People Allow Us To Question Them In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
37. AITJ For Getting My Colleague And His Wife Arrested For Using His Ex-Wife's Wedding Dress?
“I (38f) had 2 work colleagues, Mary and Adam (both in their late 20s-early 30s). Mary started in the company first and then she got Adam to join, they worked in different departments and Mary was in mine. Later, Mary left the company to pursue another career.
When they started at the company, they were already married for a few years.
Now, Mary is the kindest and loveliest person I’ve ever met. She was always polite, and helpful and would cheer anyone up. We missed her dearly. So it came as a shock when we found out she was divorcing Adam because he had an affair.
I have called her to express how sorry I am that this has happened to her and we have been talking almost daily ever since. I was impressed by how well Mary holds herself in such a situation, she wouldn’t bad mouth Adam and the only thing she mentioned was how her wedding dress and a few family heirlooms went missing when she was moving her stuff from their apartment.
She thought they might be misplaced in a different box and would turn up eventually.
A few years passed, I now work in the same department as Adam. He is a good work colleague but can be dismissive and ignorant sometimes. Adam invited me to his wedding with the lady, ‘Chelsea,’ he had an affair with.
As the entire department was invited, I said yes, making sure Mary was OK with this. I’ve also told her where the wedding will be. (It’s not too far from where she lives and we could go for some drinks after if she wanted to)
On the day of Adam’s wedding, I noticed that Chelsea was wearing a similar dress that Mary wore in the photos of her and Adam’s wedding years ago.
So without thinking I snapped a picture and sent it to Mary with the caption saying: ‘Doesn’t this dress look familiar?’ Mary saw the message but she didn’t respond and about an hour later the police showed up at the venue.
I need to add that the police in our country are ruthless and any theft is considered a criminal matter for the police to deal with. Police asked Chelsea to take the dress and all the jewellery off, Chelsea refused and started arguing with them, and then Adam joined in.
As they were rude to the police, they were taken to the police station. Everyone at the wedding had to leave. I have tried to call Mary but she wouldn’t pick up the phone.
As we found out later Chelsea was wearing Mary’s wedding dress and her heirlooms, Mary spotted them on her in the picture I sent to her and called the police.
Apparently, she had previously asked Adam if he had them, and he declined, saying he never saw them. So after she saw the picture she knew he was lying and stole them. Chelsea had to leave the wedding dress and jewelry at the police station and go home wearing her undergarments and Adam’s jacket after they were bailed out.
Yesterday Adam returned to the office and went completely mental at me, blaming me for sending a picture to Mary and ruining his wedding, he would also call me a jerk for what I did.”
36. AITJ For Telling My Partner He's Contributing Nothing To Our House In Front Of Our Family?
“I (F 29) have been with my partner Adam (M 27) for 2 and a half years. He’s the quiet/shy type. It’s very hard to get him to open up about what bothers him. For now, I’m the one with an income.
We get along easily though he can be… a bit unreasonable sometimes. e.g. he doesn’t cook cause he’s worried I won’t like his food but still cooks for himself and the smell’s pretty telling that his cooking is good. Another e.g.
is he doesn’t do most chores saying he’s worried he might break/damage something. It’s frustrating but we’re working on fixing it.
Now onto the more complicated issue… I’d put funds aside since 2015 to buy an apartment and I’m finally able to get it done this year.
When I told him this he got agitated and said I should wait a little longer til we’re married, but I said no. He started complaining about how bad he felt about seeing me buy the apartment myself without having him contribute.
I asked what I was supposed to do because… it kinda sounded like a ‘him problem,’ no offense but… he got so worked up and gave me 2 options… 1. is I put his name on the title, 2. is not buy the apartment til marriage so it’ll become ‘shared marital asset’.
I said no and that was final and he should drop it. He did eventually.
At his family’s house, I was taken aback when he started complaining about the apartment and again told me to either put his name on the title or wait til marriage to buy it, cause he feels like there’s a ‘huge power imbalance’ here, and that he can’t bring himself to accept it.
He also said that it makes him feel like he contributes nothing. I snapped and said, ‘The reason you feel like you contribute nothing is that you literally contribute nothing and I suggest you fix that by actually finding a job and having a decent income’.
His family looked shocked, he glanced at me then got up and walked away. I waited for him to come back but had to go home cause his mom said he felt too overwhelmed and wanted some space. She then basically started shaming me for my ‘statement’ and hinted about financial abuse and control over her son. He’s not home yet demanding another talk about the apartment probably expecting me to agree to one option.
Edit in case it matters: He has a disability that limits his job opportunities.”
35. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Getting Back At Me By Messing Up My Alarm?
“I (f 23) have been married to my husband (m 26) for a year. I’m in my last year of university and have been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming. My husband complains about seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore.
I’ve told him it’s not gonna last forever and that I need to focus because this is my last year and it’s been the hardest.
The day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend’s birthday party.
I refused because I was busy preparing for my exam. He pleaded with me saying it was just one hour and talked about how his friends would be upset if I was not there. I said no and shut down any further discussions.
He got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it.
Before I went to bed, I set my alarm clock like I always do since I’m a heavy sleeper + I stayed up late studying. The next morning I woke up at 9 am.
I literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 a.m. I had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time.
I couldn’t believe it I absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right. He just stood there shocked by my reaction and my rage. I got dressed quickly and rushed to the university.
They didn’t let me into the exam hall.
I got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since I had no legit reason as to why I was late. It was awful is all I can say.
I went home and my husband and I stopped speaking to each other.
He kept acting as if I hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling. And that I deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks. I might be wrong for not considering it but I think that my exams should be a priority and his way of ‘teaching me a lesson’ was not right.”
34. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Will Never Babysit My Son Again?
“I (33M) am a single foster dad to Andrew (7M). I started fostering him during the global crisis and hope to adopt him as soon as possible.
My parents love my kid and they babysit every chance they get, my brother and SIL also watch him a lot (they have 3 kids and they are great friends with Andrew).
My sister had many miscarriages throughout the years, the last one was just weeks ago.
My sister loved Andrew at the beginning. Then he started showing interest in ballet, dresses, pink clothes, barbie dolls, etc., all your usual ‘girl stuff’. I’m fine with it, he is a child who is inventing his identity, and social gender norms are ridiculous anyway.
He is also letting his hair grow long and it grew past his shoulders already.
My sister strongly disapproves of me letting my son be whoever he is. She always buys him ‘boys’ clothes and toys, which he doesn’t like so he never uses them.
I have told her repeatedly to either buy him things he likes or simply buy him nothing.
The other day she was watching him and when I came over to pick him up (my sister lives at my parents’) he was dressed in boy’s clothes and his hair was cut (very short).
I asked him what happened and he said that auntie took him to the hairdresser and shopping for appropriate clothes. He started crying when he told me.
I lost it and asked my sister what was wrong with her. I told my son to go wait in the car and then I told my sister that she is never watching him again.
She said that she just wants what’s best for him. I told her he is MY child, not hers, and I’m the one to decide what he needs and what he gets. She said I am a horrible father and I replied ‘You would have been an AWFUL mother!’
My sister cried, my mom said I didn’t need to be that mean, and my dad said my sister was out of line doing that to my kid. Some of my friends said I was a jerk for saying that so soon after she lost her baby.
33. AITJ For Refusing To Move Away From My Ex-Husband?
“6 years ago I got divorced from my now ex-husband, there was no drama that led to this we simply realized we were no longer happy or in love so it would have been a clean break if not for the fact we had a daughter who is now 11.
Neither of us wanted to lose full custody of her or miss important moments in her life, she is the most important person in both our lives and we debated on trying to make it work just for her but realized that would only lead to all three of us becoming miserable so we entered an arrangement that many would view as unconventional.
When we sold our house we used the money to buy two semi-detached houses that were joined and had a door installed between them, the construction company tried to warn us against this as it would affect resale value but neither of us had any intention to sell so we had them go ahead with it.
We also had them take down the fence between both our back gardens so our daughter would have an extra large back garden to play in.
Many of you may balk at the door but there is an agreement, it is strictly for our daughter’s use and neither of us can use it barring any emergencies say a fire, a medical emergency, or something being wrong with our daughter.
She has two bedrooms one in each house and every day she can pick where she wants to have breakfast, dinner, and sleep. I won’t lie it was awkward at first but for her sake, we made it work and even regained a lot of the friendship we had lost though it was of course strictly platonic now.
Last year my ex-husband married his partner of three years, a lovely woman who I’m actually friends with and I was even a guest at their wedding with my daughter being one of her bridesmaids. All in all it’s an arrangement everyone is content with except for my partner who I started to see two years ago.
He understood the arrangement entering into the relationship and while he said it was a bit ‘weird’ he never protested and all seemed well, things are getting more serious and we’ve been discussing moving in together and he has made it clear he wants me to move as he doesn’t want to live next door to my ex-husband.
I understood that but told him that wouldn’t be happening as my daughter had to come first and our arrangement gave her a stable upbringing.
He got upset with me and asked me how he was supposed to be a father to my daughter when she already had a dad and he was literally a wall away, I won’t lie this took me by surprise as I had no idea he wanted to be a ‘father’ to her…
I told him gently but firmly that he wasn’t her father, that she already had one, and that even her father’s wife didn’t try to be a mother, instead, she was called by her name. I told him if he wanted some kind of familial title he could be an uncle but I wouldn’t give him permission to take her father title when he is very much involved in her life. He told me if I loved him I’d move for him and despite me trying to tell him I DO love him he isn’t listening, AITJ in this?”
32. AITJ For Evicting My Stepfather?
“My (17 m) parents had been divorced for around 10 years. 3 years ago she met my stepfather. He proposed to her after only 7 months and they got married after the global crisis blew over. I never have had a good relationship with my stepfather, he never has tried to have a relationship with me and as a result, he’s basically a stranger to me (I don’t even know his age besides somewhere in his 40s) but I put up with him because he made my mom happy and he wasn’t like abusive or anything.
My mom passed away due to colon cancer in May. She had stopped taking chemo and decided to spend her last couple of months making memories with me and my two brothers so I have no regrets about the time I spent with her.
After all was said and done, her house ended up going to me, with the stipulation that whatever was done with the house would be shared amongst me and my brothers.
After a lot of talking with my dad, we came to the conclusion that the best course of action would be to sell the house and use the money to pay for my and my brother’s college.
My stepfather had been living in the house at that point alone for about three or four months without paying any rent so I mailed him an eviction notice.
He went ballistic and blew up at me over text, saying he had nowhere else to go, how dare I do this to him after everything he’s done for us, etc.
He even threatened to hurt my cat who had been there since mom died which at that point I blocked him and haven’t spoken to him since (I went and got the cat back while he was at work don’t worry).
Now he’s moved on to texting my little brothers, and they’ve both come to me asking me to let him stay for a little while longer (I don’t know why, one of them doesn’t have a relationship with him like me and the other straight up hates him.)
So yeah, all being said, AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister-In-Law For Messing Around My Rose Bushes?
“So my brother and SIL had been together for 3 years until recently. My brother ended the relationship around a month ago and SIL has been staying with me in the meantime.
Ever since she moved in I have told her that the one thing she can never touch is my garden.
My garden is full of different flowers, but I mainly keep roses. The garden also makes up about 1/3 of the yard.
SIL assured me that she would never touch my garden if I didn’t want her to. My garden is extremely important to me so I was relieved that she wouldn’t mess with it.
The problem came when I went to work yesterday. I am usually at work before SIL wakes up so I guess she assumed I was working normal hours. That day I had to be there a bit earlier so I came home an hour or two early.
I had some time to kill so I went out to check on my garden. When I stepped out, I was shocked to see SIL messing around with my rose bushes. Like WHAT?! The ONE thing I asked her not to touch and she’s just tearing at the leaves trying to pick one!
I told her to pack her bags and get out of my house, and if she couldn’t follow one simple rule she couldn’t stay with me.
She told me that was ridiculous and that it was just a garden. I still told her to leave.
Her parents are mad at me because they had to take her in when they were already struggling financially. But my brother and parents are on my side saying that I had every right to kick her out. I’m starting to wonder if I’m really the jerk because her family is already going through enough and now they have to house her as well. So AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Asking My Mother-In-Law To Stop Calling My Baby Her Baby?
“I (32 f) used to have a good relationship with my MIL until I became pregnant last year. To preface, my MIL is heavily invested in my partner’s life as they are the firstborn child, grandchild, etc., and can do no wrong in her eyes.
We had boundary issues in the past that I would usually shake off because you can’t pick your family, ya know. But when we announced my pregnancy it was like a light flipped switch and she could suddenly see the daughter she never had coming into the world.
She became very involved in everything from planning the shower to asking how doctor visits were and trying to dictate how we would spend events.
This amplified once my child was born and my partner and I had asked for alone time to bond with our baby and for me to recover from birth.
It was like I had told her she would never see the baby instead of asking for time. Since then, our relationship has been cordial at best because I no longer trust her to respect the boundaries that I have set.
We are now many months in and she consistently refers to my child as ‘her baby’. I let it slide for a long time because I wanted to keep the peace but after being told that she is telling my child ‘We don’t want mommy to pick up my baby, do we’ ‘My baby doesn’t need to go home’ ‘My baby misses me and should see me more’ something inside me snapped.
This resulted in me asking her to please refer to my child as her grandbaby, not her baby. She instantly broke down in tears and stated she didn’t understand why it was a big deal because she allowed others to refer to her children that way.
I reiterated that I was uncomfortable with it and would prefer her to not do it.
As a side note, she is at our daycare multiple days a week so another confrontation will most likely happen again. So AITJ for asking this?”
29. AITJ For Letting My Wife Wear A Gown To My Mom's Wedding?
“Growing up my mom always taught me body autonomy, and also not to be a jerk to women. As a result, I’ve never been controlling in my marriage and don’t think highly of men who try to control their partners.
Now for the issue.
My mom and my wife hate each other. They can hardly be in the same room and obviously, I chose my wife, but I’m not ready for full no contact with my mom, so we do still see each other on important days such as her wedding.
My wife wasn’t excited about my mom’s wedding as she thinks my mom ruined our wedding with her complaining, refusing to wear what she was told, refusing to brush her hair, calling us jerks for having a black tie wedding, and basically showing up in a gown, but everything else looked underdone, hair, makeup, etc.
She felt she was showing off, and showing how she didn’t care.
I was nervous about how she would act at my mom’s wedding. She came down in a full-on gown, like a wedding dress, and I begged her to change, but she said no, and if I wouldn’t drive her she would Uber, so I was like fine whatever.
I don’t think I get to be the ultimate authority on what she wears, and also I doubted my mom would care. I cannot even describe how laid back she is.
I’m not sure if my mom even saw the dress. If she did there was zero reaction.
She didn’t really talk to us, but her friends were there, and I’m not sure she likes us much these days. My wife was embarrassing me as she was massively overdressed and clearly trying to be the bride.
The issue is my grandmother, my grandfather (divorced) and the groom’s mom cussed us out.
I was really verbally abused over it, so I snapped at them that maybe their marriages suck, but I have no control over my wife. I even texted my mom after the fact and asked if she was mad. She said she thought it was funny and told them to calm down, so I feel vindicated but I don’t know.”
28. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Sister's Second Baby Shower?
“I am engaged to a lovely woman. My fiancée is an introvert with social anxiety issues and is reserved. My family is extroverted and they’ve had a difficult time connecting with her, but gatherings are always respectful. By contrast, my family is much more friendly with my ex-wife who is an extrovert.
(My ex-wife had an affair.)
My sister is pregnant with her first. In planning her baby shower, she asked me if she could invite my ex-wife to the shower, which was family-only. (I was not invited). I recommended against it but ultimately told her that it wasn’t my call.
The shower comes and goes, and my fiancée comes home. Apparently, my fiancée was there for ten minutes with her and her daughter, then my ex-wife showed up with my son. My fiancée was essentially ignored for the entire time, but was asked to participate in recording the gifts for my sister; she complied.
My fiancée is hurt that she was mostly ignored except for when it was time for her to serve a purpose there. I was hurt and also embarrassed because I felt like I failed my fiancée.
I went to my mother and sister to ask what happened, and they confirmed that my fiancée was withdrawn once my ex-wife showed up, and my ex-wife dominated the room.
I said that inviting my ex was the wrong call; my mother stated that ‘(fiancée) needs to get over herself and pull up her big girl pants’. My sister echoed my mother’s sentiment and stated that she loves my ex-wife but doesn’t like my fiancée.
However, my sister said that she’d respect my wishes for future gatherings.
Later that week, my sister’s friend invited us to a second shower for my sister’s friends and coworkers, sent as a screenshot from an unknown number. I thanked her and politely declined the invitation.
I didn’t say this, but I wasn’t interested in dragging my fiancée and two 7-year-old kids to a party where I expected half of the attendees to be wasted at noon; we instead went to a water park and enjoyed the day.
My sister was devastated that I didn’t attend and my mother upbraided me for being selfish and vindictive.
AITJ for advocating for my fiancée at the first baby shower?
AITJ for declining the invite to the second baby shower for unrelated reasons?
Let me have it, folks. I’m stumped.”
27. AITJ for Giving Campers Menstrual Pads And Tampons?
“I’m a 17-year-old cis boy. I’ve been working at a summer camp since the beginning of July where a lot of my coworkers and our campers are AFAB (assigned female at birth). I’ve always gravitated toward friendships with girls and know it’s a bit of an issue in high school bathrooms about not providing necessary sanitary products for the students.
Many of the girls in school don’t seem bothered by this and just bring their own products if needed. However, I recently found out the camp I work at doesn’t provide products either, and I had a bigger issue with this as it is a sleep-away camp and campers are away from home for up to three weeks at a time, so if they get their periods, the security of products aren’t guaranteed.
So a couple of weeks ago, my best friend and I drove into a town nearby and bought a few boxes of different types of pads and tampons and have been giving them to campers who find they need them. We let the girls know we have them without the boys around (we know how 14-year-old boys are about periods) and my friend and I carry a handful of pads and tampons on our person at all times if a camper needs them.
All they need to do is come ask us for one and we give it to them, it’s not a thing. A few other counselors have begun doing the same thing as us.
Recently, though, our boss has gotten word of this, and I’ve gotten in trouble for it.
She said it was inappropriate and that I ‘shouldn’t be treating vulnerable girls like this’ (her words, not mine) and that I should stop giving our products if I wanted to keep my job or come back next year. I couldn’t believe it and neither could my friends.
Girls who get their periods aren’t vulnerable and I’m not ‘treating’ them in any way, I’m not being a creep and preying on them. My boss doesn’t seem to have any issue with my AFAB friends doing it, so we all think it’s because I’m a boy.
I really don’t see anything wrong with what I’m doing for our campers and I don’t know why I would have to stop it. I think what I’m doing is quite a positive thing, actually, letting young girls feel more comfortable acknowledging their periods around boys. I don’t know. I don’t understand. Help me.”
26. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents To Contact Me Or My Brother?
“My brother (18M) is gay. My parents are conservative people and they made it clear through the years that they do not support LGBTQ+ in any way. They’ve always made fun of LGBT+ people and, specifically, they liked to joke about gay men and how they weren’t real men because of their sexuality.
I (22M) am bi, but I never felt the need to come out to anyone, not even my family or my close friends. It just didn’t feel necessary to me, but I can understand that for the grand part of the community, it’s something really important.
So I understood that my brother needed to get it off his chest. One evening, after dinner, he told me he was gay. He was 15 at the time. He started to cry and I spent the whole night reassuring him and telling him that I was completely supportive and he was safe with him.
He told me he didn’t want our parents to know and of course, I didn’t tell anything.
I don’t know exactly how our parents found out, but they sure weren’t happy. He called me crying and asked me to pick him up because our parents kicked him out.
I was livid. They’ve never been the best parents growing up. We’ve both been put through a lot of pressure since our childhood because of their high expectations. I’ve developed severe anxiety and I have trouble interacting with other people because of them.
They’ve ignored my ADHD and I had to wait until I was old enough to get diagnosed by myself. I’ve always thought about cutting them off but I’ve never actually done it, and that was the last strike.
He started to live with me and I’ve never seen him so relaxed.
He has good grades (he’s still in high school) and he seems genuinely happy. He decided to get a part-time job to help me with the bills, even though I told him repeatedly that it wasn’t necessary.
When my mom called a couple of months later, I decided to listen to her.
I suppose I was still hoping she and my dad would apologize to me and my brother. She proceeded to yell at me and call me a ‘backstabber ungrateful son’ and tried to lecture me about my ‘sinner brother’ and his ‘anomaly’.
I haven’t answered any of their calls since then. They tried to contact me through social media, so I blocked them on everything that could help them contact me or my brother.
I’ve talked to my best friend about the situation and she said that maybe I took it too far. She said that they’re old and they aren’t very open-minded because of the society they grew up in, but for me, it doesn’t excuse it. Shouldn’t parents love their children more than everything?
25. AITJ For Going To My Sister's Wedding With My Trans Daughter?
“Both my husband and I are 37. We have two daughters – Kate (13) and Laura (15) who is transgender. Two months ago, my youngest sister, Sarah (28) invited us all to her wedding to which we accepted. However, last week, our daughter came into our room and told us that she feels like a girl in every single way except for when she looks in the mirror.
She admitted she was depressed and struggled with her confidence. It was midnight, so I told her that we would go shopping tomorrow and see if we could find some of that confidence.
The next day my husband surprised me with an envelope of money and told me to make her day.
To sum it all up, my girls and I had a blast shopping. I took her to a salon and she walked out with a hot pink short bob. We bought a lot of clothes. She picked out a gorgeous black dress for the wedding.
We laughed, we cried. My husband then took her on a daddy-daughter date that he’s always done with Kate. We had such a happy emotional week trying to make sure our girl knew she was safe, loved, and accepted that we hadn’t even thought about telling my family.
So when we showed up yesterday, everyone was shocked, but they accepted her like we did. No one but my mom made a big deal (in a good way). My sister’s fiance’s family hadn’t met us so they didn’t know Laura as a boy.
None of them acted like they knew.
Today, my sister’s maid of honor (her sister-in-law, Kristy) texted me telling me that I should have made Laura stay home because it took the spotlight off Sarah and really hurt her. She also said that it was disrespectful to take a trans person to a Christian wedding knowing Sarah’s trying to get right with God, I should’ve just made Laura suck it up and wear a tux for a day.
I texted back and told her she was utterly and completely out of line and to never contact me again.
Still, I called my sister and she did admit it hurt her feelings as she felt it made her day less about celebrating her and her husband and our family was focusing more on Laura.
She shared the same sentiment that we shouldn’t have come since we were going through a ‘crisis’ but she didn’t want to hurt Laura so she didn’t say anything.
AITJ for taking my newly out trans daughter to my sister’s wedding?”
24. AITJ For Not Having My Stepson Come With Me And My Son To My Doctor's Appointment?
“I have a 9-year-old son and a 13-year-old stepson and am currently pregnant with mine and my husband’s first child together. My stepson and I have a very cordial relationship, but he prefers to keep me at a distance. I’ve always respected his boundaries.
For my first sonogram appointment, my husband couldn’t attend. The boys both have summer activities during the week. The plan was for me to attend the appointment alone, but at the last minute I decided I didn’t want to be alone and asked my son if he wanted to go to my appointment, and he did.
I picked my son up early and took him with me to my doctor’s appointment. Afterward, we went and got ice cream and then picked my stepson up from his activity at the normal time. My son excitedly showed my stepson the sonogram, but my stepson was quiet and didn’t show interest.
Later, after dinner, my husband asked me to talk with him. We sat down and he asked why I took my son but not his to my appointment. I said I wanted someone with me because it was a big moment in my life.
Since he couldn’t make it, I took my son, who I am very close with, with me as emotional support. I also pointed out that his son didn’t seem particularly interested.
My husband said his son was really upset and spoke to him when he got home about how hurt he was that my son was invited and not him.
I said I wasn’t invalidating his feelings, but this was my medical appointment, and I made this decision for my comfort. I get that the kids come first 99% of the time, but I feel like my medical appointment about the pregnancy inside my body is very personal and I should be able to do what makes me most comfortable.
My husband got really quiet. He said, ‘I understand how you feel.’ Then he walked away. He didn’t say anything to me this morning when he left for work, and he took my stepson with him, which is weird because usually I drop off both boys. I need an impartial take. Am I the jerk?”
23. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Is Not Helping Me Learn Spanish?
“I (29F) have been with my husband (31M) for over five years, married for a month. I’m American and hubs is from Spain. Almost every year since we began going out, I spend summers in Spain with him and his family, all of whom (except my BIL) speak zero English.
I took Spanish between the ages of 12-18 and a summer course last year. I’ve always gotten stellar grades, but that doesn’t mean much for actual practical proficiency. Most often I am silent when I listen to the family’s rapid-fire conversations and respond when spoken to with ‘sí/no’ or very broken phrases.
This has led to frequent comments from in-laws about how I need to learn Spanish and stop speaking English. No one except BIL makes an effort to repeat things or speak more slowly. Some members of the family also exclusively speak their not-quite-Spanish regional language to me.
I do my best, but I struggle. A LOT.
When we started going out, hubs had formal English education from school, and while his level was certainly better than my Spanish, he was NOWHERE near the level of fluency that he is now.
It was from our daily conversations that he had such a dramatic improvement. However, every time I have brought up us speaking Spanish together so I can practice and improve also, he brushes me off, saying that it would be ‘too inefficient’ to get things done every day because my Spanish level is too low.
He told me it would be pointless until I had self-studied enough to reach a conversational level. Also because English was the ‘default language’ of our relationship from the beginning, it would be ‘weird’ for us to speak Spanish to each other now.
This topic came up again yesterday. I told BIL that hubs was unwilling to speak to me in Spanish because he was impatient. Hubs denied this and reiterated previously stated arguments. This upset me and I said it was unfair for him to have benefitted from my speaking English to him but not giving me the same opportunity to improve my Spanish.
For the past year, I have also been studying theories via my Ed. Master’s degree in acquiring foreign languages. Research has proven that there is absolutely no substitute for live conversation in developing functional language skills. No amount of me reading books on my own or watching TV shows could possibly compare.
Hubs disagreed and kept shutting me down; also implied that he could have improved on his own without my help. Learning Spanish is my own responsibility. I lost my temper and stormed off. Later, he said I was being childish and majorly overreacting with something I had only brought up ‘a couple of times’ (not true) and that he didn’t appreciate being called impatient.
He also said that the comments from in-laws were all said jokingly so I should stop being so sensitive all the time.
I feel like a failure and an outsider whenever I hear these comments. It’s hard for me not to take them personally.
AITJ for expecting him to help me more with this?”
22. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Giving My Baby Clothes To My Aunt?
“I (21f) have a 9-month-old baby. He was born in SEPTEMBER. This is important.
I recently went through all his smaller 3mo-6mo clothes and put them in a bin. They are mostly winter clothes other than a few undershirts and some socks & hats.
My aunt just found out she’s pregnant and she’ll be due in Feb. I have another friend who is due to have her baby in late July. I talked to my friend and I offered to let her sift through the clothes and see what she’d like since the clothes will fit her child during the winter months, as they’re pretty much all winter clothes.
We had planned to get together today for her to do that. I had mentioned it briefly to my mom and she looked shocked and said ‘I already gave the bin to my sister’.
I was surprised and furious as she always does things like this (gives my things away or takes it upon herself to go through things I ‘don’t really use’ and give them to other people without my permission).
I told her she needed to get the bin back since they were my things & not hers to give away & she didn’t even know I was planning to do anything with them. She was upset saying I’d embarrass her & told me I’m selfish for not putting family first.
Remember, my aunt will have her baby in Feb.
When the kid is 3-6 months it’ll be hot (we live in a southern state & winter lasts for about 5 seconds here) so she hardly has any use for those clothes. Plus, that’s not even true considering I gave her my bassinet and promised to give her my stroller and car seat happily.
I’d love to help in any way I can. But my friend doesn’t have much so I wanted to give her a little help in some way especially since she’s due soon.
It started a HUGE fight and turned into my mother telling me she wished she didn’t have a selfish daughter like me & that all I do is ruin her life and her relationships with her family.
And she said she can’t wait till I move out so she can never see me again.
In my opinion, these are items I BOUGHT so it’s not in her judgment to decide where they go. Not to mention, she could have at least asked.
Her excuse is that ‘the bin was just sitting in the car anyway’.
She said some other really nasty things & I didn’t know what to really respond with other than that she needed to fix the issue she caused & if she’s embarrassed then it’s her own fault. She also screamed so loud that my son got scared and cried so I ended up leaving and now I’m typing this in the car. So AITJ for wanting the clothes back?”
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconnect With My Jerk Neighbor?
“I (20F) used to be ‘friends’ with my neighbor (19M.) We’ll call this neighbor Richard. Okay, so we weren’t really friends. When we were younger, our mothers were friends and wanted us to connect and be friends too. He would come to my house after school while his mom was at work and we would hang out.
Richard didn’t have many friends of his own and I sympathized with him and tried to be kind to him. Now, this wouldn’t be a problem if he wasn’t a total jerk! He would physically harm me, call me and my younger brother names, and be very disrespectful towards my parents and other relatives.
It wasn’t just my family and me either, this guy was rude to almost everyone in my neighborhood. We all despised him, but no one wanted to cause any drama, so we kept inviting him over. Eventually, my family and I moved away due to my dad’s job.
After a couple of years, my family and I moved back to our neighborhood, as most of the neighbors (besides Richard) were kind and the school systems provided amazing opportunities for my younger brother. I, on the other hand, went to college in-state so I could remain close to my parents as they were getting older.
However, due to the global crisis, I had to stay at home and do online classes. This is where I would meet Richard once again.
At first, I was against having Richard come over. After all, he was so rude! However, I decided to not stoop to his level and hold a grudge and accepted him into my home.
Sadly though, his rude behavior continued, even worse than before.
Richard would stalk me as I was doing my online classes (My classes ended later than his, so that’s why he was doing that instead of his work), throw rocks at my little brother and at the time puppy, and even try to steal from my family! He didn’t succeed, but come on?! You may be wondering where his parents were in this situation.
Two words: ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. They never disciplined their kid! That’s when my family decided that enough was enough and cut contact.
Fast forward to now. Richard and his family are trying to connect once again. I am not on board. I’m not trying to hold a grudge, however, my father says I am and that I need to let things go. I just want to protect myself and my family. Am I doing something wrong? AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Calling My Dad Out For Not Caring About My Pregnancy?
“I (30f) am 9 weeks pregnant with mine and my husband’s (29m) first child.
A few days ago my husband had to take me to the emergency room because I thought I was having a miscarriage. Luckily the baby is okay but I did find out that I have a small subchorionic hematoma that could end up being nothing or could lead to a miscarriage.
When we left the ER I called my mom (59f) to let her know what was going on. My dad (56m) answered her phone and I asked where mom was. He asked what was wrong and when I told him I was leaving the ER he put me on speakerphone so my mom could hear what was going on.
After explaining what the doctor said my dad started going on about how this is basically my fault and would be my fault if I miscarried because of stressing myself out and being emotional, etc etc. I told him how saying that doesn’t exactly help and actually stresses me out more.
He responded with ‘Then tell somebody who cares’. I told him ‘That’s why I called Mom’s phone’. My mom got mad at me for saying that to him. I asked, ‘But what he said to ME is acceptable?’ (For clarity my dad and I have a rocky relationship after things he has done and said to my mom and myself over the past year).
I haven’t spoken to my dad since (it’s been 4 days) and my mom has texted me twice asking how I am with me giving a short response stating I’m fine/resting. My husband thinks I did nothing wrong and that my dad is definitely a jerk and next time if my mom doesn’t answer then tell my dad to have her call me back. I tend to feel guilty for these things even though I’m just trying to stand up for myself.
So, AITJ for calling my dad out for not caring?”
19. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Shut Up When I Was Giving Birth To Our Baby?
“I (F) was pregnant and I gave birth two days ago. Our first child was from my wife’s pregnancy (F) and we decided that this time it would be me who would give birth to our daughter. My wife had a natural, home, and humanized birth.
It was a unique but extremely terrifying moment.
I was in doubt about which birth I would like to have, because I was very afraid of the natural and of the pain (labor), but my wife encouraged me and said that it was a unique moment (without demeaning cesarean mothers) and that it was worth every second.
So I decided to have a natural and humanized, but hospital birth.
When my water broke and I went to the hospital, out of encouragement (she didn’t push or stay on top), I decided to go ahead without anesthesia.
Do you know purgatory? I played rock-paper-scissors and lost best of 3 with the devil and came back.
It was a lot of pain and the expulsion phase, oh my god. I just followed it because I hate needles and it’s enough at the end, I didn’t want a needle in the back. (Trying to justify it, I would have a panic attack at the beginning if I asked for anesthesia, but it would be at the beginning, but in the end, with a panic attack it is not possible).
My wife was wonderful, honestly, but due to the stress of childbirth and the pain, she was irritating me a lot, saying ‘Go strong, OP’, ‘Go on, you’re strong’, ‘Just a little longer’.
And when she said, ‘Can you take a little more pushing’.
I just said ‘Shut up, I’m just like this because you decorated and flowered this birth for me’. (I was screaming and crying)
She went quiet and our daughter was born after a while.
I honestly forgot I said that, it was really a moment, and in a lot of pain, but I noticed she was weird with me after we went to the house.
After 1 day of the silent treatment, I asked her why she was like this and she got mad saying ‘Don’t you know? You told me to shut up at the birth of our daughter, I was so embarrassed and almost ruined the moment’.
I even apologized and explained that it was purely for the moment, but she was super upset with me.
Extra: The birth wasn’t that traumatizing for me, by the way.”
18. AITJ For Refusing To Sleep On The Couch?
“My husband (37) has a terminal illness. His health got really bad after his most recent surgery (he had several surgeries) and he’s on pain meds most of the time.
We have 2 kids, and he started having them sleep in our bed after he got back from the hospital.
I let him have them sleep there for a couple of days thinking he must’ve missed them but on day 3 I said they needed to go back to sleeping in their beds. He refused to let them and told me he wanted them there every night.
I told him it was unreasonable because the bed can’t have 4 people on it. I didn’t want any of the kids or possibly him falling off the bed in the middle of the night. He suggested I sleep in the kids’ room but their beds were too small.
He told me to start sleeping on the couch then but I refused. He said that I was being difficult and should understand that he may not be able to spend enough time with them but I thought he was using his illness to his advantage by saying this.
I refused to take the couch and said I have the right to my bed too, he begged me which made me lose it, and yelled ‘For how long am I gonna have to sleep on the couch?’ He yelled back ‘Til I’m gone’.
I have to say that my heart sank upon hearing this. I didn’t expect him to say this especially not in front of the kids. I told him this was ridiculous, the answer was no, and that it was final. He yelled at me and then started guilting me saying if the kids find out I was stopping them from spending time with their dad then they won’t forgive me their entire life.
I threw my hands up and walked out.
He’s still insisting and I keep saying no, I might be a bit selfish for not even considering his request but I really find it a hard pill to swallow. I keep waiting for him to calm down to talk but he’s constantly moody and can get agitated pretty easily.”
17. AITJ For Telling My Brother That He's Being A Trashy Husband And Father?
“My (25M) brother (27) and his wife (26) are having their first ever baby. I am excited because I am going to be an uncle; however, my sister-in-law, let’s call her Gigi, is basically going through this pregnancy without my brother (we will call him Aaron).
Gigi is currently in her 3rd trimester and at first, my brother was doing all that he was supposed to, going to doctor’s visits, making sure Gigi and the baby were healthy, just everything a dad and a husband were supposed to do.
But in the past few months, that all changed when my brother chose to stay late at work and hang out with his friends over taking care of his responsibilities.
He hasn’t been to any recent doctor visits with Gigi, and oftentimes leaves her at home for days at a time, and when he does come home, he basically ignores Gigi.
Of course, this has hurt Gigi. The sort of icing on the cake for me was about 3 days ago, Gigi was rushed to the hospital by Mom for excessive bleeding (thankfully she and the baby are okay) and my entire family showed up to the hospital to check on the baby and Gigi, except my brother.
Everyone is calling him profusely, and he doesn’t answer. I end up tracking him down at a bar with his friends and tell him what has happened, and he doesn’t even seem to care. I then go on to ask him why he is being a trashy husband and father, this leads us into an argument and he accuses me of sleeping with Gigi.
In no way is that accusation true, my brother and Gigi have been together since they were 17 and 16. Gigi is just as much family to me as my brother, I used to look up to their relationship and hoped that I would find my perfect match because they were just so good together.
After that argument in the bar, my brother left and has not checked on his wife or baby in 3 days.”
16. AITJ For Canceling Our Sunset Horse Ride Date?
“So today I finished up at work a couple of hours ago and the boss let me go early because I have been putting in a lot of overtime and I thought this is the perfect time to organize a spontaneous little adventure for my partner (m25) and me (f21) as things have been stressful lately and it would be a nice break.
I got to his house, waited for him to finish gaming, and asked him how would he like to go out for a surprise adventure, I would pay and drive there and back, and all he had to worry about was getting dressed and coming with me.
He just looked at me for a minute and then just said ‘No, I don’t think we should. We are saving remember. You can’t just be wasting your money on dumb stuff’. I was pretty shocked by this answer and just said okay and walked away to go and grab a drink.
By the time I came back, his headset was back on and he was back to gaming with the boys.
I ended up just laying on his bed and canceled the booking for the sunset horse ride I organized then scrolled social media.
About half an hour later he turned and said ‘So when are we leaving for this thing then’. I looked at him clearly confused and told him I canceled it and now he is sulking cause I ‘canceled our plans for no good reason,’ he just wanted to know how much it was before agreeing and got annoyed when I didn’t tell him. He hasn’t spoken to me in almost an hour and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or what?”
15. AITJ For Ditching My Significant Other At A Gas Station?
“My significant other (22m) and I (20f) went to visit my friend in SC. We live about 2 hours away in NC. I drove us there in my car and paid for my gas and everything. We got to my friend’s house and my SO (let’s call him Jake) met my friend (let’s call her Mckenzie) and her husband for the first time.
Mckenzie had invited some of her other friends over that neither of us had met, including someone who goes by they/them pronouns (calling them Alex). Things were going relatively well until Jake called Alex her. Everyone brushed it off the first time, no big deal, Alex didn’t seem to care too deeply.
But this continued throughout the night.
Alex started to get uncomfortable and eventually left. I brought Jake to the side and we started arguing. We hardly talked that night and even slept in different rooms.
The next morning Alex came back over to help fix McKenzie’s car, and I made Jake formally apologize.
Things seemed to go much smoother and Alex and Jake actually started to get along. That night Jake had a couple of drinks and tried to come onto me. I wasn’t really in the mood, especially not at my friend’s house so I told him no.
He lost his mind and started going on about how I never want to and how it’s my job to please him.
This made me mad, rightfully so, and I ignored him until he finally shut up and went to bed.
The next morning he apologized to me, and I declined to accept.
As we said goodbye to my friends, he whispered to Mckenzie’s husband that he needed a better partner, but I pretended not to hear him.
As we were headed home, I stopped for some gas. I sent Jake inside to grab some snacks, but as he went in, I got back in my car and drove away.
My phone started blowing up with texts and calls, and when I finally answered I told him he could find a better ride to go with his better partner, and turned off my phone. I know that it wasn’t fair to leave him 2 hours away from home, but I was infuriated and acted out of anger. AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Husband's Family's Easter Event With My 1-Month-Old Baby?
“My (21f) family lives in town and sees me and my daughter all the time. They also wanted to be involved in my pregnancy. Meanwhile, my husband’s (23m) family was always telling me how disappointed they were that I was pregnant and wanted nothing to do with me until my daughter was born.
My husband’s family on his mom’s side hosts a big Easter gathering every year that is a 2-hour drive from our house. We went last year for my first time and I was a bit overwhelmed with all of the new people I was around.
Although I somewhat enjoyed myself last year after I got acquainted with everyone, I don’t think it would be good for my 1-month-old daughter to be going this year.
Every year, at least 80 people are there, and it gets overwhelming fast.
My daughter got overwhelmed around a group of 11, so I know 80 would be way too many. Plus my birthday is the day after Easter and it was decided before this came up that we’d be celebrating it at home while celebrating Easter to make things easier on myself and my daughter.
My husband’s family keeps calling and begging us to reconsider bringing my daughter up to the big Easter celebration because they were already excited to meet her and thought that would be the time they’d get to.
Yesterday, my husband called me while my mom and I were running errands together and said that his grandfather had called him and said he needed to tell me to reconsider because it isn’t fair to them that we decided to stay home this year.
I told him that it was left up to me, and I said no already and they needed to stop begging because it was already decided and I feel disrespected for not being taken seriously. My husband said that they were excited to meet her and it would be a letdown if we didn’t go, and that’s why they kept calling.
I told him it would only be a letdown if they were expecting us without asking first and that he could tell them I said no already, and if they kept begging, my daughter and I would not be in attendance ever.
He said that wasn’t fair to them to keep my daughter away when my family gets to see her all the time.
I told him the difference between my family and his is that my family lives in town, and wanted something to do with me while I was pregnant.
His family only wanted something to do with me after my pregnancy and that wasn’t fair to me. I told him to tell his family to kindly get lost and stop calling and begging.
Now his family is calling me a jerk for ‘only letting my daughter around my family’ and ‘being a let down’ on a once-a-year event.
AITJ for saying no to his family’s event?”
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife To Tell Our Kids About The Reason For Our Divorce?
“I (34M) am still legally married to Em (34F) but we’re currently separated and have been for a year. The reason is that the global crisis did a number on Em’s mental health and she got very badly depressed to the point where she began saying things every day like our daughters would be better off without her, I need to divorce her, get a real mom for them and stuff.
Honestly, I tried my best to help her but she refused treatment then she went and had an affair and it forced our separation. I don’t really even see it as infidelity because of how sick she was but it is what it is.
However, I never had a mom because mine died and from what I have seen, she has been the kind of mom to our daughters that I wish that I had. Even at the worst of her mental health issues – she has gotten a lot better now having gone to inpatient for a bit – she seemed to be perfect to them.
She’s always had this thing about being extremely truthful to our daughters but I made her promise not to tell them about her infidelity cause it would only drive them away from her and I don’t want them not to have a mom like me.
I’d rather they not turn out like me but a million times better than me.
The girls spend the week with me and weekends with her. Except this weekend, they came back the night they went there and wouldn’t talk about it until Saturday and it turned out that Em told them we separated cause she had an affair.
They won’t talk to her and I get it. When Em phoned me begging to let me talk to them I got angry and said some stuff that pretty much amounts to what did you think would happen. She called me a jerk for choosing to say I told you so instead of trying to help her find a way to go back to normal. And she may be right, I don’t want my girls to lose their mom but at the same time, I knew this would happen.”
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents To Adopt A Child?
“I am an Italian guy (18 years old). I have a brother (19) and a sister (16) and we live in a small house (I sleep in the same room as my brother). Both my parents work, my brother works and I am currently finishing my studies while working part-time.
So my dad came home yesterday and he started talking about adopting a Ukrainian child. I thought he was joking but he told us that he was serious about it and he would love to ‘raise’ another child (I said ‘raise’ because he never raised us, my mother did almost all the work, she played with us, brought us to see the museum and other fun activities while cleaning the house, cooking and working while my father always came home from work, took a shower and just sat his butt on the couch and watched tv).
Now I do not have any problem with adopting a child but my father and my mother are almost 60, they both work and we are not in a financial situation that allows us to do something like this. We are not in debt or something like that but between them both working and having to pay for my sister’s school and studies I don’t think they will have the time and the money to raise him.
I told them that I was against that because then we (me, my sister, and my brother) would have to care for him while they worked and that would impact our future plans like my scholarship to further my studies away from home or my brother’s career (my father’s plan was that he will have to take time off work to help him/her adapt) and my sister’s studies and life (she will have to care for him/her and she will have to take a ‘break’ from school to help him).
Not to mention the fact that we have no room to fit him in so he will have to sleep in the same room as my sister (which is already a small room for 1 person). And the hardship he will have to endure adapting to a new language and country.
After a discussion that lasted like 3 hours, my father called us all selfish and ungrateful. He told us that we had an ‘easy’ life and needed to share and help others in need (while I agree with that how can we help others when we can’t even help ourselves).
I told him that he could help by donating and supporting those orphans. He screamed at me and stormed out. Now he is blasting social media and all our relatives about having ‘ungrateful brats as children’ and it seems that most of our relatives are with us.
My mother does not want to go against my father but she told me that she does not want to adopt because she hasn’t the will nor the strength to raise another child.
What do I do now? I didn’t want to sound entitled.
I just wanted to explain to him that adopting isn’t all fun and giggles but that it raises real problems and consequences and that if we are not ready for them it will only harm us and the child.
So tell me AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Brother's Significant Other A Puppy?
“I (19F) decided to get my dog pregnant before getting her neutered. And decided to keep one of the puppies and find a great home for the rest. I spent the entire pregnancy taking extremely good care of her. My aunt expressed interest in having one, grown-up, stable job, a big house with a big backyard, and taking good care of her dogs.
She lives close and I could check up on the puppy.
The puppies were born in the middle of the night. I was alone, my brother was supposed to come home that night and he decided to not come home at all because he didn’t want to help me.
I ended up calling my sister for help. My dog gave birth to three puppies, and I took care of them while my brother made fun of me for being scared that one of them wasn’t eating. He died after a few days.
A few weeks go by, and the two puppies are growing up and I call my aunt to set a date for me to bring the dog by. She said she was out of town for work, so she suggested I wait a few weeks.
In the meantime, my brother’s significant other texted me and asked me if I could give her one of the puppies, she also said it was for her 5-year-old sister. I told her no, they all have homes, because I had already told my aunt that I was giving her one, and I intended on keeping one.
She didn’t respond.
I immediately get a text from my brother asking me about the puppies. Which sounded like they were together. I said ‘I already told SIL that they all have a home’ and he got mad, he insisted that I give her a dog.
To be honest, even if I hadn’t agreed with my aunt, I would’ve said no anyways. I have been to her house; they have a dog that is aggressive to other dogs. On top of that, they constantly have the gate wide open which would lead to the puppy running away.
And no matter how mature the kid is, she is a kid, and she would treat the dog like a toy and probably lose interest in it in a week.
I said to my brother ‘I already said no, they all have a home’ and he kept insisting until he got even madder.
He started saying that it cost me nothing to give her a puppy, that I was being selfish, and that even if I was going to give one to our aunt, I still had one to spare. I told him no and stopped responding.
I started to tell him how unfair it was that he wanted a puppy for his SO and he was in the wrong for putting her feelings first since he was saying that my actions were hurting SIL. He said if I didn’t do it, it meant I didn’t like her and her family, since I was denying the 5-year-old a puppy.
I then said he had no right to say that because he ditched me when they were born and he never showed interest in helping me take care of my dog when she was pregnant. He then demanded I apologize to SIL for my behavior before he could apologize to me. I told him I wasn’t going to apologize to SIL even if he did apologize to me first since I wasn’t in the wrong. He threw in a fake apology and kept demanding I apologize to SIL.
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay Extra For Rent?
“J (32F) and I (22F) moved into a house together about 2 years ago. Her name is on the lease and she is technically renting me and her brother and his friend (both 36M) rooms in this house. The 2 guys downstairs are only there for 4 days a month due to their jobs and she charges them half as much as me for rent.
They also use the full-sized garage in the back to store things.
For the last 2 years, J and I have lived together semi-peacefully. She’s quite messy and due to my mental health (messes causing worse anxiety and depression), I tend to clean up a lot after her.
She also has 2 dogs and a cat. She asks me to feed and let out her dogs on a regular basis, her dogs will sometimes get into the garbage or her cat will pee and poop downstairs cause she hates the boys, and J expects the first person to see the mess to clean it up even though it is from her animals.
I also have a small room that barely fits my bed while J has a bedroom and a spare room to herself. The boys have a whole basement and the garage to themselves.
Now to the issue that broke the last straw for me.
J gets our hydro/electricity bill every 2 months and for the last billing period, she got a HUGE bill. It is winter and we do live in Northern Canada so it can get quite cold. I was also gone on vacation for 3/8 weeks which this bill was covering.
J has been complaining about how expensive utilities are and how outrageous this is for her to pay all of this. I pay her rent for March a few days early so she has time to etransfer rent to the actual owner of the house.
I sent her an extra $100 cause I felt bad about the utilities and after she received it she texted me and asked for an extra $150. So $250 on top of my normal rent. J however only pays $100 in rent and then covers the utilities (that was our verbal agreement 2 years ago) but now all of a sudden the utilities should be my responsibility too.
She’s making me feel like a freeloader that costs her so much money…
My friend just bought a house and offered to let me move in. So last night I gave J my notice and told her I would be out at the end of March.
I am actually moving out next week because I cannot stand to be here any longer. I feel like I’m unwanted in my own space now. Now J is upset with me because I’m putting more of a financial burden on her but my friend offered me cheaper rent and won’t charge me for utilities out of the blue. My friend is also much cleaner and has been a huge emotional support as I’ve been living with J and trying to keep the house functional.
So AITJ for moving out and putting financial stress on J?”
9. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize For Walking Out Of My Cousin's Wedding 25 Years Ago?
“I (45F) was recently contacted out of the blue by my cousin’s (John, 47M) daughter (Emily, 23), who wanted to meet more of his family after he’s been no contact with all of us since his wedding about 25 years ago.
He was apparently furious with her when he found out and forbade any further contact unless we all apologized for walking out of his wedding.
John had been engaged to Rachel for about two years, and she was very lovely and sweet.
All the family loved her, and really tried to make her feel like a part of the family. They’d come to holidays and birthdays for all the family, and we threw a party for her on her birthday. We didn’t hear from them in the month or two leading up to the wedding, but we figured they were just busy with last-minute planning, and none of us were in the wedding party.
On their wedding day, all of us (about 20 cousins, aunts/uncles, his parents were deceased) turn up at the venue to see signs for ‘John & Kristen’s Wedding’. We thought we were in the wrong place initially until John came out and confirmed that it was the right wedding hall.
John said that he’d called off the engagement with Rachel a month prior after ‘reconnecting with an old flame’, and they decided to use the date to get married instead. We were all confused and upset, and while John was trying to calm everyone down I went and used the venue’s phone to call Rachel.
She said that two weeks before she had caught John having an affair with Kristen, and ended things right then. She also said that John had refused to cancel what they could for the wedding and get back what amount they could.
Instead, he used them towards this new wedding with Kristen.
Most of the family and I then walked out, saying that we were not going to stay for this bait-and-switch wedding, especially after he had treated Rachel so horribly and him not even telling anyone that he was marrying someone else.
He said that it shouldn’t matter who he was marrying and that as family we had to stay and support him. We didn’t, so he hasn’t spoken to any of us for 25 years.
AITJ for walking out of the wedding and not apologizing, even after 25 years?”
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be In The Delivery Room When My Sister Gives Birth?
“My (23F) sister (31F) is almost 7 months pregnant with my nephew. I am very close with my sister and always have been, but recently she brought up her and my brother-in-law’s plans for the delivery of my nephew. They are planning an at-home birth with a midwife and my sister wants me and our mom to be there with her as she is delivering.
I wasn’t surprised she asked our mom, but I wasn’t expecting her to want me there too. I was planning to be there to meet him afterward if she was comfortable with visitors at most. The problem with me being there isn’t that I couldn’t get off work or find the time, just that I really don’t want to be there for the physical birth.
All in all, I know it can be stressful, and I don’t want to see my sister (or anyone for that matter) like that so I thanked my sister, but politely declined.
This has created a bit of controversy in our family because my sister still hopes I’ll change my mind and is constantly pressuring me to do so as well as our mom.
My mom is always telling me things like ‘You don’t have to look when the time comes’ or ‘She just wants us there to hold her hand and reassure her’ but I have stood my ground. Everyone else in our family is mostly under the same belief that I should put my feelings aside and do it for my sister because this is her first and most likely last pregnancy.
My sister seems to think that the fact that I myself do not want to have children and have no plans to do so is the reason why I don’t want to be there, and what if it is? I am still going to love my nephew and love being an aunt without having to actually witness him coming into the world. Am I being a jerk about this?”
7. AITJ For Going Off At My Mother-In-Law's Husband In Front Of His Realtor?
“MIL is married to a man no one in the family likes. We’ll call him ‘Chris’. Chris is just objectively a bad man, but a good husband and that’s all MIL cares about and even admitted that she doesn’t care about the other stuff.
He has one adult child who he doesn’t have a good relationship with. I’ve heard him say before that he has a lot of respect for his ex-wife as a person, but the moment she had their son he was disgusted by her and he blames their son for ruining his marriage.
It wasn’t even something physical like her body changed. It is literally the fact she was the mother of his child. He is very verbal about how kids ruin everything, to the point I don’t want him around my kids.
MIL recently had a milestone birthday and he bought her a vacation house as a gift.
His realtor was over, going over some final details and the realtor who is a family friend made a joke about how Chris is a workaholic and that’s probably why MIL wants a vacation house.
Chris said he is less of a workaholic now that he is with MIL.
The realtor made a joke about how his ex used to beg him to spend more time at home and Chris said he knew he was a jerk then but she just ‘stopped being human to me when she had the kid’.
Then he shrugged and went back to signing papers.
I could see my kids making faces and I felt like I had to say something, just so they knew that was not ok. I said that was a really vile thing to say about the mother of his own kid and that he’s lucky he even has wife number two because a lot of women would run for the hills if they heard that.
My kids giggled and MIL rolled her eyes.
After MIL came over and confronted me and called me righteous. She said what Chris went through was very valid and we need to normalize talking about how hard parenthood is. She said I was rude and I sounded like a ‘stupid 12-year-old’ and snapped at me for embarrassing him in front of the relator.”
6. WIBTJ If I Want My Ex-Husband To Give More Child Support?
“I (f 34) was married to my son’s father (m 34). We have two sons (15, 14). My ex-husband has always been all about money. He refused to take one day off of work when my younger son needed surgery for his tonsils and adenoid removal.
What he did really takes the cake. Our custody agreement is every other weekend during the school year and every other week during the summer. He has never been able to do the every-other-week thing cause of work. Which I understand so we adjusted for that.
He was working on road construction. Now he is a crane operator. He is buying an almost 200,000-dollar lake house and has a brand new 2019 Dodge truck. He never helps with any of the extra costs of our children. For example school supplies, winter gear (we live in Minnesota), or sporting supplies.
He thinks that since he pays 600$ a month in child support it covers everything.
Now two weeks ago, on the night before he was supposed to take his sons for his weekend, he called and said he took a job out in California (he flew out that Friday).
Not sure how long it’ll be. The shortest is 6 months. He accepted it without even getting the opinion of our sons. Now my sons are used to it. But he let it slip that he would be making 50$ an hour.
All his living expenses would be covered by his job. I know this because he would be too cheap to do it for any less. He is also good for not reporting any changes in income to child support. So he doesn’t have to pay more.
For me, it’s not about the money. I know it kinda seems like it, especially after this next sentence. If they set at 50$ an hour it’ll stay there no matter what. To the state, you made this at one time so you can do it again.
I work full-time and only use my child support to help me get from paycheck to paycheck or to buy the kids stuff they want but don’t really need.
Edit to add: Here is a little more backstory. We have been divorced since my boys were 3,2.
So this isn’t new. He was court-ordered to only pay 250 a month for both the boys. For years till I went and did a review. This amount is set to him making $21 an hour. Since then he has changed jobs multiple times.
He even admitted to me a couple of years back, that he would purposely wait to file his unemployment so he wouldn’t have to pay child support till he absolutely had to. He saved enough money during working times that he could pay his bills in the off-season.
Only would file so they wouldn’t take his license away.
We actually have a pretty decent co-parenting relationship. We would switch weekends if something came that couldn’t be helped and he would take them almost every weekend during the summer. I have brought the boys to funerals on his side of the family even if it was ‘my time’. I just hate the fact that if I go for more child support then I’m seen as money-hungry. This would only be the second time it’s been reviewed in the 12 or so years.”
5. AITJ For Defending My Wife From My Mom And Sister?
“I (27m) am married to my wife Sara (27f). We have been together for six years and married for 3. My parents are divorced and have remarried. When I was 18 my mom had moved to France with my stepfather because he had been offered a job there.
Before my mom had left I was going out with Jessica and my mom loved her like her own. She and my sister were best friends and that’s how we became close. We went to separate colleges. I thought our long-distance relationship was going well until my junior year of college when Matt, who goes to the same school as her, sent me a picture of her kissing two guys at a party.
I sent her the picture and said we were over.
Sara was my rock through it all. We had been really good friends and met in college, then after the Jessica situation, we became closer, and even though my dad said it wasn’t good to hop right into a relationship, I did anyway and have been happy ever since.
Because of the global crisis, my mom couldn’t come to the wedding but they gave us a large property they had left before they moved.
This year they moved back to the US and moved in with us while they found another house.
So I threw a party to welcome them back, my dad and mom left off on really good terms so he and his wife were invited as well. For some reason my mom invited Jessica. I didn’t even know that they were still in touch.
My dad asked me if Sara was okay with this but I said I wasn’t sure why she was here. She came up to me, hugged me, and ignored Sara so I introduced her to my wife. Sara shook her hand and asked if she wanted a beer.
She made an off-handed comment about ‘real women don’t drink beer’ and asked for a glass of champagne. Now, Sara is the definition of a tomboy, she drinks beer, fishes, and works on cars as a hobby. It was also weird that Jessica came dressed to a backyard BBQ in heels and a dress you’d wear to the club.
My wife never takes anything seriously and just laughed in her face. I couldn’t help but laugh either. Jessica got really mad and my mom walked over to see what happened. Jessica told her what just occurred and even though my wife and I were both laughing she began yelling at Sara and told her to leave and give me and Jessica some time to catch up.
I told her to watch her mouth and not talk to my wife that way and that if Jessica has a problem she needs to leave.
My dad asked my mom why is she behaving like this. My mom just pulled me inside the house to talk with Jessica.
My mom said my wife dresses like a man. (She doesn’t. Think of Lynette from Desperate Housewives) She said Jessica is a feminine woman who would take care of a man. I told my mom the problem was that she would take care of too many men.
Jessica said I was shaming her for a mistake she made years ago and now she has changed. Jessica ran out crying and my mom said she would take the house back if I didn’t leave Sara for Jessica. My sister then yelled at me for being inconsiderate of her friend. I told them to leave my wife alone. AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Cousin's Wedding Anymore?
“I (27F) have a cousin (27F) who is getting married soon. Last year she finally got engaged after 10 years of them being together.
My sister (30F) and I were invited to go with my cousin to pick out wedding dresses. She said it was important that we were there.
It was also the weekend of her bachelorette. My sister and I live in a different state so we booked tickets and had a great time. While talking about the wedding, we asked my cousin for the date as we wanted to get plane tickets early.
She gave us the date and said, ‘See you soon’.
Months later my aunt (55F) told my dad (61M) (her brother) that my family and I were not invited to the wedding as they had run out of capacity for the venue.
I had come to visit my parents that morning as we go on weekend hikes. I heard the whole thing. My dad and mom were pretty upset. They had booked tickets and were told prior that they should be expecting an invite.
We were very disappointed but we originally understood that it was going to be a small wedding and maybe it was smaller than we realized.
My mom, though, had been through wedding drama before she asked ‘How much is capacity?’ My aunt said, ‘Oh they are having 130 people.’ We were in shock.
That’s when my dad asked, ‘Why wouldn’t we be in the top 130?’ My aunt, ever the honest one, said my cousin ‘doesn’t really know us.’
Like we didn’t just go pick out wedding dresses and help pay for a bachelorette! My family has gone back and forth from their home since we were kids, which was never reciprocated.
We’ve sent birthday gifts to her, etc.
My dad ended the call with a simple ‘Congratulations.’ I could see how hurt he was. My dad puts a lot of effort into keeping his family together as he is the oldest child, both parents are gone, and he moved away when he and my mom got married.
I could tell that this was a slap in the face. His family doesn’t reciprocate. As a comparison, they were even invited to my older sister’s wedding too. They didn’t come.
Fast forward, my parents refuse to answer my aunt’s calls. My aunt calls me instead.
She says she has convinced my cousin to allow us at the wedding. I told her, ‘Thanks but no thanks. We won’t be coming to the wedding.’
My aunt told me I was a jerk. She worked hard to get us into the wedding.
She tattle-told my parents what I had said. But my parents assured me that they would have declined the invite too as they believe it would be awkward to attend now.
Days later, another call, it was my cousin telling me that my aunt was crying.
She said I should apologize and be grateful that I was now invited. She had to disinvite others. I snapped saying that it was her fault for not inviting us and putting our families in this situation.
My parents have had no contact with my aunt for now. I’ve thought about apologizing but I also want them to feel bad too. AITJ for declining the wedding invite?”
3. AITJ For Not Sharing My Inheritance From Our Parents With My Brother?
“My brother, when he got married, basically disappeared from our lives when he was 27.
When I was 24, I got pregnant against my will. My mom and dad asked me to move in with them as both mom and I are very pro-life.
They also believed that if possible a child shouldn’t go to daycare until at least 4. So when I moved in I quit my job after I had my child. But I felt obligated to help so I took over all the house duties, cooking, cleaning, running around, and even accounting as my parents hated that part and anything else.
Basically became the housewife. They liked it so much that they offered for me to continue even after my child turned 4 because he is special needs. So I decided to homeschool my child and started a small side hustle but for the most part, I was their housewife.
Even offered advice and help with their careers and savings plans. It was me who arranged for us to buy a house. My parents always rented.
Fast forward to two years ago, my mom, at 64, who by the way in January, cried in my arms about never seeing her son, suddenly died in my arms in April 2022, my dad got her life insurance and turned it over in my name, renamed me as his inherited child since my mom was listed first but with her death…
In March 2023, he got a bad infection in his intestinal tract, the doctors missed it and eventually he became super septic and it traveled to his brain and on June 7 he also died.
I inherited the house and about $150,000.
My brother got nothing. Now I haven’t worked in 17 years as I am now 41 and I was the housewife, besides my side hustle that really only brought in what my mom called our fun vacation fund (about $10,000 a year – nothing to sneeze at but…).
The house isn’t paid off. I still have 10 years left on our mortgage… and we’re living in California $10,000 a year won’t pay anything. I have since got a job but with no work experience for so long, I am barely making above minimum wage and make just enough to cover running bills if you don’t include clothing or major repair or basically anything out of the usual utility, mortgage, gas for car and food.
So yes I am touching the savings… or at least the interest off the savings as I invested it and am getting a 4% return.
My brother, at 43, and his wife have no kids and both have 6 figure jobs. Anyway, this month he had a heart attack. He called saying his PPO deduction is $10,000 and he needs to pay it so he wants some of his inheritance.
Would I be a jerk for saying no?”
2. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom And Kicking Her Out Of My House For Triggering My Grieving Daughter?
“I (24f) was in an on-again/off-again relationship with my daughter’s father James (25m) for 2 years officially, but even after we ended things I couldn’t bring myself to see anyone else. I loved him then and I still do now.
The reason why it was so back and forth is because he had some substance issues that he struggled to keep under control.
When I found out I was pregnant with our daughter Hope (4f), I knew I didn’t want her to grow up seeing her dad like that, so I ended things with James and hoped that she would be the wake-up call he needed to call it quits once and for all.
For a while, she was. I have some comfort knowing that all of Hope’s memories of her daddy are ones where he was healthy and clear-minded. His brother died when Hope was three, and then his dad 4 months later. His mental health tanked severely after that.
I know he did his best and I wish I had done more to help him while he was still here. He passed away a month ago, and I’ve just been dedicating so much time to our little girl that I haven’t given myself room to grieve.
My mom (45f) noticed that I was struggling, and offered to stay with us in order to give me some help. Mostly she just looks after Hope when I have a therapy appointment or when I just need a second to breathe.
I appreciated it, as it’s allowed me to be more present for my daughter.
Onto the issue: Hope has been doing good in therapy. Grief isn’t linear so I’m not expecting everything to be great but she’s handling it better than I thought she would, which is why it was out of the norm for her to be so distraught when I asked if she wanted to go take flowers to her daddy.
She threw a fit that took longer than normal to calm her down from. Eventually, she told me that she didn’t want to take flowers to him because she didn’t like that he chose to leave her. She’s never said anything like that before, and I’ve reiterated to her since he passed that her daddy loved her more than anything and I know he’d be here with her if he could.
Hope then asked why her grandma would say he chose to stay sick & leave if he actually loved her that much.
I sent Hope to her room as soon as my mom got home & I asked her to explain. She admitted that she told Hope that James chose to stay sick instead of getting help because he loved being ‘out of it’ more than he loved HER.
I lost it. I asked her why she’d ever say something like that to a little girl who just lost her dad, then I told her to get out of my house.
She did leave, but she texted me saying Hope is going to grow up one day & realize why her dad isn’t around, & she’ll hate me for sugarcoating it.
Then she said that she was only trying to save us both from that situation.
I have been an emotional wreck for the past month, which is why I can’t tell if I overreacted here or not so I just want people uninvolved with the situation to render their judgment.”
1. AITJ For Not Going To My Mom's Funeral?
“My (24m) mother (54) always showed favoritism to my younger brother (22). She always favored my brother over me and my sister (27f). From the day he was born my mum always chose him over me, if he wanted something he got it no questions asked but if I wanted the same thing, oh boy she would get angry and say I was out of line for asking.
The only day my mum was nice was on my birthday when the extended family came around (she acted the same on Christmas but my brother always got the biggest and best gifts).
At 15 she kicked me out of the house for coming out as bi.
She ran at me (to attack me I assume) and I stayed at a friend’s house for 2 weeks whilst I waited for a phone call from her to say I could go back. I never got a call so until my 20th birthday I lived at my aunt and uncle’s house.
Finally the worst thing she ever said to me was ‘Men don’t cry’ after 2 of my best friends and significant other died in a car crash. I was devastated like how heartless could a living breathing person say that after what had happened?
Now 3 weeks ago she died of lung cancer, she smoked a pack a day (to be honest, it’s a miracle she lived that long).
I visited her once to say goodbye and as I was leaving she screamed not really loud ‘I hope you die in a ditch, you pig.’ I said nothing. The funeral was 2 days ago but my brother came and banged on my door then he demanded to know why ‘I wasn’t at the funeral!’ To which I replied ‘Like you’re a good brother you didn’t even realize I wasn’t there until 2 days later!’ He turned beet red and screamed, ‘You’re just upset mum loved me way more than you.’ I said “Get off my property or an ambulance can do it for you.’ He stormed off, now the family has come at me like a pack of hungry hyenas.