People Seek Honest Comments On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Refusing To Reimburse My Ex For What He Spent On His Wedding To Another Woman?
“I (27F) have been in a relationship with my partner (now ex) (27M) for 5.5 years. We’re originally from X country but moved to Y about three years ago.
Despite my partner having a bit of a nasty temper, he treated me well overall. We met in college, and during a challenging time, I supported him financially and tutored him for free. After college, I helped him land a great job. When I got a job in Y country three years ago, I assisted him in finding a job there and even covered his flight tickets.
I’ve even met his parents a few times, and they seemed like nice people.
Fast forward to six months ago, a random girl (27F) contacted me on social media, introducing herself as my partner’s significant other. She’s in X country, planning an online surprise birthday party for him.
Apparently, he told her I was his close friend, so she wanted to invite me too.
Here’s the part where I might be the jerk. I continued the conversation with her like everything was alright so that I would gather as much info from her as possible.
She and my partner had been together for eight years (5.5 years overlapping with my relationship), and they had set the date for their wedding in six months.
I felt blindsided, livid, and utterly depressed so I confronted my partner about this, and he didn’t even bother to hide the truth.
He said he had no choice but to be loyal to her because she was the one he met first, and everything was planned for the wedding. I asked him what would become of me, and why he did this to me but all he said was that these things happen, he would continue his relationship with me even after his marriage, and that I should suck it up since he was apparently doing this as a favor to me.
So I spent the next few days pretending like everything was okay (we didn’t meet in person so it was easier to just pretend). Meanwhile, I documented pictures/screenshots of chats and of everything we did during our 5.5-year relationship and made them into a folder.
Then, I contacted his other woman and sent her all the proof.
She initially thought I was lying but after going through the evidence contacted me again to apologize. She also provided proof of their relationship. To our disgust, we discovered he had given us the exact same things for birthdays, anniversaries, etc., with identical pick-up lines, and identical messages on some days.
Prior to moving to Y country, there have even been days when he had spent the morning with her and the afternoon with me and vice versa.
Anyway, she broke off the wedding and my now-ex is demanding that I reimburse him for all of the money he had spent on the wedding planning (approximately USD 6000) because I ruined both his wedding and his life.
I have refused to pay him and also cut off all contact with him but he reaches out using new numbers and sends messages demanding compensation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not your fault that he’s a womanizer. I don’t know what he was thinking about, having a wife and a side chick, but if he told his future wife about you openly he should have thought that you can communicate and connect the dots.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed. He ruined his own life, but also hers and yours.” queyamashi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So he wants to be reimbursed for his wasted wedding planning, does he? Hah! I could say a few choice things about that, but that would end up getting me banned. I think you should send him a bill for everything you have given him over the years and sue him for breach of promise.
Let’s see how he likes them apples!” FragrantEconomist386
23. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Ring To My Son's Fiancee?
“My (48F) eldest child (22M) has been with his fiancée (DIL) since they were 20 and he wants to marry her.
I’d always liked her before now, she’s a smart girl, she fits in well with the family, she’s driven, and she makes my son happy.
Everything was all roses until they got engaged.
Now since I was little I have been fascinated with jewelry. When I was older and married and had my own income I started to collect rings.
I would ‘design’ them myself, used to ask friends and family to give me cash I could put towards them, and save up my disposable income towards whatever ring I wanted.
It would be less than 10% of each piece definitely not the bulk. 10% being the highest but mostly it was around the 3-4% mark if any.
I wasn’t buying one every year but over time I have a nice collection of rings. My favorites are a sapphire with a halo of diamonds, an emerald in a trilogy with 1ct diamonds on either side, and a Ruby set in a pavé band.
After my son got engaged and we invited him and DIL to dinner at home, DIL asked to speak to me. She said she’s been seeing my emerald ring over the years and she has always wanted one.
She pointed out that I wear it least often, which is true, and demanded that I gift it to her as an heirloom engagement ring.
This is in addition to other wedding gifts and expenses we had discussed as a family during dinner. This includes gold to the value of approximately £6000 which is honestly more than my entire wedding cost, and which I still think is a significant amount.
This rubbed me the wrong way and I admit I accused her of trying to pick through my estate before I’m even dead.
I told her the ring was mine and I could even sell it on my deathbed if I wanted to; she had no right to expect it and she was being a rude brat by demanding it.
She yelled at me that something like this can’t just be sold, it should be an heirloom and it’s normal for heirlooms to be passed on while the wearer is still alive.
I told her to leave if she was just in my home to demand my property and she stormed out, taking my son with her.
She’s mad at me and my son says I should’ve just passed the ring to her since I have others and it would be a nice gesture to welcome her to the family!
He says it’s no different than his sister occasionally borrowing some of my pieces.
My husband and my daughter are on my side but this is the first time my son has shut me out like this so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your DIL is quite the entitled gold (or emerald) digger.
If she wanted it for an engagement ring, the proper thing would have been for your son to discuss it with you. Her asking for it is shocking and rude.
It’s not an heirloom if you are the first owner in the family. Heirlooms tend to have generations behind them.
And they are not necessarily given away during the owner’s lifetime. Many family mementos are distributed as part of an estate after the owner is deceased.
Don’t loan anything to her or you will never see it again.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she had no right to the ring – it’s not an heirloom until you choose to make it one.
If she wanted the ring, she should have spoken to your son about it and he should’ve come to you privately to ask if he could use it for her engagement ring. You still would’ve been under no obligation to give it to her and it still would be a little weird that she’s just asking for one of your possessions, but that at least would’ve been a reasonable way to handle it.
Your future DIL sounds a little crazy and they are still very young to be getting married. Good luck with her in the future, I have a feeling you’ll need it.” Capresesandwitch
22. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Leave Me And My Family Alone?
“My parents were and are very good providers. They, however, are really trashy parents.
They never showed any interest in me or my brothers when we lived at home. I honestly don’t even understand why they had kids.
We had most stuff a kid would want. Just not our parents’ attention or love. They helped each of us get an education and gave us each a generous wedding gift. But they did not attend our graduations or take any interest in our weddings.
They have seen my kids maybe ten times in their lives even though we live in the same city.
We have all accepted that this is the way that they are. My brothers and I have forged a family group of our own. Our wives are friends and our kids spend time together on a regular basis.
For holidays and vacations, we alternate between hosting or spending time with our wives’ families. We have not gone no contact with our parents. We just do not go out of our way to contact them and it has been reciprocated.
Until now. My mom had a heart attack.
She is okay but it scared her and my dad. Now they are trying to spend time with us. They are asking for Christmas and New Year’s. We already have plans. We said that we could come to see them after the holidays or that they could join us.
Not acceptable. They want us and our families in their house for ten days. That’s not going to happen. We tried explaining that we all had plans with our inlaws this year. Flights, hotels, car rentals. All that stuff was already arranged.
They said that we owed them since we never spent holidays with them.
Mostly because they spent the holidays in Morocco or Argentina or something. They said that they had spent a lot of money on us growing up and they weren’t asking for much.
I lost it here. My education has led to my career, which has been successful thus far.
I asked them to tell me how much money they wanted me to pay them to drop this and accept that we would not see them until after the holidays. They said it wasn’t about the money, which they brought up. They said they would wait to see us and hung up.
My wife says I was too harsh, that my mom is finally coming around and reaching out, and that I’m kind of a jerk for not reaching back. But I know she would be mad if I canceled our trip with her parents.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t owe your parents for raising you. That was their whole job when they had you. They should have been accommodating when you told them about the plans you had already made, instead of making demands that don’t work for your schedule. You did attempt to reach back to your mom when you told her what would work for your schedule and a visit.
It’s on her that she threw that back at you, saying it wasn’t good enough.” BeautifulPhantom1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You need to have a frank conversation with your parents. You appreciate the opportunities they afforded you, which have allowed you a chance to be where you are today, but they really dropped the ball on being present in your lives.
You understand that they’ve had a scare and are reevaluating things, and you are open to spending more time with them, but they have to work around your schedules. You have your own families and commitments now and relationships with your in-laws. You aren’t going to drop everything to give your parents a chance to make up for lost time.
One thing that you absolutely will not tolerate from them is attempts at emotional manipulation. No one forced them to give you money or pay for things and you will not tolerate them saying that you owe them. You are their child, not an investment.
If they try the manipulation (but we paid for this, but your mom almost died, but you see x more) they will get a time-out.
The first time out is a week of no contact. The next is two weeks. Then three weeks. If they have gone months or years without slipping you can decide if you want to set the clock back to zero, but I wouldn’t share that with them.
And then I’d suggest doing a couple of sessions of family therapy with them whether in person or on Zoom. They need to hear how being absent hurts you and get from an impartial party that they need to earn a spot in your life after they list it by their behavior.
Good luck.” Letters_from_summer
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have Anything To Do With My Brother-In-Law's Children From His Second Marriage?
“I lost my sister Jac to cancer several years ago. During her final months, she learned her husband Sam was having an affair. She also became aware that he was planning to make a life with his affair partner once she was gone. She was angry, hurt, betrayed, and felt disgusted by him.
He had made all these plans with his other woman with the money she would be leaving behind. Jac had sued one of her former doctors for medical negligence and won. So she was sitting on a very life-changing amount. She did not want Sam or his other woman or any future kids of theirs to benefit from her death and the negligence that caused her very treatable cancer to be fatal. So she changed what would happen to everything and set up a trust with me as the trustee.
Once Sam learned this, after Jac’s death, he did everything to try and carry out damage control with me. But when he realized I knew about his affair and was disgusted with him and would not be helping him break the law, he tried to cut me off from Sky and Belle.
Which led me to fight for visitation in court under our grandparents (family) rights laws. I won. I see my niblings every other Saturday, all major holidays and he cannot prevent phone access between us.
Sam married his other woman and now has additional children as well as her child from a prior relationship who moved in with them 3ish years ago.
He has asked me to include his other children and in the past, I would say no. But it has continued to the point where I now ignore his requests completely.
Sky (15m) and Belle (14f) told me their dad tries to involve them but they don’t want to include their stepsibling or half-siblings.
They actually wanted to live with my family and me. But I don’t have grounds for that. So I just see and speak to them as much as I can and we spend time together when we get it. But they are pretty clear they want to keep me, my husband, and their cousins for themselves.
We’re their only extended maternal family. Sky told me a couple of weeks ago that things might get worse because their dad was adopting his stepchild and the oldest half-sibling is asking more questions about why they don’t get to come. Sky was right and Sam told me the kids wanted to come and I should open my heart.
He decided to approach me at the school gate and called me out for ignoring his requests. A couple of other parents who heard him say I ignored his kids were mumbling that I was a pretty heartless person to let kids get hurt in the middle of this.
Sam also accused me of turning my niblings against him and their family and he said refusing to include the kids shows how much I don’t care.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is like asking your sister, if she were alive, to watch her husband and the affair partner’s children.
She wouldn’t. And you are 100% not obligated. His other children need to learn their place in the family tree. Eventually, they will stop asking. The time you spend with your niblings could be the same time their half and step-siblings spend with their mother’s family.
I think your former BIL is being manipulative. He’s trying to use you as childcare or something worse.” ISFJ_WaterSerpent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Next time he corners you, just be honest and say They are not related to me, they are your affair’s kids, the affair you had when my sister was dying.
Make this clear, because right now most people who don’t know you or the situation might think, you are blood-related to all of them but only hang with the oldest.” CakePhool
20. AITJ For Walking Out Of A Church Service?
“I (21F) recently left the church I grew up in. It was a very hard decision and a long journey for me, but I’ve worked through some of the fear and guilt that was keeping me there.
While I was attending church, I was a very integral part of the service.
I was the only person in the church who could play music and sing. Every week I would work with the pastor to pick worship music based on his sermon that week, and then on Saturday, I would essentially run a one-man worship concert. I’ve done this for about six years since I was fifteen.
Another important thing to mention is that I’m gay. I’ve known since high school, and so have my parents. They’re surprisingly supportive, considering the conservative church we have been attending for as long as I can remember. I’ve never been in the closet, but I’ve also never publicly come out on social media or anything.
The one time I brought my significant other to church everyone thought she was just a friend I was trying to convert.
Two weeks ago was my breaking point. Our pastor’s sermon was about how the world is becoming more inclusive. It was a long (and frankly awful) sermon, but the part that finally got me to leave was when he mentioned how ‘all the kids are gay now’ and how our whole generation needed to ‘either repent or burn with Satan eternally’.
Before this happened I knew that our denomination wasn’t exactly welcoming of the LGBTQ+ community, but to hear it so bluntly stated in front of everyone was something else and I couldn’t keep living in blissful ignorance. I decided that after the service I would no longer take part in a church that didn’t like people like me.
The next week when he called me to arrange to meet about the church service for that week, I politely explained that I would no longer be taking part in or attending his church anymore. I tried to keep it civil, just telling him that our views and theologies didn’t align anymore and for both of our sake, I was leaving.
He freaked out, telling me it wasn’t fair to him or the rest of the congregation that I would leave so abruptly without making alternate arrangements to replace the music. He tried to demand I come back until he could find someone else, but I declined and then hung up the phone.
Since then I have had countless church members telling me how disappointed they are that church has been canceled and how I should make things right with God and come back to the church. I have also had the pastor reach back out asking if I would teach guitar to his son if I was really going to leave forever.
I have declined. My parents have mentioned that it was rude to leave as abruptly as I did without giving anyone a chance to try and find a replacement.
So, am I the jerk for leaving the church with nobody to replace me, essentially making it so that church is canceled until they find a replacement?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Maybe the next time your needy pastor calls, you should tell him that you’ve realized something that he has yet to, so you’re willing to help him out: The fact is, any time a person or group decides that there is another ‘type’ of person who doesn’t belong in heaven alongside them, they miss out on all the wonderful things that ‘type’ of person brings to the world.
Tell him you’re surprised and disappointed to see that he is not as interested in the state of your soul and salvation as he is in what service you can provide to his family and his congregation.” Mysterious_Pea_5008
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to worry about yourself and your own views.
And you can actually have church without music. His responsibility is to provide the music. You could have given a little more heads up but you are not in the wrong in any way, especially with his sermon about homosexuality and how it affects you directly.
Move on, block numbers and everyone who yells at you disappointed saying that it’s not good for you to leave, tell them to get up there and sing and play music. Tell them to pray for a replacement, that’s not your job.” Antique_Ad_4413
19. AITJ For Telling My Sister I Won't Follow Her Every Demand Just Because She's Pregnant?
“I (20f) and my sister (22f) have never really gotten along, within the last couple of days she announced that she was 7-8 months pregnant. With the announcement came some very odd rules, Like I can’t have junk food in my house if she’s over, I can’t have my cat around her, he needs to be locked away, I can’t have pop cans in the fridge, and a few others.
Along with the rules came her expectations of me and my other sister.
For example, if she calls us we have to drop whatever we are doing to attend to her hand and foot unless we are at work, if she asks us to do something we have to, and when the baby is born we have to have a car seat and a crib in each of our cars/houses so she can drop the baby off whenever she feels like it.
I told her there was no way that she was just going to drop her baby off at my house whenever she felt like it, I have no issues getting a car seat in my car or having a bassinet in my house if I’m babysitting my niece or nephew but I will not be told I have to because she wants to be able to drop the baby off whenever.
So I told her that I would not cater to her every demand and wait on her hand and foot. She had gotten upset and told me that she would never let me see my niece or nephew because I wouldn’t let her just uproot my life because she decided to make a decision with a man who is 15 years older than her because she doesn’t want to put her life on hold for this baby.
I don’t feel like I am the jerk in this situation I just feel like she’s not seeing things from my perspective like I’m heading to college soon and I’m not going to have room for the baby in my dorm and I don’t feel like I should have to cater to her just because she is pregnant.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can decide to have a baby but it’s her job to raise that child and do what she needs to do. She does not get to tell you in your own house that your cat has to be locked up and what food you can or cannot have in your refrigerator.
That is way overstepping her bounds. And if she’s going to play the stupid game of if you don’t do what I say, you’re not going to get to see your niece or nephew get that on a recording so later in life, when your niece or nephew is older, they’ll know that you wanted to be in their life.
Do not play her games.” Winter_Dragonfly_452
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister is nuts. She doesn’t even live with you and thinks she gets to dictate what’s in your fridge and what you can eat. No thank you. I wouldn’t even buy a baby seat or a bassinet.
Those things are crazy expensive. It is her and her partner’s baby, not yours. You don’t need to do anything. The fact she is making demands and already threatening and using her child to manipulate you speaks volumes. It’s okay to have boundaries, and yours are fine.” Ace_boy08
18. AITJ For Calling My Younger Sister Selfish?
“I’m (27f) the middle child. I have an older sister Lana (32f) and a younger sister Asha (25f).
When Lana was 7 our deadbeat dad walked out of our lives. Lana is the only one who remembers him from back then. And before he left he was totally, utterly cruel to her. Saying she was disgusting, a mistake, saying he wanted her to die, saying she should be punished for what his mom did to him.
All because Lana looked like Deadbeat’s mom. Mom actually had to get the police to stop deadbeat. Then he abandoned us, dodged child support by quitting his job and basically making it look like he had no money, and then disappearing and making sure he could not be found.
We struggled financially. Mom did her best. She was amazing. But Lana? Lana was exceptional. She did more than any kid should do. She even filled in as ‘dad’ sometimes. Both Asha and I went to father/daughter dances with Lana filling in since mom had to work.
Two years ago Asha decided she wanted to track deadbeat down. It was something she wanted all three of us involved in. Lana declined and told Asha she would have nothing to do with Deadbeat. I told Asha I was not interested in finding someone I didn’t remember and who went to such great lengths to abandon us both physically and financially.
She found him and started up a relationship. It has strained the relationship she and Lana have because Lana refuses to be around him.
Asha got married a few weeks ago. She asked Lana and me to be her joint maids of honor. Then announced she invited Deadbeat.
Lana wanted to pull out and not attend the wedding at all. She said she could not be around him. Asha begged her to come and told her she could ignore him and act like he was invisible and she would do her best to keep him away from her.
So Lana agreed.
Deadbeat gave Asha away and was so close to Lana and me as we walked down the aisle. Then Asha tried to get photos taken of all of us together and he stood close to Lana and tried talking to her. He followed her around.
Mom and I both tried to make him stop but he wouldn’t. Lana ended up snapping a couple of times during the wedding. Asha was upset about that. But it was later when she saw some proofs of her wedding photos last week and saw Lana was angry in most of them and saw how clear it was she was disgusted deadbeat was so close to her.
She was SO angry at Lana for ruining her wedding and told her she ruined the photos too by making it so clear she was unhappy.
Asha tried talking to me about her anger and I made it clear I was on Lana’s side. I told her it was SO wrong to be angry when she made all these promises and knew how Deadbeat treated Lana.
I told her she was selfish to hold all this against her when Deadbeat refused to leave Lana alone. Asha told me Lana said she had hoped Deadbeat would die and wanted to know if I still felt she (Asha) was selfish. I said yes.
She told me I should be more understanding because her wedding had lost some of its joy because of Lana.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It seems like your younger sis took for granted what she had (an amazing older sister), and romanticized what she didn’t (an absent father).
Lana did the best she could to stomach her reasonable distaste and stomach your father to support your sister, going far beyond what she should have had to deal with.
Asha’s being very ungrateful and your explanation was warranted, NTJ.” UnequalPenguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Lana is such a hero.
Asha PESTERED Lana to be at the wedding in the first place, then had the AUDACITY to whinge that she wasn’t ‘smiling enough?’
Mystery solved – forced to be in proximity to an abusive deadbeat father would make anyone miserable.
It baffles me how Asha could knowingly want a relationship with Deadbeat and then force him on all of you who have suffered due to him – Asha is a traitor to the family.” HandsomeMD
17. AITJ For Not Giving Any Money To My In-Laws?
“We eloped a few months ago, super short ceremony, photos and that’s it.
We have a business that’s growing pretty quickly and we wanted all our savings to go towards it, reason why we decided not to go for a wedding party. Nevertheless, my in-laws wanted a party because of their traditions (Middle Easterners), after back and forth, we agreed on it with the condition that we were not giving them money, which they agreed to that part.
We went and checked out the event center in which the wedding party would be taking place and we discussed no money would be received from our side, my husband’s dad joked about giving his wife (my husband’s mom) some money from the wedding gifts in which she said: ‘NO, this is y’all’s gift’.
My mother-in-law (which I will be forever grateful for) was in charge of everything, and as expected, we only showed up for the wedding.
The wedding was FULL of their family and friends, which was okay with us, as that was not our money. The wedding day went by, and two days later we met up with them to count the money and write how much each guest gave (again, Middle Eastern tradition).
After we finished counting, we ate and left. The crazy part comes now: as we leave, the mom closes the door so hard that my husband and I look at each other with weird faces.
Two days later I got sick + the same as them, so my husband texted and called them with no answer or response.
A few days later, we were informed that they were mad at us because we didn’t give them money ‘as agreed’, I was like wait a minute. I made sure before we agreed to the party that they understood that there was no way they’d receive money from us.
Today, his brother called and told him that they were waiting for an apology, like ummm whyyy? So, am I the jerk for not letting my husband apologize to his family and not even discussing the idea with him to give them part of the GUEST WEDDING GIFT money?
Should we give them money?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You definitely are missing something. Guests gave you that money for that lavish party. They know it’s expensive so that’s how they balance it. Trust me those people would not have given you money for a courthouse wedding, or they’d give you much less.
I’m Middle Eastern and we literally figure out how much money to take as a wedding gift based on how much a guest costs.” coral_j
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Here’s some explanation for what they were thinking: They didn’t want to claim the gift money but wanted you to cover the wedding costs from the gifts.
It’s common courtesy to decline the first few times before you accept a gift in most settings in Middle Eastern culture. They were doing that.
After you crossed some cultural norms that were not made clear to you, you appeared as if taking advantage of their goodwill.
I know this is exhausting. I myself don’t get most of it and ask my mom for help when I care enough about not appearing rude.
Your best bet is to explain that you don’t get the cultural norms to your mil and ask her to discreetly let you know about these expectations.
I’m guessing your husband is as useless around these norms as I am. Younger generations don’t do this as much as the older generations.” Sea-Ad273
16. AITJ For Expecting The Guy I'm Seeing To Pay For The Cleaning Of My Dress?
“I’ve (27F) been seeing this guy for a couple of months, and we decided to go to a nice high-end restaurant one night. Initially, I was going to wear a nice dark blue dress that I like to wear out, but he asked me to wear a different white dress that I had shown him once as it matched his outfit (I’ve never had a guy ask me this).
The white dress in question was a gift from my late grandmother and was quite expensive, so I was reluctant but agreed and just asked that we didn’t go anywhere after where I might spill something on it or otherwise mess it up (he mentioned clubbing after dinner which is why I said that, I didn’t want to risk messing the dress up) and he said we could just go to dinner and I could change out of it before doing anything else.
Great!
However, the evening took a turn for the worse when he accidentally spilled his red wine all over my dress. He had gotten an unexpected call and when he tried to quickly mute his ringer, his elbow hit his glass and it spilled all over the lap area of my dress before I could react.
It was completely drenched and stained. He was apologetic at the time, and I tried to be cool about it, but inside, I was devastated, especially since I had mentioned specifically how I wanted to be careful wearing it.
Later, I mentioned to him that the dress was very expensive and asked if he’d be willing to help with the cost of cleaning or replacing it.
To get it professionally cleaned and the stain removed would cost $100, which I asked him to pay half of. To my surprise, he got quite defensive. He argued that it was an accident, that I was being unreasonable for expecting him to pay for something like that, and that it was my fault for wearing it out knowing that it could’ve happened.
I feel like it’s a matter of principle. Yes, it was an accident, but the dress was ruined, and it was extremely sentimental to me not to mention a valuable dress. He thinks I’m being materialistic and making a big deal out of nothing. Now, I’m not sure how to feel about his reaction.
AITJ for expecting him to cover the cost?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking him to help cover the cost. But it was an accident so I understand how he could be defensive, but I do not think it is unreasonable for you to ask him to help cover the cost. I would just pay for it myself and stop seeing the guy.
If he doesn’t see the value in something you love/is unwilling to help you with something sentimental to you, he doesn’t sound like a good fit. I can’t imagine my husband being so unwilling to help me out when we were going out — accident or not.” ShannonsParade
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think it was an accident. It sounds almost like he knew that dress was extremely important to you. What man insists on matching outfits?! Really?!
This is an INEXPENSIVE lesson for you, even though it sounds expensive. Pay the $100 yourself and block this guy from your life.
It is as if he got into a relationship with you to somehow (with wine!) make your dress ruined. Like he’s an operative or something.” CarrotofInsanity
15. AITJ For Calling Out Rude Customers At Chipotle?
“Yesterday I was at Chipotle for lunch. It was a Sunday so they were short-staffed, but also a holiday weekend when a lot of people were still with large family groups.
I get it.
When I got there I was probably like 4th in line behind an older couple. I was there for a bit when I realized the couple was taking a really long time to order for what seemed like 15-20 people. Confusing ingredients on individual items, repeating a lot, etc. It bothered me a little because this is exactly what mobile ordering/calling ahead is for.
So they were causing the line to build up. All the employees were making this order, and 3-4 more people got in line while I was waiting.
What made me say something was when the place ran out of shredded cheese – that’s a problem with management and shouldn’t have happened. But the staff realized it when about half of the order was finished, and had to tell the couple this.
Their response was to have the crew disassemble all the food and make them redistribute the cheese across the rest. By this time I’d been 4th in line for 15 minutes and like 10 more people had come in. People in line were starting to get upset and complain to the staff, which was making me angry.
The crew was doing their best and this couple was actively making their job harder.
A great way to annoy me is for entitled people to cause service workers problems. So I said ‘What are you guys doing? Do you see the line of people waiting to order?
Why are you doing this to the employees, just take your order and go’. The husband said that Chipotle ran out of cheese and the staff needed to fix it.
This Chipotle is in a plaza directly across from a Trader Joe’s, so I pointed to it and said ‘Go get some!
Then you can have as much cheese as you want!’ The husband said ‘I shouldn’t have to’. I said ‘Are you kidding me? Yeah, it sucks, but you’re making things MUCH WORSE, and you can fix it yourself.’ He told me to mind my own business, I said they’re making their problem EVERYONE’S, AND they used up the cheese (it would have run out soon anyway but I wasn’t feeling generous).
I wanted to embarrass them into just leaving. Their entitlement won and they stayed, so I stood with my arms folded and glared at them. At this point, I just didn’t want them to feel okay about doing this and to make them think about it in the future.
The employees weren’t saying anything to me and continued as usual once the couple finally left (after like 30 minutes). I did apologize to the cashier for causing a scene and they said not to worry about it.
I ended up getting queso sauce on my burrito instead of shredded cheese, and I think I might like it better.
AITJ for angrily calling out a couple who were knowingly holding up a huge line and making the staff’s job much harder than it should have been?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The couple should have called ahead or got out of line if they realized their order would take so long.
The staff has abysmal line management skills. I worked retail for eight years, you have to train your staff to stand up to disruptions or call for management support or you will get super angry customers behind them. This goes double in November and December when all your customers are in a hurry, cold, and stressed. Also, disassembling food and reusing it is probably a health code violation.
They should have refused to do it.
You didn’t help anything. The staff was already stressed and failing to deal with the large order correctly. You didn’t need Chipotle. You should have just walked out and sent a letter to corporate so that the management at that location could be called to task for their failure to adequately train their staff.” beanfiddler
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except the front-line assemblers and the cashier.
The management for allowing their place to actually run out of cheese… what, it’s a burrito place with no cheese?!
The older couple because for some stupid reason, they decided to go to a burrito place and place a huge specialty order instead of calling ahead, who does that?!
You for losing your cool, but they needed someone to say something… sometimes it’s necessary to be a jerk. So good on you.” No_Mathematician2482
14. AITJ For Not Siding With My Sister-In-Law On Her Parking Spot Dilemma?
“My (29F) SIL (33F) lives in the same community as me and my husband (32M). She and her husband had plans to come by our home after they came back from picking up their 1-year-old son from her mom’s house. When they arrived she was extremely angry and distraught and explained that her husband dropped her and baby off while he looked for parking, but she saw a spot open up nearby so she tried to hold it by standing in the spot with her son in the stroller.
A man got to the spot first and started to back his car into the spot despite seeing her and the baby there and she was forced to move out of the way. She said she went off on him, cursing and saying that he was an evil person for stealing a parking spot from a baby and endangering them by backing into the spot.
The man apparently gave her a big screw you and said her name wasn’t on the spot.
Honestly, I wanted to stay neutral on the matter, especially after my husband confirmed with her and via house camera that the man very slowly backed in and clearly was not trying to run them over.
SIL was clearly upset and shaken up over it but she kept talking about how awful the man was hours after they arrived and her husband kept validating her which made her feel like my husband and I would be on the same page. She kept asking for our input and we kept skirting around it with plenty of ‘that’s crazy’ and ‘so sorry that happened to you’.
I had enough of it and told her that I was sorry that that happened to her and that I understood that it was scary, but even though it wasn’t her intent, she was the one endangering her child by forcing herself and the baby into the road to hold a spot.
There were plenty of other parking spots (she should know as she lives in the neighborhood) and she couldn’t assume that everyone would pass her by when they see her holding a spot just because she has a baby. What if the man got angry and backed in without giving her time to move?
I also told her that she can’t force anyone to not take a public parking spot.
She got huffy and said that she knew I wouldn’t understand because I’m not a parent and that I can’t comprehend how traumatic the experience was for her.
Her husband said that the man should not have backed into the spot and just talked to her if he needed it that badly. I told them that I do understand that it was scary for SIL and that it was messed up for the man to back in, but ultimately, no one is entitled to a public parking spot and she shouldn’t have put her and baby in the street to begin with.
They decided to leave when they couldn’t get me to agree with them and my husband and I feel bad because SIL genuinely was shaken up. Just wondering if we are jerks and should apologize and make peace.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Aside from the fact that, in my opinion, trying to hold a parking spot is a jerk thing to do, doing it with a baby is dangerous.
The guy gave her plenty of time to move. As for ‘if he needed the spot, he should have talked to her?’ What, he should have blocked the street and asked her to move, which of course she would have done. This is the same lady who called him evil for taking a publicly available parking spot.
You responded correctly, acknowledged that it scared her, and didn’t call her a ninny for standing in the street with her baby. They took offense over you not wholeheartedly agreeing that they had the right to that space, because baby!
You are in the right, but this also seems like a strange hill to die on.
Let things cool and then reach out. SIL may be more reasonable when she’s not shaken up.” Shibaspots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she should be shaken up because she did something stupid and dangerous. And once we get stupid and dangerous out of the way, let’s add entitled. Once someone pulled up and was going to use the spot she should have moved immediately.
You can’t be upset if someone starts backing into a parking spot. This isn’t elementary school and there’s no saving parking spots like it’s a seat at the lunch table. She should have immediately moved.” skillz7930
13. AITJ For Telling My Niece And Nephew To Respect My Other Nephew's Boundaries?
“My older sister Madelyn has three children. When she was 20 she married ‘Nate’ and they had ‘Logan’ together.
When Logan was 5 Nate died and soon afterward Madelyn told me I needed to take Logan and raise him because she wanted to go out with men and marry again and didn’t want Logan to get in her way.
I took legal custody of Logan and raised him.
When Logan was 9 Madelyn briefly reappeared after getting remarried and wanted Logan to be a family with her and her second husband ‘Rob’. Of course, Logan was not jumping for joy at this request and he was hurt and angry and told Madelyn he wasn’t going to be their family ever.
Madelyn went to court to try and get her rights to Logan back but dropped the case before it reached its conclusion. The judge had ordered therapy for Logan and once Madelyn heard the therapist say it would be a very long battle if Logan were to ever consider Madelyn and Rob any kind of family, let alone parents, she gave up and stopped the fight to get custody back.
A few years later Madelyn and Rob had ‘Jace’ (18m) and ‘Sophie’ (17f) together.
For more than a year Jace and Sophie have lived with me because their parents have not given them the happiest home life lately. They know about Logan and ask a lot of questions.
Logan and I are still very close and he told me he wasn’t interested in meeting and establishing a relationship with Jace and Sophie. I respected his decision and never tried to convince him.
From the time they came to live with me, I insisted Jace and Sophie seek therapy because they had been through a lot.
I also sat them down and explained that while they were interested in meeting and getting to know Logan, he was not interested and they should respect that. I mentioned this to their therapists so they could discuss this during therapy.
Logan told me a few weeks ago that Jace and Sophie kept trying to communicate with him via social media.
He told me one of them had made a fake account when they realized he would not accept their friend/follow requests. I spoke to Jace and Sophie and told them they should respect Logan’s boundaries.
Logan told me again a few days ago that they found his number on my phone and had started sending him texts and trying to call him.
He ended up needing to block them. He showed me screenshots of the messages and Jace and Sophie have been demanding he see them.
Two days ago Jace and Sophie tried to get my and my husband’s phones to get to Logan. My husband found them snooping through our phones.
We had another talk and they refused to stop. I told them they need to stop because they cannot keep living with me if they don’t. I said Sophie could stay until she was 18 because I would not make her homeless. But I won’t tolerate them harassing Logan and pushing his boundaries like they have.
They told me it wasn’t fair and I was putting Logan before them when they should be my priority.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those two kiddos have a serious lack of respect for boundaries. I guess it’s from their relationship with their folks.
They are harassing Logan, invading your, your husband’s, and Logan’s privacy! And they refuse to stop.
I know this is going to sound harsh, but I actually think you should consider enforcing the ‘You can’t live with me anymore if you continue’ boundary.
The fact is that Logan is your son. For all intents and purposes. These two are not. You are their aunt. Yes, you are putting Logan first, unlike everyone else in his life. And you need to stand your ground on this one. These kids aren’t going to learn anything if you cave on this.
You are a saint. Don’t become a martyr. They will be relentless, because they don’t seem like they’ve been held accountable, ever. Their needs and wants do NOT trump Logan’s. And if they are held accountable and still continue, then that sounds pathological, and nothing you do will help.
Either they will help themselves or they won’t. But Logan needs you in his corner on this one.
You love these kids, too. That’s clear. But love sometimes has to be firm and hard, when necessary.” LucidChaos78
Another User Comments:
“First of all, you are lovely for taking in and raising your sister’s abandoned children.
Jayce and Sophie should leave Logan alone. So what if they are interested in and want to meet Logan? Logan doesn’t want to have anything to do with them.
Look, I might be interested in Taylor Swift. I might have some kind of little obsession and feel a connection want/need/feel entitled, even, to meet her.
But ya know what? Calling her and harassing her is one step from stalking, and you can get arrested for that. Or at least face some legal action and get put on a list.
NTJ, Logan for wanting, and you for enforcing some boundaries.” YouthNAsia63
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Send My Dog To A Boarding Kennel For Christmas?
“My (30f) brother ‘James’ (34) is married to Sylvia (33). Not sure if this is relevant but Sylvia is saying it is so I’m including it – she grew up and aged out of foster care.
I, my husband, James, Sylvia, and my parents were meant to go to my parents’ house for the holidays but unfortunately, they had issues with their plumbing and their house is now unheated so they are staying with me and my husband and the celebrations are now at our home.
This has upset Sylvia because we have a dog.
Sylvia has trauma relating to large dogs and as such is petrified of my dog. He is a very large rescue dog. We are working on retraining and socializing him, but so far he’s been fine around most people.
She knows all this but she is still scared and saying she won’t be comfortable staying in the house with the dog. She suggested we send him to a boarding kennel for the holidays, which I am unwilling to do. He is not good with new environments, or unfamiliar men, and the house is his home, I don’t see a reason to remove him from the environment because of Sylvia’s issues which have nothing to do with him.
The family was split on this and arguing in the group chat, and Sylvia sent a message saying that as a family, we should accommodate her. I replied saying I have a responsibility to my dog, that I adopted my dog, not her, and that if she can’t deal with it then she needs to spend the holidays elsewhere.
This kicked off an argument because Sylvia said I was weaponizing her background, which I don’t think I was. My point was that I accepted responsibility for my dog, for his well-being and his comfort and frankly, the safety of others around him, I have no such responsibility for Sylvia.
My mother is saying I shouldn’t have used those words as I should have known it would be triggering for her. My dad is on my side. James is now saying Sylvia doesn’t feel welcome at Christmas, even though I’ve told him she is very welcome to come to the home as is, I’m just not removing the dog.
AITJ for making that point to her?”
Another User Comments:
“Hi OP!
Can you put the dog in your room with a bed, food water, and a favorite toy or bone while they are there? Look in on him every few hours and of course let him out to go to the bathroom?
You’ll still be able to interact with him when you go to bed.
Not a perfect solution but it’s an idea… better than boarding him… I understand your frustration because this is the dog’s home and you’re basically being asked to get rid of the dog and kick him out of his own home for the holidays… which is cruel to the dog and rude for Sylvia to ask you to do that.
The other option is for them to stay at a hotel or other accommodation for the visit and visit during the day and you can put your dog in another room. Which at least gives everyone a chance to visit.
I could see if Sylvia was allergic but she’s not, she’s just scared of dogs.
Well, lots of people have dogs. You don’t ask a host to kick their animals out if you’re a guest.
NTJ.” princessofIreland
Another User Comments:
“I mean, I wouldn’t have worded it that way, but asking you to board your dog for the holiday is not a reasonable request. It sounds like you could communicate with a bit more sympathy for her, a fear of large dogs especially a trauma-based one is not unreasonable.
Are you talking about them staying through the holidays in your home, or just coming over for dinner? If only for dinner, it shouldn’t be hard to keep the dog away from her, if staying over then she should find other accommodations, or they should host.” No-Yam-1231
11. AITJ For Letting My Wife And Stepdaughter Miss Our Family Vacation?
“My stepdaughter is in high school and has a best friend she’s known since they were babies. My wife and I have 2 children together. My stepdaughter’s best friend has a birthday in December. We are well aware of her birthday because we attend it every year.
This year my side of the family planned to take a huge overseas Christmas vacation which required us to ask the friend’s mother for the party date. We planned and bought our tickets to leave 2 days after the party so that my stepdaughter wouldn’t miss it.
Monday my stepdaughter came home and told us that the party date was moved to accommodate some of her friend’s family members who decided last minute to fly in for it. The problem is that the date was moved to one well after our departure date.
Here’s the problem. 1st, we’re not made of money so for us to change the flight and hotel for our family will more than double the cost. 2nd, it will be a 2 weeks overseas trip so I already had my vacation approved and can’t change it.
If we fly out after the party, my vacation will be cut down to only a week. 3rd, I only get to see some of my siblings at Christmas so if I don’t go this year, I won’t see them until next year.
4th, my entire side of the family planned our vacation around the party date months ago.
My original solution was to tell her friend’s parents to keep their original date since my family planned around their schedule. My wife immediately shot down that idea.
My 2nd solution was for us to leave as planned but change only my stepdaughter’s ticket since she’s on break and is old enough to fly herself. My wife shot that down too since she’s also friends with the other mother and wants to go to the party.
My wife’s solution is for us to just fly out after the party. I don’t like this idea at all because of the added cost and lessening time.
Our talk turned into arguments that lasted all week. Last night my wife put her foot down and said that we’re not missing the birthday party to which I replied that she’s not missing the birthday party.
I told her I was flying out with our 2 kids as planned whether or not she was on the flight.
That took our argument to the next level to the point where my stepdaughter called me a jerk so I tried to ground her at which point my wife said I couldn’t because she was justified. Everything is a mess now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did your wife and daughter fail to notice that although your family planned your trip around the dates of her friend’s birthday party, her friend’s parents couldn’t be bothered to keep to their planned date, and they changed the party date for THEIR family’s wishes?
So in your daughter’s and wife’s eyes, not only does your daughter’s friend take priority over your whole family, but your daughter’s friend’s extended family takes priority over your extended family.
One of two things happened here in the minds of your daughter’s friend’s parents.
Either they have no respect for you whatsoever and expect you to absorb thousands of dollars in fees to change your flights, and expect you to miss half of your family vacation, or they actually don’t really care if your daughter goes to this party or not.
I think the moral rule that should hold here is that you don’t break prior plans because you have a better offer. You made plans with your family, for specific dates, times, and places. You and your family all spent a lot of money on this group trip where you could all see each other.
You would be letting them down if you only showed up for half of it, and that’s in addition to the money it would cost you to change the dates. (And how will your family feel if you tell them you showed up a week late because of a teenager’s party, or if your wife and daughter don’t appear because they rate a teen friend over their own family).
You made a commitment to a particular party date. Your daughter’s friend then changed her party date. A change of date is a whole new calendar item and you have no obligation to attend it, especially if you have a conflict with a prior commitment.
You have a prior commitment because you’ve already bought tickets for your family trip. Nor do your daughter’s friend’s family, or your daughter, or your wife, have any right to expect that their new party date will take precedence over your nuclear family’s existing commitment to visit your own extended family.
The friend’s family is the one who created the conflict by changing the date. It’s not your obligation to change your plans or be jerked around by them.
Your daughter and your wife are being massive brats here and are being utterly disrespectful to your family.” Reasonable-Sale8611
Another User Comments:
“Wow… reasonableness just went right out the window. I am utterly baffled at your wife and stepdaughter’s reaction to this. I’m talking someone explaining differential equations to a golden retriever while blowing in a dog whistle level baffled.
NTJ NTJ NTJ. Everyone knew everyone’s dates.
Everyone knew this trip was happening.
Your wife and stepdaughter are being ridiculous. I cannot imagine that the money (i.e. doubling the cost of the vacation) isn’t enough to change minds. Then of course there are all the time factors, loss of PTO, that you’d be overseas for a WEEK?
Lord, you are barely getting through jetlag and then flying back?
If I may suggest, if it’s that important to them, then you can take the cost out of your stepdaughter’s college fund, savings, sell a car, future allowance, and future Christmas/birthday presents. Obviously, money doesn’t matter to them.
So just say ‘Ok I’ve got 10k (or whatever) to make up. So 10k from the college fund (well 15k to cover all the penalties since this isn’t an education expense). No? Oh… well let’s sell your car… No? Well… I’m taking back all your presents… No?
Well, I thought this party was important to you but you don’t want to pay for the ticket and hotel changes… so I’m getting mixed signals here.'” SoImaRedditUserNow
10. AITJ For Telling My Significant Other She Has To Take A Shower?
“My significant other is not always great about showering super regularly. Now I don’t shower daily either (especially in the winter, it’s not good for my skin), so this isn’t me being super-judgmental, but I’m talking about regularly going 4+ days without a shower.
Hey, whatever. If we aren’t going anywhere, I’m not even going to judge that very harshly because with my office closed this week I’ve been on vacation and have definitely gotten a little gross myself.
For a while now I’ve generally been able to remind her to shower or ask her and that gets the hint across that: yo, you need to shower.
But I’ve been getting more and more pushback.
Earlier tonight the fight we had happened because we’re leaving town to drive and go see her grandparents and we’re going to be in the car for like 5 hours. So I asked if she was showering tonight or in the morning, trying to plan because I definitely need a shower too, and she said she wasn’t planning on one.
It’s been, I believe (I don’t keep a calendar), since Tuesday when she showered last. Maybe Monday. I kinda lost it, and said I shouldn’t have to tell her that going 4-5 days without a shower when we’re going out wasn’t ok.
She was instantly mad that I brought it up at all and stormed off to bed. I followed up with a text that basically said ‘I couldn’t believe she was throwing a tantrum because I told her she shouldn’t go 4 days without a shower, and that while I started off trying to be gentle about it, she needed to take the hint, and that continuing to refuse to shower after someone says: ‘hey I can SMELL you’ is acting like a child.’ I’ve watched countless parents have this fight with (usually) their sons, it seemed like an apt comparison.
She’s upset saying I was ‘disrespectful’ and that I ‘called her a child’ (I said acting like one). I said I was upset that I had to remind a grown adult to do basic grooming tasks. So, AITJ? I just don’t want to ride in a stinky car for hours on end and then go hang out with folks while my SO has actual cartoon smell lines coming off of her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I have been your SO. And it is a crappy place to be, but it doesn’t change the fact that not showering for days on end is gross and affects the person you live with. She’s receiving it as well as I used to, so know that it isn’t just you LOL.
You’re doing nothing wrong by giving her reminders and trying to encourage her to get help.” Latter-Shower-9888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unfortunately, if she’s on meds and in therapy and still can’t muster the executive function to bathe, then the meds and therapy need adjusting.
If she refuses to even acknowledge that, then there’s really nothing you can do. You can’t force her to shower, you can’t force her to get help. All you can do is let her know what is unacceptable to you in a relationship, and then stick to your guns and leave if she’s not at a point to do the work she needs to do, whether it’s bc she can’t do it or won’t do it.” TallLoss2
9. AITJ For How I Reacted When My Aunt Brought Her Daughter To My Wedding?
“I (33F) recently got married to my husband (36M). Leading up to our wedding we had no issues.
The wedding was pretty laid back, with not many guidelines, the only significant one being no children unless they were in the wedding (1 flower girl, 2 jr bridesmaids, 1 ring bearer). I knew that my aunt didn’t like this rule from the beginning. It’s not that we don’t like kids, we simply do not have the capacity for them.
Fast forward to the wedding day. Things were going really well & I was speaking with some other guests when my aunt came up to me with her teenage daughter and announced that she brought her anyway, & that she didn’t think it was a big deal. I was stunned & didn’t really know what to do, & didn’t want to cause a scene.
I hugged her, excused myself, and that was that.
The next day I was speaking with my sister about the incident & she told me to read through my texts from that day. My maid of honor had my phone for most of the day, but my sister had warned me that this was going to happen & that this had been the plan the entire time.
She wanted her daughter there & she was going to sneak her in behind my back. On top of that, I had also found out that my aunt had been rude to many of my guests; ignoring them when they said hi, or straight glaring at them.
I decided I was not going to let this go & was going to text my aunt about her behavior.
I texted my father & stepmother letting them know I was going to be messaging my aunt about her behavior at my wedding & was just giving them a heads-up because drama spreads through my family like wildfire.
I honestly thought they would ignore the text & go on with their lives like they normally do, but instead, they became incredibly rude. Apparently, they had told her it was ok to bring her regardless of my wishes. I was told I was being overly emotional, I was overreacting & that they were well within their right to do so.
They made the decision and that was that. (I will note that they were not involved with any of the wedding. They had made it clear from the beginning that they did not want to be involved.)
I replied back that I was hurt by their behavior, that they did not have the right to do that, & that they were incredibly rude to my husband & me.
I told them I would be sending a message to my aunt anyway & that was that. They did not like this. I sent the text to my aunt telling her the rule was in place for a reason, that we did not have the capacity for kids, & that her behavior toward my guests was unacceptable.
I went so far as to ask her if there was something going on and that I hoped that she was alright. My younger sister sided with my parents, and we haven’t spoken since. I know it has spread around my family that I was disrespectful for not inviting my cousin to begin with and for sticking up for myself to my parents and aunt.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, but the level of disrespect from your parents is astounding. They simply disregarded you and your husband. Do they do this a lot? Because honestly this would have me taking a huge step back and putting them on low to no contact at least for a while while I evaluated my relationship with them and what it needed to look like.
They have no intention of apologizing. You simply did not matter in their equation and they knew it would upset you and did it anyhow. Same with your aunt. They might be family, but they are also repulsive people. NTJ.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
These people hijacked your wedding arrangements in favor of doing what they wanted? What a bunch of jerks.
At any rate, it sounds like you handled yourself beautifully, enjoyed the wedding and reception, and no longer need to feel obligated to acknowledge all the jerks around you.
And if your dad and stepmom don’t like your take on things tell them that next time they get married, they can pay for the privilege of a danged free-for-all.” AndSoItGoes24
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother's Husband To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“My older sister (30f) has been like a mom to me (24f) since our dad died when I was 6 and she was 12.
Our mother was very absent after Dad died. More absent. Dad was actually the stay-at-home parent for the two of us and he was the more involved parent in our lives. They were married, by the way, it was just our mother was the parent who preferred to work and was overall more like the stereotype of a dad who works and doesn’t really do much for his wife or kids.
So you can imagine how hard it was when our dad died.
When I was 9 my mother met Gavin and they got married the day after my 10th birthday. He was very ready to fill the role of a dad in my life but I was used to my sister and didn’t really go to him for stuff.
Instead, I chose my sister. I also disliked him for trying because it felt like he was replacing my dad. He was very unsure of himself and didn’t really have the best guidance from my mother on anything like that. But I did not want him to be my parent and I think even with better advice I would have resisted that.
He tried though and I can admit that and say I don’t think he had any bad intentions generally. I’m sure it was hard for him to want more but for me to never want to try back.
My sister and I both have a very low contact relationship with our mother as adults and I had planned on not inviting her to my wedding at all.
But a family member suggested I should invite her for appearance’s sake and be ready for her to maybe not come. With inviting her though, Gavin is also invited and when he heard I asked my sister to walk me down the aisle he asked me about possibly doing it or having the father-daughter dance.
I told him I would be saving that dance for my sister so we could honor Dad. He told me he would still like to do one of those things and that I am the closest he ever got to having a kid. He tried his best and he feels like I could do that much for him.
I told him I wanted my sister. That she and Dad were the only two parents I ever knew. I acknowledged he tried but I said I never wanted him to be my parent.
He told me it was unfair to deny him this when I admitted myself he tried. He said he feels like I take my mother’s lack of parenting out on him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The bond you have with your sister is such that you’ve already planned how your wedding will unfold. Unfortunately for your stepdad, you only invited them for appearance’s sake. That’s very telling. If he insists on playing a role that was not intended for him, you may find that they may in fact not attend because you are under no obligation to alter your wedding plans for the sake of making a parental figure feel included or fulfilled.
Your own mother undermined any type of bond you may have had that might have grown had she been more present and maternal. Now, you are just being gracious and the bigger person by including them which is extremely generous on your behalf.” roxywalker
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here… except your mother. It’s understandable that you’d want your sister. Is it possible for maybe both to walk you down the aisle? Sister on one side and Gavin on the other? If not then it should definitely be your sister. Also, maybe at some point have a specific song and tell Gavin that he can dance it with you.
It would be informal (no announcement or empty dance floor) and separate from the official father/daughter dance you’ll have with your sister. It’s just a few thoughts to try to compromise if you’re willing.” Tgirl7919
7. AITJ For Telling My Family To Stop Pestering My Son About His Relationship?
“I’m just so sick of family and even complete strangers asking my children if they are in a relationship. I’ve asked them (44f) and (70f) multiple times to stop and now it’s led to this.
After being asked more than a couple of times, my son (6m) said ‘Yes Sally’ (5F) (she’s his best friend, and has been for a couple of years.) I tried to explain he’s too young to understand this and they’re just friends.
Well, last week he was talking to me about Sally, he said ‘She is my significant other, mum… Even if she keeps saying, stop saying that!’ Now of course that caught my attention. I turned serious and said ‘If she is telling you to stop saying that then you need to stop saying it right now.’ He looked shocked and said ‘but I want her to be my SO,’ I then explained that both people have to agree.
Also how men had really scared me by saying similar things in the past, he has to respect her wishes. He was sad but nodded and I gave him a huge cuddle.
Later that night I heard his older brother (8m) asking about Sally, (he’d heard the whole conversation earlier) and my youngest said, ‘No, she never was, she didn’t agree.’ It made me feel sorry for him to hear him say that, but also incredibly proud.
Because he got the message.
Let’s not forget about Sally in all of this. She shouldn’t have to be put in this position, especially at 5 years old! Why can’t we just let them be kids? The thought of my son pestering her to be his SO makes me feel sick.
This never would have happened if they didn’t keep pestering him in the first place.
People have told me since that I’m ‘taking this far too seriously.’ But like many women out there, I’ve had to deal with creepy men and there’s no way I’m raising one.
I’ve since spoken to the relatives and they tried to laugh it off again… This time I put my foot down and said ‘No, your constant badgering has confused my son. You’ve made him feel like he HAS to have an SO. Don’t ask again.
Only talk about it if they come up to you and say they have an SO.’
They won’t be asking again. My only regret is allowing them to brush me off in the past… Thinking about it, maybe I am the jerk, for only being really firm once a problem was caused.
Thanks, guys, be brutally honest.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your family is acting so wack about this. Apparently, even at 6 years old boys are learning to have an attitude of entitlement to girls and you’re not wrong at all for wanting to stop that cycle with your sons.
Of course, you could’ve shut the comments down earlier but you probably didn’t know 1. How seriously your 6-year-old would take it and 2. How much your family would double down on it!” rayybloodypurchase
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. You tried to handle the situation respectfully and nicely, to begin with.
Your intuition told you this was not okay. Now that some time passed, you learned why, this, was not okay. I think OP handled this very well. I think you are wise to pay attention to the examples your son’s elders are setting for him.
He will grow to be a good man because of your guidance. You’re doing good momma, keep your head up.” Lazy-Ad8376
6. AITJ For Not Telling A Coworker Who Likes Me That I Am Married?
“I (27f) attended my work festive party (black tie) on Saturday evening with my husband (30m).
The office has been excited for the last couple of weeks about it as it has been the first festive event the company has held in over 10 years.
There’s been lots of talk about outfits and how much fun it will be etc. We have lots of hybrid and WFH staff, so getting all together is something we were all looking forward to.
My office is split into several departments, and we have 2 floors in our office building.
I don’t know anyone outside my own department and I work hybrid. I recognize people from the canteen and the locker room but I don’t know their names.
There is a guy on the other floor who has a locker near mine, and we have chatted a few times, but only small talk and we never exchanged names.
I never got the vibe that he was trying to flirt with me.
On Friday, I saw him and we had a short conversation about the party. He told me what he was going to be wearing and showed me a photo of the new waistcoat he had bought, then told me that he had bought a top hat to wear because he’d always wanted one but hadn’t had a reason before.
I told him his waistcoat looked nice.
At the party, we were seated within our own department to start and then were free to move about after the welcome speech.
As it happens, I didn’t see Top Hat Guy until I was leaving (I left about 30 minutes before the official end).
We made eye contact, so I smiled and nodded but he didn’t respond. I thought maybe he didn’t see me after all and thought nothing of it.
Today in the office Top Hat Guy spoke to me and told me it was rude to mislead him into thinking I was interested in him and should have told him I was in a relationship because I’ve embarrassed him and ‘strung (him) along’.
He sounded really upset and borderline angry.
I said I didn’t do anything to mislead him but apologized for any miscommunication on my part. Had I known he was interested, I would have told him straight away I was married.
I don’t want to start gossiping in the office and my husband will take my side automatically.
I didn’t think I was in the wrong but he made me feel like I was. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Another guy that thinks that when a woman is polite with him, she’s flirting.
Don’t feel bad OP, he’s wrong.
But talk to your husband and you might need to talk to HR if he misbehaves again.
Just because he gives off many red flags so quickly. I would recommend talking to HR right now but I’d understand if you don’t.” Available-Election86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is why so many women get upset when we are told, ‘You should smile more!’
No, because then random guys I interact with will think I’m flirting with them! I have enough to deal with without having to worry about your offended feelings if I smile too much or too little.
Smile as much as you want or as little as you want, and feel free to be chatty.
He strung himself along. All he had to do was shoot his shot and be willing to hear a rejection. Instead, he got offended that you dared to be married and didn’t proclaim yourself as someone else’s property the moment you met him.” NotSoAverage_sister
5. AITJ For Not Empathizing With My Mom After My Sister Stole From Her?
“My (F 29) sister (37) is an addict and a thief.
She has not gone to jail because she mostly steals from family and friends. Her husband is also a dirtbag and their two kids are headed the same way.
I will not allow them in my house. I will only meet with them in public.
I always bring just enough cash to pay my bill if we eat together and don’t bring anything else.
I don’t know why she is this way. Both my brother (33) and myself have turned out okay. We have education and careers. We have stable relationships.
We are reasonably well-behaved adults and our kids are a pretty good bunch.
My sister just never grew up. She hated rules. She hated that my parents got her to watch me when I was young. She moved out when she was 18, took her education savings account, and spent it traveling around.
I was going to host Thanksgiving this year and my mom mentioned that my sister and her family would be in town. They have not visited for four years. She asked me to include them. HARD NO. I said that wasn’t going to happen. So my mom said she wanted her whole family together so she and my dad would host.
Well, she just called me. A bunch of stuff is missing from her house. Jewelry, sports memorabilia, knick-knacks. Stuff that would be easy to sell on eBay. Or pawn.
I snorted and asked her if she remembered why I did not allow my sister in my house.
She said that when I allowed her to stay with me she stole cash from me and her kids stole my stepson’s video game.
I asked her why she thought they wouldn’t steal from her. She said that I was being cruel to rub it in when all she wanted was family time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is 37 with what seems like a long history of thievery, and your mother wanted you to bear that burden (by asking you, the host, to have them over), then was shocked and surprised that the known thieves… stole her stuff!
My my, who could’ve seen it coming?
Given your sister’s age, Imma guess your mom isn’t a naive teenager and absolutely should know better – her wanting to see her daughter, to have a big family get-together doesn’t mean she gets to not have her mistakes pointed out.
What would she have said if you had caved and your sister had stolen from you? ‘Oh no please don’t call the cops, oh nooo’.
I will go on a limb and infer that your mother’s behavior has something to do with how your sister turned out.” OffKira
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That being said you appear to be enjoying the schadenfreude a bit much. I can’t imagine what it is like for a parent to accept that their child is an addict, thief, etc. They love unconditionally and try to do what they think in their mind is right.
Clearly, your sister has no respect for any of her siblings or parents and hopefully, you can gently reinforce that with your family without being cruel about it.” Outrageous_Fig_7928
4. AITJ For Telling My Coworker's Husband I Don't Need Him To Keep Me Safe?
“I (27F) have been working at the same grocery store for 7 years. All my friends are there and it pays surprisingly well and I usually have a pretty good time there except when my older coworker’s husband (Ned) is there.
I work closing shifts, and traditionally everyone will lock up together and walk to our cars at the same time to make sure everyone has a way home. The neighborhood isn’t the best, but if you don’t go looking for trouble and look organized, trouble won’t go looking for you.
The weather’s getting colder and I like sitting in my car (under a street light and in the middle of the lot where I can see all entrances and exits) a bit longer to let the engine warm up and eat a snack before driving 20 mins home.
The problem is, Ned won’t leave until I do. He will sit in his car, headlights on, facing me, waiting for me to leave. If I don’t leave within a few minutes he will pull up next to me and just watch me scroll on my phone.
I know he’s just trying to be protective, but it actually creeps me out.
I finally told him one night to just leave and he didn’t take it well. I didn’t yell, I just told him (maybe a bit too firmly) that I was an adult and that he needed to go home.
My coworker the next day told me that I really hurt his feelings and that he was just trying to make sure that I was safe, but I feel like I’m safer when he isn’t there and my focus can be on everything else.
I know that danger exists and that I’m a woman sitting in a parking lot, but nothing has ever happened and if someone else started walking up to me, or if a strange car drove into the lot, I feel confident that I can just drive away.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
He was just trying to be kind, and as you said yourself, ‘I know that danger exists and that I’m a woman sitting in a parking lot…’ You said he was older—maybe he is just doing what he would hope someone would do for his daughter (or son, or wife).
He certainly wasn’t doing anything wrong, and don’t let the scolds on here try to twist this into some evil act.
And you did nothing wrong in asking him to leave. You’re an adult and entitled to your own decisions. You’re also entitled to your own risk assessment.
Your co-worker gets picked up every night? I bet she feels less comfortable in the parking lot than you do, and that’s probably what Ned is responding to in your case. But if you are more comfortable, you go for it.
Maybe the lightest YTJ because you could have been gentler and more thankful when dismissing him; this was the first time you asked, so you probably didn’t need to be harsh about it.” quantum_gambade
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for wanting him to leave. You are a grown woman and you can tell someone when you don’t like something.
I would warn you about your mindset. The ‘trouble won’t find you unless you are looking for it’ is a horrible statement.
Yes, it does sound like victim blaming but if someone is going to shoot or rob you, they are going to do it. Crime doesn’t care if you are organized and saying ‘well it hasn’t happened yet’ means nothing when something does happen. There are countless stories of victims minding their own business getting robbed or shot.” Potential_Ad_1397
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend A Family Holiday Dinner Because There Would Be No Vegetarian Food Served?
“My family hosts an annual gathering on Christmas. It’s not a Christmas party as our family doesn’t observe Christmas, but everyone has the day off so that’s when they do it.
I live in another state, 4 hours drive away, so I have only attended on and off.
Several years ago, I asked in advance if it was okay for us to bring a Tofurky because my spouse is vegetarian and no one else in the family is.
My aunt said yes. I brought it cooked, sliced, and ready to serve in a crockpot, so she needed to do nothing except provide a serving fork and allow the use of the microwave to heat up the gravy, which I also brought in a microwave-safe container.
The next year, my aunt decreed no one was to bring food and there would be vegetarian options. I don’t remember exactly what was served, but my spouse said there was basically just salad and potatoes with no gravy for him. It’s possible there were other meat-free dishes that he simply didn’t care for.
This year, my mom, who lives in the same area as my aunt, has been nagging me about whether we’ll be coming up for a visit over the holiday. I finally said yes and gave a date range to include Dec 25.
Yesterday, Mom asked if I had notified my aunt that we would be attending the dinner.
I told her we hadn’t been invited. She then sent me a screenshot of her texting my aunt saying ‘Are OP and spouse invited?’ and my aunt responding ‘Of course!’ Typically one waits for the host to officially tell you where and when to show up before you RSVP, no?
Mom says they probably assumed we knew we were invited. Then, she said she already told my aunt that we would be there!
My spouse was on the text thread with my mom. He immediately said, ‘I’m not going to that dinner.’ Aside from not being given enough food last time, he also reminded me of some ignorant remarks my aunt had made about his vegetarianism years ago when they were first getting to know each other.
Overall he felt disrespected and unwelcome around her.
I suggested perhaps we could eat whatever we wanted before the event and then go for dessert to spend time with my family, but he refused that too as he wanted nothing to do with my aunt.
Due to some other interactions I have had with her, I don’t blame him. I don’t want to go to the dinner alone if he is in fact also in town, because I would either have to lie about his absence or risk drama by stating the reason.
So I told my mom we actually couldn’t make the trip until after the 26th. She then offered to drive down and pick ME up, in other words suggesting that I leave my spouse alone on Christmas. I declined.
AITJ for not going to the holiday dinner and cutting our trip short by a few days?
Bonus question: Should I officially RSVP to my aunt, even though she didn’t officially invite us?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not going, and if mom RSVPed for you, I’d make her un-RSVP for you as well. I’d also tell her exactly why: ‘Aunt is not welcoming of my spouse, so we don’t want to attend her dinner.’ I don’t think you should go without your spouse, regardless of which day the dinner falls on – not saying spouses need to be joined at the hip, but if one spouse isn’t welcomed, the other should stay away on principle – BUT I’m kinda confused at the implied offense you took at your mom suggesting you leave your spouse alone on Christmas.
If you don’t celebrate Christmas, isn’t 12/25 just another Monday?” Ok_Chance_4584
Another User Comments:
“Stop playing telephone. If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to communicate like an adult.
If you actually want to attend, contact your aunt directly, tell her you’d like to attend, and also ask if bringing a vegetarian option for your spouse is okay?
She can say yes or no. If she says yes, great… problem solved. If she says no, send your regrets and make whatever plans.” terpischore761
2. AITJ For Telling My Son To Sign A Prenup?
“My wife and I (48 M) have a son, John (26M), who recently told us that he is asking his partner, Cece, to marry him.
We’ve met Cece a few times before and she seems like a nice girl, but we have concerns about Cece’s family.
My wife and I own a few rental properties and John stays in one of the properties rent-free as he is still in grad school, and free housing is something my wife and I’ve always agreed to provide for all our kids, especially while they are in school so that they don’t have to worry about rent in a high cost of living area.
The concern with Cece’s family comes from having met the family a couple of times before; they seem inappropriately interested in my and my wife’s finances, and Cece’s mother (from what I’ve heard from my other kids and a little from John), is close to retirement, has no savings or plans set up for retirement.
Her mother has multiple times attempted to move in and live rent-free in one of my properties because according to her, it is ‘her future son-in-law’s house’. My take is that Cece’s mother sees John, who is about to graduate from med school, as their retirement security.
John’s my oldest and I’ve signed a will where he gets a large amount of cash plus the property that Cece’s mother was trying to move into. I’m not sure if the mother knows that and that’s why she was trying to move in, but John does know about what he is inheriting.
My biggest fear is that somehow that family will end up with a piece of the house for whatever reason once I pass, John has a pure heart and always sees the good in people, and I think his future mother-in-law will take advantage of that.
When John told me he was getting married to Cece, I requested he sign a prenup to protect his inheritance (and also prenups are advisable in general), but he was vehemently against it. I told him that he would be written out of the will and the house would go to our other kids if he marries her without a prenup, but seems like he is not budging, so I’ve gone ahead and started plans to leave the house to my other kid.
I think I have good reasons to not trust Cece’s family and their intentions with my son. I’m not going to tell a grown man who he can and can’t marry but I want to protect what I am leaving for my children.
My son has stopped talking to me and I’m not sure if I was that unreasonable.”
Another User Comments:
“So, to start I think NTJ. I think it’s really gross of people to start trying to use or parse parts of a future inheritance now.
While your son has good intentions and is pure of heart – he + his enabling future wife and MIL to consider this property his now is awful and gross. I find being this grubby over inheritance gross because 1) it’s not theirs YET 2) it’s like saying ‘I’m so excited for you to pass and I get your things!’ That may not be what is being said, but it’s the vibe.
You also have no idea where life will take you between now and the inevitable. You might need to use those properties to get cash for a number of things that can take place with old age. So these are yours to do what you wish till then.
Leaving an inheritance is amazing and so nice, but certainly not a requirement. Beyond that, your son’s wife and MIL shouldn’t be considered in that – just your kids. It is not your ‘job’ to take care of a wholly different family only connected via marriage.
In terms of what to do… I might just sit your son down and say all of this – or your version of it. That it pains you to see his wife and MIL essentially excited for your passing due to what they think he’ll get and therefore that they will get.
I would remind him that these are your things (house/money) until you pass and who knows what will come in life between now and passing. Beyond that, you have a wife and other kids to be worried about taking care of when that time comes and these people need to not count their chickens before… well they hatch or in this case pass.” LeChatEnnui
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you truly plan on writing him out of your will. He’s going to interpret your actions as trying to use his inheritance to control him. This is unlikely to have the effect you desire which I assume is to protect him from some opportunistic in-laws.
I think you need to remind all parties involved that you are not planning on dying any time soon but you do you plan to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Your investment and real estate portfolio could look entirely different by the time your children inherit.
Your son may himself be close to retirement age by the time you pass. They shouldn’t be making any financial plans based on an expected windfall. He might not even be married anymore at that point!
Do see an experienced estate lawyer to understand what options you have to protect the assets (a trust might be a good idea).” Used_Mark_7911
I think you're being very wise and preventing John from making a huge mistake by getting married without a prenup. And if he doesn't see that, he's either not as smart as you're giving him credit for being, or he's too blinded by love and lust to be able to see straight. You're only protecting your assets for your family. If John isn't smart enough to do the same, he should be written out of the will. Good luck.
1. AITJ For Uninviting My Aunt From My Wedding?
“My husband and I (26F) got married three weeks ago. My husband is from South Africa but I am French.
So our wedding in the Savanna in South Africa was a huge trip for the 13 French guests.
We rented a beautiful lodge where you see lions, elephants, etc. And to thank everyone for coming all this way, we rented it for 2 days.
Day 1: Wedding. Day 2: pool party.
We only invited 30 people, the people we love.
I had a huge argument with my aunt (38F) 8 years ago and we cut ties ever since. But doing the invitations, I thought about how close we used to be. I decided to invite her.
There was no +1 for anyone and so I only invited my aunt.
Not her partner or her kid since I barely knew their names.
My aunt said she was happy but insisted that we invite them. I told her no, but my mom teamed with her and pressured me A LOT during the year. I explained that the ceremony meant everything to us and that we only want people we love to be present.
But my aunt booked flights for her but also for her family. She said it was a family trip but added that she heard some of my guests canceled so there is now space for her family. I told her that it would not be happening but that her family could join us for the pool party the next day.
After that, I got even more pressured by my mom into inviting them to the wedding itself because ‘they are coming all this way’. But I kept refusing and tried to finish my dress without my mom.
On the big day, after the ceremony, my husband and I left for an hour in the Savanna with the photographers to take a few photos.
As soon as we came back to the lodge, my aunt came to me, smirking. She was holding her kid, her partner was behind her.
I’m not the scandal type, I didn’t know how to react. In my disbelief, I kissed the kid hello and shook hands with her partner.
I immediately felt sad for not defending myself.
I then heard my mom and grandma telling my aunt about the extra chairs and food we had and that her family must stay for dinner.
My sister lied for me, saying we don’t have enough chairs because some are broken.
So my aunt announced that they were leaving. I asked why leaving with them, she was supposed to stay for dinner and they were only 5 min away. She replied that she never intended to stay for dinner but that she would spend time with us when they came back tomorrow for the pool party day.
I was shocked.
I replied that I had a change of plans and that she and her family could not come the next day anymore. My mom, usually lovely, lost it and told me that I had no right to cancel my aunt’s invitation to the pool party.
I reminded her that we paid for the whole wedding ourselves and that she has no say in who I host. And I walked away. But she yelled at my back in front of everyone. She was screaming that the conversation was not over and that I better come back.
My sister had to physically bar my mom from running after me.
I still stood my ground and kept my aunt from coming back the next day.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There was absolutely no reason that the child and partner could not have stayed at the hotel/lodge while Aunt was at the wedding and dinner.
Your aunt and her lovely sister (your mother – who didn’t pay for anything associated with the wedding) were out of line.
Kudos to your sister for having your back.
Best wishes for a happy marriage.
Hugs.” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It’s generally rude to invite only one person to a destination wedding and not the rest of their family.
I’ve never known anyone who isn’t single to travel to a different continent on their own. You should have invited her whole family from the beginning if you were going to invite her. And once you knew they were all traveling together anyway, you should have let them come to the wedding.
Yeah, it was rude of her to show up with them anyway and it was rude of your mom and grandma to tell them it was okay. But this all could have been avoided if you had either invited all of them from the beginning or none of them.” User
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