People Anticipate Harsh Reactions To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Coworker Any More Free Rides?
“I (23, F) work a part-time minimum wage job at a restaurant. The job is good but I don’t make much.
Most of my paycheck goes towards rent and whatever is left over is usually spent on the absolute bare necessities which would be food and gas.
My coworker (28, F) is a full-time shift lead at the restaurant. She’s pretty nice and cool for the most part.
We’ve hung out outside of work a couple of times and it’s always been fun however she constantly asks me to give her rides after most closing shifts.
For context, the restaurant closes pretty late. Around 11 p.m. on weekdays and 12 a.m. on weekends.
This means the closing team always leaves about an hour after the given closing time. I live pretty close to my job so getting to and from never wastes much time or gas for me. However, my coworker lives much farther than me so whenever I give her a ride, it not only takes me longer to get home (which by then is pretty late and I’m tired) but it also wastes my gas.
Every time she asks for a ride, she always says ‘I got you on gas.’ But has never once ‘gotten me on gas’. It bothers me that she constantly asks for a favor that will cost ME time and money. She makes way more than me so I know she can at least afford to spare a few bucks.
And I’ve vented to her many times about how I’m struggling to just make day-to-day expenses. Keep in mind that I have never once offered to give her a ride. When I offer, I obviously don’t expect any sort of repayment.
The first couple of times I was okay with it but it’s gotten to a point where she asks too often.
Now I hate confrontation, so I don’t really want to tell her I’m not going to give her any more rides. Would it be a jerk move to just make excuses every time she asks from now on?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re saving her a fortune in Uber and bus fare.
If she asks again, say ‘Sorry, the extra traveling has doubled my gas bill. I can’t afford to keep taking you anymore’. If she says ‘I GoT YoU oN GaS’, say ‘Thanks! We can go to the gas station straight after work, or do you want to give me $20 now?’ She can then either pay up there and then, or get an Uber.
If you just don’t want to take her anymore, say ‘Sorry, I’m so tired I’m going straight home. I’m not going your way’ smile and walk away. She’s being annoying. NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and please re-evaluate your definition of friend. This woman is a user, she’s five years older and is definitely taking advantage.
She’s not your friend, she’s a colleague who likes to leech off others.
‘No, I can’t today’ and walk away. Then be all ‘Oh dear that’s too bad’ to her pleas which are all crap.
I worry if you do the petrol station truck, she’d twist that against you that you always have to give her rides, even tho £20 doesn’t even cover half the rides you’ve given her.
Learn to be assertive, practice saying ‘No, colleague, I cannot give you a lift home’ in the mirror. The rush of adrenaline you’ll get when you do it will be immense, and then it only ever gets easier after that!” throwawayj38sld
23. AITJ For Reporting A Rude Train Passenger To Their Employer?
“At short notice, I had to get a train with my two young children (1) & (3). I booked us tickets with assigned seats and packed plenty of distractions for them. When the train arrived it was clearly overcrowded and our seats were taken by a couple in business attire and company lanyards.
They had covered the seats next to them (4 in a square around a table) with their bags and clearly weren’t intending to move.
I asked them if they were in the wrong seats & was ignored. I raised my voice slightly and asked them to check they were in the right seats as I had booked them (3 seats total).
I was told to ‘Go back to my deadbeat baby daddy’. I was furious. Luckily another passenger alerted a train guard who removed them from the carriage after a lot of back & forth, insults, and threats towards myself & my children. I was very shaken up, but a number of passengers offered support, made my children laugh, and said they’d keep an eye on us.
During the journey, a passenger insisted I should have the video he had taken of the altercation. Another passenger provided the names & company information of the two people (displayed on their lanyards). Multiple people recommended I follow up with an email to their company & offered to be witnesses.
I didn’t do this then.
After speaking to my husband, I emailed the company with a full explanation of what happened and asked them to speak with their employees. In their reply, they said I was one of a number of people emailing about this incident, with video evidence and witness accounts.
They had already suspended the employees, and now that I (as the victim) had emailed they would be terminated immediately in line with company policy.
I felt awful, I never expected them to lose their jobs and felt shell-shocked. My husband called it ‘jerk karma’ but several friends think I should have never reported them and told the other passengers not to either.
AITJ for getting them fired?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Do trashy things to other people and you sometimes get… trashy consequences! They not only insulted but actually threatened you and your children! Their behavior is far beyond the bounds of intolerable, and the outcome is nobody’s fault but their own.
You didn’t get them fired, they got them fired. These are two really, really horrible people, and they brought this on themselves with their own horribleness. And it’s not like you know they would be fired – it was perfectly reasonable of you to make a complaint to their employer, who they were representing in public.
Look at it this way – you may have helped give them the kick in the butts they needed to become better human beings.” Unseen_Owl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as executives wearing identifying information about their company that was clearly visible to the public, they were being ‘ambassadors’ of the company.
Their behavior affects the way the company is perceived because they are seen to be its representatives. As such, they are responsible for behaving in line with company policy, or risk having action taken against them, which is what happened.
If they hadn’t been wearing identifying information and people had just gone online and hunted them down, /maybe/ this would be different (to be honest, not that much because they were horrible) but here there isn’t really much room for nuance.
They messed around and found out.” DinnerSubject1056
22. AITJ For Reminding My Husband About The Times He Left Me Alone With A Newborn?
“My husband and I have been married for 16 years.
He always wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom and I did try for 3 years between 2015-2018. But being a stay-at-home mom took a toll on my mental health so much that I ended up going back to work.
I have to travel for my job (maybe once every 2 months, for 3-4 days).
It was not a demanding job otherwise and the schedule is pretty flexible.
We have a 14-year-old and 5-year-old. On weekdays my mom stays at our house to babysit (we also have a house helper to do housework and help take care of my 5-year-old).
My husband doesn’t like the fact that I have to travel and always makes remarks that I don’t fully do my job as a mother. He says that while he ‘tolerates’ that I have a job, I really don’t have to since he can provide for us.
It really gets on my nerves because when my first kid was still a newborn my husband often went on vacations with his friends and left me to take care of the baby. I NEVER told him No back then because I felt that he needed the experience, and I didn’t particularly care to travel back then (we were married pretty young and most of our friends were still single back then).
So I told him that he doesn’t get to guilt trip me for my work travel while he basically abandoned me and our baby and vacationed with his friends, and I never made it an issue.
He said I was a jerk to bring up something that happened more than a decade ago.
I really didn’t care back then, but I just wanted him to know that he put me in a hot seat for a ‘sin’ that he also did (maybe even worse because I travel for a job, and he traveled for leisure?) but never had the consequences.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and y’all need counseling.
You need to be able to say, ‘I am not happy or healthy as a stay-at-home parent.’ A good and loving spouse wants you to grow and self-actualize. A good and loving spouse wants you to be happy and healthy.
A good parent knows the kids need you to be happy and healthy, and values the example you set for them.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Yikes, nice controlling, misogynist, jerk of a hubby you’ve got there.
What a terrible influence for your children he is.
To EXPECT his wife to be a stay-at-home mom? To claim that he ‘tolerates’ as in ALLOWS you to work? Freaking out because he wants you to be a mom and nothing more? Requiring a house sitter AND your mom’s assistance when you leave for a FEW days because he can’t be a dad to his kids?
He sounds like a real winner.” Cynthia_Castillo677
Your husband sounds like my ex. He was gone six months out of every year (military) during our six year marriage, and crabbed at me whenever I wouldn't drop my job and training my competition horse to wait on him hand and foot whenever he was home. That wore thin pretty quickly, let me tell you, but I wanted to be a good wife and make my marriage last. After all, I knew he was military when I married him, but the extensive separations surprised even him. That said, he was a lazy, entitled jerk who whined like a toddler when I wasn't home to fix him dinner by 6PM, after working all day and then going to the barn after work. While he sat on his @$$ after 3PM and did nothing, usually napping or watching TV, and never helped out on weekends even though he had them off. Counseling wasn't the answer for us, because the counselor told me to leave him, that I would be emotionally stunted for the rest of my life if I stayed with him. Your situation doesn't sound so dire as mine, but I do think your husband needs a knot jerked in him by an impartial party, to make him understand your perspective. Good luck!
21. AITJ For Making My Brother-In-Law's Partner Cry?
“My BIL’s (husband’s brother) partner and I don’t like each other.
We were all at my in-laws’ for dinner, we had dinner with them. This was the first time the girl and I had been in the same room for over a month.
The moment my husband and I walked through the girl was making backhanded compliments. Talking about mine and my husband’s age gap (my husband is 10 years older than me), she ‘jokingly’ called me a trophy husband, implying that I’m a gold digger (my husband comes from money), saying I turned my husband gay (my husband and his ex-wife are both gay and both agreed to be each other’s beards).
By the end of the meal, my husband was glaring daggers at her and my poor mother-in-law was running out of ways to change the subject and it even looked like BIL was getting annoyed but what made me finally lose my temper was when she started making comments about my wedding.
My wedding was a commitment ceremony because gay marriage wasn’t legal in Australia until 2017 and our wedding was in 2013. Even though it wasn’t legal to us and our family it was our wedding (we did get legally married in 2017) and it’s just a jerk move to tell a gay couple what is and isn’t a REAL wedding.
So I said something about how it must be nice never having to fight/hide her right to love or fear being hurt/disowned for who you are but it’s kind of sad that the only way for her to feel better about herself is to try and belittle others but, all it really does is make her a raging jerk.
More stuff was said then my husband and I left.
I called my mother-in-law to apologize for my outburst because upset or not it’s never okay to make a scene at someone else’s event. BIL called me to get me to apologize to his partner and to tell my father-in-law that I had forgiven her as she was not allowed over to their house until I forgave her for her tactless comments.
My husband says she had it coming and if I hadn’t said something he would have but he’s a scorch and salt kinda guy and he is biased when it comes to me. I’ve been stressed for the last couple of weeks due to my own family drama so I might have overreacted but I’m still mad at her and my BIL just sat there while she insulted my husband and me so I was less than polite to him on the phone.
So AITJ or not?”
Another User Comments:
“You are soooo NTJ.
What a horrific person to say that to you. I don’t know what her deal is, but this is disgusting behavior. Seriously good on you for having the balls to stand up for yourself, even when your own BIL was a bit spineless during that.
You should absolutely never EVER have to put up with that.
For your own sanity, if I could just offer a piece of advice, and honestly this is only if you’re comfortable with this and even want to do this. Offer maybe a one-on-one (like a double date situation with BIL and Husband)— give her the opportunity to apologize to YOU.
Maybe get to the bottom of why she has a problem with you, and possibly work it out? You absolutely do not need to apologize unless you feel guilty for like… calling her a jerk or something. But only after she apologizes first. I’m personally a big fan of being the bigger person and avoiding drama down the road (and confrontational) — so if you want to figure out what her problem is so you can talk it out and maybe (I’m being hopeful here) change that relationship into something positive?
It’s just a thought that you 111000% do not need to do.
Low key though sounds like she’s an awful human being that your BIL should not be with anyways so maybe the conversation doesn’t need to happen like at all. I couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t support my brother or my brother’s partner.
Sounds bad.
Also! Hope you have a beautiful life with your husband, sounds like you’re very happy! Focus on that. Hope you figure it out.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She poked the fire and got burned. Only forgive her if you believe she is sorry – and I mean sorry about what she said, not just sorry for the consequences.
And if BIL keeps nagging maybe ask him why he didn’t say anything when his wife was making a scene when even he was visibly uncomfortable.” ccl-now
20. AITJ For Excluding A Friend From Our Trip?
“So this coming weekend a group of friends and I are going to go stay at my family cabin.
We’re all in our late 20s/early 30s.
Two friends, Chad and Rebecca, have kids. Not together though. Chad wasn’t a big deal because it was not his weekend, they were with their mom. Rebecca said her sister would watch her son.
Rebecca called me this morning and said something came up and her sister can’t do it.
I said, ‘That sucks, do you have a backup sitter?’ She said no, she figured she’d just bring him along.
I said, ‘Uh, this isn’t really a kid-friendly weekend. We’re going to be drinking and stuff’.
She said, ‘Well, why do you HAVE to drink?
It can just be a fun getaway and that way he can come’.
I said, ‘No, Chad’s not bringing his kids along’.
She said, ‘Well then he should bring them. They can all hang out together’.
I said, ‘No. This isn’t a kid trip. Most of us don’t have kids and I don’t want kids there’.
She said, ‘So what now I can’t come?’
I said, ‘If you find a sitter you’re welcome to come’.
She said, ‘That’s really great. I was uninvited because I’m a parent. One day everyone else will have kids too. Then what will you do?’
I said, ‘Hang out alone I guess?’
She hung up on me.
My problem isn’t even the kid. It’s that Rebecca always changes EVERYTHING for her son. So I know it’d become a dry (no booze) trip, and everything would get changed around for him.
Shorter hikes, less time fishing, Saturday we’re going to the bar to watch college football and we wouldn’t be able to do that with him there.
We went to a festival this summer, she brought her son and everything was what he wanted to do.
When we suggested splitting up and meeting later, so some of us could watch some bands and whatever she got all mad.
Well, another friend called me an hour later and asked if I really uninvited Rebecca. I explained my side and she said, ‘That wasn’t nice, things happen and friends compromise’.
I said, ‘Yeah to a point but not change the whole trip’.
She said she just feels bad because Rebecca will be stuck here while we’re all having fun. That I should be a good friend and let her come, not leave her out because stuff came up.
I said, ‘No one is forcing you to come, you can stay and hang out with her if you want’. She told me to stop being a jerk.
AITJ for uninviting someone because their sitter fell through?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. By the sounds of it, this trip was always planned to be a drinking and adult trip.
Things happen but it doesn’t give Rebecca the right to change the plans for the whole trip.
Besides given that it is your family cabin. It is your responsibility on who is there, what happens there, and such. Having an unplanned child there makes things way too much of a pain and legal liability if he does something stupid in the cabin.
That or the others do something stupid around the kid in the cabin if they decide to come back wasted after a fun bar trip.
You didn’t even fully uninvite her. Just that this trip was based on that everyone is going there to do adult stuff.
So a child just can’t go on it. I just suggest talking to your friend group and saying how you guys had plans and don’t want them to suddenly change so radically. How Rebecca is fine to come so long as not with the son due to the adult plans?
Ask how they feel and just stick to your guns on how you feel. Don’t make it a you have to choose the situation. Just an honest talk about how you want to keep to plans.” Old-Strategy-672
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people use the kid excuse to get their way.
I think it’s unreasonable of her to do so and it seems like it’s happening often. SHE had the kid, not the whole friend group. It’s her responsibility and she has to understand that being a new parent changes your lifestyle. She wants you to adjust yours to her to make it easier.
Nope, life’s not like that. I’m glad you stood up for yourself. Don’t be bullied into hanging out with other people’s kids.” bxclrm
19. AITJ For Not Giving My Friend A Refund For The Theater Ticket She Canceled At The Last Minute?
“I have an issue with different attitudes towards money with one group of friends – the group I went to school with and still stay in contact with.
It came to a bit of a head because one friend canceled on us last minute for a theatre trip and then demanded I refund her ticket (she canceled a couple of hours for the show, it was non-refundable so I just gave it to my partner as all of our tickets were booked in my name).
I found it very strange as it was very cheap – only £10 and she would have lost the money even if I hadn’t given the ticket away. To save an argument I paid her back but it’s seriously put me off ever inviting her to stay again.
We normally split bills but I host the most because it’s easier for us all to meet in London and I thought it was very mean-spirited of her to ask for the money back when I’m always cooking meals/buying wine for them.
She never hosts as she lives in the town we grew up in with her parents.
My friends mostly agree with me that it’s rude of her to ask for the money back but would still give it to her to save an argument (and I did do that in the end but did tell her gently I thought it was unfair).
But her friends were complaining about me for not paying it back immediately saying it was unfair of me as I had given the ticket away but my partner only came because it was free and didn’t want to see the show enough to have bought his own ticket when I was initially making the booking.
I don’t think I’ll invite her to stay again and definitely won’t be organizing any fun trips like this again for her if I’ll be on the hook for her unreliability.
So am I the jerk for not wanting to refund someone £10 for a ticket they’d paid me for but canceled literally 2 hours before the show with no option of a refund?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and here’s why:
A nonrefundable ticket is nonrefundable. That means if she cancels 2 weeks or 2 hours before the show, she doesn’t get her money back and that is the end of the discussion.
In this case, though, you found a replacement to attend.
So in all fairness, your partner should’ve bought the ticket from her as they used her ticket to attend the showing. (At least that is what I would’ve done if I were your partner) However, if you were unable to find a replacement you’d be well within your rights to say the ticket was nonrefundable and therefore you owe her nothing.
Next time (If there ever is a next time) I should suggest making it a condition that if you can’t find a replacement she doesn’t get a refund. Or get her to book her own ticket so she can deal with the theatre’s no refunds policy directly.” A-Purple-Lagoon
Another User Comments:
“Cancelling on the day (unless there was a massive emergency or you could definitely resell it) would make me feel like I wouldn’t even want to ask for money back. I’d feel too mean. If it was even a couple of days and a few social media posts asking if anyone wanted to buy it, etc. I’d get the effort and maybe give her the tenner, but what she did was crap.
You were lucky they were in your name and you could ask somebody else. NTJ.” Important_Sprinkles9
18. AITJ For Telling My Daughter I Hated Being Pregnant?
“My (52F) daughter (28F) is expecting her first child with her husband in June. I am very excited to be a grandmother. My daughter is very, very excited and can not wait to be a mother.
She already has the nursery all picked out, started buying clothes, getting toiletries such as nappies and wipes organized, and the works. We have a very close relationship, and she texts me about her first kicks, baby’s heartbeat (she has this thing called a doppler?), potential names, etc. I am thrilled she is so excited and happy because, in all honesty, it was the very opposite of how I felt.
The truth is I hated being pregnant, with both my children. Pregnancy honestly scared me. I was anxious all the time, every movement and lack of made me scared, I hated the feeling of being so heavy and limited in movement, on top of all the normal pregnancy symptoms of fatigue, nausea, swollen ankles, hemorrhoids, sore back and feet, etc. And then don’t get me started on childbirth which was next level.
Don’t get me wrong, I was very excited to become a mum and I love both my children, they are my absolute world. I just didn’t like the process to get there.
One thing she bought was one of those baby memory books and has already started by putting some photos of her bump and ultrasound photos in them.
For fun, she dug out the baby books I had for both her and her younger brother, and we looked through them for a trip down memory lane. For both books, I started at the newborn stage. The pages for ’20-week bump’ and ‘First ultrasound’ etc are blank for both.
My daughter asked why this was the case. She always thought maybe it was the lack of technology of the time (for you youngins out there, yes we did have cameras and ultrasounds in the 90s).
This is when I told her the truth: that I hated being pregnant, it made me scared and anxious, and I didn’t want any memories of it.
Pregnancy and childbirth terrified me, even for her younger brother when I had a bit more of an idea. I also explained why I was so happy to see her so happy, because I didn’t want her to feel like I did.
She got very quiet and didn’t seem very engaged the rest of the time looking at the books.
When she left to go home she seemed a bit distant. Later that night my son-in-law called me to say my daughter was very upset about what I said. Apparently, I made her feel unwanted like she was a burden to bear. I was shocked and upset to hear that myself because that was the opposite of how I felt and told my SIL that.
I explained I love my daughter (and her brother) very much and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I just didn’t like being pregnant, but that doesn’t mean my child was not wanted. My SIL understood but still said my daughter was upset.
AITJ for confessing my feelings?
I feel very guilty and the last thing I wanted to do was stress my pregnant daughter out, a time when stress and feeling upset needs to be kept to a minimum.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think the disservice that women have done to each other is not being honest about what pregnancy is really like.
We have created an environment where women feel as if they are horrible human beings if they don’t enjoy their pregnancies. Pregnancy can be extremely difficult and uncomfortable. Some people are fortunate to feel that their pregnancies were all butterflies and rainbows, but that is not everyone’s experience.
Being honest about not enjoying your pregnancies doesn’t mean that you don’t love your child or that you wouldn’t have done it all over again just to get the end result of having them. Your daughter asked you a question and you were honest with her.” Fickle-Willow4836
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You felt one way during your pregnancy and she feels another, there’s nothing wrong with that. But I could see how to her, who’s developing a bond with her child and is loving being pregnant, saying you hated it implies you didn’t want to be pregnant at all.
She can’t see your point of view, or separate your experience from her own, which is a fairly common problem people have.” One-Stranger
17. AITJ For Refusing To Pet-Sit For My Mother-In-Law?
“My mother-in-law is hard work and has upset me on many occasions. I lived with her for years but finally late last year, my partner and I bought a house together.
It’s so nice to be away from all the drama.
Yesterday, my partner asked if I could pet sit for his mum while they go on holiday with other family members to celebrate his disabled brother’s birthday. First off, I was quite hurt that I wasn’t invited but my partner insists that it’s only because it’s a family thing (I think it’s more that they need me to pet sit while they go).
My MIL has two cats and an Alsatian. No one else can pet sit because the dog can be aggressive, but she isn’t with me. The thing is, I have my own cat who is very nervous and obviously can’t be left alone so I would have to bring her with me which I don’t want to do because a) she is terrified of car journeys and b) the male cat at the house bullies her badly and causes her to have anxiety.
I told this to my partner and he was upset. Anyway, he now tells me that his family has booked the holiday anyway so now I feel like I don’t have a choice. I felt bad that they didn’t care that I said no so I stood my ground and said I won’t pet sit.
My partner called his mum to say I refused to pet sit and she was upset. He is annoyed with me and saying that he will have to stay home and not go on holiday with his little brother for his birthday because I’m not willing to help.
He’s even offered to pay me but I told him that getting paid doesn’t change how I feel. I still don’t want my cat in that situation. I offered to have the cats here with me but I won’t be able to take the dog but it’s not good enough as I’m the only person who can feed her without her being aggressive.
I feel guilty and know that the family is upset with me but I think I’m doing the right thing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and that passive-aggressive asking her son to ask you can go right out the window. They can board their dog with someone who can handle him and get a neighbor to watch the cats.
Your partner is a jerk for enabling his mother and not even advocating for you to attend? Sorry you bought a house with him but you know what? Enjoy your time apart from him, alone with just your cat.” MaryK007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not family enough for the trip, but family enough to obligate pet sitting.
I assume by pet-sit, you mean house-sit (based on the rest of what you said). If you said no, and they booked it anyway, then that means they should have had an alternate plan, because disrespecting your boundaries should not have been an option.
If they are offering payment, they can use a kennel service, or pay to get some training for their dog.
I would also say leave your partner because he sounds like a jerk, or at the very least, someone who can’t stand up to his mom, but it’s more complicated if you own a house together.” Himkano
Do. NOT. Pet. Sit. For. Harpy. In. Law. Tell her if you're not family enough to accompany them on their trip, you're not family enough to give them free pet sitting. Aggressive Alsatian be d@mned - they can board it, AND the cats and effing well pay for it. That will free you up to go on the trip.
And tell harpy in law to pound sand and stop being so effing stingy about paying for pet sitters. Her pets, her circus, her monkeys.
16. AITJ For Banning My Sister's Significant Other From My House?
“I (28M) have a sister (16F) and we live together.
I don’t know my dad, but when I was 6, my mum met a great guy that I consider my real father and they had my sister. Now, when my sister turned 8, our parents died in a car accident. I was 20 back then and became her legal guardian, and I have been raising her alone since.
I had to sacrifice a lot for her and it’s been tough for both of us, but we managed. I love my sister a lot and I did/do/will always put her first. When she was 15, she met a 16-year-old boy at her swimming pool club, and he became her first love and first real relationship.
He always seemed like a great guy.
I like tinkering around PC parts – it’s my hobby. After saving for a bit, I bought high-end PC parts and built it myself. I also bought a very expensive OLED monitor. Now, I let my sister and her significant other use the PC when I’m doing something else/I am not at home.
Her SO has always been very careful when using it, and never did anything that would make me suspect him of doing something bad to it.
I went hiking for 2 days and left my sister in her SO’s mum’s care. I came back home Sunday evening and almost fainted. THERE WAS NO MONITOR.
I panicked and called my sister. She told me that her SO ‘borrowed it’ for a day. I rushed to the guy’s apartment, went into his room and there he was – gaming on that monitor. I tried to be calm and said that I was willing to forget this happened if he apologized. He looked at me and said ‘I thought I could borrow it, I will be using it for another 2 hours, wait, ok?’
The monitor was $1500 and the rule was that no one, but me, could move it from my desk. They agreed to this. I became furious inside. I told him that I was not going to yell at him, but I was taking it back now.
He seemed annoyed, but let me take it back. His mum was at work, so she had no idea what he did. My sister was just watching from the side, clearly knowing they both broke my trust. She apologized for both of them, but to me, it was not enough, I wanted him to apologize, but he refused.
The next day, I found him using my PC (he didn’t ask if he could), I got angry and told him that unless he apologized now, he was banned from entering the apartment and my sister was grounded for letting him do it. He started yelling at me that I don’t know how it is to be poor (I do, I have raised my sister having $5 in my bank account at times and had to manage, but now we are doing well, so I kind of get him too), then called me a jerk and left. My sister started crying saying that if I didn’t go back on my word and let him visit, she would hate me and go no contact once she turns 18.
I feel like I’m lost in this situation as I don’t want to lose my sister and I have to let go, so she doesn’t hate me, because she hasn’t talked to me for the entire week.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Boy, the guy is one entitled kid.
There is a name for what he did, and it isn’t ‘borrowing,’ it is theft. He took something from your home without your permission, and then, when you went to retrieve your stolen item, he had the gall to say he was still using it.
Then, rather than try to rebuild trust, he just uses your computer without permission. The boy has clearly shown he can’t be trusted. You are completely justified in not allowing him in your home again.
As far as your sister’s threats go, I’m not sure how seriously I would take them.
She is a teenager and overly dramatic. This is a first love and probably won’t last the year.
One thing I would do is do something to keep an eye on your place – I would not trust your sister to not sneak her SO into the place when you are not there.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She is not going no contact with you because you enforced some boundaries. She is acting out because she is in trouble.
Borrowing without asking is theft. If you had panicked and called the police they would have viewed it that way.
He removed an expensive awkward-to-carry fragile item from your home. Who does that?
Using your PC without asking is an invasion of privacy and also not OK. You should probably install password access.
He has shown he doesn’t respect your things or your privacy so it’s completely reasonable for you to not want him around.” Whitestaunton
15. AITJ For Yelling At My Homophobic Brother And Banning Him From My Wedding?
“I (24M) just proposed to my partner (23M) about a week and a half ago (yes we both are gay).
I had announced to my family group chat that evening that I had just proposed. Although everyone was congratulating me, my brother (13) (who we will call Jake) did not respond.
Well, we all had planned to go to my parents’ house to have a family dinner and talk about what was going to happen and celebrate.
While on the drive there, my partner (who we will call Dylan) and I were really happy and couldn’t wait to get to the house. I would like to say this now that my wedding suit was at my parents’ house upstairs in their room because I had no room in my house at the time to have it put there.
Well, when we got there everything was going great! We all had just finished my mother’s amazing lamb that her grandmother taught her to make and had a few hugs/congratulations. Well, when we were all sitting down drinking some wine and talking Jake came downstairs with the biggest smile ever.
Also Jake and I had an amazing relationship before he found out I was gay and had a partner.
Well, Dylan tried to ask Jake how school was going for him and ya know try and start a conversation with him. Jake looks at him and without any context, he just yells out ‘DUMB GAY (slur)’.
He starts laughing and says a lot of other stuff but I don’t think it’s a good idea to say it all. Let’s just say it was some very hurtful words to Dylan. Then he starts going on about how we should look at my suit in my parents’ bedroom.
I was livid. Dylan just ended up walking out of the room and into the bathroom around the hall. I was going off on him yelling, screaming, etc. I know I shouldn’t have done that but I was MAD. He started bawling his eyes out and while this was going on my mother had run upstairs to go see what he had done and it turns out he had managed to grab some wine off the table and poured it all over my suit.
That suit alone was 479.99 and it was now covered in red wine.
I just started screaming more. Then my dad pulled me away from him and calmed me down a bit. I walked over to the bathroom to check on Dylan and all I heard was crying.
I started to talk to him and managed to calm him down, get out of the bathroom, and hug him. We ended up going home and told the family that my brother was no longer welcome to the wedding. Even though the majority were understanding about it, some were mad and telling me ‘He’s just a kid’ ‘He’s just going threw a phase’ and that ‘I was too hard on him’.
I haven’t spoken to my brother since and don’t plan on it. I’m getting a lot of angry comments from my aunts and now I wanna know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ
I honestly can’t believe there are members of your family pulling the ‘he’s just a kid’ card.
This is so wildly over the top that I thought it was fake. I’ll take you at your word, and I’ll say that uninviting him from the wedding is taking it pretty lightly.
For his generation, this is especially egregious. This is way beyond ‘being gay is gross,’ to the point that I worry for your brother’s mental health.
Has he been psychologically evaluated? Even for homophobia, this is extreme. I worry that he has a psychosis, or has been abused. I hope I’m wrong on that.
In any case, I couldn’t blame you if that’s the last time you saw him. I’m not encouraging that, but I would definitely understand it.” ProbablyLongComment
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Homophobia isn’t a ‘phase’. It’s not because he’s a kid. He’s hearing these words from his friends, and he thinks they’re okay to say to people.
I would set an ultimatum. Your brother can get counseling for his issues, not just the homophobia but also his lack of respect for social boundaries and others’ possessions, or he won’t be included in your life going forward.
If this behavior is allowed to continue it will only get worse.” Oromuerto
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Future Sister-In-Law's Partner To Our Wedding?
“My fiancé (26m) and I (24f) are planning on getting married next year, it will be a semi-small ceremony on a beach in the Bahamas with approximately 10 to 15 of our closest family members and friends.
We were trying to keep it small as we only wanted a few people at the ceremony and planned on having an informal party for everyone to enjoy once we returned home.
However, yesterday one day after announcing this to my fiancé’s family, they are trying to talk us into allowing my future SIL’s partner to attend the ceremony.
None of the family has ever met him and the sister will not answer any of future MIL’s questions or send any pictures of him because she ‘doesn’t have a good picture of him’. The only information we have is what we have found online by doing our own digging. According to the mom they have been together for approximately 10 months.
The mom was being pushy yesterday trying to get us to say yes by telling us ‘I trust her judgment’ ‘He must make 100 to 200k’ and ‘What if her sister wanted to bring her partner’ (my sister doesn’t have a partner and she’s in high school).
Well, today we went over to the mom’s house to discuss this further and it made things worse. The mom would not take no for an answer and tried to say that the sister would not attend if he was not welcome. The mom also told us that HE WILL be going to the Bahamas with them which is why we should allow him at the ceremony.
She said that we are not considering the sister’s feelings and repeated it multiple times (she also said that if the sister is upset and does not attend then my fiancé’s brother will become upset). We tried to explain to the mom that we do not care if he goes to the Bahamas but the ceremony will only be for OUR closest friends/family, not strangers.
My future FIL asked ‘Why we can’t do this one thing for the sister’ and said the guy could just be a beach walker who stops to watch the ceremony… ugh. We said they may not even be together at that time and the mom responded by saying that if they break up the sister ‘can just bring a friend then’ which confused me even more.
My fiancé and I are conflicted on this issue because he wants to please his family and it’s only one more person but at the same time, we do not want a stranger at our wedding ceremony when it was supposed to be small and with our closest family/friends.
We are open to him attending the party but not the ceremony.
This is stressing both of us out so are we in the wrong for telling the family no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why can’t she do this one thing for you and shut up and strip trying to micromanage your wedding?
You need to see what this is. It isn’t about SIL and it isn’t about the wedding. MIL is setting a precedent that you cannot make decisions in your own life without her involvement and approval.
Have your future husband connect with his sister.
‘It’s lovely that your partner can come to Bahamas but we’re keeping the wedding ceremony to just immediate family. I’m letting you know so he’s got enough advance notice to make arrangements for his time during the ceremony. I hear the hotel has good (insert hotel services like massages or golf course or pool or whatever.)’
Then he needs to call his mom. ‘I’ve made my decision and notified SIL. I won’t be discussing it further with you. But I put you on notice that your behavior is damaging your relationship with me. I want to have a good relationship with you, so let’s move forward positively.'” FriendlyMum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your wedding. This is about your day. Not about pleasing others.
Give in now. See what happens. They’ll see that you are willing to roll over and they can take advantage of you. They’ll manipulate you about other things in the future.
Where you live. Visits. Grandchildren.
This is called emotional blackmail. Your answer is no. That’s it. No. They are supposed to respect your decision.
Why is a complete stranger allowed to be at your wedding who you don’t want there? That’s just plain ridiculous.
If you give in, this will be just the beginning.” User
"No." is a complete sentence. Acquaint, forcibly if necessary, future MIL with this concept. YOU and fiance are the only people allowed to invite others to your wedding. And if future MIL insists, tell her that she can by gods bring SIL's partner to the venue, but he won't be allowed in. Sucks to be her, her daughter and her daughter's partner. You've begun as you mean to continue. Brava!
13. AITJ For "Causing A Scene" After I Was Asked To Leave A Housewarming Party?
“My SIL and brother and their 2 children recently moved closer to home (back into our home state) for reasons.
Now the family can visit them within reasonable time and distance, we’re all thrilled of course.
Recently, within the last year, I got a dog who is being trained/I’m also training to be my future psychiatric service dog.
SIL and my bro know about him, as do their kids. They’ve seen plenty of pictures and heard me gush.
But now that they’re finally closer, my dog (not fully certified service dog yet) and I can visit them! Their kids love animals but they have no pets, so when we set off to visit when SIL and my brother invited us to a little housewarming party with some of their neighbors, I saw this as an unproblematic win-win.
But not long after arriving and introducing my dog to my bro’s family and meeting some of their neighbors, SIL guides me and my dog aside and expresses concern about him. Zero clue what could be wrong, so I asked SIL, ‘What’s up?’ SIL very bluntly tells me, ‘You should have told me he wasn’t fixed before bringing him over with you’.
He is a well-trained dog, yes he is a young dog, but he is very well-trained (as he should be). He does not act inappropriately. I add that, he will be fixed but we have to wait until he’s a bit older.
SIL explains that she understands that but, ‘doesn’t want to explain why my boy still has his jewels’, to her kids.
As, apparently one of them asked her about it. (I don’t quite buy that.)
‘Until he is neutered, he can’t come into my home’.
I explain to her that he needs to come with me but she stands firm.
So the pup and I ultimately have to carefully leave the house.
Bro meets me at my car and asks me where I’m headed, I quietly tell him that I have to leave because SIL doesn’t want my dog in the house.
Bro’s texts greet me as I get home. SIL was very embarrassed after one of the neighbors asked her why my dog and I left so suddenly.
She got very flustered and kind of clammed up. Bro tells me that he gets it but he tells me that I need to apologize to SIL, as I was a jerk and ‘caused a scene’ as I left.
SIL told our parents but they refused to get involved.
I had been out of sight with SIL prior to leaving. I was deliberately quiet when leaving the house and also quiet when I told my bro what SIL said. How was I supposed to know that their neighbor was so nosy?
I intend to apologize to SIL but AITJ for how I handled this?”
Another User Comments:
“Ummmm… NTJ. She told you to leave, what were you supposed to do, hide in a closet until everyone left? Stay there and argue your point that she is a complete idiot for worrying about the puppy’s jewels? You did what she told you to do.
You have nothing to apologize for, you quietly left the house, and you didn’t throw a fit, start a fight, or call her out on her crap, so no. You don’t have to apologize and you would be the jerk to yourself and your pup if you did.” KittKatt7179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do NOT apologize; you did nothing wrong, and apologizing now sets things up for her to make you feel like you were in the wrong about everything in the future regardless of who actually were. I would straight up tell your brother that all you did was exactly what his wife demanded you do and you will not apologize if her own demands ended up embarrassing her.
I would also tell him you will no longer speak to your SIL until SHE apologizes to you for creating the entire mess. If he argues, I would tell him that he might be willing to be her doormat and allow her to gaslight him into believing he’s in the wrong, but you aren’t and never will be.” ProfPlumDidIt
If you're feeling particularly generous, sit idiot brother down and tell him exactly what his pet harpy told you, that you quietly complied with. If that's a problem, you have no issue with not ever visiting their home again. And then block them both.
12. AITJ For Spoiling My Wife And Daughters?
“I have two kids, one is from me and my wife and the other is from my wife’s previous relationship. My oldest’s (13) biological dad isn’t in the picture right now and she and I met when she was two.
My wife is a stay-at-home mother to two kids.
Do I pamper my wife and kids? Yes. My wife stays with two kids from morning to mid-day and my kids are amazing kids who do what they are supposed to do and more. They’re kind girls.
My mother used to like my wife until she became a stay-at-home mom and quit her job. My mother has the impression that it is easy and my wife needs to do something ‘valuable’.
We have shut this down multiple times. And those times she stopped. We live in different states, we don’t talk often and I would consider us low contact.
We took a trip over there for her birthday. Two days in my daughter (relevant to know that this is the oldest 13) asked if she could get an outfit online. I said yeah.
When my daughter left the room my mother got mad saying that I was spoiling my kids and giving them too much and she isn’t even my kid and I’m wasting my money on her.
She then turned to my wife and said that she was a jerk for slacking off and doing nothing to provide for her family when there are women who are actually trying for their families and she needs to stop taking advantage of me. Then my mother told me that I was disrespecting her by giving a ‘girl’ who isn’t even mine the same as what I would give my biological daughter and showing that all of her work was for nothing since I was wasting my money for a woman who is capable of helping.
I wasn’t even going to argue. We told her three times on separate occasions to cut it out and now she’s insulting me, my wife, and my daughter? I find it ridiculous. I told her to stop being jealous of my family because of her anger from her past and that it’s none of our fault.
I said we will not be reaching out to her until we (me and my wife) come to an agreement.
My wife doesn’t have it easy. She still takes care of two children and makes our house a home, not everyone can just do that.
We would absolutely fall apart without her. I don’t waste my money on any of my family, they are my children and my wife if I’m not ‘giving’ my money to them then what am I even working for? And my DAUGHTER whether she came from me or not is my daughter.
I do treat her like I treat my younger daughter and they call each other sisters. I don’t think you need blood to make a family.
I’ve gotten calls from my sister and my aunt saying that she is stressing too much over this and it’s not good for her health, I should ease up on her because this is how she was raised and it’s because of what she sacrificed.
I know it can seem harsh. But I’m so over being disrespected and my wife being disrespected because of how we choose to live but I can also understand that people have a one-track mind sometimes so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Stick to your guns and keep defending your family, you awesome adult!
NTJ! Your mother doesn’t get to decide to have her own meltdown especially when she instigated this whole thing by antagonizing your wife and older daughter.
The fact your sister and aunt want you to ‘ease up’ just shows they are continuing your mother’s vicious cycle, by playing it off like she’s some sort of exemption to insulting your family.
She’s your mother but that’s not a free pass to verbally attack your family. She should be happy that you have a happy family.” SpeedBlitzX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not even remotely, and I commend you for standing up for your oldest daughter.
Your mother is selfish and entitled, thinking that your wife ‘has’ to do anything.
You two have a good relationship, and the way your marriage works and how your jobs work seems really effective and something you’re happy with. She’s your wife, of course you want to pamper her! And absolutely, your daughter asking for an outfit isn’t something that’s out of line, and even if it was it isn’t her place to decide.
Thanks for being a great dad, OP.” maish42
Your mother needs to stop the criticism and nastiness and start accepting that you have TWO daughters and a wife, and how you live and with what you gift them is none of her concern. Tell her that her behaviour is why you're low contact with her, and if it continues, that will turn into no contact - her choice. What a jealous, entitled piece of work your mother is! Wow.
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Insecure Friend Around My New Friends?
“I (25F) have a friend ‘Melissa’ (25F) who has been my friend since high school. For as long as I could remember Melissa was always insecure about her weight, she would also constantly project her own insecurities onto others.
She had lost a lot of friends and family this way. She doesn’t necessarily do it to me but I have seen it with my own eyes.
I actually had a group of friends with a couple of girls/guys, most of them being attractive and fit.
Melissa actually ruined my relationship with them by constantly hitting on the guys and calling the girls sticks or bimbos, to get attention. They ended up ghosting me and Melissa. I decided there I didn’t want Melissa near my new friendships. Anyway, I have since made a close friend group of gym girls, since I do love working out.
All the girls in the group are gorgeous and fit, 2 actually being Instagram models. I knew once I became friends with them I couldn’t bring Melissa around, these were the type of girls Melissa would make horrible remarks to and these girls and I became close so I didn’t want that.
Well, I never did bring Melissa around them. She didn’t know they existed until I stupidly made a post with the girls after telling Melissa I couldn’t make lunch because I had other plans. Melissa commented ‘5 bimbos and 1 imposter.’ She then texted me saying how I could do that to her and I ditched her to hang out with ‘some dumb Instagram models’ and that I was choosing some ‘bimbos’ over her.
She ended up commenting on all their posts calling them all kinds of degrading insults, she even made an offensive comment on a post back in December of my friend.
I have no idea what to do, my mom said I would never know what it’s like to be a big girl and have your best friend ditch you to hang out with skinny prettier girls.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you really didn’t ditch her because of how she looks at all but rather because of how she acts – which is cruel! If your new friends called her ‘fatty’ all the time as she calls them ‘twigs’ and ‘bimbos’ she would be horrified and so would you.
Her behavior is inappropriate and what’s worse is she is using her weight as an excuse for it.” Extension-Term-12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ditch Melissa, you literally had other plans. You also didn’t stop bringing her around because she’s fat, you did it because she makes rude, body-shaming comments to your other friends.
Melissa has some insecurities she needs to work on. She’s destroying her own relationships. I’d cut her off if I were you.” TinyDragonBean
10. AITJ For Inviting My Son's Ex To My Birthday Dinner?
“My (54F) son (28m) is bi and when he was around 16 he started going out with his friend, who I’ll refer to as X.
My son and X were roommates at their boarding school. X’s family lived in a different country, so he spent holidays with us. They were always together. I absolutely adore X and so did my son. When they were 18 they moved in together but around the time they were 21, they broke up.
And not long after, X’s parents both died.
I reached out to him and offered my support and we still catch up once every 2 weeks or so. As far as I’m concerned, I am a mother to him.
My son was very distraught after they broke up.
I still sometimes think he hasn’t completely recovered from it. There were a lot of complexities and pressure in their relationship (no fault to either of them) and it was hard enough having to watch them try to overcome it, watching him come to terms with the fact that they couldn’t was devastating.
He knows I still talk to X and he has never expressed he’d rather I didn’t, there is an unspoken boundary where I will only talk about X if he asks. I have always invited X to family events, dinners, and holidays and my son knows this.
X didn’t come for the first year or so, but now he joins us every Christmas and on my and my daughter’s birthdays.
My son went out with other people after X but has only had one serious relationship, the one he’s in now.
He’s been seeing Y since December and she’s lovely. I’ve met her maybe 6 times and they’re talking about moving in together.
My birthday is coming up this month and my son has been asking about booking dinner reservations. I told him the number of people coming and he got confused and asked why so many.
I listed them all out but he stopped me when I said X’s name and asked if I was still going to invite him. I told him of course I was going to invite him. He always comes to birthday dinners. My son got really annoyed saying it was inappropriate when he was bringing his new partner.
I told him he was being ridiculous and that it’s really awful to imply that X is only considered family depending on my son’s relationship status.
I took the day to consider the conversation and I could see where he was coming from — I didn’t want it to be uncomfortable for Y.
So the next night when we had them over for dinner, I privately took her aside and explained it to her. I let her know that she wouldn’t be a bad person for being uncomfortable and that I’d be willing to uninvite him if she wished. She told me that it was all very sweet and she wouldn’t be uncomfortable — that my son and X had years of dinners and holidays to get back together if they wanted and they didn’t so she had no reason to be intimidated.
We spoke to my son together about this and he later blew up at me for meddling and told me he wouldn’t come if X was coming.
I really don’t know what to think so please put me in my place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
X has become a second son to you and your son has had years to be okay with it. His new person sounds lovely; but if I were her, I’d probably be side-eying his reaction here. It doesn’t make sense that he was okay with being around X for birthdays and holidays for the past 6 years but isn’t because of her.” EngineeringDry7999
Another User Comments:
“I think no jerks here. Your son has a right to feel uncomfortable and worry for Y. You spoke to Y and explained everything, and she seems okay with the situation. It’s your birthday so it’s only natural that you would want to invite people you see every year on that date.” VixNeko
9. AITJ For Recording My Husband Snoring?
“I (32f) have been married to my (36m) husband for about a month and I moved to his country after the wedding and that’s where we now live. The problem is that my husband never takes my word for it or believes me about anything unless he has solid proof.
For example, I am an English teacher and English is my first language, and his second. He was writing a report the other day and asked me if the word ‘nil’ was spelled like ‘nill’ or with one ‘l’. I spelled it correctly for him and he decided that he still needed to Google it to make sure that it was correct.
He does this all the time, no matter what. He’ll ask me something, only to then Google it or ask someone else.
The other day he went out to work and came home early. Exhausted, he took a nap where he then snored loudly before stealing the blanket off the bed. I was working next to him as he slept and had to get another blanket as it was cold.
I thought it was funny and told him when he woke up. He didn’t believe in either thing and asked me for proof. I told him I would record him so that he’d finally believe me when I spoke.
Every night he falls asleep before me so I’ve been recording him snoring.
This morning we got on to the topic of snoring and I told him that he was snoring last night but, again, he didn’t believe me. So I told him I had proof this time.
He proceeded to get annoyed at me because I violated his privacy.
He also claimed how hurtful it was, how wrong I am, and how I need to see things from his perspective. I explained to him why I recorded him, referring to our previous conversation, but he claimed to not recall that conversation at all. We’re currently not speaking because of how much he blew up about this.
So am I wrong to record my husband?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s gaslighting you.
He can never be wrong, and the more wrong you are the better. He asks you for spelling and then googles it so he can throw a wobbly if you give him the wrong spelling.
He dared you to record him, thinking you wouldn’t, and then made you the villain when you proved yourself right.
If he’s not violent your choice to stay. But you will always lose arguments with him. The more right you are the more ‘violated’ he will feel.” Irish_beast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the fact that he constantly invalidates what you say and tells you he did/didn’t do something when you know he did it feels a bit like gaslighting.
Does he support you in other ways? Does he ever compliment you or express happiness that you are with him?
Does he ever tell you that you are smart or pretty or kind or anything nice? There are so many people who say ‘Oh my partner is lovely except…’ but when you ask them the ‘lovely’ things that their partner does they can’t really list them.” Phoenixinda
8. AITJ For Not Entrusting My Daughter To My Brother?
“I (27f) have a 1-year-old daughter with my husband (30). We’re planning a weekend getaway together without our daughter for the first time. His sister was supposed to look after her but because of an emergency the plans fell through and we’re scrambling to find a replacement.
My brother (30) was over for dinner the other day and said he could do it.
For context: At 17 my brother got into a bad crowd of people and began using a whole host of illegal substances. Eventually, he became an addict. For years our parents did their best to help him.
They fought tooth and nail for him, paid for expensive treatments but they eventually had to give up. My brother was very abusive. He stole from us all. Money, jewelry, and electronics. You name it, he stole it or tried to. He did horrible things, including putting my dad in the hospital once.
We cut contact with him when he was 25 and didn’t hear from him for years.
About a year ago he reached out to our parents. He had started treatment and was clean. They cautiously let him back into their lives. I was more doubtful, for so many years I was scared of my brother and hated him for what he did to our family.
I hated that he ruined everything, that my parents couldn’t do everything they wanted. That I couldn’t do all I wanted. Because of the money he drained from them. I let him in eventually and told him that it would be long before I would trust him.
He accepted and we’ve been working on our relationship for the past 9 months.
To the issue: He is good with my daughter and she’s such a good baby and loves anyone who pays her attention. But I don’t trust him. After everything, I don’t trust him.
He got clean so many times only to fall back. I want to believe this time is different but it’s difficult. So I told him this, that I don’t trust him yet. He got mad and said it was messed up how I would still hold his past against him and that he would never do anything to hurt my daughter.
I held my ground and he stormed out of the apartment. My mom said she understood me but that I shouldn’t punish him for past sins and that it was cruel to hold his illness against him. I understand this and yet I still don’t think I’m wrong, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, this sort of shows that he still hasn’t fully taken accountability for what happened when he was addicted. A lot of my family member addicts have similar defensiveness and don’t seem to understand that YEARS of bad behavior isn’t undone in a single year.
Trust needs to be built back up slowly.
And certainly, you’re not going to leave your most vulnerable loved one in the sole care of somebody with that sort of recent history.
You definitely are fine. Your brother needs to examine his defensiveness and maybe talk to his therapist about it.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – he’s been clean for 9 months and honestly he deserves tons of kudos and love for that. His road isn’t easy and he has gotten clean – something many people just can’t do.
But, that doesn’t erase the past – and it certainly doesn’t open the door to leaving your 1 year old daughter in his sole care for 48 hours.
He’s hurt by that, and he should be… but it is a consequence of his prior acts. Sometimes, we humans pay for our actions for a long time. This isn’t a punishment you are putting on him. It is simply that you aren’t ready to trust him… I’m sure that hurts you too.
I’m sure you would love to trust him. But if you don’t, you don’t – and you won’t enjoy your getaway if you are worried the whole time.” Not-Creative-0921
7. AITJ For Being Upset That I'm Without A Car Battery?
“My partner (45m) and I (38f) work together, so we carpool to save time and gas money.
I have my own car that I don’t drive often but do need it at times to drive to work alone when he’s sick or to take our kids to doctor’s appointments, etc.
Neither of his parents works. Our arrangement is that my partner and I pay for everything: the mortgage, utilities, food, as well as their car payment, insurance, phones, and any other expense they, the house, or the kids need. His mom watches the kids and cooks while we’re at work, and his dad does the yard work and fixes things around the house (not all the things as certain repairs or installs that pop up require a professional).
My partner also gives them spending money whenever they ask or need it.
Originally, when his parents moved in they helped with rent, and the two of us worked opposite shifts so that one of us was always home to be with the kids. When the global crisis hit, his parents were laid off and we started on our current arrangement.
There was never any discussion of paying them a wage on top of providing room and board. Perhaps I’m the jerk for this, but it has never been an issue until now.
The current predicament is this: my partner’s dad’s car battery died so he took mine out of my car.
I was not asked at the time but was told about it later. They said he was going to take his battery and car to a mechanic to see if it was the battery itself or another issue, and if it turned out to be the battery they’d buy a new one.
This was 5 days ago.
Yesterday, my best friend showed up at my house to look at my car because I’m going to sell it to her. I recently got a promotion at work and my schedule is changing, so I’m thinking of buying a new car.
I go to unlock the car so she can check it out, and it still doesn’t have a battery in it. Not only was it taken without my permission, but it still hasn’t been returned and I was surprised. My partner’s parents have gone out to the casino and family gatherings with my battery.
I had assumed it would’ve been returned already as I wasn’t told anything to the contrary. It made me feel like they believed they could just have it as long as they wanted and leave my car undriveable. Now I won’t have the use of my car until I buy a new battery.
It turned into a big fight with my partner because he thought that I shouldn’t be upset since they helped us so much with the house and the kids. I am super grateful for them, but I don’t think it gives them the right to mess with my car.
Had they told me they needed a new battery, we would’ve purchased one for them immediately.
So, AITJ for being upset about the battery situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you and your partner need to sit down, go over your finances, and spreadsheet that business to the last possible cent.
Look at what your in-laws paid before, and what you would need to pay for daycare, etc. Make sure to put down the ‘spending money’ the in-laws are given. Then come up with boundaries. Not all your common sense boundaries are common sense to other people.
Once you go through the initial expectation, when things don’t go according to the rules, you can just refer back to the list of expectations. It’s good for you AND them.
Good luck!” somethingmaybeclever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There is something very wrong here. They should have asked you and replaced it after it was done.
To just take it and not replace it, and not even tell you, sounds a bit like theft.
So, if they have money for the fun stuff, they certainly have the budget to replace the battery for your car, and they can do it within a set time limit.
If they can not, well maybe it is time for them to move on and be elsewhere.” JCWa50
6. AITJ For Not Being Strict About What My 17-Year-Old Cousin Wears?
“A few weeks ago my (32f) cousin’s 17-year-old daughter ‘Lila’ came to stay with my partner and me.
This was actually the first time we’d met. My cousins on my mum’s side are all significantly older than me and we lived on the other side of the UK to them growing up, so I think I’ve seen them maybe a dozen times in my life, and I’ve never met their children.
The reason Lila came to stay is because my partner and I live in Marseille, and she needs to improve her French skills for school or something like that. My mum called me at the beginning of August and asked if we’d mind her staying with us for a week.
I said it was fine for her to stay, but that both my partner and I will be working so she’d have to basically look after herself (we are both self-employed and August is a very busy time for us). Given that she’s 17, I didn’t think this would be an issue.
Anyway, the week she stayed with us went fine – she was nice and polite, a bit shy, but she’s a teenager and we’re strangers so I was expecting that. We had a few meals together, but she basically occupied herself. We gave her a key so she could come and go as she pleased. I told my mum before Lila arrived that we’d be letting her do her own thing as neither of us had time to look after a teenager, and I assumed that was okay with my cousin.
To get to the issue, things were fine for a few weeks after Lila left, but my mum just called me today because Lila’s parents have looked through her social media and seen the sort of things she was wearing and doing here, and they’re apparently ‘seriously mad at me’.
The main thing was her clothing, which they thought was too skimpy. I’ll admit her outfits were a BIT on the skimpy side, but it was 30c every day, so I don’t know what they were expecting her to wear. Nothing she wore seemed to be ‘too much’ as far as I’m concerned, but even so, I don’t think it’s my role to police what their daughter wears (she was mostly wearing shorts and crop tops, pretty standard for a teenager).
Other issues they had were photos of her chatting to local boys on the beach, one of whom she’s been Skyping (I know, what a crime), and this is the one I’m not quite sure about – photos of her drinking wine. But even with that last issue, I don’t know what they were expecting me to do, spend all my time with her to make sure someone who’s almost 18 isn’t drinking?
My mum’s asking me to apologize because it’s causing a problem between her and her sister and niece, I don’t think I did anything wrong and I don’t think I should need to apologize – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A 17-year-old drinking wine isn’t an issue in the UK (when not on licensed premises, and not even on licensed premises when eating a meal), let alone France of all places.
Not only are you not a jerk for not policing what she was wearing, but you very much would have been a jerk had you tried to do so.
And she was there to improve her French. How was she supposed to do that without talking to French people?” Muswell42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You did them a major favor by letting Lila stay with you, you told them in advance that you wouldn’t have time to monitor her activities, and most importantly, she probably did not buy all of her ‘skimpy’ clothing on this trip, have her first interaction with boys or drink wine for the first time ever all in Marseille entirely due to your neglect.
Given her age, any perceived wrongdoing (or normal opportunistic teenager behavior) should be treated as her own responsibility rather than that of any babysitter.” StardustLtd11
5. AITJ For Telling A Friend To Control His Appetite?
“I (24F) have a group of friends that I regularly play games with on the weekends. One of those friends is Zach (24M).
It has happened on multiple occasions that Zach eats more than his fair share of what is there.
We typically organize a potluck once a week where everyone brings different parts of a meal. If we do a game night on a weekday the host might organize a snack.
One day my husband and I brought several different kinds of dip and some chips as a side to a meal he and his wife had prepared. We were meeting at his house this time, and quickly the 7-layer dip became a popular favorite among the guests.
Fortunately, we brought plenty so when the game night was over we still had about 70% left of a full container of the dip left. We were excited to bring it home, and I’m pretty sure my husband made it obvious that it was his favorite dip in the selection.
As soon as the game was over, I started packing up. I put lids on all of the dips, sealed up the chip bags, and returned everything to the grocery bags we had brought them in. The 7-layer dip was on the bottom of the bag.
I went to the sink to wash the spoons we had used for the dips and everyone was chit-chatting while we were cleaning up. But when I finished washing I turned around to see Zach digging through my bags and pulling out the 7-layer dip.
I watched as he opened the bag of chips and started going to town on the dip, leaving about 30% of the container.
I didn’t want to say anything right then because someone else was talking and also I was just so bewildered at his actions.
I perceived it to be a complete lack of respect especially since everyone knew how delicious the dip was and he had already had plenty throughout the night. I stared at him trying to think of what to say and he just laughed and said, ‘I had to get more of that dip before you guys could leave!’ while he rolled up the chip bag.
I didn’t say anything at the game night because I didn’t want to cause a scene but I was livid. I complained to my husband about it in the car on the way home because who does that? I had already packed everything up and he literally dug through my bags to eat up over half of what we had left of the one dip he KNEW we must have liked. My husband suggested we message him about it but I wanted to wait until tomorrow.
The next day I just didn’t feel like it was that necessary to say anything right then. I knew I’d eventually want to bring it up but I was trying to think about the best way to do it. But later that day we got a group message from Zach saying ‘So OP and (husband) are bringing that dip on Saturday again, right?’ I knew it was meant to be a joke but all the frustration from the day before plus all the other times he had been rude boiled over.
I responded by saying ‘Maybe when you can learn to control your appetite and eat your fair share we can bring something for everyone to enjoy again.'”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – what you bring to a party/game night is for that specific time.
Someone enjoying your contribution isn’t ‘not controlling their appetite’. They waited until everyone had their fair share, and only then had more. Expecting people to not eat what you bring so you can bring it home is a weird power play.
If you’re going to police what your friends eat don’t bring anything.
And your group text was horrible and shaming – apologize.” Ok_Anything_Once
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Don’t bring food to be eaten by friends if you don’t want food to be eaten by your friends. If the dip is so good buy two and leave one at home.
Or don’t bring it at all. Banking on a certain percentage of a dip to be left at the end of the night and then being upset when less than that percentage remains is ridiculous.” User
4. AITJ For Letting My Younger Son Copy His Older Brother?
“My wife and I have two sons, ‘Alex” and “Felix’, 13 and 10 respectively. They’re very close. Alex always wanted a little brother to play with, so he’s kept Felix attached to his hips since they were very little. They bicker and tease each other as any siblings do, but for the most part, Felix idolizes his big brother and always wants to do whatever Alex is doing and Alex himself doesn’t seem to mind much.
In fact, I think he’s a bit smug about it. I don’t see anything unhealthy from this dynamic, but my wife thinks we should start pushing Felix to find his own hobbies and interests more actively.
She’s of the mind that Felix doesn’t have the same talents his brother has, so we should be more proactive in helping him find an identity outside of being Alex’s mini-me.
This is true to a certain extent. Alex is athletically gifted and he loves all kinds of sports my wife and I allow him to try (no wall climbing for him yet. Maybe in a year or so). Felix isn’t quite as gifted as Alex in this regard.
He doesn’t, you know, suck at sports, more like average. Which is absolutely fine for me. He always looks like he’s having a grand time winning or losing, so who are we (wife and me) to say he should just find something else he’ll be better at?
Anyway, my wife still insists we’d be stifling Felix and putting Alex in an overly parental role by letting things go as they are. I think we should give the boys more credit and that they’ll let us know when they want a change, no helicopter parenting needed. Besides, most parents I know would pay to have kids like mine who don’t need any cajoling to go out and sweat it out daily.
She thinks I’m being stubborn, I think she’s the stubborn one. AITJ for wanting to let them both find their own passion?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So your wife wants to avoid stifling Felix by… pushing him away from the activities he’s expressed interest in simply because Mommy thinks he should?
And does she really think it makes it better that her actual explanation is ‘Sorry, sweetie, you’re just not as talented as your brother’? I think her new hobby needs to be figuring out why she has so little confidence in Felix to sort things out for himself (including, y’know, getting better at this stuff with more maturity and practice), and leaving the poor kid alone in the interim.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. What a great problem to have though, LOL. Your kids get along well and you and your wife have an ongoing communication about whether or not it’s time to separate activities. Sounds like y’all have an eye on the situation and an awareness that it could be problematic but isn’t at the moment.
I’d suggest having conversations with the boys about trying things both of them like. Maybe Alex can encourage him to suggest an activity he’s been wanting to try since Felix looks up to him.” WriterUnblock
3. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Back Into Our Mother's House?
“My mother is going to have to go into skilled nursing because of her stroke. And I have been left to deal with my brother.
Long and short, my brother is an addict. He is also an entitled golden child who has never had a job, lived on his own, or had a vehicle that he purchased for himself.
He is completely dependent on Mom. He eats her out of house and home, steals from her, damages her property, and has an insatiable junk food and pop habit… to the tune of sometimes as much as $50 per day.
When she went into the hospital, he completely took advantage of her.
Stole everything that wasn’t nailed down, tried to get access to her bank account and credit card and, when I refused to give him money or buy junk food, called her at the hospital to say I was ‘starving him.’ (Kitchen FULL of good food, a freezer full of steaks, chicken, chops, sausage, ground beef, even a whole turkey)
A couple of weeks ago, I walked in the door at 6:30 in the morning and thought the house had been robbed. In the 12 hours since I had been there last, he decided to go on a substance-fueled bender and WRECKED the house, including ripping the commode off its mount and tearing fixtures off the walls.
He had no clothes and was completely incoherent, standing in the hall clawing the HVAC controls off the wall.
It took 6 police to take him down before the ambulance got there. There were illegal paraphernalia EVERYWHERE.
A social worker called me a few days later to discuss his ‘healthy transition home’.
As I was checking the mail a few days later… when it came to Mom’s mail, I opened anything that looked like a bill or correspondence from the hospital because my fiance and I are paying all of her bills at the moment.
I opened what I thought was just something from her credit card company… to find a completely new credit card, taken out in her name, with a duplicate card in my brother’s name.
My mom has been in the hospital for over a month. He took out a new card in her name.
I told the social worker to ‘put him in a shelter’ and hung up. I took his meager stuff out the door and had the locks changed.
He has been calling mom from his own hospital, not to see how she is doing, but to whine that I’m not letting him come home. He has been telling the social worker that I ‘mistreated and neglected him’ while he was at home.
Now I have my mom screaming at me on video calls demanding I let him back in the house.
The social worker is telling me to ‘have some compassion’.
The entire family is behind me because they have watched him being enabled to the point where he literally cannot be told ‘no’ without throwing a toddler tantrum. (He’s 38, I’m 39)
AITJ for refusing to be his caretaker in a house that I am paying for?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but Jesus Christ!
Your brother is an entitled addict and he has stolen just about everything from your mother. It’s so bad, the rest of your family is backing your decision.
You need to explain to your mom that her son might have ruined what remains of her credit score (seriously, get it reviewed).
And, she should be grateful that none of her son’s substance-induced rages never left her injured or worse. You have to protect your mother and yourself.
As someone who’s had relatives who ended up needing home nursing, you’re going to have to give your mother an ultimatum: either she has a nurse come to her house and your brother never enter the house again, or she goes to a living facility to get the care she needs so your brother doesn’t sell the house in order to fund his habit.
I hope you don’t have to go to court for anything of this. Good luck.” aquavenatus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But seriously, you are not doing a very good job keeping the brother out of her finances. If you have POA, and she is incapacitated, you can lock him out of her bank accounts easily.
Maybe because she has her faculties still (her mind), she was still allowing him access. You need to talk to her about how she wants things handled. Explain to her that if she keeps enabling him she will be penniless in a matter of months.
Apparently, she does not own any property, so losing her rental could be super problematic for her. She needs to understand this.
At this point, you need to start squaring away some of her legal affairs. Her will, trust, etc. Make sure you have MEDICAL power of attorney too.
If she does not want to ‘shut him out’ for his own good, she is going to suffer. I hope you can talk some sense into her.
If she is still going to be out of the house for a while, start changing locks and keeping important papers locked up in a safe deposit box.
He is going to be trouble. I have experienced this in a different package from both a BIL and a brother.
At some point. Compassion is not the issue. I’m sure he’s had multiple chances at turning things around. Sometimes people are just too far gone, and they will drag you down with them.
He’s a prime candidate for committing elder abuse towards her. I do not know why some parents cannot see how far their kids have devolved, and that any change is really on their own (kid’s) plate.
Additionally. If his social worker contacts you again, tell her you feel he needs six months of residential treatment, not a one-month deal. He needs to completely purge his body and habits.
If there is no social system that will support this, you could ask Mom but it would be thousands of dollars to pay out of pocket.” User
2. AITJ For Wanting To Bring My Fiancée To My Best Friend's Wedding?
“My (27F) best friend (25F, Megan) from high school is getting married this summer to her fiance (27M), who also went to the same high school as us.
After high school, we went our separate ways due to education, but we still kept in touch and went on trips together.
We grew up in a very conservative community. When I was outed as bi and was ostracized for it in high school, she was one of the only people in my life who didn’t turn their backs on me.
My folks kicked me out, and she lied to her parents about the reason to allow me to stay with them for a few months till my own parents cooled off. She has always been supportive of my relationships with other women.
A while ago, I received my wedding invitation from her, and it allowed me to RSVP for a +1 if I wanted. I did so for my fiancee, after asking her if she wanted to go with me.
And we bought tickets to fly (pretty expensive given the distance).
A couple of days ago, we talked on the phone. She wasn’t in the loop on who I was seeing, or anything. I don’t use most social media as I find it bad for my mental health, so she was out of the loop even though my fiancee and I had just gotten engaged.
After hearing about my fiancee and letting me gush about her, Megan, my friend, asked me to not bring my fiancee. I was hurt by this, so I asked her why. And she told me that her parents and family would not be comfortable seeing me with another woman.
She said that at this point, it’s already taboo that she’s inviting me in their eyes, but that she wants me there because I’m her oldest friend. I told her that I understood her concern, and I assured her that we wouldn’t be doing any kind of overt PDA just in case that was the issue.
Megan said she was worried her parents or other people from our home community would leave or make a spectacle of some sort.
In the end, Megan still said that my fiancee attending with me was something she couldn’t have, so I told my friend that it’d probably be best if I didn’t attend at all.
Megan told me that she really wanted me there and asked why I wouldn’t consider not going with my fiancee. So I told her that I was not going to something that my fiancee and I were initially invited to unless we both could go.
My fiancee was excited to meet Megan for the first time and go. My fiancee would understand if I went alone, but I know it’d hurt her, and I’m not going to do that. I also would be sad to be at an event alone that we should have gotten to attend together if Megan’s family weren’t so bigoted.
She told me that it’s her wedding and she doesn’t understand why I won’t prioritize what she needs to be able to have all the people she cares about in her life, in attendance. She got off the phone with me and left by saying that she wouldn’t be attending my own wedding (for which I had earlier asked her to be a bridesmaid when I was catching her up).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as Elie Wiesel said ‘Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim’. Megan is trying to be ‘neutral’ to appease her family but in reality, she’s allowing their bigotry to continue. By going to the wedding without your fiancée you would also be supporting their bigotry by changing your behavior to make them comfortable.
This isn’t about not prioritizing Megan, it’s about prioritizing yourself, your partner, and your ability to exist in the world. Megan trying to put you back in the closet for her own comfort isn’t fair, she wouldn’t expect a straight friend to attend her wedding alone so she shouldn’t expect it of you.” hnn314
Another User Comments:
“I can somehow understand what Megan means. As the bride, she wants to be the center of attention and she wants to make all her guests happy. She helped you out in the past and I guess she wants you to return the favor.
Even though she accepts you for who you are (otherwise she would have directly said no to being your bridesmaid), she doesn’t feel that her wedding is the right place for confrontation.
However, this doesn’t mean that you have to comply with her wishes.
Megan decided to stay in the homophobic environment, you decided to get out. You’re also absolutely right for wanting to have your fiancée as the +1 at her wedding. You’re also right about not attending it now that Megan doesn’t want her to be part of it.
Therefore, NTJ. Megan is a jerk for not showing understanding of your situation. She knows what you have been through. Also, as a hetero, she probably won’t be judged at your wedding, but you will be at hers. So even though you don’t show up to hers for understandable reasons, she should still attend your wedding.
It would be interesting to know if she would attend your wedding alone if you asked her to leave her husband at home.” NotFromAustralia2
1. AITJ For Calling Out My Dad In Front Of His Friends After He Gossiped About My Wife?
“I am currently no contact with my mom. She told me that she hates my wife more than she loves me and doesn’t see how we can continue our relationship. There was really no coming back from that with me, so we just didn’t talk.
I have been trying to improve my relationship with my dad ever since cutting out my mom. We get along pretty well, but my dad tells my mom everything. I really don’t understand why. They’ve been divorced for a while. They didn’t even get along while they were married, but now they gossip and trash talk all the time.
Recently my wife and I spent some time with my dad. My wife just had a baby and is feeling very insecure. She had an irrational moment and was crying to me about how my stepmom was a jerk for walking around in tiny bikinis right in front of her.
Now I get that my stepmom can wear whatever she wants, but the conversation was just for us, though my dad’s wife ended up overhearing and it caused a bunch of drama.
Well, my dad called my mom and told her everything. I only found this out because I’m still in contact with some of my mom’s family and she was laughing about it at a family event and mocking my wife.
I was furious and went to confront my dad. He happened to be standing outside talking to some of his friends, but I didn’t care.
I went up to him and demanded to know why he gossips with his ex like a teenage girl. My dad got defensive and said he could talk to whoever he wanted to.
I said it is more than that. We are on a trip and he is literally calling her up to report back. My dad said just because they don’t work as a couple doesn’t mean she can’t be his friend, and to be honest they both like to trash talk and they were just ‘trading stories’ it had nothing to do with my wife or me.
I said fine maybe he is a better man than me because I couldn’t be friends with the woman who slept with my brother and one of my friends, and then I walked away.
My dad stormed into the house irate and said how dare I humiliate him in his house when he is treating us to a vacation.
He said I made it sound worse than it was on purpose, and yeah she did that but he had other women as well and I just made him look like a fool. He is currently not talking to me and his wife called us entitled trash.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – C’mon man, really? You know your dad shares everything with your mom and you chose not to adjust. You get mad at him for trash-talking when y’all were literally crapping on his wife’s body. You want him to be better, but what about your part in this?
Yes, they suck for making fun of your wife, but it’s really hard for me to feel bad when your wife was making fun of them first.” User
Another User Comments:
“Kinda the jerk. Sounds like your wife is so bad your nuclear parents were able to overcome their differences and unite over a shared mutual disdain.
I realize you are probably still wearing love blinders (been there, done that) for your wife but for her to be upset about another woman wearing a bikini in front of her says quite a bit about her. Your dad confided in what he sees as a friend.
Your mom is the one who spreads it like wildfire. Tread lightly before you’re an orphan.” User
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