People Long To Know Our Thoughts Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On A Vacation With My Grandparents?
“I (26M) have always had a decent relationship with my family. Sometime in the mid-2010s my grandparents moved to our city and began to live with us. Before that, we would take 1 trip a year, whether that was a road trip to another city for a few weeks or overseas for a week and sometimes camping.
I actually really enjoyed those times. However, since my grandparents moved in we’ve stopped unless my mom can accommodate them.
We stopped going out, not even to a bar or a restaurant. We stopped taking road trips. We stopped going to neighboring cities for weekends.
No more camping. We genuinely stopped doing everything, unless my grandparents could be part of it when most of the time they complain about everything.
My last straw was when we went to Spain. It wasn’t a good time for myself and my little brother as we wanted to go out and do our own thing.
My mom refused to let us unless we could bring Grandma and Grandpa. So the entire time we spent kinda just doing nothing, playing cards, and sitting at the beach (which to me wasn’t too bad but for my little bro was really frustrating as he wanted to go do certain kid-friendly activities).
Once we got back from the top, I pulled my mom aside and explained that this is a pattern and it’s been years where she puts everyone else’s interests to the side (me, little bro, and dad) all so that she can be with my grandparents every second of the day.
I explained that I’m not really interested in going on a vacation with them ever again if Grandma and Grandpa are there. So. We haven’t been on a vacation with just the 4 of us in around 8 years. I’m on my own now and I don’t really care about family vacations anymore.
I get a call from my mom and dad begging me to go on vacation with them in a few months. I’m not really interested and I refused to go. I made up an excuse that I don’t have any vacation time left and left it at that.
I then received multiple phone calls from them explaining why I should go but I’m not interested. So after the nth phone call, I just told them flat out:
If my grandparents are going to be there, then don’t bother inviting me.
That I’m just not interested and would much rather not miss work.
Based on our previous experiences, I don’t see how it’s going to be any different this time around and I’d rather go on vacation with my partner instead.
They just said okay and ended the call.
AITJ? Should I have just rolled the dice, that maybe it would be different this time around?
P.S. I like spending time with all of them, I go over for dinner and I invite them over for dinner every week. I just don’t want to be treated like a 26-year-old child.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s understandable that you don’t want to go on a vacation where you won’t be able to enjoy yourself or have the freedom to do the activities you’re interested in. As an adult, you have the right to decide how to spend your vacation time and with whom.
It seems like your family’s vacations have become more focused on accommodating your grandparents rather than creating enjoyable experiences for everyone involved.” mawuss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It could be said your mom may be. She certainly dropped the ball and so did your grandparents, by not making sure that everyone had a good time when on vacation.
I wouldn’t be inclined to go on a trip with them either, especially since you see them often. Kids grow up and go do their own thing. Travel with your partner, friends, or brother, take pictures, and then tell your grandparents all about it when you see them again.” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You did the right thing. Wrecking a vacation for their children just to placate the rage of grandparents is putrid.
And it will never be different. Three things never ever change over time: the Himalayan Mountains, the surprise twist ending of Citizen Kane, and grandparents.
Your parents will seek to trap you in another location with some promise or other. Don’t believe them.” RealbadtheBandit
18. AITJ For Not Making Breakfast For My Husband?
“I (28 F) and my husband (29 m) are always at home as I’m on Mat leave with a new baby and my husband is exclusively WFH for the past several years.
I’m the one up all night with the baby through feedings/teething/sickness/sleep regressions etc, which I have no issues with – that’s the whole reason I’m on maternity leave and my husband usually has morning meetings plus he works all day so that’s fine.
My husband takes issue when I come down late (past 10 am) maybe not understanding I have to wake up, feed the baby, pump, change the baby, change myself, and then come downstairs. By the time I’m down if he’s already in a meeting I quickly put the baby down and whip up something for myself as my husband usually makes himself breakfast.
This morning I came down, the husband was in a meeting so I assumed he ate. Just as I get baby to stop screaming long enough to make myself a quick bite husband comes out of the meeting and acts super upset and hurt I didn’t make him breakfast.
I offered to after I quickly ate as I’d been up all night and starving. His response – no don’t bother, and oh I’ve been up to cos once I hear him cry at night it’s hard for me to go back to sleep- but I was actually the one awake feeding, and pacifying baby.
AITJ for not making him breakfast?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And, let’s stop making excuses for your husband being a lousy father. He works from home. He can do his share of the work at night and early morning. He’s not operating heavy machinery or protecting the President.
You’re recovering from childbirth and need some uninterrupted sleep at night to be able to do so. And he should start getting in the habit now because once you go back to work, his being whiny and lazy is not going to fly.
Tell him that his little breakfast tantrum has spurred a realization that you two need to have a big, serious discussion about the division of labor as parents.” Outrageously_Penguin
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand why his breakfast is your responsibility. He did it by himself before, right? You’re home to take care of the baby AND recover from pregnancy and childbirth.
As someone else pointed out, maybe he should be making you breakfast.
There are some things either or both of you could make in advance for breakfast like a casserole, quiche, overnight oats, etc. or just make extra for dinner and have leftovers.
Or eat cereal. Breakfast doesn’t have to be a big deal.
This is a tricky time for families. Newborns disrupt routines and you’re both adjusting to new roles. He may need a reminder that maternity leave isn’t a time warp to 1955 where the woman does everything for the household.
Even if the baby wakes him up at least he has the option to try to sleep through it. You don’t. NTJ” Friendly_Shelter_625
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk
I guess your husband is just mad about the breakfast, especially if he is not like this to you usually in situations where you don’t do stuff for him.
You can either tell him to make it himself or that you guys will have a late breakfast, non of which is unreasonable. If he has problems in then, he should either stop complaining or just eat breakfast whenever you make it for him.
Expecting your husband to share the exact 50% workload of raising a child may not be possible since there are some things that he legitimately cannot do. But yeah arguments like ‘I also didn’t get to sleep because I cannot stand the baby crying’ will usually infer a lack of responsibility in parenting.” IndianRedditor88
17. AITJ For Wanting An Apology From My Husband's Aunts?
“I (25f) and my husband (25m), have an 8-month-old daughter, have been together 3 years, married since February 18th, and best friends since we were 14. His family has never approved of me because I set strong boundaries and I stand up for myself instead of just tolerating their behavior because ‘that’s the way they’ve always been’.
On to the most recent incident. We made it very clear our wedding was going to be dry, we had many reasons for this decision, I won’t go into it at this moment, however at our reception two of his aunts snuck in mini liquor bottles and were downing them and acting extremely immature for two women in their late 40s, husband and I ignored them for the time being because we were extremely happy and just wanted to enjoy our wedding.
However, my husband and I spoke about it later and both agreed we wouldn’t be around them without an apology. We made this clear to his grandmother and aunts and it’s been radio silence from the aunts since.
Now Easter is coming up and my husband’s grandma wants to see us and baby girl so we told her we haven’t gotten an apology from aunts yet and since they’d be there we won’t.
Her response was that we should be over that by now because pulling a stunt like that was ‘just how her girls are.’ I told her she knows better by now than to think I’d just let it go when it hasn’t even been addressed since her girls are bold enough to pull a disrespectful stunt like that but are too afraid to respond when they’re called out on their crap.
Now she’s telling anyone who will listen that I’m withholding her great-granddaughter to get my way. The apology was my husband’s condition, I was all for just cutting them both off, he at least wanted to offer them the chance to make it right.
AITJ?
It’s not like she never sees her, we take the baby to her at least weekly. I offered to take her twice the week of Easter but she complained that it’s not the same if everyone isn’t together.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Having a dry wedding is very reasonable.
It’s your wedding so that’s a rule you can set. It’s a reasonable boundary that’s incredibly easy to respect. And not only did they sneak in booze, but they also behaved immaturely. Grandma doesn’t get to excuse two 40-year-old women as ‘that’s just how the girls are!’ They know better.
That’s not behavior to be excused.
An apology is not a lot to ask for. Tell Grandma she’s welcome to come to see the baby on her own, but it’s been made clear that you expect to be respected with at least an apology before interacting with the aunts again.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t want at your party for a reason and they proved you right.
Apparently, granny didn’t raise her children right and the only mature one out of that family is your husband. You shouldn’t have to turn doormat because a bunch of grown-up people can’t be adults for two hours without turning to booze.
Keep your foot down because they’ll expect you to be okay with their childish ways.
Also, if you need booze to have a good time, that screams ‘You’re a boring person without booze in you’.” Kitsumekat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
OP you’re being a great parent, and I’m glad your husband sounds like he’s supporting you and backing you up.
You’re both doing great and the boundaries and expectations you’ve drawn are both reasonable and fair. You’ve also gone above and beyond in trying to ensure your daughter has a relationship with her great-grandma and are absolutely justified in your expectations for behavior. You and your husband are worthy and deserving of respect, and in holding your ground when those boundaries are challenged.
For what it’s worth, this internet auntie is very proud of you.” educatedinsolence
16. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Vegan Friend?
“I’ve been friends with M for close to 15 years now. We used to catch up once every few months over a meal but after she became a very strict vegan, I stopped wanting to hang out, because she only wants to eat at expensive vegan restaurants located far away from where we live.
No compromise. I told her I don’t mind going somewhere where they sell both vegan and non-vegan food (because I dislike vegan food) but she said it won’t do. I told her I don’t mind trying her vegan food but one that’s not as expensive or far away -won’t do.
Basically, she feels that we must both eat expensive vegan food together.
I just simply dislike vegan food. TO CLARIFY: most vegan restaurants in my country don’t do nice dishes (I would know, I was vegan for a few years myself). Vegan food is incredibly expensive and often involves mock meat, which I dislike.
Just happens that M loves mock meat and insists we eat it together too. I know I can do without meat for ONE meal and I did give in for many years – going too far away to vegan restaurants, whichever she wanted to try.
but all things considered now (her wish to eat only expensive food and from restaurants located really far away), I simply don’t want to meet up because I feel like I’m always the one giving in.
I may be the jerk because, in lieu of those reasons above, I’ve turned down all her attempts to meet over the last 6 years or so.
She’s upset that I ‘prioritize meat’ over our friendship, and thinks I’m super inflexible, but it really isn’t the case, at least to me.
To clarify: she doesn’t want to meet for anything other than eating or exercise. I tried proposing a meeting for coffee but she says she’s too busy, she wants to meet for a ‘productive’ activity (eating).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’ve offered a lot of compromises that reflect your special needs – no exercise as an invalid and not her choice of restaurant as because, as well as being limited in menu choice, they are not nearby and are expensive – but willing to meet up for anything else.
I can understand why you want to be something more than a companion to experience pricey food which you don’t even want to eat.
I can understand that she might be worried about food cross-contamination as vegan food offered by places that also serve meat is at risk unless they keep two separate kitchens.
Most say rather it is vegan-friendly ie. we will take every step to avoid cheese in your meal but a speck of parmesan may end up there.
Next time, she tells you you are prioritizing meat, ask her why you have to be an add-on to an experience she wants to do rather than being the focus of that visit.
And why that experience has to be one that you have expressed you don’t or can’t do. Why is she so inflexible about prioritizing your friendship and finding something like a coffee and a chat that you both want to do.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry to say this, but some friendships are not meant to be life lifelong.
May I gently suggest that next time she calls, you let her know that if she’d ever like to grab a coffee or a meal somewhere a little closer, somewhere you’d both like, you would love to catch up?
And until then, you wish her the absolute best.
If she tries to argue and throw the ‘You’re choosing meat over friends!’ thing in your face, be the bigger person. Tell her you’re sorry she feels that way, and that you hope you can reconnect when her life isn’t so busy.” Ancient-Peak-8006
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your friend is being entitled.
The point of eating at a restaurant with a friend you don’t see often is to meet together. The food is basically secondary so her insisting on only eating at specific restaurants really means she doesn’t value the friendship because she wants the restaurant experience and your company is not that important.
Also, you are objecting to what seems to be objective criteria as well – the restaurants and expensive and distant.
Obviously different places have different types of restaurants. However, almost every restaurant now has vegetarian and vegan options. Can’t she forego a Beyond Burger for one meal for the pleasure of your company? I am pretty omnivorous but I would have no problems eating in a vegetarian or even vegan place that was within my budget; fairly located and had non-fake options – I like foods that are vegan without fake ingredients – i.e. pasta, salads, and grilled vegetables. etc.” Jujulabee
15. AITJ For Not Being Supportive Of My Son's Relationship?
“My son Dale (25) lives at home with me (52M). I really enjoy having him here and I don’t think it’s weird or anything. He has a full-time job, he pays his way (he offered, I didn’t ask), he cleans up after himself, helps me out, and is a very nice and respectable man.
I’m very proud of how my ex-wife and I raised him and I’m very proud to be his dad. Whilst I love my son very much, I’ll be the first to admit I’m not happy about his relationship.
Basically, Dale comes and goes as you know any adult does.
I did notice he was going out more frequently but I don’t care what he does and I didn’t want to pry and make him feel like I was keeping tabs on him. I assumed maybe he had met someone and recently, he told me as much.
He basically told me he had been on a night out celebrating a friend’s birthday when he got talking to a woman. He was very vague about her which aroused my suspicions as all he kept saying was that he really liked her, she was really pretty and he felt a strong connection.
He kept emphasizing those three things and when I asked what she was like as a person or what she did, he clammed up. I eventually dragged it out of him and Dale told me that his partner, Pauline, is actually a 53-year-old divorcee currently going through a second, messy divorce (still legally married) with grown-up children, one older than Dale! He said something like ‘I know that she’s older, but I really really like her and she’s so much better, wiser, and more amazing than any girl I’ve met, including anyone my age.’
Dale basically wants my support.
He said he’d really like me to meet Pauline and just get my approval. To be honest, it’s not what I expected to hear and I told my son that. I told him as best I could I couldn’t support it for a multitude of reasons: Pauline seems to have a lot on her plate, she’s older than me and Dale’s mother, she is old enough to be Dale’s mother, they are at TOTALLY different stages of life (what if he wants kids or anything one day?) and that I find it hard to believe it can be a serious relationship for her if she’s still married and might just be on the rebound or seeing it as a fling.
Well, Dale thinks I’m a jerk. He has said ‘You don’t support me’, ‘You don’t love me’ and ‘I’m not a kid so I’m gonna do what I want anyway.’ He has been giving me the cold shoulder and not speaking to me.
I even reached out to my ex-wife to get her thoughts on this. She said that Dale told her too and that she’s not thrilled too, but thinks I should do a ‘fake it till you make it’ type thing. She said that she believes it probably is a fling and Dale will see that one day, but that for now, it’s probably best if like her, I appear to tolerate or support it to avoid pushing away our son.
I know he’s a grown adult but I do think this relationship is a stupid idea.
Edit: I have not and I never would suggest to Dale he should break up with her. He asked my thoughts and I have them.
Maybe I could meet her as some do point out since she’s only a year older than me, she is my contemporary.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Okay so bottom line, he’s an adult and it’s ultimately always going to be his decision who he has a relationship with.
As a fellow parent, I 100% understand what your concerns are, and why you have them.
The fact is that no one is really in the wrong here. Here’s an adult, and gets to choose who he wants to see, and he has every right to be upset that the two most important people in his life aren’t thrilled about his new relationship.
Transversely, you also have every right to have your own thoughts, and feelings about the situation, and you’re under no obligation to lie or be silent about what those thoughts, and feelings are. So long as you understand that ultimately it is still his choice
I think you need to sit down, and talk to him, and actually meet this person before you pass any conclusive judgments though.
They could be exactly what you expect, or they could surprise you entirely. Until you try, you’ll never know.” Careless_League_9494
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are still married and in a messy divorce but that right there is a huge sign not to get with anyone at that moment regardless of age, they have too much on their plate at that moment and need to handle what they’re going through in their current relationship before even thinking about getting into a whole new one.
Second, this may be the case but, in my opinion, you need to still support and be there for your son because it can very much affect your relationship with him. He’s gonna do what he wants regardless of how you advise him, clearly.
So give your comments and concerns. Meet this lady, for all we know there’s more than meets the eye, that could mean something good or bad. So be there for him. But ultimately it’s clear you are concerned and care for your son to be there for him when things may or may not go south.” P3achy0203
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here because it’s obvious the relationship is a bad idea and you want to protect your son.
Your son is an adult, however, and is allowed to make mistakes. His relationships are none of your business. I don’t fault you for telling the truth about your feelings though because you said your son asked for your support. It’s best not to lie and you were truthful.
He needs to accept that you don’t support the relationship and move on, just like you need to accept he’s in this relationship and move on. No need to harp on it or discuss it further.” groovygirl858
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
There’s a huge difference between not approving and not supporting him.
You can think he is messing up big time, and you have the right to be upset and worried and to let him know how you feel, but you should accept that he made a decision.
He needs to know you’re there for him, if this goes badly, which more likely than not it will he needs to be able to trust you, and not feat an ‘I told you so’.
Also, if she happens to be abusive, not approving of the relationship will separate you from him, giving her more power and leaving him more vulnerable.” aniang
14. AITJ For Not Being Comfortable With My Partner's Relationship With Her Gay Friend?
“My partner (f23) and I (m23) started going out in the summer after freshman year and have been together for just over 4 years. Almost 5 months back, my partner reconnected with an old friend from high school (who I’ll call Dave) as he was moving to our city.
Now according to my partner, Dave is gay and she told me this before he came to our apartment (this will become important shortly).
My partner invited Dave to our home and I met him at our apartment for the first time.
In the beginning, he seemed like a swell guy. He told me stories about my partner in high school and you know, it was a fun time. We all went out for some ice cream and I thought that would be the end of it.
Then Dave and my partner went shopping together the next weekend and when they came back, my partner wanted to show me what she had bought. She had been struggling with this sundress she had gotten and just came out half-exposed.
I think I audibly said ‘What are you doing? Dave is here.’ She just said, ‘He’s gay’.
It was weird but I just went along with it (I thought maybe this was just normal). But it didn’t just stop there, in the next couple of months, it just got weirder.
He would constantly pinch her butt and all this weird that like straight friends just don’t do to each other.
But you know what… I thought maybe it was my conservative upbringing getting in my head and so I didn’t say anything.
Then, just last week, I came home early from my research lab, and I saw Dave cuddling with my partner in our bed, and I just snapped. I threw him out of the apartment and then got into a fight with my partner.
She said, ‘This wasn’t a big deal, she cuddles with her lady friends all the time’, to which I was like ‘WHAT, who else are you cuddling with?’. She said, ‘only with the girls and Dave, ’cause he’s gay’. We fought for a while, her telling me I was being an awful person by kicking out her friend over absolutely nothing, and I just said that she was literally in our bed with him.
After a while, I just went to a friend’s house. He told me it was weird but it shouldn’t be that big a deal because Dave is gay. I know he’s gay, but even then this doesn’t feel ok. Nevertheless, AITJ for kicking out Dave?
Dave’s in a long-distance relationship with a guy back in the city from where he moved.
He facetime him frequently and that’s what confirmed he was gay for me. But I guess he could have been bi, not that it matters because she shouldn’t be cuddling with anyone like that, regardless of their preferences, but me and/or our dog.
So here’s the action plan. I’ll have a conversation with my partner that her actions with Dave (the cuddling, pinching, and her being half-exposed in front of him) make me uncomfortable. I’ll tell her it’s a dealbreaker for me and that she can’t be doing that thing with any other man but me.
If she wants to keep doing it, good for her, but we can’t be together.
I’ll talk to Dave, tell him that this stuff is inappropriate, and tell him to stop doing that sort of stuff. It ain’t his place, and I don’t want to have to put him in his place.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – it seems like y’all just need to have a conversation about what your boundaries/comfort levels are vis a vis what kind of interactions your partners have with others.
From your partner’s perspective cuddling and jokey PDA are fine friend stuff. From your perspective, not. Now that you know that about each other you need to come to an understanding about how you’ll both proceed. Will she stop? Will you adjust your expectations? Or will you agree that you’re incompatible and break up? Just a conversation you need to have, no one is a jerk.
That said even if your behavior was understandable you should apologize to Dave and acknowledge that you and your partner weren’t on the same page but you shouldn’t have taken it out on him.” TipTopC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
I’m gay myself. I don’t care if a person is gay, straight, bi, or whatever.
If a person is crossing boundaries in your relationship that make you uncomfortable, it should stop. Plain and simple. Also, just because someone is gay doesn’t mean what they do is automatically OK. I really don’t get that.
Especially if she’s cuddling him in your bed! That is highly suspicious to me.
I understand maybe on a couch if you guys are watching a movie and you fall asleep or something but it’s very, very weird that this person is cuddling your in your bed!
The bottom line is both your partner and her friend are crossing boundaries in your relationship that make you uncomfortable and you have the right to set those boundaries.” Shyanneabriana
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If you have insecurities or are struggling with jealousy because you’re not used to shows of affection & intimacy in platonic relationships, that is something you address privately with your partner and maybe a therapist if needed.
Letting it boil under the surface until you blow up at your partner and one of her longtime best friends is jerk behavior. Not simply because of the blow-up, but you described an additional freak out over the fact she cuddles with her closest female friends, too and you know what that tells her?
If you’re uncomfortable with her cuddling with her closest friend regardless of gender it’s not just about jealousy, here.
You’re expressing control over her body and how she engages in her friendships. You’re expressing control over who has access to her physical proximity (apparently just you).
You don’t have to get it or understand it. You’re entitled to your feelings, but they don’t supersede hers (nor do her feelings supersede yours).
Expressing discomfort in a reasonable manner and discussing how to reduce it, and what compromises can be made that respect both of you – THAT is a healthy relationship.
My gay best friend from high school visited me for a day when he was in my town, I brought my partner along.
I hadn’t seen this friend in over a year, but it’s the type of friendship that just picks up right where it left off. Midway through the day, my pulled me aside and expressed he was feeling ignored/neglected like the third wheel.
I apologized and explained to him it wasn’t intentional & that I hoped he understood I just don’t get to see this friend often enough so it’s sort of a tunnel vision situation. We couldn’t come to an agreement until later – it would be best for future engagements like this just be me & the friend to catch up before my came around.
If he had blown up at me, either in public or separately, I wouldn’t have been able to respond reasonably to his feelings because the blow-up would be in direct relation to one of my closest, most cherished humans. He knows that, and thankfully respects it.” bemvee
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You two should really sit down and discuss what the boundaries in your relationship are. The problem isn’t if Dave is gay or not gay. The problem is the interactions are making you uncomfortable. As your partner, she needs to either respect this or let you know up front that her level of intimacy with her friends isn’t something she’s willing to change for the relationship. You are both wrong for not discussing these hard lines after almost half a decade together.” Miiesha
13. AITJ For Causing My Sister To Become Homeless?
“My (28m) sister (25f) has been having a lot of trouble finding a home. She got desperate one night and went to my neighborhood and slept in my car. I found her, and against my better judgment, I let it slide and let her stay at my house.
We were fine for a few days, she ate her own stuff and I hardly noticed her. But one day I came home from work and saw some paper ripped up at her feet. I asked what they were, and she froze.
She said it was part of that ‘dumb little story’ I’d been writing since I was 15, in reference to my sci-fi world-building project. She had always teased me about it, but I thought she grew out of it.
I asked her why, and she said it just ‘made her mad that I wasted my time like this’.
I said, ‘you break into my car at night, I don’t have you arrested, I let you occupy my house, and put up with you for days?’
She said it was just paper, I was blunt and told her to get out.
She called me an unreasonable monster, got in my face all seething, and left crying. It would seem she showed up at my parents’ house, they didn’t let her stay, but they gave her thirty dollars and texted me asking if the paper was really that important.
She has nowhere else to go, and I’m her only hope, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It strikes me that there is something very toxic about your sister and letting her stay would only end up badly for you. The fact that she is homeless and her own parents won’t let her stay with them speaks volumes.
Added to this her wilfully disrespecting and destroying your work would be too far on its own.
It seems you did the right thing for your own protection.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a thing in life called ‘accountability for one’s actions’. She disrespected your property, she’s being held accountable for her actions.
She can deal with it. If she doesn’t want to keep getting kicked out of places, she should stop being a jerk. Also, she’s more your parents’ responsibility than yours (and even then, not really at her age), and if even they won’t take her, that tells you all you need to know.” Baresark
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, despite her gratefulness at being taken in, which would have still been fresh and at the forefront of her mind, still couldn’t stop being overcome by jealousy and spite and needed to get the pleasure, the hit, of destroying the one item that she knew was deeply meaningful to you.
My own mother is like this. She can’t stop herself. She has lost family and friends from the things she has done. It’s like the jealousy becomes overwhelming and the sabotage calms her down and releases it.
Please be careful. It starts with the destruction of property, but she can spread lies, file false police reports, sabotage events, your job, to about everything you can think of that is outside your home. Please get a camera for recording outside your home. Her rage and spite to get back at you are very strong right now.” User
12. AITJ For Having A Negative Reaction To A Pregnancy Scare?
“Recently, my partner (21f) asked me (20m) about the last time we slept together. It was almost a month ago from now, and I honestly didn’t think about the whole thing. I used protection, she has PCOS and therefore she is on the pill for treatment, so overall, the pregnancy chance is astronomically low.
She asked me because one of her friends also got pregnant, but her friend doesn’t care at all never uses protection, and has been involved with 4 or 5 guys since the time she got pregnant. She has also been feeling nauseous.
To not get sidetracked, I panicked… heavily. We are both college students, mid-career, and my brother (24m) has a girl (7f) so I kind of went through the whole process as well when my niece came into this world, that my reasoning at least, my brother and I are pretty close.
Closer than most sibling relations. I also panicked because I read that due to my partner’s PCOS if she ever gets pregnant there is a high chance she could die as well. So I already saw myself leaving college to maintain the would-be baby, with 0 support from my parents because they already went through that with my brother, with a high chance that my could die.
I told her that both of our lives are ruined if she actually is.
The main issue is that my first reaction was telling my partner if she was joking at all and that this was no laughing matter, I basically sent her to buy a pregnancy test which came back negative.
She claims I reacted awfully and made her even more scared than she was. I also reacted by telling her why was she scared basing all of this on the fact that her idiot friend got pregnant as well. I got scared, and this is actually my first pregnancy scare.
I’m also aware that I have underlying issues, but therapy is not a possibility until I’m able to pay for it for myself. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You were both anxious for similar reasons and didn’t necessarily manage to communicate with each other in ways that helped the situation.
Learning to communicate and handle stressful situations is a lifelong thing – try and discuss what went wrong with the communication (you were anxious and needed reassurance, this made her more anxious in turn, etc). Try and address it as not you or her being wrong but that the way you communicated caused feelings to overflow, and see if you can set up different ways to talk about it if another stressful situation occurs.
Nobody is perfect all the time, especially when things are stressful or anxiety-inducing! It’s not bad that you were scared – you had an emotional response to a scary situation. Maybe reassure her that you care about her and were acting on your anxiety at the moment, and perhaps ask that she gives you the same grace she wanted from you in terms of comfort and calm/reassurance.
I hope things go well and you both can relax and come out the other side of this scare with a greater understanding of how to communicate together in a crisis.” Melodramatic_Raven
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, gently. A pregnancy scare is stressful for everyone involved, but even more so for the person who is actually pregnant.
It takes two to get pregnant, so you need to be ready to be supportive in the event of a positive test. If you’re not mature enough to be able to make decisions about a positive test as a couple, you’re not mature enough to be having that could lead to pregnancy.
Also, WHERE did you read about PCOS leading to a high probability of death during pregnancy?! PCOS can cause difficulty in becoming pregnant, even in people who are trying to do so. I was diagnosed 8 years ago and no doctors have ever mentioned maternal mortality as an issue, even though I have been actively trying to become pregnant.
Please make sure you are checking reputable sources for information about this very common syndrome before mentally spiraling into catastrophizing.” mischiefxmanager
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – all your reasons for being freaked out extend to her. Most of them are likely to be even more stressful for her.
Your reacting badly has informed her of how you react in an emergency. You didn’t exactly pass the test with flying colors between freaking out and making her go get the test on her own. She got zero support AND added stress from you.
She on the other hand could have handled being worried despite plentiful precautions better than just dropping it on you.” MothmanNFT
11. AITJ For Reminding People Not To Touch My Stuff?
“I live on the west coast and I regularly host my relatives from the east coast and Europe.
I love the backcountry here and showing it off to my relatives is one of my favorite things to do. I’m a geologist for a mining outfit so I have all kinds of equipment and training.
My uncle from Germany brought his family here before 2020 and we had a great visit until one of my cousins started looking through my garage when we were packing up for a short camping trip.
I made sure that they were all aware of the reasons for using bug spray.
Beyond mosquitoes, we have ticks in the area and long pants are the best way to avoid them but insect repellent is also a good idea.
My idiot cousin found my bear spray and thought she might like to try and give herself a nice coating to be safe from bears.
If you do not know, bear spray isn’t meant to be worn as a topical application. You spray it at a bear’s face to get it to bugger off.
She ended up coughing her lungs out and was covered in all the milk products in my house.
Plus some extra that my wife had to go buy.
And every once in a while I will move something in my garage and catch a whiff of the capsaicin.
My cousin wants to come back for a visit now. I was reluctant.
She asked me why and I reminded her of her last visit to my home four years ago. I asked if she had gotten better about keeping her hands to herself.
I guess she and her partner share the social media account that she contacted me from.
He asked what I was talking about. So I told him what she did.
Now her dad is mad at me for bringing up a stupid mistake. She is mad at me because her partner is laughing at her. And my wife is mad at me for sharing family information.
I wasn’t trying to embarrass her. I just hate how much time and effort I had to put in to clean my garage and my gear.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ‘no jerks here’.
You are perfectly within your rights to make sure the same mistake won’t be repeated., And you had no idea this was supposed to be a secret, nor should you have predicted she was using a shared account.
You don’t tell us her age, or if she could read English at the time. But I don’t think it matters anyway in terms of judgment.
She made a mistake and is now embarrassed, but that’s okay. You weren’t being a jerk about it.” partanimal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It was a fair question and if her mistake was supposed to be a highly guarded secret they should’ve at least let you know.
I understand her embarrassment at her partner’s teasing and I can see why she would want to lash out but that doesn’t make it appropriate for her or the rest of your family to grill you about it.
I’m sure the girl can handle a little teasing.
They ALL need to remember that you’re doing them a kindness by hosting them and they aren’t doing themselves any favors by making this a bigger issue than it needs to be. At the end of the day, it’s YOUR home.” KuhLealKhaos
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – just the inevitable friction that comes with human relationships.
It makes sense that you are annoyed with her mistake.
It’s understandable that she wants to move on after multiple years and doesn’t see that mistake as relevant today. Nobody should be judged for one thing they did years ago.
It sounds like you expressed legitimate annoyance, she expressed legitimate embarrassment, and she is less likely to make the mistake again.
YWBTJ if you harp on it if they come, but as is, no jerks here.” SteveScott12
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like this incident was more painful for her than for you, and an easy mistake for someone who thought it would be similar to bug spray – if you’re not used to camping in bear territory, it’s not widely known.
It’s not that you said something to the guy, but that you’re actually reluctant to have her over and are holding this against her. You probably shouldn’t host family if it’s one mistake and you’re out thing because people are rarely perfect.” Indusnm
10. AITJ For Making My Children Shower A Lot?
“So I (31F) have been married to my wife (35F) for two years now. She has 2 kids from her previous relationship (9M and 7F) but their dad isn’t in the picture and I consider them my kids and they see me as a parental figure, even though they don’t call me mom or anything like that.
Because I work remotely and start work later than my wife, I’m in charge of getting the kids ready in the morning and taking them to school, which can be a hassle. It’s usually a fight to get them out of bed which leaves us with barely enough time to get ready and get to school on time.
I always enforce they take a shower when they wake up too. That’s how I grew up and I feel I just feel more refreshed and actually ready to take on the day.
However, trying to get everything done in the morning has led to a few late drop-offs at school to the point where my wife was notified.
She asked me what was up and she was confused why the kids had to shower in the morning when they already shower at night. I told her the two showers a day serve different purposes — a short one for waking up, getting a jumpstart on your day, and a longer one for cleaning up after running around all day — and it’s not unreasonable.
it’s what I do personally. She says since it’s making the kids late to school it is unreasonable. I said then the kids gotta get up earlier, which she was not happy about.
Obviously, I don’t want the kids to be late to school, but part of the issue is these kids don’t wanna get up and get started.
And we’ve never been significantly late before, so I dunno anymore.
So AITJ for making my kids shower twice a day?
EDIT: I encourage speedy showers, like 5 minutes as a goal. I’m not actively trying to make them late. I’m trying to encourage a good routine.
My wife is a bit more laissez-faire on the issue and says would rather let them go to school in their PJs without breakfast if it meant they’d be there on time. I’m trying to have all their needs met and if they’re 10 minutes late to school, it’s not the end of the world.
It doesn’t dry out your skin if you shower in cold water. Also, moisturizer helps with dry skin. It doesn’t take that long to dry off, esp since they don’t wash hair or get it wet in the mornings. I’m not a creep or demanding.
It goes like this: I wake up, say you go take a shower and I’ll meet you downstairs for breakfast, and then I go get them something to eat. They have never been bullied for being late. When we are late, I walk with them to the classroom, and it doesn’t appear like they’re missing instruction.
At worst they miss morning recess and the announcements of what they’re serving for lunch but they bring lunch from home.
We live in a climate that’s warm year-round so cold showers are the way to go. The place I used to live had solar-heated water so on rare cold days all you had was cold water or turn on the electricity and wait 2 hours for the water to heat up.
of course, that’s whatever. personal preferences and stuff
UPDATE: I’ve talked to my wife and we’re all designing a new morning routine together. again I accept that I’m wrong. It’s difficult being a newer parent.
Cold showers, especially when it’s hot outside, do not equal mistreatment.
They don’t get dressed when they’re still wet. I don’t force kids with wet hair out the door in the middle of a harsh winter. Their skin is not falling off. We don’t have AC so sometimes nights are warm and sticky.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
How one person is raised doesn’t work across the board.
Everyone’s different. My husband always showers/bathes at night, whereas I generally (not always) shower in the morning. He doesn’t like adding a task to his morning routine, and I completely respect that.
Your wife is right. This routine is clearly not working, and forcing a change in everyone’s schedule to have things done your way is selfish and unreasonable.
You are a step-parent. While you should have some say in how things go in the home you share, you do not overrule their biological parent. Your way isn’t the only way, and your way Is not only not working, but it’s over the top anyhow.
If the children are struggling to wake up in the morning, give them an earlier bedtime. Account for it taking them a bit to fall asleep. They still won’t want to get out of bed, but that’s how most kids are.
Most adults would rather stay in bed too. But trying to solve this problem by saying they need to get less sleep to satisfy you imposing your upbringing onto them is ridiculous. Honestly, it just feels like you are creating conflict for the sole reason of feeling right.” Oliviarose85
Another User Comments:
“It’s 3 against 1 here.
Just because it’s how you grew up doesn’t mean you have to enforce it on others.
The kids are already struggling with mornings, forcing them to get up even earlier to take a shower just because you did doesn’t make sense. Just because it makes you feel ready for the day doesn’t mean it works that way for them.
I don’t know that your framing of it as ‘they just don’t wanna get started’ is helpful either. Sounds like you’re calling them lazy for not wanting to get up in the morning. They may not be getting enough sleep, their body clock may simply not be good in the early mornings, or maybe some other reasons.
But defaulting to ‘these kids are being bad and lazy by not doing things how I do’ is a dangerous game and rarely ends well.
YWBTJ if you don’t listen to your wife here.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like you are trying to do the right thing, but sometimes it’s just not practical.
It’s understandable that your wife is frustrated that the kids are getting to school late, but it seems like the root of the problem is that your kids are having trouble getting up in the morning. Maybe it’s time to try out some other strategies to help them wake up and get ready on time.
Instead of taking two showers a day, maybe you could try setting a timer to help them stay on track or come up with a rewards system to motivate them. It’s good that you are trying to stick to what you know, but sometimes it’s best to adapt to the situation.” The_IT_Dude_
9. AITJ For Giving Back My Sister's Child?
“I’m 28f and kid-free by choice. I love kids for the most part but recognized from an early age that I never wanted kids of my own.
My sister, Heath (32 years old) started seeing someone 2 years ago and he has 3 kids – Jess (13f ), Jerome (10m), and Christopher (6m).
Christopher has severe behavioral issues. Oppositional defiant disorder, ADHD, and is currently being tested for autism. He can absolutely be a handful but usually, when he’s around me he is a super sweet kid. He is just easily triggered by basically everything and you have to tiptoe around him to prevent a raging freak out – which consists of throwing things, breaking things on purpose, and getting handsy with basically everyone he can come in contact with.
As I said, I’ve seen how absolutely fantastic this boy can be. He has days when he is the absolute sweetest thing ever and he is such a love. His emotions are just huge and he has no idea how to manage them, obviously.
I was asked to babysit the 2 younger kids yesterday while Heath worked because my sister had an interview/training and they didn’t have school. He offered me $250, I said yes, and he dropped them off at 7 am. It was all fine and dandy until roughly 11 am.
Christopher started exhibiting some signs that he was heading for a meltdown so I immediately start redirecting him. Nothing worked. He destroyed my house in a matter of seconds and sadly enough, I found myself becoming infuriated and knew that I needed to get this kid out of my house.
No child should be around an adult who was that angry and I recognized that and needed him to leave. So I called his dad, said you need to come to pick up your kids. He was there within a half hour and saw my house.
I tried handing him the back but he wouldn’t take it. He didn’t say anything. He just left. I assumed he was embarrassed. But not even an hr later my sister is pounding on my door saying I’m a jerk and that I should have called her (she told me the training was an hour and a half away) because her partner just got reamed.
After all, he missed his meeting with a very important client. I basically said it wasn’t my problem because what the else was I supposed to say? She peeled out of my driveway after saying she would never ask me for anything again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this sort of behavior needs managing by parents and professionals.
$250 isn’t enough to cover the damage it sounds like he caused.
Now I don’t know what the behavioral/mental health needs are for that child. But it’s just not on for families to dump kids with profound needs on those who are child-free just because it’s convenient.
Either they need professional carers or there’s not really a learning/mental health difficulty it’s just trashy behavior being tolerated by trashy parents.
But that’s not your job to deal with. It’s the parents. Your sister is being unreasonable by chewing you out for this.
Again it’s not yours to deal with. The dad is the correct call.
Glad she won’t be asking for you to do anything because it’s a liberty to foist that kind of specialist need/bad behavior on a family member.” CapitalBoss45
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
First, your being ‘child-free’ is irrelevant to the story. If you didn’t want to be around these kids, you could have just not taken the job. Then you say this: ‘No child should be around an adult who was that angry and I recognized that and needed him to leave.’
Sorry, but if you have such anger issues that a literal child throwing a temper tantrum can make you upset enough you’re worried you’re going to do something bad to the kid, you need serious help.
Next- he’s a literal child and you’re 28. You can prevent him from destroying your house. The strength difference is large enough, you can, without causing any injury, restrain him from doing anything until he’s calmed down.
Once you agreed to care for the child, you needed to care for the child til the end of the agreed-upon time unless there was an actual emergency.
Nothing this child did seemed to be out of the ordinary for the behavior you knew was possible. The child was not injured. You had options remaining. Your offering the back doesn’t absolve you of your agreed-upon responsibilities.
It would have been fine to never offer to do it again.
If the kid was hurt, of course, you call the parents. But you’re an adult who agreed to do a job you knew could be hard. Once it got hard, you don’t just get to say ‘Welp, don’t want to do it anymore’.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Unless you were a jerk to ‘Heath’ when he came and picked up the kids, I think you handled the situation appropriately.
I feel for him having a kid who requires caregivers to have specialized training in order to provide care – that has got to be so tough.
The only one out of line here seems to be your sister having zero empathy for how tough this situation was for everyone involved. If she thought Heath’s training and client meeting were so important, she should’ve taken the day off to watch his kids.
Consider it a blessing that she’s not going to ask you for any more favors.” Visual_Humor_2838
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Bring My Son Back To Public School?
“So I got a job at a private high school. The school gives free admission to the children of faculty and staff as well as to their lower-grade schools. These schools are way better than the public schools in my area I want to send my son to a private elementary school.
Unfortunately, my son’s mother was not really on board with this. She thought it would make things difficult since she also has a daughter who will be starting school next year. Our child custody agreement has a part where we cannot change our son’s education without both of us agreeing.
So my son couldn’t go unless her mother said yes.
Since the main issue she had was her daughter not being able to attend next year I told my ex about the school’s policy that siblings of current students have priority on the admission list.
So with our son enrolled she will also be able to enroll her daughter. My son’s mother was happy with the idea after that and agreed.
The school has really early deadlines for things so my son’s mother was trying to enroll her daughter for the next school year.
That’s when she found out that while her daughter would get priority admission she would have to pay tuition. The school does offer scholarships, but they’re more for exceptional or diverse students so her daughter is way down on the list.
My son’s mother is now very upset by this and thinks I tricked her even though it was obvious her kid wouldn’t get in for free since she’s not my kid. Still, she is insisting it’s going to create problems down the line.
For example, she thinks it will cause animosity between her daughter and our son as he will have more opportunities. She also said it would be hard to deal with the kids being in different schools because they are far apart (about a 15-20 minute drive difference).
She wants to change our son back to public school, but she can’t unless I agree to it. I still don’t see the point. She hasn’t made a convincing argument. On my side, the school is way better than his old school and he is happy and settled and has friends at his new school.
On her side, her daughter may get a little jealous and she may have to drive a little more on the days she has our son.
Edit: Just so everyone knows I have since told my ex that I can drive our son to and from school every day if it makes things easier.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are providing tangible opportunities for your child.
It isn’t fair to your child to make him have less because you are receiving the benefit of your employment at the school.
I don’t see that she was deceived at all. Where I am located, admission to a really good private school is competitive so there is an advantage to being granted preferential admission.
Nothing you said had anything to do with tuition costs. No one could possibly think that tuition would be free for a child completely unrelated to an employee.
The only compromise you might make is that you would agree to take care of the logistics of getting your child to school in the event that taking two kids separately was difficult for her to do.
I can’t imagine a judge ordering OP to withdraw the child from the school where he is happy and receiving the benefit of a superior education because the ex’s child can’t afford to go.
What would be different if OP were wealthier and could afford to give his bio child more benefits including affording tuition as well as after-school classes, trips, etc.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I’ve known plenty of folks that work in these manipulations. Basically, they work on ‘technicalities’ and ignore all social contexts, which… ya know is actually prime jerk behavior.
One of two things happened here: you genuinely thought she knew how this would play out and that she would have to pay tuition.
She then purposefully agreed to switch her child into the school only to try to get you to pay for the sister when, at this point, she wouldn’t be able to pull back her son from the school. If she was that kind of conniving, she would have offered to agree on the condition that you pay for her daughter’s tuition partially.
Clearly, not dealing with that situation or that kind of conniving behavior.
Or, you know her well enough and obfuscated and avoided giving information that you fully knew as pertinent knowing that she isn’t the type to look into these things or think things through fully.
Thus, as soon as she agreed that your son could go there, she couldn’t do anything to change it once she figured out she was screwed in her plan.
I would say YTJ. You know the person better than us, and you decided not to present the full picture.
I find it hard to believe that after dealing with her over shared custody for this many years that you wouldn’t think to bring up this vital (and obvious for many others) information. YTJ for getting your kid a better education in a slimy fashion.
You’re not a bad guy for wanting a better education for your own son, of course.
She clearly isn’t the best at planning things and hopefully learns a lesson from this. That can be a very tall order for folks depending on their nature and upbringing.
So maybe take that into account next time you have an issue with her and present the -entire- set of information. Not just what’s to your advantage. It will save you a lot of headaches and make it easier to work with her over the coming years.” DigitalPsych
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You have no obligations to other kids your ex has with other partners. She will have no obligations to any other kids you have with someone else. If there are now ‘inequalities’ between kids then that is the price you pay for having multiple kids with different partners.
Denying your son the private school because she wants to ‘equalize’ her kids will only lead to resentment later on when he realizes that is what happened. Not being able to afford it may cause her daughter to be resentful, albeit for a reason that is easier to swallow – knowing your parents can’t afford something is one thing, but knowing that one of your parents let you have a lesser deal because they wanted their other kid to be ‘equal’ is a whole different kind of resentment – not only to his mother but to the sister as well.
One of the kids is probably going to be resentful about this one day, and she has to figure out how to deal with that.” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – yes it was a dumb thing to assume tuition would also be free for her, but the fact that you didn’t clarify that feels manipulative.
And yes, while it might not change your desire to have your kid in a better school, this could potentially cause major friction between the children
And finally ’15 minutes between schools’ is unlikely to mean ‘only a 15-minute increase in your ex’s commute’ and even that adds up – you should be proactively taking responsibility for getting your kid to his school especially if you are the one who really wants him there.” damefriday
7. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Finish Cleaning Up?
“My 2-year-old daughter has been in home daycare for a few months now. The teacher, Sasha, is very nice. I am normally all for my daughter cleaning her own messes.
However, I find when I arrive, Sasha expects my daughter to finish cleaning up whatever she was playing with.
Which again would be fine, but it delays us getting out the door and heading home, sometimes we have plans, etc. I started texting Sasha when I was so many minutes away, asking her to get my daughter ready and that seemed to work.
My daughter would be in her jacket and reading a book, easy to put away vs a huge duplo project or similar.
Until today. Things were crazy and I was in a rush. We had a lot to do this afternoon and I was running behind because I had car trouble.
When I arrived, my daughter and some friends were in the middle of cleaning up a big mess. I told my daughter that we had to go and get her coat. Sasha said she needed to finish cleaning up her part.
I said any other day, sure, but I am running late and we cannot miss this appointment. Sasha tried arguing that the kids need to learn responsibility and I flat-out said no. I grabbed my daughter, put her coat on, and left.
As I said, hectic afternoon so I only just now had time to check my texts. I had one from Sasha saying poor planning on my part doesn’t mean I can break rules. I pointed out this is not in the contract and I can bring my child home whenever I need want.
She accused me of undermining her authority. I was given ‘a verbal warning’ which I found ridiculous.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I completely agree with the daytime teacher’s sentiment, BUT it is your kid and you can leave whenever you well want. Just need to be kind and respectful about it.
Daycare pick-up should not take 20 minutes. Working parents need to get home, run errands, make dinner, do extracurriculars, and then have quality time left with their children. That 20 minutes of waiting around at daycare really cut into a person’s tight schedule.
Perhaps the teacher should not allow messy or busy activities after 4:30 pm and instead encourage reading larger, simpler toys, or things that are easy to put away in a hurry.” wirylime
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Maintaining expectations or rules is important in a classroom.
Teachers have a responsibility to hold boundaries with students. However, having flexibility for parents can only go so far. If you are showing up late or in a rush in a consistent pattern it’s frustrating for teachers. I can understand this position, and having to deliver a ‘verbal warning’.
However, things happen day to day, and you being late can happen. Needing to go to an appointment can happen. Don’t make it a habit to excuse your child from a responsibility when the teacher has already made a statement and is trying to hold a responsibility.
This creates a power struggle and is uncomfortable for the teacher as well as yourself. Take time to apologize to her teacher, and make a verbal/written plan for pickups.” UrsaEnvy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The daycare should switch to quick clean-up activities for her around pickup time.
Unless you arrive at wildly different times every day, it should be pretty easy. The teacher should be more proactive. It’s not fair for parents to wait while a kid cleans up a mess they made under someone else’s care at 2 years old.
Maybe when they are older but for a 2yr old it is the caregiver’s choice what they do really. I’m all for teaching clean up and not letting parents undermine to a point but they have to work with you.” Majestic-Evening-242
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Daycare is part of shaping your little human and you’ve ideally chosen one with which values you agree. Teaching your kid that cleaning up is an important responsibility and that one should plan ahead to make that possible is paramount. Find a different daycare if you disagree.
And for what it’s worth, your kid spends most of their awake time there, so spending 20 minutes picking up, connecting, talking, and learning about your kid and this part of their socialization is valuable and shouldn’t be rushed. Sounds like in-home isn’t for you, send your child to a center.” Tomatillo4724
There is a point in the day when kids put the toys up. They get their face washed, hair combed, hands washed, and they do something not messy.
We would do circle time and play games, play instruments and march around, do a movie, anything that didn't require more than the kiddo could hold in their hands.
This provider needs to learn to manage their time better.
6. AITJ For Not Being Able To Eat Because Of The Cats?
“I (m34) recently started a new job. A co-worker invites some of the similar-aged employees and spouses over for a dinner party, drinking, etc. I got an invite and heard from other co-workers the cooking was fantastic. Since this was my first invite I accepted and said I’d bring my wife.
We arrive and we are the 2nd couple there outside the host. We come in and the place looks clean, but has that minor animal funk to it. I did not know this co-worker had pets. My wife and I are not dog or cat people.
We have a backyard tortoise and that’s the extent of our pets. My coworker has a dog and 2 cats. All are out and about and not locked away, which is weird to me as I’m used to pets being locked away when guests come over.
My co-worker is still cooking and it’s probably a half hour till dinner. This is when I see a cat jump on the kitchen counter near the food. My co-worker shoos it away. I’m not a neat freak, but I am in regard to kitchens.
I’m horrified and revolted and have no idea what to do. I just know I don’t want to eat. My wife says it’s probably fine and to just eat.
Dinner is served, but I can’t get myself to eat. I’m grossed out that cats are allowed on the kitchen counters.
The host co-worker notices and asks me what’s wrong. Well, I tell her I’m a little grossed out and tell her why. My co-worker comments that the cats didn’t get anywhere near the food. I say bring on the kitchen counter is gross enough.
She gets visibly angry and asks me and my wife to leave. So we do. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for having no social tact and not coming up with an excuse. It would’ve been easy to say ‘I’m not hungry’ or ‘My stomach doesn’t feel well’ instead of saying that the food itself was dirty and disgusting.
You could have even said you had a mild cat allergy and didn’t want to eat just in case it flared up. I was once invited to an acquaintance’s house for dinner and noticed she had roaches in her kitchen—I didn’t eat the food because I was grossed out but I just politely declined and said I had a stomach ache.
A white lie is preferable to hurting your co-worker’s feelings and embarrassing her in front of her guests.
You really ought to apologize, especially considering this is likely the first impression your new co-workers have of you outside of the workplace and these stories have a way of getting around.” Jolliedranchers
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You are certainly allowed to not eat something you’re not comfortable with, but people have pets and it’s common for them to have free roaming of the house.
For cats, this often means they get on counters (yes, even when they’re ‘trained’ not to, they might still hop up there when no one is looking.)
So, given the ubiquity of pets, if you’re so perturbed by the idea of pets around food and pets in general, the onus is on you to clarify that first.
That will help you avoid situations like this where you are essentially forced to tell your host the truth: that you find them and their food gross.” Right_Count
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to eat the food if it had grossed you out so bad.
And your coworker should always give a heads-up to the group that there are animals present, in case of allergies or phobias.
But the cat wasn’t allowed on the counter. You’re wrong about that. It was immediately shooed away, and if your coworker is right that it didn’t get anywhere near the food, then the food hasn’t been dirtied.
You can’t train cats to stay off of counters, only to maybe not get on them when you’re looking. So like any good cat owner, I would hope that your coworker washed the counters and stovetop before cooking.
So yes, telling your coworker that you’re grossed out and making enough of a spectacle that you are asked to leave, you sound like YTJ.” missy20201
5. AITJ For Not Buying My Son A New Plane Ticket?
“My son (14) and I live in a different country than his (ex) stepdad. The bio dad has never been in the picture, and my ex raised my son from the age of 1-13 years old. They have always had a roller coaster of a relationship.
My ex would always joke in ways my son didn’t like, which would lead to them fighting and not speaking to each other for long periods of time (weeks to months… yes, they both acted like toddlers).
About 6 months ago, my son and I moved to another country so he could attend school.
We came back to my home country and my ex’s new ‘home country’ for 3 weeks. For 1.5 weeks, my son planned to go hang out with my ex (in a different state), and for 1.5 weeks, I would spend time with my side of the family.
About 5 days into spending time with his (ex) stepdad, he calls to tell me he wants to come back to me because they have gotten into a verbal fight and no longer talking. I told him he won’t see him again for another x months and to work it out.
A few days later, my ex called to tell me to book a ticket because my son still wants to leave, and they aren’t getting along. I told him that he is the adult and they need to work it out.
I will not buy a plane ticket. I point out that my son will be leaving the house anyway in 4 days. They both (my son and my ex) have been hounding me to get a new plane ticket because he wants to leave.
I have suggested that if my ex wants him gone, he can buy the ticket. He said he doesn’t want him gone by my son, who doesn’t want to stay.
AITJ for not buying a new plane ticket for my son?
Update: My son is very precise with words and phrases.
For example, if the clock reads 7:12 and you say it is 7:10 or 7:15, he will correct you.
My ex’s first language isn’t English. However, my son isn’t fluent in his language (but is capable of holding most conversations).
From what I understood, the argument was something about music, and exact words or phrases or meanings wasn’t used.
This one was the straw that broke the camel’s back. My son said there were other things that led up to it in similar issues.
That is why I said to work it out. He wasn’t in danger it was just all about his need for exactness from someone who isn’t a native speaker.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You’re forcing your kid to spend time with a man he’s not comfortable with. Yes, he seems to have chosen to visit him, but if it’s not working out anymore, he shouldn’t be forced to stay. I would buy him the ticket and going forward I would tell him that if he wants to see his stepfather he will have to pay it from his allowance money, or the stepfather will have to pay.
You can teach them both to be more responsible after the crisis has passed.
Also: you say your son was acting like a toddler during his fights with his stepdad. Children learn from the adults in their lives. He was not at fault, he was just mimicking the behavior of his father figure.” Helpful_Hour1984
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The parents in this situation should work it out in the best interest of the child. The ex is capable of communicating with his son and buying a plane ticket for him. He is choosing to do neither. You are the mother to your child and if he is uncomfortable, he needs to be removed from the situation if it isn’t safe.” xanneonomousx
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here or maybe ‘no jerks here’.
It seems as though everyone has their reasoning as to why they want things to be their way, but overall it’s just not readable to please everybody. You want them to work it out (understandable) and not have to get another ticket since I’m assuming the original is round trip.
He no longer wants to be there due to an argument (need context as to what about) and I’ll agree is acting a bit childish.
Your ex doesn’t want him to leave, but for some reason won’t tell him that, which would most likely fix the issue, and refuses to find the ticket back that would do the same. No one really wins and no one really loses as this is supposedly over an argument that may be something trivial.” AITAlurker25k
4. AITJ For Saying My Sister Has A Toxic Parenting Concept?
“I (m33) am a single dad to my daughter (f15). She’s my buddy and I honestly love her so much. My sister (f38) has 3 boys and has made being a boy mom her entire personality. She always goes on about how she loves being a boy mom and how raising boys is so much easier than having a girl.
I usually just ignore it.
My daughter is a huge Taylor Swift fan and I took her to the opener night of the Eras tour. I’m not a Taylor Swift fan honestly but it was really fun seeing my daughter have so much fun and just overall being so happy.
Last night I was over at my mom’s and my daughter pretty much only wanted to talk about the concert. My sister happened to be there too. My daughter ended up talking about having to wait about an hour to get merch.
My sister laughed and ended up going on a rant saying how she’s so glad she doesn’t have a daughter and how easy it is raising boys compared to girls and even went as far as to say she feels bad for me having to be a girl dad.
My daughter didn’t want to talk anymore and was clearly upset by my sister’s words.
That was very upsetting to me. I told my sister she was so wrong to say those things, especially in front of my daughter. And that she’s toxic and honestly stupid for thinking raising boys is easier than raising girls.
I told her she needs to find a new personality outside of being a boy mom. She ended up leaving while calling me the biggest jerk. My mom also accused me of being rude and basically a jerk because my sister just loves her boys and I shouldn’t judge her for thinking girls would be more difficult to raise.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
OMG, your sister sounds insufferable. There is a difference between talking about how much you love your sons and straight-up insulting your daughter. She did the latter.
(And you are also right that she is also being toxic and has no idea what she is talking about…
but if you even want to take a truly gendered approach – boys get into WAY more trouble with fighting/violence/throwing themselves out of trees or rooftops, reckless driving, etc BUT your daughter wasn’t even doing some dumb ‘girl’ thing anyways). Your sister may just be jealous that she doesn’t have a daughter, and that your daughter was choosing to spend time with her grandmother over her aunt.
Why else would she need to be a #boymom so hard?” Away_Refuse8493
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re being a great dad for doing these things for your daughter AND standing up for her when she elected to stay silent in front of her family.
It seems like you get her, wholly and completely.
Your sister and your mom need to reevaluate the example they are setting for their niece and granddaughter. As a dad to a girl and a boy myself, it’s upsetting and frustrating to see the whole ‘boy mom’ and ‘girl dad’ mentality be embellished instead of doing your best to just raise kids as kids.
Separating them doesn’t do anyone any favors.” bus_emoji
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister’s words were hurtful and insulting to your daughter, not to mention – as she is someone who hasn’t raised girls she really has no idea how they compare. And as you note, comparing is pretty dumb anyway because of the huge variety of experiences of parenting different individuals.
Your sister ‘just loving her boys’ doesn’t have to make her disparage and demean girls or specifically your daughter. It was good that you brought her attention to the fact that her whole personality is that she has three boys, and the toxicity that has added to the way she treats others.” owls_and_cardinals
3. AITJ For Cooking With Meat And Spices At My Dad And Stepmom's House?
“I like cooking. When I’m with my mom/stepdad, I cook a lot with my stepdad’s mom (my step-grandma).
But when I’m at my dad/stepmom’s house (one weekend a month + some holidays and summers), things are different. My stepmom is not a good cook.
I’m sorry but she’s not. She has sensory issues, she doesn’t cook meat, barely any spices, and a bunch of other things. She also just undercooks, overcooks, undersalts, and all of that. In the past, I’ve kind of tried to help her and cook with her and been like what if we add lemon but first of all, she doesn’t like my input she wants to do things her way, and second of all they’re sensory issues so she doesn’t want to cook differently than she does.
If she ate what I made she would not like it.
At their house, my stepmom only cooks foods that she’s comfortable with, which since my dad never cooks, means any home-cooked meal is something she eats.
She doesn’t care what anyone of us eats when she’s not around, like a friend’s house or takeout.
Officially if we’re like at a restaurant or if I make my own food for dinner, she also doesn’t care. Like if we all go to a restaurant they wouldn’t stop me from ordering a burger. BUT she would be kind of uncomfortable, not mad just uncomfortable.
For her, it’s the smell mostly, but it’s also kind of a mental thing idk how to explain it. She is in therapy, that’s why I think she’s able to pretend like it’s okay.
But because it bothers her, what would happen is that my dad would order vegetarian, their kids (3/4) would get something like kid-size grilled cheeses and I would maybe order like a chicken burrito instead of a steak.
Or like if my dad got takeout, he would throw away the bag in the downstairs trash or leave it in his car so she didn’t have to smell it.
I’ve been cooking more and more. I like cooking and do it a lot at home but like I said her food is so bad that’s also a motivator.
I eat meat and also cook with spices and strong flavors.
But my dad came into my room last night and said ‘Out of courtesy’ could I stop cooking so much and try to eat what I was served more? I said to my dad that her food was both bad and boring (I wouldn’t say this to her face obviously).
My dad said I needed to ‘go with the flow’ and couldn’t always have my own way. And, to be fair, I can’t act like I haven’t noticed her not being anywhere in the kitchen like going to the bedroom if I’m making myself dinner tbh.
But I said basically that this was her problem, not mine, why should I have to cater to what someone who isn’t even eating the food? He said I was being rude and disrespectful to her by ‘pushing her limits’ and said it was her home too.
And yeah I could make blander food that’s ‘safer’ but what’s the point? The food is for me.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, please listen to me a bit as someone who also has issues. I lack the sense of smell, so mine are different, but here’s the thing: it’s only one weekend a month.
She’s doing her best, going to therapy, and Dad asked quite gently all things considered – he didn’t demand anything as others are saying. Compromise is key in living, and if your food causes someone else discomfort, finding a middle ground is even more important.
You don’t need to stop making food that tastes good to you, but I doubt that somewhere in that list there isn’t something that doesn’t disturb your stepmom as much. And, since you like cooking, you can even try to find meals both of you would enjoy, and that way she might be more willing to learn from you.
Sensory issues are tough to live with. It’s not a matter of being willing to eat something or not, it’s a matter of being unable to. It takes a lot of time and help to get over it, and mostly can make you insecure about trying new things, and being overprotective of what you already know doesn’t make you puke.
Basically: find the middle ground, there is no reason not to.” BewitchingCougar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your house too. You are a minor, your dad’s home is your home too.
There can be compromises – you don’t have to cook every time you’re there but you do have to eat something and it shouldn’t have to be burned, undercooked, or unpalatable.
That’s where your dad is the jerk.
He should figure out a way for you to be able to eat without aggravating your stepmother’s issues whether that’s takeout or pre-agreeing meals you can cook or arranging things so your stepmother is out while you’re cooking (a walk or taking the kids to the park etc).
It’s about an hour a day for one weekend a month – it’s not that hard.” vniq
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The obvious solution would be to spend less time with your dad. He chose to marry your stepmom. So he makes the choice to be ok with her food/sensory issues.
You didn’t make that choice. You shouldn’t have to starve or eat bad food every time you visit your dad. So explain you are willing to go with the flow by spending less time at his house. Suggest you and him visit outside of his house.
Or you and he go out for meals when you visit so that you don’t have to starve or eat bad food simply because he married someone with sensory/food issues.
I am in no way blaming your stepmom for her sensory issue.
She should feel comfortable in her own home. Your father is the one with a child who should have thought this out better before marrying someone whose issue may negatively impact his children.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I do feel like there is a compromise somewhere here.
Since you all have to live in the same space and both want to be comfortable there. Maybe you cook a little less or if there is a particular smell she absolutely hates avoid that. Or let her know in advance when you are cooking meat so she can take a walk. I don’t think you should have to eat bland undercooked food that you don’t like all the time. However, you should be considerate of the other people around you to an extent.” picole2424
2. AITJ For Separating The Twins?
“My mom has 7 kids, 4 of us are now adults and 3 are still minors. 7 months ago my mom lost custody. My 17-year-old brother went to live with his dad full-time and my 11-year-old twin siblings came to live with me.
I’m married and have a 6-year-old son and a 2-year-old daughter. We live in a 3 bedroom house so my brother shared with my son and my sister shared with my daughter.
My sister is great to have around, she’s really helpful and fits into our household well.
My brother on the other hand is more difficult. He’s always badly behaved but now he’s just so angry all the time. I don’t blame him for this, I know he’s just reacting to his circumstances and his anger is just hiding how upset he is, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
We have him in therapy, my husband got him to take up boxing, and we give him lots of individual attention. We’ve tried all kinds of different rewards and punishments to curb his bad behavior but nothing has helped much.
Two weeks he was suspended from school.
He ended up spending the week with our uncle. At first, it was just during the day but he ended up sleeping over Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night. When he came back home Saturday he said he had a good time and seemed happier than he had in a while.
My uncle also said that he didn’t really have any issues all week and my brother was fairly well-behaved. After discussing with my brother, my uncle, my mom, and his social worker, he is going to go and live with our uncle.
I wouldn’t say my brother is happy or sad about moving in with our uncle. When I asked his opinion he only said he doesn’t mind/doesn’t care. My older brother thinks I’m a jerk for separating the twins and that whoever they live with they should be together.
He has even offered to take both of them but I know my sister wouldn’t like that because our brother has 6 sons and no daughters. I also think it would be a bad idea because he already has 6 kids and right now the twins need a lot of individual attention.
Despite feeling like I’m doing the right thing for my brother I am still feeling a lot of guilt for being someone else who is abandoning him and pawning him off to another family member. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your little brother seems happier with his uncle and maybe living in a quieter environment will help him find healthier outlets for the anger he’s feeling.
I don’t think it’s bad that the twins aren’t going to live together for now—and it’s not like he’s going into foster care or being abandoned altogether. Keep in touch with him, set up play dates, or invite him over for dinner so he can still see you and his twin sister, and make sure he knows that you love him, want him to be happy, and that if things don’t work out with his uncle, he’s always got a place to stay with you.
Also, just want to say kudos to you for caring so much! I imagine it hasn’t been easy dealing with all of this and it’s clear that you really care about your younger siblings and want them to be okay.” Jolliedranchers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he is going to be better off and happier with your uncle then doing what is in his best interests is more important than an arbitrary rule to keep siblings together.
Since keeping your sister with you seems like what is best for her, that is also the right thing to do for her.
It sounds like you are a good sister who is looking out for the well-being of both of your siblings.
Their well-being is more important than the opinion of other family members.
If he is happier with his uncle I don’t think he will feel like you are abandoning him, especially if he is involved with the decision.” SilverTooth47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like your 11-year-old brother needs the individualized time and attention right now.
As long as there are plenty of opportunities for him and your 11-year-old sister (and you and the other siblings) to spend time together, I don’t see a problem with this. Keep the lines of communication with your 11-year-old brother open (make sure you still check in with him one in one in-person regularly) and make sure that he knows he is welcome back at your house if he ever wants that.
I think you and your uncle need to be prepared for some of the behavioral issues to resurface once this new living arrangement is permanent rather than temporary. Kids react differently in different situations. How he acts as a ‘guest’ at his uncle’s might be different than how he acts when he is home.
Also – don’t see this as giving up on your brother. You are trying to find the best possible living situation for him and have acknowledged that that may not be with you. You are only giving up on him if you don’t work to maintain a relationship with him when he is no longer under your roof.” Forward_Squirrel8879
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be In The Same Testing Room As My One Classmate?
“I (14f) am a freshman in high school. I have severe ADHD and anxiety, for which I take medication. At school, I have many accommodations to help me get to the same level as my peers, one of them being that I get to go to a separate testing room for exams.
A girl in my grade, who we’ll call Dani (14f), has Tourette’s Syndrome. Dani is a super sweet girl and is very self-conscious about her tics, and struggles with them daily.
The issue I have is that recently they have moved Dani to the accommodations room for testing because she was distracting the girls in the regular testing rooms.
As of right now, I and Dani are the only two freshmen who use that room (it’s a very small grade, only about 50 girls).
While it’s absolutely not her fault, Dani’s tics make it almost impossible for me to focus and I’ve been unable to complete my tests due to the distraction.
She noticed this and came to me personally to apologize, and explained that her tics get worse when she’s anxious. I let Dani know that she has nothing to apologize for, as she can’t control it. I sympathize with her a lot because while it’s FAR less debilitating, my arms and legs get bad tremors when I’m anxious and I know that it can also be a distraction to others.
I spoke to the admin about possibly letting me use a different room for testing than Dani, and they agreed. However, when Dani figured out why I switched rooms she apparently had a breakdown crying because she thought I must hate her and think she was annoying, even when I assured her that was not the case.
Dani is very popular in school because of how kind she is, and now most of my grade hates me because they think I should’ve just put up with the distraction to spare her feelings.
While I feel terrible that Dani had to be out in the middle of this, I don’t think it was wrong of me to ask to be put in a different room.
Even though it’s not the same, ADHD is very much a disability in its own right and I think I deserve to be accommodated. AITJ?
Edit: I’ve talked it over with Dani and I’ve explained that I truly didn’t blame her for the situation and that there’s nothing wrong with us needing testing rooms to ourselves.
I still don’t think the school is necessarily to blame here because all the teachers have been amazing at accommodating and I think this was just a small slip-up. I also go to a very expensive but small private school, so they are less prepared in dealing with certain things.
I understand that putting us together was a poor decision on their part, but it was one they quickly fixed. My parents have told me they weren’t sure I should even be in the accommodations room because while my ADHD and anxiety are severe I need to learn how to function in regular environments and they took the school’s side on this.”
Another User Comments:
“Neither one of you did anything wrong.
The in this situation is your school’s admin.
You should just talk to Dani. Explain just like you did here, that you think she’s is great and that you hope you can be friends, you just have conflicting needs that mean testing together doesn’t work for either of you.
Exams are already high-stress/anxiety situations, there’s absolutely no reason either of you should be put into a situation that makes you exacerbate it for the other.
I hope you’re able to work this out and not have to deal with your class being jerks about a situation they don’t even understand for much longer.
Just know you’re absolutely NTJ” Tiffany_Case
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Neither of you can help with your disabilities and the accommodations you need. You did the right thing in asking for a private room. I also do not blame Dani for being hurt.
It can be very isolating to have others ask to be moved away from you because your disability distracts them or annoys them when it’s something you can’t control.
It might help if you reach out to Dani and make an effort to hang out with her outside of the classroom and test situations to show you value her friendship.” avocadosdontbite
Another User Comments:
“I feel like this situation could be cleared up with a private conversation with Dani.
Perhaps she doesn’t know the reason you are in the separate testing room. It’s not your fault that her disability causes your disability to flare up. Maybe you can meet with her, or at least send her a heartfelt e-mail with a link explaining your condition, and how this has nothing to do with disliking her.
She sounds a little overly sensitive, and for her to share her woes with the rest of the class, making you the bad guy without knowing the circumstances, was not appropriate. NTJ” 10S_NE1
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