a few hours there now that it is warm outside.

Well, our neighbor also has a dog, I think it’s a shepherd mix which has been going bananas in the past few days howling and barking. I checked once and saw he was on the balcony across from us, maybe 15-20 feet away.

I got someone knocking on my door yesterday and it was the owner, M.

She told me her shepherd mix never used to bark like that and he is getting worked up over my dog out there. I said I was sorry to hear that and then remained quiet. She asked me to keep my dog inside so it doesn’t disturb hers.

I said I’ll try but seeing as it is not really my dog making the fuss, she should maybe try to keep her dog inside. She got mad and told me ‘Do your best’. My dog was at the door, scratching to go out for his afternoon nap in the sun today and I let him out.

I did and a few minutes after the shepherd mix was barking again.

An hour later another neighbor came by and said M told him I was working up her dog and the noise was happening because of me. I explained the situation and he agreed it was her issue more than mine.

He asked me just to get my dog in for an hour because they have a sick baby at home and he was going to talk to M again if he heard barking later in the day.

I agreed and an hour later my dog went out and there was barking and howling again.

M came banging at my door and called me a huge jerk and said she was going to gather a petition to kick me out of the building (which is funny because I am an owner, not a renter). She said I was causing all the trouble but I disagree.

Her dog is the problem.

I left my dog on the balcony (door open if he wants to come in) and the barking kept on till 9 p.m.

AITJ for not putting him inside?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ. M's dog is the problem. Your dog should not be confined because M's dog has $h!tty manners and M won't do anything about it. Sucks to be her.
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25. AITJ For Having My Friends Over While My Sister Was Studying For An Exam?

“My (14 f) sister Eva (16 f) is in the middle of writing really important exams. The stress has been getting to her a lot, and since she’s mildly autistic.

I think it makes it even worse.

Anyway, yesterday after school I invited my friends over to my house, with my parents’ permission of course. I told them to all try and be a bit quiet since Eva had a big exam today and was studying, and we more or less stayed in my room the whole time.

Mine and Eva’s rooms are right next to each other, and you can pretty much hear what happens in my room from hers, so we’d have to have been completely silent for her not to hear anything.

So my friends and I were all just talking and laughing when Eva stormed into my room and asked us to be quiet because we were making noise.

It was really awkward and embarrassing because she was sort of yelling, and two of my friends began laughing because it was just so absurd. I told her not to yell at us and get a grip because we were hardly making any noise, and she got really mad and started yelling even further that she had a huge exam today and my friends and I were little inconsiderate jerks.

I told her to shut up and stop disrespecting my friends, and that I didn’t care about her stupid exam because she was being so rude to us, and she broke down crying.

All my friends awkwardly left, a few of them still laughing. My mum came up while they were leaving and when Eva explained to her what had happened she berated me, called me selfish, and told me that I was really hurtful towards her because she’s also struggling with poor mental health.

My dad sided with Mum, but then later he came and told me that it was not my responsibility to walk on eggshells because of Eva, so now I’m confused. AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ. Eva's tests are Eva's responsibility. She doesn't run the house, so she had no right to scream at you and your friends.
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24. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Ruining My And My Partner's Plans?

“I (f 18) was taking care of my sister (4) in the morning because my mom had to run some errands, I agreed to take care of her at that time because I was going to have lunch with my partner (m 18). My mom was a bit late, so I asked my partner if we could go out a little later, he said he was going to take the opportunity to buy some things in the city, and that he would pick me up when he finished and we agreed on that.

The fact is that when my mom came to get me she insisted that we stay and order some food, I couldn’t say no and neither could my partner.

Then she went to her room leaving us with my sister, and I had to spend the whole afternoon taking care of her because she fell asleep, I was angry because she had plans for that afternoon and we couldn’t carry them out.

When she woke up she wanted to be in the middle of the conversation and continually interrupt because she thought it was funny. We went out to the patio to talk more quietly without her interrupting or making comments out of place. After a few minutes, she came to where we were and continued doing the same.

I didn’t say anything to her at the time and I had no intention of doing so.

When my partner left I went to my room and I was noticeably angry and she asked several times what was wrong with me, I didn’t want to tell her anything but she started to suggest that I had problems with my partner (it’s not like that) and to ask if we broke up.

I tried to explain to her why I was angry but she wouldn’t let me speak and started yelling at me for being so selfish, rude, and sensitive that she just wanted to be nice and that I was a bad person.

It bothered me a lot and I started to cry from the rage I had without her seeing me so that she wouldn’t get even more upset, and I kept thinking what if I’m the one who screwed up in the situation?

Should I apologize to her?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and no, you shouldn't apologize to your mother. She's gaslighting you and being disrespectful and rude for no reason, and that sucks. I'd be having a big conversation with her in the very near future, if she thinks it's funny to continually interrupt your interaction with your SO after she deliberately ruined your plans earlier. Sorry, but mom sounds like a narcissistic b!tch. Good luck.
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23. AITJ For Not Cleaning Up After Our Child?

“My husband came home from work one day last week and dinner was not on the table (it was cooked but just needed to be warmed up.) I was upstairs mopping the floor. I was behind because I had been at the doctor’s with my daughter and it had taken much longer than usual because they needed to draw blood which sent her over the edge.

As I was finishing upstairs, my husband called up and said our toddler had had an accident on a rug and he needed help cleaning it up. We have a 9-year-old, a 7-year-old, and a 2-year-old – this is not our first rodeo. I yelled down and said I was busy mopping and he needed to clean it up.

When I came downstairs, I asked if it had been cleaned up and he said he had blotted the pee up with a towel but nothing beyond that. So I handed him the rug cleaner and a rag and he said ‘No, that’s your job’ in a matter-of-fact tone.

I said what? He said I have always cleaned up poop, pee, and barf because he ‘can’t handle it’ and as a nurse, I can. I said just because I’ve always done it because you won’t doesn’t make it my job, you need to go clean it.

He said I had set a precedent and when you do something for years, it’s understood to be your job.

A little background information – my husband works a very stressful, demanding job and usually works 10 hours a day. I work from home and my job is not demanding at all – it can usually be done in 2-3 hours.

I’m very lucky and I have stepped into basically a stay-at-home mom role as such – I do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, the majority of the child tasks, etc and I’m happy to be in this position. I am very happy with the balance. However, when my husband is home, I expect him to help with the child tasks because he is a parent and those tasks should be done by both people.

He is a good day and usually helps with the evening kid stuff, but it always feels like it’s optional – if he feels up to it, great, if not, he just doesn’t.

I told him all this and he still refused to clean up the accident.

I was just gob-smacked at his rationale and that he wasn’t embarrassed to refuse to do a child-related job in front of our children. I felt very disrespected and unappreciated. Yes, he works very hard and makes 3x what I make, but he’s a parent and as such, should help with all child tasks, even the unpleasant ones.

He has given a lame apology ‘I’m sorry for the things I’ve said’ but no detail and hasn’t said he thinks what he said was wrong and I’m still mad. So, AITJ for refusing to clean up my toddler’s pee even though I’ve always done it?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and I'd be having a whole lot to say about his interpretation of what your job is, and what his isn't. You work from home, AND you take care of three children all day. To ask for his help with one thing while you're busy handling another is far from excessive. He sounds like he just decided to be an @$$hole that day, and you need to nip that in the bud immediately. I really like rbleah's suggestion that you go back to work full time, put the kids in daycare and drive home the fact that parenting requires BOTH parents to take an equal role. Good luck.
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22. AITJ For Having Kitchen Rules?

“I (34 F) have been with my husband, Judah (45 m), for 3 years, married for 6 months. He has a daughter, Evie (20 f). Evie and I have a good relationship though we’re not close – she’s been away at college for most of our relationship and I only really see her a few times a year.

I have Celiac disease as well as some major food allergies. It’s been like this for as long as I can remember and this is the first time in my life that I feel at ease eating; fear of contamination has dominated my life for years and heavily contributed to anxiety, OCD, and assorted disordered eating.

My parents, siblings, roommates, and former domestic partner all tried to varying degrees but no one before my husband was willing to compromise for me and I was sickened/hospitalized several times before giving up on having real meals. This is the first time in my life that I don’t have a microwave & mini fridge hidden away in my bedroom, living off raw veggies and canned soup.

I am so happy to finally have a completely safe kitchen. I am overly cautious at this point but I was just so sick for so long and I can’t go back.

We lucked out last year and found a home with an inlaw suite which was wonderful for two reasons: we could have a 2nd kitchen for all things unfriendly & his parents are getting older and will likely need to move in with us within the next 2 years or so.

Now, I’ll be honest – the 2nd kitchen is not as nice as the main kitchen but it is fully functional, clean, and has the standard appliances. It’s just cramped and old. Renovation is on the to-do list but it hasn’t been a priority yet.

Evie and her grandparents currently are staying with us for a month. We’re a week in and it was smooth until yesterday when I walked into the kitchen and found Evie pulling out ingredients to make cookies. I reminded her that she couldn’t use the main kitchen for nuts or wheat but I’m sure her grandparents wouldn’t mind her using the suite kitchen.

She EXPLODED like I’ve never seen her do before. Her grandpa was napping on the couch next to the kitchen and she didn’t want to wait any longer. She was screaming so hard that she cried, I was stunned. I was trying to calm her down but she just stormed off… She did come to apologize a few hours later, she had just been extremely stressed with intern prep and had been letting it simmer until she blew which I understand and things are good between us.

What I didn’t know was that she had been FaceTiming her mom who heard the whole thing and had been texting me nonstop to berate me about not making her daughter feel welcome, treating her like a second-class citizen for not letting her use my ‘special kitchen’, imposing my mental illness on her family and more.

I feel bad, I know that logically I probably don’t have to be as strict as I am but the risks terrify me. She called my in-laws and dragged them into it too and now they’re telling me that Winnie is right, I should be the one using the ‘trashy’ kitchen.

Is that true? AITJ?”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Absolutely NTJ, and Evie owes you a gargantuan apology. If you're as close as you say you are, she should know how terrified you are about getting sick again, and the reason for the two kitchens. If she doesn't, she's not smart enough to be interning for anything. If she does, she had no business flying off the handle like that with you IN YOUR OWN HOME. In your shoes, I'd be sorely tempted to boot her entitled @$$ out and tell Winnie to go pound sand, that this is YOUR home and Evie knows the rules. Wow. What a nasty, entitled brat. I'd be rethinking having her in my home if this is the way she treats you.
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21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Support My In-Laws Financially?

“My husband (28 M) and I (28 F) are physicians, with my husband still in residency and myself having just graduated residency. We’ve been together for 10+ years and married for almost 2 years, but we’ve spent many years of our relationship long-distance due to medical training in various parts of the US.

We are quite happy now to finally live together in a larger home we are renting. Due to the substantial increase in my salary with the post-grad job, we can afford this larger place.

My husband’s parents and brother (24 M) live in an apartment 20 minutes away.

My husband was living in that apartment with his family prior to me moving here, and paying the rent for it singlehandedly. My in-laws sold their prior business in 2020 and were couch-surfing with relatives for a while before moving into my husband’s apartment in 2021. Since then, my MIL has taken up an hourly pay job, but my FIL and BIL have not worked and are not planning to.

BIL has a master’s in finance, completed about 7 months ago, but has not attempted to interview for any jobs. They spend their time volunteering at the religious center in town 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. I’m all for volunteering, but doing it full-time doesn’t pay any bills.

Now my husband lives with me but continues to pay the rent for the old apartment. The lease is in his name and non-transferrable to his mom due to income needing to be 3x the rent. This lease is up in 5 months, and my husband does not want to renew it.

For context, while my husband and I make enough to theoretically continue covering our own rent as well as the other rent, we also have hefty med school loans to begin paying back. We would ideally like my BIL to put his degree to use and get a job if he, MIL, and FIL would like to continue living in that apartment.

The other option they’ve brought up is moving into our new place. We don’t favor this either, due to again no financial contribution from them, as well as some lifestyle differences (dietary, etc). We obviously would like to continue our lifestyle and would enjoy some privacy together given our history of long distance.

We’ve repeatedly hinted, albeit lightly, about BIL getting a job, but would we be the jerks for refusing to renew the lease and also refusing to let them move in with us? Also for context, we come from a culture where moving with your in-laws is normal and encouraged.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and don't you DARE let your outlaws move in! Unless you want to have them with you for life, that is. Your outlaws can find jobs and work 40 hours a week if they have the leisure time to volunteer 12 hours a day. And don't get me started on BIL not wanting to work ever again, at age 24? After he (or the outlaws) spent the money for him to get an MBA? Seriously?
No, do not enable any of them. It's time for you and your husband to start enjoying your professional lives and your marriage without having outlaws as constant companions. Good luck.
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20. AITJ For Choosing To Finish My Novel Instead Of Going On A Vacation With My Wife?

“My wife (26 f) and I (25 m) are both creative artists, I’ve been a practicing novelist for about 10 years, and she’s been in school for animation for 4 years now.

We’re normally very supportive of each other’s art pursuits, but this recent issue has started a big fight between us.

During the entirety of her time in art school, we’ve had to make a lot of sacrifices because of her workload. We never had time to go on dates or spend time together because she had animation projects due.

Whenever friends wanted to get together, I would go alone because my wife was in classes. Anytime I tried to make fun plans for us, she would agree, but then cancel because the workload would pile on. I even had to cancel a nonrefundable, $150 festival ticket because she found out she had an extra assignment due.

But through all of this, I was understanding, because I knew pursuing art would take an extra amount of dedication.

After seeing how hard my wife worked toward her goal, I realized I needed to put the same effort toward my writing, so I signed myself up for a 7-month competition where writers would write one chapter a month, give critiques, and then end with a finished novel by the end of the contest. I told my wife about this and she was very supportive in the early stages.

However, as the months went on and she got out of school for the summer, she started getting annoyed that all my time was being dedicated to writing these chapters.

Now that I’m finally at the end of my book, with only three weeks of the competition left, she’s decided we need to leave the house and go on vacation.

I told her I just needed to wait this last month to finish the competition, but she got mad saying it’s already been so long and we haven’t done anything. She started telling me how I can’t give up on everything else in life just because I’m focused on a project.

She pointed out how I’ve gained weight since I’ve been sitting most hours of the day writing these last six months. I pointed out that she literally did the same thing during school, and she told me it’s not the same because if she misses a deadline she’ll be wasting tuition, and my contest is just for fun, not a job or a class.

I told her it wasn’t fair that I waited years for her to be available during her school semesters, but she won’t wait seven months for me to finish this competition, but she insisted it doesn’t matter because ‘it’s already been half a year that we should’ve done something’.

I told her I was not doing the vacation until I finished my novel, and she got mad and is barely talking to me.

EDIT: I work full-time to support both of us in addition to my writing.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Oh, you are so not the jerk. Your wife seems to think you should be patient and wait for her to be available to you, but she doesn't think she needs to give you the same courtesy? To heck with that noise. It's three weeks, not three months or three years. And she's been in art school for four years? Yeah, her turn to have a bit of delayed gratification and support you. If she's not willing to do that, some couples counseling might be in order. Seems you've done too good a job accommodating her and now she's thinking she's the priority in your relationship. Time to even things out. Good luck.
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19. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Mom During Family Dinner?

“So my mom is a big gossiper. She takes every opportunity to talk about someone.

But it’s never fun gossip, it’s always mean. She tells her co-workers and siblings EVERYTHING about me and my sister. Usually, she leaves out the parts that make her look bad. For example, in high school, I was failing some classes. She FaceTimed me while at work and her co-worker in the background went ‘She’s still in bed at noon and wonders why she’s failing out of school’.

I also admit, I have read some of her texts before which is bad but I was curious. The stuff she tells people about my private life is just crazy. She’s told people about my mental health, my physical health, mistakes I make, etc. She once admitted to her co-worker that I only wanted a therapist to talk about her.

It makes me want to never talk to anyone my mom has talked to because I feel like they know every deep secret about me.

Over the weekend we and my aunt’s family went out to dinner. My mom and aunt were drinking a bit and joking around.

Somehow the conversation of ‘Who is nicer, Mom or Dad’ got brought up. At first, I said both of them were nice in their own ways. But my mom goes ‘Really? I think it’s obvious I’m nicer. I do so much for you’.

She was basically gloating about being such a great mom which annoyed me because behind the scenes she’s just rude, and she knows that. I just rolled my eyes and kept quiet but she kept going. She started listing off stuff she’s done for me like pay for my phone, pay the bills, pay for my tuition, etc. She even went ‘I pay for her meds that she doesn’t even take’ talking about my antidepressants.

I was so embarrassed and annoyed. I really wanted her to feel how I did so I said ‘What about when I was showing clear signs of depression but you just laughed at me and called me lazy? That wasn’t so nice’. The table got quiet and I immediately regretted it.

We sat for a couple minutes then she got up and left. She went to the car and waited for us there.

When we got back to the car I could tell she had been crying but she didn’t say anything. We rode back in silence but when we got home she blew up.

She told me that not only what I said was hurtful but was also something I shouldn’t bring up in front of other people. I told her she technically brought it up first and she said she was just making harmless jokes. She then proceeded to tell me how embarrassing that was for us and how I ruined a great night.

I didn’t apologize and neither did she and we haven’t spoken since then.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, and your mother is a narcissist and an exceptionally mean one. A narcissist will poke and snark and snipe at you until you clap back, and then say exactly what your mother did, gaslight you and say that "she was just making harmless jokes". The next time she pulls that cr@p, tell her they weren't jokes, because no one was laughing, and they sure as he!! weren't harmless because they hurt you just as she meant them to. And then tell her that as long as she's going to be nasty and snarky to you in public, she can expect to get it right back. You have to face a narcissist down and call them out on their behaviour if you expect them to stop. I remember the first time I clapped back at my mom, when she had the temerity to criticize my phenomenal husband, just because she was mad at me (for nothing) and wanted to sharpen her claws on me. I told her that she was free to criticize her husband, but she would not do that in front of me ever again, for any reason. She came up with her stock excuse for an apology ("Well, I'm VEry SOrry!") and I said "No, you're not - you're just sorry and embarrassed that I called you on it. Expect more of the same if you pull that $h!t again." She did eventually pull it again, but she never criticized my husband again in my hearing. Do NOT put up with any more bullying from your heinous mother. Give as good as she gives, and she'll eventually stop sniping at you and look for an easier target. Good luck.
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18. AITJ For Not Giving My Elderly Mom A Car?

“I (42 f) have spent most of my life supporting my mother, who definitely has narcissistic personality disorder. When I was a teenager, she would take all the money from my part-time job because I ‘owed her’. She took my aunt’s jewelry when she passed because she was ‘owed’ for taking care of her decades prior to a motorcycle accident that left her paralyzed. I let her have use of credit cards when she was undergoing bankruptcy to still allow my stepdad to work his contracting job.

She graciously gave them back to me maxed out and I then had to declare bankruptcy.

The final straw was when she demanded a particular car that was out of my price range when I was going to use my tax refund to purchase a reliable used car for her.

I cut her out of my life for years and went through tons of therapy.

I brought her back into my life because I felt I should have my parents in my life even though I didn’t like them. I reconnected with my dad and our relationship is much better now.

(My parents are divorced but my mom thinks my dad still ‘owes’ her despite being divorced since 1995)

Anyway, my stepdad’s car broke down and my mother called asking how much I owe on my cars. I thought this was odd but told her. Both were close to being paid off so she asked to be given the SUV but I finished paying it.

I told her absolutely not and made up excuses that it needed work, had bad gas mileage, etc.

Last month, my other car needed yet another transmission (under warranty) but I was just over it so bought a new car. Now this is the 2nd new car I have ever bought (the first was in 2007 after college graduation) and this car is top-of-the-line and loaded. (I cried making my first payment though)

I have to go to my mother’s house today to resign back into my old Roku with all the streaming services I have because she doesn’t know how. I went to go to a car and had a mini panic attack. I can’t take the new car because I refused to gift her a car so she can’t know I have it and I feel like I can’t take the car I refused to gift her.

AITJ for not giving my elderly mother (73) a car?

For what it’s worth, my dad has 3 homes, boats, jet skis, and he won’t ask me for a dime just as I won’t ask him for any money. He offered to pay my down payment for a house if I move back there but I have (or at least should) equity in my home now if it would ever sell in this stalled market so I wouldn’t ask for it.”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago (Edited)
OMG you are so not the jerk, I can't even tell you. Go ahead and take the SUV to your mom's if you don't want her to know you have the new car. If she b!tches, which she will, just tell her your other car bit the dust and so you had to fork over to fix this one to have something to drive. And please, PLEASE don't give that woman another dime. Your dad was smart enough to divorce her and cut her off, please emulate him. Let her and her husband sink or swim. Why isn't he supporting her well enough that she doesn't have to whine to you about a car?
I know how you feel about her, because my mother was an egomaniacal narcissist too, but she didn't have your mother's spending habits. You do realize that your mother has an addiction as much as if she were a junkie or an alcoholic, don't you? And what do you have to do with a junkie or alcoholic when they refuse to help themselves? That's right - cut them off and cut them out of your life. Please do both immediately. You've given her enough money to last a normal person two lifetimes - I think that's enough. Good luck.
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17. AITJ Stopping Financially Supporting My Sister's Kids?

“I (F 29) have a younger sister (F 24) who has two kids (M 9 and F 6). The kids live with our mother (F 54), me, and my younger brother (20), my sister lived here until May when her partner was kicked out and she followed him.

This past couple of weeks was one of the kids’ birthday and a few days prior my sister texted me asking if I would be able to loan her money for the cake ($65AUD or $42USD) she gave me a date that she could pay me back and I had just got paid for working six days and over 40 hours (something that I rarely do) so I had the money at the time to do it so I said yes as long as she promised to pay me back on the date and I will pay the person who was making the cake myself.

(I did not really want to loan her the money but it was for one of the kids and I didn’t want him to miss out on cake for his birthday if I said ‘No’)

Anyway, the payback date was 3 days ago and she told me she couldn’t pay me back yet because ‘I loaned money to my friend who hasn’t paid me back yet!’ and let me tell you I was angry I asked her ‘How did you have money to loan out when you owe me and our mother money?’ she just ignored me and left me on read.

I sent a follow-up text the next day saying ‘I am sick of paying for your children, since moving back in with Mum I have been paying for the food on the table, clothes, after-school activities, and pocket money I am sick of it I moved back here for work and my mental health and I am no longer going to be paying for the things their PARENT should be paying for.’

Then I blocked her on all my socials (We were already in low contact after she assaulted me on my birthday and I only kept her around on my socials for the kids). I told my mum who said I took it too far and that we should be helping with the kids as much as we can so they can have a good life’, my brother and friends support me but I am feeling guilty for cutting the kids off (well more spending money on them like an aunty should and not a mother).

I am using most of my pay on them when I am trying to save to move out I love both kids dearly and I know both kids have had it rough but I never signed up to be a parent. So AITJ for telling my family I will no longer be supporting the kids?

Edit: My sister’s baby daddy has sadly passed away and the father of the other child was actually the main caregiver until the child was removed by DHS (Child Protective Services).

My sister does not live with her kids anymore, my mother and I are the primary caregivers to these kids now.

I am pretty much a free babysitter because my mother is on my sister’s beck and call because she has mental health issues and an abusive partner who she refuses to leave even though she’s been given every opportunity and resource to leave. I have even had the guy charged after he came at me with a hammer.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
You would be the jerk if you didn't cut your sister off. Let your mother continue to give your sister money and support her grandchildren, but that is not your role. You're their aunt, not their mother. IF your sister is having that much financial trouble, point her toward welfare, unemployment, food stamps, aid to dependent children, and any other social welfare program she qualifies for, and let your mother take her round to apply for them all. If you don't stop subsidizing her, she will leech off of you and take all the money she can from you because she can. Stop her. Stop it. Start putting away a set amount from each paycheck into a new account that your family don't know about, to stop yourself spending it on the kids, so you can move out soon. Time to take care of you instead of everyone else. Good luck.
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16. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Sister's Friend's Kid?

“My (17) mother knows I can’t stand children younger than 9-10 (really just depends on the kid). Now my mom watches my sister’s friend’s kid. We’ll call the kid Lily. Now I don’t know Lily that well and have agreed to watch her when she was 3.

I told my mom after that I wouldn’t watch her again because my mom said it would only be for 10-20 minutes and she was gone for over 2 hours.

Now to why I won’t watch kids at all. I have some mental issues including anger issues I know that I can sometimes act irrationally and yell at people for no reason.

The kids don’t deserve to be yelled at because I can’t process my own emotions properly. It is something I have been working on in therapy and it has gotten better but I don’t feel comfortable watching Lily for long periods of time without someone else around to help out if I get overwhelmed.

Now for what’s happened. I got up this morning to get ready for an appointment and while I was in the shower my brother informed me I had to watch the kid for an hour so he could go somewhere. I told him no that our mom knows I won’t watch her.

So to spite me he called her and he didn’t tell me anything about what she said but I ended up calling her again because he was gonna just leave her with me anyway. She wasn’t aware that I had a doctor’s appointment today at 1 (even though it has been scheduled for three months and we had a conversation about it last night).

While I was on the phone with my mother I explained that even if I wanted to watch her I couldn’t because I had a doctor’s appointment I couldn’t be late to (if this is of any importance it was a gynecology appointment that had to be rescheduled so I could talk to my gynecologist personally).

Now all was fine and great and grand until she told me she expected the next time I’m asked to watch Lily I will be doing so or I will be punished. I flat out told her no that she was not my responsibility and she would need to find someone else to watch her.

The only time I could think of that I deserved to be punished for was yelling at my brother when he kept insisting he would get my mom to force me to watch her. I will admit that was a jerk move but I’m tired of them trying to force me to watch kids knowing that I am not capable of doing so.

Also, my brother sells the ‘magic plant’ (not looking for you guys to judge him for that) and needed to travel to go pick some up to continue selling and earning money.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and stick to your guns. It's not your fault that your brother tried to bounce and stick you with the kid when he told your mom he'd watch her. That's on him. But if your mom tries to punish you for that, I would jump up and down about that in a major kind of way. I don't like kids as a rule either if they're under 8 years old, and would feel exactly as you do about having last minute babysitting of a toddler thrown at me because someone else got irresponsible. Not your fault, not your circus, not your problem.
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15. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Going On A Bike Trip With His Mother?

“My mother-in-law wanted to plan a biking trip with my husband and me because 1.

Her best friend can’t cycle for long periods, and 2. Her biking group got annoyed with her for repeatedly stopping to take photos (she insisted on photographing our wedding and every shot was blurry, so they may have been waiting a while). However, my orthopaedist and physiatrist recommended I avoid cycling outdoors and train indoors instead.

I still run errands by bike, but typically no more than 20 minutes in a single journey. My pain has reduced since making this change. When I cycle indoors, I measure my heart rate and duration, not distance. My mother-in-law was aware of these things before she suggested a trip.

Even if she had forgotten, my husband said that when she told him her idea, he warned her that I could not cycle for long periods of time.

I admit that I didn’t want to visit her. She demands attention and is often critical without realizing it.

She’d visited us just a fortnight before and it was a good visit, but it took a lot out of me. I’d had a stressful week at work, and I felt that I lacked the energy to endure her well. My husband urged me to go in order to keep the peace.

I did and I should have known better.

She first became riled when she heard that our car couldn’t bear the weight of 3 electric bikes (my husband asked the mechanic who fitted the tow bar). Not even after hearing our solution of buying a folding electric bike.

She repeatedly asked me how far I could cycle, and she wouldn’t accept that I didn’t know. I finally responded in an exasperated tone she demanded to know why. I said that it’s because I’ve answered multiple times that I have no idea, and I gave the reasons above.

She called me ungrateful and accused me of having treated her badly to her for months. She said that others think that she is great, so there must be something wrong with me. She mentioned giving my husband money (happened years before I’d even met him), and she said that there was something wrong with our relationship.

She mentioned my mother, who died late last year.

At that point, I gave up arguing back and I stood up to leave. My husband did too. She said that if he left, then he should never come back, and worse. We went out to our car.

She followed us, still shouting. She came at me before backing off and storming back to her house.

She apologized to my husband later that week, but she denied coming at me. My husband insisted that she apologize to me. Another week later via WhatsApp, she apologized for having a tantrum but went on to explain that it was my fault because of the reasons she gave earlier.

My husband sent her a message saying that that wasn’t an apology. I haven’t heard from her since. Yesterday, my husband went on a bike trip with her (and the new folding bike) without telling me. I think that this has sent the message that there aren’t any consequences for treating me badly.

AITJ for thinking this?”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, and yes, I'd be supernaturally p!$$ed at my husband if he pulled some garbage like that. I would lay it out for him that if he wants to spend time with his mother after she disrespected you and didn't apologize the way he told her to, that he's being inconsistent and disloyal to you, and that can't happen. Maybe some counseling is in order for the two of you? Good luck. Your monster in law sounds excruciating.
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14. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Apologize To Me Properly?

“I (24 F) live with my (24 M) partner and I cook dinner most nights with a food subscription box. The meal for tonight had carrots and they had gone rotten. My partner had only just got home and sat down and I brought up the carrots.

He offered to go to the store to pick up some more and I agreed. I had already started cooking at that point, with stuff in the oven and the pan heating up. He was taking a weirdly long time so I sent him a message asking what was taking so long and it turned out he was chatting with a friend at the store.

I was very annoyed because it threw cooking times and I was hungry and waited to cook until he got home from work so his food wouldn’t be cold. I expressed this in a text.

When he gets home, he puts the carrots on the bench, says sorry, sits down, and goes on his phone.

I continued to cook, feeling very annoyed and glancing up at him. He noticed and asked:

Him: What’s wrong?

Me: I’m very annoyed. You knew I was cooking and forgot about me and took a long time to pick up the ingredients. All I got was a sorry and you’ve sat down on your phone like everything is okay.

I would like a proper apology.

Him: I did apologize.

Me: But what for? It feels like you don’t care really. You could apologize like ‘I’m sorry I forgot about you. I can finish cooking tonight’ or offer to do another night.

Him: I didn’t forget about you.

Me: But you could still take responsibility for your actions.

Him: But I didn’t forget about you, I lost track of time.

I go silent at this point because it feels hopeless but I still feel very unappreciated and annoyed. I felt like he was hung up on the fact I said he forgot about me when I just wanted him to apologize properly.

He gets pretty angry and says ‘If you wanted me to do something then just say so’ then proceeds to noisily put away dishes, and stomp around the house taking out trash. I say I didn’t ask him to do anything, I just want a proper apology.

He says he doesn’t want to because it feels like I’ve just asked him to and it’s not genuine. I say it’s better than not at all. He says it’s worse

He goes away and then comes back when I’m done cooking. I’m still hurt at this point and am quiet while we eat.

He tries to act normal and start a conversation with me but I’m not responding much. He then says:

Him: Are you going to be cold to me for the rest of the night?

Me: I’m still hoping you’ll apologize properly.

Him: This feels like blackmail.

You’ll keep being cold to me until I apologize?

I get up and announce I’m going to eat in the other room. He calls after me: You’re not even going to deny it? I respond: I’m not trying to blackmail you, I just genuinely want a proper apology.

I’m feeling a little regretful now because I kept pushing it when it doesn’t seem like a big deal now. AITJ?”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and yes, he should d@mned well apologize properly. It's not like he didn't know you were cooking dinner, for heaven's sake - he went to the store to get ingredients. And the "I lost track of time" excuse is bull$h!t and he knows it; he just couldn't think of a better excuse and he's embarrassed. Which is why he's accusing you of "blackmail" which he also knows is bull$h!t. Just stick to your guns.
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13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad's Partner's Kids To Use My XBox?

“I (f 15) and my brother, Alex (m 12) are visiting our dad for the summer. I always bring my Xbox because our mom’s house doesn’t have great internet and I can update it and add new games at my dad’s.

I allow Alex to play on my Xbox because he doesn’t have one of his own, he shares with our stepbrother who lives at our mom’s house with us and they alternate over who gets it for the summer.

My dad has been seeing Sara for a few years, but tonight is the first time me and Alex have met her kids.

I really like Sara because she’s nice to me and my brother and she just seems like a cool person. Tonight she brought her sons and daughter over, Lisa (7 f) Gabe (I don’t know his exact age, maybe 8-9), and Henry (maybe 10-11).

I ate dinner with them and then retreated to my room because Alex, Gabe, and Henry wanted to watch YouTube, my dad and Sara were sitting on the couch talking, and Lisa was playing with some toys she had brought.

The walls in my dad’s house are really thin and my room is right next to the living room, so after a few minutes I heard the sound of my Xbox starting up.

I ignored it, thinking maybe they were playing on my dad’s, but then Alex came in and asked for my Microsoft password so they could play online.

I came into the living room not only to discover them playing MY Xbox, but Gabe was holding the special blue controller that I paid nearly a hundred dollars for with my own paycheck.

I was a little peeved, but I ignored it because my dad was right there and I knew he wouldn’t let them jack up my Xbox.

Shortly after, they came in and asked if I wanted to play a board game with them, and I agreed, glad that they were off of my Xbox. I was also hoping that I could play my game once the board game was over since I’ve been letting Alex play all day and haven’t got a chance yet.

But then during the game, Henry looks at Alex and says, ‘Can we play Xbox again after this?’

My dad and Sara laughed at his tone and Alex happily agreed. I looked at him and said, ‘You know, it’s my Xbox and I’m kind of worried about you letting them use my console and controller.

Plus, I really wanted to play.’

My dad looked at me and said, ‘Why is it such a big deal? Just let them play.’

Then, Henry picked up my blue controller with his sticky hands, and everyone saw the face I made. I just walked out and now I’m back in my room writing this.

I can hear them playing the game.

AITJ for not just sucking it up and letting them play?

Edit: As soon as these kids got to the house, they were immediately just acting like they lived here. Going in the fridge, running up and down the steps, changing the TV from the channel Alex previously had it set on, etc.”

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Ishouldntbehere2 4 months ago
NJH. You either gotta learn to share or leave it at your mums, coz it be super rude to take it away from them. You should still get first preference if you want to play, and set a boundary about the controller you bought with your own money, but sounds like you didn't buy the Xbox so it would be extremely selfish to keep it away from your dad's partners kids for no reason other than "it's yours". Talk to your dad about setting these reasonable boundaries so you still get to enjoy your console AND be a generous, caring person.
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12. AITJ For Reporting A Coworker And Getting Him Fired?

“I work for an anode rodding shop for a smeltery. I am still new to the job as I have only been working here for less than 6 months and am still being trained.

Throughout the entirety of my training, I have been taught that any form of moisture is incredibly dangerous around a furnace containing molten cast iron.

Well, one of my more experienced coworkers was operating a furnace full of molten cast iron which was above 1500 degrees Celsius with a water bottle on the furnace deck! Not only that, but he was also drinking water from the bottle less than a meter away from the furnace with the lid completely open!

This is an incredibly dangerous action as even if the tiniest bit of moisture gets into the furnace, it WILL cause an explosion which will be fatal for not only him but the entire rodding shop and possibly any of the other departments at the smeltery.

After he finished what he was doing on the furnace, he walked back to the control room where I was watching from. I tried to gently confront him about it but he didn’t want to hear it and told me to shut up.

Later on my break, I read through all my safety manuals and procedures which all stated this was a serious risk that could very easily cause mass fatalities.

I later talked with various other more experienced employees, and they all came to the same conclusion that this was a serious risk and it needed to be stopped immediately. (I didn’t tell them this situation actually happened, I just asked hypothetically). I eventually even talked to my foreman about this ‘hypothetical’ situation and he told me the same.

Unfortunately, I was moved shifts the next day so I decided I would let it be as I am still very new and didn’t want to cause trouble especially since I didn’t know if this was a consistent issue.

For the next couple weeks, I didn’t have to work with him till a week back he was on the same shift as me and he continued to drink from his water bottle while he worked with the furnaces.

I eventually decided enough was enough and reported him to the foreman after I watched him accidentally drop his water bottle with the lid open on the furnace deck while the furnaces were running full blast!

What I hadn’t fully realized was that I had just cost him his job.

He was fired within the week and was seriously reprimanded for endangerment and negligence of the safety of those in the smeltery. I had no intention of getting my coworker fired and at the time I was only considering the safety of myself and my other coworkers.

I feel awful about the situation despite most of my coworkers agreeing with what I did.

Some of my other coworkers who worked with him more frequently don’t feel the same way and have taken to calling me a snitch and have been giving me dirty glares and have been saying stuff behind my back.

Am I the jerk for getting my coworker fired?”

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Unicornone 4 months ago
If this is that big of a safety risk and everyone agrees that it is then no you are not the jerk for “snitching “ on him. This must not be the first time this has happened and if it is you would have been told that a safety violation is an automatic firing offense. He worked there long enough to know it is not ok and obviously if he spilled some he is not even being careful. Maybe all your coworkers need a safety refresher
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11. AITJ For Being Mad At My Family For Laughing At My Driving Plans?

“I (23 f) got my license last year and finally saved up enough for a car I really ended up liking. I was talking to my grandmother, my grandfather, my mom, and my uncle about it since I would be receiving the car tomorrow and they asked me if I was excited, which of course I was.

I spoke about how I couldn’t wait to start saving up cuz I planned to go see my friends in Ohio, Michigan, and New York and I wanted to go see places like Niagra Falls… etc etc. That I could now practically go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted and it felt good to be completely independent.

My grandfather and uncle just burst into laughter. My grandfather said, ‘Do you really think you can drive up to Michigan and Ohio?’ I kinda just looked at them for a second and said that I’d obviously save up before I tried to go anywhere, I wasn’t just gonna get in my car tomorrow and drive to Michigan with no plan.

They laughed even more and my uncle then replied, ‘You can’t leave the state. What’s gonna happen when you get lost or break down on the road? What’s gonna happen when you run out of gas? What’s gonna happen when you crash and die and nobody knows who you are?

Do you really think you can save enough money working at your fast food job? Do you even know gas prices?’

I kinda just stood there not knowing what to say because I felt like they were putting me down. I said forget it and walked out the door where my grandmother followed me.

She asked me why I acted like that and I told her I was tired of being put down by them and they hurt my feelings. She scoffed and told me I knew that was just how the men in the family joked around with the women and I should’ve just ignored it like I usually do for the sake of peace because now they’re mad at my attitude.

AITJ? It’s not the first time they’ve done this and I was tired of them ruining everything I get excited about, but maybe I did overreact because that’s how they always are.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, and tell Granny to mind her own business and that if she's okay with constantly being put down and made fun of, that's her choice, but it's not yours. The men in your family sound like incredible @$$holes and I wouldn't tell them anything about my plans ever again.
What I would do, in your shoes, is get coverage by AAA, start getting familiar with what kind of maintenance a car needs and how often, learn how to change a tire, get some tourist information from the places you want to visit and start planning a route. Not only will that give you a plan and figure out how many places you can realistically visit for the amount of money you have to spend, but the next time the male @$$holes in your family decide to start in on you, you can tell them to go pound sand, that you have a plan, you have a contingency plan and they can stuff their attitudes where the sun don't shine. Good luck, and safe journeys.
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10. AITJ For Telling My Husband I'm Allergic To Seafood?

“I’ve never liked seafood. I can’t eat fish, shrimp, lobster, crab, whatever. If it lives in water, I can’t do it. I still can’t have mayonnaise because when I was a kid I thought that it was made from fish. I don’t really mind it anymore, I can’t control my tastes, but when I was younger I was super embarrassed about it.

It seemed childish to me, and I genuinely wished that I could explore all those foods.

When we first started going out, my now husband asked me out to sushi. I was too ashamed to admit that I hated the taste of fish, so instead I told him that I was allergic to seafood.

I figured that I’d tell him someday in the future and we’d both laugh at how silly it was.

Apparently, though, that’s not the case. We went out to dinner with my parents two days ago, and my mom suggested I get the shrimp taco. My husband got confused and said I was allergic.

My parents told him I wasn’t.

I explained that I had actually lied all those years ago, I was too ashamed to admit that I just didn’t like it. We all laughed it off, but my husband was really mad when we got home and yelled at me for lying to him for all those years.

I genuinely didn’t mean to keep it from him so long, it just happened. It never really came up, as he obviously never offered me seafood again. He’s of the opinion that if I lied about this, I could be lying about everything.

I really think he’s being a bit dramatic, pretending to be allergic to seafood isn’t exactly the same as having three secret husbands on the side or anything.

I understand that he’s bothered I lied, but I still think it’s a really small issue.


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Ishouldntbehere2 4 months ago
Of course you're the jerk. Lies never end well for anyone, so you bit yourself in the @ss here by forgetting about your little white lie and then marrying him. Yes we've all probabky lied or exaggerated or understated our feelings towards something on the first date, but I would hope that we've all eventually spilled the truth as the relationship got more serious. Not only has he been very supportive of your supposed allergy and never offered it to you again, he now has to wonder how many other little things you lied about and conveniently forgot to mention to him. Yes it's not the same as having a secret affair, but it is still hurting his trust towards you which is understandable. Apologize profusely and prove to him you are an honest person.
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9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change The Settings On The Oven Toaster?

“I currently live with my parents and pay rent. I am in the process of moving out after buying a house so this will be moot in a few weeks.

It is their house. I want to get that all out of the way.

We have a toaster oven with 3 dials – time, temperature, and function. With the right settings, it’s very simple to throw bread in, turn the time dial to 3 minutes, and then come back when it dings.

I have this set, my dad uses it in the morning to have toast with tea, and I use it at lunch to have sandwiches on toast.

My mother will crank all three dials up all the way. Highest temperature, broil function, and 35 minutes. No matter what is in there.

This is because she likes it done as soon as possible and doesn’t want to wait for 3 minutes. I’ve told her to please stop doing this because there is no reason to put the toaster oven on Satan’s butt as we only use it for toast and if with those settings, it will turn itself off and ding when done.

When I turn away to have a conversation, even if the bread has been in for 3 seconds, my mother will interrupt, point her finger at the toaster oven, and shout, ‘Watch! Watch! Watch! Your toast is going to burn! Watch! Watch!’

This is regardless of what settings are in.

A few times I haven’t remembered to check the settings and turn around to blackened toast in 2 minutes.

The other day I had just put the bread in the toaster oven when my office called. I stepped into another room to answer. I was 30 seconds into the phone call when I heard her in the kitchen.

‘Watch your toast! It’s going to burn! You’re leaving it in there way too long!’

I loudly continued my conversation to try to give her the message that I was on a work call. She followed my voice, came into the room, and said, ‘Your toast is burning!

Did you forget it was in there? You put it on for way too long!’ I pointed to the phone and waved her away.

She said, ‘I’m just saying! It’s going to stink up the whole house!’

I put the call on mute, ‘Holy cow!

Then turn the thing off! And please stop screwing with the settings! We waste so much bread in this house because you are too lazy to wait 3 minutes.’

She said, ‘Just check it before you turn it on.’

‘No!’ I replied, ‘Stop setting the thing to inferno!

I wouldn’t have to check it if you weren’t constantly screwing with it!’

She shouted, ‘It’s my house, it’s my toaster oven, and I’ll do whatever I want with it.’

I finished my call, my toast was ruined and mom and I didn’t speak the rest of the day.

We’re fine now, and neither of us has brought up the toaster oven.

My father has, quite a few times, burned his toast because he didn’t check the settings, and agrees that it annoys him. Even when he brought this up with her she just shrugged her shoulders and told him to check it before he started. He agrees with me but says that she’s not going to change and it’s best to just let it go.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Sorry, but your father is right. Your mother isn't going to change, she's always going to put the settings at Satan's butt (I'm still laughing at that one, by the way!) and you're moving in a few weeks anyway, so just check the settings before throwing the bread in. And remember that soon, you'll have your own toaster oven that will not automatically be set at surface-of-the-sun temperatures. Good luck, and congratulations on your new place.
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8. AITJ For Being Mad At My Best Friend For Dragging Us Out Of The Bar When A Guy Hit On Me?

“We are roommates, I lost a ton of weight in 2020 and it has really changed how the world views me. People are much nicer to me now, I get a ton of attention from men and women are more friendly with me.

My best friend and I out to bars together and she always used to get hit on and I used to be ignored. Now, I too get hit on.

It is not that people ignore her. She is gorgeous and men still hit on her but they just don’t ignore me now. She gets upset when men hit on me and we used to stay out longer but she interrupts my conversation and drags us home.

We were at a bar and I was talking to a guy, I liked him and I was interested in him and I was about to give him my number when my friend said she needed to leave and dragged me out. I left with her.

We took the Uber home.

It was mad at her and I snapped that she needs to deal with her jealousy. It really hurts me that she can’t be happy for me. She was very supportive when I started to work out and she helped me a lot but it really upsets me that she doesn’t let anyone talk to me.

She has apologized to me and said she would work on it but I still don’t feel like going out anymore. I would rather cook food together and watch crappy reality shows. I don’t want to do something that upsets her.

She asked me why I didn’t want to go out anymore and I told her that after our argument I lost a lot of interest in going out and she said I don’t have to punish myself to keep her happy and she said she would be happy if I went out on my own if hanging out with her because I pitied her.

She is holed up in her room and doesn’t want to spend time together.

I feel like a jerk because I know she loved going out and she usually let me decide what we want to do, and I feel really bad about not doing things she wants but I feel like a homebody and I have stopped enjoying all the extra attention I get.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, but your friend is. She got used to being "the pretty one" when y'all went out, and being the one that all the men paid attention to. Now that you've lost weight and are gorgeous too, she can't count on all the attention being on her anymore, and she's got her @$$ up on her shoulders behind it.
If I were you, I would tell her that she shouldn't feel threatened by you (she'll deny it, but believe me, she is) and it's not a reflection on her appeal if a guy is interested in you. And if she continues to pull you away when someone is paying attention to you, perhaps it's time she go out with someone else. Set boundaries, and see what happens. Hopefully she'll get over her jealousy and be happy enough for you to want to share the attention when y'all go out together. Good luck.
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7. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband's Grandma Hold My Newborn Baby?

“I (20s F) just recently had my baby with my husband (20s M). For context I had a terrible birth, originally I wanted an unmedicated home birth but had to be rushed to the hospital where I got an emergency c-section. I was absolutely devastated that it turned out that way and I am still trying to cope with it.

My husband’s aunt (40s F) AIL, aunt-in-law, is not a very nice person and we are currently in low contact with her, as are all of her children. However, my husband’s parents and grandparents still like to include her in everything, and my husband’s grandma (60s F) GIL, grandma-in-law, especially feels like AIL is constantly being unfairly treated and bullied. Both my husband and I decided we didn’t want her around our baby.

Well at a family event, we were at a few weeks ago, the ladies started asking me about the birth and I just gave them vague details. AIL started going off saying how c-sections are not really even giving birth and you can’t ever have a real connection with your baby.

She said a bunch of other hurtful things that I can’t remember. I started crying and went to the bathroom but I don’t think anyone noticed.

We decided to leave when on our way out GIL asked if she could hold the baby.

I said no multiple times but she kept insisting until I gave in and let her, but I said no one else gets to hold the baby. As soon as GIL got the baby she walked over to AIL and gave her the baby. I was so upset I started crying again and my husband immediately took the baby away and we left.

Two weeks ago we were at another event and both GIL and AIL were there, GIL came up to me and demanded to hold my baby. I really didn’t feel comfortable so I said No again multiple times but she kept insisting. Eventually, I let in again but made her swear to not give the baby away.

Yet again, as soon as I gave her the baby she walked over to AIL. I really didn’t want to make a scene so I just said ‘Oh I actually don’t want anyone else to hold my baby’. To which AIL replied by saying ‘Well it’s really not even your baby seeing as you didn’t give birth’.

I started crying again and my husband took the baby back and we left.

I have decided to never let GIL hold my baby again because she clearly cannot but trusted but my husband says I’m being way too harsh and mean. He says technically GIL has never been mean or hurtful to us like AIL has been, GIL just wants her daughter to hold our baby.

He also says that I am still emotional from all the pregnancy hormones which I guess might be true.

So AITJ for not letting my husband’s grandma hold my baby?”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Oh, sweetie - SO NTJ! And your husband needs to find a spine and his balls and start standing up for you against AIL and GIL. Especially AIL for saying you didn't really give birth. Really? Seriously? For that reason alone, I would not be in their presence and neither would my child. And you need to have a come to Jesus meeting with husband and tell him that. Put your foot down NOW, set boundaries and do NOT change them. If he doesn't 'like it, tell him he can give birth to the next baby and call the shots. Good luck.
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6. AITJ For Admitting To My Biological Dad That I'm Calling My Mom's Husband "Dad"?

“I am a 16-year-old male who is the product of an affair my mom (42 F) and dad (46 M) had, they were business partners (They had a firm together) for obvious reasons that partnership ended 16 years ago.

My parents were married and had kids (Mom had 5 F, 4 m; Dad had 7 M, 2 F) their spouses (Dad’s wife 48 F, mom’s Husband 45) forgave them and compromised to stay together for the sake of all of us.

I was a two-household kid, one week with my dad and one with my mom, it all worked out well, my stepparents accepted me and never treated me any different, especially my stepdad, He is cool and great to me. (Stepmom can be a jerk sometimes but she is usually great)

Here is the thing, I call my mom and dad ‘mom and dad’ (Like many people do). My stepmom’s name is Serena and I call her by her name (It’s been like this all my life). My stepdad’s name is Tom, I’ve always called Tom dad (behind my bio dad’s back), when I’m at my dad’s I usually refer to my stepdad as Tom because my dad tends to be a little possessive and jealous, it’s like he tried to monopolize me.

So, I tried to avoid calling stepdad dad in front of my bio dad but I messed up last week, I was at my dad’s as usual (every other week, I’m still at my dad’s by the way) so my stepdad called me to ask me if I wanted to join him and my little siblings (13 M, 13 F) on a trip next week, thus I said ‘Yeah of course’ but before hanging up I said, ‘Bye dad’.

My dad looked at me, annoyed, and asked: ‘Did you just call that man Dad? Is he forcing you? Is your mom forcing you?’ I explained that this is how I usually call him at home. Then he went mad saying: ‘I’m your dad and calling another man dad isn’t fair to me, I’d understand if I called Tom, dad, in case, I was a deadbeat but I’m not so this is hurting me a lot’ (His words).

I’m at my dad’s now so as I was last week, because I have a trip with Tom next week (Supposed to be my dad’s week) so he demanded I spend this week with him (Supposed to be at mom’s) because he wasn’t willing to miss a week with me but even if I’m here he’s been a little distant, he doesn’t talk to me as much as he used to, I asked him for money to buy something and he said (mumbling).

Why don’t you ask your dad? He ended up giving me the money I needed, but these attitudes make me feel that I really hurt my dad and feel like a jerk since dad was talkative, attentive, and caring when I was here but now, he makes me feel like he has me here because that’s what the custody agreement says, I know it isn’t just because of the custody agreement since he loves me and really likes spending time with me (He is the one who demanded this week in the first place to have me and not miss his week) so his attitude let me know I hurt him so much.

My older brother (23 M) says I’m a jerk for confessing that it’s what I usually call Tom. He says I should have said it was a mistake and then forgotten it.

So guys, AITJ?”

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5. AITJ For Not Letting My Granddaughter's Friend Come To Our Trip?

“My wife (60 f) and I (60 m) have multiple children and grandchildren, one of our children (40 f) twins (13 m and 13 f), we love our grandkids and wanted to do something for their 13th birthday (which was last week), we wanted to go on a cruise with them near their birthday, we couldn’t do July because our granddaughter is at summer school and our grandson has some lacrosse camp, but they are free in August.

My wife and I wanted our grandchildren to be able to bring their friends along so we are in separate rooms (our marriage is fine, I promise), so each child could bring 2 friends, as the rooms we booked could have 4 people in them each. We booked this cruise a bit over a year ago before the kids started 7th grade.

This school year, there was a new kid in their school, he’s autistic and he can be socially awkward and was being bullied for it, this boy knew everything about sports. My grandson loves sports, he plays lacrosse and likes buying signed jerseys and antique sports stuff, one of my grandson’s friends/teammates started talking to this boy in class a few weeks into the school year and when the friend mentioned he was on the lacrosse team, the other boy started nerding out about it and later invited him to the boys lunch table, ever since then he has been very close with my grandson and his friends, and have helped him work on talking to people.

My grandson’s new friend is a good kid, but he can still be a bit awkward at times.

About 4-5 months ago, a group of kids had posted something on social media mocking him for autistic behaviors, luckily, the staff were quickly made aware of it and it was dealt with.

One of the students was my granddaughter, my daughter, and SIL have been very careful to make sure he feels safe at their house.

When we first found out about this, we told our granddaughter she couldn’t go on the trip, but we later changed this position so that she could come, but she wouldn’t be allowed to invite her friends, and our grandson could invite 2 more instead, she said this wasn’t fair but the friends she wanted to invite were part of the bullying group, my grandson wanted to invite 3 of his other friends and the autistic boy, and we have spoken to the autistic boy’s parents to let them know we will make sure he feels safe, he has forgiven my granddaughter and says he doesn’t feel unsafe around her.

My granddaughter complained about this and we thought she may be worried about her being around boys, but she said she’s fine with them, I even heard she has a crush on one of them, and I and my wife will be supervising them the whole time.

We have permission from all of the kids’ parents. My granddaughter is saying this is favoritism and my daughter and son-in-law are a bit upset at me as well, saying they’re sick of hearing her complain and that we should’ve let them come.”

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Ishouldntbehere2 4 months ago (Edited)
NTJ. You didn't have to include the friends at all, but you were generous enough to offer it. She ruined her chances by backing bullies, or course you're not going to invite your grandson's friend's bullies to the same vacation. Your granddaughters parents are clearly not doing a great job if they think she should be so easily forgiven for such a horrible display of discrimination.
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4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hold Someone's Baby?

“I (24 F) don’t hate babies. I love to play with them and will readily babysit for my family and friends. However, when it comes to this individual, let’s call her ‘Jen’ (42 F), I don’t consider her as family or friend.

I used to live with her and her mother, ‘Maria’ (67? F), when I was in high school. They treated my mother, ‘Mandy’ (64 F), and I like second-class just because we were staying with them. My mom had just had surgery and couldn’t work. My life was miserable.

I did everything to be out of the house for as long as I could, by signing up for school clubs that I didn’t even like, etc. Eventually, there was a big fallout between Jen, Maria, and me before the start of my sophomore year, so I moved out.

I lived with my paternal aunt until I graduated high school. Maria is my mom’s friend of 43+ years, so my mom still associates with her. She actively tries to make me ‘forgive’ them and to get along with them. I’m not having any of it.

So Jen had a baby. I was forced to go to her house. My mom begged me to drive her home from the hospital, so I did. Jen complained the whole way, but I just ignored her. After dropping her off I was just trying to be out of there but my mom said she would stay to help her settle in.

I told her I would wait in the car. She loses it and pulls me aside saying ‘That will look bad. You can’t act like this’. I ended up having to put up with them and they gush over her baby. I had no interest. But out of nowhere, Jen asked me if I wanted to hold the baby and I responded with ‘No. I’m good’.

She had this sour look on her face and said ‘but you love kids. Why don’t you want to hold her?’ I almost told her how I really felt when my mom told Jen I would hold the baby and plop her onto my lap.

I hold this baby awkwardly for a minute or two before handing her back to Jen. After a while, I said we had to go because I had work later and wanted to rest. My mom said she was disappointed in me and that I was a jerk.

I don’t care if I was really. I don’t like those people and I don’t want any kind of relationship with them. I told my mom to find another way to go to their house if she was going to put me in an uncomfortable spot again.

She agreed that I could just drop her off anytime she wanted to go and she’d make up an excuse about why I couldn’t stay. I told some friends and family about what happened and they are split.

So what do y’all think?

Am I the jerk?”

0 points (0 votes)

3. AITJ For Treating A Neighbor As My Sister?

“I am an only child, and I had a strange upbringing. My parents were miserable and thought having a child would make them happy again. It did not. Although they didn’t yell at me, or mistreat me, there was no affection either towards each other or me.

They fed me, clothed me, and otherwise left me to their own devices. They were constantly not home to avoid each other, and when they were, they fought. I was mostly ignored.

When I was about ten, a young woman (‘Angie’) moved in nearby. She would have been 18 at the time and lived alone.

She saw how my parents treated me, and would talk to me and hang out with me because I spent so much time alone. Over time I started going to her place, she would cook for me, help me with homework, and take me places like the movies and such.

I even stayed at her place sometimes, and my parents probably didn’t even notice I was gone. Everywhere we went, Angie would just tell people she was my sister, so that was how I started thinking of her and calling her, and still do to this day.

Fast forward to now and I’m 30, and Angie is 38. I still see her as my sister, and even though we live a way apart I still call her and occasionally visit. She still calls me her brother. I’ve had a few women over the years, I’ve explained the situation to them, some have been understanding and some haven’t.

My current significant other, ‘Joni’, was one of the understanding ones, I thought. We’ve been together nearly a year, and I have explained the whole Angie situation to her. I recently met Joni’s parents, which I thought went well, and she asked to meet my family.

Since I had no relation with my parents, I asked if she wanted to have dinner with Angie. At this, Joni went quiet, and eventually said it was ‘time I stopped pretending Angie is my sister’ and that she’s ‘not real family’. I told her Angie was the only person who gave a toss about me growing up, that makes her my family.

She then went on a rant about how it’s creepy that a grown woman would want to hang out with a kid, and I asked her to leave.

Now, I feel bad. I feel like I should have been more understanding of her perspective, and tried to put her mind at ease.


-1 points (1 vote(s))

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mappster 4 months ago
NTJ!! To you, she IS family. This does not make you a jerk. She is your family of the heart. She has shown you love all these years. If you want to continue the relationship, you need to explain your feeling to your SO. Don't cut someone out of your life to make some else happy.
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2. AITJ For Forgetting To Flush The Toilet?

“I (20 F) have an ADHD diagnosis I got when I was about 7 years old. What is probably due to that, around that age I forgot to flush. My mom used to put up signs telling me to remember. My significant other (24 M) noticed this a while ago and told me.

I apologized and said I used to struggle a lot with that as a kid and that maybe it was kind of coming back because of the change in environment (we had just moved in together) and that I was going to start trying to think about it more.

Then he woke me up I think maybe around a month later and asked me to follow him to the bathroom. I did, and he showed me the toilet bowl. Once again, really embarrassing, but not only had I done number 2, I was also on my period.

So it was a disgusting mess. And he asked me ‘Does this seem like something I want to see?’ I said no and apologized.

He made me flush, and then that became kind of a habit we did. Whenever I forgot, he would go get me and make me flush.

I suggested we put up some notes my mother did and take them down if someone comes over but he said that it was ridiculous and ended it with ‘or maybe you could just flush like a functioning human being.’

It got better for a while or at least he didn’t say anything.

Then one day he got angry with me, I think he had let it build up because he started yelling at me really mean things about how incompetent and disgusting I am and how it’s changing the way he sees me.

I told him: Do you think I INTEND to not flush the toilet?

It’s humiliating for me, I don’t want to broadcast to you what I’ve done in the bathroom. And that him telling me ‘remember to flush’ evidently won’t help me remember. Once again I insisted with the signs, and he said no again.

I also told him I think he exaggerates. Because I always feel like I think about it every time I use the bathroom. He got angry at that and told me he would send me a picture every single time I forgot to flush. I told him okay, do that.

He said ‘Or would you rather have me send pictures to your friends?’ I didn’t think much of it then.

Then I must’ve forgotten once again because he did send a picture down into the toilet bowl in our group chat, which includes ALL of our friends.

He sent ‘(name) forgot to flush, if I have to see it then so do you’. I am so embarrassed.

I never want to see them again because I am so embarrassed. I never want to use a shared bathroom ever again. I also feel absolutely psychotic, I don’t know what to do.

I feel like I always flush, yet obviously I don’t. I feel like now everyone has this view of me as this disgusting lazy person who doesn’t like to flush the toilet. I’ve been crying over this for so long. I also think his actions were really out of line.

I know what I’m doing is disgusting, but it’s unintentional, and what he did definitely was intentional. Who would you say is right?”

-1 points (1 vote(s))

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
YTJ. Having ADHD doesn't excuse you CONSTANTLY forgetting about so basic a courtesy. I don't know what your problem is, but you need to seek help for it before you lose your SO. And I think you realize that you really are the jerk because of your comment you made about "I also told him I think he exaggerates." Sweetie, he doesn't. He's REALLY turned off and he's REALLY disgusted and it's about to be a deal breaker. Otherwise, why would he have told you the next time you did it he'd send a picture to your friends, and then you're shocked when he followed through? He is at his breaking point and you seem to think what you're doing isn't a big deal. Believe me, it is. And I'm very much afraid that you're going to find out just how big a deal it is when he leaves your nasty self for someone who isn't so self absorbed that she can't remember to flush her leavings. Shame on you.
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1. AITJ For Spending More Time With One Of My Granddaughters?

“I (46 F) have 2 kids, Mikey (30 M) and Isabel (22 F). As you might see from the ages, I had Mikey at 16. I had to raise Mikey all alone with only the help of my sister.

Mikey and I both suffered tremendously.

I met Isabel’s father when Mikey was 6. Her father was the kindest soul and treated Mikey as a son even after we broke up. He was Mikey’s father until he died when Mikey was 15.

I found myself alone with Mikey and Isabel again.

I begged and prayed for both of my kids to have an amazing life and they have one. Mikey went off to college and has an amazing job doing what he loves while being given a nice paycheck. He has a wife and a daughter ‘Anna’ (5 F).

While Isabel grew up doing amazing in school, despite being offered scholarships, she decided to take a gap year where she met her significant other, and well… a year turned into 2 then 3. They ended up breaking up after he had an affair with an older coworker, and she decided to go back to school.

Despite all that, I’m proud of her. Last year she found out she was pregnant. Her ex didn’t want anything to do with the baby and she didn’t want to abort it. So here we are, a year later with a gorgeous 4-month-old.

So here is where the problem starts, As I’ve mentioned Isabel is currently going to college and raising her daughter alone, I want my daughter to not struggle or drop out. So I’ve been watching her daughter every day so she can go to school and work.

I used to always go with Anna every week and take her to places like the zoo. But I haven’t been able to do any of that because of my other granddaughter (I watch her 7 days a week from 9 AM-5 PM). I’ve only seen Anna maybe twice in the last 4 months.

Mikey has noticed and has yelled at me a couple of times saying Anna really misses me and that I’m neglecting her for my other granddaughter.

I admit I haven’t been seeing Anna but Isabel really needs me right now and I have to support her.

Mikey called today after canceling and cussed me out saying that I’m a horrible grandma and to not expect for me to see Anna ever again. His wife also said Anna is a real person with feelings and I can’t just see her when I feel like it.

Mikey also called Isabel a bunch of names through texts. I feel like a huge jerk for all of this, so I decided to ask here. AITJ?

Edit: Anna is a very hyper child and doesn’t stay put or listen. You turn around and all of a sudden the house is on fire.

I can’t have both of them at the same time. She also hits and doesn’t do good with small children.”

-1 points (1 vote(s))

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
YTJ. You're enabling your daughter and neglecting your son's daughter in the process. Why on earth do you have to watch the baby seven days a week? Why are you not requiring your daughter to be a mother to her child and give you a break and let you have a life in the process? Sorry, but Mikey is right, and you are handling this very, very badly. Shame on you for favoring your daughter over your son.
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