People Explore Ethical Mazes In Their 'Am I The Jerk' Stories
28. AITJ For Screaming At My In-Laws At Dinner And Leaving Them With The Bill?
“My (25M) in-laws have never been a huge fan of mine. From the fact that I’m bi and kinda fem and wear nail polish to the fact I’m Latino and ride a motorcycle. Or even that I work as a social worker at an LGBTQ group home, they’ve never liked me… my wife’s parents are elitist conservatives.
I never hid this from my wife, but I was kicked out at 13 by my parents after they caught me kissing a boy. I did a lot of things to survive on the streets I’m not proud of and developed a substance problem as a result.
I was found by my Aunt and she helped me get clean and thankfully I didn’t catch anything while surviving. My wife’s parents a while back did an illegal background check into my juvenile records and tried to throw it in her face and we went low contact for a bit especially after they didn’t show up at our wedding.
I just found out I’m gonna be a dad and I thought maybe I’d give her parents the benefit of the doubt and try to let them be grandparents.
I invited them to this fancy place and they actually showed up after hearing the news.
It was kinda tense and we pretty much ate in silence until her dad starts asking how we’re gonna raise our kid. He then basically implies I wasn’t man enough to be a proper dad. Her mom chimes in that my wife should just terminate the pregnancy and save herself from being a single mom after I eventually ran off with a guy..
My wife was devastated. The look on her face just sent me into a rage. I screamed at them at the table and told how they were terrible parents who didn’t deserve a daughter like her and that they could go away and I just got up and my wife and I left, leaving her parents with the 300 dollar bill.
My aunt and my cousins think I shouldn’t have acted like that and possibly made things worse between my wife and her parents. AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. There is a lot to unpack here but wow. Her parents are clearly huge jerks but the way you handled it wasn’t right.
The fact that you were the one to choose that fancy place in the first place makes you a jerk. You still could’ve paid before you left.” fed-up-with-life
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – but they deserved it. I feel bad for the other diners since someone having a loud argument in the restaurant isn’t something other diners want to hear, but I can understand your frustrations.
They’re bigots, and while you went about it wrong, they deserved to hear it.” Big_Albatross_3050
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t possibly make the relationship any worse. They are going to say terrible things to your child and imagine what they will be like if your child doesn’t conform perfectly to gender stereotypes.
Cut them loose. If you feel bad about not paying for some or all of the meal, pay them and then cut them loose. And ignore the people here who are fussing about you screaming at a restaurant. Occasionally people deserve to be screamed at.
Entertainment value aside, most people will not be seriously damaged by having to listen to 5 minutes of screaming. Geez some people are delicate.” Homologous_Trend
27. AITJ For Refusing To Stay At My Parents' House To Look After My Brother And Dog?
“So I (F25) do not live at home w/my parents. I moved out over 3 years ago and live in an apartment about 10 minutes away from them with my husband.
My mom texted me today asking if I would stay at their house with my brother (15) and the dog for a weekend later this month because her and dad are going out of town for their anniversary. They would be leaving Friday and coming back Sunday.
She wants me to actually pack a bag and fully stay there the full weekend.
I don’t want to, however, for a couple reasons. One, my husband and I might already have plans that weekend and may be busy. Two, I just honestly don’t feel comfortable in that house.
And I like being able to sleep in my own bed next to my husband at night.
I don’t have anything against my brother, but my mom. We had a really rocky relationship before I moved out, and every time she’s asked me to stay and watch the dog while they were all gone, I just couldn’t do it.
I’d still go and take care of it and feed the dog, but I wouldn’t actually spend full days and nights there. Staying there just makes me anxious.
My parents allowed me to stay home alone for weekends when I was 15, while he would go to my grandparents.
So I feel he’s definitely old enough to stay home by himself. He doesn’t have any issues or anything where he needs to be constantly supervised. And if he needs anything, I’m 10 minutes away.
I have no issues going over everyday and hanging out for a couple hours though.
I just don’t feel comfortable staying there the entire time. I feel it’s also worth mentioning that I do go over frequently. It’s not like I never see them, I visit usually once a week, maybe every two if I got busy. And of course we text all the time.
Knowing she’s going to get all huffy if I say no, would I be the jerk if I told her I wouldn’t stay the weekend, but would instead go over for a few hours everyday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother’s 15. Going over and checking on him every day to make sure he’s alive and the dog’s alive and the house hasn’t burned down is just fine.
if your mom thinks he requires round-the-clock supervision, she should take him with her.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but would you consider letting your brother spend the weekend at your place? You can go over to your parents’ place every so often to let the dog out, feed the dog, etc. That might be a tenable solution.” Ok-Ebb4485
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Just no. I did it at 15, so can he. Of he needs ‘child care’ she’s the parent and needs to cancel our get him sorted herself. Bonus, put this boundary down now, you’ll never have to worry again” Bananas4skail
26. AITJ For Accidentally Creating a 'Ghost Vortex' in Our Restaurant According to My Partner?
“I (28-year-old male) Work with my partner (28-year-old female) together at a restaurant. The place isn’t hugely popular, but we live in a small town, so there are a lot of locals who enjoy our food. My partner has recently been going down a rabbit hole of ghost/supernatural-related content, like podcasts and YouTube videos.
She’s always been a bit spiritual, and I don’t mind that at all. Unfortunately, she seems more paranoid about this than passionate, which is why I’m concerned. She’s been avoiding anything even remotely related to evil spirits or ghosts in general, and she’s been keeping all kinds of rocks and salt and herbs to prevent any “evil” from entering the house.
While I’ve been a bit concerned, I haven’t been mad at her for it, since it didn’t affect our daily lives too much. However, things went downhill.
Over the weekend, I decided to go to the restaurant to do some interior design, since she’d been complaining about the place being too boring.
I put up some mirrors, put some lights outside on the patio, and some LED lights for the bar. I called her to come down to the restaurant, hoping to surprise her with the new and improved interior. At first, she looked excited to see the place so decorated, but then her face fell.
She looked over at me and started yelling at me about how I’d put the mirrors facing each other, and how that created a vortex or something. She was screaming about how ghosts were probably already haunting the place. She looked like she was on the verge of tears.
I tried to comfort her, but she stormed out of the place, sprinting for her car to drive back to our house. I felt bad and took the mirrors down from the wall.
She was very quiet the next few days until she eventually started talking to me again like nothing happened. I feel like I need to confront her about this, but I’m not sure how, or if I’m even qualified to do it without just being a jerk.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you should add more mirrors. Maybe the evil spirit possessing your partner will sodd off back through the ‘vortex’. In all seriousness though she just sounds deeply insecure and mildly abusive, over mirrors.
I say this as someone who loves ghost stories and all things spooky. She’s being ridiculous. So yes. This is my advice. More mirrors. Lots more mirrors.” Sprigganzee
Another User Comments:
“She has something going on and needs to get help- but you can’t force her to get help and if she’s unwilling to get herself help but is willing to scream at and verbally mistreat you it’s best to remove yourself from this relationship before she escalates to physical mistreat or further verbally mistreats you or uses this ghost thing to try to control you NTJ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am an empath, sensitive to energy, and entities beyond eyesight. While it’s okay to take precautions, this is excessive. Your partner has a problem. This is not normal and exceptionally unhealthy.” CautiousCanvas
25. AITJ For Refusing To Join My Wife's Family Road Trip Due To Car Sickness?
“My wife(f24) and her parents drive down to Atlanta from where we live in Boston every year during October fall break to spend a week down there since the rest of her family lives there.
This year she informed me about the trip and I assumed it would be just her going since I’ve never been invited previously and I get very car sick. My car sickness is bad enough that I can’t sit in a car for more than 10-20 minutes without getting seriously nauseous and throwing up and I don’t even own my car since I can’t drive it anywhere more than 10 miles away.
However, I was told that her parents wanted me to tag along with them since I was now part of the family and should partake in family traditions.
I brought it up to my wife that she knows I can’t sit through any long car rides so I couldn’t join them on the drive but I’d be happy to book a flight and meet them at the destination.
She told me that wouldn’t work since they were making multiple pit stops during the drive and spending evenings doing activities that she wanted me to join them for. So I offered to ride my motorcycle along with them and that way I’d have my transportation when we got there this seemed to be enough of a compromise for her and she let her parents know.
So she let her parents know and they called me up and seemed pretty annoyed and they told me now that I’m part of their family I should be making personal sacrifices to be part of their traditions. After a bit of back and forth, I told them if they couldn’t respect my needs then I would be perfectly ok with dropping out of the trip which was enough to get them to stop trying to convince me to sit in the car with them.
After the call, my wife was pretty mad at me for being rude to her parents and not trying to convince them more before giving them an ultimatum.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The car sickness should be more than enough. > Her parents wanted me to tag along with them since I was now part of the family and should partake in family traditions.
That’s not an invitation. What other expectations could be next? > They called me up and seemed pretty annoyed and they told me now that I’m part of their family I should be making personal sacrifices to be part of their traditions. Are you sure that it’s not a cult?” diminishing patience
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could join them in the car and just puke all over them, maybe that would teach them. How utterly stupid they are by trying to pressure you to sit in the car when you offered a perfectly acceptable alternative by joining in on the trip on your motorcycle.” backyardchick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is though. An extended road trip would be miserable for you and them. You don’t want to be queasy and sick the whole time and no one wants someone getting sick in their car. Someone’s health should not be sacrificed to maintain tradition.
I would tell your wife that the fact her parents tried to browbeat you into it and she’s defending it is not acceptable.” Kasparian
24. AITJ For Accidentally Eating My Brother's Partner's Candy Apple?
“I, 18M, am having my brother (30M) and his partner (22F) over for an early Halloween party. Yesterday we went to the grocery store to buy some apples, which I paid for since I’m hosting the event.
We also bought the ingredients to make Candy apples.
We each made our candy apple in the red dip and let it dry and harden.
Last night, my brother and his partner went to a late-night movie, but I’m a college student and have classes today so I went to bed. Before I went to bed, I had one of the apples, as they were now dry.
They were big, and I only ate half. Not wanting to waste it, I put the other half on a plate and went to bed.
We had used 3 Honeycrisp apples and made our own. However, we didn’t label them as we thought we could keep them straight.
Later that night, my brother and his partner came back home. When I got home from class, my partner was upstairs asleep (which is fine) and my brother approached me saying I had upset his partner by eating her apple when I had my own.
My brother said his partner had thought I had intentionally eaten half her apple and placed it on a plate to make her feel bad because I didn’t like her. While my partner and I aren’t close, I don’t hate or even dislike her; I am indifferent.
It is important to note that the partner grew up in a rough house, and this sort of behaviour was common.
I don’t think I ate the apple she made, and if I did then it wasn’t intentional. Still, she is very upset and thinks I hate her.
I am trying to be the bigger person and I plan to talk to her and explain that I didn’t mean to eat HER apple and that we can be on good terms. My brother says I was very rude to his partner yesterday but couldn’t give me any details.
I am autistic and often come off as rude, but my partner and brother know this.
But now my anxiety is getting the better of me. What if it was her apple? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. In everything you explained, there was no reasonable expectation that you guys would be able to know whose apple was whose.
However, to keep the peace, you may just want to passively (not make a big deal about it) but sincerely apologize. Something when you’re passing by them going back to your room or something. “Hey, [Partner’s name]. I’m sorry for eating your apple. It was an accident, but I should have marked mine in some way so that didn’t happen.
I’ll try better next time.” Then return to your room. I know it kinda sounds like grovelling for something small and really shouldn’t be a big deal. But you will be the bigger man just by apologizing and moving on.” 10YearSecurityGuard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is just a misunderstanding that can be resolved by having a conversation with her. Even though she knows you are autistic and might accidentally come off as rude, she might not know if this was that kind of a thing or if you were intentionally being rude because you don’t like her.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“If she wanted a different apple–she should have 1) bought her darn apple and 2) she should have labelled the darn apple. Who pays attention to the stem of an apple? Don’t you use a stick in the apple to DIP it? (so couldn’t names have been written on STICKS??) plus if the apple has been dipped, how do you tell which one was greener (unless two were bright red and one was granny apple green??) This is petty garbage–if she was so set on “HER” apple, she should have marked it in some way, or put it away from the other two saying THIS IS MY APPLE.
NTJ” MountainMidnight9400
23. AITJ For Wanting My Fiancé To Stay For My Surgery Instead Of Attending His Cousin's Wedding?
“My (F21) fiancé (M23) was born in a different country than where we are currently living and he moved over here with just his parents and sister 10 years ago.
Because of this, he doesn’t see his family often and the last time he had the chance to go over was in 2019.
A week before my partner was due to leave for his flight, I was 3 months pregnant and we had gone for our 12-week scan only to find out that I was experiencing a missed miscarriage and our baby had passed a week prior.
I was heartbroken as I had previously been told that my chances of ever having children was very slim due to endometriosis and we were so excited to have fallen pregnant. Due to the baby not passing on it’s on I was required to undergo surgery to have it removed which got booked for the week after my partner was set to leave.
I had asked him if he could stay for the surgery and he was also offered a medical certificate to change his flights. If he had accepted he could have still made it overseas in time for his cousin’s wedding however he said no and left. During my pregnancy I was experiencing back pain however, I thought it was just a symptom but this continued and I got it checked out.
A few days after my partner had left for his trip I received the results of what was causing my pain and it was unfortunately cancer. This took a huge toll on my emotional state as I was left alone dealing with these issues and I offered to pay for my partner to fly home early or straight after the wedding to be with me through it but he again denied it.
He has called me selfish for wanting him here with me through this as he doesn’t see his family often and also works a demanding job so has been looking forward to this holiday all year. He said he needs a break from it all and all the stress because he lost his child too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re having serious health concerns and major emotional events all at the same time. Any reasonable person would want him to stay at least for the surgery. Any partner who really loves you would have jumped on the medical voucher so they could support you.
If you’re not married drop him and find someone who will be there when you need them. You deserve better.” Mr-Lorus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Partner is a jerk. Sadly, stuff like this can end relationships because the guy turns chicken and runs. I hope you get the outcomes you want here, but do not feel at all guilty for wanting his emotional support when you needed it most.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, I’m so sorry about everything that’s going on. The fact that your husband dares to call you ‘selfish’ when you are in such state. Dealing with this alone can be such a tough experience and the fact that he thinks a wedding is more important than your physical and mental health is insane.
I’m so sorry and I hope you get better soon.” Gloomy-Adeptness7553
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Newborn Nephew At My Adults-Only Wedding?
“Me (F27) and my fiancé (M28) are getting married in a few months. I told my fiancé from the start that I didn’t want any kids at our wedding, and he agreed. We don’t have any kids in our families, so that made it easy.
We even put on our invitations that it was an adults only event. Our venue also only allows 5 children maximum, because children tend to break things accidentally.
Well over a year into planning our wedding, my sister told us she’s having a baby 2 months before our wedding, and she jokingly asked if her baby was allowed. We said we would think about it, but ideally not.
She’s also standing at the wedding.
Last week she called and said she needed an answer now, even though her baby isn’t due for a couple of months.. and we said we hadn’t made a decision yet. We tried offering a few solutions, such as getting a babysitter or her partner’s parents to watch him for the night as she and her partner will probably want the night off..
Or that the baby can be there for family pictures, or tucked away during the ceremony in another room. She wants him there because she wants everyone to meet the baby, and she doesn’t feel comfortable leaving the baby with a sitter.
I told her ideally I didn’t want him there, in case he started crying during the ceremony.
And I don’t feel like my wedding is the time and place for her to show off her new baby. I want everyone to enjoy the day and have fun. I also feel like she will hand off the baby to my mom, preventing my mom from fully enjoying the day.
The next day she texted me and said she was removing herself from the wedding party. I thanked her for being honest with me, and that I understood where she was coming from. I then asked her if that meant that she wasn’t coming to the wedding at all.
it’s been over a week and I got no reply. I also explained that all I was requesting of her was to stand during the ceremony. Show up 20 minutes before the ceremony and that’s fine. She then proceeded to not come to my bachelorette party that same week, claiming we were doing activities she couldn’t do.
We went for a walk on the beach with coffee, out for lunch, and a painting class.
I don’t know if I’m over-reacting, as I don’t have kids and don’t want kids so I have a hard time seeing this from her point of view.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here: I would not leave my baby without me for more than an hour or two at that age. A wedding they weren’t invited to, I just wouldn’t go. You don’t want a tiny baby that should be with their mom at your wedding.
The baby has a good mom that doesn’t want to leave them so they stepped down with plenty of notice. This seems like your sister is respecting your wishes. No problem here at all” Sorry-Independent-98
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. I’m a wedding bartender.
Babies are never the problem, the inebriated with an old family beef is always the problem. I don’t support the whole “adults only” wedding vibe that is happening these days. They’re gonna be members of your extended family. Weddings are family events. Your call, but I’d counsel going the welcoming route.
Congratulations to you both.” OaktownPirate
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Sorry. But a 2 month old baby can’t be left for hours at a time let alone a whole day or night. Maybe 30-60 minutes for the ceremony with a trusted someone. But the baby would probably be breastfeeding.
Also, lots of first-time mothers wouldn’t leave a 2-month-old with babysitters. She is kind of a double deal. She and a baby or simply 30 minutes of her time. Maybe. She’s a new Mum. She has different priorities I don’t even have kids.
And even I can see she won’t be parted from her baby So you get both or none.” LetsGetsThisPartyOn
21. AITJ For Refusing to Wash My Roommate's Dishes After She Stopped Putting Them Away?
“My roommate (26F) and I (26F) and I have lived together for two years now. I tend to be a little more neat than her, especially because she has so many more things than me.
When we first moved in together I said I don’t mind cleaning both of our dishes (some things can’t be put through the dishwasher) as long as she didn’t mind putting the clean dishes away. I also got a magnet for the dishwasher that said whether the dishes were clean or dirty.
Don’t ask me why but putting away dishes is the one chore that I really don’t like to do.
Anyway, for the first year it worked out fine. I cleaned both of our dishes, and she emptied the dishwasher and dish rack. I am also the one that cleans the kitchen and takes out the trash, but that’s not hard cause there’s only two of us.
About six months ago she stopped. For about a month I took care of the clean dishes when the sink started to fill up. When I asked her to empty the dishwasher she would say she would get it later but never did. So after about another two months, I told that if she couldn’t do this one thing I would stop doing her dishes.
She apologized to me and said she would be better about it.
She was until about a month ago. I would go clean and the dishwasher would still be full. Two weeks of this and I was done. I just started washing, drying, and putting my dishes away directly after eating.
Her dishes started to build up in the sink and on the counter.
She asked me about it yesterday and I told what I was doing and why. I said I wasn’t cleaning up after her when she couldn’t do her half. She said she hated doing dishes and why couldn’t I just do it.
I explained again that I wouldn’t wash her dishes if she couldn’t do the one thing she said she would do when we first moved in. She got heated about it and called me a jerk and stormed out.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s the jerk who stopped doing her part and is pushing it. I’m sorry you have to deal with having her dirty dishes around, but they’re hers to deal with. She was already getting the better end of that deal, and managed to mess it up.
Hold firm. You are not her dishwasher.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your roommate is spoiled. So, she HATES doing dishes and can’t understand why you can’t just do her dishes? Well, maybe YOU also hate doing dishes. I lived in a house with 3 other girls in college.
One claimed that she couldn’t do dishes because dish soap gave her a rash. (My mother told me she should get rubber gloves.) Anyway, this roommate did the outside work and the other three of us rotated nights for doing dishes.” ElmLane62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Grownups pitch in and get dishes done. You had a system that worked for the two of you and then she started slacking. She can either go back to doing her share or she can pay someone to do it by hiring a cleaning service regularly.” 2dogslife
20. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Brother After He Outed Me To His Friends?
“My family and I live in a pretty small town and most of the people so happen to be homophobic. I would say I don’t have a label for my sexuality but I can say that I am mostly attracted to women than men.
Since the town is mostly homophobic I decided to stay in the closet but my family knows that I’m not straight. My brother and I used to be close when we were younger but over the years we have drifted and not been as close.
Lately, he’s been wanting to be like more of the people in our town and his views have changed due to that. He started to make remarks about how I am gay and has once called me the F slur. I told my mom about this and she told me that he was just messing around.
We share a laptop since his broke and his discord was up, he doesn’t have many people added just his friends in school and I wasn’t trying to be nosy but I noticed he was talking about me so I decided to read a bit the conversation that he had was about a homophobic joke and decided to out me to his friend.
I told my mom about this and she did talk to him about it but nothing happened after. Two weeks later my cousin stayed at our house for a couple of nights. I was avoiding my brother due to what had happened and I told my cousin what happened and he told me that I should forgive my brother since it was just a mistake, I refused since outing someone isn’t just some simple mistake.
A couple of weeks ago my brother and I got into an argument about something and he said something about keeping secrets and I told him something about not being able to keep secrets no matter how big it is. He became upset and my mom got mad at me and told me that I needed to get over it.
I didn’t say anything and just left the room and the relationship with my brother has been torn apart.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Typing out a message isn’t like blurting something else out, even for a fast typer it’s a slow process where people choose their words and have the option not to click send.
It’s a whole series of intentionally thought-out choices. And even if it could be argued to be a mistake, making homophobic remarks on multiple occasions isn’t. He has made no mistakes, just choices. And you have every right to be upset.” Sea_grave
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m saying this as a gay man: bully him back. Not when your mom is around, and not in ways that he can prove with evidence. A lot of male homophobes are wimpier than they want to admit and will back down if you prove you aren’t an easy target just for being queer.” baroquebinch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe it will help for OP to spell out to Mom and brother that he may be different but he doesn’t intend to let his brother mistreat him or go along with Mom when she tries to ignore things and tell lies to smooth things over.
Point out the only real way to keep peace in the house is for everyone to treat the others with respect.” Jerseycityjoan
19. AITJ For Spending My Child Support Irresponsibly?
“My parents divorced when I was 8. The custody was split basically in a 70/30 arrangement, and my dad was ordered to pay child support. I recently turned 18, and we started a conversation about whether it needed to carry on or not.
My mom was very adamant that it should be continued, and my dad accepted, with the condition that the funds were put into a bank account that I could have access to use any time I wanted. So, we opened an account in my name which both me and mom can have funds from.
I have been using it a lot. Mainly to buy courses, uber drives and ordering food. I know it’s irresponsible and I probably should manage the funds better, but it just feels nice to be able to pay for the things I want.
Today, Mom sat me down to have a chat about it.
She said that she uses the funds to pay for my things and that I can’t use it that much. I said that I understood, but that dad said I could use it anytime I wanted. We argued a bit, and she said that if I didn’t learn how to control my spending better, I should just go live with Dad.
My defence is that it’s not like I have spent all of the funds. Dad is very annoying about saving and how we should always be prepared, etc, so I put a portion of it in a savings account. And even of the funds that are left, I spent about half of it.
But I do understand that, if Mom wanted to do something with the money, she would have to reform her plans to fit my spending.
Dad says the funds are technically mine to do whatever I want, but that I should be mindful of excessive spending and plan an arrangement with her on how much we each can take from the account.
Mom says that I’m still too young to manage that much funds and that I don’t know what I’m doing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It costs a lot to house, feed and clothe you, plus medical costs, travel, schooling or whatever else and you are then taking the money meant to do that and wasting it on things you don’t need which means your mother is going to be forced to find more money to cover the costs.
It’s a selfish view to waste the money meant to pay your expenses. You are old enough to start learning about budgets and what it costs to keep you living the lifestyle you are used to. Have a conversation with your mother about money and it might open your eyes.” MilkyPsycow
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your dad for telling you that you can use it however you want, you, for wasting it, and your mom for not explaining that child support is used to put a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food in your belly.
It’s not her funds to spend as she pleases, but all those expenses add up, and that is what your dad is paying for.” Rhades
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here: I say this because it sounds like this isn’t government issue child support. This is simply your dad continuing to give you funds when he doesn’t have to.
If it was a government issue the money would go directly to your mom and she can spend it however she wants. What’s going on now isn’t child support this is a father giving money to their adult child. I suggest to fix this situation you should just start paying rent or at least contribute a set amount to the household each month.” User
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go On A Family Cruise With My Ex-Husband?
“Married six years, divorced in 2001. An amicable split remained cordial for our son. Ex-husband would fly from out of state for a week over Christmas break to see him.
He always stayed at my parent’s house. No big deal to me. I didn’t live there and our son was happy. Except for that one year, we were all together. Very awkward and uncomfortable for the person I was in a relationship with at the time.
After our son graduates H.S. he moves 1525 miles away to live with his dad and start a career. Everything is going great. I remarry in 2020. Everything is going great. Now I bring you to last week.
Parents are celebrating their 40th Anniversary in Dec.
2024 and they have picked out a cruise and have an open invitation for family and friends to celebrate. Everyone pays their fare. I got the info to select a cabin and am ready to make a down payment. The phone rings, it’s my mom with GREAT news!
My son has asked his father to be his roomie. She is thrilled and all she can talk about is everyone being together. I’m like meh. I think about this for hours after we hang up. The more I think, the angrier I get. The decision is made to not join the family cruise.
I inform my mother and she is angry!!! She is defending the decision that she and my son made together. Never once thought to reach out to my husband and me first to find out how we’d feel.
My husband of three years doesn’t know my son’s father.
And the thought of hanging out with his wife’s ex-husband isn’t exactly his idea of a good time. My ex-husband isn’t a bad guy. But I divorced him for a reason and the thought of spending five days with him makes me cringe. Yes, I know it’s a cruise ship and there’s lots to do, but if I want to do something with my son, his dad will most likely tag along.
I can’t make this make sense.
Do we go and suck it up? Or should I invite my mom’s ex-husband (my dad) and his lady friend to join us? ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand your point of view: Divorced him for a reason. Your mother still thinks he’s a part of her family, while your partner is… not.
Oh, and, please tell me what she said to you inviting your dad and his lady friend to the cruise. I mean, it’s fair play, it’s an open invitation, and she should not have a problem with that, right? (I understand you would not invite him, but that your mother does not know, right?)” redsoxx1996
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. They should have talked to you first but it seems like you guys have been amicable and divorced for over 20 years. Your son made the invite so obviously he wants to spend the trip with both of you.
It’s only weird if you make it weird. One of the best parts of adulthood has been my divorced parents finally being able to do stuff together without the drama. They’re just over it and it’s nice. What will you do if your son has kids and wants to include you both on future trips?
Parties? Events? Skip time with your grandkids over your ex that you say you have no issue with?” Loud_Ad_6871
17. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Uses My Car Excessively Without Asking?
“My mom couldn’t afford to keep her car after my dad passed away. This wasn’t a problem at the time because I worked from home. My mom would borrow my car whenever she needed it, and it was fine.
Things changed this year, though. I was laid off and had to take a new job that is 100% in the office and pays half what I made before ($104k -> $52k).
This has been a real struggle. My commute is 35 miles each way and takes 45 minutes each way.
My mom has had a lot of medical appointments recently, which has been difficult to juggle. She drops me off at work, goes home, goes to her appointments, and then picks me up from work.
Every time she does this, it takes over half a tank of gas, plus leaves me without a car at work. My job occasionally requires travelling to different sites, and I’ve had to tell my boss once already that I couldn’t that day because I didn’t have my car.
So, I’ve been putting up with this because there aren’t any other options. It is what it is.
But, now my mom is using my car to run her friend around also. Today, she is taking her friend to the hospital. She didn’t ask me, just told me.
She’s dropping me off, taking her friend to the hospital, going home, picking up her friend’s kid, etc.
I am annoyed by this. Her friend has two adult sons. Her son has a car but is being a jerk and refusing to take her or let her use the car.
I didn’t say my mom couldn’t use the car, but I was visibly frustrated at the arrangement. My mom got mad that I wasn’t pretending to be all hunky-dory about it.
This is exceptionally inconvenient for me and also expensive. Gas isn’t cheap. Normally, I use 3/4 tank of gas for the whole week, but when she does this it takes more than half a tank for one day.
My mom is acting like my annoyance is done kind of lack of generosity and makes me a bad person.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but you need to discuss with her the reality of the new situation. If you routinely can’t do a part of your job, that’s going to affect whether or not you keep the job.
Maybe set a scheduled day for appointments so everyone knows ahead of time you can’t do site visits on Wednesday (or whatever)? And your budget is half of what it was so adding extra gas to your expenses is unsustainable. Friend’s kids should at least be chipping in for gas if you can’t use their car.” EnviroAggie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your mom “I can’t afford this any longer, every time you do this, it takes a half of tank of gas, and I can’t afford that. I have been laid off from one job, and what you are doing is putting me at risk of being laid off again.
I’m sorry, but right now, this has to stop.” PenBoom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because she told you rather than asking. It’s going to be hard to set that boundary living at home, though, even if you do pay rent. Maybe you could give her a mile limit a week?
Like, you can take the car, but you can’t add more than xx miles to it? Remember, there’s a difference between being generous and being a doormat.” otsukaren_613
16. AITJ For Asking My Sister-in-law To Leave Our Apartment After Her Disrespectful Behavior?
“I offered my sister-in-law to move in with me and my partner (her brother) of 5 years since she was coming out of a relationship and looking for a new place to live. Keep in mind, this was my idea and not my partner’s since he did not trust her at the time due to her instability.
Whenever I would ask her to clean the apartment or clean up after her dog (who was dragging pee on the couch with his paws and pooping all over the place), she immediately started accusing me of disrespecting her and giving her attitude. She would text my partner saying if he doesn’t address these situations with her in the future, then she would be giving me the “responses she deserves”.
She would then proceed to talk very aggressively to him about me.
After he explained none of us ever disrespected her in any way, she said that we should just stay out of her way and she would stay out of ours and not talk to her unless it was important.
My partner agreed this was not a comfortable way to live and we both came to a mutual agreement to end our lease and find a place for just me and him.
We still tried to help her after by offering to let her stay with the apartment with our name on the lease but she would not sit down to talk to us and would not even bother to lower her tone/attitude with us or say thank you.
Instead, she texted him saying “I’m keeping the apartment.”
We took back our offer and decided it was best to let her struggle with her own pride and see where it took her so she could hopefully, learn her lesson.
My partner can’t help to feel bad for his own sister but feels this may be the best decision.
I would also like to put my foot down with her to not allow her to continue to step all over me and have some respect after all, we were trying to help her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not listening to your partner’s concerns in the first place.
This is what you got. But yes, getting rid of her is the best decision.” Careless-Ability-748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you are naive if you think you can help her. She isn’t deserving of your help, so just cut your losses and have less to do with her.” kittycuteikus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She chose to disrespect you and cause turmoil and lack of peace in your home, she is very selfish she can figure out that she doesn’t deserve anything in life but you will her farther by treating people with respect.
She also preyed on your vulnerability by expecting to not clean up after a dog and just be overall lazy and disrespectful and this is the repercussions she needs to deal with. The fact that y’all have to move away from her is downright selfish on her end.
She can you and your partner out of your home. Do not allow her to stay while your name is on the lease.. the dog will cause damage and you won’t get your deposit back. And she won’t pay you back for it either, talk to the leasing office and see if you can transfer the lease in your name so by law you are not responsible for the mess and lack of upkeep in the house once y’all move out.” Wrong_Leek_9961
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Ex-Fiancée Expose Her Sister's False Accusations?
“I honestly hope everyone can follow this because sometimes I can’t.
I have a friend, “Marty”, who is currently engaged in a bitter divorce from his wife.
She was caught being unfaithful over a month ago and I was one of the people who helped expose her, so there is a bit of history here. They also have a young child who is living with the husband and being taken care of by his parents when he is at work.
Now here is where people are going to have to start keeping score –
The STBXW in this situation is the sister of my former fiancée, Sarah. We are currently in a “it’s complicated” kind of relationship. Two days ago she came to me and said that she heard her sister and parents conspiring to falsely accuse him of something that would allow for an emergency custody hearing.
She wants my help in turning the tables on her sister – and yes, there is some bitterness here, like I said, it’s complicated.
Now, even though she is my former fiancée, I think Sarah is a good person and is interested in helping, but I also wonder if she’s trying to rope me into this situation to “prove” to me that she hates her sister.
You see, the sister was an accessory to one of the main reasons why Sarah is a *former* fiancée.
My gut instinct is to tell her to just inform Marty (and his attorney) about what is going on and to wipe our hands of the situation.
However, she’s urging me to help entrap her sister in some way so that she can turn evidence over to Marty so he can play the highly coveted (at least in divorces) “uno reverse card”. Her most convincing argument is that this opportunity will probably not come again.
I agree with that, but…
Assuming for the moment that I actually **could** help in some way… WIBTJ for not doing so? Particularly since my motivation is just being leery of Sarah’s motivation. After all, she could theoretically just testify on Marty’s behalf if it came to that.”
Another User Comments:
“Just tell Marty what Sarah told you. Plotting to entrap his wife behind your friend’s back is not a wise decision, particularly when a child is involved. The divorce sounds complicated enough without the two of you planning something which sounds like the motivation for Sarah is revenge.
NTJ” RichSignal7022
Another User Comments:
“Sarah is involving you because you are good at this kind of stuff. After all, it’s your profession. She’s also showing you that she is a good person by wanting to help Marty and distancing herself from her bad family.
Your options are nothing, give Sarah ideas and options, and take real action in the situation. I think your best option is to give her ideas and suggestions. You would be the jerk if you did nothing.” AlphaIota
Another User Comments:
“Y’all should tell Marty ASAP and ask how you can help or support him.
It’s also a good way to see what Sarah’s intentions are – lay out the options for him (“uno reverse card”, Sarah signing an affidavit, anything else) and have him decide what would be best for him. If Sarah cares more about Marty’s benefit than Evie’s detriment, she’ll be willing to help him in the way that he needs as the wronged party.
(Not that it’ll be easy to do – sounds like she’ll be ostracized from her family – but if y’all can figure out somewhere for her to stay, she might feel safer taking that route). Hugs to you and Marty and Sarah!” horsepolice
And, just me because I'm a suspicious old bat, I wouldn't believe anything Sarah told me if I were you. You say she's anxious to get back in your good graces, and she's already done something to you to make her an ex fiancee - seriously, how far can you trust her? My guess is, about as far as you could sling a Steinway. She's willing to tattle on her sister - how do you know she's telling the truth? Nope, don't touch this situation with someone else's ten foot pole. Good luck.
14. AITJ For Refusing To Do My Aunt's Hair Due To My Health Condition?
“My aunt & my mom wants me to do their hair because they both plan on traveling my aunt plans on traveling sooner but she won’t tell me when, so. I have to force myself to try to finish her hair within an unknown timeframe.
Meanwhile, my mom says that she’s going to be traveling in February and is giving me the chance to pace myself to do her hair.
I have EDS, & doing their hair causes my fingers to hyperextend which makes them sore & swollen & can dislocate.
Whenever I try to tell my aunt that I’m having a flare up day where my body is just angry, she chooses not to believe me & to believe that I’m faking my illness so I can get out of doing her hair for her.
When I tell her, she needs to give me time to both do her hair & take breaks so that I’m not pushing my limits, she doesn’t listen & doesn’t come home until it’s late & expects me to try to finish her hair in one sitting.
My aunt doesn’t do anything for anyone but expects everyone to do everything for her and often takes advantage of my mom. My mom wants me to do her hair in the hope that my aunt helps out with the car insurance but based on her history, I don’t think my aunt is going to do that.
My mom doesn’t even travel with my aunt anymore because of how nasty and vindictive my aunt gets when my mom is alone with her. The last time they traveled, they got into an argument where my mom asked my aunt to give her back the funds she borrowed, & my aunt wanted to fight my mom and told her she’ll never get the funds back.
Edit to add: my mom and aunt have dreads. They went to someone who messed up their hair so now all of their locks are falling out. I have to reinstall the fallen locks and give them a retwist. It takes about ten minutes to do one lock and my aunts entire head needs to be redone.
I only did 5 locks on my aunt and her hair has about 60-70 locks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they are so messed up for not caring about your illness.” maiademilo
Another User Comments:
“I feel so badly for you. I have lupus and some days my joints are so swollen I can’t bend my fingers.
You’re NTJ. Explain to her again that you can’t make commitments due to your health condition and refer her to a few capable stylists whom you know.” ellemonoh
13. AITJ For Wanting a Room Change Due To Roommate's Snoring and Illness?
“At first, her snoring was my issue, which I told her about and she said she wasn’t open in trying any gadgets such as a nasal strip.
So I tried earbuds , sleeping headband, sleeping pills , and some other methods to drown out her snoring but all were uncomfortable. That’s when I let the room assistant know I’m looking into a room change, the room assistant didn’t give me one so I waited some time before asking again.
During that time, my roomie got really ill. Throwing up, coughing every 10 seconds, spitting phlegm in a plastic bag, sink, throwing up in the shower, just everything gross. She went home for a week and during that week I talked to the room assistant once again about the snoring and I’m sleep deprived, so she called a meeting for me, roomie, and room assistant.
During that meeting my roomie was well aware I wanted a room change due to the snoring. After that meeting I still didn’t get a room change so being frustrated I go to housing office and let out all my complaints, including her being ill for over a month and how annoying it is to try to sleep in from her coughing every 10 seconds.
I told her if she could cough in the bathroom or outside the room while I’m trying to sleep in on Saturdays. She said that’s ridiculous she cant cough in the shared room, and that she has a weak immune system. That’s when I asked her why she didn’t tell me the weak immune system and snoring before hand ( she knows she snores ).
And she said because no one has ever complained about it before. And how it’s ridiculous she had to hear from housing about how her coughing and throwing up all the time annoyed me. But my thing is, even if I told her how it upset me she’s always sick, there is nothing she can do about it or is willing to do, she already said she won’t take medications or sleeping gadgets for snoring so my only choice is to get a room change.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, her immune issue is something the people in charge of housing should have been aware of addressed a long time ago. She probably needs to be in a room by herself. But given she won’t take meds or do anything proactive, I’m guessing she didn’t tell them about that either.
Hope you’re in a new room soon!” Libba_Loo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was in a sleep deprivation situation. and I used these cheap noise cancelling headphones especially made for sleep (from Amazon) and an 11-hour YouTube video of ocean sounds that didn’t have ads.
It saved my life! Good luck, OP!” chart1961
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Look, you’re in the right for wanting a room change. Sounds like you can’t sleep there and you have no reason to believe it will get better, so go make the move happen.
However, your perspective on this makes you the jerk. Your roommate is sick, but that’s actually about you. You asked your roommate to cough somewhere else than her home so you could sleep in. You neglected hearing her thoughts on this by not talking to her, and not telling her you hate that she snores and is sick, but saying “I’ve been having a rough go with sleep, can we find some type of compromise?”” LowAdvisor9274
12. AITJ For Being Upset When My Husband Used My Insecurities Against Me?
“My husband, toddler and I just spent a week at the beach. This was my first time being in public in a bathing suit postpartum and it hit my self esteem more than I thought it would. I caught a glimpse of my jiggly belly in the mirror at one point and it finally hit me that my body will never be the same.
That night after my son went to bed, I cried for about an hour and opened up to my husband about it, and that I was jealous that his body hadn’t changed. He was very understanding and made me feel much better, telling me that he loves me even more now.
Fast forward to tonight – we’re back from vacation and we met up with friends at a local brewery. My husband took my son to the slides across the street, but didn’t tell me. He just left and I couldn’t find either of them for about 15 minutes.
When I did locate them, I was very upset, saying that it was inconsiderate to take him without telling me and leaving me alone with our friends. He blew up, saying he had just as much right to take our child where he wanted, and said “I have weathered so much nonsense this week with you at the beach, and you make me overthink every decision I make.
You constantly play the victim.”
To be fair, I was picky with him this week – towels had to be dry and clean at all times, our son had to wear the “right” suit, lunch sandwiches had to be cut the way our son would eat them, etc. – but it was our first time at the beach and I wanted everything to be perfect.
I am so stunned and hurt that I don’t even know how to respond. I promise I am tough…but my BIGGEST fear is opening up about an insecurity and having it used against me. For him to tell me that he “weathered” my insecurities all week just crushes my soul.
How can I ever open up to him again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset with your body postpartum. But this: Everything has to be perfect on vacation/beach etc. is ridiculous. Enjoy the time with your husband and child. No one cares if the towels are dry or the sandwich is cut in the “right” way.
This nonsense that everything has to be perfect ruins everything in the end.” Kayruda
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your husband had to deal with two children on the last trip and your son was the easy one. Calm down! Nothing is perfect and even if all your complaining has made things perfect, you made your husband feel “less than.” So your belly jiggles.
Whose doesn’t? The towels would have worked. The sandwiches would have been eaten. Everyone would have had a good time. You ruined the vacation and blamed it on your hubby. Yes. He could have been more clear that he was going to be an awesome dad and play with his/your son so you could have an uninterrupted conversation with other adults.
Consider how many women post about their husbands making them feel ugly or not helping with the kids. You have an awesome man so pull your head out before you really become a victim…of your own attitude.” Pair_of_Pearls
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You wanting everything to be perfect and nit pick made the person around you miserable. It was their vacation too and they couldn’t relax dealing with you. You admit it. He didn’t use you opening up against you. He used you being a complete pain in the backside against you.” PlentyHopeful263
11. AITJ For Prioritizing Video Games Over My Parents' Constant Calls for Help?
“I’m a m (16) and my parents mom (46) and dad (56). I’m obviously still living at home with them and an issue that has been coming up for the last year or so is my parents thinking I prioritize video games over them.
They call me from across the house and expect me to come within 15-20 seconds no matter what. And If I do not I will be faced with attitude and snarky comments for easily the rest of the night. (While writing this we got into a screaming argument about it where she ended it by telling me to go away so it’s been getting worse) This is where the major problem comes in, my parents call me a lot from my room to come help them through the night.
(on Average 34 times a night I did the math) but my favorite hobby has always been video games.
You can probably see the problem already. I play online games like overwatch and rocket league etc where if I leave online matches constantly like they want me to, I would get banned starting with hours and eventually permanently.
I got banned in overwatch within the first week of the season. So the pattern is 1: Mom or dad yells for me across the house for me to come help them with something, never telling me what. 2: I either come immediately if I’m free I always do if I can or I’m in the middle of an online game and if I leave I will face a punishment, so I yell back “one second”.
3: I finish whatever I’m doing as fast as I can and come out to see what they needed. My parents tell me that I’m “prioritizing” video games over them and my mom says things along the lines of “I just want to feel more important than a video game” all the time and I just don’t know what to do.
It feels like they just want me to not do anything and just be ready for them at every second. And please let me know if I’m wrong and tell me what I could do to better my situation. But I guess my question now is AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why do your parents need so much help? The level of engagement they are wanting with you is strange. You might try talking them into family counseling, because what they are asking for is well outside the bounds of normal for teen-parent interactions.” crochetbug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents made the decision to allow you to even have video game time online, though perhaps they got more than they bargained for. They should respect it and set clear expectations for how not to misuse it. At 16, it’s also time for you to tell your parents when (and for how long) you’re not available and why.
To do this successfully, you need to “prioritize them over video games “, whatever that may tend to mean. (In other words you make sure you take care of whatever they expect from you before you get your “me” time.) You all are going to have to get that family time in consistently.” atmasabr
10. AITJ For Cutting Off My Parents After Their Disrespectful Remarks About My Pregnant Partner?
“My partner (19F) and I (18M) found out she was pregnant in early June. The first people we told were my (25M) brother and (21F) sister-in-law. Then we went camping with her family and told them. When we got back we still had yet to tell my parents and were going to tell them at dinner that night.
However, word had gotten out and one of my (49F) mom’s friends called and asked her about our pregnancy before we had gotten to tell her. She was livid and was very mad and asking why we had not told her first, while my (50M) Dad was understanding and supportive.
My mom started to cry and I asked multiple times if she was okay or if she wanted to be part of the baby’s life and every time she said yes. Later though she kept telling me how disappointed she was in me for being the youngest and having the first kid.
Fast forward to August and my partner and I moved out into our apartment and both my parents were upset and mad at how fast everything had happened. But my partner and I wanted to get away from them because my mom still to this day has yet to check up on her and ask her how she’s feeling.
Aside from that, we’ve also heard from other people how they ask about us around town. One night my partner had been bleeding and I took her to the hospital and my sister-in-law told me later how my dad had asked if it was bad that he hoped my partner had a miscarriage.
With this, my mom told my sister-in-law that we were going to have an ugly monkey baby (my partner is of Hispanic heritage), and even told her that my partner’s whole family is ugly. But the worst part about that night is how she told my sister-in-law that her and brother should have a pretty white baby and that they would do things right (she’s mad because she wasn’t the first person to know).
I’m so done with my parents and I don’t need them as I already pay all our bills, but WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Even family can be toxic, and no one needs toxicity in their life. You wouldn’t be the jerk. It’s hard to imagine a parent saying such things about their grandchild’s looks.
Shameful really – are you sure your sister-in-law is telling you the truth? You should have called out your dad about the miscarriage immediately after hearing it!” DLCMotroni
9. AITJ For Letting My Mom Plan My Baby Shower Against My Wishes?
“When my mother found out I was pregnant (first grandchild) she instantly asked to be in charge of the baby shower. I said of course as long as she shared responsibility and planning with a close friend and cousin. It has been a nightmare to deal with.
Issue number one: is she never reached out to close friend in the beginning (after multiple attempts by me giving close friend’s number). Eventually they connected with my mom telling her everything was done. My friend was beyond hurt by this.
Issue number two: I wanted a small, female only party and my mom is insisting on a jack and jill.
She has been giving my husband and myself issues on inviting people I either don’t know or haven’t seen in over 25 years.
Issue number three: When my mom asked to host I told her I didn’t want a surprise party. I just don’t like them – mom loves them.
It took several conversations for her to finally tell us when the party will be, and even then she seems to be wishy washy on the details she is giving out.
Issue number four: The party is supposed to be a month away from now and the invites have not been sent.
My cousin is in charge of them and is waiting for final confirmation of details from my mom, which she is simply not giving out for whatever reason.
And finally dear readers, issue number five: Both my husband and myself have made our wishes known, small party, female only, no surprise for multiple conversations with my mom.
She agrees and then does the opposite. I feel like I am not being respected nor heard. It has been a great stress in this pregnancy – to the point where I just want the party done and over with. Not how I imagined feeling about my own baby shower.
My husband and I have discussed this and feel like we have done all we can. We’re leaning towards letting her have her party and then setting down some serious consequences/boundaries after. Are we too close/hormonal to this?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, but YTJ and have not done all you can.
You’ve created (or allowed to be created) a monster. You’ve been bending over backwards so far, to the point where your spines may be permanently deformed. It’s not quite messed up, yet. The invitations have not gone out. You can still save this. Take the entire thing away from your mother, and give it to your friend who should have been in charge in the first place.
You’ll get the party you’ve wanted from the start, without the nightmares. Your mother may scream and cry, but she’s brought this upon herself.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This baby shower is not for you but your mother’s grand-baby-shower. Depending on your relationship with your mother, you have several options.
You can tell her, that this is not the baby shower you want and cancel everything. Or tell her the same and that you will attend to make her happy. Or this and ask her to give you the funds for a second baby shower where you will do exactly what you want.
So you will have one small party, you can enjoy – if possible before the big one your mother is planning – and then you have the family responsible to go to your mother’s party. If she is unwilling to listen to anything. Just cancel the party and ask your friend if they are willing to throw you your party” Trevena_Ice
Tell Mom to cancel everything she's done regarding "your" baby shower and plan your own. Better yet, turn the reins over to cousin, where they should have been from the beginning, and let her finish what mom started. And last but not least, uninvite mom. Since you say the invites haven't gone out yet, no harm, no foul. Because I'm telling you right now, if you DON'T do this, be prepared to have your mother's footprints on your back for the rest of your days, and YOUR child to be raised HER way. Don't do it.
8. AITJ For Not Asking My Stepfather To Walk Me Down The Aisle At My Wedding?
“I have a dilemma and I need an external opinion about the subject.
My father passed away when I was 4 and my brother, Sam, was 2. 2 years later, my mother met my stepfather, Jack.
He is an amazing man and when I was 10, he and mom got married.
He never made us miss anything, he helped both me and my brother throughout our whole life. He was our father figure, he taught us how to approach life and always made sure we knew we could talk with him about anything.
I am 29 now. 4 years ago I met my husband and last month we got married. Everything went fine, the wedding was amazing and the honeymoon was just perfect.
When I came back, though, my mom and my brother were acting weird. They weren’t cold with me but it was clear something was wrong so I asked about it.
It took a bit of convincing but they confessed that they were a bit disappointed with me because I didn’t ask Jack to walk me down the aisle ( nobody walked me down the aisle, I went alone. It’s not a big tradition in our country.
Most people do it but some don’t.). I said that I didn’t know he wanted to do it, we never talked about it.
My mom and Sam told me that months before the wedding Jack confessed to them that he would have really liked to walk me down the aisle but he didn’t want to push this request on me so he didn’t say anything.
They told me that the two of them had heavily hinted about me asking him about it and, yeah, after they told me, I remembered a few times when that happened, I simply didn’t catch the hint at the time.
I felt like crap and went to talk with him but he simply shrugged it off, said that he wasn’t upset about it and that he is happy I was able to do the wedding as I wanted to.
He said I was a beautiful bride, we hugged. I’m still worried about it though.
AITJ for not asking him to walk me down the aisle?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He seems cool with it. Your mother is the jerk pushing this. Sounds like SD raised you to be an independent, self reliant woman who didn’t need to be “given away” like property to your husband.
The custom is patriarchal and unnecessary. Don’t give it another thought.” rshni67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepdad was good that he didn’t bring it up or act weird afterward. I bet if he did bring it up and you’d decided you didn’t want anyone walking you, he would’ve been fine too.
He wasn’t pushy/resentful. Your mom/brother should’ve done more than hinting if they were that concerned. Their behavior after the fact was childish. You handled it the best you could. Sounds like you’re a good communicator.” riobhcas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Though Jack is also, the jerks here are your mom and brother. This could so easily have been a no jerks here… it’s very understandable for Jack, who seems to have loved you as a father and who you love too to be hurt that you didn’t choose to have him walk you.
It’s understandable that you didn’t have him (or anybody) walk you… it’s a dumb tradition that while basically harmless now has some creepy roots in the patriarchy. But then your mom and brother were passive-aggressive about it well after it was too late to do anything.” Ok-Insurance-1829
7. AITJ For Not Changing An Employee's Hours Due To Her Childcare Issues?
“I own a small recreational sports business. Very Small. Just my spouse and I for the longest time. We hired a friend as a full time employee to help us out as a receptionist type position but also helped teach first timers.
She ended up becoming pregnant and so we made arrangements for her job duties to be lessened once she got to the later months to ease stress on her and also changed her to part time to accommodate physical restrictions. She ended up working 4:30pm-8:30pm 4 nights a week until going on leave.
Once she left, my spouse and I just picked up all the tasks she was doing ourselves.
After about 8 weeks she ended up messaging, saying she was ready to come back. So we made arrangements to bring her back part time, working the same hours (4:30-8:30) so she could adjust to working and handling the baby.
It was her request to come back part time/same hours. Her husband works from home until 5pm so she planned to have a baby sitter every day for an hour to sit with the baby while she left for work and while husband was finishing up his last hour of work.
After coming back for her first week, she messaged saying that her babysitter cancelled on her and she wouldn’t be able to come in until 5:30 (after husband got off work). I told her that being at the business at 4:30 when we opened for the afternoon was imperative and that most important part of her job was greeting the new people coming in for their appointments and getting them set up for their session.
I suggested that she look into the babysitting services here in town if she is needing a new sitter. She got upset and said that we were not being accommodating to her child care needs. I told her that our work hours are set. She responded by saying that “she just wasn’t ready to come back.” So I just want to know, AITJ for not changing her job hours because of her lack of babysitter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Would need to know what Country you are in to know if there could be further issues…the UK, etc. are VERY different on how you can legally terminate an employee, so you may need to seek legal advice. In the USA, almost all States are ‘at will’ meaning you can be fired for any legal reason.” tictactoss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was up to her to have a sitter and a backup for emergencies as well as a backup for that. Adjusting her hours to accommodate her lack of sitter isn’t up to you. That’s the hazard of hiring a friend.
Someone who’s just an employee is less likely to make a demand like that.” Emotional_Bonus_934
6. AITJ For Getting A Gym Member Banned For Filming Me Without Consent?
“I (F27) have recently joined a gym after searching for a long time.
I am recovering from an ED and severe body dysmorphia so it took me a VERY long time to find a gym where I felt comfortable. This particular chain of gyms happens to have a “no filming” rule but it’s loosely enforced. I’m very VERY self-conscious and have not taken a photo of myself in years, and feel particularly vulnerable while I’m working out.
So to be extra cautious, I go at slow times of the day and if someone is filming, I simply move out of the camera’s view.
Unfortunately today, I needed to use a certain machine and halfway through my workout I realized a girl next to me was filming and the camera was pointed right at me.
I waited until she was finished and then asked if she wouldn’t mind deleting the video because I didn’t want to be in it. She told me “Oh but you look good!” and showed me the footage which confirmed I was very clearly in it and you could even see every unflattering roll and sweat patch on me.
I told her I really wasn’t comfortable with it, and she then showed me her fitness instagram and explained that this was her income and job. Her logic was “this is my work product which takes a lot of time and you’re asking me to completely redo it because you don’t like how you look”.
At this point my anxiety was spiking, and so I called over an employee of the gym, who informed her that it was against policy to film. She deleted the video then, and I walked away but I saw her being asked to leave completely.
I was later contacted by the manager of the location, who apologized for my bad experience and informed me her membership was terminated.
Out of morbid curiosity, I went to her page and saw she’d posted a story about someone getting her “banned from X gyms” and how she was forced to delete a ton of content.
I feel bad now because I didn’t intend to get her kicked out or banned, I just didn’t want to be in her content.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked her kindly to delete the video. She escalated it by refusing. She was breaking the rules and got caught and banned. Congratulations for standing your ground.
Her right to flaunt you all over the internet and make funds off you is nonexistent. And thank you for protecting other gym members.” Stardust777788
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She knew she was breaking the rules of the gym and her membership agreement. Thank you for reporting her.
Thanks from the rest of us. I go to the gym in my worst clothes and considering my body, look like I should be working harder. I do not want to be an example on someone’s social media.” hopingtothrive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If she was any good at her “job” then she wouldn’t be filming at a no filming gym.
If her membership was terminated after this incident you can bet this either wasn’t her first offense or she kicked up such a nasty fuss that they knew she would continue to be a risk and poor member. She brought this on herself. Congratulations for standing up for yourself in an anxiety including situation.
Everyone deserves comfort at the gym.” KartlindWitch
5. AITJ For Wanting to Manage My Own Fantasy Football Team?
“This is my first time ever playing fantasy football. I told my husband I didn’t want to play, but it seemed important to him that I tried it, and he really thought that I’d enjoy it if I tried it, so I obliged.
Fast forward a few weeks, I’m not enjoying it.
He is constantly telling me who I should be adding and dropping. I said that I picked my players at the start and I just wanted to leave my team the way it was, and that I didn’t think it was fair to the others in the league if he was managing both teams. He said it wasn’t fair to the other teams if I just wasn’t managing my team and then I was just setting everyone else up in the league for wins (which I don’t think is accurate because I had pretty good players, but that’s beside the point).
Last week, he recommended I trade one of my players, and he didn’t realize that the player he told me to pick up was on a bye week, so he wanted to do some more adjusting. I said I was fine leaving my team the way it was but he didn’t like that.
So I went on the team and dropped the player that he recommended last week (because he was questionable anyway) and picked up someone else that was available, projected to get good points, not questionable, and not on a bye.
After my husband saw the transaction I made, he got upset that I dropped that player (apparently the best player on my team) instead of dropping the guy on my bench.
I said I’m still learning how to play and I’m never going to learn if he does everything for me. But he said that I’m not asking questions and I’m refusing his help. Which he’s right, this is my team and I want to do it myself, even if that means making mistakes.
I told him he was being insane for getting so mad at me over a game, which probably makes me the jerk for name-calling. But I don’t think I’m the jerk for wanting to manage my own team?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve had partners I let basically manage my team and I don’t understand why they all enjoyed it so much.
I always assumed it was some kind of saviour thing. Like they were saving me from losing and I should be grateful. I couldn’t care less so I just let them do it but if you want to learn your partner needs to back off.
Also I took advice from a guy other than my partner and make a trade- he acted like I was unfaithful lol. I think guys (and some gals) can just be weird about it and I don’t get it.” erin_baile
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your team. Tell him he’s ruining the experience for you and you’re apt to not play again. I don’t think the other players in the league mind if they’re picking up wins from someone that’s still learning how to play fantasy football or has a more hands off approach to managing their roster.” gokartmozart89
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Got roped into one of these at work (albeit rugby league) to make the numbers up. I only committed once I had a written and signed contract, with witness, that the lowest scoring participant is bestowed with a good old fashioned pork pie.
Guess who purposefully lost and “won” a pork pie?” Davilyan
4. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Missing Our Weekly Family Dinners?
“I (25F) have a sister Darcy (23F). Our mother passed away when we were both infants and it’s just been my sister, Darcy and I.
Growing up Dad was always close to the both of us but Darcy was always quite distant and quiet when it came to me, she ended up moving out when she was 18 and ever since then we grew a bit closer, and most weeks we do weekly dinners at ours and Darcy comes over and it’s a nice time for all of us to get together.
At the moment I’m living at home with dad, helping taking care of him since he is getting close to his 80s, and Darcy has a full time nursing job and works 5 days a week, she comes over for dinner on Fridays-she gets every Friday off.
Lately Darcy has been cancelling coming over for dinner most weeks now and it’s starting to get me down. Especially with how dad is getting older and I know he won’t be here one day so I want her to spend as much time with him as possible.
Last Friday she called up dad and said she’s sorry again but she will have to cancel, she said she didn’t want to get into it but I got really annoyed
So I called her up and asked why she was bailing again, and she again said she didn’t want to get into it and just said work has been really stressful.
I told her that she’s been doing this for a while now and that she just obviously doesn’t care about this family.
She replied back saying that this is exactly why she moved out, and that since I’ve never had a job that I wouldn’t understand, and that she does care about dad and not me.
She then hung up.
I got upset and mad and was talking to my partner about it and he took her side saying that I don’t know what happens at her work and that she’s probably tired. And I replied back she could still come over for a few hours.
He told me to drop it.
But now I’m wondering if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ She was attending, then when she says she can’t you start being abusive. A more reasonable approach would have been to ask if there was anything you could do to help.
You sound like my sister, she’s judgemental, controlling, passive aggressive and becomes abusive if I do something she doesn’t like. Fortunately I live in another country. I don’t keep in touch because I just can’t be bothered any more.” Amimehere
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s not very common for a lot of families to do weekly dinners even when the parents get older.
Your partner is right you dont know what goes on at her job. With her being a nurse there a good chance she sees people pass away which can take a huge toll on her. It’s not her fault you guys do not provide the comfort for her to be able to handle coming over after it being rough at work/life.” lilwildjess
Another User Comments:
“YTJ since you never had a job, you are not in a position to judge anything about your sister’s circumstances. The matter is between your sister and her father, you need to concentrate on what are you going to do once you no longer care for your dad.” Kukka63
3. AITJ For Wanting To Delay My In-Laws Visit To My Newborn?
“I haven’t been in speaking terms with my in-laws ever since my MIL caused a huge moral conflict 4 months ago. We used to be super close but she ruined it. (My Brother-in-Law did something horrible to my husband and they’re protecting that POS BIL.)
I’m 25 weeks pregnant with our first baby and I’m doing my best to avoid any emotional stress, so I just blocked their phone numbers til I’m ready to talk to them again. My husband is still speaking with his parents though, to be cordial, and he has a more forgiving heart towards his parents.
He has no plan to forgive his brother though.
Husband just told me that his parents and his grandma booked a flight and a hotel for 2 weeks timed for my delivery date. I’m upset that I was not consulted. Yes I know I’m currently unreachable to them but they didn’t even ask my husband to ask me if I’m okay with them coming over.
They didn’t even ask my husband if he’s okay with it. They just selfishly did what they want. I understand that it’s their first grandkid but I read that newborns have low to no immune system and pediatricians online recommend to wait until 2-3months before any out-of-town family can visit.
Tomorrow I will speak with my husband and tell him it’s not safe for our baby also I feel disrespected for what his parents did. I don’t want them around during this incredibly new challenging milestone in my life. I want to be left alone.
My husband is a good man and respects what I say. He just needs to be educated about baby stuff like newborn immune system.
Should I text his mom directly to wait until my baby is 3 months? Or should I ask my husband to talk to her since it’s his parents?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. I’m sorry you’ve had a falling out recently, that sucks. If I were in your position, I would ask Mr. Husband to speak with his mother, about this trip and asking/confirming availability for future trips. Good luck, I hope you have an easy delivery and a super happy healthy babe!” nevernauts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Congratulations on soon becoming a mom! You are being very reasonable in setting boundaries regarding the health, safety and well-being of your baby and of you two as a couple and new parents. Stand firm on that boundary. This is your husband’s family of birth.
Let him handle them on both your behalf. He needs to let his l family know that their plan will not work for you soon-to-be three. And either tell them to re-book for three months later, or to wait until he invites them down. Good luck & take care of yourself and each other.” Some-Selection1811
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just focus on keeping yourself and your baby safe. But also keep your husband to account, if he is still talking to them and repeatedly asks you if you’re sure about them not coming to see you, then that’s a sign that he isn’t going to support you with them.
But if he only asked once, then that’s a good sign.” Equivalent-Vast5318
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Supervise Our Dogs While Working From Home?
“For context, a few months, my fiancée and I bought a house with a home office and a fenced-in yard. We both had the same work-from-home job. I reluctantly agreed to allow her to get two dogs.
I am very much a dog person, but I also prefer to live a simple and content life. (I didn’t even have a TV when I met her.) We have been dealing with car problems for several months and we are trying to save up for a wedding, so I didn’t want the extra responsibility.
I made it clear that if she were to get any dogs, that taking care of them would be her responsibility by default. (I had been doing laundry and lawn mowing by default, and we split the remaining chores roughly evenly.)
Fast forward to now, and my fiancée did not retain her work-from-home job; her new job will require a long commute and probably three 12-hr shifts per week.
We were talking about a new routine, and I mentioned that I planned on leaving the dogs outside while I worked, and bringing them inside to their kennel when the PA weather got bad. By contrast, she would normally rotate the dogs in and out every few hours, but when they’re inside, they need supervision because they are puppies that destroy things and leave accidents.
She reacted very negatively to the notion that I would leave the dogs by themselves for the whole work day, and said I was being unfair to them. But I feel that it is unfair to me that I should have to manage these responsibilities while I’m trying to work.
On one hand, I don’t want to feel resentment towards her because of the dogs. Also, our office has expensive government equipment, my nice personal laptop and stereo set, and some other non-dogproofed things that I would be furious if they broke. On the other, my fiancée says that she is not asking for a lot of effort.
Also, my job doesn’t require a lot of people interaction, and I’m efficient enough that I consistently hit quotas daily with time to spare.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the dogs have each other for company and you already said you’d bring them inside when the weather is bad and after work.
They aren’t mature enough to be in the office and can destroy equipment, which you’d have to replace, likely impacting wedding savings. As long as you check on them, and feed and water them on breaks you are not the jerk” Chilloutpls
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here- Its understandable that you worry about not being able to carefully monitor them while working. But it takes moments to let them be in their kennels or put them outside to play and go to the bathroom. Puppies are a lot of work, but what shes asking isn’t really a lot.
There are those with puppies that don’t work from home that manage (a friend of mine included who has 3 dogs). An clearly she herself who worked from home managed to rotate them. Hopefully you can find a way to incorporate the puppies needs with the schedule you have.
Neither person is wrong here.” KryoChamber
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You agreed, even though reluctantly, to bring dogs into your home and into your life. It is ridiculous to pretend that you can just wash your hands of taking any responsibility for the care and up keep of these pets.
That’s not how pet ownership works. Further, life throws curveballs, and you can’t predict them. Your wife’s employment changed. You both have to pivot based on these new circumstances. It isn’t terrible to have the dogs outside while you work if the right conditions are met.
You are a jerk because you are pretending that these dogs are her responsibility alone. Once you brought these dogs into your life, you agreed to be responsible for them.” Tacos-and-zonkeys
In your shoes, I'd get big crates for the puppies and leave them in the crates while they're in the house during the day, and leaving them outside the rest of the time, weather permitting. Crate training is a wonderful way to get puppies through the "everything is a toy for me to chew up" puppy phase that I hate, and gives the pup a safe space of his/her own. It's also a lifesaver at night for when you don't want to be worrying about what pups are doing when you're asleep, if they have the run of the house.
1. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Ignore Online Stories and Accept A Date?
“I (22M) have a friend (21M) let’s call him J.
J works as a CM for a small local business and has been trying to keep up with trends, thus resulting in him using a lot of TikTok. He told me that he’s been getting a lot of those videos that are essentially a Minecraft parkour with a story being narrated from subreddits such as this one, off my chest and relationship advice.
I brushed it off as he told me that he only watches them for fun and doesn’t give them importance… I was wrong… last week J told me that a co-worker of his had asked him out on a date, he described her as pretty, kind, smart and friendly.
J has never been the kind to go on dates because he thought girls didn’t find him attractive, so when he told me he got asked out I got really happy, congratulated him and told him to go for it and that it was awesome, but he told me he wasn’t gonna accept her.
When I asked why would he not accept it he told me something that left me dumbfounded for a moment… He said that he had seen so many Reddit stories about infidelities and people being overall jerks to their partners that he was scared of getting into a relationship and having the same happen to him…
I was speechless, I asked him if he was serious, and he told me he was… So I got mad and told him that he was being way too chronically online, told him to get a grip of reality and to go touch some grass he then said that he couldn’t help it and that he was scared of being betrayed.
I then told him that if he rejected this girl who in his own words was amazing, he would also lose the privilege of complaining about not getting into a relationship.
It’s been a couple of days since and while J and I still talk he seems hurt, I honestly don’t think what I did was THAT bad, but his reaction had me wondering…
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to just be clear with him that he won’t find a good relationship unless he puts himself out there. Perhaps the way you said it came off a bit brash but ultimately it’s up to himself if he wants to take your advice and move on with his life.” bamboo_eater1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your friend has low esteem and feels that girls don’t find him attractive. You admit that getting a date is a new experience for him, and he’s understandably nervous. Instead of encouraging him, you’re tearing him down. You got mad at him and insulted him and told him to never complain to you about not having relationships anymore.
That’s pretty harsh. Imagine someone learning to drive a car for the first time. And before they start the engine, they say they want to back out because they’re afraid to get into an accident. The right way is to talk them through their fears and encourage them.
Imagine if you treat this new driver the way you treat your friend. That’s not encouraging at all and sounds more like a bully than a friend” Cats-in-the-rain
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