People Want Us To Point Out The Bad Guy In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Uninviting My Family From My Wedding?
“I (25F) have been with my fiancé ‘Matt’ (27M) for 5 years, however, we met 7 years ago. My fiancé is a transgender man and started medically transitioning a few months after we met.
He is the love of my life and I am happy to have been with him through his journey. It has been beautiful watching him become the man he is today.
Both my fiancé and I had agreed we would introduce him to my family after he had been on testosterone long enough, as he is more comfortable keeping his identity to himself, which works well because from outward appearances you would only know he was trans if he told you.
After meeting, my parents and my siblings (22M, 18M, 15F) all loved Matt. They were super encouraging of our engagement.
My family is pretty accepting, however being from a small religious town, they are insensitive and quite ignorant when it comes to LGBTQ+ people.
Hence why we did not tell them.
Matt proposed to me in March 2021, and with things slowly opening back up, we finally planned our wedding for this summer. Both of us invited our families and some friends for a rather small wedding.
We talked with our friends and Matt’s family and made sure that his identity would not be a conversation at our wedding, to which everyone agreed.
At dinner with my parents, my youngest sister waves her phone around with a picture of Matt in high school on it.
I’m a bit fuzzy on how she found it but she’s quite the skilled social media stalker so I would assume that’s how she came across it. She excitedly says ‘See I was right, OP isn’t pregnant!’ (Which I later found out was a bet with the rest of my family that Matt and I were finally getting married because I was pregnant).
Matt and I were mortified. Shaken up but put on the spot, Matt reveals that he is transgender and the photo is him pre-transition.
Of course, my entire family starts making inappropriate remarks toward Matt about his genitals and identity, my 18-year-old brother even going as far as poking Matt’s chest.
(EDIT: not that it changes much but Matt had a double mastectomy) My parents said, ‘they never took me for a lesbian but they were excited to attend their first gay wedding.’ And to my and Matt’s horror, everyone sneers rude remarks about Matt secretly being a woman.
After trying to defend Matt, we decided to leave.
In the following days, I get plenty of messages and calls telling me I overreacted riddled with transphobic remarks about how my fiancé will never be a real man and that I was disrespecting myself and them.
I told them to apologize to Matt personally if they wanted to attend our wedding, which none of them did. I told them not to come and if they did, it was with a written apology to Matt.
After a ton of fuss, they told me they would not apologize because I was in the wrong for lying about Matt’s identity. I haven’t spoken to them since but have received many angry texts.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are aware that what your brother did is called assault and is a crime in most countries right? The fact your family didn’t even blink at their adult son acting like this means they probably aren’t worth keeping in your life in general.
Suppose a male did this to someone identifying as female because ‘I wanted to see if they were real,’ or walked up to an NB person and grabbed their crotch to ‘check what they are’.
What your brother did is no different, just because your partner identifies as male doesn’t give anyone the right to touch him especially to be ‘checking for parts’.
Note this is just the part that jumps out at me the most, the rest is despicable in its own way and I don’t have the energy to go into every way what they did is wrong, probably don’t have the character limit for it either.
Stick to your guns, well, I’d block them personally because an apology wouldn’t be enough to fix this if it were me.” StrykerC13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your fiancé’s transition is nobody’s business but their own and who they trust.
I’m happy he has your support and it sounds like his family and other friends are also there for him. But this is going to be a big decision for you, how involved do you want your family in your life moving forward? Even if they’re ‘accepting’ they’ve already proven that the ‘jokes’ will never stop.
And frankly, I wouldn’t put my spouse through that. I’m not only to jump on the no contact train but your family is never going to be kind and understanding to your husband.” andecandies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and here’s what you actually need:
Good afternoon family! Thank you for the dinner with me and my fiancé, Matthew.
It was certainly memorable, even if it was extremely traumatizing. I understand you may be coming from a place of love, but you’re also coming from ignorance. Matt is a man.
Period. Sister (15F) and brother (18M) should know better than to do this at her age, and honestly, our relationship will be permanently damaged from now on from her hateful comments and outing someone without their consent.
You all loved Matt when you met him. Matt is still Matt. But after last night, you are not welcome at our wedding without the three following things:
A letter of apology to Matt and me.
The letter must include what you’re sorry for, how it affected us, what you’ve done since to remedy it, and how you’ll avoid doing something like it in the future.
Either a donation to the Trevor Project (or the Trans organization of your choice) or watch the following videos (some youtube videos).
I will ask you a series of questions about the videos to make sure you’ve watched them, and not lied about watching them.
An absolute blanket silence from now on about the following topics unless you would also like to be publicly quizzed: your genitals, your secondary reproductive glands, your personal life, your reproductive habits, your general health, your puberty, and your common misconceptions or thoughts about transgender people.
Matt is not your teacher, and he is not here to educate or argue with you. He is just here to exist and love me, something he’s doing much better than you are.
Our wedding is on X date. If I do not receive the following three things before Y date, you will not be invited to our wedding, and will not be a part of our family’s lives, or our children’s lives.
Matt and I have been talking about moving to Z city/state. Everyone on this text thread and the nasty comments I’ve been getting personally are pushing me towards going no contact with my own family, something I can’t believe it has come to.
Please understand the severity of this situation and this message. I love you all, but you are not loving me. And you are not loving Matt. Love is a verb, not a word. So either shos up with your actions, or we’re done.
Sincerely yours’.” iwantasecretgarden
18. AITJ For Kicking My Brother And His Family Out Of My Apartment?
“So me (24F) and my friend (24F) bought this massive flat in Manchester. It has 4 bedrooms and there are only two of us so we both made a deal that we could have family stay with us as long as we tell the other person and we had that rule for quite some time and it was fine (I have known this friend for years so that’s why we moved in together).
Out of nowhere, one day, my brother sends me a message saying that he and his family are having some financial trouble and asked if they could stay with me and my friend.
I asked my friend and she said it was alright as always, so I tell my brother he can stay but for two weeks max because she had family coming to visit and it wouldn’t be fair on her.
The next day, my brother and his family come over and when I say family it’s him his wife and their 3 kids aged 4, 7, and 9. I give all three of them a tenner each to go buy something from the shop.
We let them both get settled in their room and then we have a ‘meeting’ to set some rules – don’t go into my friends’ room, don’t go into my room, and don’t take anything without asking.
We say this to everyone who stays with us so it wasn’t like we were doing anything out of the ordinary.
The first couple of days it was fine until one day I was out.
I get a call from my friend saying that someone went into her room. I go back to the flat and tell her it was probably one of the kids and we would talk to them later we do with my brother and his wife saying to keep the kids out of her room and again the evening is fine.
The next day, I’m at home in my room when my friend walks in crying I ask what was wrong and she explains that someone went into her room again, wrecked the painting she was doing, and had also smashed some picture frames.
It looked like someone was climbing around on her desk. I immediately say sorry and consoled her and tell her I would sort it out. I call my brother and tell him and his family to get home now.
When he gets home, I tell him they need to get out. They both look at me shocked and I tell them ‘we set rules and your kids ignored them you should have taken control of your kids and now you need to leave.’ They both look at me shocked and I show them what the kids had done and again I tell them to get out of my flat.
Thankfully they do without a fight but obviously, my brother has told the family, and now some of my family are calling me a jerk for kicking my brother and his family out.
So am I the jerk?
Edit: so we have locks for the people who were asking but we don’t use them really, yeah and now my brother is living with my parents while my SIL is living with her parents it’s a bit messy right now and my friend wants to press charges but she doesn’t know yet because she knows the struggles my brother is going through and she is also considered family so she is in a tough situation but I told her I would support her.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I know it’s probably controversial to say they aren’t jerks but it doesn’t sound like the parents did anything wrong intentionally or even negligently. They did fail to control their kids and you’re under no obligation to keep that risk and your roommate certainly isn’t.
However, kids acting out when going through major life changes and hardships that they don’t understand is pretty normal. I see comments in this thread like ‘my 5-year-old would never…’ and that’s probably true but their 5-year-old has a stable home and hasn’t just left all his friends behind for reasons he doesn’t understand.
Parents are probably used to their kids not doing it again after being told not to and didn’t realize they would act out this way. (It’s possible this is not the case but since we don’t have evidence otherwise, I think we should interpret charitably).
Brother and SIL absolutely messed up but in an understandable way that I don’t think warrants the title of a jerk. Kids misbehave in a way that is normal for the kind of hardship they’re going through.
My roommate suffered for it. OP made the only choice they could.” Brainsonastick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In fact, your brother and his wife are mega jerks. Even though they themselves, didn’t destroy your friend’s property or sneak into her room, they should be more than 100% responsible for their kids, especially when they’re relying on someone else to support their lifestyle.
Did your brother even apologize? Or reprimand the kids? Insist that they apologize? They can feel ashamed or pitiful towards themselves if they want, but they chose to agree and leave despite the situation is where it was.
What baffles me more is the fact that they leave so shamefully but have the nerve to go and tell other family members. Like, wtf lol? If your family is convinced enough that you’re the jerk, then surely he could’ve convinced them, from the start, into providing a place for his family to stay.
He doesn’t feel bad to name and shame you to the family as the jerk… just feels like he’s trying to win some pity contest lol.
Anyway, give it a few weeks until your extended family throws them out too.
They couldn’t teach their kids what was wrong when they went snooping and playing in the rooms, so who knows if they’ll even attempt to when they go doing the same thing at someone else’s house.
Don’t accept judgment from them, OP. You’re definitely NTJ and helped out a lot more than what they should’ve expected. Good on you for taking a stand.” maryy74
If she takes them to court it will be more than yhe amount. They destroyed her intellectual property when they destroyed her painting. There's no way to know how much that cost her emotionally.
17. WIBTJ If We Don't Let Our Kids Bond With Their Grandma?
“My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 11 years with 3 girls (10, 7, and 5). When we first started going out, he had just moved back to town and was staying with his mom.
I had just gotten out of a relationship and moved back home as well. From the get-go, his mom did not like me, but my mom didn’t really help with the situation either, so there’s that.
She would complain to my husband that I wore too much black and I wasn’t girly enough.
She accused me of stealing moolah from her bedroom, which I never went in, and even tried getting him to go on a date with a friend’s daughter.
She finally stopped when we moved in together and he started pulling away from his family. They would guilt trip him though and would even send me messages telling me to tell him to call them.
I told them I can’t make him do anything, it was his choice. Fast forward over the years and we’ve had moments of high contact and low contact with his family, but lately, we feel like we may go no contact completely.
Current situation: Last year his sister came over and they went to the park with our girls. Now his family and us, we have different views on politics and religion. She kept pestering him about his political views and he kept asking her to stop, she didn’t and he blew up on her.
Told her to leave and he refuses to talk to her since, which I understand because it’s her whole MO, push people’s buttons and then when they explode, woe is me.
Well, just before Easter, his mom stopped by to drop off Easter baskets for the girls. I gave her a hug hello and she hugged me a little tighter than normal and asked if everything was ok…
I didn’t like the tone in her voice… she then hugged me again and asked more than once if everything is ok… I was like yea, everything is great.
It felt very much like she thought he was being abusive, which he has never been.
He gets loud when he gets mad, but he’s been working on his delivery over the years and we have a great relationship, I also don’t push his buttons and I give him his space when needed.
Not to mention, my relationship before him was very toxic and abusive and I swore I would never do that again. Well, she asked about having our girls stay the night/weekend sometime and I’m not sure I want that.
She’s already tried talking to our oldest about god and heaven.
We are Atheists but are okay if our kids want to explore religion when they are older but we don’t believe they are old enough to make that choice quite yet.
She’s always questioned our parenting (even telling me I won’t breastfeed for long or are we sure we want my husband to be a stay-at-home dad but they were fine with me being a stay-at-home mom, etc.) and it makes me nervous that she’s going to say something or do something we would not be ok with.
So, would we be the jerks if we didn’t let her be alone with them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… But… You are depriving a grandmother of a relationship with her grandchildren and vice versa based on what you think she may say to them.
What is it you think she would tell them that makes you so nervous? Religion? You can’t avoid that, it’s everywhere. They will come across it at some stage if they haven’t already.
What do you think is the worst that can happen?” Ophelia39
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t need to have time alone with them to have a good relationship with them, but if she doesn’t respect your boundaries and parenting choices in front of you, she’s definitely not going to when you aren’t around.” photosbeersandteach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are completely within your rights to draw boundaries between your MIL and your children. Your MIL seems to have a problem with crossing lines, so you have to make it very clear that until you can trust her to behave appropriately, you cannot in good conscience let your children stay with her. It may be difficult and awkward but rules must be made.” patience_OVERRATED
16. AITJ For Agreeing That My Friend's Partner Can't Come With Us?
“I (F23) have a group of friends from school, 7 total, and about once a year we all meet up somewhere for a holiday. Sometimes we bring partners on these trips, but not all the time (it’s not a ‘couple-y’ holiday).
So, in the group, there’s a guy, C, and he has a significant other, M. They’ve been together just over a year. From the first time we met M, she seemed to dislike us.
We tried to include her in conversations, but she would just claim she didn’t have any idea what we were talking about, or if she did, she made it clear she wasn’t interested in the conversation.
We all found her taciturn and quite awkward, but we’re happy C was happy and continued to extend invites to her. When she did come, she would always make at least one uncomfortable comment.
Again, we sort of dreaded her appearance but were no less polite to her.
The issue came to a head on our ski trip last December. From the moment we arrived, M would not stop making snide comments.
She talked disdainfully about the cost of the place, the cost of the restaurants, and the ‘elitism’ of skiing in general. Every conversation was interrupted by a tangential diatribe about ‘privilege’.
When my friend and I went shopping she came with us and loudly commented on the price of everything we bought, so much so that we just stopped acknowledging her. The only person she seemed to sort of approving of was my partner, and she kept asking his opinion on everything we said because he’s ‘normal, and not like (us)’.
She just seemed annoyed by our existence.
C says she’s just not used to the environment and passionate about her opinions, which is fine, but there’s a time and a place for her vitriol, and that was not it.
He did apologize, and we thought that was the last we’d see of her on these trips.
So when we were discussing this summer’s holiday, we were all surprised when C confirmed he’d be bringing M.
Everyone immediately said they were not happy with it because of her past behavior. C has said it’s not fair that he’s the only one who can’t bring his partner, but he won’t be the only one without a partner there, and M seems to hate us, why would she come? C asked my opinion and I agreed with everyone else and said it’s ridiculous to bring her and make everyone else uncomfortable, feeling like we’re walking on eggshells to avoid an explosion from a political pundit.
C said we’re all just being snobs and that we only don’t like her because we don’t agree with her opinions, which I don’t think is fair. He’s very hurt that we’ve banned her from the trip, and she’s the first girl he’s been serious with and he’s happy, so I would hate to think this would cause issues in their relationship or make him feel like we don’t support him.
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to make her comfortable and she just makes annoying comments. Yes, it’s sad for your friend he can’t bring his SO and he is gonna have to make a choice between you and her which is the saddest part.
But in my opinion, it is her fault, when she is welcomed into a group she should at least try, and even if her partner’s friends are not her cup of tea she should try to fit in for her partner’s sake and not make everything about herself and her opinion.
If you don’t agree with the program, don’t come or shut up about it… A vacation is a time to relax and just enjoy. She won’t let you do that. If everyone agrees, there is no reason to invite her.” YKw1n
Another User Comments:
“Kinda the jerk? – As much as it sucks, for the sake of C, I would let M go on the trip.
He’s right, it’s not fair. Even if other partners aren’t going, it sounds like it was their choice, not that they weren’t allowed. Once one partner is traveling, then all partners should be included – whether or not they get along with the group.
Maybe consider talking to C and asking why M even wants to go on the trip since history proves that she clearly doesn’t enjoy being around the group and just ends up angry and feeling like outcast.
If C then has that conversation with M, you may see a change in her attitude, or she may even simply change her mind about going after she realizes your point.” PDRWoman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t dislike her because of her opinions, you’re uncomfortable around her because she chooses to aim her comments directly at you girls.
And there’s absolutely no reason for her to do so other than to be mean and catty – she didn’t have to join you guys shopping but she did anyway and she ruined the trip.
I’m curious though, what does your partner think of her?
Ultimately, I think C may end up fading out of the group because of M, and I think you’re going to have to let him go if he does.
He’s got rose-colored glasses on and he doesn’t want to take them off – and that’s okay, let him do him, and you guys can keep doing you without C and M.
It’s gonna suck but it is what it is.
But if he does choose to stay and chooses to keep trying to bring M around, it may be worth it to sit down and talk to him.
Express how you all tried to get along with M, and how you’ve tried welcoming her in and how you’re confused about what else there is you can do. The girl doesn’t like you – it’s simple as that, he’s gotta either live with keeping you guys separate, or leave the group with her. There is no more room for comprising anymore.” User
15. AITJ For Giving Unequal Gifts?
“I (26F) have 3 half sisters, let’s call them Daphne (18), Eloise (18), and Hyacinth (14). Daphne, Eloise, and Penelope (our cousin) recently all graduated from high school. Penelope is my cousin from my stepdad’s side so technically ‘not really my cousin’ (I mention this because it’s relevant later.) I have a good job and love spoiling my sisters from time to time.
Obviously, I was planning on giving them some stuff to say congrats on graduating.
So I gift my sisters some boring but useful college stuff like notebooks, pens, etc. but also pick out a fun, higher-value gift for each of them.
I also got Hyacinth a gift because I didn’t want her to feel left out, and it was a much lower value than Daphne and Eloise’s. Lastly, I bought something for Penelope because she graduated too, but again it was much lower value (but still something nice I thought she’d enjoy).
I gave my sisters their things when I went over to my parents’ house, they were over the moon and I gave Penelope her gift when she and my aunt came over to my parents’ house on a different day, but while they were there my sisters showed her the gifts they got from me.
I asked them later and they said that they didn’t show it off to her, it was in their room or something, Penelope saw and asked where they got it from and they said, big sis.
Basically what happened is (I assume) Penelope went and told her parents that Daphne and Eloise got really nice presents from me while she didn’t get something nearly as good. Some petty things went down that didn’t really bother me and aren’t that important, but my aunt called me personally and said that I was ‘teaching my younger siblings to flaunt their wealth’ (exact words).
I asked her what she meant by that and she said that Penelope was ‘upset’ I’d given such nice gifts to Daphne, Eloise and Hyacinth even though she didn’t graduate and gave Penelope leftovers.
Again, at this point, I didn’t really care, but the fuse broke when she went as far as to say ‘well I guess that’s expected because you’re not even Penelope’s real cousin’ and another very, very hurtful thing about me and my mom I don’t want to repeat because it may get me blocked.
I told my parents the whole thing and my mom hasn’t spoken to my aunt since then. My stepdad admits that my aunt went way too far and asked her to apologize (she hasn’t yet) but also said that maybe I should’ve been more balanced with my gifts and avoided this situation, because now my younger sisters are in a bad light as well for supposedly ‘flaunting their wealth’, because it is true that I spend significantly more on their stuff than Penelope’s and it’s not my sister’s fault because they didn’t ask for any of it, so I feel bad for them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not under the obligation to give anyone anything and it makes sense that you’d want to get something more special for your sisters. Can I understand Penelope seeing she got something less valuable and feeling a little upset or disappointed about it as a natural reaction? Sure, but that doesn’t negate you still got her a gift.
The real jerk is definitely your aunt though, she has no right to act like that.
Now is your dad right that more balanced gift-giving would help avoid such situations? Yes, but in the end, you get to decide how to spend your moolah.” SlothOfThe7Sins
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
Your Aunt’s argument collapses on itself.
Aunt pointed out ‘you’re not even Penelope’s real cousin.’ So, technically, you didn’t even need to give Penelope anything! You were giving the gift out of kindness and congratulations on her graduation.
Your Aunt fails to understand the meaning of gift-giving. Gifts should also not be expected. Penelope sounds like she is spoiled and entitled. Also, tell your stepdad how much you spend and who you spend it on is your own business.
Now if you gave one sister something more than the other, I can see where it would be a sticky situation and feelings would be hurt. However, according to the Aunt, this is for someone you are not even related to.
Your Aunt owes you an apology and so does your stepdad for telling you how to part and parcel out how you give gifts. Just to avoid future nonsense from Aunt, I would probably tell my siblings that in the future to not point out any gifts they get from you.
This is disgusting and entitled behavior from Aunt and Penelope but you can see where Penelope gets it from. Your stepdad should light up his sister for what she said about you and your Mom (whatever it was).
I would steer clear of Aunt and Penelope in the future. They are toxic!” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, you have no obligation to give your cousin a gift. Second, if you do decide to give your cousin a gift, you can decide how much you are going to spend on the gift.
And third, it is quite normal for a person to prioritize and be willing to spend more on their sisters than on their cousins. You should treat your sisters equally, but your cousin is not your sister so I don’t know what your father is talking about, and to be honest, your cousin seems to be quite ungrateful.” kami892
14. AITJ For Applying For An Internship My Friend Likes?
“I (21F) am friends with a girl (21) — she’s called Tina here for privacy. We’re both in college, studying the humanities. A program our school has encouraged us to apply for internships for the summer; it’s got a class to teach resume reviews, interview skills, networking, etc.
Internship hunting is a pretty big part of class culture and gets stressful around now since it’s almost the end of the semester.
Tina told me about an internship she’s had her eye on for some time.
It’s tailored to her major, but not mine; I’m still interested in it though, and it’s good practice for my dream job. The position pays decently and is fairly competitive. I applied and got an interview request a bit ago, and told Tina about it.
She was upset because I didn’t tell her I applied earlier. I think she thinks I stole an interview slot from her because it’s her dream position but just average for me.
She talked to some mutual friends in a group chat I’m not in to get opinions, and they generally said that I should’ve told her once I applied.
I feel bad because I have other interviews lined up, and didn’t strictly have to take this opportunity.
At the same time, I feel that everyone can apply for a job position if they want. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it would have come out sooner or later. Maybe it would have been considerate of you to tell Tina that you were applying, but it also might have made things extra awkward.
It’s always rough when two friends go for the same opportunity, but I don’t think she has the right to be irritated with you. You’re not stealing anything from her; the internship isn’t hers.” grecianviolet
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, so she told you about her dream position, and you went behind her back and applied for it? It’s not even in your field of study? Yea, you suck as a friend, but you’ll do great in business, it’s full of cutthroat sociopaths.” badkitty627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your friend is extremely immature. She is fifteen years past the age where she should be expecting everyone else to let her win. You are under no obligation to let yourself be held back by her limitations. If she wants a job, she needs to earn it, as you did.” VlaxDrek
13. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Go Out Of My Room?
“Tom is a friend from high school (we’re both late 20s, M).
I recently moved to a new city, where Tom also has some business. I had already taken up a lease and begun paying rent for one room in a three-room apartment prior to my actual shifting.
I had mentioned this to Tom and he said he will be in the city for a few days (didn’t mention how long), and asked if I’d be ok with him using my room since it was empty anyway.
I told him no problem and made arrangements. I presumed this would be 2-3 days, and never got an update from him on exactly how long he’d be there – a few days in when I called up to ask, he said he may need to stay for a couple more weeks.
As things currently stood, I was to reach while Tom was still around, so Tom and I would have had to share my room for 3-4 days which I wasn’t keen on.
I like my space and was looking forward to settling down comfortably especially given that it’s my first time in a new city. I was annoyed that he wasn’t more open and presumed that I would be ok sharing my room, but I didn’t fuss too much given that it would only be for a few days.
I then call Tom about 3 days before I was to leave, and he casually mentioned that he will in fact be staying for another 20 days even after I reach.
Luckily, on the same day, one of the other tenants vacated his room without notice. I told Tom that it may be a good idea for him to shift into now empty room (and obviously pay rent for the time he’s there since I’ve only already made payments for my own room), and I can take my room for myself upon arrival.
For some reason, Tom insisted that I should take the vacant room and keep it for good since it was a lot more comfortable, and Tom will continue staying in my less comfortable room since this is the short term for him.
Last week I finally reached the city, checked out all rooms, and decided I liked my original room (where Tom currently is) best and asked Tom if he can shift into the empty room now.
I now find out from him that the air conditioning is broken in this third room – given the city we’re in is notoriously hot, this makes the room very hard to sleep in at night.
He had 3 days to get this fixed but insisted that he only got to know the day before.
Once again, I decided to not explode right there and told him it was fine, let’s share my room for now but please have the AC fixed and shift there tomorrow.
Obviously, this does not happen. I decide I’ve had enough and tell him I don’t care if the AC is fixed, if he wants to stay, he packs up his things and moves into the third room and pays rent for his time there.
This is the first time my tone got a little confrontational.
He has now moved in there and continues to stay there. The electrician has informed us that the AC repair job will take a few days, but I’ve decided that isn’t my problem.
My friend hasn’t argued back or said anything, but when I see him going to sleep in that oven of a room these days, I wonder if I’m being a bit of a jerk.
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only misstep you made was not getting the exact time he was going to leave before you said he could stay. It wasn’t reasonable for you to assume that he was going to stay for more than a few days.
You were friendly enough to let him stay rent-free for as long as you did. What was his original intention before he figured out he could stay at your place? Live on the street? Doubtful.
If he’s too miserable with the heat, he can book a cheap hotel room. You’ve done your bit for the friendship.” ringwraith6
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You have invalidated your lease by allowing this situation to occur.
When your landlord finds out you have allowed Tom to squat on his premises (after he rents that third room to an actual paying person) he has just grounds to evict you both.
Tom is being a freeloader. He showed he was taking advantage the second he refused to be gone by the time you got home. Kick him out and change the locks or make your landlord aware of the situation and admit you screwed up so he can take the necessary action to get him out.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re a far more patient person than me.
He hasn’t treated you like a friend, or with much respect at all. From an outside perspective, it just sounds like he’s taking advantage of you. It might be time to reevaluate your friendship in my opinion.” 0dteSPYFDs
12. AITJ For Not Consulting My Parents With Big Decisions?
“Over the years, hurtful expectations, as well as standards, had been put into place for me. I decided to drop out of college and I asked for a gap year and was denied one.
I had lost all motivation to go through college and found no enjoyment out of my time staying there. I was pushed relentlessly to try ‘just one more semester’.
They later found out me and my SO (19F) had been sleeping together.
They had searched through the trash and found a contraceptive. My parents were surprisingly tame about this. Of course, with my father and mother being devout Christians they expressed their displeasure and stated that I wasn’t old enough and in a committed, enough relationship to be sleeping together and they should’ve known this was happening.
SO and I have dated for over a year.
I later found it more difficult to make it to class. Sleeping through my alarm, not reacting to noises, and neglecting the world around me.
Throughout all of this, I had my SO (19F) behind my back, supporting my upcoming decision to drop out of the semester and take a gap year despite my parents’ previous denial.
When I finally broke the news to them, they were livid. Words and phrases that had occasionally been used before such as ‘you never loved me,’ and ‘you’re a narcissist,’ and ‘I’m such a failure’ now became commonplace in the household from my mother as well as some other phrases.
I felt betrayed as well as confused.
I grew up as a gymnast, and nothing less than first was acceptable. They forced me into cross country and pressured me into diving throughout my high school career.
My grades through high school were nothing less than stellar due to constant helicoptering of the grading website (which led often to teachers not putting grades in and me getting screamed at for it) Throughout none of these situations did I feel like my wants were put first.
I told my dad that I took a tour of an apartment. As well as put down a security deposit and the conversation became much worse from there. Constantly asking me why I wanted to leave and if it was just to sleep with my SO.
I couldn’t give him a straightforward reason because I’m still extremely conflicted about this whole situation.
On one hand, my home life is extremely toxic and I want to leave. But on the other hand, they had raised me and tried what I would hope is their best to make sure I was successful.
My dad even took a lower-paying job so that mine as well as my sister’s college would be free. And after I dropped this was used against me. I feel that I’m letting them down as well as putting years of my dad’s career to waste by pursuing this career.
AITJ for leaving them out of many of my important decisions and for not conversing with them first before I make these decisions. I feel like I’ve been deceitful towards them and have neglected all they’ve done for me by going around them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I had a different, but also difficult childhood, and as I entered my late teens, the constant conflict was really impacting my mental health. I had constant panic attacks and depression that stuck around for quite some time.
You’re making a really positive step, which is putting down boundaries.
There’s always going to be some initial pushback when you set boundaries, especially with people who are controlling.
Getting out of the toxic environment is essential, and your second step after already (bravely, and correctly) taking a gap year for your mental health.
You are right to listen to your gut here. You know what you need to feel calmer and more in control.
If you’re able to, it might help to speak to a therapist to help you understand what boundaries you need in place to keep yourself calm and feeling secure.
No matter what some people might say about blood being thicker than water, how family is everything, and that you ‘owe’ family, please ignore that bs.
Just because you’re related to someone, that doesn’t mean you have to let them control your life, tell you how to live, or force you into doing things that you don’t want to do.
You’re allowed to choose to cut down on speaking to or seeing them if that’s what you need to be able to feel mentally happy.
You’re not obligated to hear their complaints and judgments.
You don’t have to sit or stand there whilst they berate you. You’re allowed to leave the room, leave the house, quietly disengage, or whatever else you need.
Be careful whilst you’re still living at home, I say this because I don’t understand if you’re in physical danger or not.
Do what you need to do to be physically safe whilst living there.
Once you’ve moved out, you’re allowed to cut down the amount you see or speak to them, no matter what they say.
You can even block them temporarily or permanently, depending on what you need.
You’re brave, and you deserve to live the life you choose.” Rainbow_dreaming
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think that when you get older, you will realize that you were thinking clearly, despite your youth, and that you had a good sense of what you were not getting from your parents.
In terms of genuine love and care and a commitment to support you in whatever was best for you. You need to learn to not share information with them that isn’t necessary.
To go ahead and put on your deposit for the apartment and trust yourself. Trust yourself. Don’t announce when you’re going to do the moving or anything else. Make sure you can support yourself.
And then go out into your life and make a good life and figure out what really matters to you and get therapy if you need it for letting go of the values they may have imposed upon you and projected upon you.” mcclgwe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for me, this is a good time for you to pack up, leave and cut ties with them.
If you tolerate them any longer, your emotional and mental health will suffer further. Do what you think is right for you. If you need to take a big break away from college and come back to it when you are ready for it, go for it.
NTJ
Do make the time to undergo counseling or therapy. You need it to help you to heal and unload whatever baggage you’ve been carrying for years because of your parents.” KangarooOk2190
11. AITJ For Telling My Counselor She Failed At Her Job?
“So I (f,18) had to surgically remove my eye a short while ago and I am still wearing an eye patch. I worked up the courage to go to prom and I was super scared of being bullied by this one boy (Mike) who has always been a jerk to me.
Well, it happened. He constantly came over and made really mean comments about my eye and also related to my partner Jacob (he wasn’t there cause of caretaker responsibilities). The last thing he said was (mockingly) ‘AWW did Jacob’s big nose poke your eye out?’
After that, I just lost it and started crying.
The guidance counselor took me to her office and tried to calm me down. They also brought my friends there for a few minutes to avoid escalation. I demanded that Mike be removed from the event because he was being a bully.
My counselor tried calling his parents but couldn’t reach them, and told me that since Mike is not 18 yet, they can not remove him from the event without an adult.
She then told me that since I am 18, if I do not feel comfortable staying there with him, I was free to leave and she would even call me an uber if I wanted to.
I was furious that she suggested I leave to make the bully more comfortable, while I did nothing wrong and Mike is the one who should be forced to leave. The ‘no leaving alone if below 18’ rule also makes no sense because Mike’s house is across the street.
She then gave me the ‘I don’t make the rules’ crap and I told her that if she doesn’t have what it takes to protect her students, she is a failure at her job and should quit in favor of someone who can.
I talked about this with my partner and while he did have a few choice words for Mike, he told me that he understands my frustration but based on my response at the moment, he thinks the counselor was not at fault.
I am very open to apologizing to her if I see that other objective people also believe the same thing my partner does. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Everyone responding to the OP keeps coming up with all these scenarios of what the counselor and school could have or should have done without any idea of whether these were valid options or not at that moment.
Context is everything here, and we have none here. The counselor was providing an option available to you due to your age as a ‘legal’ adult. Did she say it with a negative tone implying it would be best if you left? I’m betting she did not.
Just telling you that this is an option does not imply at all that she is recommending you take it or that she is somehow favoring Mike over you. Her options with Mike appear to have been very limited due to his age.
Your response at that time is understandable due to your emotional state. However, it doesn’t mean it was the right way to handle it in retrospect. You should apologize to the counselor.
Even if we don’t feel we were in the wrong, an apology offered can often be very cathartic for oneself and shows a level of maturity. This is a good lesson to learn now and carry with you as you grow older.
Sometimes it’s about creating peace and harmony for yourself and your soul regardless of who’s at fault.” OldEnufToBeYourDADDY
Another User Comments:
“Gonna buck the trend here and say YTJ.
Not for being upset, but for telling the counselor that she failed at her job and claiming that she sided with your bully.
Jobs, especially jobs related to minors, have strict rules that mean a ruined career if you run afoul of them. That job pays her rent, so when she says that her hands are tied she isn’t siding with anyone.
Her power is limited, and that’s life. No matter how upset you are at the situation, remember that others exist and have their own perspectives which they may or may not be able to fully explain.
Plus, you told us her reasoning and still proceeded to ignore that so that you could go on to say that she ‘sided’ with your bully. Nobody in this situation sucks more than the bully here, but you are attributing too much suck to the counselor here, and that just isn’t fair.
This is one of those moments in life that isn’t fair, where you are being done wrong and every recourse you should have gets shut off. I think everyone sympathizes with that and wishes it wasn’t so, but we don’t live in a world where such situations never happen.
Blaming those who didn’t cause the problem nor have the power to fix it is not going to help you, but it could harm others, and I don’t think you want to create more injustice to answer that which was done to you.
Tl;dr you are miscasting blame on someone powerless to fix things and make them all better.
And screw that bully; mark my words he is going to get his butt kicked if he doesn’t realize what his mouth is doing to people.” Sanistar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
HOWEVER, I don’t think she was trying to protect your bully, just trying to limit harm to you by giving you different options to consider, such as leaving. Having said that she is the jerk as she should have been more sympathetic and sensitive towards your feelings and also made sure that one of the teachers immediately called this guy Mike in to tell him his behavior was unacceptable.
Mike is obviously the biggest jerk here… I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you managed to enjoy your prom afterward despite feeling unsupported by the school.” bunkbedgirl1989
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The school is in loco parentis for anyone under age 18, which means if they sent Mike home and something happened to him on the way, they’d be in a world of trouble.
The counselor doesn’t make the rules, and while I understand you were emotionally distressed, that doesn’t give you the right to insult someone for doing their job. Softly and with understanding, you were in the wrong there.
Now, if I were the counselor, I wouldn’t have suggested you leave. It should have been possible to put Mike in ‘time out’, so to speak. There were chaperones at the event, one of whom could have been tasked with overseeing Mike and making sure he didn’t put another toe in your direction, so you could have enjoyed the event yourself.” grecianviolet
10. AITJ For Not Giving My Friend A Warning About A Razor?
“I (20F) will occasionally shave/pluck my friend’s (19m) eyebrows if he asks. It’s not super often and I never mind doing it when he does ask.
Recently, he wanted me to bring my set of little facial razors when we met up so that I could do his eyebrows.
I’m pretty sure he didn’t call them razors when he asked me to bring them, just referred to them as the ‘tools you do eyebrows with’ (this is important later). I agreed to this with no problem and brought them.
He initially wanted to borrow them to do his eyebrows himself later, but I ended up just going ahead and doing it for him.
A few days after this, I was at the store and saw a set of very similar facial razors to the ones I already own.
I decided since it’s like 4 bucks to buy it to give to my friend so he can do his eyebrows whenever he likes. I didn’t buy them so he’d stop bugging me to do his eyebrows, I really don’t mind.
I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. Anyway, when I gave him the razors he was thankful.
Fast forward to earlier in the night today (about 3 days after giving him the set of razors).
I’m on the phone with him and he mentions how he got to cut all over his face from the eyebrow tools I got him. I asked him how he managed to do that and he said it was because I didn’t tell him they were razors; he thought they were ‘some sort of comb or something’.
I was pretty dumbfounded at this and didn’t think he was actually upset at me for not telling him they were razors as I assumed he would read the instructions on the box for how to use them or ask me before trying them himself.
He told me it was my fault I didn’t tell him they were razors and I brushed that off not really thinking he could actually blame me for that. He then hung up the phone and didn’t answer my texts for a while.
When he did eventually call me back, he said he was pretty upset about it but didn’t want to talk about it anymore. The rest of the 20-minute phone call was pretty awkward and honestly, I wanted to cry.
I just wanted to do something nice.
So am I the jerk for not telling him they were razors?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. First off, the idea that you would shape eyebrows… With a set of combs? Did he even look at his face after you did his eyebrows, ever? Magic combs got rid of rogue hairs? Gimme a break.
And then to just use a set of unfamiliar tools without looking at them and figuring out what they are…
And then blame you for it?
Yeah. Did you know your friend is a jerk? Cos you do now.
He really, really is” Crackles247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He probably feels really dumb for what he did and to salvage his ego is trying to shift the blame on you, the good friend who did this for him for ages AND bought him a kit as a gift.
Don’t overthink it, he’a being childish to be honest.” Glitt3rQueen
Another User Comments:
“It’s not on you to protect him from his upcoming Darwin award.
Who even tries to use a styling (or any) product for the first time without reading the instructions? He should obviously be very ashamed of his own foolishness but is trying to put the blame on you.
You would be fully in your right to laugh at him for trying to use razors as a comb, that’s what I would do even if it was me who did the dumb thing. He has a very fragile ego. NTJ.” could_not_care_more
9. AITJ For Simply Doing My Job?
“I (37m) have been working in my industry for quite some time now (nearly 15 years professionally, 10 years prior as a hobby). I like to think that I’m good at my job and strive to produce high-quality work while maintaining a positive and professional attitude.
I attempt to perform all my duties given in a timely and professional manner.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been noticing my coworker ‘Bob (30ish?)’ get very nit-picky about how I’m managing my time even going so far as to tattle on me when I’m doing nothing wrong and basically force more work on me as a ‘consequence.’ In retrospect, Bob is my equal so to speak, and this has been happening more and more during my breaks, two paid 10-minute breaks and 30-minute unpaid lunches per day.
I’ve never said nor done anything to Bob in any disrespectful manner and am in no way friends either. Over the last few months, I have been going through some personal hardships and keeping to myself during work, stuck in my own head kind of thing.
Bob has been saying things much like ‘I have an attitude again today’ and other such comments. So I haven’t really said anything to them and just kept to myself doing my duties and work.
Today felt like a line was crossed. Bob was having a chat with Ted and I needed to ask Ted a mildly time-sensitive question, but Bob apparently saw this as a very inconvenient interruption granted I was attempting to be respectful and let them finish.
Bob ended up nearly yelling at me(seemingly for no reason) like I’m a dog saying ‘Pffftt What do you want? Speak’. The ‘speak’ part was definitely more of an afterthought and was said in a very condescending disrespectful tone.
I paid no real mind to it (maybe having a bad day?). Keep on working. Finish my tasks.
30 minutes later and I had just sat down for a 10-minute break and Bob comes over asking if I’m going to get any work done today, again in a very condescending, unprofessional manner.
I’m on break and I’ve done three times the amount of work today. I don’t need this nonsense. Choice words were said back and forth and I had had enough because now I am pretty furious for being made to be a bad guy for doing my job and exercising my breaks.
No reasoning with Bob. I left the area, went and asked Ted what was going on, and started going off. Boss hears this, calls me over, and actually hears me out by letting me vent about how disrespectful Bob has been lately.
This isn’t something I ever do and I believe my boss realized that and let me get everything off my chest. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it doesn’t sound like Bob is your supervisor – so why should he act like he has that much authority over you? Bob needs to stay in his lane.
I’m guessing others have been victims of his condescension and have talked to Ted too. If Ted didn’t reprimand you, I’m guessing he has a good idea of how Bob acts and also sees your performance.
Good for Ted for giving you that safe space to vent. Bob is the jerk big time.” TooOldForThis74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Bob is just a coworker. By the way, does he get any work done next to being obsessed with you and your work?
Seems like your boss has your back.
If you have any doubts about this consider asking for a review.” AllYoursBab00shka
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Bob sounds like he needs to mind his business and worry about his own job.
I’m happy to hear your boss was understanding about this and I hope this situation gets better for you!” Reasonable-Pomelo658
8. WIBTJ If I Tell My Partner She's Being Manipulative?
“I started going out with my current partner, Lauren (28F), about two months ago. I haven’t met her high school best friend, Madilyn (28F) yet so yesterday, she asked me if I would like to go to dinner with them, to which I said absolutely.
Lauren then said that I had a ‘mission’ at this dinner. She asked me to convince Madilyn to start a long-distance relationship with a guy who she had been texting pretty frequently.
Lauren had repeatedly told Madilyn that this was a good idea, but Madilyn kept saying that she didn’t want to. (Note that there’s more to her reasoning for why she wants Madilyn to start this relationship, but I don’t think this impacts the manipulation)
At the time, I just said sure, but it’s been bothering me ever since.
I think that this is very manipulative towards me because she asked me to do this without getting all the information. Right now, I only have Lauren’s side of the story, and Madilyn could have very legitimate reasons for not wanting to do this.
I feel like Lauren is using me as a mouthpiece to forward her agenda in this situation.
I’d like to bring this up with her and say that I think this is manipulative, but I don’t want her to feel bad about it.
Would I be the jerk if I told Lauren she was being manipulative?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Madilyn already gave a valid reason for not wanting to start a relationship with him – she doesn’t want to.
Period, point blank. I think you should gently tell your partner while you think it’s nice she cares so deeply about her friend’s happiness, it’s not her business to push her into relationships she doesn’t want.” pilates_mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Maybe don’t use the word manipulative when you talk to her. Just say you don’t feel comfortable encouraging someone you just met into a relationship. If she gets upset, there may be bigger issues you need to address.” ZombieMovieLover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I think Lauren would be upset if you call her manipulative, even if that describes the situation perfectly. Instead, I would tell her that this isn’t a good idea. Besides, I doubt Madilyn will take advice about relationships from a man she just met.” Actual-Bookkeeper633
7. AITJ For Ignoring My Dad After He Threatened To Evict Me?
“I (15 F) and my dad (40 m) have gotten into an argument over who I talk to (mainly on the internet). As my father yelled and yelled at me (like usual) I simply started to ignore him.
He said he was disappointed in me (nothing too new there, I know I am thank you) and threatened to kick me out of ‘his’ home. Where in reality we rent the home which isn’t that important.
He told me if I kept talking to a friend of mine, let’s call him J, that I should pack my bags and leave. I don’t know if he actually ‘can’ do that.
However, this isn’t the first he has yelled at me (over also minor things).
The reason my dad wants me to stop talking to J is that he doesn’t like him. I am refusing to talk to him until he actually treats me like a human and starts also not going through my things when I’m not around (doing things for school or having a shower on the weekend).
I feel bad for not talking to him, but he has threatened me on ‘many’ occasions.
The reason no CPS is called is because of also personal reasons.
Edit: J is 17, and I think the reason my dad doesn’t like him is how close he and I are (he’s helped with panic attacks which were caused by my dad as I have a fear of being yelled at and things like that).
My dad has openly talked bad about J as he just doesn’t like him, but besides how close we are I don’t know.
Edit 2: He is thinking of kicking me out or sending me to boot camp.
I’m sorry to bother you all through.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Yelling and yelling’, going through your stuff, and threatening to kick you out when you’re a minor are all ways for a parent to mistreat their child.
By not talking to him you’re just trying to protect yourself, putting some distance between you. I bet you’re looking forward to moving out of there.
This applies even if he’s right about J, I wouldn’t know anyway.
Edit: from your comments and edits I’m now sure that your dad is being abusive. That’s NOT normal, healthy parenting at all. I’m appalled at the number of people saying it’s normal and he’s just being protective and it’s his right to act like that.
What is wrong with you guys?
I think he doesn’t like J because he’s on your side against him, but even if your dad was right about him, that’s not the way to address the problem.” IamtheREDACTED
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your Dad is right to not like J what does a 17-year-old actually have in common with a 15-year-old? It is just two years but at that point in your life, those two years are huge.
It’s hard not to think a lot of what you have posted is hyperbolic as well, also be realistic about what gets said in the heat of the moment versus what someone really means.
The yelling and yelling are because you don’t listen.
That doesn’t mean the situation or behavior of your Dad is right or good but it’s pretty human and there is every chance when you are in his position you will be worse.
I think you need to try talking to your Dad properly and give up on silly attacks or trying to undermine him. He isn’t doing this to be mean, he likely can’t communicate his feelings properly and you not listening only makes that worse.” judasgottherawdeal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your dad is out of line. Plain and simple. He’s a grown man picking fights with a fifteen-year-old and going to the well of ‘I’ll kick you out’ as a threat because he’s lost control of the situation.
You can choose to try and sit his arse down and make him use actual words rather than spazzing out, or you can choose to keep ignoring him, but only one of these has a chance of getting an actual relationship that works out of it.
It’s up to you (and I don’t mean that to sound as snotty as it does.)
You’re at the age where you think you’re very adult, but hooo boy you are not, trust me.
So you may be slightly unreliable in your narration and expectations. That said, what he’s doing is a wild overreaction, and may be driven by fear. Or he’s just a jerk.
I don’t know.
EDIT: Uh guys, we do realize that threatening it kick your fifteen-year-old child out onto the streets is a very, very not OK move, right? That’s a well you never, ever go to.” Taleya
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are a child. Your father is legally obligated to provide shelter food clothing etc etc. in regards to boot camp your mother would also need to agree to it. But I would just refuse to go to boot camp at the end of the day most of those appear like cults and murder camps where they kidnap you in the middle of the night.
Remember, you can use all force to protect yourself from kidnap. Good luck op and remember to call the police if it gets out of hand and attempt to video record if you can if you can audio recording is ok. Not too sure of the recording consent in Australia but if anything the judge will ask for it to be transcribed.” EspressoWolf
6. AITJ For Playing Basketball At Night?
“I live in a suburban neighborhood, and up until recently, I’ve never had a problem with neighbors. I suffer from mental health issues that cause my attention to wander, and one way I deal with it is by playing basketball on my driveway while listening to music.
I have been doing this for years without any problems. The other day at about 8 pm, my (old, M) neighbor came around and asked to talk to my dad. I’m 18 and my dad wasn’t home so I asked if I or my mom could help.
He refused to talk to me and demanded to talk to ‘my father’. Turns out he was complaining about my playing basketball and asked if I could not play after 7 pm.
I was annoyed that he couldn’t just tell me to my face, but put that aside and agreed this was reasonable. I stopped playing after 7 and everything was fine.
Until today.
At 6 pm, which, in the country I live in is a perfectly reasonable time to be making noise on your own private property, this old man starts yelling at me over the fence.
He says ‘Stop that god awful bouncing’, and ‘make her stop’ (to my dad). I stopped and went inside and told my dad and we had a laugh about it but it really made me mad.
I understand wanting quiet past a certain point but it wasn’t even dark yet and I think his comparison was way out of line. I can see he’s trying to force me to stop altogether which would have a potentially very bad effect on my mental health.
AITJ for doing something I enjoy on my own property? I want to be able to see this objectively because I would hate to be causing reasonable people discomfort.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’ve had this happen to me, too. I also grabbed my ball and went home. I’m sure the sound is probably quite annoying, but welcome to the suburbs, where you live in close proximity to other people also living their lives.
There is definitely a point in time where telling someone to stop dribbling a basketball outside is reasonable. 6 PM isn’t it in my opinion. Plus, if it went down as you said it did, his tone, word choice, and approach make me even less sympathetic towards him.
A little kindness and mutual respect go a long way, it’s too bad he either never learned this or forgot it along the way. Or doesn’t think it applies to young people? It does.” riding-the-wind
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Basketball is entirely reasonable at 6 pm, even 7 pm. After that mostly depends on whether or not you have young babies in earshot.
If not – up until 9 pm is fine.
Adults can go watch TV or use headphones. You have the right to make moderate amounts of noise on private property. If there are babies around trying to sleep, it would be polite to keep it down.
We were all that young once.” Eichmil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – well, even 8 PM is reasonable for playing basketball (or any outdoor activity, really) depending on the time of the year.
Where I am it’s already staying bright out until close to 8, and I’m out there every chance I get just to enjoy it.
There’s nothing wrong with it. Your neighbor is being quite unreasonable, especially since you already accommodated him by stopping at 7 each day.” TheDreadPirateJeff
Some have restrictions on mechanically produced noise-like a boom box, music, construction work like a jackhammer.
Then see if there is a separate one for people noise. If you are in the country check county noise ordinances.
If your basketball area is by the neighbors windows that could be a real issue for them. Music plus a repetitive bouncing ball whacking the backboard.
We live in the country. Our neighbor gets up around 4am to get ready for work. Loud music, outdoor noise, cars driving up and down the road for friends to come hang out, this all stops at 8pm, year round.
We have an excellent neighbor and we respect his need for sleep. His bedroom is maybe 100' from our house, across our driveway with a line of trees on the fence line.
The kids have camped out...well, glamped out with TV, monitors, game consoles, lawn chairs, tables, etc... They went to the back of our property to do this. We couldn't even hear them.
I suggest once you guys get copies of the ordinances you give the neighbor a copy too. Then explain you will play basketball and music any time during the allowed hours. Then do not violate it.
5. WIBTJ If I Tell My Sister She Can No Longer Live In Our House?
“I (19f) am a student who is studying abroad, and just got back to my parents’ house for my exam as they are online. My sister (24f) also just got back to our parents’ house from her seasonal job.
Two years ago, my sister found out she had a pre-cancer and adopted a dog to help her mentally through her recovery. She always wanted to have a dog but never could as I am extremely allergic to most animals including dogs.
I must say that at that time, my sister was not living with my parents and me, and she would visit us once every two weeks so I could bear with the allergy.
At the time, she also told me that she would not have adopted her dog if she was still living with us.
But at some point because of quarantine, my sister came to live with us.
It was really hard for me, I was sick for almost a month non-stop, I could not breathe correctly which made it difficult to sleep, had a lot of eczema. I also could not spend time with my family, watch films, etc…
as the dog spends most of its time in the living room. But as soon as my sister could, she return to her flat. At the time I did not really mind because I knew my sister did not have any other solution.
Fast forward to today, I am in my first year of law studies and going through my exams in less than 3 weeks. My sister and her dog are living with me again, but this time it is harder for me.
The allergy is harsher than usual, and I am not getting a lot of sleep mainly because I cannot breathe properly, have a lot more eczema, and still need to revise.
I am also a lot more anxious and am really afraid of not getting my first year. My sister told me she was actively looking for a flat but I see her spend most of her days on our couch watching films.
When I discussed my worries with my mom, she told me she thought my sister would not want to find a flat for at least two more months. The only solution she found was cleaning our house every day and restricting the areas the dog could go to.
She then told my sister that she should do the cleaning as she is the only one who is not working, to which my sister said that I should be the one cleaning since I was the one who is allergic.
She then went on to say that she would not restrict her dog for my comfort when I loved her dog. This is true, but my being allergic does not mean I hate dogs and especially ones as cute as hers.
I am quite an introverted person and it is really hard for me to tell others what I think, but living with my sister has been getting harder and harder, and I don’t want to fail my first year because of an allergy.
That’s why I really want to tell her that she can’t live with us anymore, but I feel like I might be wrong to tell her this while I may not have thought about any other solution.”
Another User Comments:
“Sort of YTJ?
I mean, I truly understand that allergies flaring up has become a huge problem for you but there are various alternative ways to deal with and continue to study.
Visit and spend the day in the library studying (if there is one nearby) or take a flat somewhere nearby and study there peacefully. Expecting her to leave because of your allergy might be a bit too much to ask in my opinion, for someone who has just recovered from pre-cancer.
Plus, if not failing the first year is such a huge priority, why waste time-fighting and arguing with her? Figure out an independent living situation for yourself.
Also, I don’t understand how your parents aren’t involved yet.
They should step in and get to decide who should stay and who should leave because it IS technically their house.” pgargi97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset, upset that your sister lets her dog have free roam with no regard for the harm it causes you but referring to your title ‘WIBTJ for telling my sister she can no longer live in our house’ I’d say you don’t really have the right to do that.
It’s not your house, it’s your parents’ house and you’re both adults. You can’t really demand she move out of a house that’s not yours. I’d say talk to your parents and come up with an agreement and if they refuse to do anything then look into getting your own place.” the_implication137
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, maybe you shouldn’t have moved back if you knew your sister was gonna be there.
It’s your parents’ house, not your house. Why should she leave? You should if it bothers you. You’re the one having the allergic reactions so for your health you should definitely leave.
Don’t you have friends you can stay with that don’t have any pets? At the end of the day, it’s your parents’ house and not yours so you can’t really tell her to leave. YTJ for thinking you can control who lives at home too.” cakeclouds
4. AITJ For Being Petty With The Bus Driver?
“I take the bus to get around and it usually works perfectly. But there is this one bus driver in particular who makes me so mad.
The first time I had a bus card and it was an older one so you needed to have a receipt to prove that you bought it.
And I showed him that so he looks at the numbers and says it was wrong. I told him calmly that no it isn’t but he kept arguing and in the end, he let me on.
The next time I bought a ticket on the phone that works in the whole zone, it shows red and I show him that it was the right ticket. He of course gets mad and tells me to buy a new ticket.
So I buy another ticket to place ‘A’ and go on. Maybe 20 seconds in he starts shouting that I bought the wrong ticket even if the machine shows green.
I just didn’t care and sat down, so he drives and honks at all cars that pass him.
And is really aggressive.
Now, this is my actual story. I jump on the bus it’s him again, the ticket goes green and I sit down. We drive and at the end station it’s only me and my friend and he tells us to jump out so it would be easier for him to drive out so he doesn’t have to turn around.
We say he needs to drive to the terminal and he starts shouting like always, and I see my friend getting scared so I tell him to calm down. When we jump out, I point the finger at him and he picks up the phone and starts filming me.
So AITJ for showing the finger?”
Another User Comments:
“Report him. He’s actively refusing to properly do his job, so he shouldn’t have the job. Refusing to drop you off at the terminal sounds like he wants to avoid picking up passengers, and it’s neither safe nor what you paid for.
NTJ.” Eastern_Fox5735
Another User Comments:
“There are proper ways to file your complaints about his mistakes.
He is still doing his job there. Even if you don’t like the way he is doing it, and even when he is making terrible mistakes.
No, he did not deserve ‘the finger.’ Nobody deserves to get insulted in such a personal way when he is working.
YTJ.” votramie
Another User Comments:
“You might not be the jerk but really, if your friend is already scared, why escalate the situation further and give him the finger?! Really doesn’t make you look good if you ever want to report his behavior… Also, he now has proof of that and you don’t have any on his bad behavior.” lrdxhu
3. AITJ For Wanting To Get Rid Of My Cat?
“I’ve had my cat for three years and he is not a nice cat. He was aggressive even when he was a kitten but I figured with play and love he would grow out of it.
He is not allowed in the bedroom because he has tried to bite my ear off while I was sleeping. He bit the back of my leg with all his claws out and shook his head back and forth.
He frequently lashes out biting or clawing me and my partner. He frequently pees outside of his litter box and most of the house smells like cat pee.
I have taken him to the vet, he is actually on Prozac (an antidepressant) to try and curb his behaviors.
I play with him using a cat fishing pole, he never goes hungry, he always has plenty of water, I only talk to him in calm voices, whenever I am walking past him I let him know so that he can feel safe that he won’t be stepped on.
He is neutered. I keep his cat box clean and his litter changed frequently.
He has improved a lot but he still pees outside the box, and he still lashes out (I have gotten better at seeing the warning signs and dodging the attacks).
My partner wants me to get rid of him because even though my cat is cuddly sometimes, likes to sit on my lap, and sometimes meows to join conversations, this is still very stressful and my partner is worried about me getting hurt, himself getting hurt, and getting sick from the cat peeing outside the box.
I feel really bad considering getting rid of him. I don’t even know if a shelter will take him given his aggression. We are the only family he has ever known and I feel ashamed and guilty for giving up.
Am I a jerk for wanting to get rid of my cat for three years?
EDIT: I would like to add that I clean his litter box daily sometimes multiple times a day if necessary.
He has two boxes and I have moved them to spots he pees to see if that would help, but it didn’t. I have changed litters several times (pelts, unscented clumping clay, fine grain clumping clay, non-clumping, crystals,) I maintain the litter a few months at a time to see if he will adjust.
He does show signs of aggression including body blocking which is something I learned was a sign of aggression in year two, hissing, fluffy tail.
I respond to his aggression depending on the situation by trying to redirect him to something else, not making sudden movements, speaking in a soft voice, and yelping in pain to try and show him that it hurts.
The Prozac was the last resort after I tried everything else I could and was done at the vet’s request because they saw the bite marks on my legs and told me that was not okay.
I have considered making him an outside cat but when the blinds are open he hisses and lunges for little kids passing by so that makes me worried he might be just as dangerous outside.”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, many of these behaviors can be corrected, the likelihood is your cat doesn’t know he’s hurting you and he’s scent-marking.
Even spayed cats’ scent marks.
All of the aggression you say here sounds like play, he’s not hissing, not avoiding you. Other body language signs are ears pinned back and the tail lashing jaggedly and not smoothly (smoothly is play) calming voices would indicate not playtime, so that’s why it would help.
Get a cat behavioralist to help you before you pull the last option, which is to lock your cat up in a cage on a wall with other cats growling and hissing and meowing with the hope that one day he’ll go into a loving family and not be euthanized.” Wondernerd194
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Listen, there are many ways you can tackle his behavior, and I wholeheartedly believe that it can be corrected, but I’d you don’t feel you can adequately cater to his needs, or you’re finding yourself getting angry, frustrated, and upset constantly, then you’re likely not going to be able to provide what he needs.
As a cat lover and prolific rescuer of animals, I HATE people who give up their animals when they’ve ‘had enough’ and get bored, but I still 100% advocate for the animal’s needs above all else.
However, there are things you can try, if you wish to not take this route, and there are methods you can put in place.
First, the litter. Make sure you have 1 box per cat +1 extra.
This for you, assuming he’s your only kitty, means two litter boxes. Preferably one on each floor of the house if you have stairs.
For the peeing outside, he likely doesn’t like the litter you use or has issues with the placement of the box.
Gradually try different litters (partial mixing and phasing in/out are best). If you use clay, switch to wood pellet or natural, if you use clumping, try anti-clumping, etc. Try a bigger box and keep it away from enclosed spaces.
Also, get a spare litter tray, and (trust me on this!!!) Put a puppy training pad in it. Seriously, I’ve known SO many kitties (including one of my own) who just straight up refuse to pee on cat litter because their paws are sensitive! But they LOVE puppy pads, and if you fold it in half, you get two uses of each (simply flip it over once used)
Secondly, the aggression.
This could be a number of things, but the majority of the time, it’s stress based. You can tackle this in a number of ways, but the simplest way is to introduce routine.
Don’t leave food down at all times. Put him on a feeding schedule, and like the kitty litter, try switching up his food! Cats can have a stress response to things you’d never expect! Changed your laundry detergent? It can trigger your kitty’s stress receptors.
Got a new TV unit? Stressed kitty! They actually hate change, especially in their environment and it can manifest as aggression.
Make sure you keep him on routine. Feed him at set times, play with him before feeding, then after he eats, remove the bowls and make sure he has a ‘quiet corner’ where he can feel safe and secure to sleep.
Find a blanket with your scent and use that in his bed, so he associates your smell with being calm and rested.
When he acts aggressively, simply put him down and avoid all eye contact with him.
Male cats especially play with what we perceive as aggression, and by detaching yourself from him, even leaving the room when he does! Is a good way to make him understand that it’s not ok.
For the smell of the pee, use an enzymatic cleaner. The smell could also be causing your kitty some stress and cats are creatures of habit. If they smell their pee, they will continue to urinate in the same spot.
The only way to remove the smell completely is with enzyme cleaners specifically designed for cat urine (not dog ones! They are different!)
And lastly, you can also get special hormone plugins, look for Feliway, and keep one in the room you spend the most time in.
They’re not an instant fix but they do help to calm kitties down and prevent some of the aggressive behaviors.
Whatever you decide to do, so long as you do it with your kitty’s best interests at the forefront of your mind, you are doing the right thing – for him.
Good luck OP!” atomic_winter
Another User Comments:
“I would say YTJ for basically wanting to get rid of your cat. But he sounds like he is the jerk! Anyway did you really try to understand what was happening with your cat? They hate the litter being dirty and some are so precious about it.
Have you considered cleaning it more often? Have you tried to use a different litter? Because they usually like to do it there if it is comfortable. They want privacy so if he feels watched he will probably do it somewhere else.
For example, some cats hate closed litter because it basically stinks have you one of those? Some others will like the privacy it offers them. Don’t take a rule as a universal rule, they are all different so try different things! As the biting sounds like he has some issues, but they can be explained and very often fixed! Did you change his environment? Do you give him enough attention/occupations/stimulation? He might just be very bored.
Cats need many things to feel good and yours might just need extra care to make him more comfortable. He is already 3 so it might take a bit of time but it’s very likely to be possible to have the cat you always wanted! Reach out to me if you want to talk further about it! There are solutions and he could be happy.
It doesn’t sound like you just want approbation to get rid of him but I have seen so many people that just want an approbation and absolution to abandon a pet so who knows…
Edit: Prozac for a cat is probably just an easy fix… You could find solutions cheaper and better. But you are the one living with him so I’m really not judging here! It can be very hard sometimes and professionals are not all good advisers!” YKw1n
2. AITJ For Not Inviting An Old Friend To My Wedding?
“My wedding has passed but I keep wondering if I was in the wrong. I have a friend who I’ve known through most of my life, for a good amount of time my family was her family and vice versa.
We both had a really traumatic childhood and honestly, I feel like the friendship was mainly a trauma bond in the first place. When we were in high school we both were in addiction, I was able to quit on my own and she was sent to one of those terrifying Utah wilderness rehabs and when she came back we were thick as thieves again.
But after she came back, I realized that she had stayed stagnant trying to curb her addiction and I had done a lot of personal growth.
After that, she struggled through an abusive relationship that I tried to help her leave time and time again.
And when she finally escaped that, her mom’s cancer came back with a vengeance. Her mother passed a few years later and it was really hard on both of us. Obviously, she had it harder.
But after her mom’s passing, she turned to drinking. She became extremely physically ill due to her drinking and other health problems and I urged her time and time again to get help.
She ignored me and entered another abusive relationship.
During this time I came out as non-binary and she questioned that a lot and constantly misgendered me. We would also talk about politics and her views now completely reject my rights as a person which is hard for me to understand.
My decision not to invite her to the wedding culminated at my bachelorx party. I had asked another friend to plan it and she insisted to help but instead of helping, she made everything harder for the person who actually planned it because of her indecision due to being constantly wasted.
Then when it came to the party, she showed up three hours late and was fighting with her partner over the phone the entire time. Then a few hours pass and her partner shows up and I ask him how he is and he yells at me.
They continue to fight and make a scene and she continually tries to drag me into the middle of it even though the party that is going on is being thrown to celebrate my upcoming wedding and I had friends from out of state who came for it.
After that, I finally realized that her addiction had gotten the best of her and that there wasn’t really anything I could do to help except be there for her and set boundaries.
That boundary was the wedding reception. I rescinded her invitation because I knew there would be a lot of drinking and I didn’t want her to be surrounded by it. Selfishly, I also didn’t want to have to take care of her the whole night either because it was supposed to be my special day.
My partner had also become very wary of her at this point and it just felt like the right thing to do.
She was sent to another outpatient rehab a few weeks later.
And we haven’t spoken more than a few words to each other since. I’m really glad she’s finally getting the help she needs but I can’t help but feel like I made a wrong turn.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like she has become a toxic force in your life. You are looking forward to beautiful things and her future looks ugly: your paths have diverged.
Who knows, she may get it together in the future and her path will cross back into your life, but until that time, she will only be a dark spot to your joyous moments and has no place in them.” Bmblbee76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you may have faced a lot of hardships together and been the greatest of friends in the past, but the fact remains that she has been a toxic influence for a while now.
No matter the relationship, in the end, you have to put your own well-being/happiness first. You protected yourself when it came to your wedding.
I know it’s hard to not feel some sort of guilt over this, but really you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Wishing things turned out differently doesn’t make it so.
I hope your friend can finally get clean and get her life back on track, but that’s ultimately up to her.” Zagriel55
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, you not as much.
Seems like her partner is hateful, shouting at you for no reason. You don’t know why she kept talking to him, maybe he was forcing her or something, saying he’d break up if she ended the call? I mean come on, he came to the party just to chew her out, seems like she got a pretty bad partner.
On the other side, coming late without telling you was really trashy of her, and you should have talked more to her about it.
If her partner ain’t terrible, then NTJ.” Alibium
1. AITJ For Helping My Wife File Complaint Against A Former Friend?
“A former friend of my wife, who I always hated, is a Twitch streamer with a small audience of about 350 followers. Twitch is his whole life, to the point that there were arguments in their friendship caused by how much time he spent working on his Twitch stream while they were hanging out.
To keep it short, they were close friends for a little over a year, until my wife realized that he had some narcissistic tendencies and distanced herself from him.
My wife runs an Instagram for her cat.
While they were still friends, he made one of her pictures of her cat a subscriber emote on his Twitch channel.
When she decided to not be friends with him anymore, she asked him to remove the emote.
She asked three times, and the third time she asked he said he didn’t want to and didn’t have to, and she was being rude by asking him about this while he was on vacation (my wife was not aware he was on vacation when she asked).
I asked my wife if she took the original photo. She did. He was using a photo that she created without her permission. I knew we could change that. So I helped her write a DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act) takedown on the emote.
Once it was taken down, she started getting angry messages, which I helped her respond to- Do you have a copyright registered on that picture?
This doesn’t matter. She took the photo.
It’s hers.
Well, it’s not the same photo, I changed it in photoshop, so now it’s mine. Making something smaller and pixelated is not transformative enough for a fair use defense.
I’ll take down the emote if you retract the takedown with Twitch so my account won’t be in trouble.
If she retracted the takedown, she would be giving him a license to use the image, and she doesn’t want to do that.
‘Well if you’re going to be like this, then you have to delete every photo I ever took of you from your social media.’
‘Excellent, which photos did you take?’
‘I don’t remember, you have to take everything since we’ve been friends down because I don’t know if I took them or not.’
‘Not happening.
You are free to file DMCAs with the site owners on anything you can prove you took.’
Then she blocked him.
I felt pretty good. Like I had defended my wife (and empowered her to defend herself) against this obvious raging jerk.
But then as I told my friends the story, they kept saying ‘I love the petty energy’ and ‘I’m that petty too’, and I’m here internally screaming ‘this isn’t petty! She asked nicely, and then exercised her legal rights when he didn’t comply! He was profiting off a picture she took of her cat!’.
I pride myself on being compassionate and understanding to most of the people in my real life, so the idea that I was being petty, or encouraging my wife to be petty was very upsetting.
I felt that I had done the right thing in the situation. When people I care about think that my actions are petty, it bothers me, because I don’t want to be that jerk.
I’ve started believing that maybe I am, and that is why I am posting here. Did I do the wrong thing? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – going against the grain here, because the whole situation is petty and ridiculous.
It’s a photo of her cat that she gave him permission to use. Your wife is just jealous and salty about his behavior and both sides are acting childish. She is using this as an opportunity to get revenge and hurt her old friend.
How old are you all? Grow up.
Her friend should just take the photo down, but it’s become a battle unnecessarily. He is digging in his heels because he sees this exactly what it is – petty revenge from a petty woman.” NotYetASerialKiller
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and only a tiny bit petty, in that it’s not REALLY changing anyone’s livelihood.
Neither of the involved parties is making a significant income from the image, nor is it a core part of either party’s branding.
It is, however, a valuable and important lesson that both he and your wife have now learned.
Intellectual property belongs to the creator unless there is a reasonable contract stating otherwise. What he did is small-scale. It’s a picture of a cat. He didn’t contract his use of it, he didn’t pay her to take it, he doesn’t own the image, and he doesn’t own the source material (i.e.
the cat). He was asked to take it down and refused. He was told to take it down and still refused. He took his chances that she (and you) would back down over something small.
Now that you have proven you won’t, he might be wary of the future of pulling this again. I mean, based on your descriptions I doubt it, but it’s possible he learned from this.
As for the pettiness, I argue if a gigantic video game company can legally shut down an entire content creator’s YouTube channel over 15 seconds of game footage, or another gigantic mega-corp with a mouse-like mascot can do the same over 15 seconds of audio, this is just as legally acceptable.” wifeblade
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – honestly in the grand scheme of things it sounds kinda petty.
Mostly because the wife didn’t ask to take the pic down after he added it, so it sounds like he had permission. It was not a picture of her or a child but a cat, that probably looks like every other cat.
So now she is mad and asking to take a picture down.
She should have just blocked him.” DialPlumeria
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It’s petty. He is not profiting off of it.
He is nowhere near big enough where one emote of a cat is a real push for people to subscribe. Your wife is upset and doing the equivalent of taking her ball home so no one else can play with it because she got mad. He is being petty for not taking the photo down.” ferretsmiles
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