People Navigate Life's Ethical Dilemmas In These Am I The Jerk Chronicles
30. AITJ For Being Upset My Husband Woke Me Up By Tossing Our Dog On Me?
“28f and I’m 33 weeks pregnant. My husband and I have a 6yo son and a 11yo daughter. My mom took the kids for a few days so I could rest cause I haven’t slept much more than 3hrs a night for going on 2 weeks (pregnancy bladder and insomnia) and my husband works really long hours (12+ hour shifts daily, as he’s a manager and the company is short staffed).
She picked up the kids last night.
So basically, I texted my husband at around 11am and told him I was going for a nap. I hadn’t gotten to bed before 4am and was up at 7am. I fell asleep almost instantly so I didn’t get any of the texts my husband sent me.
Well, at like maybe 1pm I wake up to the dog being tossed on the bed with me, who proceeded to “get” my face. Shes not allowed on the bed so when she is up there, she acts like a psycho. I push her off of me in a sleep daze and look up to see my husband, smirking.
I asked him why the heck he would do that and he goes “she just wanted momma snuggles and I wanted to bring you out for lunch”. So I said “Are you serious right now?” got up and stormed out of the room. I was absolutely livid.
I was finally getting sleep and that’s disrupted by a dog smothering my face because he decided to leave work early to “treat me” now that I don’t have the kids and it doesn’t sit well with me. He knows how tired I am.
He says I’m a jerk because he “just wanted to do something nice for me” but I argue that if he wanted to do something nice for me, he probably shouldn’t have thrown the dog on the bed with me, knowing how she would act, when I was finally getting some sleep.”
Another User Comments:
“Solidly NTJ , OP! First of all : you’re literally growing another human being. Second : I’m assuming he knows your feelings about the dog on the bed, so that was a jerk move on HIS part. If he wanted to wake you up to take you out for food, since he KNOWS how exhausted you are, he could have waited more than two hours after you laid down for a well deserved nap, and taken you out to dinner, instead.
After, you know, waking you up in a not-jerk way. Like, maybe, gently shaking your shoulder? Or stroking your hair? There’s at least a dozen different not-jerk ways he could have gone about it. Firmly NTJ, on your part, OP.” uncutetomboy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “The problem here is that you are pretending throwing the dog on me to wake me up is you “being nice,” when it’s really just you being a jerk. You’re like the bully who claims it was just a joke, and that his victim is too sensitive.
For heaven’s sake, I am exhausted.and was finally getting good sleep and you decided to behave like an immature teenager to mess with me. In the future, spare me your “being nice” when it involves waking up your exhausted, pregnant wife.”” thatattyguy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can’t take off work to watch HIS kids so you can have a break. But as soon as the kids are gone, he can take off work to butt in on your first chance at quality sleep in two weeks?!? And using the dog to do it is ridiculous!
He sounds either clueless, selfish, or both.” ColonelCrackle
29. AITJ For Offering Food To My Husband's Best Friend?
“Last night we had a party at my house. I was sober because I was driving everyone home. We had ordered Indian food and it was about 10pm. Everyone but me and one other girl was wasted. I started to eat my curry when my husband approached me.
I encouraged him to eat because he was so inebriated.
We sat together sharing from my plate of food for about 5 minutes when his best friend joined us. He was also very inebriated and basically holding onto my husband to stand up straight.
I told him he should eat something and he agreed. So I ripped him off some naan and curry from my plate and went to give it to him when his wife( the other girl that was also sober ) saw me doing this and ran over and slapped the food out of my hand and pointed and yelled at me saying “he is my husband, I take care of him”.
She actually said this in her native language which I can’t understand, I had what she said get translated after this incident.
Everyone went silent and she pulled her husband away and started crying.
5 minutes later the husband returns to join my husband and I.
My husband encouraged him to eat something as he still hasn’t eaten anything. He agreed so I again got him some naan and again she came out of nowhere and yelled at me, but this time yelling No, don’t he’s mine.
I agree I might be the jerk for offering him food the second time but that was because of the language barrier.
My action was intended to be fully innocent and I was just trying to sober him up. I have known this guy for 9 years and he has been my husbands best friend for his entire life.
So AITJ in this situation ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this woman seems jealous and possessive to the point of insanity.
They obviously have some issues but for her to disrespect you in your own home like that while you were offering a kind gesture of food to her husband would mean she’s no longer welcome until an apology was issued, at least if it were me.” Grand-wazoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s having trouble standing up? Anyone would have offered food in your situation. Drinking and not eating can lead to a very disastrous night. She put hands on you? I definitely would talk to your husband once sober. Because no one is in their right mind inebriated or hungover.
But your husband needs to talk to his friend and tell him that his wife was so out of line for putting hands on you when you were doing the right thing and making sure people were safe. If she was in fact taking care of her husband, she should know he needed to have some food in his stomach.
And I agree with one of the other statements, she needs to issue an apology before being allowed back into your home.” betterdayzahead27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to get alone with the wife and say “if your husband gets inebriated in my house then he needs to eat and hydrate to sober up.
As a host I am obligated to make sure none of my guests become ILL. I will not apologize for offering your inebriated husband food however next time I will of course defer the job of babysitting a grown man who drinks so much he can’t stand to you.” I can’t stand insecure people and have no time for that nonsense.
If someone slapped food out of my hands and wasted it they’d be lucky to get off without a slap back, I would have thrown her out after that.” seanthebean24
28. AITJ For Not Telling My Estranged Mother About My Baby?
“I (22f) had a baby last February. I am a single mom but we are both healthy.
So for some background information: My mom(40f) and her husband(45m) didn’t want any contact with for the last 3 years.
I wasn’t the easiest teenager and I gave my mom a really hard time. I see that now but I didn’t when I was younger. For the past 3 years I tried to make up. But she made it clear she didn’t want anything to do with me.
Last year in October my grandfather invited me to his birthday party. I was so happy to be invited to a family event again. A few days before the party I decided to let my mom know that I was planning on attending so she wouldn’t be surprised. 10 minutes after sending the message my grandma sent me a text.
Saying I was no longer invited because my mom said they would not be attending if I was there. I was pregnant at that time but nobody knew. After that my mom didn’t speak to me again.
So in February I had my beautiful son.
But I didn’t tell my mom. She was a teen mom herself and always told me how horrible it was and how she wouldn’t support us if we had kids at a young age. So this and the fact she made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me made me decide to not tell her.
But now my sister (who still lives with my mom) found out through a friend who saw me with the baby. She told my mom. My mom contacted me and called me all kind of names for not telling her and keeping her grandchild away from her.
So now I am wondering: Should I have told her? And AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She made clear that she didn‘t want any contact to you or know anything about you which logically involves your son. She can‘t have contact to him while denying you.
Tell her that the birthday stunt was the moment she lost the chance to get informed. Don‘t let her ever meet him if she doesn‘t want to try and rebuild some kind of relationship. – Darn, she might even try to take him away from you.
Make sure to leave him with friends/babysitter for the first meetings to see if she understood that she needs to work on rebuilding the contact to you before she gets to be part of your son‘s life.” InkedAlly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother made it clear she didn’t want you in her life.
You respected her wish and stopped trying to contact her. She doesn’t get to demand access to parts of your life (like your son) while rejecting you. Same goes for your grandparents. They made their choice. Cut the whole lot out of your life and focus on the family that you are building right now: you and your son.” Helpful_Hour1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t tell her anything and don’t let her near the baby. I’m worried about how she’ll treat you and the baby. Don’t want her to take over and even turn your kid against you when they’re older. Or worst case scenario, she just takes your baby by getting you in legal trouble.
She can’t disown you and also want something to do with your child, she can’t have it both ways. So don’t bother. Just focus on the baby. Maybe even move away to get away from her.” queenlegolas
If you think she may take you to court then maybe tell her you have learned that you were awful to her as a CHILD and for that you are sorry but you have matured and that you are open to stating contact between the 2 of you.... but make sure its in. Public place for your own safety and so she can't get you to her home and start screaming at you etc
27. AITJ For Not Allowing My Parents' Dog to Give Birth in My Closet?
“So for the last few years my parents main source of income has been from breeding their dogs(I do not agree with this at all) but, it’s how they choose to make money.
Anyways, as of now our dog is due to have her puppies & they do not have a set place for her to give birth besides a small box in our living room in which it clearly does not feel comfortable in.
It has shown signs of being attached to my room specifically, & keeps trying to make a place to have them in my closet.
While I love the dog, I do not want to endure the sight of hours of labor & the smells that follow that lingering in my room. My parents though, are furious at me for this. They have told me I’m being “cruel”, I’m “immature” & a “brat”.
They have been cursing at me as well as knocking over my things in my room for this. Instead of taking responsibility for this & ensuring a proper place for the dog, they have pinned it all on me for not wanting that to happen in my own room, which is where I prefer to relax from the chaos of them.
I have never allowed any of their dogs to do this in the past & they have never been this upset over it before. In the past years they’ve been doing this, they have always rested on a cage in the living room. But for some reason, this time around, they are incredibly furious at me although they know my boundaries on this.
I hate the smell of the birth & it takes FOREVER to get the smell out of anything & we usually throw away any blankets, or towels they use. This time it would be around my clothes I wear daily which would be dreadful to get out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If your parents are in the business of breeding dogs, they need to have a suitable, dedicated space for dogs to give birth. Washable tile or vinyl flooring. Extend the tile/vinyl flooring part way up the wall as wainscoting, to keep the lower wall, which is most likely to get soiled, easy to clean.
Bedding that is either disposable or washable, and dedicated to the birth process so it can be reused, not towels the family uses. Get appropriate sized cardboard boxes that can be set up for the mother to make a “den” with privacy and quiet. Lighting built into the ceiling, and other electrical items arranged so that cords are completely covered and cannot be chewed on by puppies.
Ideally, you’d also have a large laundry sink, someplace anyone helping can wash their hands, and soiled items can be rinsed or soaked before washing. Hygiene can make the difference between a successful birth and a dangerous postpartum infection. Easy access if something goes wrong and they have to call a vet – a closet is not going to let a vet reach the dog, or let you move it to a stretcher to carry out if it is a big dog and needs to go to the vet’s clinic for any reason, such as emergency c-section.
Your bedroom closet is not an appropriate or safe space for the dog to give birth.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if it is their business to breed dogs, normally they need a proper whelping box set up well in advance so the mother dog can get used to it.
But in this case since they do not have one set up, you need to shut your closet and bedroom door so she can find a different place. It is a messy smelly process and it is fair that you do not want the mess and smell in your bedroom.” Crafty_Dog_4674
26. AITJ For Asking My Brother To Pay For The Dessert He Ate That I Had Bought?
“The other day, my mom and I went out to eat.
I got a dessert to-go (I paid for the meal as a late birthday celebration for my mom) and was very excited to eat it the next afternoon.
My brother has a habit of eating other people’s food so I put the dessert in our garage fridge and I put my name on it.
He rarely goes back there but I wanted to be safe. We typically have to label all of our stuff.
I got home the next day and the dessert was gone. My mom told me my brother had eaten it. She says she tried to stop him but he did it anyway.
I texted him about it and he said “you know you shouldn’t leave sweets around me” and I told him I didn’t leave the dessert around him and it was specifically labeled as mine. He said it wasn’t a big deal and to have some ice cream.
I told him I bought it with my own money and was looking forward to it.
I told him the price (it was $6) and asked if he would pay me for it. He kicked up a fuss and said it wasn’t fair. He told my mom and dad about me asking him to pay.
My mom felt like I should just let it go. My dad, on the other hand, took my side and also asked my brother to pay. He felt it was disrespectful of him to eat my food and expect no consequences.
My mom has said she understands why I am upset but she thinks me pressing my brother to pay will ruin our relationship and she doesn’t think it would be worth any long-term issues.
It’s not about the money for me, it’s about the respect, but I’m worried it could ruin things if I try to get my money back. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can tell your mom that the relationship is already damaged and will be ruined if he does not pay you back.
You won’t feel the same way about him or her if she enables this. Your brother is greedy and unpleasant and he had to go looking for this dessert it wasn’t left around him.” Sea_Firefighter_4598
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask your mother to pay for a separate fridge for you since apparently your brother can do no wrong.
Also, I’m curious whether she gives your brother more leeway than she does you – I’d mention that to both your parents. And state that if she cares about future familial relationships, generally speaking equality is a rather important one. Making one person to accept someone else’s theft and turn the other cheek constantly only means that one person gets spoiled and the other gets irate and will likely eventually go NC.
Your mother is causing this. And your brother. Not you. I’d discuss this privately with your father too.” 5weetTooth
25. AITJ For Not Convincing My Parents to Let My Homeless Friend Stay in Their New House?
“So a long time friend of mine(of over 10 years) was asked to leave by her parents a few years ago and I offered to let her stay at my parents place in one of our extra rooms. She’s lived with us now for about 2 years, and my parents have never charged her rent or asked for anything in return, and I’ve made it clear to them that I really appreciate them letting her stay with us.
However, they just recently bought a house and it’s a lot smaller than this one. It has one bedroom for my parents, one for me, and a third den-type room that they want to put my mom’s work setup and my dad’s gaming setup in.
We’ve told her that there isn’t room for her anymore and she should look for a new place, (we gave her almost 2 months notice) but she was recently in 2 accidents back to back and is in massive debt so she can’t afford her own housing.
I’ve tried to brainstorm with her and think of other families she can stay with, but she says she has no other options. She can’t live with her parents because she’s genuinely unsafe there for many reasons, so she’s told me that her plan is to live in her car.
My other friends say I should try to convince my parents to let her stay in the den at the new place since she’ll be without a home if I don’t. If I talked to my parents I think I could convince them to let her live with us, but I don’t think it’s my place to decide what they do with their new house.
My sister thinks that we’ve let her stay with us for too long and that my parents should have some space to work in their new house. My friends think I’m not fighting hard enough for her. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Her living situation is not your issue. And I get its your friend but she has been staying in your house for a few years and hasn’t made any progress. IDK if she saved money but she isn’t paying them so what is she doing with her money?
Your parents downsized for a reason and they do deserve to have their own work space especially if they work from home. If your friends care so much, why can’t they let her stay with them?” WickedAngelLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I understand this really sucks for your friend.
Badly. But your parents are the ones buying the smaller house. It’s not up to you. And, since it is their house, they have the right to decide what will be done with the rooms. You’ve done all you can. She’s a friend, not your responsibility if you have no flexibility here.
However, I like the idea another poster had of putting her up in a bunk bed in your bedroom. If you won’t do that, don’t ask your parents to sacrifice.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it kind of sounds like they bought a new house with the intention of excluding this friend – hospitality has its limits, and 2 years of free room and board was plenty of time for this friend to get her life together.
You didn’t put any ages in – I assume she is not a minor – even if she was, your parents are not obliged to continue providing for her. Your friend has apparently continue racking up debt, and has done nothing to get on to her own two feet for two years.
I would also question how accidental these ‘accidents’ were. She needs to figure it out.” alien_overlord_1001
24. AITJ For Wanting A Pet Snake Despite My Parents' Religious Beliefs?
“My parents are very Christian, and seem to be getting more and more involved in their beliefs each day, and while I don’t have anything against people having their own beliefs, it can be a bit annoying when people force their values and ideas onto me.
Anyways, because of this, and the whole story of Lucifer disguising himself as a snake in the Bible, my mother, who just was uncomfortable with snakes before, has begun hating snakes more than ever.
I’m the opposite, I’ve wanted pet snakes, since I was a little kid, and have literal playlists saved about the specific care of different species, along with an Amazon list of stuff to buy when I’m older.
When I move out, I have plans of buying a terrarium when I have the money to do so.
My parents always said I’m not allowed to buy one when I move out, but I always just assumed they were joking until now.
I recently talked about snakes briefly to her, and after only getting a few sentences in she got really quiet before telling me how I shouldn’t like snakes, or have stuff that has snake patterns because of the evil they “represent”.
I straight up told her that snakes aren’t the devil and that they’re really just neutral creatures, before she stopped me and just refused to talk about it further.
It became a sort of sore spot where sometimes she’ll see me have snake videos on my phone or something, and then remind me that doing “stuff like this” will “open my heart to the devil”
This kind of conversation has happened so much between me and my parents whether it’s about how playing DnD, owning stuff with Dream Catcher designs on them, liking the horror genre in general, most video games, or really just anything that doesn’t fit into the classic Conservative Christian Ideology.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Honestly, op, as soon as you can RUN FOR THE HILLS! I’m not saying no contact just get your own place so you can be safe. People this religious can mess with your head. Also snakes are noodle friends.
Snakes are precious!” Questionableundead
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, once you move out of your parent’s house they have zero say in what you do. Unfortunately, your parents are members of a cult, they are not going to be reasonable or rational. You will have to set boundaries and stick to them but there is a very good chance they will try to trample all over that.
This is why so many kids that leave the ultra-conservative Christian families end up going LC or NC.” Plantsnob
23. AITJ For Wanting My Partner to Get Rid of Cats I'm Allergic To?
“So long story short. My partner always wanted a cat but I had always not been too hot on it and we’ve always tried to make decisions 50/50 or with consideration for our partner especially if it’s a long term decision. She asked me if I would be okay with a cat.
I said no as I don’t want to share my living space with any other living being but them or the responsibility. Any we got inebriated and she tried to make a deal with me about it but the day after and the proceeding days I said no it’s not the right time.
A week later she said I’m going to get a cat. I wasn’t too hot on it but she was so excited. But she could tell every time she spoke about it I wasn’t happy. A week passed I coincidentally had allergy tests and found out I’m ridiculously allergic to cats.
I told her this and that didn’t change anything. A week later she bought two cats. Now there are two cats in the house I have to take constant antihistamines and steroid inhalers so I can breathe and not have eyes that are on fire and to not trigger my asthma.
I talked about how the decision was unfair and how I feel about the cats: how they are affecting my quality of life. As I can’t function normally without taking lots of medicine or my respiratory system wouldn’t be under fire.
She is adamant on keeping the cats.
And says the decision on getting the cats was about her and her doing something or buying things for herself.
So I’m left with putting up with it and having to take medicine and preventative measures to keep my quality of life from further declining around the apartment.
I love her but I just want the cats gone but she’s already attached to them. AITJ!???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am also horribly allergic to cats and I lived in a house for a few weeks with one indoor cat. I had to be medicated constantly and still felt awful all the time.
And I don’t even have asthma. That sounds like an absolute nightmare. It is unfortunate she already got the cats because there are cats that cause way less histamine response. I actually have two cats now that cause very little allergic reaction. I flare up a bit if I pet them a lot, but mostly, it’s not a problem.
Very manageable. More importantly, it was a decision my partner and I made together, with the understanding that we wouldn’t bring animals into our home that caused one of us to feel like garbage all the time.” Archaea-a87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I like cats and my partner likes them too, but he is extremely allergic for cats.
So there will never be cats in our home, because that would make our home an unlivable space for him. I prioritize our relationship and his health. Your partner is a major jerk for putting your health at risk and prioritizing her wants before your (medical) needs.” Plumplum_NL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she went and got not one but two cats even after repeatedly telling her not to and even after finding out you’re allergic to them. She has no respect for you nor your health. Since she wants to keep the cats, she should find somewhere else to live because you can’t live with the cats.
Even with medication taking medication daily is never good.” PlateNo7021
22. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Help Finish My Pancake Batter Before I Leave For Two Months?
“So here’s the thing, my roommate and I don’t have any official arrangement for food or something.
We usually cook for ourselves, however I offer my food/cook for both of us quite often because I really enjoy cooking, while they don’t. Most of the food I prepare turns out alright, and they enjoy eating it. It’s never really a problem.
I make sure that no food goes to waste because I absolutely hate tossing it out, while they just throw out their food whenever they don’t feel like eating something.
I can’t enforce my ideologies onto them unfortunately, and I don’t say much about it, despite it annoying me a whole lot.
Recently I prepared some pancake batter and realised that it’s a little too much for me to finish alone by Sunday unless I eat only pancakes for my next three meals.
I say that I want to finish it by Sunday because I will be leaving for home by Monday for two months, and I don’t want to leave behind any food which would otherwise go bad. The pancakes didn’t turn out very well. They’re not so bad that one can’t eat them.
They’re perfectly edible, well cooked and don’t have a bad taste. They’re just a little too dense for our liking.
I asked them if they could help me out a little. They had a bite and are being difficult about it. I know they’re not great but is it too much to ask for?
I haven’t asked them to ever do this for me. It’s almost always a serve-yourself-as-you-like basis. If they don’t like it (which has maybe happened once in the last year prior to this) I finished it myself because I had the time to finish it.
I told them that if they don’t help me, I will never cook for them again. AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. How dramatic you are. > I will never cook for them again I’m sure they’ll be very glad, they didn’t ask you to cook in the first place!
This is completely a YOU problem, and then you turned around and took it out on them. Be a better roommate.” Few_Bumblebee_3224
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Do not try or actually force people to eat food. Please don’t do so this when and if you have children.
You make too, freeze it for later. Also, the pancakes came out too dense, before you cook up more, you could have added some additional liquid to the batter.” travelkmac
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Pressuring people to eat your ok’ish food… That’s being a jerk.
And it’s very weird. Whatever the situation, you shouldn’t put pressure on people to do something just because it chimes with your personal beliefs and views. I would basically tell you to do one if you acted in that way towards me.” AdDangerous5081
21. AITJ For Being Uncomfortable With My Roommate's BF Living With Us Rent-Free?
“I (21F) live with two other girls (21F and 20F), we get along just fine and never had any type of disagreement on this two years of being roommates. The problem is, one of the girls, let’s call her Carol (21F), has been bringing her partner home every single day and he stays here day and night.
I’m not going to be the one to tell a grown adult what she can or cannot do with her own life and partner, but she never told me or our other roommate that she had a partner and he was start coming around. He just showed up!
One day, I was going to take a shower and this unknown man just leaves my bathroom like it’s his. He never introduced himself to me or my other roommate, we just accepted the fact that he was living here rent free.
I’m deeply uncomfortable with him here all the time and honestly don’t know how to bring it up, I don’t wanna make my roommate feel like she can’t have her partner over but at the same time it’s my house and I don’t wanna leave my room and do my daily tasks because there’s a stranger in my house.
I wouldn’t be mad if she had told us about him before bringing him here, I understand wanting to be close to your lover all the time but not at the cost of others being uncomfortable at their own home.
I talked with some of my friends and my other roommate (20F) about his visits.
My roommate and some friends think me being uncomfortable it’s understandable but others said I’m being bitter for not wanting Carol to spend time with her partner.
I still haven’t talked to Carol cause now I’m starting to think I’m might in fact be the jerk for wanting to control her life and relationship.
AITJ or should I talk to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, If he’s staying every day and night that is not a partner that is a roommate. It’s your home, you are the one paying for it. Not him. Talk to your friend about this, set a limit of how many days he can be there.
He is not your roommate, he is not paying rent, he did not introduce himself. You should talk to her, you’re not the controlling her life and relationship. You are setting boundaries for your own home, you have a right to do that.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t agree to have the partner there and you are now paying for a fourth person too. If he is constantly there, it’s not ok and I would not be happy. It’s especially weird as she didn’t mention him and he hasn’t even said hello.
Address this properly, she’s taking the jerk here” hausofmc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have the right not to feel deeply uncomfortable in your own home. You are not merely furniture in your roommate’s place. This isn’t her life you’re commenting on, it’s your living situation.
Extra people need to be agreed upon and the people living there need to be informed.” FiberKitty
20. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Dad?
“I (14m) have been diagnosed with adhd and autism since I was only 9 years old. My younger brother has also been diagnosed with adhd since 5 years old. When my mum told my dad about my brother he went mental and refused to believe my mum.
He went as far to call social services on my mum to try and get us taken away from her.
He’s always been like this so it wasn’t out of shock. As I mentioned in the title, I have an older brother also from my dad’s side who got diagnosed with autism.
After finding out he stayed for 2 more weeks then left him alone with his mum. I have never met him but hope on meeting him one day.
I was always on and off with him so I’d see him quite often for a period of time and then I wouldn’t.
I currently haven’t seen him since Easter this year and don’t plan on seeing him person anytime soon. My younger brothers love him and hate it when I don’t go with them to see him but that’s cause they are still young and haven’t met the real side of him.
It really bothers me knowing that this might happen to my brothers as well.
I recently told him how I feel about the way he treats me and why I don’t see him. He kind of went mental as he brought up that he’d done so much for me even though he hadn’t.
Back in February I tried to end it all and I was in hospital for a couple days. He only came to see me on the day I went in the hospital for only 20 minutes. No messages or anything else from him. He’s such a liar and I hate him for everything.
So AITJ? The situation has only started around an hour ago so I won’t be able to sleep with this on my mind.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He may be your dad, but that is unimportant. How he treats you( and your brothers) is not.
If he is rude, disrespectful and cold and hot with his relationship with you, then he is choosing the outcome. You do what you need to do, to stay healthy and happy. His bad behavior and nonacceptance is a reflection on him as a parent, not you as his child.” Odd_Presentation7642
19. AITJ For Choosing My Kids Over Helping My Parents After Dad's Surgery?
“I(29f) am the mom of 2 wonderful boys, Alex[10] and Kyle[6 months]. 2 weeks ago at cub scout camp, my clumsy little Alex, tripped down a set of stairs at campfire and broke his leg, cutting camp short and ending up in a cast. Last week, he had surgery on it.
As you can imagine, he’s bored and in pain.
Right before Alex’s accident, my dad got hospitalized and had to have a heart surgery. The plan was I would pick him up as my car is easier for him to get into than him and mom’s truck.
After that, I would go over every day to help care for him while mom is at work.
Well, Dad gets out tomorrow. When mom told me, I told her I couldn’t pick him up unless she stayed with Alex as it hurts too much for him to be in a car for long(an hour drive one way), or if she would prefer, she could take my car to go get him.
I also told her I would be unable to come every day to care for 3 people who can’t do for themselves. It would be too much and I need to focus on my kids.
Now, if this had went over well, I wouldn’t be here would I?
My mom got unreasonably upset asking me what she was supposed to do. When I told her we can figure something else out, she started calling me unreliable, selfish, and said I didn’t care about her or my dad. I told her I love both of them but my kids have to come first!
I’m now feeling like the real jerk here because this does put them in a tight spot but with a 6 month old and another child in a cast, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re placing your priorities exactly where they belong: on caring for your children.
It might help to arrange alternative transport for your mother and father and to arrange for someone to go help them (from their Church, maybe?). But job number 1 has to be caring for your child.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Mom is the one being selfish and unreliable.
It should have been very clear to her your priorities were different the moment your son was injured. Your Mom had time to figure out alternate plans and she didn’t. She can now hire someone like a nurse who likely should have been hired in the first place or take leave from work.” Maleficent_Ad407
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your mother can either take the compromise or figure it out for herself. It’s unreasonable to demand you take care of everyone, your 10year old, your 6 month old and you’re parents all by yourself. Obviously, the children can’t take care of themselves but your mother can take care of her husband and maybe get a friend or another relative to help.” Mekla11
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner's Friend Borrow My Car For Driving Practice?
“Me (F28) and my partner (M30) have been a couple for 5 years and living together for 4 years.
We have separate finances and I’m more financially stable.
We live in a capital in Europe where most people in our age doesn’t own a car. It’s very easy to go everywhere by public transportation and parking is usually expensive. We are lucky to have very affordable parking where we live and bought a cheap car in 2020 to be able to travel in a more isolated way.
One of our mutual friends once asked if he could borrow the car when he was moving and we said yes
Last summer my grandfather died and my parents decided to gift me and my brother quite a lot (for us) of money from their inheritance.
They also gifted me his car (my brother got as much money as the car is worth) since they know I really hated the car we used to have. They sent me a legal document for the car that says it’s mine and that my partner doesn’t own any part of it.
But it was meant for both of us. We split the costs evenly and my partner uses it way more than me. My partner and I sold the old car and split the money
Recently my partner told me a friend of his was going to borrow the car to practice driving for his drivers test with my partner as an instructor.
I said absolutely not. I don’t want to risk anything with an inexperienced driver and his friend could easily afford going to a driver’s school. My partner said I was ridiculous and that we had let another friend borrow our old car and I therefore told him that the car is MINE.
My partner got angry and told me I’m a jerk
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ why would you lend the car to potentially get damaged? And even if it is “both” of your car, it takes two to agree to lend it out.
He doesn´t get to override you. Also what is the law in your country about unlicensed drivers? In many EU countries unlicensed driver can only be in a marked driving school car with an instructor.” Crafty_Dog_4674
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here your partner for not communicating properly beforehand with you he wants to help a friend, letting the friend learn how to drive in this car.
It sounds like he already promised his friend and is telling you instead of discussing it with you first. You are for pulling the “It’s mine” without having the proper communication beforehand setting boundaries in place. Like lending the car to others takes two yessus and one no. Live and learn.” DutchPerson5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting someone to use an expensive car when learning how to drive, but I feel like there’s some issue here with the ownership itself that you need to talk about with your partner. Yes, the car is legally yours.
But in order to keep that car, you sold off the one you’d bought together, probably because you don’t need two cars. Even if your partner doesn’t own the car legally, the only reason that’s the case is because you got rid of the joint car in favour of this one.
So while he might agree that you’re the legal owner of the car, he probably does feel that it’s shared because it’s the replacement car for the one you did share and he’s the one using it more.” lotsofrosehip
17. AITJ For Threatening To Cut Off Financial Support If My Parents Don't Let My Brother Choose His Own Path?
“In my country, if you want to be a doctor you go to the medicine high school, if you wish to be a musician you go to the musician high school etc.
I always wanted to be a veterinarian, but my parents didn’t let me, instead I enrolled in a chemistry high school I even got a scholarship I was in top 5 in class.
But I always hated it, and in my attempt at teenage rebellion I decided not to go to the college stupid I knew.
But I was incredibly lucky to get the good job in military factories that pays really, really well. Both my parents lost their jobs due to unforeseen circumstances, that’s why I moved in with them again and since then, I’ve been paying all the bills.
Now it’s my little brother’s turn to go to high school, and my parents are doing the same thing that they did to me. They are trying to convince my brother to enroll in a school he doesn’t want, and he feels pressured to do as they say.
I know how miserable I was in high school. Don’t get me wrong, I made wonderful friends. I don’t regret that part, but I regret not standing up for myself, so I decided to stand up for my brother.
I told them if they don’t let him go to the school of his choice, I will stop giving them money and I will move out.
Honestly, I don’t think I am the jerk but after that, we fought a lot, I’m at a friend’s house right now, and I am getting many angry calls from my parents and relatives calling me ungrateful and how much my parents sacrifice for me, I don’t know what to do.
Do you have any advice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re doing the right thing and trying to give your brother the opportunity that you didn’t have. Any parent who forces their child into a major or career they don’t want is in the wrong. I have 2 college age daughters and both I and my wife told them they could study whatever they wanted; when they asked us for advice about one major vs another, we’d give it.
Parenting is not about controlling your kids’ lives; it’s about guiding them and giving them every opportunity to be themselves.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stand up for your brother I was in the same situation and my parents were trying to make decisions that were bad for my little bros I put my foot down and said NO you live with me and I won’t finance this.
Needless to say my bros are doing well and always thank me for doing what they couldn’t do. As for the relatives they need to mind there own business if you let this slide you will be a slave with no respect. Sometimes you need to be a major jerk for these type of people to understand.” Prize-Lengthiness576
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you did right by your brother to stand up for him and his wishes. Also, you do not owe your parents anything and are not being ungrateful. You did not choose to be born, they chose to have children. They knew that there would be sacrifices they would have to make in order to give you a good life.
It’s part of being a proper parent. It is not your responsibility to pay them back in some way for everything they did to provide for you.” Majestic-Law-9424
16. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Bosses After They Refused To Let My Partner Drive Me To The Hospital?
“The context; I (32 M) have been working with my current bosses Gina (45 F) and Gary (50 M) for about 3-4 years for a large multinational company.
My job is a mixture of office and operational work. We recently took on my partner of 6 years Toby (26 M) as the replacement for my old role. This was all very above board and we notified the business of the conflict of interest, it was my bosses idea initially and we have been understaffed so long it would help everybody out.
All was good for the first week until this morning. My chest had been hurting over the weekend and wasn’t any better this morning, I have no history of heart disease in the family but decided to go in early with the intention of going into work an hour or so later.
After a check-up by the the doctor they told me I would need to go to emergency for monitoring. I have a fear of hospitals and a phobia of needles. They explained I would be monitored for the day and they would need to do routine blood tests.
Toby knows about how bad my phobia is, and since I don’t drive asked to leave to take me to emergency. Both Gina and Gary said no. He is at work basically doing busywork because I’m not there to train him.
WIBTJ or come off as entitled if I brought it up with either Gina or Gary?
I’d be hesitant to anyway as the damage is done and they are after all my bosses, I don’t see a win by doing it, but it does make me think about moving on as soon as I can, though it’s now complicated because of my partner.
I’m upset about the situation and especially at my bosses, but maybe it’s my anxiety over the situation getting the better of me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you’re in the US, look into if what they are doing is against fmla, and if it is, remind them of that.
Pretty sure they would rather be without him for a day or two instead of facing fines.” No-Personality5421
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re in a bad position here. What if something else like this comes up. Sounds like you’re you and your partner are pretty dependent on each other.
Part about not being able to discuss it with your bosses isn’t good either. For fear they’ll take revenge on Toby for your quitting. Gets too crazy, both of you should quit at the same time maybe(?)” 3more_T
15. AITJ For Telling My Sister Her Kids Aren't My Responsibility?
“My sister (28) is a single mom of two children, since the start of her now ex relationship, they’ve been living with us, so long story short they’ve broken up for a year, almost 2 years and she’s still living with us because she’s a minimum wager and can’t really afford to move out and get a babysitter.
The issue is we have a fight, I (18) was taking care of her two male child 2 & 4 years old (and to people who take care of children know that its the age of stubbornness, fighting and running all around) and she goes home clearly tired and gets mad at me for telling her that I will be going somewhere and can’t babysit her child a day and a half next week and she got mad about it and we start fighting, she said that she can take a one day off but can’t possibly take an absent for the next day which in anger I told her that the child is not my responsibility and I can’t be tied down to her own obligation and responsibilities.
That it was a privileged that we are helping, that she should be grateful.
And it was not the first time we fought about the responsibility we shared together, which we really wouldn’t mind if she was not being an jerk and yell at us for every single little thing, like taking longer for opening the door, food that wouldn’t make our stomach full, her children clothes being on the soaked on water for too long because my mother couldn’t buy a detergent and other little thing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Not your kids. Not your responsibility. If you plan on going to university, or even if you don’t, please move out if you can afford it. Don’t get suckered into being free childcare at the expense of your own dreams. Let your sister manage her own life.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are right, she should be grateful . Also ask her next time she complains, what is she going to do if you move out one day… I mean you are 18, you should be starting your life, enjoying experiences etc… you should not have to play substitute parent to her kids.” MousingJoke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is your sister getting child support? She may also be able to ask for half of the daycare costs so she can put the children in daycare a couple days a weeks. There are programs that offer childcare lower fees for low income families.
Is your sister getting food stamps? Your sister needs to realize that her children are her responsibility and not yours. At 18 you should be either working a full-time job or in school looking for opportunities to improve your life, not babysitting her children for free because she couldn’t figure out how to prevent pregnancy.” Glinda-The-Witch
14. AITJ For Refusing To Send A Gift To My Co-Worker Who Broke Off Her Engagement?
“I (39F) had a co-worker (29F), let’s call her Natalie. She always wants to be the center of attention in not a natural way, she forces it too much! And a year ago she got engaged.
In January, another co-worker (42F) told us that her 5-year-old kid had cancer (I think it’s important to mention that she had a divorce 3 months prior because her husband was unfaithful with her best friend). We tried to be there for her as much as possible, minimizing the things she had to do, so she could focus on her daughter.
Last week, she sent us a video of her daughter making a bell ring (which means her baby is cancer-free) wooo hooo!!
It was suggested that the team could send her daughter a gift for being such a brave kid, and another for my friend because she is made of STEEL, going through these two difficult events in less than a year!
The next day (Friday), Natalie, announces that she had broken off the engagement. And we were empathic towards her, but we didn’t think much about the situation as she said it was her idea because she wasn’t in love anymore.
On Monday, we received an email from our manager demanding to send her a gift too, and we didn’t.
In the afternoon, we received another email, but from Natalie, saying that what was the problem with us?! Because she is also going through a traumatic event, and that probably that kid is not going to remember and she is not even part of the team.
We said no, Fudge it! And now she is reporting us to HR for creating a hostile environment and discrimination!
Some of my co-workers gave in and gave her a gift yesterday!! I didn’t give them any money because I am not going to applaud her behavior!
So, AITJ?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Imagine trying to “outshine” a mother whose child was severely ill after getting divorced at the hands of unfaithfulness. Getting bored and breaking up with your fiancé isn’t even in the same dimension, let alone ballpark. Narcissism is becoming a real issue out there and it’s pretty scary.
It would be one thing to be disappointed at not being supported, but to verbally downplay a kid with cancer should’ve gotten her canned on the spot if you ask me.” liberalballgargler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If management is demanding staff send gifts then the company can fork out the money to buy the gift. Seriously what kind of terrible manager tells his team to buy people gifts.
If that terrible manager keeps telling everyone to buy gifts for people report them to HR and get their backside fired.” MiniMages
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, don’t give her anything and ask your boss where in your contract it says you need to buy every co-worker a gift?
You did a truly nice thing for someone who needed it and my team would have done the same. But a gift because she broke off engagement? Ridiculous. I’m willing to bet she did it so she could get a gift.” Menace7288
13. AITJ For Making Fun of My Brother's Past During His Wedding Speech?
“I don’t even know where to begin with this.
I thought everything was good until I received a very nasty email from my brothers now wife just a few minutes ago. They got married on July 3d to coincide with the holiday so everyone could travel. I’m a straight dude so I don’t really know “beautiful weddings” but this was a pretty darn fun one.
I was my brother’s best man and I’m not good at giving speeches. My mom said if I wanted to make it funny I could read from the letter he had posted on his door where he literally said “I pledge my soul my Satan” .
Of course we all knew he was a little edge lord at the time so no one even mentioned it which drove him absolutely crazy because he was looking for my parents to freak out. My mom saved the letter and gave it to me.
So of course I made fun of him during the speech and read the whole letter. It got a huge laugh and my brother wanted to crawl under his chair which is what I thought was supposed to happen during a wedding speech.
I thought all was good, my brother and his wife (Kaitlin) danced and laughed and had fun during the rest of the wedding.
So I thought all was good until I got the email where Kaitlin said that I offended nearly everyone in her family and “my wedding” is not the time to bring up that her husband was a “satanist” in front of her “god loving” relatives.
I don’t even know how to respond.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ And your mom for encouraging you. Weddings are NOT the place to bring up embarrassing things from the past. You should have googled “best man speech” to see what was appropriate. Apologize to Kaitlin, your brother and find out how to reach her family to apologize to them.
Sheesh” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The point of a wedding toast is not to make one of the toastees want to crawl under their chair from embarrassment. If you want to make jokes, they need to be jokes the couple will laugh along with, not feel humiliated by.” morgaine125
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I think making the Instagram account and making the wedding venue’s address public (if I’m reading that part correctly) for anyone to crash the wedding is going a little too far. It seems like you prioritized making fun of your brother rather than celebrating his new life with his wife, who is now part of your family.
I feel a little conflicted with this judgement though because of the fact that you mentioned everyone still had a good time (but does that include Kaitlin’s relatives?).” thequiethours
12. AITJ For Bringing My Own Creamer To Work After A Coworker Kept Stealing Ours?
“My coworkers and I participate in a system where we each take turns every week buying coffee creamer for the 6 of us in our department.
My job supplies us with instant coffee, sugar and the coffee machine but no creamer.
A new employee has joined us a few months ago who keeps sneaking our creamer. When he started we explained to him our system and that if he wants to use our creamer we will add him into the rotation at the end of the current one.
He refused the offer because he said he drinks his coffee black. Which was totally fine with us. If you don’t drink coffee or just drink it black we don’t expect you to participate.
We’ve caught him from time to time using our creamer not just for his coffee but also for the scrambled eggs he makes on the griddle in the kitchen.
When we confronted him about it he said he either brought it from home (which is a lie because there are no other creamers in the fridge) and we literally saw him take it and shove it back in the fridge quickly or that he just took a very small amount and tries to laugh it off.
Because of this I’ve decided to exit the rotation and start bringing enough creamer for myself in my own bottle to last me the day. Now, two others have started doing the same as well. I left because I feel like I’m being used and don’t want to waste my money on someone who is obviously stealing from the rest of us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like this is the typical food stealer type of person at work. You know, the everyone throws in for a pizza and they say they don’t want any but when it comes time to eat they grab a slice.
I would of talked to my coworkers about how to fix this problem before leaving the rotation though. It sounds like you guys need to buy a bottle of creamer and put laxatives in it. Teach jerk a lesson.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not putting any extra burden on the other three that are still in the rotation.
There are three less people buying, but there are also three less people using it. Each person really shouldn’t need to buy it more frequently than they did when there were six of you using it. Your other options are to bring this up with your boss/manager/HR to see if they can get the thief to stop or just keep up the rotation and buy a small box with a combination lock to keep the creamer in.” CreditUpstairs7621
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk, it’s creamer, not gold. I think if the employer supplies coffee and sugar, he should pony up for creamer. Now you’ll have 6 bottles of creamer with name stickers on all of them. What a mess.” StoneAgePrue
11. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Her Hurtful Jokes Towards My Dad?
“My (15f) mom (40f) loves to make jokes about my dad (48m).
She said it’s to keep their relationship alive & interesting. It’s a one-way thing though, from the moment they were married, my mom would tease my dad about everything. I guess it’s her way of saying I love you.
My dad takes it well too.
He usually acts sad dramatically and then get ice cream from the fridge to “mend his broken heart”. But sometimes when it goes too far he would either ignore her or explain.
But the younger me thought it’s normal when my mom called my dad stupid, careless & unreliable when he accidentally let us to the wrong exit from the sky train because he was so sleep deprived.
Or when she said he’s lucky to be able to marry her with “that ugly old face”. The younger me just laughs and really saw my dad as a useless clumsy old man, when in reality he’s just a tired dad trying his best after work.
A few days ago, my mom made a remark about my dad’s body hair, again. Saying it’s gross and she should’ve never married him, and how my great grandpa must’ve married a gorilla for that much hair, how she’s so glad she has daughters and not sons to inherit his body hair, and more.
Usually my dad would just jokingly defend himself. He stayed silent. I was angry that my mom made such a rude comment about him & his grandfather and I think the joke went too far. I later told my mom it’s cruel to say something like that but she called me a jerk for intervening their relationship approach and that she was just joking.
I know my dad can stand up for himself but he doesn’t to avoid conflict. I’m starting to think I did disturb their relationship and since I’m still a teen I don’t know if it’s ok to talk to my mom like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hope your dad is okay because words can hurt. I think maybe ask your mom if she would be okay if someone talk like that about her or you. Then sit your dad down and ask him if he is ok with how she is talking to him.
Maybe a family sit down so everyone can speak there opinions and listen to the other side” sdh94
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Keep standing up for your dad, but start doing it in front of him Some things you can say: Who talks to someone they love like that?
Dad is a saint to put up with how mean you are all these years I hope my future partner doesn’t show me that they love me like this Shouldn’t jokes be funny?” GreenEyedMojo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This makes me so sad for your dad.
I feel like he’s gotten used to it and also doesn’t wanna make a big deal of the “smaller” comments especially in front of their kid. This is not normal behavior and it’s not a good thing to do in front of kids, it is likely to lead them to believe this is how affection is shown/how the child themselves should be treated by a partner in the future Seems that your mom didn’t talk the comment from you well.
In the future I would just redirect her comments and compliment your dad to let him know you’re there for him :(” emily2586
10. AITJ For Not Taking My Elderly Dog Back After Leaving Her With My Grandparents?
“When I was six years old our neighbors dog had puppies. We were close family friends so we got one of them.
I loved her so much from the second she was born.
As I got older I began doing research on proper dog care and realized we weren’t really caring for her the way we should and I sort of took over.
She slowly morphed from being “our dog” to “my dog”
I trained her, fed her, cleaned up after her, took her on walks, and threw her a birthday party every year.
When I was 17 my family was evicted from our apartment and we began living in the hotel my mom worked at. It worked out well for about a year before we had to leave again.
We realized this was no life for a dog and my grandma (4 hours away) agreed to take her. My grandparents own a 20 acre property in the mountains and also have their own dog.
So another year went by and we finally weren’t homeless and couch surfing at families houses.
But every time I visited my dog and my grandparents seemed so happy, my dog had even bonded with their dog.
Even though I love her I just feel a tiny lonely apartment in the city compared to 20 acres in the country to spend her elderly years seems better, so I never took her back.
My older sister called me the other day and kept asking “How’s your dog?” And I told her she was going to stay with our grandparents permanently. My sister wasn’t happy and accused me of getting rid of her just because she old and I’m tired of her, that I just gave up on her.
Now I’m sobbing feeling like an awful person, especially since I recently adopted a cat because I missed having a pet to care for.
AITJ For abandoning my elderly dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You did what was and is best for your pet.
That’s what any great pet owner does – puts their needs above their own. Your sister is lashing out for whatever reason, but you don’t have to internalize her words. Just let it go. You did a good thing.” Electronic_Fox_6383
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You didn’t abandon her. You left her in the care of your grandparents, which is **not** abandoning. You even go to visit them regularly! It’s clear that you still care about the dog. Your sister is a jerk for making assumptions without knowing the full story.
Don’t let her make you feel like an awful person for this, OP. You didn’t do a bad thing by adopting a cat either.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the advice I always apply to decision making about my pets: Do what’s best for them even when it’s hard for you.
Dogs are dependent on us to make these decisions for them. You might want to take her to live with you, but taking her from the place she’s been living for over a year, a place where she’s got a lot of space and another dog she’s comfortable with… it would be hard on her.
You’re doing the kind thing for her.” AliceInWeirdoland
Or could it be that sister is worried that grandma is getting older and 2 dogs is too much for her not to mention vet bills for any elderly dog ailments that may come up
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear Shorts And Cut My Hair?
“AITJ for not wanting to wear shorts and cut my hair?
So I am a teen living with my parents and brother, it is hot outside since its summer and I still don’t feel like wearing shorts. I prefer pants.
My parents for some reason feel the urge to call me out for it whenever we go out because I don’t wear shorts saying that ” its weird and not normal”.
I am personally fine with the pants and I don’t feel hot or anything. But they insist on having me wearing shorts for whatever reason. Same goes with hair. My hair isn’t that long but might need a trimming (think Harry Potter in 1st movie) yet they want me to cut it so its more or less short.
This absurd debate of me wanting something that is completely fine and my parents imposing their opinion lasted since start of summer and is still going strong. I am not feeling bad from anything I wear but THEY DO FOR SOME REASON?
Same goes for darn SHOES.
I WANNA WEAR SHOES but that’s apparently bad since they want me to wear sandals and go on with my day.
My father even started yelling like he never did and even threw in a tantrum.
Going on and talking about how I don’t know anything about life and how I’m a shame and a joke for people.
That is absurd. Why is it that they get so mad at the most of mundane choices I make? Am I wrong for wanting to have a not even that long hair and wear pants? I’ve been a good son, going on preparing exams I had no chance on passing because they want me to.
Going out of my way and leaving countless personal wants for their own demands.
I just wanna wear pants.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In some cases, pants can be cooler in hot weather. Especially on a windless day, as the pants keep the SUN off of you.
In any case, if you are comfortable in pants and shoes, you should be able to dress that way. Hair is another issue. Generally speaking, it should be cut every 4-5 weeks or less. It doesn’t have to be “shorter” but cutting it regularly keeps it looking neat.
So if you are going months at a time without a haircut, your parents might have a legitimate complaint that you need a haircut. But this isn’t much of a big deal until you strike out on your own. (think job interviews)” No_Radish3127
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is bizarre! The only thing I can think of regarding the pants is that if it’s culturally accepted that attire should cover the knee and your father’s doesn’t while yours does, then it’s convicting to him. It’s hard to use an excuse that it’s too hot to follow the guidelines when your son is standing next to you in pants.
I’ve got nothing for the sandals or hair, though. Here’s a tip, provided it’s culturally appropriate to say, “You’ve made your thoughts clear. I’m not accepting any more feedback or opinions on my pants, shoes, or hair.” *added disclaimer” YinzerChick70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The important thing is that your privates are covered. If you ever did complain about the heat, they could razz you about not choosing shorts, but it shouldn’t be an argument to make you choose one over the other.
They may think you’re looking a bit shaggy and unkempt. While it should be your choice regardless, some parents may think that a child’s looks reflect on their parenting capabilities, so they want you to look more put together.” foul_female_frog
8. AITJ For Getting Upset Over My Friend's Nonchalant Hospitalization?
“I (23F) have been talking to this guy John (26M) for a couple weeks now.
I don’t have his number but I do have his Snapchat. We have gotten fairly close pretty fast, I have been spending at least one evening/day a week with John and I’ve come to learn that John is very depressed, and his family lives all over the country but none of them are here in our state.
He has a handful of friends here. He also had a severe injury then a surgery a little over 6 months ago.
I’m away for the weekend and I’ve been drinking. Yesterday John texted me nonchalantly letting me know he was in the hospital for a few days and it was “nothing serious”.
In my opinion, a multiple day stay at hospital isn’t “nothing serious”. I asked John what happened and why he was there and he wouldn’t tell me. I told him to call me and explain if it was too much to say over text, and he was ignoring me.
I continued to text him, very concerned, asking what happened or when he’d be going home and he was opening my texts and ignoring them. I was a bit tipsy here and now very upset by him being in the hospital and acting like it was no big deal and ignoring me.
Here’s where I know I’m the jerk: I told him “forget you” after he responded to my message talking about something completely unrelated and I wasn’t being empathetic, and told him whatever I’ll just stop caring about you and not to text me.
This morning I woke up and he deleted me.
I don’t know if he’s in there for an injury, maybe one relating to his surgery, an accident, if he got unwell. There’s so many possibilities and I even told him I’d come home early from my trip and come see him, especially since he’s basically alone.
So AITJ for being concerned and taking his hospitalization seriously?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds to me like your actions weren’t based on concern for John’s wellbeing, rather your own insecurities. You stated you had gotten fairly close over the course of a few weeks, and yet you didn’t have each other’s phone numbers?
It’s possible any insecurity was valid; however, if someone has boundaries, those boundaries must be respected. Honestly OP, based on what was shared, I’m not sure that relationship would have gone anywhere anyway, so hopefully this was a chance to learn something about respecting boundaries.
(And, also, no one likes receiving tipsy texts— just kind of putting that there, too.)” Powerful-Candy1164
Another User Comments:
“YTJ his medical issues are none of your business. He can share as much or as little as he wants and you aren’t entitled to any of it.
He let you know where he was, he was okay and instead of being an adult and moving on from a topic he clearly no longer wanted to talk about you kept needling him until he stopped replying and then you get upset at him when he tries to talk about literally anything else.
You need to grow up, learn how to respect other people’s boundaries and move on with your life.” terayonjf
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and it sounds like you know it. He may have told you just so that you wouldn’t wonder why he’s hard to reach for a few days, and you should have respected his wishes not to tell you more yet.
It could have been something he didn’t want to explain over text, or he may have been so exhausted from the hospital procedures that he didn’t have the energy to message people. You should learn some patience and remember that someone who is in the hospital needs to focus on getting better and not on messaging everybody in their life the details.
“I was tipsy” is not an excuse, by the way.” Embarrassed_Heron815
7. AITJ For Losing My Temper With My Autistic Friend Who Always Interrupts Me?
“I (14, Female) am friends with an autistic girl who is the same age, lets call her Opal. She’s a school friend and since we are all on summer vacation our whole friend group has been texting less and less, so occasionally we will all check up on each other and usually Opal contacts us first. I thought it was quite sweet but something I cannot take anymore is how whenever she texts it’s almost impossible to get a single word in about yourself.
This has been a problem in the past and she has now explained that it is because of her autism and I completely understand.
Though while I understand I still get so irritated whenever I’m stuck in a conversation with her and am constantly interrupted just so she can talk about the same thing about herself for the 10th time.
We talked today and of course she did the same thing, this time I really did try to listen and just forget about myself and force myself to act surprised and happy for her same accomplishment again. I was already in a mad mood though but I knew she would bother me more if I left her on seen so there I am just listening to her chat on and on about herself, except this time she actually asks if I have anything to say.
And oh my gosh I have lots to talk about so obviously I begin chatting away until she just interrupts me and says and I quote “Okay sorry but relax, you don’t need to talk so much about yourself. You sound like a narcissist.” Are you kidding me??
I completely just go off on her and now she’s gossiping about me being “ableist” to our mutual friends. I feel awful now but I need to know, Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Every single autistic person I know is aware that we can talk a bit too much when excited. We show other people we appreciate them listening by trying to be supportive to them in kind, even if it’s something we don’t care about.
Your friend is not only incapable of that, they are accusatory and presumptuous.” Astra_Bear
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Inform your friends of what actually happened. I doubt Opal would have given them the full story. And if your friends pick her side, you’ll know who your real friends are.
Being Autistic does not give her the pass to lack social awareness nor be rude to others. Her words had consequences. She got what she deserved, good job OP! Also, please do think about your own feelings more often. You do not need to keep things bottled up because of wanting to be considerate to others.
Be nice to yourself!” Gaiagaang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- honestly you just have to interrupt her back. I have friends like her and it is exciting for me to adjust to the social situation and interrupt when I think of something to add to the conversation.
It’s not what we would usually do but if the tone is set then speak up! It can be fun.” asphaltflower
6. AITJ For Tricking My Lonely Brother Into Going On A Date?
“My younger brother is 20, we’ve always been the boys of the family (we have two sisters as well) but we’re pretty different and haven’t been close.
I still try to look out for him and I thought this was my chance to.
My mom tells me that she was asking my brother about his friends (he never leaves the house) and he kind of broke down and told her he’s so lonely and mentioned some stuff about nobody ever really liking him and that he’s worried he’s going to be alone for the rest of his life, especially that he’s never been on a date with anybody ever.
To be honest, as far as I know, I don’t think my brother has ever even kissed a girl. It’s okay to not obviously but I understand why he feels so upset about it. So I told my mom I’d set him up with a nice girl.
I enlisted my partner for help because women are usually a bit better at this kind of thing. We ended up asking her friend’s sister, who’s also shy and into art like my brother. I knew my brother would get psyched out if he thought this was a date so I tricked him into thinking we were all going to do something together, but my partner and I had to leave.
When he got home, my brother freaked out on me saying he didn’t want to go on a date and he couldn’t believe I lied to him. I know I did technically lie to him but I don’t get it, I feel like it’s good lying?
And not to sound like a jerk but she’s a very pretty girl, and I asked my partner and her friend reported back that her sister really liked him and they got along pretty well. AITJ? He’s really upset but I feel like he’s very close to getting a partner out of what he’s so upset that I did.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but only kinda the jerk. You obviously had good intentions and were only trying to help your brother, but you can’t force these things. If you stayed till the end of the date or maybe even 75% of the way through to make sure it was all going well, then it probably wouldn’t have been so bad but if you left right at the start then I kinda understand why he would freak out a bit” CharacterOnly8670
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What was wrong with actually doing something all together and easing him into getting to know her that way?!?! Tricking him was absolutely unnecessary and probably destroyed any trust he had in you. This was a seriously low move. Forcing someone to do something they’re uncomfortable with just because YOU think it’d be best is a fast way to alienating that person for good.
As someone with social anxiety I can tell you that if a friend of mine did this to me, let alone family, I’d be beyond upset. It would absolutely cause long-term trust damage.” SpicyTurtle38
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your brothers social life is absolutely NONE of your business.
You knew he wouldn’t be interested if he knew it was a date and for all we know the girl wouldn’t have been either. Yet you still felt it was your place to step in and force his hand right. Does it make you feel better about yourself now that you’ve humiliated your brother?” ramblinrpgjunkie
5. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Roommate's Unlicensed Business To Our Landlord?
“This fall I’m supposed to start living with four other girls. One of them wants to run her (unlicensed) nail business from the living room, where she would section off a corner for her clients (2-3 clients a day, 4-5 days a week).
She also said all of her clients were people she knew, trusted, and “aren’t sketchy.” Running a business in the apartment is a violation of the lease that we all agreed to, but when I brought up this issue, all of the girls said it wouldn’t matter if no one snitched. I also explained to them that I was highly uncomfortable with there being a random stranger in my living room at any hour of the day, since her business hours are any time she’s free before midnight.
However, my concerns were seemingly brushed away and ignored.
Everyone kept saying that I was trying to sabotage her well being, and that this was her only source of income for rent and tuition. I tried to work with the roommate who wishes to run the business, providing options that would make her income but in a legal way.
These options included mobilizing her business (her clientele only consists of college students) or finding a job on campus or off campus (which I offered to help with). She refused to all of this. Today I told my room mates that I would move out if they were going to go ahead with this business.
The lease states that the penalty for violating it the 2nd time could be eviction or a heavy fine, and I don’t wish to have an eviction go on my record. Would I be the jerk if I told my landlord that I reason I want to break the lease is because the tenants want to violate it, and I don’t want to be part of it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s your room mate that is putting the lease at risk not you. Your other room mates are just enabling it. At some point it’s likely the landlord would have found out anyway and you would all end up being evicted. When your friend says it’s her only source of income is nonsense.
She has a skill and can go and work in a nail bar if she wants to. My guess is that she doesn’t want to do this as working from the living room means she can do everything cash in hand and maximise her income while avoiding pesky things like taxes etc.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“You might be the jerk… find another reason to move out. Jerk is a bit strong for this, but think of it from her side – she can pocket the $80-120 a day from this, over a few hours around her studies..
vs the ?$8 an hour? she might earn working in a nail salon. Where I’d draw the line is if she’s using various chemicals that a) stink the place out, or b) are really flammable. Then I’d be tempted to spell it out the landlord “I want to move out because all the acetone and acrylics is giving me serious headaches” instead of “they are running a business”.
It’s kind of rude for this girl to run it out of the lounge room. Why doesn’t she pay higher rent, and have the master bedroom, and run it from there?” Particular-Try5584
4. AITJ For Suggesting a Halfway Meetup With My Long-Distance Friend?
“So my friend lives about 4 hours away so I suggested as an idea that we meet somewhere halfway as a day trip since we are both tight on funds right now.
I had planned on flying potentially but the tickets are expensive, and my car has some unresolved issues that make me nervous driving that far alone.
At first, she responded ok and told me she couldn’t afford it since she’s currently job hunting (which I totally understand)!
I was not able to respond right away because I was still working.
She then sent me a voice memo later on saying how me even asking that to begin with rubbed her the wrong way. She began using examples of when she had come to visit me in college and how she recently drove in the dark for a concert.
I went to the concert with her, but keep in mind she was the one that insisted on going, even after just moving 4 hours away. (We did have a great time!) But I had even told her ahead of time that if it was too much I would completely understand.
I know she’s dealing with a lot right now, so I think she lashed out because of that. She has been doing it a lot lately to people in her life. We’ve been best friends for 20+ years, so it hurt me that we’re suddenly “keeping score.” I asked her if she still wanted me to come visit that particular time, or if me visiting would cause her more stress, and that it was just an idea I had, nothing more, plus that I understood her pov.
She’s been ignoring me now so I know she’s upset. I would love to come visit her still, and I can just deal with the financial cost later. But I feel like a terrible friend for even making the day trip suggestion to begin with.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you offered to do what you can. You want to see her and you aren’t the one who moved 4 hours away. You’re making the effort to find something that works for both of you, personally I would be thankful that my friend would be willing to drive over an hour especially with car problems and being on a tight budget.
She shouldn’t be ignoring you, if it doesn’t work for her then she can just say “thank you so much for the effort, it’s not going to work for me but I appreciate you and we can make plans another time when it works out for the both of us”” 420miawallace
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you tried to make a reasonable accommodation that would work for both, she was unwilling/unable to accept. Maybe a FaceTime “happy hour” or coffee date on her special day, and plan on getting together in the near future when you’re both in a better place with finances and such.” sm281221
3. AITJ For Complaining About My Roommate Hogging The Fridge Space?
“I (Michael) recently moved in with 2 of my closest friends (Tea & Alex) and the apartment that we moved into has a rather small fridge and this fridge needs to be shared with 3 people, Tea however seems to hog up the space.
To paint the picture you open up your fridge there is three sections top rack, mid rack, lower rack and a drawer.
Myself and Alex pretty much put a 24 pack of eggs in the fridge along with maybe some cheese slices where as the entirety of the rest of the fridge is full of Tea’s stuff to the point where myself and Alex have to kind of puzzle to figure out where to put our stuff if we do bring anything home.
The issue is the same in the freezer its insanely small, myself and roommate 2 share a box of sausages and thats essentially all we have in there, but somehow the rest of the freezer is completely full like to the ceiling Tea has the same 5 large bags of the exact same vegetables and various other things that have been in there for months.
Again there isn’t space for pretty much anything else its so bad that the circulation for the freezer doesn’t work properly because their stuff is blocking it.
Anyways I bring it to their attention and their response is always something snippy like “its a fridge its meant to have food in it!” even after I explained its a lot of occupied space for just 1 person ( Also want to point out they always bring home food from work and never cook at home so all the food in the fridge goes to waste AND the freezer just takes up space) and they consistently get mad at me about bringing it up and get into a huff and storm off.
So tell me, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Lol you share a box of sausages. She could stop hogging the fridge, but you could stop patrolling her purchases. It doesn’t matter if it’s “the exact same vegetables.” There must be a compromise here” Few-School-3869
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s for shared usage that means everyone gets to put stuff into it and no one person gets to hog it with their stuff they never use. I’d impose a 1 month rule too if its the same veggies that have sat there for months its time for them to be used or lost. If it was me, I’d buy an inexpensive mini fridge and either keep it on the counter or put it in your room.
No more arguments, no one is going to take your stuff and you can keep a couple of cans in there to drink in the middle of the night!” No-Discount-8861
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but also mini fridges/small chest freezers may be more affordable than you think, and would solve your frustration easily.
Check buy/sell pages and you can often find used ones for cheap. If your town has any local colleges or universities check when school semesters are ending and kids are moving out of dorms and getting rid of them.” MuppetJonBonJovi
2. AITJ For Refusing To Marry My Friend For Citizenship?
“So my friend and I met in 2020, we’re both 22 and from different countries and different continents. Last year she moved to my same continent however, a different country. She’s had a hard year due to personal issues both from her family and her own, and right now is feeling pretty desperate since she doesn’t want to come back because she feels safer where she is now and doesn’t want to lose either that feeling, nor her freedom that she didn’t have back home, so she asked me to marry her.
The reason? Getting my nationality. The point here is that while we’re both still pretty young, it doesn’t quite work like that, it’s not like “yeah let’s get married and get your papers tomorrow, no worries”. Marrying someone it’s a big deal, especially legally wise, and I don’t feel like having to go through the trouble of;
1, having to explain my family why am I getting married and 2, divorce??
Every time she asked me I’ve always been skeptical and I asked her if she thought about what it would mean not only for her, but for me too and she never gives me an actual answer, just changes up the conversation.
I know she’s in a difficult place, but she’s putting me in one too when it’s not one none of my business nor my problem. I did however tried to help her in other ways, like finding a job for her and offering my house so she can save up to eventually have her own place, but she turned it down since “it’s not stable enough, a lot can go down”.
We’re still friends and from time to time she calls me just to ask me once again to get married, but at this point it’s just making me uncomfortable (I let her know that), so she either hangs up or changes the conversation.
Am I really the jerk or is she being too much?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Especially when she refuses to even discuss the practical details of what she is asking you to do, it’s completely unreasonable to expect you to take on all that. It is as you say a big legal decision and would mean you share assets.
Depending on your country, marriage also might not even guarantee her a citizenship. I’m not sure what you mean by family situation. If your friend feels unsafe going back to their home country, there could be options for her. I would strongly advise her not to break any rules or outstay her VISA as violations of this could prevent her from re entering the country once she goes back and would guarantee she would never get citizenship.
But all in all, your freedom and autonomy matters too. It also inappropriate of her to keep asking you when you have declined.” lofi_night_sky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She is, tho. Make it clear to her you won’t consider marrying her, even temporarily, and you’re not gonna be able to help her anymore, if she keeps bothering you abt this.
You’re already going out of your way to help her and marriage is the biggest decision of your life that you will only do with someone you trust completely and who you want to spend the rest of your life with. There is a lot of effort associated with a marriage, even if you won’t have a wedding party.
There’s ton of other procedures to complete for both marriage and divorce, plus possible legal repercussions. Both are lengthy processes, they will go down on your record, plus you’ll need to go to some lengths to convince officials that this is not a scam marriage for visa purposes etc.” DOHere123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- and honestly , she doesn’t seem to be a friend if she’s asking you multiple times You don’t get married for the purpose of citizenship (i get people do that ) It’s an awkward position to be in. You’re 100% in the right to reserve marriage for the one you want to call your wife – not to do your friend a favor.
If you offer alternative ways to help gain citizenship and all she’s interested in the marriage option – reconsider her as a friend” JGS747-
1. AITJ For Confronting My Best Friend's Family at His Funeral?
“For context, 10 days ago, my best friend passed away in the mental hospital after years of struggling with mental health issues and mistreatment from his Mom, Brother, and Sister. They would constantly tell him that he wasn’t worthy of being in their family, and that he was going to face eternal punishment and that the rest of them would be happy in heaven without him.
His mom also encouraged him on multiple occasions to “keep up” his Bulimia because he “Looked Skinnier”. I Found out about his passing from his mom, and when I asked about a funeral date she said “I wouldn’t want one of those individuals who corrupted my son showing up at his funeral”.
This upset me, because at this point we had been best friends for 2 and a half years, so I contacted one of his other friends asking for the location, and showed up anyway. I showed up, and waited until the funeral reception to say anything, but when it was time for the reception, I told his mom and brother that it was their fault that this happened, and that he wished that they would be nicer to him all the time, and that they had the chance to be better to him multiple times, but now he was gone, and it was too late for apologies, and that they’ll never get the chance to fix things ever again.
I told them that they never should have messed with his self image, and that he deserved to be happy with how he looked (he lost 100 pounds from Bulimia, and stopped but his mom encouraged him to keep going telling him he was “getting skinnier”) I told them that on multiple occasions he wished we were family instead, and I said I happily would have made that work if it meant he would still be here with us.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you should have gone further tbh, as much as they needed to be chewed out for there hate, it’s not gonna to change others if they are not very publicly shamed, silence on that covering it up like nothing happened just gets more good people killed. I’m very sorry for your friend and happy that he had someone positive like you in his life.” Piethrower375
Another User Comments:
“Yeah you’re a jerk. Regardless of your feelings and what you’ve been told of this family. That mother just lost her son, and to tell her that it’s all her fault is absolutely inappropriate, and at the funeral no less.
You should have just kept your opinions to yourself. You know nothing of that family other than what you were told by your friend. I know that standing up for your friend probably felt great, but that was an entirely selfish and immature move. Sorry.” Salty_blacksheep
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Tell him next time he decides he can leave work early to do so to watch HIS KIDS n to pick up lunch on his way home