People Can't Stop Mulling Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Talking Back To My Stepmom?
“I am a 16-year-old girl and my stepmother is a 36-year-old woman. For the past 12 years of my life, my stepmother hasn’t liked me, she would always find a reason to scream at me but today she disrespected me in front of my friend while my father sat there and did nothing.
Yesterday, my friend came over to spend the night, we had fun, we went to the park and we went to 7-Eleven. We ran around outside until the street lights came on and after that, we got tired and laid down in my bed and we both fell asleep.
We woke up, it was 9 o’clock in the morning and my father was making breakfast.
My friend told me she had to go use the bathroom and she asked me to show her where it was and I went upstairs with her to show her where the bathroom was.
My stepmother was in there, cleaning the bathroom and I didn’t know so she looked at us and got up stomping her feet saying she was cleaning the bathroom, and stomped into her room. My friend said what was that and I said I am not even sure, but just use the bathroom.
Five seconds later she came stopping out of her room and may I mention that I was in front of the stairs but there was enough room for her to pass by. She gave me an evil look, and I said what? When she said MOVE, screaming it, she went downstairs and I just asked why are you yelling at me?
I did nothing to you. My friend just had to use the bathroom. She continued to say well you know I am cleaning the bathroom and I said I didn’t know I just woke up.
Later on, she was still trying to argue and my father was still not doing anything about it.
She continued to run her mouth and then I said JUST STOP. I screamed loudly, and then she screamed louder than me. SHUT UP THEN, she said and then stormed into the basement. And then I waited for my friend to come out of the bathroom, and when she came out we were walking down the stairs to go into my room which was in the basement.
She came storming up the stairs saying YOU CAN GO LEAVE MY HOUSE.
I laughed because I was more than happy to do that so I called my mother and told her what happened. My mother was fuming and angry. My mother told me, be ready in 25 minutes, I am coming to pick you up.
We both said goodbye, and I hung up. My friend asked me, what is your stepmother’s problem? I replied, I don’t even know. My father then screamed down the stairs, WELL MAYBE STOP TALKING ABOUT IT THEN. I replied back, what? Then he said, you keep going.
Stop, it is not even serious, then I replied, maybe I wouldn’t have been talking about it at this moment if you had your wife under control and then he went silent.
About five minutes later, I told my friend to put on her shoes.
We went down to the park and waited for my mom. My friend put on her shoes, I put on mine, and grabbed all my stuff to pack that I brought from my mom’s and as soon as I was about to leave, my father stopped me saying this is what you wanted. Good job.
You got what you wanted. I completely ignored him and slammed the door. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to ask for a change in custody. Explain to the judge the ongoing verbal mistreatment from your stepmother and that your father refuses to stop her.
State clearly that your stepmother threw you out during your dad’s parenting time and he did nothing. State that her rage issues are not something to handle and that you do not want to be in the home if she is present since your dad will not protect you.” TiredAndTiredOfIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your stepmom needs to grow up and learn to talk to you like a human being. People have to use the restroom. I am sorry that you had to go through that! There are plenty of things she could have said/done that are better.
She could have asked nicely to wait a moment. She could have said ok, and let her use the restroom. She could have just walked away. She could have said excuse me if she thought there wasn’t a lot of room to get by you.
What a mess of a woman.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Responsible For My Sister's Kid?
“My sister got pregnant whilst casually going out with a guy. He made it very clear that he wasn’t ready to be a dad, but she decided to keep the baby and just be a single parent.
She is nearly 40, so I guess she figured it might be her last chance to have a kid. This is all fine – she can live her life however she wants, but ever since then MY life has been impacted by her decision. I am expected to step in and help her out as the Auntie.
Some people would love this, but I don’t like kids and didn’t ever want kids in my life. I find them very stressful and annoying, I am a quiet person who just wants peace. I planned to enjoy a child-free existence but now a lot of my free time has become kid-centric.
What is most annoying is that my sister expects me to spend my holidays helping her take this kid on trips to Disney or other kid-themed places. So not only am I giving up my free time but I am also having to spend my money on these trips which don’t feel anything like a holiday, more like hard work, to places I don’t want to go and doing things I don’t want to do.
I feel I am basically there to provide free childcare.
Also, because she earns a lot more than me, she books expensive hotels that I can’t afford. When I’ve tried to politely decline – e.g. using my limited funds as an excuse – I am treated like I am being selfish or inconsiderate.
On top of all this, my sister and I have never been close. She has a quick temper and a sharp tongue and I was terrified of her when I was growing up. I’ve always tried to spend as little time with her as possible because I honestly find her quite toxic to be around – she makes me feel anxious and on edge all the time.
But now that she has this kid, it is like I can’t escape her. I feel horribly trapped.
I am resentful that there is this unspoken cultural expectation to be a helpful aunt – why is it okay that her decision to be a single mother changes my life?
I didn’t get a say in any of this. But how can I tell her that I don’t really want to be involved with her kid without sounding like a jerk, and without alienating the rest of my family (our parents and another sibling)?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know how old you are, but I am guessing close in age – you just have to grow a spine. No, I can’t afford it, no I am not babysitting – let your sister spin her wheels. If she complains to the relatives complain back – you didn’t have a child and if you did you wouldn’t spend your free time trying to foist it off on someone else.
If your relatives run their mouth thank them for volunteering to go on the next vacation. Why does your sister equate how much you love her kid with how much you’re willing to do for free?” Ok_Homework8692
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I don’t get it.
You don’t like kids, and it sounds like you don’t like your sister all that much either. So what is the reason you can’t just say ‘No.’ If you want to tread a middle ground of ‘less’ involvement, then simply lean heavily on the ‘I can’t afford it’ theme.
Let her pay for your hotel room, your theme park tickets, and even your meals while you are spending time with her and her kid. Certainly, you shouldn’t be expected to spend your time AND your money. And be upfront with the rest of your family about it.
If they shun you for this, they can take your spot and see how they like it.” 1962Michael
20. AITJ For Blocking My Significant Other's Parents After Our Encounter During Dinner?
“My (22M) significant other’s (F 20) parents invited me round for dinner last night and they’re usually a very nice couple who has small chit-chat with me over dinner.
Before I explain, they’re very old school, set in their ways, and hate everything to do with modern society.
Last night they invited me round and out of nowhere they started getting really antagonistic over my lifestyle choices (I play guitar, don’t drink (they offered me wine), and don’t go to church).
At first, it seemed like a joke but every question came after another:
‘So why don’t you go to church? Are you one of those new age free thinkers?’
‘So why play the guitar? Are you going to take care of our daughter when you tour or leave her behind?
How will you deal with groupies?’
‘So why don’t you drink? Are you a recovering addict?’
Each question got more hostile and it was obvious they were getting wasted, most of the questions came from her dad but her mom was nodding and agreeing.
Eventually, they asked in a very angry way ‘Don’t change my daughter too much or you’ll have to deal with me, and I am not like the men you see on TV nowadays’. It seemed very much like a threat so I joked I wouldn’t do that because I love her a lot and smiled.
He got up and started getting really angry saying he knew what I was up to. Pretending to be someone else so I can ‘get with his daughter’. Despite me being there for her more than they ever have in their life. I just looked at my SO and she said that we should go and I left.
The morning after they texted me apologizing but I blocked them for now and will probably unblock in a few weeks when I am over it. Now my SO’s sister texted me a few hours later asking why I blocked them, I need to apologize and I am in the wrong.
She wasn’t even there and my SO agreed with my side. But I don’t want to start a thing over this, should I just apologize and unblock them or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“They can’t be that religious if they think it is appropriate to get wasted at a family dinner… I was under the impression extremely religious people see overconsumption of liquor as a sin… Ok OP, so in my view, their conversation was COMPLETELY inappropriate, and clearly, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree if the sister is going to play the victim too.
Do I think you should have blocked them immediately? That’s a hard one because whilst I see your point there may be situations where contact is unavoidable… plus if they send you anything really incriminating you could forward screenshots to their pastor/church and ask if rudeness and being wasted are the standard they set for their particular congregation.
You need to have a chat with your SO about how you deal with this going forward whether it is low contact or no contact and decide from there how to handle it.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you don’t owe them an apology.
Quite the reverse, in fact. I think your SO’s parents are probably drinking addicts and you have just missed this behavior before. I say this because their behavior goes with being mean drinking addicts. They were offended because you wouldn’t join them in drinking wine, then escalated to your guitar and religious views and your intentions toward their daughter.
This just sounds like the behavior of someone who is an addict. I suggest you don’t return to their home. Tell the sister you won’t be apologizing because you aren’t the one who made insults and threats.” Valiantrabbit49
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend's Family Stay At My Husband's Place?
“My (M 21) friend’s dad (M 50) is going to my husband’s (M 41) city this weekend, so my friend (M 23), his degenerate sister (F 14), and two other friends (M 21 and M 25) wanted to go with him, to explore the city.
Since my city is a very popular tourist population and economic hub of my country, both hotels and Airbnb are quite expensive, especially during this time of the year.
This morning my husband and I got a message if they could all stay with us at his place during the weekend.
Keep in mind my husband lives in a rather small apartment, big enough for two people at best. I told him no since we’re already having problems setting up my home office in his apartment since I’ll be moving there next year. This made me angry since my friend knows very well I can’t stand his dad and that the two other friends get on my nerves very, very quickly.
To top it all off, M23 asked me if I could take M25 with me since his dad’s car was already full.
I promptly told him no, there’s no way these people are gonna stay at my husband’s place, which my husband seconded. My friend kept trying to convince us to say yes by telling us how much fun it’d be, how much cheaper it’d be for them to stay at his place, and that it would be very egocentric to not let them stay and take M25 with me since he’d have no way to come with them if I wouldn’t give him the ride.
His dad called me and told me I was a disgrace and that I should rather be married to one of his daughters. He even told me he’d bring one of his daughters with him to set me up with her. After I told him to get lost. I got countless calls and messages from them, some nicely asking me if we couldn’t change our minds and let them stay and some insulting me.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The age gap is highly concerning, as others have pointed out.
‘his degenerate sister (F 14)’ This makes you a jerk. Overall, though, it is your HUSBAND’S decision who stays with him. If he says no, that’s what matters.
‘His dad called me and told me I was a disgrace and that I should rather be married to one of his daughters.
He even told me he’d bring one of his daughters with him to set me up with her.’ This dude is homophobic, and I’d want to be nowhere near him. Going with ‘everyone sucks here.'” Queen_Sized_Beauty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your relationship with your husband has nothing to do with the story.
You need to block your friend and anyone who is texting. He isn’t your friend and friends would say ok because they know they have no right to your stuff. Friend and his family seem to think they have a right to it – that’s called being entitled.” murphy2345678
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive My Brother To The Airport Anymore?
“My brother and I live together, we both moved out of our home state. He travels out of the country every so often with his partner and I travel home for the holidays and very occasionally with my partner.
Every time he gets a flight it is 5 am and I get up to take him to the airport.
I do it more so that if I ever need the favor returned I can ask him, but it has always ended up where he is already out of town when I need a ride or someone else offered.
Then a month ago I needed a ride for an 8 am flight to New Orleans so I told him I’d need a ride at 6 am to the airport.
I reminded him for days and he said okay, then the morning of I went to wake him and he said he’d rather pay an Uber. I didn’t want to do that because one, it was cutting it close for time and drivers could decline a ride and two, I didn’t feel comfortable on a long car ride with someone by myself.
I made him take me and he threw a fit the whole way (I drove us there). When I got to New Orleans he ruined the whole day spamming me with messages about how I was a jerk for making him wake up because he had a tattoo appointment later in the day and needed sleep (his tattoo appointment was 6 hours later).
Eventually, the argument came down to us agreeing to not take each other to the airport anymore.
Now, my brother’s going home first this year for Christmas on Saturday. He told me today that I needed to take him to the airport and I told him no. He got angry at me and said that he would take me to the airport for New Orleans.
I reminded him that he ruined the first day of my trip and I Ubered myself back. I also reminded him that I had taken him at least three times beforehand at 4 am. He then had the audacity to tell me that I should pay for his Uber and I told him he was out of his mind.
He says I am being a jerk when I should have just let him buy my Uber to New Orleans.
Am I the jerk for not letting him just pay for an Uber and not taking him to the airport anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“Tell your brother he’s now an adult.
When adults make agreements – like to take someone to the airport – they honor their agreements. When they agree to no longer take each other to the airport, they also honor their agreements. It is not your fault he is too dumb to remember he needs you much more than you need him.
So tell him to put on his big boy pants and try to act his age instead of acting like a toddler. Maybe next time he agrees to do something for someone, he won’t act like a complete jerk. I doubt it, but anything is possible.
NTJ.” lonelysilverrain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He does not want to remember the multiple times you drove him to the airport; he simply wants others to do what benefits him. His behavior is a ball of using others, a lack of gratitude, not reciprocating favors, and putting his needs first with a coating of message spam broadcasts of how he was wronged. You are not the jerk but step away from this dynamic.
Choose different rides to where you want to be it simply is not worth the hassle. You deserve easy reciprocated support but nothing he has done has been easy and his demeanor is not fun. Best to you.” DesertSong-LaLa
17. AITJ For Refusing To Move Out With My Friend?
“I (27f) and my two friends, Clair (29f) and Adrianna (24f), have been talking about moving out together for a good while now.
With everything going on, it is impossible to rent alone and we’ve been friends for quite some time now so why not?
The thing is, Clair has been spiraling out of control as of late. She tried to completely isolate me and has been insisting that only the two of us move out and leave Adrianna out because her ‘depressive episodes’ are just too much for her to handle.
I reminded her that I too experience those episodes so it wouldn’t make any sense for her to just apply that logic to Adrianna but not me. Clair, when not getting her way, tends to throw literal tantrums, telling me I am emotionally stupid and I never understand nor care how she feels.
Forward to now.
Clair’s grandma ended up randomly finding an apartment and asked us to come see it. Clair kept saying we were going to see it only out of respect for her grandma and how it was too early anyway and for me not to worry.
Adrianna was working at the time so she couldn’t join us.
When Clair and I came to look at the apartment, her attitude suddenly changed. She kept saying how the place was so cute, how it was perfect for the two of us, and how it was a no-brainer that we should take this opportunity to move in immediately as another one wouldn’t present itself.
The problem is: it is an apartment barely able to hold 2 people (clearly Adrianna is not included in this opportunity), the location is a big issue for me too (for personal reasons) and lastly I didn’t plan to move out this fast. While Clair’s parents are ready to pay for anything she asks for, I don’t have that privilege.
I was afraid to remind her of all of this in public, knowing she’ll throw a massive scene so I ended up texting her when I got home.
She said an incredible amount of hurtful things, telling me I am betraying her and if I don’t move out with her she’ll move out by herself but our friendship won’t ever be the same.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you want to live with someone who treats you like this? She sounds like she’s used to getting her way and resorts to childish tantrums and manipulation tactics when things don’t go immediately in her favor.
This isn’t going to miraculously change if you move in with her. An apartment lease is a commitment and breaking said lease in the future, which is what I suspect will happen if you do this, can cause a serious financial burden for you.
I would seriously reconsider the entire friendship – this girl is not your or Adrianna’s friend.” Briley_Breeze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. DO NOT EVER MOVE IN WITH CLAIR. It will be miserable. She will walk all over you because you are too afraid of her temper tantrums to be able to advocate for yourself.
You two living together, with or without Adrianna, will always be a choice you regret. You and Adrianna both struggle with depression. If you have support at home, be wary of leaving that behind by moving out soon.
A roommate who is already overwhelmed with their own mental health issues will not be in a position to help someone else through theirs.
Each of you feeling depressed and then feeling like on top of that you’re also failing the other as a friend and roommate, can cause a spiraling downward. I am not saying never live with Adrianna. But you each need to consider what support systems you each will be able to maintain and tap into that are independent of your friendship.
Oh and never invite Clair over. She’s a bully. You are ‘literally afraid’ of her behavior.” SearchApprehensive35
16. AITJ For Calling Out The Misinformation My Friend Was Talking About In Front Of Our Friends?
“I was overweight starting in middle school and then gained a lot more weight in college. I lost about 75 lbs towards the end of college with the help of a weight loss subreddit, and have maintained my goal weight (give or take a few lbs) for the last six years.
I still keep count of my calorie intake to help myself stay healthy, so I am very familiar with the energy content of most foods.
Anyway, I was out to lunch with my friends and one friend was talking about how she wanted to start getting back in shape—she felt like she had been putting on weight since she had her baby a year ago and wanted to get back down to her pre-baby weight.
I recommended Reddit since it helped me, which she seemed interested in, but our other friend Jules jumped in and made her second guess whether she even could/should lose weight at all.
Jules claimed to our other friend that eating too little might actually be the problem, that the body will hold onto fat when it thinks you might be starving.
She said something like ‘I dieted too hard a few years ago and gained weight, and now I can’t eat more than 800 calories a day without gaining.’
Now… I really didn’t want to start a whole argument because I know it is a contentious subject and the belief that ‘starvation mode = fat retention’ is very common even if it is not true.
But Jules is quite active and athletic herself, she likes indoor rock climbing and goes to the gym regularly. Being able to do all that and maintain her current weight (like 180-190 lbs probably?) on a steady diet of 800 calories a day is just not happening.
I tried to redirect the conversation a bit and reassure our other friend that she could lose some weight if she wanted and wouldn’t have to do anything drastic, but Jules took that as a call-out. She asked me if I knew what I was talking about and I said yes, I do actually, and you can’t make yourself overweight by undereating.
She asked if I was calling her a liar and I said along the lines of ‘I can guarantee that you aren’t eating 800 calories a day. That’s a very low amount—too low—and it would have led to you being underweight.’ She said she had a slow metabolism and I was just like ‘That is really not how that works.
No one is telling you how to live your life, but you’re telling (another friend) stuff that isn’t true when she just wants to get healthy.’
Things are tense now and like… I just hate being in this position. I hate calling someone a liar, especially about such a personal matter, but it is just not true that she has to eat 800 calories a day to avoid weight gain.
It is mathematically not possible, and I don’t want our other friend to be getting a bunch of misinformation right off the bat. I am not even really saying she’s LYING—she might genuinely believe it, and that’s not like a moral failing or anything.
But if I see someone being told something that is blatantly wrong that also makes them feel disempowered to reach their own goal, I feel like I should say something in as nice a way as I can.”
Another User Comments:
“It is a minefield, but NTJ.
Starvation mode is a myth, and no amount of denial or bad faith unscientific arguments are going to make it not a myth. The belief that ‘starvation mode’ causes weight gain is only perpetuated in countries where the majority of the population is overweight—never in places where people are actually starving.
Yeah, it sucks to be told that if you believe it about yourself. You did right by your other friend in trying to dispel the misinformation in as diplomatic a way as you could.” EstherandThyme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At the end of the day, you’re just trying to offer your friend productive advice that has worked for you and Jules is basically trying to shut down their efforts with something that you know is unhealthy.
You’re doing the right thing for the friend who is trying to lose weight, and in the long run, you might also be helping Jules. And if she continues to be in denial or lying or whatever she’s doing, then that’s pretty toxic and it might be better to let that friendship go.
But I hope she just drops it and allows people the space to find their own path to a healthy lifestyle, even if she’s doing something different.” Level-Expression210
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents To Take Care Of My Baby?
“I am a 25-year-old female, currently 8 months pregnant with my first baby. I have a full-time corporate job that is very demanding and find myself working overtime every day during peak times.
However, I work 80% at home with flexibility around when to complete my work (day or night). The father of my child also works full time – at the office, we stay together and he has been 100% supportive throughout the pregnancy. He also has every intention of raising the baby together as a family.
Now when I told my parents that I was pregnant, they were happy and excited for this new addition to our family. The problem is that my mom automatically assumed that she would take care of the baby while I was at work since I work long hours and she and Dad both agreed on this.
I am probably the jerk here because I did not voice my opinion.
For context around why I kept quiet, I was raised in a very strict setup, was never allowed to voice my opinion, and was taught that my father makes the decisions at home.
As an adult, I’ve struggled a lot to stand up for myself and even went to therapy to try and unpack the underlying issues. My dad fits all the traits of a narcissist, and my mom goes with it 100% of the time. My mom also was heartbroken when my sister took her first daughter away to raise herself (mom raised the child from birth while my sister went to college), she cried and made it all about her.
I on the other side would like to raise my son, my very first baby myself with his father. There is a lot that I am still trying to overcome from the way they raised me, I do not want to subject my son to the same issues.
And I just want to be there for him from day 1, no matter how tough.
The issue is that I do not know how to best break the news to my mom, will I be the jerk if I tell her it’s not gonna happen and possibly ‘break her heart’?
Also important, my parents stay like 4.5 hours away from where we’re staying and I am only able to go home on long weekends, probably 4 times a year. So leaving my son there does not make sense, I don’t want him to grow up without me.
We discussed this with my partner and having a day nanny is on the cards.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next time she brings it up just say thank you for the offer but you don’t want your mum to do a nine-hour commute every day to watch your son.
That is too much for anyone to deal with. When she asks you say it is my baby it is living with me. You will not be living with the baby at my house. If she has a fit put the phone down. If she turns up unannounced you are busy working even if you are not, you won’t just let her in uninvited and unannounced. You need to start this now and be firm.
Don’t let her wear you down. Don’t let her break your boundaries.” ChancePool8953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not allow them to mistreat your son like they mistreated you. Personally, I wouldn’t even mention that she won’t be watching him while you work. Just find any local childcare you need and proceed as if they said nothing about this.
You will need responses ready when she asks about it. I’d say something like ‘Mom no. There’s no way you’d be able to drive 4.5 hours each day that we need someone to care for him. We’re going with someone local. This subject is closed.’ (Yes put the onus on her to make the trip since you want no part of this).
If you need to, text or email instead of a phone call, that’s fine. I’d also not tell them when you go into labor. Wait until you’re ready for visitors.” ApprehensiveBook4214
14. AITJ For Being Mad When My Husband Didn't Give Me Anything On My Birthday?
“Yesterday was my 37th birthday. I didn’t take off work or anything because we had just had off for MLK day, but we had a birthday dinner with my family and my in-laws planned for the evening.
In the morning, my husband (36) and son (7) wished me happy birthday. No card or anything yet, but I know my husband does stuff last minute, and figured he was planning to get something on his way home from work or something.
At work, my boss told me I could leave an hour early since it was my birthday.
I got home, and my husband was home; he said they didn’t have work today (he is an independent contractor and plumbs pools). I thought, okay so he’s been home all day. But there wasn’t any sign of a birthday acknowledgment anywhere. I thought maybe he had a card or something and was planning to bring it to dinner.
When we got in the car to go to dinner, I saw no signs of even a card, so I casually said ‘Oh I got lots of nice birthday wishes, my friend Mary said she hopes my boys spoil me.’ He kinda grunted and said, ‘I think taking you to dinner is spoiling you.’ That’s when I knew.
I asked him if he had gotten me anything for my birthday, even a card. He admitted he didn’t. I was heartbroken because I felt like he really didn’t care. For his most recent birthday, I booked a beach weekend for all of us, paid for the AirBnB, bought all our meals while we were there, and bought him a cake, balloons, and a card.
And he couldn’t even be bothered to do anything, even though he was home all day. He made me feel like a jerk for being upset, even calling me materialistic and telling me to ‘grow up’ because I am now a 37-year-old woman complaining I didn’t get a birthday gift. I told him I wouldn’t have cared if he couldn’t afford a big gift, but he could have at least done something to show some effort.
He actually had the nerve to say ‘I thought I was doing good waking up and wishing you a happy birthday.’ Like wow, how low can the bar get?? I was frustrated because I felt like he was gaslighting me, and I was crying, and he just doubled down with excuse after excuse.
He finally mumbled ‘I should have gotten you a card,’ but that was the only acknowledgment, no apology or anything.
We ended up sitting on opposite sides of the table at dinner (his choice, he asked me where he should sit and I said ‘I don’t care.’).
He never really acknowledged anything after we left, even when I thanked him for dinner. I wound up crying myself to sleep last night feeling worthless because not only could he not be bothered to do anything to make me feel special on my birthday, but he blamed me for being upset and I genuinely don’t know if he realizes how hurtful it was, or if he cares.
But I also wonder if I really am being unreasonable… I know I am sensitive and I do like to feel a little spoiled on special occasions, not necessarily with expensive gifts, but just something that makes me feel special and acknowledged. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People have different preferences for their birthdays, and sometimes compromise is needed here, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting some tangible acknowledgment from your partner, and EVERYTHING wrong with him belittling you about that.
With my partner, we check in with each other every year about birthday preferences, because they can change a lot depending on other circumstances.
Sometimes it is a quiet dinner at home, sometimes it is someone going on a solo trip, sometimes it is a big party, sometimes there’s a specific gift in mind and sometimes you’d rather have a silly surprise – we talk about it because we want each other to be happy.
Not only do you deserve for your husband to give you the very simple birthday recognition you’re asking for, but he should be helping your son do it too. Paying for your meal at a dinner you planned that he just had to show up to is the absolute bare minimum.
(and to be honest, I wonder if he would have paid for that if there hadn’t been family around to see it!) I don’t care that some people get less – they deserve more too!” deplorableexplorer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My advice for straight women is to stop giving your all.
I noticed women don’t score keep. You need to do t*t for tat. Give him as much as he gives you. Don’t go all out for his birthday when he thinks merely saying happy birthday to you is enough. Remember only crappy men complain about t*t-for-tat because they know they can’t get away with treating their partners badly with no consequences.
Decent men are eager about t*t-for-tat because they know they will be treated well. If a guy hears ‘she will treat me like I treat her’ and thinks negatively… he’s a crappy partner. Sadly for women, a crappy partner is the default because the bar is so low that anything a man does is seen as going above and beyond, and that she should be grateful.
I’ve seen women get stomped on for not being grateful their partners got them peanut butter cookies… when they are allergic to peanuts.
Women are expected to be appreciative doormats. You’re stuck as you are married with a kid. But now you can refocus your energy on yourself and start t*t for tat on childcare and chores.
No more emotional labor, doing things just because, list out every household task and split**t evenly. You do not have a partner you have a parasite.” Maleficent-Bottle674
13. AITJ For Yelling At My Husband After Getting Frustrated That He Wouldn't Follow Instructions?
“My (35F, AuDHD) husband (38M, AuDHD), son (2M), and I were invited over for dinner the day after Christmas this year with his brother and sister, her fiance, her stepdaughter-to-be, and my MIL at MIL’s house.
SIL also brought their new puppy, a corgi mix (cute but hyper and not yet trained) to stay with them while they were there. It was all very chaotic and I was definitely overstimulated pretty much the moment we arrived. This part is important because it supports why things happened the way they did later.
The dog kept jumping on my toddler and knocking him over. MIL’s house is pretty small and cramped with that many people in it so it leads to feeling like you’re in the way no matter where you stand or sit.
A little while later my son asks for a drink so we go to get his cup out of the diaper bag which my husband had packed. I had distinctly asked him to pack a cup for our son on the way out the door and it hadn’t made it into the bag.
I had also checked in on the way out the door and asked if we had everything. I was kinda peeved not going to lie. I was like ‘Why didn’t you pack a cup?’ Of course, he didn’t know. I sighed and we resigned to using this water bottle with a straw in it for seltzer.
Cue more interruptions and chaos with the dog and the baby combo.
My husband comes back with the water bottle, opens the straw and immediately an almost comical geyser of seltzer comes shooting out of the straw. I was like ‘Oh! You need to take the lid off and screw it back on with the straw up.’ I look away due to more interruptions and cleaning up of the initial puddle of seltzer from the wood floor.
I look back up to my husband screwing the lid back on again with the straw down again. ‘You need to do it with the straw up! It is building pressure from the carbon dioxide being released when the straw is down and you need to put it on with the straw up!’ He doesn’t listen and makes a new puddle.
I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I come back downstairs and there he is a third time screwing the lid onto the water bottle with the straw down. I kinda lose it at this point and I am like ‘(Husband’s name)! You need to take the lid off, raise the straw AND THEN screw the lid on with the straw UP so that the carbon dioxide doesn’t build pressure inside of the water bottle!’ Yes, I said it kind of annoyed because it was literally the third time I had said this same thing.
SIL comes flying around the corner from the kitchen and starts yelling at me ‘JUST SO YOU KNOW (Husband’s name) YOU’RE NOT STUPID FOR NOT KNOWING THAT BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW THAT EITHER!’ I immediately apologized, to no avail and it was super awkward.
After dinner, BIL, SIL, and SILF go upstairs and it is kinda obvious they’re talking about me. We leave.
Last week, MIL invited my son and Hub over for dinner (which she never does) and proceeded to interrogate him about our relationship. Essentially it is clear they think I am an abusive jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is pretty hypocritical how they all think you’re a jerk because of you getting annoyed with your husband and raising your voice after telling him a simple instruction THREE times but your SIL thinks it is okay for her to just start yelling at you.
At no point did you call him stupid either so maybe she’s just projecting that onto you but that’s hardly your problem. Why did she even feel the need to get involved?
Your husband is a grown man who can defend himself if he was that upset about the way you spoke to him but he was the one who forgot your child’s cup and then was just causing more issues and straight up ignoring what you were saying, ANYONE would get annoyed, let alone someone already overstimulated, uncomfortable and with AuDHD.
But to be honest, that entire situation sounds like a nightmare, an untrained puppy, a baby, a judgy family of in-laws all in a cramped space, I’d refuse to go regardless of this interaction happening.” Alternative-Pea-4434
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Chances are there will be a situation where the role is reversed. You try to do what should be a simple task and mess it up multiple times, causing your husband to be frustrated with you.
That happens even in the best of marriages. This was a spat. Not abuse. It is one thing for them to speak up for your husband but the reactions afterward were ridiculous. I could understand if you were constantly jumping on his case, that would be concerning.
Also, both of you have the same mental health diagnoses which should have been factored in as well. Plus you had apologized immediately for being frustrated.” Ill-Bird9180
12. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Leave Her Husband?
“My sister (21F) and her husband (22M) have been together for 3 years now. They have one kid and one is due in March.
I’ve noticed my sister is getting more and more stressed over the past couple of months. I figured it was just from her pregnancy since she didn’t have a good pregnancy last time. Little did I know what was really happening.
Her husband is a major gamer.
He spends most of his free time on his video games when he’s not working. As I mentioned before they already have one kid. Well, he never pays any attention to his daughter, he rather plays video games. So much to the point when my sister leaves the house for something and leaves the baby behind, he doesn’t even know that he is home alone with the baby!
(she tells him before she leaves). He refuses to help her in any way. Won’t change a diaper, won’t help feed or bathe the baby, or even just watch the baby for two seconds so my pregnant sister can take a half-decent shower.
My sister is a stay-at-home mom because he wanted her to be while he does hauling.
Sometimes his job requires him to be gone for a couple of days.
Last week he was gone on a trip for 2 nights. When he got back the first thing he told my sister was: ‘Good the house is clean, I would have had to hurt you if it wasn’t’.
Now my sister said that he was joking but that’s nothing to laugh about. He also has been yelling at her about not being the same person as she was when they first started going out. Even though after they got married and had their first kid, he stopped trying at all.
He used to get up and make her breakfast or even run a bath for her when she got home from work. But doesn’t do anything close to that anymore. He doesn’t even help with the housework, saying it is my sister’s job to get it done.
When he comes home and the house is still a mess, he yells at her ‘What have you been doing all day besides sitting on your butt, this house stinks!’ while offering NO help! When my sister is stressed out and needs a hand, he doesn’t even get up to help.
Instead, he just likes to say ‘Oh what’s wrong with you today, something is always wrong with you. You can do it, you don’t need my help’.
His video games have gotten so bad that they are now in financial trouble. While my sister is struggling to keep the lights on he rather spend hundreds of dollars on his game.
My sister spent $100 on the baby the other day and he yelled at her for spending too much money and that’s why they are broke after he spent $80 on Roblox. The baby needed formula and diapers!
I am worried for my sister. I could go on and on about this but I would need a whole day to type it out.
I just want to know, AITJ for telling my sister she needs to divorce him and move on with her life with the kids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But she’s been with him since she was 18, and she can’t imagine being with anyone other than him.
It is not enough to tell her to leave, you need to show her HOW to leave, to apply for SNAP and government insurance for the kids, provide her a safe place to run to, and offer to watch the kids while she hunts for a job.
Get an idea from an attorney about how much child support she can get from the hubby. She needs to be able to envision a life without him and see that it will be DIFFERENT from her current situation, and that different is BETTER.” CrankyWife
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. However, it is entirely possible your sister isn’t able to recognize the abuse. The best you can do, in that situation, is offer her an escape plan if she ever has her moment of clarity and suggest resources to deal with domestic violence.
Eventually, her husband will start hitting instead of just being emotionally abusive – if he hasn’t already. Be there to help her get out, if you can. She’ll need someone to encourage her to get some therapy and break the pattern of letting someone hurt her like this.” savinathewhite
11. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Meddling In My Brother's Relationship?
“I have 4 older brothers. My eldest one married Amy. Amy’s really nice and sweet but my mom is very meh towards her.
This is because our family is very religious and Amy’s family follows a different religion. They’re both Abrahamic religions so mom eventually accepted her but it is also because she believed that Amy could be converted. The thing with Amy though is that while she does believe in her family’s religion, she isn’t religious at all and doesn’t really care for it.
She doesn’t say anything when we go to church or talk about religion, but she doesn’t participate either.
Anyway, my brother and Amy told us they’re pregnant. We’re all very excited for them and Mom even started to be kinder to Amy.
We found out it is going to be a boy and my mom’s been looking at boy names for ideas. The thing is, they’re all very stereotypically Christian… if that makes sense. Not any names that are like popular/common but those super old-fashioned ones.
Even I think those names are a bit much…
I told my mom to maybe look at a top 100/200 list but she told me to stop being silly.
Well, my brother told us the baby’s name and his first name is a popular American name and the middle name is from Amy’s culture/religion.
The first thing my mom asked was why they couldn’t give him a name that’s more Christian/traditional but my brother just said the kid would have our last name so a more ‘neutral’ first name with a middle name from his wife’s culture makes sense.
Mom said, ‘I’ll let it go this time, but I am naming your next child.’ She was ‘joking’ but my brother said ‘Yeah not gonna happen, we’re naming all our kids like that.’
He then hung up on her.
Mom was really mad and kept saying this was why she disapproved of their marriage and that he should’ve married a nice Christian girl instead.
That this (hypothetical) girl would’ve taken her suggestions. I told Mom to get over herself and find a hobby. This upset her and she got mad at me for implying that she was doing something wrong when she was trying to be an involved grandmother/parent.
I told her that no one wants her help and she started to cry… yeah. I really do think she needs a hobby but I guess she isn’t being harmful. And my brother already told her off so I suppose I was being a bit obnoxious.
She won’t talk to me anymore so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe try to explain to your mother that your brother and his wife didn’t refuse her suggestions because of religious differences, but because it is entirely their decision to make. A ‘good Christian girl’ might have reacted similarly.
If she keeps going like she is, she’s not going to be allowed any relationship with her grandchild because she’s constantly going to be meddling. Maybe you could say that to her in a more gentle tone than before. I think the hobby thing is good advice.
Maybe you could see if her church has like a quilting bee or a book club she might like to join. Churches should have at least some social hobby groups she could check out.” Royal_Basil_1915
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the sentiment, but was it your place to say ‘no one wants your help?’ That may be a bit harsh.
The get a hobby part likely wasn’t wrong… she needs to find something else to occupy her time. I don’t know how old you are, but I am sure your brother doesn’t need you to fight his battles, and you may have made it a bit worse as she might think ‘You guys are all talking about me and decided no one wants my help’.
Be more specific ‘Mom, you can’t presume to name your grandchildren.’ I mean, did she let her mother or MIL name you all? Bottom line, she can WANT to be involved but it is not her kid, and it is up to the parents to make those decisions.” Canadian_01
10. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My House So I Could Rent Out Her Room?
“My (30) sister (18) ran away from home last year. Whilst she and my parents are now on better terms, she has broken down on two occasions and told me that she feels unwanted.
I took her in because she was in a tough spot but had only recently gotten onto the property ladder myself so was stretched thin. My parents stopped supporting her and even though I covered all the bills and did not charge her any rent she had to work part-time to feed herself.
She ended up failing her final exams but now works more hours and contributes a token amount towards the utilities (at my insistence as she did not even want to do that).
My aunt told me that I have been irresponsible and enabled her because she:
- Only works 20 hours a week and flatly refuses to work 35 hours because she hates the job and the extra money won’t be ‘worth it after she starts having to pay tax’;
- Refused to apply for apprenticeships for healthcare, software, cyber security, local council, and estate agents that I found for her.
She didn’t even join a video conference to ask questions for the healthcare one because she had to meet a friend for lunch. In the end, she overslept and didn’t even meet the friend;
- Has no savings and is in debt to both her previous place of work and my aunt;
- Has not had time to do any job applications but has found time to find herself another man 2 weeks after breaking up with the old one (she did ask permission before inviting him over but I feel her priorities are misplaced);
- Spends most of the day sitting in her room with the heating at 39°C;
- Has canceled plans to go to university.
I feel cruel for saying it but the gap year seems to be stretching on with no end in sight. My aunt says that she needs to go back and live with my parents before she spirals further.
At the same time, I want to rent out the room and have had offers for roughly 8-9x what she pays. I massively over-leveraged to get on the property ladder and need to overpay before the mortgage term runs out. Also, I don’t have a partner and my work has told me that my work is not up to the standard they expect so the extra income would double the amount of time that my emergency savings last.
I was discussing with a friend that I am going to ask her to move back in with my parents on July 1st (1 year after she started her gap year) and rent out the room. My friend said that I am a jerk because I am older, wealthier and she is vulnerable.
He says that I took on the risk with the mortgage and didn’t work as hard as I could (this is somewhat true but I suffer heavily from imposter’s syndrome). He said it was unfair for her to spend ~80% of her income helping me pay my mortgage earlier when I never paid rent living with my parents which is the only reason I was able to purchase a home in the first place.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for not wanting this situation to play out in perpetuity. You could be quite the jerk depending on how you talk to her about it.
Give her parents a heads up, find one of her friends and maybe invite her to be nearby when you have the talk, and do some research into how to make it a good talk – how to say that you want to do some things with the room in June and you need to know her plans to move out and move on.
(Look up how to talk about difficult things, talk to relatives about mental health, and how to have a boundary while being emotionally supportive.) And remember you can do everything right when you have this conversation, and she could still get very upset or act out – don’t let her acting out result in you lashing back.
It sounds like you’ve got some resentment built up at this point.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are a wonderful sister, and overall an incredible human for taking your sister in even though it would impact you financially. She chose to run away from her parents, and I guess not follow their rules, she needs to learn how to be responsible.
Having a full-time job is hard, but it is harder to have a part-time job and have to live off of it, she needs to choose her ‘hard’.
She needs to know how to be independent. If she reacts poorly to this (which she probably will), it will be hard but don’t give in.
She will one day thank you for the sacrifices you made for her, and she will grow from this! You are amazing, NTJ!” ConsiderationCold624
9. AITJ For Wanting To Suggest For My Mother-In-Law To Leave Early?
“My (38M) wife (37F) and I have been married for 3 years and have a 2-year-old toddler. We’ve been together for 6 years.
My wife is from Latin America (LATAM from now on), I am from Europe (EU), and we all live in the US.
Since we had our toddler, we’ve split our vacations going to each other’s homes (which makes sense right now). We’ve been alternating trying to ‘keep it fair’:
2022: Toddler born, summer in LATAM, fall in EU, Christmas in LATAM
2023: Summer in LATAM, Christmas in EU
2024 according to plan: Summer in EU, Christmas in LATAM
Visiting LATAM is not ideal (large city, polluted, dirty, unsafe, etc.), but I always make an effort and smile because it is my wife’s family, and it is important they spend time with our toddler.
Last time, I was stressed out in the city (a toddler in a small apartment), so I suggested we spend 2 days in the countryside. My wife said OK if the whole family came along. That meant 6 additional adults, including MIL and FIL who are separated (not awkward at all), none of which contributed towards the large Airbnb we had to get, with added bonus of complaints about the place (bugs, leaves, mud, etc).
It is the countryside!
On to this summer. The plan is to go to my parents’ beach house. Keeping it short, it is amazing (views of the sea, loads of activities, etc) but small (1 master bed/bath, 1 largish room, 1 small guest room, and an additional bath).
Additionally, my parents have a small boat to explore the coast. Loads of things to do, which would cost boatloads of money (which we don’t have) if my parents weren’t sharing. We would be there for 3 weeks: 2 weeks on vacation, and 1 week working remotely.
I miss going (haven’t been able to go in the past 8 years), and was wanting to show everything to my wife and toddler and especially spend quality time with my parents and brother.
My wife has brought up that she wants to spend time with her mother, that she is still at the age she can do things, and wants to show her EU this summer. That would mean bringing her along to my parent’s beach house and taking about a week or week and a half to visit other places in EU.
I have several issues with that:
- This is the time my family gets to spend with my toddler, not ‘sharing’ with MIL;
- This is my parent’s house and not somewhere we can simply ‘invite’ MIL;
- If my MIL is at the beach house my brother wouldn’t have room and therefore time with his only niece;
- MIL flying home after a couple of weeks is apparently not viable because she is afraid of airplanes and can do a 7-8 hour flight to the US, but not a 12-hour flight to EU;
- Having MIL in a hotel has been rejected as an option.
AITJ if I insist MIL flies home early so my immediate family can have alone time at the beach house? WIBTJ if I suggest that my wife and MIL go visit EU wherever they want alone while our toddler and I stay behind?
I get that this is ‘my’ view of what a good vacation looks like, but I make the effort when going to LATAM.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I empathize with your wife, but all of your reasons seem very sound. MIL encroaching on your family’s time with your side of the family is already a big ask, but considering her unwillingness to find alternate accommodations, expecting to be able to boot your brother from the trip, being unwilling to shorten her trip, etc…
her and your wife being unwilling to compromise is unfair and unkind.
It is lovely that she wants this special time with her mother, but this doesn’t seem like the appropriate trip for MIL to attend. The right thing to do seems to me to be to plan a trip with MIL in the near future, not just try and wedge her into this one.
I mean we could be wrong because we’re only hearing your side, but your wife would have to have some pretty solid counters to the points you’ve made.” fruitjerky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your reasoning is fair. You and your wife need to work something out.
I agree that you can’t invite people to others’ homes. It isn’t proper etiquette. You could try to be proactive and talk to your family about options. There might be something you are missing. However, I do not think extraordinary measures are called for.
If something easy and workable can happen, great. If not, I think you and your wife need to look into the alternate options of separate travel with the MIL. Best of luck. I think you guys can figure something out.” eowynsheiress
8. AITJ For Not Allowing Family Members To Bring Their Exes To My Wedding As Plus-Ones?
“I (30F) and my fiancé (32M) are getting married in 2 months.
When we started planning our guest list we agreed that only people who were in long-term serious relationships could bring plus ones. This rule was to help save us some money and also to try to prevent some of the drama we were worried might come with the plus ones (friends with benefits etc) that we knew certain people would try to bring.
There was specifically a handful in mind we were targeting with that rule who we thought would be disruptive if they came as someone’s guest. Even my fiancé’s brother who had just gotten into a new relationship respected our rule. This issue has been my family.
My brother Mike (26) and my mom (63 divorced from my dad for 30 years) want to bring their exes as their plus ones as they are both single. They thought as a family they were exempt from the rule about plus 1s. And I said unfortunately not.
My fiancé and I agreed on this and we are enforcing it equally.
I said hard no to my brother bringing his ex. My dad pressured me to let him bring his ex if someone else RSVPed no. I said in that situation we would still say no to keep things equal and instead allow a cousin to bring her teenage kid.
I finally caved and told my mom she could have a plus 1 since she’s the bride’s mom and she was super uncomfortable being around my dad without someone there for her. My only request was that it not be her ex, Jon.
For background, Jon was terrible to my mom for many years including keeping her as ‘the other woman’ while he was still married without her knowing.
He hurt her a lot and jerked her around for over 10 years. When I was a teenager he also liked to pick fights with me about politics and it always made me uncomfortable and ruined dinner. My mom has forgiven him and says they are friends now.
There are several reasons why I wouldn’t want Jon at my wedding or in all the pictures sitting next to my mom, but those are the two big ones.
When I told her my view on Jon being her date, she told me she wouldn’t be able to enjoy the day without someone there with her and there was no one else for her to bring because I hadn’t given her enough warning to find a date.
I suggested she bring a good male friend from college or have one of her close friends I already invited to the wedding sit with her and be her escort. She was adamant that it wasn’t fair she couldn’t bring Jon and that I was being way too hard on him.
After a lot of arguing, I told her that I would not compromise by having someone who made me uncomfortable at my wedding just so she could have the day she wanted. My fiancé supports this, but mom, sister, and dad have all said I am being selfish and insensitive and that I should let her bring who she wants because Jon is important to my mom.
We’ve basically fought non-stop about this for days and I am second-guessing if I am being unreasonable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jon is not invited. Your mother’s options are 1. Bring no one, 2. Bring another friend, or 3. Stay home and sulk through her daughter’s wedding.
Assuming she’s not interested in option 3, she’s going to have to make her peace with the first two options. Your wedding is not for or about her, and you’ve already offered her special privileges – if she tries to abuse them, they can be easily revoked. ” DiTrastevere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your mom needs a friend for moral support, why would it have to be a toxic ex or a man at all? That guy was not only obnoxious to your mom but also to you. On that basis, he does not belong in your celebration.
Mom’s emotional support plus one should be a stable adult who has been her long-time supporter. Who is her best friend? That’s who I would choose. Any accommodations or exceptions you agree to make do not create any obligation for you to extend similar latitude to anyone else.
Special conditions because of an individual’s special circumstances do not invalidate the boundaries you’ve set for who you choose to invite to your wedding.” curiousity60
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sleep In The Basement With The Kids?
“My partner and I (age 28 & 30) live in the same city, ~30 min away from his brother. His sister was visiting from out of state and staying at his brother’s larger house.
We were invited to stay the weekend with our two dogs. We typically stay in the basement so that our dogs are placed far away from their cats (they also have 2 dogs that get along with ours).
It was determined before we arrived that our nieces and nephew (4 total, ages 7-12) were going to have a sleepover in the basement with us.
We asked to sleep in an empty bedroom upstairs but were told no due to the cats upstairs and their issues with anxiety with unfamiliar dogs. They then told us that if we weren’t willing to have a sleepover with the kids then it was up to us to tell them.
The kids obviously did not take it the greatest as it was apparently promised we’d sleepover with them. We love the kids and would not normally mind a sleepover, but we had the dogs, and honestly just wanted to sleep since were up early in the AM and the kids wanted to stay up and watch TV.
The kids kept bringing up their disappointment and their parents basically threw us under the bus. It came to an explosion when his sister couldn’t believe that we didn’t want to sleep in the basement with them and thought that we’d want to spend time with them.
This led to a small argument between my partner and his sister, and my partner stormed out of the house. I talked him down in the car, and his brother offered a room upstairs (somehow it is acceptable for us to be up there now).
The amount of tension due to this laughable scenario was insane. They basically made it out that we ruined the weekend because we didn’t want to sleep in the basement with a group of kids.
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They wanted to wash their hands of the kids for the night and thought you wouldn’t say no if the kids were already excited about it.
This is so manipulative, and the worst bit is they don’t care that they’ve hurt the kids in the process.
‘They then told us that if we weren’t willing to have a sleepover with the kids then it was up to us to tell them.’ I honestly would have hugged the kids, told them I loved them but that we had to leave, and then gone home at that point.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His sister and brother have the kids and they don’t want to sleep down there, so why would they assume you two would? This brings me to my point – they just wanted you down there to keep an eye on things and not have to get woken up/disrupted. Asking to sleep upstairs or swap with one set of parents is entirely reasonable and if it is a no, okay fine.
You say that doesn’t work for you and you will visit and go home each day. Easy peasy if you’re dealing with reasonable people. I can understand talking your partner down from anger or frustration in general but do not talk him into backing down on reasonable boundaries.
You should be happy that he is willing to defend you both and not make you deal with nonsense like this from his family.” friendlily
6. AITJ For Wanting My Stepdaughter To Go To Therapy?
“My husband and I have 3 kids total. I have a 13-year-old named James.
My husband has an 11-year-old daughter named Kiana and an 8-year-old son named Max. We have been together for 7 years, married for 6. Our family life is actually quite great, honestly. The adjustment was a bit tough in the beginning for the kids but over the years we have grown and adapted. The one issue that persists is our daughter’s attitude about getting her own way; I guess that would be the best way to describe it.
My husband and I have full-time jobs so to ensure that we still have one-on-one with the kids and family time, we do a rotation between the kids. On weekends we bring the kids out 1-on-1 for activities of their choosing and on Sunday we do 3 separate family activities of their choosing.
So like… James wants to go bowling and we do that in the morning. Then Kiana wants to go to the movies so we do that in the afternoon and then Max likes board games so we do that after dinner. Every Sunday, as a family.
There are never any issues with anyone outside of Kiana. Every single time it is the boys’ turn to choose an activity, she throws a tantrum because she doesn’t want to do it. It is either too boring or she doesn’t like that movie or she doesn’t like that game, etc. We do not force her to do any of these things.
She can do her own thing during the time we have dedicated to the boys’ activities but she never does. She just sits and pouts and tells us how stupid it is the entire time.
Well, yesterday we went to the aquarium with Max in the morning, went to the arcade in the afternoon with Kiana and then after dinner, James wanted to play Skip-Bo.
Kiana immediately started complaining, telling James to pick something else because she didn’t want to play Skip-Bo. We told her no (my husband and I) and that she could go do something else so we could enjoy hanging out with James, just like we enjoyed going to the arcade with her.
She stomps off to her room. She comes back 10 minutes later and knocks my deck of cards out of my hands and says ‘Look’. I look up and she has a toy in her mouth. My husband reprimands her and she immediately starts crying, saying she’s tired of us ‘never hanging out with her’ (as I said, we do 1-on-1 with her every single weekend AND an activity of her choosing every single Sunday with the family).
I told my husband last night that he really needs to rethink therapy (I’ve brought it up before and he said no because it is her choice to make, not his, and she doesn’t want to). He was immediately down my throat saying he was tired of me trying to force therapy for his daughter and making out like she’s ‘broken’.”
Another User Comments
“Everyone sucks here. The behavior you described sounds like a disciplinary issue and not a therapy one. This sounds like both of you need to actually parent her, instead of sending her to a mental health professional to figure out why she’s behaving like (checks notes)… a brat.
This is pretty normal behavior from a pre-teen girl who has a selfish attitude. Nothing about this story makes me think she has a complex mental health issue that requires professional intervention. You both need to figure out how to discipline her. Letting her do other things isn’t teaching her anything.” ginger_ryn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Making a suggestion is not forcing anything. It is time to have a conversation with your husband. Your daughter is being rude. Her behavior needs to be addressed. Wanting to have a conversation with him about it as a partner is exactly what the two of you should be doing.
He doesn’t have to agree with your suggestion, but he does have to disagree in a calm, mature, productive way instead of getting angry and going down your throat. When you have the discussion, don’t make it about his daughter. Make it about him. Focus on his behavior.
What happened with his daughter is just context.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I do think the activity thing is weird, is that something the kids truly enjoy? Does Kiana ever enjoy the other two activities? I know you give her an out but she’s 11 so perhaps she gets FOMO if she doesn’t want to participate but also doesn’t want to miss spending time with you guys either.
I thought her complaint that you never hang out with her was an interesting one.
Have you ever asked her why she interrupts or why she feels that way? I feel she acts out, gets sent to her room, and the next Sunday it is lather rinse repeat with no resolution.
I am not saying she should be catered to but she is the child that is crying for help. Why aren’t you taking the time to help her? I don’t know if I would say she needs therapy so much as one-on-one time and actual conversation.
How your husband feels about therapy is an issue for another day.” blugirlami21
5. AITJ For Leaving Because My Mom Does Not Care About My Food Allergies?
“My partner (40m) and I (29f) live close to my mum (72), as does my brother (41). Because of this, we usually all get together on Sundays to eat lunch together (in my culture we eat warm meals for lunch). I have several food allergies and food-related auto-immune diseases, the most severe of which is celiac disease.
My mum obviously doesn’t have a celiac-safe household so I always make sure to arrive early enough to help her prepare the meal so I can ‘control’ that there is no cross-contamination. I’ve had my celiac diagnosis since early 2020, so she should be used to the basics by now.
Today, she was constantly nagging and criticizing me, which is something she does from time to time. It is always difficult for me, but in its own, I can bear it. But today she also seemed to deliberately ignore all concerns about cross-contamination up to the point where she set the lid of one of the pots she was cooking in down on her used bread-cutting board.
I told her to please not put that lid back onto the pot or I wouldn’t be able to eat any of the contents and she pretended to not hear me and did it anyway.
I voiced my concern and disappointment and she started telling me off for talking too quietly, pretending that she’d need hearing aids and always making a fuss about stuff that couldn’t be half as bad as I make it sound.
At that point, I just saw red and because I didn’t want to ruin the day for anyone else I just turned around, got my jacket, told my partner I’d be going home now, and left (he’s okay with this, it happened before that I left him at my mum’s because she was getting under my skin.
He says it is completely okay for him).
But now my brother called me and told me what a jerk I’ve been and that our mum would cry because she didn’t understand why I left. She does have early stages of dementia but so far she hasn’t forgotten about my allergies etc., so I’d be more than surprised if this wasn’t intentional.
AITJ for leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Even early-onset dementia can make tasks like cooking difficult. It can change the personality as your mom will likely know her cognition is changing. That will be scary for her as her emotional processing skills diminish.
A side effect of all that can be criticism of/aggression to others. It is understandable you left because you were upset. It may be worth talking to a healthcare professional/dementia specialist to help you understand your mom’s behavior better as it may not be personal.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. On the one hand, dementia can eventually cause a first-time forgetting about your food issues. However, it doesn’t seem like that was the case here (not ruling it out entirely though). If you had been preparing food for a while that day and she didn’t care about things.
The whole idea that ‘it can’t be that bad’ is a sign she doesn’t take things seriously.
My fiance and I are vegan and the number of times my mom asks us ‘Can’t you just have a little of X’ is both annoying and disappointing.
The big issue I am seeing though is why your partner stayed behind. He should be with you for this.” little_runner_boy
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Look. Your mom is only gonna get worse from here, in every way. Dementia is going to wipe her memory.
She’s not going to remain capable of tracking your allergies and how to prevent cross-contamination. You could tell her the same thing every time and it’ll be like the first time she’s heard it, every time. Dementia sucks. So, the food situation as it stands isn’t tenable, unless you plan to walk out on someone who’s mentally ill every time their failing brain slips up.
Yeah, she’s been critical and inconsiderate her whole life; that’s not going away. It is gonna amplify. So… time to be proactive and make some changes for the benefit of both of you.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Suggesting We Have Other Sopranos Sing The High Parts?
“I (F 21) have been going to a new church for around eight months now. The pastor’s daughter (15) sings on the worship team. It’s her, her mom (who also plays piano), her aunt, and another girl who sings, one of the men plays bass, and her brother plays the drums. The thing is, her mom, aunt and the other girl normally sing the alto keys of the songs, which is low, but whenever she sings?
She sings EXTREMELY high and tries to be Mariah Carey. I am not gonna lie, she doesn’t sing badly, but she overdoes it WAY too much. Some of the members of the church say they can’t even worship properly because the pastor’s daughter is going all over the place with the singing, and it sounds like she’s literally screaming at some parts.
The thing is, I sing too. I would say I am a fairly good singer, I’ve been singing since I was a kid, took choir class in high school, won awards in singing contests and I have 2 EPs out. I don’t do high notes the way the pastor’s daughter does, but I can sing high/belt if needed.
Recently the pastor and his wife found out I sing and play guitar and want to put me on the platform during worship services. I don’t want to rush into it right away and say yes right now, considering I’ve only been going to the church for less than a year, but it would be an honor.
Anyway, yesterday after church service, the pastor’s wife said there’s gonna be a Christmas service in a couple of weeks, and that she would love to have me help out with the singing and guitar for the songs. I said sure thing, that I would be totally on board.
She said, ‘I can email you the alto melody files so you can learn the part, normally we all sing the alto parts.’ I didn’t want to be rude but I told her that I don’t have to sing the alto melodies, that I can sing the soprano melodies if I must. My vocals range from a mezzo to a soprano, and I don’t have a problem singing high.
That’s when the pastor’s daughter came and said ‘Well I AM the one who always sings the soprano melodies.’
Without thinking, I told her, ‘Well, we could always use more sopranos. Who said you have to be the only one who sings high?’ I can admit that I should NOT have said it the way I did, but the damage is already done.
The other girl who sings in the worship team told me a while back that the pastor’s daughter loves to be the center of attention in the group, and that she always tries to show off her high notes. I wasn’t trying to be a jerk, it’s just that she’s not the only one who knows how to sing high.
Now I feel bad because what if this changes the pastor’s wife’s opinion of me? If I am gonna be on the worship team, I don’t want to have any tension with anybody, regardless of what vocal part I sing. At the end of the day, everything we do is for God.
AITJ? If so, I will gladly take accountability for it and apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It is just a simple reality check. If they take offense to something like this, they’re stuck-up people who can only have their own way. You can always just join in on the alto melodies, but if you’re in a scenario where a comment that’s literally common knowledge creates bad b***d between you, then they’re jerks.
It is ok for a teenager to want attention, it is ok to want your kid to be the center of attention and it is ok not to want to play along some contrived way of shielding someone’s teenage daughter from the fact that other people can be special just like her.
She’s 15, not 5.” Voeglein
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you sure are in the drama now and on a fool’s errand. Church music fights are like no other, music disputes split churches. The obnoxious soprano is a staple of almost every church choir. I’ve been in many churches with women 80+ belting the high notes, this girl isn’t going to stop singing loudly until she’s too frail to make it to church on Sunday.
In a choir, you’d have multiple sopranos, but with just 4-5 women it kind of sounds like you’re expected to be basically a backup vocalist to the pastor’s kid. Not anything necessarily musically wrong with that, but it is definitely annoying. You’ve got to pick your battles with this situation, you’re not gonna get the kid to sing quietly on a regular basis.” ricebasket
3. AITJ For Giving A Much Larger Inheritance To My Less Successful Son?
“I (66f) have two children, Benjamin (36m), and Jack (33m).
Jack is in a good place in his life. He has a good job with a senior position in his industry, a long-term fiancée, and a wide circle of friends, and whilst they’re still renting, they’re both currently saving for a house deposit.
Benji on the other hand, despite being the oldest, has not done as well in life. Benji has never had a significant other and has no friends that he visits. He did give university a try but left both times in his first year due to anxiety.
Today he chooses not to work. Benji and I have been living alone together for the last 6 years now and I support him financially. I know that the situation is not ideal, however, I’ve long since come to terms with the fact that Benji is a square peg trying to fit into a world of round holes, and as I am getting older I am happy for his company.
It is an arrangement that suits us both.
I am starting to get on in years and recently my thoughts have turned to my children and what they will do after I am gone.
A few months ago I decided to update my will and asked Jack for a meeting to address the changes.
I let him know that in my updated will, almost all of my assets, both cash and property will be going to Benji, however, I’ll be giving him a cash amount to help with his house deposit (£10,000). My reasoning for this is that I know full well Jack is capable of looking after himself after I am gone, but without assistance, Benji will always struggle.
He is simply never going to have what Jack has.
Jack did not take kindly to the news. He said that I am effectively punishing him for having succeeded in life, whereas his brother has been allowed to not try and fail his entire life, and is now being rewarded. He said some more unkind things about his brother and at that stage, I said that it was better that he leave until he could calm himself down.
On the way out the door, he told me that this was not about money or assets, but was yet another instance of me ‘favoring’ and ‘coddling’ Benji the way ‘I have done his entire life’ (not true) and claimed we were in an ’emotionally inappropriate relationship’.
I told him to get out.
This all went down 3 months ago and since then Jack will no longer accept my calls. He ignored my 66th birthday outright, not even a card, and at this stage, I am not expecting to see him at all for Christmas, so it is going to be just me and Benji as usual.
Other family members have since become aware of the drama and are telling me that my decision is wrong and that by doing this I am driving a wedge further between Jack and Benji when their relationship is already strained. AITJ for my decision?
I love both my children equally, but I can’t go to my grave knowing that Benji will be out on the streets suffering without me.
I KNOW that Jack will NEVER have to struggle in the same way Benji has, so I don’t know why he even needs the money in the first place. I am frankly disgusted by his greed and lack of concern for his brother’s future.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you simply can’t treat two of your children so differently and expect it not to cause problems. You casually say that it is ‘not true’ that you have favored or coddled Benji his entire life, but is it? I wonder, and I suspect there’s more than an argument to suggest that you HAVE favored him over Jack over a long period of time.
One consideration that people should keep in mind, however, is exactly what Benji does while living at home. Does he shop for groceries, cook, clean, handle DIY, do the gardening or such?
As you grow older and may need more assistance, is Benji capable of being your full-time carer and would he be willing to act as such?
If he does none of those things and won’t be your carer in the future, then you are absolutely coddling him and it has got to stop. If he’s doing all the chores, keeping you company, and would care for you full-time in the case of illness, then that may deserve some small element of favoritism in your estate.
It does not, however, deserve everything bar £10000 – that’s preposterous.
Why not consider some compromises? For example, as Benji has no friends or partner, could you rejig the estate to buy a small flat for him now, and get him used to living alone etc?
Then when you pass away, your home could be sold with the profits, and any other remaining assets, split between both Jack and Benji. That way, Benji gets a stable manageable home and some money to live on, and Jack gets more than a £10k payment.” Chilling_Demon
Another User Comments:
“You may mean well, but sadly, YTJ. Life has a way of throwing us all curveballs, and who knows what Jack or his family may need in the future? Would you be happy going to your grave knowing you gave everything to Benji, and Jack and your potential grandchildren will struggle if he loses his job, becomes ill, or faces any number of setbacks?
If you love your children equally, you would leave your estate to them equally. Try and help Benji to plan for the future so that when you are gone he can live independently and know where to get assistance if he needs it. We never know what our future holds.” ElectricalTip4614
2. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mother-In-Law In The Delivery Room Again?
“During my last birth, I had a clear birthing plan that stated who I wanted in the room while I was in labor and delivering. I wanted my husband, my mom, and my sister while I delivered. Before I started active pushing, anyone was welcome to come and go into the room if they wanted to/felt comfortable.
When I had to change positions or be checked there was a curtain that could be pulled and any men (my dad, FIL, brother) would leave. I didn’t mind this because I had an epidural and wasn’t in much pain or stress. Everyone was aware of the plan and where they were to wait once active labor started.
When it was time to push everyone evacuated the room but my MIL hung around and my husband asked (with her standing nearby) if she could stay. I wasn’t sure what to say and I was uncomfortable at this point in labor and she ended up staying.
Well, she took pictures of me giving birth. I am talking about GRAPHIC pictures. Most of them were of my husband with me in the background or off to the side but everything was on display.
She was asked to delete them but a few family members saw them and warned me they were on a FAMILY COMPUTER that the other grandkids used. My husband made her delete them and we moved on.
Well, 6 years later and we are prepping for round 2. I told my husband that she is absolutely, 100% not allowed to be in there. He said he understood but that it was going to cause hurt feelings because I allowed it last time. Our doctor has agreed to be the bad guy and says they are limiting it to a certain number but she is still going to be miffed that my sister is in there but Granny isn’t.
My husband tried to head it off by asking her to watch our older child but I overheard her telling her husband he would have to watch them because she was going to see her grandbaby be born. I decided to be honest and tell her why she wasn’t welcome due to her behavior last time and now she is mad and wants to cancel holiday events.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You have been too kind for far too long. She has the audacity to feel annoyed and you should count the blessing of her wanting to cancel the holiday events and keep those in your small and growing family. The woman is unhinged. Keep your private parts away from her.
If she does not understand why you are doing what you’re doing, do not bother and waste time explaining and trying to make things better for her. The management of her wild behavior and resulting emotions is not your job. NTJ and congrats on your children!” Artistic_Thought7309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call her bluff and agree with her about canceling holiday events. She won’t be expecting that. She hung around knowing that you would have allowed her in the delivery room so as not to be rude. She didn’t care about your feelings at that time or she would have followed the rules.
If you bend to her will again, you will always be expected to. You have every right to have whoever you want to have in the delivery room and if she can’t respect that, let her wallow in self-pity on her own. This is YOUR child and YOUR family, you make the choices, not her.” jtwjtwjtw
1. AITJ For Punishing My Son For Lying About Where He Went?
“My 12-year-old son Josh has been pushing for more independence, especially for going places on his own. He likes doing things on his own like going into the hills and chill.
Last Saturday he asked if he could go walk to his friend’s house that was like 2 miles away.
I said okay but I am going to text you and expect you to text me back as soon as possible.
I texted him twice when he was walking there and twice when he came back. He actually walked home as it was getting dark and was adamant about not being picked up.
He came home, took a shower, ate, and went to bed.
Today I found out he never went to Randy’s house. He went to his uncle’s/my brother’s house which is over 3 miles away and in a totally opposite direction. How did I find out?
My brother told me that he appreciated Josh’s visit and loves to see him but if I could tell Josh to ask him if it is a good time to come over.
My brother is battling cancer and is on chemo so there are days when he wants to be left alone.
I told him I had no idea what he was talking about but we figured it out. I have no problem with Josh seeing my brother. They are pretty tight.
I told Josh that I found out he never went to Randy’s but to his uncle’s house.
I said I found out when I was spot-checking his phone. I said I don’t mind you seeing him but I mind you lying to me. In fact, you lied a lot.
He didn’t offer an explanation and just said ‘okay’ and that he’d be honest from now on.
I said that’s fine and dandy but now you’re grounded for a week for lying to your dad.
I told my brother about this and he said Josh shouldn’t be punished for seeing his ‘dying butt’. I said Josh got punished for lying. He asked me to reconsider because Josh helped him clean his living room and made his day better.
I said no.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His lying is not canceled out by a ‘good deed’. He deserves punishment. However, I would say, it is worth trying to understand what he was thinking. Why did he think he had to lie? What was going through his head?
I wouldn’t cancel punishment entirely, but depending on what you hear, it might make sense to offer some leniency. Ultimately, I think what you have is a good kid who made a mistake. But that said, a week doesn’t sound so awful either, so maybe still proportionate.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but I think you need to adjust. First, tell him you think it is awesome he went to visit his uncle and help him out but sometimes his uncle may feel sick and it is nicest to give a heads up.
Then the consequence of his action could simply be having location tracking on his phone for a period of time. And if you already have the tracking why are you texting so frequently?
Regardless I just don’t think grounding is the right reaction to lying.
Either way, you’ll drop him off for the next few visits and he can walk back or track the phone and whatnot, but he sounds like he wanted to surprise his uncle with a good gesture and honestly it sounds like he may feel a bit smothered at home, to tell the truth.” Big-Apartment9639
Another User Comments:
“Yes and no. Yes, you are about not relenting time on the punishment, and no because you are trying to discipline your son, the consequences of his actions. But considering the extenuating circumstances, I think you should let up this time. Explain to him in a more adult way that he was wrong to lie, but since he was at his uncle’s helping him out it will be marked as a warning.
But make sure that he understands in no uncertain terms that he will be punished should that happen again.” MoetNChandon
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If you have to live with these people, start planning to move out as soon as possible. You do not owe them unlimited free labour, nor do you have to spend your own funds on someone els' chid.