People Spill How They Inconvenienced Someone To Get Revenge
42. Think I Smell Bad? You All Reek Of Skunk
“I met this girl named Sara in the 12th grade.
Sara came from a tiny town in Texas, her class had like 18 kids total. She is extremely smart but shy so she made a great target for ALL the other students.
One week the girls were saying that she smelled bad and she needed to learn how to take a bath properly. On a Sunday as she was walking to the diner in town the girls drove by in a truck and dumped cow manure on her.
Needless to say, she was extremely unhappy.
Monday came around and she was in gym class (from what I understood gym was always the last class of the day). The teacher dismissed the girls telling them to go shower but asked Sara to stay behind to talk to her.
The teacher was telling her things would get better and that the best way to escape bullies is to get awesome grades so that she would have universities begging her to attend school there.
Sara was listening to the teacher when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye.
She glanced and saw what she thought was a cat from the property next door going into the girls’ locker room. A huge gust of wind blew the door shut. A few seconds later you could hear screams coming from the girls’ locker room. The bell sounded and the teacher told Sara to go home quickly.
Sara ran to a tree and climbed it and watched as the teacher opened the door and a skunk, not a cat, ran out. Every girl in the class had been hit by the skunk. Sara said to me that when she realized what had happened she looked up towards the sky and said, ‘Thank You!'”
41. He Insulted Her And Then She Pulled Out Her Sheriff's Badge
“So I was at a rock concert with my sister and my younger brother, we had gotten some awesome seats in an outside amphitheater, like 40,000 plus venue. Now for the entire concert, everything is good except for this one guy like 3 or so rows in front of us.
He’s being super obnoxious and spilling his drink on people around him, yelling at some random chick who’s just trying to have a good time, and being an all-around nuisance.
The concert ends at like 10 or so, we’re all walking out to our cars, and lo and behold, Doctor Jerk happens to be parked right next to my sister’s large black truck.
He gets to his car first, but because of the way the parking lot is laid out, he has to wait until we get in before he can leave. He gets way out of control because it’s taking us a bit to get in the car (not that we could go anywhere because of the heavy traffic anyway) and starts to honk at us, calling my sister (who is a rather big girl) a ‘fat jerk’ and ‘ugly’, telling my brother to get the ‘whale’ to move the truck so he can go home…all sorts of trash my sis is ignoring well.
Finally, traffic lets up a bit and we move forward only to have him try to cut us off, almost hitting us…I mean like centimeters from our bumper. He rolls his window down, looks my sister in the eye, and says, ‘oh I dare you, hit me…I dare you, I’ll sue your butt so hard!’ reaches into his pocket, pulls out something to smoke, and lights up.
This is my sister’s snapping point. She throws her truck in park, reaches under the seat, pulls out her Sheriff badge, knocks on the punk’s window, and detains him for possession until the on-duty police show up. He flips his lid and starts telling her how sorry he was and how much he wishes he knew ahead of time…she simply says, ‘well, if you weren’t a jerk, I wouldn’t have said anything…but now…not so much.
Have fun!’ She gets in her car and drives off. The people around us applauded loudly from their vehicles!”
40. Sometimes Just Being A Decent Person Means You Get To Fly First Class
“1994 or so, Pennsylvania had no money for plowing or road salt and had just had a huge ice storm.
Red-eye flight from LA to Pittsburgh, 3 hours to drive about 30 miles on horribly iced roads to an absolutely pointless sales call. 3 hours back to the airport, more ice storm is coming in, flights are starting to cancel. Jerk with Attitude, ahead of me at the airline desk, obviously much more spent on her appearance than on learning deportment and manners 40 years ago when it might have done her some good, raving about her entitlement to a first-class seat on an already-full flight.
Much abuse of airline desk employees. I had some ‘attaboy’ coupons from the same airline (very frequent flyer at the time), handed them out to all three desk employees, asked humbly if I might get a seat inside the aircraft, as opposed to riding on the wing.
They cracked up, gave me a back-row (non-reclining) center seat with apologies. I thanked them sincerely, I was that fried. Get in my seat, the door closes. The Senior Flight attendant asks me to push my call button. She collects me, escorts me to First Class, escorts Jerk with Attitude to my lovely seat.
Tells me, ‘Thanks from the desk crew!’ Gave more Attaboys to the cabin crew. I had a REALLY nice flight home that night.”
39. Don't Care About The Privacy Of Your Employees? This Creepy Message Will Change Your Mind
“After a very eventful week in which I missed work because I was extremely ill, I finally returned to my hallowed spot behind the register.
Since the winter is mighty slow for us, I guess one of my bosses got antsy and decided to tweak our POS settings so NEW and FUN things printed out on our receipt. In hindsight, it really was my fault for leaving her unattended with the register for a week.
One of these NEW and FUN things happened to include the receipt now printing the first and last name of the cashier who rang them up. I’m not a privacy nut but, this freaked me out and annoyed me. The receipt already prints out our employee code when we ring the sale.
I called my boss and asked her what POS option she had fiddled it so I could fiddle it back to off. Imagine my shock at her shock on why I would want to do this. What is so bad about the receipt printing the first and last name of the cashier?
Oh, I don’t know. Irate customers having personal information, ridiculous customers having personal information, ANY customer having personal information. The list goes on. My first and last name are one Google search away from my address, my social media, my embarrassing angst-riddled teenage blogs that I keep meaning to delete.
My boss told me to leave the option turned on. So I created a fake social media account, using a male name and sent her a private message detailing how I thought she was so pretty and how I was too shy to say that when she rang me up, but I got her name off the receipt and just had to contact her.
Two hours after I sent the message, she called me and told me to turn the option off.”
38. Take My Parking Spot? I'll Make You Believe Someone Keyed Your Car
“I took the family out to eat at Applebee’s. The lot was full and I saw a customer come out to leave so I waited for him to pull out and take the spot.
The guy pulls out and a car full of young girls just pulls into my spot. You know the type. Well I rolled down my window and told them I was waiting for that space and the driver says, ‘too bad, your name wasn’t on it’.
I was livid but just waited for another space and went in and ate.
Girls were at the bar doing shots getting wasted. We enjoyed our meal and paid the waiter. I then asked the waiter if he wanted to make $20. I asked him to go up to the girls, 10 min after we left, and tell them they got a call from someone that said that they had keyed their car and that they should have parked somewhere else.
I DID NOT KEY THE CAR.
I called him about an hour later to ask how it went. He said they all went nuts, screaming and stuff, and even called the police.
BONUS: Cops came and found no damage to the car but noticed the girls were too damaged to drive.
Cops left and circled back and watched the car. Girls come out, get in the car, start the car, and the parking lot explodes in blue light. Busted! DUIs and PDs for all.
I did not know about the bonus till a week later when I went back for a few beers.
The waiter recognized me and told me the bonus story, laughing the whole time. Another $20 to the waiter. Best $40 I ever spent.”
37. Won't Do Your Job? My Enjoyment Will Cost Your Paycheck
“I like to drop in and play pick-up hockey whenever I get the chance.
The sheet is a little far from my place so I like to call ahead to see how many players are signed up for the skate before I leave – if there are too many I’ll usually stay home because it means I don’t get a lot of ice time.
One day, I called multiple times to get a hold of the front desk clerk to ask the number of skaters, but there was no answer. I decided to drive over and risk it being a wasted trip, hoping that I would get to play.
When I got there I saw ice was full and was angry that I will have wasted an hour of my day driving because the clerk didn’t do her job – she was just sitting at the front desk, playing with her phone. I stopped, stood there a second, and decided to call again.
I heard the phone ring and watched her ignore it.
Then I decided I was going to skate, but I wasn’t going to pay. I walked right past her and her manager saw me get past without paying and stopped me. I told him that I figured so long as she wasn’t doing her job answering the phone, that she should continue not doing her job and not charge me a session fee.
He said it didn’t work like that and I immediately told him how I had to drive a half-hour to come to play, how her answering the phone ensures that I can spend my money on ice time at the facility, and not on gas driving back from the days that I can’t play, but if I got to skate for free, then it didn’t bother me, because the free ice time was worth the drive.
He agreed with my logic, apologized, and handed me a free 10 session pass, the cost of which would be taken out of the clerk’s final paycheck.
It took a second for the clerk to process that her manager had said ‘final paycheck’ – she looked at him shocked when she realized she’d just been fired.”
36. I Know Just The Way To Expose You For Stealing My Drink
“This was about 20 years ago while I was in high school. Through about 6 weeks of swimming class during the Physical Education year, I noticed that after I’d had a shower after swimming practice, my small, sealed plastic bottle of ‘Ginger’ as we call it here, would have been removed from my bag, half swilled, and put back in my lunchbox.
This was no regular beverage – this was my 250ml bottle of Irn Bru – known as the nation of Scotland’s finest beverage. Even today, decades on – you are not supposed to mess with someone’s Irn Bru.
Irn Bru, (please Google it), is the most important invention in Scottish history.
Those Irn Bru’s, a beverage that my dear mother would purchase and place in my lunchbox each day, were being messed with. Consumed by some little jerk. Half was stolen and replaced as a taunt. This could not be allowed to stand.
My school was rough as ever, and I was not a tough kid.
Standing up for myself directly/physically was not something I felt capable of back then. So I made a simple plan.
Without a word said to my friends, I treated myself to a good half bottle of my Irn Bru before I went to bed late one Sunday night, and just before I went to bed, nipped to the bathroom, and filled the remainder of the bottle with my teenage pee.
Surely enough, after swimming practice that Monday afternoon, I opened my lunchbox to find a half-swilled bottle of Irn Bru.
I stood up in the changing room, on a bench, held the bottle aloft, and exclaimed, ‘Whoever’s been drinking my Irn Bru for 6 weeks, you’ve just drunk my pee.’
The locker room looked on in confused silence, even my best friends had no idea what was going on…
But I spotted one face. One face stood out among all the other bewildered 14-year-old faces.
It was you, Colin O’Neill.
Colin stinking O’Neill. To this day, I’d put my life on it – It was you the whole time.
You had gross hair, and were a nasty little bullying jerk – but on that day, you drank a good 120 milliliters of my teenage pee.
Screw you, Colin O’Neill, you pee-drinking little jerk, I hope your next bowel movement is a hedgehog.
No one ever stole my Irn Bru again.”
Another User Comments:
“Wow that’s satisfying. I have a similar story actually although not quite as gross.
I was semi-popular in high school and I’m not sure why this bully decided to pick on me but he did. He would go into my bag at lunch and down my whole bottle of water in front of me even though there were water fountains around.
It never really affected me but it was some sort of power play to him.
So I decided to put an end to it one morning and filled my water bottle with water and salt.
So much salt. Tablespoons of salt stirring it all in.
Lunchtime comes around and like clockwork, he goes and grabs my bottle and tries to down it all as fast as possible. If he had drunk it like a normal person he would have noticed the salt but he took a hugeee swig like always and gulped down a big mouthful of saltwater, and then proceeded to projectile vomit straight onto the floor in front of all his friends.
He was so embarrassed he never touched it again.” fazdaspaz
35. Your Pretty Privilege Isn't Going To Get You Out Of This Mess
“I was at the grocery store (extremely windy outside) and there was a very beautiful woman behind me as I walked in, so naturally I held the door open for her.
She had said something, I figured it was ‘thank you,’ so I said you’re welcome. Apparently, it wasn’t, and she thought I was saying you’re welcome to be sarcastic for not saying thanks. She got very angry and was all like UMMM OOKKK FIRSTLY I DIDN’T SAY THANK YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE A GUY AND YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO HOLD THE DOOR FOR ME.
Fine, jerk.
Anyways, after I’m done shopping and we’re checking out, just my luck, the jerk is in front of me. After she’s checking out, she’s short a couple of bucks and taking it out on the check-out person and the whole store. I give her the money she needed, as I was waiting for a while and wanted to get on with it.
Someone was like ‘Aww that was nice of him,’ and she quickly retaliated with yet again an ‘Umm no it was not. He’s a guy, he’s supposed to do that for me.’ What a jerk UGHH. I finish checking out, and she was standing there double-checking her receipt, so I get out before her.
We’re both done loading our cars and not only did she not put the cart away, but it was also almost as if she went out of her way to leave it in the middle of the aisle causing cars not to be able to drive through.
The extreme wind then starts pushing the cart very fast, keeps on gaining speed, and SLAMS into her car. I was standing there staring the whole time with my arms crossed, just enjoying the show. I could have stopped it way before it happened, but screw her I did my job already by being her little servant throughout the store.
She saw me just watching and flipped out, yelling at me that I let that happen. I told her I was sorry and I didn’t notice until after it had happened. Oh man did she tear me a new butthole, she even had the nerve to swing at me and try to slap me across the face, luckily in vain.
She gets back into her car soooo angry and near floors it to pull out of her parking space. She wasn’t looking. A car happened to be coming down the aisle by now and she slams right into the side of the car as she was hauling out of the parking space.
I could have whistled real loud to let her know not to go or get her attention or something, but I wasn’t trying to get her all in my face for thinking I was just trying to start something. I feel bad for the person she hit, but that person was very angry, had little kids in the car and everything, so I know for sure that person did everything possible to screw her over and sue her insurance company, the whole nine yards.
Man if I could see it again, I’d watch it happen to her again without even thinking about it.”
34. Cats Can Get Revenge Too
“My fiancé has been having really terrible digestion problems for the past few days that’s caused him to fart almost nonstop. Horrible, painfully awful farts that stink to high heavens.
They literally smell up the entire room LONG after he’s farted. Luckily for his colleagues, he’s allowed to work from home. Unfortunately for us, it’s been so bad that I’ve taken to sleeping in a different bedroom. Last night, he insisted that one of our cats sleep with him because he missed having company (the other cat only likes sleeping with me).
This morning, he told me that he woke up to the cat’s butthole grinding in his face and the cat letting out the deadliest, longest fart imaginable.
I gave my kitty some extra cuddles and treats.”
Another User Comments:
“Cats are revenge experts. My first cat came from my aunt’s in-laws.
Apparently, my aunt’s sister-in-law was frequently a jerk to the cat.
One day Twigs, bless her black heart, crawled into the woman’s lap and pooped on her. RIP you ruthless furry maniac.” silchi
Another User Comments:
“One time I scolded my cat, can’t remember what for, he was kind of a jerk.
After which, he just jumped up on my dresser, stared me dead in the eyes, and started to knock everything off. One by one. Just taking his little paw and calmly knocking all my stuff off the dresser, staring at me the whole time. Honestly, I was too impressed and found it way too hilarious to get mad.
Despite being neutered, he also ‘sprayed’ my roommate for reprimanding him with the old spray bottle filled with a water technique.
On top of being the meanest cat I ever had, he was also the most clever. He knew how to open the window to get outside, and also knew doorknobs were the mechanism that opened doors.
No doubt though, cats are definitely capable of spite.” VanLaux
33. Need Me To Do My Job Correctly? You'll Have To Pay Me For Working Overtime
“I work as a cashier at a little retail store and probably have the meanest manager on earth. The day before yesterday she screamed at me the second I walked in the door over a misplaced layaway that wasn’t my fault at all.
Although the misplacement was not my mistake she still proceeded to blame me for it saying that I did the labels wrong. She told me the next time this happened I would have to come into the store and look for it myself without being clocked in.
The next day a man came about 5 minutes before closing placing in a layaway with almost $700 worth of stuff. It took me about 15 minutes to ring and box everything up. When I was done I had 77 individual items divided up into 13 boxes. Since my manager so eloquently told me that if I were to do the labels wrong again that I would have to do unpaid work and or get written up, I needed to do the labels correctly.
(The thing about our labels is they only print twelve items per label so for one box I had to print off 7 labels and stick them all on there.. 13 different times.)
So it is time for me to clock out and my manager comes over and sees that I am still printing off my labels.
If I disrupt the labeling process it will cancel the layaway and mess our system up. She asks me to print fewer labels and get it over with and I so nicely remind her of her harsh statement she screamed at me the day before about doing the labels incorrectly.
We ended up having to wait over an hour for labels to print. Long story short she yelled at me and blamed me for something I didn’t do and the next day she had to pay me for an hour’s worth of overtime.”
32. Make A Scene Over Olives? I'll Make A Scene Over A Broken Glass
“I work at a pub and one night this complete, absolute jerk of a woman comes in. No, that’s an understatement.
She was a demon made entirely from fragments of nightmares, with the sole mission to give waitresses a taste of what a nightmare for servers might be like. Working as a server you learn to read people (not judge them, but understand what they expect from you and assess their level of needs), and she was totally the type who expected a server to be her servant.
It was almost a year ago, and I had only been working there for about a month, I can’t recall everything she did, and by the end of it, I was so angry & rattled I think I blocked most of it out. But it started with her just rolling her eyes at everything I said and asking ridiculous questions.
She asked what was on the nachos and I told her. I did not, however, mention olives because there are no olives on the nachos, in fact, there are no olives in anything on the menu at all. But she told me she’d take the olives on the side, I told her the nachos actually didn’t have olives at all.
Well, apparently she really wanted olives, because she couldn’t understand how this could be, or why I was doing this to her. The whole time her perfectly kind and normal dining companions were giving me looks of sympathy, or ‘what the heck’ looks to each other after every demand or complaint she made.
It was somebody in the party’s birthday and I could tell she was ruining it for everyone with her attitude.
Anyway, all night I hoped and hoped for any small, slight chance to mess with her. I’d never spit in anyone’s food, but in this case, I considered it.
Though she was so rude even that wouldn’t have been satisfying, it would’ve only been a personal triumph, but I wanted this woman to suffer. For her to feel it and for her to witness instant, gratifying, karma. She complained about the ridiculous and obscure drinks she kept ordering.
None of them were made right. She complained and complained and ridiculed and sighed. And was just generally the most unpleasant person I’ve encountered in my life. But I did my darndest to kill her, with kindness. It was almost as if she was playing a character, an absolute parody of the worst restaurant patron ever, and I half-expected some guy to come out of nowhere, point to a hidden camera, and award me thousands of dollars for keeping my cool after all her nonsense.
By about the 6th drink (these were doubles) I finally got my chance to mess with her. I’d brought her a fresh martini, and as soon as I’d turned around she (or according to her, the guy beside her) knocked over the glass, spilling the drink and breaking the glass.
I grabbed a rag and cleaned it up, gathering up the glass, all the while being sweet as pie. Then she says she’ll need a replacement and I reply with, ‘Unfortunately, I can’t serve you anymore.’ She angrily asks why and I say, ‘It’s house policy, once a glass is broken the bartender cuts off drink service.’ (total nonsense).
She concedes and sits the rest of her evening without another drink. At the end of the night, I bring her the bill and as SOON as I put it down in front of her she yells, ‘I want to see your manager!’ almost as if she’s so upset she might cry from how unfairly I’ve treated her.
So I go tell my manager (the owner/bartender) the situation, simply that she broke a glass after many, many drinks, so I cut her off. He goes over and completely defends my side. She tells him I’d been rude to her all night and that he should fire me!
He doesn’t give it any serious consideration, just tells me that what I did was absolutely the right thing in that situation. The best part was that he’d refused to take the spilled drink off the bill, too (that is house policy. You break it, you buy it, jerk.)
Everyone else in the party apologized profusely for the way she’d acted all night as they came up to pay their bills, and tipped a good 20% to make up for it.
It may not sound as satisfying as it was, but that opening when she spilled the drink was a pure karmic triumph.
It felt like sunshine and justice were making love inside my brain.”
31. Something Was Fishy About This Customer
“I ran an aquarium store for about 5 years and had probably hundreds of run-ins with rude people. We had a policy of accepting people’s fish on trade-in, so they had a place to bring the fish and didn’t flush them.
A very popular trade in fish is an Oscar. They get huge, impossible to kill and you can buy them at just about any and all aquarium stores. Our policy on huge Oscars was no more than 5 dollars trade-in, we generally had way too many at all times, so we had to do something to limit them coming in.
Guy called up, said he had a really nice Oscar that he needed to get rid of, I told him we could almost for sure take him, but we had a pretty strict policy on the amount of store credit. He said, ‘Oh ok, I guess that’s fine, I don’t really have anything else I could do with him.’ Probably a few hours later, the guy came in with the fish and an employee of mine came up to me and asked what he needed to do.
I said to write him a 5 dollar credit as per what I told him on the phone. A minute later, the employee came back and said the guy is yelling and cursing and said the guy on the phone told him he would get like 20 dollars credit.
I sighed (this happens a lot) and took over. I found the guy and asked if a guy on the phone told him he would get 20 dollars for the Oscar, he said yes, to which I asked ‘was the guy named Mike?’ He said, ‘yeah, it was Mike that told me that.’ I looked at him and said, ‘Hi, I’m Mike.’ He looked down and asked if he could still get the 5 dollar credit.”
30. Greedy Trumpet Player Gets Booze Instead Of Water
“I play in an LA symphony and one of the world’s greatest trumpet players sits directly in front of me. For those of you who don’t play brass instruments, you almost need a constant supply of water to keep from keeling over especially from two straight hours of playing.
So this player is absolutely brilliant. For this concert when we first started playing I had only seen him open his music once and then never again. His playing is unreal, and he has never once missed a note or played remotely out of tune.
Let’s call him Sam.
So, Sam is the essential god of the trumpet, and everyone, including myself, treats him as a deity. There are just two problems with good ‘ole Sam; he’s very nervous, and always forgets his water bottle.
So, we’ve played this concert about five times, and this is our sixth.
Halfway through, Sam plays a beautiful solo that could melt the soul of Satan into a warm puddle, and like clockwork, two measures before he plays, he leans back and steals my buddy Roy’s water bottle. This happens literally every concert, and it annoys the life out of Roy because no matter how many times we tell him, he doesn’t give it back until the concert is over.
A jerk he is.
At this sixth concert, we reach the solo, and as usual, Sam leans back, grabs the bottle, and takes a big ‘ole swig… And chokes. Because that’s not water. It’s booze.
He drops the bottle, rushes to grab mine… More booze.
Our conductor is looking at Sam, and it’s half a measure before he plays. Panicking, he picks up his trumpet… And plays his solo the best of his life. We took him out for drinks afterward.
He brings two water bottles to concerts now.”
29. Backstabbing Friend Gets A Taste Of Her Own Medicine
“I had a best friend who was honestly the best friend I ever had.
We talked about anything, had the same sense of humor, could hang out while only messing around on the computer, or while watching movies, and we always had an awesome time.
Basically, she was the immature type of person who loved to gossip. I was going through a hard time and told her some intimate stuff which she didn’t say much about.
The next thing I knew, she had told the group of friends we hung out with what I said. I also found out that she had basically told them the majority of the stuff we’d talk about.
She and this jerk (I always hated this chick) tried to make rumors that I was sleeping around in order to extradite me from the group.
I was pretty broken up over having my best friend stab me in the back so I told the whole group all the bad stuff she’d talk about them and how she twisted my story. All of this allowed me to ruin both her and the jerk’s reputation.
They got kicked out of our group and everyone still hates them. Petty high school stuff but I’m still proud of myself that I turned around and did to them what they were trying to do to me.”
28. Dealing With Hurricane Mom
“My partner had moved out and a hurricane was coming through town. His parents lived near the coast and both my parents were gone so he wanted to stay with me and my brother to make sure everything was ok.
The day before the hurricane, his mom wants him to come over and help move stuff in case of flooding.
But he knows her tricks and she would steal his car keys or something to trap him there. So he didn’t want to go.
On the first day of the hurricane, she starts threatening things if he doesn’t go. Remember, this is an 18-year-old adult who has moved out of his parents’ house, fully supporting himself and going to college.
And she treats him like a 5-year-old. He still doesn’t go, especially since the hurricane was already on the shore, where his parents’ house was.
After the hurricane, his mom tells him they threw away everything he owned that was in the house. He had recently moved out and hadn’t been able to move everything yet.
Somehow in the middle of their urgent hurricane preparations, his mom found the time to go to the dump with all of her son’s possessions because he wouldn’t go to the shore during a hurricane. Maybe 2 days later, I drive the roads he would have taken and trees and power lines are still down all over the place.
A month later, my partner and his mom get into an argument about how it’s hard for my partner to do stuff now that half of everything he owns is gone. She reveals she didn’t throw it away, but stuck it in the neighbor’s garage, letting each of his 5 siblings keep one thing.
I’ve never met a crazier woman, even while watching Dance Moms. My one regret in that entire relationship is that I didn’t write down every single encounter with that woman, turn it into a book, and make millions.”
27. Dump Me For Your Ex? I'll Ruin Your Precious Shirts
“I was seeing a guy and we lived together for a while. One day he went to see his ex then came home that evening and told me, ‘it’s over.
My ex and I are going to try again,’ and left. I was pretty much in shock for the whole of the following day. He had told me he was going to come and get his stuff that evening so when I finished work, being very angry and hurt by then, I got to work bagging his stuff up…
I tied tiny little knots in all of his shirts at least 10 per shirt and pulled them very tightly, then in the bag, I put honey. I cleaned the toilet with his toothbrush and wiped it with his flannel. I threw all the bags down 2 flights of stairs with a little more force than was necessary and I believe I heard a few things break.
I logged onto his computer and changed all his passwords to ‘iamajerkhead’ and also took the fuse out of the plugs (British plugs.)
When he came to pick up his stuff (with his ex in tow) I asked to have a word with him in private when he came into the flat.
I basically told him what I thought of him and slapped him really hard then threw him out.
This was the guy who one week before, bought me a dozen roses with a ring and a request to marry him, told me that he would always love me and we’d never had a bad word or argument.
There was absolutely no indication of leaving until he went to see her and came home that night to say he was out and getting back with her so I flipped out way more than I would normally have.
I really wish I’d been a fly on the wall when he opened those bags.
He REALLY loved his shirts”
26. Mess With My Camp Shirt? I'll Mess With Your Sleeping Bag
“The only summer camp I ever went to was this Christian camp up in the mountains that my friends raved about every year through Jr. High. In 8th grade, they finally convinced me to go along with them, even if I wasn’t into the whole ‘Jesus thing’.
The camp was alright, the people were ok, and the ‘Jesus thing’ was a little overbearing. Still, overall I was having a good time.
Or so I’d like to say, but there was this stupid jerk who had decided to make my life a nightmare.
We were assigned to the same cabin, and he had decided to make fun of me from the first moment we met. The name-calling was something I was kinda used to, but he went out of his way each day to make me feel like trash.
Still, the last day of camp came around and I wasn’t going to do anything about it. After all, I was never going to see this jerk again, so why feed the troll?
I reached into my bag for my (mandatory whenever we weren’t in ‘free time’) camp shirt, but it was gone.
My counselor yelled at me for being careless and told me to go ask my cabin-mates if they had seen it. No one said they had…except for that jerk. He brazenly states that he rifled through my bag to find it, cut off the sleeves, and then wore it in front of me.
Then he handed me his shirt (at least 2 sizes smaller than me) and said I should wear that if I could, ‘squeeze your fat self in it.’ I took the shirt and went back to my stuff. I snapped.
Everyone went to the final assembly except for me.
I didn’t have time. I grabbed his down sleeping bag and cut a small hole on the inside of it, then stuck the faucet in the hole and turned on the water. Then, I dragged it outside and used all of my strength (never underestimate angry fat man strength) to hammer throw that thing onto the roof of the cabin, high enough that it was hard to see if you weren’t looking for it.
Finally, for my petty coup de grace, I emptied two entire canisters of Axe into his clothing and bag. No mercy.
I didn’t stick around to see my results. I grabbed my stuff and left as soon as I saw my parents. However, I did hear from my friends that he was extremely upset…as were his parents, who had to deal with the disgusting smells of Axe and wet down.
I don’t regret it.”
25. Want To Use My Toothbrush? Sure, Go Ahead
“I had a couple of bad roommates once, and this one kid ate all my food, wouldn’t pay a bill, clean the house, basically anything and everything that made a bad roommate, a bad roommate.
So one day I wake up and head to the bathroom to brush my teeth. There’s only my toothbrush in the bathroom, and it’s wet like someone JUST used it.
So I ask the one roomie if he used it, he claims no. So I ask the other roommate and he says no.
I go to the store and buy a new one. I start doing the dorm room thing and bringing shower supplies to my room every night.
The next morning, my (old) toothbrush is wet again. I haven’t used the old one in two days now, and I ask both of them again.
I let them know my toothbrush is the only one in there. They start to talk nonsense, act indignant. etc. etc.
So the third day I try again, yup, super wet.
So I eat heavy greasy food all day, and when I get home, I take a mean poop.
I mean bowel cleansing. Before I wipe I touch my (a thoroughly cleaned) toothbrush to my butthole. Not rubbing it in, just touching it. I pull it back and yup, there’s too much poop on it, so I rinse it JUUUUSSST enough to leave a speck or two of fecal matter on it, and definitely leave a smell.
I put it back, and before I go to bed I make sure it’s dry.
Next morning, yup, sure as ever, the roomie is finishing getting ready to go to work, and I ask ONE last time.
Now he starts being a jerk about it.
So I inform him, ‘well that sucks for whoever’s been brushing their teeth with my toothbrush because I used it to wipe my butt.’
The roomie got super pale in the blink of an eye. And talk about mad.
He never touched my things after, until I kicked him out for not paying rent and stealing $1,000 from me.”
24. Refuse To Be Polite? Longer Bathroom Wait For You
“I worked for a small cleaning company and was at one of the houses we were working on for the first time, which usually takes longer due to it being..
dirty. Anyway, I was on bathroom duty and had moved on to the second floor. We’d been cleaning for 2 hours and took a smoke break. The daughter came home, gave us a dirty look, and walked inside. I hear her later talking on the phone having an extremely loud conversation about how badly she had to go to the bathroom.
Now, there’s one upstairs and she could ask at any point to use it. But she continued to complain about how long it was taking for me to clean and that her ‘parents don’t pay us to sit outside and smoke, just clean.’ You know, like the lowly worthless peons we are.
I was almost done, but stopped what I was doing and flushed the toilet, and ran the shower A LOT. She made it a much longer wait. Turned what would have been 5 minutes into about 20. Still did a fantastic job cleaning…”
23. No One Messes With My Bike Ride
“I was biking the other day on the municipal biking paths and this young lad was swerving like an intoxicated person all over the lanes… generally just being disruptive to the other bikers that were trying to enjoy the scenery. He is moving quite slowly (given that most of his energy is spent on moving sideways, not surprising) so I eventually get to him and I try to pass him so I shout a few times that I’m passing on the left.
The little derp turns around, smirks at me, and completely ignores my polite request to yield. He carries on snaking around and I figure, screw it I don’t want to get injured because of some jerk.
However, eventually, the path leads to an uphill turn right at the edge of a parking lot (in other words, a concrete wall right at the end of a very sudden turn which happens to also have a decently steep incline).
Now I’m already thinking about evil things to do to this ridiculous jerk so I call out once again to give him a final opportunity to save himself.
Obviously, he pretends not to hear me, and at this point, I just pedal as hard as I can.
Now, Mr. Jerk decided he wanted to try and stop me from overtaking on the turn so he’s sped up considerably. I get to the turn just barely before he does and I see his front wheel snug between the wall and my back wheel.
Right as the corner curves I hit the turn as tightly and abruptly as I can, then I brake hard on my front wheel to force my bike frame to rotate inwards and crush this jerk into the concrete.
My bike jitters a little from the impact but my bike is significantly bulkier than this guy’s, so no harm done to me… when I turn around I see the kid has fallen off his bike and is trying to nurse a few bruises.
I didn’t think my work was done so I decided to yell out ‘DON’T SAY I DIDN’T TELL YOU TO YIELD SON’ for good measure.”
22. Take My Office? I'll Crush Your Cookies
“I work as a bookkeeper at a real estate office with about 50 real estate agents.
One agent, we’ll call him Bob, left mysteriously sometime in the spring of 2012. Because he worked in another building, I didn’t have a ton of interaction with him, but every time I went there he was always talking loudly and insulting his wife, etc. Though I thought the wife comments were out of line, I didn’t voice my opinions because I was new.
3-4 months later Bob returned, and I was able to witness his antics first hand. Let me list two prime examples of his behavior that stick out in my mind:
1. We have one office administrator and she is constantly overworked and is basically the backbone of the office.
She has accumulated about two months of paid time off because if she ever takes time off people begin to panic. One time she was working on a transaction where the agent failed to complete a lot of paperwork, and she (rightfully) said ‘this paperwork sucks.’ Bob then replied to her, ‘I’ll give you something to suck on.’ I could tell she was having a bad day and this didn’t help.
2. Our building is one story and the front doors are glass. The front door also happens to be right next to the only color copier. One time, while Bob was standing outside smoking, he noticed one of the other agents was waiting in line with a ton of papers which were probably in some order.
Never failing to seize an opportunity to be a jerk, he SLAMMED his palms on the glass door and made a loud noise, which made the agent drop all her papers. Obviously, she was furious, to which he replied, ‘sorry, I’d help but I’m not allowed to smoke inside,’ while laughing his head off.
I’m sure you can see why my opinion of Bob is very low. Several coworkers have described him as a ‘man-child’ or ‘lawsuit waiting to happen,’ both of which I think are accurate. Shortly after he returned, he consistently complained about wanting one of the offices with a locking door in our building, because ‘he didn’t have enough space in his cubicle.’ Such rooms are a premium in our office, and they usually go to our highest producing agents or staff that need them.
One of these rooms was shared by myself and the other bookkeeper. We need a room that locks so people don’t get access to the company’s checks or other sensitive financial data. We also have a ton of files, etc., between the two of us, and this office was perfect for keeping it all secure.
He somehow convinced my boss to relocate us to a cubicle so he could take our office. Two weeks after he officially moved in, he had the following items in his new office: a laptop with a laptop charger, and a Costco-sized bag of famous Amos cookies.
Being perplexed as to why this jerk claimed to need so much space but actually required so little, I entered his office late one evening (I have the master key) and confirmed that all the drawers and filing cabinets were completely empty. Two more weeks pass by and the situation is the same.
This was right around the time when he slammed his hand against the door and made the other agent drop all her things, so I didn’t feel bad about what I did next. After everyone left, I went into his office, opened his bag of cookies, and crushed them all with my hands.
I then spit into the bag, sealed it up, and exited. The next day the bag was gone, and he seemed pretty irritable for no reason, presumably because he didn’t have cookies to snack on that day.”
21. Maybe Next Time Pick On Someone Your Own Size
“At high school, this French kid, who was lanky and had a big head, used to pick on me.
Now, I’m a big guy, At the time I was 6ft with a medium build and this is when I was 13. But this kid had the guts to pick on me all the time, dramatically lowering my self-esteem. This included snarky remarks, backstabbing, one time he emptied a whole tube of sherbet into my hair.
I didn’t have the guts to invert his face.
Until it was my last day at that school, we were having P.E (gym) class and were playing touch rugby. My P.E teacher also had contempt for this jerk, so I talked to him and asked if I can go hard on this kid.
He smiled and said yes, please. Usually, in touch rugby, a touch tackle would be a tap on the back or shoulder. I took it to the next level and tapped him rather forcefully with my shoulder with all my 90 kg weight. He would sit there and complain to the teacher, who would only say you ran into him.
Every time this happened it was like unraveling a whole month of bullying.
People say revenge is bad, but oh man that felt good.”
20. Think You Can Cut In Front Of Me? I'll Just Ring Up Your Snack For Myself
“It’s lunchtime and I’m purchasing a sandwich and drink from a local supermarket.
While I’m waiting in line this woman is shrieking down her phone to who I can only presume is her now totally annoyed partner.
She’s visibly annoying most people in the general vicinity with her swearing and general attitude.
As it’s coming up to my turn to check out, she’s decided she’s fed up with waiting and puts her big bag of M&M’s in front of my lunch on the conveyor and says, ‘I need to go first.’
Without so much as a moment to think and without making eye contact I pick them up and move them behind my items, saying nothing.
RED ALERT: DIVERT ALL POWER TO JERK DRIVE
Woman: ‘What the heck are you doing?’
Me: ‘I was here first, wait your turn.’
Woman: ‘Screw you I am on my lunch break and I have a very important job blah blah blah.’ (I can’t remember the whole rant)
Me: ‘It’s lunchtime, everyone is on lunch, you have to wait.’
Woman: ‘Screw you! I asked nicely!’ (lol what.)
At this point, the woman throws her M&M’s in front of my lunch still ranting and it’s now my turn to check out. Enter an awesome check-out girl.
So after seeing the bag of M&M’s land on the conveyor, I decide, screw it and I accept the woman’s gracious offering and buy the M&M’s for myself, leaving her M&M-less.
Of course, the battle was not yet over, more screaming was coming my way.
Woman: ‘What are you doing, those are mine!’
Me: ‘Nope, I’m paying for them now, if you want M&M’s you’ll have to go get some and wait in line.’
Woman: ‘You’re a thief! You stole my M&M’s!’
Me: ‘No I just bought the M&M’s you rudely threw onto my pile of stuff.’
Woman: ‘I’m not getting anymore, give me my M&M’s back. You’re a thief!’
Cashier: ‘Ma’am, I suggest you go and get a new pack and wait in line, there are people waiting. The gentleman hasn’t stolen anything, he paid money for the M&M’s.’
Woman: ‘Call the manager, get this jerk kicked out for stealing.’
Me: ‘Mind if I step out anyway? I have a very important job and I’m on lunch?’
Woman: ‘Where are you goi-‘
Cashier: ‘Sure, here’s your receipt.’
Me: ‘Thanks.’
To wrap up, the M&M’s were delicious, I shared them with my co-workers.
Don’t know if the woman went back to get some, but I highly recommend them.”
Another User Comments:
“My husband was waiting in line at the supermarket when a woman came up to him with only a few items in her hands and said, ‘Can I cut in front of you?
I only have a few things.’
Before my husband could answer, she just started placing her stuff on the conveyer, clearly under the assumption that no one would dare deny her.
Except she had never met my husband. He told her, ‘No, you can’t cut in front.
You have 5 things, go to the express lane.’ (The express lane was on the other side of the store-front, clearly too far for her to be bothered to walk).
The woman seemed shocked that my husband said no, and didn’t move right away, ‘It’s only a few things…’ She mumbled, to which my husband replied by pointing at the express lane and telling her that is what it was for.
He then grabbed the few items she had put down, put them in her hands, and started placing his things on the belt. The woman walked away in huffy shock, and when she was gone the check-out chick turned to him and said, ‘I see people like that who try to pull that trick all the time, but you are the first to stand up to someone and say no!
You made my day, thank you!’
And then she gave him a discount and he left. The last thing he saw when he looked back was the huffy woman still in the self-checkout getting mad at the machine. ‘Unexpected item in bagging area!’
This lady wasn’t as much of a cow as Important Job Lady, but pushing in front because you think you are more important is high on my list of peeves.” YoureNotAGenius
Another User Comments:
“As a check-out person myself, I hate people who cut the queues and always serve people first come first serve.
Once when it was really busy on the express lanes, I was about to open another lane when this older guy with one juice at the end of the line followed me from the end of the queue and put his stuff on my register first. I told him that I’d be serving all the people before him first when he started telling me all the usual ‘I’ve only got one thing!’ ‘I’m in a hurry!’ Just gave him a good ol’ retail smile as he stormed out without his juice.” vulpines
19. Won't Let Me Go To The Bathroom? You'll Regret That
“When I was in 3rd grade, I walked into class one day to find there was a substitute teacher.
An old hag substitute. I finished the math handouts she gave us, and I asked to be excused to use the restroom. She told me to help the other students and go pee after class. I helped the students until I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
She once again told me to help the students. I walked up to her chair and said, ‘I really have to go’ then inched closer, pressed against her legs, and let my bladder explode on this woman. Screw that woman, I even remember her name.”
18. I Made The Mean Kid Eat Horse Poop
“When my mother was a kid, she lived out on a farm, and the only neighbors were this nasty white trash-looking family. The family’s son, who was about her age, was a complete jerk to her, so my mom went into her family’s horse stable, picked up a ball of horse poop, and, in her words, ‘gussied it up’.
She went back to the neighbor kid, acting all nice, and told him that she had got some chocolate for him.
The look on his face after realizing what he was biting into still brings a smile to her today.”
17. Be Rude To The Employee? Here's A French Fry To The Face
“My daughter and I were waiting in line to order food at an outdoor venue. The woman in front of us was very rude to the employee taking her order and belittling him for having a bad job, mind you, he was a high school kid and it was probably his first job.
My kiddo and I got our food and ended up at the picnic table next to the ridiculous lady. I then started throwing french fries at my kid knowing she would throw them back, being 3 she didn’t have good aim. She threw all of the French fries past me and they all landed by the mean woman, promptly followed by every seagull in the park.
She had to get up and leave the table and there were no others, so she had to eat standing up. Hopefully, the kid who made her food licked it too. TaaaDaaa!”
16. Next Time You Forget Your Key I'm Recycling Your Shoes
“I had a room on the main floor of a house shared with five other buddies. The window of my room was right beside the door to get in. On most nights in the summer it was super hot so I kept the window open even when we would go out for the night.
With 5 of us living at the house and being right in the heart of Downtown, we had a lot of friends crashing at our place. Whenever they would leave the bar early without a key, most jerks instead of waiting would crawl through my window to get in, which was where my desk and computer were placed. I’d come home and everything would be scattered, monitor on its face.
Really annoyed me.
The third time this happened I flipped. The guy who did it was passed out on the couch. I grab his stupid shoes and storm out of the house. I run down a block and dump one shoe in the recycling bin.
I run down in the opposite direction and dump his other one in another bin.
He spent hours looking for them the next morning. Felt good.”
15. Complain About My Service? I'll Show You How Bad I Can Really Be
“I used to work for my ex-husband’s father, and there was this one customer who was an overly obese man that wore suspenders and an eye patch.
(I cannot make this up.) He would order the same thing every time he came in. A diet Dr. Pepper and 2 orders of Rocky Mountain Oysters with tater tots. The diner literally would only hold 26 people in the dining area, the kitchen was half that size.
So needless to say I was the only waitress. I am rather quiet, but when working I am the world’s best waitress.
Anyways this man comes in and sits in the last of 3 booths. Furthest from me, and the counter I am behind is completely full.
I am taking orders, refilling drinks, taking orders to-go, ringing people up, running food and bussing tables, oh yeah, and doing dishes! Finally, I see the man and get him his drink while he sits there unhappily. A few weeks later when I am not working he apparently comes in and talks so much trash about me to my (at the time) Father-in-Law and he just laughs with him carrying on about his air-headed, annoying, dumb daughter-in-law.
The next time he came in I placed his order, slammed his drink on the table, and walked off until his food was ready. If he thought I was a jerk before, this really got it through to him. He apologized. Now then, dealing with the jerk of a father-in-law I worked beneath.
I laced his drinks with pickles and tons of pickle juice. Several times, oh and I stopped coming into work. See what happens when you take advantage of ‘family’? I was ‘working’ for him, but the funny thing is he never made me fill out a W-2 because he didn’t like being taxed. He’d laugh when I got burned, publicly humiliated me, and accused me of stealing numerous times from him because ‘His math didn’t add up’ then he’d find what he was missing in his pocket.
Glad I am out of there.”
14. Try To Sabotage My Career? You're Messing With The Wrong Teacher
“I was doing an internship as a teacher. In my country, this is a required part of becoming a teacher.
I had 2 colleagues. A dude I didn’t much care for and a South African emigrant/immigrant (she kept coming and going) who I was friends with.
You can see where this is headed.
Well, the dude turned out to actually be kind of nice. Not competent but nice. My ‘friend’ was relatively competent but secretly a jerk and extremely lazy and just rested on the laurels of her English being ‘that good, trust me.’
Well, I spent a year doing my thing, not really trying to upstage her but just doing my job.
I was actually better than her. Our uni professors would ask us what we wanted to teach and we would give our favorite languages. She would say she didn’t want to teach.
The contempt in our professors was obvious when they asked what she was doing there if that was how she felt. It didn’t appeal to her. Not a good thing for a teacher in training to say to fellow teachers.
So, the final evaluation period comes around and she tells me, flat out in the middle of a class, that she is gonna do her best to screw me over because she can’t have me have a better mark in the end because she speaks English as her first language.
Big whoop.
So, I get to the meeting and let her parade her reasons as to why I’m a bad teacher: I talk to my students. I write words with mistakes in them (she didn’t know how bearing as in bearing in mind was spelled).
I use too many audio-visual materials (wait, what?)…
I just let her go on for about half an hour while I take notes.
Then she realizes what I’m doing but still asks why I’m writing this down. I tell her to proceed.
Now, our meetings were supposed to be open meetings, meaning we could criticize but expect the person to defend their actions so we could learn from each other.
I replied to each minor gripe she had with my classes. We are meant to talk to our students, a good relationship with them is important. Words were spelled as I did, not as she thinks. We are actually encouraged to use as many audio-visual materials as we can cram in, the kids love them and anything that engages their attention is great.
But all of this wasn’t me being petty… well, maybe it was. What I considered being absolutely petty was ending my little defense by saying that I couldn’t believe I was taking criticism from someone who was never at school despite living right in front of the school while I had to catch a 40km bus ride every day just to get to work.
I also mentioned how I couldn’t believe I was being criticized by someone who had such poor control over verbs and adjectives and she would be ‘more betterer’ off working in a restaurant.
I have to explain this last one, the one I consider truly petty but well deserved considering the nightmare she put me through.
She worked weekends at her mom’s restaurant. She also didn’t know how to say better so she said ‘more betterer’ in front of a class with 2 uni professors there, one of which was in this meeting. The students caught her, tried to correct her, she said that was the correct form.
When she turned to write on the board the students all looked at us at the back of the room and we nodded in agreement that she was off her lid and let her carry on.
She turned red. The professor caught wind of the storm coming and just said that she agreed my ‘friend’ was being overly critical and that she thought my classes were good and saw no point in her remarks and that she knew there was something fishy with them but was going to mention that in her final report.
It was still a month until everything was official and we were just going through the motions but we pretty much knew our marks. I managed to get a higher mark than she did and she never spoke to me again, not that I’m complaining.
She did try to appeal but it turns out both of them should have flunked out because they were absent all the time but the school we trained at would keep that under wraps as it reflected poorly on the institution.”
13. I Annoyed My Partner's Mean Mom By Never Putting Away My Laundry
“I lived with the ex-partner’s parents for a year in England (I’m originally from Canada).
I don’t know what possessed me to do such a stupid thing, but love makes you do irrational things I suppose. Anyways, his mother, a yuppie nouveau-riche 50-year-old who was dealing with a mid-life crisis due to her age, absolutely despised me and always acted as if I was ‘stealing her son.’ She subjected me to relentless emotional abuse: calling me American even though she knew it was ignorant and infuriating, condescending me at any opportunity, and frequently boasting about brand name possessions she had purchased in some feeble attempt to make me feel inferior.
I was working 12 hour days in a recruitment job that was an hour-long commute from home, and she still insisted I clean the entire house on a weekly basis, literally wait on her during dinner, etc.
I couldn’t do anything because my ex refused to acknowledge it was happening, and we couldn’t move out due to financial reasons (London is a very expensive city).
I won’t say it’s the wittiest/funniest form of revenge, but I stole a bunch of her hair products. That didn’t satisfy me though. I wanted to really get under her skin, and she was too much of an airhead to notice her missing possessions.
And I had to be careful – getting kicked out wasn’t an option and this was an entirely passive-aggressive battle.
She was very particular about the organization of her house, especially regarding laundry. My revenge was to leave my laundry on the drying rack for days at a time.
The laundry room was so small that the rack would literally occupy most of the space, and the second fridge was in the room too, making it a decent-sized inconvenience for most, but a horrific one for her.
It drove her wild. She absolutely could not STAND having the laundry left there, drying, for longer than a period of 12 hours.
It blocked the way to her stash of wine, a bottle of which she nursed every night at the minimum. She would constantly complain, and I would go ‘Oh don’t worry, I’ll do it right after I clear your plates from dinner! And wash and dry them!
And clean the kitchen!’ or ‘Oh I’m sorry, I just need to vacuum your 6 bedroom house first!’ all with a huge smile on my face. I would do the chores as promised, then go out for a long, long walk or make plans with friends, or go to bed – leaving the laundry.
The laundry would sit there for days. Right when she’d be at breaking point, I’d clear it all up. Then do more laundry. Wash, Rinse, Repeat. Eventually, she just started folding it herself and leaving it in my partner’s bedroom. As I said, it’s not the wittiest form of revenge, but it satisfied me nonetheless.
And forced her to fold all my sassy undergarments that her precious darling son enjoyed so very much.”
12. Take Back The Gift You Got For Me? I'll Mess With Your Shampoo
“Older sister and I used to fight all the time. Like, really fight. Several years ago for Christmas, she got me a perfume sampler set. There were like 10 different samples and it came with a coupon you could redeem for a full-size bottle of the perfume of your choice (from among the samples).
It was pretty much the nicest thing she ever gave me. But the day after Christmas I noticed it was mysteriously missing. I asked her what happened, she said, and I quote, ‘I’unno.’ Our mother asked her and got the same response. I knew, just KNEW that she took it, but I didn’t have any proof, so I had to let it go.
Fast forward three months. I was cleaning the bathroom we shared and noticed several of the tiny sample bottles, most now empty. I was livid. I showed our mother, who was upset too. When she confronted my sister, she just said ‘She didn’t deserve it, so I took it back.’ What really upset me though was her dishonesty about it.
So I did the only thing I could think of at the time: I peed in her shampoo. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of texting my friend to tell them about what I did, because before she washed her hair with the pee shampoo, I had left my phone at home to charge, then went out with mom to the store.
Minutes later my mom gets a call from my sister who is crying about how I peed in her shampoo. How did she know? She went into my phone and read my text messages…I don’t care how gross you think peeing in someone’s shampoo might be, I honestly felt like it was justified, particularly after she snooped through my phone.”
11. I Started Rooting For Every Team So I Didn't Have To Remove My Flag
“So a while back I was given a UGA Bulldogs flag and a flag pole to mount it on my porch. Our Homeowners Association (HOA) restrictions say that sports team flags can only be flown on a day in which the team is playing.
My intention was to only fly it on Saturdays when the football team was playing. So I put the flag up on a Saturday the Dawgs were playing but forgot to take it down until Monday. On Friday I get a letter from the HOA stating that I am in violation of the restriction and could be fined. Okay, fair enough, they are correct on this one.
I then noticed that the date of observation was on Wednesday. I called and said that couldn’t be true because I took it down on Monday. Instead of admitting her mistake, she lied and said that she had seen it up on Wednesday. Now I was mad.
I printed off a schedule of every sporting event the Bulldogs had in every sport, even club sports, and then proceeded to fly the flag every single day there was any kind of game, match, regatta, etc., which was almost every single day.
I then started getting letters stating I was in violation again.
I would call on each one and explain that the water polo team had a match, or the rowing team had a regatta on those days. After about a month or two of this back and forth, they finally gave up.”
Another User Comments:
“Screw HOA.
my brother used to live in a subdivision with one, he keeps his place IMMACULATE, the lawn looks like a baseball field, etc., etc. He’s got a 2014 Pathfinder parked in his driveway, and the inspection sticker (the little sticker on the license plate, this is in North Carolina) was expired. He had the new one sitting in his glove box, he just didn’t get around to sticking it on yet.
but basically, this thing is a brand new car (this was a year and a half ago), and the only way you’d even be able to SEE the sticker is if you walked up to his driveway with a magnifying glass.
They send him a letter.
They highlight the section about not keeping ‘junk, inoperable vehicles’! He lost it, wrote them back basically telling them to go screw themselves, and if he gets another letter for something as nonsensical as this he’s going to let his lawyer deal with it. That was the last letter they sent him.” fosiacat
Another User Comments:
“I lived in a condo my brother bought (in 2005) for a few years. This unit had been abandoned for over a year, and they all had been built in the 80s, so this was the first one seeing any kind of renovation.
We replaced 3 windows, at a cost of about a grand per window.
We had to use the one company the jerks (HOA) approved. They put in windows with white trim. Every other unit had black trim. The HOA attempted to scare us with legal action trying to force us to have new windows installed, at another 3 grand.
My brother’s wife, having worked for one of the largest real estate firms in the nearby city, asked legal to send them a letter back. And they agreed to have them painted black.
Now that they are all replacing their windows (now all their new windows are white.)
I bet my brother doesn’t hear a peep from them.” [deleted]
10. Call Me Ugly? Have A Taste Of This Ham
“This one time, when I was about 15-16, I was about to walk inside my building, had just placed the keys in the lock, when, reflected in the door, I see two girls walking by behind me.
I can actually hear one of them say, as she points at me:
‘Let’s talk to this guy.’
But then her friend goes:
‘No, not him, he’s ugly. Let’s go.’
The girl that actually wanted to talk to me was cute and everything, man.
So, not only did her friend block me from speaking to her, but she also called me ugly. And that hurt.
I walk upstairs, walk into my place and then walk over to the balcony to see if I can spot the girls. They’re right across the street, talking to each other, and the jerk is being a bit loud and obnoxious.
That did it for me.
I walk back into the kitchen, grab a slice of ham, and swoosh, throw it at the girl. Direct hit. She had a total ‘what the heck’ look on her face which made me smile.
Of course, in retrospect, that was a stupid thing to do and I wouldn’t do it again.”
9. Keep Blaming Our Puppy For Being Messy And We'll Frame Yours
“I moved into a friend’s place with my 3 dogs when my parents moved out of the country. She was a decent friend but was totally dumb. I tried everything to make my dogs’ presence scarce, ie doggie doors, scooping poop in the back yard, dog-proof garbage cans and never leaving them unattended for more than a work shift.
2 dogs were perfectly trained, the 3rd, was not fixed and still marked here and there, but mainly on her speakers.
Her on-again-off-again partner (who was my ex from high school, but who cares?) decided to get a puppy, not a little one like my trio, but a puppy bigger than my largest dog (a Weiner dog).
So now, the peeing in the house is out of control and my 3rd is catching all the heat….so one night, the roomie and her partner leave to go do whatever, leaving their big puppy home with myself, my partner at the time, and my best friend.
Now we’re intoxicated, we catch the puppy peeing. I proceed to clean it up, after I do, my partner decides that he should pee on the floor and have her clean it up (they used to be roommates and I think there was hidden hate.)
Now mind you, we have been drinking and this is a grown man peeing on the floor, this is a massive puddle for a 20-pound puppy, but screw it right? We don’t care.
They finally get home, the 3 of us are hanging out in my room, which had all the amenities, like a DVR, couch, snacks, and a mini-fridge.
We go to hang with them in the common area, where they discover the puddle of pee, right by the garbage can, on our way to the back sliding glass door. You can’t miss it.
So instead of the duo cleaning it up, they kneel down and examine it, like on all fours with their noses an inch and a half away from it.
They Almost taste it. Then, she puts her fingers in it and rubs them together, and sniffs it again. She decided that it was oil, like her fry daddy somehow Miraculously leaked behind a wall.”
8. Think You're The Prank Master? Well I'm A "Shoe"-In For Success
“I live in a dorm with a large group of friends, and last year a friend of mine who lived across the hall decided to start a prank war after one adventure with a vuvuzela down the halls at 4 am. I would get the brunt of all the pranks for some strange reason and at first, I didn’t mind, but one night we were at the bar and he claimed he pranked me the most because I’m ‘the dumb jerk that always leaves himself open for pranks’ (which was hardly true in my opinion).
This guy always left his door unlocked so I left the bar (which is conveniently right across the street) pretending to take a phone call with a girl I was talking to at the time and rigged a diabolical machine in his room. Using string, thumbtacks, 2 weights, and a shoe; I rigged a shoe with some modest weight to swing from the ceiling when the door opened at about where I thought this guy’s nuts would be if he walked through the door.
I called up my roommate to bring this guy back and told him to make him open the door first because the trap would spring as soon as the door was open. I was stuck inside, but MAN DID IT WORK!!!! I have replicated it after that, but I never got the same success as the first time around, and even from the beginning the contraption wouldn’t spring sometimes.
It was just luck and a metric ton of patience.”
7. Put Your Feet On My Chair? Don't Complain When I Do The Same To You
“I was out to a movie with my friends last night. We come and sit down, and I realize pretty soon that this girl in the row behind us has her feet up on my friend David’s seat.
She’s there with one of her friends. So David turns around and he says something like, ‘uh do you think you could put your feet down?’ And I think they say something in response but I didn’t hear it. The feet didn’t go down.
A few minutes later David says, ‘Hey, will you get your feet off my chair? It’s extremely rude.’ And they still don’t budge.
So I tell David that he should go find an employee and get them to talk to this girl. He does exactly that, and after a couple of minutes, an employee comes and talks to this girl.
She is obviously pretty peeved but begrudgingly agrees to put her feet down.
After the employee leaves, she puts her feet right back up.
At this point I’m angry. Why is it so important to you that you have your feet up on someone’s chair?
You’re just being a brat.
So I get out of my seat, walk up two rows, sit down in the seat directly behind this girl, and stick my foot on the back of her chair and push it forward. They both turn around and try to say something to me, but I can’t really hear them since the movie had started by this point, so I just say ‘just watch the movie.’
I kept my feet up there the entire movie. It felt like I had done wall sits for two hours but I’m glad I did it.”
Another User Comments:
“Luckily I haven’t had it happen in a theatre, but have had it a couple of times on planes…one time the person had bare feet.
I made a point to let loose the loudest and wettest sneeze of my life, all over their bare feet. That did the job.” DogfoodEnforcer
Another User Comments:
“God. I get pumped just reading this.
I used to work at the theaters when Two Towers came out.
I really loved the movie, so I’d stay and watch it if I got out and it was near the helms deep battle. This was within the first week so most nights still had a decent amount of people. Well, there was a kid that would constantly be yelling at Frodo.
He was being a kid and it was kind of cute at first, but eventually, it was annoying. I turned to the dad and asked him if he could ask his kid to be quiet, we’re all trying to watch the movie. He leaned forward and said, ‘why don’t you just turn around and watch the movie.’ So I did.
I was like 17. So after like 5 minutes, the kid hasn’t stopped, so I turn around and look at him and tell him, ‘I’ve read the books, Frodo and Sam both die in the next movie,’ and got up and left before the dad could react since the kid immediately started looking like he was about to burst into tears.
Not sure if he did since I pretty much got out of there as fast as I could but I like to think he did.” UltravioIence
Another User Comments:
“In eighth grade, a woman behind me refused to take her feet away from my seat.
I asked her twice, and she just laughed and said whatever. So I grabbed her little shoe and threw it onto the floor by the screen.
The theatre had flooded, and there was still about an inch or two of water on the floor, just taped off, so satisfying when it landed. Then she dumped her popcorn on me, so I stood up and dumped mine onto her.
It was ridiculous, we were both being a bit shrewish.” MeinKeister
We had been married a couple of years and her friend was getting married at a church that a friend of mine had gone to. I went on a church retreat with him in HS. I was telling her this and she butts in telling me how she had done the same, and there had been a water fight between the boys, downstairs and the girls, upstairs. She had been trying to hold a steel mop bucket on the railing, full of water to pour down on the boys, but the bucket fell and hit some boy.
I pulled the car over and sat there staring at her in silence, my wife, the love of my life, my attacker.
I described the bucket and all the metal details and told her I still had the scar.
6. Oh So Now You Want To Talk? Not Interested
“I met a girl at a frat party at a liberal arts university in Atlanta and we ended up hanging out that night.
One thing led to another and I ended up in her bedroom doing the things you do in a woman’s bedroom after a frat party. We had a good time, went our separate ways the next morning, didn’t really talk with her after that.
About a year or two later, I was single again and remembered how good a time we had, so I reached out to her and asked if she wanted to get a coffee or something, and we went out together and started seeing each other.
Flash forward about 3 months, things have been going very well (I thought?) and we’d been having a good time, so I figured it was time to have the ‘where are we’ conversation and brought up ‘mutual exclusivity’, as it were.
She shot it down at the time saying that everything was fine the way it was and why would we want to put a label on something that was going so well, etc. That should have been my warning, but I was young and naive and took her at face value.
That weekend she was going out of town on a camping trip, told me she’d be back on Monday and she’d give me a shout.
Monday comes, no call, no answer when I call. Tuesday comes, no call, no answer when I call. Wednesday comes and at this point, I have a pretty good idea what’s going on, so I just leave it alone.
She calls me that night and tells me she met a guy on the camping trip, and she’s in a mutually exclusive relationship with him now. I’m not pleased with this but whatever, I can’t get upset with someone for breaking up with me, that’s just silly.
Three weeks later my phone rings and it’s her, I pick up the phone and immediately say ‘He dumped you, didn’t he?’ And her answer was ‘yes’. I was polite but asked why she was calling. She let me know she was going to study abroad in Ireland for a semester but wanted to know if she could call me when she got back to the US.
I said sure.
The semester comes and goes, she gets back to the US, calls me, wants to hang out. I said sure, she comes over, one thing leads to another, we end up sleeping together. She leaves, calls me the next day, and I never answer her phone calls again.
Petty revenge.”
5. Stash A Dead Animal Behind A Heater? We'll Superglue All Your Items Down
“In the last year of co-ed boarding school, all the students were allotted studies to work in peace from the rest of the school.
In the weeks leading up to our exams the 5 of us in my study started to notice a smell and as the days went by it got bad..really bad…think the air freshener scene in Seven. When it got too much to handle we went on the hunt and found a dead squirrel placed carefully behind the heater.
Later in the week one of my friend’s exes fessed up when intoxicated that she had found the squirrel and thought she could get her revenge for him ending it with her (with stuff like that can you blame him) and hid the animal there!!
Furious, we planned our revenge and thinking that a typical public humiliation would be too simple, later that night went into her study. We left it exactly as we found it, the only difference being everything had been super-glued down: textbooks, study notes, clocks, pens, lamps, everything you could think of was stuck firmly to where she had left it.
Her reaction was priceless and seeing the remains of her belongings still stuck to the desk as she tried to pick things up was totally worth the (quite severe) ear-bashing we got from the female fraternity of our year who thought it was an unprovoked prank; but there was one girl who knew, one girl who said nothing, one girl who knew she had been beaten.
I went back for my 5-year reunion a year ago and a corner of her biology textbook is still stuck there!! Looked like it had been penned in years ago but it made me smile.”
4. I Rearranged Everything In His Parents' House To Get Him In Trouble
“Two weeks into being 21 my best friend and I went to our favorite bar.
Way too many drinks later she comes up to me and says we are going to a ‘hot tub party.’ We had a ride there and back, and it wasn’t far. Not wanting her to get in trouble, I agreed to go and chucked my drink.
A 30-minute drive later, dropping off everyone but my friend, her guy, and the rando driving, we arrive in another city, just the four of us, at the hot tub ‘party’. It was this dude’s parents’ house. They were out of town. WE HAD BEEN FOOLED!
SO, being the smart 21-year-old lady I was, I decided to get intoxicated and take my revenge. Many ‘trips to the bathroom/to get water/to check my phone’ later I had rearranged THOUSANDS of things in his parents’ house. All the remotes were in the microwave, tongs behind the last supper, forks under the couch, books in the shower, you name it I moved it.
The next day, after freaking out that I was ‘late for work’ so we would leave in a hungover intoxicated haze, I casually mentioned I slept walked from time to time.
His parents got home while we were gone and called the cops thinking they’d been robbed. He thought I did it all in my sleep for a week.”
3. Betray My Friend? We'll Expose Your Secret Life To Everyone
“Being a guy; I think all of us have had our hearts ripped out and thrown into the garbage before our very eyes by a woman at some point. Some more than others, but we’ve all been wronged. I am now happily married, but there is that feeling of would have, could have, should have to have gotten even, or to settle the score to make yourself feel better.
Well, all that experience paid off.
Fast forward years later. I’m married and now live in Japan. A Japanese friend that basically introduced my best friend and me to our wives moved back to Japan as well. My best friend and his wife live back in The U.S.
One day I get a text from the friend that introduced me to my wife saying we need to meet and asks if we could have dinner together. I meet her for dinner and she tells me that my best friend’s wife is two-timing him and it has been going on for 3 years.
This girl is really good friends with my best friend’s wife, so for her to tell me this says she is upset about it. Basically, her reason for moving back to Japan was that her partner two-timed her and she had only been back a year, so the feelings of hurt weren’t fully healed yet.
Anyway, so after hearing all the details and who the guy was that my friend’s wife was two-timing him with, I said something needs to be done. She agreed and said that’s why she was telling me.
My best friend had been laid off from his government contract job and had decided to go back to school to get another degree in his field.
His wife reasoned that he got fired, as in Japan it is rare to be laid off. She started two-timing him with this weasel of a guy who would stab anyone in the back to get with an attractive woman. Neither of us ever liked him and now there was even more reason.
Since it was just before finals for my friend, I held onto this information until finals were over as I knew the news would destroy him. When I finally told him he took it as well as you can take hearing such news. Then I said, let’s make her pay.
He too had been wronged in his path and we decided we would take out all our anger on her.
We cracked her social media password in less than 10 minutes because of how predictable some of the passwords girls tend to choose. There lied all the proof we would need. Photos with him and her and comments that were stamped 3 years prior that my friend could never see because they agreed not to be friends on there for personal privacy reasons.
Anyway, we could see private messages between the two, etc. Best of all we found the weasel’s page via hers’s and he was friends with his mother on there. We discovered that she is a very conservative Christian, so finding out that her son is involved in an affair would not go over well with her.
We also found out that the previous Christmas when his wife said she had to work, she had actually spent it with the weasel guy’s family.
We saved all the photos, took screenshots of comments, etc., and logged out. My friend then wrote a very polite message to the weasel guy’s mother explaining who he was, who his wife is, and that her son was having an affair.
He explained he didn’t expect anything from them, or her to put an end to it, but he felt that they had lied to everyone and that it would only be fair for everyone to know the truth. She replied saying she feels terrible and gave her word that my friend’s wife would never be welcomed in their home again and she will tell her weasel son to end this relationship.
Step 1 accomplished. My friend was going to stop there, but I was getting enough satisfaction via proxy. I pushed him to send a letter along with prints of those photos to her parents. His wife just so happened to be heading back to visit her parents soon, and wouldn’t it be quite the scene if she came home to them seeing her as a disgrace?
At the time I didn’t speak Japanese well enough to translate for him, but our mutual friend that broke the news volunteered to translate it. After all was said and done, he timed the mail so it would arrive about a week before she did.
The night before she left, she received a phone call at 1 am from her Father. He wasn’t hearing anything she had to say and said they would talk about it more when she gets home. (ZING!) At this time my friend was paying for his wife to live at a university an hour away because she wanted to study industrial design and they have an amazing program that she got accepted to.
This made it very convincing for her to have an affair as weasel boy decided to go there too.
Shortly thereafter my friend received an email from his soon-to-be ex-wife’s father expressing how sorry they are and apologizing for their daughter’s behavior. In Japanese culture, his daughter caused their family to lose face, etc., so he was really sorry and asked for my friend’s forgiveness.
My friend and his wife’s father got along really well, so it was pretty shaming for him to have to apologize. My friend replied stating it isn’t his fault and he enjoyed their time together.
In the end, they divorced. She agreed to leave with nothing more than she came with which was nothing really.
She finished school since by this time she had permanent residency and could stay even though she was no longer married. After graduating, not having a place to live, and having a difficult time finding a job, she was forced to move back to Japan.
Her dream of a career and life in the U.S. was over. Technically she could come back, but her residency is about to expire and she can’t renew it if she isn’t living in the U.S. Without a job there it is impossible, so most likely it won’t happen.
Anyway, I don’t hate women. I am married and I couldn’t have gotten luckier, but there are a lot of jerks out there and just like bad fruit, sometimes you bite thinking it’s good and it’s not. I know there will be replies to this saying ‘men two-time too!!!!!’ I know they do, but that doesn’t make it right.
For those that suffered, somebody has to pay and that jerk got what was coming to her. Long story short; I wanted to, I could do, and I did do. Burn jerk!”
2. I Became A Teacher's Aide And Messed With My Bully's Grades
“I was picked on a lot in middle school. A lot. I was beaten up. People called me a lot of offensive slurs. There was a 3 month period where someone started the rumor that I used Raid the ant killing spray as a deodorant.
I don’t know why or how that happened, but people called me Raid as an insult for a while. One kid said ‘who is the most popular kid in school?’ They replied, ‘OP because everyone knows him and wants to beat him up.’
Things level out in high school. I’m a teacher’s aide for a 12th grade English teacher. I was a really good kid, Teacher trusted me implicitly. I had never done a dishonest thing in my entire academic career. Flash forward to the second to last week of school when the Senior project is due.
I’m going through papers like I normally do. I saw this one jerk’s name, one of those jerks who called me a slur and kicked the life out of me in middle school. I removed his trashy term paper before the teacher ever saw that he had turned one in.
I threw it away.
The Friday the grades were due I got to hear the teacher tell the kid, ‘I’m sorry, I’ll check with OP for your paper.’ The teacher turns to me and asks, ‘Is it possible you could have misplaced a paper?
Did you see his? Do you remember collecting it?’ I gave a bewildered look. I pretended to frantically look for it and kept telling the guy ‘dude, I’ll look for it, I swear I’ll find it.’
I knew where it was. It was in a landfill about 3 miles away from the school.
Possibly being burned, hopefully along with all his hopes and dreams.
To this day I still don’t feel bad. In fact, I feel like justice was served.”
1. I Deleted Years' Worth Of The Entitled Customer's Photos
“Used to work at an Apple store while in college.
A woman driving a range rover with a Bluetooth earpiece on wanted to buy a computer. She spent 5 minutes learning about the machine and 30 minutes trying to get free stuff because she was spending $1200 on a computer and thought she was special. I get fed up and tell her to come back once she’s made up her mind, so she begrudgingly agrees to buy the computer and leaves.
10 minutes later she comes back into the store infuriated because her 6-month-old Toshiba loaded a webpage faster than her brand new computer and she wants a refund. There is normally a 10% restocking fee for nonsense returns like this and it ends up with a yelling match between me and a manager.
Everyone is fed up but my smooth manager finally gets her to agree to free personal training and some other very low-cost-to-apple services. The twist: she requests that I teach her to use the computer. Great
So I get on there and start going through the basics while her 40 something gigs of photos and video are loading including tons of pictures of her 18 y/o son in his new dodge viper graduation present.
Complete sideways ball cap with the label still on. I have never seen a more stereotypical image of the complete jerk-entitled family. This whole time she is still complaining about how we ripped her off, what a piece of trash the computer is, swearing at me, etc. It continues for 45 minutes until I am just fed up with her.
So I ‘accidentally’ delete about 8 years’ worth of photos/video for good. Christmas pics, childhood pics, tons and tons are gone. I told her they needed time to load and they would be done in about a week because she had so many. During these 5 nightmarish hours, she never even got a call on that stupid Bluetooth.
Never saw her again.”
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