People Ask For Straightforward Opinions About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

It is natural for us to act rashly at times, rejecting the feelings of others and prioritizing our own demands without regard for the consequences. It's a natural element of being human. We know, however, that such behavior breeds anger and leaves us feeling empty and disconnected from others around us. These people below want us to decide whether or not they are really jerks. They've boldly shared their interesting and triggering stories and now they want to know what we think about them. Read on and let us know who you think are real jerks. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

36. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor And His Kid That The Cats Are Mine?

“I’ve adopted two beautiful cats. They were strays. I’ve been gaining their trust for MONTHS and finally last week I let them in. Saturday I took them to the vet, microchipped them, and started them on shots/treatments, etc.

I live in a rural area with my fiancé. There’s a lot of cats coming and going and people sometimes feed them.

Today my FIL was at our house working some things on the garden (it’s actually HIS house but he says it’s ours) as he usually does.

The main gate was open because he was moving stuff. A neighbor saw his car and stopped to talk with him. My fiancé and I were getting ready for work.

My FIL told the neighbor something like ‘Yeah, they have taken two cats in bla bla bla I only let them bc I now my DIL is in charge’ (he was joking around).

So when we came out to go to work, the neighbor asked me about the cats. I told him which cats were and he went crazy.

He told me those were HIS CATS. I told him no, they were not microchipped or taken care of.

Apparently, during February he and his family got sick. They came to the country house to isolate since it has a gaden and more space (like a lot of people do) and let the cats in for a while so the daughter could be entertained. They have a huge untrained dog guarding the house.

The dog is let alone ALL WEEK and they only come on weekends and feed him. Police won’t do anything, this is fairly common in this area.

When they went back to their old life they let the kitties out again. Now, I know why I didn’t see them for a while.

Apparently, his 7-year-old daughter got attached to them. I don’t think the girl is a jerk. In fact, I feel sorry for her.

After telling him they are not his cats because the cats are not toys for entertainment he started going on and off about his daughter loving the cats.

I asked him what if the cats got hit by a car. They wouldn’t have known. I told him the cats were MINE as I took them in and took proper care of them.

He then DEMANDED I let his daughter come to play with the cats.

I told him NO. My cats are not going to the garden (not unleashed and not until hey have all their immunization shots and are neutered and spayed) and I’m not letting them in in the house. Then he had the audacity to tell me it’s not my house.

My FIL told him. to leave immediately since it’s in fact mine and my fiancé’s house. He called me an insensitive jerk and I called him a neglectful person.

So, I do feel sorry for the kiddo since she’s none to blame but I don’t feel comfy letting people IN at my house, let alone this person.

He has no business coming inside. Not even if he would have asked nice. Although if he would have been nice I MAYBE would have thought about letting the daughter in the Catio (once they are allowed in the front porch) for a while but I don’t want this person on my property.”

4 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918, IDontKnow, LilVicky and 1 more

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LilVicky 8 months ago
NTJ they didn’t take proper care of them & you have. It’s sad for the little girl but don’t allow them in your house, the catio, or anywhere else to see the cats because they just might try to take them.
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35. AITJ For Confronting My Cousin's Fiancée About Taking My Other Cousin's Place At My Wedding?

“I (26 F) recently just got married a few days ago. It was a traditional Punjabi wedding and I had an absolute blast.

For some context, I have 3 brothers and no sisters. In traditional Indian weddings, there are certain ceremonies where you would need your female relatives to be a part of. Since I have no sisters, my cousins stepped in. My families have always had a strained relationship with one another, always due to some petty fights that occurred years ago that some of the relatives just can’t let go of.

Most of the cousins don’t partake in this because we’re aware that it’s ridiculous.

I have one cousin, I’ll name X (18 F), who is extremely nice but unfortunately super shy and timid. She has always been like this and most of us have just grown up being protective of her, especially since she is one of the youngest cousins.

During one of these ceremonies, I insisted that my cousin be a main part of it because I knew she would genuinely enjoy it but would be too shy to volunteer herself or ask for it. One of my cousins’ fiancée’s (28F) however, is quite the opposite.

She constantly likes to put herself in the middle of everything, despite already being told of her given duties during the ceremony.

This is the part where I may be the jerk. During one of the ceremonies, you are supposed to have one of your female relatives sit behind you on stage and basically just take care of you, fix your hair or your clothes, etc. I specifically told cousin X that she would be the one to do this for me.

However, when the day came, my cousin’s fiancée was the one who took her spot. I was confused but could not do much.

After the ceremony, I found cousin X and she explained to me that the fiancee who took her spot had basically scolded her and yelled at her, saying that she should be the one doing it since cousin X is still young and doesn’t know anything.

She then told cousin X to go sit down with the other guests, despite cousin X’s protests. Cousin X’s mother (my aunty who I absolutely adore and has been a huge help with the wedding) was quite upset with this but did not want to cause a scene and just told cousin X it’s okay.

When I heard this, I was furious. The fiancée took what was meant to be a special moment and made it all about herself. I sat the fiancée down and told her that she had no right to do what she did and I was extremely upset with her for doing so.

Apparently, she was so upset by this conversation, she refused to come for the other ceremonies the next day. I was fine with this because I generally don’t like adults who throw temper tantrums but my cousin says that I had no right to speak to his fiancée like that and now his entire family has been constantly saying a lot of negative things about my family and the whole situation.


2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and anma7

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DeniseSB 8 months ago
I don't know the cultural nuances is Indian culture, so my input may not be relevant here. All I can tell you is that this American thinks the fiancee thought she could steal some of the spotlight (like a toddler who thinks that everything in the world is "mine") and then threw a temper tantrum when she was confronted about her behavior. I hope the rest of your family is on your side. NTJ
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34. AITJ For Cutting Contact With My Mother-In-Law?

“Due to a really rough childhood, I’ve had a big struggle with personal autonomy and I can never tell if I’m going too far or not going far enough.

My husband and I stayed with my in-laws for a couple of months in the winter of 2020. At the time our twins were about 8 months old. We had a lot of trouble with the grandparents not overstepping their grounds. My MIL once tried to take one of the children out of my husband’s arms when he was not controlling his frustrated facial expression to her standard while attempting to feed a fussy baby.

She would frequently do things like give the babies a second bath for the day without asking or telling us because she assumed it wasn’t done since she hadn’t seen it. I had a personal problem with coddling the babies’ every fuss and not allowing them to learn to self-soothe.

One day I was feeding the babies and one fussed and I said something to the effect of monologuing about not jumping on every cry because it was making more problems than it was fixing, and my father-in-law flew out of his chair and started screaming in my face about how I was the worst mother he’d ever seen.

My husband got between him and me and we immediately packed and left. We went back to try and work it out at their request and when they turned the whole discussion into how grateful my husband should be for how well he had been parented, I lost my patience and responded to a demand of theirs by telling them it wasn’t their place, and my MIL threw a glass in the sink near us.

Since then I have refused contact. I do not inhibit my husband’s or sons’, though we have a rule about unsupervised contact, and I make sure I do not contribute to any lack of contact they have. But his mother wants to essentially be my friend and is making problems for my husband when I refuse.

I feel bad she is sort of emotionally blackmailing my husband into making me be her friend but I really feel like family or not I do not owe ANYONE anything, especially when they make me feel uncomfortable and unsafe.


2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and LilVicky

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LilVicky 8 months ago
NTJ your MIL is a witch & I wouldn’t trust her for anything
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33. AITJ For Buying My Son A Puzzle?

“I (32 F) am divorced with an(11 M) son named Mark. Mark has anger issues and when gets frustrated or things don’t go his way will lash out with his words. Recently he started to break things and at the beginning of the month, I found a hole in the wall.

At the beginning of all this, I thought he just had too much energy so I put him in a sport. It helped for a bit but now we are back to this

I can’t afford to send him to anger management classes so I asked my mom what I should do.

She told me that I should have him sit down once a day and do an activity that takes patience, something that when done will be an achievement. She also said to add rules if he lashes out then his process on the activity gets wiped. She told me that is what she did with my sister with knitting when she had an attitude/lashing out problem.

So I went out and bought a 500-piece puzzle to start. I told him every day he is going to sit down and work on the puzzle for 30 minutes. If he breaks things or lashes out at people for no reason just because he is frustrated then the puzzle will be taken apart and he will start over.

The first day went fine but by the second day, he got angry with the puzzle and threw it on the ground. So he had to start over. Mark broke his controller, the puzzle was taken apart. A thing that should have only taken a few days is now on week three and the good news is that it seems to have worked. The puzzle is almost done, with no problems for the whole week which is a first in a long time.

He used to have this problem almost every day.

Now my ex-husband has Mark once a month and it is his day. I got a call a bit ago about how dare I force Mark to do a puzzle, that I was being cruel to the kid, and that I am a bad parent.

I then talked to my sister and she told me she hates knitting to this day but she admits it worked.


2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and anma7

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IDontKnow 7 months ago (Edited)
Your ex has your son ONCE A MONTH. He's got NO right to criticize you on anything. If you're seeing an improvement with the puzzle, keep doing it.
BTW, be prepared for all your and your son's hard to to possibly be thrown out the window when he comes back from his fathers.
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32. AITJ For Clapping Back At A Stanger Who Was Giving Me Life Advice?

“I (25 M) was in the doctor’s waiting room when this happened. I was sitting minding my own business on my phone when a man somewhere in his 30s or 40s sat next to me.

His arm accidentally bumped mine when putting his on the armrest (the chairs were insanely close together) and he apologized. I said it was fine then went back to my phone.

He took a look at my arm and asked me why I shaved because that’s not normal for a man to do that.

I didn’t think anything much of it so I explain that I originally started because I did dance as a kid and I never stopped because I like the smoothness of it.

He looked confused and asked why I even considered dancing in the first place if I was going to shave for it since shaving my arms isn’t masculine.

I repeated that I just like it, I don’t care if it’s masculine or not. I honestly couldn’t care less.

His reply: ‘Well how are you ever going to date if you do this crap?’

My reply: ‘I’m actually already married. My wife doesn’t care that I shave, she actually likes it and if I stopped she wouldn’t care.

It’s not that big of a deal, why are you asking?’

He went on about how straight women want a masculine man and that I needed to be masculine if I wanted to date women. I dress masculine so I consider myself masculine, I didn’t see his issue.

Eventually, I got tired and said, ‘If you need hair to be attractive that sounds like a you-problem, maybe go to the personality mechanic you chunky bubble guppy.’

He got offended and the teenager next to me laughed. My brother later on said I shouldn’t have offended him so now I’m wondering if I went too far.


2 points - Liked by IDontKnow and LilVicky

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rbleah 8 months ago
OMG HAHAHA That dude is an IDIOT. I am TOTALLY ON YOUR SIDE. Now I preferred men with a little bit of hair BUT no hair was NOT A TURNOFF.
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31. AITJ For Not Considering My Dad's Wife As My Parent?

“I (19F) have never viewed Jan (48) as a parental figure. She only married Dad (42) 5 years ago after meeting about 14 months before that.

On Thursdays, I go out with a friend and have a few drinks. Last week I was the designated driver and my friend covered dinner and a few drinks.

This week my friend was the designated driver and I covered dinner and a few drinks.

This Thursday just gone I went for these drinks with my friend. I walked out the front door with Jan sitting at the dinner table doing a puzzle right next to the door.

I didn’t say anything because cause I don’t need to. She said nothing to me and didn’t ask me anything. Then I walked down our driveway and got picked up by my friend.

Later on, when my friend dropped me home, Dad had gotten home by then and was in the kitchen.

As I walked to the door to untie my shoes before I went inside he said: ‘I was wondering why your car was home but you weren’t.’

I said: ‘Oh, well I told (little brother, 14) did he not say?’

Jan was still at the table by the door doing her puzzle.

When I said this she piped up and said: ‘(little brother) isn’t the other parent around here.’

Now, I had had a few drinks so I was a little more confident than usual so I said: ‘Well there’s only one’. This was ignored and Jan said: ‘You walked right past me behind my back.’ The chair she was sitting in to do her puzzle faces away from the door.

At this point I stayed quiet and just went through the door and into my room to put my wallet and shoes away. If I had said anything I would have said: ‘And you didn’t care to ask so you didn’t find out’.

Jan hasn’t spoken to me since.

(Not that that’s unusual). She definitely seemed a bit miffed by it though. She has always liked to think of herself as a parent even though she doesn’t have any kids and my siblings and I were too old to ever see her as one.

Dad is fine that I went out and he wasn’t sure where I was. He trusts me not to get hurt or lost. If he was concerned he would have called me.

ETA: Jan treats me like an obstacle to a marriage she rushed into against everyone’s better advice.

By everyone I mean: her parents, dad’s parents, her sister, and my dad’s sister. And all their friends. Heck even as a fourteen-year-old I could see they hadn’t spent enough time getting to know each other.”

2 points - Liked by anma7 and LilVicky

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LilVicky 8 months ago
NTJ Jan has no business trying to parent you. Just ignore her & she’ll get over it
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30. AITJ For Sending Our Kids To Summer Camp?

“I (F, ’20s) am in the UK and I am a teacher, we get paid all through the year including summer holidays.

I share 2 children with my ex (M, 20) he had an affair and only came clean to me after she got pregnant with twins.

They are constantly on/off again. He has to pay me about £500 in child support a month, no alimony here. He is broke having to support 4 children on £26k a year. He cannot get out of paying child support to me as it is set in stone by the government.

My wage does not matter as I am a primary carer.

I am remarried (M, 30), he is a litigator, and as stated I am a teacher, our combined salaries put us in the higher earning bracket here. The oldest attends a private school and the younger one attends a private nursery.

This is fully funded by us. Not their bio father. His child support payments go into savings accounts for the children, they will get it when they are 18.

Bio dad only sees the children one Saturday a month, no overnights (his choice). Our oldest mentioned to him what they had done at summer camp that week (funded by Stepfather and I).

When bio dad returned them to my house in the evening, after the kids went inside, he started having a go at me for being a ‘lazy’ parent because I get 13 weeks off through the year and can’t even be bothered to spend the holidays with the kids.

I was clearly living off his money to fund my lifestyle and I have no idea how hard it is for him and his other baby mama who are in debt and struggling because she doesn’t work. I was a jerk for using his money to avoid looking after the children.

I tried to keep my cool. The gist of my response was ‘I really don’t think it is appropriate for a man who had an affair and abandoned his children for 10 months and didn’t pay a penny for them until you were hauled to court.

May I also remind you that I was the breadwinner in our marriage and as my husband works as well, we are in a comfortable position. I’m not sure why you are so angry that your children you see for 8 hours a month are given opportunities, as I pay for nursery if I were to not send them for the summer, I would still have to pay.

Our oldest asked to go to camp because his friends are going. Your money goes into a savings account for the children. I never chased you for the money owed from when you didn’t pay either. Next thing you’ll be asking me not to send them to private school because you can’t afford it for your other children.

If you and your mistress are so broke, tell her to get a weekend or evening/night job. Both of your poor choices have nothing to do with me. I will not have our children at a disadvantage because their bio dad couldn’t keep it in his trousers’.

Later I received a text from my ex-MIL. She said even though I may have hit some good points, it was kinda uncalled for and he was now arguing with his baby mama. And maybe I should consider the other children in the bigger picture.

So did I take it too far? AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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rbleah 8 months ago
Why do people expect people in YOUR POSITION to CARE ABOUT HIS AFFAIR BABIES? NOT YOUR CIRCUS, NOT YOUR MONKEY. They are NOT YOURS JUST HIS AND HERS. You have NO obligation to care or give anything to/for them.
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29. AITJ For Being Mad At MY Friend For Abandoning Me At A Bar For Some Guys She Just Met?

“My best friend (24 F) and I (23 F) have been thick as thieves since we were five years old. I love her unconditionally and I know she feels the same way about me.

Recently, I broke up with my significant other of two years.

It was a difficult breakup, but amicable. Not sure if it matters, but my best friend has never been in a relationship.

Anyway, she really wanted us to go out after my breakup. I put it off for a while saying I wasn’t feeling it, but she was pretty convincing lol.

Said I needed to forget about my ex, I could do so much better, etc. Finally I said, yes you know what’s best, let’s go out.

IMPORTANT NOTE: the relationship I got out of was not a good one. I gained 30 lbs during it (for various emotional reasons) and am currently the heaviest I’ve ever been; trying to feel as confident as possible but I’m not doing great.

Anyways, we get ready together (super fun), we go out to one of our favorite bars (from before the controlling ex got involved), she buys me a drink, hugs me, it was a good time, etc. Then we met this group of older tech bros, prob late 30s or early 40s and she was super into it and I was uncomfortable.

They looked so old, LOL, I wasn’t feeling it. But to be honest, she was throwing herself at them. I made casual conversation with the one guy who was married and ignored what she was doing until she tapped me on the back and said ‘We’re leaving.’ I was like ‘Oh ok I’ll get ready’ and she goes, ‘Oh… you’re coming?’ Turns out she meant she and two of the guys were leaving.

She said, ‘You can have someone pick you up right?’ So I just said yes.

After that I sat in the corner of the room watching some old dudes play pool, couldn’t get an Uber, so I asked my dad to come get me.

He did it, but was furious and berated me for going out the whole ride home. Didn’t feel like telling him the whole story, so whatever.”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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IDontKnow 7 months ago
NTJ. That was really selfish on your friends part. She bugged you to go, and then ditched you. That's unacceptable in my book.
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28. AITJ For Calling My Coworker A Creep After He Asked Me And My Husband Personal Questions?

“My (37 F) husband (37 M), Vincent, is paraplegic and has been since he was in a car crash when we were 14 (if it’s at all relevant, we’ve been best friends since we were 9).

He, of course, uses a wheelchair and by now is pretty used to either awkward looks or (usually) innocent questions about what happened, if he can feel anything, etc.

This morning/early afternoon, my work had a little party thing for us all to celebrate because it’s the anniversary of the veterinary hospital where I work.

It was a barbecue picnic thing at a local park for everyone who works there and their families. I’ve worked there for about 10 years and know everyone there quite well (as does Vincent), so we were pretty happy to have a nice lunch.

Miles (late 20s M) is the new receptionist at the clinic, he’s been here since February (or maybe March – not long, anyway) while the other 9 people who work here have been here at least 2 years or so each.

Miles generally seems like a nice guy, but he can be pretty nosy at times. In general, that doesn’t really bother me, everyone has their quirks.

Today was the first time Vincent and Miles met. Miles had a lot of nosy questions for Vincent (e.g., what happened?

Can you really not feel anything below your waist? Was it hard finding an apartment around here? Is there an abrupt line where you can feel everything and then nothing or is there part of your body where you can kind of feel something but not completely like when your foot is asleep?

and so on). It was a bit weird for Vincent as it usually is, but he’s pretty good-natured about answering questions like that, even when the person asking has a lot of them.

Now, multiple times during the conversation, I, Vincent, and some of my coworkers tried to change the topic.

Miles would usually play along for a bit but would have another question whenever there was a lull in the conversation.

At one point, Miles asked Vincent ‘So, how does that work in the bedroom? Can you get – you know?’

Now, obviously, it’s weird and uncomfortable to have a person you don’t know well ask about your intimate life, but Vincent is also incredibly sensitive about it, and his feelings about himself because of the way our intimate life is as a result of his paraplegia is something he has long has struggles with.

For the record, I absolutely love our personal intimate life, but still, he feels bad about himself.

I immediately said, ‘Miles, do you have to be such a creep?’ Miles then got upset and told me that I was being a jerk for leaping to that, then Vincent and I left pretty shortly after.

Vincent, for the record, was very thankful for what I said, and one of our coworkers texted me to say that he understood where I was coming from but thought I was probably being too mean too fast. AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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IDontKnow 7 months ago
NTJ. Even if you think something, doesn't mean it should come out of your mouth. He was creepy for asking it. It was creepy he kept asking in general. Dude needs to learn to read the room.
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27. AITJ For Missing My Sister-In-Law's Calls And Texts Because Of The Noise In Our House?

“My husband and I (both 29) have two kids (5 f/3 f).

If I vacuum when they’re watching TV, I let them turn the volume up a little. This only happens when it’s out for long periods of time (cleaning day) as they abandon the TV eventually.

My SIL (32 f) came by with her kids (5 m/4 f/3 m) for a surprise visit on cleaning day.

Our 5 year old had a birthday party the previous weekend so the house was a wreck and my husband was at work so it was just me and the kids upstairs. I keep the house locked up, so she let herself in with a spare key we gave out for emergencies.

We were all in the playroom when they busted in, it absolutely scared me.

I turned the vacuum off (the 5-year-old turned the TV down) and I apologized for not seeing her calls/texts because obviously in cleaning I’d missed something and she totally didn’t just let herself into my locked house, but my SIL informed me she hadn’t called or texted. They were in the neighborhood to drop off a present since they missed the party due to vacation.

She saw my car there but nobody answered the door so she just let everyone in.

Before I could ask her why she thought she could just let herself into my locked house without notifying me (we aren’t close with them like that), she went off on me for letting the girls ‘run rampant with the TV while I’m not paying attention to them’, that it was dangerous for so much noise to be distracting me at once and she could have been some random person letting themselves inside to do ‘god only knows’, cringey shudder included.

It wasn’t the most mature response, but I was so befuddled that I just started laughing hysterically. One moment I’m mindlessly vacuuming up popcorn and the next I’m being lectured on the care of my kids by an uninvited house guest. I asked if this random person would also use their emergency-only spare key to get inside which caused her to turn red and develop a stutter.

She malfunctioned further when I asked if she had remembered to lock the door again behind her. She told me that my daughter could forget about her present and she corralled her kids before hastily leaving. I had to lock the door again after her too, of course.

I texted my husband to let him know what happened and he told me he would deal with it so I left it. When he came home later that evening, he had their spare key. Apparently, he stopped by after work to chat and she started in on him too.

His brother wasn’t home at the time so instead of engaging he just asked for the key back, which she threw at him, and he left.

Since then, we’ve gotten calls from family asking why I laughed in the face of SIL’s ‘genuine concern’ and if we’re being safe with our kids.

Most seem to understand when I explain the whole situation but some still took SIL’s side or said I should have handled it differently. AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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helenh9653 7 months ago
I'd have laughed at her too. NTJ and I'm glad you got your key back.
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26. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Shouldn't Have Expected Her Daughter To Be Invited To Her Son's Best Friend's Birthday?

“My sister has two kids. Thomas is 8 and Hayley is 5. Thomas’ best friend is having his birthday party in a couple of weeks.

The friend’s parents sent a note home with Thomas’ invite stating that Thomas was invited but not Hayley and they would not allow her to join. This note was sent because at the last five or so parties Thomas was invited to, she brought Hayley along uninvited and expected her to be included.

The last party in particular was a bad one because the parents complained that Hayley had no friends within the group of invitees and was left to play alone (this was at an indoor play space that does parties) and it was more stressful having to watch out for her.

Thomas didn’t want Hayley hanging off of him the whole party either. He didn’t want her there to begin with. But now my sister has built a reputation and parents are getting proactive.

So my sister called up the parents and asked why Hayley was not allowed to come and how rude could they be to exclude a child.

They said Hayley is not their son’s friend and is not even in the age group of the other kids and would need to be in a different section of the play space (which is true). She said Hayley might not be his friend but she is a family of Thomas and it’s rude to invite only some of a family unit.

They said they would not accept Hayley into the party or pay for her place.

My sister was telling me about this and complaining that they were rude. She said maybe Thomas shouldn’t go. I told her she was wrong for expecting Hayley to be welcome/invited. I told her she should let Thomas have fun with his best friend and let Hayley enjoy her day without feeling left out by all the other kids present.

My sister said I was a jerk for thinking of her in the wrong when she has two kids, not one and it should be normal for siblings to be invited to parties. I said the birthday kid’s sibling is a maybe. But inviting 20 kids to a party could soon be 50 if they all have multiple siblings or come from large families and it would be a lot to expect someone to take on.

She said I didn’t know what I was talking about and I’m still a jerk.


1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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rbleah 8 months ago
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25. AITJ For Defending My Sister From My Jerk Uncle?

“I (24 F) have a sister who is 17 and will be graduating high school this year. Unfortunately, she is terminally ill. Although my family is devastated by this news, we still want her to be happy and behave as a normal teen would.

A few days ago, my family hosted a get-together and most of the family came. It was going great and all was well until we sat down to eat. My grandma had asked my sister what colleges she wanted to apply to and as my sister started to list them, my uncle interrupted and said ‘I’m sorry, but what’s the point of wasting money on college if she’s not going to make it through all of it anyway?’

My uncle and father were the only ones laughing and I noticed my sister’s face. She looked very hurt and didn’t find it funny. She then got up and walked into the kitchen.

That is when I got upset. I told my uncle that that was the most idiotic thing he could say and that he was a jerk.

I then went to console my sister.

The next day, my grandma gave me a call and said that my uncle said that he was making a joke and did not mean it that way and that I should apologize. I told her that the joke wasn’t funny, that my sister does not like to think about it, and that HE should apologize.

My mother thinks that although the joke was distasteful, ‘because he is my uncle and he is an adult’, I should not have said that. The rest of the family agrees with her.

My uncle sent a message saying that he did not appreciate what I called him and that he did not mean it that way.

I do not agree with my family and I think my sister deserves a sincere apology, but I’m starting to think that I could’ve left it to him being ‘idiotic’.

So, am I the jerk?”

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow

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DeniseSB 8 months ago
NTJ, although your uncle certainly is. Even if he thought the "joke" was funny (WTH?!), he should have immediately apologized once he realized that he hurt his niece by calling her college education a waste. That he doubled down on his "privilege" as an adult just demonstrates what a complete waste of a human being he is.
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24. AITJ For Getting Back At My Partner When She Told People She Pays For Everything?

“Maddie (30 F) and I (29 M) have been together for 3 years.

We live together, Maddie is an anesthesiologist and I own my own landscape design company. Due to me working mornings and being home earlier, I do most of the shopping and cooking. We split all other duties 50/50 and pay 50/50 on all bills. I make solid money but most of it is put back into my business so I don’t have as much spending money as Maddie.

Maddie likes to think I’m some sort of trophy man.

The first time was when we were out with her family. She’s the pride of her family because her family never went to college let alone medical school. Maddie said, ‘OP does most of the housework so I’m not overwhelmed when I get home’.

Her aunt said, ‘Maddie it’s amazing that you snagged yourself a trophy man while working so many hours’. Then Maddie’s mom said, ‘Look at you finding a man who supports you’. Maddie said, ‘I’m glad I can support the both of us’.

She told her friends she was treating me to a vacation. Her friend said, ‘Wow Maddie, sugar momma out here’. I told Maddie how uncomfortable it was that she told everyone that she was buying the trip. Her response was I was being ridiculous cause were a team.

My parents asked how we were enjoying the new place (we recently moved). Maddie started going on about how much more house it is and how she is thankful for my help and willingness to support her career. A couple of things about how supportive I am, how my job is tough on me (I don’t find it that tough), and how she’s thankful she’s able to cover the house while I build my business.

Afterward, my parents called me to ask if everything was okay. If my business was struggling and if Maddie was having to cover for us then they could help out. I said that Maddie spent more on the down payment than I did. But in no way did she ‘cover our house’.

I’ve brought this up to Maddie and she sees no problem. She says I should be glad to have a partner who makes money and wants to splurge on me. So I haven’t paid for a thing in the last 4 months. Date nights, tickets, grocery, wifi, gas… nothing.

I stopped cooking so now Maddie orders food for us. Whenever the bill shows up I say ‘She’s got it’. Or whenever I need gas, ‘Hey babe can you get this one, I’ll cook your favorite food later tho’. Maddie hasn’t said anything but I think she’s getting annoyed.

So last weekend it was me, her, her sister/BIL, and parents. When the bill showed up the waiter gave it to me. I said, ‘I’m actually the trophy man so I don’t pay for things’ and handed the bill to Maddie. On the way home she was being standoffish.

All she said was ‘You didn’t have to do that’. I said I covered my half of the bills, paid for dates, and bought her gifts, and don’t like that she implies she pays for everything. I said if she wants me to quit doing this then she can tell everyone the truth or she can keep paying.


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DeniseSB 8 months ago
NTJ. I think you're showing her the natural consequences of her ridiculously snotty comments. If she's going to continue to lie, you'll act as if she's being truthful. Sounds right to me.
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23. AITJ For Not Helping My Significant Other To Tend A Garden?

“My (51 F) and my SO (50 M) rent a house in a rural area. The landlord gave us permission to plant a vegetable garden after we moved in 4 years ago.

We were excited to plant and grow our own vegetables.

After the initial work was done (digging and tilling the soil), I did all of the planting, pulling out of grass, watering, etc. for the first 2 years. My SO didn’t work in the garden at all except for turning on/off the sprinkler.

I asked him many times to help out with pulling out the grass, etc. He always said something like he would help tomorrow or that he was tired and wanted to just relax. He would also point out that I have all summer off and I can do it.

(I work in public education so I have summers off while SO works M-F noon-8:30)

In addition to gardening, I was also mowing a very large lawn with a gas-powered push mower because my SO often avoided it and the grass would get very tall.

I worry about how the yard looks to the landlord and want it to look nice all the time. I have been homeless in the past and the thought of having to move or being evicted spikes my anxiety.

I also have fibromyalgia and working in the garden would often exhaust me, sending into a flare-up lasting 2-3 days.

So last year I decided not to plant a garden and purchased a John Deere riding mower so I could actually enjoy my summer off. It was a lovely summer.

Due to the food costs rising and because my SO is concerned about food availability in the future, he announced that we’re planting a garden this spring and will be canning, dehydrating, and freezing our own food so we won’t have to worry about availability/cost of store-bought food.

He has been talking about it every day for a couple of weeks now. I have expressed my concerns about planting/tending a garden and purchasing everything we need to do the whole food preservation like he wants. Anyway, we were in the car today and he was going on and on about it.

I finally said, ‘I have planted a garden and received no help AT ALL from you so if you want to do that go ahead and do it but don’t expect me to help.’

After that, he has been really quiet and keeping to himself.

I didn’t yell or raise my voice, but I felt bad that I had to be blunt and tell him how I felt.

I think I might be a jerk because I told my SO that I won’t help plant/tend a garden in a very blunt and unexpected way.”

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rbleah 8 months ago
So he lied to you about the first garden and now he is HINTING about a second round hoping YOU WILL DO IT AGAIN. So he expects you to do it ALL AGAIN PLUS THE CANNING? I KNOW how your condition affects you as my cousin has it. NOT A NICE DISEASE. I think you were nicer than I would have been when you told him that. You are good.
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22. AITJ For Kicking My Pregnant Sister-In-law Out Of My House?

“My SIL, who is 7 months pregnant, has been coming over to my house for the past week. The apartment they live in is doing construction which creates a lot of noise and stresses her out, so my brother asked if she could stay at my place during the day when he’s at work.

I work from home and my wife doesn’t, we have a 7-year-old who goes to school and a pair of twins who just turned 3. Now those two are a real handful and it’s hard to get them to stay put for even 10 minutes, I can’t work when they are around so I try to get them to stay in their room.

What’s worse is that my SIL is adding to the madness by being super needy and calling me over like every 10-15 minutes. Whether it be getting her a snack, adjusting a cushion, helping her stand up, or finding the remote, there’s always something she wants and can never be satisfied. Sometimes when she has a craving and I don’t have it at my house she makes me go out and buy it.

The incident happened when I was having a very important meeting with a director, I told her that I wouldn’t be able to help her with anything for at least 30 minutes, and even after she agreed, 10 minutes into my meeting I could hear her calling me over.

Her constant yelling then caused the twins to come in and pull on me because they already learned that it meant she wanted me there. When I was finally done with my meeting I went down and asked my SIL ‘WHAT?’ in an impatient tone, and she said she couldn’t find her phone (it was under a pillow).

I got so frustrated and yelled at her and said she was making my life way more difficult than it needed to be and that she should go home if she continues to bother me, she got really upset and started making a fuss. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and I called an Uber to take her home, and she begrudgingly left.

That evening my brother actually came to my house in a fit of rage and said how dare I treat his wife that way. I told him that she was being completely unreasonable and it was affecting my work. We argued at the door for about 20 minutes when my wife finally intervened. When he finally left he said that I shouldn’t even dream of seeing my nephew and that I mistreat pregnant women.

I know he probably just said this out of anger but it still made me feel like crap.


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rbleah 8 months ago
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21. AITJ For Having An Argument With My Mom About Her Being Controlling Toward My Relationship?

“I (18 F) have been with my significant other (19 M) – we’ll call him Eric – for two years now. My mom (43) and my dad (44) were shocked when I told them I was seeing someone and reluctantly agreed to ‘let me’ date him. I get it, I was only 16 and had a really rough year of exams ahead so I couldn’t focus on a guy, but I was adamant and got my way.

Two years later, my dad still doesn’t really care about the fact that I’m seeing someone. I’m in college now so I have more free time than I did two years ago. My dad understands and gives us the privacy we need.

My mom on the other hand is a nightmare.

Just for a bit of context, my mom has always been like this. She likes to control everything that I and my brother do, to the point where my brother ran away for a week because she was breathing down his neck 24/7. When he came home, she told my brother that she didn’t know what he was talking about when he finally told her why he left.

So of course, she doesn’t let me do anything with Eric that she doesn’t like.

– She sees me holding his hand? She makes us sit on opposite sides of the room.

– She sees us hugging? I get a 2-hour long lecture about being a flirt.

– Posing for photos? I better leave room for at least 3 people between us or I get yelled at.

– Eric compliments me? I got grounded for a week for being ‘too promiscuous.’

Eric is super supportive of me and is nothing but kind to my family, my brother and dad love him, but for some reason, my mom won’t let up.

That is until this morning when I snapped while she was lecturing me about not being allowed to go to his house because ‘girls shouldn’t go to men’s houses’ even though his family is there visiting right now and they wanted to see me.

I told her straight to her face, ‘This is my relationship, not yours and you can’t control that.’ We argued for an hour before I gave up trying to talk to her and just walked away.

She was knocking furiously on my door for a half hour before storming away somewhere.

Now I’m sitting in the living room, typing this on my laptop while waiting for Eric to pick me up. We haven’t talked since I walked out of the argument and she actively avoided looking me in the eye when I came downstairs.

I kind of feel like a jerk, but she has always been like this and tells me time and time again that I should be grateful that she ‘allowed me’ to date him.


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rbleah 8 months ago
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20. AITJ For Putting A Lock On My Bedroom Door?

“Just before the world went to crap in 2020, my grandma ‘Eve’ needed help with some aspects of her daily life, so my mom ‘June’ asked me to move in with her to help with those since we couldn’t afford outside help.

I agreed under a few specific conditions, one being that the room that I stay in is mine, which gives me guaranteed privacy when I’m asleep/working. This is because I do my work & school work from my computer, which is in my room & requires privacy.

Just over a year ago, our relationship started to strain because she started to creep into my room while I was sleeping, to ‘check’ on me, while grasping with decent force, my ankle, leg, or arm. And just straight up barged in while I was talking with a client.

Completely ignoring our original agreement. This has been occurring 5 to 6 times a week. I have always kept up with the stuff she needs help with as that was the agreed ‘rent’ of my living with her.


A few nights I woke up to Eve holding my butt.

After a loud argument, I put a lock on my door last night to prevent her from coming in while I was sleeping or working. I didn’t inform her of this. Also, I fell asleep in a Discord call with friends by accident and woke up this morning to them counting of how many times Eve had knocked, & tried to use a random key to unlock my door.

They were at 16 times over 2 hours. Eve claimed she had only been trying for 10 minutes.

Another argument today had her demanding I take the lock off, with no apologies or promises to return to our previous agreement until I made an ultimatum. Her reason for demanding the lock be removed was ‘It’s my house and I can go where I want when I want’.

I then threatened to move out as soon as possible & leave her high and dry when it comes to the stuff she needs help with. Suddenly she’s apologetic and sad. I don’t believe her at this point because she gaslights me regularly.

My friends think I’m in the right to demand my privacy.

Eve thinks I’m being a jerk, & June agrees with Eve. She’s said to just let her do it since she cares about me and was just trying to check up on me.

I might be the jerk for how badly I blew up & for how badly I hurt Eve’s feelings and threatened to withhold my help because of all this, which would seriously hinder Eve’s quality of life.

I want to know if I’m the jerk for installing the lock & demanding my privacy in the way I did.”

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DeniseSB 8 months ago
You need to feel safe in your home. As long as you are living in your grandma's home, it is also your home. Grandma has to choose between receiving your help and accepting your boundaries. That's a fair choice as long as she's still mentally competent. If she isn't mentally competent, then you and your mom have to make her decisions for her--and since you're the live-in help, you should have the final say. If your mother thinks that's unfair, then she can trade places with you.
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19. AITJ For Making A Social Media Post About Not Consenting To Being Filmed For Content?

“My mom and dad made a family YouTube channel. It started when I was 13 and now I’m 17.

I have younger siblings, they are 7 and 9 right now.

At first, I went along with the YouTube channel because it seemed fun and I didn’t expect it to get big. But it kinda did, and also other stuff that happened made me see it as a bad idea. When I’ve been getting older, I get creepy comments and harassed online and I feel like I can’t relax at home when home is a content farm.

I’ve argued with my family a lot, and they agreed to stop making me the ‘subject’ of videos but so many ‘family photos and videos… for the family’ end up online so I feel like I still am in videos about as much as my siblings.

They argue saying that they were just filming my siblings and I was ‘around’… Of course, I’m around, I live there. And also they won’t take down old videos because there’s ad revenue.

So I made an Instagram and Tiktok and made a public post on each saying, ‘I’m the girl from the (Channel) family blogging channel.

I’m not comfortable with my life being used for Internet content, and I don’t consent to being filmed at home or living my life. If you see any videos or photos of me other than this one, please understand I did not consent. I want to live a private life without harassment, and without being content farmed in my own home.

So if you ever watch these videos, would you please unsubscribe? And report any content you see of me online. I’ve been reporting everything I can, both for my own sake and for the sake of my little brother and sister, who are too young to meaningfully consent to this.’

After that, people must have reported the videos because the channel was demonetized. My parents turned off comments too since people were talking about it in the comments.

They’re furious at me for affecting their income and I yelled at them that they need to grow up and get a real job that doesn’t depend on filming their children for the internet.

Because that’s creepy and also child labor is illegal, they need to have jobs that don’t involve me.

My mom got angry saying that there were other ways to work stuff out that wouldn’t get the channel demonetized, and I said I’d tried them but they wouldn’t take down the videos themselves.

I’m grounded for now which sucks because that’s more time in the YouTube content farmhouse.

AITJ for posting online about not wanting to be a part of the family vlog content farm?”

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rbleah 8 months ago
Ask the folks if they would be okay to a talk with CPS about how they are USING YOU AND YOUR SIBS this way and PUTTING ALL OF YOU KIDS IN HARMS WAY? Tell them if somebody gets a nutjob thought about one of you kids they run the risk of losing that child to kidnap or BEING MURDERED.
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18. AITJ For Being Close To My Horse Trainer?

“So I (27 f) have been married to my husband (29 m) Tom for 7 years.

We have been together for 10.

I work at an equine center and with clients’ horses. Have been in the horse world for about 22 years. When I was 10 an older instructor took me under his wing, let’s call him Will. He taught me nearly everything I know now and is considered a part of our family (we used to go to different regions for competitions and spend a lot of time living together with either me and my parents staying at his and the other way round as well as when renting flats if the competition was longer then a week).

It is important to know that Will has his own family – a wife around his age and a son (currently 39 m married, has a kid). My parents are also really close to him and his family. Due to how early he appeared in my life I think of him as an uncle or mentor and still talk to him about any problems I have with horses or asking for some life advice.

Will is currently just over 70 years old and has some health problems, so I try to call him and visit him as much as I can since he did so much for me and for my family. I also run small errands for him if his wife or son are not available for some reason, like can go to the shop or give him a lift if I’m in the area.

Now my husband has always been hostile to Will. Will wasn’t fond of him either but he kept things civil, while my husband would blow up without a reason. As I spent more time around Will, it became a real issue for Tom and his parents to the point of his parents coming over unannounced. They were saying how much it hurts their feelings for my spending time with Will and his family instead of them and that I should ‘review’ my priorities since they are family.

Now that’s where I can be a jerk. I have lost my cool and have told them that Will and his family are like a second family to me and an extension of my own. I have informed them that he showed both me and Tom kindness and support while my in-laws couldn’t be bothered to visit or call us during any emergencies, while Will was there.

I have also told Tom that he shouldn’t behave like this since Will always treated him with kindness.

This resulted in Tom storming off together with his parents and calling me a jerk for saying that Will is more of a family than they are.


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DeniseSB 8 months ago
NTJ, but you sure married into a family of jerks. What a bunch of narcissists!
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17. AITJ For Missing My Biological Sister's Wedding?

“This past weekend, my (18 f) biological sister Dan (25 f) got married. Some backstory is that my mom and dad amicably divorced when I was 8 and Dan was 15. My dad started going out with my now stepmom when I was almost 9 and got married by the time I was 12.

Stepmom had a daughter who moved in with us. Grace (18 f) is the same age as me. We never got along until around our mid-teen years and I like to say that I have a bonus sister that I love with all of my heart.

Unfortunately, Dan never liked Stepmom or Grace. There was a big age gap and she never got over our parents’ divorce. She never forgot about me when she went to college and eventually moved out and began seeing her now husband.

Anyway, Stepmom and Grace were not invited to her wedding over the weekend.

Her wedding was about a 3-hour drive away from my dad’s house. My dad and I decided to carpool.

About halfway through the drive my dad got a frantic call from my stepmom. Grace had an accident while riding a horse at her grandparents and got taken to the hospital in an ambulance.

I can’t really describe the desperation coming from stepmom over the phone. Dad told me we had to turn around and tried calling Dan. He couldn’t get ahold of her so he called my mom. He let her know that we had to turn around due to an emergency and he wouldn’t be able to walk Dan down the aisle.

The wedding started at 1 pm and we left at 8:30 AM so we turned around at 10 AM. By the time we got to the hospital, it was 11 AM. Luckily, Grace only fractured her back and wasn’t seriously injured. The doctor said it could have easily been a major or deadly injury.

I was so anxious that I was nauseous and I don’t feel comfortable driving 3 hours on my own. I texted my mom and Dan letting them know everything that I won’t make it.

I didn’t hear back from Dan until that night saying ‘She was so disappointed in me and devastated that she chose my step-sister over her real sister’.

It’s now Wednesday and she still hasn’t answered me. I also think I’m blocked from her social media. AITJ because I missed her wedding?”

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LilVicky 8 months ago
NTJ there was an emergency.
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16. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister Over Unsolicited Parenting Advice?

“Yesterday my sister (27) came to visit me (25 M) and my daughter (8). She was doing her homework while sitting with us. She got frustrated because she was stuck on a comprehension question. I asked her what answer she thinks is probably the correct one and why.

She was so sad that she refused to answer and she told me she’s not smart (She’s actually smart and hard-working and has been the first in her class since she started primary school).

I reminded her that not knowing the answer doesn’t make her stupid or any less smart.

I closed the textbook and told her to take a deep breath. I kept telling her that she’s smart, capable, hard-working and beautiful. I asked her to repeat that with me and I gave her a hug. We re-read the text together and after a few minutes, she managed to answer it on her own.

I told her good job and she was so happy.

After she went to sleep, my sister and I kept talking for hours until she brought up how I dealt with my daughter. She took a lot of offence for what I did. She told me that I was still treating her like a toddler and that I was raising a scared weak girl that would get frustrated and maybe even cry whenever she faces a problem.

And told me that’s the number one reason there are a lot of young women with self-esteem issues. She told me to stop using social media to raise her.

I ordered her to leave right then. She told me it was 1 a.m. and started apologizing for what she said because she just wanted what was best for her niece.

I told her that since she’s a strong independent woman and not a scared girl she’d manage herself just fine. I informed her that she could call an Uber and wait outside until it came.

I know that I am not the perfect dad and I wonder to myself every day if I am really raising her right.

I probably shouldn’t have kicked my sister out especially at that hour but I was so angry at her because she could have just talked to me nicely and offered some tips instead of making me doubt myself more and making me believe that I am unintentionally hurting my daughter.”

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rbleah 8 months ago
Sounded more like a build her confidence than tearing her down. What is wrong with your sister? Is she jealous that SHE did not get treated this way growing up? YOU ARE DOING GREAT DAD. I wish I had your patience bringing up my son. END OF DISCUSSION. As for kicking her out? Better than yelling at her I guess BUT should have just told her to go to sleep and DON'T EVER TALK THAT WAY TO YOU AGAIN.
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15. AITJ For Calling Out My Cousin's Lies In Front Of Their Friends?

“I (18 m) have been supporting my cousin (14 nb) ever since they entered their teens. They are really attached to me, and we are both the only LGBT kids in our conservative family. I’ve understood this, and have supported my cousin through everything I could.

I often take them and their friends out and will pay for them to do things if they choose.

Throughout the past few months, I’ve grown to somewhat dislike my cousin. They’ve become obsessed with being online, TikTok specifically, DSMP, alternative subculture, all of this.

I want to clarify I have no issue with these things, but my cousin takes it to an entirely new level. They often mention how they have several mental illnesses, (DID/tourettes to name a few) despite never going to therapy or getting diagnosed. I told them that it can be a bit dangerous to assume these things, but they responded very aggressively so I dropped the conversation.

3 days ago I took my cousin and their friends out for dinner. I told my cousin I’d pay for them, but their friends would need their parents to add in for their section of the bill. It was 6 of us out to dinner, and I only work part-time.

I was also picking them up and driving them all home, so I felt as if this was fair.

Soon enough the bill comes. All of the kids ordered several appetizers, meals, and desserts. I didn’t chime in because I assumed they all knew how much money they had on them, and could afford to spend.

The bill is around $200 and none of the kids take out their money to pay. I asked them all for their cash so I could add it in with my card, but they all responded without realizing they needed to pay their share. I turned to my cousin, and they blamed their ‘alter’ for forgetting to remind everyone.

Immediately started panicking, I could not afford that high of a bill, and I still needed gas for the ride home. I yelled at my cousin that no, they were not diagnosed with DID, and that their alter did not forget. It was their responsibility, and at the end of the day, they failed to tell these kids that I could not afford to do all of this.

I called my aunt, but she said she wasn’t able to help me with the bill. My parents were also not answering, and I had to pay the entire check out of pocket. Although it may not seem like a lot of money, I’m still in high school and only work 2 shifts a week.

This completely drained my bank. The ride home was extremely quiet, and once all of the other kids were out of the car, my cousin went off on me. I haven’t spoken to them since, and I feel bad for what I did.

I understand people have mental illnesses like this, and I don’t like to assume people are faking.

But the fact is they used this illness as an excuse to reject responsibility. I think they’d benefit from therapy as well, and I think there is some sort of underlying reason why they acted like this.

AITJ for calling out my cousin like this?”

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LilVicky 8 months ago
You are being taken advantage of. Your cousin is an a$$hole & you just need to kick them to the curb & be done with them. NTJ
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14. AITJ For Refusing To Return My Dog To His Owner?

“I (26 F) found my now 6-year-old Newfy, Bear, sleeping under the stairs of my apartment complex when he was only 3 months old (We thought he was older at the time). My landlord fell in love with him but couldn’t take care of him so I offered to take him in while we looked for his family.

I searched for a while but couldn’t find any missing puppy signs in the area (AKA my county and the 5 surrounding counties) that matched his description. My landlord said I could keep him if I wanted and I had already fallen in love so I said yes.

Then recently I posted about him on a Newfy social media group that I was new to with a picture of him as a puppy and a recent picture of him and I shared about how we found him. Then I got a message from a man who said that he lost a puppy that looked exactly like him 6 years ago.

He sent me a picture and a video and I knew it was Bear right away. He lives in the next state over, about a 2-and-a-half-hour drive. He says they made posters for him but only put them up in his town which had less than 800 people.

He said he went missing only a month after they adopted him and after a while they took the posters down and assumed he died. He has 2 kids who were little when they lost him but are now in middle and high school. I talked with him for a little bit and then he said he wanted to arrange a time to meet.

I assumed he meant like he wanted to meet Bear and see what he’s like now, I said okay but that I’m pretty busy lately. Then he said he could just come by and pick him up.

I immediately freaked out. I didn’t realize he had wanted the dog back.

I replied asking for clarification that he wanted me to give him the dog and he said yes. I sent him a pretty lengthy reply saying that I was sorry that happened to him but I’ve had him for 6 years, he’s attached to me and I doubt he has any memory of them at all.

He got very angry and said he already told his kids they were getting him back and they paid $3,000 for him. I tried to be calm but he was very agitated. Also, they have gotten 2 dogs since they lost him.”

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rbleah 8 months ago
Make sure you CHIP AND REGISTER HIM IN YOUR NAME. And block the idiot. And HOW did he LOSE the pup when they live in another state under YOUR PORCH? NAH Tell him to go pound sand.
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13. AITJ For Not Letting My Half-Siblings Get Into The Foster System?

“I (28 M) have three siblings (27 F, 22 M, and 17 M).

I was 9 when I found out that my dad was having an affair. He filed for divorce and moved in with his affair partner (AP) (who happens to be my mom’s SIL, her brother’s ex-wife). To be honest they acted like kids, they treated my mom and her brother so poorly (during the divorce) and made fun of them, They tried to keep in contact with their kids (us and our cousins) but we rejected them.

Our father kept paying child support and also set college fund for us. I was the only one who visited them. My dad seemed happy to have me and even if she was a home-wrecker, she was cordial those times I visited them. I then stopped going and they had more kids (14 M and 5 M twins)

Our relationship was rocky and we never really forgave him.

Last year they both drowned while (wasted) bathing at the beach, the poor 14-year-old witnessed everything. So, they had two ways to go:

1. They go into the system

2. A relative can take them in

NO ONE in the entire extended family wanted them, after the affair everyone rejected and disowned them.

My dad’s mother was asked to take them and she said NO (she loves my mom and never forgave my father for leaving him) My dad’s MIL said NO because she didn’t consider those kids her grand-kids like no one wanted to take them, they seemed somehow happy that the kids were into the system.

The 14-year-old called me desperate saying that he didn’t want to go into the system because he was afraid to be separated from his little brother. I talked to my husband to see if he was willing to support me and even if was hesitating in the beginning, because we already had to take care of our 2-year-old son, he agreed and we took the kids.

When the rest of my family found out they were furious and my mom and siblings said that I betrayed them by putting the affair babies over them. They cut me from their lives, and for 6 months I haven’t heard anything about them.

I’m glad the kids are safe now and this doesn’t mean I’ll reconsider my decision to let them in.

I just want to know if you’d feel the same way they do so I put a little bit more effort into repairing our relationship.


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DeniseSB 8 months ago
NTJ, although your family seems to be made up mostly of supreme jerks. You're giving a home to children who need one and refusing to punish them for the sins of their parents. I don't know what kinds of relationships you're currently maintaining with those jerks; you must be a saint if you can put up with their deeply flawed selves. I have to admit, if anyone asked me for help after berating me for helping someone else, I'd tell them I'm refusing them because I'm following their teaching on generosity,
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12. AITJ For Not Letting My Best Friend Propose To Her Partner At My Wedding Reception?

“So I (27 F) am getting married to my fiancé (27 M) in a little under three weeks.

Everything has been going amazing with the planning, and I’m ecstatic for the day.

My best friend, ‘Cassie’, whom I’ve been friends with since we were 10 years old is my maid of honor. She is truly one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met and has stuck with me through everything.

She’s been the biggest help in planning this whole ordeal, and I wouldn’t trade her for the world.

However, I’ve never been the biggest fan of her partner, ‘Sophie’. I always show her respect and try to include her in things, but she’s a huge introvert, and sometimes it can come off as disrespect in return (Cassie’s own words).

But, they always seem to be very happy together, so I hope she warms up to me a little in time. (They’ve only been together for a little over a year and a half).

Several days ago, Sophie approached me, asking me if I’d be okay if she proposed during my reception.

She claimed it would be a great way for Cassie and I to bond more, having our weddings linked and all of that. (Not that we need any more time to bond, she’s already my other half)

I love Cassie to death, but I’d never allow that for anyone.

I shut the idea down immediately, and Sophie got all mad at me and left. She said something along the lines of ‘I don’t need your permission anyway’ and walked out the door. This made me fearful that she’d attempt it anyway, so I went to Cassie.

Needless to say, Cassie was mad. I never really saw her get angry, but she was livid. She apologized profusely and said she couldn’t believe Sophie would ever think of doing something like that, and that was the end of our conversation.

However, two days ago I got another call from Sophie, berating me for spoiling her plan to propose, and was informed that Cassie would be attending the wedding by herself, and is currently not speaking to her.

I was concerned that wasn’t the entire story, and so I called Cassie. She was a mess, said she was staying with her parents right now, and disinvited Sophie as her plus one because she was scared Sophie would’ve proposed anyway, given the chance, and she didn’t want to ruin my wedding.

I told her to come stay with me for a while instead, and she showed up several hours later, still a complete mess. She said that she and Sophie had a huge fight, and she was reconsidering whether or not she wanted to stay in this relationship.

According to Cassie, these huge fights are a common occurrence.

I feel awful for ruining her proposal, and potentially ruining her relationship. Cassie has been picking herself up in front of me, and continuing to be great with the last-minute to-dos, but I’ve caught her crying while I’m not around.

I love her, and I don’t want her to resent me for this. So I need to know AITJ? And is there anything I can do to fix this?”

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DeniseSB 8 months ago
NTJ. Methinks you've done Cassie a huge favor by giving Sophie a chance to show what a flaming narcissist she is. If these types of fights are a common occurrence between them, it sounds like Cassie is finally seeing the red flags Sophie has been waving in her face. Someday your bestie will thank you.
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11. AITJ For Complaining About My Husband Waking Me Up To Ask About The Time?


“Without fail every time my (29 f) husband (37 m) wakes up in the middle of the night he wakes me fully up to ask me what time it is.

Both of us sleep with our cell phones charging next to our beds. So, it’s just as easy for him to reach out and check the time on his own phone as it is for him to wake me up and ask me.

My husband says I’m being a jerk because I’m making a big deal out of nothing.

I say, waking me up for something meaningless that he can do for himself with less effort than he expends asking me shows a complete disregard for me and is really selfish of him.

Now, I know you’re going to say that I’m making a huge deal out of nothing.

But, it’s not like this is a sometimes thing. He does it often, several times a week. And when he does it it always takes me forever to fall back to sleep.

We both work full-time jobs and have an infant. I do 100% of the nighttime baby duties because my husband commutes farther than I do.

So, he says it just makes sense for me to let him sleep since he has to be out the door before I do in the mornings.

I need to be clear, I’m not complaining if he wakes me up due to the baby needing me.

(I wake up to his cries, I don’t think my husband even hears it.).

My complaint is strictly that HE wakes me up to ask me what time it is. I feel like he’s being really selfish. Sometimes, I just want to sleep too.

Anyway… AITJ for complaining and telling my husband to cut it out? Or, is he being needlessly insensitive to my needs?”

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DeniseSB 8 months ago
Wake him up every time the baby cries. When he asks why you're doing it, just tell him that you thought he ought to know. After he's been woken up enough times, he'll understand how inconsiderate he is being to you.
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10. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife For Selling My Son's Concert Tickets?

“So my wife and I have been married for 3 years and together for 6 years. I have a son (18 M) from a previous relationship, she has a daughter (7 F) Choosing To Go With My Son To A Concert Instead Of With My Wife?

from a previous relationship and we have a daughter together (4 F).

My son loves his sisters, both of them, but never got on with my wife, he had a horrible relationship with his biological mother and my wife was a bit pushy with trying to have a relationship with him.

He’s not rude or anything he’s just not much of a talker with her.

So my son had gotten tickets to see an artist called Cavetown in November, going is really important to him and he had brought the tickets (one for him and one for a friend he was going with) himself.

Now my wife knew he was going but since he hadn’t talked much about it with her she didn’t know when.

She had booked a family trip to go see her family, who live overseas, which included the weekend my son was meant to go to the concert.

I knew she was booking a trip and I told her to make sure it doesn’t overlap with my work or any of my son’s plans so I thought she would have asked him.

She was pretty upset when she found out and was furious when my son asked to just stay home so he could still go to the concert.

So she decided to sell his tickets. I found out because she told me to tell my son because she ‘doesn’t like how she’s always the bad guy when it comes to him’.

I told her no way and that she was completely in the wrong, we argued for a while until I just told her me, my son, and our daughter won’t be going (I’m not her legal dad so I have no say over her daughter) she said this was important to her, I said this concert was important to my son, she said I was prioritizing him over her then left.

I  told my son and consoled him, we’ve been looking at tickets but it’s sold out and all the resale ones are triple the price, what was £48 when he first bought them is now over £120, which he can’t afford and nor can I.

I’ve told my wife I expect her to replace them but she refuses, all she will do is give my son the money she got from selling them, but she sold them for their face value so made no profit. I’m not questioning if she is the jerk, I can see she is, but I don’t think refusing to go see her family and stopping our kids from going is the right thing, so AITJ?”

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rbleah 8 months ago
Get that WITCH OUT OF YOUR SON's LIFE NOW. You need to protect your son from HER. She is ONE TOXIC EVIL WITCH.
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9. AITJ For Defending My Adoptive Great-Niece From Our Relatives?

“I’m a widow in my early 70s. I have no children of my own. My adoptive great-niece, Sarah, lost her parents in a car accident when she was 12. She’s now 17. I’m her godmother. Sarah’s stepfather, Ryan, is my nephew. He has been in her life from the time she was a baby and formally adopted her when she was 4.

Our side of the family disapproved of his relationship and decisions greatly as Sarah’s mother Lydia had a child out of wedlock.

Sarah’s parents and I lived across the country from any nearby relatives. The vast majority of their extended and immediate family lived in our home state.

I was never close with them until they moved here when Sarah was 7. We spent a large amount of time together on birthdays and holidays, as well as weekends. My husband had recently passed away so the company was welcome.

My family was never supportive of Ryan and actively shunned his stepdaughter and wife at family events.

When presents were sent to the grandkids, Sarah never even received a card. It’s important to note that his wife was never rude or mean to her inlaws and made multiple attempts to work out their differences on her own accord.

After Lydia and Ryan’s passing, my family was brutally honest and discouraged me from taking responsibility for Sarah.

I did so anyway and was essentially disowned by my own nieces and nephews, as well as my siblings. For almost five years we went without any contact from them. Sarah was traumatized from her loss, but she is a very bright and beautiful young woman and I couldn’t be more proud.

Two weeks ago, my sister reached out to me for the first time in years and asked about Ryan’s will. He was left with a large amount of his mother’s jewelry and clothing. He specifically left ALL of this to his only daughter. The rest of the family is now showing a great interest in reconnecting, and has been asking about Sarah’s inheritance if there is any money left, and what Ryan had left to his nieces and nephews.

A few are insinuating that she isn’t entitled to it as she isn’t ‘his real child’. They’ve gone as far as messaging her on social media, taunting her about his death, and implying that he didn’t love her. All of this has begun to get to her head and I’ve seen a dark turn in her that I haven’t seen since the death of her parents.

The most specific item they’re requesting is a great-grandmother’s (x3) wedding ring. I’ve already said that legally, even if I wanted to, all of Ryan’s wealth and possessions were left to his ‘daughter.’

My own relatives are now proposing an ultimatum and insisting that I should give her to her uncle.

They’ve told me that if I do so, they’ll be more than happy to begin interacting with me. I’ve said no and that I’d rather lose all of them than give up my niece who I’ve come to love like my own daughter. But still, there are the few people who still badmouth me on social media and message family friends, turning them against me as well.”

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helenh9653 7 months ago
NTJ. With family like these, who needs enemies? What a nasty, moneygrubbing bunch they are. Document, document, document, get a cease and desist letter from your lawyer at the minimum, and start blocking numbers and social media contacts.
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8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To Therapy With My Husband And Stepson?

“I am married to John and I am mom to his youngest son (7) and stepmom to his older son (12) and daughter (11). John’s late wife was Ellie. She died 5 years ago, while the kids were all very young. The youngest was only 2, then their daughter was 6 and their oldest was 7.

I met John a few months later at a bereavement group, after almost a year of knowing each other as friends we started going out, and we got married last year. By the time we were married, the youngest was calling me mom and he is my son now, though not legally as of now.

My stepdaughter calls me her stepmom. To my stepson, I am his dad’s wife and not his stepmom. I’m fine with all three of these.

The problem started a while ago. My husband had wanted my stepdaughter and stepson to come around to me being more, specifically my stepson who refers to me as his dad’s wife.

This then became a mission for my son. I had told him it was okay that they all had a different relationship with me and I told him not to bug his siblings with that, but it has become a very sore point for the boys.

The result was during a fight, where my son told his brother he wanted me to adopt all three of them, and that I was the best mom ever, my stepson lost it, told him he didn’t deserve their mom, that he was ashamed of him and as far as he was concerned they were no longer brothers.

This was after a period of time where (I wasn’t aware of how bad this was) my son was telling his brother to call me mom, saying he was mean, etc. When I found out how bad it was I told my son how he should be more understanding of his brother, because he remembers their shared mom, and that I came in after he had grown more and had formed memories and a connection with her.

And he was really hurting his brother by pushing this.

I also insisted that my husband go to therapy and that he get my stepson therapy. He followed. We also went to marital counseling because my husband was aware of what our son was doing and I was not happy with him allowing it.

The therapists they have been seeing suggested family therapy for the two of them. My husband wanted me to join, so we could find a way to move forward as a family. I told him he needed to work on his relationship with his oldest child, and that he should not be worried about my relationship with my stepson right now.

I have told him I will not be going to family therapy with them and that is that. I said it might be on the table in the future if the therapist feels it’s beneficial and his relationship with his oldest child is going better.

My husband thinks I am harming things by not going and his family, who are aware of what has been going on because they are very involved, said I am a jerk for not wanting to work on the relationship with my stepkids.


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rbleah 8 months ago
You accepted whatever relationship the kids wanted with you. OTHERS ARE NOT HAPPY about this. This is NOT ABOUT YOU PER SE. It is about WHAT ALL THE KIDS WANT. You were right NOT to push ANY OF THEM in any way. The kids SHOULD be the ones to decide FOR THEMSELVES. The one boy should NOT be pushing the others to act or feel ANY WAY they are not comfortable with.
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7. AITJ For Not Reminding My Husband About My Birthday?

“Tomorrow I’ll turn 32.

My husband turned 27 one month ago. He was ill, so we had to cancel the BBQ we had planned, but I did everything I could to make it as special as possible.

Then we had his sister’s wedding and a very active vacation abroad. We came back a few days ago.

I had to go back to work immediately, but he has been off until tomorrow. It was a very hectic month to be sure.

So of course we talked about my B-day coming up a few times last month and I mentioned it a few times this past week.

Even yesterday. So when I asked him today what he was gonna do tomorrow. He replied ‘Just work’. I was a bit sad. Usually, I plan all the events and he tags along, except for vacations since he speaks the local language. So, yeah, I forgot to plan my own party and tell him to take the day off.

That one is on me.

But I am seriously convinced he forgot too. He did get me a gift from the store I work at, weeks ago, but I forgot if he stayed long enough to watch me wrap it, so maybe he doesn’t even know the wrapped thing is the gift he got me.

I placed it on the arm of the couch, in the middle of the room, so it might catch his eye anyway.

Usually, I don’t play games like this, but this time I don’t want to pre-chew everything for him. We’ve been together for 5 years.

It’s about time he remembers my birthday. Becha his phone will give him a reminder and he will call me during his lunch break or a friend will beat him to it in a group app and remind him that way. But I’m feeling a bit sad nonetheless.

So, am I the jerk for not telling him one more time?”

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IDontKnow 7 months ago
NTJ. I understand how you feel. You feel like if you're important enough to him then he should remember your birthday (and anniversary). I agree he should. It's not like you guys have been together for a few months, it's been 5 years. He should freaking know.
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6. AITJ For Despising My Mom And Not Wanting To See Her?

“I (17 f) live with my father. My parents divorced when I was 11 due to them not being able to stand each other anymore. I have 2 older sisters (27 & 24) and I can say I have a pretty good relationship with them as they are like a mom figure to me more than my mom.

I didn’t have a very good childhood (typical Asian mom lashing at her children) but I had a good relationship with her.

My mom believes that I should bring her stuff from my father and often asks my father for money when I’m going to visit her since he is making more money than her.

My father said it was fine and told my stepmother to always give me ingredients for my mom.

A few weeks ago I went to see my mom and as always she gave me instructions on what should I bring to her house my father’s since she needed ingredients to cook me something.

My father is now divorcing my stepmother due to her having issues but it will be another matter.

As I entered the house I gave my mother what I had brought and she started asking me questions about my father and stepmother, I was uncomfortable about talking about it but she kept pushing me into giving her answers, once satisfied she started calling my father names and saying how awful my father is.

I was living in that house and saw my stepmother making all of us suffer over the most stupid things. I told my mother to stop saying such things my father has a weak heart and just couldn’t handle her anymore. My mother just said ‘Oh honey, wouldn’t that be better if they keep living with each other?

If he dies you can come live with me’. And I said there’s no way I would live with her. She got mad and told me to leave her house at once and I did, at 10 pm. I walked back home and my father was devastated when I told him what happened and insisted that I should apologize.

I have refused to see her and she hasn’t reached out to me either, my sisters are telling me I should see her since she is my mother but I despise that woman. AITJ?”

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IDontKnow 7 months ago
NTJ. I hope you took everything she mooched off your father when you left.
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5. AITJ For Sending My In-Laws Home And Prohibiting Them From Seeing My Children?

“My husband (38 M) and I (28 F) got married 8 years ago and have two wonderful children (7 F and 9 male-to-female).

Our oldest, whom we’ll call A, was adopted into our family when they were 3 and our daughter, whom we’ll call C, was only 1 year old.

A has never been ‘boyish’ and C is very much a girly girl, A loves playing Princesses and dolls and such with her.

I don’t care for rigid gender roles, whatever makes them happy makes me happy. When A was 7 they told us that they were a girl and we took the necessary steps to figure out what we should do. A has been living as a girl for the last 2 years now.

Now, the problem is my in-laws (64 M and 62 F). They refuse to use the right pronouns and keep calling A their grandson. Obviously, we explained to A that some people might make mistakes now and again and it’s not something that she should take offense to when it’s an accident.

This, however, is not an accident. For her birthday they bought her a grandson card and the most stereotypical masculine toys possible (toys she’s never shown any interest in for her whole life). This rightly upset her.

They have never been overly accepting of her because she’s adopted and not their ‘real grandchild’.

I’ve wanted to cut them off since they said that 5 years ago.

They came to visit my husband for a few days (we live about 150 miles away from them) and during their stay, they berated A for her clothing, and any toys she played with, being called she, basically if it was feminine they insulted it.

I cut their trip short and said they weren’t welcome in my home ever again. My husband, though upset at this, agrees if they can’t respect both of our daughters they don’t deserve to be in their lives.

Some people have said that what I did was overly harsh and cruel.

Saying ‘They’re from another generation, they don’t understand’ and other such crap. People have said we acted irrationally and it’ll only hurt our daughters more when they lose their grandparents without having that relationship with them, especially as A might ‘grow out’ of this.

AITJ for cutting out my in-laws?”

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DeniseSB 8 months ago
As a grandmother with grandchildren in the LGBTQ+ community, I say with all my heart that your in-laws are jerks who don't deserve access to your children. Kindness and respect are the minimum we owe to EVERYONE unless they have fragrantly violated the rules of civilized behavior. MIL and FIL have no excuse for their toxic behavior. You would be TJ only if you allow their toxicity to poison your daughters' lives for the sake of a fantasy your in-laws DO NOT SHARE. Loving grandparents do deserve access to their grandchildren; these grandparents have forfeited their rights.
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4. AITJ For Telling My Sister's Fiance He Didn't To Ask For My Permission To Propose To Her?

“I (32 M) was born and raised in the United States but I live in Canada now.

I went to school in Canada almost 15 years ago and was fortunate to get a job offer that allowed me to stay after I graduated. I’m a Canadian citizen now and I have lived in Canada permanently/full time for almost 11 years. I do go back to visit at least once a year but I haven’t seen them in person since Christmas/New Year 2019/2020 because of the global crisis, the border closure and other restrictions, and my job.

So last month my sister’s (36 F) partner emailed me because he wanted to ask my permission to propose to her. Since I haven’t been able to visit for over two years I have never met him before. I knew she was seeing someone from what she told me but I never met him or even talked to him.

My sister isn’t a kid and I am not in charge of what she does. I told him he doesn’t ‘need my permission for anything because my sister is an adult who can make her own decisions but if you are happy together then I’m happy for you and only wish you the best.’ That was exactly what I said word for word.

He didn’t email me again and I thought what I said was okay.

I am told I am wrong. He did propose and she said yes. My sister announced the engagement a few weeks later. I’m happy about it since they are happy. But when I talked to my family they told me I was wrong and mean to not give my permission.

My mom said it is tradition. I know in the past men would ask their partners’ dads but it’s modern times now and I am not her dad. Our dad died 13 years ago. He didn’t ask my mom (59 F), or even my other sister (37 F) or my aunt (50s F) or either of my grandmas (70s F both).

All five of them live in the same city as my sister who he’s seeing and have met him. I don’t know why he’d ask me. I have never met him and know nothing about him besides the tidbits I have heard from my sister.

If he were a problem for some reason my mom, my other sister, my grandmas, or my aunt would know because they have met him many times. But he told me not to tell anyone in his email because it was meant to be a surprise so I didn’t say anything that he wanted to propose.

Additionally, my sister is a partner in one of the largest firms in all of the United States and her yearly salary is more than four times higher than mine has been since she started out. I haven’t lived in the same house as her since I was 13 years old.

She is a completely independent grown woman. Also, he directly asked my permission and wasn’t just giving me a heads-up or asking for my blessing. My sister gave him my email back when talk of marriage first happened between them but she never told me about it.

So am I the jerk? My sister and by extension my mom and other sister are royally mad. If I were the jerk I would apologize to my sister because it wasn’t my intention and I had no ill will towards them.”

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DeniseSB 8 months ago
NTJ. Your family is insane for all the reasons you've explained.
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3. AITJ For Kicking My Cousin Out Of My Wedding For Being An Attention-Stealer?

“So, the wedding was coming soon, and my husband and I were getting ready with the outfits, guest list, food, and everything. General preparation, overall.

Anyway, I have a cousin whom I don’t have a super strong relationship with, and the thing with her is that she always likes to attract unwanted attention whenever somebody throws a party or something similar.

I just hate it so much; she is also rich so it’s easy for her.

As an adult, she came to my birthday party with makeup, a beautiful dress, and everything which got her so much attention as other men were like swooning over her while women were very interested in her ‘OMG Isabella you look so beautiful’ ‘Isabella how much you paid for your dress’… etc.

I was just alone while she got to be the center of attention. I was very attractive too (obviously) but I never made all the effort she usually does to outshine everybody.

Whenever I throw a party, she comes all shining and bright with over-the-top stuff.

She just likes to be the center of attention.

So that I make sure something like this doesn’t happen ever again, I contacted my cousin and told her to come normally unlike her usual self. I told her that 3 times. No makeup, no super shining dresses, no super revealing dresses, nothing.

Just like any other guest.

However, what I was always afraid of… happened. She came with like tons of makeup on her face, her hair very fancy (probably paid like hundreds), and a stunning dress.

I was so upset. Most of the guests were attracted to her and she got most of the attention.

It’s my wedding, I was supposed to be the center of attention, not her.

I got so mad and kicked her out. We unintentionally made a bit of a fuss but then we continued the wedding.

Afterward, my husband said that it was really unnecessary as ‘I was beautiful too and I was still the center of the attention, nothing changed that.’

Later, my cousin called me and said that what I had done was a jerk move in front of everybody standing there in the wedding. It was so ‘humiliating’ for her.

I told her to come with nothing that attracted attention, but she still did it.


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rbleah 8 months ago
She played her usual stupid game and won the stupid prize. Tell her this is ALL ON HER and if she is THAT INSECURE there will be NO MORE INVITATIONS FOR HER FROM YOU. EVER.
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2. AITJ For Telling My Brother I Would Never Trust Him Enough To Leave My Daughter With Him?

“My husband (29 m) and I (28 f) just had our first baby 10 months ago. With it being our first, we’re understandably more cautious about a lot of things, including childcare. To date, we’ve only had our nanny watch her one-on-one during the work day and no one has watched her overnight.

To give you some family background: my brother (31 m) is my only living immediate family member. Our mom died when we were young, our older sister died several years ago, and our dad died last year. So, my brother and I are close, probably closer than most siblings due to the sheer amount of things we’ve gone through.

My brother and his wife (33 f) live about 90min away and we see them often. None of my in-laws (parents or siblings) live close, the closest is about 6 hours away. So, as far as family goes, no one on either side of the family has taken our child for an extended period of time, let alone overnight.

Ever since our daughter was born, my brother has bugged me about letting her come stay the night. I’m hesitant for a lot of reasons for her to stay with anyone, but especially my brother. My brother and sister-in-law don’t want kids, which is fine.

But they both claim they ‘don’t do diapers,’ they don’t care about schedules or bedtimes, and their knowledge about childcare is minimal at best.

Also, my brother is an avid smoker and it’s not that he smokes that bothers me, but that he has a blatant disregard for others when he smokes.

His house reeks and he smokes inside (even though he claims it doesn’t smell), neither of which I want around my daughter. But the part that really sells it for me is that he has not held her at all since she’s been born.

He refuses to touch her because he says ‘Babies make me nervous.’ But, it’s obvious he loves her. He spoils her and talks about her all the time and I can just see it in him that he cares.

So the last time he was bugging me about letting her come and stay, I snapped. I told him that I would never trust him enough to have my daughter come and stay with him.

I gave him the reasons I said above and he just didn’t say anything. He was just shocked and ended up leaving and we haven’t talked for 2 weeks, which is very unusual for us. I tried to apologize for what I said, but he hasn’t responded.

Even though my husband and I are on the same page about this, he thinks I was too harsh. And maybe I was. But he thinks we should have just continued to make excuses as to why she couldn’t stay, rather than tell him outright she never will, which I think is almost worse.

I know I shouldn’t have been as direct, but I think ultimately it was better to be honest. So, AITJ?”

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IDontKnow 7 months ago
I agree with you, and every reason why you don't want your daughter staying with him. I do not agree with the lying and continuing to make excuses as to why. However, I think you could have told him those reasons with snapping. But not enough to call you a jerk.
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1. AITJ For Assuming My Coworker Was Wearing A Wig?

“I (34 f) work in a small do-it-all store with this girl ‘Lena’.

Lena wears these beautiful makeup looks and always has her ‘hair’ styled and done. It’s no secret that Lena usually wears wigs as it’s safe to assume someone in their early 20s doesn’t have hair down to their knees and a different color every other week.

Recently her hair has been black very fluffy and long (it touches her bum) and wavy. I assumed it was a wig. A regular who hadn’t met Lena (she’s still fairly new) came in and started chatting with her. We were all in photo having a chat and he kept complimenting her hair and makeup and saying she’s too gorgeous to work here.

I jokingly said, ‘Maybe I should wear a long wig too, to get all these compliments.’ Lena stared at me for a moment and asked what I meant. I motioned to her hair and she pulled her bangs up to reveal her natural scalp and hairline.

She tugged it and her forehead and scalp moved. It was her hair. It was pretty awkward after and as we were leaving Lena asked why I assumed her hair was a wig. I told her it’s cause she usually wears one and it’s not culturally uncommon for women to wear wigs.

She shrugged and said ‘Yeah, that makes sense’ and things were the same as they were.

However, the regular that was there during the interaction has been pretty weird to me. I asked him if I’d done something wrong as he’s usually been very kind and friendly to me, we usually chatted about movies and animes and now he’s very ‘stand-offish’.

He said he doesn’t like my ‘mean girl’ attitude and that even if Lena was wearing a wig that doesn’t take away from her beauty nor was it my business to try and put her on blast.

My other coworkers (sans Lena) think he’s kind of right and that even if Lena was wearing a wig that day it wasn’t my business to share or make a joke of it.

Lena may be insecure about her hair or have a condition and pointing it out could’ve been mortifying for her. I pointed out that’s not the case as Lena’s hair is obviously healthy and pretty. They said even if that wasn’t the case it still wasn’t my business.

I’m torn. Lena hasn’t said anything about it but I still feel iffy.”

-1 points (1 vote(s))

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DeniseSB 8 months ago
YTJ. Unless someone makes a point about wearing something "fake" (e.g., a wig, dyed hair, cosmetics, prosthetics, cosmetic surgery), it's considered ordinary courtesy to act as if the person is completely "natural" (i.e., presenting themselves as themselves). It's fine for people who are close to each other to make comments about "alterations" in a kind way, but even in those situations it would be inappropriate to make public announcement about them. You owe Lena an apology.
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