People Tell Us The Meanest Thing They’ve Done In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Invite His Friend To Stay In The House I Bought?
“I, 50F have been with my husband 43M for 18 long years and throughout these years I have wanted to buy a house, to which he always said was “a waste of money” and was “happy being in a rented house”. It has always been a dream of mine to buy my own house and he has known this, but since he didn’t share that dream I decided to save up money and borrow the rest from the bank to buy a house in my home country.
Before I borrowed money from the bank I asked if he wanted to buy the home with me to which he said “no” so I started working 3 jobs and was approved to borrow money from the bank and bought a home.
None of his money has ever gone into the house I have bought, I am the one that pays the bills and mortgage and I also pay 50% of the rent in the country we are currently living in, and now he wants to make decisions in the decoration of the house that I bought which I think is unfair.
This past week I came to my home country to meet with contractors and start some building work on the house (for context the house is very old and needs lots of work) and while I was away he went to have lunch with his friend and their family.
Over lunch, it was brought up that he was coming over Easter to my home country by car to bring some things over and his friend’s wife said “why doesn’t husband’s friend go with you to help”. To which my husband agreed without consulting me first and asking what plans I had made for Easter.
I found out about it two days later when my daughter who overheard the conversation told me as he did not discuss inviting his friend to my house with me prior. Now I do really like his friend and wouldn’t mind him in my house at all, however, the fact that no one spoke to me about it beforehand rubs me off the wrong way and makes me feel disrespected. Furthermore, I have 3 daughters and 1 son, since I recently bought the house I have the bare minimum in terms of furniture so his friend would have to sleep on an inflatable mattress, which I think is quite embarrassing, and when I host I like to give the best of the best to the people I invite.
I explained this to him and he said I was making a big deal out of nothing and that his friend wouldn’t mind sleeping on an inflatable mattress, and that since we’re married it’s also his house. I then asked if he would contribute with the extra costs from his friend’s stay, like food, water, gas, and if he would do his friend’s laundry, etc to which he said I was being “unreasonable” and “dramatic” and that one more person is nothing.
I then suggested he and his friend stay in a hotel, so that way I wouldn’t have an added workload and expenses to which he said would be a waste of his money as staying in my home was “practically free.”
So am I the jerk for not wanting him to bring his friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your husband to stop being an absolute goof. He is 43, it is time he understands just because he is the man doesn’t mean he gets to be the boss no matter what in the relationship. You need to have a conversation with him about what he actually wants from your relationship because he comes across like he wants a maid as a wife and not a partner.” COLGkenny
Another User Comments:
“Regardless of who owns the home, your husband should not be inviting anyone to stay at your place unless you are in agreement. Who wants a guest in their home while it is still under construction? Considering that he is also traveling to another country, I assume he plans to stay for a considerable period of time.
No thanks! I also lost all respect for your husband since he says home ownership is a waste of money. Paying rent for years is a waste of money when you could be building equity. He is not a financial genius! NTJ.” Maximum-Swan-1009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you will need to be more firm. Stop saying “I think that is not fair” and start saying, “I said no! And also, you are married, but that house is not his also unless you die or you get a divorce. I hate married people – Ugh (I am married by the way – but not to someone who would ever claim my possessions unless the two events above occurred – maybe not even in divorce).
Keep all your keys on you. Keep all your paperwork. Keep your renting butt husband’s name off of your property deeds. Let him know, he has no rights to that house, his name is not on it, and be firm. Also, let him complain and whine and not talk to you if he wants.
Talk to your contractors and friends.” Fine_Somewhere_3520
20. AITJ For Cutting Up Soiled Baby Blankets Before Throwing Them Away?
“About a year ago, my elderly non-English speaking neighbor “Jessica” (80F) started going through our trash and “salvaging” items that she deemed to be “usable.” She will cut open bags and leave a horrible mess.
We tried to install locks but we went on vacation for 10 days and we came back to the locks cut off and dumped in our recycling. I wonder who did that!
Recently, my 19-year-old cat, Bobo, stopped using the litter box. My vet thinks it’s because he passed a kidney stone in it so now he has negative associations.
We have an enclosed patio where Bobo has decided to go potty and his urine is like acid because of his kidney issues and it eroded some of the wood. We tried to use puppy pads but Bobo hates them.
To solve this issue, we bought some 100% cotton baby blankets in bulk (biodegradable) and we throw them out after they are horribly soaked in urine and poop (we flush the poop).
We tried washing the blankets but my cat is going through kidney failure so his urine is extremely rank and the blankets stay stinky forever and stink up our washer+dryer so into the trash they went! Well, guess what goes missing every garbage day!
Our disgusting, kidney-failure-soaked-cat-urine-un-washable blankets.
I was so horrified for Jessica that I decided to cut the blankets into tiny pieces so that they couldn’t be used again. Then the other day Jessica’s daughter, “Jamie” (55F) came over and yelled at me for cutting the blankets!
That her mother was cold and wanted to make a quilt out of them!
I was absolutely disgusted by this but I still refused to set aside the urine-soaked blankets for Jessica. AITJ for cutting up the baby blankets before throwing them away?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because that’s a sanitary issue and using them could get her seriously sick. Does she need some kind of help? Digging through your neighbors’ trash so aggressively that you break locks is not normal. As an unrelated aside most septic systems are not set up to process cat feces and you should probably be bagging that and putting it in regular trash” sikkerhet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Some people would call the police, she isn’t a raccoon. She should not be going through your trash, what if there was poison in there? (Do not put poison in there, obviously, lol, but there could be bathroom cleaning products in the trash and nobody should need to baby-proof their trash can for a neighbor) Call Adult Protective Services if her kid thinks searching through trash for blankets is how she should live.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s cold? Why isn’t her daughter buying her new blankets? Why would she prefer her mother use poop/urine-soaked dumpster blankets? I’m not my mum’s biggest fan and yet I’d buy her blankets if she was resorting to dumpster blankets for warmth.
But I don’t even think that’s the main issue really, it sounds like she is doing it for other things as well and not just for a blanket. Is there someone you can call? Adult Protective Services perhaps? Someone needs to have a word with them and I don’t think it should be you.” Ambaria
19. AITJ For Not Attending My Stepdaughter's Graduation Because She Doesn't Like Me?
“I (52m) have been married to my wife (41f) for a little over a year now. She has three children (18f, 16m, 15m.) I have two grown sons.
Long story short; I’ve managed to make friends with her boys, but her daughter can’t stand me.
No matter how much I’ve tried to connect with her, to have a good (or even cordial) relationship with her, she’s always rebuffed me.
Finally, a few months ago I pulled her aside and asked her why she seemed to have such a problem with me.
She responded “I just think you’re creepy and too old for my mom. I just don’t like you.”
I told her that she was entitled to her opinion, but that we both love the same woman (in a completely different way, of course) and that we should try to get along.
She responded by making it very clear that she wanted nothing to do with me.
I told her “OK, well that’s fine, then. You’re always welcome in this house, but I won’t keep trying to be friends with you, and will leave you alone. But I can’t have you keep making snide remarks toward me or otherwise treating me rudely in my own house.
Let’s just leave each other alone as best we can, and, if we have to interact, just be polite. Deal?”
She agreed.
Her high school graduation is coming up in a couple of months. My wife is planning her grad party a few weeks later, in June.
While she was talking to me about her plans I told her that I wouldn’t be going to the ceremony and that I would plan a golf outing for the day of the party.
My wife thinks that I’m acting all “butthurt and childish.” I get how it’s coming off that way; I really do.
I honestly don’t see it that way, though. I just think that I’m honoring the deal that I made with my stepdaughter and that she wouldn’t want me there anyway, given the dim view she takes of me. Her graduation should be about her; I’d just be a distraction.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re respecting your step-daughter’s boundaries and space. If your wife feels upset with you not showing up, it would’ve been good to have that conversation beforehand so she can talk to the stepdaughter to get her opinion about you being at the graduation.
All in all NTJ though, you respected your deal, and although it could’ve gone better still NTJ.” ExtraBat8684
Another User Comments:
“Three-way family conversations are the worst. Talk to her directly and remember that some teenagers, especially those who have experienced emotional trauma from dysfunctional situations, will say nasty things to test the boundaries of “unconditional love.” I would say to her: “you and I had an understanding that we would stay out of each other’s way.
Based on that, I felt that not being around for your graduation would respect our agreement and allow you to enjoy it more fully. If your view of me has changed in the last year though, I would be happy to cancel my plans and show my support for you.
If not, it’s totally fine and I will keep my plans. Either way, I will tell your mother that you’re an adult and she does not need to mediate our relationship or lack of one. Whatever you choose, I’ll respect. Just know that (1) I am planning to attend your siblings’ graduations, and (2) I am happy for you and I do support you even as I have tried to stay out of your way.”” Unseen_Unbiased1733
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Civility and politeness should be the absolute minimum, but it’s a shame that you had to have this conversation with her. Her mother should have nipped the rudeness in the bud when it started. At her age, she doesn’t have to think you are a buddy or like you, but it shouldn’t have fallen on you to ask for basic politeness.
Your wife’s take on this is flat-out wrong – she may want “happy families,” but her daughter’s rudeness is the issue. Enjoy your golf outing.” BefuddledPolydactyls
18. AITJ For Adopting My Nephew Instead Of Letting My Sister Do It?
“I (34M) have two sisters, Amy (36F) and Jane (31F). Amy and her husband have been trying to conceive for the better part of a decade but nothing seems to be working for them.
2 years ago they went for another round of IVF but sadly Amy miscarried once again. Due to the complications following this miscarriage, she became sterile. This of course devastated her and her husband because they really wanted to start a family of their own.
They are now looking into adoption but it’s a long and slow process since Amy’s husband has a criminal record from when he was 19.
A year ago my sister Jane gave birth to her son Sam. The pregnancy was the result of a one-night stand Jane had during her vacation in Italy, and although it was unexpected and the father wouldn’t be in the picture Jane decided to keep the baby.
Sadly Jane had a stroke when Sam was 6mo and passed away. It was very unexpected and most of the family is still grieving. After the funeral, we started to discuss who would take Sam in.
My parents were out of the question since they are too old and won’t be able to take care of him.
So it was between Amy and me.
Amy jumped at the opportunity and volunteered to take Sam in, and although this seemed to be the ideal solution at first, the way Amy spoke about the adoption didn’t sit right with me.
She wanted to change Sam’s name and surname and asked us not to mention Jane around Sam after the adoption was finalized. Essentially Amy wanted to raise Sam as her own and didn’t think telling him his bio mom passed away would do him any good.
To me, this felt like Amy was trying to erase Jane’s memory and was treating her like some surrogate and not a sister whom she lost.
After much consideration, I didn’t like the idea that Sam would grow up without knowing who his bio mother was.
And although I already have 5 children of my own, I decided to contest the adoption and volunteered to adopt him instead.
We went to court, and it was recently determined that my wife and I would be adopting Sam.
Amy is furious at me and is calling me a jerk for ruining her chances of becoming a mother.
She is saying that I already have many children of my own so I don’t understand how badly she wants to become a parent. Some relatives are now calling me selfish for taking this chance away from Amy and are telling me that instead of thinking of what would be better for Sam I was thinking about how to preserve the memory of Jane.
Although I don’t regret adopting Sam, I’m starting to doubt whether I made the right decision for his future.
I know that Amy would have made a great mother and that both she and her husband would absolutely adore Sam. And as their only child, they would probably be able to provide him a better life financially.
However, their wanting to erase all memories of Jane just doesn’t feel right.”
Another User Comments:
“This reads weird. Was there no middle ground between letting them do this completely their way or adopting Sam yourselves? As far as I know, your instinct is right and children should be told where they come from as soon as possible, so it’s never some big secret.
However, couldn’t you have convinced them of this instead? What exactly did you try before escalating to adopting Sam yourself? NTJ.” Quadrantje
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The courts looked at both options, and they chose you. They will have had a lot more information than you’re portraying here, and they chose you.
I tend to always side with court rulings unless there’s some obvious bias. Maybe the husband’s criminal record contributed to that, but in my experience, unless his crimes were excessively violent or aimed at children (in which case, they’d be a very valid reason to keep him away from a kid) family court tends to ignore older irrelevant criminal history.
I think that it’s very likely that the court chose you, despite you already having five children of your own, because of Amy’s mental state. Trying to rewrite Sam’s history and completely obliterate who his parents are is an alarming step for anyone to take, and it was based solely on what Amy wanted. It wasn’t for the good of the child.
And that is what the court likely based its decision on. It was better for Sam to be placed with you, but it was better for Amy for Sam to be placed with her. The kid always comes first. Always. So is it sad for Amy?
Yeah. But I don’t think it’s sad for Sam.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“Hard NTJ. The thing is, you know your own sister better than any of these commenters. You’re the best judge of her motives here, and your dad instincts were going off for a reason.
It really seems like your sister’s motivations were selfish and colored by grief regarding her fertility issues. The idea of passing off her nephew as her biological son using photos of her lost pregnancy is not a sign of a healthy parental mindset. There’s a high chance she and her husband would have cut off any family who didn’t want to go along with their lies (how else could they have maintained them?) and the boy would have ended up isolated and unaware of his mother.
As a mom who faced a potentially life-ending medical situation myself after my child was born, it’s heartbreaking to think that anyone would have tried to erase me from his life if the worst had happened. You already have kids. It’s not like you desperately wanted another one.
All you wanted was whatever was best for your nephew, and you’re right that being treated as a replacement and discarding the mother who loved and cared for him since he was born is NOT what is best for him. The court gave him to you for a reason.
Your sister may have wanted him more, but you loved him more. Not for being a thing you wanted, but as a person who deserves to know the truth about his own life.” Trilobyte141
17. AITJ For Not Inviting My Neighbors To My Daughter's Private Birthday Party?
“Yesterday was my daughter’s 8th birthday and we did a princess-themed party.
The only people invited were family or family friends.
My relationship with my neighbors is meh. We wave if we see them but otherwise, we don’t talk to each other or anything really.
During my daughter’s birthday party, held in our yard which is semi-fenced, I started to bring out the cupcakes for the kids.
When handing them out I noticed that 2 kids were definitely not invited because they weren’t my nieces/nephews or of a family friend. I then realized they were my neighbor’s kids. I paused handing out cupcakes to ask why they were here and one of the kids just shrugged and said “my mommy said I could go”.
I told them it was inappropriate to just come here. My husband escorted them back to their parents’ house. All the neighbors’ houses are decently spaced so it’s not necessarily dangerous but we felt better if someone walked with the kids.
Later on, I think after we did the whole cake cutting, our neighbors approached again.
This time it was both parents and the kids. I asked what they were doing and they looked confused, saying they were joining the party. I was a little agitated now and sternly said they were not invited, that this was a birthday party for my daughter, and family/family friends were invited. It was awkward as they left and the kids kept whining as they did.
The next day, today, I got a handwritten letter in my mailbox about how I treated the neighbors rudely and it’s expected to share community events. Was I too rude/harsh?”
Another User Comments:
“So your entitled neighbors regard a private party as a “community event”?
Fortunately, you are not obligated to share their delusions. NTJ, but you should probably put up security cameras. And a note in their mailbox explaining the difference between “community events” and private parties would be entirely appropriate.” PingPongProfessor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Start as you mean to go on.
It wouldn’t have been a one-off, it would have been confirmation of their weird thinking that they are automatically welcome at any event you hold in your yard. You handled it correctly. They weren’t invited and them living nearby doesn’t mean they get to attend any neighborhood party or barbecue they can see from the street.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my own experience when children who live directly next door to each other aren’t friends there are generally good reasons, so I imagine there’s just cause as to why these two were not invited. Regardless, for parents to just send their kids along to someone else’s yard to join in on an event is not only awful adulting but also awful parenting.” BrewertonFats
16. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Change Her Inappropriate Outfit For My Work Promotion Dinner?
“So, for context, the best description of my wife and I is that we are both 34-year-old child-free professionals.
For the last 6 months, I’ve been really gunning for a promotion in the firm I work for (engineering). I could realistically be making it to upper management this year.
My company has a tradition of inviting big promotions to a specific restaurant with their spouse for a “check-in with management and owners”, which is typically when they are offered the big promotion on the Monday. My wife and I jokingly refer to this as my Catalina Wine Mixer.
It’s all that’s been on my mind for months. She knows how big this is for me.
Well, I got the invite yesterday for my big dinner this weekend. The head of my department moved to another firm at the beginning of April, so the position is open.
I’ve gotten a few pats on the back and wink-winks at work, and I think it’s my time. I have a feeling I’m going to be the new department manager. I’ve been working my butt off for this, proving myself the best I can with quality work.
I really appreciate the integrity and management style of the current owners and I think they can see how much I care. This could be my shot at buying in eventually.
So, my wife went shopping and made a hair color appointment, all prepping for the “big event” and tells me tonight that she’s ready to show me her outfit for dinner.
It’s a Michelin-star restaurant, way fancier than we would typically take ourselves to. I’ve been so excited about the opportunity for my wife to come enjoy the restaurant as well.
So, she revealed her outfit to me earlier tonight and I was quite taken aback.
It was a VERY revealing tiny black dress, with big tall fancy high heels. And, while I think she looks fantastic, it is in absolutely no way work-appropriate. Maybe to a club, if you were trying to show EVERYTHING off. It barely covers her butt, is skin-tight, with a ton of cleavage.
I’ve never seen her buy or even wear anything close to something this risqué. I stressed multiple times that while she looked stunning, not for this occasion.
I gently voiced my concerns until it turned into a full-blown argument and my wife got fairly defensive, kept insisting that it was completely fine considering the occasion, that I should be “showing her off on my big night” and now has decided she won’t come because it was a complete jerk move of me to criticize her outfit, apparently.
I told her I’m concerned that my older fairly conservative managers are probably not going to be super comfortable with the outfit (and no, I don’t think my wife needs to cater to how strangers feel, but I do think there’s a slight difference here considering it’s a situation directly related to a work environment for me).
It escalated into a fight with her saying she either goes in that outfit or she doesn’t go, some tears from her, and now sleeping in the spare room because I wouldn’t back down that the dress is not an okay choice for this type of dinner.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is ridiculously unreasonable – it is a work dinner, a very revealing outfit is simply not appropriate, conservative management or not. Your clothing probably doesn’t involve flashing your chest to your belly button or showcasing your calves, right?
No reason there should be an exception for her, especially not a “trophy wife” kind of situation with you “showing her off”. Has there been a similar situation in the past?” alexandraadler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is it possible that she is not understanding this is essentially a step in the interview process of you getting the promotion, and instead thinks it is closer to a holiday party?
You state you are both professionals. If the roles were reversed, she was the one up for promotion, and you picked an entirely inappropriate outfit to wear (i.e. decided to wear jeans and a tank top), she’d surely feel the same and be mortified to show up with you.
It maybe just needs to be clear this is a work FUNCTION, not a casual dinner amongst work buddies or whatever she thinks wearing an LBD is for.” tictactoss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! “Show her off.” Good grief she realizes this is about a work promotion for you and that you’re not her pimp right?
Dare I say it, but your wife’s desire to appear appealing to your work colleagues is about as narcissistic as it gets. I’m a woman around the same age as your wife, I would happily wear something risqué if it was a date night for example but never so sit down to dinner with my husband’s boss and team.
My husband would have been the exact same, told me I look nice but that it’s not appropriate for the setting and situation, I’ll be honest if I came down in what you described my husband would have just assumed I was joking. Your wife is throwing a tantrum because her pride has been wounded and she’s letting her ego get in the way, she’s embarrassed and I’d put money on it that before your big dinner, she’ll come to her senses and wear something appropriate that she still looks lovely in.
NTJ.” European_Goldfinch_
15. AITJ For Defending My Tourettes Diagnosis Against Accusations Of Faking?
“I (16m) suffer from Tourette’s syndrome, which I was diagnosed with when I was around 11 years old. I say suffer because, in my experience, it has been horrible. It affects daily aspects of my life and isn’t something I joke about.
The other day, while I was in the library, this girl (18f, senior) came up to me and we started chatting.
I’ll call her Amy for the sake of the story. Anyways, Amy tells me that she heard ‘through the grapevine’ that I was “going around telling people that I have Tourettes when I don’t. ”
Extra bit of information: Amy is friends with this girl that I used to be relatively close with (we will call her Lily), and Lily knows that I have tourettes.
She used to come to my house often and only found out because she heard my mom asking me if my new meds were helping at all with my tics. I thought Lily was my friend, so I explained to her that I was diagnosed as a child and it is something I struggle a lot with.
She seemed okay with that answer and didn’t bring it up again. Lily and I had a falling out around a year ago, and haven’t spoken since.
I got upset at Amy and asked her who told her that I had it in the first place (already kind of knowing it was Lily), and she quickly tried to change the subject.
I, being extremely bothered by the fact that my diagnosis is being spoken about in conversations that don’t include me, got onto her. I told Amy that if she thought I was faking, I could show her my diagnosis papers and records of all the tests they did on me as a kid to reach the conclusion that I have Tourettes.
She said I was getting defensive and rude, and that I shouldn’t “shoot the messenger”.
The next day, Amy’s brother (16m), who is in my math class, told me that his sister is still going around telling people that I am faking tourettes. He knows that Amy is a liar and just likes attention being on her.
He also told me this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this.
I went up to Amy that day at lunch and said “If you don’t keep my name out of your mouth, we’re going to have a serious problem. I don’t need you talking about my medical history with complete strangers.
If I hear that you start spreading this nonsense again, I’m going to get the deans involved.”
This apparently made her cry during the next period and have what she described as a ‘bullying-induced autistic meltdown’. So I got called to the counselor’s office and when I explained what happened, the counselor said that I wasn’t being ‘tolerant enough’ and that if I didn’t apologize to Amy, I would get written up and my mom would be called.
I went ahead and apologized to Amy, but told my mom what happened. She said that I was not in the wrong, and that Amy should have been the one to get punished. I agree with her, but the school’s staff seem to think that I am in the wrong and a ‘bully’.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Amy is the jerk. I suggest you get revenge by telling everyone that she is faking autism to get you into trouble. She is a bully and a jerk all the way. I bet your teachers fail to see her true colors because they are biased regarding both your genders (as in boys always bully girls and there is no way it could be the other way round), which would mean that your teachers are also jerks.” TielPerson
Another User Comments:
“There’s a simple (and possibly petty) solution to your problem, counter her rumors with the truth but make it sound like a rumor. “I heard Amy’s been making up lies about people to get attention, it’s kind of weird.” NTJ for getting mad but in the future don’t go to the person stirring the pot, ignore the rumors and they’ll die down because there’s nothing more for gossips to pick over.
Not easy at 16, but a useful skill.” Blobfish_Blues
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d explore your options for making an official complaint about how this has been handled by the school. Amy has simply heard your threat to involve the deans, and gone running to beat you to it with an alternate narrative.
The school has then just dismissed your valid complaint, and been insensitive to what is essentially bullying towards you, just to hurriedly quieten a crying girl, who is only crying to deflect her own bad behavior. The school should know better, it won’t have been the first teenager in the office with crocodile tears to avoid getting into trouble and it won’t be the last..” AlmaStrudel
14. AITJ For Taking The Opportunity To Move Out As A Teenager When My Family Was Hostile Towards Me?
“My older sister and I grew up in a very hostile household. I always got the impression that my mother’s dream was to be a #boymom, and my step-father’s dream was to not have stepkids, but unfortunately, my sister and I existed. From what I remember, it didn’t cross into what would be thought of as mistreatment, but my older sister would have been taking the brunt of it so I was probably shielded from a lot.
She was 5 years older than me and basically raised me.
She passed right before I turned 13. When she passed, all the hostility in that house got turned on me. She was my whole world. Losing her was devastating. Her at the time partner, Caroline, saw what was going on, and tried to be there for me, but I didn’t register much of it or anything.
When I was 14, Caroline basically approached my family and was like “hey, I just got a new job and I’m about to move. I know this sounds weird, but I know you guys straight up don’t want this kid, are overwhelmed, so if you want, I would be willing to take her with me”.
My stepfather was ready to jump on the offer immediately. According to my mother, he and I pressured her into it, but from what I remember, the day Caroline brought it up to them was the first conversation anyone had about it, and my mother asked me all of once if I was okay with it (I was).
I moved out the next week.
Caroline obviously wasn’t rich, but her place had two bedrooms and was an all-female household, so there was privacy and people didn’t at best resent me for existing. It wasn’t ideal and some things went down that were probably not appropriate, but I finished high school and have a normal life now.
After I left, I didn’t really talk to my mother or my “siblings” again. We didn’t have a very close relationship to start with and I was at the wrong age with too much history, so the feeling was pretty much mutual. Even now, our relationship is pretty limited. They didn’t even come to my wedding.
I’m 27 now. My stepfather passed away, and I went to his funeral to be polite. I was met with a barrage of insults from my stepbrothers and half-brothers for “abandoning” them all those years ago. Apparently, after I left, all the hostility got turned on them.
Our mother had two babies when I left, and quickly had a third, and everything got “dumped on them”, while I gallivanted off to a fancy new life. My mother joined in, saying that I “took advantage of how exhausted she was” and happily took advantage of the situation to do something completely inappropriate for my age and just “bail on having parents or being part of a family”.
She says I should have fought to stay and insisted that I loved my family, instead of jumping on the first set of wheels out, and it was “ballsy” of me to play pretend now, when I made my true feelings known years ago.
I don’t think I was in the wrong to want to leave.
I didn’t and couldn’t have forced them to let me out. I didn’t plan it with her or anything. I just gave an honest answer when asked.”
Another User Comments:
“Man that’s the most selfish bunch of jerks I’ve ever heard! You should have stayed and put up with the abuse so they didn’t have to?
You should have stayed to raise the babies your egg donor kept having? You absolutely did the right thing and I’m happy you got out of there! It sounds like your sister helped you one last time through Caroline.” ZookeepergameOld8988
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, go back to no contact.
They are grieving and probably were a bit too harsh but at the same time you can see their perspective. That doesn’t change anything. What happened after you left is not your responsibility. They are mad at you for not being trapped in a bad situation, that you did not create.
Your mother is the most responsible for how things were at home, she was the parent. Go live your life and let this fade away without having any guilt, it is not deserved.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They clearly have a different experience of how you were treated when you were still there, and your mother did agree for you to move out with a young adult who was basically extended family.
If your mother didn’t want you to leave, she’d have said no. She’d have asked you why you even want to leave, and listened to your concerns. She did no such thing. She must’ve been happy for you to no longer be present in the house, as I can imagine it was busy enough with a blended family with kids (but that doesn’t excuse her decision to let you leave).
However, it couldn’t have been that overwhelming as she had several other kids after you.
Don’t feel bad for escaping an awful household. Sure, maybe where you ended up going wasn’t perfect, but it sounds like it was a safe place, free from male/familial mistreatment and neglect, and that you had a better time there than you’d have had you stayed with your mother and stepfather.
You aren’t responsible for anyone else’s decisions and behavior. You could tell your step-brothers that you were mistreated/neglected, which is the reason you wanted to leave. That you are sorry that they then became the new targets for this, but that this is in no way your fault nor is it even something you could have foreseen.
I’d tell them to get therapy to learn to live with those experiences. You don’t owe your mother anything. Did she even reach out to you after you’d left, asking how you were doing, how school was going, whether you wanted to come back, etc?
Good on you for moving out when you could. Sorry you were treated so poorly. I’d stay away from these people as it sounds like they still do not respect you or want to treat you in a normal way.” almalauha
13. AITJ For Not Allowing My Nephews At My Child-Free Wedding?
“I (F27) am due to get married to my partner (M28) this summer.
The situation is that my brother Josh (M32) is refusing to come to the wedding and I think he is being unreasonable and childish.
Our wedding is going to be child-free, with no kids under the age of 13ish. The youngest guests will be around 12-13 years old at the time of the wedding. My partner and I don’t hate children and we had multiple reasons for having our wedding this way.
Me personally, I think that weddings are mostly boring, unenjoyable experiences from the point of view of small children so it’s hardly surprising that they will act up.
Josh has two kids aged 5 (twins) and he has made many comments that we are selfish for having a child-free wedding and that if we aren’t inviting his kids, he is not going.
I can understand his perspective but I think he’s not making any effort to understand ours. When Josh got married 7 years ago, he and his wife also had a child-free wedding.
Last weekend we attended a family party (it was someone’s birthday) and some family members brought up the topic of my upcoming wedding.
Josh scoffed the whole time and made a comment that he “wouldn’t know” about it because he’s “excluded”. His comments caused short awkward silences but no one responded to them.
Later when I was talking to Josh alone, I told him he’s still invited to the wedding and he and his wife can go or not, those are his options and him making snide comments aren’t going to change the plans.
He said that I’m alienating his children and that they will be very sad about this when they’re older, and that they would love to be flower girls. I called him a hypocrite and told him to grow up and that was the end of the conversation.
Our parents are now getting involved and my dad told me that he and my stepmum will not be at the wedding if Josh isn’t. I’m not close with him for unrelated reasons and our relationship is rocky at best so I just told him that’s up to him.
My mum is asking me to just make an exception for Josh’s kids. She said that I’m acting like a narcissist and that we all have to make compromises sometimes. AITJ?
Josh and I are two out of seven kids. At the time of Josh’s wedding, three of our siblings had young children/babies, and so did some of our stepsiblings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Josh is indeed hypocritical (what does he even say about his change in perspective since he got married and had a child-free wedding himself?) and is being strangely petulant and dramatic now. Your mom is also out of line and the remarks about ‘narcissism’ are ridiculous, and it’s so sad that other family members are caving to Josh and choosing sides in a totally unnecessary way.
Is Josh out to sabotage your wedding over this? Maybe he needs to hear that that’s what he’s doing. He’s making it all about him and speaking of things that’ll never be forgiven, maybe he needs to know YOU’LL never forgive HIM for ruining your wedding (by causing drama and getting others to boycott on his behalf), all because you’re making the same choice that he made 7 years ago.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your parents refuse to go to your wedding because Josh is pouting, then they are all choosing to be no better than toddlers throwing a tantrum. This is something that they’ll regret for the rest of their lives and it’s NOT your fault.
It’s theirs. It would appear that he’s the favorite child because your parents are choosing him over you and your special day. I’m sorry. Refuse to discuss the issue anymore with them and hold your ground. Please don’t listen to their threats. If they show up, great.
If they don’t, that’s fine, too. You will know where you stand with them and you can choose to limit or cut contact, if you want. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Josh made the same choice for his own wedding.
He’s weaponizing his kids, a massive jerk move in itself. They’re 5. The only way it’ll be an issue is if he creates a long-term rift & they get his version when they’re old enough to ask why you aren’t in their lives. Your wedding = your choice.
“She said that I’m acting like a narcissist and that we all have to make compromises sometimes.” That’s a totally projective statement. Did Josh get asked to compromise? I wonder where his entitlement comes from? Enjoy your special day with all the people who actually care about you.
Forget the rest, it’s their loss.” Apart-Ad-6518
12. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Craved Cookie With My Cousin?
“I (16F) have been craving Crumbl Cookies all week and they had my favorite flavor on the menu (pink sugar cookie). I drove to Crumbl and got a single cookie for myself. When I came home from Crumbl, I ate half of the cookie and left the other half on the counter.
The next day my aunt came over with my cousin (9M). He saw my cookie on the table and asked me if he could have it. I told him no and explained to him that I have been wanting the cookie all week. He whined and said “But cookies are my favorite food”.
I just said sorry and told him that the next time he comes over we could bake cookies together. He was not satisfied with my answer and ran to my aunt crying.
My aunt said to just let him eat it and she will rebuy me the cookie some other time.
The thing is. It was Sunday and if you know about Crumbl they change their menu every week (and pink sugar has not been on the menu in ages!). So this plan was not going to work. I told my aunt this and she said “he is only 9 and you’re 16 you can sacrifice a cookie for a small child”.
My cousin looked at my aunt again. I once again said no, my aunt just glared at me, turned, looked over at my little cousin, and said “go ahead”. My cousin ran over to my cookie. I rush to get it before him but he picks it up first so since he is milliseconds away from biting the cookie I push the cookie out of his hands and he starts crying.
As he is bending down to pick it up off of the floor to still eat it I stomp on it causing it to mush everywhere.
My cousin cries so my aunt starts to yell at me calling me immature and that I should learn how to sacrifice things for family and children and how giving him the cookie would not have hurt me.
She then said, “how do you feel now that you are wasting your money from nobody eating it?” I then told her I would have felt like my money was wasted either way since I bought the cookie for myself and didn’t get to eat it.
This threw her over the edge and she immediately complained to my dad. My dad is on my side but my mom thinks I should have just given him the cookie. I can admit stomping on the cookie was an overreaction but why would my cousin be entitled to the cookie I paid for just because we both want it?
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Seriously is this no longer part of polite society? I was taught and I taught my children to never ask people for food. If offered then child may say yes or no but you do not walk in a kitchen (even of a relative) and say can I have the cookie if you are over 3-4 years old!
Then when told no child argues and expects the parent to give child something that doesn’t belong to the child…. No just no. Aunt is the jerk, for not teaching her child manners and trying to take something of yours. Child is a jerk because he won’t take no for an answer.
You are a little petty and I like that in a person. So am I. FYI You can google a copycat recipe of Crumbl pink sugar cookie which is pretty close to the original. Let’s just say I’ve tried it.” Slightlysanemomof5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Cookies are my favorite food.” That’s great little cuz – tell your mom to buy you some. “Let him have the cookie, I’ll buy you one later.” Nah Aunt Blank – why don’t you take him for a cookie when you leave here and hey then he gets a whole cookie and you don’t have to worry about buying me one later.
I’d have stomped it too just because I wouldn’t have wanted him to eat it.” Calm_Initial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve worked with kids of all ages, most often tweens and teens, and it was always odd to me how emboldened many were to just ask what little food I had, even after they’d just had a large lunch and still had access to more.
This wasn’t the case for a starving child who didn’t have access to food while you had plenty extra. He was being a brat and the parent was acting entitled. If a cookie was so necessary, she could have gone out and gotten him one (though that would’ve taken effort and cost her money, oh nooo).
They both need to learn the word “no.”” paul_rudds_drag_race
11. AITJ For Banning My SIL From Our Airbnb Property After She Disrespected Our Guests?
“I’m 31 and my husband is 38, we live about 3 hours away from my SIL’s family (her, her husband, 2 kids). A few years ago my husband and I bought a really run-down property on the coast, a couple hours from where we live.
I wanted to make a project of fixing it up, my husband liked the idea and was happy to support it, but it was mostly my project.
I really put a lot of effort into fixing it as cheaply as possible, went over and stayed there for many nights and literally did a lot of the construction.
(My husband came and helped about half the time.) I sourced recycled wood and such so almost all the materials are “found” in some way. Once it was partially finished I thought I could enlist my SIL’s help – so I told her about this project and asked if she wanted to come stay over for a few days with her family and help finish up the work.
She brought her kids and husband and slept out on the deck and did things like the painting and building some furniture etc. When it was finished it was really beautiful. We started renting it out on Airbnb and have had good success with that so far.
I did say that my SIL’s family could come stay anytime because they helped with it. There’s two parts to the house that have separate kitchens and bathrooms, so we’ve kept the top for us and SIL’s family, and the bottom for Airbnb.
Last week they were there, at the same time as some paid guests. I got a complaint from the guests afterward that my SIL’s kids had made fun of their kids, and that my SIL told them that this was their house so the guests don’t get to dictate how their kids behave.
I asked my SIL about this and she said their kids wanted to play with the guests’ kids on the beach, and the guests’ kids tried to ask her kids to leave them alone but they wouldn’t. They were playing volleyball and her kids were much better, and “rightfully proud of it”.
I got upset and I told her she wasn’t allowed to stay there anymore if she couldn’t be considerate of the fact that this is also a business and you can’t be a jerk to customers – or anyone. Now she says I’m a jerk because I promised she could stay anytime.”
Another User Comments:
“A few days of labor doesn’t equate to multiple family visits. Say you’ll pay her an hourly labor rate for the time she spent helping, then take off the amount it would have cost her to stay there as a paying guest all the times she has so far, and then you’ll call it quits.
My guess is that she’d owe you on that basis anyway. Even in the running costs for the time she’s spent there with her family, it’s probably adding up. She put your business/investment at risk. She’s lost her privileges. And if it isn’t clear, I’m saying no you’re NTJ.” Vast-Video-7701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said she couldn’t stay there IF she can’t be considerate. She took that as a ban, when all you were trying to say is “you and your children need to be considerate of the Airbnb guests.” You promised SIL she could stay there anytime, and she can.
That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have to be a polite guest. And she is YOUR GUEST. She and her kids do not own the property and they need to stop acting like it. The rule “if she can’t be considerate” is too vague. I think a fair rule is that if you have Airbnb guests when your SIL is there, and the guests complain about the “other guests” then you will discount the stay 25%, and SIL will pay it.
Separate issue, but I’m sure her kids were on one team and the guest’s kids were on the other in beach volleyball. Her kids spend a lot more time at the beach than these visitors, so no surprise they were better. If her kids had split up the teams, and even rotated team members around, everyone would have had a better time.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you…. and don’t upset the customers! Your SIL wrongfully feels entitled to your space, instead of recognizing that she is there as a guest. That needs to be corrected before she should be allowed to stay there again.
Best practice, I’d say, is to not allow her to be there when there are paying guests for the time being. That’ll restrict her ability to go, and also keep her away from people paying to use that space. She needs to be reminded that the hierarchy of entitlement for the home is: YOUR FAMILY, then PAYING GUESTS, THEN free family visits.” KBD_in_PDX
10. AITJ For Using A Freckle Pen Despite My Friend's Objections?
“I work in a beauty supply store where we sell makeup, hair care products, etc. We got these little “freckle pens” in recently.
When I was younger I would always get a few freckles in the summer from playing outside in the sun all day. Now that I am older, I try to take better care of my skin. I use sunscreen and try to limit my exposure.
I miss my freckles, so I decided to try the pen. I picked out the lightest shade so they would look natural. It worked wonderfully and now I use it almost every day.
I met up with one of my friends for lunch yesterday and she looked at me funny and asked “have you always had freckles?” I told her about the freckle pen and she told me that “it doesn’t sit right with her soul” and that she was bullied as a child for having freckles and now people wear them as a fashion statement.
I told her that I just thought they were cute and she said that it felt like “cultural appropriation.”
I don’t think I’m in the wrong here. Obviously, it sucks that she was bullied but I don’t think using a freckle pen is the same thing as cultural appropriation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Freckles are not a culture. It’s like dying your hair blonde if you’re not a natural blonde. I’m a redhead and I have freckles mostly all over my body, and more so in the summer. For some reason though I rarely get freckles on my face anymore and I wish I had them there!
I’d love to know what pen you use and if you know any waterproof options!!” rachaubrey
Another User Comments:
“”She told me that “it doesn’t sit right with her soul” that she was bullied as a child for having freckles and now people wear them as a fashion statement.” —The issue of whether cultural appropriation is really a bad thing aside, your fashion choice does not make a mockery of people who have freckles or of people who were mocked for having them.
What next? People with shaved hair are being unkind to people who lost hair due to medical conditions and so on? Now, it will be reasonable to avoid the faux freckles if you KNOW she will be with you in the future. Not because she is objectively correct in being offended, but out of a mere courtesy for her own triggering.
As a favor so to speak.” CommanderChaos999
Another User Comments:
“I will say as someone who has natural freckles it makes me upset that the faux freckles are trendy with makeup for the same reason your friend is upset. I got made fun of so much as a kid for having them, and they’re only trendy now because you can draw on perfect freckles in all the places you want them that look cute like the top of the nose and cheeks but they’re not all over your face.
People with real freckles all over the face are still not considered cute because they’re not the perfect little spattering of freckles where it’s convenient for them.” Erosee20
9. AITJ For Not Warning My Sister-In-Law About Sugar-Free Candy Side Effects?
“I just got back from visiting my sister in Jerez de la Frontera in Spain.
While I was there I stocked up on some candy my dad loves from there. He is diabetic and he says that the taste is different between Canadian sugar-free and European sugar-free. I think they all taste gross but I’m not one to judge.
I picked up a bunch of souvenirs as well.
I got my brother’s wife a very cool ceramic tiled horse for her collection.
My brother and his family popped over to see some pictures, hear some stories, and pick up some loot. I brought my niece and nephew each a gift bag full of knick-knacks that I bought from street vendors.
My sister-in-law saw the bags of candy and asked if it was for them too. I said it was for my dad. She said that he’s diabetic, duh, and that I was being bad. I told her it was sugar-free. I let her try one.
She said it didn’t taste sugar-free.
I wasn’t going to argue. I pointed out where it said “sin azúcar”. She asked for a small bag of it to let her mom try since she is also diabetic.
I had lots so I gave her one small bag.
Which she decided to share with her kids on their way home.
It gave them incredibly stinky gas and diarrhea. She called me and said I was trying to hurt her mom. I asked wtf she was talking about. She said what happened to the kids.
I said she was an idiot for giving her kids each half a bag of sugar-free candy.
She wants me to pay for some cleaning at her house. I told her to get stuffed. My brother called me and told me he would give me the money to give her to keep the peace.
She is still mad and is telling everyone that I was a jerk for not warning her. I tell anyone who asks that only an idiot would give kids that much candy.
It is causing problems.
My dad enjoyed his candy though.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What planet is she living on? She invited herself to the candy, asked for some for her mom, and then gave it to her kids who pooped all over her home after binging on it. Why would you pay her a cent? I don’t recall you being a parent to those children or feeding it to them.
Do not entertain “keeping the peace”, she is unhinged and will do stuff like this again and again. Your brother is offering this as a “solution” because he knows 1) she’s in the wrong and 2) that she’ll make his life more of a living nightmare.” Fickle_Pickle_3452
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Mate, people knew sugar-free gave you the trots before they confirmed that sugar-free gum was actually moderately good for your teeth. sample 90s argument:
Mum: Stop chewing that stuff, it’s bad for your teeth and makes you look like a moron!
Teen Me: It’s sugar-free! I swear it makes my teeth feel cleaner!
Mum: What rubbish! It will give you the runs if you have too much though.
Teen Me: Duh, it says it on the packet in four languages.
Is she also aware a red man’s light at the crossing means ‘don’t cross’ and that she shouldn’t drink bleach?
Cause I feel like she’s missing some fairly basic life information. Like ‘The world doesn’t end if you say no to a child.'” Ebechops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You explained extremely clearly and well what the sweets were. It wasn’t haribo, it was confectionary for diabetics.
It’s clearly going to be made with artificial sweeteners instead of sugar, you even told her. It’s clear it’s for diabetics and to take in moderation, like an adult, would do, an adult like her mother and your dad. She was in the car, the kids whinged and she just threw the sweets at her kids to shut them up.
At no point she explained this is special candy for grownups with diabetes. And then the kids were sick, wooohoo. Categorically do not accept money from your brother to pretend to give her. Explain that it was her choice to give her kids something intended for her mum.
Would she give the kids antacids because they taste of yummy mint? What a moron she is. Now, I’d struggle to not serve her a cup of coffee without a glug of DulcoEase for a laugh.” MyJoyinaWell
8. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Left Me Alone On Our Vow Renewal Night?
“It was a vow renewal, we got legally married last year with just us there no family or friends, so just now got the “party” all planned. We had a really short ceremony at the beginning and then partied!
I specifically asked him to please stay with me and to hang out with me as we mingled around because I know how he gets around his friends and usually I hang by myself if they are around. And he’s like “yeah of course we will go around together”.
That didn’t happen. He took off and was gone and I legit spent the majority of the party standing by myself. (98% of the people there were his) Then at the end of the night, it was over around 9 so fairly early, there was a plan at some point, a lot of the attendees were going to go out to a bar to which he decided he was going.
I wanted to go home, with him, and have our “wedding night”. This was absolutely not acceptable to him because “his family was in town and going to go out too.”
So, I stayed home by myself and went to bed while he went out to the bar.
The next day, I’m upset of course and he keeps asking me why, what did he do? Like how did he not know? When I explained, it got pushed back on me that I should have kept up with him and he found me 1 time outside when I was trying to cool down cause I was super hot.
So he keeps bringing up that one time I “left” and he found me outside. Then told me that I was making stuff up and I wasn’t alone and that if I was it was my fault.
So, is it my fault? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset that you spent your wedding night alone whilst your husband partied in a bar. It’s even worse that it was a vow renewal because you were doubling down on being wed so soon after the ceremony. And why was it over by 9?
And, where were your friends eh? ” Famous_Specialist_44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He abandoned you pretty clearly and right away. Got caught up in the moment and went galavanting off with friends and family. The fact that you didn’t want to go to a bar and he still went, is wild.
Truly. The manipulation tactics the next day are the biggest red flag. He knows what he did and wants to get away with it by finding any tiny possible fault in your logic (ie, finding you outside). I’m curious, how clear were your expectations of “mingling together” with him?
What does that look like for you? And did you share that with him? Were you willing to compromise on those at all?” Fickle_Pickle_3452
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I’m sorry, but why throw a party to socialize if…you didn’t want to socialize?
Where were your friends and family? If my family and friends rallied around to celebrate me, I wouldn’t be attached to my partner all night. It was his night to have fun, too. You had all year to celebrate “wedding night” and be home by 9:30 pm.
Wasn’t this an occasion for others? Sounds like you have some serious dependency or insecurity issues to sort through.” Own_Pianist6338
7. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Sister Use My Kids As Her Nannies?
“My sister (21) has 2 children, aged 3 and 3.5 months, and suffers from PPD/PPA. I (30f) have a 13yo son and a 11yo daughter.
School vacation just went by and my sister had asked if both of my children could go visit her for the week.
I asked the kids and they said they wanted to, so I said yes. Every single time my daughter FaceTimed me, she had my sister’s 3yo. I didn’t think too much of it at the time because my daughter loves this little girl very much.
But by day 5, both my kids were asking me to come get them. I show up and my sister starts begging me not to take the kids until Sunday (our original agreement) because “having them here makes my anxiety go away”. I simply told her the kids wanted to come home and left.
Around dinner time my daughter made a comment about how she had the 3yo the entire time she was there. To a point where I guess my sister even asked to have the 3yo sleep with my daughter so she could get up with her in the morning so she could sleep in.
My daughter stated that the only time my sister came downstairs was to shower or make food for herself. The rest of the time, my kids were left to fend for themselves and take care of the 3yo – including meals. My sister’s SO lives there full time and doesn’t work either, so he never leaves.
Therefore there were TWO adults in the house and neither of them watched their kid the entire time my kids were there. I guess there were also multiple times that my sister asked my daughter to clean the house. I didn’t confront my sister originally because I didn’t feel there was any point in it.
But she just called my daughter about an hour ago and my daughter says to me (while still on the phone) “Auntie wants to know if I can go back over there on Friday”. I said “Absolutely not” and went back to doing dishes. Then my daughter hands me the phone; it’s my sister asking why my daughter can’t go there Friday.
So I say “Because my daughter is not your maid or nanny. You made her wake up with your kid, take care of her all day, clean your house, and then put her to sleep at night. My daughter is 11. She will not be parentified.” My sister immediately starts crying and says “it wasn’t like that, she was just helping me”.
So I told her that both my kids wouldn’t lie and tell me the exact same story if it didn’t happen and that PPA/PPD is not an excuse to pawn 100% of responsibilities off on a child, especially when her SO was there full time.
Now she’s basically saying it didn’t happen like that and that my kids were just “helping” her and that she enjoyed having them there because the noise helped her not to panic. I told her it still wasn’t happening and she called me heartless and said this is the reason women with PPD don’t ask for help.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good on you for putting your children first and setting strict boundaries. Your sister has it rough, her partner is a bum and I’m concerned for her kids’ well-being – nothing about the situation looks good but that is in NO way somehow YOUR children’s responsibility.
They’re 11 and 13, they’re literal kids themselves. your sister needs help for herself and her kids ASAP but don’t let her guilt-trip you into giving in to her irrational demands and emotional manipulation. Tell her to hire a babysitter or something but you must keep taking a stand for your kids!” Adwis_jungkook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good for you for picking your kids up once they communicated they were over this. And good for you for not allowing them to be used in this manner again–they already wasted their entire school break on providing free labor to your sister, it’s ridiculous she’s asking for more.
I hate to ask it, but are you sure this is PPD and not a substance abuse issue, etc.? Are you sure the 3-year-old is being fed and cared for by these two parents who are completely checked out? For her sake, I think it’s worth further investigation and, potentially, a call to CPS.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My compliments on that nice shiny steel spine you’ve got there. This is an example of both parenting done wrong (your sister shoving her responsibilities onto your children), and parenting done right, (you stopping the parentification in its tracks). If your sister won’t get the therapy she needs, then she’s going to perpetuate the generational trauma.
I’d limit her access to your children without you or your mother present until she addresses her mental health issues. It’s just not safe for your kids.” savinathewhite
6. AITJ For Discussing My Mom's Temper With My Therapist?
“I (15M) was having an online therapy session that was paid for, we were having a trial period and it was the 3rd session.
The therapy was done in my room on my bed, while my mom stayed in her room. It honestly helped me feel a lot better about myself when I was dealing with self-confidence due to my grades hitting lows and pressure for college.
In the 3rd session, I was talking about how I felt like I was on eggshells near my mom, because small things can make her angry, leading to more shouting and I didn’t feel comfortable near her as much, leading me to avoid her.
When my therapy ended I walked out of my room when I realized that my mom was listening in through the door with tears in her eyes, my siblings said she put her ear on the door after she had to help them with something.
She understandingly got angry, and shouted at me about how much she did for me and how she didn’t deserve this.
She went to her room and didn’t want to talk to me, I felt horrible about it because I realized she was crying, the next day I could see she didn’t want to talk to me and was crying over it.
I honestly felt horrible and felt like I should’ve never said that, but at the same time I felt like I lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders
It’s been some months, and now we’re back on speaking terms and we’re back to normal. However, I still don’t know if what I did was right.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are most definitely NTJ for talking to your therapist and expressing your feelings. That is literally the entire point. Your mom violated your privacy with your therapist and then yelled at you because her feelings were hurt at her teenager saying completely appropriate things to their therapist. I cannot overstate how in the wrong your mom is here.
She needs therapy far more than you do.” Kurovi_dev
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t “bad-mouth” your mom to your therapist. You were being honest and she was/is acting like a child, with a load of guilt tripping and playing the victim. You have NOTHING to apologize for and need to stand your ground on your feelings, otherwise nothing will change.
You did NOTHING wrong and her tears are from a bruised ego and her own narcissism. Get yourselves into therapy together if possible. Otherwise, Grey-rock her. Google it as a method to deal with situations like this.” HamAndFloof
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. It was a violation of your privacy and she had no right to do it.
The whole point of therapy is to share things that you feel, regardless of why, to give your interpretation of how things are – for her to make you feel bad for literally doing therapy is all on her. You need to find a private place for these calls, or ideally do them in person so you are guaranteed privacy.” Itsapseudonym
5. AITJ For Confronting My Cousin For Using Our Dead Mother's Name For Her Child?
“I (32 F) come from a fairly large family. With my dad’s side being Italian, we’ve always been extremely close. I have two older siblings, a brother and sister, and a younger half-brother. Growing up, we were thick as thieves with our cousins. They were as good as sisters to me and my siblings.
My older siblings and I lost our mom when I was 10 months old. My dad was driven into excessive drinking, which led to us being put into foster care for a while. With how hard our mom’s loss hit my family, no one from the extended family ever talked about her.
No one brought her up or really mentioned her to us out of fear of sending my dad back into excessive drinking. On top of all of that, we also lost our dad back in 2016.
A while back, both my sister Stacy and cousin Beth (fake names) announced they were pregnant.
With Stacy having a boy and Beth having a girl. About two months ago, Stacy reached out to Beth and asked her about baby names they’re thinking of. Beth and her husband had gone back and forth on names but the first one they agreed on was our deceased mother’s name.
Stacy nicely told Beth that she, our brother, and I have all talked about using our mom’s name for one of our own kids. And if she were to use it, it would hurt all of us a great deal.
So you’d think that would be the end of it, but no. I imagine growing up with parents who made a lot of money and rarely told you “no” can sometimes make one lack empathy.
After Stacy and Beth talked, Beth ghosted Stacy for 6 weeks. After which, she sent me and my older siblings a group text where she stated that they’re moving forward with using our deceased mother’s name. Not because they want to honor our mom, and not because it holds some family significance on her husband’s side.
It’s literally just the first name the two of them agreed on.
Stacy has always been the one to speak for our sibling pack, but she’s pregnant and needs to stay calm. I already dedicated myself to my Disney Villain Era, so I went up to bat for me and my siblings and bluntly responded to Beth.
I love my family, but if my dad were still alive, he’d be raising more than just trouble upon my cousin. I really want to bring this up with the entire family. I want to make it perfectly clear where me and my siblings stand, and what my boundaries are.
I don’t want to be at any gathering with Beth or her child. I don’t want anyone to mention her child’s name around me. They didn’t mention my mom around us for 23 years, they can do it again. I feel bad because my uncle (Beth’s dad) has always been there for us.
He got us back to our dad when we were in foster care, and he helped with all the legal problems when our dad died. I just don’t know if I’d be a jerk if I brought this up before Beth announces the name to the whole family.
WIBTJ if I called out my cousin to the whole family about the name she’s chosen for her baby?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean. Nobody owns the name, and she can name her baby what she wants. That said, you have a good reason to object.
My stance on all these name arguments is, it’s pretty much common sense not to do things that are hurtful to family members. If she is dead set on doing something she knows to be hurtful to you, she can deal with the fallout of that action.
NTJ.” No-Albatross-7984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normally I say no one owns a name, but I think Dead Mom’s Name is a strong exception. I’d suggest that instead of calling it out to the whole family, you should talk to just her parents about how hurtful it would be if she actually uses this name.
Once everyone knows, Beth would lose face by changing it, but if it hasn’t been publicized yet, she could just “change her mind” without it seeming like a big dominance struggle.” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin is so inconsiderate. I’m beyond angry for you… I’m so sorry you and your siblings are dealing with this.
For anyone else reading, when you grow up without your parents, you’re basically going into parenthood alone. There’s no mom to be there to see how her daughter or son is doing.. no tips and tricks, or even them saying “you used to be the same as a baby”.
Sometimes the name is the only thing that’s left for us to share this parenthood journey. Totally NTJ.” doozy_rue
4. AITJ For Calling My Foster Mom A Creep After She Stopped Me From Hanging Out With My Biological Brother?
“I (F15) got taken into care 2 years ago, which I protested against. I could’ve easily just gone to live with my older brother, Nile (M23), instead of being forced to live with some strangers.
The couple I live with, Mavis and Daniel (F49, M50) are okay I suppose. They’re more keen on me than I am on them. They couldn’t have kids of their own and they’re doing their best to make me theirs, which can be stifling. They don’t understand that I’m not a toddler or some super sheltered teenager that they need to be protective over.
They freak about almost anything, Mavis gets upset if I wear makeup, she freaked out when I got my ears pierced with some of my friends last year. She keeps saying that she doesn’t want to jeopardize anything that would forbid them from adopting me in the long term.
My foster parents dislike Nile, they don’t like the way he speaks (very heavy Manchester accent, swears a lot), he’s come over once on my birthday and they told him off for calling me ‘our kid’. They think that he’s rough, just because he doesn’t live conventionally and is quite bohemian.
I don’t see him a lot as he’s an audio technician for gigs and he tends to travel a lot. He’s been in town recently and he’s called me to ask if I’d like to go and spend time with him, he’d even pay for the eyebrow piercing I’ve been wanting.
Of course, I agreed.
He turned up at the house, all set to pick me up, I even told Daniel prior and he said that it was alright. Literally as I was putting my coat on, Mavis came and started acting as if something horrible was going to happen.
She said that Nile can’t take me out because it wasn’t previously arranged with the social worker and that she ‘ doesn’t trust him enough to take care of a vulnerable teenager right.’ Literally slammed the door in his face. She then apologized to me and said that she was only safeguarding, that Nile is unpredictable and could be seen as unsafe because he is part of my bio family.
I laughed in her face because it’s just so absurd, and I called her a creep for thinking the worst of my brother. It’s upset her and even Daniel said that I was being immature and a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You are a teenager in a difficult situation.
You do teenager things. But therefore you lack the actual empathy and intelligence to understand the situation around you. And you behave immaturely. Because teenagers ARE immature. However, as a foster parent, SHE is responsible if something happens to you. SHE will be liable. She does not trust your brother and probably did not have enough interactions to even learn to trust him.
And you fail to see that. And your brother does not make it better in any way. You fail to understand that you are under care in your foster environment and neither you nor your brother can do as you please. Also the thing about “I got my ears pierced behind their back and YAY he would get me another piercing”: You think that makes you look mature?
Anyway, it’s time to have an “adult talk” about the adoption. I do not have the feeling that you have any emotional attachment to these people whatsoever. Do not leave them in the dark and assume you would WANT to be adopted by them. Tell them, you are thankful for having a roof over your head, but this is something they should not envision in the future.” Lepetitgateau90
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for name calling which is never a productive strategy. I also feel like there’s missing information here – no doubt your foster parents have specific guidelines for your care that they have to follow, and they have a social worker checking up on them.
You haven’t mentioned what it is about Nile specifically that they don’t like, “Bohemian lifestyle” covers a lot of ground some of which might be totally harmless and some of which might be considered inappropriate influence for a 15-year-old. Is he “Bohemian” because he paints abstract art in an attic somewhere?
Or is he “Bohemian” because he takes substances? The evaluation of your foster mom’s reaction totally depends on unavailable information. Which is another reason why I’m going to say YTJ. Tell the whole story.” RobinFarmwoman
Another User Comments:
“You’re a child, you don’t get to make the rules.
With fostering there are a lot of rules and here, even haircuts have to be approved by the social worker so I can imagine why your foster mother freaked out over the piercing. It’s their job to keep you safe, they are the adults.
What you can do is sit them down and tell them how important your brother is to you and tell them you want them to coordinate a time for you to see him.” ChickenScratchCoffee
But children, even horribly mistreated children, may still love their abusers, miss them and seek contact with them (often in the hope that THIS time the abuser will be sorry and treat them well).
Try to negotiate a schedule for seeing your brother and if you are told that any contact with him is prohibited, push back and insist on at least email contact, or at least a thorough explanation of why it's not permitted, for the next three years, as once you are 18 no one has the right to prevent contact between you.
3. AITJ For Snooping Through My Husband's Phone To Catch Him Venting About Me?
“So my husband has a habit of hurrying up to get on his phone to text friends/family etc about things he’s angry about at the moment to complain about or vent.
We got into a fight about a month ago, and that night when he went to bed, I sneaked while he was sleeping and looked through his phone and found some heartless and mean texts about me and my family that hurt my feelings for days.
I took a picture of the text conversation on my phone and saved it for evidence.
A few weeks later we got into another argument and I made a comment about how he seems to always get on his phone to talk badly or vent about stuff.
He got angry and said he doesn’t do that so I told him to prove to me about the conversation he had with his 2 buddies that night when we got into a fight and to prove to me he wasn’t talking crap.
Well he sent me the conversation that night and it didn’t add up because he deleted all the bad stuff, but like I said I took a picture of the conservation of that night and I have evidence that the conversation has been deleted on his end.
I have yet to confront him about this or show him I have proof that he was talking badly about me (his wife) and my family.
So here we are again, in a fight and he’s texting and I’m making comments like “ohhh here you are texting all your buddies about what a jerk I’m being or how something I did made you mad!” And he goes to tell me I’m crazy for thinking that.
If I were to show him the evidence on my phone that I have that he’s deleting texts, the first thing he would say is “well why the heck are you going through my phone” “you’re a psycho” etc. like probably wouldn’t own up to anything but would blame me for going through his phone.
It’s like the guy who got caught for being unfaithful but blames his wife for going through his phone to find evidence. (This didn’t happen lol I’m just giving an example of what a jerk husband like mine would say)
Thoughts!????”
Another User Comments:
“Why does it matter his mode of communication for venting?
I would never want people to hear what I say about them to my therapist when I’m heated about something. You knew this behavior of his, figured it also applies to you, you snooped, and you got your feelings hurt. Would it be better if he calls people instead of texting?
Do you not want him venting about you at all? You’re on here venting about him to a bunch of strangers. SMH YTJ.” StruggleDue3218
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for snooping through his phone. That wasn’t ok at all. Also… If he wants to vent to his friends, that’s his therapy.
As much as we all want a spouse who only talks to us, that won’t happen. I think you should be more worried about the fighting than him blowing off steam to his friends.” GoreGoddezz
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. It’s an invasion of privacy to go through someone’s phone.
You are in the wrong there. It seems normal to vent to friends and family when you’re frustrated with your SO. You would hope he keeps that venting respectful, but I somehow get the vibe that he does not. The communication in your marriage sounds horrible.
You call him a “jerk husband” and the way you talk about him makes me wonder why you are still married. Get in therapy if you think this marriage is worth saving.” mmmtension
2. AITJ For Having My Wedding 3 Weeks Before My Cousin's?
“I (32F) and my cousin (33F) have been very close our entire lives. We both got engaged around the same time ish and both got married in 2021. Her husband proposed Dec 2019 and mine proposed Nov 2020. She set her date before me, and decided on the beginning of October in CA.
I decided to get married in AZ on a lake where the temperatures get extremely hot during the summer, I’m talking 110-120 degrees hot. Due to this, I was pretty limited on dates where the weather was permitting (they actually do not do weddings at my venue during June-August because of the heat).
Since she was getting married in October that month was obviously off-limits, so my options were either September or November. Since my wedding was a “destination” I wanted the weather to still be warm enough that my guests could go on the lake, therefore September was my only option.
They had one date available on a Saturday in the middle of the month so I took it. We ended up getting married 3 weeks apart.
It’s been a few years and I thought everything was fine. Well, my cousin has recently told me that she was upset by the fact that I chose to get married before her and within such close proximity.
Should I have chosen a different venue? Waited into the following year, or chosen a different date? I didn’t choose the date on purpose to try to beat her to the altar. I just wanted to get married while it was still good enough weather so that my guests could enjoy the lake.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you knew her date BEFORE you started planning. It’s a destination wedding — you CHOSE to do it when you did. You could have waited longer or switched the venue. Your guests all went to her wedding 3 weeks later?
Or did you exhaust their budget and they had to choose your destination or her planned-first? It was a lousy move. And it does sound like you were jealous of her getting married first and you had to one-up her. Do you feel better now that you “won” and got married before she did?” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Some of your relatives might not have been able to afford to go to both weddings. So they’d have to miss hers to go to yours. You could have postponed your wedding or held it at a different location. But you chose not to and as a result your actions negatively affected your cousin and her wedding.
You were inconsiderate.” No_Confidence5235
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were engaged a year after her but jumped to get married before her. This also meant your cousin, who should have only been focusing on her own wedding right beforehand, had to deal with attending your wedding and traveling to AZ and taking time away from HER plans.
I’ve also never heard of someone picking a venue so that both families have to travel. Usually, it is where one person lives. So basically, your wedding also meant the mutual guests had to shell out more money than they probably expected, which isn’t cool.
Throwing a destination wedding 3 weeks before your cousin was a huge jerk move.” Msmediator
1. AITJ For Recommending Botox To My Sister-In-Law After She Asked For Skincare Advice?
“My (34F) husband (35M) and I have upset my sister-in-law, Anne (38F) by recommending she get Botox. Which to be clear we would not have done had she not asked for advice.
For reference, my husband and I both work out regularly and follow a skincare regime.
I have been consistently getting Botox, and other facial beauty treatments since I was around 25. My husband started when he was 29.
We look natural, you would not know we had these treatments, but we are honest about getting Botox, etc.
Anne has never been into these things and has always very openly called this a waste of money and vain.
Recently Anne has been going through a self-proclaimed ‘glow up’, as part of this she asked me for skin care advice.
I have given Anne advice on products, but said she would be better off going to see my dermatologist who I love, Anne didn’t want to spend the money.
This was around a month ago.
Last night she was round and was saying how I looked a lot younger than her, I told her it was honestly probably the Botox, and that she could give it a go and it would help with her frown lines.
My husband also said the same and pointed out how prominent his were before getting Botox.
Anne did not say anything last night, however today we have had a message calling us rude and disrespectful for calling her ugly (we didn’t) and that we were out of touch with our attitudes.
AITJ for recommending it in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked for your advice and you told her honestly that the result she was looking for was obtained by Botox for you and your husband. Frown lines are in no way a physical flaw on anybody they are a natural byproduct of aging and are not in any way ugly.
If she is unhappy with your advice she is free to see a dermatologist who will provide her with proper care but she would rather get the free advice and then get offended for no reason.” Low-Mistake-1449
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what the heck???? She went out of her way to ask for your advice & explicitly mentioned that you look younger than her.
You gave her the advice she literally asked for. I slightly agree with other commenters in that it would probably have been best to not specifically mention the frown lines, but I still don’t think that you were wrong given the fact that, again, she asked you for it.” Specialist-Pattern87
Another User Comments:
“YTJ she just wanted skin care advice, you know she doesn’t want Botox and instead of listening to that, you not only told her to do it again but told her she needed it to fix her frown lines. I get it, you and your husband love Botox, she does not and doesn’t want it.
You didn’t just recommend it, you insulted her, specifically pointed out flaws, in order to push your agenda.” scarletnightingale
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