People Need Honest Answers To Their Questions About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

"I (M34) recently bought a one-story house.

Note that it was purchased solely by me, my wife did not help save for it (I started saving for it before I even met her) and it's in my name.

When my parents threw us a party for this happy occasion, mom asked for a copy of the key in case of an emergency.

I let her have it which made my wife upset. She didn't say anything at the time but she waited til we were alone and started arguing with me saying I shouldn't have let my mother have a copy of the key. I said, 'why?!' Since my mother is known to respect privacy and is a very trusted member of the family. She said that she does not feel 'comfortable' with the idea of someone else, who's not a resident having a copy of the key. She also brought up how my mother didn't pay a penny towards the house so this should 'disqualify her' from getting the key. I said it was not a big deal but she kept persisting saying I need to take the key back.

Quite frankly, this had me fuming. I pointed out that I'm the one who bought the house and it's my decision to decide who gets to have a copy of the key end of the story.

She screamed at me saying that 'technically' she did contribute towards the house savings back when she used to pay for our rent and daily expenses while I saved money. I told her that she was acting as if I put my mom's name on the title which's ridiculous but she said that I have no respect for her opinions and keep undermining her input.

We've been going back and forth on it since then. She's now 'letting me know' that if I don't take the key back then she'll do it herself. I think she's being irrational and unreasonable acting like that over a copy of the house key.

This decision I made could save us in case of an emergency but she kept downplaying it.

E.T.A. I think it's crucial to mention that there's no conflict between my mother and my wife. They're on near-perfect terms."

Another User Comments:

"YTJ

Your attitude of 'I paid for it' isn't on.

You're married; it's 'our home' not 'my home' now. In any case, your wife is right, she absolutely has financially contributed to the property. She paid the rent which allowed you to save. Pretty disgusting of you to dismiss this.

Your mother having a key to your home is a big deal and something you and your wife both need to be comfortable with.

If you aren't mature enough to make joint decisions with your wife, you shouldn't be married. I think your wife is right; you don't seem to respect her at all.

A huge red flag is that you only put the house in your name. You've basically used your wife to enable you to do what you want." happybanana134

Another User Comments:

"Ok... so YTJ.

I'd be willing to bet you've been married less than 2 years and are under the age of 30.

Here's something you're going to learn about marriage. It's not 'mine' anymore it's 'ours'.

If you 'saved' while she paid rent and other expenses, then she 100% contributed to the house.

Let's say you did this for 3 years and you saved $30 grand (10 grand a year) Meanwhile, your wife paid rent. Let's take it easy and say the rent was $850 plus expenses of another $150. That would mean while you saved 10k a year she was spending 12k a year while you didn't contribute.

Also, trust, communication, and honesty are key to any marriage to survive. Lose one of them the other two fall away. For example, you didn't communicate you were going to give your mom a key to your wife, that's a breakdown of communication, then you threw it in her face that the house is 'YOURS'.

I'm going to warn you right now, playing that throw-it-in-her-face game that the house is yours and not ours is a simple and easy way to divorce your butt because you act and sound like a toddler." IamAustinCG

Another User Comments:

"You’re not only the jerk, you are at the very least financially abusive to your wife, and on a speculative level, possibly emotionally abusive.

First, this is your wife’s home too. Stop treating her like a guest in YOUR home and treat her like the equal partner she is and this means she gets a say in who gets a key. So time to start acting like the rational adult you supposedly are and get the key back from your mother as soon as possible.

But beyond that, you’re the jerk for even more reasons. The fact that you didn’t include her name on the house when she sacrificed financially in order for you to be able to save to purchase the house speaks volumes about not only how you feel about and treat your wife, but also about the kind of person you are.

Also, for the record, I don’t think it matters that her name isn’t on the house because in most developed nations if you’re married she is still entitled to half of it and I hope to god she knows that for when she inevitably leaves you.

YTJ" Fox_steph