People Request Our Thoughts Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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It can be embarrassing for us when people learn about things we don't want them to know. However, it can be upsetting when we are aware that the things they are hearing about us from other people are untrue. Here are some stories from people who want to try to explain themselves even though it may already be difficult to do so once the cat is out of the bag. But it won't hurt to try, right? Read on and let us know who you think the real jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

23. AITJ For Exercising In My Apartment?

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“I am a renter living upstairs from I’m guessing another renter. The building is developed so it’s concrete between us. As part of my exercise, I’ve started doing burpees and kettlebells. I’m not hurling the kettlebells to the ground but I am jumping during the burpee. I guess my downstairs neighbor didn’t like this because while during the burpees workout, she shouted at me to stop it.

We’d never met so she just shouted at me from downstairs sight unseen. Once she shouted, I did stop doing a high knee jump but it wasn’t the same intensity. I want to go back to it. I’ll only be doing this twice a week at 5 pm for 30 minutes and it’s only during the burpees that there’s noise.

Now I’ll admit after I realized she was shouting I was a jerk and started heavily placing the KB on the ground during my last set of clean and press.

I’ve got other exercises for the rest of the week which I do on my deck and one day of a club sport. I’ll move all my exercises to my deck for next time but there’s no guarantee that wouldn’t also annoy her.

EDIT: I think I might be a jerk if I continue to exercise in my apartment if after moving outside it still annoys my neighbor.

EDIT 2: Yep looks like I’m the jerk. I’ll take it outside. Didn’t think doing this at 5 PM would be an issue. But still is. Might drop an apology note in her letterbox (no access to her floor).”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand her frustration but it’s not as though you are doing it in the middle of the night while she’s trying to sleep. Maybe try working outside when you can.

If you feel comfortable talking to your neighbor you could explain that you are exercising, apologize for the noise, and see if there’s a time that suits both of you. If all else fails maybe try exercises that involve less making noise on the floor. You should be able to exercise in your own home as long as you make an effort to be considerate.” kelli999

Another User Comments:
“YTJ.

Wouldn’t you be annoyed to regularly hear jumping noises from an upstairs neighbor for long periods of time? Considering you only do it twice a week, maybe try scheduling it at times she’s not home, like when she’s at work. You can speak to her and ask her about it, and maybe apologize for the disturbance while you’re at it.” lilipad23

Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you were exercising at 5 am I would say yes but 5 pm is not an unreasonable time to be making noise.

You can’t be expected to live like a mouse but I can understand wanting to keep the peace. I would suggest investing in some foam flooring.” RedSealWitch

Another User Comments:
“You’re working out multiple times a week and jumping up and down. I hope you get a family of tap dancers that moves in above you and then proceeds to give you exactly the same explanations, justifications, excuses, and treatment you are giving to the tenant who lives below you. You live in a residence. Take that to a gym. YTJ.” BeeYehWoo

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22. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Mother-In-Law?

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“I am from a family where it is considered rude to turn up unannounced at someone’s house. My husband’s family is not like this.

From the time we first moved in together, I have asked my mother-in-law to let us know before she comes around and she continues to ignore this. I’m not asking for a formal appointment just a text or phone call to say ‘are you in? I want to come over.’ That way it gives me a chance to tidy bits up or let her know if we’re not in or now isn’t a good time.

A few times she has knocked on the door whilst my husband and I were ‘together’ which really kills the mood.

Recently she’s been turning up when we are in the middle of eating or about to eat and when we point this out she just says ‘carry on eating I don’t mind’ but I also think it’s rude to eat in front of guests.

She believes that because she is family she should be able to turn up whenever she likes.

My husband doesn’t really care if she doesn’t let us know but agrees that it’s annoying when she turns up at the most inconvenient times. He does support me in front of her but that makes me think I am the jerk.

All I am asking is for her to respect my rules in my house but are my rules over the top for the family? AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

Your husband may support you in front of you – but he needs to be the one to also explain to his mother that her unannounced visits are not welcome. A text or phone call is all you are asking. Boundaries need to be set and upheld by both of you. If she continues to ignore these boundaries, do not answer the door until she gets the message and tells her this will be happening.” Various-Bridge-325

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

While your husband may have your back in front of you, I think he needs to sit her down and explain the boundary firmly, and frankly, you may have to not admit her access one day that she stops by unannounced after you’ve had this last intervention like a convo with her. You could always just come to the door barely dressed and crack it open and whisper, ‘Now is not a great time’ before quickly closing and locking the door again.

If you wanna go the more passive-aggressive route.” Theemillershow

Another User Comments:
“NTJ but please let your husband set rules. If you try it and she doesn’t listen, you are the bad guy and your husband may not back you up. So talk to your husband, set boundaries together, and let him talk to her. Do NOT try to do this yourself because it will backfire. Or get new locks and lock up all doors if you don’t want company. She will learn to call first if she doesn’t get in 8/10 times.” User

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21. AITJ For Cutting My Nephew's Access To My Gaming Library?

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“I (28f) am a gamer and very proud of the library of games I have built over the years. Gaming is also one of my hobbies.

2 years ago I have split from my now ex-husband. He has an autistic nephew (11) ‘Adam’ who was also into gaming, his mother (my ex-auntie who he is really close to) has asked if I can give him access to my gaming library, so I did.

I have also warned her and him that he might get kicked out from the game if I decide to use it as 2 people can’t use it at the same time and that she also has to monitor the games he plays and installs since some are not suitable for kids. She had no issues with this.

I was busy with the split so didn’t have time to pay attention to see if Adam still uses my library for games.

As the split was messy, I was expecting him to stop, until yesterday I was trying to access a game in the library and noticed he was using it. Since I’m the owner, he got kicked out of the game and I started to get a lot of messages from him on the platform asking me to let him play and buy some games for him.

I wasn’t sure if he was told that I’m no longer ‘a part of the family’, so I just cut off his access to my library, which made him upset. At the end of the day, his parents had 2 years to tell him about the split.

Of course, I started receiving messages from my ex’s aunt and uncle saying I had no right to cut his access like this and she was also giving me grief about the games he has installed or played that were not appropriate for him.

I have reminded her that as per her own words I am no longer a part of the family, so I do not have to provide her child with access to games and if he wants to play they have to buy him games that are appropriate for him and his age. I was called a jerk.

So AITJ?

Edit: just to clarify, Adam was 11 when I gave him the access and when I split from my ex.

During our entire relationship and marriage, I have met and talked to Adam 3 times tops, so he definitely doesn’t see me as a ‘cool auntie’ or considered family. I gave him access to the library because his mother asked me to as they didn’t know what he would and wouldn’t like and finances were tight…

I haven’t spoken to Adam about why I cut his access and why I wouldn’t be buying any games for him, since I’m not his parent and I don’t want his parents to create even more drama if I say something wrong.

He is also the type who would ask a lot of questions and some of them can be uncomfortable. I don’t think it was my place to tell him the reason I am no longer a ‘family member’ is due to his own family behaving like jerks.

Those who are worried about his game progress – once his parents purchase a game for him that he played on my library, his progress will be carried over due to cloud saves, some games also store save files on his machine.

He wouldn’t be able to access my library anyway in case he has to change his machine as it will require me to re-login into my account on his new machine and reinstate access.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

Not only was there more than enough time to take care of this, but then they complained about the game content that you warned them about. It sounds more like they are upset about losing the free ride. That they want to give you grief instead of acknowledging and being thankful for the time that had been graciously extended to them tells you all you need to know.” Godaistudios

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20. AITJ For Not Sharing My Inheritance?

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“My (37m) grandmother passed away 6 months ago. My mother recently passed away about 2 months ago from cancer. Both left me the sole heir to their estates. I was really surprised because I didn’t think I would get anything from their passings. I assumed they both were poor, but they both left me a small fortune. I won’t say how much, but it was in the 6 figures.

Anyhow, now my aunt, cousin, and siblings are fighting me for what they deem their share. My aunt and cousin for my grandma’s and my siblings for my mom’s. Here’s the thing: my family is kinda messed up. My aunt has always sucked my grandma dry every chance she’s ever gotten, and my cousin is almost 50 and still mooching off my aunt. He hasn’t ever moved out, my aunt buys him a new car every few years, and can’t hold a job for more than a few months.

My sister and my brother haven’t had anything to do with my mother in years.

My brother has been no contact with her since my teens, and my sister is an addict who only contacted her when she wanted something. Neither was there when she was sick. Neither of them helped take care of her. I’ve talked to attorneys from both estates, and they’ve told me both wills are airtight, and everyone would have to sue to get anything from me.

So now everyone is threatening to sue me for a portion of my inheritance. The moolah would help me out a lot financially. I don’t want to huge drawn-out battle with everyone that could diminish my inheritance even further, but I feel like my grandma & mom wanted me to have it for a reason. So now I’m confused as to what to do. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They wanted you to have it a reason – and it sounds like it’s pretty justified seeing how financially irresponsible the rest of the family are.

Keep it, also, while this is by no means any financial or legal advice, I believe if the wills are airtight, you do not need to spend much in legal representation to defend yourself – to sue you they’ll need to file a motion against you, and if the wills are airtight I believe you can just get them dismissed pretty easily. Again, this is not legal advice and every country works differently – so maybe check how that works out for you first.” ThomzLC

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

The people trying to take your nest egg from you weren’t there for your elders and won’t be there for you. Time to cut ties and move on with your life.

Here’s the thing about suing. They either need to find the lawsuit up front, paying an attorney thousands of dollars, or they need to convince an attorney to take the case for free, hoping for a 40% cut if they win.

Before any attorney agrees to put time into your case, your greedy family would need to give them a copy of the will and other documents. The attorney would need to be convinced it was worth their time and effort–a case they would be highly likely to win.

Your family probably can’t afford to prepay a lawyer. Your attorney thinks both wills are airtight. Go no contact or lost contact and live a good life.” Intelligent_Stop5564

Another User Comments:
“Huge NTJ.

They DID want you to have it for a reason. All the reasons you mentioned. Don’t back down, please. I went through this when my grandfather left everything to my dad and excluded his 3 siblings because they all mooched off him when he was alive. His oldest brother did threaten to sue, but ultimately didn’t because he couldn’t afford the attorney.

My grandfather knew that the other 3 siblings would tear apart the properties and sell them to the highest bidder instead of taking care of them and running them as he wished. If the wills are ironclad then they have no leg to stand on, and any smart attorney would tell them that they don’t have a case right off the bat. Stand your ground, and use that fund to live your life. Again, NTJ.” Odd-Jackfruit-2375

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19. WIBTJ If I Insist On Sending My Son To Ballet Classes?

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“My son is 2 and in our area, there are a limited number of activities for kids of his age. There is football (which he already goes to) and ballet (which I would like to start him in).

My husband doesn’t want him to go to ballet class. He would be happy for him to go to any other dance class and would be happy for him to go to ballet class if he specifically asked to go (sometime in the future obviously).

The reason he gives for not wanting him to go to ballet is that he is uncomfortable with it but he won’t give me a specific reason for that discomfort. I gather though that it’s something along the lines of ballet being for girls.

He says that the reason for his discomfort is irrelevant and that his being uncomfortable should be reason enough. He feels we should parent by consensus so that we both have an absolute veto on what our son has access to regardless of the basis for that veto.

I don’t have particularly strong feelings about ballet in itself. However, I feel it is my duty to make sure my son isn’t restricted by his gender in any way. While I agree that we should reach a consensus, I think the consensus has to be eked out through conversation and has to focus on what is rationally best for our son. I think our feelings must take a back seat.

I don’t think he should be restricted from participating in anything unless there is a real danger that he will be harmed in some way.

In the circumstances, WIBTJ, if I send my son to ballet against my husband, wishes if we can’t reach a consensus?

ETA: Loads of people are concerned that he is doing too many activities so for some more context: we have only recently moved to a rural area and we don’t know anyone with kids the same age so a large part of why we want him to go to activities is to meet other local kids and for us to meet people at the same life stage as well.

The football is soccer and is 40 mins a week, the ballet is likewise 40 minutes. We spend loads of time hanging out in the garden/going for walks/visiting family/watching TV so he’s not being denied Toddler Time.

Football was my idea as well – my husband isn’t into sports. He isn’t concerned that our son has too much on.

Regarding the virtue signaling, I have no particular desire to send our son to ballet, I’m not mad about it as a dance form, but like I mentioned, it’s the only other option for kids his age nearby.

If there was an alternative, I would have chosen that. However, this disagreement has now arisen and I am uncomfortable about allowing what I believe to be an irrational view to dictate what my son can and can’t participate in.”

Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ: First, the kid is TWO! He shouldn’t be in ballet or football. This is not about what YOU want your kid to be in, but what HE wants and I’m willing to bet that none of them are what he wants, because he’s freaking TWO YEARS OLD!

Your husband may have an issue with ballet, but so do you.

In your attempt at a virtue signal, you already prejudged ballet as a girl’s activity: ‘…however, I feel it is my duty to make sure my son isn’t restricted by his gender in any way.’ This phrase shows me that you aren’t doing it for the kid’s well being, but for your own ego. Even if your husband agreed with ballet, you would still be the jerk, because you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.” ElvisCresposblanket

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

a lot of people are saying 2 is too young to be doing any activities, but I kind of disagree there. Ballet at that age is very often just running about to the music, playing games, and teaching coordination, it’s not really ballet. I don’t know where OP is, but European football where I am is literally just kicking a ball around. I agree that too many activities might be too pushy, but at the same time, we don’t know what OP’s childcare needs are.

Plus, a lot of toddler activities are usually for one hour a week and can promote socialization with kids, they’re not serious physical hobbies. I went to gymnastics and dance as a toddler, and it was very chill and also a way for my mum to have childcare for an extra hour.” rose_quartz_queen

Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you sent him without his parent’s permission. Yes, you are one parent, but you are in a partnership with the father to raise the child and they should have equal authority over how their child is raised (exceptions for separation/divorce).

The only caveat I can see that would overturn his decision is if the child expressed interest in doing it, but he’s 2yo and their opinion can’t really carry much weight at this time. If they were 6, 7, or more, then their opinion would matter more.

Since your partner doesn’t want them to go to the ballet, if you were to send the child anyways, it would have parallels to your partner sending a child to the Westboro Baptist Church against your wishes (extreme example, with non-direct comparisons b/c it’s a hate group masquerading as a religion, but you get the idea).

Personally, I think that Ballet is an extremely unhealthy and harmful form of dance (for older kids, not sure if it is so for toddlers). I personally think that gymnastics is an infinitely better alternative to ballet. It teaches strength, flexibility, coordination, and body control in a much healthier way than ballet. Just try not to encourage competition in gymnastics because that is where a lot of unhealthy training habits (pushing past painful injuries) start to be picked up.

EDIT: but really, the child is 2yo. there should be no issues with sending them to either football or ballet, they’re getting socialized and learning group activities. Not like they’re going to be competing in a dangerous fashion. I think the husband should compromise, or not care… but that is something for you two to discuss. Don’t make this a gender/culture-war issue, make it about exposing your child to everything and giving them every chance to be socially equipped to interact with their peers when they get older.” wisedoormat

Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.

Your husband’s stance seems ridiculous, probably rooted in homophobic fears that a simple ballet class would turn him girly.

Is this really worth jeopardizing your marriage cover? Find another way.

Ask the ballet teacher if she can teach a gymnastics or modern dance class. Modern dance could even incorporate ballet while not dividing the two of you.

Consider starting a playgroup or teaching a children’s class yourself. There are bound to be craft ideas online. You could make a decent chunk of change yourself teaching two-year-olds to finger paint.” Intelligent_Stop5564

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18. WIBTJ If I Expose My Dad?

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“My parents divorced some months ago, it’s all going ‘fine’ as long as my dad doesn’t get angry, just a bit abusive, and he blames my mom for the divorce, but he is the one who ruined all. This Easte,r my mom decided to try to log in on my dad’s social media account (she knew the password cuz it never changed and I’m the ‘tech guy’ so, ya know where this goes) and she found out that he was talking with a woman from a ‘village’ (I don’t know how you call it but can’t be considered a town), and he said that he never loved my mom and that he gave an excuse to me just to go to that ‘village’ and look at her, for the past 10 YEARS (obviously they just started chatting like a month ago, they have no messages before that, neither her knew that).

Now they are just flirting. WIBTJ if I revealed all this? (obviously my mom doesn’t want me to)

Edit: I’m 18, I also logged in to the account to get a better explanation myself and he didn’t have an affair during the married time, he just never loved her.”

Another User Comments:
“YTJ, kind of. If you reveal it then we’ll be OK it makes sense why but ultimately it’s none of your or your mum’s business, they divorced, and she shouldn’t be going through his social media anymore.

Or anything like that. If you find the information in any other way then I’d say you should, but because you both invaded your father’s privacy you are in the wrong here.” Thatdudeonsmthn

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are.

If it’s messing with your mental health and well-being, talk to someone professionally to deal with what the discovery has done to you. Revealing it would make your mental health worse in my honest opinion because your parents will surely find a way to blame it all on you in order to deflect from the mess they made.” CardiologistAny7833

Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ for logging on his account and invading his privacy, and still going through his account to find some clarity.

Not everyone who ends up married was their first choice. Some people have ‘the one that got away’ because of circumstances. Your dad did nothing wrong. Marriages don’t always last. But you were born and I doubt that he regrets that you were born.

Your mom was unfaithful, that’s the bottom line. And to try to dismiss that just because your dad is finally in that place where he can get reacquainted with his former love does not make him a jerk.

Be happy for him instead of judging him. He deserves to be happy too.” shazrose

Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.

Your mom shouldn’t be dragging you into crap with your dad.

Neither of you should be snooping into someone else’s accounts.

Your dad shouldn’t have married without love unless he told your mom he wasn’t in love and she still wanted to marry.

But ask yourself this: what good will come from telling everyone that your divorced dad is moving on with someone he’s always had a thing for? What do you expect to happen? The options range from everyone shrugging and saying eh, never liked him, you shouldn’t have married them to big family drama and fighting. None of these options will really improve your life or your mom’s.” KaliTheBlaze

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17. AITJ For Blaming My Son's Mother That He's Not Close To Her?

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“I (36M) have a seven-year-old amazing son shared with my ex-boss (40F), my son is the product of an affair we had, she was already married and had a 3-year-old son and a 2-year daughter when we started seeing each other.

She got pregnant; they knew it wasn’t her husband’s because they’d been separated for a couple of months when they found out.

Her husband threatened to file for divorce if she kept the baby and as they have a business together and didn’t want to lose everything, we agreed that I’d have the baby full-time.

I’ve been a single dad all this time, she has supported me a lot and even if my son is forbidden in her house (by her husband) she tries to be present in our son’s life, she comes to see him like 2 times a month, sometimes calls me to let me know that she’ll pick him up from school to take him to eat ice cream or something, she tries to compensate ‘not being a proper mother’ (her words) with gifts, money, and toys.

To be honest, I believe she loves him and tries to do her best but my son barely sees her.

My son is going to the same school as her kids, I went to pick my son up last Friday and she was there to pick her children up, we started talking about an appointment Lucas (my son) will have with the pediatrician, when he came out from his classroom he ran to me and then kissed me and hugged me, and he only said ‘Hi mom’ to her, she kissed him and then we left, she then called me to say how hurt she was because she thought (as Lucas hasn’t seen her a very long time) he was running to her so I said:

‘Well, it’s your fault, not Lucas’, he barely sees you, of course, he won’t have the same bond with you as he does with me, you never try anything beyond the bare minimum.’

She called me the jerk for saying that it was ‘her fault’ and reminded me that she has stepped up for him and she also reminded me that she loves him as much as she loves her other kids, she also accused me of poisoning my son against her (which I don’t), her sister (a friend of mine) also called me the jerk for saying such a harsh thing when my son’s mother was just expressing her concern.

Now I feel kinda bad, but tell me, was it too far? Was it out of the line?”

Another User Comments:
“Everybody is saying here oh everybody is trash or he’s the jerk ”cause it was an affair.’ That was not the question! It was not about the situation before it was specifically about her not having the best bond with the son.

You were right but probably too hard, she’s trying and you shouldn’t discredit it.

BUT she can’t expect the same bond you have with him. Did she ever think about how he must feel seeing her pick up the other kids but he’s never allowed at their home?

Poor Lucas… this situation must be hard enough on him! Please don’t bring it onto him now and continue being a good Dad to him! You should have a talk again with her about this maybe apologize for being that harsh but don’t take it back.

NTJ” mrscatastrophe

Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Neither one of you has distinguished themselves. She was unfaithful to her husband; you knew she was married and still slept with her. That precious child is the result. You are both reaping the consequences of that choice. And trust me, there are more consequences to come. When he gets older and starts asking why he hardly ever sees his Mother, you will have to explain the circumstances.

That you had an affair with his Mother, she already had a family and he has siblings he may never get to know.

Your former ‘adultery partner’ has a lot to answer for too. She will have to explain that she was unfaithful and caused pain to her husband and children and when caught, sacrificed having a loving relationship with him in order to save her own butt.

He may still love you after knowing that, but the respect he may have for you may go out the window. I don’t know if you are currently involved with anyone, but I’d be very hesitant to get involved with someone who has no qualms about getting involved with someone who’s already married.

For me, it shows a complete lack of integrity. You feel that you hit the jackpot by having your son but I don’t know that I could say the same for him by having you and your ‘adultery partner’ as parents.” Unique-Yam

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

I say that for two reasons. One, that you weren’t the one involved so you never broke any form of commitment, and they were separated at the time so you were mostly free and clear. I’m not happy with you sleeping with a married woman, but she was the one who should have never let it happen.

Two, she was your boss, and the inherent power dynamics of that relationship mean that you subconsciously could have felt like you couldn’t say no.

(Although, given that they co-owned the business, did this mean that you also worked with her husband? If so, that’s awkward and not a good look for you.)

But you’re right. She made a choice – her commitment is to her husband and her other children. If she doesn’t put the time in, of course, Lucas isn’t going to feel bonded to her. Most parenting is just BEING THERE.

If she isn’t there more than twice a month, she’s almost a stranger. She doesn’t get to complain about the consequences of HER choices.

As he gets older, he’s going to feel more and more resentful of the fact that he is the one punished for her mistakes. He is the one treated like a dirty secret – when he did NOTHING wrong.

Your ex needs to face that reality and try to come up with a way to handle this better in the future.

You are clearly a good and loving dad – keep doing that. Your son is going to need you.” Accomplished-Cheek59

Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here for the adults. For the kids, they all lose. The son and the two previous. They cannot have a proper relationship but they are half-siblings. The husband should just file for divorce. He is taking everything out on a small child who didn’t ask to be born.

I get why but at the same time, his children and his wife’s other child are robbed of relationships.

The mom especially! She could have ended the pregnancy or agreed to a divorce so she could share custody of all her children. Now again, all the children suffer.

Light YTJ for you. There is some responsibility within this equation. Your words were hurtful but she must come to the realization that this was a situation in which choices she made have negatively affected all her children, herself, you, and her husband. I guess in the end I would have told her she should consider a divorce not to be with you but so she could be with all her children for at least some period of time. Otherwise, she is looking at another 10 years of this impact on all her children.” Justtakeit1776

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16. WIBTJ If I Accept Funds From My Partner?

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“I’m currently in grad school getting my degree in library and information science and am living in a city where rent is more expensive than what I’m used to. Not a huge deal, initially—I did some budget stuff with the hypothetical financial aid I would receive from my school and while it would be tight, I could make it work. That was until I realized that I physically couldn’t take any of the classes they were offering because I had either already taken them, or I didn’t qualify for taking them because I didn’t have any of the prerequisites necessary for the classes.

So, I’m only registered for a ‘part-time’ student’s workload, so I wouldn’t receive as much financial aid, which goes a long way since the job I’m working at (full-time) is a minimum wage job that I had been initially using as a way to have pocket or emergency fund.

Now onto the meat of the moral dilemma: my partner of only 6 months has offered a few times to help me pay for rent (I haven’t worked up enough nerve to ask if he means completely or half) even though he wouldn’t be living there because again, we’ve only been together for 6 months, and we both agreed that moving in together that soon didn’t feel right.

Already, because we’ve been together only a short time, it feels a little odd to take his moolah for something big like rent. He makes much more than I do (like his paycheck for a week is how much I make in a month) so logically it wouldn’t be a huge burden for him, or so he claims. However, he has revealed to me that he used to have financial problems in the past, mostly 3 years ago, and he spent a while trying to right himself again and learn how to budget and spend his funds wisely.

By accepting his moolah, I feel like it’s just a slippery slope into those bad spending habits again, but it’s completely possible that his could really help me out of a potentially disastrous situation.

I sincerely hope this situation never comes to pass and that the school financial aid stuff rights itself with some meetings with the registrar and my advisor, but I’d like to have a plan in place in case it doesn’t.

It doesn’t help that I jumped straight from undergrad to grad school so work experience to get a job that isn’t minimum wage isn’t looking too good for me at the moment.”

Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but this is a conversation you should be having with your partner and not us. It seems you both have your hearts in the right place, so I’m sure if you just talk it out, you can come to a solution you’ll both be comfortable with.” MicciMichi

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

It’s really depends on how serious your relationship is heading. He may really care about you and see this as an investment (and not a bad spending) to help you out, especially while you’re in grad school.

Personally, if I were in your position, I’d be uncomfortable taking moolah from someone I’ve only been seeing for 6months. Worst case scenario, if I was at risk of going homeless, I’d take the moolah but would pay it back at some point.” lil-catto

Another User Comments:
“NTJ because he offered, and it’s not something you’re demanding or expecting. I would NOT take his coins, though.” Odd_Consequence_4877

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15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Depend On My Brother Anymore?

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“Earlier last week, my partner (25 M) and my (24F) wooden gate broke, we have 2 big dogs who are usually fenced in our yard who could now get out if not being carefully watched because of the broken gate. My partner gets 3 days off a week and they are back to back (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) I asked him if he could fix the gate on one of his days off, and he said that he might need some help, so he’ll ask my brother (23 M).

My brother has a lot of experience in construction and manual labor and never really denies helping. I was worried about this because whenever something around the house breaks, my partner will always call my brother to fix it without even trying to fix it himself first (even though he has the knowledge to fix these things).

Anyways, I get home yesterday and my brother is put in my backyard fixing the gate by himself and when I found my partner, he was in the bed asleep.

I was completely fed up, I finished helping my brother, paid him, and went immediately up to my partner and told him that I didn’t want to  depend on my brother any longer to fix things around the house, I told him that it wasn’t fair. He told me that I should just let my brother do so because my brother never objects. This led us into a very long argument and I am really reconsidering our relationship.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s pretty common sense that you don’t want your brother to feel used by you and your partner every time something needs fixing.

You may have worded it differently but I think this is the heart of the matter.

However have you ever talked about this with your brother? Maybe he really doesn’t mind and enjoys the work as an excuse to spend time with you, of course, the same could be said that he finds it really annoying.” Zagriel55

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t let your partner take advantage of your brother’s kindness. It’s fair to call for help for things you can’t do yourself, or things that are a struggle for one person but quick and easy for two, but having your brother come fix the gate so he can be lazy is unkind.” KaliTheBlaze

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14. AITJ For Asking For My Money Back?

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“I am a professional waiter. I make about 80k a year. My friend makes about 35k a year and struggles to make ends meet. I have a savings account with over 100k in it that my friend knows about.

Last month my friend asked me for a loan. He wanted 300 because he was struggling. I tried saying no but he begged and pleaded. He promised everything that he would pay me back within a month.

I made it very clear to him ‘I am going to give this to you. But in 30 days I want it back. If you have even the slightest doubt that you won’t be able to pay it back, do not take the moolah’.

My friend reassured me that he was 100% sure I would have it back and he 100% guaranteed it.

30 days later I ask for the loan back and he says he needs an extra week because he won’t be able to pay rent.

He gives me 200 though. I tell him ‘I was hesitant to give you the money, to begin with, you begged and pleaded and you promised me you would pay me back the full 300 by today. This was not the deal we had. This is not what we agreed to when I loaned you the 300 dollars.’

He got mad. A day later he paid me back the 100 after selling some of his games.

He mentioned he had to skip out on buying groceries for the week.

I feel bad and understand how awful it is to struggle, but that doesn’t mean that it’s my responsibility to pay for your stuff. He shouldn’t have promised he would pay it back if he couldn’t pay it back.

To loan him the 300 I had to cut into savings which is something I have never done in my life even for me.

That is my retirement fund and I take being able to retire young very seriously.”

Another User Comments:
“If you’re that strict about helping out a friend, then l just don’t loan anything. Maybe this is just me but real friends don’t hard press their friends for payback. If my friends are struggling I help them with no expectations. I always tell my friends to not worry about paying me back, especially if it’s going to put them deeper in the hole.

I understand the principle behind staying true to a deal. However, your friend had to miss out on groceries because you hard-pressed him about it. I’m giving you a YTJ because it doesn’t seem like you’re an actual friend but more a loan shark.” BuddyPsychological72

Another User Comments:
“YTJ.

He paid you 2/3 of the funds back on the due date and promised the rest of it too. He wasn’t going to skip out on his promises and knew you could afford it because you make more than double their salary, and boasted about your savings.

An ex-friend of mine borrowed similar amounts from various other friends at the same time, and then ‘forgot’ to pay them back for months on end. They also ran up credit accounts at other people’s addresses, before forgetting to pay those too. We went down the reasonable route before calling it in and warning others not to give them they couldn’t afford to lose.

Your friend has been honest with you, but sometimes life gets in the way and it doesn’t go to plan.

If you’re uncomfortable with this, then don’t lend to anyone again.” TopBluejay8238

Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I guess maybe everyone sucks here but just never loan funds again. If anyone asks explain to people that you are dead serious and let them know you previously let a friend go without groceries in order to pay you back since he was already late. Sounds like your friend was desperate and intended to pay you back but got more desperate instead.

Maybe that’s a friend you don’t need in your life and maybe they need different friends too.

I’m not being snarky though, you must share this story with anyone who asks to borrow from you so they truly get it.

I also make a lot more and have a lot more than many of my friends. I happily help them out whenever I can and refuse repayment. If any of them were the kind of people to take advantage of that we simply wouldn’t be friends anymore. So if you’re worried your friend would then start using you as a cow I’m sure you did the right thing for yourself, but I cannot get over allowing a friend to go without groceries no matter what. I’m baffled you could exist.” User

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13. AITJ For Taking Care Of Myself?

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“When I (26f) was growing up, being sick was super shameful. Like ‘good people don’t get sick’ and stuff like that. We had a rule that stated if you were able to do ANYTHING you were able to go to school. Like if I was able to read, watch tv or play Mario I had to go to school. So I was literally sent to school with a dangerously high fever several times because I watched tv under several blankets at home.

We were also never allowed to miss more than one day of school. I have a very different approach to health than my parents. I have some sort of serious medical issues and because of that, I visit the doctor at least twice a year. My parents think that’s absolutely ridiculous and they constantly tell me to just suck it up, or that I’m wasting funds, and so forth.

On our last phone call, my mother told me super proudly that she had not been to a doctor for four years because ‘proper people’ don’t need to. During this time she has been sick btw and she’s had issues that really should have been treated. In the short term, I told her that I won’t apologize for taking care of myself. Just because she doesn’t take care of herself properly, doesn’t mean that’s the way to approach one’s health.

And not properly caring for oneself is not something to be proud of. I also brought up a bunch of issues she’s had that could have been fixed by seeing a doctor. I think she found me to be extremely condescending and I think I was too. I was just super mad and she doesn’t deserve that… but I think I was right and it was after she basically scolded me for like half an hour for doing something that is necessary for my health.

So I don’t think I should apologize this time, but I could be wrong. So… AITJ?

Edit: I never even imagined this could be a form of abuse. My current health problems are (as some of you suspected) because I went without medical supervision for so long… I’ve never even thought that it was anyone’s fault, but my own for having such a frail body.

Edit 2: My parents are very well off so finances are not an issue.

Neither is being away from work.”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly, you were mistreated as a child by being denied medical care. Secondly, as a health care provider, there are few things more frustrating than a patient who claims they are healthy because they don’t go to doctors but then come up with a ‘small issue’. They end up already having major underlying issues that could have been treated/picked up earlier and fixed, but now will most likely have intensive treatment requirements and end up blaming the doctor because they’re “fine” and don’t believe diabetes/hypertension/thyroid issue is such a big deal and ‘the doctor just wants to get paid’.

Preventative measures and screening are often much cheaper than management of diseases and many insurance/medical companies will pay for screening procedures to prevent paying for late-stage treatment.” DrPsychoBiotic

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are absolutely right and one should take care of their health. That includes going to a doctor when needed and resting when you are sick and need rest.

You are also an adult and get to make your own choices.

My piece of advice would be, next time your mother thinks she can talk in any way bad about you for taking care of your health, just tell her she gets one chance to shut it or you’ll just end the conversation and then do that. Tell her you are not discussing your welfare with her and then hang up if she continues. Walk away from an in-person conversation.

Do not engage. That’s just not worth it.

Also, your mother does not deserve respect simply for being your mother. If she disrespects you as an adult who makes their own choices she does not deserve to be respected for that.” XDarksaphiraX

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What your mom is doing is like owning a car for 10 years but refusing to go to the mechanic for a yearly oil change or even when the check engine light comes on.

Skipping the mechanic is not an achievement and doesn’t mean the car is ok. The car will last 10 years instead of 20 years, and you’ll spend a lot more on repairs as it gets older because that easy maintenance wasn’t done.

It’s ok to be angry at your parents and it’s ok to express that to them. And you have a lot to be angry about – from your comments here they seem to have passed on disordered thinking not just about health/doctors, but also about what control you’re allowed to have over your own feelings and choices as an adult. You’re almost 30 and you’re still feeling obligated to tell her how often you go to the doctor and listen to her criticize you about it. You don’t actually have to do that.” whatinthef—

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12. AITJ For Not Cleaning Up Tampons?

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“I (24 F) broke up with my partner of 7 years and had two more female roommates move into my existing apartment shortly after. We were coworkers so we knew each other well, but they were 2 and 3 years younger than me at the time. After about 4 months of living together, our place was not big enough for the 3 of us as it was a two-bedroom house and we had 5 dogs, so we moved into a larger townhouse with another coworker of ours who had two rooms open.

These girls were messy, often leaving out food, dishes, and laundry and not picking up their own dog’s poop in our shared yard. One of the roommates had a bedroom in our large downstairs living room until one of us left and a room opened up upstairs and this seemed to contribute to some of the mess. After a while, the 3rd girl moved out and we all swapped rooms upstairs, giving us each our own space.

My bedroom was now the master bedroom and had a half bath. We also had a bathroom upstairs and one downstairs. A few months before I decided to move out, I was house-sitting for my boss for 5 weeks and stayed at his house with my dogs the whole time. After I finished house-sitting I was due to move out about a week later so at that time I went back to the townhouse and stayed there with my partner and our 3 dogs.

The first day I was back, I left my dogs home while I went to work, and when I got back, my pug had gotten into the trash in the upstairs shared bathroom and chewed up bloody tampons all over the bathroom floor that had been in a small metal trash can. Of course, I cleaned up the mess, shut the bathroom door, and told my roommates the trash needed to go out.

The next day it happened again, so I cleaned up again and shut the bathroom door.

On the third day it happened, I left the mess and no one used that bathroom for 3 whole days. The day I moved out, one roommate cleaned it up and confronted me saying my dog made the mess and I needed to clean it up. I told her the trash had needed to be taken out for days, none of the tampons could have even been mine, and if they weren’t going to take out their trash, they could have at least kept the door closed so my dogs couldn’t get in.

We argued for a while and then I left.

They said I was the jerk and often bring it up now when we spend time together which can make parties rather uncomfortable. Am I the jerk?

To add – the dog was a 6-month-old puppy.”

Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – if your dog can get into a bin it isn’t safe to leave roaming your house? If it gets into things and isn’t supervised you could end up with a huge vet bill.

How long are you leaving it alone? Sounds like it is bored and not in a safe environment. You can’t make someone change the trash every single time they use a sanitary item. Their attitudes suck but then I wouldn’t leave my dog with people who aren’t supervising it properly either. Get your own place that you can puppy-proof. Walk your dog more, give it kongs that you freeze some wet food in to give it something to work on, and take it to doggy daycare some days so it isn’t getting into mischief and burns off some energy.” Mazikeen05

Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here… You need to work with your dog on staying out of the trash and your roommates need to learn to take out the trash especially if it’s their female products in the trash.

Really it just sounds like maybe this living situation isn’t working out.” BuddyPsychological72

Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but you’re the bigger jerk. You left a bunch of chewed-up bloody tampons on the floor for several days after your dog made the mess? That’s one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever heard. No one in their right mind would think that’s acceptable. Your roommates are also at fault because you all have a responsibility to keep your house from falling into squalor. And you all failed.” tysontysontyson1

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11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Dad's Partner To My Graduation?

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“I am 22F. My Dad, a 57M, got a partner, a 39F, about a year ago. I did not know this until December of that year (they got together around the end of June) when they posted it on social media. Before this, I saw a silver car that I did not recognize in front of his house and asked him about it and just did not answer me.

During this time between July 2021 to February 2022, my Dad completely cut off any connection with me. (Before he would call me saying ‘Do you want to get something to eat?’ or ‘I made leftovers if you want some you can come over.’ things like that), he did message me in August ‘Are you alive?’

Eventually about a month ago, (March 2022), he agreed to go to lunch with me, but he made the decision that she was coming along.

I really wanted it to just be him and me as I had not seen him in a long time. I decided not to say anything as I did want to meet her (just not at that time). The lunch went okay… I don’t have anything in common with her so it was hard to make small talk. But during this, my Dad mentions my graduation as if hinting he wanted me to invite her.

But I’ve just met her and don’t know if I want her there as I barely know her.

There are also problems between my Mom and Dad now because of this. While he was going out with her, he was still calling my mom to do things for him like taking him to doctor’s appointments, going to pick up his truck after it was fixed, things like that (this was before I saw the silver car).

So, AITJ for not wanting her to come to my graduation?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

It’s your graduation, not their date event. If anyone should be invited it’s your mother, not this jerk of a father and ex-husband and his partner. If he finally grows a pair and asks you to invite her, just don’t answer him since that’s the way he communicates.” denasher

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re under no obligation to invite someone you just met to your graduation, and frankly, you’re probably improving the situation by not bringing people together who are more likely than not going to conflict with each other.

However, you do need to have an open conversation with your father and communicate why you’re doing what you’re doing, even if he doesn’t like it.” turnsoutimthesaneone

Another User Comments:
“NTJ and with the way your dad’s behaving, better flat out tell him that She’s definitely invited to your graduation. Also, you might consider uninviting him as well, because he WILL try to bring her no matter what.” ElvisCresposblanket

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10. AITJ For Taking My Manager Down With Me?

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“So, I work in a relatively new company’s new location, and I was here from day 1. My direct manager started at approximately the same time. Since we’ve been working together, he’s been drinking on the job numerous times and has had rage episodes, and crying episodes… and all that lovely frustration-related stuff that tends to come out when intoxicated. During most of these scenarios, I was at work (working ofc) and also consoling him, and apologizing on his behalf when he lashed out at other employees…

to the point of bringing a colleague (M25) to cry at work!

His ‘reasons’ for firing me are that he’s received a couple of complaints about me, cause I was not helping another employee (my subordinate) who needed help with his tasks. At no point had this employee told me that he needed my assistance with his job, or was I even told what exactly he needed help with…

or what I was expected to improve on? My answer to this complaint was, that the employee should by now be able to perform his assigned tasks, or at least ask for help if he needed it and that the job is perfectly doable by one person.

This one time, the day my manager reported the same complaint to me for the second time (again with no constructive feedback and humiliating me in the process), to show him that I can do it all on my own (after such employee had been chilling on the couch, while I did his job for over 2h), I sent the employee home early..and my manager lost it.

He rushed over, after having been drinking, and made another scene sending me home for no apparent reason.

A week or so after this, I get fired… and am expected to work for another 2 weeks. At no point was I given a chance to defend myself, nor to have someone else’s opinion on the matter. Since I’ve been here all along, I have a lot of dirt on this guy.

Of course, I don’t want the job back… but like everyone, I needed the money, and that’s why I put up with his nonsense. AITJ for wanting to give my side of the story, and bring him down with me in the process, after he fired me?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are correct. Job holders need to ask for help but it sounds like they are lazy.

As for your boss, report it now and say that due to the possibility of retaliation by the idiot, you didn’t want to raise it but as he fired you without course you have reported everything. If you have witnesses, even better.” EspressoWolf

Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Honestly go to his manager ad explain the situation. However proof of this will be very important. And if you are relying on other witnesses for that it might not work out.

The other option is to file a wrongful dismissal case.” emperorduffman

Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ, and frankly you’re doing him a favor. He won’t be able to overcome his sickness until he is forced to confront it. Hopefully, there’s a scenario where everyone comes out ahead, but at a minimum, he isn’t doing himself or any of his employees any favors by continuing on as is.” turnsoutimthesaneone

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9. AITJ For Not Helping A Stranger?

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“I had just parked my car and class was about to start in less than 10 minutes, but I had about a 10-minute walk ahead of me until I made it to class.

I was about two minutes away from class, when I passed by a couple of people unloading something from the back of their hatchback that looked like a desk. I heard one of them saying how they were running late too.

One of the people looked up and called out to me to ask if I could help them move the desk for the booth that they needed to set up.

My college had a lot of on-campus events. Too many to keep track of. I didn’t even know what this booth was for. I told them I couldn’t because I was about to be late for class.

They huffed at me and kept working on moving the desk.

After my class got out, I approached one of the booths that were set up because the items on the table intrigued me. Then I recognized the people behind the booth as the people that asked me for help earlier. They recognized me too. One of them asked in a condescending tone if I made it to my class on time.

I said I did, just barely. And then promptly left because the situation had become a bit too awkward for me.

So, AITJ for putting my own schedule ahead of a complete stranger’s because I didn’t have time to help them?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were gonna be late to class so they shouldn’t be annoyed at you considering you don’t know them and you’re a student. Plus they were running late themselves so they aren’t in the position to be annoyed at you.” RustedCircuit

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

They weren’t entitled to your services. What kind of jerks were they anyway not to acknowledge the duty to arrive at class on time while they were pitching their product/service to students? You did not cause them to be late. That is a mistaken belief. You did nothing to delay them.” User

Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t work for them and I would have reported it to the college that they got mad at you for not working for free and in the event, they were also mad.” EspressoWolf

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8. AITJ For Inviting My Son's Affair Partner Instead Of My Granddaughter?

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“I have one son and one granddaughter who is 20 years old. My son had a very bad relationship with his ex-wife which made him very unhappy. Because of this, he had an affair and a few months ago filed for divorce to be with the woman from the affair. They recently sold their house so he can purchase a new one to live with them.

My ex-daughter-in-law was very angry at this situation and would regularly influence my granddaughter to alienate her from my son. My granddaughter now ignores her father and is very cold toward him. She also never reaches out to me or replies to the text messages I send her.

On Christmas, I found her to be very rude to my son when she came over with him for supper.

She regularly calls his SO bad names and insults her if the topic is brought up because she is very hung up on the fact that he had an affair. She says she never wants to meet her but I don’t think this is fair because she makes my son happy.

For Easter, I decided to invite my son, his new SO, and her two kids so that I have a chance to meet them, but not my granddaughter.

I knew she would be upset but I don’t like that she doesn’t reply to my messages so I didn’t bother asking, so we kept it a secret instead. I also knew she wouldn’t want to come anyway if they were there. Apparently, she figured I invited my son’s SO because my ex-daughter-in-law pestered my son as to why none of us said anything to my granddaughter on Easter.

After this, I left a text message to her saying that if she doesn’t make an effort to reach out to me, I will stop trying as well.

It took several days, but she finally replied a few days after very angrily. She was very rude and said I don’t care about her because I prioritized the new SO instead of her. I told her maybe if she reached out to me, she would be invited but she kept insulting me and told me I should be embarrassed by my son.

I told her she needs to apologize for the way she spoke to me and that if she wants to see us she needs to accept her father’s new family because he deserves to be happy.

But since I kept it a secret I feel a bit bad. She is my only granddaughter and we used to be close when she was little.”

Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are 100% cool with your son having an affair if it makes him happy.

You are cool with immorality. You think that your granddaughter should just get over it and play nice, even though all this just went down a few months ago. Of course YTJ. You should be embarrassed by your son. And your granddaughter can go her whole life without meeting your son’s affair partner. It’s none of your business. And, frankly, since you were so supportive of the affair and what happened after, I don’t blame her for not wanting much to do with you.” Bright_Past_2226

Another User Comments:
“Yep YTJ.

You’re telling your granddaughter that the destruction of her world is fine by you. It takes a while to adjust when your parents divorce even if you are older. This girl has seen everything her mom has gone through, finding out her dad was unfaithful and leaving the marriage for the person who he was conducting an affair with. You don’t get to tell her that her feelings are ‘unfair’ just because you like Affair Partner (AP) or because your son is happier.

Did AP know your son was married or did he lie to her too?

I understand your son was unhappy. He should have ended the marriage then and there before involving AP in his life not string his wife along until HE was ready to commit elsewhere.

I also like the rubbing in that she has to accept her father’s ‘new family.’ Way to let her know she’s been replaced, Grandma.

I’m trying to work out if you are just no MIL to your daughter-in-law or you are actually the father trying to get justification for his actions by writing as his mom.” Inallea

Another User Comments:
“YTJ for drawing the line in the sand and showing your granddaughter that you’ll always support your lying son over her. She had her whole life uprooted when HE was unfaithful to her mom, sold their home, and immediately moved in with his ‘new’ family.

What exactly has he done that deserves her respect right now? Did he ever apologize to her? Did he make any kind of effort at all to salvage their relationship?

If she’s 20, she’s more than old enough to form her own options so I doubt she’s being heavily influenced to alienate herself from her father. She’s rightfully upset and if you truly cared about your granddaughter, you should be going out of your way to support her and show her that you’re there for her. If anyone is alienating anyone, it’s you. I wouldn’t expect her to want to have a relationship with any of you when you all go on normally after your son uprooted her whole life just to move on immediately like nothing happened.” idekwhattosaytothat

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7. AITJ For Planning To Kick My Brother Out Of Our Home?

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“So my brother (38) and his partner (30) have been living with me (39) and my wife (39) since November with the agreement he would pay $300 a month by the 5th. He has only actually done this one time and every other payment has been sometime by the end of the month with a few not until the following month. Though he doesn’t eat much, his partner eats a lot and they don’t contribute to the groceries aside from once or twice.

My mother and I caught him lying two months ago regarding his employment and confronted him about it. I told him that he needed to have his portion of the rent paid by the 10th every month or I would kick him out which he agreed to. Last month was more of the same but he promised he would do Uber more to make it. Again this month he didn’t have it but the 10th was a slow week with Uber so I gave it another chance.

It is now 16 days past the deadline and a few days ago he paid me 60 leaving 60 remaining which I told him he HAD to pay by end of the weekend or he would no longer have a place to stay. I know he’s been working and I know he has the moolah, though when I asked, he has said he didn’t have it yet and he still hasn’t.

I feel justified but also feel like a jerk because, well, he is my brother. It has caused me a lot of stress and I don’t know what to do. I’m planning on waiting until the next time he comes home and telling him to give up his key so as to not do so via a text message which he rarely responds to and leaves me on read and never answers my phone calls.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – get some boxes & packing tape and tell them they need to be out by the end of the month. They can go and stay with friends. You need peace in your home. It is costing you too much to have them there, they pay for nothing. What he gave you barely covers the groceries they stole from you.” Less-Quality6326

Another User Comments:
“NTJ but since your brother has been there over a certain amount of time and pays rent, he technically has tenant rights.

It varies by state but typically the laws are that you have to give him a couple of weeks’ notice, you can’t just demand his key and make him leave. If he were to refuse, you’d have to go through a whole eviction process.” Dairyfairy6969

Another User Comments:
“This is why it is generally not a good idea to let the family move in. They get overly familiar, take advantage, and rely on ‘blood bonds’ to stop anything bad from happening.

Take the family part out of the equation. He made an agreement with you, which he’s since broken repeatedly. That negates your requirement to hold up your side of the deal.

Info: what is the girl doing in all this? Is she working to contribute to rent or is just mooching and eating all your food?

NTJ.

Give them notice to find somewhere else and stick to it.” curious_seahorse1

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6. AITJ For Silently Moving Out Of My Parents' House?

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“I (19 female) now live with my (22 male) partner. When I lived with my parents there was also screaming from my parents yelling at either me or my 2 siblings over little things, and using a belt with us at a young age. My mother constantly talked about how little or much food I ate even though I was not a fat kid. In February, shortly after my birthday, I decided to move out and my partner just happened to be moving out as well so we decided to move together.

I didn’t consult anything with my parents because of their history of yelling at me and trying to talk me out of everything. I slowly started to move everything of mine out of the house and into my car (Note: I only took stuff that I paid for or was gifted, nothing from my parents). When I left the house for the last time, I texted my parents to let them know I was safe and if they wanted to keep in contact with me that they can but if they didn’t have anything nice to say that I wouldn’t respond.

My mother proceeded to text me back saying how childish I was being and she hasn’t contacted me since however, my father is texting me saying that I should talk with my mother and I refuse until they want to be reasonable. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult now, and you’re allowed to live your life on your terms. Toxic parents can create lifelong problems, so if they’re not going to change then it’s better to distance yourself now, and if they are capable of change, they’ll change, and they’ll make that clear to you, and at that point, you can have a relationship with them built on mutual respect rather than an imbalanced power dynamic.” Bionic_Ninjas

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

You need to take control of your life and not be subject to their terrible ways by remaining in their house any longer.

I would caution you to be aware that after being subject to such for so long that it is easy to allow such patterns to be repeated in future relationships (because you’ve been conditioned to see that as normal) so you should make an effort to seek therapy if you can.

Plus, discuss firm boundaries with your partner about your relationship. Open communication about any issues that may arise is spoken about calmly and as they occur, violence is a deal breaker, etc. Also, ensure your own financial security.” curious_seahorse1

Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are an adult. You have every right to move out especially to get away from abuse. Don’t feel guilty, your welfare is the most important thing. Don’t visit if you don’t feel safe or if you fear retaliation. It is not childish to move out, quite the opposite in fact. You don’t need to maintain any contact or relationship. Move forward with your life, conscience clear. You owe them nothing.” User

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5. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A Brand New Car For My Family?

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“Growing up in a conservative Filipino home, we were taught to give back to our parents.

Ever since I (26F) graduated from college and started working, I have been helping my family in paying bills and other expenses at home. I am the eldest child by the way. At first, it was okay, but then I wanted to move out and live independently. I wasn’t transparent about this with my parents, because the last time I brought up that I want to move out and rent an apartment near my office, they got mad because it will be just a waste of resources since we already have a home (which is 3 hours away from my office thanks to metro Manila traffic).

Right now, my dad is bringing up buying a brand new car, since our old one is always broken and needed repairs almost every time. He always asks me if I can buy a new car for the family since he knows I have the financial capacity to purchase one (he knows I recently got promoted). I honestly don’t know how to refuse, because I know he’ll get mad and will bring up the fact that he raised me and my siblings and I don’t even know how to give back.

Buying a car is not my priority right now. I have been actually saving up so I can buy my own home. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whatever you do you can’t win on this one, so secure your future and move. If you stay, you’ll just be asked for more and more until your health collapses from the work, commute (three hours?), and the family’s demands. If you do, you’ll get grief and trash talk and perhaps blackballed by your parents.

It’s nonsense, either way, so my advice is to get out and secure your own living situation. If you do this, at least you’ll have a place of your own and perhaps the foundation to create healthy boundaries. Then once established, you can decide what, where and how much to give of yourself and your resources. It will probably be healthier for everyone in the long run.

If you cave on the demand for a car, perhaps a good used car? Good luck, it sounds like you’ll need it.” lalafia1

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Move out of the house asap even if they don’t agree with it. Lie about it if you have to, say that your company has asked you to move closer because you’re not able to manage the commute/you need to work longer hours now that you’re promoted and need to be close.

I am southeast Asian and I can somewhat relate to the culture… Asian parents will overreact and they expect a lot from their children. It is not their fault entirely, it’s the culture that has been passed onto us through generations, but they will eventually come around. If making up a story a little makes your life easier then do it.” kaiseloghain

Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He probably can sense that you are pulling away and is hoping you will feel guilted into using your savings for the car, thereby keeping you stuck at home until you save up again. I suggest that you move out, even if it is somewhere temporary. Once you find a place, figure out how much you can continue contributing to your family (if you want) and then present the whole plan to them on your way out the door.” Forward_Squirrel8879

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4. AITJ For Getting My Boss Involved?

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“I (24F) have been working at a small retail shop for 4 years. In the last 8 months, I went from casual hours to full-time. Also important to note is that I’m typically alone in the shop for roughly 7 hours out of an 8-hour shift.

During the last 4 months, I’ve had a customer (42M) who is bipolar and has an acquired brain injury, is a recovering heavy drinker (who is known and visits several of the shops and cafes in the town daily) and who visits me up to 14 times a day and ask me out repeatedly.

Even ‘gifted’ me a graduation gift of a gold ring worth about $300. I suppose my fault here was that I accepted it because I was super uncomfortable and he kept insisting (without knowing the price) but then returned it within a few days. I said that I could not accept it and that I had no interest in going out with him. In a nice way.

It got to the point where his visits were impeding my work and job. There were instances of me sitting down to eat in the cafe next door to my workplace and him watching me through the window.

Now I’ve had the whole ‘girl who cried wolf’ thing happen to me previously when I had a mentally ill or disabled person make advances on me and I turned them down and told them off.

But I finally told my boss the extent of his advances and she got in contact with his ‘mother figure’ who I will name ‘Beth’ who works at the local community center. She then spoke to him and he avoided me and my workplace for a week but has now posted on my workplace’s public Google profile about me and bashing my workplace due to the situation.

I feel bad about it. But we decided to speak to Beth, instead of getting the police involved because he has issues and deserves help.

But AITJ for getting my boss involved and ‘tattling’ on the mentally ill customer?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You took the appropriate/least drastic path for dealing with something like this. If he was unable to respect your repeated ‘no’ then this was the meeting step.

His behavior is inappropriate and if his mental situation doesn’t allow him to understand boundaries then speaking with his mother figure would be the obvious step. The Google review is nothing, your safety is more important.” moonsherbet

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can sympathize with his situation and the difficulties his illnesses may cause, while still having every right to feel safe in your workplace. His behavior is inappropriate, to say the least, and I don’t blame you for feeling disturbed by his actions.

It’d be one thing if you’d immediately called the cops on him or something because that’s a jerk move, but it seems like you’ve bent over backward to be understanding and accommodating and the situation is not improving.” Bionic_Ninjas

Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you said he possibly just needs help and you’ve absolutely done the right thing to get him help by contacting his carer rather than the police while keeping yourself safe and comfortable at work which you are completely entitled to. If the Google profile comments are getting you down, see if your company can contact Google and explain the situation to get it removed or, if that’s not an option, have your workplace post a reply to his comments explaining the business’ side of the story.” notniamh

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3. AITJ For Being Mad At My Parents For Asking For Payment For Babysitting?

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“I (31F) am from south Asia and there are certain cultural values that we follow which are very different from other cultures.

For example, our parents live with us after retirement because we want to take care of them in their old days. Old age homes are a strict no in Indian culture. We value our parents just as much as we value gods. They have sacrificed their whole lives for us and we take care of them in their last remaining days.

Now, when our parents live with us, we don’t ask them for any contribution to anything. That’s rude and that’s just not how it works in Indian culture. They never asked us for payment when we were kids so we don’t ask too. We also pay them a monthly allowance to shop or get what they want. Although mostly they just tell us what they want and we buy them that.

But we send them monthly allowance as well even if they live with us.

Now, my parents are living with my elder brother (38M). He is a lawyer and he and his wife (36F)  both work around the clock. They have a baby who is around 2 years old (M). Now in Indian culture, the grandparents take care of the children when the parents are away for work.

That’s just how it works in our culture. My brother’s wife is Indian as well and she knows the culture so she knew there will be a time when the family will be living together.

Both of them expected that once my parents move in, they will take care of their son which is given. However, my parents said they will but they will need to be paid for that by my brother and sister-in-law.

It’s outrageous. Yes, my brother and sister-in-law have a very successful career and they send monthly allowance to my parents (1000$ each person). This allowance is just given to them to shop for whatever they want.

Since their food and living expenses are paid by me and my brother, my brother also buys them gifts from time to time if they need any. We asked them if they need extra funds we can send them but asking for payment to babysit their own grandchild is just stooping low.

They said it’s very valid as they will be with the child around the clock. Again, this may work in western culture. But in Indian culture, it’s a big thing to ask for payment to babysit your own grandchild. I right away refused and told them they are stooping too low. They called us freeloaders and that literally hurt.

To the people who are aware of the Asian and south Asian culture, AITJ here?

Edit – the reason we got so hurt had nothing to do with money.

We are well off paying them more if they simply just asked us so. We just didn’t like that they were asking for payment to babysit their own grandchild.

They don’t want to live in India because they want to spend their old days with us. Which is justified and we don’t want them away in their old days away from us too. Again, I told them we will send more allowance, as much as they ask.

But asking to get paid to look after your own grandchild is not right. Again, we put my nephew in daycare was never a factor. We still pay them monthly expenses. Not as an obligation but as a duty.

One more thing, before they moved in with my brother, they said they want to look after the child. My sister-in-law did voice that it will be tough for you, but they insisted that they want to spend time with their grandchild and a big reason they are coming here is to spend time with him.

A little info on how dependence works in Indian /Asian households – I look after my nephew when my brother and SIL are busy. They cook food for me countless times when am busy with work. I can call them at the last minute with an emergency because they are my family and if I won’t call them who else will I rely on? They can call me at the last minute with their emergency because am their family.

My husband and I show up at their house at any time and we are not guests, they live at our houses many times because they are not guests. There is a system of giving and taking. And we are all interdependent on each other because that’s how family works and if we won’t help each other who else will? My SIL canceled her meetings to take me to a doctor once when others were busy.

I have canceled my meetings to take care of my brother after surgery. That’s just how the Indian household works and again it’s not a compulsion or peer pressure from our ancestors. We do it because we are family, and if we won’t rely on each other then who else can we will rely on?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

My culture has a lot of this too, but regardless of cultural aspects, I think it’s a simple trade.

Parents care for us when we are kids, and we care for them when they are old. But they are not entitled to allowance same as children are not entitled to an allowance. And same as children commonly get rewarded with payment for doing their chores, parents also should. Allowance is sort of payment for contributing to the household (in their case, providing childcare).” tatasz

Another User Comments:
“NTJ.

I am not Indian, but what you describe sounds like how my family functions, although I understand from others that it’s somewhat uncommon in the US generally. Guess we’re weird.

I think if I were in this situation, I wouldn’t even be offended, because I would be too busy being baffled. My mother retires next week, and she has offered to care for grandchildren that do not even exist as of yet.

I can’t imagine anyone not taking care of a kid who needed taking care of without asking for payment, any more than I can imagine anyone in my family not taking care of another family member who needed financial help. It seems very strange, as though they are suddenly breaking an established social contract.” molly_the_mezzo

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Same. South Asian here. But Bangladeshi, not Indian. Our culture is literally mostly the same. This kind of crap works in western culture not here. If they want to get paid to babysit their own grandchildren then they should also be expected to pay their rent and other bills.” bbyillumi

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2. AITJ For Objecting To Changing Our Uniforms?

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“I work as a security guard. My team and I have traditionally worn a typical ‘police style’ uniform when on duty. We recently had a new site manager who wanted to change our image and impose one of those concierge-style uniforms with a blazer and tie despite all of us objecting as it is uncomfortable, impractical and we all hate the way it looks.

The manager told us the uniform change was coming whether we liked it or not because the one thing he cares about more than anything is presenting the right image.

So after we began wearing the new uniform, my team, at my instruction, began to deliberately make ourselves look as gross and slovenly as possible. For example, we would spill food and drink on our uniforms on purpose and not wash them or iron them prior to starting a shift. One guy made a point of wearing his uniform when he went to the gym and worked out before coming on duty so the uniform was crumpled, drenched in sweat, and reeking.

We would drag our blazers through dirt and mud and wear shirts half untucked. When I needed to sneeze I would openly, and in front of clients, sneeze into the tie I was wearing and loudly blow my nose into it like it was a handkerchief. Also, at the end of every shift when writing up our reports, each of us would always litter the report with mentions of how bad the new uniform was and how it made the job more difficult.

Complaints about our appearances skyrocketed and the site manager held an emergency meeting where he screamed at us and called us selfish jerks, but we refused to be cooperative so he was eventually let go because he couldn’t manage us effectively. Before he left, he told me I was the biggest piece of work he ever met for being the ringleader of this whole thing.

So I ask, AITJ for my actions.

I think no, but the fact that he was fired and has a family is the thing that makes me consider that maybe I am the jerk. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“Pretty unprofessional of you. YTJ.

You don’t make these decisions. He does. If you have a problem with it, talk to your manager. If they don’t oblige, then that’s how it goes.

If you really, really have a problem with a decision being made, you can inform your manager that you want to have a discussion on a higher level with him and his manager.

Then you raise the concern.

You never just take matters into your own hands. It isn’t your job. You could have just tried to make it work. If it doesn’t then flag what hasn’t worked and find solutions with your manager.

I guess him getting fired is alright because he in his position could or should have realized that a change can lead to confusion and he should have been more aware of that.

Also, being a new site manager means you’ll have to deal with older employees who just generally hate you at the beginning and think they know best. So he should have introduced the change differently.

You on the other hand, I would fire immediately as well for insubordination and unprofessionalism. You mishandled company property, didn’t file reports properly, abused your customers to complain, and ruined your company’s reputation.

For what? Because you didn’t like your little uniforms.

Your customers pay your salary. You should treat them with more respect. Maybe the uniform change was because your company needs to change its appearance because your competition is seen as more professional. Who knows? And this was what your company tried out. And one single stupid employee decided to become a drama queen.

So unprofessional.

Edit: customers not only pay your salary.

They pay EVERYONE’s salary. The guys in logistics, IT, and marketing. And you, having a customer-facing role, should be more aware of the impact you have on your company’s reputation and the effect this can have on everyone’s payroll. It isn’t the customer’s problem if you don’t like what you’re wearing. Solve your problems internally.” agbrau

Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but you more than the manager though.

I laughed at the fact that you saw the new style as a concierge type only when a shirt/blazer/tie is also seen used by bodyguards/secret services. Coming from someone who worked security, looking like a cop isn’t always the best look and is dependent on where your contract is, airport security, for example, is a normal place to look like a cop but again new uniform wouldn’t be out of place, working front desk security in a fancy hotel?

Yeah, I would prefer a blazer and a tie to Paul Blart mall cop.

Protesting in of itself about a uniform isn’t being a jerk, but purposefully soiling it before the start of shift and wearing it or wearing it at a gym, those are jerk moves. The manager should have looked more into how the uniform would affect morale and such but at the end of the day, your actions got him fired.” TheOGNekozilla

Another User Comments:
“YTJ.

Impractical? What are you guys exactly doing on a day-to-day basis that a blazer would be perceived as ‘impractical’?

I am a 911 dispatcher.

I talk to a lot of you guys and a LOT of you like to present as if you are an actual police force. To the extent that the people coming into direct contact with you guys have filed complaints because you all identify as if you’re part of the local police department. Just admit you like power. That’s the only reason you’d rather wear (I’m assuming) some sort of duty belt.

I know officers who have weighed themselves before duty belt/vest and after. It’s approximately 20+ extra pounds.

How is the extra weight of a duty belt more practical than a blazer when it sounds like you’re patrolling the premises, probably watching cameras, and handling ‘clients’? Like others have said- if the secret service and FBI can function with suits, what was stopping you all? Ohh that’s right your egos.

You could have handled this better. You make no mention of going through proper channels before declaring mutiny. The manager doesn’t sound like a ray of sunshine but I have a hard time relying solely on your take on him. If a uniform change is enough to make you tantrum, I would also assume you didn’t want to just find a new job because you know you’d never get away with whatever shenanigans you do here, elsewhere.

I’ve never spoken to one security guard that gets in the mix. They’ve all watched people’s cars get broken into or people get beat up while they call 911. And I don’t say that as a dig; that’s probably not what you’re trained to do. But it’s another reason why you don’t need to look like a cop.

My brother did security in an office building. He preferred the blazer,he felt it made him more approachable to employees and visitors.

They’d walk past actual officers to ask him questions and for help. He also said in the event of a pew pew incident it would be easier for him to blend in and get around than being a walking target bc he was dressed like a cop. This is a guy who was in the military and did multiple tours in Iraq so he has experience being a target.

Get over yourself.” ThrillaTortilla

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1. AITJ For Telling My Parents To Stop Drinking?

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“I am 21M and live with my parents 54F and 58M. They are really big drinkers. Every night around 5:30 pm they will start drinking. This will continue all night till around 9-10 pm when they go to sleep. In this period, they will have over 6 drinks and upwards of 10 every night – the weekends are worse. This isn’t behavior a fully grown adult should be engaging in on a regular basis.

My parents are extremely successful and live a very upper-class lifestyle. They are up most mornings at 6 am, exercising and heading out to work, even after a big night of drinking before. Just because they have a good life, doesn’t mean it’s ok to drink all the time.

I have tried on multiple occasions to tell them that their consistent drinking makes me uncomfortable. That I am worried for them and it isn’t healthy to be drinking every night.

A couple of times they committed to stopping – it never lasted more than a day. And they seem angry and make remarks like ‘we are having dinner early tonight because YOU don’t want us to drink.’

I tell them I frown upon their behavior at night when they are wasted. This not being able to form sentences and just sounding out of it, I then get told I’m the jerk and picked on for my past addiction problems.

Or I get to leave the house, because ‘they can do whatever they want in their own home’ (I am living at home still bc of serious medical issues I had over the last couple of years).

So last night my mum had too much to drink, she fell and cut her face because she could barely walk – this was at 8 pm after she was at a lunch event with friends.

They were driving under the influence last week. And I went off at them. I said that you need to look at yourself in the mirror – you are being jerks. You aren’t just risking your life, but others as well now. You are not able to see you have a big issue that’s impacting your life, but you won’t address it and push your internalized guilt onto anyone that calls you out.

Of course, this wasn’t received well and I was called the jerk. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“I was going to say YTJ until I got to the falling down and getting injured, and to the reckless driving. NTJ, they’re putting others in danger and actively harming themselves. However, in my culture we have a saying – don’t say something that won’t be heard, meaning you might want to help someone by pointing out that they’re doing something bad or wrong, but they can’t hear you or listen to you at this point in time.

Addicts are like that. They are not going to accept help until they’re ready to admit they need it. Let them reach rock bottom, stop helping, and stop covering for them. Be prepared to move out if you think you need to.” dont_forget_to_fly

Another User Comments:
“YTJ.

It’s your parents, you don’t dictate if they’re acting like adults or not because they ‘drink’, sounds like you’re over-exaggerating the story and lying about it because if they got completely wasted, in no way shape, or form are they’re waking up at 6 am and do their workouts and doing their everyday necessities.

Seems the only reason you’re uncomfortable with them drinking is because you had a past addiction as you stated and you’re probably tempted to go back into your addiction.

If they are driving under the influence that’s wrong of them but as I said, I think you’re over-exaggerating the story.

No one can drink until 2-3 am and wake up at 6, do their workouts, and end up having a successful business if they were overdrinking and getting wasted every night.

I’ve had nights where I’ve blacked out, been wasted, and managed to get up for work but not for a gym which I can’t go to regularly, I’m 21 and I can’t do that, your parents at age 58 won’t be able to do it as they would wake up with the biggest headache as the older you get, the worse your hangover, stop capping bruh.” User

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