People Want Us To Consider Their Justifications Of Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

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When you meet someone whose behaviors and attitude look fake, it's easy to conclude that they're just acting nice when they're really jerks.  However, if we are the ones receiving the criticism and we are aware that our intentions have always been pure and kind, it could be challenging to accept their judgment. Here are a few stories from people who are unwilling to own up to their past deeds. Tell us who you think is the real jerk as you read on. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help A Friend Anymore?

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“This person is no longer being called a friend, but an acquaintance at best. I’ll be calling her Brenda (32F).

I’ve known and considered Brenda a friend for upward of a decade. Brenda recently got her degree in 3D art with the goal of working for a video game company.

I own a staffing agency and have connections at Bungie, EA, Riot Games, and Twitch.

When Brenda told me about her graduation, I offered to connect her to some recruiters within those companies to help her get her foot in the door. In this instance, I had no ulterior motive as the hiring wouldn’t be through my agency, I was just connecting her to the recruiters within those companies.

Brenda had sent me her resume and upon looking it over I let her know that her resume wouldn’t make it past most Applicant Tracking System (ATS) due to the format, and some missing info which would mark her as a low match % for the role.

It wouldn’t reject her, but her chances of getting in front as a high-match candidate are low. She argued that the resume was built by someone who works in the field. I informed her that her resume is formatted for a hiring manager in the field to look at and be impressed by, but if it doesn’t make it to the hiring manager in the first place because of the ATS or a recruiter not seeing it, it is detrimental to her goal. Ultimately, she decided to stay with it.

I set up an introductory video call on Wednesday with a recruiting manager (RM) at Bungie, and Brenda for last week. After the brief introductions, RM started to go over the interview and hiring process with Brenda in a very professional manner. After allowing him to talk for a minute, Brenda interrupted him and said ‘I don’t need you to mansplain anything.

I need a job.’ the RM was visually taken aback. He had not said anything that would be even close to mansplaining. He said ‘I’ll have to get back to you. Thank you for taking the time to talk today.’ and dropped. The whole call lasted 7 minutes out of the 30 minutes scheduled. Before I could say anything, Brenda dropped the call too.

I was highly annoyed. RM called me a minute later and told me he was not going to move forward with Brenda for any role.

I decided to write off helping Brenda altogether after her stunt.

This is where I might be a jerk – She messaged me yesterday asking about updates with Bungie.

I told her she lost her chance with RM, and I’m done helping her if she was going to ignore professionals and be a jerk to people trying to help her. While I wasn’t mean about saying it, I also didn’t approach it in a professional manner.

She’s told a few mutual friends who are saying I should give her another chance but I’m refusing to.

So am I being a jerk by refusing to help someone?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You weren’t obligated to give her the first chance. You have no obligation to help her get the second one.

I would hesitate to help her myself, seeing that she’s got a huge chip on her shoulder, is entitled, and doesn’t want to take advice from anyone. You have to realize since you have connections at Bungie, her trashy attitude is going to sabotage those connections.

The RM she insulted is probably wondering, ‘What kind of jerk did (OP) connect me with?’

Then your own credibility at Bungie is questioned. And RMs are going to look at your recommendations in a prejudiced mindset. After this, you should only use your connections to help people who show a willingness to adjust and learn and who demonstrate a professional attitude.

Brenda has shown none of this, nor is there any indication that she’s learned from her mistakes.” RighteousVengeance

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, she lost her chance. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Your friend was unprofessional and not only insulted the recruiter, she didn’t care enough about your friendship in the process of doing so.

She also didn’t seem apologetic for her behavior.

If you help her again, what is to say she won’t repeat the same thing? She will burn your professional bridges. Let her go. Let your other friends know what she did and that they can help her if they want.” I-wonder-why2022

Another User Comments:

“Definitely NTJ. That came out of the left field. I would NOT give her another shot because that may look like she is the front-runner for your staffing agency. She most certainly is not acting like that. In an interview, simply telling someone that is interviewing you that ‘I need a job.’ is just tacky.

They know you need a job, that is clearly why you’re being interviewed. Telling someone that you don’t need them to ‘mansplain’, especially during a professional interview, is very ignorant, to say the least. Cutting ties from Brenda would be the way to go in my opinion.

Professionally, and acquaintances. If you stick with Brenda, she will slowly break down everything you have worked so hard for.” Previous-Novel-2616

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Hoomanlife 1 year ago
NTJ. I quit referring people for jobs a long time ago, because when they act unprofessional and immature: I felt if reflected on me bc I have them the referral. That was a real d I m b thing she said in that interview, and I'd not go out on a limb for her again. Ask your other pushy friends if theyd refer her to their bosses after she insulted him during a hiring interview!
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20. AITJ For Letting A Child Eat Meat At A Party?

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“I (39f) have a son (10m) who wanted to have some friends over for his birthday. He invited 6 of his friends for a sleepover.

I made sure to let all parents know about the time date etc and also asked about food allergies. One mum responded by saying her son Alex was vegetarian, I said no problem I would have vegetarian options for him.

Fast forward to party day, kids are having a ball and I take out the food.

I come back with more and notice Alex eating a meat pie. I didn’t want to embarrass the boy in front of his friends by taking it off him so I just let him eat. He didn’t seem to mind or notice that it was meat.

Anyway, he must’ve told his mum what he had eaten as she called me up the following day and got angry that I served meat options at the party. I said my son loves pies so I wasn’t going to omit them from the menu just because her son was attending.

And I presumed her son knew what he could and couldn’t eat. A few more choice words and she hung up. I spoke to my son about Alex’s vegetarianism to see how strict his diet is but my son didn’t even realize Alex was vegetarian so I’m wondering if Alex knows he is vegetarian.

Anyway, my sister reckons I’m a slight jerk because Alex was in my care and I should have stopped him from eating the pie, but I don’t know, it wasn’t like I forced it on him, I had plenty of vegetarian options for him to choose from!

Edit: yes I announced what each food was when I put it on the table. And I said ‘meat pies’. I had 4 other dishes which were all vegetarian! I honestly thought this would have been sufficient. The boys have been on school camps and all so I assumed Alex was equipped with the necessary knowledge about his diet.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The kid in question was around 10 years old, he would certainly know what foods he can eat safely by that age if allergies were a concern. Despite having all the vegetarian options available, he chose the meat pie. From what you wrote, it certainly didn’t sound like she wanted you to prevent him from eating meat.

If you had taken it away from the vegetarian kid and forced him to eat the non-meat options, that would be treating him differently than the other kids. Might not be the jerk move if mom told you to prevent him from eating meat, but it would certainly feel that way to the kid.

And his mom didn’t tell you he wasn’t allowed to eat meat; just that he was a vegetarian.

You are not the kid’s mother, you are the temporary authority figure while he was away from his parents. You used your best judgment at the time with the information you had.

If she didn’t want her kid to eat meat, she should have said so. But she didn’t.” talented_fool

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I don’t think Alex realizes he’s a vegetarian. If this was about a dietary requirement for health issues or religious reasons (neither of which are mentioned) I think letting him have the meat pie would be problematic.

As it’s a moral judgment then there’s a point where the kid needs to understand what the moral cause his parents are signed up to and the lifestyle choices this results in. The kid needs educating. Probably a small lesson for OP in marking foods with dietary flags or whatever when hosting folks with requests but definitely not jerk territory for not doing it.” Hubrisbeforethefall

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Alex is 10, he’s old enough to know to avoid meat if he so chooses. He did not so choose.

Unless his mother specifically asked you to make sure he doesn’t eat meat, you did your due diligence. There were plenty of vegetarian options, and you informed the kids which foods were not.

You were not informed of any allergies or medical issues, so anything further would be overstepping.

Honestly, it sounds like his mom is forcing a vegetarian diet by not exposing him to meat, but Alex himself is unaware of those restrictions. That’s her prerogative I guess, but she can’t expect everyone else to keep all meat away from him.

Especially if she doesn’t even make that request clear.” sci_fi_bi

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Bruinsgirl143 1 year ago
Ntj this what mom wants not the child
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19. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In Thanksgiving Dinner?

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“A few weeks ago when discussing Thanksgiving plans, my husband and I agreed that we were just having dinner for us and our kids. Historically we’ve hosted dinners for both of our families. However, no one contributes even when they say they will. We purchase all the food, cook all the food, and clean up after.

I just do not have the mental and physical energy for that this year. We went shopping and got a small turkey, a few sides, and the stuff to make two pies.

Today I find out he bought another turkey yesterday and invited his family over for dinner.

Even with the additional turkey, there isn’t going to be enough food for everyone. I still wouldn’t want to have this dinner if there was.

I reminded my husband we had decided that it would just be us and our kids this year, that’s what we’d prepared for and what I expecting.

I did not feel like or want to host dinner, so I asked him to call his family and let them know we were not hosting dinner today. I had already informed my side of the family soon after we’d made the decision together.

He refused. Saying he thought I just didn’t want to invite my family. I don’t know how he came to that conclusion, since the discussion was ‘just us and our kids’ and that was what we had shopped for together.

I told him if he chose to continue with having them over, I would stay in our room with a good book today or maybe go into the office to work.

He would need to be responsible for the cooking and clean up. He responded that it would be rude for me to do that and he can’t believe I wouldn’t want to spend the time with him and our kids.

I DO want to spend the time with our kids, though I’m not 100% I want to spend it with him at the moment.

I feel like I need some space.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Don’t help at all. Just hang out with your kids, watch tv, and have a glass of wine (if that’s your thing). If he starts asking for your help then tell him HE wanted to host for HIS family so it’s on him this year to prepare dinner and also say that this is a great time for his family to help out since they’ve promised to help out.

If he complains or gets mad don’t give in. Hold your ground and tell him it wasn’t respectful of him to invite his family without discussing it with you and also assuming you’d host it all.” TheRedSkittle4

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There’s a difference between spending time with family and being the one responsible for all the work associated with putting on a homemade dinner.

You can still spend time with them, it just won’t include food that you have prepared by your own hand. I’m not sure how he misunderstood when dinner this year was to just be your own children. That would have still occurred, but it’s on him to feed the extended family he’s personally invited. Please let him do all the work.” Snackinpenguin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your husband invited his family behind your back. He said he didn’t realize that you meant just your household. If that were true he would have said something at the store when you bought the small turkey. He went and got another turkey because he changed plans on you.

I believe he is lying to you.

You spend time with him and the kids every day. I would go to work and not let him get away with this. Do what you said to make him cook, host, and do clean up. Come home once they leave.

He should have consequences for inviting his family behind your back. That is manipulation and he should not be rewarded for it.” ContentedRecluse

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18. AITJ For Not Paying My Sister And Stepsister The Same Amount?

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“Both my sister and stepsister run their own small home bakery businesses. I was throwing a birthday party for my son so I thought it would be a good idea to ask my sisters to make me some cupcakes. I asked them for 50 cupcakes each and they both gave me their own prices, which I paid.

My stepsister charged more than my sister which wasn’t an issue for me. However, my sister has since found out that my stepsister was paid more for essentially the same thing and is angry with me. She thinks I underpaid her on purpose which isn’t true.

My sister is ignoring me and keeps picking fights with our stepsister. Our parents are upset with me because they think I should’ve paid both of them the same to avoid this and think I should pay my sister the difference to make things equal. My husband told me not to pay the difference as he heard my sister yelling at me so now he doesn’t think she deserves it.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, if any other customer had catered from both businesses, they would pay what they are quoted from each, and that would be that. She would never ask another customer to pay her the difference that another business quotes. She is viewing it as you paying them comparatively or in the evaluation of their product, but it is not a competition, and you paid them based on their asking price.” SleepyMaples

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You went to each of them individually, and asked each individual their price for 50 cupcakes, they both gave you their price, you paid them, transactions are then complete. You don’t owe the other more because she asked for less, she should maybe look at her pricing scale if she wants to be paid more.

In any case, maybe do one or the other for events? Or have them collaborate and agree to a price? I know you’re not in the wrong here, but I can kinda see why she would be mad. Good luck OP.” Zenpora

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They each quoted you a price and you paid each person what was quoted. You are not obligated to make up the difference or make sure they are paid equally. It’s two different businesses. You also didn’t just choose one sister over the other to do the job.

You approached them both in an effort to be fair. If your sister doesn’t like it, she needs to raise her rates but she needs to leave you out of this.” DreamyDragonfly77

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17. AITJ For Not Telling My Family About My Terminal Illness?

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“I (28F) have been in no contact with my family for most of my adult years. My dad passed away when I was 9 (ironically of the same condition) and my mom remarried pretty quickly and tried to force a blended family situation complete with trying to make me call my step-dad dad and making all the kids mad with that ‘we don’t do step in this family, you’re all just siblings’ thing and other crap.

It backfired spectacularly, I got the brunt of it because I was the oldest and the most vocal about pushing back, so my teen years were one giant argument and I went no contact as soon as I could move out. I agreed to low contact a year ago after my mom apologized for trying to force me to accept my stepdad as my dad and started trying to repair the relationship, but I keep my distance.

Most of my step-siblings also went low contact with them, so I think my mom and step-dad have realized how badly they messed up and are trying not to be lonely old people now.

Since my diagnosis was confirmed, I’ve been thinking about what I want my last year or two max to look like and honestly, I don’t see my family being a part of that.

I don’t want to deal with them trying to process rapidly all the old crap before I go and there are no loose ends I want to wrap up with them. I also want people to remember me like I am now and not what I’m going to be like at the end.

So my plan is to just not tell them, enjoy what time I have left to be active, and then let my POA person handle who gets to know what and when afterward. Ideally, my family will find out after I’m gone to avoid an irritating deathbed scene.

I also don’t want them interfering in my end-of-life care, because my mom has very different religious opinions on things than I do.

I mentioned this to some friends recently and they were really disturbed by it because I would be robbing my family of the chance for closure and making amends while it’s still possible, and it will probably hurt them to know I kept something this big from them in a way that will make the grieving worse.

One friend, in particular, found it really upsetting and told me how awful it was to find out that her brother died suddenly instead of being able to deal with it ahead of time.

So, I feel like a bit of a jerk now for maybe making things harder after I’m gone, but also, I still kind of don’t want the hassle.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but write them a kind letter explaining that you made the decision to spend the end of your life living, not dying, and therefore limited that information to keep it from taking over what was left of your life. If you want to be extra generous, tell them what you know they would have wanted to hear on your deathbed. (Whether you mean it or not; it’s not like it’s going to make any difference to you once you’re gone.) That offers them a measure of closure, but you won’t have to deal with the emotional ramifications.

And perhaps more importantly, save you from regrets or second thoughts in the interim.” ditchdiggergirl

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, if you need peace before you go and you know how your family is there’s nothing wrong with not telling them, just in case I’d put stuff in place, make sure you have it in writing and a lawyer sign off that it’s legally binding and make sure you have it that your family can’t visit you at all if in hospital and that they can’t make any arrangements (how the end goes, funeral, etc) my cousin went through the same thing but his friend went to his family behind his back and he didn’t have any of that in place and his wants went unheeded he was gonna donate his body to science but since there was no paper trail his parents had him buried in a catholic cemetery he was an atheist and never wanted that.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

But I’m concerned one of your friends will tell your family. People cannot keep secrets. You may need to get ahead of it by telling them yourself, and minimizing the symptoms, and then telling your friends you’re keeping family posted. It’s one way to retain control.

Or you could just take the chance no one will tell. That will buy you time. But they are likely to tell.

You may want to go over your options with a competent therapist who can help you weigh the pros and cons of your options and possibly help you find an option you haven’t considered.

Families override POA and DNA all the time. I work with end-of-life patients. Make certain all your doctors/care providers are fully informed and have copies. Keep your POA phone number accessible as well as the papers, like in your wallet.

I think it will benefit you to have professional advice so you can know you’re in good hands and can rest easy.

My heart goes out to you on your prognosis and I wish you smooth sailing.” Significant_Rain_386

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Hoomanlife 1 year ago
NTJ. Leave everything you want to say in letters. And live your life without them knowing.
I also would do this, why tarnish all the time together with sadness about your impending absence. Big hug, may you find peace and tranquility in your days
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16. AITJ For Leaving A Messy Kitchen?

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“My husband (32M) and I (27F) have a deal that I’m sure lots of couples have – whoever cooks, the other cleans. Generally, this works pretty well but my husband is notorious for leaving the biggest mess.

I’m talking about every single bottle, wrapper, and food scrap, left on the counter. Every dish was left where he used it. Every spice was left out. Sometimes it takes longer to clean than it takes to make and eat the food just because of how messy he is.

I, on the other hand, am a ‘clean as you cook’ type of person. I use something, I put it away right away. I throw scraps in the garbage when I’m done chopping. I fully prep before starting to cook so that by the time I’m finished and dinner is served, all that’s left are the dishes (which are normally piled beside the sink), and wipe the countertop.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect my husband to do the same. But I’ve had the conversation with him plenty of times where I ask him to at least throw out food scraps and put away bottles/spices he uses so that all that’s left is dishes and wiping the counters/floors.

He agreed but eventually falls back into his old ways.

So… I’ve started doing the same to him. Each time it’s my turn to cook, I leave the kitchen in a similar state to how he leaves it: scraps out, every spice and bottle out, dishes left untouched. And he’s made a comment every single time about how much of a mess I’ve left him, and how it isn’t fair because he’s going to spend ages cleaning.

I’ve used these opportunities to explain that this is what he does to me every time, but he denies it being ‘that bad’.

Today, he did the same thing. Except I took photos of the state of the kitchen the last time he cooked. When I showed him this in response to his complaining about the mess, he got defensive.

Said that it’s not fair because ‘that’s just how he cooks’ and that he ‘doesn’t like to waste time cleaning when he’s hungry’. I said it’s incredibly unfair that he expects it of me but won’t do the same.

But now he’s been making comments about how he doesn’t feel appreciated because of the meals he makes. I’ll admit, he does make some great homemade from-scratch meals. But I do too. And I’d say our cooking skills are about equal, although he might be a little better in some areas.

But his comments are making me wonder if I’m nitpicking or if I am really being unfair to him. I get that everybody is different, but it just sucks when I have to clean a gigantic mess and he reaps the benefits of my cleaning.

I do feel like I’m a bit of a jerk even for saying that.

So, AITJ?

Edit to add: yes I have offered to change the system to ‘whoever cooks, cleans too’ but he refuses. He doesn’t like the idea of somebody spending their entire downtime after work cooking and cleaning while the other person relaxes.

I would be willing to switch but he’s adamant that he doesn’t like that system.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – You tried to reasonably show him that what he’s doing to you isn’t fair. He just doesn’t like the proof and refuses to admit it’s a problem because he wants to go back to the way it was, which is… minimal effort when you cook and he gets to make the kitchen look like a tornado when he does.

The scales are tipped in his favor. Of course, he’s going to want it his way. He’s being manipulative to get his way by making you feel guilty. Does he not appreciate when you cook? Regardless of the mess you’ve left? This street works both ways.

Definitely NTJ, but he’s being a manipulative one.” Delvianna00

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

He doesn’t want to change the system because the current one more heavily benefits him, which is pretty crummy for someone who keeps bringing up how things are ‘unfair’.

Sounds like it needs to change whether he likes it or not.

Whoever cooks cleans their own mess. That’s the very definition of fair. If he doesn’t like it, then he needs to not be a sloppy cook anymore so you can feel comfortable going back to the old system and know he isn’t going to take advantage of it.

He brought the situation on himself and he’s going to keep pushing to get away with whatever outcome means less work for him. If it was about fairness and the one who cooks being allowed to rest after, he wouldn’t have whined when you left big messes for him to clean.

He’s not being fair, he’s being lazy.” Slight_Flamingo_7697

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your husband is being unfair and probably deliberately feigning ignorance. There’s no way someone can still claim to not understand after having his mess pointed out to him several times.

‘I’ve had the conversation with him plenty of times where I ask him to at least throw out food scraps and put away bottles/spices he uses, so that all that’s left is dishes and wiping the counters/floors.

He agreed but eventually falls back into his old ways.’

He has agreed to throw food scraps away and clean up the spices. Cook the way you like to cook and every time he makes a mess that’s not according to your agreement, call him over and refuse to clean for him until he does what he agreed to.

Bonus points: get him to agree that whenever he leaves food scraps/spices out, he has to clean the kitchen in its entirety by himself.” Snow2D

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Hoomanlife 1 year ago
The fact that he Refuses to change to ..whomever cooks also cleans up ... Says he KNOWS and is gaslighting you when he says...it's not that bad.
Start cooking for just you til he stops being a slob. There's no excuse to leave chopped garbage on the counters and unrinsed dishes etc or NOT to clean up SOmE as you go. It's almost like... He has some issues with you and is passive aggressively purposefully leaving huge messes for you to clean up, yet denying it. Pay attention to other stuff..does he let his dirty laundry stay in the floor, does he make a mess of the bathroom sink? Maybe he is lobbying to be messy in order that you'll just do the cooking every night bc it's easier than deal8ng with his obnoxious mess. At any rate: he is being super ridiculous and needs called out. You're not his kitchen maid.
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15. AITJ For Saying That My Brother-In-Law Is The Product Of Privilege?

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“My (29M) wife’s (28F) family is wealthy. They also live in a cheap area, so their money tends to go even further than it would elsewhere.

Wife and BIL (23M) went to elite private schools, had 3 tropical holidays a year, luxury cars bought for them at 18, etc. It may be relevant later that I’m from a working-class background.

My wife and I live in a major city, whereas BIL lives rurally about 15 minutes from his parents.

BIL is a small business owner; I gather he’s decent at what he does, but he has been heavily bankrolled and supported by my FIL, who is ‘retired’ but works 4-5 days a week with BIL (for no compensation – FIL gives BIL his nominal share in the company outright).

I’ve recently started a side business which is doing quite well; I’ve got enough extra funds to treat my wife and me, and also look at some investment opportunities.

This came up at a dinner with my wife’s family recently, and BIL suggested buying property to rent out.

I had looked into this already but ruled it out. Partly because the financial upside (in our part of the world/current economic climate) didn’t look to be great for the effort involved, and partly because I’m not morally comfortable with the idea of being a landlord.

I’m not extreme in this view and think there is probably a place for private landlords, but it’s something I’d avoid putting upon myself when I have better alternatives available.

I explained all of this, and BIL essentially blew up; I had no idea, but apparently, his whole end goal is to make enough money to buy enough rental properties to make that his full-time occupation.

I said again that this was good for him if he could make it work, no skin off my nose, but he kept on his rant about how I was a ‘privileged elite’ (city living/university degree) and an ‘idiot’ for not properly taking care of his sister.

I explained that we’re more than comfortable as we are and that my wife is both perfectly capable of looking after herself, and also makes all of these decisions jointly with me.

At some point, I must have hit a nerve because he kept on with his tirade and started down the tract of ‘knowing the value of money’ and how my wife and I were ‘morons’ for not going into the property.

Admittedly I snapped at that, and this is where I might be the jerk. I told him that he has no idea of the value of money, that he’s the product of immense privilege, has never paid his own bills, and only has a business because of daddy’s input and bankrolling.

At this point, my MIL and FIL called time for dinner and suggested that we leave. We’ve never butted heads like that as a family before, so I think it came as a shock to everyone.

My wife gets my point and is glad I stood up for her autonomy but wishes I’d tried harder to keep the peace.

She also says I pressed on BIL’s insecurities (being a ‘self-made businessman’ is his whole identity). So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your BIL is jealous because your side business is doing better than his main business and he can’t understand why and then you refused his suggestion you become a landlord raising ethical concerns over his ‘dream life’.

I bet he was hoping to persuade you into buying property than planning to use his role as your BIL and his parents to pressure you into giving him a role within this somehow.” excel_pager_420

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for what you said

But – YTJ for where you said it.

Your in-laws are hosting you for dinner and sounds like they’ve always been good to you – maybe you and your wife can come up with some phrases to use that are neutral before it escalates: ‘let’s agree to disagree’; ‘let’s take this up another time’; ‘sounds like there are strong feelings on both sides, let’s drop it’; ‘I never like talking about finances, how about those (insert favorite team here)’

You can’t win with your BIL. It’s your wife’s sibling, your in-law’s child – you get absolutely nowhere by cutting him down when you clearly know they support him and are basically giving him his identity while letting him think it’s all him.

I don’t think that’s a good idea, and neither do you, but it’s not your business to say it to him in their home.

Stop the subject if it ever comes up again, and apologize to your MIL and FIL for disrupting the dinner and tell them it won’t happen again.” Straight-Singer-2912

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. So let me get this straight. BIL is bankrolled by his well-to-do parents who are big fish in a small town pond.

You tell him real estate isn’t for you which he takes as a personal offense because his goal is to eventually make enough (AKA inherit the money) to buy vast amounts of real estate and have that be his only endeavor. He calls you a privileged elite despite you coming from a blue-collar background without any of the luxuries or handouts he has been given in life.

Then he has a tantrum when you point that out and burst his bubble of pretending he is a pulled myself up by my bootstraps and salt of the earth kind of guy? You are NTJ in this situation. But your leech of a brother-in-law is.

Stayed close to be close to the money.” Gold-Somewhere1770

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and LadyTauriel
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14. AITJ For Saying That My Grandson Should Sleep On The Air Mattress?

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“I (54F) sold my house to my daughter when I moved out to another city.

She had just had my grandson and she and her husband couldn’t afford a down payment + mortgage or anything like that.

Our agreement is for her to pay me monthly over 15 years and there would be no fees for that. Part of our agreement is that the house will be in her name when she pays me in full and I will be able to use the guest room 2x a year (2-3 days) even if they are not home at that time.

They agreed because nowhere would they accept this deal without extremely high fees, plus the house was nice. All of this is in a contract protecting both parties.

It’s always the same dates, my aunt and mother’s birthday and another annual event in the city that I love.

The home has 4be/2ba.

When visiting, I try not to disturb and not cause a mess, but it’s not worth staying in a hotel, because it’s expensive (tourist region)

It’s been five years and my daughter had my other two grandchildren (4M and 2F).

I was recently talking to my daughter and I remembered that I would be staying at her house for 2 days for the city event.

She seemed quiet and started saying that the boys wanted their own rooms and ended up giving the guest room to the oldest (6M), so there was no room for me and she thinks it’s unfair to have to ask him to sleep on the mattress with his own room.

So I had the option of sleeping on the mattress or paying for the hotel.

I asked if the bed was still the same as in the guest room. She said yes and when I asked if she would pay for my hotel she said no.

By the way, I have a lot of back pain and would end me sleeping on the mattress (she knows that).

I was disappointed and said I thought it was disrespectful for her to even mention these options to me when we have our agreement.

She started saying that it was her house and she could decide who would sleep where because of that.

This bothered me and I reminded her that the house is still technically mine until she pays me the full amount and that our agreement was that I could use the guest room 2x a year and that my grandson is young, does not have back pain that would not get worse if he sleeps on the mattress.

She got angry saying that the reality is different now and she has 3 children, so I should understand her side that my request is not fair, considering that at the time she didn’t have so many children and the reality is different now.

She is still angry that if I have to sleep in the hotel, she will have to pay.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You had an agreement, but even outside of this, what is with parents these days who don’t teach their kids the concepts of sharing, compromise, and respect?

Maybe it’s an income thing, but I don’t know a single family where kids with separate rooms (assuming their home even has space for separate rooms) don’t occasionally bunk together, stay on an air mattress, or crash in the living room or basement for a short time for visiting adult friends or relatives.

It’s simply a part of life – we don’t make the old folks with back issues sleep on the sagging couch! But like I said, maybe it’s an income thing as I don’t hang out with a lot of wealthy folks.

And when this is handled appropriately, much of the time kids don’t resent it – they enjoy it, as a sleepover, or a chance to build and sleep in your own little fort in the attic, maybe get to stay up a little later or watch a movie, whatever…

Yeah, bringing up ownership seems to me to be the last option, but daughter is being a jerk in my opinion so I’m not going to fault OP for her response.” Material-Profit5923

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your daughter made the agreement and she needs to keep it.

She can move the youngest in with her or pay for your hotel. She knew how many rooms the house had when she was popping those kids out so she needs to either pay for your hotel with the money she’s saving on this interest and fee-free loan, make a room available or pay the balance outstanding on the loan immediately so you have no rights over the house.

If she had made this agreement with a stranger would she be able to tell them to go elsewhere?” Turbulent_Message637

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, she is not upholding the agreement because she thought since it was with her parents if she Brooke the contract then there would be no consequences.

She is a prime example of why people hate to lend money or do something nice like this for family. At least with a stranger when they break the contract they’ll be out.

Your daughter is rude and disrespectful. She is entitled and manipulative she needed to be reminded of the contract.

And if she doesn’t want her precious kid sleeping on the air mattress then she needs to pay for you a hotel room.” evillittleperson

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow, LadyTauriel and RedSoloCup
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Hoomanlife 1 year ago
NTJ.
Wow, your daughter is being unreasonable. Is it possible her husband is putting her in the middle and he is pressuring her to be the jerk? This would've been something my horrible ex would've done. But you are not TA, and maybe since you are no longer MUTUALLY benefitting, and the terms are not being met, maybe it's time to rent/sell to someone else...and then youd have $ for a hotel! What does she think of that dies
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13. AITJ For Saying My Mom Is Pathetic?

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“My older sister’s husband passed away years ago. They have two sons (12&11). Her husband passed when the boys were 6 & 7.

My sister is single by choice and has stated that she has 0 plans on being with or marrying anyone. She says she only loves and trusts one man and that her love life isn’t worth the risk of her kids getting hurt.

Well, our mom has been consistently trying to get her married to Mike. He’s a lot older though while his daughter is a lot younger. Also, he and my sister do not get along. Especially since my sister is more relaxed in terms of parenting while he’s more strict.

He’s also made comments on how if they were to get married, he would never see her sons as his own (he has called them ‘competition’ before) but he fully expects her to raise his child. It’s ridiculous.

Another ‘fun’ coincidence is that my oldest nephew and Mike share the same birthday.

Now that her boys are older, she lets them hang out with their friends and then when they come home she organizes a little celebration. She LOVES birthdays so she goes all out.

My sister and I were decorating the house for the birthday when we got a text from mom saying ‘come quick.

URGENT.’ We panicked and started calling but she wasn’t answering so we quickly drove over and were greeted by tons of cars parked outside the house and lots of noise and music.

Turns out, our mom threw a party for Mike and tricked my sister into coming.

Our mom didn’t even say hi and just went ‘I have some party clothes in my room’.

My sister was in so much disbelief and started to cry but our mom was still trying to usher her into the house. She just ran back to the car.

My mom looked at me and went ‘can you go talk to her, Mike’s gonna be so happy to see her.’

I don’t think y’all understand how shocked I was. My mom just would not accept that my sister does not want Mike in any way.

I ended up calling my mom pathetic, stupid, and a terrible person.

My mom started to cry and started to ask me what my problem was. She said that she’s my mother and I need to have some respect. Besides, ‘this isn’t even about you’.

I just rolled my eyes and walked off but my dad heard and started yelling at me saying that I’d better apologize or else.

My parents don’t even get along and our other sibling said that our mom’s getting a lot of support so now I’m wondering if I was the jerk for what I said.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What is wrong with your mom? Your sister and this guy don’t get along. He makes a lot of awful comments. Your sister doesn’t want to date and risk her kids getting hurt. This guy would definitely end up hurting her kids emotionally.

You guys were already working on a good party for the kiddo. Your mom tricked you into showing up. Then she tries to push this jerk your sister doesn’t even like on her. Then, she gets mad that your sister is upset. Then she is mad that you stood up for your sister.

Forget what the other family members think or say.

Your mom is a jerk for not respecting your sister’s wishes. Your other relatives are jerks for not sticking up for her. Were your words harsh? Yes. I think you needed to be harsh to get the point across.

You could have said a lot worse.” ImaginaryStandard293

Another User Commnets:

“Everyone sucks here. Your mom is terrible for not respecting boundaries and pushing your sister at someone your sister has been clear she isn’t interested in and clearly wouldn’t be a good fit with her sons.

But I think you could have been more diplomatic in your wording choice and had more of an impact. Instead of everyone being focused on your mom’s behavior they are now focused on your words.

I’d sit her down and apologize for the wording, but be clear she is not being respectful of your sister, nor you by expecting you to help your mom in her ridiculous plans.

Tell her not to involve you anymore.

Your sister needs to establish better boundaries with her and possibly go low contact if your mom can’t respect those- but that’s really between the two of them.” MayhemAbounds

Another User Comments:

“You and sis need to have a conversation with Mike.

Be very clear that there is no relationship, will not be in a relationship, and definitely will not be marriage. Period. That unless he heads mom off at the pass there were going to be very unhappy people on both sides.

And your parents… Good Lord.

Tell them to adopt Mike if they want him in the family so badly but stop trying to give him your sister wrapped up in a bow. Terribly, terribly inconsiderate of your mother. She needed to hear what you said.

NTJ. Consider going lc until this is resolved.” AccomplishedPhone342

2 points - Liked by IDontKnow, LadyTauriel and SPECK
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Mudlis 1 year ago
NTJ, your mom put Mike's birthday oelr her own grandson's birthday. That is unforgivable, you needed to say what you said. The rest of the family and Mike can butt out
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12. AITJ For Telling My Partner That My Money Is Not His Privilege?

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“My partner (m31) and I (f31) live together for almost 2 years.

We have our agreements about pretty much everything, from household chores to who pays how much rent, etc.

Now my partner has had some monetary troubles, he’s been out of work because of troubles with his knee and insurance has failed to pay him the money he is legally entitled to for the days he couldn’t work.

I have a stable job and an income that would barely be enough to provide for the both of us, but only if we both cut back on some things.

Since my partner didn’t get paid for now 2 or 3 months, I paid all the ‘important’ things like rent, utilities, groceries, and basically everything we need to live which is absolutely fine.

A few weeks ago he started asking me for money. When I asked what he needed it for, he said he wanted to pay his cell phone bill. I told him that I’m very sorry, but I just don’t have enough left this month and that I needed to pay my own bills first. Then his gym membership got canceled and he wanted to blame me because I refused to give him the money to pay for it.

It seemed to me like he felt entitled to my money. I told him that this is not the case and that if he wants to spend money, he should finally make some more effort so the insurance finally pays him out for the last few months.

All he did so far was a call about once a week, listen to whatever trashy excuse they had not to pay him, say ‘oh okay’ and hang up.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for not paying these things, anyway.

But please be sure that without his phone paid he still has a reliable way to be contacted for employment purposes.

If he needs it to find or keep employment, it’d be counterproductive to have him without that just to make some point about him not having any money. He may need to see if he can switch to a cheaper plan or something, but I know that’s easier said than done if you’re on a contract.

And there may be viable options for him other than you paying this bill, it’s just something to keep in mind.

He can certainly do without the gym membership, though. It sounds like it’s for things other than something like rehab for his knee.

Please don’t hassle him so much about the insurance thing, though.

That is not actually his fault. He’s calling every week and it’s not like he can force them to deal with it. He’s not failing to cast some special magic spell that will immediately make it happen.

Definitely do not budge on the gym membership and other true non-necessities, though.

That’s an entirely optional expense and it’s the first kind of thing that needs to give in a situation like this. This is an obvious place for him to cut back, and in absolutely no way is it appropriate to blame you for it.” PinkNGreenFluoride

Another User Comments:

“NTJ; you’re right, he’s not entitled to your money, and when things are tight, necessities have to come first. Now, a cell phone could be considered a necessity in this day and age, but a gym membership certainly is not. Regardless, the basics like rent and food and your bills have to come first. If the money doesn’t stretch further than that, too bad.” Zazzog

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’d say your responsibility to the relationship (if you can manage it) is simply to keep him fed and sheltered. People will argue that isn’t even your responsibility, but honestly, you guys are a cohabitating team so I feel there’s a mutual obligation to one another to the extent possible.

It ends there though. He can cancel the gym and work out at home or in the park. It goes without saying that he shouldn’t have any gaming or entertainment subscriptions, etc. going at this time.

The cell phone is a bit of a gray area and depends on how important it is for you guys to stay connected. At this point in society, a cell phone isn’t a luxury it is a necessity.

Especially if he’s looking for a job. So in my humble opinion, helping him keep a phone going (even if that means switching to a simple pay-as-you-go plan) might come right after shelter and food.” Whats_Up_Coconut

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow and LadyTauriel
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11. AITJ For Not Getting A Husky?

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“My (36f) partner (36m) wants to get a husky and I don’t.

3 years ago he, his two kids (3m and 9f at the time), and his cat move in with me. He starts saying he wants a husky. I said we could consider adopting one, but he said no. He wanted a puppy. I know myself and I know I don’t have the patience to potty train a puppy.

I also know huskies are a lot of work and need additional training and mental stimulation. Plus puppies are expensive! My dog was 9 when I adopted him. He was crate trained, potty trained, and knew basic commands.

About a year later I saw a beagle looking for a long-term foster home.

An LTF is a dog that isn’t adoptable (in this case a slew of medical issues) they place the dog in a home and the rescue takes care of all the financial and medical needs of the dog. That way the dog gets to live with a family instead of being put down or living in the shelter.

I showed my partner the beagle just because she was cute. He suggested we apply to foster her. I never filled out the application because I knew he wanted a husky and we couldn’t get another beagle AND a husky.

A few weeks later he asked if I heard back from the rescue and I said I never applied in the first place.

He said he really wanted me to apply and that a long-term foster was a good idea because we could have a second dog without all the financial costs of a puppy. He sat next to me while I filled out the application. The day we brought her home he started asking when we were going to get a husky.

I tried explaining at the very least we had to get the new dog settled before we even thought about adopting a husky. He reiterated he only wanted a puppy.

Over the last two years, I have been the primary caretaker of all the pets.

I feed the cats and am the only one who changes their litter. If I ask him to do it he continually forgets until I do it myself. I buy all the cat food, litter, food, and meds for my dog. He has never ever cleaned up the backyard poop.

I do it or I hire someone. If I ask him to do it he forgets until I do it myself. I feed the dogs and make sure they have their medication on time. If he feeds them he forgets their medication. The dogs are now 15 (m) and 13 (f foster) so they wake up in the middle of the night to pee almost every night.

I am the only one who gets up to let them out. I made him do it once and he was mad the whole next day because his sleep had been ruined.

He is still talking about the husky, saying he should just move out so he can get one and sending me listings for adoptable huskies.

I take care of his two kids while he works long hours and I take care of all the pet needs. He said he only encouraged me to apply for the beagle because he knew I wanted one and it’s not fair that he now can’t have a husky.

I never would have applied if I knew he wasn’t truthful about wanting to foster the dog he encouraged me to apply for. I don’t want 3 dogs.

AITJ for not getting the husky?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Huskies are a very, very specialized breed. They have the instinct to run and run and run and run and then run some more.

Think Iditarod (an annual long-distance sled dog race run in early March).

Meeting a huskie’s needs will be absolutely impossible with two kids. This is not a dog whose exercise needs will be met by kids taking it for a walk.

(Still running…)

Does he plan to spend hours running with this dog every day?

And still, meet all of the needs of the children and responsibilities to his family? Is that even possible?

(The dog is still running…)

You need to make this a firm ‘no’ until the kids are grown, and he’s retired, and he can spend the needed time for this very, very active dog.

No negotiation, no vague ‘we’ll figure it out.’ If he brings a huskie home, you’re out of there, and the dog is 100% his problem. Because otherwise, it will be your disaster.

(And running some more…)” Jazzlike_Humor3340

Another User Comments:

“NTJ first off cuz you shouldn’t trust anybody who is naming out a specific breed that they want, that says that they want an aesthetic, not that they want a friend and a member of a family.

But honestly, it’s something you’ve got bigger fish to fry, right now you’re a maid who is also a full-time nanny. Like you are not in a partnership right now, right now you are a servant who seemingly only has the one power to stop him from getting this particular dog.

Do you want to only have that one power and watch it disappear when he finally goes out and gets the dog that he wants behind your back?

You need to start fighting back over the fact that you are taking care of the entire house, all of the current animals that you have, and the children.” JCBashBash

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – this is weaponized incompetence. He got rid of a husky puppy cause he had the kids and 2 jobs, but now he has you, so he can get the puppy. Cause you will look after it like you do with the house, the kids, the pets.

Instead of coming home after work on Saturday to spend the limited time he has with the kids, he ‘runs errands’.

And then he needs alone time from you because the kids that he saw for a few hours were ‘hard’.

After this parade of red flags, think if this is really the life you want.

He manipulated the LTF so he could use it against you. At this point, throw away the whole man away!

Cause I have a feeling that you will be so much happier!” Diavolina13

1 points - Liked by LadyTauriel
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rbleah 1 year ago
You let him and his kids move in with you, NOW it is time for him to move back out UNLESS YOU want EVERYTHING to fall on YOUR shoulders. He wants a woman like June Cleaver. JUST NO. You work full time I take it AND take care of HIS KIDS?
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10. AITJ For Not Apologizing For Laughing In My Mother-In-Law's Face?

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“MIL has never liked me. She likes to belittle me and make me feel awful, but at least she got a man a year and a half ago and now she doesn’t come around much. We’ll call him Jack.

Jack came to our house about four months ago for dinner. Now for some background, MIL and I have had serious power struggles over food, her not letting me bring food to holidays, refusing to eat my cooking, and making her own version of something she knew I was making, so food is a sore subject.

During dinner, Jack looked like he was going to pass out. Eventually, he got up and said he had to go and answer a work call. I could hear him puking in the bathroom, and MIL went to check on him. He said dinner was disgusting, but he was raised that it is rude not to eat what someone gives you, and he knew about the previous issues and thought if he didn’t eat it, we would think it was on purpose and it would hurt MIL’s relationship with her son.

MIL acted like that was the sweetest thing ever and then yelled at me for ‘poisoning’ Jack. I asked if he wanted something else, we had some easy options, but he said he had to go. Apparently, MIL made him grilled cheese when they got home, but he couldn’t eat that due to the ‘memory of my cooking’.

Now you must think I am an awful cook, lol, actually I’m not I promise. I cooked with bacon fat for flavor and apparently he is very sensitive to that. Currently, Jack will not come to our house, and wouldn’t even eat the cookies I brought to a family picnic though even MIL admitted they were good.

We saw them recently at GFIL’s house and MIL literally ran in the door and bolted toward me. She yelled at me that I ruined Jack’s birthday. I was confused because I didn’t even know it was his birthday, but she began ranting about how they went out for his birthday but he couldn’t eat his favorite burger as it has bacon, and apparently, he still won’t eat bacon.

also his mom usually gets him some maple bacon coffee cake but he won’t eat that either. I was just staring at her and MIL yelled at me about how they had to sit there and eat it in front of Jack and it was so sad.

She was just very animated (maybe a touch stoned, she doesn’t normally act like that) and I thought it was funny. I burst out laughing.

MIL said I’m disrespectful for laughing in her face. I doubled down and said it was funny and she sounds ridiculous.

Jack even said he had a good birthday and getting a different burger wasn’t a big deal. My husband asked me to apologize for laughing in her face, as our relationship with her has been better lately but I refused.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You laughed at the fact she blamed a food intolerance on you.

You didn’t create food intolerance. His body or a previous bad food experience caused that intolerance.

She got angry because she made a mistake, which you then found funny.

I suppose you could apologize for assuming that everyone knew how food intolerances worked. And apologize to him directly, saying that you now ask guests to state allergies or intolerances before visiting, so you don’t make the same mistake again.” Stargazer86F

Another User Comments:

“You’re in a classic situation of being expected to pretend to get on with someone you really dislike and who really dislikes you, just because they’re family. It’s bollocks. If your husband wants to spend time with his MIL that’s fine, but both you and she will be happier avoiding each other.

You and your husband don’t have to spend your lives joined at the hip, if you and his mum don’t get on don’t see her. NTJ” ccl-now

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow and LadyTauriel
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9. AITJ For Expecting The Bassinet To Be Returned In The Same Condition?

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“Two months ago a friend of my mom’s (50s F) asked to borrow the pack-and-play (bassinet) my mom has for my son at her house.

My son has only slept in it a few times so the condition of the pack-and-play was like new. The reason she needed to borrow it was that her daughter had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and no longer had access to any of the items for her child (1M).

When she came to pick it up she said she would bring it back in a couple of days once they got settled. My mom said don’t rush, I don’t need it back until Thanksgiving. Her friend said thank you so much and brought the pack-and-play to her daughter who is now staying with her dad (my mom’s friend’s ex-husband).

Last week my mom reached out to her friend asking about when the pack-and-play would be returned. Friend said her daughter would return it within a week. Today (the day before thanksgiving) my mom’s friend’s ex returned the pack-and-play to my mom without the cover and it’s filthy and messed up.

My mom then texted her friend ‘I know you aren’t the one who used it but your ex just brought it back without the cover and it’s filthy and battered. I’m upset’.

Her friend has not responded.

I think that my mom’s friend now owes my mom a new pack-and-play.

As the person who borrowed it, she was responsible for the condition upon return and since it’s in awful condition she needs to replace it.

My husband disagrees and thinks that as long as the baby is taken care of it’s fine and he will buy my mom a new pack play.

However my parents are fully capable of buying their own new pack-and-play, I just think the principle of the matter is that if you borrow something it should be returned in the condition it was borrowed or a new one.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It’s 100% reasonable to expect it returned in the same condition. Otherwise, you would have given it away. You wanted it back. This is why I don’t lend out my camping gear anymore, people don’t take care of things. If you wanted to buy her one, you would have done that before you lent out yours.

NTJ. It’s tricky now because will say you’re the jerk for not helping a mom in a tough situation, but that’s nonsense. You did help her.” Targa85

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

It’s not weird to be upset that someone mistreated a borrowed item… However, it’s not YOUR item to be upset about.

It’s apparently your Mom’s item that she uses for your baby…

And if your mom has the money to buy a new one or you just don’t want your baby in the one she has (legit) then yeah someone is going to be buying a new one.

That’s just the logistics of the situation. Doesn’t matter if your mom’s friend pays your mom back, or if your mom’s friend pays you and your husband back… Or if your mom’s friend buys a new one and you bring your own with you when the baby is with your mom.” JetItTogether

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

When you borrow something, you return it in better condition then you got it whenever possible. Unfortunately, I feel most people don’t feel even remotely this way. As much as it pains kind people, it’s best not to loan anything you actually want to get back.

I’d get a new pack-n-play and mail copies of the receipt to the friend, the daughter, and the ex with a note that they can split the replacement cost. That way you are not without it but you aren’t letting them off the hook. The likelihood of getting the money is low but you tried. And warn any other friends away from loaning their belongings to these people.” Top_Ad5114

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IDontKnow 1 year ago (Edited)
NTJ. It is the principal. I totally agree. However, I want to know how the heck they ruined it so quickly and thoroughly lol. I had my son's pack and play many years through 2 kids and moved it and traveled with it many times and it never looked like that.
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8. AITJ For Banning My Family From Thanksgiving Because Of A Prank?

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“My mom and my wife don’t have a great relationship. It use to be worse, but I don’t think they will ever like each other. We’ve even done family therapy but still had to reduce contact.

It is really hard on me, but of course, I chose my wife.

One issue of contention is holidays and my wife wanting a turn to host. My mom finally said she could have thanksgiving as she doesn’t like it. The plan was for all of my family to be invited. We recently went away for the weekend with my family.

My mom went to bed early and everyone else was downstairs drinking.

My sister wanted to prank our mom and asked my mom’s husband, we’ll call him James, to help her. James was cool with it and literally helped my sister make snowballs. My wife wanted to join in and all of a sudden James said absolutely not.

We were confused and asked what his issue was and he said I would never gang up against my wife with you, and really sneered when he said you.

My wife was mad and asked why it was ok for everyone else to prank her and whether he should be ok with the prank or not.

He got mad again and said I would never do that to my wife with you, and then stormed into their bedroom and locked the door, so the prank was off.

My wife was furious because he was making it seem like she wasn’t family.

It was weird because why is he suddenly not protective of my mom? In the morning we talked about it and James said my mom would have been mad if my wife did that to her, and he would never ‘humiliate’ his wife like that.

I was like what, you were going to do it anyway.

My wife began getting emotional about how she was excluded. I finally blew up and banned them from Thanksgiving because obviously, they don’t think of my wife as family. My mom said I was being unfair and it’s ridiculous to make people automatically view in-laws as family.

She said it’s annoying that she now has to plan and cook last minute and called me a jerk. The extended family is divided with some people now refusing to come to my house.”

Another User Comments:

“OP, can you really not understand why James said your wife can’t be involved in throwing snowballs at your mom?

You’ve said, in your own words, that your mom and wife do NOT get along and likely never will be close. That’s great y’all tried and have accepted it’s just not going to be a close relationship.

What if things were reversed, and your sister was like, let’s prank your wife with a snowball, you are all in because you both love and respect your wife and get along and know it will go over with everyone laughing in the end.

Then your mom is like ‘I want in on this too’, knowing they do NOT get along nor respect each other, frankly. That would humiliate your wife and would not be okay.

That’s what your wife was going to do to your mom, humiliate her.

That’s not okay and her husband (rightly) shut that down. Your wife pressed and made it weird. She knows why, she just wanted to be in on the prank to humiliate your mom.

YTJ, and so is your wife.” CuriousPenguinSocks

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Your wife knows your mother doesn’t like her. Why would she want to get involved in a prank that would likely just make your mom mad? If you ‘prank’ someone you don’t like, it’s definitely malicious, and no longer a prank. That’s just looking for trouble.

It’s nice that you stuck up for your wife, but I have a hard time believing you can’t see where James was coming from or what a bad idea it was.

James could have handled the situation a lot better. He could have gently pointed out why it would have been a bad idea for your wife to participate rather than immediately getting on the defensive and storming off to his room.

Your mother is the jerk for making it clear she has no intentions of seeing your wife as part of the family.” idreaminwords

Another User Comments:

“This literally has nothing to do with the feeling of ‘family’. This is cut and dry. Your mom and wife have issues with each other that even after therapy can’t be resolved. You took your wife’s side.

Her husband took hers. You (and your wife) absolutely wouldn’t be okay with your mom pranking your wife. It wouldn’t come across as a prank since there are bad feelings. The same goes for your mom’s husband. He isn’t going to let someone who doesn’t like his wife join in a prank.

How are you missing this? YTJ for not understanding that a husband will take his wife’s side (even though you did the same thing) and then dropping your family because of it.” jodajodes

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. James didn’t need to go out of his way to be rude to your wife – simply explaining ‘you should stay out of this since you two don’t like each other’ would’ve sufficed.

At the same time, Wife should know that Mom would be mad at her for being part of the prank. I’m not gonna assume that she would’ve purposefully hurt Mom, but considering their relationship it’s fair to say she likely wanted in on the joke for less-than-wholesome reasons.

Uninviting feels a smidge too far. Especially since Mom relented and let wife host this year. It’s sad she doesn’t consider your wife’s family but it’s clear nothing can be done about it so you might as well take the small wins.” darkkirby2022

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Hoomanlife 1 year ago
You're TJ.
Someone explained it eloquently above. It was a prank with those whom love your mother. When your wife wanted in on the prank, it would've been viewed as a mea stunt knowing their history and discontent. Kudos for James for being protective of his wife/your mother and having her back

If you can't see that your wife thought this might be a way to invoke some malice on your mom while disguising it as a prank-- open your eyes! If your mom had played this prank on your wife: you'd both have viewed it as malicious due to the discontent.
You should've jumped in to say it was a bad idea for your wife to join, but you didn't. James saved the day. And you and your wife behaved badly here. Your mom even tried being gracious and allowing your wife to do the holiday.
I have two sons, and I will bend heaven and earth to get along with their wives to ensure I can see my sons and grandkids. Makes me wonder What caused the issue in the first place where they don't get along. The petty one in your owñ story sounds like your wife
1 Reply

7. AITJ For Deciding Not To Pay For Half Of My Neighbor's Fence?

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“My wife and I did some landscaping in our backyard and removed some big bushes that had been there for decades. The bushes were keeping my neighbor’s dog from escaping from his backyard. My neighbor and his wife came over and asked that I pay for a fence to keep the dog in since I had removed the bushes.

I originally said I’d pay for half the fence, then later I texted my neighbor and said I wouldn’t pay for any of it (see below). AITJ?

‘Hi, Ben. I hope you are well.

Regarding the fence, I discussed the issue with my wife and we have decided that we are not inclined to pay towards that cost. We respect your right to do what you like with the plants on your property and we will not ask for any compensation regardless of what you do.

We also respectfully ask that you allow us to do what we want with the plants on our property and that you do not ask us for compensation.

Removing the plants on our property in no way obligates us to pay for the fence’.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – his dog, his yard, his problem. Though if that’s the route you’re going to take you’ll probably need to accept your neighbor coming into your yard to retrieve his dog on a semi-regular basis. Personally, I’d put up a fence on my side to keep them both out, but you’re not obligated to do that if you don’t want to.” Venetrix2

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s their dog, so their responsibility to keep it in their garden. It was just luck that there was a hedge on your property acting as a fence for a while. Perhaps you could have given them a heads up first so they could have installed one before, but either way, it’s on them to protect their dog, and if the fence is not something you want or need, and is not on your property, then there is no reason you should pay any of it.” Curious_Puffin

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6. AITJ For Giving Up And Not Caring Anymore?

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“I (23m) have always been the child that gets treated as the black sheep.

My parents never cared about me but they did care about my siblings. They got everything and I got the bare minimum. my birthday gifts were always from my grandfathers, aunts, and uncles but never from my parents, no parties no friends no anything, and when I became 10, my parents, just said I’m too old for it anymore and to stop expecting anything from them.

My siblings got everything and I got nada, but my siblings never missed an opportunity to make fun of me, telling me that they don’t love me and stuff like that. I was expected to cater to their every need and to always make them happy.

I got treated like trash and I couldn’t do anything about it because my parents always stood up for my siblings and never me. I have gone low contact with them for quite some time now but have sent happy birthday wishes every year.

My parents and siblings told me that on my b-day they would pick me up and take me to a nice restaurant to celebrate I was excited.

My breaking point was on my birthday last week and my family went out to dinner without me so I just stopped caring about any of them.

I haven’t talked to my parents or siblings for a week and yesterday I got a text because my brother just turned 20 and I didn’t go, didn’t give a present, or wished him a happy b-day.

I ignored them but my parents came to my apartment and started yelling at me that I’m a jerk and that you don’t do that to the people you love. I told them that I don’t care anymore, they have treated me like trash for years and I’m done caring anymore.

I’m feeling like this is all my fault and that I should say I’m sorry and just keep the peace because I feel like I’m the jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They only reached out when it had something to do with them. I’m sorry you were dealt such a trashy hand in the family department, but you have your own space and learned to not need them.

So continue your life, and build friendships and connections. The way your family treats you isn’t a reflection on you and the fact you had to even ask if you were the jerk shows me a lot about your family and the way you were treated.” aggravated-asphalt

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Look I’m gonna be brutal here & hope you listen to me. You do not owe them anything. You do not owe them your time, energy, effort, or your money. They have completely treated you opposite to your siblings & now they can reap the consequences of their bad actions.

You don’t have a family with them, so make your own. Go no contact all the way, for they aren’t parents, they are biological factors. You deserve so much more than what they can give you & you are a beautiful soul deserving of love.

I wish you all the best.” Batmans-dragon80

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This was heart-wrenching.

Take time for yourself, treat yourself, and nurture yourself, then when you feel up to getting it, find some new people to surround yourself with. Join a group, get a hobby, or do something you have wanted to do for a while.

Just don’t look back, you won’t need to, because once you surround yourself with people who love you for you, you will start to realize your family doesn’t need to mean anything to you anymore.” User

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rbleah 1 year ago
None of them are family to you. They want FROM YOU but won't GIVE TO YOU. The father is your sperm donor and the mother was your incubator. NOTHING MORE. As for the siblings? They don't count because of the way they treated and were allowed to treat you. Go NO CONTACT and find a real family of your own. Family does NOT have to be blood related. DO NOT FEEL like ANY OF THIS is YOUR FAULT. IT IS NOT.
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5. AITJ For Not Attending Family Christmas Because Of A "Grudge"?

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“So my (18m) family is having our Christmas celebration on December 18th because it fits in everyone’s schedule the best. My sister Skye (18f) was put in charge of organizing it because she is the only one of the kids still living at my mom’s house.

Skye decided this would be a family and close friends celebration (friends we’ve all been close to for several years), so she made a group chat with everyone on Messenger to share the details. Two days after the invites are put out and I confirmed I was going, Skye messaged me to tell me she has also invited her friend and my other sister, Claire’s (18f) roommate, Chad.

I don’t want to go into too many details, but 2 years ago Chad and I dated. During that time he was extremely abusive and left me hospitalized with severe PTSD. Hearing his voice or seeing a picture of him is pretty triggering, let alone spending a day with him.

I called my mom and asked her if Skye had made sure it was okay with her if she invited Chad because she doesn’t like him either. She actually told Skye that Chad wasn’t invited when she let Skye set up the event. My mom talked to Skye again and reminded her that the holidays are for the family.

The next day I decided to talk with Skye in person to ask her if she was willing to uninvite Chad. She flat-out said it wasn’t something she would even consider doing. Chad is an important part of her life and she’s not going to exclude him from important events.

She said that if I don’t want to show up that’s on me. We ended the conversation with me verifying that if he was going to be there, I’m not.

Skye accepted this and isn’t upset. Claire, on the other hand, is MAD.

She yelled at my for 15 minutes today telling me how I should just suck it up and go, and that my not going just proves that I’m selfish.

She went on about how I never sacrificed anything for my family, I don’t act like I love my family, and I never think of anyone but myself. I tried to explain that a big part of my recovery is not being around him, and she said it was stupid of me to hold onto a grudge for so long.

My dad has said he is disappointed in me for not prioritizing my family. He also told me I should go because I shouldn’t try to hurt my family just be my sister invited someone I have a grudge against.

My stepmom (mom’s wife) said I was just being dramatic and need to get over myself.

My mom actually understands and doesn’t blame me. She knows I’m doing what I need to do to take care of myself and she actually is upset with Skye for inviting Chad.

I feel very strongly about my position, but with the feedback, I’m getting I’m not positive I’m doing the right thing.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He’s abusive and you have PTSD. No, you do NOT have to be there. I’d very very seriously consider going low contact with your whole family. He’s obviously dug himself in deep. The other females will have to learn the hard way.

Please find a friend you can have Christmas with instead and consider, strongly, being in no contact or low contact with people who would be friends with and invite someone like that to a family dinner. Especially your parents, who could have told Skye NO, that he is NOT allowed to be there.” maroongrad

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it’s not a grudge, this person is harmful to your health and wellbeing and you shouldn’t have to force yourself to be around them ESPECIALLY when he’s being invited as a friend of a friend. He’s not family. He’s not even friends with most of your family.

There’s no reason to move mountains for him.

Be clear with your family that you are going to do what is best for you and they get to pick whether they’d rather have their son or their daughter’s roommate over for Christmas.” Korike0017

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and for all the people saying you should prioritize family, ask them why they won’t do the same thing. Having Chad there, a non-family member, being more important than you means THEY are not prioritizing family, not you.

They want you to spend the day with someone who mistreated you.

That is an outright NO and if they can’t accept that, then it’s time to distance yourself from these people who will not support you.

Going in low contact with family is hard, but it’s harder to be expected to suck up your own feelings for others all the time.

Go live your life, be happy, and surround yourself with people who support you. Sounds like your mom is the only one who has your back here. Make it clear that you are very disappointed in THEIR choices of a friend over you and then cut contact.” drtennis13

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LadyTauriel 1 year ago
Speaking as someone that unfortunately knows what this feels like, You take care of you first. Definitely see a therapist if you can. Knowing you're being tossed aside like trash, feeling abandoned, and can't get through the day without crying at least once. Photos of and hearing my ex sends me into a full-blown panic attack, sometimes with flashbacks.
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4. AITJ For Not Letting My Son's "Friend" Stay For Thanksgiving?

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“I promised my son (16m) he could have his friend visit from out of town (I share custody with my ex-wife so he splits his time between our cities) and stay for Thanksgiving until school break was over.

However I started to notice some suspicious behavior, ‘hi handsome’ as a greeting, when they were face timing, calling him ‘bub’, and even my son’s laugh when talking to him, is different. I decided to take a look at my son’s phone, the very first thing I see in their messages, is a selfie of the ‘friend’ shirtless in bed. I knew for sure then.

I told my son his ‘friend’ couldn’t come for Thanksgiving and explained why. His brother can’t have his SO over, he can’t have his SO over. Everyone is acting like I’m wrong for breaking the promise though. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for applying the same rules to both kids.

Huge jerk for reading your son’s phone instead of talking to him about your suspicions. Also, mid-sized jerk for the rule itself. If you do not allow SOs to visit, you will miss out on more and more of your children’s lives. You will not be able to validate their choices, support them through difficulties in their relationships, or give them any kind of perspective.

They won’t stop having relationships, you will just have no say in how they handle them. You have essentially abdicated parenting on this important developmental step in their lives. Bad parent. No biscuit.” kgfPatsfan2

Another User Comments:

“YTJ To BOTH of your kids equally, and also kinda stupid to have such a counterproductive rule.

Why would it be OK to have your kid’s friend over and not their SO? What an absolutely idiotic way to alienate a potential long-term partner, or have your kids hold back a significant portion of their life from you.

Family get-togethers are the perfect opportunity to make your children’s SO feel like family because one day they just might be.

Meanwhile, it shows your kid that if someone is important to them then that person is important to you too by extension. Plus, shouldn’t you want to get to know the person your kid is spending most of their time with?

You might just be stupid instead of homophobic, potentially BOTH.

Either way, though you’re still the jerk.” Ancient_Potential285

Another User Comments:

“It’s a tough one If this is real, then NTJ for the actual decision, you’re treating them the same and ensuring the rules are enforced for all.

But huge YTJ for going thru his phone – he should have been able to come out to you when ready not when you invaded his privacy.

Also YTJ for your actual rule of no significant others, they’ll all just end up hiding things from you and they’re not little kids just let them have their relationships, at least if they’re under your roof you know they’re safe.

Do you realize you’ve probably just made your son think you are against it because he’s gay or bi? Believe me, coming out is a huge thing it’s terrifying, he only hasn’t told you cos he thinks you’d react badly.

You need to be supportive of him and show him you still love him. He needs to see he didn’t have to keep the secret from you and that you accept him

Please tell me that this isn’t just you being homophobic cos your kid deserves better.” Significant_Knee_163

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Hoomanlife 1 year ago
Wow. YTA.
Let them invite their SO over, it's a family holiday, and some families don't even celebrate. Double YTA bc you should be supporting your kids into becoming responsible adults and compassionate people who extend invites to others who may not have a family that celebrates (healthcare, retail: not everyone gets holidays off to be with their children! ) Be happy your kids wanted to bring their friends or SO to YOUR home, they could've boycotted your holiday gathering in favor of asking to go to their friends homes- of course, sounds like you're being a controlling parent and never would've allowed THAT. Way to alienate your children, and show them how uncompassionate and ungenerous you can be
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3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Mother-In-Law's Thanksgiving Because Of An Inedible Turkey?

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“MIL is a phenomenal cook. This turkey is the first thing she made that I didn’t like, but it was awful.

I don’t think MIL even basted it, so it was dry, overcooked, and like SFIL said ‘tasted like sawdust’

Thanksgiving is supposed to be our holiday with my husband’s family. MIL does not like this and wants Christmas. As a result, she usually treats us kind of trashy on Thanksgiving, to begin with, but last year was a mess.

Note I always offer to help with the cooking or bring a dish, and she always turns me down. so last year we arrived, she did her typical routine of ignoring us, and then she served all the traditional sides, this dry turkey, and she sat down with some meatballs that were just for her.

Everyone asked why she was eating meatballs and she said it is her house. Her husband whined because he wanted some, but she said they were leftovers and there wasn’t enough for him. She said turkey is stupid anyway.

No one liked the turkey so SFIL decided to grill some steak.

He also made a turkey burger for his mom but said that he wasn’t cooking for anyone else because he isn’t our ‘slave’, so at this point, MIL, SFIL, and his mom have different food, and me, my kids, my husband, SFIL’s stepfather, and MIL’s parents have this crappy turkey.

I felt humiliated and said I was leaving. MIL just rolled her eyes. I got some grief from MIL’s parents about how Thanksgiving isn’t about the food, but I snapped at them that my kids weren’t going to be treated like trash. We left and went to a buffet.

It wasn’t great and the whole day was a letdown. My husband acted like I ruined Thanksgiving because he said there were enough sides and we should have stayed as her sides were better than that trashy buffet.

I set a boundary that I would never spend another Thanksgiving with her.

She made us feel like second-class citizens and she clearly can’t cook a turkey. Today everyone is mad at me and accusing me of being petty and ruining my husband’s relationship with MIL. MIL is roasting a chicken this year, so I know we wouldn’t have to eat dry turkey, but to me, it is the principle.

I am refusing to go, and send my kids, and I told my husband he is free to go but I will be extremely hurt if he leaves his nuclear family to see mommy.

ETA – we don’t do Christmas with her because her Christmas is very adult-centric and boring for my kids where as my parents make a magical day for my kids.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have tried celebrating Christmas with MIL, but it did not work. You set a healthy boundary that your kid’s needs come first at Christmas, they should be allowed to play and be kids, and not be sent away to a different room.

And they should also not be subjected to adult conversations.

MIL should have been doing her best to make Thanksgiving a fun family gathering, and show that she is capable of hosting for both kids and adults. But she chose to make a scene on a holiday because she is not getting you for Christmas.

Sure, that’s the way to go when you are trying to show that you can include the kids and their needs.

Seriously, start having thanksgiving at home, make your own traditions, and don’t bother with her when she’s so petty. When she can have a normal, adult conversation about what’s going on in her head, and how she will make up for it, sure, give her a second chance.

Until then, stay away from her. You don’t want to learn your kids that’s that kind of behavior towards people are ok. Because it is not!” FairyFountain

Another User Comments:

“I do think it’s trashy to designate your husband’s family only for thanksgiving and never for Christmas.

That popped out as a red flag to me. It seems like you’re controlling, critical, and probably not a pleasant daughter-in-law and they are terrible hosts and there’s probably a lot of anger under the surface on all sides. You said she was ignoring you but cooking an entire thanksgiving meal is stressful and she was probably busy.

You said she is normally a good cook… she tried her best and isn’t even cooking a turkey this year. Continuing to talk about how badly she cooked a turkey which is expensive and a lot of work is extremely rude. Let it go.

The father-in-law probably was the rudest one but you have a vendetta against your MIL and are manipulating your husband by saying you will be hurt and angry if he goes to see his mommy? Sounds like you already don’t let him see his family on Christmas.

Everyone sucks here.” LuckStrict6000

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, after having spent my childhood going to family rounds on the holiday where we were all dressed up and the table settings were there and there was tension in the air but we had to make the rounds because of family.

I vowed that I wouldn’t do that and I haven’t.

I don’t think you’re controlling and I don’t think you’re being mean. Your in-laws’ Thanksgiving sounds miserable and life is too short to be miserable and then go hungry because you’re served carelessly and treated like nothing.

I would rather have turkey burgers and french fries with the kids and the peace and laughter of my own home than watch somebody hog leftover meatballs with a whining father-in-law. I would have left as soon as she set those meatballs down and said she’s the only one that gets them.

That is so freaking rude. When you have two or three sets of grandparents you have to split the holidays sometimes but you don’t have to be miserable when you do it. And you don’t have to endure that mess.” Invictrix

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here – I think your MIL was rude.

It’s hard to imagine how she behaves towards you on a regular basis based on your description. But I also think this is one day a year and these may just be your in-laws but they’re your husband’s parents and to just stop celebrating any holidays with them over food seems like an overreaction to me.

I know everyone has a right to stand their ground on everything and people on the internet are big on that. But I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with like sucking it up every once in a while.

Like you said, she isn’t even serving turkey this year and while you say it’s ‘the principle’ and not the food, she clearly noticed nobody liked her turkey, including herself, and accommodated. And to forbid your husband from seeing his parents on thanksgiving just because you refuse to budge nudges you toward jerk territory.” HabitualEnthusiast

-2 points (2 vote(s))
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Rj 1 year ago
I guess I’m confused why you were humiliated and left over a dry turkey. You said most everyone had to eat it so why were you humiliated??? Idk you sound like the one with the problem
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2. AITJ For Telling My Wife That My Relationship With My Sister Is None Of Her Business?

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“I ( 32 m) have been married to my wife ( 30f ) for 2 years. I have a younger sister (28f) who recently got divorced with no kids. My sister and I are close and have a good relationship. So it turned out my sister got divorced because she had an affair.

I was very disappointed and angry and had a talk with her about how wrong what she did was.

My wife then said that what I did was not enough and I need to cut her out of my life for at least a period of time.

I refused by telling her what my sister did was wrong but that’s her personal life and it had nothing to do with me. She replied that my sister is a liar and I shouldn’t associate with people like this. I am simply just showing her that I am ‘accepting of infidelity’ and that maybe I would do it myself in the future.

I got mad here and told her yeah normally I wouldn’t associate with liars but at the end of the day, she is my sister. I also said that her backward logic and projections about me being unfaithful are unreasonable, and unless my sister does something that hurt her, my relationship with my sister is none of her business.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here

Your wife is freaked. Sure you aren’t your sister but this hit too close to home and she’s worried. And to see you continue to support your sister worries her too; she likely wasn’t there for the conversation, and so she’s scared to know this wouldn’t create even a brief hesitation on your part, to keep that relationship unchanged.

For you, this is your sister and you’re aware of the complexity of her character and you also have a deeper understanding of yourself. You don’t want to limit contact.

I do think you are missing the main point which is that your wife is scared and needs reassurance.

I think it makes sense to make it clear you won’t avoid your sister while making very sure not to minimize or shrug off her actions. Talk to your wife about your marriage. Reassure her things are good and you don’t share the same character as your sister.

Explain that as her sibling you still love her without condoning her actions.” Ladyughsalot1

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Yes, your sister is a jerk for being unfaithful, but that doesn’t mean you need to cut her off. Your wife made quite the leap from accepting your sister (and not the infidelity) to you approving of it to a point that you’re going to do it too.

If your sister had used you to unknowingly facilitate the infidelity by using you as a cover story, etc., then yes that’s a different story and should be cut off. But as it stands now your wife needs to get over herself.” DeeVa72

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Your wife definitely went too far asking you to cut your sister out. You would have been firmly in NTJ territory if you simply refused, but invalidating her insecurities this brought up and telling her it’s none of her business was a step too far by you.

I think it’s clear tensions were high during your conversation and hopefully, you both can realize you went too far and not let this affect your marriage.

As ridiculous as it may seem to you, your wife needs reassurance that you in no way condone infidelity.

Reassuring her and offering an explanation is a better path than berating her and shutting her out. See if you can come to a common ground regarding boundaries with your sister that isn’t so extreme. Also remember you said you normally wouldn’t associate with liars.

Your wife doesn’t have the same lifelong bond with your sister that would allow her to overlook her transgressions. I think you both need a little more empathy here.” AffectionateTruth147

-2 points (2 vote(s))
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Hoomanlife 1 year ago
NTA.
Your sister knows she messed up, and is paying the price: divorce.
It's not your job to punish her for her mistakes by cutting contact, it's your job to support, listen, and be there and maybe even empathize as to WHY she xheated- which isn't mentioned. Cheating, of course, is never condoned, but also no one knows what goes on behind closed doors when people take off their public masks.
Your wife is projecting. How YOU help YOUR sister thru this crisis is NOT your wife's business. Kudos for you to being a supportive brother when your sister needs you. Your wife should be proud to have a man who can be supportive during tough times, and she needs to get her OWN fears of infidelity under check as it's clouding her vision and making you choose between helping your sister and alienating your wife.
You're being a supportive brother to your sister. Your wife is NOT being a supportive wife while you show compassion to your family.
Some day, she may want you showing compassion to HER family. She's being unreasonable, and your sister knows she messed up, but that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve support
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1. AITJ For Doing Weird Poses When My Mother-In-Law Walks In On Me In The Bathroom?

“So, my MIL (I’m a gal, by the way) came to stay with us for a few weeks til her home is renovated for Christmas.

The problem is that she has been randomly walking in on me while I’m in the bathroom. Thankfully not once has she seen me without clothes because I started picking up on her behavior after the second time in a week.

She’d barge in, then turn and says ‘oh sorry’ then close the door.

I tried talking to my husband about it but he kept ignoring me and then flat-out said ‘so what if she accidentally saw you without clothes? She’s faaaammmillly!’. He seriously said that!

We have a lock and I could’ve used it but I have past trauma from the idea of locking/being locked in a room after my brother locked me in the bathroom when I was 5.

So I came up with this idea. I’d go inside the bathroom pretending to use it and wait for her to come (cause honestly? It’s deliberate at this point). When she ‘accidentally’ barges in she’d see me in a weird/awkward position. For example doing a ballet stand, standing on the toilet, or standing facing the wall with my hands up, (fully clothed of course).

I could see how awkward and weird this would be for her because she’d stand there for a few seconds trying to figure out what I was doing. It was hilarious at first seeing her initial confusion but she told my husband about it claiming ‘she’s caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom’.

I cleared things up and revealed the reason why. My husband was livid. He called me childish and said that I made his mom feel ‘terrified/weirded out’ by my behavior. He said I should’ve acted maturely and locked the door instead of playing mind games.

Edit. My husband and his mom are extremely upset with me. He still thinks it was ridiculous and is demanding an apology before she goes back to her home. I’m not sure if I will apologize because yes while it was a ‘me-problem’ I couldn’t use the lock.

It still feels wrong what she did and maybe I’m wrong too but at least I got a bit of a chuckle out of it. Also, I’m sure Thanksgiving dinner will be super awkward tomorrow. Especially after what happened.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, although you really might want to go to therapy about the no locks thing, because this situation would have been infinitely simpler if you could’ve just done that.

Nonetheless, your MIL needs to learn to knock. More importantly, your husband needs to quit making excuses for why MIL hasn’t started knocking yet and tell her to quit barging in on you if she doesn’t want to see things she isn’t supposed to see.” mm172

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here but you’re also funny. And I get it.

I don’t understand why here mil would want to walk in on you, but I understand that that’s what you believe is going on. That’s intentional. That’s really weird and creepy for sure.

I also get why you don’t want to lock the bathroom door.

But still, I think your first move should have been an honest conversation with your mother-in-law. Not so much asking why she’s doing it, but acknowledging that she keeps accidentally walking in on you and that you don’t like to lock the bathroom door so you would appreciate it if she would knock and wait to see if there’s an answer before walking into the bathroom.” Ms-Creant

Another User Comments:

“That’s hilarious. Kudos to you for thinking of it.

Also, his mom barges constantly barges in the bathroom uninvited and YOU’RE the one making her feel terrified/weirded out? Guarantee she doesn’t feel terrified/weirded out but has just caught on and is punishing you for ‘fighting back’.

It’s ridiculous that he’s on his mom’s side on this. You’re doing nothing wrong or harmful. An innocent joke at worst. He should’ve told her to stop or to learn how to knock in the off chance she’s actually doing it on accident.

NTJ” spectre893

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here in some way or another

You suck by messing about instead of locking the door, I mean yes it’s your house and you should be able to do whatever wherever, but once you started to notice it happening more, be a grown-up about it and either lock the door or talk it out with her

MIL sucks because she should respect your privacy and not be trying to catch you out in the bathroom

Husband sucks for not backing you up and for not seeing the funny side.” Big_Pete_78

-5 points (5 vote(s))
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Bruinsgirl143 1 year ago
Ntj don't apologize and do it to her... jerk see how she likes it
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So, are these people really to blame for their actions? You must now choose which one you believe to be the jerk! Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)