People Tell Their Perplexing "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"My (26 F) sister (29F) and I got into a huge argument the other day and I really need some perspective.

My sister has been working as a labor and delivery (L&D) nurse for a few years now. She has always wanted to be a nurse and has even said that it was her calling. Lately, she has been making horrible remarks about the mothers that come to her.

Now, I understand that every job is going to have its problems and sometimes you need to vent about rude people, management, pay, etc. However, this was not like that.

For example, she talked about one of her patients, which she referred to as the 'white whale'.

My sister said that the 'white whale' went into labor and brought her husband with her. She talked about how 'hot' her husband was and how she could not understand how a 'whale' was able to pull someone like him. She laughed when recalling the sounds she made when pushing out her child, and said that 'she didn't look like the type of woman to be strong enough to go the natural route.'

In the past, she has talked about how another mom-to-be defecated on the table, and she remarked that she wouldn't be surprised if her husband divorced her after seeing something 'so nasty'.

Other stories included a teenage patient. Here, my sister claimed that she gave her 'some sound advice' and I am honestly scared to know what she had said to this young girl.

With this girl, my sister laughed about how she gave her a 'nurse dose' of pain meds to get her to shut up and refused to give her a blanket, since 'if she wants to act like an adult, then she deserves to be treated like one.'

The fight between her and I happened a few days ago, due to her talking about a mother who delivered a premature baby. She admitted that she told this mother that she should have 'done a better job' if she didn't want to have a baby born at 29 weeks.

I blew up at my sister and asked her how she could be so heartless. My sister told me that she should have the right to vent about 'stupid mothers' who don't know how to do the thing their body is designed for. She also said that I don't work in healthcare, so I have no right to remark on how she handles stress at work. I told her that if her way of handling stress is to be a misogynist, then she needs to find a different career. I left afterward.

My other family members have been divided on this issue. My husband is on my side. My mom and brother think that I was in the right to call my sister out, while my aunt, uncle, and dad are leaning towards my sister, saying that my sister shouldn't have to kiss up her patients in order to do her job efficiently.

I feel bad for some of the things I said and I know that she needs to let off steam, but saying horrible things about women in their most vulnerable times isn't cutting it for me.

In addition, my family does not know this yet, but I am pregnant.

And hearing about how my sister, a nurse, is treating pregnant women just makes me scared for labor and delivery. So, AITJ?

EDIT: I am about 11 weeks along right now so I do plan on telling our families in a week or so.

With the issue regarding my sister, I called the hospital where my sister works and essentially explained what my sister has said about her patients to me.

I went into detail about what I could remember and just reported it. They thanked me for letting them know, but I don't know what further action they would take. My sister is taking the night shift tonight, and she has yet to call me screaming, so we will see what occurs in the next few days.

UPDATE: This morning, my sister came over to where I and my husband live and started banging at our door. My husband opened the door and my sister barged her way in screaming. I came into the living room where she was and she started screaming at me more.

My husband had to stand in front of me because he was worried that she was going to lunge at me. My sister was yelling about how she lost her job because of some 'nonsense reports' and that she KNOWS that it was me talking trash about her because I just 'couldn't stay out of her business'. I replied that it was my business if she was bullying a pregnant woman and then bragging about it. My sister told me to get lost and she said, once again, that she could talk about anyone anyway she likes, as long as she gets her job done because that's what she went to school for, and that I don't know anything.

I reminded my sister that I actually might know something, since... oh, I don't know, a certain teenager's family had something to say about her behavior as well. My sister proceeded to go on a rant about that 'witch and her family' and how she was supposedly annoying her by... giving birth?

I had trouble processing what she said because it was honestly mind-boggling.

And here's where things got really trashy. I thought that my sister saying horrible things about her patients who hadn't done anything wrong was mean. I thought that the nicknames were cruel. I thought that her telling laboring mothers that they weren't doing things right and the shaming was vile, and yes, misogynistic.

However, it was about to get atrocious.

During my sister's rant, she said that she wanted to teach the 'brat' a lesson, and said that maybe if she gave birth when she was older, her kid wouldn't have died.

My mouth dropped open. I didn't know this before.

That poor girl. Her baby DIED. I was horrified.

I fell to the floor sobbing. Imagining that child in so much pain, and my pregnancy hormones combined got to me and I was on the floor having a panic attack. I told my sister to get out of my home and my husband escorted her out.

My husband held me for a good 15 minutes until I calmed down.

So yeah, I am recovering from all that now, I don't plan on talking to my sister for a while. I do plan on announcing the pregnancy soon, but I am putting it off until later."

Another User Comments:

"NTJ

Your sister isn't just a misogynist, she is also overstepping boundaries, a bully, and abusive. On top of that, she is unprofessional and doesn't seem to be the sharpest tool. Women defecate while giving birth. That's something that just happens and trained midwives will discreetly wipe it away without anyone noticing.

Also, passing judgment on her patients is not part of her job description. She's a massive jerk.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Your sister's behavior is not normal. Should anyone treat you like that, report them immediately." AffectionateHand2206

Another User Comments:

"Okay, I DO work in healthcare, and your sister should be ASHAMED of herself.

As nurses, we are there to HELP our patients! A true therapeutic relationship means caring for your patient to the best of your ability, no matter who that patient is, teaching them in a way they'll understand and be open to, and being their advocate. There can be no therapeutic relationship when we go in judging a patient. That is not our job! PERIOD. I have taken care of racists and convicted murderers in my ICU and I hate everything about what they've done and how they think and MY JOB is to still care for them like they were my parent or my child, and that's what I did. Did I want a full-body bleach shower after every single interaction? You bet your butt I did, but it's not my place to communicate that to the patient.

Patients should never fear the judgment of their healthcare providers. How will they trust us to tell us what's really going on if we're too busy mocking or judging them to listen?

How can they be sure we'll give them real beneficial advice when they have to worry that they'll become the new punchline in the break room? Much less talking about them outside of work!

How could that teenage mother trust her to tell her if she's having a problem during her labor?

Or to ask about birth control? Your sister is so proud of being horrible to her and refusing to get her a darn blanket of all things that you just know she wouldn't stop to listen, or would just tell her that her problems were her own fault.

Okay, I'm just ranting now, but this kind of crap just ticks me off. Yeah, nurses have to blow off steam, we have to vent our frustrations, but she has a lot to learn about how and when to do that.

Your sister should not be a nurse.

NTJ! I'm glad you're standing up for her patients because she sure as heck isn't. And now I'm gonna go yell into a pillow in the break room until my blood pressure comes back down." iopele