People Want Our Points Of View On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

All people want to be understood. It boosts our self-worth and gives us validation. Regretfully, our attitudes and actions will not always align with those of other people. That may sound horrible, but that's just the way things typically work. Conversely, talking with others who hold views that differ from our own may enable us to learn new things and acquire fresh perspectives. The folks below are curious about our opinions regarding their situation. Do they really look like jerks? They are eager to be corrected. After going through their stories, let's point out who the jerks are. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

26. AITJ For Having Fun With My Friends While My Partner Was Depressed?

“Last week my partner made plans to hang out with her friends on Saturday evening. Since she was going to be out I decided to plan a hangout online with my friends at the time she’d be away. She also knew I was going to be doing this online hangout.

My partner expressed to me on Wednesday that she was feeling sad and depressed and each day has gotten worse for her. I’ve tried to do everything I can for her and I’ve gone out every day to get her comfort food. I would ask her if there was anything I could do for her and she would usually tell me no or she didn’t know what I could do to cheer her up.

On Saturday itself, my partner decided that she didn’t want to go out with her friends that evening. I asked her if she wanted to join my friends later that evening and she told me she’d think about it, but as the night went on she realized she was too tired and went to sleep 30 minutes after my friends started hopping on Discord.

I had a fun night and so did my friends but my partner was upset with me that I had decided to do this while she was feeling sad and depressed and told me I should have canceled my hangout night with my friends.

I didn’t want to argue with her because of how she was feeling so I just apologized while she continued admonishing me.

Personally, I don’t think that was fair of her because she never indicated to me that she didn’t want me to do this thing and she even gave me signals where it looked as though she was interested in joining. She also fell asleep before we even did anything and I just don’t know.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Quite frankly, she does sound like she’s depressed, but she also sounds like she’s doing this for attention. Depressed people will often isolate themselves and will often not want your attention either. I’m not saying she’s not depressed, I’m not a professional and depression can have a different shape for any single one of us, but she surely sounds like she’s trying to put some of her issues on your shoulders, which is never ok.

Dealing with her mental issues is not some divine task imposed on you.” Drezhar

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re not a mind reader. If your partner needs something from you as far as support, she needs to say it plainly. Furthermore, up until X date, she had plans with her own friends.

She knew you had plans. Just because she canceled her plans because of her mental state and depression, that doesn’t mean that your life and your plans are automatically over (unless there is an emergency, of course).

To me, this would set a terrible precedent where everything in your life had to revolve around whatever she felt from moment to moment.

And that’s not a healthy partnership. Your partner needs to make sure that she is getting the support, therapy, and meds she needs to manage her mental health because, doing so is a ‘her responsibility.'” moew4974


25. AITJ For Not Eating My Birthday Cake Because I Don't Like The Flavor?

“Last week was my (16f) 16th birthday.

I didn’t do much to celebrate and it was basically like any other normal day. When I came home from school I saw that my parents had bought a boxed cake from a supermarket (Nothing wrong with that, just giving details).

But my parents ended up getting a flavor I don’t like, with jam inside.

I don’t know why but I hate cakes with jam inside as I find them too sweet. Even to have a small piece gives me a headache from how sweet it is.

To be honest, I was pretty disappointed that they bought a cake they knew I didn’t like, but I was just over it since it happens practically every year.

Well after blowing out my candles, my dad cut me a big piece of cake and I just said no thanks. My dad asked why and I said it’s because I don’t like cakes with jam inside. My dad then yelled at me because I ‘know he doesn’t like chocolate’.

(Chocolate is my fave).

He called me ungrateful and I haven’t really talked to my parents since. Which is fine by me since we aren’t that close. Anyway, now my brother (13m) is saying I’m spoiled and should have just eaten the cake because I ‘know how dad hates chocolate’.

So to prove a point I thought I’d ask here. AITJ in this situation.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There’s nothing ungrateful about wanting to actually enjoy your birthday cake rather than having it catered to someone else’s taste instead. It’s extremely selfish of your father to do this in the first place, let alone when he knows you have sensory issues caused by jam.

If you want chocolate cake instead, why don’t your parents buy two smaller cakes – one for them and your brother and one for you – in the future or cupcakes in various flavors so everyone can be happy?” asphodel2020

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Okay, so your dad doesn’t like chocolate and that means he gets to dictate what everyone ELSE gets on their birthday, but you don’t like jam and that makes you spoiled?

He’s the adult and also NOT the important person that day, he could just suck it up so the actual person the day was about could have a cake that they like. Your dad could have just as easily not had cake at all. He’s selfish, and he’s trying to teach you and your brother that HIS needs come before anyone else’s.” Fiigwort


User Image
paganchick 2 months ago
NTJ like you I'm very sensitive to sweets. Don't get me wrong I will binge on some chocolate or whatever, but the majority of the time I just don't do sweets. With things like cake I like white, my mother on the other hand hates anything and everything it seems but she loves chocolate. So regardless of how many times I have told her in the past that I don't eat a lot of sweets, and that I like white cake, every birthday that she chooses to "celebrate" me she buys chocolate cake. I'm now 52 years old, now thats 52 years of birthdays that I would take a few bites of chocolate cake and leave the rest, she still buys chocolate cake. In my opinion thats being selfish, thats being "all about themselves" and not really caring what you, the birthday girl, wants or likes. Next year when you see its not a chocolate cake, blow out the candles and go back to your room. When your parents ask you whats wrong, just tell them its obvious that they bought the cake for themselves, not you and not for your birthday and don't say anything else about it.
1 Reply

24. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Leave My House At 2 In The Morning?

“I (F 18) have often let my best friend (F 19 – Lucy) stay in my room in my family home when I’m not there (I live in a convenient place in London while she lives in the countryside). Lucy and I have known each other for years and our families are very close so my dad has never really had a problem with it.

My family (excluding my brother) is currently on holiday abroad and a few days ago I got a call from Lucy at 1:30 in the morning. Lucy says that she’s already in my house (My brother had agreed to let her in) and was just calling to confirm that she would be staying over in my room.

Immediately I was a bit caught off guard because Lucy would usually ask before entering my house. She then told me that she had brought an old guy friend of ours (let’s call him Dan) into my home and told him to use my room to smoke out of the window.

I then became incredibly angry and swiftly hung up the phone to gather myself. I’m usually very lenient with her staying over but I draw the line at her inviting other people to use my room. After I had cooled down, I phoned Lucy again and told her that she was acting entitled and that she should check her privilege.

I then demanded that she pack her things and leave my house immediately, despite the fact it was now 2 in the morning. (I also demanded that she take Dan with her)

We’ve had no contact since, but I am aware that Lucy did not leave my home that evening, and nor did Dan.

In fact, my brother said that they took their time and left late in the afternoon the following day.

I feel incredibly exploited by this situation but I’m also now wondering whether I was too harsh on the phone. After all, my brother was home with them and let them enter the house.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If they had left immediately you might have some reason to doubt your reaction. The fact that you explicitly told her you don’t want her there and she stayed, didn’t communicate that to your brother, and took her time – that tells you you shouldn’t doubt yourself about your reaction.

This person knew she wasn’t welcomed anymore, yet did nothing. Worse than nothing, maybe she could have stayed (because it was 2 am) and left first thing in the morning. She didn’t, she stayed the entire day.” atealein

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I would tell her immediately that it was completely disrespectful of her to do that and you thought your friendship was worth more to her than that.

Make sure to include that the extended invitation is over, and you’ll be letting the family know if you are not home she will not be allowed in. She was given a place to stay, not her older male friend whether you knew him or not.

Your brother was there but that doesn’t matter, he probably assumed she spoke to you about it, and after you told her to leave she didn’t. That was even more entitlement and disrespect towards you and your family who had been hosting her.

I would not let her back in there ever and make it clear to her and family the exact reason why and that you’re not comfortable with that anymore after the way she acted.” Beautiful_Pain_7287

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918

23. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Playing Doctor With My Kid?

“My husband has an emotional disorder. He’s been diagnosed and medicated since he was 13 years old.

It is likely to be genetic in his case as his mom had the same disorder.

He is embarrassed by it and it took him a while to open up to me. My parents only found out because my mom was a doctor and recognized the name of his medication.

They were polite to his face but privately asked me to divorce him for my safety. I was pregnant at the time so I managed to make them stop and I figured that was it as they went back to normal.

Our son is now 2 years old and my husband often did ‘tests’ to make sure he doesn’t have the same disorder.

It is clearly a sort of intrusive thought as I don’t think 2-year-olds can really exhibit clear symptoms but it comforted him when our baby reacted ‘normally.’ He stopped after talking with his therapist.

I didn’t know this, but my parents have been doing this as well.

I’m a bit surprised my mother is doing it because she’s literally a doctor but it’s just annoying either way. I warned them to never do the tests in front of my husband and my mom was all ‘Of course not, we’re decent people.’

But we ran into my parents while grocery shopping and the first thing my mom did when she saw my son was the ‘tests.’ I noticed my husband’s entire… everything… just fall and he started fidgeting. I immediately pushed my mom away and told her that we were busy and I’ll call them later.

My husband managed but it was still pretty upsetting. I called Mom later and asked her why she did that and she said it was just out of instinct and that she’s a doctor so she can’t help it. I was pretty angry at this point and told my mom that she was pushing the doctor thing as it’s been almost two decades since she did anything related to the profession and that she was barely a doctor at this point.

She got upset and said I just disrespected her and that I’m allowed to be mad, but I don’t get to discredit her achievements. I basically told her to get over herself and then she hung up on me.

She has since spread the issue to my siblings who are saying what I said was uncalled for.

My father called to yell at me and implied my husband’s influencing me. I’m just annoyed and have been sitting on this issue for a while now. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mother disrespected your husband’s boundaries and made him incredibly uncomfortable in public.

It’s understandable that you would be upset and confront her about it. Her being a doctor doesn’t excuse her behavior, especially when it comes to personal matters like this. Your husband’s mental health is not something to be used as a spectacle for her ‘instincts.’ Your parents and siblings need to respect your family’s boundaries and stop making excuses for your mother’s inappropriate actions.” Firehead15

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m sorry you are experiencing this – when you get married your spouse becomes your family. It can be hard for parents to understand that – to them, you are still their family and this person is an outsider. So they don’t see that when they disrespect your husband they are disrespecting your family.

Your mom focusing on you ‘discrediting’ her is a classic deflection from the real issue. I wouldn’t spend another minute worrying if you’ve done something wrong.” Lazy_Crocodile

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918

22. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Still Do Housework Despite Going Through Pregnancy Issues?

“My wife and I have been married for two years. She’s the primary breadwinner, though I pay an equitable share of bills and expenses.

I work in landscaping so I’m stretched thin for energy at all times.

We had a pretty decent cleaning agreement going for the first year or so, things we enjoyed doing. I washed dishes, maintained the yard and house, trash, etc. She kept our bedroom and bathrooms orderly and mopped and vacuumed when needed. We both go through depressive periods from time to time and try to give each other space for self-care.

Lately, though, we’ve been trying to conceive, and it’s been rough for her. She’s gotten no clear answers from her doctors, but it’s clear that she’s going to have to go through some treatments in order to be able to.

This has put her in a serious rut emotionally.

I’ve been struggling to keep up with the housework while she’s been out of commission. I’ve managed to keep dishes washed and take out the trash, sweep up after our two dogs, but everything else has just absolutely fallen apart.

Her stuff is spread all over the house and I’ve never been able to unravel her organization method.

She’s taken on a volunteer position with a local hospice org and I think that’s great, but I’m drowning. I haven’t brought up the fact that she has energy for patient care and her other hobbies because I self-care the same way.

Sometimes I just need to spend 5 hours with my plants to feel better, and she gives me that space, so I’m giving her that.

Spring is here and I need some time to work our property on the weekends, but I’ve been stuck inside trying to make sense of what to do with all of her stuff and all of the extra housekeeping.

I have to be completely honest, I’m not just slaving away here, I also make room for my gardening and personal downtime.

However, I reached a breaking point last week where I was going to try to CALMLY renegotiate some of our responsibilities. That isn’t what happened, she immediately got defensive, and I sort of went on the attack.

This has led to her brooding and getting super defensive anytime we talk, and god forbid I bring up anything to do with spending money for general upkeep. But her clothes are piling up all over the general living spaces, work stuff is spread out, there’s a dead tree leaning over the front of our house, the AC unit is acting up, back porch needs some boards repaired. I can’t financially or physically float all of these things by myself.

I need coaching.”

Another User Comments:

“If you don’t have the energy for housework, how are you going to have the energy for an infant? A toddler? You can’t escape for 5 hours with your plants when you have a baby. If she gets pregnant, not counting any inability to be up and about that she may or may not have while pregnant, after giving birth that’s going to be up to a few MONTHS where she may not have the energy and/or strength needed to keep up with housework effectively (baby’s presence being a factor but also simply what bodies go through).

You guys can’t even have an adult conversation about chores and money or keep your place moderately clean. You don’t need to be trying to get pregnant. Focus on your dogs and yourselves.” girlikecupcake

Another User Comments:

“You’re going to have to apologize for ‘going on the attack’ because I doubt anything communicated then was communicated effectively.

This relationship is not healthy enough to introduce a pregnancy and child into the equation. You don’t get brownie points for avoiding confrontation/postponing difficult talks/not bringing up that crap that is piling up, good intentions count for very little when you end up going off on someone and sulking when they don’t take it like a champ on top of their own internal struggles.

You didn’t even come to us for advice, just to be deemed right in this situation.” Scary-Sherbet-4977

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918

21. AITJ For Telling My Nephew His Father Lied To Him?

“My older brother has 3 kids from his first marriage and one from his second who is now 17 years old. He has never told his son from the 2nd marriage that he has half-siblings.

It came out at dinner one night, and now his eldest son from the first marriage is aware that he has a half-brother.

Here’s the drama. Our father died a week ago, and my brother and his family from his second marriage flew in from overseas for the funeral. What I found out was that my brother called his son from the first marriage (who incidentally was the first grandchild who was very fond of his grandfather) and told him that the funeral is a kid-free funeral (which it absolutely is not!) and told him not to come as he has young kids.

Obviously, he doesn’t want him there as his other son will see him and the big charade, lie, whatever you want to call it will be exposed.

I called my nephew (who I’m quite close to) and said that of course he’s welcome and told him his father lied about the kid-free funeral situation and told him the real reason his father didn’t want him there.

Obviously, my nephew isn’t happy, and I heard that he got really angry at his father, and now his father is mad at me for ‘getting involved in his family’s business.’ I just can’t believe that a father would lie to his own son and exclude him from his grandfather’s funeral.

I really don’t have a good relationship with my brother due to him being a grifter and a liar, and I have no interest in keeping in touch with him now that our father has passed.

But the question is, AITJ for trying to do the right thing by my nephew?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, You’re not the jerk for trying to support your nephew. Your brother’s decision to lie and exclude his son from the funeral was hurtful and unfair. Your actions were motivated by compassion and concern for your nephew’s well-being. Prioritize empathy and support for family members in difficult situations.” srivayush

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your brother has some nerve to think he’s anything but the jerk here. You were in the right to allow your nephew the closure he needs for his grandfather. It’s good he has someone like you looking out for him since his deadbeat father can’t be bothered. Also condolences to you and your family.” youdingle

1 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918

20. AITJ For Forgetting Plans With My Wife And Planning Something For My Employees Instead?

“So this upcoming Friday my wife had plans to move furniture into our new house and get us closer to moving in (we’ve had it 6 months and still haven’t moved in). Unfortunately, I recently got a promotion at work putting me over multiple locations and a lot more employees.

The manager previous to me has spread the word that I was out to get him (He was fired by upper management for attitude problems including walking out of meetings when they’d question his department numbers).

Now my employees are on edge about me and after 2 days I’ve heard numerous rumors of 5 people at my main location having a lack of trust in me, partially due to the fact our old manager twisted their image of me.

So to try to help team building I decided to buy everyone tickets to go play Laser Tag this Friday for around 3 hours.

My wife is now extremely mad that I forgot we were moving furniture Friday and expects me to call this off for everyone.

But if I call this off I’m afraid it may cause a lack of trust/people thinking I have commitment issues and make my situation even worse. (Yes I know giving them raises would suffice, but the assistant manager for that location who’s kinda the head of the whole spreading rumors gig makes more than me already) So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Unfortunately, YTJ for forgetting your plans and double booking. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong for trying to improve your work situation, and it doesn’t mean you necessarily have to cancel your plans, but you do have an obligation to make things right with your wife.

Having a good reason doesn’t stop you from being a jerk, it just makes you a jerk for a good reason. She’s probably a reasonable person and would normally very much support your efforts to be a good manager, but you disappointed her and at the very least you should apologize and make an effort to find a solution.

Trust takes time, and missing Laser Tag won’t kill it. Show up for your wife, and focus on being a manager your employees feel like they should trust. If you act right, you’ll get there soon enough.” IndividualAd8597

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – I feel like this would be on the list for a ‘The divorce came out of nowhere’.

It sounds like you don’t care about your wife or what’s important to her. Also, have you even tried to go to HR? The way I see it, you have one option: Reschedule the laser tag, help move, and then take your wife out, buy her flowers, and do some extra chores for a little.

I don’t think your workers are going to care as much as you think they will. You can just say there was a scheduling conflict. If you throw in something extra, like dinner (or a raise), they definitely won’t care and you can say you rescheduled to include the extra.” nocturnal-patchwork

0 points (0 votes)

19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sisters-In-Law To See My Husband?

“My (32F) husband (35M) has recently gone through a heart-valve replacement surgery due to his valvular heart disease complications he has been having which include Rheumatic Fever. He had been in the hospital for weeks on end where he was visited by me and my two SILs who have grown understandably attached to him, especially considering he had suffered a heart attack 2 years ago.

However, although my husband loves his sisters to death (arguably more than he loves me), he wants to rest considering he wasn’t able to do so comfortably at the hospital, whilst my SILs want to take him out for a walk in the park and get him back in motion with the kids and all that fun stuff, but he simply isn’t ready (I reckon his back has gone through some sort of fatigue, I tried to rub it but he tells me it hurts when I press on his back.).

He told me to take the kids out and tell them that he simply doesn’t want to go out yet, nor talk to anyone due to his extreme exhaustion, but my SIL, especially the older one, constantly shows up uninvited and gets upset when he isn’t ready to talk and accuses me of not taking care of him properly.

My amazing mother-in-law (Who has been staying with us for 3 days) has tried to ease tensions between the two of us by having us visit him after the kids are asleep, but he seems tired and drifty every time he does talk, which makes my SILs pretty upset.

I can’t blame them too much, I’m pretty let-down that the surgery is tiring him out as well, but I do understand that there isn’t much I can do other than bring him his meds and pray he will get well soon.

I started to just not let anyone in, in the afternoon because I couldn’t put up with them blaming me constantly for something out of my control and telling me I needed to ‘do something’ about it quickly when I was doing everything the doctors had written down.

I have many mouths to feed, I have to watch what I take in due to my pregnancy and I simply have no room to break down in tears after a nonsense argument. I know they are well-intentioned ladies who only want their brother back, but I can’t pull a magical pill out of nowhere to solve all the issues.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Please bring up your husband’s back pain and post-surgical fatigue to whoever is in charge of overseeing his care at the moment. It could be a sign that he needs to be examined to rule out anything sinister going on or have his treatment plan changed. I also strongly advise you to encourage your husband to change positions every now and then when he’s lying down/sitting up even if it’s for just a few minutes or build him a pillow nest to cushion the areas that he’d be laying on constantly since he could be starting to get pressure sores from being constantly immobile.

(Don’t do this if the doctors have said otherwise.)

Also please just tell your SILs to scram entirely and let their poor brother rest. Please also get your MIL on board with this and ask if there’s some stuff she can do to help out so you can spend some time with your hubby whilst getting some rest too.

You are growing a literal human inside of you whilst taking care of their sick father and siblings round the clock, the stress you are under can be more than enough to see you needing hospital treatment as well if you’re pushed too far too often.

You need to look after yourself just like you’re looking after your family.” Solgatiger

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your husband and you – you need to take care of yourself and neither of you needs the added stress at this time. Don’t feel bad, you are doing your job looking out for your husband, and if they don’t get it or like it that is just too bad, right now.

As he gets his strength back the visits can resume and will be more enjoyable and helpful once he is feeling better. Maybe send a text from his phone explaining this to her, like he sent the text?” ConfusedAt63

0 points (0 votes)

18. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Get A Job?

“My mom and I have always had a strained relationship – she was always emotionally unstable and not a very present parent.

It was like walking on eggshells around her for my entire life.

She had an affair and left us when I was 10. She told us ‘She didn’t want to be a mom anymore’. She stole my dad’s savings (and by default, all the money from her kids) and left us with nothing.

My dad had to move us into a tiny apartment and sleep on the couch so my sister and I could have the bedroom. My mom continued to be slightly present in my life, mostly just asking for money and a place to sleep.

When I became an adult, I spent YEARS in therapy working through the trauma of my childhood but also making sure I never made the same mistakes.

I’m now a healthy, happily married adult with small kids.

My mom eventually had a mental breakdown and was admitted into a psychiatric ward for some time. It seems like her own traumatic childhood caught up to her and I ended up feeling some empathy for her.

We had a surface-level relationship and she apologized for her mistakes when I was younger. She went to therapy and started to try to make amends.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer and was completely alone – while she made her life choices, I couldn’t help but feel bad for her.

I found out she was being evicted while going through chemotherapy. I lived about 12 hours away and I invited her to live with us – my guilt got to me.

I was very upfront that if at any time it wasn’t working out – she had to go.

She accepted my offer (obviously, where else would she have gone?)

Fast forward to the present day: she is cancer-free and healthy. She is living in our guest bedroom. I told her we wouldn’t charge her rent, but asked that she get a job and contribute around the house (pick up after herself).

She kept a job for a week and has not worked since. She does help around the house and occasionally babysits. She also does clean the kitchen and will step up with any chores we ask of her. I told her that she had to have a job because it didn’t feel fair that my husband and I worked so hard and she was sitting at home enjoying the fruits of our labor.

She is still unemployed.

We have revisited the job conversation a few times, but it always ends with her saying she will get a job and never does.

I am tired of parenting my parent. I don’t feel at peace in my home and I feel re-triggered about things that I have worked hard to get through.

Our bills are only getting higher and I’m annoyed by seeing her sitting on my couch while I’m on my way to work. She eats our food, uses our utilities, has free laundry, gets rides from us (she has no car), and enjoys every streaming service while contributing $0 to our household.

AITJ if I kick her out? She has no job, no money, and no car. She will be homeless.”

Another User Comments:

“You would need to check your legal obligations in terms of evicting a tenant, as she has been a resident for several years.

Once you have those details, tell her that she needs to get a job to contribute to the household’s bills by x date and if not, she will be served an eviction notice where she would have x days to move out. IF YOU DO IT LEGALLY.

NTJ.” Sunflower-and-Dream

Another User Comments:

“OP, this is what I would try. Have only one more serious talk with your mom. Tell her that staying in your home rent-free with no job has come to an end. You will give her 2 weeks to find a job.

You will help her in any way she asks during that time. If after 2 weeks she does not have a job, you will move her to a residence hotel and pay for 2 weeks’ rent. At the end of that time, she is on her own.

After trying to help her and then having her again behave irresponsibly, this must be very hard for you. I don’t think you could drop her on a street corner, but moving her to a residence hotel for a time and letting them evict her – I think you could do that.

I think she knows you could do that too.” Key_Plastic_3372

0 points (0 votes)

17. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Sister-In-Law?

“I (41f) have been married to my husband (48m) for 7 years, together for 10. His brother is married to ‘Bertha’. Since my first interaction with ‘Bertha’, she has been condescending and mean. She needs to be the center of attention and every story ends up with her life being ‘worse’.

She ultimately accused my husband of DV (which she has accused most of the males in my family of… including my FIL none of it was true) which was baseless, but she needed to be the ‘whistleblower’. After this happened we went low contact with her.

This lasted for a few years until we lost a family member suddenly and tragically.

When this happened, the family rallied and everyone came from everywhere to offer support. This of course meant SIL was coming (with BIL and their kids…). Bertha showed up at my house in the middle of the night and proceeded to bad mouth my MIL (whom I adore, respect, and generally love).

After not seeing her, or speaking with her for almost 3 years, this was her opener.

The manner in which we lost our family member, meant MASSIVE feelings for all of us.

For 4 days, Bertha invaded my home. She was at best condescending, at worst a total selfish jerk.

I still have a hard time discussing the details of what happened over that time. She broke a sentimental item of my MIL, she stole from me, and when she burned her bridges she left town.

I know everyone will want details, but I seriously can’t, I tried…

My question is, if I have felt PERSONALLY attacked and victimized by this person (based on her behavior in my home and words she has said) AITJ for setting boundaries and having nothing to do with her, or should I get over it and move on for the sake of ‘family’?”

Another User Comments:

“‘I’m confused. Why aren’t you asking BERTHA to stop intentionally mistreating ME for ‘the sake of family’? She hasn’t even apologized for any of the things she’s done. Worse, she seems to have every intention to continue her behavior, so even if I was willing to forget about her past behavior, she would create new conflicts.’

NTJ, and if anyone has the nerve to challenge your decision to keep her firmly out of your life, I hope you will say something to them like the above statement. I have no patience for busybodies who pressure the victim to apologize to the bully.

At that point, they turn from bystanders into bullies themselves and don’t deserve to hide behind the word ‘family’ like it’s a shield.” DinaFelice

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! Oh my god, do not do that! Never, ever, ever, EVER keep people like that around for ANYONE’S sake.

This lady is crazy. She does not care about anyone but herself, that is clear. You poor dear, oh my goodness. You deserve nothing but hugs, kindness, and rest. You have been been battered and bruised by awful life circumstances and this woman tromping on you with spiked shoes.

It will never be okay. You go recover and don’t ‘keep the peace’ because it never works anyway and you’re the only one who will truly suffer. And don’t you worry about giving more details, it’s not necessary.” Actual-Caregiver4469

0 points (0 votes)

16. AITJ For Moving Out Of My Parents' House Because Of My Brother?

“I have a much older half-brother, Alan (30s). Alan came to live with us after he got out of prison. He was there for 5 years for theft.

My mom and dad fought for months about this and my dad did this anyway allowing Alan in the garage and my dad spent a lot of money on it fixing it up.

Alan doesn’t stay in his garage even though it is huge and has both a bathroom and kitchen and chooses to use the one in the main house. He yelled and broke the controller on our PS5 and tried blaming it on me. My mom didn’t believe him and made me put the PS5 in my room so only my little brother and I could play it.

He talks about how both my mom, me, and my little brother who is 10 would never make it in prison. Like we would ever end up there. My mom asked him to stop and my dad is just like he’s adjusting.

I finally got mad when he made me late to practice because he spent two hours in the bathroom even though my dad put a shower in his garage.

We got into a huge argument with him and then my mom where he yelled at my mom about how we think he’s not good enough to use our bathroom.

My grandma said we could move in with her. My mom and youngest brother haven’t gone yet but on Wednesday night my grandma packed up the essentials for the week.

My grandma only has one extra bedroom but tried to get my mom to come with my brother.

My dad was angry when he found out my uncle and cousins were helping me move on Sunday and he couldn’t believe my mom just let me move out and I’m encouraged by my mom and brother too.

My dad said Alan was adjusting but I now didn’t even want to come home from school because Alan was always there. My dad is mad because I’m making Alan’s adjustment tough but I’m half of Alan’s age and I don’t know why I have to act like the big brother to him like I do with my little brother.

It seems so stupid and unfair to me.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your father is enabling your brother. He should be more than thankful that your father made arrangements to get him a place to live comfortably and independently in his 30s until he can get on his feet again.

I can assure you that most people don’t get all this help and support when they get out of jail. When he started acting like this your father should have put his foot down and told him to act accordingly and respect the household or he could find somewhere else to stay.

The fact that he thought it was ok to scream at your mother shows how little respect he has for you all. Your leaving could be an eye-opening moment for your father, as he sees his family breaking apart because of his older son’s behavior.

You, your mother, and your younger brother should not have to be afraid to be alone at the house with your older brother.” 4in4t92

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your older brother clearly has a huge chip on his shoulder for going to prison, and your father, out of some sense of guilt, is appeasing him.

This puts you, (presumably) a teenager, in a very precarious/dangerous position trying to tiptoe around eggshells for Alan’s sake. That is no way to live. You really really shouldn’t be living in the same place as Alan. Alan is in a very very different mental and emotional space than the rest of your family and is clearly not one to shy away from conflict.

I’d suggest Alan move out, but likely your father would oppose it and would likely put Alan in a worse position if he ends up on his own. Strongly consider moving in with your grandma. It will probably be much more stable for everyone. Also for the record, ‘making it in prison’ isn’t a great skill to brag about.” Joefers1234

0 points (0 votes)

15. AITJ For Changing My Netflix Password Without Telling My Sister?

“To begin, this all happened last night. It was around 2 am and I am a full-time college student (F 24) so I had just submitted my assignment and I was preparing myself to go to bed as I was extremely tired. As I’m about to shut off my phone, I get an email saying that my Netflix was logged into from another state.

I quickly changed the password and went to sleep.

This morning, I woke up with a surprise that my lady time had arrived and I also had another chunk of assignments in my mind that I had to do. Later throughout the day, I get a message from my younger sister (F 22).

She texted me asking if I had changed the password to my Netflix account and I responded ‘Oh yeah my bad, someone had logged in from another state here’s the new password’. She then replied ‘Your lack of communication is so infuriating. You could’ve told me this.

Takes a second to text me.’

I explained to her that I had forgotten and the password change was not on my mind. I hadn’t even logged in yet on my phone or laptop. She then proceeded to tell me that she would’ve told me the minute she changed it and that I owed her a sincere apology.

I asked her, ‘Apologize for going to sleep?’ She got angrier at this and was now saying that I was being stupid on purpose and that I was insulting her. That this is the reason why she’s so angry with me because I can’t take responsibility.

Towards the end, she writes me a mini paragraph on how I should be apologizing and I simply reply with ‘No, I said my bad but I am not going to send a paragraph.’ She left me on read and refused to talk to me.

Am I in the wrong?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Hello, entitled much little sister? It isn’t her account unless she is paying for some of the monthly fee. Getting into Netflix to watch something is rarely a true emergency. Your (OP’s) life does not evolve around Little Sis’s watching habits.

I think that Little Sister was a bit on the rude side. It is a password to a streaming site. Her demanding an apology because she wasn’t immediately notified of the update is not in line with the ‘crime’. A simple, ‘I’m sorry’ from OP should have been enough.” Sammakko660

Another User Comments:

“So your sister uses YOUR Netflix account and wants an immediate text if you change the password regardless of what you are doing and now wants an apology because she had to go half a day without access to YOUR Netflix account.

‘She got angrier at this and was now saying that I was being stupid on purpose and that I was insulting her. That this is the reason why she’s so angry with me because I can’t take responsibility.’ Says the Netflix account freeloader. You went to sleep.

You were sorry you inconvenienced her and she’s giving you crap for something you are giving her for FREE. Don’t apologize and possibly change the password again and don’t give it to her. NTJ.” KimB-booksncats-11

0 points (0 votes)

14. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Dad's 4th Wedding?

“I (28F) don’t have a strong relationship with my dad.

Frankly, he’s not a very good person. He’s been married three times already, each time ending in catastrophic failure. He’s a liar and an unfaithful man. He does the bare minimum providing child support for my brother who’s now 18.

He called me Friday to say he’s getting married again in a week and wants me and my brother to be there.

He desperately wants at least one of his kids in attendance, he said. None of us knew he was even seeing anyone (for six months!) and I feel we have no obligation to uproot our plans and fly out of state to attend a wedding where the only person we know is our deadbeat dad.

They’re also getting married because she’s not a US national so they’re doing it for visa purposes.

My brother feels more guilty than I do and has more compassion for our dad. He wants to attend but also doesn’t want to be alone with anyone he knows there.

I feel like our mom (his mom, my stepmom) will be furious with me for letting my brother down, even though she’s not a fan of our dad. And I feel like they want me to suck it up for my brother’s sake. As much as I feel for him, he’s 18 and old enough to make those decisions for himself I feel.

I told my dad I couldn’t make it, saying I had plans already, and sent my cordial best wishes and congratulations. I just have no stomach to see my dad get remarried and take on another kid (his new stepdaughter is 15) and try to make me pretend to be happy for him when I’m horrified.

AITJ for refusing to attend my dad’s wedding?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He gave you a week’s notice to fly out of state?! Even if you really wanted to, there is a good chance that at this point you couldn’t make/afford it. If he was so desperate to have his children there, he would have told you much sooner or at least mentioned that it would be a possibility.

I’d be a little bit gentler with your brother because he is still fairly young. Tell him that you made the decision not to go because of your relationship with your dad and that he needs to accept that. Now that you are both adults, you each have your own relationship with your dad and while you respect that he wants to go, he needs to respect that you don’t.

If you still want to support your brother while keeping your boundaries, you could offer support in other ways, like driving him to/from the airport and helping him pay for a ticket if he struggles to afford it. If your stepmom is so concerned about him, she can fly out with him herself.” MrsPomMummy

Another User Comments:

“Don’t go. Your dad needs to know you don’t support his bad choices. Don’t give him a second thought. Yuck! Try to talk through your reasoning again with your brother. He’s young and may not understand how misguided your dad is until he’s older.

Try asking him to put himself in his dad’s shoes: ‘Would you call your relative one week before your wedding and expect them to be there?’ ‘Would you be unfaithful to spouses and continue to marry people you don’t intend to spend the rest of your life with?’ ‘Would you bring multiple children into the world knowing you’d be causing them pain by wrecking their family?’ ‘How would having a child that resented you make you feel?’ He just doesn’t get it, but he will if you help him understand.” unled_horse

0 points (0 votes)

13. AITJ For Complaining To Our Parents About My Sister's Partner?

“I live in the family home with both parents and my only sibling, my sister. I am older than her by 3 years and I am saving up for my own apartment with my partner.

There is a housing crisis where I live so right now, neither I nor my sister can get our own place.

We are both in relationships. I have been with my partner for 2 years and he stays in our house one night a week and knows not to outstay his welcome.

My sister’s partner is here at least 5/6 days out of the week.

I find this really annoying for several reasons.

I work from home and he has a loud voice and plays music in the house during the day.

He is also very messy and disrespectful to the family home. He regularly blocks our toilet or leaves it unflushed, he has left feces and urine on the actual toilet seat, he leaves his beard and hair all over the sink, and he puts his feet up on our furniture.

On top of this, he never cleans up after himself in the kitchen. So every day I have to clean up his mess and his plates before my parents get home from work because they will blame me.

I am finding this situation really stressful, and despite talking to my parents about it, nothing ever changes.

She gets away with everything because she is the baby of the family. Despite nothing changing, my sister was annoyed at me that I went to talk to our parents about it. The reason I went to them is because she would not even let me reason with her.

AITJ for being annoyed and talking to my parents about it? I am finding this really stressful.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He is being disrespectful to everyone in the house and your sister is letting him. I know this is not ideal for you and might cause future issues, but I would suggest you stop cleaning up after him.

Despite your parents blaming you or whatever, you can say it was his mess or your sister’s and plain refuse to clean up after them. They will have to either clean up themselves or get tired of it and set some boundaries. You will be seen and treated as the jerk or whatever, but you are enabling your sister if you clean up after her partner, for whatever reason.

Sadly, if you are an adult, this is the cost you pay while living with your parents, you have to play by their rules and there’s not much you can do besides asking them, trying to convince them, etc.” Dizzy-Potato3557

Another User Comments:

“Do you pay rent or is the cleaning expected in return for rent-free living?

Either way, I would refuse to clean up after someone you didn’t invite and you aren’t related to. Make this clear to your parents. If the sister’s partner makes a mess, ideally he should clean up after himself, or your sister can clean it. When it isn’t cleaned, and they come for you, just stand by your boundaries.

They will get tired of the mess and limit his presence, or have to clean it themselves and take it up with that couple. (As long as they won’t kick you out for leaving his mess). NTJ.” Old-Mention9632

0 points (0 votes)

12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Dogsit My Friend's Untrained Dogs Anymore?

“I (39F) have been asked by my friend to take care of 2 elderly toy breed dogs when said friend will be hospitalized.

This is the 2nd such request. During the 1st time, I found out the dogs were not house-trained and not socialized. They did their business all over my house (ignored pads), barked, and lunged at everything but adult humans (prams, scooters, skateboarders, cyclists, other dogs…).

I was supposed to have them for 2 days, but it turned into 14 as my friend changed plans. I managed by walking them 6 times a day to get them tired enough to not bark at every noise outside my door and to not excessively disturb my work from home.

I spent more time with the dogs than the owner, with lots of play and cuddles. The owner seemed thankful and the dogs were happy with me.

Almost a year later during a picnic with our friend group, I overheard my friend regretting being unable to travel due to the dogs.

She said that the dogs were traumatized by me by being walked out in nature where there are other animals (I live next to a forest path) and not allowed on my bed in the morning. She said it took them weeks to recover and will not be left with a non-live-in sitter again.

The first time I heard about it was behind my back to a group of friends.

After my friend being MIA for most of last year, I am now being asked to dogsit the same dogs I supposedly traumatized before. I declined and my friend now retracted saying I took good care of the dogs in the circumstances.

I still said no. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You ‘traumatized’ the dogs by making sure they got lots of walks and spending a lot of time with them? More, it sounds like she is a crappy dog owner and the dogs started to expect walks?

Perhaps whining at the door or things like that? Either way, you don’t get to talk behind someone’s back and expect a favor. Especially when you haven’t interacted in months!” Ok-Context1168

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The dogs were a lot of trouble, and I doubt they are any better trained. Indeed, being elderly, they may be even MORE work.

And you heard what you heard. You know what this woman thought of all the work you put in for TWO WEEKS. The dog owner can ‘take it back’ when she needs you, she can claim she didn’t MEAN it, till the cows come home, but you are not obligated to help her out.” YouthNAsia63

0 points (0 votes)

11. AITJ For Filing For Full Custody Of Our Daughter?

“I (F 22) and my ex (M 23) have an almost four-year-old daughter. When we were together our agreement was he would work and I’d stop working and be a stay-at-home mom.

We ended up separating and our daughter and I moved out of state. He agreed to this because he was planning on going into the Air-force and we both were working on ourselves to better a future relationship. Now that future relationship isn’t happening. Turns out he lied to me about wanting to go into the military, lied about that fact he stopped drinking and smoking and he lost interest in being a father.

My daughter and I have been living out of state for a year now and he’s come to see her once for a week period. So the entire time she’s been three, he’s seen her for seven days. For the first seven months, I would call every time our daughter asked and started getting angry saying ‘You’re calling too much’ so I stopped and started only calling for nap time and bedtime.

However, that didn’t make him happy either. So I told him I tried but it’s not my responsibility to make you talk to her and if he wants to talk to her he can call. I still text him ‘nap’ and ‘bed’ and if he wants to talk to her, he’ll call.

He refused to work all of 2023 except for Uber 2-3 days a week for 2-3 hours. While I found little jobs short term and have been trying really hard to find a good job.

Two days ago he and I had a conversation about taxes.

He wants to file and put our daughter on it to get the child tax credit. But because he is going to be owing taxes this year, he won’t get the child, it will go to what he owes. I asked him to not put her on there so I could file and get the child tax credit since I have the child and he became enraged. He still wants to use it to go to what he owes the IRS rather than it going to things for our daughter.

So would I be the jerk if I filed for full custody making it where he can’t put her on there?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your daughter is living with you, he cannot claim her for tax credit even if he wanted to. You are her primary caregiver and your home is her primary residence.

Start documenting how much he interacts with his daughter meticulously. Get a bound calendar notebook and keep track of every time he calls for her, how long they talk, what he says, and if your daughter is happy or not afterward. If he tries to contest your filing, you will be happy to have this record.

When you do file, get a lawyer beforehand and plan it out properly. Expect that he will try to suddenly be more present and demand you bring his daughter to him or some such garbage. Don’t budge, you are out of state and if he wants to see her, he has to make the effort.

Good luck.” RayTX

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I doubt a court will eliminate his rights, and that shouldn’t be your goal. Keep the door open if he gets his life together and wants a relationship with his daughter. But the tax issue is something a court will include in this custody arrangement.

Generally, the parent with physical custody gets the deduction. My brother’s ex claimed his kids when she had no right to. A tax professional helped him dispute this by showing his court granted custody, and she got a really nasty audit. Get your taxes filed fast and first. Get your custody established as soon as possible by the courts.

File for child support.” LadyCass79

0 points (0 votes)

10. AITJ For Wanting To Get Involved In My Dad's Business?

“I (f 17) have an older brother (M 22). Our father has a steel business and my dad is trying to make my brother learn the business as it is the only source of our income. Without Dad business is doomed. Dad’s life expectancy is low, he smokes 3 packs every day.

Dad tries to bring my brother to work with him every day, but my brother just wants to stay home 24/7 and play video games.

I, on the other hand, have always taken an interest in the business and even my father is surprised at how well I grasp stuff related to the business and says that I probably took after him and have a business mindset.

I know way more about it than my bro and I REALLY want to accompany my dad to his office and learn how to run it, my dad also used to say that if I was the older child he would have taught me everything long ago as I would have been older.

Now here’s where the main thing starts. My brother has been refusing to go with my dad for a long time even when he does go he just sleeps there. I had always been jealous of him getting this opportunity and my mom knew. So today my mom woke me up early and asked me if I wanted to go with my father and learn everything.

I immediately got up and said, of course, so she told me to get ready and eat breakfast and that she would talk to my father right now

I got excited and quickly got ready and when I went to eat breakfast my parents were also there eating breakfast. My mom said that my dad refused and said that he didn’t have the time to babysit me and that he was busy then he started ranting about how my bro was coming with him that day.

I’m 17 and I actually want to go, you think I’m gonna blow my one-time opportunity like this?

I told my mom that the only reason he used the word ‘babysit’ for me was because I was a girl. When my brother was my age he was WAY more rowdy and tried to annoy our father but dad still wanted him to come.

He has absolutely no excuse to not bring me while saying, who in the world will take care of the business after he dies if my brother still doesn’t show interest?

So I got mad at that and I told him that I was the obvious choice but he was too blind to see it just because I was a girl.

And my mom said that I was just trying to take my brother’s opportunity by being mad and that the business will be inherited by my brother and not me so I should not get involved and that my bro will someday learn about the business.

I got mad and started crying and left the room. Ever since, my parents have been mad at me and are not talking to me. So AITJ for getting angry at this situation?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Brother is not interested, so when dad passes, the business will go to the guy who just wants to game every day.

You can see where this is going. Dad passes, son inherits the business, and business is then sold or shut down because bro doesn’t have time for that or because bro doesn’t know how to run it. Even if he did have a go, he would run it into the ground.

I am guessing you are in an Eastern country? The things you said make it sound like you are in UAE or Asia Pacific, as I am aware women are second class there. I do not know how old you are, but is it possible for you to do a Business Management course or something?

I think you should work towards the knowledge that bro is not going to stand up but you could IF you have the knowledge and skills.

Have you talked to your brother about this? What does he think? You might find you are both on the same page and hopefully, you two could work it out that dad THINKS son is getting the business but once he inherits it, he signs it over to you, and you pay him a little something each month in ‘consultation fees’ and he gets to stay home gaming whilst you get to own your own very successful business.

Happy days all around!” Political-Beast

Another User Comments:

“I would talk to your mom. What was her point in waking you up? Did she expect your dad to be excited to have one of his kids there and when he wasn’t, she switched sides?

Anyway, since even if you slaved in the business, it’s going to the son, who’ll probably drive it to the ground, better to find this out now than later down the road and be an employee of your brother who gets money and credit and you just do the hard work.

Don’t even argue with your parents about it or seem upset. Focus on your studies and get into college. Even if your parents won’t pay for a girl to go to college, see if you can get scholarships by getting good grades, financial aid, or even loans.

Talk to your college advisor. You are 17 and you have the whole world ahead of you, someone as determined as you can make it.” concernedforhumans

0 points (0 votes)

9. AITJ For Threatening To File A Noise Complaint Against My Roommate And Her Friends?

“I share a place with 3 other girls. We each have our own bedrooms with private bathrooms. We share the communal space/ kitchen. It’s a student accommodation.

The walls are crazy thin. I can hear housemates talking with their parents from my room. Anyway, I don’t mind them bringing their friends over or anything.

But I need my sleep. I work and study. Yeah, it’s Christmas break now but I have exams after the break and a part-time job. So I’m usually asleep at 10:30ish and wake up at 5ish.

Like I said, I don’t mind them having friends over but I believe it’s common sense to not scream and laugh loud at 3 am.

One of my housemates, Niya is in the 4th room. And I’m in the 1st.

She brings her friends over and I don’t know what they do but they’re loud. At 3 AM. So I’ve been waking up at 3 am for the past few weeks.

It’s ruining my sleep schedule. My place doesn’t allow any guests to stay for 3 days straight but Niya’s friends are clearly staying.

I once told her to quiet down and she apologized. The next day it started again. So I walked to her room and screamed at her to shut up and be considerate.

I threatened to report her friends to the accommodation team and report her for noise complaints.

She got embarrassed and the next day called me a prude. My other housemates are on my side but some of my friends said it’s Christmas break so I should just chill a bit and that not everyone can accommodate me.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ, we are not talking about grade school or high school mean girl stuff. We are talking about college… time to grow up and get courteous. Most apartment buildings have a 10 or 11 curfew for noise. This should not be any different.

If you are stressed about exams (which should always be scheduled BEFORE holiday breaks, and exhausted by such discourtesy, I say screaming was an act of desperation). Forgive yourself. You asked her, and they continued until a ridiculous hour. It is nonsense that you should be chastised for letting your anger show.” Exact-Ad-4321

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You tried asking her like an adult to have respect for your sleep, which should be common sense when sharing living quarters with others. She SAID okay and acknowledged your complaint, but disrespected you by continuing to do it. Don’t freak out on her, but make it clear you find it disrespectful and that she’s not really leaving you with any other choice but to report if she doesn’t knock it off.” Psydop

0 points (0 votes)

8. AITJ For Asking My Mom Not To Invite Her Friend To Our Christmas?

“At Thanksgiving, my elderly mother brought a friend from her senior center. I was happy to host, but during the visit, my mom made comments about my home in a boastful way. She pointed out items I own and so on, and talked about how expensive they were.

I listened from the other room with a heavy ‘ick’ factor. Mind you, my mom is not very mom-like. She and us kids have issues way back. I have forgiven her and figured she can’t help herself. Anyhow…

She has no problem bringing friends through my house and commenting on my personal things.

I have a suspicion Mom is a narcissist or perhaps has a personality disorder.

I just got off the phone after I had invited her for Christmas dinner. She mentioned inviting another friend for Christmas and said she had asked if she was interested in coming.

Mom said she did not want her friend to be alone on Christmas Day. Frankly, I feel kind of violated. Once again, it feels like I am a display item that Mom can breeze through and show off. I don’t want my things to be the center of attention.

I don’t want to buy her friend a gift or have her friend watch Mom unwrap her gifts (ick). So I told her I preferred she not bring friends for Christmas. Maybe another day for dinner. It’s a personal holiday. What I didn’t say is I feel kinda violated by her lack of boundaries.

Am I the jerk for having mom uninvite her guest for Christmas at my house?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I agree that your house is yours and you get to decide who attends any event held there. Your mother showing off your stuff is just her way of saying, ‘See my child has all this because I was such a good mother’.

I wouldn’t allow her to bring anyone to the house if that is how she is going to behave. You might tell her you want the time not to be spoiled by having a stranger there during y’all’s time together.” ConfusedAt63

Another User Comments:

“NTJ of course. You have the right to invite whoever you want for Christmas. But I want to add – your mother doesn’t have much to talk about with people anymore. She lives in a nursing home for heaven’s sake. You are one of the few things she can talk about, show off, and brag about.

If it makes you feel any better most of what she says probably goes in one ear and out the other for the person who is listening. What I am trying to say is maybe just give her a little grace and think about letting her invite a friend to share the holiday with.” Applesbabe

0 points (0 votes)

7. AITJ For Wanting To Help My Daughter Become Popular At School?

“My husband and I are both dentists in our 40s. We had pretty different upbringings in terms of social scenes – I was introverted as a kid but my parents wanted me to come out of my shell so they put me into sports & clubs, and perhaps it’s controversial but my mom showed me how to do makeup and my hair cuter – essentially she was teaching me what pretty privilege was before that term even existed. What they said worked wonders.

I made tons of friends, became outgoing, and ended up enjoying tons of different social experiences. My husband was much more introverted and didn’t come out of his shell until the second half of college. He’s still quite a bit more reserved than me but we balance each other out.

We have four kids – 12F, 11F, 6M, 4M. Our oldest is a 7th grader and she was reeling last year from the huge change from her elementary school (basically a cozy warm place that felt like home to the awkward/hormonal mess that is middle school).

My 11-year-old 6th-grade daughter is naturally outgoing and very girly, whereas my 12-year-old is the exact same as how I was as a 12-year-old – I was a kid who didn’t like the social politics of becoming a pre-teen and eventually a teen. I told my husband I wanted to guide my daughter the same way I was guided.

My 6th grader gets it right away – she’s got a bunch of friends and they all move in a pack (they started middle school two months ago and already have joined all the same clubs and sports). I don’t bring up hair/makeup to her, but she’s already started asking me about it and I’m guiding her in the right direction (in an age-appropriate way).

I told my husband I now want to help my daughter how I was helped – I’m gonna push her outside of her comfort zone and have her join at least 1 club and 1 sport. I’m also gonna talk to her about how spending 20 minutes on your appearance in the morning really impacts the way people perceive you throughout the day (I’m not saying it’s a good thing but it’s definitely a real thing).

My 7th-grade daughter has also brought up that some of the girls in her grade have dyed their hair and I’m willing to drop serious dough on getting her hair done in a nice salon so it stands out. That’s what I mean by ‘Do what it takes’.

What’s the point of having money if it’s not to help your kids?

My husband basically says I’m a jerk because the explicit goal is to help my daughter become popular the way her sister is and the way I became. I think he’s being deliberately obtuse because life is just so much better when you benefit from those privileges and social skills.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Have you asked your daughter what SHE wants? Does she want to step forward and achieve popularity, or is she comfortable with her current self? So happy that this hair-brained plan worked for you, but your daughter is not you. She may have a completely adverse reaction to this.

I was the weird recluse kid and if it were me, forced into what you want to do to your daughter, it would have probably made me an anxious horrible mess who resented their parent who forced her into this in the first place. Also pushing your already messed up beauty values onto a self-conscious teen is a sure way to give her a complex.” corvidfamiliar

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I do get what you want is for the betterment of your kids, but is all this necessary? You can make friends without any makeup, or salon appointments. What you are doing is making your child superficially popular, which narrows their view about choosing the right friends and makes them realize that without makeup or any outstanding outer appearance, they won’t shine which is not true at all.

Rather than teaching them about pretty privileges teach them about life skills, and you do not need to be pretty to have friends, you have to be respectful, well-spoken, helpful, and a caring person to be popular.

I, like your daughter, have zero interest in class politics or being popular from 2nd grade itself.

I had few friends (can count them on one hand) and guess what even after 20 years we all are still pretty good friends. None of us wore makeup or had salon appointments but still the friendship is still going strong. Good friends don’t need makeup.” Soft-Gold-7979

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Furryrope 1 month ago
YTA, 100%. Do you even give a sh¡t what your daughter wants?! Major bad parent vibes coming from you. You're using your poor daughter as a really f**ked up social experiment for your own personal ridiculousness.
You don't know what unconditional love is. Get a f*c*ing grip, before you lose your child completely. YTA, YTA, YTA!!!!
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6. AITJ For Kicking My Mom Out Of The Delivery Room?

“I (26m) live with my wife (24f). We have been married for four years now but my wife doesn’t like my mom and she has a point.

Since we got married my mom would get in our personal life, accuse my wife of having an affair, ruining family gatherings by annoying my wife with some weird question at the dinner table, etc.

When we announced that my wife was pregnant my mom got so excited to know the gender until we announced it was a girl. She wanted a boy to death that she announced my wife was having an affair and that was not my daughter.

I tried to argue with her and even kicked her out of my house. The whole pregnancy went on but she would just come back without getting invited when I was at work to annoy my wife, eat our food, get some dishes dirty without cleaning them, and put more work on me as I was taking care of my wife, work, and the house because my wife couldn’t move a lot.

She even hit my wife once and we called the police but they didn’t do anything as we didn’t have any evidence.

Two weeks ago we were in the delivery room and we didn’t tell her but somehow she got the news and came to see our daughter.

My wife told me not to make such a mess and to let her see her first grandchild. My wife is such a lovely wife so I just relented, but my mom started making noise, telling my wife to hurry up, and annoying the doctors by telling them you are taking too much time, hurry up.

I just kicked her out and I was planning to cut her off at least until my daughter turns two as it’s a lot of work and we don’t need the extra stress.

After the birth of my daughter, my phone was blown up with calls from all types of my family, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends of the family, etc, telling me how such a jerk I was for kicking her out of the delivery room and how I should’ve just let her stay and made her quiet and telling me to at least correct my mistakes and let her see her granddaughter.

So am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your mother sounds like she has some serious issues, potentially a serious chemical imbalance to be solved with medication, or some sort of mental illness. You are protecting your wife and your new family (congratulations!) and doing the right thing here.

I think you are right to cut off your mother, and when you do bring her back into your life, you need to assert some SERIOUS boundaries with her. She is never to hit, yell, make false accusations, etc – she is acting like a crazy toddler, and you are right, you need to focus on your wife and your baby now, and protect them both.” SlowLime

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, and you need to protect your wife and child. Your wife might be sweet and shy, but that’s likely because she’s a people pleaser, not because she’s okay with it. I don’t see how anyone could be okay with the way your mother treats your wife.

You need to lay some boundaries and set some ultimatums for your mum and stick to them if she breaks those boundaries.

1: No more insulting your wife in any way, including, but not limited to accusing her of having an affair.

2: No more unannounced visits.

3: No more showing up at your house when you aren’t home.

Breaking any of those rules will result in limited to no access to her grandchild and/or you reporting her for harassment. None of this is normal and there’s no such thing as grandparents having a right to see their grandchildren or even their own children once they’re adults.

You don’t want your daughter growing up with the attitude your mum is showing, and you definitely don’t want her around people who will criticize and insult her mother.” I-Really-Hate-Fish

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5. AITJ For Kicking People Off My Phone Plan?

“I, a 36-year-old male, have been dealing with 2 other people (28 female, and 29 male). I’ve been on my phone plan for about 2 years now. I was promised by them that they would help out with the phone bill each month, and I took them at their word.

From the jump, I basically had to do everything short of physically shaking them down in order to get them to help pay their portion of the phone bill.

I went through 3 different instances where our phone lines would get temporarily suspended, mainly due to me not having enough money to cover the entire bill myself, and them not contributing.

I finally had enough, told them that I was going to go solo, and for them to fend for themselves; which they agreed to.

I then waited until my billing cycle had reset, and promptly had both their lines disconnected, pretty much with no warning, other than saying something 2 weeks prior, and switched my own line to a single plan, instead of the family one I was under.

Within an hour of doing so, I was called by the female, using her ex-husband’s phone, calling me a ‘selfish jerk’ and ‘should’ve waited until they could get phones for themselves’ before cutting them off.

Here’s where I might be the jerk: she is a DoorDash driver, and she can’t do her job without her phone.

He (her partner, not the ex-husband) is on probation, and he can’t contact his P.O. without a cell phone.

Should I have waited some more, until they could’ve made arrangements to get their phones situated, or had I done the right thing, thinking that if I had waited, they probably would’ve ended up screwing me over again?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You gave them a warning. 2 weeks is plenty! How hard is it to get a phone? I go to Verizon, AT&T, or T-Mobile and walk out with a new phone and plan within an hour. If you can’t afford a new phone, everyone at least has one friend who has their old phone still lying around somewhere.

They have phones! It’s not hard to switch those! It’s not that deep! Apparently, it was no problem to not have a phone when you couldn’t pay the bill. Should you have waited until they got new phones? No. Because that’s an indefinite deadline, which you can guarantee will be between forever to eternity before they do.

We’re talking people who couldn’t pay a phone bill for Pete’s sake. All you’re going to hear is more and more excuses.

As for the guy’s calls to his PO officer? That sucks, but he’s the one who decided to go to jail. I can’t imagine he couldn’t possibly go to the police station or courthouse and ask them to reach out to his PO.

Or visit his PO in person. Or get a burner phone. Again, how hard is it to get a phone?” Poor-Womans-Song

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You should have given them a full billing cycle or a full month’s notice. That’s how most things work when you are terminating service.

However, you shouldn’t feel too guilty, since they were the jerks the entire time they were on your plan. The way I see it, they were jerks to you, so you were a jerk to them. Also, it’s pretty dumb of them not to immediately find a new plan when you told them you would cut them off.” ProbablyNotTheCat

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4. WIBTJ For Canceling My Graduation Dinner At The Last Minute?

“I just graduated with a BA in humanities this year. Yeah I know it’s not the most prestigious of degrees but at least it’s something and I was able to pay my entire way without loans or my parents paying for any of it.

I was a fully online student and I was not close enough to the school to make it to the physical ceremony.

Recently my degree arrived in the mail and my aunt and grandfather mentioned it would be a great idea to go out for a celebratory dinner.

I agreed as this was the kind of low-key event I could handle. We started up a group chat with my brother, mother, father, aunt, grandfather, and me to arrange a good day when we would all be free. That was supposed to be today.

As I was sitting by the pool with my parents we got to talking about the dinner and they revealed they would not be attending. I had no idea considering they had been in the group chat and had been coordinating on days they would not be free.

I was upset and told them I’d just cancel then as I had no interest in just going out with my aunt, grandfather, and brother. They are telling me it’s too late to cancel and I’d be the jerk if I did.

I just wanted to celebrate with my parents and I felt this was such a small thing to ask. Even if I did go, I feel like it would be apparent that I’m not in a good mood which wouldn’t be fun for anyone involved. So, WIBTJ if I canceled?

We had no reservations so there would be no cancellation fees or money lost.”

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ: to your brother, aunt and grandfather. Canceling just a couple of hours beforehand because you don’t want to go with them is not cool. They may have canceled other plans, had to get a sitter, or a lot of things.

It’s inconsiderate of their time. You could say your parents can’t make it and make them the issue… but I think your parents put you in a tough spot. If it was a day or more in advance I’d think you would be ok but the timing is the big issue.” BigBobbiB

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ – it’s okay to cancel plans when your parents themselves canceled and now things changed; or better yet, just reschedule. But you’re a jerk for talking down your degree like that, I know where it’s coming from as humanities gets a lot of disrespect, but trust me IT IS an accomplishment worth being celebrated. Is there any particular reason your parents canceled last minute?” thelastgabsalive

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3. AITJ For Cooking Meat While My Vegetarian Friend Visits?

“I have a friend who is vegetarian and she frequently comes round to see me in the evenings with her young daughter (2 1/2).

It is nice to say hello and have a quick chat as I am heavily pregnant and it is good to see people, but it is usually when I am cooking dinner and the visits are not planned. I eat a decent amount of meat with my meals – steak, chicken, beef stews – good wholesome meals.

Every time she comes round she comments on the smells of my food cooking coming from the kitchen, and how good they smell, ‘Ohh something smells nice’ – that sort of thing. Every time I tell her, ‘Oh that is my beef stew’ or ‘Just a nice chicken breast’ she looks extremely upset each time.

Today, I got a message from her asking if I could refrain from cooking meat when she is coming to visit as it upsets her and she doesn’t want her child to be around it. She has said I am being rude to cook this in my house, knowing that she is vegetarian, and has asked that I either change the time of my dinner or ensure that I am only cooking non-meat products.

I have suggested that she come round slightly earlier, or we can just have a catch-up in the garden as I am not going to stop cooking meat and she has said that she cannot do any other time and it is too cold to be in the garden and then called me a jerk for not accommodating her dietary sensitivities.

AITJ for saying no to this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I like this one ‘Will you stop cooking lentils when I am near your home in case I might stop in? Oh and make sure you only wear pink shirts’. It is one thing if you invite her over and she is super… into being a vegetarian.

But this is such a weird ask and an odd response. Does she really just want to be fed? So she is hoping you are cooking something she can eat? This almost seems like she is coming by to hope she gets fed but then has to go home and eat… whatever she has.

Maybe invite her over for a weekly vegetarian meal…” Innerouterself2

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are in your own home, cooking the food you want to eat, and it is none of your friend’s business. She is rude to keep calling around unexpectedly and usually at dinner time.

And she is even more rude by asking you to stop cooking meat when she calls. She doesn’t have the right to tell you what to do in your own home. And even if you decided to refrain from cooking meat when she calls (and I hope you don’t), you never know when she will call anyway, so you couldn’t plan ahead for it.” myblackandwhitecat

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helenh9653 1 month ago
Your friend is being ridiculous. She comes round uninvited, at a time she knows full well you'll be cooking dinner, and expects you to change your cooking and eating habits to suit her. A flat 'no, that's not happening' along with a reiteration that she's welcome at another time, is all you need to say.
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2. AITJ For Being Creeped Out By The Previous Owners Of My House?

“I bought my house almost three years ago. The first month we lived there a former owner came over. We saw him outside and were very friendly to let him inside to look around. I thought it was sweet and nostalgic not a big deal. He had sold the house to someone else 10 years before we bought it.

I didn’t realize he was going to come every month or two, sometimes with his wife. They usually just park at the top of the driveway on my private road and stare down at the house. Sometimes they get out and look around the part of the property closest to the road.

They really don’t do anything wrong but I live in the middle of nowhere and whenever I see the car in my driveway when I’m home alone I get a little jump scare.

The road I live on is private and a dead end.

I never see cars I don’t know on my road except for the occasional lost person who just turns around. I know their car now. I can’t afford to put in a gate yet but it’s the next project on my list. We did put up a ‘private road no trespassing’ sign but I guess they don’t think that applies to them.

I’m worried these people have an unhealthy obsession with the house since I see them once a month to once every two months.

They also told me that they were sad I had changed some things and taken out some plants. I just can’t imagine going to my old house and behaving this way.

I feel bad because I want to ask them to stop coming here. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. File a report and give them the license plate. Just to have something on record. Then call them EVERY TIME they show up. Having an extensive record of every incident is very important in case something bigger happens and you need to be taken seriously.

Hopefully, nothing like that happens but better safe than sorry.” LitlFox

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and the previous owners are really weird. It’s not their house, it’s yours. They are trespassing and violating your privacy. Let the police know what’s been going on. If this happens again, get pictures/video of them and their vehicle.

And just who do they think they are being ‘sad’ that you changed things.” PracticallyGone123

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1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Blind Sister Anymore?

“I (22f) and my sister (26f) have had a strange relationship.

We were always close but we didn’t talk for nearly two years when our parents split up and my dad had convinced me my family was no good for me but we reconnected immediately and we’re best friends again. We’d fight like cat and dog and not talk to each other for a couple of hours and then just go back to being friends again.

A little more backstory is that she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 11. She went through some tough times with her condition but was doing better until recently when she went blind. It was due to a mix of high blood glucose levels and not getting her annual eye screenings which pick up these problems. And she recently had an operation that will help her get her sight back in one of her eyes but it takes time.

She is completely blind as of now and is seeing it all in a blur and needs help with a lot and has had to move back home. This is where the care comes in. I work full time in a Petrol station. This place is always busy so needless to say I’m tired both before and after work.

So when I come home from the late shift I have to eat, get her whatever she needs, give her medicine, and take her to bed as my parents will go to bed shortly before I’m due home. This so far has worked but she always insists on me bringing her home junk food and she eats it when I have my dinner.

She then takes insulin for that food which causes her to have low blood sugar around 4 am meaning I have to get up and help her. This only happens because she doesn’t correct her insulin usage.

So far this is pretty mild but then there are the mornings when I will have to get up at the crack of dawn to bring her down for a smoke and her breakfast, after getting her dressed first (hand each individual piece to her because she can’t see if they are the right way around).

If I sleep in for any of this or I don’t do what she asks, she will get incredibly angry and will cry that I have to do this because she can’t see. She’s acting very childish and assumes that we don’t have anything better to do than what she wants.

Now believe me when I say that I get that she is blind and has to sit in one room most of the day and she can be frustrated but I’m sick of being treated like crap and treated like an idiot. This entire situation was due to her own negligence of her condition.

I’m fed up with having to treat her like the strong independent woman she’s trying to act like when in reality it’s everyone else’s problem to make sure that happens (she was like this before she was blind). I don’t know if I have the right to be upset.

I honestly don’t want to care for her anymore because my mental health can’t take it anymore.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It sounds like your sister hasn’t gotten a lot of good advice on how to cope with the loss of sight. There are a lot of ‘tricks’ to help people who are vision impaired or blind to function.

Checking for tag locations on clothes to make sure they’re the right way around, folding different colors in a different style so you can tell which pants are black versus which are brown, and things like that. Placing a rug of a different texture right before the stairs, or making sure the handrail starts just before the first step so she can feel for where the stairs start.

Either she’s not been given the tools to live an independent life, or she’s refused them. Also, it seems like your parents have dumped all the responsibility for caring for your sister onto you. You need to have a talk with them and explain that you can’t live your life solely to care for your sister and they either need to start helping out more or help your sister learn to live independently.” Abstruse

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for the situation you described but you are enabling her to harm herself. I’m a type one diabetic and it takes so much neglect to lose your eyesight. Plus junk food and smoking? Your sister needs to go to therapy because there is something else going on if she is unable to maintain a healthy blood sugar for what I would assume to be months or over a year.

Your life will only become more difficult the more you enable this. She is likely to injure her foot while walking blind. That wound won’t heal because of her bad blood sugar. She will eventually lose her foot. Then she will be blind and in a wheelchair.

I would be amazed if her eyesight even returns based on the lifestyle you described. Not to mention the predisposition to heart disease exacerbated by smoking.

Does she even have an endocrinologist? My doctor would be livid/disappointed if I was living like this. I get it is a difficult disease to manage but if I don’t manage it I will be unable to care for myself.

Which is something you seem to be experiencing now. She may get her eyesight back for a time, but that is not the only part of the body it affects. Without proper care, she will always need help until she dies of complications. Enabling this further would make you the jerk.” grizzelbeezs

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paganchick 2 months ago
NTJ so I see this as you having 2 options. #1 you continue to live your life like this and become even more miserable and never have a life of your own #2 You sit your parents and sister down and calmly explain to them that your sister is not your responsibility, she's your parents as they have chosen to take her back in based on her disabilities. Tell your sister you will no longer be catering to her and enabling her, she needs to eat dinner with your parents and go to bed when they do. Then you tell your parents that your sister needs classes and therapy to learn to live independently and take care of her own needs as much as possible, and that anything she cannot do they, as her parents, need to take care of her and that you are done.
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