People Ask For Help In Coming Up With A Decision On Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

We make a great effort not to come out as jerks because we always want to come across as kind and caring individuals. But sometimes we need to ask for advice from others to make sure that our actions and words are in line with our desire to be good people. Let's help these people below realize what went wrong in their stories so they can make amends and be better next time. If, after reading their stories, you believe they should be called jerks, let us know by leaving a comment. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Talking About Menstruation With My Daughter's Friend?

“My daughter (11 F) is friends with Julia (11 F), they met in January.

At least once a month, my daughter sleeps at Julia’s house, she has never slept at home because we live in another city and it is much easier for her to stay straight at Julia’s house and we pick her up on Sunday.

This month we invited her to spend the weekend at home as we were having a barbecue.

She agreed and so did her mother (who I will call Maria). We have a friendly relationship with Maria where we exchange quick messages, we are not best friends, but we trust each other

It was agreed that Julia would stay from Friday night until Sunday afternoon and Maria would pick her up.

Today, my wife went out to do some shopping and I stayed with the girls.

My daughter screamed my name and when I got close, she said that Julia was on her period and was crying and that she didn’t know what to do. But she had taught her how to put on the pad (she already had her period).

I’m not an expert on this subject, but I talked to her to calm her down, asking if it was hurting, if she was feeling anything, and explaining that it was something natural in the female body and that there was nothing wrong. It was a good 10 minutes before she calmed down because she was apologizing because she had stained the mattress etc.

After I saw that she relaxed, I called my wife to come to the house as soon as possible (to help me) and then I called Maria, explaining the situation and what I had done to help.

She was very rude and said she was coming to get her.

When she arrived and Julia was in the car, she started saying that she thought it was inappropriate for me to have talked to her daughter, that it should have at least been my wife talking and not a man, and that I crossed all possible boundaries.

I tried to explain by saying that I just calmed down a child who had no idea what menstruation was and was freaking out. She said that even so, me being the father of a friend of hers was not appropriate to have this type of conversation.

She left an hour ago and I’m lost. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Maria is embarrassed because she didn’t prepare her daughter for biological certainty, and she’s taking out her frustration on OP. It may be that Maria had a dream scenario where Julia got her first period and then Maria explained menstruation and she and Julia did some fancy women bonding… but Julia’s uterus had a different schedule.

It’s not OP’s fault that Julia got her first period at someone else’s house, and it’s not OP’s fault that Julia was unprepared and freaked out.

OP should get props for helping someone else’s child through a (from Julia’s perspective) health crisis and Maria should be ashamed she failed to prepare Julia for the inevitable.” shesinsaneornot

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That mother is in the wrong and is going to leave her daughter with some messed up beliefs – thinking that a man knowing about menstruation or comforting a terrified little girl whose parents failed to prepare her for puberty is incredibly dated and sexist. If you had refused to help and waited for your wife, you would have been a jerk because that little girl would have stayed panicked for at least half an hour longer than she did.

Disappointed in that girl’s mom for apparently never even telling her about what a period was or how to deal with it, getting your first period without having any prior education about it is super traumatic.” The31Readers

2 points - Liked by lebe and rbleah
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Ishouldntbehere2 1 month ago
Absolutely NTJ. I learnt about periods from a fictional story book long before the school bothered to sit the girls down for a talk about it (by this time several girls in the class had already experienced it). And my parents absolutely didn't say a word about it, in fact my mum was mad I'd read that book as if I or she could've known it would touch on topics "I wasn't ready for". I was lucky not to get it until I was 15, but by that stage my parents had split and I had to go to my dad to ask for money for sanitary items (thankfully my big sister had my back, because my dad is a cheapskate and would never have given me money for anything otherwise). The point is, once it happens the child may be alone, with a friend, with their dad, with a teacher, with literally anyone other than their mum. And if that adult just ignored the issue and waited until their mum turned up they would absolutely be the jerk. You did the right thing. I'm sorry friends mum is such a f*cking prude she coudlnt explain this to her child herself before it happened.
2 Reply

21. AITJ For Letting My Niece Stay At My House?

“My (32 f) sister Sue (39 f) and her husband Dan (44 m) have two kids, Lily (11 f) and Amy (16 f). Recently Dan’s mom broke a leg. She lived alone so Dan and Sue took her in. She got Amy’s bedroom, and Amy moved in with Lily

Late on the 25th Amy showed up at my apartment begging me to let her stay. She said it was too much, she has zero privacy. Lily’s constantly going through her things, taking clothes without asking, breaking stuff, is so loud that Amy can’t do anything and when Amy complains, her parents just tell her to be patient.

The final straw was when Lily found a present with a note for Amy from a guy from her class. Lily loudly announced Amy was in love and started reading the note to their parents. No one knew about him yet and the note was obviously personal (nothing inappropriate) so Amy tried to take it from her.

The result was her sister being startled and Dan yelling at Amy to let go of her. Amy grabbed the note and ran out of the house straight to me (I live close by).

I was at a loss. I said I’d talk to her parents for her and called Sue to let her know Amy was safe and to get her side.

Sue asked to come over but Amy didn’t wanna see anyone so Sue said to tell her sorry and that she could stay the night.

The day after we agreed Sue would come alone to talk to Amy. 20 minutes later she shows up with Dan and Lily.

Lily apologized to Amy through tears, asking her not to hate her. Amy accepted but looked uncomfortable. Dan then told Amy to apologize for grabbing Lily but she refused. Dan said she had to for them to get along but Amy said she still didn’t wanna go home.

After that, the screaming started. Dan called Amy a spoiled brat, he never had his own room, Amy said if she can’t stay here she’ll go to friends and stop talking to all of us. Lily kept crying and Sue just ignored everything until Dan declared they needed to get back home to his mom and tried to push Amy out the door.

Sue broke them apart and said Dan should take Lily home, she’d handle it. She told Amy she’d make Lily act nicer and asked if that changed anything. Amy said no so Sue said okay, she can stay

No clue what she told Dan but it didn’t work cause he keeps calling and texting.

He says I’m basically kidnapping Amy and enabling her ’emotional blackmail’, that I’m teaching her if she runs she’ll get whatever she wants. That it’s not a big deal to share and Lily apologized and is feeling terrible. That Amy is disrespecting his injured mom by not letting her have her room.

That I’m interfering in a private matter by giving Amy an out, undermining his authority just because Sue is my sister. Sue says she’s trying but I doubt it. Dan even showed up at my apartment demanding to talk to Amy. He refused to leave so I let him in but Amy locked herself in the bathroom until he left, threatening to call the cops next time

I’m keeping a kid from her dad which is messed up but I worry where Amy will go if I kick her out. Reconciliation seems far away with all that screaming.”

Another User Comments:

“You have the mother’s consent for Amy to be there.

Dan actually sounds kind of scary and out of control. Please document everything he’s doing and saying. If your jurisdiction has no-consent recording, record. Or get yourself a Ring or some such. I see no problem with Amy staying there forever if this is a legal alternative that’s OK with you.

You sound responsible and sensitive. You might want to find Amy a lawyer as soon as possible or see if your jurisdictions have guardians ad litem for kids who want to change their custodial arrangements. At this point, the problem might be Dan and the family dynamic much more than Lily.

It’s great that your sister is letting Amy shelter with you. NTJ” Nester1953

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here in guess. This is complex and I don’t think you’re a jerk. Good on you for keeping Amy safe at your house. There needs to be some compromise on all sides though.

Amy’s grandmother is ill and that is likely stressing everyone. Lily is a bit obnoxious and needs a discussion about respecting her sister’s privacy and her stuff… it seems that she understands that she messed up, but probably needs to talk with someone.

Your BIL seems a bit unreasonable in the way he’s handling this, but he’s under significant stress and he’s not entirely wrong.

Amy is being overly sensitive to her sister going through her stuff. She will need to face going home, probably within a day or 2. She needs to talk to her parents and her sister about how she’s feeling. Your sister needs to facilitate a conversation to mediate all of this; but might be a little overwhelmed with her ill MIL, stressed husband, and fighting kids.

You’re not a bad person for giving Amy a place, but keeping her when her parents want her to return home isn’t your place either. Everyone needs to compromise and discuss all that’s going on. You don’t get to determine the time frame though, your getting involved is likely to exacerbate drama between your BIL and niece.

Get your sister over and let her start the discussion with Amy.” Willing-Helicopter26

Another User Comments:

“The dad acting like the issue is just not having her own room tells me he’s living in a fantasy world. There’s no issue with the living arrangements.

It’s about their other child being an intolerable monster and receiving less than no discipline. He’s talking about the one daughter learning a lesson that running away solves your problems meanwhile he’s teaching the other daughter that she can do whatever she wants.

I’ll put even money on this being the inevitable outcome of their bad parenting: Amy moves as far away as humanly possible in two years. Lily: pregnant in 3-5 years. Dad: wondering why one daughter never calls and the other calls asking for money well into her 30s.” brsox2445

2 points - Liked by lebe and asdo1
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MadameZ 1 month ago
Yeah, the problem is Dan. He has made Lily the golden child and Amy the scapegoat. Undermine him as much as possible, your sister and your niece will thank you. It's also likely that Dan will soon start to mistreat Lily when she is a little older and starts to see through him: you (and Amy) may need to have her back there.
1 Reply

20. AITJ For Giving My Brother Skincare?

“My brother and I are best friends. We’ve always had the same skincare routine. I’m not big into skincare, but I do wear sunscreen every day and have since I was a teen.

I also cleanse my face and put on moisturizer. Not a big deal, but I got my brother to start doing the same in his high school years.

He is a pretty guy, and I wanted to keep him looking pretty. So I told him it was good for his skin and he listened and never stopped using it.

He wears sunscreen + moisturizer daily.

He has a new significant other. She’s nice, usually, but I’m not sure if they’ll last.

I was staying with him and noticed that his moisture was almost out. I got a specific kind from Lush, so I decided to get it for him since I needed a trip anyway.

His SO came with me. She is 26 and has been stressing hard about aging. I asked if she wears sunscreen daily and she said never, she doesn’t have time for that nonsense.

It doesn’t take much time, but I didn’t want to argue with her.

She bought some skincare with me. She noticed I was buying an extra moisturizer/sunscreen while out and asked why. I told her that I buy it for my brother sometimes when I notice that he gets low, I’m happy that he takes care of his skin.

She was kinda like oh so that was your doing? I said yes, but he was smart and would have worn sunscreen daily even without my influence.

But she said the weirdest thing. She said, ‘Can you not buy it for him? It makes me self-conscious that my man has no lines on his face and I do.’

I was like ma’am what? I said you want him to have bad skin? She said no, but it made her feel bad that his skin didn’t have any lines. She feels old in comparison and she’s worried other people will think she’s aging badly.

I said she should use sunscreen or retinal or something. But she said she already has the lines, she would have had to start ages ago. She said there’s nothing she can do about it, but at least my bro can look old with her.

I said I’m buying it anyway, she needs to work on her issues, there is nothing wrong with looking old and my brother should take care of his skin. Sunscreen isn’t just good for aging, it is good for his health.

She said I was being a jerk and not understanding what she was going through.

It’s really hard getting older, as a woman.

I said if she was that stressed out about lines she could get a skincare routine, botox, sunscreen, etc. This was probably the wrong thing to say because she flipped out that I think she needs surgery.

I said no, I think you’re beautiful, I don’t think you look old at all. But if it’s an issue, you can do those things. It didn’t go well, though, and she’s mad at me.

I get she is stressed out, but it seems odd.

Who wants their partner to look old? Maybe this is a straight women thing because my SO and I share skincare. For me, I prefer men that take care of their skin. I do get being insecure, though, because my brother has amazing skin, and when I compare it to mine… I’d never ask him to stop tho?

Weird.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She’s… using her insecurity as a way to try and control other people’s behavior, projecting, and basically asking to be enabled. None of that is okay, especially as a response to people who are a) doing the right thing in the first place (having a good skincare routine) and b) trying to offer her solutions to her insecurity (i.e. your suggestions for how she could improve her skin).

Maybe it would help her put her behavior in perspective if you or your brother found some quality of hers that you think is nice, and flipped the script? Like say she has nice hair, would it be fair for you to ask her to cut it off?

(or whatever, you get my meaning). If that doesn’t get through to her a little bit then I’d kind of see that as a red flag, especially because most people who’re this defensive are not this defensive about just one thing.” itsTacoOclocko

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but the girl sure is. What will it be next, if she gains weight will her SO being in physical shape make her feel bad, therefore she’d want him to gain weight too? She loses her job, so his having one makes her feel bad… his being close with OP isn’t fair because she doesn’t have a sibling relationship like that… one of her parents dies so her SO can’t see his anymore because it makes her sad… where would it end?

She needs to work on her self-esteem issues. A good person wants to lift up/be lifted up by those around them. Trying to drag others down to make yourself feel better is selfish, unhealthy, and controlling.” 4legsbetterthan2

2 points - Liked by lebe and rbleah
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19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Come To My Sister-In-Law's Wedding Anymore After My In-Laws' "Joke"?

“My (28 M) wife Anuradha (28 F) and I were married a while ago (both of us are of Indian descent, but we were born and brought up in the USA). It was a love marriage, although she had to exclusively ask for their approval.

My in-laws pulled off a joke that could have ruined my career.

I work for the government as an attorney. They thought it would be funny to tell a few of my neighbors that if they require anything from me, all they have to do is offer me money as I take bribes. Some of them even asked me about it to actually offer me bribes, and I was floored. I had to refute that completely and accost them.

They said they were just joking, but I said that I didn’t care if it was a joke, and that I didn’t want anything to do with the family anymore except for Anuradha. My sister-in-law, Karthika (29 F), even defended them.

That was some time ago.

I haven’t talked to them ever since, and now Anuradha told me that they are coming over to make an announcement for Karthika’s wedding and to invite us. I told them that I didn’t want them at my house, but she said that they had already left. They came over in the evening and invited us formally.

I let them know that I would not be attending and asked them to get out of my house. They accused me of ‘disrespecting’ them and said ‘It’s been a year and it’s not good on you to hold a grudge for so long.’ I was having nothing of it, however, and in the end, they had to leave the house.

My wife’s understanding of why I did that, although she said that it was uncalled for and that she wants to attend her sister’s wedding (she doesn’t want to leave without me).

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What your dumb in-laws did could have tanked your career.

Never mind the loss of your job/income. The government doesn’t play around with that kind of crap. You would have been investigated & had your life picked apart. Even if you had been found innocent, the damage to your reputation would have been done.

I don’t blame you one bit for not having them in your life. And most certainly wouldn’t want to go to SIL’s wedding, knowing that she defended their idiotic behavior. Nope, not happening.” Straysmom

Another User Comments:

“That ‘joke’ was not funny but was malicious, and it could have ruined your career permanently.

The federal employees that I have known have taken the ethical standards of their jobs very seriously. A friend of mine was a law clerk for a federal judge. She never made political donations or anything that could be considered partisan politics outside of work as that was the ethical consideration of her job.

No kidding, the consequences of bribery charges for a government lawyer would be catastrophic. Your in-laws are not your friends. NTJ” moon-beam18

1 points - Liked by lebe
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18. WIBTJ If I Kick My Mom Out Of My House For Disabling My Security Camera?

“Last week I (M 36) was away on vacation with my partner (F 37) and two sons (M 8, M 4) to visit her family for Thanksgiving break.

Both kids have lived with me 90% of the time since I divorced last year. My mom (F 67) also lives with me. She didn’t want to travel and wanted to stay home and have my sisters ‘Jane’ (F 37) and ‘Jill’ (F 32) come to visit her.

The day after I left, Jill disabled my upstairs security camera which sits on the bookshelf because she said she was feeling ‘watched’.

I have had the security camera in the same spots for 5 years because it can see the front door and kitchen. Jill has never had a problem with the camera before.

Here is the sequence of events:

1. On Thanksgiving day we video-called my son’s mom (F 37) to say Happy Thanksgiving and let her see the kids while they were away.

She was riding in the car with her partner (M 42) and didn’t mention where they were heading.

2. The next day my sister disabled the other security camera in the basement which looks at the backdoor. At that point I checked the footage to see what was going on at the house.

The audio captured included my ex-wife’s voice and her partner’s.

3. I confronted my sisters and mom about it and all said that since I was away it was fine. My ex was over because they liked her and I wasn’t there anyway.

4. I told them if they invited them back I would call the police and cause a scene, that they were not welcome in my house.

My sister Jill told me they were coming back over and they already had plans. So I called my ex-wife directly and told her to not come over. Jill was very upset I ruined her plans.

After things had settled, Jill was leaving to head home and started an argument that I ruined her vacation plans and left angrily.

My mom is taking Jill’s side of the argument saying they did nothing wrong and it didn’t harm me in any way. Her stance is since she lives in the house she can invite over whoever she wants. This is all boiling to my question in the title, I am still livid from the entire event, WIBTJ for kicking my mom out of my house if she won’t agree to not invite my ex-wife and her partner over without my consent?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your mother can be friends with whoever she wants but that doesn’t give her the right to bring someone into your home that you don’t like or want there. Tell her in no uncertain terms that she is not to invite them into your home ever and if that is a problem for her, she has 60 days to make other living arrangements.

Also, make it clear that no one is permitted to disable your security system for any reason. If she or your sister have a problem with the cameras then they need to leave your home.” Glinda-The-Witch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They disabled your security cameras which means they know they were doing something you wouldn’t like and also demonstrates a lack of respect for you.

I wouldn’t trust them in my home anymore after a stunt like that, regardless of who they had over. No, just because your mother lives there doesn’t mean she can do what she wants.

When I had roommates, even if we were all paying our own rent, we still had to discuss and agree on visitors if there was an issue, and any veto should win.

That is your ex AND your sister disabled security cameras – you can say you don’t want them there. And sure, your mother lives there too, but she doesn’t have to, so she can leave.

If you two can’t agree on boundaries – just like any roommate situation – well then you shouldn’t live together.

She allowed your sister to disable security, she hid your ex was coming over, and flat out has now told you she will do what she wants, so that means she isn’t someone you should live with anymore. Bye, Mom!” mfruitfly

1 points - Liked by lebe
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rbleah 1 month ago
Tell mom that THIS IS YOUR HOUSE NOT HERS AND SHE NEEDS TO MOVE, NOW. You now know you cannot trust her or sis.
1 Reply

17. AITJ For Expecting The Birthday Girl To Drive Us Home?

“My friend group consists of 3 girls: myself (22 f), Liz (23 f), and Lia (22 f). We’ve been really close since freshman year of college and we’ve always had the same dynamic when we go out.

Liz and I get hammered and Lia is the designated driver because she doesn’t do illegal stuff or drink. It’s literally been like this since we were 18.

Lia’s birthday was recently and we were all really busy to do anything special. Last minute all three of us got invited to a kickback Lia’s significant other’s friend was hosting and it worked out that we all could go.

The friend told us to be there by 6 but Liz and I wanted to go around 8 because we didn’t want to go to a party early. I should have realized what was going on because Lia’s SO kept texting her to drive over earlier and he would pay for an Uber to come get Liz and me later.

I told Lia to just wait for us to get ready.

Lia drove and we arrived around 9 because we wanted to pick up some booze. I was so surprised and kind of embarrassed to find out that the kickback was a surprise party for Lia organized by her SO.

I felt kinda bad because apparently, the guy was trying to get in contact with us to tell us about the party but Liz and I had blocked his number prior to this whole thing because he dropped us as friends earlier this year.

The party was really nice tho.

We kinda just left Lia with her SO because he doesn’t like us very much. I feel like he should have tried harder to contact us so we could at least get her there on time and bring a present like everyone else.

It was around 11 PM when Liz and I wanted to go cuz it was getting boring and like usual we were pretty wasted so we went to find Lia.

She was all over her man but we said excuse us and told her we wanted to leave. SHE SAID I’LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER. THANKS FOR COMING??? Like did you not bring us here??? I told her that she was literally our designated driver and she could just drive us home and come back.

She started apologizing and saying she’d do it but her SO got mad at us. He told us to order an Uber but we really don’t trust Uber when we are wasted. I did feel bad because it was her birthday but like we were 30 mins from my place tho.

Her SO ended up driving us back and cussing us out the whole drive and he got really hurtful saying we were bad friends and taking advantage of Lia. Longest 30 minutes of my life. We thanked him and he ignored us.

Anyway, Liz and I ended up going out again later that night to a local bar with this guy Liz was seeing.

And she posted an Instagram story of us there like an idiot.

Lia is not replying to us but we are literally mad at her because she didn’t hold up her role when we go out.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You clearly walk all over Lia and good for her SO for calling you out.

It was Lia’s birthday. You ruined her surprise party and then asked her to leave her own party earlier to take you home because you’re bored? What is wrong with you? She’s not your driver. She doesn’t exist to cater to you two jerks.

Get in an Uber for god’s sake. Also, it was soooo important that Lia leave her own birthday party to drive you two home all so that you two COULD GO BACK OUT AGAIN?

YTJ to the max. Friends stay at their friends’ birthday parties and don’t expect the birthday girl to drive them home from their own party so that they can just go to someplace they like more.

If you cared about Lia – you wouldn’t have left her party to go elsewhere.” Prize-Bumblebee-2192

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Massively. It’s actually disgusting that you’re too entitled to even realize it.

To recap:

1. Lia was 3 hours late to her own surprise party because you and your fellow princess didn’t want to show up on time and insisted that she wait around for you to get ready and take you to pick up booze.

2. You stayed at her surprise party for a grand total of 2 hours before getting bored and wanting to leave but you and Liz are too precious to get an Uber, so you went to ‘your chauffeur’ Lia and informed her you were ready to leave.

When she said bye and indicated that she was having a good time AT HER BIRTHDAY PARTY, you thought it was a reasonable request to insist that she drive you home and then come back because she brought you there. Let me repeat that: you asked the birthday girl to miss EVEN MORE of her own party to spend an hour shuttling you around.

What??? If you don’t trust Ubers when you get wasted, then stop being so wasted when you go out.

3. To prevent the birthday girl from being a doormat for you, Lia’s SO drove you home and accurately called you out on what trash friends you and Liz are, but you’re too dense to realize he’s 100% right.

4. The icing on the cake: you were too bored to waste your night celebrating your friend’s birthday, so you and Liz decided to go do ‘fun things’ instead (because who would want to spend their time at a friend’s birthday party, right???). This means that if Lia had driven you home, she would’ve had the added slap in the face of knowing that she left her own party so you could go do your thing elsewhere.

Unbelievable. No wonder Lia’s SO doesn’t like you or Liz. You’re two users who don’t care about anyone but yourselves. I truly hope Lia sees sense and drops you both.” pudgesquire

1 points - Liked by lebe
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HROB1 1 month ago
WOW YTJ. You and your friend sound like horrible people. I hope Lia realizes this. She probably does but is too nice to cut you both off. Just because Lia doesn't drink and do jerk doesn't mean you get to use her. You are truly a terrible friend.
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16. AITJ For Not Doing My Evening Chores?

“My wife (39 F) and I (38 M) have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids (7 & 5).

We both work full time and our kids are in school during the day. We’ve developed a system for childcare and chores that works for us in terms of splitting duties. Neither of us has set chores. We alternate bedtime routines pretty much every night and the person not doing bedtime will do the dishes, get laundry going, do a quick clean, etc. This helps us stay on top of things without one person feeling like they’re doing more than the other.

A few months ago my wife was put in a new role at her job. It came with a small pay bump but also increased her workload and became more stressful. As a result, she has a lot less energy at the end of the day.

If I am the one doing bedtime, instead of doing chores, she goes straight to bed. If she’s the one doing bedtime, she goes to bed immediately after the kids go to sleep.

For the first few weeks, I was OK with doing all of the evening chores because I knew she was tired from her new role and I wanted to give her time to adjust. But when her early bedtime routine continued, I started to get frustrated.

We had a talk about it and she apologized for not keeping up with evening chores, but she made excuses about being tired from her new job and simply not having energy at the end of the day. I told her that I’m tired at the end of the day too, but it’s not fair to me for her to just go to bed at 9 pm every night and leave me to do all the chores.

She said she would try to get better, but nothing has changed and I’m tired of doing all the dishes, laundry, and cleaning every night. Not to mention that we usually use that evening time for time together, which has been non-existent since her new job as well.

A couple of weeks ago, we had another talk about it and I told her that if she’s going to keep going to bed early every night, I’m not going to continue to do all the evening chores on nights I also do bedtime. If she’s doing bedtime, I will do all the chores.

But I won’t do them every night anymore. She said she would do better about keeping up with them.

But she didn’t. She kept going to bed early every night. This meant that if I didn’t do the evening chores, they would pile up and I would end up having to do 2-3 days worth.

So, I just stopped doing them too.

By the time we got to the weekend, the kids didn’t have clean clothes, there were dishes piled up in the sink, and the house was pretty messy. My wife stepped on a toy that had been left out and got angry that the house was a mess.

She scolded me for not doing the chores the night before since she had done bedtime. I reminded her that she hadn’t been holding up her end of the chores for weeks and she got mad at me.

She told me that she’s still adjusting to her new workload and that I need to pick up some slack in the meantime.

She thinks I am being a jerk by not being more understanding of her new job and how stressful it is.”

Another User Comments:

“It’s kind of ‘no jerks here’ and ‘everyone sucks here’. I would be frustrated in your position as well. But your wife isn’t being malicious by going to bed. She’s legitimately tired and, I don’t know about you two, but it took me 6-8 months to adjust to a newer, more demanding job so this will inevitably continue.

The one place she was wrong and should apologize for is snapping at you for not doing what she’s also not doing (though it was petty of you to stop everything and not pitch in extra during this transition).

My suggestion is for you two to sit down at a neutral time, maybe on a weekend when you feel less tired, and make a new plan together.

Your routine that used to work is no longer working and you need to solve it as a team. Try to set aside annoyance and resentment because, at the end of the day, you both want to same result and both want to divide things equitably right?

Lastly, if her job requires more time spent working, I think it’s fair to work that in so you two each get fairly equal downtime each day/week. So if she’s now working 60 hours and you work 40, that’s 20 hours less time she is getting to do chores and relax.” friendlily

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If you both work the same hours, there are no reasons for her not to do her share at home. She is tired? I get it, new jobs can be demanding but she had multiple months to adjust. If she is not adjusted by now, maybe she needs to see a doctor to check if everything is alright with her.

It’s not fair to you to have all the household duties, while she gonna rest.

Plus, your relationship, as a couple and a team, will implode if she keeps acting like this. You have been ‘picking some slack’ for her and her new job for months.

Time for her to gain some responsibilities and try, in fact, to get better, not just empty promises, but an actual effort.” ExpressionMundane244

1 points - Liked by lebe
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MadameZ 1 month ago
Did the new job come with a payrise? Or do you two already have some spare money in the budget? If at all possible, get a cleaner to come in once a week (make sure you pay this person a fair rate and treat them with respect). Domestic sh*itwork is always best outsourced if you can afford to do so; there is no inherent virtue in doing it yourself when you are busy and tired.
1 Reply

15. AITJ For Putting My Education Before My Nephew?

“I (29 F) didn’t have a great childhood. There were a lot of personal problems going on in my family home that I didn’t want to talk about so it caused me to become rebellious.

When I was 16 I made a mistake that could have sent me to jail for one or two years but a cop gave me a second chance to go back to school and get my GED.

When I was 20 I finally went to college and completed my degree.

At this point, I have a nephew who was 18 months old at the time. I was supporting myself through college so when I wasn’t at college I was working and I only had one day off which I used as a study/admin day. As a result, I didn’t see my family a lot.

After I graduated I did a master’s which was a 2-year course and that was Monday to Friday. I had to work weekends as I was supporting myself so I rarely saw my family.

I’ve now moved on to completing a PhD which requires me to dedicate 80% of my time to this and I’m also working weekends just so I can pay the bills and put food in my belly.

I’m in my final year and I’m not going to sit here and pretend it’s been an easy ride throughout my education.

On Monday I was in town and bumped into my sister who was with my nephew (he’s around ten now). He didn’t even recognize me as his aunt.

I had some time to spare before I had to go back to college and we took my nephew to the park.

Whilst my nephew was playing with the other kids at the park my sister said I’m a jerk because my own nephew doesn’t recognise me as an aunt because I’ve barely been around him and I’m always focused on my education.

I said to my sister that I feel bad for him but I’m not going to be apologetic for putting my education first as I think anyone would put their education first.

As soon as I said this she grabbed my nephew and left the park so I walked back to college as I had to access the campus to do some things.

I spoke to a fellow classmate who I’m not particularly close to and they think I’m in the wrong here.

AITJ for this?”

Another User Comments:

“So in 10 years, you’ve never bothered to see your family or keep up connections because you’re using education as an excuse?

You can just be upfront and call it what is it, you cut yourself away from family and used education as an excuse. It doesn’t take a lot of time to set up a reminder for someone’s birthday, send them a card, or call them once every few months.

It’s a 5-minute thing at most every few months. It’s a really low effort. You don’t even have to spend much on a text message, WhatsApp is enough.

‘Focusing on education’ is what you’re using as an excuse. You just don’t want to be around them, or have anything to do with them right?

Everyone sucks here.” Due_Emergency4031

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You ARE using your education to keep away from your family. But that’s perfectly OK. What you’re experiencing is called ‘going low contact’. You’re in low contact with your family, they’re on a strict information diet and are using your educational needs to enforce those boundaries.

I think that’s reasonable.

If you’re doing better without your family around, it’s probably a smart decision to remain in low contact.

The only thing I’d suggest is being clear about what you’re doing and why rather than hiding behind an excuse. Your educational career is coming to an end and your family may expect you back in their lives soonish.

The excuse is wearing thin, and you’re going to have to be honest with your family fairly soon. That being the case, you need to make a decision whether to stay in low contact but articulate to them that that’s what it is and give a reason for it, to return to full contact with your family and whatever that means for you, or to ghost them and go no contact.

Since I don’t know what your childhood drama/trauma is I can’t recommend a path for you but generally speaking, those are the three choices.” Worried-Pick4848

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Ishouldntbehere2 1 month ago
NTJ. Studying and working at the same time sucks. It makes for little to no time to spend travelling to see people you care about. If you actually care about your 10 year old nephew then make sure you see him every birthday/Christmas/time off you have, so that he recognises you next time (he's still young, it's not unreasonable for him to forget who you are even if you are seeing him once a year). But you also are not required to have any contact with your family if you feel they are the reason you went down this dark path. Everyone acts like blood means you have to always be there for each other, but that's wrong. Once you're an adult you choose who you want as family, blood aside. So you're not the jerk but you could be if you don't try harder for a relationship you WANT. If you don't want it then tell them that.
1 Reply

14. AITJ For Kicking My Granddaughter's Partner Out Of My House?

“My granddaughter (F 23), her partner (M 25), and her daughter (my great-granddaughter) (F 6) showed up at my door at the end of July and asked if they could stay with me for a while because they had been sleeping in his car.

Of course, I said yes.

I am a 71-year-old widow, and live in a 2-bedroom house. The three of them shared the 2nd bedroom. I helped my granddaughter (GD) get my great-granddaughter (GGD) enrolled in school, and paid for repairs on the guy’s (G) car.

He promised to pay me back when he got a job. (He did pay me back $150 of the $850 he owed.)

He got a job, worked 3 weeks, and got laid off. He got another job, which lasted about 1 week. He got another job and got fired after 2 weeks.

He got another job and quit on the 1st day. He also has an explosive temper. My GD also got a job but got fired after 3 weeks. I survive on my Social Security + a small pension. It was extremely hard to go from just supporting myself to supporting 4.

Last Sunday, the guy got angry at my GD and started yelling, cussing, and throwing things. He stormed out the door, and my GD followed him. He yelled, ‘I am just trying to leave.’ I yelled after him, ‘Just leave then.’

Well, they came back into the house, and all 3 (G, GD, and GGD) packed up some of their things and left. I didn’t know where they were.

I received a call from the school on Monday because my GGD was not in school. The school called again on Tuesday. I let the school know that they had moved out and that I didn’t know where they were. Then on Thursday, CPS came to my home asking about my GGD.

I answered their questions.

My daughter called me on Saturday, stating that my GD had told her dad that her mom and I had ‘gotten my GGD taken away from her.’ I have yet to confirm that my GGD has been removed by CPS.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“WOW. NTJ. You tried to make a safe place for your GD and GGD. You did what you could providing groceries, and repair for a truck. YOU are not the reason GGD may have been removed from GD. I think this could be a ruse, by you GD to manipulate her father.

It sounds like the GGD had a safe place to go if she was removed from GD’s care. The fact that your daughter and the father of the GD were not contacted seems odd. There are so many kids in the system, if they can find a relative that is usually the placement.

NTJ” Aggravating-Pain9249

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, they sound awful. It’s not like your intention was to get the child taken away, you were just being honest. I know foster care isn’t great. Hopefully, a relative can get custody. But it’s obvious they were doing a crappy job of raising and providing for that child.

I find it hard to believe that their habitually short job stints are due to anything but laziness or poor attitude. The guy sounds like he would lose it at the slightest inconvenience and get fired.” Zutthole

1 points - Liked by lebe
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13. AITJ For Not Backing My Sister Up?

“My sister has 4 children. Her oldest is Kaia (13).

Kaia has a different dad from the younger kids. My sister and her ex were together until Kaia was 2 and then they broke up (they were never married). Kaia’s dad died 3 years ago.

My sister got married when Kaia was 5 and had her other children when Kaia was 7+.

From day one Kaia called them half-siblings. I’m not sure if my sister noticed less back then or if she was trying to wait it out for Kaia to drop the half. But in the last few months, my sister has been on Kaia about saying half.

She told her the kids are not half anything, they are siblings, they are full people and she shouldn’t love them less because they have different bio fathers. She also told her Tom (her husband) has been an awesome second dad to her so she could look at it as they do share two parents, even if not two bio parents.

A couple of weeks ago Kaia told her mom that half-sibling is used all the time in school. She has friends who use it, teachers who use it, and she heard it from the time she started school and it’s not weird. My sister told her it was categorically not true.

She said half is used to divide and nobody in real life would use such a hurtful term.

Kaia told her to ask me since I’m a teacher and know if that’s used among people her age and younger better she (my sister) does. So my sister asked me in front of Kaia and told me Kaia had told her kids to use that term a lot and she doesn’t believe it.

I told her I did encounter half-siblings being used in my classroom. I said I don’t always know if a student is blood-related to their siblings or not or if their parents have kids from different relationships. But I always get around 3 to 6 kids a year who will say step and half.

I also told her that normally continues when they go to high school. My husband teaches high school and he mentioned it to me when my sister and Kaia started fighting over her use of it.

My sister didn’t like my response and told me I should have the common sense to back her up over Kaia when Kaia was present.

She said I should not be backing Kaia up, but her. Because I should want this nipped in the bud as much as she does. I told her she was the one who asked me. She said again that I should have used common sense.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Saying her siblings are half-siblings is a technically correct term for what they are. That doesn’t mean they aren’t also siblings, but that Kaia recognizes they are from a different father and are only half-blood related. Kaia’s biological father was alive until she was 10 and, assuming he was a part of her life but not inescapable even if he wasn’t, she’s allowed to feel and acknowledge that separation.

It’s wrong and hurtful of your sister to essentially deny Kaia’s reality and police how she refers to her siblings and stepfather. Maybe she’ll drop the term someday and maybe she won’t, but it should be her decision.” fallingintopolkadots

Another User Comments:

“Yes, of course, you should both lie and give misinformation to a child because your sister waaaaaaants you to.

Um, no. You shouldn’t. And your sister should stop pressuring Kaia to quit using an accurate term. Putting pressure on the child to pretend she perceives the family situation in a way that differs from reality is only going to hurt the relationships in question.

If Kaia ever perceives her half-sibs as sibs, I’m sure she’ll call them that. And until then, your sister shouldn’t say one more word about it. NTJ” Nester1953

1 points - Liked by lebe
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MadameZ 1 month ago
NTJ and put your sister firmly right - it is up to Kaia, not her mother. Tell her she will be damaging any relationship these half-siblings may build if she puts pressure on them, and that you will continue to support Kaia.
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12. AITJ For Letting My Stepdaughter Keep Her Necklace?

“My wife’s grandmother, we’ll call her Gigi, passed away three years ago. The only thing she had of value was a pearl necklace.

To avoid a fight, my wife and her sister decided that this would be a ‘family necklace’, that all the women and girls in the family would share. The only five left are my wife (granddaughter #1), my wife’s sister (granddaughter #2), May (great-granddaughter #1), Elsa (great-granddaughter #2), and Anna (great-granddaughter #3).

This lasted until April of this year when May borrowed it for prom. That night, there was a car accident. Everyone made it out with minor injuries, I think one kid got a broken arm, but the necklace was destroyed. It was devastating. Things have been tense for months, but now my wife’s sister has a plan.

During her life, Gigi had more than just the pearl necklace, but before she died, Gigi gave it all to May because the rest of it was all religious/cultural and May was the only one of the great-grandchildren to engage with it. My wife’s sister thinks that now that should be family jewelry as well.

I don’t see the point. My wife’s sister converted when she got married, and her family’s religion believes that it’s not okay to have other religious symbols in your house or wear them. I don’t know if that also means you HAVE to destroy them if they end up there, but he’s said that he would be happy to.

My wife has also converted out, so she has no reason to wear it and it would just end up sitting in a box.

Letting May keep it is the fairest option because it means it wouldn’t get destroyed and it would actually be worn.

It’s not even her fault the pearls got destroyed in the first place. It would have happened to anyone, and I don’t think she should get punished for it by losing the jewelry she wears every day forever, which is what would happen. Now everyone is mad at me for interfering and not letting them discuss it themselves, and my wife’s sister thinks I’m discriminating against them.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That jewelry stopped being the property of Gigi before she died and became the property of May. This isn’t about sharing a family heirloom, this is about stealing May’s possessions, which she wears all the time, to give to people who don’t even want any of them, and some of whom will likely destroy anything they get.

This is clearly about punishing May for the loss of the necklace even though it wasn’t her fault.

If anyone’s being discriminated against here, it’s May. Keep standing up for her right to keep her own possessions, you’re being a great stepdad. Make sure they don’t try to guilt May into giving it up, as well.

Make sure May is well aware that this is HER jewelry, and no one else has any right to it, and that no is a complete sentence. She doesn’t have to explain why she’s refusing to give up her jewelry, she just has to keep saying no, as do you.

Get your wife on her side, as well, she needs to be standing up for her daughter’s right to keep her possessions alongside you.” WhiteKnightPrimal

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – but, if there are no pearls recoverable (others have made excellent suggestions in that regard), are there any non-religious parts of the jewelry that May would be WILLING to part with?

Say she has a necklace with a little crucifix – the two of you could consider whether she might want to keep the pendant (which can be worn on any chain) and give away the chain as a sign of good will? Surely if it was something as innocuous as a chain there would be no risk of it being destroyed on purpose?

I can really understand them wanting to hold on to SOMETHING of Gigi’s – and while they have no RIGHT to it, there may be potential to handle the situation in a kinder and more graceful manner.” fakegermanchild

1 points - Liked by lebe
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MadameZ 1 month ago
No no no. They don't want the jewellery (particularly as your scummy BIL says he will destroy it if he gets his hands on it), they want to deprive May of it. Encourage her to stand her ground, back her up and tell the rest of them the topic is closed.
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11. AITJ For Thinking My Roommate Is Just Affected By Mold?

“I (22 f) am roommates with a girl (I’ll call Mia) (21 f).

I met last year in the dorms. We aren’t especially close friends or anything like that, but we get along really well, and I care about her. My roommate is an extremely devoted Greek Orthodox Christian and has stated that her faith is basically the thing she cares most about in the world.

I’m not religious and grew up in an ‘only attending church on Easter and Christmas’ kind of family. Regardless we can still have debates about religion and respect our differences.

Recently Mia’s been on a bit of a religious kick, attending church twice a week rather than just once, listening/watching lectures while cooking, changing her wardrobe, and other stuff she’s said will help her become closer to God.

I don’t judge and it’s been making her feel happier.

However, recently she’s been getting really excited about these dreams she’s been having saying that God is speaking to her at night. I chalked it up to her thinking about it more and affecting her subconscious.

But then Mia started saying she was hearing things while she was awake. Again, I didn’t think much of it. All of the religious stuff turned up to an eleven after this but still none of my business. However, for the past few nights, I’ve also been having some weird dreams, finding myself dizzy during the day while I’m in the house, sometimes feeling like I’m being watched, and overall just feeling really weird.

I did some googling and ended up asking our landlord to check our vents and walls for mold. Figured that if both of us were experiencing unprecedented psychiatric symptoms then something might be up. When I let Mia know there would be someone coming to check and why she became really upset.

She said that I called her crazy and that her becoming closer to God wasn’t something that was my place to question. I think I might be the jerk for not discussing it with her beforehand and for thinking her dreams were triggered by mold.”

Another User Comments:

“Look, I’m not saying you are wrong on your mold supposition, but the dizziness could also suggest carbon monoxide poisoning. (The main symptoms don’t include psychiatric symptoms, but they do include confusion.) Make sure you have a carbon monoxide detector, and if you don’t get one, make sure it is checked.

Please tell us you’ve booked an appointment with a doctor for tests. And no, NTJ for contacting the landlord without discussing it with Mia.

For one, if Mia has been more significantly affected by something hazardous within your home, her decision-making is questionable. For another, if you’d waited to speak with Mia after doing your online research, that would have added further delay before you could have a chance to contact the landlord.

If the landlord doesn’t take action, contact whatever inspection services you have in your area who can check the safety of the property. The issue is, you have enough awareness of the potential cause to stay out of the property, but if Mia is in denial she won’t see a danger from staying put.” Ok-Status-9627

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your safety is more important than her beliefs. You were responding to your symptoms, not just hers, so you weren’t exactly ‘questioning her relationship with God’. If she really is receiving messages from God, protecting yourselves from mold toxicity won’t get in the way of that.

And if it turns out it was the mold, well, I’m sure the realization that she can’t talk directly to god will be disappointing, but her delusions aren’t your problem. And you certainly shouldn’t be risking lifelong health consequences to protect them.

(Also, I’m no expert, but this sounds more like carbon monoxide poisoning than black mold, so I would get that checked out if you haven’t already)” Capresesandwitch

1 points - Liked by lebe
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10. AITJ For Not Seeing My Mom's Husband As My Parent?

“My dad died a few days after my 7th birthday. He was on his way to work and got into an accident. I loved my dad and have missed him so much since he died. Mom and I both went into grief therapy after his death.

She went for about 6 months. I went for almost 3 years.

A few months before I stopped attending therapy my mom met ‘Mark’. I didn’t meet him for like a year and a bit after but mom told me she was with someone and then when they got into a relationship.

They got married like 7 months after I met him. I was 12.

Even before they got married Mark and my mom would call me their daughter and say I was their kid. He would tell people I was his daughter when he met them. Whereas I always called him my mom’s husband or fiancé before they got married.

It bothers my mom and Mark that I don’t tell people he’s my dad or say ‘my parents’ when I’m talking about both.

Over the years they have told me it would mean a lot to Mark if I were to introduce him as my dad.

Or she said I could say bonus dad, but not stepdad, since that sounds far more insignificant in terms of the role he plays in my life.

I have never done this. But for a couple of years now my mom has told me I should be better than this, I should think about someone else’s feelings above my own.

That it would cost me nothing to let people see him as my parent instead of instantly delegating him to just the dude she’s married to. She has gone on and on about thinking about his feelings and not putting my own first the whole time.

Lately, it has been getting to me so when mom said it to me (17 f) a couple of weeks ago I told her she should try holding her husband to the same standard she holds me to and ask him to put my feelings on this before his own.

My mom told me he already had to do that day after day when I refused to acknowledge him as a dad in my life. I told her he had a choice on whether he wanted to marry her and take me on. I never got a choice in his place in my life.

But I told her I am taking back that right to choose what he is to me whether she likes it or not.

She told me it was petty for me to claim he needs to be held to the same standard when his actions don’t hurt me but mine hurt him.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Everything you said was true. You didn’t choose him. She did. You aren’t obligated to like or even tolerate the choices she makes in her life, let alone play along with their little game of fantasy charades. In reality, he ISN’T your dad.

The fact that she’s trying to force you to think of him as a ‘replacement’ is messed up enough without adding the other stuff into it.

Honestly, you’re very strong-willed to hold true to this, even if it comes from a dark place of hurt and trauma.

Even still, it should be respected. If it comes up again, you should ask your mother why she consistently places her new man over her only daughter. You’re the only living memory of her dead husband. If she values his memory so little that she actively tramples the will of his only legacy, it’s no wonder she took only 6 months to get over what took you 3 years.

Honestly, it just sounds like she doesn’t value you as much as she values her new guy friend.” Inqwellzeiz

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You had a father. You have memories of him. Your mother chose Mark, you didn’t. He is your stepdad, you can love him very much BUT you have no obligation to consider him as your dad.

Your mother is insecure in her relationship. If she was clear with her new husband, she could face the fact you don’t call him ‘daddy’.

IT’S great that he wants to be a father for you but he never asked you first, he just acted like so, even if he met you at 12.

It can’t work that way, you’re not a dog that had a change of owner.

You lost your dad. You loved him. And I think a psychologist would say the ‘forcing’ from Mark and your mother makes you feel they are trying to erase your dad’s memory.

So the more they try to force you to say ‘dad’ to Mark, the less you’ll do it. These things must come naturally. Maybe it’s too late because you met him when you were a teenager, you were constructing yourself from childhood to adulthood, this strange period everything is difficult, different, and sometimes sad.

And they didn’t permit you to express your own desires or feelings.

Don’t feel guilty. Mark is your mother’s husband, they chose each other, and you have the right to keep a distance from Mark, even if he pays the bill, it doesn’t make him a father for you.” Lyzab77

1 points - Liked by lebe
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MadameZ 1 month ago
NTJ. I do wish single parents would just STOP trying to insist their children 'respect' and 'love as a new parent' whoever their single parent has shacked up with. A step parent can be wonderful and may sometimes come to be seen as a replacement for the departed other parent but THIS HAS TO COME FROM THE CHILD. Anyone who tries to force a family relationship between their child and their new spouse is onto a loser, and deserves to be cut out of the child's life.
1 Reply

9. AITJ For Blaming My Dad For How I Turned Out?

“My dad is the typical overprotective dad who didn’t let me or my younger sisters wear nice clothes, go out with guys, have male friends, have guys on social media, or anything else. My mom goes along with whatever he says.

It was much harder on my sisters because, it turns out, I’m asexual/graysexual with romantic attraction to women.

Because I was happy to wear baggy flannels and hang out with girls, my parents constantly used me as an example to my sisters. It caused a lot of resentment which still lingers.

I finally came out to them after the holidays because 1. I’m finally sure of my identity and 2.

my mom started making ‘When are you giving me grandbabies’ comments now that I’m ‘old.’ My mom is struggling, but trying. My dad is not taking it well. He keeps suggesting therapy, sending me weird links, trying to set me up, etc. Last time we talked he started with ‘I must be a terrible father, where did I go wrong?’

I snapped. I told him that he shouldn’t be surprised I turned out like this since he never let me dress or act feminine and yelled at me every time I talked to boys. I told him that it was too late for me and if he wanted to save my sisters he should let them do normal girl things.

He hasn’t talked to me since. My mom keeps asking me to apologize and ‘just try therapy’ because apparently ‘his spirit is broken’. My sisters are conflicted because they can finally breathe, but he’s completely withdrawn from them now. They don’t want me to back down though, because they’re afraid of things going back to how they were.

I feel guilty because I’m perpetuating the idea that there’s something inherently wrong with people who aren’t cis/het/etc. That we are the way we are because we are damaged or broken.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but I do kinda think you went a little over the top by saying he made your sexual preferences for you.

It might be for the best if it’s the only way he’ll loosen up though so I’m not going to get overly into that. Still, it’s likely to have knock-on effects down the road and I strongly feel you should be prepared to back down on that without letting go of the personal freedom aspect.

It is perfectly healthy to have relationships and by being so aggressive he is and has impacted all of your (you & your sisters) ability to have a relationship in the future. He needs to back way off and only get involved when asked to.” TheVaneja

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, to be fair. Your dad is definitely a jerk for his reaction and thinking that ‘therapy’ will stop the gay or whatever. Good on you for calling your parents out on that nonsense, but also you are right; you are being kinda a jerk suggesting that anything your father did ‘made you’ this way, or that ‘girly stereotypes’ mean your sisters won’t turn out gay/bi.

And that thought in his head will only cement further the idea that you can somehow change by going through therapy. You didn’t ‘turn bi’ and find you were attracted to girls because you wore boys-style clothing and didn’t wear girly stuff. That is literally not how it works.” Own-Kangaroo6931

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your dad is the one who needs therapy to understand how his parenting could have had an impact on his kids. Did he think treating his kids as if they were nuns would have zero consequences? I don’t mean to imply anything negative about who the OP is.

Just trying to acknowledge that they are a product of their lived experiences. It’s clear to me that OP is doing the right thing and doesn’t need therapy. Her dad is the one who needs help. Hopefully, OP’s dad can break free from his prejudices and embrace his kids for who they are.” BeardManMichael

1 points - Liked by lebe
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8. AITJ For Leaving My Own Wedding Reception?

“I (27 F) am from the UK while my husband (38 M) is from the US, we’ve been doing long distance for 2 years at this point where he comes to visit and we were saving up for me to visit there but it’s expensive and my son has school… Which if you’ve been on holiday in term time you know it’s 1000 times more expensive than not.

I’ve met my in-laws over video calls but not in person until a week before my actual wedding, whereas I’d met my husband at least 10 times in the 2 years of us being together, him staying with me 2 weeks or longer each time.

When I got to America and we finally met the family, it was hard because they claimed they wanted to get to know me so many times but none of them actually tried to make conversation with me, they didn’t ask questions and they were all talking about things I had no idea on as it was sports or something I couldn’t even try to engage in, like reliving memories I couldn’t really comment on other than, ‘That sounds awesome’ or ‘That’s great’ but they kept claiming they so wanted to get to know me and me going outside every now and then to get a breather from awkward social situations (having severe anxiety) was ‘them being unable to get to know me,’ I felt ignored and invisible.

The wedding day itself went great we got ready got married and started partying, kind of, again the same situation, no one spoke to me, the only people who actually had conversations with me were my friends and we went outside together while she had a smoke because I didn’t wanna be alone.

My husband and I spent most of our time together and around 8 pm my friend left no one was speaking to me and my husband much at that point. 9 pm rolled around and I got out of my dress and started trying to pack things up so then there wasn’t much that needed to be done at the end of the night.

WELL, that’s when SIL (48 F) realized we were leaving and my husband was currently playing with my son (who is 5 years old), and his cousin was too preoccupied to hear his sister scream at me asking if we were leaving – like she was in severe shock.

She screamed at me 3 times until she then stormed out and well threw a tantrum, my husband tried to go and calm her but that didn’t work and she continued crying when I let my husband know that the Uber was here and we gotta go.

I was exhausted and extremely annoyed at this point. After being screamed at and completely exhausted I just wanted to leave so I shouted to my husband that I was leaving with or without him. I know it wasn’t my brightest moment but I was tired, especially with my body clock not changing either.

We left and now his sister is mad, her husband is mad and decided the wedding video he took of us. He said we couldn’t have it because I was ‘immature’ for not staying a little longer when I saw SIL was upset.

I do understand her being upset but at the same time could she not of pulled us aside and had a civil conversation with us rather than screaming at me and throwing a tantrum like a child.”

Another User Comments:

“Yeah, I’m having a hard time with this. It doesn’t sound like you know him or his family that well, and you definitely sound like you have issues socializing.

At your wedding, you should be a gracious host walking around the guests and talking to all of them, including those you don’t know.

I didn’t get the impression you did that. I feel like you spent your time hanging out with your friend and that’s it. If that’s what happened, then you need to understand it’s on you to socialize – you don’t wait for your guests to come to you.

You go to the guests.” DaxxyDreams

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is insane. It’s your wedding. It doesn’t matter if she wants to be with her brother. It’s all about you and your husband being together. She’s incidental. If she wants some time with her brother, find another day.

Any other day” ziapelta

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
ESH. Why are you getting married? You have barely known each other 2 years and have spent most of that time in separate countries, you met his family a week before, and you have a 5 year old who clearly has no idea what is going on and why his life is being uprooted. You should have had your man move to the UK and gotten to know each other better before you even touched an engagement ring. And no I don't think you should have moved to the US to meet his family because you are the one with a child in school. If they wanted to get to know you better they absolutely should've tried harder, and SIL should not have behaved that way at your wedding. But it wouldn't have happened if you'd actually taken the time to get to know each other and each other's families before you got hitched.
1 Reply

7. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A Coupon Book For $40?

“I don’t really care for this coworker. She walks around bossing people around and telling them what they are doing wrong all day. While she has been with the department longer than I have, I have been with the organization for much longer and have a lot more seniority and experience.

This was not known to me until she asked me for help on something and she said she only has been doing this for x amount of time and wanted my opinion since I’m more experienced. Based on the way she speaks to me on a day-to-day basis, you would think she was the department head or something.

So that right there kinda further soured my already not-so-great opinion of her.

So fast forward, this coworker is selling coupon books for her kids’ school fundraisers at $40 a pop. Now first off, there is a clear policy against doing this during working hours. Everyone is buying them up from her.

She asked me if I wanted one, and I started to look through it. I work in a major metropolitan area, but I commute from another city. All of the businesses listed were local to the city, and not me, or they were businesses that I don’t patron.

I kindly and respectfully declined saying that there wasn’t really anything in it that I could use.

You would have thought I shot her dog. The whole room got silent and I got a glare of death from my coworker. I again said no thank you, left the break room, and went back to work.

I got the cold shoulder from everyone for the rest of the day.

Now I have three kids myself, and they all have school fundraising crap too, and I hate doing all that crap. Secondly, I would be throwing $40 down the drain that I could be using for my kids’ stuff.

Third, not supposed to be fundraising at work. Fourth, I don’t really like you. So does that make me a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – disregarding your other issues with this co-worker and even disregarding the workplace policy against this stuff, pressuring colleagues into donating to your kid’s school thing or your charity fundraiser or whatever is just… uncool.

Stick something on a noticeboard, send a message in a chat group, put a link in an email if that’s allowed, that’s all fine, but putting someone on the spot in front of the team and getting visibly offended when they don’t chip in is really lame.

Plus, 40 dollars is a really high sum of money for something like this. Generally, these things are – and should be – a give-what-you-can kinda deal and it’s just accepted that the asker should be happy with 5-10 bucks (not that they have a right to EXPECT even that).

I’d expect this attitude from a co-worker who apparently has a pre-existing chip on her shoulder, but it’s disappointing that your other colleagues appeared to take her side. Maybe they wanted to say no as well and they’re mad that you had the guts and I actually do so, I don’t know.” BanterPhobic

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You don’t need all of those excuses not to buy the book. It’s a simple yes or no. You said no, that should be the end of it. You did nothing wrong. You said no to buying a coupon book. $40 is a lot of money to waste on something you won’t use.

There is a policy in place for a reason. They don’t want anyone to feel like they have to contribute. Your coworker is the jerk for trying to force this on her coworkers.” NOTTHATKAREN1

1 points - Liked by lebe
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MadameZ 1 month ago
I'd advise a quick word with HR, just giving them a heads up that this woman is peddling grift on company time. There's a good reason why a lot of employers ban this sort of thing in the workplace, at least at any more intensive level than perhaps one circulated email or a notice on the notice board.
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6. AITJ For Telling My Husband About Our Son's Gender?

“I (32 F) caught my son (15 M) cuddling with his friend (15 M) while they were sleeping in their room.

I decided not to wake them up and I discussed it with my husband (34 M) and the possibility that our son might be gay came up. While I initially agreed with my husband’s suggestion to approach our son when his friend left, I later decided that we should just wait until our son was comfortable sharing this with us.

My husband argued saying what if he never told us that he’s gay. I told my husband that if he doesn’t tell us that he’s gay then he’s probably not. I told him that we should just let our son know that we’ll love him regardless and leave it at that.

However, my husband went against our agreement and questioned our son about his sexual orientation while I was driving my son’s friend home. When I returned home, I discovered my son in TEARS, yelling and accusing me of outing him. I was confused and told my son that I didn’t know what he was talking about.

My son told me while he was crying that his father revealed what I saw and basically coerced him into coming out before he was ready. My son asked me why I would tell his father and why would I enter his room without his permission.

I started crying and told my son that I was sorry and that I love him and accept him no matter what. My son remained distant and now refuses to speak to me and his father.

When I confronted my husband I told him that I was angry that he threw me under the bus.

He claimed he didn’t mean any harm, only shared what I mentioned to our son hoping it’ll make him comfortable about coming out to us. Despite his pleas for forgiveness, I can’t help but feel anger towards him knowing my son is now feeling hatred for me for something that I actively tried to prevent.

My husband argues that blaming him for our son’s emotions is unfair, and told me our son is only going through an emotional phase that will pass. Despite him begging for my son and my forgiveness, telling us that he meant no harm, I’m torn between forgiving him because I blame him for causing our son to be angry with me.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Yeah, your husband screwed the pooch big time. Your suggestion to wait until your son was comfortable with coming out on his own in his own way was of course correct. Your husband, despite his pleas of innocence betrayed your trust and your son’s privacy.

He has created a terrible rift in the family and it is he that has to fix it between you and your son. He created the mess and he needs to clean it up. You need to go to your husband with this and if he doesn’t straighten it out right now, he will be spending a lot cold nights this winter.” Mustng1966

Another User Comments:

“Your husband is the jerk. You did nothing wrong in telling your husband about what you saw. He is your partner, you should confide in him, especially if it’s regarding your children.

Now, what your husband did was WRONG. He should have never approached your son about it and honestly, he deliberately did it behind your back.

He definitely did it on purpose because he knew you would stop him. Your husband owes your son a huge apology.

You, on the other hand, didn’t do anything wrong. Your son will come around, he’s probably just in shock. I’m sure he’s thought of how to approach y’all about it for a long time and that just wasn’t what he was expecting.” knugget2

1 points - Liked by lebe
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rbleah 1 month ago
The minute you knew a problem came up when you got home I would have laid into husband IN FRONT OF YOUR SON and would have done it LOUDLY WITH ANGER. Making sure your son knew you just wanted him to come to you both WHEN HE WAS READY. Also tell your son that one of the worst things you can do in a relationship IS TO LIE TO THE OTHER HALF. Tell son that omitting info IS STILL LYING.
1 Reply

5. AITJ For Not Liking It When My Sister-In-Law's Kids Danced At Our Wedding?

“My husband and I recently got married and I felt that my SIL tried to make our special day about her kids.

I asked my SIL’s kids if they could be our flower girls for the special day. The kids were so excited and said yes!

Everything seemed to go according to plan until two months before the wedding when my SIL asked me if the kids should have two dresses for two entrances (wedding ceremony & dinner reception). I told my SIL that the kids would only have one entrance, as our flower girls, during my wedding ceremony.

My SIL looked upset and said, ‘They MUST walk during the dinner reception too.’ Note that my wedding ceremony and dinner reception were at the same location and the wedding aisle was long (85 ft long) so it takes some time to get from one end to the other (especially for kids).

I am not the confrontational type, so I asked my husband to tell his sister that her daughters would only walk down the aisle once. My husband agreed and told his sister. My SIL disapproved and said to my husband that he is the kids’ only beloved uncle and that her daughters will never get a chance to be flower girls again.

I thought everything was sorted out… until the big day. The wedding ceremony went as should and the flower girls were so beautiful; however, when the dinner reception time came and my husband and my entrance to the dinner reception was about to happen, the SIL inserted her kids in front of us with fresh baskets of rose petals.

The SIL never told me or my husband about this entrance.

I was blindsided. Turns out that my SIL went behind my back and told my maid of honor to tell the wedding MC (emcee) to announce the flower girls first to the dinner reception.

The flower girls entered the dinner reception laying out a fresh set of rose petals down the aisle once more. While I was surprised, I was not angry (nor sad) because it was a special day and I did not want to let bad emotions ruin the day.

I was also going to let the MC introduce and thank the flower girls during the reception anyway, so I did not mind.

This quickly changed when my SIL planned a surprise dance by the daughters in the middle of dinner as a gift to us.

The MC once again announced the flower girls and they started dancing down the aisle onto the main stage again. So, all in all, the kids ‘walked’ down the aisle not once, not twice, but three times! My husband and I were supposed to have our first dance during this time, but instead, her daughters danced on the stage, while my husband and I had our first dance on the side…

After the wedding, I told my husband how upset I was at his sister and said she was trying to make the day about her kids. I confronted my SIL about this, but she shrugged it off and said that they were just kids and I was being a bridezilla/a jerk.

Instead, my husband apologized on her behalf, which angered me more since it was not his fault.

AITJ for confronting my SIL that she was trying to make our wedding a showcase for her kids?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think you approached this the right way by having consistent and open communication with your now husband and having him communicate with his sister.

I’m glad he supported you throughout this situation.

Your SIL was so fixated on her own kids being a fixture of this wedding and ignored your wishes, even when you communicated them clearly and kindly. This is YOUR wedding. You get to organize it however you please.

It feels like she almost retaliated against you for not allowing her vision for your wedding where her kids were involved to be executed and therefore she went behind your back and introduced three separate ‘events’ where her kids would be featured.

What gets me is how it ended up eclipsing your first dance with your husband – that’s ridiculous.

That’s WHY you plan this stuff beforehand so it goes as YOU and your PARTNER want it to go. She overstepped. She’s the jerk here.” Conscious-Whereas465

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you can’t undo the events that took place. In the end, it was your day and you were the bride and the main attraction.

Your maid of honor was out of line to allow your SIL to change up the plans and should have put a stop to it – but that didn’t happen. Your SIL is a jerk for making changes to your wedding. Your SIL is very wrong, but there’s no way to make it right now.

Don’t put a bunch of pics of the kids in your wedding album. Edit out their dance in the video. Your husband apologized only to try to make you happy since there was nothing he could do to fix the problem. Guys think when you’re complaining that there’s something they can do to fix it.

At this point, let it go. There’s no use replaying the day over and over in your head and getting angry about it.

Other than your maid of honor, nobody knew what she was up to so they couldn’t stop her. Your maid of honor failed you, but again, she can’t undo what she did.

Make mental notes to not let SIL steamroll you again, and know your maid of honor has no backbone.” noccie

1 points - Liked by lebe
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4. AITJ For Being Unsupportive Of My Partner's Music?

“I love my partner and I love the fact that she is very passionate about her music.

I think it’s cute that she still plays in the band she formed in high school. They aren’t bad and neither are the songs she writes but that’s not enough to live off.

They play in pubs or the occasional town festival but all of them need to work a real job to pay bills.

I’m not trying to devalue that. I’m currently at uni on scholarship but I still need to work a part-time job to afford rent. My partner is a very kind and warm person but she can also still be a bit naive about how the world works.

We met up with a few friends tonight and at some point, the topic of our plans for the future came up. My partner said something along the lines of ‘Maybe we’re lucky and our music gets discovered so I won’t have to choose an adult career’.

She said it in a joking way and all our friends laughed except for me.

She looked at me weirdly and asked why I was looking like that. I told her I just didn’t think she should get her hopes up like that because her music was good but not special enough for her to turn it into a career.

That kind of killed the mood and even though someone changed the topic quickly, my partner stayed cold towards me. I decided to leave about 30 minutes later because it was getting late and I have uni tomorrow morning. When I told my partner that we had to go she said that I should go without her and that she’ll be staying with a friend tonight.

When I got home I texted her asking her to please let me know when they left and when they got to her friend’s place because I wanted to know that she made it there safely. She left me on read and even though it’s past the time she usually stays out she still hasn’t texted me.

I’m actually a little mad right now because why is she being so childish now? What I said was objectively true and she’ll have to realize that at some point.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. ‘I think it’s cute that she still plays in the band she formed in high school.’ You’re so patronizing and unsupportive.

You didn’t need to say anything, whether or not you think it is objectively true. How can you not see that you hurt her feelings and did it in front of her friends? You humiliated her and her passion when she was just joking. Why are you mad at her?

You should be mad at yourself for causing her hurt and causing the situation in the first place.

You know that you hurt her and instead of reflecting on it and apologizing, you double down and call her childish. I have a feeling she is re-evaluating her relationship with you.” PsychologicalRoll705

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – your job as her partner is to encourage, love, and support her. Why did you stomp on her passion before she even had a chance to see how it would work out? She is aware she may need to get another job to pay the bills, she even said so.

You insulted her potential for no reason. She isn’t being childish and she has every right to be mad. You don’t. Focus on your uni studies and let her decide what she wants for herself. Geez.

While you may not find her music to be that special, someone else will.

That goes for her relationship too if she ditches you. Apologize.” [deleted]

-1 points (1 vote(s))
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HROB1 1 month ago
YTJ. Yes, be honest with your partner! Yes, have a conversation about your future! But you were hurtful in front of a group in public that embarrassed her. You're not the jerk for being honest but you're the jerk for the time you chose to do it. The remark you made about it being "cute" that just made you sound like a not so nice person. Very condescending.
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3. AITJ For Telling My Daughter Why People Like Her Sister-In-Law More Than Her?

“My daughter Gigi is always stirring up drama. She was a tattle tale as a child and has unfortunately not grown out of it in her 30s.

Gigi had this one-sided feud with my DIL Deb. It has gotten worse because Gigi and her son Max 4 moved in recently. I will spend my breakfast and dinner listening about how much Gigi hates Debbie.

Debbie is a career woman and I don’t know if grandchildren are in her future.

We don’t ask, but the one-sided feud is caused by how Debbie hasn’t given my son a child yet and how selfish Debbie is.

Now Gigi told us that she’s pregnant again. This is shocking for several reasons but mainly because I have never even heard of my daughter having a significant other.

In the two weeks that Gigi announced her pregnancy, there has been no mention of a father. I asked Gigi if it was a Christmas miracle about her pregnancy and she goes off on me saying at least I’m not like Debbie and being selfish by not giving you grandbabies.

I was in a short temper and I told her everyone else likes Debbie more than you because she’s just not such a miserable cow all the time. I rather have Debbie move in with me other than you or your babies because at least Debbie will work her butt off to help provide for the family.

Gigi is upset because I’m not ‘happy for her’ and my new grandbaby. That is now going to be stuck living with me. My wife thinks I’m such a jerk for saying that and I should be happy for Gigi and not praise Debbie too much because it makes Gigi do stupid things like trying to get pregnant to one-up Debbie.

I think this is the dumbest thing I have ever heard and I refuse to apologize to Gigi for what I said. If she doesn’t like it she can move out.”

Another User Comments:

“So your wife admits she thinks that Gigi got pregnant on purpose to stick it to Debbie?

That’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard, and you need to think long and hard about why your wife is apparently fine with that. Bringing a child into the world should never, ever, EVER, be about one-upping anyone.

I’m not going to say anything about divorce or separation or whatever, but it sounds like you and your wife need to have a real talk about Gigi dealing with the consequences of her actions.

Or you’ll have to accept that she and her kids (maybe more to come later) will remain with you and your wife for years and years to come. Expecting childcare for free the whole time, no doubt. If that’s not something you want you need to put your foot down to your wife now.

I’m not saying kick Gigi out, but at the very least put down boundaries and rules to be followed to a T unless she wants to be shown to the door. And give her a timeline, where she’s expected to work towards finding a way to support herself and her children out of your house.

Or she’ll be there with her kids for the next decade or so. NTJ.” AltruisticCableCar

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Gigi clearly deserves a shake-up. She is being utterly ridiculous and she sounds extremely jealous of Debbie. She needs to deal with her nonsense and stop projecting it on Debbie.

I think you also suck at the kinds of things you said to her. She needed a reality check, yes. But, gosh, you called your own daughter a ‘miserable cow’ and you also belittled your grandson who has no fault in any of this mess.

If name-calling each other is common in your family, I get why your daughter is such a jerk. So, yes, YTJ for the name-calling. And your wife’s rationale makes no sense.” WildsFan47

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Yes, you are the jerk. That is your daughter, you choose to tell her that the one person she clearly hates is better than her in the pettiest way instead of just talking to your daughter and telling her that you have a problem with her like a grown adult.

Instead, you kicked her while she was down like a mean girl. You got problem with how she’s saying harsh things? Look at who her father is!

You sound bitter yourself so I see where your daughter gets it from. Do I feel like your daughter needs to do better right now?

Yes, I do. But your daughter’s lifestyle and actions aren’t the point of the story, yours is and you are the the biggest jerk here.

You should encourage your daughter to do better. I’m not going to even ask why she thinks having children under any circumstances (or her circumstance) is a flex.

Your wife is the jerk for implying she thinks Gigi got pregnant to one-up Debbie. If she even thinks that the first thing she needs to do is talk to Gigi, something is wrong there. And the last thing was to tell you. I wouldn’t even dare repeat anything like this about my child, let alone put it online.

Gigi is the jerk for what it seems like constantly ranting about Debbie and knocking Debbie down for her life choices. I can’t say much about her pregnancy and affairs because that’s her business. And if y’all allow her to stay there rent-free with her children that’s y’all’s business.

Some families do that and some cultures do that. I don’t know your living situation so I’m not judging that.” Dabitoyaisdead

-1 points (1 vote(s))
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2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Called "Aunt"?

“My (32 F) father is 20 years older than his younger brother, David (34 M). Due to various factors, David spent the majority of his early years with my parents. By the time I was 10 and David was 12, he moved in. David and my dad look nearly identical and people always assumed that was his son.

My parents always said he was their first kid, they loved him like a son, etc.

I always felt a bit weird about this. David is a nice guy, but he’s not my brother. I never understood why it was my parents’ job to pick up the slack of my grandparents’.

It caused a few disagreements in my youth that always boiled down to ‘David has nothing, you have everything, be nice’. I hated that I essentially went from an only child to a younger sister without being asked. I never looked at David as a brother but obviously, due to our small age gap, I never saw him as an uncle.

To me, he’s just family. We get along well.

David is now married with a daughter, Aria. My parents are ‘grandma and grandpa’ to her. It does make me feel some sort of way that they’ve christened her as their first grandbaby, but I’ve accepted I can’t control how they feel and relate themselves to David.

So long as when my husband and I have kids they’re the same to them (and I know they will be), that’s fine.

The real issue is that David, his wife, and my parents have tried making me ‘Aunt Tabitha’. I don’t like it.

Aria isn’t my niece. I tried to just refer to myself as my first name with her but the hint wasn’t going through. As Aria is too little to speak (8 months), I planned to let it go for now.

Yesterday, we were at my parents’ for Christmas.

Aria was being fussed over, as usual. When it came time for David and his wife to help her unwrap the gift my husband and I got her, David told Aria ‘This is from Auntie Tabitha and Uncle Mike!’ Without thinking I said ‘Just Tabitha and Mike’.

David gave me an odd look but went back to unwrapping.

Later on, privately, David asked if I was okay. I said yes, why? He said I got weird during gifts. I said not weird, just factual. I’m not Aria’s aunt. He was still confused. I said I was not his sister.

This seemed to hurt his feelings but he said okay, apologized, and said he’d never say it again.

My mom pulled me aside later and said I was cruel to David. She said he considered me his sister. I simply said I’m not, and I’m not that baby’s aunt.

My mom gave me a disgusted look. She and my dad barely spoke to me the rest of the night, though David and his wife were polite.

My husband feels there were better ways of going about it. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Gentle YTJ. Here’s the thing.

Parents should consider their bio-kids’ feelings and address any issues before taking another child into the home. But, it also sounds like the choice was to take David or let him suffer/go into care, so the decision had to be made without sorting your feelings.

Your parents are not in the wrong for prioritizing David’s safety over your happiness in the short term. But, it sucks that they didn’t work to address your feelings in the long term. Offering therapy, talking through your feelings, and finding a way together as a blended family should have been done years ago.

Instead, it sounds like your feelings were constantly minimized and ignored. Left unaddressed, you’ve built up resentment. But you’re an adult now. It’s your job to deal with inappropriate or unreasonable feelings and how they affect others.

You don’t have to be an aunt if it makes you uncomfortable.

Biologically you’re not. But it’s not unusual for people to use the term with unrelated friends and more distant relatives as a term of endearment, so it’s understandable David uses the term, especially if he genuinely sees you as his younger sibling.

You need to have an honest and frank (but kind) conversation with David privately about how you feel, and what you’re comfortable and uncomfortable with. About how he’s family and you care about him, but you don’t see him as your brother and it makes you unhappy to be called aunt.

The way you handled it here was harsh and lacked empathy for David who clearly sees the situation very differently from you. You also need to sort through your own feelings. Bluntly, whilst it may not be biological, you were raised as a sibling. Your parents utterly see David as theirs, of course, Arya is their first grandbaby.

You need to work through these issues and get to the root of what causes you pain. Because it isn’t and shouldn’t be ‘I wasn’t asked’. Kids don’t get the final say. Opinions matter, but you weren’t the sole concern.” ececacademic

Another User Comments:

“YTJ because of your approach to the situation. You could pass along to your cousin that you don’t want to be called ‘Aunt Tabitha’ and not be a jerk about it.

In addition, you may be genetically/geneologically/biologically correct (in that he is your biological cousin) but you wouldn’t be socially correct.

You were raised as siblings. Plus, parents don’t base how many kids they will be having around the opinion of one child. There are many factors that come into play including your parents’ desire for another child or other familial considerations (AKA maybe there is a sick parent they might need to take care of eventually).

Your parents were not evil for deciding to have another child, albeit in an unusual way. I know many people who gained a sibling when they were 12/13/14. Not to mention that many people will consider anybody close to them as their children’s ‘aunt’ or ‘uncle.’

I am not Hispanic, but from what I understand, ‘auntie’ and ‘uncle’ merely refer to an important adult in the child’s life who isn’t a sibling, parent, or grandparent. ‘Auntie’ could even refer to someone who is their cousin but significantly older cousin!

So there are those social precedents as well.” UCgirl

-1 points (1 vote(s))
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1. AITJ For Reporting My Own Daughter To Her School For Bullying?

“My husband (38 M) and I (38 F) have three kids, our daughter Kyrstiana (13 F), Liam (8 M), and Sarah (2F).

Krystiana has a significant other, Colden (13 M). Colden is a good kid, he plays baseball, is an A student, and is a sweet boy. I also know that he and his friends call each other out when they do something bad, he’s told me stories about how he and his friends called out one of their friends for saying something transphobic, they do this by roasting each other sometimes, but it encourages good behavior.

Colden sometimes goes to my husband and me for advice, a few months ago, he came to us after his friends ‘roasted’ him for a racially insensitive comment he made, you could tell he was remorseful. We live in a very privileged area and it can be hard to see biases.

The boys Colden plays baseball with have shaped him into a phenomenal young man.

Yesterday night, Colden and Krystiana were in her room together, my husband and I were on the porch watching Liam and Sarah play in the yard. Suddenly, we are interrupted by Colden storming out of the house, and he is walking angrily.

We tried to stop him since he didn’t have a coat and was wearing shorts. We told him to come inside and asked what was wrong. He kept walking for a bit, before turning back, walked into our house shivering, and asked for some hot cocoa.

He told us that there was this boy in their grade who Colden found out that Kyrstiana was bullying. He said the boy was a feminine straight guy, he has short hair and doesn’t dress feminine, but he’s a Swiftie, is openly emotional, and he listed a few other things about him.

He said our daughter was calling this boy gay and telling his SO that he’s ‘probably sneaking behind her back with a boy’. He said he didn’t know the boy well but it bugged him that she was doing this. He said he didn’t want to report our daughter though as he didn’t want to ruin his relationship with her.

We suggested to him that he consider reporting it, but he said he didn’t feel comfortable doing so. Once he had calmed down, we let him watch TV in the living room while we talked to our daughter. She was unapologetic, she said that she was just stating how she felt and that we couldn’t punish her for that.

We told her that she was grounded and took her devices away.

After cooling down a bit ourselves, my husband and I discussed our plans and we decided to email the principals and admin at her school.

The school is currently investigating this further but has already found evidence that she and her entire friend group were bullying this boy after just a day of looking, and she’s facing serious consequences.

Our daughter said we were being ‘snitches’ and said that we were ‘ruining her social life’. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Yes, your daughter needs to learn a lesson, but reporting her to the school is essentially turning over that responsibility to them. This was an issue you could have and should have handled. The fact that you asked Colden to report it demonstrates you were looking to absolve yourselves of dealing with the problem.

I also think it will be unlikely your daughter will trust you with anything.” Xterradiver

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, she’s 13 and a brat and yes, needs correction. Guess who raised her? You two idiots.

Kids these ages can make mistakes due to peer pressure and not being informed. You basically can’t deal with parenting your OWN CHILD.

So you are FORCING TEACHERS AND SCHOOL ADMIN TO PARENT YOUR CHILD.

I hate parents like you. You create a monster child, refuse to take responsibility, and then want to dump it all on the school. Like punish her first and see if it works.

Which you gave a punishment and then didn’t see if you were actually parenting effectively. But no, you have to go on guns blazing and add more stuff to underpaid and understaffed teachers to handle. Teachers would be way happier if you would just do your job as parents and stop dragging them into things you should be able to handle yourselves.

Be an adult and start adulting and stop looking at schools as your babysitters.” WileyTheGamer

-2 points (2 vote(s))
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Ishouldntbehere2 2 months ago
NTJ. You gave her home punishments, and she kept denying the fact she'd done anything wrong, so you reported her to the school so they can keep an eye on her when you're not able to and make sure that the home punishment is followed up on in another environment. I can't see how you did anything wrong here at all.
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