People Are Pressing Us For Our Opinions Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Unsplash
Building relationships with others requires work. People have diverse personalities, so we might sometimes misread their actions if we are unfamiliar with them. We could be led to assume that someone is a jerk if they act in a manner that does not align with our expectations. Here are some stories from people who want to know if we think they are jerks or not. Tell us who you think is the real jerk as you read on. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

18. AITJ For Telling My Stepdad To Replace My Bumper Sticker?

Pexels

“I (19F) saved a lot of funds and recently bought a car, I got my permit a month ago and bought myself a ‘be patient, new driver’ sticker on my car.

However, due to the sudden cold weather and snow storms in our area, my folks’ car suddenly broke down and they asked if they could use my car.

I didn’t mind and told them they can use it but just not on days when I need to work or when I need to practice my driving.

Today, while heading to my driving school with my sister, I noticed that my sticker was peeled off my car, I asked my family members who took it off and my stepfather said he did when he had to use the car one day.

I told him that I didn’t appreciate that and that next time, if he does something like that, he will buy me a new sticker.

My stepdad got upset and said that it was just a sticker and that I don’t need to have it at all and can just freely drive without it.

Yes, I know it is just a sticker but I feel as though having that sticker lets drivers know, and therefore, I’m not at risk or they are at risk.

I know this may be the silliest thing you may see and I do apologize for that, but I don’t think he should have done that since, at the end of the day, that is my car that I paid for.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

It’s your car, and if you want that sticker on then you can have that sticker on.

Though that sticker means very little on the road. The sticker doesn’t magically make a bubble around you and keep you safe. I know a lot of people who will see that sticker and not let them merge in their lane because the new driver will most likely break at everything, turn their signal on too early, go under the speed limit, etc.

If you need the sticker to feel safe then it is probably best if you don’t drive alone.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Put whatever stickers you want on your car. The people that will ‘single’ you out for such a thing are people that would have been jerks on the road anyway. Honestly, student driver stickers can be a good thing for you!

I know some insurance companies will lower your insurance for going to driving classes and give other incentives as well so I’d ask your insurance about things like that!

Also, invest in a dash cam if you haven’t! That will save you a lot of aches when one of those people who tries scaring you for being a new driver results in an accident.

That way, you have the ability to show you were doing what you were taught by driving school and they went out of their way to be reckless idiots with a 2-ton machine.” Apprehensive-Two3474

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Has your stepdad ever said, ‘My house, my rules’ to you?

This is YOUR car, your rules.

He doesn’t get to take a bumper sticker off YOUR car any more than you get to slap one with a political stance he doesn’t endorse on HIS when you borrow his car.

So he was embarrassed to drive it. That’s on him. He drives it AS IS and returns it in the same condition it was when he borrowed it, or he doesn’t drive it.” grzybo1

7 points - Liked by REHICKS72, lebe, Morning and 4 more
Post

User Image
Beenthruit 1 year ago
NTJ. It isn't his car
6 Reply
View 6 more comments

17. AITJ For Complaining To My Landlord About A Neighbor Who Took Our Parking Spot?

Pexels

“My husband and I have lived in this apartment building for 5 years now. Most of our neighbors were here before we moved in.

There are 15 apartments in total. Half of the apartments have a parking spot directly in front of their door (ours being one of them). The neighbors whose apartments do not have a spot right in front of the door all park on the opposite side of the lot directly across.

Since we have been here, we were told we can take the spot directly in front of our apartment door just as everyone else on our side of the building.

For 5 years the parking situation has been peaceful. We all have our spots, no one takes anyone else’s spot, and everyone keeps the peace.

Fast forward to 6 days ago, it snows overnight. Our landlord is notoriously awful with snow removal so we do most of it ourselves. We go out and clear out our spot, the walkway, our elderly neighbor’s spot right next to us, and an open spot on the opposite side to leave room for any guests any neighbors may have.

We purchase our own ice melt that we sprinkle every few hours in those same spots. Because of this, our area is ice-free and safe while the rest of the lot is icy.

Every night since that day, a woman (a new neighbor that moved in a week ago) has parked in our spot directly in front of our door, and other neighbors’ usual spots have been taken by other family members of theirs.

This has thrown our usual peaceful parking situation into a complete mess. I’m pregnant and now have to park in the icy parking spot 30 feet away after spending our time and money to keep our usual area safe.

Last night was the first night I was able to go out and talk to them.

I explained everything to them that I typed above here. All they would tell me is that the other side is icy that they will not put their kids in danger by parking on that side and that the landlord did not say the parking was assigned. I kept the conversation friendly but at the end, I mentioned I would be calling the landlord to get this sorted out.

She said to let her know what the outcome is and we left it at that.

Now my question is, AITJ for calling the landlord over a technically unassigned parking spot that I was told was mine 5 years ago? I personally would be mortified if someone told me I was in their usual spot and I would move right away.

If the spot that I was to park in was icy, I’d be calling the landlord to take care of it or taking care of it myself (like we did) because the landlord does a bad job.

Update: Talked to my landlord. She explained that when we moved in years ago, the spots were assigned which is why we were told the spot outside the door was ours.

A few years back, our lot was repaved and apparently, then the lot became unassigned. We weren’t really alerted of that and she apologized for them not communicating it well.

However, she did say I wasn’t the only one to call and say something about it. She is working to try to paint numbers and reassign the spots again once it gets warmer to make everyone happy.

I’m actually ok with this outcome.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

I was super prepared to proclaim OP a jerk, but in reality, it is very reasonable for them to have acted like it’s their spot if the landlord themselves told them it was their spot. It’s also reasonable for the new tenants to have parked there.

No reason for them to know who cleared the spot, nor is there any reason for them to know about this unofficial agreement. Finally, despite what many are saying there’s ALSO no reason for them to agree to conform to the unofficial agreement since it wasn’t in the lease and they were told there’s no assigned parking.

Reasonable to ask the landlord to clarify and maybe formalize the parking situation. EXTREMELY reasonable to request that they improve the snow and ice removal and if necessary remind them of the potential liability involved with either the injury of a pregnant woman or a child from a preventable fall due to their negligence.” User

Another User Comments:

“Slight YTJ. Call the landlord and ask if they can clean the icy parking lot. It is their responsibility. Yes, you cleaned a spot that is not assigned to you and it sucks that you wasted your time and someone else is using it. Being pregnant you want a safe place to park.

A parent with a young kid also wants a safe place to park so they parked in the first safe place that was available to them without violating any rules. When you have your baby you will have the same concern as them. Your complaint isn’t with your neighbor but with the landlord and the messy parking lot.” blahblahsnickers

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m from San Diego and even I know that only a jerk would park in a spot that someone else had cleared of snow and ice. It doesn’t matter that spots aren’t assigned. You and your family put in the effort to clear a spot for your car so it is defacto your spot.

If they don’t want their precious angels to walk in ice and snow they can clear a spot and a path as you did. There is a jerk here and it ain’t you.” [deleted]

7 points - Liked by REHICKS72, Morning, shgo and 4 more
Post

User Image
deka1 3 months ago
NTJ I"m from Chicago and parking during the winter can be a blood sport! If you don't shovel it, you don't get it. Someone taking your spot is a real jerk move. Doesn't matter if it's your assigner spot or not. You shoveled it so it should be yours. I'd make the neighbor aware that you don't give a jerk about their kids and maybe they should shovel and put ice melt on their own spots.
0 Reply
View 1 more comment

16. AITJ For Telling My Partner Not To Give His Inheritance To His Brother?

Pexels

“My partner (35 m) and I (30 f) moved to another state and established a career in tech in our mid-20s. Neither of our families supported us with anything, in fact as we started to climb the career ladder, his family started to ask for expensive gifts, that we wouldn’t buy for ourselves, but my partner always accommodated their wishes.

We don’t have any children yet, but we really want to expand our family and hope we will welcome a baby this year.

Due to investing a lot into our career and being frugal, we were able to afford to buy an apartment in our hometown, which we are really happy about and once we have a baby, we plan to move back to stay close to family, even though our career options will be slightly worse.

My partner’s younger brother (27 m) and wife (25 f) stayed in our hometown and both started successful careers on their own, they make approximately the same as we did at their age. They bought a smaller apartment and have two kids (ages 3y & 3 months) whom we adore. My partner occasionally supports them with a few hundred dollars, which neither of us minds as we do love them and we can afford this without having a big impact on our lives.

As they welcomed their second baby they would like to move into a house in the suburbs, but a decent one costs about 3-4 times their current assets, so they started to go look into ones that are in really bad condition (no insulation, without water & electricity, etc). Everyone in the family advises them to rather go for a bigger condo now, even if it is not their dream, instead of moving into a big house without basic needs.

They are still young and could make a switch to their dream house in the next 10 years as they are both successful in their job and surely, they will be able to save up the funds, but they are adamant and want to make the move in the next year. This leads my partner and his parents into a panic, where his parents will sell their own condo and switch it to a small one, so they can provide financial support to his brother.

My partner says he would like to offer his part of what remains after this switch to his brother and even send him more funds, just to ensure he and his family don’t end up in a house without basic commodities. I told him I think it is unfair of his brother and his wife to engineer a situation to create this panic, just to reach an unrealistic goal. It would be ok to help them financially up to a few thousand, but I think it is unreasonable to give them 10s of thousands or give up his future inheritance, as we don’t know what the future holds and he might need it at one point.

They could realistically afford a bigger apartment now and the family would be able to support this goal without a big compromise, like selling assets.

AITJ for advising him not to give up the funds left off after their parents sell their home and give his brother 10s of thousands worth of money?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Brother is the jerk.

The ideal solution here is for your husband gives away the inheritance and then permanently cuts the entire family off from all financial assistance, and unpaid eldercare or childcare. They can use their own funds to solve their own problems just like they expected of him.

If his plan is to give away the inheritance and then keep being a doormat, yikes.

Even if you love this dude, you may not want to be his family’s doormat forever.” iwanttoquitposting

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – The brother and his wife are trying to live well beyond their means and expecting the rest of the family to pay for it. Your partner already supports them with hundreds of dollars from time to time, and they want to move into a larger house that will cost more to heat/cool, property taxes, maintenance, etc. Once they move in, every request for funds will have the unspoken ‘or we may lose the house’ coda.

Buying a house you cannot afford without help, means owning a house you cannot afford without help

If you and he are serious about ‘we really want to expand our family and hoping we will welcome a baby this year’ then your partner needs to think critically about providing for his brother’s family or his own child (Start of a college fund, support if one or both of you is out of a job for a spell, etc.).

You are starting a family, and he needs to prioritize that.” delkarnu

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Yes, it is your partner’s decision – but following through and supporting the brother and his wife could directly impact the life that the two of you want to live, which kind of makes it your business.

Your BIL sounds reckless and irresponsible.

He should certainly not make his decisions and choices anyone else’s problem. If he is insisting on a certain lifestyle then it will be up to him to attain and sustain it. If he can’t afford the big house without literally putting his children at risk, then why is he getting the big house?! He needs to be told to live within his means and not be so entitled to assume that his big bro and mummy and daddy will always be there to support him and bail him out!

If he ignores your advice and does it anyway… how will you feel? I think the only decision that’s yours here is whether you want to watch your BiL drain your partner and potentially you forever, or walk away now…” LateMistake5333

6 points - Liked by REHICKS72, OpenFlower, lebe and 3 more
Post

User Image
kbeaudway 1 year ago
NJH. It's not your husband's place to help his brother live beyond his means. They can get a mortgage or save up ... or do what they plan. They want to move into a house without amenities and fix it up? Okay. What's the problem with that? Presumably they're not idiots, and won't allow their children to be in a place with no electricity or heat. Just because it's not hooked up to utilities right now doesn't mean they can't do so upon buying the house. I don't hear that the brother is asking for this money. Just that the family is panicking and not trusting their judgment.
5 Reply
View 4 more comments

15. AITJ For Trying To Find Out If My Parents Are Homophobic?

Pexels

“I am bi and my parents have always disliked every girl I brought home for one reason on another other. I think it is homophobia as they are friendlier with my male significant others. I have tried to bring it up but they are adamant that it was just because they didn’t like the girls.

They are very defensive about it.

The last time I visited I talked to them about my female SO. I didn’t mention the gender, I just told them that I started to see someone and I knew they would like them. I listed out some of the things they would like about her, the fact that she is an engineer, she works for a large tech company and she is very well educated. They were nodding along and I knew they assumed that it was a guy and I told her name and their vibe changed from happy to disappointed. It was very upsetting.

I kinda lost my cool and told them that I knew they would react this way and that was why I didn’t specify gender at the start. They got upset at me for tricking them and purposely trying to get a reaction out of them. I feel like a jerk because it was kinda manipulative and I feel awful for reducing my SO to just her achievements.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you didn’t manipulate them you simply omitted the gender information. If you had been using male pronouns to describe her that would have been a small manipulation. Maybe try talking to your parents and tell them the more they do this, the more they are pushing you away. That it doesn’t matter what they say or even believe their motivations to be, the way they are behaving is biphobic and they are hurting you/making you not want to come home to them at all.

They may still be under the impression that this is some kind of ‘phase’ that they can convince you of instead of who you are. Make it clear to them that what they are doing is a rejection of you, not your partners, and that if they want to have a relationship with you in the future they need to really work on this behavior.” LostUpstairs2255

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ. People like to say they aren’t homophobic, but they’ve got a lifetime of unconscious bias to overcome. Instead of confronting theirs and trying to do better, they are doubling down and pretending they don’t have a problem and it’s seriously damaging their relationship with you.

And it’s sad that they feel ‘tricked’ when let’s face it, most straight people don’t share the gender of their partner first thing in a conversation.

It’s just when their parents assume it’s someone of the opposite gender, they make a correct assumption. Your parents should really know better than to assume and yet here they are. And instead of admitting they made an assumption that really invalidated your sexuality, they doubled down and blamed you for ‘tricking them’.

Ew.” galaxysucculent

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

If they really had no problem with you going out with girls, then it wouldn’t have been a ‘trick.’ They’d have had no reaction.

And when you really think about it, they are the ones who have been deceiving and manipulating you by claiming they aren’t biphobic when they clearly are.

If they had just talked more honestly with you about their concerns/feelings of discomfort regarding your female SOs, then you wouldn’t have had to trick them in the first place. Instead, they lied and insisted they weren’t biphobic, preventing you from ever having an honest and potentially productive conversation confronting their issues.

That’s unfair to you. That’s on them.

It makes sense to feel a bit guilty for hurting their feelings—they’re family, and it sounds like you care about them. But what you did wasn’t just good; it was essential to finally confront the situation.” ProgressiveSnark2

5 points - Liked by OpenFlower, lebe, Stagewhisperer and 2 more
Post

User Image
kbeaudway 1 year ago
NTJ. You weren't "reducing your SO to her accomplishments". One's accomplishments, background, and personal traits are the kinds of things that people should be described by! *Your parents* are reducing her to just her gender. They've gotten defensive because they've been caught in their own biases. But they need to understand that rejecting who you are (by rejecting any partner who's female) is going to drive a wedge between you and they'll lose you forever.
4 Reply
View 2 more comments

14. WIBTJ If I Reached Out To Someone Who Used To View Me As A Mother Figure?

Pexels

I am female and was in my late 30s when this started.

Years ago, I helped an old family friend ‘Will’ get hired at my company. He and my brother have been best friends most of their lives, and I view ‘Will’ as another sibling. Shortly after Will started working for my company, he began going out with a coworker of mine I’ll call Kathy.

I ended up spending a great deal of time with Will, Kathy, and Kathy’s daughter Allie (who was 7 when the relationship began). Kathy was by her own admission ‘not cut out to be a mom’. She told me that she hadn’t wanted to keep Allie, but her own mother threw such a fit about it that she gave in.

Whenever Allie would attempt to show her any affection, Kathy would push her away with a ‘Don’t touch me’ or ‘Leave me alone’. She was not physically neglectful: I need to make that clear. Allie was always clean and well-fed and her mother didn’t harm her. She just simply wanted as little to do with the child as possible.

It was like she did her bare minimum duty and that was all she felt responsible for. (Allie’s father has never been in her life).

I don’t have children of my own, but I tend to get along well with them, and Allie latched onto me. She was a bright, funny little girl who loved to read and play video games, and we bonded. Kathy not only didn’t seem to mind, but she often pushed Allie in my direction when she didn’t feel like being bothered with her.

Allie told me once that she wished I were her Mom and she could live with me, and I tried to assure her that her mother loved her very much. Things went well for a while until Christmas that year when Allie asked me for a particular gift. I immediately asked Kathy if this would be okay (it was not an expensive present) and Kathy’s response was ‘Go for it.

She’ll love you forever’. So I gave Allie the gift and she started jumping up and down and hugging me. The next day Kathy refused to speak to me and went no contact. Her relationship with Will ended almost immediately afterward.

I asked if I could say goodbye to Allie, but Kathy did not respond and I did not push the issue.

It broke my heart to lose Allie after how close we’d become but I backed off.

Allie is about to turn 18 later this month and is no longer under her mother’s control. WIBTJ if I reached out to her and told her how much she’d meant to me when she was a little girl, and how much I valued those memories?

I certainly don’t want to come across as creepy but it hurts to think that she assumes I just voluntarily dropped out of her life and stopped caring what happened to her.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, she’s an adult and can make her own decisions. From the sound of it, if I was Allie I would be overjoyed to hear from you after all this time.

But as someone said, people do change and she’s gone through puberty which often is a big time for change so make sure to be prepared bc she won’t be a sweet wee 7 year old lol. She may be a patriarchy-battling hardcore feminist with a mohawk and 2 eyebrow piercings (I hope she is it would be cool).” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Just keep in mind that it’s been a while, and Allie might not remember you very much, or have the memories twisted by something her mother told her. Don’t make it a ‘Hey, now that you’re 18…’ because that does sound a bit creepy coming from a possible stranger. Just send her a birthday card, and leave your contact information in it.

That way, she has the option to respond, but no obligation to.” Hydrar2309

Another User Comments:

“Send her a light-hearted birthday card with your contact information. No need to go into the past. If you made as much of a connection with the child Allie as you say, the adult Allie will remember. Unless her mother tried to turn her against you, chances are she’ll respond.

The ball is in her court, you can’t force the relationship.

NTJ and any love-starved child such as the one you described are better off even with the short amount of time you had with her. I appreciate you stepping up for her.” bunluv136

4 points - Liked by OpenFlower, lebe, Stagewhisperer and 1 more
Post

User Image
kbeaudway 1 year ago (Edited)
NTJ at all, So long as your expectations are realistic. You simply dropped out of her life for reasons that she didn't know, and she may have built up a lifetime of resentment. She may have mostly forgotten you. Or she may have simply moved on and just feel no need to reconnect. But sending her a letter about who you are, how much she'd meant to you, and why you were suddenly forced out of her life, along with your contact information if she'd like to reconnect, is totally fine. In fact, it may be very healing for her, and help with any feelings of rejection she may have felt.
4 Reply
View 3 more comments

13. AITJ For Not Quickly Moving On From A Traumatic Experience?

Pexels

“I witnessed a woman fall off her bike today while not wearing a helmet and I was first to arrive to assist her.

Her situation was quite traumatic to witness. I called 911 and did basic first aid before paramedics arrived. I am generally OK but now hours later I find myself not feeling very well mentally and needing some alone time to process and shake off the nerves.

Another background: my husband has a hernia that was acting up this morning so he stayed back to rest with our two-year-old while I went out on the bike.

When I arrived back at our condo my husband wanted to get out of the house. I said I needed some time to lay down and process and that he could go in about 30 minutes. When he came in later I said I’m still really not OK and he didn’t like that. He said ‘we talked about this and you said I could go in 30 minutes.

I’ve been in the house all day and need to get out and have some alone time.’ I reminded him that he had plenty of alone time when our son was napping for over three hours and I get that he feels cooped up but me being shaken after a serious accident kinda supersedes that.

His disregard for the traumatic event I’d been through made me really mad and I felt he should have been more supportive. He didn’t understand why I was upset so I said fine we can post it on the internet and see who’s the jerk. He then, in front of our child, said ‘that’s the stupidest most pathetic thing you’ve ever said.’

So who is the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“He’s 100% the jerk. You witnessed a traumatic event of course you aren’t going to feel great. I spend days not leaving my house he has no excuse. For one, tell him to open a window and watch a tv show in a different room if he needs ‘alone time’ and you take care of yourself, have a long bath/shower.

Also, consider therapy, this event may not affect you in the long run but it also could, so it’s best to see a professional.

Now onto your husband saying asking the internet is the stupidest thing you’ve said, does your husband shut you down like this often? I personally consider asking neutral third parties a healthy thing to do, sometimes I am in the wrong but don’t want to believe it and the internet has helped me out on other accounts.

He knows he is being selfish and doesn’t want to see other people say he is, and he is.

If he can’t spend the ‘whole day’ in the house he needs to grow up.” FinancialAd1357

Another User Comments:

“Honestly, everyone sucks here, like I get it you’re not wrong for needing this but your pain while greater does not mean his needs should be cast aside, and while he realllllllly should not have said that it isn’t good or healthy to bring strangers into your argument over ‘who’s right’ while in the middle of the argument I don’t think anyone who has been antsy and needs out of the house and has already compromised with giving you leeway (albeit not enough and without much grace) would respond well to being told that things should be resolved on the internet.

I personally can get really overwhelmed sometimes if I feel trapped in a situation and it makes me hard to sympathize with other people because my main focus becomes getting myself centered and taking care of my needs as soon as possible so while you definitely needed support I don’t feel like he’s wrong for disregarding it in order to attempt to fulfill his needs (I’m saying this as someone who interpreted him getting genuinely antsy and frustrated at being inside not someone who is just bored) but I do think he could’ve waited a little bit longer and dealt with it but it’s not fair to him to keep moving the goal post when he’s looking for some relief as well.

I genuinely hope you can see someone to talk to about this traumatic event though because I can’t imagine going through that and how hard it must be.” sun-glitter

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You shouldn’t even be asking, and should not be made to feel like you’re in the wrong here.

You went through something traumatic.

Your brain is trying to handle this trauma. Your husband is being an insensitive, selfish, raging jerk and I’m absolutely appalled and disgusted at his behavior. Not just for how he’s treating you, but also to have your child present for it. It’s abhorrent.

Were it me, I’d tell him he could go for his walk now.

And keep walking, to get to wherever he’ll be staying indefinitely because he won’t be living there anymore. He would not be my husband for longer than it took to put the paperwork through. If he can’t do the most basic, human thing and offer support and empathy, putting aside his wants for a time to help you through this trauma, he is not deserving of you.

That’s my two cents as someone who has been there and done that.

I assume you don’t mean to divorce him, in which case, I will simply say you are not in the wrong, have done nothing wrong, and deserve to be supported through this experience. He needs to grow up and stop being a selfish, infantile jerk and take care of his spouse.

You probably shouldn’t have said you were bringing the internet into your argument, but I understand you were frustrated and can excuse the lack of judgment for that moment. Probably should not say you’re going to do that, even if you are going to. It doesn’t excuse his treatment of you or his explosion at you, though, nor his reactions to all of this in the first place.

You shouldn’t have been made to feel guilted or in the wrong, and should not have felt backed into a corner in the first place to feel the need to ask for opinions. It should have been a simple thing from him, ‘Are you okay? How can I help you? What do you need right now?’

So NTJ, from start to finish.

That’s my judgment.” rockpaperllama

4 points - Liked by OpenFlower, lebe, Stagewhisperer and 1 more
Post

User Image
Squidmom 1 year ago
How long had he been "trapped in the house"? He's acting like these been in the house weeks. He's an jerk and doesn't seem to care about you. I hope if he ever witnesses something traumatic you make sure he goes on with life as normal. I live in an area where people getting shot is an hourly/daily incident. Maybe he needs to spend a few hours here and see what it's like to witness trauma. Or maybe when he sees a 16 yr old get shot 12 times (multiple in the head) then maybe he'd understand trauma. He's a jerk and he would be gone until I felt like dealing with him.
3 Reply
View 3 more comments

12. WIBTJ If I Decide To Get Rid Of My Mom's Dogs?

Pexels

“I (26f) have grown up in a house with at least three dogs at all times my whole life. I love them, but I never had a say in which dogs we adopted, I never asked for a dog, or never got to help name them or anything.

I never had any say, I’d just come home from school or work one day to find out she’s adopted a new dog. My mom always stressed the fact that they were her dogs and not mine, even though everything that had to do with them (feeding, walking, cleaning, vet visits, neutering, etc) was always my job.

Three years ago, my mom (52f – then, 49) adopted another dog one week after having a stroke. She brought the dog home, put him on my lap, and told me it was her new dog. He was 3 months old and lived on the side of the road so he had mange and was undernourished and needed all kinds of shots and medicines, which also fell to me.

Three weeks ago, however, my mother passed away. I am the only member of my family available (and physically capable – I have a frail grandmother) to pack up her estate and sell all her stuff. She was a hoarder, so this is quite the job. We were renting this house and the lease ends at the end of February, so everything needs to be done by then.

This includes finding new homes for these dogs.

I’m moving to a new city and the available rentals that suit my needs are mostly not pet friendly. Everyone and their mothers are telling me I would be an awful person if I don’t take at least one of the dogs with me, but I really don’t want to.

Even though I was basically their ‘mom’, I’ve never had the opportunity to be truly alone with only myself to care for. With my mom (whose health went down the toilet after her stroke) and my gran (mostly bedridden), I have basically been a nurse for everyone and all the dogs and have never stayed a night somewhere else because my ‘duties’ here needed doing.

I just want to go out for the day and not have to worry about getting home at a certain time to make dinner for the family or feed the dogs, or even if I don’t feel like coming home the day at all and want to sleep in a hotel for the heck of it.

Anyway, everyone is telling me I’m selfish and that the dogs have already lost so much already and all these changes are happening that they don’t understand and it’s cruel of me to leave them. It breaks my heart, I really love them, but I feel like I owe it to myself to be alone for a while and travel or something.

Would I be the jerk here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The big question to be asked is, ‘Will the dogs have a great life with you? Is staying with you in their best interest?’

The answer is no. You’ve already stated that amenable rentals to your situation are not pet-friendly. No matter our emotional attachment (or lack thereof in this case), at the end of the day, we have to go with what is in their best interest. Cramming them into a non-pet-friendly place, sneaking them around HOAs, or compromising their (and your) living situation is not in their best interest.

Anything else is superfluous to the real matter at hand, and you can feel free to tell anyone arguing otherwise that THIS is the crux of the matter.

That said, in honoring your mother’s love for the pooches, I’d recommend either finding placements yourself or working with a no-kill rescue so you can rest easy knowing the pups get placed in a loving family.” thatsharkchick

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – at all. It’s not cruel to re-home the dogs to a loving home where they will be treated as a family member, and not an imposition. You’ve done your bit by caring for the dogs during your mother’s lifetime, but you are entitled to live dog-free and responsibility-free. You recognize that owning a dog is a commitment, and it’s not one you are willing to make.

There’s nothing wrong with that. You were kind to your mom’s dogs, but that doesn’t mean that you are tied to them for life. Those people who are anthropomorphizing the dog’s ‘feelings’ of abandonment are putting the dog’s ‘feelings’ above your own life, and that’s just nuts.

You aren’t selfish, and the people who are trying to shame you into being a pet parent are remarkably obtuse and misguided. I would ask, though, that you make the effort to find the dogs good homes instead of surrendering them to a kill shelter.” Alarming_Paper_8357

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were given all the responsibility without any of the good stuff with the dogs. That will breed more resentment. Along with moving to an apartment that will most likely not be pet friendly.

The best thing you can do for these dogs is find them homes where they will get the love, care, and attention they deserve.

It will be better for all parties all around.

When you are ready to get a pet (if you want one) then it will be YOUR choice. Not anyone else’s. Don’t let the rest of the family bully you into taking one of them.” Akiranar

4 points - Liked by OpenFlower, lebe, Stagewhisperer and 1 more
Post

User Image
kbeaudway 1 year ago
NTJ. I volunteer in a shelter, and these situations are always tragic. It's not your fault that you're not in a position to care for them. Truth be told, it's the responsibility of pet owners to have a plan in place for their pets should they pass, just like they make arrangements for the care of their children. I would do my very best to find loving people that you know to take them. In lieu of that, find a shelter who can help. Don't adopt them to people that you don't know personally (or that someone you know very well knows personally). Shelters at least have an adoption policy, they keep a database of people with animal welfare violations, and often do a home check. They require verification from a landlord that pets are allowed, and they can require the pets be returned to them if for some reason the adoptive home is found to be unsuitable.
4 Reply
View 3 more comments

11. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Borrow Funds From Me?

Pexels

“My (f27) friends (married f30, f34) and I bought houses around the same time last year.

Now, the three of us are fairly close, as we’ve known each other since college. During the buying process, they were short 30-ish bucks. I lent them the funds, but it’s such a small amount that I haven’t really worried about it. Her not paying it back isn’t a big deal for me, but this is important for later.

Throughout the year, she’s been venting to me about her problems; finances, marriage, health, etc. I know she’s been behind on almost all her mortgage payments and bills, so I would help her pick up extra shifts at work; her wife refuses to work a full-time job and they spend like crazy on toys and games.

I disagree with their lifestyle, but again, it’s none of my business, so I have said absolutely nothing to her about it. I also don’t offer any unsolicited advice; I keep out of her business unless she willingly shares, and I expect the same in return.

Recently, however, things came to a head. As any homeowner in the US knows, property taxes for 2021 are overdue if they haven’t been paid.

Hers are substantial, and she doesn’t have the funds. She recently asked to borrow it from me, a sum of nearly $2,000. Now I do have the money; after college, I stayed at home and saved funds for several years, and even after buying my house I still have a substantial amount that I keep for emergencies.

She’s made snide comments about it before when I mentioned waiting until payday to buy something, to the point I had to remind her that my funds are none of her business. But this time she was insistent. I told her no several times, and we got into a fight. She told me I was greedy and selfish and that if I was her friend and cared about her, I would help her.

She accused me of holding the previously lent $30 against her ‘all this time.’

Here’s where I might be the jerk: I told her she was greedy for thinking I had any obligation to give her anything, that I didn’t trust she would actually pay it back considering her late bills, and that if she lost her house it wasn’t my concern; I also took it farther in saying that if she didn’t spend every cent the minute she had it and her wife worked a full-time job, the issues wouldn’t be an issue in the first place.

We also work together, and it’s been so tense ever since that even other coworkers are picking up on it. She’s tried shaming me for it in front of other friends, but I still refuse to give her the funds. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You mentioned as a reason that you might be the jerk that you brought up their lifestyle even though it wasn’t part of the discussion, but their lifestyle is directly causing the issue that you were discussing.

They’re behind on bills and might lose their house, specifically because of their spending habits. Their constant spending on things they don’t need is causing them to be unable to pay for what they DO need. And they’re expecting you to come in and solve the problem. It’s interesting how your ‘friend’ had so many snide comments about your good saving habits but expects to benefit from them.

NTJ, stand your ground and maybe distance yourself from these friends. Real friends don’t ask for financial help (after making little nasty comments about your savings) and then throw a fit when you say no.” gluevah

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Feels like this friendship is over. Just let it go and let her do her own damage at work.

Anyone with a brain will know there are two sides to a story…

If you want the friendship to continue (why?), circle back, and say that while you still will not lend her anything, you didn’t mean to get so personal. Remind her you never cared about the $30, so she should put it out of her head.

At the same time, the way she internalized the feeling you cared about it – is proof that lending funds, especially larger sums are not going to be a good thing if you/she wants to remain friends. Add that at the very least, none of this should be an issue discussed at work.” Babsgarcia

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She does not have a right to your own funds. If you CHOOSE to loan it to her, that’s your decision. But she’s behaving as if just because you’re friends and you have the money she has a right to any of it, and she absolutely does not.

And we know it wouldn’t be a loan.

If she can’t pay back $30, she ain’t paying back $2K.

But if you do, for whatever reason, decide to go forward and loan her the funds have an agreement IN WRITING that you both sign that lays out the amount loaned, the expectations for payback in terms of amount and payment schedule, and any interest that would accrue.

Give her a copy, you keep the original, and you take her to court when she violates it.

Friends don’t act the way she’s acting.” lemonlimeaardvark

4 points - Liked by LizzieTX, lebe, Stagewhisperer and 1 more
Post

User Image
Squidmom 1 year ago
Unless you are sleeping with her and plan on being together her finances are not your problem. Maybe her gf needs to find a jerk Jon and help pay their bills or don't spend all the money. Our house is paid off and I don't have to work. I still work ft and am looking for a side gig. I would seriously question my friendship with them. And if she wants to make the workplace hostile then she can get fired or the business can be sued for allowing it. Screw them. You are financially in a good place and make good decisions. Nobody is entitled to it. You will never see it again.
2 Reply
View 3 more comments

10. AITJ For Being Mad When I Got Discharged While Unconscious?

Pexels

“My (21F) sister (24F) took me to the hospital for a scheduled colonoscopy/endoscopy this last Friday. When I was getting prepped the first dose of anesthesia didn’t work so they gave me another dose. When I did wake up I was slumped over in a wheelchair being wheeled into an elevator fully clothed. Due to the extra dose, I wasn’t waking up, the nurses convinced my sister that they needed me to go because they need more beds.

My sister then helped the nurse dress me while I was unconscious and brought me to the car.

In my opinion, this was incredibly unsafe and I’m upset at my sister for letting this happen. I told her that it annoyed me and she got incredibly defensive and yelled that it wasn’t her fault and she thought I was just ‘being a lazy jerk’.

My other sister agrees that what she did was wrong, but my brother says that my sister was told by the nurses it was fine so it’s not on her. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But if it were me, I wouldn’t blame her for listening to the opinions of medical professionals and agreeing to take you… she may have made a mistake, but she didn’t become a jerk until she called you lazy for being under anesthesia.

On the other hand, you need to contact the hospital or your local Department of Health and tell them what happened. It is 100% unsafe for people experiencing the effects of anesthesia to be released from a hospital setting. Additionally, unless your sister had a power of attorney for you, she was not legally permitted to make medical decisions for you and therefore could not have signed your discharge paperwork on your behalf.

That nurse acted incredibly irresponsibly and there needs to be oversight before the next person isn’t as lucky as you were.” DinaFelice

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Your sister should not have insulted you, but she reasonably trusted medical professionals. Your anger, at least to some degree, seems rather misplaced, and considering she was there for you, she does seem to care about you and your well-being, trying to do you a favor.

Also, are you 100% sure you were unconscious? As someone who has been through anesthesia, you are often talking and moving before you realize you are awake again, even though you may feel drowsy. I couldn’t remember a lot of things and was only told later after being under anesthesia.” ILikeSealsALot

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your sister did something stupid, but she did it on the recommendation of a medical professional – so while she should really have considered what she was doing and how it would be for you (when you expect to wake up in a hospital bed, waking up dressed and on the road is going to be disorientating), she was just following orders.

I am honestly surprised though that any nurse or doctor would sign off on releasing an unconscious patient still under sedation. What happens if something goes wrong while you are still under, or you wake up with a problem? I would be considering contacting the hospital regarding this.” nrsys

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

The doctors/nurses should not have been pushing for your discharge when you were not cognizant of your surroundings. Your sister should not have been willing to take you home in that condition. You shouldn’t have yelled at her.

The hospital/staff is who deserves your ire. You need to get a copy of the medical records that day asap, and possibly get a lawyer.

The bottom line is that you could have not woken up from the anesthesia at all, and being sent home in that condition could have resulted in your death.” LacBryn

3 points - Liked by lebe, Stagewhisperer and elel
Post

User Image
Squidmom 1 year ago
NTJ. Is your sister dumb? Anyone with half a brain would question what happened. My sister had surgery and I was her driver. She was fully awake and able to walk and dress herself afterwards. If she wasn't we would not have left. Too much jerk can go wrong. I will never just blindly trust any doctor or nurse. They are far from perfect. Definitely get a lawyer and your medical records become what they did is probably against protocol and Definitely not good for your health
1 Reply
View 3 more comments

9. AITJ For Not Giving Up The Sunday Shift?

Pexels

“I (18F) work in retail. My coworker (29F – A) asked if I could cover for her Thursday and Friday next week, and I agreed. The roster comes out and my name is rostered for T, W, T, F, S, S.

My manager asked me why I’m not working Sunday. I’m like ‘what? My name’s rostered, and I’ll be here Sunday’ (roster mistake by boss). He replied ‘no, A wrote a note for boss to take your Sunday since she said you swapped with her?’ I’m very confused at this point since I don’t recall swapping.

We concluded that she probably thought that we were swapping. I’m ok with it, but my manager tells me to not give in since A apparently has pulled this sort of thing in the past with others. So by then, I’m a little worried since I like A.

I text A to clear it up/ask why she didn’t mention swapping shifts with me (she asked to cover.

If she had asked to swap originally I would have declined since Sunday pay rates = almost 2x normal pay). She then called me a liar and said to swap not cover and that I was young so I didn’t understand how work shifts work. I texted back and said that it was a misunderstanding, but she insisted I was lying about it.

I told her that I won’t be covering her shifts if it meant I was giving up my Sunday. She got angry and told me that I’m being nasty/not a team player for not helping her out and that she has never had a problem with other coworkers when it comes to shifts.

I didn’t reply.

But then I get called in on Monday, A talked to me and denies that it was a miscommunication and that she would never lie about this sort of stuff, we bicker back n forth until I said ‘let’s not talk about it anymore. I will text boss. He can decide’.

Later she kept making remarks about me to my face/other coworkers, I couldn’t even tell her off since they were all passive-aggressive. Some like ‘how long have you been here? A month? I’ve been here for 3 years. This has never been a problem. We girls here help each other out when we can’.

‘Hey, can you do this for me? Wait, do you even know how since you’re new?’ ‘Hey other coworker, remember that time we swapped shifts? It’s like a family here, we should always help each other out, right?’ when I was in earshot. I’m so mad at this point since she keeps poking at me to get a reaction but I said nothing since I felt inferior.

Eventually, she says something along the lines of ‘Hey, I really need the Sunday shift. I have to support my family in Italy, the health crisis hit them really hard. It’s unfair of you to take my shifts and for me to miss 2 days’ pay when I need the money to help my family.

Come on OP, help me out’. I feel guilty since Italy WAS really hit hard by the health crisis, but the way she treated me when we talked about it was unacceptable. I answered what I have been telling her all night: the boss can decide.

Boss decides Sunday’s mine, and I also get the Thursday and Friday shifts since no one is willing to cover for A.

A has continued to act spiteful about it and has since ignored me.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I hate gaslighting. People are really cruel. You were told one thing and you KNOW what you agreed to and she’s trying to change it. She lied to you and lied to the managers about getting a Sunday shift. She can try and guilt trip you all she wants, but let it fall on deaf ears.

I’m glad you stuck up for yourself and I am glad the managers backed you up. Next time, get any kind of scheduling change like that in writing via text or something so you can fall back on it. She was being shady so good on you.” Sweet_Charming82

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell the boss that already knows that she’s played games and that she’s still playing them if she keeps it up.

And if she comes to you to try to get you to take a shift again, insist that the conversation has to be in front of boss from the start. So she can be very clear that she wants coverage or she wants a swap (and never agree to cover 2 days for her getting a Sunday).

Also, that family thing was probably a lie. She wanted an extra day off without losing the movie and the double pay Sunday was how she thought she could get it.” Annual-Contract-115

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

DO NOT FEEL BAD. Her behavior is deplorable. She knew what she was doing and her modus operandi is to demean and guilt you.

What happened in Italy is not your problem. She is playing on your emotions because you are a nice person and she knows that you care beyond yourself (e.g. Italy was hard hit). Good on your boss for the decision.

Moving forward, if she ever asks you again, tell her to make an official request through your boss.

You know – to avoid ‘miscommunication.'” One_Saturday_Morning

3 points - Liked by lebe, elel and LizzieTX
Post

User Image
Beenthruit 1 year ago
NTJ. She's horrible and I would never cover another shift for her again. There's a reason no one else will.
3 Reply
View 1 more comment

8. AITJ For Not Attending My Grandson's First Birthday?

Pexels

“I had a very difficult marriage that I stayed in for 16 years because of the kids. Whether that was the right choice or not is a question for another day.

I finally left my wife in 2012 and after long and bitter discussions that ultimately benefitted the lawyers most, we divorced in 2014. I have been in another relationship now for a number of years and last year got married again, much to the bitterness of my former wife because, and this is important, I first met this person in 2006, while we were still married and had an affair with her.

I stopped the affair in 2007 and tried to save my marriage and had no further contact with her until after my marriage had ended. I understand that the affair was wrong but I’m not asking if I am the jerk regarding that.

My grandson was born last year and will be one in a week or two.

My daughter has said that she doesn’t want to have a relationship with my new wife or for my grandson to either because she’s been told by her mother about the original affair. I accept that and only see my grandson on my own at their home. In the meantime, because we live in the same town, my former wife sends me texts demanding that I and my wife move somewhere else because she doesn’t want us living in the same town.

Recently, my daughter asked if I’d like to join a family dinner to celebrate the first birthday. This would be with her and her partner, and my former wife. After thinking about it, although of course I’d like to share in the celebrations, I told my daughter that I don’t want any of the problems between my ex-wife and myself to spoil the happy day and I’d visit alone another time to celebrate the occasion.

She accepted that.

My ex-wife however is sending me messages wanting to know why I don’t want to celebrate my first grandchild’s first birthday, asking what kind of father and grandfather I think I am. What do you think? AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your ex-wife is being manipulative. First, she wants you to move to a different town so there is no chance of you running into her, then she gets mad that you don’t want to attend a party that will give her a chance to make a scene.

You are doing the right thing, and you explained why to your daughter. You told her that you don’t want issues between your daughter’s mother and you to spoil the occasion of your grandson’s birthday and you’d rather visit another time to celebrate. You are being the adult here.” Algebralovr

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your ex has really jammed you up.

You’re never going to win. She literally is telling you to move out of town because it ain’t big enough for the both of you, then berates you for not going to dinner with her. Sorry but I don’t think your daughter’s a whole lot better here either. Forcing every interaction with her to exclude your wife.

Yeah, the affair wasn’t great but it was 15 years ago and you tried to work on your marriage after it and had no contact with this lady for 10 years. You are literally missing your grandson’s first birthday and I’m sure that’s killing you but you’re trying to do it to keep the peace but they’re still beating you up about it.

Your daughter must be like her mother and for that, I’m very sorry.” dart1126

Another User Comments:

“I guess NTJ – I say that because I do understand you’re trying to be responsible and not have anything go down to ruin the celebration. But I also feel like the baby’s birthday is more important than your problems with your ex and you should be there for the grandchild.

I almost want to say to go anyways and be cordial and let your ex go off and make a scene because then you’ll probably get some slack from your daughter.

In any case, why have you not blocked your ex on like, everything? Your kid is grown so you don’t need to be in contact with your ex at all.” imanonymoushi

2 points - Liked by lebe and elel
Post

User Image
kbeaudway 1 year ago
NTJ, but I'd rethink allowing your daughter to exclude your wife from a major part of your life. This affair was not about your daughter. It was between you and your wife. It was over a decade ago, and she's now your wife. Allowing her mother to dictate the relationship is not fair. That your wife can never participate in holidays or special occasions is disrespectful. Your daughter needs to be an adult about this and move on, even if her mother can't. They don't need to be close, but a total ban on ever having contact? If I was your wife, I wouldn't be okay with that. Unless you want this relationship to end in divorce too, I suggest you speak with your daughter about developing some minimal relationship.
3 Reply
View 6 more comments

7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Daughter To Visit Her Dad?

Pexels

“My daughter (5f) and I (27f) have been living in different states from her Father (32m) on and off for her whole life. He asks for her to come to stay with him every Summer.

I have let him come to Mississippi and pick her up EVERY SUMMER and take her back 14 hours plus to Miami.

I do not get child support or anything, only funds from when I am able to work. The agreement is he will pick her up and bring her back. Every Summer he has another reason he cannot bring her back, I am forced to come out of pocket or borrow funds to get my child back to me, 4 years in a row.

Throughout the year I do not ask him for any help with finances. The woman he is with has 2 children so he knows what a child needs daily for the rest of the year.

He sent 200$ for her birthday (once) and he sent her 100$ for Christmas 2021. We struggle here and there that’s normal. My problem is that he feels entitled to get her every Summer to ‘go have fun’ while I can only make ends meet during the year.

She has all the fun memories with him and thinks I’m mean and boring and all about school. I’ve never had a summer with her.

Last year I was financially able to ‘have some fun’ with her but instead of saving it for fun with her when she came home, I had to take the money to rent a car and drive 14 hrs myself.

When I made it to Miami to get her he told me he will bring her after he takes her to the fair. She has been with him for 3 months and I was on a limited time being that the car being rented another day would be another 150$ I did not have to spare, he brought her late.

He has every excuse and apology for not being able to do for our child while he posts on social media all the things he does on a daily basis for the 2 that are not his, and most recently ‘paid for his significant other’s Vegas trip’. I’m happy for them but I want to have fun memories with my daughter too.

I feel like he is taking advantage of my kindness. Why should I have to ask for help with our kid when he KNOWS firsthand what a child needs on a daily basis because he is taking care of another woman and both of her 2 kids? Common sense would tell you I could always use the help but all he asks is that I don’t put him on child support because he can’t afford it.

I have only dealt with it this long because of the ‘I want my kid to have her dad in her life’. I am not bitter but I think I am being too nice at my own expense.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Keep her home with you. If he has a problem he will have to go through the courts.

Once there he’ll have to pay child support and hopefully back pay what he hasn’t already done to support her. If you still have receipts from these rentals bring those with you. Everyone you’ve had to borrow funds from needs to write a letter stating why they lent you funds and that you being responsible have also paid them back.

Save and screenshot everything. Dad’s a deadbeat trying to pose as a good father.

You are not the jerk. You keep going into a financial hole to retrieve your daughter after every broken agreement. He’s using your daughter as a weapon against you going low to no contact with this jerk.” User

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

But not for the reason you think.

You should be receiving child support to assist you in paying for the day-to-day needs of your child. The fact that you don’t get any suggests that you’ve never ASKED for support. WHY NOT? WHY DON’T you ask him for support throughout the year? YOUR CHILD DESERVES IT.

So, call your division of child support enforcement. Ask them to assist you in getting a support order so that you don’t struggle as much throughout the year.

Then, set up a formal custody order. You don’t have to let her go to her dad’s the WHOLE summer, maybe just part of the summer, so that you can make some good memories with her as well.

If he can pay for his SO to go to Vegas, he can send you monthly support to help care for HIS CHILD.” Algebralovr

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I was ready to say YTJ because purposely keeping a child away from their other parent is usually done to punish the other parent and is just wrong all around.

However, I get this. First of all, he is doing nothing but being a ‘Disneyland Dad’. Take him to court to get child support. The fact is he has an obligation to help support her. Second, when getting that support order you should see if it’s possible to put into it how visitation will be financed.

For example, my ex and I live in separate states, if he wants to see the kids he has to pay for the transportation to make that visit happen. There is no way that these expenses should be on you. Also, I know extra medical expenses outside of the monthly insurance payment are split, so if my kid needs some dental fillings my ex is supposed to pay half.

If you don’t want to jump right to taking him to court, start doing research about what the laws where you live say about these things, or speak with a lawyer about this. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how we feel about something if the laws say something else.” TickledPink83

Another User Comments:

“You need to get a lawyer.

You can have all the reasons in the world, we can all think your ex is a total jerk, but you also suck for not going after him for child support and a formal custodial order. You are taking better care of him by not going after the support your daughter is owed. Think hard about this.

Why are you not pushing for the support your daughter deserves? It’s not like she can go out and earn her own funds. I feel bad for your daughter, mostly – she’s got two parents who aren’t getting their act together to give her a good life. This issue isn’t going to go away. Time to go to court.

Everyone sucks here, except the kids.” User

2 points - Liked by lebe and elel
Post

User Image
Squidmom 1 year ago
He needs to be a Dad and not a fun hangout. I would definitely go to court for support. If he wants visits HE can file for it in court. No way in jerk my child would be going with him. If there I'd no custody order in place he can take her and NOT give her back and there is nothing you can do about it but go to court and wait. Just because she lives with you does not mean you have custody. My niece had a baby at 15. My sis went to court to get custody of the baby because she was raising it. The judge gave her custody of the baby and her daughter. She asked why and the judge said you don't have custody of her unless I give it to you. Weird huh? Imagine not having custody of your own child. I would not put it past him to take her and not give her back.
2 Reply
View 2 more comments

6. AITJ For Banning Meat In The House?

Pexels

” “I (42F) recently remarried a man (41M) after a messy divorce with my ex (55M).

Our relationship was toxic and abusive, but it took me a long time to accept that. I have two kids, 17M and 14F.

My new husband is Jewish, and so is my new stepdaughter (15F). My husband is an atheist, but he still abides by many religious laws because they are part of his culture.

His ex-wife is more religious, and my stepdaughter is still figuring things out, which, duh, she’s a teenager.

My stepdaughter keeps stricter dietary restrictions than my husband, the same ones used in her mother’s house. Utensils, dishes, and cookware that are used for meat can’t be used for milk and vice versa. We color-coordinated the kitchen to facilitate this.

However, my kids, especially my son, have been ignoring the color coding system. Several plates have been “ruined” in the sense that my stepdaughter can’t eat food off of them anymore.

When my husband and stepdaughter first moved in, we banned pork and shrimp (and other forbidden foods) from the house. My ex raised a huge stink about this.

So did my son, although it was just to be rebellious because he can eat all the shrimp he wants on his dad’s weeks and rarely eats pork anyway.

Well, recently I decided to ban all meat because my kids couldn’t honor the color-coded system and were creating huge headaches for everyone. Predictably, my ex and son pitched a fit.

My son reports everything I do to my ex, who always reframes it as me being evil, which my son always ends up agreeing with because he prefers his dad and hates my new husband. (My ex has a 27-year-old SO now by the way, that my son has no issue with because she’s ‘cool.’)

What I didn’t expect was for my daughter to also be angry, as she’s usually the level-headed one. She said I’m favoring my stepdaughter. Her reaction gave me pause. Did I go too far?

Update: After breakfast, I offered my kids to bring back meat if they agreed to do chores to pay off every dish I have to replace because of their defiance.

My daughter happily accepted. My son was furious and started yelling and cursing at his sister. She got mad at him, so she tattled, telling me their dad was paying my son to ruin my dishes. I confiscated his phone, made him give me the password (threatened to turn off WiFi), and found the conversations.

I sent myself screenshots of everything. I also found the money in his room and confiscated what he hadn’t already spent. I sent my lawyer everything, and since parental alienation is a violation of our custody agreement, I should have a temporary full custody order by Thursday and a permanent one within a month.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

It’s not just some ‘made-up dietary choices’ these are her religious beliefs. It’s not too hard to expect a 17-year-old to know what color of bowls he can use and what not. That’s not a huge life-changing thing. It’s simple respect for the religious requirements of one other that also is part of the household and family.

If he can’t respect that, banning meat is a solution. Meat is optional not an absolute need to have. The vegetarian lifestyle is nothing new or extreme.

Another solution could be to make some space somewhere else for a few cooking items for your stepdaughter to use. Where she’s the only one using them.” catbutt4

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re the adult. You decide what to buy for food and what is in the house for food. Also, you were doing the right thing for your stepdaughter and not prioritizing her over your other kids at all. If she wants to follow the practices her mom does, she should be allowed to.

Just because your other children don’t have such strict rules for eating doesn’t mean you wouldn’t have done the same for them if they did have those rules.” disaGIGGLEbilities

2 points - Liked by LizzieTX and elel
Post

User Image
kbeaudway 1 year ago
YTJ, slightly. I'm Jewish. The Kashrut rules are complicated to keep in an interfaith family, and it's hard to suddenly force it upon a non-Jewish teenager. Forcing your whole family to go vegetarian is too far. There are easier ways to handle this. Your step daughter should have a separate cabinet for her dishes, where one shelf can be meat, and another dairy. (Feel free to put a lock on it if needed.) Also, the dishes have not been ruined and you don't need to throw them away! Simply make it kosher again by washing it, waiting 24 hours, and then completely submerging it in boiling water for a sec (hagala). (Hagala is instant ... the item needn't be able to withstand prolonged boiling. If it's dishwasher safe, you're good.) Your stepdaughter may need to be flexible about unkosher foods. She can demand that unkosher foods not have direct physical contact with kosher foods, but requiring separate refrigerators or segregated shelves seems unrealistic in an interfaith family. You can always get her a mini fridge for her items if she's not comfortable with that. Keeping pork and shellfish out of the house is nice, but pork isn't really any worse than unkosher chicken. And the kosher rules aren't just about meat. Kosher is kosher. You need to sit down as a family and talk about ways to respect her keeping kosher and the needs of the rest of the family. Dictating this from on high is not going to be helpful. Your son is obviously rebelling, with his father's encouragement. But you're not going to resolve it by making him the bad guy and giving him no say. You're going to resolve it by blending your family and working things out as a family.
2 Reply
View 3 more comments

5. WIBTJ If I Feed The Dog We're Babysitting More Than We're Supposed To?

Pexels

“My husband (22m) and I (20F) are babysitting our former roommate’s dog while he’s away for four days. We’ve had issues with this roommate in the past and the only reason we are babysitting is that we like the dog but not him, and he did make an effort to get other people to watch the dog but no one else could.

This dog used to live with us when we were all together. He’s a tall pit-mix stray, generally a good dog but isn’t very well potty trained (we knew this, and don’t blame him for accidents). Our former roommate desperately wants him to be a hunting dog though. He’s pretty stern with the dog, which we have no place to object to, but he also keeps him pretty thin to give him an ‘edge’.

He’s not emaciated, but he’s just on the lower end of a good weight. Let me put it this way; if he wanted to survive a night outside in the cold he would need to gain another 5 lbs. I can count his ribs by sight, but only in the right lighting.

Our roommate gave us half a gallon bag of dog food for four days and told us to give him a cup of food a day.

He constantly begs for food and we feel bad for giving him so little, but we don’t want to overstep our boundaries. We’ve been giving him a few pieces of chicken jerky throughout the day because our roommate has given him treats for obeying commands.

Would we be the jerk if we gave him some extra food?

We feel like it would also help a little with the stress of being away from his owner but if there’s something we’re missing let us know. We haven’t owned dogs that are supposed to be on edge, we’ve only owned family dogs so we don’t know the proper etiquette if there is any.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Keeping a dog ‘on edge’ with hunger is terrible ownership. To be honest, the owner is a huge jerk for everything – This breed is not a hunting breed, the dog is not potty trained, the dog has picked up smaller dogs, and the dog is underfed. That is terrible and abusive to keep a dog in a situation where they are not properly cared for.

If you can, help the dog find a new home.” GiftRecent

Another User Comments:

“I would say YTJ.

  1. You say the dog is at a healthy weight. Yes, he might slip down into a less-than-healthy weight, but that is up to the owner of the dog to maintain.
  2. If you think the dog is being mistreated by being starved/malnourished, take it to a vet and get actual proof and then take it up with authorities.
  3. You only have the dog for 4 days, unless you are stuffing the dog, 4 days of extra food is not going to do anything for the dog, except perhaps make his owner cut back on his food to get him down to the preferred weight if the owner feels the dog is now ‘overfed’.
  4. It isn’t your dog.

    It doesn’t matter what the owner is planning to use the dog as unless you can prove mistreatment because it is his dog. And if you think the dog is being mistreated? See 2.

As for begging, you can’t use begging as a ‘the poor dog is starving’. Every day my cat goes through his whole ‘mommy I haven’t eaten for DAYS and DAYS!

and I am soooo hungry’ routine, even though he constantly has dry food (which he isn’t fond of) and he gets fed wet food every single day. Every time he sees me get out food, he wants to know what it is because maybe he wants some. If I go to the cupboard that he knows his food is in, he is there because maybe I forgot I already fed him.” DiegoIntrepid

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I don’t think you’re in the wrong at all for wanting to feed the dog more than he’s usually getting. The dog is being malnourished for a frankly rather stupid purpose, but you do need to proceed with caution, changing a dog’s diet can sometimes have adverse effects. The dog’s stomach isn’t used to getting an increased amount of food so suddenly having more than he’s able to handle might not go over well.

You’ll probably be looking at a fair amount of vomiting over the next few days and if you do get him adjusted to a higher intake of food going back to the one cup a day will be very hard for him when he goes back to his original owner. Honestly, this is a situation where you might want to get some authorities involved. Especially because honestly I’d be very concerned about dog fighting with this friend, that breed combined with the edge from borderline starvation is really common in dog fighting rings.” Artistic-Caramel-674

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ if you started feeding the dog more without talking to the owner first.

The dog could end up getting sick from suddenly having more food, and could end up with worse behavior and training issues when their owner comes back and reduces their serving amount again. Suddenly increasing their food amount and then decreasing it again over the course of only 4 days will probably just make the dog sick and irritable.

Look up how to tell if a dog really is underweight (it’s normal to be able to see the last few ribs), and if you’re still concerned I recommend talking to your friend and suggesting going to their vet to get their opinion.” Padloq

0 points (0 votes)
Post

User Image
helenh9653 3 months ago
NTJ yet. Take the dog to a vet. If the vet says he's underfed, feed him a little more (too much could make him sick) and contact your local humane society.
0 Reply
View 3 more comments

4. AITJ For Just Leaving My Payment On The Counter?

Pexels

“I don’t believe anyone in this scenario will be pressing charges, myself included. It’s a small town so both the owner of the store and the police department are acquaintances, and I understand neither will be pursuing this legally even if they’re both upset with me. However, the cashier mentioned here was a total stranger.

I recently entered a store and while trying to purchase an item, found there was no staff at the register. I didn’t want to wait around so I just wanted to put some cash on the counter and leave. This was in fact more than the item’s value and I wasn’t planning on getting the difference back.

However, mid-way through trying to leave, a cashier emerged from the rear and was startled by me in the front. I apologized for shocking her in a light, humorous tone and pointed out my money on the counter.

She seemed reciprocal at first but said in a similarly apologetic tone that she would still need to call the police and that I had to stay and resolve the situation with them.

I refuse and the discussion quickly became hostile. I told her I would happily return the item if she gave me back my money (bear in mind that both the item and my money were placed on the counter at this point, there was no physical possession by either of us it was purely a moral issue), or otherwise, I would take her keeping my pay as consent to my purchase and leave.

She refused either option and simply repeated that she would be calling the police and that I had to stay and wait for them to arrive. I told her that attempting to keep me here would leave her in more trouble than me, so I walked out with the item before she could stop me or call the police, leaving the funds on the counter.

I understand from friends the police were then called but declined to attend the scene.

In my eyes, I did absolutely nothing wrong – I paid the labeled price for the item, and when the cashier refused, I offered to return it. I only wished to leave the premises, and the store had no right to hold me there.

However members of my family are treating it as if I actually robbed the store, and it’s contributing poorly to my reputation.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, can’t do that. Sorry. The cashier was doing her job. Just because you didn’t see anyone there doesn’t mean you can just walk away. Did you even bother calling a simple ‘hello’ out to see where someone was?

Did you leave a note explaining what you took? How was she to know what was taken? And then your arrogant behavior when she needed to clarify everything. No, you’re a jerk. Next time, if there’s no one there, leave the item and walk away but you don’t get to take it with you.

Yes, the cashier could have made it easier by just ringing you up after coming out and seeing the transaction done but if they were new they were probably more about ‘following protocol’ over letting it slide like a regular would have.

But you are certainly the jerk for pushing back the way you did.” Sweet_Charming82

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. They likely needed to scan the bar code to ring out the item. Had you left the store they had no way to know what the money was intended for, which messes up their inventory.

You were absolutely in the wrong for deciding to leave money with no explanation and without trying to find someone to ring you out. It was not an emergency situation.

They also suck for saying they would be calling the cops. Technically you didn’t leave the premises so you did not steal. They should have explained why they needed to ring the item out.

You clearly did leave payment for the item. The cops didn’t respond because technically there was no crime as they were paid. You both could have handled the situation like adults.” idont-care12091

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – you did in fact steal it. It was NEVER scanned (important for multiple purchases), you did not wait to make sure the payment was received by the cashier (someone else can walk in and take it), she has no idea who you are, what was taken, and the cost!

Just random cash that may be on the counter? You ARE wrong! You STOLE! You had no right to do anything! The store should charge you!

The cashier did nothing wrong you did then you acted like a toddler having a tantrum instead of waiting for the police to try and figure it out! You are so entitled it’s sickening.

At the minimum, you need to go apologize to the cashier and store owner for your actions and stop thinking you’re above the law and do not have to be rung through with your purchases.

Also, this behavior is a pattern and we know you’re one of the people who sees a line at the gas station, walks to the front, drops coins for the gas, and leaves without waiting.

People tried it with me, I push it off the counter and call the police. You’re not special (you think you are) or more important than everyone else in society. They have places for people who think like you. Keep doing what you do and you will get to vacation there.” User

0 points - Liked by elel
Post

User Image
helenh9653 3 months ago
YTJ. You didn't pay for anything, you left random money on a counter without specifying what it was for, and where anyone could have taken it. If you couldn't or didn't want to wait, you should have left and come back another time.
0 Reply
View 2 more comments

3. AITJ For Thinking My Student Is Just Making Up Excuses?

Pexels

“I teach 7th grade at a catholic school. I don’t teach all their classes but I do teach math, religion, English, and social studies to my class.

I have this student I’ll call Krissy. She is a… handful. She’s a smart girl and usually does well on tests, but she is extremely dramatic.

I have been having a lot of issues with her when it comes to late assignments. I do accept late homework, but 10% is taken off each day late until they fail the assignment. Obviously, there are certain circumstances in that students can turn in late assignments without penalty.

Krissy has been turning in assignments late all year and going on some sob story about why she couldn’t get them done in time.

I have been giving her full credit, but every time my patience is getting thinner. It’s her grandma is sick so she was visiting in the hospital, her dog ran away and she was out all day looking, her uncle is sick in the hospital, her mom got stuck at work so she had to spend all day babysitting her siblings, her dad got mad at her which sparked an anxiety attack and she couldn’t do the homework.

You get the picture. These are all excuses she’s used. There’s even more. I feel bad, as I think she’s getting a lot more leeway than the other students.

Today, we had a pop quiz on a reading assignment from last week. This is a normal thing we do on Mondays to test who read last week.

After the quiz, Krissy came up to my desk as the rest of the kids head to another class. So the grandma of her best friend growing up passed away. She was having a very rough time so Krissy basically spent the entire week with her after school. And just couldn’t get the reading done.

She admitted to probably flunking the pop quiz and wanted to retake it later in the week.

I looked at Krissy, sighed, and just said ‘Krissy, I don’t care. You do this all the time. It’s not fair to the other students, you have to find a way to get your work done.

The excuses are not going to work anymore’. She started to tear up and plead with me. I told her if she is really having these serious issues so frequently, we can have her parents come in for a meeting to figure out what we can do.

She insisted that wasn’t necessary and that she can’t get her parents involved. I told her that was her only option.

Either she gets the work done on time or we sit down with her parents. She left the room while yelling that people like me are the reason her generation has so many mental health problems because ‘we don’t understand their struggle’.

Am I the jerk for how I handled this? I really think I did the best I could.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – I also teach 7th grade and you 100% crossed a line. You should have seen warning signs left, right, and center weeks ago if this was a constant issue. Those parents should have been contacted and brought in weeks ago! You should have reported a possible issue to the school counselor/psychologist so she can get some support.

YOU are the adult and control the situation. YOU are meant to provide support and help. One of the very first things we learn as a teacher is that the ‘home environment can negatively affect behaviors and classroom performance.’

I understand, the profession is exhausting and we have loads dumped on us but that is no excuse to dismiss a student and expect them to have all the solutions.

If you are burnt out then contact those I suggested above for some support.” Seyaria

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I wanna know why OP isn’t more curious about this student’s overall well-being. If she’s overloaded with stuff outside of class isn’t that a sign that she needs support?! Not to be belittled and told ‘I don’t care what you’re going through’.

If you genuinely ‘don’t care’ about children’s well being then why are you a teacher? It sounds like this student may have mental health issues, plus she’s babysitting all her siblings, her parents are working, and there are family members who are ill. Plus she’s 12 YEARS OLD.

You said she’s a smart kid and a good student and yet you are completely unwilling to have a conversation about if she’s alright, or refer her to the guidance counselor.

Just straight to ‘I’ll call your parents and make you feel like you’re in trouble’ cause I’m 100% sure that’s what that 12-year-old girl heard.

In conclusion YTJ.” lanex328159

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Kids have had a heck of a time these past two years, with school being (necessarily) disrupted and remote for quite a while, plus, in too many cases, illness and death in their families, and for everyone, the fear of illness and loss.

Grandmother and uncle in the hospital? YTJ if you assumed these were ‘excuses’ without first verifying that these people were actually healthy. There’s a global health crisis going on, and it is particularly brutal for the elderly. If she loves her grandmother, she’s probably had an immense amount of anxiety about her grandmother’s health, ever since this started. Having to care for younger siblings because a parent got stuck working?

That’s been the case far too often for many families, with the way childcare options are really in crisis right now.

And if her father is the sort of person who yells at someone until they have an anxiety attack, that’s a reasonable reason for her not to want to get her parents involved – however nice they are to you, as a teacher, to your face, doesn’t mean that they’re good to her in the privacy of their home.

If anything, this probably needs to be discussed with a school counselor or social worker, to see what kind of resources can be found to help children who are struggling.” Jazzlike_Humor3340

-2 points (2 vote(s))
Post

User Image
Squidmom 1 year ago
Really sounds like she is making excuses for not doing her work. Her friends gmom died? Seriously? It's time for the school counselor and principal need to be brought in and her parents too. I guarantee you will see she is lying. And don't come at me with the mental health BS. I havw terrible bipolar with depression. By 15 I had multiple suicide attempts, 10 people die who were close to me and I still graduated with good grades and was enrolled in college (and went between ahcool and collwge) before I even graduated. Definitely bring in the back up. I personally think she's making some of this up. Her friends issue is not an excuse to not do your work. NO MORE SPECIAL TREATMENT
0 Reply
View 2 more comments

2. AITJ For Wanting To Design The Basement By Myself?

Pexels

“I (26M) just got married to my wife (25F) back in September.

My wife and I have been saving and investing throughout high school and college, so we were able to close on a really nice house. The house is 2800 sq. ft and comes with 5 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, a finished basement, a back patio with a hot tub, and a kitchenette. We bought this house as we are hoping to raise a family in this house.

So we have two living areas, the basement living area, and the main floor living room. I figured my wife would want to take priority over the main floor, so I said that she could design the main floor living room the way she would like as well as the master bedroom, but I wanted to design the basement living area the way that I want.

My wife asked why she can’t help with the basement, so I told her that I wanted to turn the space into a man cave, so whenever I invite friends over we would have a place to hang out. My wife was angry when I mentioned what the space would be used for and she said that she did not want to space to be turned into a man cave and that we both had to agree on how the basement living area would be designed and what it would be used for.

I was a little irritated after hearing this and so I told my wife that I am letting her design the living area and master bedroom 100% the way that she wants, and that I just wanted the basement living area to be completely the way I want. I also added that since we currently have no children and are not expecting one at the moment that she could use any of the bedrooms for something extra.

After I said that my wife started guilt-tripping me saying that she was offended that I was ‘excluding’ her and how this is not just my house, but how it’s our house.

I haven’t started anything yet in terms of designing the basement living area, but I really want a space in the house that’s kind of my own and is designed the way that I want.

I’ve tried explaining this to my wife but she keeps saying that I’m being selfish so I wanted to know if I am really being a jerk here.

EDIT: I think taking one of the empty bedrooms and using that as a man cave rather than the whole basement living area is actually a good idea and I will bring this to my wife and see what she thinks.

I will also ask what she was planning on using that basement living area for.

I apologized to my wife for excluding her and getting ahead of myself. I also talked to my wife and asked what she wanted to do with the house. She said that she’s fine with me taking the basement bedrooms to be used as a man cave, while she will use the upstairs bedrooms for her own space.

The basement living area will be used as a home theater, and my wife also said she would like for me to be involved in designing the rest of the house (living room, master bedroom, kitchen, laundry room, etc.). I really do see now why my original plan was just not a good idea.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. She’s your wife, not your chattel.

If your home is large enough, I think it’s’ reasonable that each of you has a space that’s definably yours. However, you can’t do this by declaring, ‘THIS SHALL BE MY MAN-CAVE! And you, woman, shall decorate THE MASTER BEDROOM AND THE LIVING ROOM!’ (When you do this, you need to wear a loin cloth and a helmet with horns on it and wave a huge club above your head.

There should also be an intoxicating aroma of sweat, beer, smoke, and testosterone).

You and your wife need to make these kinds of decisions together. And the two of you need to sort out what you envision for the house as a whole, and what you are willing to cede to each other.

Also, this kind of thing sometimes happens organically – a couple will move into the house, and perhaps one or the other adopts a particular space and claims ownership over it over time.

But unilateral declarations are very much not the way to go.” User

Another User Comments:

“You’ve been married 4 months and you’re already trying to run away from her? Gee, can’t imagine why she’d be upset by that notion/s.

OP, the idea behind the ‘man cave’ is the ‘adult’ version of a tree house with a ‘No Girls Allowed’ sign on the door.

In addition to invoking that name, you’re claiming sole proprietorship over what, 300-400 sq ft of the house? Plus you add insult to injury by telling her that she can design two of the shared spaces however she wants… how generous.

You’ve basically said ‘Babe, I don’t care about you or the home we’re building for our hypothetical future kids, all I care about is hanging with my boys’… can you see how that’s insulting?

YTJ. You need to TALK TO YOUR WIFE… If you’d like to have a media area in the basement, cool, talk it out, the main thing is you come up with a plan together.” vance_mason

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It comes down to you believing you are offering your wife something of equivalent value when it is not equivalent.

The basement is the ideal place for a personal area. It’s large. It’s secluded. It’s dimly lit. It’s socially acceptable to put tacky stuff there. For many Americans, it brings back fond memories of socializing with friends as a teenager. Traditionally, the basement is the prime space in the home for informal entertaining. And unfortunately, there is only one basement.

The master bedroom is not equivalent to a basement, because it is a shared sleeping space. The living room is not equivalent to a basement, because it is for guests, and is not secluded. A spare bedroom is not equivalent to a basement, because it is smaller and not a typical place for entertaining. Even two spare bedrooms are not equivalent to a basement, because it would not be convenient to host a gathering in multiple rooms.

The basement is the single best room, which is why you want it, and why it isn’t fair for either of you to have sole possession of it. For you to claim the basement and offer your wife inferior rooms as compensation is insulting. The only fair thing to do would be for each of you to get a bedroom to yourself for personal space and share the basement between you.

Surely with a little coordination, you can each host your share of fun gatherings down there.” wisebloodfoolheart

-2 points (2 vote(s))
Post


1. AITJ For Making My Mom Apologize?

Pexels

“Today, my (17F) mother (46F) and I were going out for a walk. On our way home, we saw an old woman sitting on a bench. She was on the heavier side. My mother whispered to me ‘Oh my God, look at that woman.’ I was so confused because the woman was just minding her own business.

‘Look at her legs, look at all that fat. I wonder how her knees can support her weight.’ She said. I asked her to stop because it was rude. Also, we were so close to her, the poor woman surely could hear everything. However, she didn’t stop – she replied rather loudly this time: ‘I hope when I’m old, I won’t become this fat.’

I was horrified, and by the woman’s expression, she definitely heard my mother. There were other people watching too. I quietly told my mom to apologize immediately. She didn’t, so I ended up insisting many times. Out of ideas and desperation, I went up to the woman and apologized for what happened. I looked at my mother – but she kept quiet.

I was so embarrassed.

Without much thinking, I said, ‘Mom, you have something to say to her, right?’ She looked furious. After a long time, she mumbled an apology, saying that she didn’t mean it. She made us go home before we could even hear the woman’s response.

When we reached home, she was so angry.

She told me that I put her on the spot, and I humiliated her. She said, ‘What kind of daughter would do this to their mother?’ She ended up crying in the kitchen, and I feel really bad. My sister is mad at me for ‘hurting’ my mom. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You made the situation worse.

You may believe that your action makes the woman feel better, but again, she might not find that being fat is bad. By emphasizing the event and asking her to apologize, you are indeed framing the ‘fat’ comment as offensive and bad.

Furthermore, while having a stand on not calling others fat is okay, it is jerk behavior to forcefully impose your views on your mother and violate her own right to freedom of speech.

Nobody should need to apologize for their own opinion, even if it is unpopular.

You should also try and restrain your virtue-signaling urges and refrain from humiliating and shaming people in public.” nagareteku

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Your mom is definitely in the wrong here. She can’t just talk like that in front of the person.

She’s being hurtful for the sake of it.

But you didn’t handle it well either. While talking to your mother about it is great, it is much better to do so in private. Otherwise, you’re embarrassing everyone involved. Especially the woman who was minding her own business.

If you want to do something good, you should first think about the person you’re trying to help.

If at the end they feel worse, then the ‘good’ you did was for yourself, not for them.” mijayeahh

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You gave your mother the opportunity to stop talking like that and she ignored your warnings. If she didn’t want things to escalate then she should have kept her mouth shut.

You didn’t humiliate your mother – she embarrassed herself.

She knew that the woman was in earshot and it was pretty obvious that the intention was to shame this stranger (who was minding her own business) due to weight.

You don’t know the woman’s story either. Had she been particularly insecure over her appearance or suffering a decline in her mental health your mother’s words could have really done some damage.” Glittering-Ruin-1296

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You are worried about embarrassing the wrong person here. Fat lady myself and I can tell you the absolute last thing that fat woman wanted was for a teenager to come to extend her humiliation and keep making your mom’s fatphobia her problem. All you’re doing is continuing to draw attention to how weird you think her size is and turning her life and feelings into a Very Special Learning Moment for your mom.

This isn’t a tv special! Fat people have feelings! We go home and cry when people publicly insult us; we don’t feel smug at the sweet own a teenager got off.

Part of the issue is, the problem isn’t fat—the word or the state of being—it’s cruelty. Your mom saw a stranger and loudly talked about how gross their body is.

Then you made that stranger sit through an extremely fake apology from her. And now you’re worried about embarrassing mom?

Next time don’t involve the stranger. Just very loudly say that you think she is being cruel and she needs to stop. That accomplishes your goals, is clear about the problem, and doesn’t continue to victimize that poor fat woman.” MasterpieceOk782

-2 points (2 vote(s))
Post

User Image
Squidmom 1 year ago
I would have snapped on Mom loudly but I am overweight and if she said something like rhat about me, you'd be calling the cops. I may be overweight, but I can jerk someone up real quick and I definitely would have went the jerk off on your Mom
1 Reply
View 1 more comment

It's unfortunate that these people have a bad reputation, but the choice is now yours to make. You be the judge about who's the jerk! Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)