People Want Our Honest Takes On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
32. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help Out With My Siblings Once I Move Out?
“I (17f) turn 18 in a few weeks. I am counting down the days to getting out of my parents’ house. They, however, have become so reliant on me that I know they are dreading the day and are wishing they could legally prevent me from moving out.
I’m their oldest kid. They have 4 others, all under 10. My siblings have been put on me for a long time now. Even when I was their age it was expected I would step up because I’m the oldest. It was both parentification and the old-school thing of the oldest is expected to help because they were born first.
Not all of it was parentification but some of it sure was.
We’re talking about helping with homework, making sure they didn’t kill each other, walking them to friends’ houses, watching them while mom and dad ran errands. But you also had stuff like feeding them lunch and/or dinner when mom and dad weren’t home.
Babysit overnight when they wanted to go to stuff. Walk them to school once they started. I was told I needed to know how to change diapers and feed them as babies. That’s the sort of stuff that happened a lot.
I got some freedom, but for every afternoon I could do whatever, I needed at least three weeks of “work” behind me. Over time it became me being the one home more than them, and guilt trips laid at my feet if I wanted to do something and my siblings wanted me to be home with them instead, and my parents saying I should treasure those moments while they want me like that.
I’m pretty tired of it. I don’t enjoy my siblings. Part of me wishes they had never been born so at least I could have looked out for just myself and not had to sacrifice so much. I don’t feel like the benefits are there for me and it’s sad because most of my friends adore having siblings.
While I’m left feeling like it’s a chore. I started saving some money when I was 14. My parents don’t know but it can help me move out right as I turn 18.
The topic of my birthday came up recently and my parents came to me all “you’ll still come around right, you’ll still help take care of them right, you still owe us you know, we’re still you’re family,” that kind of stuff.
I told them no I wouldn’t. They told me to think of the kids if not them. That’s when I said I didn’t choose to have their kids and I wasn’t going to keep making their life easier and my life more difficult. That I’ll be gone and they’ll have to figure things out on their own.
AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Not Wanting My Neighbors To Have Access To My Pool?
“My spouse (45) and I (46) bought a house in February with a pool. It’s a non-HOA single-family home. We keep to ourselves. Have friends over occasionally and we enjoyed having people over for food, drinks, and of course swimming pool parties now that the weather allows for it.
We fit in the neighborhood or so we thought until neighbors from 3 surrounding homes got into a weird conversation about their expectations to access the pool for weekend and holiday pool parties.
Apparently, the owners before us had kids and were friends with the neighborhood kids.
The neighborhood kids and adults would use the pool when they wanted to. The gate was always open and they even had their inflatables nearby and had arranged to pay for the maintenance of the pool.
We told them that we’re fairly private people and enjoy our privacy and don’t see ourselves letting neighbors have access to our backyard whenever they want.
Each time any of us are wandering around outside, they just ask over and over and try to sell the idea of having access to it. They offer financial help and sharing the maintenance fees and such.
I was trying to enjoy gardening and was cornered once again.
I just really firmly told them that they really need to stop talking about the pool each time they see us, stood up, and left. As I was walking back towards the gate to the backyard (within our property line), they were following me talking my ears off.
One of the ladies/moms was STILL going on and on because ‘she asked nicely and offers to pay for the maintenance and that she really didn’t understand why I was so against it.’ I turned around and asked them to leave now and never follow me on my property ever again.
We politely decline over and over. And we are seriously getting tired of the nagging and the pool and their access to it being the only thing they want to connect with us about. It’s not like we created a bond or anything.
All convos are about the pool.
We had a party yesterday evening and as I was showing the front yard to my friend, my neighbor popped up and was talking about how it must be nice to be invited to enjoy the pool. And I said to her “Can you go now? I’m having company!!!!”
AITJ for not wanting neighbors to have access to my property and seriously losing my patience with their expectations?”
30. AITJ For Telling My Brother It's His Fault He's Fat?
“So for context, I (24F) have a brother (27M), and in 2020, we both gained a lot of weight. I ended up at 180lbs (I’m 5’2) and he was averaging around 230 (he’s 5’9), but it was in no way muscle mass and I have no shame in admitting I was fat.
However, when the gyms opened up again I decided that I was going to sort myself out, my brother agreed so we made a pact to support each other to make it easier. This lasted about 3 weeks for him before he started slacking, ordering takeout again, and eventually stopped going to the gym.
I meal prepped every week, and every week without fail I would message him asking if he wanted me to do his meal prep for the week, and every week I would get the same response “oh don’t worry about it I’ll do it”.
It was the same with the gym, I was going 4 times a week give or take, and because his apartment is on the way I would swing by and ask if he wanted to come with me but his response would always be the same “not today, maybe next time” and after about 4 months of this I just gave up asking.
Fast forward to now, I’m 130lbs but have a lot of muscle mass and my brother is now around 260/270 and has recently had a major health scare and the doctor said that if he doesn’t lose the weight then he’s basically going to die.
After his doctor’s appointment, he came to my house having a toddler-like tantrum about how it was so difficult for him to lose weight and then started blaming it on me saying I could’ve done more to help him, now this is where I may be the jerk as I turned around and shouted: “I did freaking everything in my power to help you but you did jack all to help yourself so it’s your fault you’re fat!” He was stunned, because I never raise my voice at him, or anyone really, he just turned around and left my house.
The majority of my family is saying that I am a grade-A jerk for saying that to my brother and that “just because I managed to lose the weight with hardly any effort doesn’t mean it’s that easy for everyone” and that I should be “more considerate of his feelings” so AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Family For Pressuring Me To Move On?
“I’m 30m widowered father of two kids who are 8 and 6. My wife died 5 years ago which was both expected and unexpected at the same time. She had developed an issue with seizures and the doctors warned us that one could kill her due to the unexplained nature of them occurring, but we believe something in her second pregnancy/the delivery may have triggered it because she was fine before and they started almost immediately after.
She had prepared more than I did honestly. I still don’t know how she faced it with such positivity. She made audio and video messages for our kids and I’m so glad she did because then she did actually die and now they can hear her speak to them still.
It’s incredible.
My family was a great support initially after my wife died. But then after a year they started encouraging me to go out with new people, refusing to listen to me when I said I had no interest in it, and even attempting to set me up with women they felt would “be a good mom to the kids”.
I told them to cut it out then and refused to entertain them on the topic which they reluctantly followed along with.
About six months ago they became very aggressive on the topic. They told me I shouldn’t have given the kids those audio files because when I find someone else they’ll reject her and won’t be able to accept her as a mom.
I shut that crap down right away. What I didn’t know until a couple of weeks ago is they went to my MIL and blamed her for this. She lost my wife’s father when my wife was 2 and she has never remarried.
They blamed her for pressuring me, which she never has, and they said she was setting a bad example and should be encouraging me to find her grandbabies a mother and find a wife to spend my life with.
I found out this information when everyone came to my house to celebrate my eldest.
My parents told me they had found someone who would love to come to the celebration, I said no, then they started on at me about being too young to give up on romance and how I was setting a bad example about wallowing.
They said life is so much better with a romantic partner and that I at least need my “needs” met. They also said the kids need a mother. When they wouldn’t let up and when I found out what they said to MIL I told them to leave, and when I kicked them out I warned them they would not be part of my life anymore if they couldn’t drop the topic. They did not take it well and have told me I’m a jerk for kicking them out and threatening to cut them off when they’re trying to make my life happier and express their concerns.
AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Help Out A New Mom After She Ignored Me For Several Months?
“I had my son in March of 2021. One successful baby shower later, all of my worries about affording to care for him were gone. Both sides of the family were in full support and gave enough supplies to last a lifetime.
After my son grew out of all of his newborn stuff, an old friend posted a pregnancy announcement on social media. I messaged her and asked her if she was looking for anything in particular and that I had saved all of my son’s stuff for someone who needed it too.
Most of it was only worn once, maybe twice, since by 4 months old he was already in 6-9 month clothes.
She said she needed all the help she could get. No support system, her partner left her when he heard the news, and she had nothing prepared.
I brought her EVERYTHING. Diapers, wipes, clothes, soap, blankets, etc.
We talked through her entire pregnancy. She called me for advice, help setting up the nursery, and eventually, she asked me to be the one in the hospital with her.
When she got a new partner, she told me she wanted him to be there instead.
No problem, she has full control over her birth. I told her exactly that and wished her luck.
The day she went into labor, she posted on social media she was heading to the hospital. I shot her a quick text of congratulations.
I was left on read but honestly, in that situation, I didn’t expect a reply.
2 weeks later, I sent another text asking her how she was. If everything went okay and how she was feeling emotionally. Left on read again.
I let it be.
PPD can be awful and having a newborn is hard.
3 months in and I shot her another text. Asking if she needed help around the house or maybe someone to sit with the baby while she naps, eats, or showers. Left on read again.
Now, her son is almost 9 months old, and she texted me asking for a babysitter so she could go out, explaining she hasn’t had a moment to herself since her baby was born.
I denied and told her that I wasn’t going to be around just so I could do her favors.
That all I wanted was a text back every once in a while that she was okay.
She sent me a big long paragraph about how I was being an awful friend, and that, I, out of all people, should understand how hard it is to be a new mom.
Now I’m torn between helping her because I DO understand how hard it is. But I also don’t want to be used for free baby stuff and favors.”
27. AITJ For Blocking My Best Friend Out Of My Life Because Of Her Beliefs?
“When I (m21) was in elementary, I met my best friend (f22), she and I were inseparable, always hanging out and just having a very happy friendship, but it all started to shift when I had to move away for 2 years.
But when I came back to my hometown, I met a friend of hers who was a religious person, I won’t mention their religion, but let’s say it is extremely strict and people tend to avoid them.
We all started to hang out and they were a really amazing person! We even got along together very well, but then it happened…they invited us both to a gathering of their church, they said it would be a casual gathering and that we would have fun, so naturally, we both agreed…
I couldn’t stay, what they talked about went so against my ideas and own beliefs that it made me uncomfortable, but my best friend thought otherwise, because over the course of time, they began to go more and more to church, and soon, they were a full member.
The boiling point was when I asked them to send me a pic of Harley Quinn’s hammer for a costume I was making, and they said no because violence is against God’s idea, we argued and soon she said “this is why I’ve been distancing myself! Because you’re everything that’s wrong! Your views and above all, because you’re gay.” At that time, I had only come out as gay to her and a few others.
That broke me because she said I was wrong and I was what “god” thought was wrong about the world, so that is when I decided to block her
That was in 2015, now it’s 2022, she’s still in the church, I think she’s even like a big member, and she reached out to me trying to meet up, but I said no, and reminded them that to her and her god, I am what is wrong in the world and told her that I won’t waste her time when she could be on her knees, screaming and crying in the name of her god.
She had a meltdown, calling me demonic and saying how much of an evil jerk I was for saying that about her religion.
Maybe I was a jerk for insulting her religion and beliefs, but she insulted me and my being…after all our years of friendship, so am I the jerk?
Ps: that religious friend of ours is now against the religion and is gay now.”
26. AITJ For Pretending I Don't Know Who My Mom Is In Public?
“To be honest all of my four siblings do this but I’m just questioning myself since I feel a little bad.
I’m 21M, I have 4 siblings 24F, 22M, 18M, and 16F. When I was 15 my mom (44F) and dad (45M) divorced because dad found out she had a long-term affair with his brother (They are together now and have a 5-year-old boy together), we’ve basically disowned our mother since that happened, she has made many attempts to reconnect and make amends but we’ve rejected her every time.
The only one who is in low contact with her is my little sis, they talk over the phone but nothing else. My 18-year-old brother is the one who hates her the most since some people have questioned his “paternity” since the affair was uncovered.
My mom tried to force the youngest ones to go to her place but they made her life awful so she gave up. My eldest siblings say that they’ve seen her many times and they just ignore her when she wants to say hi and have a conversation with them.
In these 6 years, I’ve only seen my mom like 3 times, she wants to start a conversation but I just treat her like a random person.
I was at the grocery on Tuesday and then my mom was with a friend of hers when she saw me, she and her friend came to me and my mom said: “Hi, honey, it’s been a long time since I saw you, how have you been?”
So, I just said: “Sorry, have we met?” Her face turned red and she just walked away.
My grandma (her mom) says I was the jerk for doing that, I feel like a little jerk since everyone says she has been inconsolable ever since, my siblings say it’s fine and that she deserves it. A part of me thinks this is what homewreckers deserve but on the other hand, she is my mom and it still hurts me to see her suffering, I also think I went too far because my siblings only ignore her.
She called my sister crying saying that she doesn’t know what else to do to have our forgiveness.
Please tell me if I’m the jerk, be blunt.”
25. AITJ For Not Babysitting For My Sister Anymore Because Of Her New Family's Drama?
“I was a babysitter for my sister’s children for 6 years. She had two children close together and then her ex bailed. I worked in a daycare before this started and when my sister started to struggle I told her I could do it.
It was far less than she’d pay someone else, but my husband and I could afford the reduction. It was all perfect. My sister was great to do this for because she was always understanding and never took advantage. She got married in April and was home for a while after.
Her husband has two of his own children he shares custody of with their mother. It was brought up that my new nieces would be joining my niece and nephew in the childcare arrangement. BIL said it was essential I took all four because the siblings would not be separated.
I told my sister I did not think it would work for me. That we should end it now. She understood. Her husband did not.
Now here’s the info there: My BIL and his ex-wife had a very nasty divorce. Part of their custody agreement states they must each have access to the children’s location and who is watching the children while with the other parent.
So they have to give each other contact info for babysitters and daycare. His ex is a vengeful person and has created so much chaos already. She told my mom to drop dead when my parents had all four kids a few weeks before the wedding.
She even drove by the house while the kids were there. My BIL’s brother had to install cameras outside his house because she was showing up there when he had the kids. My other sister was out with our new nieces the day before the wedding to buy them a couple of things and had a run-in with their mom.
She felt like the girls’ mom was unhappy they were with her. I also know from my sister that the girls have started repeating stuff their mom says. My sister is a witch. My niece and nephew are not their siblings.
My niece and nephew are bad.
I don’t want to invite that into my life in such a big way. I feel like BIL’s daughters should be placed in a professional setting where they have more support and it’s not one unfortunate adult being ambushed.
I have children of my own now. I also need to think of them.
BIL is furious I won’t even attempt this and that I am ending it after six years, when I had no trouble doing it until his children were involved. I told him his children were not the problem. His ex-wife was. He said it was not a valid reason.
AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Refusing To Hand Off My Son To My In-Laws For Long Periods Of Time?
“This whole situation sucks, and I understand that I’m not objective, so tell me if I’m being unfair.
Two years ago, my wife died from a genetic illness. There are many different layers to the horror of the tragedy, one of which is that we were getting divorced at the time.
We still loved each other, but we were no longer in love with each other. We’d rushed into marriage without a plan, but we didn’t want to make the same mistake twice. We planned everything for our divorce, where we would each live, how we would handle our son’s schedule, everything.
Then she died before we could sign. We were laughing and joking in her hospital room three days before she passed. Part of me still doesn’t believe it. The last two years have been hard. My MiL, who has the same genetic condition, is very sick and might not have long left.
She, FiL & SiL have pushed for a lot of time with my son, which I absolutely support and accommodate to the best of my ability. However, they get upset if I ever say no.
My ILs think that the agreement my wife and I drew up before she died should still be in effect, that “her time” now belongs to them.
They think he should be with them 50% of the time and that they should have as much say in everything as me. I disagree. They are not my wife. Yes, they are her family, but they aren’t his mother. She’s gone.
I know MiL probably doesn’t have a lot of time left, and I want her to spend as much of it with my son as possible, but I’m still his Dad. I’m his stability. He needs me, especially while he’s coping with the loss of his mom.
SiL said I had my son “too much” during the school year and wants him to spend the rest of the summer with her parents. I said no. I don’t want him gone for more than four days at a time unless it’s for a special event or something, which I’ll try to accommodate.
He’s my baby, and I need him with me, not every single day, but a certain amount.
SiL said that I’m a disgusting person and that my son will cut contact with me when he’s older and realize I deprived him of precious time with his grandma.
He’s at their house right now, and I’m picking him up tomorrow afternoon. SiL has been texting me all night saying to leave him there for longer and that if I don’t I have a sickness in my soul. Is she right? Am I being cruel?”
23. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Half-Sister Wear My Late Mom's Locket?
“The locket used to be my mom’s. She died when I was 8. My dad remarried when I was 10 and had Chelsea and Noah with his second wife. I got the locket when I was graduating, along with the letter she wrote stating her wishes for me to get it as a gift when I graduate, just like my mom got it from her parents when she graduated.
I have continued to wear it ever since just like my mom. I plan to pass it on to one of my children and give them all a chance to wear it for graduation if they wish to.
My half-sister graduated this year.
She wanted to wear the locket. She asked my dad who told her of course she could. But I own it now so he had no right to say yes. So I got a call from her saying she was allowed to wear it.
I told her nobody asked me and I had not approved it. She told me dad did. I told her dad couldn’t make that decision, that it has been mine for over a decade now, and was always supposed to be mine.
She went and complained to our dad and her mom. They told me that I should let her wear it for some photos. That it’s a special family heirloom. I pointed out it was my mom’s heirloom and my half-sister has nothing to do with my mom.
That nowhere in her letter did she state she wanted my dad’s children with someone else to wear it. Dad said it was mine though, and my sister can see graduation photos of me and my mom in their home, where we’re both wearing it.
I suggested his wife start something similar with her daughter.
My half-sister asked me the day before her graduation to give a good reason to not let her wear it. I told her it was something special from my mom that my mom wore and wanted me to have.
She said it didn’t matter about my mom. She said it mattered that it was pretty. I told her she should get her parents to buy her an even prettier one.
She never got the locket.
They’re all incredibly angry with me for denying her the chance to wear it.
She said it made her feel like not a real sister. My dad’s wife said her daughter deserved to have a photo matching her sister aka me on the wall. Dad told me I could have let her wear it for one day. Yet when pressed he admitted my half-sister cared more about how pretty it was vs any real family connection.
AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Uninviting My Mom From My Wedding Because She Refuses To Get Along With My Stepmom?
“I’m (28M) getting married in September to my amazing fiancée Lauren (27F). I was an only child. My folks seemed to have a good relationship from my perspective. But as I got older I saw that they weren’t in love. My dad was a loving person but my mom didn’t treat him well in my opinion.
She showed him literally 0 affection and she blamed my dad for everything. So as I got older I grew closer to my dad because of this.
In college, my parents showed up to my school to inform me they were divorcing.
I wasn’t shocked, but was shocked to find out that my dad two-timed my mom. I was very upset with him and we didn’t talk for a while. Eventually, I reached back out and we discussed what happened. He apologized. But expressed he was done being treated poorly and wanted a divorce years earlier.
But was afraid that my mom would take him to court for custody and didn’t want to risk losing me. So he stuck with it. I asked if he ever did anything like that before the time my mom found out.
And he said no.
My dad said he was seeing someone. But if I didn’t approve then he would stop. I told him I wanted to see him happy. I eventually met his partner and called her out on being with a married man.
We discussed what happened and she took full responsibility. She’s been my stepmom for over 6 years and we have a great relationship. She treats me great.
I’ve tried getting my mom to go out with people but all she wants to do is badmouth my dad and his now-wife.
I have to always have two separate events for everything, which is understanding. But for our wedding, this wasn’t feasible. Well, my uncle hosted a party at his bar to celebrate when we got engaged. It was great till my mom walked up to my stepmom and called her a home wrecker.
Caused a huge fight with my dad playing peacekeeper and it became the focus of the night. I once again talked to my mom saying “okay that was your one free jab”. If you can’t behave and be there for me/Lauren then don’t show up.
I was clear that if anything else happened then she would be out of the wedding. My stepmom reached out after and apologized. She wanted to make it up to us. She rented this nice winery for a combined wedding shower.
The shower was going well until I noticed my dad’s wife crying to her sister/my dad. I asked what happened and her sister told me that my mom called my stepmom a “melodramatic jerk who won’t ever be a real mom” (my stepmom can’t have kids of her own).
I immediately confronted my mom and she didn’t deny it. So I told her to leave and told her the next day she wasn’t invited to the wedding. Because my stepmom was important to me as well. And the trash-talking/causing drama was inappropriate.
My mom freaked out but I told her that I warned her twice. Lauren thinks I’m being harsh because my mom has things she is going through. I said that it’s been 8 years. She treated my dad like crap when they were married and our wedding isn’t the place for this. My dad has been the bigger person through this whole thing and wants me to consider all options. AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Kicking My Stepdaughter Out?
“My husband Karl and I have three children; Lara (23F), James (13M), and Daisy (5F). Lara is my stepdaughter and James is my bio son from my old marriage. Daisy is Karl and I’s bio daughter.
Lara was 15 when Karl and I married.
I explained to Lara that I would always be open to having a relationship with her, but I would never try to force one because I feel she’s old enough to decide for herself whether or not she wants a relationship with me.
As a result, our relationship had been good until this happened.
Karl and I keep some funds hidden in his desk. We noticed about a year ago that some of the money was disappearing. It was only $20 or $40 at a time but eventually, at least $3000 had gone missing over time.
We moved the spot several times, but money would still keep disappearing.
Karl and I finally decided to place a hidden camera without telling anyone. We thought at first it might have been the maid or possibly one of the gardeners (they sometimes come into the house for a glass of water or to use the bathroom.) But we looked over the footage after $50 disappeared and caught Lara stealing.
We didn’t bust Lara immediately, as we were more confused about why she would feel the need to steal in the first place. She makes good money as a hairstylist and we only ask $450 a month to cover rent, utilities, and groceries.
(We bought her car and pay for the insurance on it, but Lara pays for the gas and routine maintenance. I also want to note we live in SoCal, so the cost of living is very high.)
Lara told us later that day that she was “running errands” so we secretly followed her to see what she was doing with the stolen funds.
We followed her to a substance shop and then found out she was buying these things for her partner. We returned home, searched Lara’s room, and found substances in her room as well.
We confronted Lara when she got home. We told Lara how she broke all our trust in her because she had been lying to us for over a year through her thievery.
Lara made excuses and took no accountability for herself. Karl and I told her that she needs to find somewhere else to live. We will give her two months, and she will be able to visit us for holidays, but she cannot live here.
She can keep her car but we are no longer paying for its insurance. We were clear with her that we still love her, but we cannot have James or Daisy exposed to these things. Especially Daisy, as she will start kindergarten in September and we do not want her to copy this kind of behavior.
Lara was extremely upset but has accepted it and will be moving in with her bio mom, Kim, next week. Kim wrote a social media rant about us being horrible and biased against Lara. Friends reached out saying they know we love our kids the same but we were taking it too far and everyone made mistakes when young. But it wasn’t just a one-time mistake. I hate having to kick Lara out but I also feel we don’t have a choice. AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Telling My Sister That I'll Never Forgive Her?
“I (26F) have an older sister (32F) who I never had a close relationship with. All I remember from childhood was how horribly she treated me physically, psychologically, and emotionally which left me traumatized and still affects me to this day.
She is spoiled and entitled. She would make nasty comments about my appearance and interests, yell at me for no reason, do things to me when she didn’t get her way, or if I refused to help her with something she could easily do, make fun of me in front of my friends and caused me to have multiple breakdowns and even panic attacks.
What bothered me the most is that my parents never did anything about her toxic behavior and pretty much let her get away with everything which caused her to continue.
When I was 18 I was finally able to move out of my parents’ house (which she was still living in at the time) and cut contact with her so I could focus on myself.
After I graduated I got a really good job with a really good salary at a company as a computer engineer and finally went to therapy which is where I found out how much her behavior affected me. I was finally able to move on and heal for the most part but I never forgave her (my therapist said it’s for the best as it could do more harm than good).
Recently I went to a cookout at my parents’ and avoided my sister as much as possible (I only saw her at events like this and only did small talk with her) and talked to other guests. At some point when I went inside to use the bathroom my sister followed me and confronted me about why I keep avoiding her.
I ignored her and went outside not wanting to cause a scene. A few minutes later she started crying to me in front of everyone (I think to put me in a position where I have to tell her) and asked me why I was so mean to her.
So I told her. I told her how much she affected my life with her toxic behavior and that I will never forgive her. She began to cry more and asked why since I was her sister but I cut her off by saying that it doesn’t matter and unless she owns up to what she did to me and apologizes I will never speak to her again.
After that, I left
I got calls from my parents and other relatives saying I was being a jerk and that I need to apologize but I said no. My partner and some of my cousins (who got the full story and understood me) told me not to apologize and I had every right to be angry. I feel kinda bad for how I reacted in front of everyone. AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Twin For Her Comments About Eating Disorders?
“So for context, my twin”Anna” and I are both 23 and do not have a great relationship. Our parents had a very stereotypical/normal high school experience. Our mother was the prom queen and our dad was a jock.
When we were younger, we got along great, but around middle school, we started having different groups of friends.
Anna was super sporty and smart and had a group of teammates that she would constantly hang out with – which was fine they’d invite me too and our relationship was still decent. I was more into writing and theater and also had a group of friends I would hang out with.
The problems really started to multiply when I started to realize that our parents were constantly forsaking my achievements/theater shows for Anna’s. They were at all of Anna’s games and never went to one of my shows in middle school. Our dad would constantly train with Anna and I would basically be told to screw off when I asked to play because they were doing “advanced drills” and obviously I was too dumb/uncoordinated/clumsy.
By the time I hit the end of middle school, I realized I could get my dad’s attention for a little bit if I chatted about working out with him. My mother’s attention was impossible to get. We ended up changing school districts so Anna was on a better sports team for high school, despite the fact I didn’t want to, I was an introvert and all my friends were at the other school.
All of this culminated in me developing an eating disorder, specifically the not-eating one, I ended up in the hospital as a result of the consequences and while I’m still in recovery, I still have some weird issues.
Now, Anna’s a normal weight and has a great body shape.
Also, she was a college athlete so she has tone. But since getting out of college, Anna’s gained maybe like 25 lbs, which is fine but it now means she’s on the heavier side of a healthy BMI while I’m barely managing to keep my doctors happy by meeting the bare minimum.
A few days ago Anna and I were at a hangout session at one of our mutual friend’s house with a bunch of other people and Anna was drinking and mentioned that she could/should have had an Eating Disorder in high school, since she was the athlete and all that and then she wouldn’t have to be dieting now.
I swear to God it’s like the entire room cringed (but that might just be my perspective skewing things.) Anyway, I ended up yelling at her to “shut the heck up,” (the rest of this wasn’t as loud but that was deffo a yell) and some stuff about her having everything in high school and to let me keep my one, crappy, thing to myself.
Anyway, I ended up leaving the room crying and eating in private, which I know worries my friends/family.”
18. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My Wedding Because She Planned To Bring Our Mom As Her Plus-One?
“My (26M) fiancée Kenzie (27F) and I are getting married this fall. She asked my sister to be a bridesmaid and they have really bonded over it. I don’t speak to my mother and haven’t since 16. Not a word. She does reach out still but I block the number.
When I was 13 I came home early from school to find another man in our house. My mom then proceeded to lie about who the dude was and told me not to say anything to my father. I was always closer with my dad than my mom.
She kept buying me things for days and reminding me not to say anything. But I told my dad what I saw. My dad flipped and they got divorced. My mom then decided to live with the guy I saw in our house.
Unfortunately, she got split custody so I was forced to spend time over there with my sister. Usually just locked myself in my room and only came out to get food. I purposely fought with her partner to force my way to live solely with my dad.
My sister got upset at my attitude towards the situation and we had a falling out.
Eventually, when I was 15 my mom broke down and let me live with my dad full-time. My sister kept a strong relationship with my mom and her partner while I haven’t spoken to my mom since the day she drove me to my dad’s.
She kept reaching out once I was there but I blocked her. Which ticked my sister off more. We didn’t speak after I went away for college. A year ago however she invited me to her wedding and wanted to catch up.
Kenzie made me go to the wedding. I’m glad I went tho because we got some things healed. We started getting closer again and now my sister is involved in our lives.
But what happened last week is why I kicked her out of the wedding.
I learned thru my sister’s husband that my sister had a plan to bring my mom as her plus one for the wedding. Her husband is going to be out of town and she thought it would be fine to bring my mom.
I asked Kenzie if she knew about this plan and she said she didn’t. But that I should go easy on my sister because she just wants my mom there and my mom is pressuring her. But I flipped. Called my sister and she said I needed to get over what happened.
Mom was really sorry and just wanted to be there on my big day. And was devastated to learn she wasn’t being invited to her only son’s wedding. That she thought it would be a “fun surprise” for me. I told her she knew I was estranged from mom and that it was incredibly rude and sneaky what she was gonna do.
Since I could no longer trust her she wouldn’t be invited anymore.
Kenzie is livid because I kicked out one of her bridesmaids and thinks I should give my sister another chance. But I never fully trusted my sister after I learned that for years she was feeding my mom info about my life when I specifically said not to. So this was her second time doing shady crap. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Kicking My In-Laws Out After The Way They Were Treating My Wife?
“My wife and I just had our first child, our daughter is just a little under a month old. My wife had an emergency c-section after complications with the birth, so she has had a hard time recovering but has been nothing short of an amazing mom.
My parents visited around the time that our daughter was born but returned home shortly after (even though my mom is a trained midwife), this was because my wife had family visiting for the sole purpose of helping once the baby was born.
The family (MIL and SIL) have been staying with us in our guest room.
MIL and SIL have been super sweet to me, and they all adore our daughter, which is why I’m so confused about why they are (at least what I would consider) too rough on her.
Her mom controls her schedule, picks on her eating habits, makes comments about her body and the way she breastfeeds, and shames her into doing things her way. Her sister doesn’t really actively pick on her like her mom does, but she doesn’t exactly do anything to stop their mom from being awful.
My wife has never been emotionally fragile or anything, but pretty much every day that I have come home from work, there has been some sort of conflict between her and her family. Also, whenever my wife leaves the room they talk in German, but I don’t think that they speak it because it’s easier for them, I’m relatively sure it’s because they’re talking about my wife or me and they don’t want me to know.
Yesterday, after I got home from work, my wife was reheating a slice of pizza and her mother literally took it out of the microwave and said that she should eat something less fattening and that she would make something. My wife gave in and left to our room, where I was, completely in tears about how she wishes her mom didn’t call her fat, and that she feels like she can’t do anything right.
I was really mad, I confronted both of them and told MIL that my wife was in tears and told her to cut my wife a break because the pizza was in the fridge for her to eat. Just… if my wife wants to eat pizza, she should be able to eat pizza and not feel bad about it.
She doesn’t have a weight problem and even if she did it’s not their job to fix it for her.
Her sister said it wasn’t a big deal, that she’s just being emotional right now, and that they were just trying to look after her well-being.
I said that I don’t want them in our house if the way that they are treating her is making her feel like crap all the time. They tried defending themselves and I told them to find a hotel and they could only visit for the remainder of their trip.
MIL called me a jerk and said that I was screwing them over by making them leave and that the two of them will not be back until I apologize. I don’t think that I am the jerk here and when I asked my wife, she said that she was happy that I made them leave. However, we are now short on help with the baby until my mom is able to come over in a few days.”
16. AITJ For Not Warning Parents That My Son Wears Prosthetics?
“I am a 34-year-old woman who recently moved to a new town with my son who is 8. When he was six months old we were in a bad car crash after a Lorry smashed into us. My partner who was his father died instantly and my son ended up losing both his legs below the knees.
I myself was largely unscathed from serious harm though I have some wicked facial scarring now.
One of the neighboring Mothers invited us to her 10-year-old son’s birthday party which was happening 4 days after we moved in, she said we didn’t need to bring a gift as we didn’t really know her son and it’d just be a good way for my son to make some friends so I happily accepted thinking it was a kind offer.
The party was being held at a local park so when it came we went, my son was in shorts as we’re experiencing a heat wave. This made it possible to tell at a glance he wears prosthetics which clearly made the other parents uncomfortable and a few of them approached me to ask if he’d be ok in the park which I was quick to assure them he’d be fine.
My son gave one of his toy pirate swords to the birthday boy as he didn’t want to go without a gift and ran off to go play with the other kids. My son is obsessed with pirates seeing them as like him and he often tells people the reason he has no legs below the knee is because he wanted to be the ultimate pirate and have two peg legs, he’s something else but I’m proud of how confident he is.
While the kids were playing I sat with the other parents. I was also keeping an eye on my son to make sure no other kids were picking on him but beyond some confusion and questions, the kids seemed to be doing fine.
Eventually, several kids began to come leave their shoes with their parents as it was too hot, my son came up and complained that his prosthetics were “itching” as he was too hot and asked me if he could take them off, I told him of course and I’d keep them beside me and to just shout to me when he wanted them back.
My son is able to move about without them it’s just slower so I knew this wouldn’t stop him from playing and the park was clean with no broken glass etc.
The other parents just stared shocked as my son took off his prosthetics before going back to play with the kids who barely batted an eyelid at him suddenly being a couple of feet shorter.
One of the mothers then began to say how I couldn’t let him do that as it would scare the other children and he had to put them back on. I told her they seemed fine to me and if the other kids could take their shoes off he could do this, she tried to protest it wasn’t the same.
Some other parents then tried to imply it was rude that I’d not said anything in a polite roundabout way clearly not wanting to be seen as overtly offensive.
I keep thinking back to those exchanges though. I’ve never really had issues like this, where we stayed before basically everyone knew so I’d never thought to do the explaining to other parents thing…was I in the wrong here? Should I have been considerate of them?”
15. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A New Dress After I Was Scolded For Wearing The Same Color As The Bride?
“So I (f18) was asked to play the harp at a friend of my father’s wedding. Normally, I would ask for payment beforehand, but since it was a family friend, they asked if they could just pay me at the reception and I told them yes.
The dates worked out for me, and it was set in a church about 1 hour from my house. I showed the dress I planned to wear to the bride when we went over the music she wanted and at the rehearsal, but only on a hanger.
It looks like it would be ugly on a hanger, as it’s just navy blue with long sleeves and floor length, but it’s surprisingly pretty.
I got to the venue about 4 hours early, so my harp would have time to acclimate to the room.
When I got there, the bride’s mother came to give me my corsage, and when she saw me, she demanded I change my dress. I laughed because I’ve known her for years, and then realized she wasn’t joking. I asked what was wrong with it and she said that the bride went with a nontraditional dress that was also navy blue.
I panicked a little because this is her wedding and I felt really bad, but she and her groom had approved it twice. I told the mother, and she asked if I had any other color I could change into. I don’t bring extra dresses unless my dress somehow doesn’t get approved beforehand, so I didn’t.
She then told me to go to the bridal shop 20 minutes away and buy a new dress. I refused because those dresses would cost about what I was getting paid for this wedding, and I told her I couldn’t afford it.
I felt bad, but she begrudgingly walked away.
The actual wedding went smoothly, and after everyone else had left the church and congratulated the bride, I stopped to talk to her. I explained what the mother-in-law said, and she said that it was fine and that they weren’t thinking when they approved my dress.
At the reception, when I talked to her mother-in-law about payment, she refused to pay me. I didn’t want to cause a scene, but the bride came over and heard us talking.
This time, she was also upset with me and also refused to pay me.
I didn’t know what to do. As my parents were busy and couldn’t attend this wedding, I didn’t have anyone there to back me up. A lot of people assume harpists come from a lot of money because of how expensive harps are, but I’ve been renting a harp since 4th grade, and when my teacher passed, we bought it for an amazing deal.
I also charge a lot less than most musicians would, but I have a college payment due in a few days and I can’t afford it. I got my parents involved when I got home, and my dad talked to his friend (the father of the groom) who was there when they approved the dress, and he got the payment to me. I still feel really bad, but I don’t think there was anything I could have done. Should I have just sucked it up and bought a new dress? AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Telling The Bride The Truth About How I Felt About Her Wedding?
“My best friend got married last weekend at a destination wedding. I was a MOH and our friend group was bridesmaids. I originally planned on having my kids stay with my in-laws because I didn’t want to exhaust them bringing them to a destination wedding.
But a few weeks before the wedding my friend insisted on me bringing the kids for the ceremony because she wanted them to be ring bearers. I had told her that I can’t just bring the kids to the ceremony because I’d have to pay for a babysitter for the reception and I simply can’t afford that.
I had to pay for a destination wedding, a destination bachelorette party, all my expenses on hair and makeup and the MOH dress plus the wedding gift. She was begging me and started crying about how much she loves my kids and wants them as ring bearers and she’ll find a solution regarding a babysitter.
I trusted her on that.
I didn’t want to let her down because her wedding has already been cancelled 4 times in the span of 2 years now and I didn’t want to add to her stress anymore.
So we leave for the wedding and last minute I find out that the bride had forgotten to hire the babysitter despite her reassuring me we don’t have to worry about it multiple times.
That resulted in my husband having to skip the reception and go back to the hotel with the kids. After the meals were done everyone was enjoying themselves with their partners while I was all alone because my husband was away.
My best friend told me to cheer up and it’s not a big deal. But it was hard as I felt like I was third-wheeling everyone. All my friends were with their partners, it wasn’t their responsibility to keep company to me because of the bride’s negligence towards the babysitter.
After we returned the bridesmaids told me how sorry they feel and how I’m right to feel upset. They also said they’re mad about how the bride has guilted all of us regarding the amount we’d spend overall despite knowing our financial situations and how they feel like she partly guilt-tripped us because her wedding has been cancelled before.
This week I met for coffee with my best friend and she asked me my honest opinion about everything and to not sugarcoat it. So I told her. I told her I’m mad about how she promised to handle one thing for me and she failed after the bridesmaids and I had made sure to do everything to her liking despite our hardships.
I told her I didn’t want to complain about her during the wedding planning in order not to stress her out but I told her since all of this is over I feel like she was wrong trying to guilt trip us as if it was our fault her wedding got cancelled before.
She then started crying and said she’s worthless and a horrible friend and that I implied she’s a bad person. The rest of the bridesmaids found out and now all believe I’m the jerk for telling the bride my honest feelings and I should just suck it up and let it go despite being right. AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help Out My Parents Financially After How They Treated Me?
“I am 25f and I got diagnosed with autism 5 years ago. I knew there was something up since I was a teen and I was begging my parents to take me to get diagnosed but they insisted that I’m overreacting and there’s nothing wrong with me and that I must stop self-diagnosing.
Once I hit 18 they pressured me to go to college despite my inability to do so & also pressured me to find a job which was extremely difficult and troubling for me. At that point, I knew I had to get professional care one way or another.
My parents gave me a deadline until my 19th bday to find a job and make up my mind about college or else they’d stop supporting me financially and also kick me out of the house. At 19 I found a minimum wage job and I was barely getting paid and my parents acted like it was my fault and even went as far as to claim that I don’t truly have that job.
The truth was that my employer was just a bad person who was not paying us and when he did he’d only pay 1/4 of our salary.
A while after that I reconnected with a high-school friend of mine who’s now my fiancé and we are getting married.
We’ve now been together for almost 6 years. When I got with him my parents kicked me out of the house because I prioritized my relationship over finding a proper job and going to college and they said I’m just lazy.
My fiancé took me in and I’ve lived with him since. He helped pay for my therapy and I got diagnosed with autism plus some other physical disabilities which I was unaware of because I thought they were normal body pains.
Since getting diagnosed and living with my fiancé my life has improved. He’s helped me find a very good job and he supports me as well.
I reconnected with my parents 2 years ago after being no contact with them since they kicked me out.
They apologized and said they want to make up for how they treated me. For the past 2 years our relationship has been decent but lately, they’ve started begging me for financial help because they’ve been struggling financially. I’ve helped them out a bit but I can’t do much because I don’t want to burden my fiancé by giving more to my parents.
Then my parents started complaining that we spend too much on the wedding right now and we should cut down the costs so we can support them financially. They’d give us ultimatums about the money and about how they raised me and I’m not supporting them financially in their time of need.
They also said that since I’m autistic, a huge wedding like the one we plan is going to be triggering for me so it’s a useless cost.
I stepped my foot down and told them that they have no business demanding money from me after they denied me therapy for many years and kicked me out of the house and how I don’t want them at my wedding anymore if that’s how they’re going to act.
Now some relatives of mine believe I’m too harsh on my parents and regardless of what happened I should be the bigger person and help them. AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend To Move In Until He Can Pay Rent?
“So I (M23) fairly recently became a first-time homeowner. I’ve spent the last few months fixing the place up and turning it into a nice little spot.
I have a friend who I’ll refer to as Bobby (m24) that I told could be a roommate after I get the house fully together and finished.
Bobby has come to visit a few times during the restoration process so he can check out the area (he’s from out of state). He loves the area and neighborhood and decided he wanted to live here. This is when I initially extended the offer.
I figured it’d be fun and would make life a little easier having a second set of hands to help keep up with maintenance (pool, lawn, etc).
Bobby initially told me that he’s been working and saving to move out of his parents’ place as he’s been living with them the last few years, and that he’d be more than willing to help out with yard work and such.
Yesterday we have a phone call and he asks me when he can move in. I tell him that whenever he’s ready he can move in. We then got into a deeper discussion about expectations and boundaries and stuff just so we were on the same page.
That’s when I find out that he currently has no money saved. Just enough to get moved here (gas, and a Uhaul), not even first month’s rent. He tells me his plan was to just “get moved in and find a job”.
I asked him how he has no savings as he works full time and his parents are currently paying his bills and he’s not paying rent. He tells me that he’s been going out a lot because he hates being at his house.
I then told him that I’d feel more comfortable if he had at least a month’s rent/bills saved before he moved in because in my old apartment, I had a friend move in under similar circumstances and he ended up just freeloading for three months.
Bobby then gets a defensive tone and says “so you didn’t want a friend moving in you just wanted someone to help pay your mortgage”. I then told him “I love you and you’re always welcome in my home but you can’t live here until you do some growing up”.
I haven’t spoken with him since but a mutual friend of ours reached out and said I was being too harsh on him and should cut him a break.
I don’t think I’m the jerk here because all I’m doing is trying to avoid living with someone that has no real plan or money that I’ll just end up taking care of.”
11. AITJ For Giving My Mom A More "Lavish" Gift Than My Stepmother?
“I’m a 24-year-old woman and have a Stepmother who recently turned 50. My parents divorced when I was 5 and my Dad remarried when I was 8, so I’ve known my Stepmother for a long time and I rather like her, plus she’s the mother of my younger half-siblings so getting along with her is good.
I lived with my Mum growing up but still saw my Dad a lot and by proxy I saw her.
For my Mum’s 50th birthday, I paid for the two of us to go stay at a really nice hotel for the weekend and basically have a girly pampering time.
It was a great memorable time for the two of us. I got invited to the party for my Stepmother’s 50th and I know she feels the cold easily as she has Anaemia and circulatory issues so I made her a crochet blanket in her favourite colours purple and grey.
It’s the size of a Queen bed so she can easily have it on their bed. She liked it but seemed confused that there wasn’t more and then asked if I had something else planned…I was confused and asked what she meant and she brought up how I’d done a whole weekend thing for my Mum and surely this blanket wasn’t all I had planned for her right?
The party got a bit awkward at that and I told her of course I’d done more as that was my Mum and that I’d also spent months working on this blanket for her so it wasn’t a simple thing.
She got upset when I stressed the difference being that my Mum was my Mum so of course got a different category of gift. My Dad felt I was being rude and not treating her fairly, now, I like her…but she didn’t raise me.
Had my Father been the one raising me I could see why she’d be upset over this but he only had me every other weekend and the occasional summer and Christmas. My Dad then tried to say I should take her out to make it more even.
I got upset with this and said no, that I couldn’t afford that because of the money I’d spent on wool and besides I felt my gift was plenty thoughtful. I ended up leaving the party not long after all of this.
My Dad is upset with me thinking I did this on purpose to upset her and ruin her day…I honestly thought I’d done something nice for her birthday, is it wrong that I’d plan different kinds of gifts for this?
10. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Adopted Baby's Aunt Also Adopt Her?
“Growing up, I (28 M) was really close with my neighbor Diane (27 F). Diane was the product of an affair and despite her parents divorcing their spouses and getting together before she was born, her home life was really rocky.
Diane pretty much lived with me, my little brother, and my single mom on the weekends, and by 5th grade she had her own room in our home. We all saw her as family, she was delighted as her only other siblings were her half-siblings who all hated her.
When Diane started high school, one of her half-sisters Amy started forming a bond with her.
Amy was only a year older than me and we hit it off, we started going out in college and things were going well. I’ve always wanted kids and Amy always said she felt the same until our last year of college, Amy got a positive pregnancy test and broke down.
She told me that she lied about wanting kids and that she was hoping that she’d either warm up to the idea or I’d change my mind, that she thought she’d be ok with it if it was for me but now that she’s pregnant, she knows for a fact that she never wants to be a mom.
We argued, I told her that she’d known I wanted kids before she was even interested in me and lied. Because of all the fighting and stress for finals she miscarried, I know she didn’t do it on purpose because she told me she would give birth to our child but didn’t want to raise them.
I broke up with her soon after, it was hard because I really loved her but Diane was there for me. Last year Diane got pregnant and the father wanted nothing to do with her or the baby, having a single mom I took her in and vowed to support her, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
Early in the pregnancy, Diane found out she had ovarian cancer. It was a hard hit on all of us and she started making a will and asked me to be the legal guardian of her child should it come down to it.
7 months ago Diane passed away, leaving her three-month-old daughter in my care. She named her Josephine after my mother and didn’t choose a middle name, after I officially adopted her I gave her Diane as a middle name. Amy came to me two days ago saying that she waited till after the adoption process to ask me because she didn’t want to stress me but I should let her also adopt Josephine because she’s Diane’s closest family member and that Josie needs a mother, and since I grew up in a single parent household I should know that better than anyone else.
I told her that Diane left Josie in my care and it’s disrespectful to try and place herself as her niece’s mother not even a year after Diane’s passing.
Some of Diane’s family are calling and telling me that I’m being thoughtless and that Josie needs a mother, that I’m not family so I don’t know what I’m doing.
It’s all such a stressful time and I haven’t even had a moment to properly grieve so I’m probably not in the right state of mind, am I the jerk?”
9. AITJ For Kicking Out My Cousin After She Got Proposed To At My Son's Birthday Party?
“I (24 f) threw a first birthday party for my son Noah on Sunday, we live quite far from all of our family (about a 2-hour drive) so invited both mine and my partner’s family for a bbq. On the day, my cousin (36 f) Stacey showed up an hour late (she hadn’t actually gotten back to me on whether she was coming or not) and she brought her partner that none of the family had met yet, that’s fine, good thing I brought extra food.
When my son saw her he came running over to say hi and she just blanked, sat him in one of the chairs, and stared at her phone while her partner stared at her.
A little while after Stacey arrived my son had sneakily opened one of his presents and came running over squealing in excitement to show me what he had.
When he was near Stacey she stopped him, took the toy, and told him to “go and sit down quietly” for a minute because she has an announcement. My son came to where I was helping my niece put back on her shoes and he was visibly upset.
He started pulling me to where his toy was and when I looked up Stacey’s partner was on one knee holding out a ring and she was gushing about how he had already proposed but wanted everyone there when she said yes!
I.
Was. Livid! I grabbed my son’s toy and picked him up when Stacey said “You’re in the way of the video.” Her sister stood behind me videoing the ‘special moment’ on her phone. I took my son over to his trampoline and this is when my nan came to tell me how Stacey had taken my son’s toy from him and then I heard her telling my partner’s family to move so they can get some pictures in front of my rose bush.
That was it. I told Stacey, her partner, my aunt, and other cousin to leave.
After leaving me multiple voicemails calling me out for ruining Stacey’s engagement my aunt has now started calling me out on social media for kicking them out of a ‘family gathering’ but she ‘forgot’ to mention it was my son’s birthday party and the reason why I asked them to leave so I put it on there for her.
Her friends started liking and commenting on my comment and the next thing I knew I was blocked and Stacey was texting me to ‘remind me the world doesn’t revolve around my son’ a ‘simple congratulations would have been nice’. And saying that I’ve turned the family against them.
AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Daughter To Go Prom Because She Lied To Me?
“My (37f) husband (37m) and I have 3 kids (14m, 14f and 12m). A few days ago, I got home from a dinner for work and saw that a vase in the kitchen was on the floor in pieces, it was a very expensive vase, and while we can afford a new one, I was still very upset about it.
I see my twins sitting on the couch and asked what happened, my daughter tells me that our 12 y/o was playing with one of his baseballs and broke it. My youngest loves sports memorabilia and does collect it, but I was immediately suspicious because he takes very good care of his antique sports memorabilia, and wouldn’t throw a baseball like that.
Even with his modern baseballs he uses for sports, I’ve never seen him throw one in the house. My 12 y/o isn’t a great liar, and when I asked him he said he did it, and it seemed like he was lying, then I noticed he had chocolate on his shirt and it was obvious that they had tried to bribe him with chocolate, my daughter’s partner works at a chocolatier and gets some free chocolate.
I then asked both of the twins what happened, but separately, first I took my son into our bedroom where he immediately admitted that he and his sister were playing with one of their brother’s antique baseballs and broke the vase, I was obviously disappointed in his actions but I was glad he was honest.
When I took my daughter into our room, she insisted it was their younger brother and refused to acknowledge what she did. I then went back to my son, I told him he lost his phone for a week and he complied, no other punishment.
He said he was going to the place where he and his friends take welding lessons, which is fine by me, I decided that losing their phone would be the punishment. My daughter refused to give me the phone and still insisted that it was her younger brother, I then got my youngest in the room with us and asked him to explain why he had chocolate all over himself, where he admitted that she bribed him with the sweets.
After that, my daughter just went silent and refused to give me the phone when I asked.
I then told her that she would not be allowed to go to the freshman prom for lying to me and refusing to hand over her phone.
The lying is what really makes me upset. My son is the more careless and chill sibling, so I kind of expected less pushback from him since he’s more likely to just go with a punishment. My daughter is a good kid, but she can be a lot more defensive, which isn’t inherently bad but was in this case.
My husband said I was being too harsh and should let her go, but I am still not on board with letting her go, he’s the more permissive parent and we’ve talked about how the kids know he’s easier to manipulate but he said he thinks that this punishment is unfair. I love him but I disagree and I don’t want my daughter to think she can get away with lying. She could’ve done something with her friends too, but insisted that she keep the phone.”
7. AITJ For Not Liking The Close Relationship My Husband Has With His Sister?
“I (33F) have been with my now husband (33M) for 5 years. His sister Lucy (29F) used to be my intern almost a decade ago when she was in uni. We ran into each other at a charity function where I then was introduced to my hubby.
I’ve always thought their relationship was a bit odd and that he was spoiling her. Back when she was my intern, I remember that he’d pick Lucy up after work and drive her all the way uptown to her dorm despite him living downtown and working long attorney hours.
This is not something he ever did for his other brother John (31M). When we first started going out I also learned that he personally paid for her apartment in Paris when she was doing her MFA despite their parents being very wealthy.
Who does that? I’m not down for this once we have kids. I have tons of observations like this where he puts her on a pedestal, spoils her like she is the literal golden angel child in everyone’s eyes. Their family dismisses it as their ‘big brother baby sister dynamic’ but I have an older brother too and he definitely does not act like my husband and we have appropriate boundaries.
I’ve tried to get to know her better but we’ve just never progressed past pleasantries. We don’t have any common interests. She’s kinda a snob and works in the art industry and I’m currently taking a sabbatical so we usually end up talking about the weather.
My husband and I have been talking about trying for a baby soon and I off the cuff told him that his hangouts with Lucy may have to stop as a baby is a lot of work and I’ll need all the help I can get.
Every other Sunday Lucy & my husband go to a museum or gallery then we’d all have dinner at his parents’ house, which is just too much family time for me now that we’re married. He was very dismissive of it, saying that we can always hire a nanny and he loves his family.
I got annoyed and said that I thought his relationship with his sister was inappropriately close and that he should set more boundaries as our future family should come first and we got into a disagreement. I’ve also tried talking to Lucy’s fiancé about it and he came across as very rude and told me that I was “asking to be divorced”.
Long story short, now Lucy doesn’t engage with me at all during dinners, is generally unpleasant to be around and it’s making me super uncomfortable. My friends all agree that their relationship is odd and that I should push for my needs to be met. Am I the jerk for asking my husband to set more boundaries with his sister.”
6. AITJ For Being Mad That My Fiancee Wanted To Bring Her Son On A Couple's Getaway?
“I (M33) have been with Natalie (F32) for 2 years. We’re getting married soon and she shares custody of her 10-year-old son Taylor with her ex-husband Tom.
Ever since her ex-husband got sick, Natalie kept bringing her son over more often. Sometimes her mom would take him due to work etc.
We’ve been having issues because of that because Natalie has to bring my stepson with us whenever we go. We started going out less and less. Since it’s been a month since we’ve gone out and since her ex has gotten better, I’ve arranged for a trip to the beach for the weekend, it’s supposed to be a couple’s getaway.
She was excited for it and prepared for everything.
The night before the trip she comes up to me and says “hey, Tom is sick again and he asked if I could take Taylor to spend the weekend with us”. I was gobsmacked.
I asked what she told him and she said she agreed. She then proceeded to tell me that she’d like to take Taylor with us to the beach. I got upset and told her to not bother because the trip was officially canceled.
She looked at me shocked but I told her she shouldn’t act shocked and surprised after she successfully ruined yet another opportunity for us to have quality, alone time together. She went on about how she couldn’t believe that I expect her to ditch her son since her mom was busy as well and getting a babysitter wasn’t on the table, I just shrugged and told her it was done then I walked out.
I went with the guys instead and she has been upset with me about it saying I could’ve just agreed to let my stepson come with us and we would’ve at least had some family time together while Tom gets better.
She said I was the one who screwed up, AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Not Willing To Get Back With My Ex Because His Kids Will Never Like Me?
“I am 38f. I was in a relationship with Mark (42m) for 9 years. Mark was a widower with two kids when we met. His kids were not able to handle Mark moving on, so we discussed going slow and giving them room to accept it, and if not, when they were both out of the house we could proceed at a faster pace.
I was fine with that because I never wanted to push. So we went out but didn’t live together or anything. Mark did therapy with the kids and had them speak to individual therapists to try and help them deal with their grief and to help them understand that he deserved to be happy.
The kids were always very distant and cold toward me. I never pushed, but I did attempt to form a bond with them. But it always felt like I was being dismissed.
Fast forward to both of them being out of the house and they had expressed that they were uncomfortable with visiting the home if I were to move in and that they would not be able to treat me like part of their family.
Mark wanted us to give it a little more time and maybe go out to visit as a couple before things progressed.
So a couple of months after that we went out, along with his parents, to see his kids and to spend time all together.
They ignored me for the most part. The one time I wasn’t ignored, someone mistook me for their mom and the younger of the two kids snapped at me for not being quicker with my no in response. They attempted to take everyone out for dinner except for me.
When the night came they claimed they could only get a table for five, not six, and that it was a family dinner so it should be me left out.
It was after this I realized, despite Mark standing up for me, that I could not do it.
I told him his kids would never be okay with me and I had waited for 9 years and they were still treating me like some pushy intruder who didn’t even deserve casual friendliness.
He was devastated, his parents were upset, and on and off since our breakup they were in touch to check on how I was doing.
They then tried to set me up on a date with Mark a few weeks ago. I told them they needed to put that to rest because it was not going to happen. That I was moving on with my life and they needed to let us all do the same because it was not healthy for us to be together.
They said Mark and I love each other and I said we did, but that I loved myself enough not to tie myself forever to a man who has kids who will never, ever come to terms with his moving on.
That I had my dreams of a family and it was not something I would sacrifice or carry out with someone who has family who would treat them badly.
They said I was unfairly blaming the kids and took offense to my not loving Mark enough to endure it. I felt bad because maybe I was too harsh?
AITJ?”
If he wasn't willing to do that, no one could reasonably expect you to stick around.
4. AITJ For Ranting About My Parents' Favoritism To My Extended Family?
“I (22 F) have 2 younger sisters, “Amy” is 18 and just graduated high school. I can’t think of a family whose parents so blatantly favor one child over their other 2, as much as my family does.
My parents are OBSESSED with volleyball.
Both played in college and that’s how they met, played at the same school. When I was young, they did everything in their power to get me interested in playing. I wasn’t. I’m a theatre gal.
Amy got interested at a young age.
They knew from when she was young that she had a lot of talent. Amy has played on her school and club teams basically since she was in 5th grade and was the best player. She’s now going to a Division 1 school on a full-ride volleyball scholarship.
My parents’ lives are all about Amy. Examples:
Our main fridge has 20 different magnets of Amy’s volleyball pictures. There’s one picture of me from when I played Cat in the Hat in 8th grade on the side of it. None of my littlest sister.
Parents ordered custom replica jerseys for Amy’s club team so we all can wear them. Has our last name and Amy’s number. Parents force us to wear them. (We’ve done it in a Christmas card) They also force us to go to all of Amy’s games.
But I don’t think Amy has ever been to one of my plays. Even in college, her excuse was always valid to skip my plays, but my excuse was never valid to skip her games.
In our basement, we have one of those life-size fat head stickers on the wall of Amy spiking a volleyball.
For the last 2 years, Amy made this like all-regional select volleyball team. But my parents paid hundreds of dollars to have the jersey put in a custom frame with the background being pictures of Amy playing volleyball throughout her life.
That hangs in one of our family rooms.
Every holiday we host, right after dinner almost like clockwork, you can see my mom hooking up her laptop to the tv. She’s putting on Amy’s game film for everyone. Every holiday.
My youngest sister (15) tries to be like Amy.
She plays volleyball too but is clearly not at the level Amy was when she was 15. So my parents treat her volleyball like an afterthought.
Amy also has some serious character issues I’d love to rant about but won’t do it here.
So Amy’s high school graduation party was yesterday and maybe twice as big as mine was. When talking to family who asked me about Amy, I just said I wish my parents took an interest in my hobbies or me in general like they do with Amy.
And it hurts to see the obvious favoritism. They agreed they’ve noticed it throughout my life too.
After the party, I was confronted by my parents because my extended family actually took my side and said it wasn’t fair. My parents just claimed ignorance.
They had no idea what I was talking about. And that I apparently embarrassed them for “spending the day talking smack about Amy”. Maybe I was jealous about the party, but I couldn’t deal with another Amy show while mom and dad act like they have one kid.”
3. AITJ For Making My Mom Watch My Kids While I Got A Pedicure?
“I live in a multigenerational household. I have two kids and my mom watches them while I work full-time. My son, 3M, goes to preschool during the school year so generally, my mom gets him ready and takes him; I prep his clothes, items for school and make lunches the night before.
I also have a daughter who is 1 that she watches full time. I pay cost of living/childcare to the tune of $1,100/month + groceries/digital entertainment (Hulu/Netflix/HBOMax). Rent/housing market is horrendous here like it is everywhere and it was more cost-effective and a cultural plus for my children to be living with more family.
There is no father in the picture.
This dynamic has not been easy on both sides and it’s a constant communication struggle to make this work. We’ve got probably 3 more years of this as I can’t afford a mortgage AND $1,800+ in childcare if my kids went out of town.
When kids are school age we’ll adjust//hopefully the housing market won’t be crazy and I can find a house close-ish to my folks.
The problem: I haven’t had a “break” since Feb 2020. I work full time, I come home – either help make dinner or set the table or entertain the kids while others do dinner tasks.
We split the evening chores between all 3 of us (my dad, my mom, and me). I bathe the kids, read books/play till bedtime, and put them to bed. Then for the next 2 hours, I get some downtime but mainly I clean up the house, make lunches, move laundry over, and sometimes sit on my butt and browse Reddit.
In 2019 I got 4 gift cards to a salon spa I used to visit pre-kids, I’ve never used them.
I got a great idea 2 weeks ago to use my PTO and treat myself to a pedicure. I went today, had a lovely time, and came home.
My mom is angry and says she feels used. 2 years of no break and now I’m the one crying because once again I’ve used and abused her. I hate (therefore NEVER) asking either of my folks to watch my kids after working hours.
To bring a babysitter to the house is to make them uncomfortable as they’re sharing their space with a stranger. I am not comfortable taking my kids to someone else’s house as the youngest is so little and they’ve never had a babysitter.
I get my mom is around them all the time, but she runs errands on the weekends without them. Or goes to restaurant meals with my dad without us, and we try to leave the house for hours at a time to give my folks space from us and the noise. I don’t know what else to do or what I’m missing. Can someone see another solution or just tell me I’m the jerk here?”
2. AITJ For Feeling Frustrated That My Mom Bought A New Beach House Instead Of Helping Me Out Financially?
“My spouse and I have been struggling to find a home. We have outgrown our tiny apartment. We have a young child and want another, but we cannot afford a bigger place. We save and save but cannot catch up to the pace of house prices.
My mother and her husband own three homes (soon to be four). While she heavily relied on her parents financially, she has not been there that way for me. Through unemployment, high medical bills for our premature baby, and numerous other unfortunate expenses, she never offered any help.
She and her husband, who considers himself my child’s grandfather, own five cars, and periodically they abandon the cars at one of their vacation homes to “look like someone is home all the time.” They planned on doing this with an additional car recently, one that was only a few years old.
I expressed my hurt that they were planning to abandon yet another car while they knew we were struggling financially.
Housing costs have become such a struggle that a couple of months ago, I applied for a job in a much cheaper state, 12 hours away.
I told her about this, and although she is very close with her grandchild, she basically just said she’d visit a lot. It felt very much like “don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Ultimately a relative (who only has one home) intervened and offered to help us in the event we could no longer afford rent after the upcoming increase (expected to be an increase of around 800/mo).
One month after I told her about applying for the job out of state, she told me that they got a beach place. I thought she meant a rental at first. It materialized that no, they purchased a home on the beach.
She expected me to be thrilled. She even said they did it for us (me and my spouse and child). The price of the home is in the same price range as the sort of home we would like to buy–a 3/2–but that we have been priced out of over the last couple of years.
I was very hurt by this and felt like it was a slap in the face. Well before closing, I told her I would not be able to go to their new vacation home (they have two others) because it would be too upsetting for me.
It is an extremely frivolous expense in my view, when they already own two vacation homes in the same state as the new one. I don’t feel entitled to their money, but neither do I want a front-row seat to them wasting it while we struggle.
For what it’s worth, I would have zero problem if they used this money to pay off their existing mortgage or save for retirement or pretty much anything other than a third vacation home that is the cost of the home we are hoping to be able to buy.
Like the abandoned car, it feels like money is just being thrown away. And I know they can do what they want with their money, but I don’t want to be in that house knowing they preferred having it to helping me and their grandchild.
AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Can't Come To My Baby Shower?
“My mom, sister, and my SIL have all been planning and organizing my upcoming baby shower. Pretty much everything is done already and I honestly could not be more grateful to have such a loving bunch in my life caring about me, but here’s where things get complicated.
So Thursday night, my parents offered to treat my husband and me to dinner at a new restaurant that opened up in the area. Full disclosure, my husband was in a mood even before we left so I offered to reschedule but he insisted that everything was fine and I was inventing an issue when there wasn’t one, so we went.
He and my mom both started drinking immediately. My mom’s not a big drinker so she was giddy by her second glass of wine but she wasn’t exactly inebriated either. My husband was hitting the wine pretty hard too but it didn’t matter much because he wasn’t driving so why not? Anyway, fast forward to the end of the dinner, and my husband “jokingly” snaps at the waitress to come over to our table.
I was mortified. I was a waitress and I know exactly how it feels to be treated that way so when she came over, I apologized and told her we’d be making it up in the tip. That’s when the crap hit the fan.
My husband flipped his lid and told me after she walked away that I’d embarrassed him and made a big deal out of nothing. He was getting loud but I know him very well and know how to de-escalate his moods, which I was about to do when my mom stepped in and started yelling at him for yelling at me and treating the wait staff badly.
After that and what started out as a great night quickly turned into one of the worst. My dad had to usher my mom away and my husband stormed out. My dad was covering the bill but I still left some money for the waitress and that only ticked my husband off even more.
The rest of the night was literally just one enormous argument about how my family and I humiliated him. So the next day I tried to smooth things over because I’m just done with all the stress at this point and I probably would’ve made headway but my mom had left him a voicemail cursing him out and telling him that he’s a monster and he tells me that he wants her out of the shower.
I argued at first because she paid for so much of it and I want her there but at the same time, he has a point. This is his baby too and if I told him I didn’t want someone at the shower, I’d have that right.
It really broke my heart to tell her that she couldn’t be in it and it was only made worse by my sister calling me up and telling me off for making our mom cry when she’s done so much. Now she’s saying she’s not coming either and it’s a toss-up if my brother’s coming too.
My heart is shattered but I can’t shake this feeling like I don’t really have the right to tell my husband that his feelings don’t matter when it comes to our baby and I don’t want to shut him out. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place?”
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