People Tell Their Momentous Revenge Stories
54. Don't Complain About How I Park If You're Going To Park Just As Bad
“Went to a restaurant for lunch during a work shift. Out of three parking spots somebody decided to park across every single one. There were no other parking spots at the time. So I decided to park within half a foot from my passenger side to his driver door. Ordered and got my food, and noticed an older (60+) man leave and walk in the direction of our parked cars.
When I left and walked towards my car, sure enough, he was there, a tray of drinks in one hand and a bag of food in the other, just absolutely struggling to get into his vehicle. He called out about why I parked like this and my only reply was ‘why did you park across 3 spots? If you park like a jerk, you better expect to be treated like one.'”
53. Kick My Sandcastle? Have Fun Kicking This Giant Rock
“We were kids staying at the seaside on holiday with our family. My little sister would always make a pretty sandcastle, and the next day it would have been kicked down and she’d cry. We wanted to find out who was doing it, so one day we stayed behind to spy. We watched as a bunch of jerk older boys came by and kicked her castle down, laughing smugly.
So the next night, we covered a big beach rock in the sand and decorated it. Like clockwork, the jerk kids came with their smug faces and this time kicked a solid rock with all of their might. The yowl and the look on their faces was the best revenge ever.”
Another User Comments:
“When I was a kid my family lived in a house on a street with GIANT oak trees.
Because of the slope of our yard leaves from half the street would end up in the yard.
My mother had really bad asthma and allergies and made us kids rake up the leaves.
This was not an easy task. They would get several feet deep if we didn’t do it often enough.
One day we raked the whole yard into these giant piles for the city to come pick up.
It took several hours.
The next morning they were scattered all over.
We raked them again over several more hours and it happened again. Apparently, the neighborhood bully was knocking them over just to be a jerk.
The next time we made a super huge pile around the fire hydrant hoping he’d kick them and hurt his foot.
Nope, this time he decided to do a run and jump. I watched it peeking through the blinds.
I didn’t even feel bad.” kperkins1982
52. Bad Boss Hated The Smell Of Popcorn So I Made Her Smell It Every Day
“I had a boss 7-8 years ago whom I hated. She was the fakest and most entitled person I had ever met. One day, she decided that she didn’t like the smell of microwave popcorn…so she waved her magic office wand and had it banned.
Fast forward a month or so. I was browsing Amazon and found one of those USB sticks that emits a smell when plugged in…the smell of buttered popcorn. I bought it, plugged it into the back of her computer, and she had the sweet smell of PopSecret in her office for six months. She complained almost every day. It’s the sweetest revenge I’ve ever tasted.”
51. Don't Send Me To My Room If You Want To Watch Your Game
“Grounded yet again by my Angry Dad for breathing whilst his ballgame was on, I was stuck in my bedroom bored witless. For something to do, I flicked the light switches on and off (pre-mobile era folks, we had to make our own fun…). It was then I discovered that this made a loud buzzing static interference on the TV in the lounge. Cue the next 5 years of petty revenge…
Angry Dad never figured out why we had such a bad TV signal at game time. He never connected it with me being sent to my room and flicking the light switch every few minutes, reveling as he yelled futilely at the static dancing across the TV.”
50. Steal My Food? I'll Put Laxatives In Your Drink
“When my wife and I were younger and kind of on hard times, she took a pretty shady job at a local factory. The first two weeks she was there, she had her lunch stolen at least 5 or 6 times. Even open drinks. I was pretty angry, a lot of times I would grill for her or make her lunch, and she was going hungry.
One night I bought a big Gatorade and a box of those women’s laxatives, both red in color. Couldn’t tell the two were mixed, but we found out who the thief was.”
Another User Comments:
“Who was the thief and did they stop stealing after that?” Rayvenwolf13
Original User Comments:
“It ended up being this loud obnoxious woman in the same department. She pooped herself on the production line and didn’t return for about 2 days.
I crushed and mixed about half a box so I would imagine she was pretty well toilet-ridden. The food theft did stop, but luckily the wife found better employment soon after anyways.” TheToenailCollector
Another User Comments:
“My friend’s Sprite kept getting stolen even though she wrote her name all over the can. Finally, after the 5th time it happened she got a habanero, cut it open and rubbed it all over the top of the can, and left it in the fridge. We found out who the thief was when that afternoon we hear the office drama queen shriek in her cubicle and run to the water cooler. She never stole anything again.” dustbunnee
49. Leave No Room For Parking? Have Fun Trying To Maneuver Around My Car
“There’s a new truck in my apartment’s parking lot. Always taking up multiple spots, ALWAYS. Weird angles, close to the stairs, all over the place (no assigned parking, unfortunately). Months of this.
I drive a much smaller car than that, and I’m petty/passive-aggressive, I’ve been waiting for my chance. A few days ago was my shot.
I got home quite late and there were zero spots open in my lot.
The big truck is double-parked again, but there’s just enough room on their driver’s side for me to sneak in there with my little clown car. I carefully pull in, making sure not to touch anything, no damage, no nothing. My passenger-side mirror is half an inch from their driver-side door. I giggled to myself all the way back to my apartment and set an alarm and waited.
The following morning I wake up before the alarm to loud door slamming and stomping around. I check out my window and I see the double parking culprit walking around both vehicles, taking pictures, texting someone, taking more pictures, I’m shaking with glee. They then swallow their pride, let out a visual sigh, and climb in the passenger side, clamber over the center console, and Austin Powers 20 point turn their butts out of the spot.
I’ve never been so proud of myself and my awful, petty, passive-aggressive ways.”
Another User Comments:
“Had someone park in my assigned covered space at midnight on a Saturday. This has happened more than once.
One time, I called the management to have them towed. Management tells me they don’t tow anymore because the management would have to pay because it was private property so, ‘tough luck.’
I parked behind them and blocked them in.
There was a block wall in front. I left the neighbors each a note on their door letting them know if they needed to leave, knock on my door.
At 10 am, frantic pounding on my door, me in pajamas, some girl hysterical that she had to go to work and was going to lose her job. I asked her if she knew it was reserved parking, she said yes, it was midnight and there were no other parking spaces and she didn’t want to street park and walk because it wasn’t safe.
I asked her why she was ok with making me park on the street and walk after midnight?
She told me she was going to have me towed. I laughed and went back to bed.
Management calls to tell me I am blocking someone in and if I don’t move, they will have me towed. I relate conversation from the middle of the night, the ‘tough luck’ part, and tell them if they tow me instead of the violator in my spot, I am going to sue them for failing to enforce the rules, endangering my safety because the reason I parked that way was that it was after midnight and ‘everyone knows it is not safe to park on the street and walk.’
I offer to wait for the tow truck then move so they can tow the ‘parking violator.’ Management tells the girl ‘tough luck.’
She is back pounding on my door and screaming.
People are now calling management about lunatic ‘trying to break into someone’s apartment.’
The guy she slept with the night before shows up at my door. The girl is at the bottom of the stairs crying so hard she has the hiccups. Guy apologizes profusely, said he didn’t know she parked in my spot and the management was threatening to evict him. He had other run-ins. He apologized again and offered me money for my trouble.
I told him that wasn’t necessary, I was just waiting for the girl to apologize. He nodded, went downstairs, yelled at her, and pointed up to me. She came upstairs and apologized and I moved my car.”
48. Mess With Our Food? Have A Taste Of Our Cherry Greasecake
“At my previous job, we had separate refrigerators for the different shifts. Our food was constantly being stolen or messed with. One day, my buddy and I decided to make a nice cherry cheesecake… out of cooking lard. We finished it off with graham cracker crust and cut a couple of slices out of it since we knew the thief wouldn’t be brazen enough to take the first bite.
We never found out who the thief was, but we never had to worry about anyone messing with our food ever again.
We chose lard as a less harmful alternative to laxatives or the wrong type of pepper. That stuff can be extremely dangerous. I doubt whoever tried our ‘Cherry Greasecake’ was even able to swallow a bite.”
Another User Comments:
“This was happening at my husband’s work. Someone decided to make chocolate-covered strawberries and bring them to work..except they used garlic instead of strawberries. It was easy to figure out who the thief was because they had bloodshot eyes and a runny nose and were crying.” eltibbs
47. Next Time You Wreck My Display, I'll Wreck Your Car
“I have a friend whose pumpkin/fall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. Happened every year. My friend decided to put a stop to it.
He withdrew from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete. Filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display.
The jerk broke the axle of his car when he hit that pumpkin. Could not drive away. My friend had his car towed away, too.”
Another User Comments:
“I have a similar story. When I was a kid our mailbox got taken out like once a month. Finally, after the 10th mailbox and post, my dad was fed up so he got an 8 foot I-beam and buried it 4 feet down, and filled in the hole with Quikcrete.
The next time it got hit, the jerk wrapped his car around it. Like the mailbox/pole was sticking out of the middle of his car.
After that, the mailbox was ever hit again.” DylanCO
Another User Comments:
“Similar story here, from a friend in college.
Dude had an insane, handmade mailbox… was made out of very thick steel, basically armor plating.
I asked why the crazy mailbox. Turned out several years prior they had issues with bad kids driving by and hitting mailboxes with baseball bats. So his dad put the cement post in the ground and topped it with his mailbox-o-doom. A few weeks later they had a slightly scuffed mailbox, and a cracked bat on the lawn.
As far as I’m aware, it was the last mailbox to get busted up in his neighborhood.” _Rand_
46. Special Pizza Delivery For Loud Neighbors
“I lived in an apartment with a roommate. We had neighbors who would throw crazy parties pretty frequently often times during the week. One day my roommate who had to be awake early had enough and decided to pee on a metal pizza pan and stick it in the freezer. After a crazy party, he pulled the pan out and flipped it upside down giving him a frozen disc of pee. He then slid that disc under their door where it would melt on their fully carpeted entryway. Woke up to them shouting at the people who crashed there about who peed on the floor and what was wrong with them. Wish I could say they toned down their parties, but they didn’t and eventually got evicted.”
45. Mess With Me And I'll Create Fake Ads In Your Name
“My friend did some work for a guy who skipped his bill and never paid him. My friend is so petty he did many things…such as;
Placed fake for sale ads with too good a deal like a nice boat for $1000 and other numerous ads with the guy’s number.
Our city is big on garage sales. He posted ads like ‘moving out sale, everything must go, cheap! Will be held inside the house, just walk in or ring the doorbell’ then put this guy’s address on the ad.
He also signed him up for numerous ‘free gym memberships’ and responded to things like car dealership ads with this guy’s phone number.
He did a lot more, that’s just what I can remember. I don’t know who I feel more sorry for.”
Another User Comments:
“Damn, that is some work. Reminds me of when someone owed me $50 and refused to pay, so being in IT I reduced their Mailbox size so they could only hold around 10 e-mails, removed them from distro groups so they missed important group e-mails, and every day for like 3 months I went to their account and checked the little box ‘Must change password at next login’ (We used an elaborate pw scheme).” roguemerc96
Another User Comments:
“I had an awful ex who did this to me after I broke up with him (thinking I’d escape his emotional abuse! ha!)
Advertised lots of too-good-to-be-true deals (free TV, free Beyonce tickets) on NYC Craigslist with my phone number.
I got hundreds of calls and texts asking about the deals.
Joke’s on him though, I replied to every single text, and changed my voicemail with the message ‘Sorry for the confusion, crazy ex is trying to screw me over’ and the amount of support I got from strangers once they understood the situation made me feel like I had all of New York City on my side.
Big ‘screw you’ goes out to you wherever you are, Andrew!” rachelllplx
44. Treat Us Like Poop And We'll Take A Dump On You
“When I was about ten years old I lived in the depths of North Saint Paul MN. We used to ride our bikes with friends all over the place. One day we were peddling down this back alley behind all the main street businesses. Generally, zero traffic on a road like this but that day this huge brand new extended cab pickup comes flying out of nowhere barreling down on us and honking.
The guy is yelling swears out the window and everything as we peddle out of the way onto the sides. He stomps the gas and speeds off and not a block later pulls into the back of some building’s lot.
We eventually peddle our way up there and see his truck parked by a loading dock with no one in sight. Collectively we all hated the person for how he treated us and our brain gears were spinning on the possibilities of revenge.
At that moment one of the tag-a-longs of our group announces that he has to take a really bad poop. Light bulbs go off above all of our heads except his. There is a dumpster nearby and a newspaper on the ground next to it… With very little convincing he does the deed neatly on the paper. A massive 9-inch log that would have been impressive outright if not for the horrible stench with visible stink lines hovering around it.
The group of us talk him into the next phase of the plan, with all of us as lookouts to ensure his absolute safety despite everyone on their bikes ready to book it at the drop of the turd itself. He climbs on the hood of the pickup truck with one hand holding the newspaper and the other slowly pawing forward for grip until he reaches the windshield.
Then, on two knees, and double handing the underside of the newspaper he splats it on the windshield and swipes in a big arc across. It was as if the truck had a single wiper for the entire windshield and left a perfect 9-inch wave from one side to the other. The turd itself was only half used up in the process and sat angrily on the other side from where he started.
At that moment someone yells RUN! and we all scramble out of the backlot and down the road. Peddling on back trails near freeway frontage roads and the like, we left no trace for us to be found.
An hour later we doubled back following these trails and enjoyed the little jumps and tree roots as amateur biker kids do and came across another group of kids on bikes.
Man did they have a story to tell about a huge, angry, red-faced man driving all over the neighborhood looking for a group of kids on bikes. It’s been about 30 years and I still laugh at the memory, but I also hold the lesson close to heart about not treating kids like trash for no reason. They will get ya back if they can.”
43. Refuse To Acknowledge My Hard Work? I'll Prove You Right
“I got reviewed at work by a manager I had never met before. I had done everything I was always told to do, and more, but he still marked me low. I know it’s because they wanted to avoid giving me a raise, but at least say you don’t want to/can’t afford to. I’ll at least respect your honesty. Anything else, and you can go screw yourself.
Anyway, he told me I didn’t go the extra mile. I pointed out that I always do. His response? ‘Well, I never see you do it.’ I said, ‘Well, maybe if management didn’t always hang out at guest services and went around to the other floors, where I am doing my job, you’d have seen me.’ That got him to yell at me and mark me poorly for attitude, but I didn’t care.
Later on, he came up to me and asked me if I could stay late. Given that I’d previously told him I didn’t have anything else to do the next day, he probably thought I’d say yes.
I looked him in the eyes and said ‘Sorry, but I don’t see that you guys need my help.'”
42. Keep Being A Bad Neighbor And I'll 'Snow' On Your Parade
“When living in NY, my husband left for deployment right as winter started. I’m from az so snow was a new thing for me. Our neighbors were this awful couple who thought the world owed them. The husband was an e1 and they were both young, This is the norm in a military town.
One evening I come home from work to see about 3 inches of snow covering our parking lot, a handful of my neighbors are out shoveling so we can get in.
I get out and join them. They did a lot more work than I did but I did get our 2 spots cleared. Moved my cars in and went inside. It took about an hour.
The next morning I leave for work, notice the neighbors are parked off to the side as they couldn’t get into their spot without shoveling, and come back to maybe 2 more inches of fallen snow.
Go to pull into my spot except it’s covered in snow, like 6 inches of snow. Oh but look jerks are parked in their perfect and clean spot.
So I pulled off to the side and waited. They left at 2 am for a party, I went out and shoveled the snow from my spot into theirs and then our other neighbors snow into their spot as well, packed it down a little too.
My other neighbor comes home around this time, sees what I’ve done and laughs, and gives me a high five. He said they do this every time it snows.
Went inside, defrosted, and went to bed, was woken up at about 5 am to angry screaming outside. Fell back asleep and woke up at 9 to even angrier screams because apparently, we had some heatwave between 2 and 9 that started to melt the snow and then another freeze that refroze it. So now they were dealing with ice.
They never messed with my spot again.”
41. The Birds Horror Film Come To Life
“I caught my flatmate telling lies about me to some mutual friends. I made plans to move out the next month. In the meantime, she went out of town for a week and left her car parked in its usual spot in the parking lot. I threw bird seeds on it every morning and evening, so when she came home, the birds wouldn’t leave her car alone.”
Another User Comments:
“It would be amazing if the birds started considering the car their home and protecting it by dive-bombing her.
Having birds do your bidding is some real supervillain type stuff.” chipdumper
Another User Comments:
“I did something similar, but for no particular reason except I like birds a lot. Every weekday for the past 3 months, I’ve been feeding the crows in the employee parking lot at 11:30. I also taught them that when I whistle, they’ll get fries, chips, or bird seeds. What amazing creatures.
Just waiting for the day someone kicks my car or something and the crows attack them.” Yerboogieman
40. Refuse To Clean Up? Good Luck Finding What You Need
“My college roommate had a bad habit of leaving her things in piles on our bathroom floor until there was almost no space to walk to the bath or toilet. Not just clothes but change, jewelry, decks of playing cards, knitting needles, books, hairpins, scarves, earbud headphones, keys, etc. One day she left $40 scattered with the mess, so I put the money in one of her lesser-used bathroom drawers.
Originally I put it there to protect it from our third roommate and her friends. When I came home the next day and noticed that she was clearing her mess in an effort to find it, I decided not to tell her where the money was until our bathroom floor was spotless.
Afterward, I decided it would be too awkward to tell her the truth so I left the moolah wadded up in her hamper as I’d found it on the floor.
She was ecstatic when she found it on laundry day. After that, her bathroom piles never got quite as big.”
Another User Comments:
“My mom tried to do this with me as a kid. ‘I’ve hidden 3 crisp 20s in your room. If you clean up and find them, they’re yours.’
Well put them somewhere I can reach, woman! The first time, one was BEHIND my full bookcase, the 2nd was on a shelf I could not reach but had collectibles on it that were bought for me, and the 3rd was under my bed… Post. Like my bed was picked up and a small bill was slipped under the leg. I was like 8.
The 2nd time mom tried it, I just tore apart my room. Found 2 out of 3 and made my room 10x worse.
There was no third time.” TheInnsmouthLook
39. Never Mess With Contractors
“I used to work doing stucco in east Texas. One guy just never paid us, so we spent a day tearing down everything we worked on.
Another time, while working for a small machine shop, a customer kept bothering us about paying for some work we did. Was all a walk-in job. Paid half upfront and would pay the rest at pick up. Well, he needed his part NOW and would pay us the remainder in a month or so.
So……. We cut his part in half and said we’ll give him the other half in a month or so.
Lesson of the story, don’t mess around with contractors.”
Another User Comments:
“This is crazy! My husband and father worked on a Santa’s village at a mall a few years ago and the company they did it for filed for bankruptcy so they didn’t get paid. One of the head dudes lived in New York and left a huge wooden shipping box full of tools with my Dad so he didn’t have to ship it home since he was coming back soon.
My Dad kept all his tools. At least 10k worth.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“My sister, just moving out of the house, was living with her now ex-best friend and ex-partner (two different people, for the record). The trailer they rented was super awful, with cockroaches and gross, peeling paint. But, the landlord was sweet, and it was cheap, so she stayed.
During her time there, she had wallpapered some rooms, painted others, and overall drastically improved the trailer – with permission from the landlord, of course.
The most drastic change they did, however, is when my sister and mother tiled the counters. It was just cheap peel and stick tiles, but when it was grouted down it looked beautiful, and it, plus all of the other approved changes they made, made the trailer worth significantly more. In fact, the landlord was actually going to pay my mother to tile the rest of her properties, although she ended up selling her properties to someone else and that fell through.
Well, eventually the tensions between her best friend and her rose, and her and her partner had a nasty falling out, so she moved out.
My sister went to her new landlord for the deposit.
The new landlord said no, she didn’t know if my sister had damaged the home since she acquired the property after the fact. My sister said the old landlord didn’t think she had.
The new landlord said no. My sister sold them before and after pictures. The landlord said no.
Now, the deposit wasn’t an insignificant fund, and my sister was, quite frankly, angry. She told my mother, and my mother was also really angry – all of the work and stress my sister did, and now she was being refused what was rightly hers, and also, my mom spent hours improving that house – she didn’t like the fact that the new landlord was getting a significantly better property than they did before, with all the work done for free.
Well, if they wanted to keep the deposit, they were going to give them a reason to.
They still had the keys to the house. So, my mother and my sister went back to the trailer and spent the next two hours painstakingly chipping up every last bit of the beautiful tiled counter, leaving the dust and debris scattered all over the kitchen. My sister talked about wanting to rip down the new wallpaper, but ultimately they decided to leave it at that and to not test their luck.” SoGodDangTired
38. Park In My Spot? Good Luck Driving Home
“When I rented, the parking lot was assigned parking. My wife and I both had cars so I had to pay extra for the extra spot. The first one was complimentary.
We come home around 1 am and some idiot is parked in my spot. Not having it, and not wanting to deal with an overnight parking ban on the street, I park behind him perpendicularly to block him in my spot.
My neighboring spot was my caretaker’s, who was the most chill guy I’ve ever rented from. Shot him a text explaining the situation and told him to call me if he needed out before me in the morning. He laughed and said all was good.
After about an hour of watching tv, I go out for a smoke. Notice this guy’s car is running. I watch him frantically at 2 am looking around for who’s car it is.
He sees me and starts complaining about it, not knowing it’s mine. Says he just wants to go home and doesn’t understand why some people gotta be such jerks. I tell him maybe the owner of the car was mad cause you were in his spot. Told him some people pay extra monthly for another spot. He gives up and goes back into his buddy’s unit. I go inside and go to bed.
Come out in the morning to go out for a bit, guy is sitting on his buddy’s doorstep. I wave and get in my car and leave. Made that jerk sit trapped all night till 9 am. The look on his face as I entered my car was priceless.”
37. Disturb My Peaceful Environment? Enjoy The Sounds Of Childbirth
“My landlady’s insane daughter is back from college again for the summer and she’s just as foolish as ever!
Among other things, this girl literally throws fits of screaming and crying at all hours of the day and night, slams doors constantly for no reason, and refuses to speak at a volume quieter than a yell.
She also never wears headphones when listening to anything. Our rooms are on opposite ends of the house so when she’s in her room I don’t care.
However, my room is unfortunately right off of the dining room, and she likes to set up shop at the dining room table, blasting music or whatever trash show she’s binging. If she were a reasonable person I would just ask nicely for her to turn the volume down. But since she isn’t a reasonable person, and such requests are often met with intentional stomping around at 3 am when she knows I have to be up at 5 am for work, I have to get creative with making her shut up sometimes.
Last night I got home from a 9-hour shift at work, exhausted, and retreated to my room to have a snack and get some sleep.
I wasn’t in my room ten minutes before the demon set up shop at the dining room table. I don’t know what show she was watching, but all I could hear was mumbled dialogue and then the world’s most annoying laugh track after what seemed like every other sentence.
It was 11 at night. I was tired, hungry, and now angry.
So I booted up my laptop, went into my Netflix queue, and picked one of my favorite episodes of ‘Call the Midwife.’ Cranked my volume up, and not long after the opening credits came the screams of a woman giving birth. I left the episode running while I had my snack and got ready for bed, and wouldn’t you know by the time I was ready to sleep and turned the show off I was met with complete silence from the dining room.”
36. Mess With My Dogs? I'll Mess With Your Life
“I found out my then-partner was cheating on me. And he pushed my dog across the room when we were discussing what he had done. I moved out immediately. More for hurting my dog than anything. So as I was moving out I took his entire adult entertainment collection and microwaved them one by one. It only takes 3 seconds each. Took me about an hour to go through them all.
I put them back in the case, then back where they belonged. Not sure if the microwave was still usable, did not really care. He was also a manager at a restaurant and would bring home tons of food. They had really nice coolers that the food came in so I called the General Manager and explained I had moved out and that I wanted to return the boxes. He lost his job. Then I was getting collection calls for him. Gave him my ex’s new girl’s work and personal number so they could find him.
Don’t mess with my dogs.”
35. If You Fire Me, I'll Make Sure You Remember Me Before I Go
“Back in the late 90s, I worked at Best Buy and one Saturday a month we had to come in 3 hours before the store opened (so 7 am) for a mandatory all store meeting where we watch the video from corporate, give out the employee of the month awards, go over department goals, and the like. Well, there was a guy in our department, James, who was a pretty bad worker and showed up to the meeting an hour late and the manager took him aside and fired him.
Well apparently the manager didn’t watch him on his way out of the store and he went into the break room and stuck his finger in every single doughnut they brought in for our break, so literally the only mild positive of getting up at 6 on Saturday was ruined. 20 years later and I still miss that doughnut.”
Another User Comments:
“I was at a Walmart shopping early one morning and they were having an employee shift meeting out on the floor over by the outdoor section and I kind of sat there and watched.
The manager is one of those motivational speaker types, always patronizingly happy and making them do these stupid chants that none of them were into. After about 10 minutes it breaks up. I walked over to the manager and told her that her employees didn’t need to be treated like elementary school children and obviously resented her patronizing them by making them participate in that kind of intellectually insulting nonsense.
These people are already resigned to work for one of the worst employers in the country for bad wages and no benefits, they don’t need someone to keep feeding them nonsense and telling them it’s lemon sherbet. She looked at me shocked and stammered and said I don’t think they think that at all. I told her well that’s obvious you don’t know a damn thing about real leadership and are just regurgitating what was in your Business 101 textbook or what you learned from a $49 self-help seminar.” Maxtrt
34. Keep Being A Bad Person And I'll Profit Off Your Mistakes
“An uncle of mine was a serious addict and an all-around jerk. When I was a kid it was pretty common for him to steal from my grandparents, including a lot of things they intended to give me when I was older (a coin collection, things like that). There’s a long list of things he did over the course of my life to anger me, but I’ll skip to the petty revenge.
I was browsing the local county website and noticed there was a section for active warrants. I wondered if any familiar names were listed so I browsed it and to my complete lack of surprise, I saw my uncle’s name listed for something minor. Then I saw the Crime Stoppers number at the top of the page. I knew where he was living at the time and it was anonymous, so what the heck? I called, described him, and told them where he was.
They gave me a reference number and told me to call back in two weeks.
For the sake of being thorough, I called a relative from the other side of the family who, funny enough, was not only a cop but also in charge of following up on these things. I told him the situation and he said he’d prioritize it.
Two weeks later I call Crime Stoppers for an update and they said the tip did indeed lead to an arrest and asked which post office I preferred. I was confused but I named one. They gave me an alias, told me to give that name to the clerk and there would be a general delivery envelope with $200 cash inside. That part was unexpected but a sweet bonus for sure.
Easiest $200 I ever made.”
33. Annoy Me With Your Music? I'll Annoy You With Mine
“I had a roommate in college that would blare their tv in their room and talk loudly on speakerphone well into the night. I was young and too scared to confront them about it. After a semester I had had enough. One time before going out I put my speakers up against our shared wall and blasted Enya’s Only Time on endless repeat. I also locked my door so they couldn’t come in to turn it off.
I got back around 3 am.”
Another User Comments:
“I did a similar thing in college. Our dorm rooms were laid out like an H with a double bedroom on each side connected by a bathroom in the middle. The bathroom had a lock on the bedroom side of the door so your suitemates couldn’t enter your room. My suitemates were pretty obnoxious. They never bought toilet paper but used an ungodly amount of it any time I left some in the bathroom.
They never cleaned the bathroom. They left their hair all over the shower. They would listen to Country music really loudly. I just didn’t like them at all. My roommate and I were leaving for the weekend and knew that the suitemates had a campus ministry event so they’d be staying there. On our way out, we put the Muppets ‘Ma-Nah-mah-Nah’ song on repeat, not so loud that it would be a noise complaint requiring an R.A.
to enter the room to turn it off, but loud enough that it would be audible while they were trying to sleep or study, and it would definitely seep into their minds. I heard them humming it for months afterward.” WholesaleBees
Another User Comments:
“Similar story. In the dorms at my first base, I got a new suitemate (shared bathroom, separate rooms) that worked a different shift and liked to play loud music all night.
I am a jerk, but I always make an effort to be reasonable first. A week after this started, I am coming back to my room and see him unlocking his door and introduce myself as his suitemate. We chat for a bit, and I eventually say that I am cool with music during the night, but would you mind lowering the volume a bit? He just rolls his eyes and walks into his room.
That night was louder than ever, all night.
I am not one to run to authority figures, nah, I get even. And I escalate quickly. And I was not exactly in the greatest of moods right then. My leave had just been approved so I could go visit my dying grandmother. I had the next week off and I was leaving the state.
I took my computer speaker, turned it up about midway, placed it against our shared wall, and set ‘Girls Just Want to Have Fun’ by Cyndi Lauper on repeat the entire time I was gone.
It ended up being two weeks because I had to attend the funeral.
I came back after and the dorm manager (who I was cool with) told me I was reported for noise violations, but they determined it was not excessively loud. But the speaker is against the wall to his room, so it made the sound pass right through.
Never had an issue with the dude’s loud music during the night again.” Historybuffman
32. Ruin My Trip? I'll Edit You Out Of The Recap Video
“This guy in my circle of friends had a history of being kind of a jerk towards me. Actually, he was a bit of a jerk towards everyone, but even more so towards me, I felt. Also, everyone else was friends with him from back in high school or something, so they seemed more forgiving of his antics. ‘That’s just the say he is!’ I’d constantly hear.
He’d only ever speak to me to tear me down, or to undermine me/make fun of me. I don’t think I ever heard him say anything to me that wasn’t a snarky remark or a put-down.
Anyway, the whole crew went on a boating trip a few summers ago, and right off the bat, this dude was power-tripping over the logistics of our excursion, acting like he was in a position of leadership or something.
At one point, in the trip group chat, he told me and another dude who was also a frequent target of his (apropos of literally nothing) that if we didn’t read up on the trip PDF and forgot to bring something, he’d not only 1) not provide us with a replacement and 2) throw us off the boat. Seriously, this is the type of jerk this guy was.
Now my wife at the time couldn’t go on this trip, and I was getting a ride with my brother and his partner. When the trip was over they wanted to go sightseeing in the region, but I had work to do, so I needed a ride back home. I approached one of my friends and asked if I could ride into town with them, and again Mr.
Jerk jumps out from literally behind the car to shut me down on the ride because of… reasons.
(I would later find out it wasn’t even his car, which made me furious)
Now I’m a bit of a video editor. I usually do little trip vlogs when I go on trips, and I was planning to do one for this trip as well. Now this guy’s antics angered me SO MUCH, that I set out to completely remove him from the trip video, quasi-1984 style.
If he was in a scene, I’d cut it in ways to remove him from the shot. If he was on the peripherals of a shot I wanted to use, I’d zoom in to crop him out of the frame. But I wanted to make it even MORE obvious that I had intentionally edited him out of the video.
So I spent 2 or 3 nights learning how to create that ‘freeze-frame, character’s name pops out from behind them’ effect.
I’m not an animator, so while the process of making this on After Effects is probably super simple, reproducing this effect on Sony Vegas is probably the least effective way to achieve this result.
Still, I researched furiously and stayed up several nights until I nailed the effect.
So now, thanks to that effect, it became abundantly clear it wasn’t an oversight to have him not show up in my vlog — it was by design.
Now I was already pretty happy with the result. I became even happier when I found out he was apparently super upset about having been cut from my little dumb trip movie. Turns out he had already been sending the video along, before watching it, assuming it was a cool recap of the trip. People started asking him why he wasn’t in the video at all.
To this day I wonder what he told people.”
31. Remove My Wet Laundry? I'll Dump Yours In The Trash
“My campus had free laundry for the residents in the dorms. I had a small load of three pairs of pants that all got washed and dried under the same cycle (like the track pant material) and they were in the dryer. There were about 20 minutes before they were done so I left and came back 15 minutes later and my pants were on top of the dryer still wet.
Someone had taken out my pants and put their clothes in the dryer because they felt their clothes had a higher priority I guess since I had such few clothes in there.
I took out all of her clothes and dumped them wet in the trash and left.
That trash can wasn’t the one in the laundry room but was the one outside in the courtyard.
That courtyard was in Buffalo, NY in freezing December and full of snow.”
30. Delete My High Score? I'll Ruin Yours
“I use to go to this arcade and play a certain basketball game. I was climbing the all-time wins leaderboard in said game (very close behind number 1) when one day my account vanishes! None of the other accounts do, and I learn that somehow the #1 wins player (who works there) had a hand in it. I waited until he played another game and watched as he put in his code for his initials/account, then waited 30 min when he was done, logged into his account on that machine, and tanked a game pretty hard. When I was done his record dropped to 210-1. Unfortunately, I did not see his reaction, but I got way too much vengeance satisfaction from it.”
29. If You're Going To Show Up Uninvited, Don't Expect To Be Let In
“My mother-in-law has a habit of showing up a day earlier than agreed upon. We’ve had to cancel plans because of her shenanigans.
When our kids were younger one day my husband made plans with his mother and told her repeatedly that he and I were busy the day before. Two days before the agreed visit she messages saying she’s excited to see us ‘tomorrow’, hubby reminds her ‘Saturday, we’re busy tomorrow.’
Anyway, Friday happens.
Hubby goes to a work event and is unable to be contacted most of the day. My plans are canceled due to one of the kids throwing up. Naptime rolls around, I settle the kids down and go to enjoy some quiet internet time when there’s a knock at the door. We don’t open the lounge blinds a lot because of nosy apartment neighbors, so I was safe from sight.
I checked the peephole in case it was the mailman, but nah, mother-in-law in all her annoying glory.
I silently deadbolt the door, sneak to the back door and check the locks. Then I snuggled into my bed with my kids, to keep them calm in case the knocking woke them. I checked the peephole after an hour and saw her sulking on the front step clearly trying to reach hubby on the phone.
Except I had messaged him ‘your mom is here, I’m ignoring her.’ So he knew why she was calling and ignored her completely. She finally left just before the kids woke from their nap.
The next day when she arrived she asked what I did the day before and I said ‘nothing. I was home all day.'”
28. An Alarm Clock Full Of Tricks
“In response to an (admittedly pretty good) practical joke, I hid seven battery-powered alarm clocks in the perpetrator’s room. Set them to go off one by one roughly every 40 minutes between 2 and 6 AM. The last one was hidden in the ceiling.”
Another User Comments:
“Pulled a similar thing for April fools, but, additionally, had one of those outlet timers attached to an auto-rotating, self-lighting disco ball and a boombox.
We hid the disco ball inside a pile of clothes with a shirt on top so that when the time came, the shirt would fall off and the boombox blasted.” Schuano
Another User Comments:
“Oh, trick-clocks! Pretty commonly found in the army, left behind by the last guys for the new batch. Air vents, inside the bedposts, between the metal sheets of our lockers, inside mattresses, if possible, on top of the curtain rails and so on, all were popular spots to hide them.
The new recruits tend to buy themselves a ‘conscript’s Rolex,’ aka a cheap digital watch from a hardware store. When we’re done with our service, the alarms were set to be as annoying as possible, for a late-night treasure hunt.” XplosivCookie
Another User Comments:
“I left a cheap smoke detector with a fresh 9-volt battery hooked up with a resistor so the low battery alarm would beep every several hours and hid it in the ceiling of my old boss’s office. It would be infrequent enough to not be able to easily get a sense of direction. Just a faint beep potentially for years. Not sure if this counts as mild enough.” iloveFjords
27. A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words...Or In This Case, A Thousand Germs
“I moved to America to be with this guy (let’s call him D). D happened to work at the same big box store as my friend J, and one day when I came to meet J from work, a coworker innocently said ‘Are you looking for D? He’s staying with his partner.’
Me: ‘I’M HIS PARTNER.’
Now another thing you should know about D is he bought his toothbrushes wholesale and lived in the grungiest apartment ever. I cleaned every inch of that bathroom, toilet included, with each and every one of those remaining toothbrushes, documenting every step with photographs. Then I rinsed them in the toilet and put them back in the box. And I packed my things and left.
Ten years later, when I’d calculated he was on the last brush, I sent him the pictures.”
26. Keep Disturbing My Street And I'll Destroy Your Scooter
“Years ago, I lived on a street that had another street branch off of it 2 doors down from my house. At the end of the other street was a group of younger guys that rode scooters to make deliveries around town (I knew this because one of my friends bought stuff from them on a regular basis).
All hours of the day and night these damn scooters buzzed up and down the street.
A couple of them didn’t have mufflers, so they were LOUD. Called cops, they were useless. I came up with the bright idea of spreading cinderblock grit (the material cinderblocks were made of) in the corner where the streets intersected.
This material was gray, and it was like little ball bearings when spread on pavement. I got a bucket of grit and proceeded to spread it all over the corner.
About that time, I heard the buzz of a scooter coming down the street. I literally had to jump over a fence into some bushes to avoid being seen.
The scooter dude hit the corner and the scooter FLEW out from under him. Sounded like a car crash. No injury, and just a broken mirror on the scooter. The whole bunch of them moved 3 days later.
Looking back on it, someone could have been injured, but they were dealers and they were a huge neighborhood nuisance. Took care of the problem.”
25. Steal My Chair? I'll Steal It Right From Under You
“So in my first or second year of high school, I was sitting in computer studies class one day, doing the assigned coding I had to do. I was that quiet kid that always did the school work and caused as least trouble for the teacher as I possibly could. Anyway, in computer studies, we all had to have a ‘buddy’ and the person that paired up with me was the rebellious, cute bad boy that had a heart of gold (& turned out to be super smart).
This guy had at least 4 girls crushing on him, including this one I’ll refer to as L. L was loud, obnoxious, wore a very short skirt, spent every class flirting with all the guys, did little classwork, and was a horrible person to any girl that was not in her inner circle (including me). L was an outright mean girl who bullied girls she saw as ‘below’ her.
L often came to class late, or she would be outside, talking with friends or flirting. Anyway, she came 10 mins late to computer studies one day, our teacher didn’t care, and L stood around flirting with the guys. There weren’t enough chairs in the room, by 1, so instead of walking outside the room and grabbing a spare from the hallway, L sat on a table.
When it was my computer buddy’s turn to do his coding, I got up to ask the teacher if I could go to the bathroom.
I came back from the bathroom, to find that L had stolen my chair, instead of getting her own from the hallway, sat down a couple of computers away from mine & was flirting with the group of guys. I brought it up to L, she smirked at me, made some mean remark, rolled her eyes, and turned back to flirting with the guys.
Not even 30 seconds later, she sits up and pushes my chair back, still flirting and not paying attention to me. I grabbed my chair, quickly sat back down at my computer & was helping my buddy with his coding. Shortly after, L lets out a short yell. Everyone turns to see her on the ground, legs up in the air, looking sheepish. The whole class started laughing at her. A couple of the guys gave me a high five. She had a go at me over it & I told her not to go stealing my chair, again.
She never messed with me again.”
24. Poop Ninja To The Rescue
“Worked with a woman who liked to say bad things about the various people in our office in an effort to advance herself. She was also an undiagnosed hypochondriac. I’m not pee shy, but she was very uncomfortable hearing people using any of the other bathroom stalls at the same time she was. I started eating a protein-rich diet. I pooped at work. A lot. She complained.
So I did it more. She complained more. I started making sure to poop before she would have to get in the bathroom. Coworkers thought this was hilarious after a couple of weeks, as they got hip to what I was doing. They also hated her as much as me, so they never clued her in that I was the guilty pooper. I became known as the Poop Ninja after a really nice tantrum she threw, saying the stink being created was causing her to have ‘asthma attacks’.
She even tried to ask our commander if she could work from home, as it was creating a mental health issue for her. Boss laughed her out of the office. She started using the bathroom one floor below our work center around the same time I recruited several other women into my little army. She had no escape from the smell, and sweet Jeebus it was nasty.
The five of us ended up losing about 20 lbs each on our new diets, while she gave herself three kidney infections and gained 30 pounds trying to hold it till she got to the BX food court.”
23. Be Careful How You Treat Strangers. They May Hold More Power Than You Think
“When I was in law school I went to a bar with a bunch of law school students and decided I wanted a smoke – I went outside and a bunch of girls were smoking. I don’t like to ask for favors, but I had a free small fry coupon from McDonald’s. I offered it to the girl if she would give me something to smoke.
She said okay. I handed it to her, and then she wouldn’t give me anything back. She said, ‘You shouldn’t be so trusting.’
Flash forward a few months, and I’m the head GA for the IT for a division in our university, which includes administration. I went up to replace a computer and saw the same girl – she was waiting in line for a job interview.
I went up to the person who was conducting the interviews (I was their IT person too) and told them the story.
She didn’t get the job.”
Another User Comments:
“Ah yes, the old ‘never know who your interviewer is’ scene.
Didn’t hire a guy once because he cut me off and gave me the finger pulling into the company lot the morning of his interview. Not sure how he thought that would work well.” [deleted]
22. I'll Keep Your Secret Only If It Benefits Me
“My sister smoked and hid it from my parents as a teen. She did something that angered me, so I found and destroyed her stash and then told her. She smacked me around. Then I told my mom. She got in a bunch of trouble for beating me up and my sister and I both knew why but she obviously couldn’t be honest about it with my mother.
She got grounded for a while and my smug little butt got as many knowing glances at her as I was able.”
Another User Comments:
“I used to smoke in secret in high school and I had to keep it from my brother because we were both trying to get my dad’s old phone because he was upgrading. He said we had to agree on who got it or nobody gets it.
Obviously, as the older brother, I was being a jerk about it. Well fast forward a week it was 2 am and I was smoking in my garage and my brother walked in, looked me dead in the eyes, and said ‘Dad’s phone is mine’ and walked out. I had to tell my dad as nicely as possible I thought my little bro deserved it more than me. It was the greatest revenge he has ever gotten on me.” TheDungus
21. Sometimes You Just Gotta Go...Wherever That May Be
“In elementary school, I would get pulled into a small room for one on one teaching sessions every week and I would have three/four different teachers. This day I had the one I hated soooo much (my family didn’t like her either) and I asked her if I can go to the bathroom. She said ‘no’.. 10 minutes later I asked again… ‘no’..4 minutes after asking that time I stood up to tell her I really really really had to go..
she said no, sit down… guys it was too late I was already going on the carpet. I was crying and her jaw went to the floor! That jerk was still cleaning it when I was walking back from the nurse’s office.
I was in 2nd grade. My grandma (she raised me) never wanted that teacher to teach me ever and she got in trouble for not letting me go to the bathroom.”
Another User Comments:
“I almost had this happen to me.
I had to go to the bathroom several times in an hour and I didn’t know why. The teacher kept telling me ‘no’ after I had gone twice already.
I learned what diarrhea was that day. Luckily I got to go home before it got out of hand.” Unicarn54
Another User Comments:
“When my husband was in 2nd grade, he had a jerk of a teacher. One morning they were at an assembly and he tells the teacher he needs to use the bathroom because he feels sick. She said no. He pleaded with her, but still a no. So he didn’t hold it down any longer and puked on her. She deserved that!” badwolfmommy
20. Keep Being A Rude Customer And I'll Serve Your Coffee Cold
“I used to manage a Starbucks when one of my baristas asked a guy his name and he just flipped out. He was belittling her, called her stupid, etc, and didn’t give his name for his order. Anyway, I take over the hand-off drinks and place his drink just on the hand-off with no words. (I’ll add it was a busy store with a lot of people waiting.)
I just keep putting drinks out for about 10/15 minutes and the jerk walks up and picks up his drink that’s now lukewarm and goes ‘is this mine?’ I just respond with ‘I don’t know it doesn’t have a name on it.'”
Another User Comments:
“I work at a movie theatre, and on slow days when I’m by myself, I will often just sell tickets and concessions from the same station at the same time (to save everyone the trouble of buying tickets, then having to move 10 feet to buy a popcorn). And I’ve had people get really angry because I ask if they want any concessions with their ticket. It’s absurd. If you don’t want concessions, just say ‘no’. You don’t need to get angry or yell at my face because I asked a question to make both of our lives easier.” Natedogg2
19. Keep Tailgating Me? Don't Be Surprised When Your Car Gets Wrecked
“Guy in an El Camino was aggressively tailgating me in the slow lane. On the highway. Traffic was light so he could have passed easily. I’m in an SUV. I see metal debris in the road ahead of me. I know I can clear it and do. He wasn’t so lucky.”
Another User Comments:
“Guy was tailgating my wife, being a real jerk. She went the speed limit and nothing else.
He changed lanes, sped ahead, and immediately rear-ended a car that had just suddenly stopped behind a third car that had stopped to turn. This guy causes a three-car fender bender.
Felt sorry for the other 2 cars. But screw that guy.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“In my town, there’s a stretch of road that’s two lanes, one way per side with a median in the middle. It’s a busy road, so people notoriously use the bike lanes to get around the traffic.
I’m talking about using the bike lane for several blocks. Often, they’ll pull up right next to you at a red and rev their engine like they’re gonna speed off as soon as it turns green.
What they don’t know is that my SUV can outrun them. Easily. And boy do I love it when they have to get in behind me and go crazy.
Don’t endanger peoples’ lives and I won’t mess with you.” TheRealJackReynolds
18. Mean Art Teacher? Just Throw Out Their Paints
“I hated art class at school. I enjoyed learning about it but I wasn’t good at it and our teacher didn’t just favor the talented students but she actually punished the bad students. It was ridiculously unjust.
The teacher disliked me and my art because she felt I was not trying and ignoring her advice. I tried very hard if only to get her to leave me alone.
As an adult, I can understand that something that comes so naturally to you, to see someone fail so abysmally so many times, you can get the impression that they don’t care for the activity and won’t try/are disrespecting you by ignoring your advice. Simple as that, I was that bad that she thought I was constantly messing around.
So I did my best at some art style and was put in detention because she didn’t like my last three pieces.
In detention, I had to stay after school and wash stuff. I threw out boxes of acrylic paint to spite her.
Later that week, she couldn’t find the acrylic paint for our lesson and freaked the heck out. I didn’t think she’d have such a severe reaction but then it became clear that she was stressed because she was a completely incompetent teacher and couldn’t figure out a substitute lesson plan.
She also thought she had misplaced the paint and it was her fault and began panicking that the head of the department would reprimand her in some way.
Another teacher came in and gave a substitute lesson plan to her.
Petty but pleasurable.”
Another User Comments:
“Our high school art teacher broke down because a boy drew ‘body parts’ all over the painting she had been working on with us.
(As in it was what she used to demonstrate techniques and was really very nice looking despite it just being a teaching tool.) Our art teacher was the polar opposite of yours. I have NO talent for art and she managed to get me at least trying and even drawing a few things that came out kinda nice. She was a sweet lady, but kinda high strung and took things hard.
So another student smeared the jerk’s football pants with brown oil paint. It never came off and apparently, he couldn’t get another pair, so every game he looked like he pooped himself.
Good times.” SeaOkra
17. Make Fun Of Me? I'll Toss Your Shoes On The Roof
“When I was about six or seven, there was this five-year-old who lived down and across the street from my house. I’d sometimes see him at our local playground and for whatever reason, he liked to ‘pick on’ me. Now, when I say that, I don’t mean to say he bullied me or that I saw him as a bully. He was a kindergartener and I was probably twice his size.
He didn’t hurt my feelings—he just annoyed the life out of me for months, which seems like years in the eyes of a first-grader.
The thing that I hated the most was that he’d call me ‘baby JD’ (my family nickname growing up was JD, and it’s how all my friends knew me, and therefore him as well). And he wouldn’t just toss it at the end of any old sentence as a normal person would.
He would repeat it, over and over. Chanting, singing, taunting me endlessly until I was too frustrated to stick around, and went home. He always seemed to ruin the fun.
But one day, I grew a spine. I was on the swings, all on my own, hoping for one of my friends to come outside and play. All of a sudden, I saw a figure turn the corner around my house, riding a training-wheeled bicycle—it was him.
The already-grey Washington sky seemed to turn greyer.
He rolled up to the swing set and we exchanged pleasantries. But hardly a minute had passed before it began: ‘Baby JD! Baby JD! Baby JD!’
I lost my patience. I swung hard and leaped off of the swing, landing hard on the mulch feet from where he stood. He backed up to put some space between us, but I stomped a foot in his direction.
Now, I wasn’t actually going to hurt the kid. I just wanted to scare him a little before I took the familiar trek home. And in fact, I didn’t hurt him, not enough to warrant tears anyway. But what I did do was interrupt his balance. He toppled to the ground hands and feet flailing.
My instinct took over. My eyes trained on his feet, which I noticed were suddenly bare.
There, sitting atop the mulch, was a pair of sandals. I’d literally startled him out of his shoes. So I did what any sensible kid would do and picked them up before walking in the opposite direction.
Immediately, he was back on his feet, screaming bloody murder about his shoes. He ran after me, but I held the flip-flops out of his reach. He didn’t dare throw a punch, because he and I both knew that wasn’t a fight he was likely to win.
Eventually, I grew tired of toying with him, and his unending screaming was starting to annoy me as much as ‘baby JD’ did. I noticed we were standing under one of those big roofs-on-columns, the kind with concrete floors and no walls. I backed slowly out from under the roof and he inched toward me, keeping his distance. I held the shoes out as if to offer them to him, and he lunged.
But he was too slow.
The clouds, it seemed, had parted. Sunlight engulfed the playground.
I gave all my strength. The sandals were in the air. We were both still as they spun through the daylight as if propelled by an invisible dancer. An eon passed, and soon they too hung in the air motionless.
And then they began to fall. My aim would need to be absolutely precise, the winds exactly in my favor, the angle of descent perfect and exact.
Seven feet from the ground, a dull ‘thud’ echoed through the air. Two small sandals had landed flat on the angle of the roof. The judges held up their 10s, the crowd went wild, the sun smiled down on my triumph.
And then the silence of the park was broken by a blood-curdling shriek.
‘M Y S H O E S!’
I imagine I must’ve left a me-shaped cloud of dust in my wake. But I’d never been prouder.
I can’t even remember the kid’s name, but his sobbing still brings me warm joy on bad days.”
16. If You're Going To Take My Money And Run, Don't Come Running Back To Me Years Later
“I hired an employee for a restaurant I was playing a part in opening. The first day the staff was beginning to train, the opening got pushed back by a few days. This guy asked me if he could borrow $100 until the next week when work would resume and the first checks came in. He was a skilled guy and I didn’t want to lose him so I loaned him the dough out of my pocket.
A few days later, when the staff was meant to return to work for the opening, he didn’t show up and his phone was disconnected. Never heard from him again…
Cut to a couple of years later. The restaurant had been a success and we were preparing to open a second location a few miles away. I am going through resumes to staff the new location when lo and behold, the guy’s resume shows up in my email.
I reached out for him to arrange an interview the next morning, early as possible, to which he complied. The dude didn’t even remember the name of the restaurant (it was the same as the first location).
He showed up at 7 am the next morning and was there waiting for me when I came in. I asked a colleague to keep him waiting, which he did for almost an hour.
I finally sat down with him, right away asked if he had remembered me or the restaurant at all, to which he denied. I reminded him that I had lent him $100 almost two years ago. He said maybe I had met with his twin brother. I said if he wanted to give me the moolah back right then and there, then maybe we could discuss a job. He didn’t know what to say, looked completely flummoxed, and just meekly denied remembering the incident. So he left. I didn’t get my moolah back but I was at least able to humiliate him and waste his entire morning, and that completely made my day.”
15. Think I'd Never Find Out About The Other Woman? Well I've Got A Surprise For You
“Was seeing a guy and later found out he was seeing another girl. Messaged the other girl on MySpace and told her if she wanted to know the truth it would be better to hear it from him, so please call me and I’ll call him on three-way calling. She did and stayed totally quiet on the call while he tried to set up some intimate time with me for later that week.
Finally, I said ‘I don’t think I can do that, your other girl might have a problem with it. Wouldn’t you?’ She finally chimed in with a nope and a screw you (to him) and he hung up in a panic. Wished her luck. No idea how it turned out for them, but I blocked his sorry butt and still get a chuckle at the moment of pure fear we heard in the silence before he hung up”
Another User Comments:
“Love it.
I saw a guy who turned out to be a serial cheater. After I dumped him I logged into his MySpace and forwarded his messages around, like messages to girl A got forwarded to girl B and C, etc.
That dummy never changed his password, so a few years later he did something to someone I knew and it angered me, so I logged into his MySpace and did it all over again. That time was even better/worse because one of the messages was from a girl asking why he had been ignoring her and if it was because her sister was his partner. You can bet I sent that one to every girl on his friend’s list.” AlwaysDisposable
14. Mess With My Laundry? I'll Bleach Your Clothes
“I lived in an apartment building with shared laundry. There was one lady across the hall who would ALWAYS take my laundry out of the washer or the dryer mid-cycle and put it on the floor beside the machine so she could wash/dry hers. I have no idea what her issue was. It wasn’t because I left my clothes in the machine because I always set a timer on my phone being careful about germs from someone else touching my laundry.
I got really fed up with it one day when I went to switch my laundry from the washer to the dryer and my soaking wet clothes were on the floor. I went back to my apartment, grabbed a bottle of bleach, and went back to the laundry room, and dumped it in her wash cycle (I knew it was her stuff because she always left her laundry soap on top of the machine).
She complained to the building manager and signs went up in the laundry rooms saying to not touch others’ laundry. She didn’t do it again and I moved out a couple of weeks later.”
Another User Comments:
“I lived in an apartment like that and had a similar problem. After the second time someone pulled my laundry out of the dryer mid-cycle, I decided laundry time was also reading-on-top-of-the-laundry-machine time.
The look on the 60-something-year-old lady’s face would have been funny if I weren’t a broke, angry student at the time. She walked inside the room, looked up at me like a deer in headlights, put her basket on top of the washing machine she was using, turned around, and left. She came back later as I was pulling my stuff out of the dryer. She wouldn’t make eye contact for some reason.” Jenifarr
13. Leave Me For Another Man? I'll Make Sure You Can Never Complete Your Antique Collection
“My ex collected specific brands of antique & mid-century dishes & pottery. There was a certain coffee mug that was rare & when they came on the market, were usually expensive. He had a few, but could never quite get the whole set.
After 8 years together, I came home from work one day & he announced that he was moving out the following day, & leaving town, as he had been seeing another man for quite some time & they were in love & blah blah blah.
He left me with the house & the dog, but pretty much nothing else. I was devastated, but also mad.
Not long after this, I got a huge promotion at work, which came with a huge increase in salary & bonus. Nearly twice what I was making just 2 years before. He always used to complain that we never had enough funds, but he always seemed to have enough for his stupid collectible dishware.
I spent a great deal of money to buy up all of the available pieces that he did not have in his collection. I was newly single, jilted, angry, & though I, to this day, have no idea if he has even noticed, own a sizable chunk of the missing collection & have standing orders with 4 dealers across the country that contact me first if they come across these specific dishes. They sit in a box in my home office now.
It’s petty. I know. I’m not proud. But it feels good.”
12. The Secretive Food Fight
“My coworker sometimes throws out her lunch in the garbage can at my desk instead of her own, because she claims she can’t stand the smell of old ketchup that’s been sitting out for a couple of hours. I’ve asked her several times to stop, but she will then just wait until I get up to go to the bathroom and do it, and hide my garbage can under my desk so she thinks I won’t see it.
Every time she does it, I wait until she goes to the bathroom, take out the little plastic container that she had ketchup in, and put it way in the back of her bottom desk drawer. There are 6 in there now, the oldest is over a month old. So far, she hasn’t noticed the smell. Gonna keep doing it and see how long it takes her to notice.”
Another User Comments:
“I had a college roommate who would walk across the room to dump coffee grounds in my wastebasket instead of into the trash can underneath the coffee maker or into the trash can in the hallway (which was still fewer steps than my trash can).
It was weird, but I didn’t say anything. Then one day I came back from class to find that she dumped wet grounds into my trash and flung grounds and droplets of coffee all over a couple of my textbooks and pages of homework, which were sitting a foot away. We were rarely in the room at the same time so I left her a note: ‘Please don’t put coffee grounds into this trash can.
Thanks!’ Then I went off to another class.
When I came back later she had a full-blown meltdown over the note and how awful I am for sitting in the room and studying instead of constantly being out and socializing as she does. She yelled at me about how she ‘can never have friends over;’ I quietly pointed out that I went back home every weekend and she had the room to herself.
Somehow this evolved into her calling her mom and crying hysterically on the phone. I cracked open a book to study and ignored her while covering my ears to shut out her whining. When I uncovered an ear to free my hand to turn a page, I caught snippets of the conversation. It sounded like she was going nuts about everything, mainly me (‘all she does is STUDY!’) but also dorm life and school.
She switched dorm rooms days later. Now that I think about it, I wonder if the coffee thing was some kind of petty revenge for me annoying her by studying. Who knows. College stress was definitely driving her insane, and I should have just gone elsewhere to study.” DeweyDecimator020
11. Annoy Me And I'll Remove The Labels Off All Your Canned Goods
“My brother did something to annoy his then-partner. So she took the labels off all his canned food/tins in the cupboards. Are you opening a tin of beans? Or a tin of tomato sauce? Or cat food?
Kinda hilarious.”
Another User Comments:
“My grandmother told a story of how that was a pretty common wedding shower idea during the Depression: they would get the couple canned food but take the labels off, so every meal was an adventure.
If it was something home-canned, they’d just try to give something ambiguous. She said it was meant to make a little game of the fact that people were in such hard times that food was a gift.” mamacrocker
Another User Comments:
“In elementary school, there was a can food label collection/drive. I ripped off all of the labels for the canned food in our house. My mom was angry. I come from immigrant parents and the canned items varied from fruit, snails, fish, some weird stuff, to chicken noodle soup.” Bamesjondpokesmot
10. Battle Of The Pens
“In high school, a kid named Anthony was a jerk to me
Pushed me out the way when I was at a vending machine and stole my dollar. Said mean words to me. General bully stuff.
The school had 6 class periods so we could get used to what college is like.
I had him in my last class of the day.
Right before the bell rang he and his bully friends were messing around and throwing stuff at each other. A broken red pen went flying and hit me by accident right as the bell rang. As he started to leave class, I pelted that pen at the back of his head as hard as I could.
He clutched his head and I blended into the masses.
No one saw me do it.
Hahahaha screw you, Anthony.”
9. Force Me To Cook For You? Watch Out Before You Take A Bite
“This happened almost a decade ago with my first significant other. He was a manipulative, selfish, raging jerk and I was a 16 year old with no self-esteem. A match made for a nightmare.
He basically lived at my house and had me cook for him all the time. He was trying to impress one of my neighbors so he would have me make them snacks multiple times a day.
His favorite thing to eat was french fries.
I would be making 3 or 4 batches a day. Since I was cooking so many fries I would keep the Crisco shortening I used to fry them in an empty coffee tin in the fridge. Over the course of 3 days, the shortening smelled exactly like potatoes.
So my ex asks me to make him some french fries yet again (I’m the only one paying for them btw).
When I tried to serve myself a plate of the fries I had just cooked he yelled at me and said these were only for him and his friend. He took the whole heaping plate and ran off!
My blood was boiling and I plotted revenge! I waited for the shortening to solidify and I whipped it with a fork so it looked like mashed potatoes. Because of the many batches of fries, it smelled like mashed potatoes too.
Now I just had to wait.
Soon enough my ex was back and was still hungry. He had the nerve to ask me for more fries! So I sweetly told him that I’d made mashed potatoes for him while he was gone.
He was so pleased! He said ‘Thanks, babe!’ And took the biggest spoonful he could straight out of the pot. He put the overflowing spoon straight into his gob with a huge smile on his face. His smile quickly turned into disgust and he started violently throwing up in the sink.
He never asked me to make fries again in our short relationship. I broke up with him btw.”
8. Keep Being Mean And I'll Throw Snow At Your Face
“When I was 8 or 9 a kid pushed me down a hill and ran away. Later that day I saw him come into the bathroom and go into one of the stalls. So I ran outside and grabbed a huge chunk of ice/snow and ran back into the bathroom and kicked the stall door open and hurled it right into his stupefied face, then also ran away.”
Another User Comments:
“Way way back, there was this fat ugly mean kid that lived by us.
I and my younger siblings always encountered him on our walk home after school, and he thought he was untouchable because his mom was a middle school teacher. He used to throw anything he could get his hands on at us while hollering and generally being a little jerk. He always laid wait to ambush us, and we rarely could avoid him. One day he was whipping the slushy, gravelly mush from the side of the road at us and I had enough and decided to retaliate.
Up until this point we had mostly tried to hurry past because the few confrontations we had had in the past always played in his favor, poor fat ugly only child was only trying to play you see. So this day he splats my little brother upside the back of the head with filthy, gravel-filled, cold wet slush, and I am not having it. I dropped my book bag, grabbed a chunk of hate off the side of the road, and fired away.
Luckily for me, my handful of slushy gravelly yuck had a softball size chunk of frozen stuff in it, and I pinged that jerk dead center of his stupid forehead. He instantly starts bawling and runs to his mom, and we carried on our merry way home, satisfied that he had learned his lesson, and happy to have watched him cry. His mom was my homeroom teacher in grade 7, she hated me, and I hold her she was single-handedly responsible for ruining my education experience. The apple didn’t fall far from that tree.” mowble
7. If One Person Messes With Me, You All Have To Pay For It
“Received a parking notice on my vehicle telling me my car was abandoned and will be towed to a city compound for not being moved. (Car was parked in one spot legally registered and insured for 2 days.) This was on a residential street in front of my condo.
As I noticed the slip from my window I went and investigated what it was and noticed another person two condos over leering at me with a sense of accomplishment.
I called the city information line and explained, at which point they retorted with ‘anyone can legally call on any car and without the real knowledge if the car moves daily or not and get a notice placed within the day.’ ‘The city is just doing their job.’ I was frustrated but then asked the person, if that was the case and without any investigation, l could theoretically call every vehicle on the street for abandonment and they would have to then just ‘do their job.’
They replied with ‘seems like more trouble than it seems but sure’…not realizing my pettiness knows no bounds, I did just that.
I took photos of everyone’s license plate parked on the street, entered each vehicle into my city’s online site, and within two hours a city vehicle had shown up to unleash my devious plan.
While taking the picture of one of the cars, in particular, the condo leery I mentioned before came out his door and asked me ‘why are you photographing my car this is a private neighborhood.’ Whatever he was trying to say was obviously overshadowed by rage, I just proceeded to give a devilish smile and walk into my unit.
Back to the story, my city worker hero called my number as you must provide loose info before entering vehicle complaints and I answered and explained what had all unfolded through the day not leaving any parts out or lack of info on what my part in all this was. He laughed amused at what I had devised and replied with ‘this is the easiest last two hours of my night, thank you for this.’ I laughed said no problem and went to sleep knowing that every vehicle had a parking complaint.”
6. Be Rude To The Caterer And You'll End Up Drinking Toilet Water
“I worked in restaurants during college in various roles from 2003-06. Server, bartender, in the kitchen, etc.
I once picked up a catering shift for an event of a few hundred people. We had a few bars set up and a handful of food stations with people at each location to serve the guests.
The rest of us were to keep the place clean by walking around and picking up glasses, plates, and trash.
We were NOT supposed to serve drinks or food as that was handled by the people at their respective stations.
As I was walking around tidying up a man physically grabbed me by my arm (I’m a tall male) and proceeded to demand a glass of water. I calmly told him that I wasn’t allowed to serve guests food or drink. He squeezed my arm harder and told me to get him water and said ‘why don’t you understand what I’m asking? It’s quite simple.’
The bartender at the bar, 10 feet away, was watching this happen.
I loudly asked the bartender if he had any water for the man and he said ‘nope, no water.’ I told the man there wasn’t any water and I’m sorry. He wouldn’t accept this and told me ‘you can go find water and I will stand here and wait.’
I went to the bar, grabbed a glass of ice, had another server watch my back as I scooped water out of the toilet.
I put the glass on a tray, added a paper napkin, lime slice, and straw before going back to the man. I handed him the water and apologized for the inconvenience.
I watched as he drank the glass of water. He handed me the empty glass and told me ‘see, that wasn’t so hard?!’ I told him I know where to get him water if he wanted more later on.
Turns out he was the man that paid for us to be at the event and owned the venue. Screw that guy.”
5. Lock Me Out Of My Own Place? That Won't Work Out For You
“I lived with my uncle 10 years ago and I just wanted to move out and show myself that I could do it. My partner at the time had a best friend that also wanted to move out and live with her partner, so we decided to go for a coffee and go over a budget plan and see if we could manage ourselves. We all hung out whenever we had the chance.
2 months go by and we decide to start looking at apartments. We finally found one that met our budget. I paid my share of rent and damage deposit.
It would just be me, my partner’s best friend, and her partner splitting the bills. My partner wasn’t ready to move yet. My uncle gave me advice that has stuck with me to this day that if you move in with a couple, it will always be 2 against one and it isn’t pretty.
After we moved in, (it’s been 3 weeks at this point) we decided we wanted new furniture, cutlery, etc etc. Me being the busy guy I decided to just let them pick it out and I’ll pay my share as long as it’s reasonable and within the budget we worked out previously. They were happy to accept my portion and they went out to IKEA and bought what we ‘needed.’
Anyway, they gave me the bill on a contract paper and insisted I had to sign/pay but with no receipt attached.
I said I would gladly pay if I could simply see the proof of purchase. They asked me to trust them. I asked how much my portion was and they said I had to pay an additional $3500 more on top of the portion I gave them already and refused to let me see this bill.
I had to leave for work so I said I would talk to them when I got home after my shift.
The guy was cool with that but the girl huffed and puffed.
I ended up working a full 12-hour shift on a Monday and it was an hour and a half commute to get home. I get to the apartment and the locks wouldn’t open to my key. And nobody was home, or so I thought. I called my landlord and he came to our apartment with me standing outside the door patiently waiting.
His master key wouldn’t work on the locks either. Then someone inside the apartment said if we didn’t leave, she’d call the cops. Man what a gong show that turned into. My landlord was angry because he had witnessed us all sign the lease and we all seemed to get along. She refused to talk to him and me.
After a half-hour of the 2 roommates arguing with the landlord and me through the door, the cops were finally called by her only because I refused to pay for their furniture purchase that I haven’t even seen yet.
10 mins go by and the cops showed up. The landlord gave the cops full permission to use any force to let me into my living spaces. They finally opened the door and the cops told me to stay in my room unless needed and that I should move out promptly. The landlord offered me a one-bedroom after the dust settles with the roommates and I won’t breach my lease with him.
The roommates were angry, and the cops told them to grow up and to stay in their rooms until we can talk like adults again. I did as I was told and just went to bed.
The next morning, I went to the living room to check out the new furniture that I had supposedly bought, none of it was from IKEA. I’m talking about the Brick quality brand name kind of furniture.
All white leather with marble top side tables. Stuff I would have never agreed to buy. I let them keep the portion I had given them previously but I wouldn’t pay a penny more. It was far beyond the budget plan and let’s face it, I would never get to take any of these when I moved out.
Things were still sour after that, I’d come home with all my food thrown in the garbage, they broke all my coffee cups, took the shower curtains into their room with all the towels including the toilet paper.
All these things I paid for even before the furniture incident. They had left their toothbrushes in the bathroom though… man, I tell you after a long 10-12 hour shift of working…
Anyway, a week goes by and the happy couple had broken up and the guy desperately tried to make amends with me because all these things he had purchased were on his credit card.
I told him I was sorry but I was financially tight from replacing anything they had broken of mine and the new apartment I was moving into at the end of the week.”
4. Roommate Who Refuses To Clean Is Left With Nothing
“I had an awful apartment roommate in college.
1. This girl was somehow super picky about her stuff but also didn’t clean up after herself. She kept a rag in the sink at all times for washing her dishes. She rarely washed her own dishes, so we just had a wet, smelly rag in our sink constantly. Every once in a while, the other roommate or I would wash it just so our sink wouldn’t be gross.
I guess one day someone washed/dried it and it fell behind the dryer. The gross roommate was angry that her rag was gone, but the other roommate and I legitimately didn’t know where it went. One day I dropped something behind the dryer and looked behind it to retrieve my item. I saw her dishrag and chose to never tell her.
2. Same roommates and same apartment: The non-gross roommate informed me she was moving out of the apartment with less than a month’s notice (we had individual leases, so it didn’t matter).
I had been thinking of leaving too but was going to wait it out a bit longer. Once the non-gross roommate sprung that news on me, I decided to move out at the same time. The non-gross roommate and I owned almost everything in the shared space of that apartment. The non-gross roommate gave our gross roommate a heads up, but I did not. I moved all my stuff in one day. The gross roommate had to come home one day to suddenly not having any pots, pans, plates, cups, kitchen appliances, etc.”
3. Angry Dad Runs Over Newly Placed Traffic Cones
“My dad was driving and we came upon a construction truck driving the other way with a crew in back placing cones in the center of the road as they slowly drove. Just preparing for some construction. Dad slows down and offers some criticism of how they’re putting the cones down. I don’t even remember what for, maybe the cones were a bit far into our lane or something.
The construction guy isn’t having it, the conversation gets a bit heated, dude gives Dad a ‘screw you.’
‘Screw me? No, screw you.’
Dad proceeds to run over cones for an entire mile. Now I would have thought that they would have just gotten a little flattened but the tire was actually throwing them behind the vehicle and frequently a lot to the left or right. Some were thrown completely off the road, all of them were just all over the place.
He was a narcissist. This isn’t even remotely the worst or most petty thing he did, it’s just one I was there for.”
2. Ruin Our Camping Trip? I Hope You Made Room For Some Wildlife
“Family camping trip near the beach in Assateague with 2 couples and our young children. We had a great time until a huge family reunion took all the camping spots around us. Probably 30 adults and 10+ young kids. No problem, we’re all on vacation so sure, stay up, drink, party on, whatever. They were another level of loud, arguing, all night long music (awful), fireworks & general craziness.
Worse, they put all their children’s tents way over on the other side of our two tents. Every night, they would send their kids (with the older kids as minders) to their tents and those kids cried, screamed, fought, and beat each other. Some ran to us for help and we went to the adult group to let them know. They couldn’t have cared less. When we left three days hence, my husband and our friend took all our leftover cookies, crackers, and bread and spread it through their campsite early in the morning.
They called it land chumming and it was glorious. Like an Alfred Hitchcock movie.”
Another User Comments:
“When I was on a campout with Boy Scouts, the senior scouts would mess with us in the best ways. One of them was to zip-tie our tent zipper closed, then spread lettuce and breadcrumbs all over the tent.
Nothing quite like waking up at 2 AM to a deer just going to town on the outside of your tent when you can’t see what it is.” [deleted]
1. The Ultimate Snowball Fight
“On the first snowfall one year, a coworker balled up a snowball and threw it right in my face in front of the whole office. Everyone laughed and he refused to apologize. So on the next workday it snowed, I gathered a backpack of snowballs and disguised myself as a snowman in front of our work building, waiting for him to arrive. When he did and tried to open the front door I had locked, I burst from my snowman disguise and pelted him repeatedly with snowballs! My body was frozen from waiting as a snowman but it was definitely worth it.”
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