People Solicit Honest Opinions From Us Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Kicking Everyone Out Of My Party?
“I recently hosted a party where I made it clear to everyone attending that I’m severely allergic to fish. So if you’re going to bring food, don’t bring fish. Well, my warning seemed to have fallen on deaf ears as one of the guests brought & cooked fish into my kitchen.
When the party started, for the first like 40 minutes. I wasn’t aware someone brought & was cooking fish inside of the house because I was outside the whole time. When I went inside to use the bathroom. I noticed the fish smell instantly.
I immediately went to the kitchen and told the person cooking the fish to get that crap out of my house. And reminded everyone of my food allergy. A lot of the other people there were already eating some of the fish so now my whole house is contaminated with fish because people were touching it everywhere.
The guy gave me some nonsense excuse ‘Oh you told me a month ago about your allergy you should’ve reminded people’. I then told him that I sent out a text 2 days ago to everyone reminding them & he said he didn’t get it.
Yeah sure.
Anyway, at this point I was panicking because I did not have my Epipen in case I get a severe allergic reaction. Also, I ate some of the food that was being cooked in my kitchen, Food contamination with the fish was likely.
I kicked everyone out of my party, even though it was still early in the evening, and I had invited them all over to celebrate. A lot of them traveled far but at this point, I did not care.
Some of the guests got pissed off saying I could just get rid of the fish & they all could wash their hands & I could just chill outside until the fish smell went away.
I told them to get lost & that they can all blame David for almost killing me. They thought I was overreacting. Which I probably was because again, I was mad. I was yelling at this point.
A lot of my friends said that I ruined the party because I overreacted because I did not have to kick everyone out of the party since they did not bring the fish.
And that I treated David too harshly because it was an honest mistake & they recorded me yelling at him which I honestly feel guilty about.
Was I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most people wouldn’t start cooking at a party they’re invited to without checking with the host first.
And cooking something with a strong smell, like fish, is even less likely. With your repeated reminders to your guests about your fish allergy, it seems to me that David did it on purpose, either to ‘prove’ that you aren’t really allergic (something that often happens because some jerk doesn’t believe allergies are real) or to push you into reacting like you did.
It’s possible that other guests were in on it, and waiting for your reaction so they could film it. Don’t just kick these people out of your home. Kick them out of your life. Anyone who is cool with putting a friend’s life at risk for the sake of a party doesn’t deserve your friendship.
A true friend would have offered to help you clean the house.” Helpful_Hour1984
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Your health and safety come first, especially in your own home. My uncle used to have such a severe shellfish allergy that you couldn’t cook lobster in the house at all unless all the windows were open and he was outside.
Allergies can be severe, and different for everyone. You informed your guests of the allergy ahead of time so there’s no excuse for this. Honestly, bringing fish would be bad enough, but to COOK IT in your kitchen? I wouldn’t cook fish at someone else’s house even if there wasn’t an allergy because it reeks & that’s just rude.
I’m sorry this happened. The process of decontaminating everything had to have been a nightmare. I hope David is permanently off the invite list going forward.” Efficient_Panic_748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy crap. The rest of the family deserves to be kicked out for defending David.
That was not an ‘honest mistake’. That was gross negligence and you could have seriously been hurt. Boundaries mean nothing if they don’t come with consequences. I guarantee no one is going to forget about your fish allergy again. In the future, I would suggest banning people from bringing food at all, and asking them to bring cash if they want to contribute instead so that you can buy all the food.” ghosts-on-the-ohio
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Neighbors To Use My Driveway?
“My parents own a house in Outer Sunset in San Francisco. All the homes in this area are connected to one another.
My next-door neighbors own like 4 or 5 cars and drive their biggest ones (Cadillac SUV and a Chevy truck) through our driveway, in front of the house, and onto theirs.
I saw it happen a few times but didn’t really understand how often it was happening. We’ve installed cameras at the entrance of the property and saw this was literally happening at least once a day. The neighbor’s wife has done this several times on the same day on multiple occasions.
We have no idea how long it’s been going on for.
They have their own driveway but it’s easier for them to drive through ours to get to theirs.
Previously their kids were dumping their excess garbage in our bins. They said we could do the same to them but we never agreed to do it but they went ahead and did it anyway.
In addition, they had their guests park in our driveway and in front of our home without permission on several occasions.
I wrote them a letter kindly asking them to stop but my neighbor responded by berating a contractor that was working on our home at the time.
This ultimately led to a confrontation right outside our homes.
This doesn’t appear to be causing any damage to the property as our driveway and front entrance is paved with concrete. It’s more about the disregard of respect for using someone else’s property for your own convenience without their permission.
AITJ? Am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think your neighbors sound like jerks for the other things they are doing like dumping their trash in your bins (I’d start keeping your bins in the garage where they can’t access them), or having their guests park in your driveway (I’d call a towing service immediately as soon as a car that isn’t yours parks in your driveway.)
But if they’re just coming through your driveway and it isn’t doing any damage to your property, I’d probably let that one go.
People pull into driveways to turn their cars around. No big deal. I would probably be annoyed, but this wouldn’t rise to the level where I would do anything about it, whereas with the other two things, I would.” avocadosdontbite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘This doesn’t appear to be causing any damage to the property as our driveway and front entrance are paved with concrete.’
They actually are damaging the concrete by causing it to wear out faster.
Check the edges of your driveway if they miss the concrete and ‘accidentally’ hit the grass they’re going to cause the edges of the driveway to crumble. That’s why you see driveways with chunks missing off the corners or edges. So, it does cause microscopic damage that becomes worse over time (leading to potholes if you live in the north).
If you pay for trash removal, then your neighbors are actually ‘theft of service’ by using your bins for the excess trash.
Put either a chain or a gate at the end of your driveway and lock on your bins. That sounds like the only way they are going to stop since you’ve already tried the letter route and a poor innocent contractor got berated by them.” naranghim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s not about damage or not, it’s about them using your property as if it was their own.
There was no consideration of you, no asking, just the entire entitled family doing what they want.
Put a stop to it.
Tell your parents it’s time for a fence. Your driveway, yard, and property are not theirs. If they don’t want to play jenga with their plethora of vehicles, they can get rid of some, park some elsewhere, or find some other way.
Period.
Move the trash cans elsewhere and if they touch them, they can get charged with the crime of theft of service for it. If they are making so much trash they need to use other people’s cans, they can pay for an extra one for themselves.
They want to fight with you over using your property for their own needs? Call the police. Every. Single. Time. Document and move on to trespassing them for it.” C_Alex_author
17. AITJ For Not Helping My Mom While His Husband Is Sick?
“My mom and I (25f) have a contentious relationship. We have been mostly estranged for the last 7 years. I say mostly because she has made some effort to stay in touch while I faded away. My dad died when I was 4.
Mom and he were not married but they were together. She leaned heavily on my dad’s family for a couple of years. Then she moved us away so she could start a better life for us. After moving she met John and married him.
I was told, more than once, by John and my mom, that John was now my father and I was told to call him dad, refer to him as dad with others, and not to correct anyone who used the term dad/father.
I was to correct those who said he was my stepdad. I didn’t want to do this but I was punished and John yelled at me multiple times for ‘disrespecting his love’ and I was berated and told he was stepping up to take me on as his daughter and the least I could do is to respect him as my father.
When my mom gave John children, it became very clear he never saw me as his. I was treated differently. I was not given the same anything. Yet the rules remained in place that I call John ‘dad’ and would get punished for any instance of not.
Mom always took his side, always backed him up, and always agreed that he deserved some kind of respect for this stuff. I still have some bitterness over this.
I didn’t want John to be my father but at the very least if I’m going to be forced to address him as such and to correct people who spoke the truth, I felt like I should have been treated better at least.
But that didn’t happen and I moved out the day I turned 18 and stopped speaking to or seeing my mom and John. She would reach out, sometimes I would read or listen to her speak. But I felt good not having them around.
Now John has been diagnosed with a neurological condition and my mom is caring for him. She asked me to come and help her. To help him. To help out their children. I refused. She told me she needed me, they needed me, and I’m their daughter.
I told her I didn’t care, I couldn’t help and after everything they had done, they deserved nothing from me. I told her she failed me as a mother and as far as I was concerned they were already dead and buried and had nothing to do with me.
She said I was being unfair, holding onto the past too much, and lacking in compassion. She tried to tell me to think of the good times. I told her she failed me. She forced me to say stuff I didn’t want to say as a kid in order to appease her husband who didn’t treat me like his kid anyway.
A family friend reached out after the disagreement and told me I should be ashamed and while they were imperfect back then, they are still my family and I piled on a woman who is doing the hardest job imaginable (caring for a sick loved one).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Huge NTJ
Your mom and stepdad both failed you as parents. Both of them disrespected your memory of your father. Your stepdad forced you to call him something he wasn’t entitled to and didn’t live up to. Your mom choosing him and his kids over you – I mean the only parent you had left didn’t want to protect you.
Now she can live by her choice. And that family friend can help her if she is so concerned – because it turns out she is not your friend.
Children are dependent on grown-ups. So when people don’t support their kids when they need it – they can’t expect to get support when they get older.
I wish you a great life and future. Did you ever reach out to your real father’s family?” Ericwyss
Another User Comments:
“Your mother and her husband both emotionally mistreated you. They ignored your needs and your feelings and demanded that you fulfill their fantasies.
You, rightly, left as soon as you could, to protect yourself. That was your mother’s job, and she didn’t do it. She wasn’t a good mother to you, but now she wants the rewards that a good mother would get from her children.
She didn’t do the job, she was instead abusive to you, and she wants the rewards. Her expectations now are a continuation of her abusive treatment of you, another example of her selfishness.
When a parent is abusive to you, you do not owe them anything more.
It doesn’t matter what they need now, or how they want to use you now. They haven’t shown remorse for their mistreatment. They haven’t gotten help to change their attitudes and behaviors. They still want to demand from you that you be useful to them, and comply with their wants.
That’s them still wanting to be harmful and abusive to you, to use you. That’s not how loving parents act.
‘She said I was being unfair, holding onto the past too much and lacking in compassion.’
You are not being unfair. She’s being unfair.
You are fixing the problem of her abusive behavior toward you during your childhood, by protecting yourself from her now. Being around an unremorseful abusive parent only adds to your pain and need to heal. It rips open old wounds and makes your life worse.
Not being around her now is the consequence of her behavior then and since then. It’s not your fault that this is now necessary. It’s her own fault.
You aren’t lacking in compassion. You are doing what none of them ever did for you: having compassion for yourself.
Someone should have. It should have been them. But they failed you. And you are trying to make up for their failure with a lot of extra work as an adult to heal from that childhood.
It’s not holding on to the past, to having to take care of the effects that the past had on you.
It’s working hard to heal from all the things in your childhood that shouldn’t have been there, that they did to you. Your healing from mistreatment isn’t clinging to the past, it’s fixing the damage that they did, in the past, so that your future will be better.
‘She tried to tell me to think of the good times.’
If there were good times, they do not negate the mistreatment.
‘A family friend reached out after the disagreement’
To support you in your pain? To encourage you in your healing and your need for protection?
‘and while they were imperfect back then,’
No, they were emotionally abusive, not imperfect.
Huge difference.
‘they are still my family’
No, they aren’t. They made choices to be abusive to you, to ignore your needs, to demand you not have feelings or wants or needs that didn’t suit them. They treated you like someone not part of the family for all those years.
THEY are the family, but you haven’t been included in that family. This family friend is a friend of that family that excluded you, by their choices and mistreatment. They aren’t your friend, if they aren’t seeing you as a real person, but only like that family sees you: as someone they need to push into line so they can use you.
NTJ. Protect yourself. Everything you say is right about them and the situations. You do not owe them anything. It’s not your fault that you do not owe them anything; it’s their mistreatment that resulted in these consequences. Protect yourself. If that means blocking them all, do it.” blueberryyogurtcup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
People tend to get very selective in their memories of how things happened when it suits their needs. And do they need you… or your money. For seven years he decided he was no longer your father and your mother made only a token effort to remain in contact.
Now there is a need on their part for help, they’ve decided you are part of their family. You feel that your mother failed you and that he wanted the title of a father without reciprocating and giving you what you needed as a daughter. Feel free to walk away with a clear conscience.” Top-Put2038
16. WIBTJ If I Tell My Daughter The Truth Why She's Never Met Her Grandfather?
“My mother was a single parent to me and my two younger sisters (Jess, 34f and Mel, 30f) after she left our father when Mel was a baby. I was 9 at the time.
My father wasn’t a good person. He was awful to both me and my mother.
I genuinely don’t have any good childhood memories involving him. In all honesty, after we left, my mother never spoke of him, and neither did my sisters. When Mel was old enough to ask, all she ever got from our mother were short/vague answers.
Eventually, Jess and I told her the truth — how mean he could be, all his substance issues, all the shouting. Our mom was furious when she found out we told Mel, so none of us ever brought it up to her again after that.
My daughter Ren is 15, and she’s mostly aware of why I’m a single parent. I used a donor because though I knew I wanted children, I worried that any marriage I had would turn into the one my mother endured, and I couldn’t bear raising a child in that.
So Ren knows I chose single motherhood on purpose, but I never clarified that my reasoning behind it was due to my childhood.
She’s always had questions about ‘what happened to Grandpa’ or ‘How come the photo albums don’t have any pictures of you and Aunt Jess before age 9 & 5?’.
I’ve felt for a long time that I was protecting her by not being honest about it, she just has so much faith in others, she believes that everyone deep down is capable of being kind and good. I don’t want to shatter that for her.
It’s not that I want her to be naive, but I don’t want her to lose that hope.
I realize that I should sit her down and talk to her about it because I don’t think it’s fair to keep lying to her, so I’ve told myself that the next time she asks, I’ll be honest.
The issue is that I know if I tell my mother I want to tell Ren the truth, she’ll be upset, just like she was when Jess and I told Mel.
If I talked to Ren about it anyway, knowing my mother wouldn’t feel comfortable with it (because it is her story and not necessarily mine), would that make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ as long as you share your personal experiences that you had with your father.
Don’t mention your mom’s experiences except to say that your mom was very strong and brave to remove you from the situation. Clearly, your mom isn’t comfortable talking about it, which you should respect, however, that should not stop you from being able to share your personal stories with your daughter.” Pepper-90210
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It is an important aspect of her family that she should understand. Your mother’s hesitance is understandable, and it might be good to discuss it with her, even if that means talking about it with your daughter after your mother asks you not to.
The reality though is that it isn’t just your mother’s story to tell. You were mistreated and you own your own story. Sharing that story is part of the lifelong healing process.” Odd_Task8211
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mother has made you feel as if you have no right to tell this truth as if she owns all of the rights to that period in all of your lives.
No – this is your story as much as it is hers, and your truth to tell.
Obviously, you know your daughter better than anyone, so yours is the best judgment to use in determining just how detailed you want to get for her at this age, but I think starting this conversation for her would be beneficial to both of you.
I wouldn’t tell your mom about this conversation until it has happened, and if she gets upset, well, then… she gets upset. Getting upset about the truth doesn’t make the truth any less deserving of being told.” hannahsflora
15. AITJ For Not Telling My Minister About My New Hair Color?
“I (19F) decided to get my hair dyed purple for my birthday. I love it a lot, my parents were hesitant at first but now don’t really seem to mind since I did pay for it. Previous to my major hair color change, a minister (Linda, 54F) at our church asked my parents if I could help out with another church’s retreat.
I said sure as the other church would be paying for everything and I really had nothing to lose.
Linda is incredibly conservative. She obviously dislikes the LGBTQ community, and only got vaxxed because she’s a nurse, pro-life, yada yada. You get the picture.
I showed up to the airport super early for the flight and didn’t tell anyone about the hair because I wanted to surprise one of my friends who was also going with me. Linda and her husband show up and her jaw drops.
It’s super vibrant purple so you can spot it from a mile away.
I ask her if she likes it and she says no and I start laughing because I expected this reaction to be honest. Linda then says I should have told her before tickets were booked and accommodations were made, which prompts me to ask why.
Linda said my hair color is not befitting of a minister and if the other church’s money wasn’t involved she would send me home. She then asked if I could tie it up for the church event which I politely declined and proceeded to berate me saying I wanted to show it off.
(Duh. I spent a lot of money on it.)
AITJ for not telling her beforehand?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not the jerk in any way, shape, or form. Your haircut, hair color, makeup, clothes, piercings, or anything else you choose to do with your body are none of her business.
If people are unwilling to accept help from you because your hair is purple then they don’t deserve it. If her attitude is that of her church then I suggest you find one that understands your value is in your heart, in your kindness and giving, not in what you look like.” loricomments
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I’m totally on your side about your right to color your hair any way you want.
I doubt that anything you do, actually anything most normal people do, would prevent Linda from being judgmental, so you are better off stepping away from her. I wonder if she realizes how many more people she could have working with her if she would adopt more of a live-and-let-live attitude.
Of course, those who share her views of humanity are going to think she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. White bread, obviously…
Also wanted to clarify the way most churches define ‘minister.’ If you are helping to do the church’s work, you are considered a minister.
The one I belong to now, a very liberal denomination, uses this language instead of ‘department,’ for example. So there’s, like, a coffee ministry. And yes, plenty of jokes to go along with all of that.” PandoraClove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no way.
It’s none of her business. And there is nothing in the bible that says you can’t dye your hair any color you like. That’s some toxic twisted ideas she’s got there so for me it would be the trigger to get out of that church. There is so much good that religion can do, but this is the sort of negative BS that pushes people away and harms those who are subjected to it. So so wrong.” Ambitious-Ad3131
14. AITJ For Being Mean To My Sister After She Suggested That I Sell A Car And Give Her Money?
“I am 48 years old, married but child-free by choice. It’s something my wife and I agreed on early in our relationship. We both have pretty good jobs and are able to afford many expensive items and activities. I attribute this to our jobs obviously, but also the fact that we are child-free and live in a one-bedroom apartment.
I own a manufacturing plant that was given to me by my father. On that property, I store 4 classic cars that I have bought/restored. I have always been a car guy. I plan to buy another car in the next year too.
I have one sister who is younger than me and never made the best decisions in life. She has a partner who she lives with after getting divorced twice. She’s also in her early 40s. She has 2 kids who already seem smarter than their mom.
She makes an okay living but she’s the breadwinner. Her partner that she lives with spends most of his time stoned and playing Xbox. He’s always ‘looking for a new job’. Or blaming ‘the capitalist system’ for him not having a job.
Her daughter (10) is a very good singer. I don’t have an ear for talent but to me, She is very good. My sister has wanted to enroll her in lessons with a private coach but cannot afford it. She has asked me to help her out since she is embarrassed to ask our parents.
She also does not speak to the father of her daughter. I declined politely until she made a comment about my money and cars, just another ‘must be nice’ comment I’m all too sick of hearing. Here is where I made my jerk comment.
I said ‘Maybe if your partner can put down the dope for all of 10 minutes he can help you out’ and ‘I have 5 cars I’ll buy another 5 before I give you a dime’. I said her daughter isn’t my responsibility.
She’s got a mother and a father and if they can’t figure it out it doesn’t fall on my shoulders.
My sister called my wife and told her ‘how mean’ I was to her. My wife now wants us to give the money, but I don’t want to.
Sure we can afford it but I’m not my sister’s welfare. Last bit, I’m sure some of you will make a comment about how I refer to her daughter or my niece. They live in another state and have for the entirety of her life.
I don’t see my sister or her kids much at all. I don’t really know her kids too well. I send them birthday and Christmas gifts but I’m not close with them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and once you get started giving her money, it might suddenly become an entitlement.
She can swallow her pride and go to her parents or else kick out the useless guy and make some decisions with her life. It’s unfair to come to you expecting you to share what you have worked hard for and then making claims behind your back.
Don’t let her emotionally manipulate you into submission.” SPolowiski
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, though you could have chosen your words better.
Your father made the business decision to leave his business to someone who could run it. AKA, you. You put in the work to learn the business before your father retired, your sister did not though she had the opportunity.
You now work to keep that small business running, which isn’t a sit-back-and-collect inheritance. Your father didn’t want to leave an easy inheritance before he passed, so your sister, who doesn’t want to participate in the business, will have to wait for whatever she gets later when he does pass.
If she’s got an issue with that, it’s between her and your father. Because if your father had sold the business, she still wouldn’t have anything, as he’d likely have kept the proceeds for himself and your mother.
Your sister is the parent of her children.
She’s an adult just as capable of making life choices as anyone else. She chose to have two kids. She chooses to have a deadbeat partner. There are consequences to supporting a family of four on one income, and sometimes that means music lessons aren’t in the cards.
She also hasn’t fostered a close relationship between her kids and her family. That’s a valid choice, but it means that her kids are just acquaintances to you, and your emotional investment isn’t high enough to warrant spending $2k/year for an extracurricular.
I’m going to guess that your sister isn’t happy with where her life is, is envious of where you are in your life financially and is dealing with all of that by attacking you. You could have worded things more sympathetically (everyone makes choices that in hindsight we could have done better), but in the end, her life is her circus, not yours.
You are not a get-out-of-jail-free card. And your niece will survive without music lessons, as life-enriching as they can be. They aren’t necessary.” Cryptographer_Alone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister didn’t like when you told her no, and came up with a smart answer so you did the same.
You worked and earned the company you received from your father, she made no attempt and showed no interest.
She wants hands out from you and is asking you to pay for luxuries she can’t afford, that’s not right at all.” Kind-Albatross7832
13. AITJ For "Stealing" An Expensive Jacket?
“My aunt (47f) and I (23m) have always had a close relationship. In fact, my parents gave me up to my aunt when I was just five years old, and I’ve been living with her ever since. However, our relationship changed when she married David (60m) three years ago.
My aunt met David at work – she’s a nurse, and he’s a doctor – and they quickly started going out. Eventually, they got married. David is very wealthy and enjoys an extravagant lifestyle. When he found out that I was still dependent on my aunt, who was supporting me through college, he wasn’t too pleased.
Soon after they got together, I was offered an apartment near my college and moved out just before their wedding. Although I’m grateful for what my aunt and David have done for me, I can’t help but feel like David doesn’t accept me and wants to drive a wedge between my aunt and me.
As a result, David and I have a strained relationship. And now, I’m nervous about what’s been happening lately.
About a month ago, I found out that my aunt and David were planning to move to another state. The only reason I found out was that David wanted to sell me some of his designer clothes that he didn’t want to take with him.
Even though I was upset, I declined the offer and tried to be happy for my aunt.
Fast forward to four days ago, I went over to my aunt’s house to pick up some of my things and help her pack. That’s when she gave me a Gucci jacket, saying it was one of David’s that he was trying to sell but couldn’t find a buyer for.
She told me to take it.
Unfortunately, I believed that my aunt and David had talked about this beforehand. But the next day, David started calling me a thief and threatening to press charges against me.
Though I have no problem taking back the jacket, David has already told me he expects an apology and my aunt agrees, I don’t feel I need to apologize as I thought the jacket was a going away gift to me.
So, should I apologize and AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP
I’m so sorry but your aunt lied to cover her butt. Apparently, she’s choosing her love life over her relationship with you, I’ve been there with my mom she was great when she was single until she met a guy.
I’d tell David the truth (he probably won’t believe you, but say it anyway in front of your aunt) then look at her and tell her you’re disgusted with her and to never contact you again.
Either she’ll feel guilt (like she should) and apologize and set things right or she won’t.
If she won’t then at least you know now that it’s a lost relationship now and move on rather than finding out later she doesn’t care about you the same anymore.
I want to clarify again David’s a jerk in his own right, but this isn’t David’s fault.
It’s your aunts. She created the issue that put you in David’s line of fire & lied to him so he’d point his anger at you instead of her. When you love someone you’d do or risk any harm to yourself to protect them.
She obviously doesn’t feel that for you anymore and that SUCKS so bad OP but it’s true.
Sending you so much love and heading, you really deserve it.” AuraRiver
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but your aunt is the jerk here. She a knowledge that he was still trying to sell that jacket, that he was not giving away, and still gave you a very expensive piece of clothing? And when he said you should apologize she backed him up, even though she knows she gave it to you and there’s not a reason to apologize? What’s up with her? But you were naive too.
You don’t have a great relationship with David and you heard her saying he was trying to sell that jacket. Why would you think he would be okay just giving away a very expensive jacket to you, a person he doesn’t like if he was trying to sell it? NTJ but I think you should apologize and just be over with it, it’s not worth the headache.” jenesuisunefemme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The apology should be, ‘I’m sorry that I accepted this from my aunt without checking with you that it was to be given away.
In the future, I’ll be sure to ask you if she tries giving me anything of yours.’
She threw you under the bus. No matter how close you were, she’s helping with that wedge you say David is driving between you. For all you know, he’s just reacting to things she’s saying to him when you aren’t around.
She GAVE YOU the jacket. Now she’s claiming you need to apologize? You really don’t owe anyone an apology because you did nothing wrong but I do suggest apologizing to David and making it clear that you never intended to TAKE anything, and only did so because SHE GAVE IT TO YOU.” Ok-Force8783
12. AITJ For Having A More Beautiful Wedding?
“I’m (29f) from a middle-class family and have an older brother (35m), let’s call him Adrian. He is a self-taught software engineer and makes pretty good money.
A little over 1 year ago he married his partner (28f) of 6 years, let’s call her Heather.
She’s not a bad person but I think she’s a little bit spoiled. She’s the type that loves to brag about all the expensive stuff her husband bought her and their wedding was pretty extravagant. She still loves to talk about how it was the most amazing wedding she’s ‘ever been to’.
My brother is kind of wrapped around her finger but it never really mattered until now.
I met my fiancee (36m) about 4 years ago. It was a business event and he owns a decently sized and very successful company. So saying that he’s extremely wealthy.
Since he grew up less than he loves to spend his money on things he and his family could only dream about before.
One of those things is, of course, our wedding. He wants to go all out and hired a somewhat well-known wedding planner to arrange everything.
Honestly, I’m pretty excited. I never dreamed of such a luxurious wedding but now that it’s happening it feels like I’m living some wild dream I never even dared have. Like a textbook fairytale.
Recently I was at a family gathering and was hanging out in the living room with my mom and Heather doing ‘girl talk’.
My mom started asking me how the planning was going and when I told her about everything we were doing I could see Heather go pale and then extremely red in the face. She was quiet for the rest of the night.
The next day Adrian called me and said that Heather was extremely upset and felt like I was trying to one-up her wedding. She said I was trying to ‘upstage’ her because I never expressed a desire for a ‘fancy’ wedding before.
He asked me if we could tone it down so it doesn’t exceed the budget they had for their own wedding. I laughed because honestly, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and then I naturally said no. He sounded upset and hung up.
A few hours later Heather calls and she starts yelling at me, repeating mostly the same stuff, saying she knew I was always jealous of her and I’m only with my fiancee because he’s rich and I want to rub it in her face.
That made me snap and I said ‘If you’re that obsessed with money maybe you should have married someone else instead of my brother, if anyone’s jealous of someone it’s you’, she screamed at me and started crying before hanging up.
Now Adrian is angry and calling me a jerk for insinuating she shouldn’t have married him, and my parents think I was too harsh on her when I ‘know she’s always been material’ and are asking me to lower our wedding budget to appease her.
I don’t want to. My fiancee definitely doesn’t want to. But I don’t know if that makes me a jerk or not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she is actually the ONLY one making comparisons! How bizarre. Her behavior is just… woooowww. It isn’t HER wedding, it isn’t about HER.
She seems to want to make YOUR wedding HER problem and that is not healthy behavior. I think the girl needs serious therapy and to work on some self-esteem issues.
If MY friend or sister-in-law was able to have a fairytale wedding I would be SO HAPPY for her and would feel honored to go and watch and participate in whatever way they wanted; guests or wedding party, doesn’t matter.
Normal people are HAPPY when others get a windfall in whatever form it takes, they do not get unhinged and scream at you for it. I’m so sorry this unpleasant person is now part of your family. I hope she can work through this, if not you may have to go low contact with your brother, and I’m sure that hurts.” SageGreen98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your SIL is obviously jealous…
money doesn’t buy happiness, but it should be concerning that a married person is so focused on the budget for someone else’s wedding compared with their own. Sounds like there are concerns about their marriage if that is her focal point.
You and your fiance have every right to do and spend whatever you want for your wedding. You might not have expressed interest before, but that doesn’t mean anything now that you’re actually engaged. Plans change.
Word of warning – prepare for the exact same thing to play out if and when either of you has kids (including names)!” txa1265
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If Heather never wants to go to a wedding with a larger budget than hers she can respectfully decline your invitation. Your family is being very weird with the requests to tone it down. No matter how wealthy you are there are always going to be people who are wealthier (unless you’re the one person who’s the wealthiest in the world, I suppose), is she just going to avoid those people for her entire life? Maybe she should move to an impoverished community where she’s guaranteed to be the only one with a Birkin.” Much-Pumpkin-3706
11. AITJ For Telling My Dad He And His Wives Should Learn To Look At Themselves?
“My dad has me (16m) and my brother (11m) and our mom died 8 years ago. Dad met Shantell 6 years ago and they got married 2 years ago. Her son is 10. My brother and I have known Shantell and her son for almost 4 years now but not 4 years yet.
Shantell’s son Kyle is an only child, has no dad, and no extended family, and he latched onto me fiercely when we met. It was frustrating how he’d insert himself into stuff with my brother. He’d invite himself along. He would try to touch me and hold onto me and my dad and Shantell told me to allow it and hug him when I’d tell them it made me uncomfortable and annoyed me.
Eventually, I started to stop him and tell him not to touch me and not to cling to me.
Dad and Shantell realized the three of us hadn’t bonded the way they wanted us to, for Kyle, so they insisted on leaving me with both him and my brother and having me babysit them while they left the house.
This was during the day and night. Dad would also set up times when I had to take them to the park.
So I should bring up that my brother and I are close, like super close. We lost our mom, all four grandparents, and our only uncle (we have aunts) in the space of like 3 years.
Losing them made us closer. I was always an affectionate big brother (my mom used to say that) and our relationship is so easy and natural that we hug, or I’ll ruffle his hair or he’ll sit on me sometimes if he wants something.
None of it is forced and it just kind of happens.
Kyle saw a lot of that during the forced babysitting, the forced park trips, etc. And he never got to hang all over me or be my shadow like he wanted and I’m not affectionate with him and it’s caused him to have trouble dealing with stuff.
Shantell was concerned and so he went to therapy for that. He admitted to being jealous and that he hates my brother. But he also wants me all to himself. He’s still in therapy but he told Shantell that he’s never going to be happy not being my brother.
Shantell and Dad blamed it all on me. They said I had a responsibility to Kyle to be a good brother to him and that it was my job as the oldest to look out for him and make sure I was loving him the same as I love my brother.
My dad has brought it up a couple of times on his own as well and the last time I told him that he and Shantell should look at themselves because they knew Kyle was seriously clingy with me and they sent him out with me and my brother knowing we’re close and have an affectionate relationship and did nothing to make sure he’d be okay.
He told me I should have put my own feelings aside and done what Kyle needed me to do. Shantell was like how dare I blame them and she called me evil for blaming them when I have destroyed her son.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And yes, it is your father and stepmother’s fault. Kyle should have been told that the two of you are brothers, plus you’ve both suffered the same serious losses in a very short time. That means the two of you have a special bond.
Kyle needs to be taught his bond with you will be different because of that. And he cannot force it, otherwise, that will only drive you further away.
And no one should ever be forced to accept affection and clinginess from someone if it makes them uncomfortable.
You have the right to pick and choose who’s allowed to touch you.
I worry about you, to be blunt. In a few years, you’re going to be able to live on your own. And you’re going to want to have contact with your brother.
I suspect your father and Shantell will forbid your brother from coming to see you unless Kyle can go, too.
Perhaps if you could persuade your father and stepfather into family therapy, the perspective of a qualified professional might help you.” RighteousVengeance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Relationships form naturally.
As you stated you and your brother have gone through a lot together, and through it all a special bond has formed. That’s not something that just walks into your life.
Your father and Shantell should have had Kyle in therapy from the onset.
Family therapy might even be the way to go here as well since your parents are trying to force emotions instead of fostering them. Kyle clearly is trying to fill a void in his life and I feel sorry for him, but you can’t be forced to fill it.
Blending families is hard, but it’s not your responsibility as one of the children to make the dynamic work by forcing a relationship that isn’t there with Kyle. It’s up to your parents to help you all find your natural dynamic.
Best of luck to you.” AuBonPITA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you cannot create feelings for someone unless you feel it. Your dad and his wife are being terrible parents as they need to find the kid some friends to be with than dumping him on you.
You and your brother have a close bond and that’s something for life that a third person can never get to. But it’s not his fault as he doesn’t know what to do and he looks up to you. Just watch out for your brother and the kid does sound like someone who may do something to your brother.
It’s just my gut feeling speaking and thought of mentioning it.
If you don’t feel like it, refuse the forced babysitting and tell your dad to find someone else for the kid to play with. It’s not your responsibility to keep his wife happy and the kid of his wife is their bloody problem. I don’t think you see your dad’s wife as your mom and whatever she says isn’t of any worth as she seems to be looking for an easy way out.” SPolowiski
10. AITJ For Suing My Brother For Not Paying Me Back?
“As a Christmas present, I decided to take my mom to Vietnam and Hong Kong. I was in a position where I could pay for her and myself.
I did everything, booked the hotels, and booked tours. Before going on the actual trip, I asked every family member if they were interested in joining our Vietnam and Hong Kong trip.
My younger brother said he wants to go. I did tell him that I am going to book everything because it is easier for us to make sure we have the same reservation and that he is to pay me back and he said he agreed.
I also told him that he has to share the expenses of the trip as well, but I will pay for myself and our mom and he understood that too.
We went on a 23-day family vacation trip to Vietnam and Hong Kong, which total approximately $13,000 total.
During the trip, I told him that since I don’t need his part right away, he can pay me when I get accepted to Med or PA school. This was back in 2019.
Fast forward to 3 months ago, I approached him to ask him when he has the funds to pay me back.
He lied straight to my face and said ‘I already paid you.’ I said ok, can you show me a receipt that you paid me? I don’t see it in my bank statement or email. Then he starts to yell at me saying ‘I AINT PAYING YOU ANYTHING!’ He claims that since ‘I don’t do anything around the house,’ he owes me nothing, which is not true at all.
I help out the house a lot and more than he knows. He didn’t even bother to ask how much he even owes.
During this argument, I told him that if he doesn’t pay me then I will sue him. He said ‘FINE GO AHEAD.
I DON’T CARE.’ 3-months have passed, and I have been holding onto the complaint paperwork and all the receipts I have for our vacation trip just to see if his attitude towards me or towards the situation changes. But, it hasn’t and I have had enough of it.
What made him cross the line was that he continues to lie and refuses to take any responsibility. I have bought a very expensive air fryer and I told him that if he wants to use it, this is how you take care of it (this was sent via text with my older siblings CCed on it).
He refuses to do it, and then one day, it stopped working. I confronted him about it and he told me ‘I DIDN’T BREAK IT, I NEVER USED THE AIR FRYER.’ That is also a lie and this is when I realize that he will never take responsibility and will lie about it.
So, I have officially submitted a complaint against him to pay me back $3000 (less than 1/3 of the cost btw). I have always told our parents and siblings that he needs to go to counseling or therapy because he has issues that he needs to work out.
If I do win the case, he can either pay me back for what he owes or he can agree to use what he owes me to go to counseling/therapy to work out whatever issues he needs to work out.
AITJ for reaching this point and suing my younger brother for a family vacation that I paid for?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re never gonna see a dime of that money.
You can probably file for free in small claims due to it being under 10k, but the fact you have no written agreement and it was 4 years ago at this point is shaky at best.
Now, I am not a lawyer, but even if you get a judgment, now you’re spending even more money, time, and effort trying to collect.
I’d just chalk the whole thing up to a loss and never ever in a million years let him get another dime out of you.” EnricoPalazz0
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks her e- You vaguely ‘loaned’ money to family, with no written anything, decided by you since you wanted to handle everything, then expect them to just come up with the cash years later that he probably didn’t even know the full amount.
Did he have input into how expensive this trip was? Did you keep him updated with the tally that he owes you so he could opt out of things that were too expensive for him? Do you even have a way to prove this was a loan?
Don’t loan money to family.
Not only is it a huge risk financially but it can destroy families. People will take sides and not necessarily the one you want them to. There’s also no guarantee you’d win that lawsuit.” MarxCosmo
Another User Comments:
“Unless you have written evidence of him agreeing to pay his share, it’ll be difficult to prove your case.
You have receipts of payment… but unless you can clearly establish that he agreed to repay you (emails? texts?) he can argue that he thought it was a gift, or that he didn’t know that he was expected to repay you. You’ve already said that he lies a lot… so of course he’ll deny agreeing to repay you. The only question is what excuse he’ll give. NTJ, but good luck with the case… you’re going to need it.” canuckleheadiam
9. AITJ For Not Making Wedding Weekend Plans?
“I (26) and my now husband (30) chose to have a destination mountain wedding between the holidays in a small town (about 10 hour’s drive from where most of us live). From the beginning of planning, we decided that we didn’t want much help paying for or planning the wedding.
We wanted this day to be for us.
Fast forward to the trip, my MIL, FIL, BIL, as well as my best friend and her partner, and my husband and myself all arrived early in the week and were staying til Monday.
Most guests, including my parents and sister, were staying from Friday-Sunday.
I was in a group chat with my family and they had made a plan to go to a town about 30 minutes away for dinner. I was a bit confused by that being there was a restaurant on-site and they had just been driving all day.
Granted, that restaurant is hard to get into because it was around the holidays and you need a reservation (also if you make a reservation but don’t show up, it costs you $25/person and you can only reserve up to 10 spots under your name).
So I bought a bunch of pizza and had it hot and ready in the lobby for people to eat once they arrive.
My in-laws had a reservation at that restaurant for 7:30 pm that Friday night that was supposed to be for my husband’s family, but a lot of them ended up getting sick and canceling so they had a lot of extra seats to fill.
So they offered the spots to the people who had come early in the week, me and my husband, plus my parents (who said no).
We show up at the restaurant and my family (including my mom) is already there giving me the stink eye because there was a whole section for my in-law’s reservation but my family (like 20 people) were sitting by the bar, which was in the same room! I went over to them and they gave me the cold shoulder.
My best friend stood up to give a toast and none of them turned around to even acknowledge it. I went outside very upset and my family ended up leaving to go to the Chinese restaurant down the road. Apparently, they were talking trash about me saying they wish they hadn’t come because I ‘planned the weekend poorly and they expect better treatment.’
My birthday was a few days ago and this all came out with them saying I looked bad for not having seats for them.
Two things to note: I had pizza for them in the lobby and they said they were going to some German restaurant.”
Another User Comments:
“Sooo… Gently because I don’t know if this was ignorance or intentional oversight but…
YTJ
Unfortunately, when you make a destination event that is not very close to other venues, you should at least provide avenues for people to eat, and find some entertainment.
You don’t necessarily have to pay for everybody but it would’ve been nice for you also to ask your relatives if they also wanted a reservation at the restaurant. You admitted it was busy and for them to find out last notice that the only seating they had was at the bar did not sit well with them.
Not that they sat at all anyways.
Your in-laws kept this in mind and made reservations for their side of the family to be able to have a meal, and you didn’t have the same consideration.” Zookeeper-007
Another User Comments:
“It seems like there was a serious miscommunication and misunderstanding of expectations here.
I would never expect to go to an out-of-the-way destination wedding for an entire weekend that somebody else planned and expect to be served pizza sitting in the lobby, and would certainly want to know if there wasn’t much food available locally, even if it was just on the wedding page or whatever.
I also think that you’re failing to communicate properly. You’re not being treated poorly for not planning out an entire wedding weekend, you’re being treated poorly for failing the basic task of ensuring your guests have food appropriate to the event they are attending.
I’d say that YTJ here, but more out of apparent cluelessness than anything.” Milskidasith
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Standard wedding programming involves a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding followed by welcome drinks.
You didn’t plan anything of that sort. Which, fine maybe not your style.
No one has to do the rehearsal dinner stuff if they don’t want. Though it is pretty tacky to have a destination wedding and not have some sort of event the night before for the people who take the time and money to travel ahead of time.
And no, lobby pizza isn’t an appropriate welcome event… this is a wedding and not a college orientation.
But then to make it worse, you showed up at the restaurant to what was a reservation just for your in-laws. Your own parents were only invited as a last-minute seat filler.
They turned it down because they were rightfully insulted to be treated as an afterthought. Plus, your best friend giving a speech pretty much made the dinner into a rehearsal dinner even if that wasn’t the original intent.
So in the end, it looks like you planned a rehearsal dinner just for your in-laws. You threw a last-minute invite to your parents, who should have always been invited, and are shocked your family feels insulted?” businessboyz
8. AITJ For Not Getting Two Watermelons?
“My partner (27) and I (25f) are living together for a few months now. He grew up in Palestine, and I am from Northern Europe, so our cultural backgrounds are very different in some aspects. As soon as we moved in together he became a homebody while I still keep up with friends the way I did when we had separate homes.
Though I respect his wish to stay at home more. And spend more quality time with him than anyone else. A friend of mine (we are all students) was having a birthday bbq and everyone brought something to carry the costs.
My partner was invited but didn’t want to come with me, so I prepared to go alone and walked to the grocery store to buy a big watermelon as my bbq contribution. When I came home my partner got really upset because I didn’t bring a watermelon for him as well.
He said if I buy one for others and not for him as well it’s an insult and shows that I don’t value him. I tried to talk about it more but he shut down. I think there are underlying issues here he projected onto the watermelon moment but I am not sure.
Or this is a couple of things I’m doing wrong (‘always gift your spouse what you gift others’). It’s my first relationship so I’m new to a lot of stuff. Was I being a jerk not bringing him a watermelon as well?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Next time, get your friend a pack of tampons.
And make sure to get him one, too!
I don’t care what culture he comes from, communication is always a good thing. We have different standards and therefore, we have to actually talk about things.
If the dude wanted a watermelon, he has a mouth.
He can ask you to pick up a watermelon. If he expects an equal present every time you go hang out with your friends, he can talk about that… but he’s going to end up with ‘tampons’ every once in a while.
Seems weird to me, but if it’s communicated and agreed upon, it’s not really a problem.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think the only way he could have had any standing here and you could have been a jerk is if you were taking something homemade and didn’t leave something aside for him.
Baking your grandma’s famous cookies, your aunties secret brownies, your oma’s olie bolen? Of course, you set some aside for him. Tossing up an amazing taco salad, bringing the best potato salad ever, and making the pasta salad that won first prize at the fall fair? Yeah, there’s a bowl in the fridge for him.
Feeling fancy and making a charcuterie board, a fruit tray, a cheese board, or a veggie tray? Easy peasy to make an extra plate and set it aside for him to snack on later.
But a whole watermelon? Who does he think he is, Patrick Swayze? Holding it against you and being cold for this long afterward is definitely some dirty dancing on his part.
He’s either got some other big issues going on that he doesn’t know how to address, and is using this as an excuse, or his true colors are showing and this is what your relationship is going to look like (if not worse) as long as it lasts.
Either way, get to the bottom of it and act accordingly. Good luck!
Remember, nobody puts baby in a corner.” violet_73
Another User Comments:
“Unless there’s some cultural difference I’m not aware of then you’re definitely NTJ. He was invited to come to the party and if he had, he could have eaten all the shared food that was there.
It’s ridiculous of him to expect you to cater for him separately if he decided not to come. Plus, watermelons are heavy to carry around. This may be part of a bigger problem he has with you going out without him, but it’s not healthy to lose your social life and your friendship group, so please don’t do that.” Yikes44
7. AITJ For Thinking My Sister Is Lying About Being Lesbian?
“My sister was always a tomboy and she made it clear very young that she is into girls. She didn’t even have to come out, as she has been talking about her girl crushes since middle school.
She has a really close best friend, Ben, who was always allowed to come over and even sleep at our house because our parents viewed him as just a friend.
Meanwhile, I was never allowed to have boys over. Their relationship was always a bit suspicious to me, because they were always very close physically, playing wrestling with each other and such.
She is 19 now, attending the same college as Ben and they even live together as ‘roommates’.
She came home last weekend and announced that Ben and she are together now. Our parents were really surprised, but they didn’t say anything.
I pulled her aside to ask what was up. I see two options: 1) She is not into Ben, but suddenly decided to use him as a beard and go back to the closet for some mysterious reason.
2) She was always into him and they had been secretly seeing each other all this time, and she purposefully lied to our parents to be able to spend more time with Ben.
She said that she didn’t lie, she needed time to figure out her sexuality, and coming to terms with her being bi when everyone treated her like a lesbian since she was 8 didn’t make it easy for her.
She also said that if I have a problem with our parents not letting me have boys over, I need to take it up with them, not her.
Then she treated me awfully the whole rest of the weekend. I think asking her what was going on was an absolutely fair question and her reaction is over the board.
But on the other hand, I’m straight and I have no clue how it is to grow up openly lesbian/closetedly bi. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, as a lesbian – her explanation makes perfect sense. Additionally, you’re missing a third option 3) she and Ben were friends for that entire time but she repressed/didn’t understand her feelings and it took til college to understand her feelings for him.
I know people who identify as gay but later realize they’re bi. Sexual identities are fluid! You’re not a jerk for not understanding this, but YTJ for how you handled it.” bishop0408
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your sister is right, on every count.
It takes time to sort out one’s sexuality, sometimes.
If 75% of her attraction is to women, 25% to men, and 100% to Ben, that’s between them.
And she was never ‘closeted’ bi, or closeted anything. Being confused or unsure of one’s sexuality is not the same as being closeted, and it doesn’t sound as if she actually hid anything.
And she’s also right that any problems you have with your parents’ rules are between you and them, and not her responsibility.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, why do you care whether or not she is bi a lesbian, or straight? She was a young girl trying to figure out who she was.
Like most young kids they don’t know what they don’t know and things change. I mean for crying out loud there are plenty of people who have male/female relationships and end up getting married and then things change where one of them will come out and truly express their sexuality. So much pressure is still put on people to have what traditionalists consider a normal marriage or relationship. You should be happy for her and Ben and not accuse her of secretly having a relationship with him.” NearbyTomorrow9605
6. AITJ For Asking My Brother-In-Law To Move Out?
“I (30f) have been married to my husband (30m) for 10 years and we have 3 kids together. We move around heaps and it’s always been just us but when hubby’s younger brother (22m) asked to move in with us, I said ok as long as he doesn’t expect us to support him because hubby’s the only one working full-time and I’m still on mat leave.
BIL agreed that he’ll pay board and will get whatever job comes his way because he wants to help us financially. Hubby & I agreed that his brother won’t have to chip in until he starts working and maybe get a car.
Unfortunately 3 months into his moving in with us, we were told that our rent was increasing by 320/month so I ended up asking hubby to ask him to start paying 100/week when he gets a regular job as the living cost is also increasing.
Hubby said he’ll work more hours or we’ll move to a smaller house cause he doesn’t wanna push his brother away and that he has been doing odd jobs here and there in those 3 months but nothing sticks and he prefers not to do hard labor and fast food jobs.
I told hubby beggars can’t be choosers and that we’ve not asked him for a cent the whole time he’s stayed with us but we’ll give him another 6 months and if he still hasn’t found a part-time or at least a casual job that he goes to regularly, he’s going to add financial strain on us so he needs to either go live with his other brother who lives interstate (we’re in Victoria, he in Washington) or move back to New Zealand where the rest of the family are.
Hubby told his brother this and his brother decided to ask my MIL to get him a ticket home next week. MIL is on my side cause she said BIL is an adult who needs to get his act together and only wanted to move in with us when they asked him to start paying board but hubby is telling me that I don’t know what it’s like to have a close relationship with my siblings and that I made him push his brother away.
I thought I was being reasonable but I’ve always lived away from my family so now I don’t know?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hubby was on a one-way track to many years of enabling and subsidizing his brother at the expense of his children.
Seriously, he was willing to take on more hours/side jobs (meaning less time at home to help OP/see his kids) AND move his family of 5 (6 with bro) to a smaller house so brother didn’t feel pressured to contribute.
Brother needed a kick to get motivated and instead of seeing what he needed to do, he instead tried to repeat the act somewhere else.
Good job getting him out with minimal drama.” ABeerAndABook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Hubby is telling me that I don’t know what it’s like to have a close relationship with my siblings and that I made him push his brother away.
This is a really low blow.
I am close with my sister and we would certainly help each other out in hard times. But neither of us would tolerate this kind of straight-up freeloading from each other.
Your BIL sounds like he’s dealing with ‘failure to launch’ and your MIL seems to know it.
Your husband is NOT helping his brother, he’s enabling him, and that’s not good for him in the long term.” crockofpot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His plan was likely to freeload as long as he could… now he’s off to the next sucker.
And closeness has nothing to do with it. The BIL is knowingly costing you guys more money and taking money away from supporting your children. He knows what he is doing. He is able-bodied but lazy and doesn’t see how his actions are affecting his family. His brother cares more about him than he does for your whole family.” oldwitch1982
5. AITJ For Hesitating Buying My Partner A Replacement Jumper?
“I (23M) work from home while she (22F) goes into the office, so very often I’ll be the one doing laundry. We have one laundry basket that we mix our stuff in together. I usually do 30C for darks and 40-60C for whites depending on what’s in it.
Whenever there’s something in the basket that needs a delicate wash etc. She’ll tell me about it, or I’ll tell her about it so that it doesn’t go it.
Well, she just got a new £85 wool top (that I didn’t know was wool).
It was in the laundry basket, with no mention of it being a handwash item. I put it in normally (30C, with everything else) and obviously, it shrinks. She gets up for work this morning (I lie in a little bit as I don’t need to get up for a while after).
She comes in ballistic about it, and I didn’t really know what was going on as was groggy, so offered to buy a new one (not really knowing what it was/what happened). She goes and continues to get ready, but I had time to actually think about it.
I do get that I messed up and maybe should have checked all the labels, but we never have to do that because we know what each other’s clothes are, and tell each other when something goes in the basket that needs a different cycle.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you offer to replace something you damage and then change your mind later.
You admit you messed up. You shrank the expensive jumper. You didn’t read the label. You claim ‘we don’t need to because we know each other’s clothes’.
You didn’t know this item and you ruined it. Because you can’t be arsed to read the label.
‘Whenever there’s something delicate she tells me’ makes it sound like it’s her job to verbally intervene every time you don’t read the label.
Jerk.” HoxtonLover
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
YWBTJ if you change your mind. You can’t offer to buy her a new one and then revoke it and come at her with a bunch of reasons why it’s not your responsibility, you already resolved the issue by saying you’ll get a new one and you’d just be bringing it back up but worse.
She is a jerk because she threw something in the laundry basket that she knew couldn’t go through the machine without telling you and then went ‘ballistic’ at you for it. It’s not your job to check in with her on every piece of clothing, it’s reasonable to assume because it was thrown in there it could be washed with those things.
She could have hand-washed it herself if it was an item she cared about and knew couldn’t be washed.
You’re adults, it’s a sweater, this shouldn’t be that hard to resolve with basic communication.” kkccola
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your carelessness exceeds hers here.
She could have given you a heads-up, but no one’s memory is infallible, and she should also be able to trust you to notice when something looks or feels like wool and think twice about machine-washing it without her issuing explicit care instructions for every garment she owns.
You seem to be kind of stuck on the idea that you shouldn’t have to buy a replacement because you didn’t mean to damage it, but we all put people out without meaning to sometimes and still have to set things right.
Replacing the sweater would be the decent thing to do if you’d accidentally spilled bleach on it or torn a hole in it, and this isn’t all that different.” Shirley_Redemple
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here a little. If the item was new, you should have checked the label.
This needs to be your normal practice instead of depending on each other to give instructions. Since you shrunk the wool top, it would have been nice of you to replace it. That’s the only thing that’s really going to smooth your partner’s ruffled feathers.
On your partner’s part, she should have held that item out of the laundry basket until she had a chance to tell you about the special washing instructions. She knew there was a risk you would shrink it when she threw it in there.
This kind of thing happens, and everyone has to do their part to prevent mishaps.
You need to get on the same page about all this. Life is a learning experience and we all make mistakes. It’s not the end of the world that a wool top was ruined. Just buy her another one, and go from there.” Crazy_Banshee_333
4. AITJ For Removing My Daughter's Bedroom Door?
“I (40f) have 3 kids. Maggie (14f), Levi (12m), and Charlie (10m). Levi and Charlie share a bedroom and Maggie has her own room as the oldest and also the only girl.
Maggie is a great kid. She does her homework, helps with chores without too much complaint, and doesn’t bug her little brothers (too) much.
The issue is that she will not stop slamming her bedroom door. When she gets up to use the bathroom at night she slams her bedroom door on her way out and back in. When she gets up in the morning or goes to bed at night she slams it.
Pretty much any time she enters or exits her room the door gets slammed. And it’s only her door, none of the other doors in the house. It shakes the walls and frequently wakes up everyone else in the house. Her brother’s room shares a wall with hers and our bedroom is directly above theirs.
We’ve talked to her about it and asked her very politely to please be more mindful about it because it is disturbing the rest of us but it’s in one ear and out the other. We tried being more forceful about it saying that if she continues to slam her door there will start to be consequences.
Still, nothing changes. It all came to a head the other night when she got up to use the bathroom and all 4 of us were woken up by the slamming. I have to be up at 5 am for work and I’ve had enough of the broken sleep and come downstairs and knocked on her door.
She opened it and said WHAT?! With such an attitude, it took a lot of self-control not to start yelling.
I told her as calmly as I could that if she slammed that door one more time she was going to come home and find it gone.
She proceeded to yell at me to leave her alone and then slammed it 5 times as hard as she could. Well, the next day (Friday) she went to school and my husband and I both had the day off so we took the door off the frame and installed a curtain rod with a nice heavy curtain over the door instead.
She came home and freaked out. She said we’re being emotionally abusive and taking away her right to privacy. She sulked all weekend and won’t talk to us now. My mother says I’m the jerk because I overreacted but she doesn’t have to deal with the house shaking.
I want to add that we completely respect each other’s privacy in our house which is why we hung up a heavy curtain and made sure that we couldn’t see through it or around it. We even put little Velcro pieces on the walls and curtain sides so it stays in place.
She still has her physical privacy which she is absolutely entitled to, but can’t slam a piece of fabric. We also have never and still don’t just go into her room unannounced and still knock on the wall to ask permission to enter.
We’ve told her we’ll happily put her door back on once she agrees to respect the no-slamming rule.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Interrupting everyone’s sleep is unacceptable. You gave her plenty of opportunities to change her door-slamming behavior and she didn’t do it.
Let her sulk it out for a set amount of time (let her know this amount. 1 week. 3 days. whatever you choose), then return the door conditionally for a trial. If she can refrain from slamming it, she can keep it.
If not, the door gets taken off again for even more time. Rinse and repeat until she no longer slams.” Express-Afternoon724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You tried addressing it with her several times. Her behavior was thoughtless and inconsiderate and she just kept on doing it.
A heavy curtain will be perfectly adequate to give her privacy. After a while, she can try the door again, and if she still slams it, that door can come right back off and the curtain will go right back up, rinse and repeat until she learns to shut a door softly out of respect for the other people in the house.” avocadosdontbite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as long as you made sure the door could be closed normally and it wasn’t an issue with the door or the door frame.
It is important to set boundaries, expectations, and values. You wrote that you talked to her about this several times and told her what consequences were on the table. Had you not followed through, it would set a bad precedent.
You know your daughter better than us, but sometimes it’s an unspoken agreement that you get rather than a verbal one. You could wait for her to promise never to slam the door again, or you could place it back on and let her actions speak for her.” Severe-Hope-9151
3. AITJ For Not Giving My Stepfather's Family Important Roles At My Wedding?
“My dad died when I was 8 years old. I have a twin brother and an older sister. Mom met Michael when I was 9 and she married him when I was 11. Michael was disappointed very early in the marriage when he realized he wasn’t gaining the title of dad when he married mom and that our relationship with him was not as close as he wanted it to be.
The way he spoke about it in therapy is he had imagined us asking him for help if something broke, turning to him to learn how to drive, expecting my sister and me to want his opinion on guys, and for my brother to seek out guy time with him as he got into that stage of life where ‘a lot of teen boys seek guidance from the men closest to them’ and what he got was us being okay with him but not seeking him out and looking to male relatives on our dad’s side for some of the things he mentioned (though it was my aunt who taught all three of us how to drive).
I think Michael is fine but for me, he has never really graduated past mom’s husband in my heart. I care about him mostly because he makes my mom happy and is so good to her.
I’m getting married in the summer.
My fiance and I are having a smaller and more personal wedding. In many ways, it will be a more sentimental wedding. I asked my uncle (dad’s brother) to walk me down the aisle since my mom doesn’t like doing that stuff.
My grandparents are doing a spotlight dance with me in honor of Dad since Mom will only be dancing once everyone else is. LOL. And my aunt is going to deliver a toast/speech that my dad had prepared before he died, and she’s going to add her own bit after.
The only slight attention on Mom will be when we give out gifts but Michael is getting something, as are my future in-laws.
Michael’s family are people I am not close to, to say the least. I’ve met them a few times but I do not consider them family and they only made it onto the guest list because I didn’t want any difficulty with Michael.
After all, he wasn’t happy to learn he wasn’t fulfilling any of the usual father-of-the-bride duties. But he was annoyed that I didn’t want his family to play a role in the wedding. They’re guests and nothing more. One of his siblings can officiate weddings but my fiance and I had someone else in mind.
He wanted the others to give toasts and I said it wasn’t needed but was a kind offer.
He told me his family is just as important as my dad’s and he doesn’t like how I’m treating them as though they are not family.
Then he told me it would stick out that favored relatives are getting prominent roles in the wedding but nobody from his side was. I told him that would not be changing and that I was sorry if that made him unhappy.
He told me I was being rude and that I should be giving more seeing as he’s one of the parents of the bride. I told him he is not a parent of the bride and I would not give them something to do just because they’re related to him.
He is still insisting I am wrong and his sisters are apparently furious with me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your wedding, your choices simple as that. Your step-father shouldn’t be pushy about himself, or his family taking a central role in your wedding, it’s not their place.
They can do that for their own family weddings. You’ve found some wonderful ways to incorporate your father’s memory, which is beautiful. Hopefully, he doesn’t choose to bring that grumpy energy to the wedding day.” One-Quirky-Wolverine
Another User Comments:
“You say he’s a good man, been good not only to your mother but also you and your siblings.
Being a good man, most likely a good provider as well. This being said, he most likely contributed financially to all of your upbringing from childhood, and you do not have any decency to honor him any role in your wedding? You literally don’t have any respect for the man that helped in raising you huh? Not a bad word used against your stepfather but we hear you saying how you never accepted him for zero reasons, wow.
You say how this kind man tried to bond with you all but he was kept at the front gate, locked, no entry allowed. I fault your mother for allowing this bad behavior. How many stepchildren out here who would’ve loved to have a loving stepparent as you were granted?
You are a very cold-hearted person indeed, you and your siblings.
Please, continue having your needs met by your other family, but know this, there WILL come a time when you’ll have to come to your stepfather for assistance, something that your bio-father family can not provide for you and the siblings, and I surely hope when that day comes, your kind-hearted stepfather, who mean absolutely nothing to you, I hope he Remembers this wedding situation and swiftly rejects you all.
Your stepfather’s family is not necessarily entitled in participating in the wedding, but your stepfather surely is entitled to. I can only imagine how your children must’ve made him feel in all of these years. Sounds like he doesn’t have any bio children, what a selfish family he has married into.
There are zero reasons as to why you can’t have a father dance with him as well. Your uncle is equally not your dad.
AND OH, by the way, YTJ and your auntie and momma too!” Fickle_Ad8129
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wedding, your life, your decisions.
I am, however, curious about what your mother thinks about this and what she has done during all the years he’s been a stepfather wanting more out of the relationship with his stepkids. She might have led him on and that might have made him build up resentment about the status of your relationship.
You’re still NTJ, but now, being an adult, you can probably imagine what it would be like investing time and money into kids who are not yours, and who don’t really see you as anything else other than a transactional relationship (he makes mom happy, I don’t care more than that).
He should have been/be more mature about it, but I’m suggesting looking at him through empathic eyes and seeing his hurt. Doesn’t mean you have to give his family roles in your wedding (that would be ridiculous, even if you were close) but empathy goes a long way in shaping a relationship with someone.” CuriousIamso
Another User Commnets:
“Everyone sucks here.
Sounds like you committed at a young age to shut this man out of your life. The pain of losing your father must have been huge, but life does go on. Your stepfather may have turned out to be a good friend and mentor in addition to being your mom’s husband.
His demands to have his family included are out of line, but I can certainly understand how hurt he would feel to have spent as much time in your life as your dad did but is still only a courtesy call to you. No, your stepfather didn’t and doesn’t replace your dad, but I would reflect on why you were so close to him. Where is your mom in all of this?” Legitimate-Dog-8618
2. AITJ For Telling My Husband His Jokes Are Not Funny?
“Over the past weekend, we (Husband 52 and Me 49) met our son K’s (21) new partner (23) for dinner. I called ahead to verify that they had the ability to prepare his partner’s (We’ll call her Emma) dinner that had NO PEANUTS or threat of peanut exposure because she has a severe severe severe peanut allergy that has hospitalized her more than once.
I’ve had experience with that via a coworker. My husband has not.
On the way to dinner, I reminded my husband that Emma has a peanut allergy because he kept trying to take Peanut M&Ms out of his work bag and snack on them.
He wound up saying, ‘I’m not planning on kissing this girl. It’s fine.’ Then he ate the Peanut M&Ms and said there were no peanuts on the outside of the candy when I made him use hand sanitizer before we went in.
I told him it was made in a peanut facility but he just doesn’t seem to get it. He acts like it’s no big deal. ‘Doesn’t she carry an epi-pen?’ Like, so? Why risk it?
During dinner, he made several comments about Emma’s allergy that he meant to be funny, I’m sure.
Things like, ‘They could give you PB&J’ when she was requesting a special menu. And ‘Emma, want some boiled peanuts to go?’ It’s a thing he does when he’s nervous and I know that. He’ll pick one thing, like a peanut allergy, and make conversation about it to ‘play’ with a new person because that’s the extent of what he knows about them.
He does it when he meets anyone new… he’ll joke about their pants or shoes or their jewelry or their car or their job… whatever he knows about them. It’s not mean-spirited… he’s just awkward in conversations. He isn’t MEAN about it, just kinda tone deaf.
He went to the restroom and I followed him and told him his jokes were getting old and annoying. That Emma’s allergy is life-threatening and even though she kept laughing at his jokes and joking back at him and didn’t seem upset at all about it…
that it probably is something constantly on her mind (hello, life-threatening!) and he should let it go. He said he didn’t know what else to talk about so I told him maybe he should listen to the topics we were discussing instead of watching sports on multiple televisions and just following along.
Because that’s how conversation works.
He got upset and refused to really talk the rest of the night and has been salty ever since. Our son feels like he doesn’t like Emma. Emma even asked me over social media if she’d done something to make him mad but I played it off that he was tired from being up all night with our ill dog.
But I’m tired of making excuses for him. He’s grown. And even good-natured ribbing gets old after a while. Everything out of his mouth for an hour was about her peanut allergy and that’s not something she has any control over and it’s not the most interesting thing about her.
So… AITJ?
I think I might be the jerk for telling him privately that his jokes were not funny because this is how he is and has always been. I just don’t feel that picking on a life-endangering allergy is okay. Not when he doesn’t personally know her well enough to pick at her like that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you really should have a serious conversation with your husband about this.
Most people, especially those who are used to being the brunt of a joke, won’t say anything about those kinds of jokes to avoid drama or having it flipped on them as the sensitive ones who can’t take a joke.
He needs to learn that what he’s doing is childish and rude, regardless of when others don’t necessarily argue back.
That kind of joking is appropriate for established relationships where that sense of humor is shared but when it comes to strangers it’s immature and often hurtful.” Rough-Parsnip2594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But don’t try to soften things by saying phrases like ‘he’s just awkward’ or ‘it’s not mean-spirited.’ You’re clearly aware that those things don’t make it okay or you wouldn’t have said anything to correct him.
Your husband clearly acts inappropriately when meeting new people, and ‘being awkward’ doesn’t make it acceptable. Someone needs to have a chat with him about working on his behavior. We can all be awkward sometimes, but if someone tells me I’m saying something or acting in a way that might be making someone uncomfortable, I try to correct the issue like a grown-up instead of sulking about it.” anime_and_axes
Another User Comments:
“Soft NTJ
Your husband shouldn’t have eaten the M&Ms, that was entirely crappy.
As far as the jokes. They sound harmless and lame like bad dad jokes. If your son and his partner have never mentioned it to you then you should have let it go. If the goofy jokes he makes about you hurt your feelings it’s probably time to sit down and talk with him.
I’m getting the vibe that he’s less of a ‘bully’ and more of an awkward unfunny person who thinks he’s funny. I know we are from all over here but in the northeast of the states people ‘bust balls’ in a lot of situations.
If he’s not being mean or malicious, it sounds like this is literally his ‘thing’ ie making corny lame jokes. I’d let it go if he does it around other people and they don’t seem bothered. If people are constantly complaining then maybe talk to him about how it bothers others as well as you.
I can see why he got uncomfortable at the dinner though, people who make these kinds of jokes are generally awkward and insecure in other areas. He felt like his wife was rejecting his sense of humor for the first time. My wife has crossed the line a few times in the wrong company and when I politely let her know privately she completely shuts down for the rest of the evening too.” CanyonCoyote
OP. I think you have probably been covering for your husband during your entire marriage, commenting"oh you know what he's like." What he's like is obnoxious.
The question is of you are the jerk for telling g him his Jokes aren't funny. To be clear - these are not jokes. You are NTJ for discussing with him privately. You would be if you let this go. Emma is important to your son. Your husband should have done a better job with this first meeting.
1. AITJ For Making My Friend Sleep Outside The Tent?
“I (F23) recently went on a camping trip with three other friends (my guy friend Theo and two others, guy and girl).
At first, I shared a tent with my female friend but after a few days, she and the other guy decided they wanted to share one instead.
So Theo and I ended up sharing a tent. I was OK with this and he seemed fine too. But when the time actually came and we went to bed he seemed really uncomfortable and tense. He kept tossing and turning and trying to make conversation which was terribly awkward.
At one point I told him that I’d like to fall asleep now and he said OK. But he kept fidgeting and I was so tired from the day so it was just annoying. So I decided to grab some blankets and told him that I’ll sleep outside.
He said that it was not a good idea and I told him I’d rather get a good night’s sleep.
We started arguing-whispering in the dark and I told him to sleep outside so it works out for everyone. He was unhappy with this and told me I can’t just kick him out.
I told him then I’d do it but he didn’t want this either. At this point, I was truly fed up and I asked him to offer solutions. He ultimately went to sleep outside. In the morning I woke up and he was in the tent with me but grumbled that he just came in the morning.
I felt energized and well-rested but he looked super disheveled and you could tell he didn’t sleep at all. Now he just keeps giving me weird glances and seems annoyed.
When our friends found out what happened they called me ‘mean’ for making him sleep outside and that we could’ve solved the issue differently.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think your friends are also to blame for putting you both in a tough spot, esp since your original sleeping plans were changed and you’ve never slept in the same ‘room’ as this person before.
They shouldn’t call you mean for also being the ones that made the situation happen in the first place. You offered to sleep outside but he wanted to do the ‘gentleman’ thing and take your place, it ended up being his choice, but maybe he expected you to change your mind and invite him back in.
Or it could have been a ‘wingman’ scenario, where he expected a different outcome and that is why he is grumpy the next morning. Either way.” fandumblr
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Can you imagine if he made you sleep outside instead? He would have heard about it forever from anyone who found out.
There’s this weird expectation still that guys should always suffer if it is at the expense of comfort for a woman. You basically forced him into a corner. You should have just packed up your stuff and gone outside to sleep without making a fuss.
And you couldn’t have put earphones in or smothered your ears with a blanket till you fell asleep? Seems selfish to me. Poor bloke.” Bigbadwitchh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked him to let you sleep. He kept talking and moving around. You stated that you were going to sleep outside.
He disagreed. You said he should sleep outside. He disagreed. He argued with you, instead of letting you sleep. He didn’t offer any solutions. He didn’t have to sleep outside, he could have just shut up and stopped fidgeting. He’s definitely the jerk here, but so are your other friends for changing the sleeping arrangements and causing the problem in the first place.
They could have survived a couple of days without screwing around.” Aspen_Matthews86
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, the guy and the girl suck for forcing you into the situation. You and Theo both suck for agreeing to this when it obviously was an issue for both of you.
Finally, you were a jerk for putting him in the position you did. He either had to sleep outside or let you sleep outside, which we all know would result in the other 2 attacking him in the morning. It sucks you had trouble sleeping but you agreed to share the tent with him. There are a million reasons he could be fidgety and half of them are innocent, so unless he was being creepy/pervy kicking him out was a jerk move.” Calm-Association2774
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