People Ask Us To Propose Opinions On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Having opinions can be both a blessing and a curse. The way we believe makes us unique and helps construct our signature personality. On the other hand, being too opinionated or holding controversial opinions can get us in trouble. But regardless of what we believe, the most important thing is learning that there is a time and a place to express certain thoughts and beliefs. If you're feeling extra expressive right now, you've come to the right place. Now is your time to shine. The individuals below want to hear everything you have to say. They have found themselves in a messy situation, and they're asking you, "Was I bad for how I acted?" Say it like it is in the comments! AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? EHS = Everyone here sucks

15. AITJ For Making My Sister-In-Law Feel Inferior To My Wife's Appearance?

“I (M29) am a doctor, and my wife (F29) is in another high-demand, high-pay field with long hours. I have recently been working more odd hours, as opposed to my wife’s normal 8 to about 6 routine. As such, we have not really seen much of each other for about a week.

We’re also just normally very lovey-dovey, cuddling, and all that stuff. We make sure not to do PDA and keep it appropriate most of the time.

Also, her sister (F33) has recently divorced from her husband, for reasons that are irrelevant in my opinion.

Just for context, her sister had an Indian-style arranged marriage and does not see the point of love marriages in general. She is taking this quite hard, as in India, where she got her previous marriage from, there is sadly a lot of stigma surrounding women who have divorced, which means if she doesn’t find a love marriage, she will likely be all alone for the rest of her life, as very few people will want to arrange a marriage with her.

I personally think the whole concept of arranged marriages is fine, but a lot of the standards and stigmas surrounding it are quite backward.

So, my sister has been staying with me and my wife. We’re okay with it, and she’s honestly a very nice roommate, always cleaning up after herself, super respectful of rules in the house.

Recently, my wife and I got lucky, and I had my workday end at 5 on Friday, and she came home early. We were pretty excited and once we were both home we were together.

We decided to watch a movie together after a while, and we were lying on the couch cuddling, sweet-talking to each other a little bit.

Her sister came into the room and sat down on the other couch and watched the movie.

We weren’t really saying anything to be honest, just stuff like how we missed each other, how it was so painful to be without each other, how we loved each other a lot, that sorta stuff.

I was trying to be soft because the sister looked like she was actually watching the film, but at one point, I just held my wife’s face and told her, “You’re the most beautiful woman in the world.” I didn’t notice it at the time, but I believe that was when her sister left the room.

Later on in the night, after my wife had gone off to prepare for bed, her sister came out and yelled at me. She basically accused me of cuddling with my wife specifically to mock the fact she doesn’t have a husband anymore and that I was saying that she wasn’t beautiful when I told my wife she was the most beautiful.

I tried to calm her down, but she got more riled up, fixating on comparisons between my wife and her, getting a bit too close to me for my liking, and asking me questions like, “What makes her hotter than me?” She then held out for a hug, crying a bit, but I shook my head because I was a bit concerned about how she went from yelling at me to wanting physical comfort.

Eventually, she just backed off and said ok, tearfully, and walked away.

AITJ for saying it? Should I have given her a hug?”

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

Her response to you was unhinged, and she likely needs professional help.

That being said, I really don’t see why you would cuddle up with your wife and whisper sweet nothings to each other like lovey-dovey teenagers in a shared common space while watching a movie with your SIL.

I think that’s just rude and tactless, regardless of her situation. That kind of behavior would make anyone feel like an unwanted third wheel.

“We weren’t really saying anything to be honest, just stuff like how we missed each other, how it was so painful to be without each other, how we loved each other a lot, that sorta stuff.”

Did you just return from war? What the heck, so dramatic. You can do that in private. Yes, she did join you for the movie, but you were in a common area. It’s rude to use the common area to be so aggressively PDA when others are in the house.

If you want to have an intimate moment with your wife, go to your bedroom and do it there.

This is one of those cases where no, you didn’t technically do anything wrong and yes, the other person is technically the jerk. But a little self-awareness can go a long way, and if I were in your position, I would have acted with more compassion for your SIL.” LegitimateHumor6029

Another User Comments:

“CLEARLY NTJ. It is your wife after all… Her sister’s behavior makes me think that she is one of those people who takes everything as a personal attack: if you cuddle your wife, it is to make her sister feel that she has no husband; if you tell your wife that she is the most beautiful woman, it is to tell her sister that she is not…

I can understand that she may be oversensitive because of the delicate personal situation she is going through, but for heck’s sake, she is going to live with a young couple, so what the heck did she expect? That all your behavior revolves around her?” Mrs_Naive_

Another User Comments:

“You might have been SLIGHTLY insensitive, but NTJ. She’s clearly struggling with some self-esteem issues and is jealous that her sister has someone to love and hold her while she’s clearly “not worth the effort” in her own mind.

Her attempt at a hug was her own toxic method of validation.

If you accepted, she’d feel like she’d “won” something. If you didn’t, then she could wallow in self-pity over being utterly unlovable. Lose-lose for you.

The only reason I called out “insensitive” is that, while the two of you were obviously making up for lost time in the privacy of your own home, it is VERY hard for a single person who DOESN’T want to be single to be around that sort of thing.

But since she chose to join you, that’s more on her.

I’m not being an apologist or justifying her VERY inappropriate actions. I’m just saying I sympathize, as this situation isn’t ideal for anyone involved.” Good0nPaper

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. however for a dr your a bit stupid aren't you.. you KNOW sil is hurting because she recently got divorced and because of the stupid antiquated beliefs on the fact she is divorced so won't be able to get an arranged marriage again... is she getting therapy to help her come to terms with her feelings? So she's upset cos she has this belief she is going to be alone forever unless she meets a love connection... HOWEVER maybe talk to her get her into therapy. But see you say she's a great room mate and you have a good relationship usually... so when she entered the communal space KNOWING how she is feeling instead of knocking off with the sweet talk to wide in order to not upset the sil.. you carry on, so she can hear everything she's saying and probably left to go cry cos in her mind she's never going to have that. She then comes AFTER sister has gone bed to berate you, you know why cos sister would have told her to knock it off and told her a few truths cos that's what sisters do... she then asks you for validation on her being just as hot as your wife!! Like really!! And then reaches out for a hug err nope.. that woman needs therapy and fast and try keep your distance eh cos sounds like your sil has decided she likes YOU, maybe talk to wife tell her what happened and that you dealt woth it but you think sil needs therapy as that MIGHT unbrainwash her beliefs on the being a spinster forever and that not being able to get another arranged marriage is not an issue.. does she work? Maybe she needs to get a job go meet people etc she wknt meet anyone let alone a man hiding away at your place
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14. AITJ For Refusing To Get A Higher-Paying Job To Afford To Pay More Child Support?

“My ex Kayla and I have two children, S (8m) and D (15f).

We broke up 6 years ago, and we have 50/50 custody, and I pay her child support. I make 50k per year, and she gets about 1k per month. She has never worked, even before we had the kids.

My partner Serenity and I have been together for 4 years, and both my kids love her!

She’s so sweet, incredibly smart, and so hardworking. She has her own business and makes 100k a year. Kayla, Serenity, and I all grew up extremely poor, and I got my new job 5 years ago, so I can better provide for my kids, and I know the struggle.

The problem is, we have a completely different lifestyle in our home than Kayla’s home. We live a typical middle-class lifestyle, and Kayla lives how we used to live on government assistance, in a bad neighborhood, and uses public transportation.

Serenity saved for 6 months to buy a luxury Lexus SUV.

She’s always wanted one, and we shared my car while she was saving. She posted a video of the car on social media and the keys.

My daughter sent Kayla the post, and she went off. She called me and told me how dare my partner ride around comfortably while my children are living in the hood.

She said my daughter cries sometimes when she gets back home because Serenity has luxury bags and clothes and makeup, but I don’t buy that stuff for her. I told her I can’t afford that stuff because I’m too busy putting money in her college fund, and that unlike her, I don’t just get handed money.

Kayla then told me that I need to get a better job, so I can pay more child support. I told her absolutely not. She called my mother, and my mother said I need to get a better job and do what’s best for the kids.

I can get a better-paying job and work for Serenity, but I refuse to do so just so Kayla can have more of the money that I work hard for. I know my kids don’t have the best lifestyle at their mom’s, but if it’s such an issue with Kayla, she should get a darn job like I did.

She then went on social media and made a post about how my girl drives around in a luxury vehicle, but my daughter takes the bus to school. Everyone commented that I am a piece of garbage, and I need a better job.

AITJ for refusing to get a better job to pay more child support?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I would sit your 15-year-old down and have a heart-to-heart talk about the way the world works.

Her mother has chosen not to work and expects everyone to give her handouts and then gets upset when those handouts are not expensive items. Serenity works hard for her earnings, and because she does, she has chosen to spend what she earns on items she wants and can use.

So if both Kayla and Serenity came from the same poor background, you can teach your daughter that through hard work, she can have the things she wants. The big thing is, don’t make your daughter’s mom look like a leech; just explain it as choices.

Depending on the state you live in and how they handle child support, they may not review your support for 3 years or only every 3 years unless you drop down in income and not go up. So even if you took a higher-paying job, it might not change your ex’s support at all.

The one thing about child support is, even in a review it can do 1 of 3 things, remain the same, go up, or go down.” reatherbequilting

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There’s a reason that most states won’t take spousal income into account (and she isn’t even your spouse).

That said, I hope you didn’t tell her you were refusing to look for better-paying jobs in writing, because in many jurisdictions (at least in the US) that is proof of wilful underemployment…because that’s exactly what it is. You’re refusing to get a better job because you don’t want to pay more child support.

She can argue that you’re choosing to do that, and a court can potentially order increased support.

That said, she’s clearly a deadbeat. Your child support obligations are going to likely be cut in half in 3 years. What, exactly, is she planning on doing, then?” ashestorosesxx

Another User Comments:

“NTJ since your ex has literally never worked. Why are your kids concerned about your new partner’s car when they should be concerned that their mom isn’t willing to work to help provide for them?

I’d be singing a different tune if your ex was working full-time and struggling, but you’ve said that’s not the case.

Time for her to get a job.” bokatan778

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anma7 4 months ago
As someone else said never tell her in text that you refuse to get another job so you can pay her more... maybe drop a well we could go t court and have the custody changed if you want.. when she says to what tel, her well apparently you think I should pay you more but if I have te kids full time I would have 1K extra a month to buy daughter 'nice' things and she could live in a better neighbour hood and get lifts to school.. then you could get a job
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13. AITJ For Not Helping My Mom Pay For My Autistic Brother's Care?

“My dad died when I (19M) was 9. When I was 11 my mom married my stepdad. I have a brother “Chris” (14M) who has extremely severe autism. He needs a lot of support with his everyday needs. He gets frustrated, and unfortunately, as he’s got older, he has started to lash out physically at the people around him.

When I was little, I got on with my mom OK, but as a teenager, we had a lot of arguments. A lot of it had to do with my stepdad wanting to have the authority of a father over me and me never really accepting that.

But I also got pushed to the side a lot as all the focus went on looking after my brother and that made me angry. I admit I became a bit of a tearaway, drinking, not getting back until the early hours of the morning.

When I was 17 my mom sent me to one of those residential schools for troubled kids (literally like you see on crappy daytime TV shows which I’m pretty sure is where she got the idea). I had no idea it was going to happen, and the school sent two members of staff to get me out of bed in the middle of the night.

I was there for six months. It was pretty heckish, like a military-style thing with morning inspections and sad middle-aged men in silly uniforms barking orders at children. I was allowed a call from my mom once a week after the first month, but I never took them.

She also wrote me a few letters, but I never read them. When I turned 18, they couldn’t legally keep me there, and the plan was for my mom to come and pick me up, but I decided on my 18th birthday just to leave myself.

The school threw an absolute fit, tried to call my mom, and told me I was being irresponsible, but I told them to screw off. It was a bit difficult because I didn’t have any money or a phone, and the school was pretty rural, but I managed to borrow a phone and call a friend who came to pick me up.

I moved around between friends for a bit but I’m pretty well set up now. I blocked my mom on everything and pretty much made sure she couldn’t get in touch with me. The other thing that happened when I turned 18 was that a fund my dad set up for me when I was born became accessible.

There is now a lot of money in it. I mean a LOT. My brother has a fund too, but I don’t think anyone can get into it until he’s 18.

Recently my step-aunt reached out to me out of the blue to say that my mom and stepdad have been really struggling financially with Chris’s care costs especially now he is getting older and more difficult for mom to control.

And she said my mom was sorry about the way things happened between us and wanted me to come home. I said I wasn’t interested in being part of the family now just because she needed my help. My aunt said that was cruel and that I had only ever made things more difficult for my mom.

I feel a bit guilty about Chris especially because we used to be close and I was good at calming him down. But I’ve just had it with my mom.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ. That money is yours and yours only. Your brother’s care is not your responsibility in any way, shape, or form; it is HERS.

Even if they say “Just loan us $x, and we’ll pay it back when Chris’ fund is available,” you have absolutely no reason to believe you would ever see that money again given the choices she’s made concerning your well-being.

Please, please, get a financial advisor.

If it’s as much as I’m imagining ($250k+), and you use it wisely, it can mean a solidly comfortable, easier life for the rest of your life. This opens up so many opportunities for you, and I seriously beg of you to hire a professional to handle it.

If I had gotten a huge windfall at your age I’m sure I would have spent it extremely stupidly. I’m not saying you will, but a financial advisor can help you get set up (potentially for life), and still put aside some funds to go a little crazy with.

Use this fund to live the best possible life.” M_ASIN_MANCY

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

If your family is in the US, your mother should get Social Security survivor’s payments for your brother, he also probably qualifies for Disability payments and/or support. If he’s Disabled, your brother probably qualifies for state medical insurance, services, and accommodations to meet his specific needs through the school system, and other state programs and support (such as respite care) through the state.

Caring for your brother may be very challenging, but there are resources that should be helping significantly with the financial burden.

So, absolutely don’t feel like the family who could afford private boarding school (even crappy ones aren’t cheap) should have one penny of your money.

I doubt any of the money would be used to improve your brother’s situation. Based on how poorly they cared for you, your mother and stepfather probably aren’t great at parenting.

If you suspect your brother’s needs aren’t being met, you might consider contacting CPS to ask them to perform a wellness check.

They would check to see if your brother is being properly cared for and might be able to advise your mother and stepfather regarding programs to help them.” teresajs

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They pulled on your heartstrings and knew how to pull out some guilt.

“But it’s for your brother!” You may want to help your brother but beware. Once you send that money, they will almost always expect more. It will never be enough. The timing of the request points to this happening even more so. And, once you send the money, you have no idea if it’s actually being spent on your brother anyway.

This was a gift from your dad to you, so you can take care of yourself. Not so you can be guilted into helping out everyone else. It is yours to choose what you want to do with it.

It was quite inappropriate of your Aunt to stick her head in places it doesn’t belong.

This is between you and your mom. If your mom really needs help, then she needs to ask. You should let your aunt know if she continues this, you will go no contact with her too. The fact that your aunt even knows you received this inheritance recently means that she and your mother have discussed it.

This is not something that would have casually come up in conversation. No one should have known anything about your inheritance period. That is not public knowledge and should have been kept private.

I know you weren’t exactly a perfect child. But regardless, you were a child.

And you feel like your mom failed you in a lot of ways – which is 100% valid. If there was ever hope to mend that relationship, reaching out at the conspicuous time of your inheritance, was NOT the way to do it. If you decide down the road to speak with your mom, it should be on your terms whenever YOU are ready.

Family needs to butt out. But do be careful with your sudden income. Be smart about it and take care of yourself.” CatmoCatmo

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ... honey caring for your brother is NOT on you and i am telling you the ONLY reason she wanted to come get you from that hellhole she dumped you in is because she KNEW you could get to your trust fund.. so now she only wants you home to PAY FOR HIS CARE... his care costs are HER RESPONSIBILITY not yours, oh and the fact you were pretty good at calming him down isn't your issue either... PLEASE don't let step aunt know where you are else you will end up with her and or stepdad ar the door... use your dad's legacy to you wisely, if you want to go to college do that or pay for trade school so you can support yourself... if step aunt contacts you again tell her that you weren't the issue at all HER BROTHER was because he refused to accept that he ISNT your father he is just the guy mom married and that you WILL NOT use dad's legacy on what she WANTS its for you from dad and its tied up in investments so you can access it anyway... you watch them fall away then
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12. AITJ For Being The Reason My Mom Lost Custody Of My Nephew?

“If you’re not fit for custody, you get what you deserve.

“This morning, I (29M) had a rude awakening by my mother (61F) pounding on my bedroom’s door telling me to “get up.” Got up, went to the kitchen, and she told me to sit down and then she explained how just 15 minutes ago she was visited by 2 police officers and 2 agents from CPS to take my nephew (1M) to a municipal shelter.

I was already expecting this to happen, but figured I would have a few weeks more of lead time.

In any case, what happened was, my sister (28F) had a son early last year, and since she was admitted to the hospital giving premature birth, she had not done any prenatal care whatsoever and was involved in substance use, so the hospital reported it to CPS, who took her son away to a shelter.

I knew this would happen eventually, and I knew my mother would step in because “he’s blood and flesh, and you don’t separate blood and flesh.” However, I didn’t expect it would go as badly as it did.

For starters, my sister decided not to name the father on the birth certificate, despite the guy owing up to it.

He helped out for a few months, and when he saw he was off the hook, he vanished. At the same time, my mother quit her job to look after my nephew, leaving the brunt of the house’s expenses with me. She said my sister would be moving in and would be getting a job.

She did move in, put zero effort into getting a job, and even less in helping around the house. Bear in mind, this is old-style shared living (boarding house), which is much less than ideal, but you play the cards you’re dealt.

Fast forward to April, my mom has been granted custody over my nephew, and he is living with us.

Fast forward again to November, and my mother has another relapse, skips out on 15 days of work, and I report it to the CPS agent responsible for my nephew’s case. Come December, I am once again with my finances severely strained and just after New Year’s, and again, my mother decides that “a little drink couldn’t hurt,” and skips on a whole month of work.

Again, I reported it to CPS.

It’s now early February, and somehow my mother hasn’t lost her job and has started (FINALLY!) seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist, we get a court summons to speak to the court’s social assistant regarding my nephew, his care, and the current living arrangments.

I tell the truth about my mother’s issues, how I’m worried that properly caring for my nephew is beyond her capabilities (she’s 61 years old, smokes, has trouble with drinking), how I also cannot look after him (I’m almost 30, barely make enough to keep my head out of water), and how my sister is still unfit (hasn’t even bothered getting a job and it’s not clear whether she’s still using or not).

The social services person told me it was very likely they would step in and take him back to a shelter, and in the long run, he will likely be up for adoption. This morning, they came and took my nephew, and I’ve finished burying whatever relationship I had left with my mother and sister.

So, AITJ?’

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister will be given a “service” plan. CPS will give her a list of things to do in order to get the baby back. get a job, take parenting classes, have safe housing, get monthly sobriety tests, seek counseling/rehab if needed, etc. CPS will work with parents to reunify as the main goal in almost every case.

Also … if not married, a woman can’t just put a man’s name on the birth certificate. She would have to go through the courts to get him named as the father. (Usually, this is done by the state in a child support action… Dad can ask for a DNA test.)

Every state is different but it’s mostly the same procedure. Each state has different time limits for when things need to be done.

If you had a genuine fear that the child was in the custody of a person using substances and neglecting the child, you absolutely did the right thing.

Telling the truth is never a betrayal.” SatisfactionDue456

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m so sorry you’ve had an incredibly rough day and hard times before that, as well. You did the right thing. You acted in the best interest of the child. Kick out your mother.

Kick out your sister. They need to clean up their own lives. You need to focus on yourself and building your own life. I’m sure it hurts to lose your nephew, but you didn’t cause that to happen. Your sister and your mother did. Now that you’ve read this, wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze tightly.

I mean so tightly you start to hear things pop. That’s me, giving you a hug for doing the right thing. Doing the right thing is often the hardest thing to do and very often, we don’t give people enough credit for having the courage and strength of character to do it.” Legitimate-Moose-816

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Sad as it is to say, your nephew is much better off now. He is so young that an adoption placement is very likely for him. Do your best to see if you can keep track of him so that if he wants to reach out later in life, he can find you.

Time for you to cut the apron strings with your mother and sister and go live your own life. They have made their decisions as to how they want to live. Now that your nephew is in a safe place, you are under no obligation, blood ties or not, to support their poor decisions.” BunnySlayer64

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ... really you did the right thing.. stop enabling both mom amd sister? And before you say it YES you are she quit her job to lokm after the kid which surely she got some money from CPS for having him and YOU ended up paying for everything cos ya know mom quit work sister is an addict who don't work etc... if the house is yours KICK THEM BOTH OUT. Or at least sister tell mom that yes she's flesh and blood however SHE caused this mess so she can get out cos YOU ain't supporting her 1 more day, tell mom she fell off the wagon so she best get back on it cos YOU are not paying for her either, that from now ALL bills will be split 50/50 between you and her. The other option is look online for a room in a house, move out let those 2 enable each other cos you at 30 don't have to support either of them...
You KNOW you are not the jerk for the boy being removed from her care.. cos she wasn't caring for him properly personally i would have been asking cos WHY it took them SO LONG to do anything... if the boy gets adopted its because your sister has failed to comply with the reunification requirements that are mandatory for her to regain custody and they won't leave him with mom cos if her own addiction issues.. you can't afford to have him full time, but then again it's not up to you anyways.. maybe if you know the name of the bio dad give it to cps cos they can reach put to dad's extended family to maybe take kiddo in if ideal
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11. AITJ For Threatening To Tell My Sister's Friends That She Still Wets The Bed?

“I am a 15-year-old guy, and I live with my parents and little sister; she’s 11.

My sister still wets the bed. My parents say she’ll outgrow it eventually.

She wears pull-ups to bed, so she doesn’t pee in her bed.

My parents always told me not to tease her about it because she’s very sensitive, and I don’t tease her usually. There have been times when I teased her, and she would get upset and tell our parents, and I’d get yelled at.

This started one day when I was watching Dexter, she tried to watch it too, and I told her no and to get out of my room because she was not allowed to watch shows like that, and if my parents saw her watching it with me, they’d blame me for “letting her watch it.” She wouldn’t leave and kept saying, “Come on, let’s watch it.

I won’t tell.” And I kept saying, “It doesn’t matter. Mom and Dad will blame me if they see you watching it with me.”

After a while, it escalated, and she started being kinda bratty and making fun of me, and I snapped and said, “If you don’t leave me alone, I’m gonna tell your friends that you wet the bed and wear pull-ups.” She froze when she heard that and got up and said, “Okay, I’ll leave you alone” and walked out.

After a while, I started threatening to tell her friends whenever she annoyed me (I never would’ve actually done that, just wanted to get her to stop annoying me), and it went on for about a week and a half.

Until yesterday my dad overheard me threatening to tell her friends and came in and asked me if I said what I said.

I admitted that I did, and he turned to my sister and asked her if I had done this before, and she told him everything. My dad was SO MAD at me. He went and told my mom and she was super angry too.

They are punishing me by taking away my streaming privileges for 2 weeks.

My mom said she was “incredibly disappointed in me.”

I asked my dad about it, and he said it was a jerk move to do that to my sister. While I understand it was mean, she provoked me. And she can be really annoying sometimes.

So I came here to ask, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Yes YTJ.

You said yourself: “She’s very sensitive, and I don’t tease her usually,” which means two things. One, you are fully aware that this has an impact on her, and two, you still do it anyway.

Doesn’t matter if you usually don’t, you still have. This is a silver bullet and you’re flaunting it around holding it over her head for something so trivial. Even just threatening to do it is enough to leave an emotional scar.

I can kinda understand your hesitation with that particular show, but there are better ways to handle it.

Frankly, you know that certain words and actions can have an effect on people, but you don’t understand just what sort of scars it can leave behind. This isn’t trivial, it’s the kind of thing that can be carried with her forever, so you’d better be darn careful when you come across a silver bullet like that.” extremefuss777

Another User Comments:

“If you had a medical condition that made you poop your pants on a regular basis, making you feel horribly embarrassed every time that happened (and forcing you to have to wear diapers), how would you feel if your parents threatened to tell all your friends about it every time you annoyed them?

Imagine what it would feel like to envision your classmates’ reactions if your parents showed up to school, stood at the front of the class, and let everyone know the details about this humiliating thing that you can’t control.

That might give you an idea as to how she felt every time you threatened her with that kind of public embarrassment and shame.

YTJ for manipulating and blackmailing an 11-year-old child. I get that you’re only 15 and your own mental processes are still developing (including understanding the consequences of your actions), but you’re old enough to know that this kind of behavior is absolutely wrong. Never mind “bullying”: this is well into “what is wrong with you?” territory.

Apologize to her, and to your parents, and see what you can do to make this up to her. Know that she’s never going to forget how you’ve treated her, and you may have seriously damaged your relationship with her permanently because of this.” hellenahandbaskit

Another User Comments:

“I’m gonna be different and say ESH.

You shouldn’t have to threaten your little sister with something that could ostracise her from her friends; however, you had no other way of getting her to leave.

At 11, your sister should have an understanding that no means no. You had a valid reason not to let her watch Dexter, but she didn’t accept that.

It seems like your parents aren’t parenting your sister. They should be teaching her the lesson “no means no” and to not bother you. Yet they’re not and punishing you for finding a way to get her to stop (even though was a crappy way).

Everyone is a jerk here to me.” JordyMate87

1 points - Liked by asdo1
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anma7 4 months ago
YTJ.. however have parents taken her to get checked out for it ? Because it could be a medical issue or something more... my son wet the bed for a long time so I toom him to the dr and it turned out his bladder was the issue.. now if parents are just going to leave it until she grows out of it she could still be doing it for YEARS.... they need to get her checked out.. yes she's sensitive about it bless her YOU WOULD BE... you owe her a MASSIVE apology and then you need to ask her if she has been to the dr for it. If she says no ask her I'd she wants to go to the dr cos there are medicines that can help her if its not medical that that doesn't need say surgery..
Soo instead of being a trashy big brother why don't you be a bloody good 1 and ask parentsnif they have had her checked out to see if its medical the tablets we got for my son were called desmopressin and he took 2 at night before bed and they helped him no end and allowed him to not have to wear the pull ups anymore at the age of 12, his bladder gradually sorted itself out and now no tablets no accidents... however YOU shouldn't bully your sister like that, if a random kid found out and she was getting bullied for it would you join in ? NO and by threatening to tell her friends who WOULD TELL OTHER KIDS and then she WOULD have been bullied all the time you have scared her witless.. which by the way would possibly make it WORSE!!!!
Talk to parents apologise and ask them if it could be medical tell them she might need checking out to make sure it's not... help her please cos sounds like parents are just going to wait it out and that could make things worse for her in the long run
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10. AITJ For Trying To Get My Maid Of Honor To Pay For My Bachelorette Party?

“I had no idea maid of honors were supposed to make financial contributions to the bachelorette party.The more you know…

“My sister (29F) is my (25F) maid of honor for my wedding in July 2023. For some context, I got engaged in April 2021 and have had the date set since June 2022.

From the start, my sister hasn’t really been excited. She hasn’t been very involved, and up until this point, she has not financially contributed, and everything like hair and makeup I am paying for. I should mention that she offered to pay for my veil, but I haven’t taken her up on it.

Anytime we talk about plans or I post in the bridal party group chat, it seems like she’s always saying the same thing, that she’s excited or supportive but that things can’t get too expensive or that she doesn’t have the finances. An example of this is when we were discussing bridesmaids’ dresses, any time I sent her ideas it was, “It’s pretty but looks expensive” or something like that.

I’m not unreasonable; the dress I did pick was $110, but it irked me that that’s all she was thinking about.

So onto the bachelorette/bachelor party. We decided to have them both at the same time to save some money and decided on doing a music festival. This festival is in June, so everyone would have enough time to book the weekend off work.

The tickets for the weekend are around $350. She would have to get a hotel for two nights (our apartment is only 1 bedroom) and then food and miscellaneous. All around I think it would be about 1k.

I posted our decision for the festival in the group chat and she didn’t answer.

I texted her asking what was up, and she immediately goes into the, “I don’t know how I’m going to afford this,” and “I’ll try, but I can’t guarantee…” She didn’t try to think of alternatives or ask for help or anything, it was just immediately shut down.

The thing is, since we have had the date set she has gotten multiple tattoos (4+), piercings, and when we went to the mall, she spent over 200 bucks. I see how she spends what she makes, and she has known about this wedding now for two years.

I also feel it’s relevant to tell you that she has a good, steady bank job, and her partner is a tradesman. And I get that it’s none of my business how someone spends their earnings, but when I can see the proof (i.e. hundreds in tattoos and stuff), I can’t not take notice.

So I sent her a text, I drafted it the night before and then gave it a day to make sure. I told her that she has known this was coming up, that she knew being maid of honor had financial responsibilities, and that I was hurt because I’ve seen the way she does spend her money.

I said that I didn’t feel like my wedding was important to her and that instead of being excited, I was worried if my sister was even going to make it. At the end, I told her I wanted her there and that she was always welcome but to take some time to think about it and to call me the next day if she wanted to talk.

She messaged back the next morning saying that she needed to think after all that (the text I sent), and she would call in a few days. That was Friday.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, when the heck did it ever become other people’s responsibility to pay for someone else’s bachelorette party or part of their wedding?

I get paying for your own outfit (within reason) or chipping in to help with gifts or buying your own tickets to something if she had a vote in what to do. But this is just entitled as heck. I would immediately drop out of a wedding party if someone treated me like that and expected me to pay for their party.

You made a unilateral decision to do something expensive, without checking with your bridal party about cost first. I guarantee she’s not the only one upset, she’s just the only one standing up to you. What she spends her money on in her private life is none of your business so quit trying to use that to shame her into spending her money on you.

I wouldn’t drop $1k on a party either unless it was mine and I got to do what I wanted.

You’re so mad that she’s not paying for your stuff and that she’s not as excited as you. You don’t get the fact that this is YOUR party, YOUR wedding, and therefore YOUR responsibility.

For her, this is just an expensive job you’re pushing onto her in order for her to participate in your wedding.

You’re just being shamelessly entitled and have unrealistic expectations because no one else honestly cares about your wedding like you do. For you it’s a huge life moment, for everyone else, it’s the equivalent of going to a birthday party that they feel obligated to attend.” Silaquix

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

Your sister has repeatedly told you she will not spend a dime to subsidize your champagne wishes and caviar dreams, yet you keep trying to claw your way into her bank account. It’s 100 percent not your place to judge how she otherwise spends her money because she doesn’t owe you access to it.

Who is this “we” in the “we decided” on having a bachelorette weekend at an expensive music festival, with a mandatory hotel stay? Because I don’t see anyone asking your MOH/sister what she wants, instead it was presented to her as an invoice.

Ultimately, this is about your priorities.

Do you care about the people or the fancy, upscale experiences you feel you are owed?

Because I’m nearly 12 years into my marriage, and I’ll tell you that the “experiences” involving fancy clothes fade in importance real freaking quickly.

Meanwhile, the girl who threw me a simple bachelorette party in her apartment, just boozy punch, silly games, and snacks?

She came over yesterday. So did the girl who played her violin for us at the ceremony. We all sat down for lunch, our partners and my kid included, and hung out.

We didn’t talk about big pricy experiences, we remembered when we were all neighbors, we laughed about being middle-aged, and we appreciated each other.

We remembered the low-key party and the violin.

If you want to be sitting down for a lovely, cozy lunch twelve years from now, I recommend dialing back your expectations and dialing up your appreciation.

An engagement is a relatively short amount of time in our lives, but ideally, you’ll have your sister and friends for much longer.” rotatingruhnama

Another User Comments:

“I’m going to go against the grain and say NTJ. Your sister accepted the role of MOH, and there are costs associated with being in a bridal party. $1K for a bachelorette party is excessive, but she could have chosen something much more affordable if she had planned the bachelorette party as is expected of the MOH.

That being said, I think you need to realize that the cost of your bachelorette weekend is going to prohibit a lot of your friends from going. Maybe you can plan a bar night before the festival for those who can’t go?” Tacos_and-tequila

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anma7 4 months ago
YTJ.. the MOH is meant to pay for the batch party... err no that's they are supposed to ARRANGE it then she and the other bridesmaids divvy up the cost and pay for it.... you sounds awful entitled to SISTERS EARNINGS oh and TIME Off cos obvs shes gpt to booke days off to travel to and from plus attend !!! .... you and fiance decided to have a joint batch.. so its gonna be about 1K.. how about the groomsmen and the bridesmaids get together and sort it out if you don't want to pay for it yourself!!!! Err yeah it's your wedding not a bloody jerk grab opportunity!!!! How about forget the expensive joint bachelor weekend and say OK we are going to X for food and drinks then to a bar !!! She can spend her money on what SHE WANTS not what you want.... if you can't afford a fancy batch you don't get 1... just cos sister has a good paying job according to you do you really know the intimate details of her and her partners financial position???? Probably not.. maybe she SAVES up to go get her tattoos etc...
GROW UP.. maybe she just doesn't want to tell you that you are being a goddam bridezilla cos your the golden child and no1 dare upset you....
It's ok you saying wel. I didn't think $110 was a bad price for a dress however then there's alterations, not to mentions shoes bag, travel and accommodation to get to YOUR WEDDING, then be grateful for being allowed to attend !!!
See in the UK where i am if someone asks you to be a bridesmaid for THEM, they pay for your dress, hair makeup etc if that's what they expect you to do.. then the batchelorette part is a GROUP decision with a discussion BEFORE HAND on everyone's BUDGET for it.. soo then we make a group decision on whether we book it or nix that and do something that EVERYONE can afford and attend without them using up THEIR PTO.. cos at the end of the day its 1 DAY for gods sake yes it's meant to be special but it's what you make it not how expensive it was for SM likes
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9. WIBTJ If I Allowed My Friend To Wear The Same Dress As Me At My Wedding?

“This whole situation is childish.

“I (25f) am getting married in October 2023 to my fiancé (29m). We got engaged in October 2022.

Recently I started picking out bridesmaids.

I already had my maid of honor (Jaylen, 22f) but hadn’t asked the other two girls I needed, one of them being another friend and then Haylee. And before all this came to light, I was considering Tammy if another friend wasn’t able to.

Haylee agreed to be my bridesmaid, but when I brought up possibly asking Tammy to be a bridesmaid if another friend couldn’t do it, Haylee told me what Tammy was planning.

The night I got engaged, I FaceTimed my friends Tammy (27f), Haylee (25f), Amy (25f), and Danni (24f).

Everyone was there minus Danni as she was putting her kids to sleep. Everyone congratulated me, and I got off the call to go to dinner with my fiancé.

Haylee got off the call; Tammy and Amy stayed on to bad mouth me and my fiancé.

Saying that I was “rubbing it in their faces.” Danni ended up joining the call and heard all this go down and told Haylee what happened.

In November, Tammy brought up to Haylee that she’s trying to divorce her husband (they’ve been separated longer than me and my fiancé have known each other) because she plans to get married the same day as me but earlier in the day.

Keep in mind, I had already had a date picked out a week after I got engaged. I was very open about that and about the fact we were planning on having a Halloween wedding.

Haylee recorded the rest of the call. Tammy and Amy tried to justify the date, using the excuse that Tammy deserved to be married first. She wasn’t even first to begin with.

Haylee was. I’m the only one who hasn’t been married. I don’t know why this all matters to her.

Haylee told Tammy she wouldn’t attend if it was the same day and called her an attention seeker.

Not even 24 hours later, Tammy was in the group chat crying that her husband said he’d drag the divorce out in court.

She then went crying to Danni saying that it’s not fair I’m getting married before her (which again, is wrong).

She also claimed my relationship wasn’t valid because I haven’t had bad relationships like her and therefore “can’t appreciate” my fiancé.

She even made a joke that he’d leave me like my last fiancé (the breakup was mutual).

In the group chat, Tammy asked what my dress would look like. I sent the link to the website I got the dress from, and sure enough, a week later, Danni got confirmation that Tammy got the exact dress and plans to wear it to my wedding.

Fiance, Jaylen, Haylee, and Danni think I should block her from attending, if not for me, then to keep her from looking like an idiot wearing my dress.

But personally, and I may be the jerk here. I want to see her look stupid in front of everyone at my wedding.

I know she’ll be berated, which would be fine by me, considering she couldn’t even let me have one day be about me.

So WIBTJ if I let her wear my dress?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

Stop being a drama-attention-seeking person. You know those two girls are toxic and are planning to try to embarrass you at your wedding.

Instead of listening to your fiance, the person you’re marrying… The reason why this ceremony is taking place and what this day is truly about… celebrating your union. You’re choosing to actively participate in a drama fest because YOU think it would be funny and want to see Mean Girls played out in real life.

I know a lot of people are asking why you still have any contact with Amy and Tammy. Most normal people would have dropped them long ago. We know why. You enjoy being petty and mean like them. To make your own wedding a place to purposely fight or embarrass a guest is just insane.

No wonder your fiance is pleading for you to not do this.” Help24-7

Another User Comments:

“ESH. Like, girl, why? Why are you even entertaining the idea of introducing toxicity to what should be one of the happiest days in your life, as well as your fiancé’s?

Like, cool, you don’t care about Tammy looking like a fool or being berated but is that really the type of drama you want to have at your wedding? Really? That honestly makes zero sense to me when the much easier, and, frankly, far less juvenile, solution would be to rescind her invitation and call it a day.

And, ideally, that rescission would come with a termination of your relationship with Tammy because she’s 0% your friend.

Tammy sucks for reasons that should be obvious to anyone that can read.” pudgesquire

Another User Comments:

“…what I’m stuck on most is this; why is she having such a CONNIPTION FIT, crying it’s not fair that her husband is going to drag out the divorce and that it’s not fair you’re getting married first. Like… if you’re TRYING TO GET A DIVORCE, you CLEARLY are already married!

On what planet is you having your first marriage before her second, unfair?

All I’m getting from this is she doesn’t want anyone but herself to have any attention.

And another thing. Who the HECK is she trying to get married to in under a year?!

Her current hubby? Cuz there’s no way he’ll let her divorce him just so she can remarry him hours before you in some sort of flex. Does she think she can nail someone else down and rush to the altar first? Cuz I’m pretty sure people would tell him what’s up if that’s the case.

She’s shooting herself in the foot to spite her face here and is going to lose her relationship in a pathetic bid for the spotlight, even with everyone knowing she’s full of crap.

NTJ, but not only uninvite her, put her on a banned list if you have security so she won’t be let in.” TheBlindNeo

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anma7 4 months ago
YTJ.. listen to your future hubby and the sensible friends PLEASE.. you know the other 2 are toxic so why bother woth them ??? Or do you like being theor victim ?? It's not just YOUR wedding it's HIS too so cut the pair of them off let her do as she wants and you know she was gunna buy the dame dress so why send her a link ?? You sound about 12 n not mature enough to get married... uninvite the mean girls stick to your REAL friends who don't slag you off every chance they get and marry your fiance with NO drama. As for her demanding she gets married before you when she's not even divorced!! That should show you how delusional she is.. get rid of her and the other 1 stick to the true friends and go about your life
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8. AITJ For Wanting More Attention From My Fiance While His Mother Is Dying Of Cancer?

“My (F34) fiancé’s (M36) mother is dying from cancer. What makes this more difficult is that his mom and dad have guardianship over a 3-year-old. We are also getting married in 4 months.

For the last year, my fiancé and I have helped nightly with the 3-year-old (anything and everything).

I help 2-3 nights/days a week while my fiancé goes over there every day. We are both child-free, so this is not my most favorite thing to do. The kid and I do have a bond. My fiancé has no boundaries with his family and will do whatever whenever they ask him to.

However, I miss time/attention with my fiancé. We are trying to plan this wedding. We hardly ever go out together or have alone time, and if we do, we get interrupted by a phone call, and off my fiancé goes. I am often the one that my fiance takes his anger/sadness/stress out on.

I get calls at night when I’m in bed to come over because the kid wants a braid and only I know how to do it (my fiancé’s sisters don’t help) or the kid is crying for me. I do it because I feel bad, and it’s a child who has had a hard life, but I’m also annoyed before I actually do it.

In the end, I’m happy I did it.

I love his mom and empathize with his pain of losing a parent, and I want to help. I hate this on-call 24/7 mentality. No one is taking great care of themselves. Our relationship is suffering, and my fiancé is wearing down.

I’m frustrated by how everything is being handled. My fiancé and his dad let the wife/mom have what she wants, not needs. So, because she wants to stay home, she’s dying in the living room in front of the kid while complaining to her husband about everything while my fiancé and I are doing anything/everything 24/7 with no help from his other two siblings.

My fiancé’s dad is 68 taking care of his dying wife and a 3-year-old with a non-working kitchen. It’s a mess. It’s so chaotic and depressing.

His mom was doing much worse a week ago and ended up in the hospital. Being in the hospital helped her so much.

She’s demanding, bossy, controlling, and stubborn but has a great heart, would do anything for anyone, and generally is just very caring. She always wants what’s hardest for everyone. Now she wants to come back home when the hospital releases her, but she really needs 24/7 care which we are not knowledgeable or capable of doing.

We have a place picked out for her that she likes but she doesn’t want to go now. And there’s still the kid that needs help.

I’m at my wit’s end. It’s hard going through all this and having all these feelings.

I know my fiancé is going through losing a parent, which is heartbreaking. I don’t want him to stop helping, but I want him to cut back, do what’s best for his mom not what she wants, and light a fire under his siblings’ butts because we all live super close.

I feel bad even asking him to give me and our relationship a little more attention.

I already told him what I felt. He didn’t like hearing it but is trying to be sweeter to me. He won’t stop being on call 24/7. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Caregiver burnout is real. Both you and your fiance need to find therapists. Either as a couple or separately. You also should talk to him about finding a time each week for just the two of you. Your FIL should be able to handle the situation himself for an hour or 2 each week.

If he cannot he does need to look into options for hospice.

I also feel like the 3-year-old needs a different living arrangement ASAP. Although this is better than her bio mom it isn’t a good place for her to be. Watching someone slowly dying.

You guys need more help and you, your fiance, and your FIL need to figure out how to get time to decompress. If this is already this overwhelming what will happen if one or more of you totally burn out?

Whether you’re religious or not, call in help from a church, arrange a meal train, and post it on social media.

See if you can find local parents with 3-year-olds to do playdates. Call in everyone you can.

You can’t dump all your feelings on your fiance but you aren’t a jerk for having them. Find someone else to vent to. I still suggest a therapist for this.” Apprehensive_Buy4920

Another User Comments:

“She’s dying. It’ll be over soon. I get how you feel because I have actually been in your exact position, and they are valid feelings, but if you can’t make it through this hardship, how will you make it through your fiancé’s grieving process, and not to mention any other hardships or hurdles that may be faced over the course of a marriage?

The last thing your fiancé needs is a guilt trip over this. Imagine what he’s going through. He needs support from his partner while he bears this, and will need support during his grieving process. Losing a parent is a profound loss. I suggest doing a little research and reading on how to be supportive of someone caring for a parent with cancer.

It’s hard on everyone in the family, but I can guarantee it’s immensely harder on him right now than you.” _tater_thot

Another User Comments:

“While I understand your feelings, YTJ. He will NEVER get this time back. Once she’s gone, she’s gone.

Give him some grace right now. My dad was actively dying when my husband and I first got together. Miraculously, he lived far longer than anticipated, and I was lucky enough to have him at my wedding. He was also able to walk me (slowly!) down the aisle.

My husband allowed me to provide all the support he needed without complaints. Even though it was hard on him and our relationship. Because of that, we have a much stronger relationship. Give him the same grace. Support him in this. This will be a short time when compared to the rest of your life.

On a side note, if it’s plausible, I would also arrange to get married while she’s still with you. Even if it’s a small ceremony for just your immediate family, with a more formal ceremony/reception later. Your husband will be grateful she got to see it.” AdministrativeMap831

Another User Comments:

“Nobody’s the jerk. OP, your partner’s mother/FIL’s wife is dying. Right now, they are treating her in a way that THEY can live with once she’s gone. I’m not saying it’s healthy, but healthy often goes out the window in these cases.

Whatever you say won’t change their attitude towards her, but it may change their attitude towards you.

However, you have exactly the same agency over your actions in this situation as they do over theirs. It sounds like you are running on fumes, and it’s completely okay for you to cut back a bit on your involvement in the situation to a point where it’s not unhealthy for YOU.

You are being a good partner trying to support your fiancé, but you are a human being and you deserve to take care of yourself as well.

This is a crappy situation all around, and you are all doing the best you can. I’m really sorry.” Crustyhoneybadger

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anma7 4 months ago
NJH... but you are BOTH struggling.. i think a conversation needs to be had definitely. However it needs to be done tactfully, my MIL died at home and i know you say she will need care 24/7 that none of you are qualified to provide ask the hospital about at home nursing care.. IE macmillan nurses, marie currie nurses.. both cancer CHARITIES who provide free at home nursing care.. they get a nurse to come stay over at night so the family CAN SLEEP knowing that mom is cared for and not alone, please look into it.. i understand she wants to stay home my mil was the same so with the help of the cancer nurses she got to stay home we got rest etc... they are all trying to do what she wants so that they KNOW they followed her wishes..
another subject is the child... what are the plans once mil has gone? Is fil keeping her? But watching her granny die is not the place she needs to be AT all.. she needs a new temporary home ? Are the people that placed her there aware of all this ? Cos if they did i think they would want her removing for now or want mil to go into a care facility... what about after mil passes Will fil be allowed to be her sole guardian? be able to cope while grieving and after, ask him that too, unless he has volunteered you both to help but not told you yet
why the jerk hasn't he ripped his siblings a new jerk ?? They need to be there helping or they need to not stand there with their hands out when she's gone. Can they not help with the kid ?? I assume it's related to them... maybe on the nights your not going over braid her hair BEFORE you leave or ask her do you want a braid cos once auntie OP leaves i will not come back cos i need to sleep for work tomorrow but say it IN FRONT of the adults too amd tell them not her i mean it i wont come over so dont ri g me if she starts cos i am NOT DOING IT... she says no you don't do it, he calls you say NO i asked her she didn't want it and i told her and YOU ALL i am in bed i am going to sleep
Also address his moods, yes he is conflicted etc however it's called caregiver burnout.. its a real issue.. he needs to scale back take 1 night a week where he doesn't jump to the calls etc. Ask if he wants to call a celebrant and get a legal ceremony ASAP so mom is there, get a friend to take photos so she's IN the wedding pics.. that too will be playing on him, he sees her decline speeding up so KNOWS she probably won't be here for the wedding so offer the quick legal ceremony so she can attend nothing fancy a celebrant at their home with a takeaway afterwards.. at least she's seen you both get married...
Above all you and he can ride this storm you will definitely get over every thing else you face in your marriage...
But definite plans need to be sorted for the kiddo ASAP... its not fair on her to see or fil to try manage alone
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7. AITJ For Giving My Daughter's Wedding Venue To My Niece?

“I (52F) have 2 children with my husband, Mark (54M). This issue is about my daughter, Allie (26F). She is very upset with me because I am going to allow my niece, Victoria (29F) to hold her wedding at my beach home (rental property).

This is a rather large home and it has a pool and private beach access, which is the main selling feature of the home as a venue. I do vacation rentals and event rentals in the home.

I want to add that I am not a wealthy person and this property is used as a source of income so I will explain how I purchased it because it is relevant.

My father was not a good man. He was especially terrible to my sister, Carol (57F), and my mom (deceased). He was okay with my brother (55M) and me for some reason. Well, it would turn out that my father had a lot of money.

We are not sure where it all came from, but when he died, he left it all to me. He explicitly left my sister who has had ongoing addiction issues and my brother because he is gay (Another story). I decided to purchase the home and set up a business.

My sister and brother are not involved but they have free access to the home when it is not in use and I use some of the profits to help my sister and will send my brother a check yearly.

So to the issue, Allie was supposed to get married in May but her fiancé called off the wedding in November and she is devastated (I really do feel for her).

She was going to use the home and we were even doing some renovations to get it ready. Victoria got engaged in December and last week Victoria called and asked if she would be able to use the home in September and I said of course.

When I talked to my daughter last night I mentioned this and she flipped out.

I was really shocked at her reaction but she said I am rubbing salt in the wound by allowing her cousin to steal her wedding venue. She went on and on about how she should be the first wedding there (she isn’t, there is one the week before her now-canceled wedding).

She said she will not attend because she would be suffering the whole time knowing it should have been her.

My niece has had a tough life due to her mother’s issues and I know providing her with a venue would allow her to have a wedding she would not otherwise be able to afford, which I tried to explain to Allie.

She said I am picking my niece over her and I pointed out that I would have let my niece use it even if Allie got married there. She said it wouldn’t have been a problem if her wedding wasn’t canceled. But I should have compassion for her the way I do for my niece.

The way I see it is that my siblings and I should have equally inherited from our father. I chose not to alter the estate because I didn’t trust my sister with all those finances, but her daughter should benefit from it the same way my daughter can.

I try to be as generous as possible with her and her brother but maybe I am going too far.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your daughter is going through a hard time, so I hope this is just her pain talking, but she is being unreasonable.

The property has always been open to your niece just as much as her, and she doesn’t get to prevent anyone from using it just because she won’t be the one to use it first. It will be there for her to use when she does get married, but there’s no reason not to use it for others in the meantime.

I think, for your daughter, the venue has become more symbolic than anything. Like, subconsciously, if she can just get married there before anyone else has major events, then she will have recovered from this setback, but if your niece gets to use it first, she’ll be permanently behind and the loss will feel all the more significant.

That’s not logical or fair, but if you’re trying to get through to her, maybe it will help to come at it from that perspective.” sci_fi_bi

Another User Comments:

“YTJ or NTJ depending on your priorities.

Look, you are free to do with your property as you like.

You are free to think of you, husband, your daughter, your siblings, and their kids as your main family unit (which is the vibe I got from your post), instead of just you, Husband, and your daughter, and the rest as a secondary unit.

However, you must be completely emotionally blind and oblivious to not expect that your daughter is going to be upset that a family member would marry in at same family place that she was going to marry relatively soon after she was dumped by her fiance.

The fact that you were blindsided by that makes me wonder.

After that, she could not be particularly upset, which was valid. However, she is upset, also valid, and let you know her wishes.

You essentially said to her, ok, good, but I do not particularly value your wishes and feelings over your cousin.

You will be naive if you think that, when she was talking to you as a daughter to mother, it has no consequences that your response is “but what about that other person.”

Concluding, your own daughter told you that she is upset by something completely expected and asked you to do something for her, which you refused.

You are NTJ if you are prepared for the fallout in your relationship, and YTJ if you try to force her to shield you from the fact that when she asked for you to choose her, you chose somebody else.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your daughter is not entitled to it. Your reasons are valid and reasonable. Your daughter is being petty and acting out of a broken heart, competition, and jealousy. You’re not doing anything wrong. She’s trying to manipulate you to do things her way with guilt trips.

Don’t allow that. Manipulation is a form of emotional maltreatment. You need to stand firm with your decision and set your boundaries with your daughter not tolerating her disrespect and emotional bullying.

Plus, let’s put this into perspective: September is a long time away.

Your daughter MAY be in a far better headspace than she is now. Right now, she’s still heartbroken. She may be healed enough by September to not let it bother her. If she isn’t healed enough by then, which is okay for her not to be, she has every right to decide not to attend her cousin’s wedding.

If she feels like it’s too much for her mental well-being, she has every reason to not attend. It’s certainly an acceptable response to her situation.

One thing is certain, you’re not required to give up money or not make the choice to share with your siblings and niece because it doesn’t suit your daughter and her feelings.

She’s an adult, not a minor child, that you need to consider and take care of as your priority. And you are a competent, legal adult who is the sole person who has authority over your decisions. Your daughter doesn’t have to like them, but she does not get to berate or manipulate or emotionally attack you for your decisions.” Bluntandfiesty

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. i think daughter meant the 1st FAMILY wedding there not the 1st ever wedding and now her cousin gets that instead of her.. now it's unfortunate that her fiance called off the wedding qnd of course she is hurt however explain to her that you get she's hurting but her accusing you of caring for neice over her is wring and she knows it, that if you could magically rewind time so that her wedding wasn't cancelled etc you would however you can't...
Do you know the reason he cancelled it all ? Does she know but not telling you? Have you spoken to HIM and asked him what's happened ? Not in a prying way but in a are you OK is there anything j can do to help etc.. I assume,e you know the guy his parents etc or has his while family gone ghost straight away after he called it off. However your daughter is definitely being unreasonable.. does she think you should ban all weddings there until she does marry ? Or just family weddings.. tell her to stop, ask her if she wants to go away the weekend of the wedding then if she's determined not to attend if she says yes offer to pay for the trip.. but tbh you dint need to do that either seeing how she's being so bratty... its like she's saying cos she can't use it forat no1 in the family can... did you raise her this way ? I doubt it... what's husbands take on this
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6. AITJ For Paying For My Adopted Sister's University Tuition But Not My Biological Brother's?

“I 21F have an adopted sister Amy 17F and a biological brother D 16M. My dad 52M and my mom 45F adopted Amy after fostering her.

I do not live at home as I am at uni but went home for Christmas.

Growing up my parents always favored D and me over Amy. I did not have a good relationship with D and he doesn’t really respect me but our parents always let him get away with everything. Amy had the worst room, and my parents don’t let her use my room when I am away even though I said she could.

When I lived at home, I allowed her in my room and we used to spend time together.

I was not mistreated by my parents, but clearly, they had a special bond with D. D almost never speaks to Amy. My parents kept discouraging me from speaking and having a good relationship with Amy indirectly.

Amy was required to do way more chores than the rest of us and I’d try to help Amy when my parents were away even though she never asked me to. We have a fairly big house and because of these extra chores Amy did not have much of a social life, but she was very studious (I am too) and is doing fairly advanced courses for high school.

My parents have always wanted me to be a nurse or a doctor and told me they would only pay for my college if I picked something they agreed with. I wanted to do computer engineering which they disapproved of. Amy also started getting into coding recently although she didn’t start as young as I did.

I started saving for college doing freelance work and releasing some apps. Luckily I got a partial scholarship and some loan funding and I ended up going to a top school.

One of my apps did quite well and I started a company for it and now I can comfortably pay off my debts when I need to and I get paid a salary from my company.

The thing is I don’t know how sustainable this will be long-term as it is just a startup, and if it loses momentum, it can fail. I am considering hiring another developer to help support it, but I am waiting till I graduate to decide about that.

I also have investors interested, and I’m still thinking about that too. My parents have tried to sabotage my side gig, and I feel like it irks them.

During Christmas dinner, my parents announced to Amy, that once she turns 18, they want to retire, and she won’t have to pay rent but can stay as long as she keeps helping out with her chores.

I saw red, told my parents that it was wrong to see Amy as a live-in slave and that she was smart and had a bright future ahead. They said they aren’t going to pay for her to go to college for a useless degree and that they needed help since they are retiring (they are very upper middle class and could easily afford a paid maid).

I said I would pay for Amy and that she can go live with me if she got into a university in the same city. Now everyone thinks I’m the jerk as I refused to do the same for my brother and they aren’t talking to me.

I also gifted Amy a high-end laptop since she had no computer and they say I favor her.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Good for you on starting your own life and I hope your business continues to be a success, and I am glad you’re succeeding in this more difficult time for tech.

I don’t get the parents wanting to force Amy to be a live-in maid. If she really is super gifted, they should be encouraging her to get a college education. A college education is only going to be more important to future employment as it becomes more of a minimum for employability in many fields.

If you’re willing to pay for Amy, they should accept your funding with generosity. You are under no obligation to support either one of your siblings, but your heart means you are doing the right thing by giving Amy an education. I can understand your brother being upset, because he may feel that you’re favoring Amy, but again you are under no obligation to support either.

As a result, supporting Amy is simply a good thing to do and your brother cannot be mad that he’s not getting anything that he wouldn’t be expected to get anyway.” DogblockBernie

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I don’t think you are a jerk — you did the right thing but you have potentially made her living situation more hostile.

It’s clear you disagree with how your parents have treated her and they sound scummy but they are still your parents. There was probably a better way to handle it. You only mentioned your brother in this a couple of times so I’m not sure why you would be the jerk for not paying for him to go to college.

Shouldn’t your parents be paying for him since he’s the most favored? If your brother does not get offered a scholarship he most likely doesn’t deserve to go but that is just my opinion. Most likely if your sister is doing well she will get offered a scholarship.

The best situation for your app without knowing more is selling it to investors. You can always get a job after selling your app and it makes your resume look outstanding from a hiring perspective. It’s not like you would be hired at an entry-level position.” RoundTableMaker

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – This is a case of parents going out of their way to find someone to mistreat. They have been awful to you and your adopted sister. And they have informed her that they will continue to attack her. Nothing will change them.

But you and Amy can.

A piece of advice from my experience in child favoritism – learn how to move in silence. Don’t tell them your plans and advise your sister to do the same. Tell your sister to quietly gather all of her personal documents (adoption papers, birth certificate, social security card, etc.) and her personal belongings – the small number of things that really matter to her – and move her in with you.

On her last day at home, she can tell your parents that she’s leaving. Or if she feels her life and well-being are at risk, don’t tell your parents or brother until she is fully out of the house with you. I would not trust parents like them.

And she will be an adult so they can’t claim she ran away. Get started now.

When they start talking about their retirement plans distract them: smile, nod, and appear interested. They’ll think they are pulling one over on the both of you because you are seeming agreeableness.

The smartest thing a person can do is play dumb.” Federal_Beyond2587

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deka1 3 months ago
Did they adopt her just to have a live in servant? Definitely get her out of that situation as soon as possible. Your parents sound really toxic. She deserves better. Good for you for helping her.
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5. AITJ For Suing My Sister-In-Law?

“My (24F) dad is pretty well off and owns multiple properties in both the country I live in, as well as back in his home country.

Because of this and the fact that my husband and I both have good careers, my SIL has always had a snobby attitude towards us and my side of the family and tries to mooch off of us at any chance she gets.

When we go out to eat with my husband’s side of the family, we’re expected to pay.

Christmas and birthdays, his side of the family expects “good gifts,” etc.

His sister is currently on her third marriage and has three children all under the age of 10.

She and her husband were looking for a place to host their wedding and approached me about using one of my dad’s properties to host it.

I was very hesitant at first to help her because of the treatment she has given me in the past, but it’s my dad’s property after all so I contacted him to ask him about it.

He said it’s my call, but told me to 1) have them sign some type of agreement stating that if any damage is done to the house, they are liable.

2) they are going to be charged a reasonable fee to use the house. We both agreed on $1500, which I believe is VERY reasonable considering this is a massive house.

I told SIL and her husband about this. They asked about a “family discount.” I told them this was a family discount and to take it or leave it.

They signed the agreement and paid.

Fast forward 2 days after the wedding, I went over to the house. The house is a complete mess. Bed sheets are stained, a vase destroyed, bottles floating in the pool, etc. I contacted my dad to tell him, and he tells me to assess the damage and see how much it is.

It was around $1,000 worth of damage. My dad contacts my SIL himself and explains to her the damage and what she owes him.

She loses her crap and starts going off about how this is bullcrap, we’re family, she shouldn’t even be charged in the first place, we’re so well off and can happily afford to pay for the damages, and if she does pay him then they won’t be able to afford to go on a honeymoon, etc., etc.

She then calls me up to harass me and starts calling me a “witch who thinks she’s too good for everyone” and says “it’s a wedding; what do you expect? Sorry my people know how to have a good time.”

My dad gives her 30 days to pay (she was notified about this).

30 days come and no payment. So my dad gets his lawyer to contact SIL explaining how she’s being taken to court for not paying.

She and my MIL have been contacting my husband non-stop trying to get him to give her the payment. He refuses because he agrees that what she did was irresponsible and wrong.

I had to block MIL and SIL after they sent me nasty messages and even tried to show up at my house to “talk to me.”

I feel bad that my husband’s relationship with his mom and sister is going to be ruined over $1,000. But I feel like what she did was wrong, and she wasn’t even sorry about it.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The gravy train is officially off the tracks for your SIL and she was at the controls.

Sadly, it’s been my experience that some people who have little go out of their way to damage rental property as a petty sort of revenge.

I am happy your husband has your back. If they signed agreeing they are liable, they shouldn’t be surprised to be liable. Expecting to use the property for free is just a ludicrous level of entitlement from SIL, and MIL is apparently just as bad.

If you want an out, as I agree that destroying a relationship over $1,000 seems a steep price to pay, perhaps an alternative arrangement would suit. Perhaps bartering for some service your SIL and her husband can more easily provide than the payment (cleaning, painting, yard work).

However, for me, that would have to include a heartfelt apology to at least your father and preferably to you and your husband as well, which I am guessing is off the table.

SIL and her husband should be careful. You don’t say which country, but some countries take $1,000 worth of crime pretty darn seriously.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“This incident is the catalyst for, not the cause of the meltdown of your husband’s relationship with his mother and sister.

You are NTJ because of what is happening in their family. Honestly, I think you did your husband a favor by facilitating an incident where his mother and sister could show their true colors and give your husband reason to go no contact with these two toxic women.

The fact that they are his mother and sister makes cutting ties with them even more important for your husband’s emotional health and well-being.

As for your SIL getting herself in legal trouble by trashing her wedding venue. Any rental agreement calls for the renter to accept responsibility for the property while they are in occupancy.

If the renter causes significant damage to the property, they must pay for the damages.

Your father is NOT “family” to your husband’s sister. This was strictly a business arrangement. SIL needs to get over her sense of entitlement and pay for the damages she caused.

Maybe some of her friends who, “… know how to have a good time”, can pitch in and help pay for the clean-up of the mess their partying left behind.” Philosemen69

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It sounds like your in-laws are a bunch of moochers. Just because you’re well off, as is your father?

That doesn’t mean y’alls stuff is theirs to do with as they choose.

And sorry, but trashing someone’s property isn’t ‘knowing how to have a good time.’ Knowing how to have a good time is respecting other people’s property while using it and ensuring to leave said property in the condition it was when they used it.

That SIL and her mother are some entitled individuals. And although I’m sorry for your husband being caught in the middle of this with his family, y’all really need to start having less contact with them as well as stop paying for them when y’all do get together.

They’re not entitled to your money. They want nicer things or want to eat out? Then they need to work and earn the money needed for those extras.

You and your husband both need to stop enabling their greediness and selfishness. If they can’t pay, then they can’t play.” AlicornsPrayer

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. i hope you have a copy of the contract, also its not YOU suing her it's the property owner ie YOUR DAD.. maybe if you have cameras, pul, footage of them coming to your home, get hubby to send you any nasty messages they send you or him, send them directly to dad's lawyer... maybe he needs to tell HIS MOTHER and sil that the $1500 WAS the family discount AND she signed a contract and that YOUR DAD is not their family that HIS PROPERTY was rented to her BY HIM and as such she should have abided by the contract she signed... she didn't so she has to pay the cleaning fees. Tell them that they are all a set of money grabbing morons who seem very entitled to YOUR earnings and dad's properties but now that STOPS.. tell hubby you know they are HIS family but you are now DONE with the lot of them. They have crossed the line with you both for years and that this was the cherry on the top of the cake for you. You also might want to let them know they are very lucky you haven't contacted your lawyer over their harassment of you
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4. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Grandkids While On Vacation?

“I have 1 son (30M) and 2 grandchildren (4M and 5M).

I take care of them 2/3x a week for 3/4 hours a day. I don’t mind taking care of them, but it’s exhausting.

At the beginning of November, my son invited me to go with him, his wife, children, and in-laws to travel from the 15th to the 22nd of December.

I asked how much this trip was, and it wasn’t cheap, so I said I didn’t want it because it wasn’t something I wanted to spend at that moment.

He offered to pay as a gift, and I decided to accept on the condition that I would not “babysit” my grandchildren at any time, and this would be my vacation.

He agreed.

(In a few spaced conversations, I asked why they didn’t leave the children with my ex-husband during this period, as it is a very “adult” and “romantic” city. They said they wanted a family trip. By the way, my ex-husband loves his grandkids, and they spent almost 3 weeks at his house once.

He didn’t go on the trip for other reasons.)

On the trip, I wasn’t very proactive in taking care of my grandchildren, honestly, apart from a few well-spaced moments, my son, wife, his ILs took care of the kids. I obviously spent time with them.

On this trip, we basically spent the morning and afternoon together, and at night, we were free to do whatever we wanted. I took the opportunity to visit some restaurants and hopping (alone). My son and his wife took turns with his in-laws at night with my grandchildren because most places weren’t family-friendly

The 6th day, I decided to stay at the hotel, drink, and read a book. My son found out I was staying at the hotel and asked if I could look after them. I declined, saying I had other plans in my room.

He started to complain that everyone was helping and taking turns, except me who didn’t help with the whole trip he paid for (this really made me mad).

I reminded him that it was his choice to bring two children in a completely non-family-friendly city and that I said before even accepting his gift that I would not take care of the children, because I just wanted to relax.

We ended up arguing, and he said, among other things, that I could be a little more grateful for his gift and make this concession for 3 hours for them and the ILs to have a free night, but that I’m deciding to be a jerk.

I stuck to it, and in doubt, he wouldn’t respect this, I ducked into the pool area the whole night (he tried to show up in my room with the kids and just drop them off).

Things have been tense ever since, as he said I was a jerk the whole trip.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You conditionally accepted a free trip. I’m sorry, is it possible to conditionally accept a free trip? It’s understandable that you don’t want to come as the nanny. However, refusing to babysit for even 3 hours because it’s YOUR vacation… come on, that’s rich.” ScaryButterscotch474

Another User Comments:

“You are slightly the jerk, only because it’s a “family” trip. Meaning it’s not just your vacation; it’s everyone’s vacation. So you can have free time from the kids, but no one else can? He probably shouldn’t have brought you on the trip.

Not to mention, the destination wasn’t a good decision. Anytime you do something as a family, it’s expected that everyone is equal, and everyone pitches in. He asked you to babysit just one time, and you wouldn’t do it… I understand your agreement, and he was wrong to agree with those terms on this type of trip.

ESH.” Able_Can9735

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

The opposite is equally true. He may have gifted you this out of gratitude for the 2-3 days x 3-4 hours, you’ve been caring for the kiddos. Before he threw the gift back in your face, a sound mind would do the math and consider this.

There was a post a year or so back where the grandma/nanny or someone was getting a free vacation gift per year in place of babysitting payment. He could think of it like that.

This is to say it would’ve been two sides to a coin – not the jerk – until he showed up with the kids.

Had they approached you in advance and asked, ‘Could you watch them one night so we go out with the in-laws and one night they watch them so we go out with you?’ I could consider you unreasonable, it is one night. Sharing the load doesn’t hurt.

In this case his approach was an afterthought and a power move. He could’ve said at the time you asked that each adult unit would rotate to take one or two nights with the kids for example. Let you plan accordingly.

Just the way he approached it left a bad taste.

So because he paid for you he can just drop this on you against your agreement? And because the in-laws paid their own way and helped you have to feel somehow unreasonable despite being the one who regularly watches the kids for free (and living on a single income so the financial comparison is unfair).

It all just feels wrong…I would see why you set that boundary and didn’t want to feel like the nanny who has to be grateful for being there (fringe benefit of the job) at all somehow.

Your son is grown and he started this by not getting to the meaning of your boundaries and discussing his needs at the time.

It’s fine to ask you to watch them as a favor, not to drop them on you out of entitlement (or like you expect of a paid service).” mayfeelthis

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but soft ESH.

Your terms were abundantly clear and yet he still offered to pay for you to go on this vacation.

The non-child-friendly city thing is bogus I’m sorry. We travel with our kids (as a solo family, without help from anyone) and we always find activities that work for everyone. You saying this seems an excuse to judge them for choosing this trip and do nothing to help out (that’s my reason for ESH).

Now, they could just do the same thing every other family does when traveling and that’s take care of their own kids, even at night. Yes there are some things you can’t do but that’s the reality of traveling with kids. They need to lower their expectations.

If they weren’t ready to take care of their children while on this trip, they should have hired a nanny.” Reddit user

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anma7 4 months ago
ESH.. he could have got the inlaws to do 1 night and you and son and dil have a night away n then you may have said ok we trade off so wee all get 1 night off.. butdoes he pay you for having the kids for the days a week you have the kids while i assume he and wife work ? Do the inlaws do the same and you and they trade off days ? So no he said family vacation yet chose a totally child unfriendly place.... err nope did the hotel not offer a sitter service they could have used so they 5 adults could have hD 1 night off TOGETHER... see next time he offers you a vacation say no and stand your ground.. but he shouldmt have agreed to your terms on going in the forst place.. i wonder if you will get asked to watch them multiple times a week when normal service resumes lol.. maybe tell him that you don't mind having them but he's grown and you are a grandparent not theor parent so technically seeing how you are saving him funds on childcare he needs to be grateful or find a daycare on the 2/3 days you used to watch the kids
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3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Add My Sister-In-Law Onto The Lease?

“I and my significant other rent a house that my dad owns. My brother used to live in the area, but he moved out of state over a year ago with his wife. He’s currently going through a hard time financially. After he moved, his wife didn’t work for a year (I don’t know why), and they racked up close to 200k in debt.

My dad agreed to loan him 1/3 of that to help him get his head above water. They both make good salaries, but the move to a high-cost-of-living state and his wife not working put them in a bad spot. I’m concerned for his mental health and that he might hit a breaking point.

Two days ago, I called him, and he said he was coming to visit and I was excited. He rarely makes time to see me when he visits, and I thought maybe that changed… but he wanted something. Apparently, my SIL who is a nurse had her contract cancelled and doesn’t have a job.

In two weeks, her license expires unless she renews it, but he claims she can’t in the state they live in because she’d have to retake tests, etc. It would be easier for her to renew in our state, but she needs to prove residency.

He wanted me to sublet a room to her to prove residency, and at first I agreed, but then it started sounding fishy. He wanted me to send my utility bills, so he could forge her name on them, send her mail back to her but not forward because that would let them know she moved.

I sent him a text telling him I didn’t want to be involved. It sounds like fraud. He claims it isn’t because she will actually be renting a room, and I could add her to the utilities. I told him no and cut contact because my brother has a history of harassment if he doesn’t get what he wants.

I told him if my dad wanted to sign a lease for her he was welcome to.

My brother started texting and calling. He went to my dad about it and I started getting texts from my dad saying as my landlord I needed to sign the lease.

I told him no that’s something he needs to do. Then he texted me saying as my landlord he needs to make sure my utilities are on and he’s requiring me to send him the utility bills and add my SIL to them. Which is nonsense; he just doesn’t want my SIL to lose her job or her license (my brother didn’t tell him about the job).

I also don’t understand why I’m hearing about this now two weeks before her license expires. She’s been a nurse for 10+ years; it’s not like this renewal would be a surprise to her. The whole thing is odd.

I stopped responding to both my dad and my brother and haven’t answered their calls.

I’ve gotten nasty texts from my brother about how I don’t care about family. And I know I can’t ignore my dad forever because he’s my landlord. My dad signed the lease for him but I don’t want any involvement with the utilities or mail.

If it is address fraud I don’t want to be connected to it. But simply adding her name to the utilities and sending my dad a copy seems like a small line to draw in the sand over my brother’s financial and mental ruin and they both think I’m a jerk for it.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you are awesome! Hold your ground. They are bullying you. You don’t need to get involved in this illegal activity. Also, in many areas, it may be illegal for your landlord to request copies of your utility bills. Only government entities (school systems, etc.) can request that (and they can’t specify that it has to be utility bills).

I would send each of them a typed and signed letter VIA CERTIFIED MAIL that you refuse to add your “insert full name” to your lease and utility bills which is illegal as she doesn’t live there and thus would constitute fraud. Include in the letter that they are not to contact you again with regard to this matter, or you will file a report of harassment.

Then be sure to take screenshots of all the texts you already have. If they contact you again, your best course of action may be to file harassment charges against your landlord (father I know) because he is violating your lease (a term called “quiet enjoyment”).

Technically, your brother isn’t doing anything illegal – he’s as annoying as a telemarketer, but your dad is. A landlord is not permitted to harass a tenant.

And I guess it’s time to find a new place to move to.” OkSeat4312

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Firstly, if this situation is what they claim, you’d still be committing fraud. You don’t want to get dragged into this whole thing if something does go wrong or something is flagged in a system somewhere. It may seem unlikely to happen, but some states take this sort of thing extremely seriously.

My father has been using his sister’s address as his main residence for years because he works at a campground in the summer and stays at an off-season hotel on the beach during the winter, and needed a mailing address for things like his license (his state doesn’t accept PO boxes).

Sure enough, it got flagged in a system after a few years and he had to fight like heck to prove there wasn’t some illegal motive behind what was happening.

But…I also get a really bad feeling about this, and think there may be more to this story.

I’m not so sure I believe this is truly just about her nursing license being about to expire. Maybe I’ve just read too much on here, but something seems…off.” Alarmed_Jellyfish555

Another User Comments:

“If you did do this, it’s unlikely that any repercussions would come back to bite you.

Unless you signed something with the statement, “under penalty of perjury,” I don’t think you would be held liable. And if she was actually renting a room, you are pretty much in the clear by saying she was doing so. Him forging her name on the utility bills is another matter.

I don’t think you could be held criminally liable for your brother’s actions, but it makes it a bit more sketchy. Bottom line, you do not have to be involved in any of this, and if it makes you feel uneasy, or if you just plain don’t want to do it, you have every right not to.

And Brother is clearly the jerk, not for suggesting it, because some people would be more than willing to do something like this, but for pushing the issue once you said you did not want to do it. Dad becomes co-jerk by demanding that you basically concede to Brother’s demands.

NTJ.” baubsyeruncle

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. but why not google it ? So dad is trying to use the I am your landlord as a way to force you to possibly commit fraud... now you say brother didn't tell dad about her job I hope you have !! Nurses are in high demand especially ones with 10+yrs experience so they have fired her for a reason... also how the jerk does anyone wrack up 200k worth of debt in a YEAR!!! Maybe you need to do the research about whether or not dad legally has to have a copy of the utilities, THEN tell dad that if he wants to gove her a spectate lease then he can however she wouldn't be the first roommate to just pay their portion of the utilities to just 1 tenant whose name is on the bill... personally I think they are trying to scam either their creditors or something cos this ain't good at all.. and the fact he is harassing you and setting daddy on you cos you won't do what he wants speaks volumes he's obviously desperate for this paperwork.. as for she can't renew in their state... hmm maybe Google that too ie if my nursing licence lapses in home state will I be able to renew automatically in new state.. and the answers will be there for you to see whether it's true or not, then print it off and the info about the landlord needing a copy of the utilities plus google about the mail thing too and print it off....
Also seeing how brother has a history of harassing people to get his own way means his mental health is fine he's using that and the debt is making him more unbalanced than normal... if dad is usually rational with you ask him why all of a sudden after you have been renting this property for X time does he suddenly need a copy of your utility bills? Surely he would have asked you for that when he first moved in or is it because he's worried for brothers mental health... tell him that you KNOW she had her contract cancelled but no clue why, that you KNOW she hasn't worked for long even after they moved there but you don't know why, that you know he's worried about brother as are you but you don't see why brother is insisting on this when you have proof that renewing the licence etc is a lie or whatever you find out and show him the print outs dad has generously offered to help him pay off 1/3 of the debt but maybe dad needs to tell brother he will make direct payments... maybe sil has developed an addiction to shopping or gambling or something and THIS is why her contract was cancelled... if its jerk they will have reported her and she won't be able to renew if it goes on record, so renewing it in home state asap is the easiest way to do it before the licensing board find out...
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2. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Pray At My Wedding?

“I (28F) grew up in a very Christian town in the USA (not saying where specifically to protect my family who still lives there). Religious beliefs were forced onto me my whole life. I went to a very religious school, and my parents, friends, and every other person in my life followed (their version) of the bible to an exact.

I wasn’t allowed to wear shorts, have posters in my room, listen to non-Christian music, etc., etc., so yeah, very extreme. I believed until I was roughly 15, I’m not sure why, not even sure how, but I broke free of that mindset and religious guilt.

Through working and faking a love for Jesus, I managed to get out of there and now live happily in Europe. I love my family, but I don’t love what they did to me and all the rules I had to grow up with.

So, when I got married, I told my mom and the rest of my family that there would be not even a hint of religion at my wedding.

Everyone was okay with this, apart from my mom. She insisted I let her say “at least a prayer” at my wedding because that’s how she and I grew up and “is it not important to you that your guests are comfortable?” I told her that “the way I grew up and the way I turned out clashed, and it’s left me with a lot of hurt and feeling like I was conned out of a real childhood.” She wasn’t happy with that and now refuses to come to my wedding unless I apologize and let her say a prayer for my husband and me.

At first, I thought it was ridiculous, but now I’m having second thoughts. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you should reflect on what’s more important to you: purging of the religion that holds no meaning for you or having your mother at the wedding?

I was going to suggest a compromise: that your mom pray at the rehearsal, or privately with you, but then realized, that privately with you would only be meaningful to her, and therefore might as well be privately on her own. She doesn’t just want a prayer, she wants an audience.

So there’s your decision, being true to yourself and your vision, or providing her with an audience for her prayer.

(Ask, would you let her hold a seance at your wedding? Smudge the venue with sage? Dance a hula or other dance that doesn’t fit your wedding?

Just to humor your mom or MIL to let her participate and be happy? If yes to any of these, then maybe let her have her prayer.)” Aunt_Anne

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is a simple request on your behalf but your mother can’t even do that?

Your mother may be a righteous person but she isn’t a nice person. She is trying to blackmail you into getting her way, as I am sure she has done time and time again. She figures that the obligations that she has brainwashed you with all your life will triumph for her.

She will win because you are a decent person and she is not.

I suggest that you stick to your guns. Even if she shows up on your terms, she is very likely to violate them at the earliest opportunity. She will also tell every ear that will listen how horrible you are to turn against God and your mother, not necessarily in that order.

I would tell her simply that “If you ever loved me, come to my wedding and honor my simple request. If you cannot honor my request or choose not to come, I will know just where I stand.” Perhaps let the rest of your family know about her demands and see how it goes, though that might actually work against you if they also believe faith trumps all other things.” Icy_Curmudgeon

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ.

If your mom is very religious, I can imagine that she is very worried about the path in life you have chosen. Is it possible that by saying a prayer at your wedding she is looking after your wellbeing in her eyes?

I’m an atheist myself, but if I put myself in her shoes, I can imagine why saying a prayer is important for her.

I get your negative feelings toward religion after the way you were brought up. But keep in mind that your parents genuinely think they are doing the right thing.

The last few years, I learned the value of family. I would really think whether it’s worth causing a rift over this. I would consider asking her to give a speech, which she can end with a very short prayer. She should be aware that other guests won’t join in.

I hope you’ll have a beautiful wedding!” annbasic

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. but if you really truly want her and the family that's coming with her there, you might have to bend a LITTLE.. ie tell her YOU will write/pick her a prayer and that if she strays from said prayer or starts on a recruitment drive AT YOUR WEDDING she will be asked to leave... you have to realise having had to put in the work you have to untrain your brain from the brainwashing you endured for the first 15yrs of your life and then up to getting away that she has MANY MORE years of brainwashing than you had and for her you walking away from their 'religion' is incomprehensible. So as a loving mother she is worried about you not getting entry into wherever they believe you go after death.. soo if you truly want your family there to see you get married and see the life you have built then you may have to bend a little on the prayer thing cos I can garentee that if mom dint come then then other brain washed family won't either... BTW congrats on escaping the cult you had the misfortune to be born into
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1. AITJ For Disciplining My Adult Son For Not Returning An Item To His Partner?

“For context, my son ‘Elijah’ is 23 and lives at home partially due to a physical disability. He is currently taking classes online to earn a business degree. He has been with his current and first-time partner ‘Tonya’ (24f) for 2 years.

Tonya is also in college, goes to a local brick-and-mortar.

As I understood a few months ago, Tonya gave my son a brand new Xbox series X which was a bit odd to me. It’s important to note as Tonya’s birthday approached, I gave Eli $200 to put towards a decent gift for her since she randomly gave him something expensive.

Fast forward a few weeks, Tonya abruptly stopped coming over. They are adults, so neither my wife nor myself pressed him as to why.

Eventually, Tonya calls my wife to explain that Eli is refusing to return her Xbox. She was a bit confused, Tonya said they didn’t break up but had a fight before she asked for the Xbox back.

She also claimed it was never a gift. We spoke to Eli, he assured us it was absolutely a gift as it was even wrapped. I felt they needed to figure things out on their own.

Last weekend, Tonya came over and approached me in our garage.

My son and wife weren’t home at the time. She had explained everything, then handed me her phone to read their text history. To summarize, one of Tonya’s three roommates stole from her. Two days later, the Xbox she had purchased was delivered. Fearing it would get stolen, she asked my son to hold onto it for safekeeping until she found a new place to live.

As a direct quote, “I haven’t even opened it yet, just sucks I’m living with a thief. When I come over, let’s set it up so at least you can use it.” He acknowledged everything she had said. Aside from the entire Xbox ordeal, the more I read the more livid I became.

The things my son said to her, speaking to her in such an extremely condescending manner. I was mortified, this is not the son I raised.

I took her into his room and packed up the Xbox. I was in shock to learn about this side of my son I never knew existed. I was asking questions and learned the fight started after he forgot her birthday.

Days later, she was very hurt and confronted him. In return, he tossed her a wrinkled-up shirt that had a $10 price tag on it. She did so much for his birthday, helped his mom decorate, and threw him a party.

They arrived home a few hours after she left. He just stepped over the threshold, and I went off on him.

It’s not like I can discipline him anymore, but I darn sure wanted him to feel shame and guilt for his appalling behavior. He kept saying that I didn’t understand; she’s only telling her side. When I informed him the Xbox was gone, he completely threw a 5-year-old tantrum.

He called me a bad name and said I had no business getting involved in his personal relationship.

His mother agreed with him and asked what happened to them figuring things out on their own? Legally, she could have just gotten the law involved. Three days later, he put a keyed lock on his door.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“I’m gonna go with NTJ.

He lied, he tried to steal/keep something that was just given to him for safekeeping (quite ironic), treated his partner like crap, and you saw the written evidence!

I’d freak out at that, too. Your son is also incorrect in that you only saw her side, we are talking about back-and-forth texts.

Your wife may think her baby can do no wrong, but he is a man by now, and he needs to experience the consequences of his actions, which – in this case – hopefully means his partner breaking up with him.

On the other hand, it’s also perfectly okay for him to get a lock for his door.

I can’t say how doting you and your wife were as parents before, so while his behavior towards his partner was bad, you going off on him and taking away the Xbox might actually feel like a breach of trust to him.

But overall, I don’t think that’s how a mentally sound 23-year-old should act and react.” KatKaleen

Another User Comments:

“I’m going against the grain on this one. ESH. This is your 23-year-old son. You have no business intervening in his relationships. They are none of your business.

However, I also despise the way your son acted. Also, he stole from you.

He took your $200, bought her a $10 shirt, and pocketed the rest.

I’d not intervene in his relationship, but if I had a 23-year-old living under my roof who scammed me out of $200, that would be the most expensive $200 of their life because then they would have to get the heck out and pay rent somewhere else.” QuesoDelDiablos

Another User Comments:

“She obviously didn’t “gift” it to him, she acquiesced to him using it while he kept it safe for her while she looked for a better living situation. NTJ.

AND with the texting evidence, plus the fact he’s living in YOUR house.

Yeah, your wife needs to re-evaluate her ethics too.

Had my son been this big of a jerk (sorry), I’d have also, after discussing with my partner, UN-invited him to live in my home, to be honest. If he’s also paying rent/room & board… then it might be ok, but I just don’t think I could condone his behavior.

But if he’s living with you still scot-free… well… just no. He’d best case get a 3-month max “clean up your morals or find a new living arrangement” eviction. But I’m also very intolerant of this sort of jerky behavior. Again, sorry.” KTKacer

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. its a shame you can't ask tonya to send you all the text history so that wife can see exactly what her coddling has raised. She is completely disregarding the fact he STOLE tonyas xbox, then took money from you for a decent birthday gift and ended up making $190 out of it, then lied continually to your faces, then he throws a complete toddler tantrum cos he realised you knew the TRUTH!! And she is DEFENDING him, maybe point out that his disability is physical and NOT mental that he KNOWS what he has done maybe reach out to Tonya see if she will tell you WHAT went missing cos sorry maybe it wasn't the roommate who stole said item maybe it was wife's baby. Tell wife Tonya could have rung the police and with the text evidence he would have been charge with theft AND mail tampering as the item was still sealed
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