People Unravel the Intricate Dilemmas of Their 'Am I The Jerk' Stories

"Basically my father and I have a rocky relationship. He's a narcissist and has gaslighted me most of my life.

He almost got kicked out of my wedding for complaining that I had a 5 drink limit (got married on a snowy mountain in winter, it was to be safe)

A few months ago at a memorial, there was a fight with the family and he told me to never speak to him again.

The next morning I didn't, but I was staying at my sister's, who is pregnant, and she asked to speak to him just for the day. I agreed to only speak to him when necessary but avoided him as much as possible.

I had a minor surgery recently, where he texted me and I didn't respond.

My mom has been asking for us to make up but I am holding firm that he has to apologize to me for what he said first. He knows I'm not talking to him and he still hasn't apologized.

This morning he sent me money to help with plane tickets for the holiday.

I called my mom and now my dad is claiming he apologized the next day and told him we were good. Only thing, I don't remember that happening and I'm not going to let this slide. My mom is asking me to at least say thank you for the money he sent and she will try to talk to him again.

I am leaning toward staying firm but my mom's pulling the 'family' card and that she's stuck in the middle.

So, would I be the jerk for not saying thank you?"

Another User Comments:

"WIBTJ - If you benefit from something a person does for you .

. . you say thank you. Doesn't matter that you are all angry at him or not. He gives you money . . . you say thanks . . . Or if your nose is so bent out of shape from whatever he did that you can't unbend enough to thank him . . . DO NOT take the money. Simple basic humanity here." orangeupurple1

Another User Comments:

"NTJ Your father told you that he doesn't want you to talk to him. He set up a boundary that you respect. If he wants a thank you, he has to be the one to take that boundary away by talking to you and saying he's sorry.

As long as that doesn't happen, you don't have to thank him. Your mother can pull the family card all she wants. She doesn't have a say in this." Padipalado

Another User Comments:

"NTJ, I would send the money back if I were you. Also, let people know that the more they bring this up, the less you will speak to them.

I started ending conversations with my family when they would bring up stuff that I was tired of hearing. I would simply remind them of what I told them and I would walk away and usually go home. They never got the point and I last saw my mother sometime around 2002, she died of Cancer around 10 years later and I honestly do not care. Cut the emotional ties with abusive people." PianistBrilliant4615