People Open Up About Their "Evil Genius" Revenge Plots
48. Mean Truck Driver Gets A Wave Of Reality
“A few years ago, I was having to use a cane at times and needed to cross on a ferry. So, my husband listens to the ferry workers and parks how he’s supposed to. Then, a big truck pulls up beside us, almost over the lane line, and leaves me with almost no room to get out.
I open the door enough to squeeze out without touching their precious truck – the 4X4 that has never seen a speck of dirt – and the ferry rocks, cause the door I was holding open to slam into their door. The female driver gets out and starts screaming at me and my husband.
I injured my hip trying to get out from between the two vehicles – our $700 vehicle vs her $70,000.00 and she’s going ballistic. Finally, we lock the door to our car, take our kids and I limp away. After a while, I send hubby downstairs to get my cane cause the movement I had to do to get out of the car hurt me.
We both had tried to apologize, but nothing we said appeased her. She just got more livid.
End of the ferry trip and the ferry personnel were alerted about how insane this woman was. They offer to let her lane go first so that she’s out of our way to help us get off without more problems.
She decides not to leave with her lane and instead gets into it with both me and my husband. I stand behind our vehicle waiting for her to move so I can get into our car. Husband says that he will not tug his forelock on her and I tell her to enjoy her victimhood.
That’s when she really loses it. She finally decides to go forward, about three car lengths, crosses into our lane, and decides to reverse towards us.
That’s when I yell at her ‘Don’t even try it.’
See, I had about 20 witnesses and cameras to her antics. Didn’t matter what we did to try to defuse it, she was going crazy and she was about to commit vehicular assault with cameras, ferry personnel, and ferry passengers, all watching her.
She stopped her truck and finally decided to do the smart thing and leave. We had written down her license plate and heard from others that she had spent the entire trip in her precious vehicle to protect it.
We shortcut our route and visited a friend.
That’s where I got on the phone with the insurance company (gotta love monopolies) and found out that traveling on a ferry was a hazard and she – the driver of the truck – would not be compensated for any damage done by us because of the rocking of the ocean. I then called the RCMP and gave the license plate and model of the vehicle and said that the driver was being aggressive.”
47. Grandpa's Way Or The Highway
“My grandpa was a bit old school and gave me prison yard advice for my first week of school. He said, if anyone picks on you, just deal with them right then, don’t take it. The first week of Kindergarten, a grade 1 kid was pushing me around, not letting me go back to class.
I pushed him down against a fence and kicked him, splitting his nose. ALMOST got kicked out of school, until they found out my grandpa had told me to do it. Thing is, no one messed with me after and that guy was nice to me all the way through to graduation.”
Another User Comments:
“My grandad said something similar along the lines of ‘Don’t let anyone make a fool of you or walk all over you.’ Being a kid I took that advice too literally.
There was a day where we were playing ground hockey in PE class. There was this one kid called ‘Scott’ who would constantly wind me up and make racist remarks towards me, just in general be an obnoxious butthole.
When the session ended I was pretty vexed as it was and he made a remark that just pushed me over the edge, so I came up right behind him, and bear in mind I was a fairly large kid for my age and he was the complete opposite.
I then scared him using a wooden hockey stick, as my classmates looked on in horror.
Scott cried like a little jerk and of course, denied any remarks. Later on, an investigation pended, and he got suspended for racism as other classmates confirmed what he had said.
So not only did I scare a kid to tears, but I also got him suspended. Don’t really regret it looking back at it, I’d do it again.” jollycompanion
46. My Best Friend Ruined My Marriage, So I Ruined His Life
“My best friend had an affair with my wife. I spent 3 years getting back at him.
First, I worked with him. So I set him up by getting into his work computer and putting on massive amounts of malware. I then put tons and tons of naughty content on his computer.
I then turned him in anonymously to HR that I saw the naughty content on his computer. FIRED.
Then it was time to deal with my failed marriage. I beat the crap out of the guy when he set foot on my property (my ex was stopping over to talk, he had to make sure she was ok).
I continued to get my wife back by going back to our roots and making her fall in love with me again. Now he was single again (ugly mofo, yes I am ashamed that she would even leave me for him). Two months after she moved back in with me I kicked her to the curb.
I then created several accounts of girls who were borderline cute. Created an entirely false reality for one of them. The rest of the accounts were private but interacted with the main account. Fanned the same pages, and eventually made conversation. Set him up to come meet this girl.
Had a friend use calleridfaker.com and pretend to be the girl living in Alabama. He bought a plane ticket to visit this fake person…..
About a year later, he got another partner. They moved in together after 3 months. I stalked her to learn about this girl.
I eventually made conversation with her at a lounge (which I knew she’d be at). After just the third time of running into her at that spot (with just her friends), I started ‘seeing’ her. This went on for about 3 months until the day I told her my place wasn’t an option and had to go to hers.
FINALLY, I got in the jerk’s place. I hooked up with his partner in his bed, and she passed out after. I didn’t do too much for damage, but I cut the wires on all electronics in the entire apartment, peed on the couch. Took an upper decker in his toilet.
Unplugged the fridge. Took all of his video games, and the movies that were worth taking, and some other misc stuff that I found valuable. I left.
She called blaming me the next morning, I said they must have had a break-in and that I wasn’t sure if I had shut the door.
Blamed the dog for my mistake.
Now for the final step, have him walk in on me with her.
Back over at their place. Sneak her phone away and text him ‘911!!!!!’ I then powered down her phone. The timing was perfect.
I was hoping he would want to fight me, but he didn’t even attempt. I walked towards him (towards the door). He looked scared, I spat in his face and said ‘Now we are even mofo.'”
45. The Toilet Paper War
“When I was in elementary school, I enjoyed throwing wet toilet paper into the ceiling and watching it get stuck for days. One day, the principal finally said something about the situation because a janitor got injured trying to remove the paper from the ceiling and couldn’t come to work until he recovered.
The principal made an announcement, she threatened to kick out the student and made up lies, to scare the culprit (me) to confess the crime. She would say things like parents are going to jail, and we already know who it is, so if you confess now you will not get into that big of trouble.
I was young I didn’t know what to do. I was 7 years old at the time, so I didn’t say anything but I was nervous for a whole week.
Then I asked the principal if they caught the crook and she said ‘yes we did!’ with great pride.
Now that I know she was BSing the whole time, I had to take revenge because of the fear she instilled in me for the past week.
Another week later, during lunch recess, I went to the second-floor bathroom to commit the crime. I spammed the wall and ceiling with toilet paper, ripped out the toilet paper rolls and jammed it in the toilet and clogged all the toilets and flooded the bathroom and left the sink running, and quickly left the scene.
The next day at the start of school the principal had all the students rally up in the yard to address what had happened. The principal was flaming angry, she was cursing and legitimately threatening the culprit. She was so insistent on catching the criminal, she held up the students in the yard throughout the whole day, during lunchtime they had the cafeteria lady bring the lunch out to the students.
It was a really hot day, all the students were getting grilled alive. The teachers were not enjoying it, and another teacher in our school was complaining to the principal that this is too cruel for the students. She held us up till the last hour of school left and dropped the hunt.
We all went to our classroom, and my teacher was angry because she was stuck in the sun as well. So for the remaining hour, she just whined at the students and made some students cry in fear.
I intended to challenge the authority with my crime and I was livid at the humiliating trash talk the principal said about the culprit (me), so my pride as the criminal was hurt.
I didn’t want the students to get caught in the crossfire of my war against the principal, so I felt bad about that.
Another thing I felt bad about was that minutes after the act of my crime a kid needed to poop, but because the bathroom was clogged, he had to go to a different floor bathroom to poop in. He couldn’t make it in time, so as of result, he pooped his pants, and became the laughing stock for the next week. I felt bad, so I became his friend throughout the year.”
44. Pizza Delivery Scam Gone Wrong
“An ex of mine was unhappy about the breakup and decided that an act of good revenge would be to call pizza delivery services and cabs to my home in the dozens. All at the same time.
When the doorbell rang and I looked outside it looked like a union meeting or a protest of the pizza delivery and cab industry.
All of the guys were already discussing what was going on. There were cars parked all over the driveway and on both sides of the street. I didn’t count them but it sure looked like two to three dozen. She must have called every available company in the city.
So the designated spokesperson who rang my doorbell asked straight forward if I am nuts or if this is a bad joke. All these angry faces staring at me and waiting for an explanation about what was going on. Some of them already calling their boss and talking about suing me.
We stared at each other for a couple of seconds with awkward silence and then I started to explain that I did not call any of them. Then the spokesperson asked me if I had any idea who had called them…then it clicked and I remembered my ex who was pretty mad at me for breaking up with her.
I told them briefly about the breakup which happened a couple of days before and that this would be the only person I could imagine who could have a beef with me and also knew where I lived.
So they asked If I had her address, which I gave them without thinking about it twice.
These guys wanted money for the cab fare, for the pizzas, and were talking about suing me … so I just reacted.
I never thought too much about that incident other than to tell a funny story about breakups gone wrong.
Until I heard a couple of years later (from a common friend) that all of the drivers went directly to her address to complain.
They ended up suing her which led to a conviction for fraud and ended up with a huge legal bill for her and a conviction which then afterward got her fired from her job.
That was the point where I started to feel really bad about my decision to tell them her home address without thinking about the consequences.
After all, I was the one who broke up with her so she had a valid point about being mad at me. The way she decided to get back at me was not the foxiest. But I have to admit she was not the brightest candle in the chandelier, which was the main reason I broke up with her in the first place.”
43. Employees Plot Revenge Against Cruel Manager
“Back in the day, I worked for a movie rental company as a manager. I was hired by a friend of mine whose wife was ill. He was the store manager and not too popular with the corporate people. Ours was the only movie rental store in the area and we were constantly busy.
We knew a great number of our customers by first names.
We were really busy and always understaffed. At times, my friend and I would clock out and work overnight with his wife helping. And still not be caught up! We put much of ourselves and our time to keep that store going.
Dedicated? YOU make the call!
Introduce our regional manager, the jerk. Always scheming, always looking for cracks in the works. He would ask about our working relationships, trying to start drama. No one liked him. Always calling meetings and wasting time about BS that other stores were doing better.
That one fateful day, my friend was opening the store and his wife called. The worst of news… he calls me and I run to the store to finish the morning opening. An hour later, the jerk shows up. Once he learns the situation of the morning, he calls my friend and fires him over the phone.
Company policy prevented him from leaving for any reason short of a store fire. All of us employees were disgusted.
I planned my leaving with great joy and aimed for near a Christmas weekend, the busiest time of the year. That ultra-busy night, I bought drinks for all my employees, gave freebies to customers, any complaint was met with an apology and a free movie rental.
After everyone had left for the night, I crept back in. I restarted the computer system. The company kept track of all the missing or stolen items on a single list. They used this list to threaten lawsuits and harass people about mounting late fees if they didn’t pay to replace.
This company was outrageously guilty of harassing people. So with a maniacal grin and constant chortling, I checked in every item that was missing. There were so many items, it took me a bit over 4 hours of typing. The oversight of this company was that, once the item was checked in, all record of it missing was deleted from the system.
The perfect crime? I agree. I slept soundly, peacefully, best sleep in ages.
What I missed was that a report was submitted to corporate informing them of the revenue increase they can expect from all the items newly found. About the time I wake up and am about to call and inform all that I quit, I get a call.
Another manager calling to ask if the computers were working the night before? Confused, I agree to come to an emergency meeting for all managers. The jerk informs us that there was a ‘system malfunction’ and all the info from the weekend’s activities had been lost.
All reports of the weekend profits, gift card sales, lost items, miscellaneous comments to corporate… all lost. Did I accidentally awesomely destroy our computer system in my madness the night before? No. After the meeting was over, I gave the butthead the ol’ verbal middle finger and declared that I couldn’t work in a store so poorly run.
I walked next door to get a drink where he confronted me about sabotaging his store and stealing moolah. I told him honestly that if it were me, you would never know. So how did they know? What happened? A couple of fellow employees came to see me.
I was told that the manager opening the store that morning had planned her revenge along the same lines I had. I guess she had a better understanding of their computers and networking and wires and chips and stuff. She turned in her two weeks that morning after I quit since I was looking so guilty of the crime.
The resolution was them harassing me, threatening court action, and jail time if they ever proved anything. After a few years, the company went out of business. I even got a letter that I could join in a class-action lawsuit against them for unfair practices. I laughed so hard but declined… I’m not evil.”
42. Don't You Dare Make Fun Of My Little Brother
“I was 8 or 9 standing in the candy aisle at the local Walmart with my 5-year-old brother. He was born with a significant bald spot on the top of his head (scar tissue from a burst cyst) and had corrective surgery at the age of 3 which still left him with a hefty jagged scar.
While waiting for him to pick out his treat, two women (I had no scope for age at the time but I would put them in their 40s and old enough to know better) stopped behind us and started making fun of my little brother’s head.
To the point, he starts crying, uncontrollably. I grabbed his hand and pulled him away just in time to run into a store clerk. She asked what was wrong, and rather than tell her the truth, I told her I thought I saw one of the women put something in her purse without paying for it.
For some reason, I knew this would cause them more trouble than just ‘they were mean to my brother.’
The clerk called security and the women were escorted to the customer service desk at the front of the store, yelling about how they were going to sue.
Lo and behold both women had unpaid products in their bags and coats… Cops were called, my mom kept telling me how proud she was of me and my brother kept looking at me with some confusion and awe. He knew I had lied, but somehow I was right. I still kind of feel bad that I accused someone of theft and got them arrested…”
41. Send Me A Rude Letter? I'll Call You Out In Class
“I had a letter mailed to my office, as in paid postage etc, that was basically threatening me, saying I better stop handing out Cs and Ds or ‘word on the street’ was going to be that I was a bad teacher and no one would take my class and I’d be out of a job.
I had a pretty good idea of who it was, obviously immediately ruled out all the students doing well in my classes, but didn’t think direct accusations would be really effective anyway.
I decided to take it to each of my three classes and turn it into a lesson on faulty rhetoric.
My expectations were exceeded when I began to read the letter out loud and without fail, each class erupted in laughter and exclaimed things like ‘what a jerk!’ before I could even weigh in.
The kid I suspected the most definitely sat slumped in his chair without much to say that day.”
40. Mess With Me And I'll Have Everyone Turn Against You
“I suffered a lot of bullying due to being fat and socially adapted to adult situations instead of children because of my young interest in science and math. I resolved to figure out how it was that bullies came out on top, and after a few years, I got it: fear and social force multiplication.
I was sent away to summer camps (I was always getting sent away somewhere and held against my will – a recurring theme) and I was always the new kid and always fat so I was always the butt of the jokes, for many years.
Well, new summer, new camp, this time it’s going to be different!
Same crap. Extreme invasions of my privacy in the group showers particularly bothersome. To avoid these unwanted intrusions, I started skipping meals to take showers undisturbed. This worked for a while until another kid caught on and decided he would do it too.
This kid comes into the shower where I’m trying to enjoy some solitude and starts yapping.
Yap yap yap about this and that and me and blah blah blah. I tell him to shut the heck up, and he starts making jokes about me. Particularly, he called me smelly while I was taking a shower! This just got under my skin, and I told him for the umpteenth time to shut up or I would ruin him.
He laughed off my threat and I knew it was time for some serious crap.
Up until this point, I was not ‘cool.’ This was the day I became cool.
I called a meeting of all the boys in our year except for ‘Stinker’ (as we’ll call him) and I announced that it was OPEN SEASON on this guy.
That meant anything that happened to him, I would step up and take the blame when the adults showed up and someone had to get in trouble. The only thing containing this group of sadistic animals was the threat of getting in trouble, and since I was willing to get in trouble for anything they did, it really unleashed them.
The first night, to show I was serious, I waited until Stinker was asleep, then in front of all the other boys, I dumped honey on him and his bed. Obviously, he didn’t sleep very well that night! I slept like a baby because no one would mess with me after seeing that.
I was a hero to them that day.
The next night, more tormenting. Talcum powder, saucy chicken wings, shampoo – and those were just the things I saw. Having seen that I was serious, the boys really let loose on Stinker. His stuff was defaced or misplaced.
On one of the later nights, he was dragged into the forest – I wasn’t there for that one. There’s a rotation of pain on this kid, and no one is letting him get any sleep.
On day four or five, he comes to me to BEG me to make it stop.
Obviously out of the question, and sort of out of my hands. I tell the boys, and they get even more vicious. I am basically the king of camp at this point.
Things continue to get worse for Stinker, as he is kept from being able to sleep a single wink, and his every waking moment is lived in twitchy fear.
They messed with his food, they messed with his stuff, they messed with his schedule, there’s nothing out of bounds – they really messed with him!
He lost hope around day 7 and could be seen shambling through camp with sunken eyes. No one ever insulted me again for the rest of my camp career with those boys.
They loved me. Also, since I had declared open season and accepted all blame and responsibility, it was actually impossible for me to get in trouble because it was clear I wasn’t even there for the stuff I was accepting guilt for. Even things I did do, I couldn’t be held accountable for.
I never once got in trouble during this time.
On day 8, he was seriously in pain, and I realized that things had gone a little too far. I called a meeting with the boys and told them we had done enough, and it was time to let him sleep.
We agreed he had ‘learned his lesson’ and it wasn’t fun anymore.
When I went to tell him it was over, he didn’t trust me and thought it was just another cruel trick (like so many others) but I reassured him I had put an end to it and he could go to bed.
I’m glad I put a stop to it.
His fear of me never went away, and there was a point later where I got in trouble for some unrelated crap (different story) and he was called as a sort of witness against me because they heard a few rumors about what happened.
When the Admins asked Stinker about the tormenting he had suffered at my hands, he replied ‘Him? No no no you got it all wrong! We’re best friends! He’d never do something like that! haha! You must have heard wrong…’ Later that day he came to me to make sure I found his testimony acceptable: ‘I did good, right? We’re good, right?’
I regret those days, but I was a trapped animal and I had no escape. After years of suffering, I was able to make it stop, but only by transferring it to someone else. I learned an important lesson I’ll never forget.
And I finally got to take my showers undisturbed.”
39. Be Mean To Me? I'll Ruin Your Picture Day
“My then high school significant other was a total bee with an itch, and wanted me to abandon all of my friends, would always try to bring me down, etc.
When I got fed up, I broke up with her on picture day. She took them, but her mascara was everywhere. Two days later, I told her that I was sorry, blah blah, and I wanted to get back together. She liked having someone to walk with, so of course, she said yes.
I then broke up with her again on retake day. Freaking nailed it.”
38. A Fishy Prank War
“When I was in college, my friends down the hall in the dorm had a fish tank. One day, E’to the fish died (they were super into Fifa at the time) and they thought it would be funny to put the dead fish on my pillow for me to find when I come back after class.
But I didn’t come back to my room that day…I went to a friend’s house and didn’t get back to my room and the rotting fish on my pillow until two days after they placed it. I was angry… The prank war had begun…
What is the next logical step in this prank war, you might ask? Well, it’s a no-brainer…
When they were in class the next day, I put their fish tank on the floor, dropped down, and pinched an 8″ loaf of my finest man-turd into the fishbowl. It sunk directly to the bottom and the fish began to devour my excrement. One man’s trash is another fish’s treasure.
I only wish I had been there to see their faces when they found it. Apparently, it went something like this: ‘SOMEONE POOPED IN THE FISH TANK!!! OH. MY. GOD. HE POOPED IN THE FISH TANK!!!’
I was no longer allowed to play Fifa…”
37. My Roommate Was Gross So I Creeped Him Out
“I had a roommate for a couple of years in college. One of the worst people I’ve met. He didn’t shower, wash his clothes, and I found out he didn’t have a toothbrush for the two years I lived with him so he didn’t brush his teeth.
He failed his classes and didn’t have a job, but always talked about how much smarter he was than anyone else. He ate my food and would throw fits if I watched something he didn’t like on TV, but I was the one paying for cable.
I put up with him way too long because I thought that was the nice thing to do, and some of the stuff didn’t bother me. The moolah he owed me started racking up, and I found out he hadn’t been paying rent for months and making up stories about his mom being sick so the landlord wouldn’t hassle him too much about it.
I finally snapped and decided to get even with him, I’d have to be as bad as him. I played music really loud when I knew he and his partner had important things to do in the morning, to the point that one night she threw chairs at me and they both threatened me.
This only strengthened my resolve. Sometimes late at night, I’d knock on his door to wake him up and read random bible scriptures or excerpts from Lord of the Rings. I’d hide in places around the apartment and jump out and scare him. He’d always jump like he wanted to hit me, and I’d act insane and tell him to.
When I saw him in public I’d act really nice to him, like we were great friends. This went on for months. I made him break down crying a couple of times. He was just confused at what I was doing and was completely terrified of me.
I got him to pay me back all my dough, but I didn’t stop. I just did weirder things. I found him on message boards he visited and sent weird things or song lyrics or whatever would be the most confusing. I followed him into a bar bathroom once and put my hands on his shoulder as he peed and told him that I have many spies and I’ll always be watching him.
He abandoned the apartment to live with his partner but kept paying rent until our lease was up. He’s told my friends that I am insane and he still thinks I’m stalking him. I left random notes in books of his so if he opens them years from now there are messages from me.
To this day, I’ll see him around town and I’ll still do weird things and he runs away from me. It’s been 3 years, and he is still terrified of me and thinks I’m stalking him. I don’t really regret any of it, it was a lot of fun. I question what is wrong with me that I was so good at, and enjoyed so much, torturing someone like that.”
36. Moms Rule The World
“About 4 years ago, I found out my husband of ten years was hooking up with a girl he went to high school with. (It should be noted that they never previously saw each other or hooked up because, according to him, she was seeing more than one dude at a time).
At this time, I was a full-time student and he was financially supporting us and our toddler. When I found out, I flipped crap, understandably. He called me a psycho and decided he wanted to leave me for her. So I quit school for a year, worked two jobs, paid for the divorce, and supported our child by myself.
I ended up supporting myself through school, graduating with honors, landing my dream job, and generally kicking butt on my own. He, on the other hand, has been on employment insurance on several times, lives in a crappy trailer park with his tarty partner, and generally is a loser.”
35. Disney Isn't Always The Happiest Place In The World
“A long time ago I worked at the Disney resorts as Lake Patrol. We drove around in boats and made sure everyone followed the safety guidelines for the rental boats on the lake. Everyone I worked with was awesome except for one guy. He was a jerk of epic proportions who was so delusional and self-absorbed that he didn’t realize that his co-workers held him in abysmally low regard and were just too nice to say anything.
In his mind, I believe he thought of himself as the ‘cool jerk friend’ of the group when in reality only the middle word could be used to describe him objectively.
He messed with me on a constant basis and got me in trouble with the boss on numerous occasions.
One slow day as I sat on the boat I noticed a huge dead bass floating by me. I scooped it up and put it in my boat, covering it with a towel, and finished off my shift.
Later that night, I sneaked back to work and placed the giant dead fish onto the seat of his boat.
To commemorate this vengeance, I took a bunch of pictures and left.
The following morning, the jerk coworker had to lead an in-service (part of continued training) with a bunch of the newbie lifeguards from surrounding resorts which I decided to join for the sole purpose of seeing his face when he got to his boat.
I expected him to bemoan the smell that the fish would leave on his seat and toss the fish back into the lake. I thought he would simply be angry that he would have to scrub the seat of his boat. That was not what happened.
Upon reaching his boat, he flips his lid. He rants about how this is a death threat and harassment and how he personally knows FBI agents that he was going to call upon to investigate the fish corpse rotting on his seat. The whole time, half of the lifeguards present for the in-service are shrinking away in fear of his rant while the other half do their best to hold in laughter.
His epic overreaction is something that gives me satisfaction even now, nine years later.
Because of this, I decide to not keep the pictures of the fish private. The following evening, I proceed to print out a bunch of them, and I tape them around the office.
When he came in the next day and saw those pictures I could see in his face the moment he realized that everyone thought he was a jerk. Shortly thereafter I told everyone except for him that it was in fact I who left the fish on his boat. No one ever informed him that it was me.”
34. A Not So Friendly Pat On The Back
“A million years ago I worked in a large clothing store. This one girl I worked with would slap you on the back or pinch your arm or whatever as if it was a friendly gesture. It hurt. I don’t know if she was pretending to be nice, or was simply stupid, but it was very unwelcome and I imagine I told her so but honestly don’t remember anymore.
What I do remember is….. one day, I’m heading up the escalator and there she is ahead of me. So I walk up and as I’m going past her I give her the hardest ‘friendly’ slap on the back I could. I may have gone a little overboard as she almost fell forward and definitely gasped in surprise.
I don’t think she ever came within arms reach of me again.”
33. Mean Sister? Pee In Her Shampoo Bottle
“My sister used to beat me up, steal my birthday moolah, call me mean slurs in front of friends and girls I liked. When mom went shopping for Xmas my sister would tell her to buy me these horrible clothes to make me look the part. Pretty much was just a total bee with an itch to me. So every time I had to pee in the shower, I’d pee in her shampoo and body wash all over her razor, body sponge thing, everything. Eff you, Vanessa.”
32. Disobey The Rules? Get Detention Or Drink Your Own Spit
“A lot of the guys in my high school would do chew crop during school. Most of the teachers would just roll their eyes, tell them to spit it out and confiscate the rest. A couple of teachers were known for punishing teens who were doing it (it’s so gross and spitty and brown) and would go as far as suspending them for it.
One of those teachers enjoyed messing with her students. If she realized you were chewing the ‘bacco, she’d give you an out. You could either admit to it and get sent to the office for disciplinary action OR you could drink from the spit bottle that you were pretending was a drink.
I saw too many classmates try to avoid punishment by taking a big swig, only to rush off to the bathroom to vomit. Can’t say they didn’t know the risk before they walked in though.”
Another User Comments:
“I had a teacher who threatened something similar…
If you were caught chewing bubblegum you had to spit it into an old lunch box he kept on a shelf….and then take out a random old piece of bubblegum and chew it for the rest of the class…only saw it happen once though.” DaeMon87
31. I Made My Bully Eat Clay
“At school, we knew this kid called David who was in our class who was alright but a bit of a jerk at the same time. He used to always punch us in the arm if we angered him and it usually hurt. Or he just decked us if he was showing off to the girls he fancied.
One day during art class, my other friend and I decided it would be funny if we rolled up some clay into small balls, dipped them into the sand to coat them with it, put them into a small white paper bag, and pretended they were candy.
Outside we go up to David and tell him we’ve just tried these chocolate truffles we bought which tasted amazing and handed him the bag of sand-coated clay balls and asked him if he wanted to try some. Being the idiot he was, he said he loved truffles and grabbed three of them and shoved them in his mouth without hesitation.
This is the point where it would erupt. Naturally, we assumed there would be an instant reaction to this resulting in him spitting it out, but it took about 5 seconds of munching for his taste buds to kick in. As soon as he realized what he just shoved in his mouth, we heard this sound only described as ‘vomiting from the nose.’ We saw him regurgitate it out of his mouth, but this was then followed by the noise of someone attempting to throw up. Eventually, he spews his guts all over the floor in front of half the school and everyone starts laughing at him.
I went home that day with a dead arm.”
30. If You're Going To Be A Jerk, Don't Leave Your Candy In Plain Sight
“I was at camp and there was this one really obnoxious kid who kept getting on everyone’s nerves. He was a know-it-all and a tattletale. So one night we’re in the bunk area and it’s just me and this other guy that had the bunk across from me.
The little jerk had left a giant bag of Twizzlers open on his bed that was still about 3/4 full. The guy across from me noticed the Twizzlers, hopped down off his bunk, and said ‘watch this.’ He then proceeds to take every Twizzler and rub his groin with them. An hour later, when the kid came back I had to leave because I couldn’t hold in my laughter at the sight of that little jerk eating his Twizzlers.”
29. I Proved That There Was Nothing Honorable About These Honors Kids
“As an English teacher struggling through Macbeth with a bunch of ‘honors’ students, I would give them daily translation exercises, in which they would rewrite the Shakespearean text in plain, modern English, in their own words. I did, however, say they could use internet sources if they got really stuck on a particular word or phrase.
However, they still had to rewrite it in their own words. This was reiterated in the direction lines of the translation worksheets.
Three of my darling ‘honors’ students, also National Merit Scholars and National Honors Society members, handed in three pages worth of translations blatantly plagiarized from the aforementioned website.
Like they didn’t even try to change a word here and there; they just straight-up copied it.
So I did exactly what I said I would do in the syllabus: I handed the papers back with big fat zeros on them.
Oh, talk about Pandora’s box. The phone calls.
The emails. The threats. One of the students came up and literally screamed at me, calling me a ‘freaking idiot’ and accusing me of lying about her ‘because she was half Colombian’ (???).
A conference was called. The parents assembled. I presented them with copies of their kids’ handwritten translations, with the plagiarized text highlighted.
I went through each one of their translations and sat there and highlighted every word because I wanted to make a point to these entitled adults and their horrible, lying, no-integrity-having children. They came in thinking they were going to nail my butt to the wall on this or that ridiculous loophole. They said next to nothing to me.
And their kids kept their Fs.”
28. Lie To Me? I'll Get With The Girl You Lied To Me About
“When I was in college (2006), I was in a long-distance relationship with my high school significant other (let’s call him Bob). We had a pretty dysfunctional relationship.
One day, while I’m studying for finals, I get a message from his roommate who is telling me that Bob is two-timing me with some girl.
(He wasn’t doing it out of kindness. He was mad at Bob for something and used it as revenge). I initially don’t believe it, but the girl (let’s call her Betty) gets in touch with me and shows me some stuff he left at her house.
Bob of course denies the whole thing and drives 2 hours to my dorm. It was a whole dramatic mess.
Anyway, it turns out Bob was seeing this girl and MOVED IN WITH HER. She had no idea about me. He was using her more than anything, which is worse.
Stupid me wants to work it out, so we continue a long-distance relationship. Betty ended up moving to the city where I was attending college shortly after. We ended up meeting and hanging out, and really hit it off. Bob is confused but he lives 2 hours away in our hometown and doesn’t have much of a say because he’s the lying butthead.
After a few weeks of hanging out, Betty and I finally hook up together and I confirm my suspicion that I am a woman who likes to play for both teams. I end up basically seeing her and Bob at the same time. Bob ends up finding out, drama drama drama.
I still call up Betty on and off for a few years between partners and distance.
I didn’t do it out of revenge – I actually did fall in love with Betty.
Bob and I aren’t together anymore, but Betty did come to my wedding last fall!”
27. Don't Mess With The Kid With A Black Belt
“It was 7th grade and I was a tiny little white girl living in the inner city. Being a Marine brat and being so tiny, by age 10 I was a black belt in karate. However, no one at school knew. My bully was twice my size, a boy, and made my life a living nightmare the entire year.
My mom went to the school repeatedly to get something done but nothing was ever done. Fast forward to the last few weeks of school. We are in class watching Babe. He’s sitting behind me calling me a tart, and other mean things, etc. I have enough and get up and get into his face and ask him to repeat it to which he replies ‘I called your mom a tart, must be where you get it from.’ I slap him and he just sits there in disbelief.
I go to turn and he gets this bright idea to put me in a headlock. Big mistake, that’s one of the first defenses we learn how to get out of. I get out of the headlock and hurt him badly. The teacher was screaming and him on the floor.
I walked to the principal’s office where they called my mom and I sat there freaking out because I’m like crap, I’m in so much trouble…Nope, she walked in and gave me a high five and told them if they suspended me, she would return with her lawyer because she gave them every opportunity to stop him. He was suspended for the rest of the year.
He never messed with another person again in middle school…”
26. Bully Me? I'll Delete All Your Schoolwork
“There was this guy in biology class during secondary school, let’s call him Matt.
One of my relatives had died pretty tragically that year and my dad had gone through several operations that almost killed him. So basically, the stress of it and having to make sure that my mom was okay caused me to go back a year (which I’m glad I did).
I kept the reasons for me going back a year a secret from everyone because I’ve never been one to play my violin in public (though I think some people knew that my dad was sick).
Matt wouldn’t quit making jokes about me going back a year.
He spent the better part of 2 years basically insulting me and throwing jabs about it at me. Inside and outside class, he just wouldn’t quit calling me this dumb person or some equally thinly veiled insult. Every bloody day I’d have to deal with this irritating guy just blurting these insults at me and life was hard enough as it was.
Well, one day he left his computer account open. He’d been doing his English work on it, this piece of work accounted for a good part of his overall English mark. 30-40%, something like that. Also on his drive was a ton of drama coursework and other bits of schoolwork.
It was towards the end of the year and thus all the deadlines for the assignments and coursework.
I thought about it. Pondered pasting a picture of a giant something inappropriate or something into his drive. But I guess I got a cruel sensation over me, this guy really had made my life pretty crappy.
I just deleted everything. Everything I could find. Schoolwork, emails, pictures, documents, everything. My entire physics class watched me do this, and I’m really surprised that none of them tried to stop me or anything. Even the Teacher knew what was happening and I still don’t get why she never told anyone.
Most of them shared the same biology class with me and him so I guess they sort of witnessed the crap Matt kept saying to me. Matt had no idea who did it, and not me, or anyone else apparently had the inclination to tell him about it.
He blamed it on IT but they couldn’t retrieve the files (I’d been darn thorough). He had to rush through everything that he’d done before the final deadlines. He had so little time and I got some peace from all the taunting for a week or so.
Well. Cut forward 6 months and Matt got seriously bad grades in all his A-levels. He didn’t even get a pass mark for English. He didn’t get the grades needed to get into the university he wanted. In the end, he had to go to a pretty sub-par college.
Not sure how responsible I am for that. He was really lazy and managed to find all this time to interfere with me but I reckon I at least partially contributed to this.
I don’t regret it looking back on it. He really got on everyone’s nerves, not just mine.
And yes, what I did was wrong (I admit it) but this guy was just a plain jerk when he was at school. He was disruptive, distracting and everyone was sick of it.
He calmed down eventually. In the end, he had his own reasons for attention-seeking behavior.
He had his own trials, so however much of a jerk he was back then, he had his reasons. He wasn’t right to be such a jerk but I understand why he was like that.
I’ll probably buy him a drink the next time I see him, might even admit that I was the one who did it. He’s still a jerk but he’s kinda reined it in a bit.”
25. Magically Ace My Test? Time For You To Teach The Class
“My friend was a professor for years. He told me this one last year:
A group of lousy, talkative students started acing the weekly tests in the seminar periods. We’re talking marginally passing to a sudden spike of consistent 100%. He figured out that they had a friend who was in an earlier seminar period in the week feeding them the questions before they took it themselves.
He emailed them, and instead of busting them, asked them to teach the whole class on their newfound study habits. He made them all stand in front of the class and ‘teach’ how they study. The whole lesson was a load of crap and was plainly visible to everyone.
Then for the next test, he rotated the questions for their seminar time. The whole group got 0/10 across the board.
He emailed them again and plainly said, ‘Guess those study habits need some tweaking, huh?'”
24. I Punched My Bully And He Got In Trouble
“A kid two years older than me used to bully me all the time when I was in the third grade. He’d just walk/stand by me and talk crap.
One day, he was following me out the back of the school to the park just saying mean things.
I wasn’t an athletic kid and knew I wouldn’t be able to outrun him when I did this but I just freaking had to. So in the middle of one of his taunts, I just turned around and decked him in the face with as much strength as I could muster considering I was also about to run.
He ended up chasing me down, picking me up by my backpack, and throwing me. I didn’t know this at the time but the Principal who I was really tight with was on yard duty that day and witnessed his retaliation but not my attack. She was furious and took him back to the campus and called his parents.
A week later I was eating breakfast in the cafeteria alone and he came inside and sat across from me. He sat there looking down at his tray in silence for a second before saying, ‘you hit me pretty good.’ Another moment passed in silence before he said ‘I got suspended for a week. My mom made me clean the house.’ We then ate in silence until the bell rang.”
23. Make Fun Of Me? I'll Make Fun Of Your Mom
“When I was little my friends kept pointing at the little girl on the box of the board game Operation and saying it looks like me. So I pointed at the big fat guy and said ‘that’s your mom’ and didn’t realize she was behind me.”
Another User Comments:
“So all through elementary and middle school there was this girl who had some kind of strong feelings for me and I can’t quite pin down what those feelings were and I don’t think she could either but I don’t think it was affection or attraction or anything like that because she turned out to be a lesbian and I’m a dude.
But anyway, she would be staring at me, and my friends would bring it to my attention. I’d glance over at her and she’d grunt and turn her head as if she were disgusted with me but she’d keep staring out of the corner of her eye.
Anyway, I mostly tried to ignore her but she occasionally tried to start crap with me and I can’t say I was always graceful about it, but I never picked on her or anything. But this one time she was at a table that was kind of up against a wall and her back was to the wall.
A couple of other kids were sitting next to her, and I was trying to get past them so I could grab a book off a shelf. She has her hair up in a ponytail, and I bat it with my hand and make a boop noise.
Would have done it to anybody who was sitting there at the time. I was just being playful and stupid. But she hisses and grabs her hair, and I throw my hands up and apologize and she turns her head back around and I think it’s over.
The next morning I come into school, two teachers pull me out of class and say that this girl’s mom had come into school that morning and said that this girl had come to her crying telling her that I ripped a chunk of her hair out and that I would pinch her and hit her and she lived in constant fear of me.
I was like, um what? The teachers knew she was full of crap because it was a small class and I had never touched this girl. But they told me to just completely ignore her and not interact with her at all, don’t get close to her, don’t respond to her if she says anything to me, etc.
So later that day my mind is still blown by this whole thing and I’m furious that there’s a woman out there who thinks I physically and emotionally attack her daughter on a regular basis. So naturally, I tell my friends and half my class. They’re all sitting across from me and I have my back facing the room.
I think the room is otherwise empty, so I’m just giving them all the deets talking about how ludicrous it all is, how everybody knows it’s bullcrap, and my friends are all looking at me with their eyes wide and their mouths open. I think it’s because they think the story is as crazy as I think it is, but then finally somebody tells me to turn around.
This girl’s mom would occasionally come in as a kind of assistant and help grade papers. Anyway, she was like three feet away from me doing just that while I was rambling talking trash about her and her crazy daughter. So I turn around and make eye contact, and for a sec I feel like I’m caught, but then I’m thrilled because this woman just got my side of the story completely candid.
But she looks at me like this is the end for me, and says she’s gonna tell my teachers everything, and I say ‘oh thank god please do,’ and she looks baffled and furious.
Anyway, she goes to the teachers later and tells them that she overheard me talking about how I had never picked on her daughter like I’ve been caught red-handed and this is the proof she needed. But my teachers are like ‘no, if anything that’s more proof that your kid is full of crap, but we already knew that.’
It was a minor triumph but I’m still living in the afterglow of that one.” GonzoBalls69
22. Bullied Me When We Were Kids? I'll Steal Your Man
“I started hanging out with a guy because we had a class at college and would study together since we lived a block away from each other. One day, he told me he’d mentioned me to his partner, and she knew me – we had gone to kindergarten through third grade together.
I remembered her name… She was a little jerk back then, bullied the crap out of me. I’m talking about dumping juice on my head if I sat in the eating area, chasing me down and jumping on my back and then kicking me until I cried, spreading rumors that I was homeless and creepy, etc.
It was horrible.
So I replied to him, ‘Oh yeah! What did she say??’ and he just kinda shut up. I probed a little – ‘Oh did she say something bad? She didn’t like me much back then…’ to which he responded that yeah, she had some bad things to say, told him that he shouldn’t hang out with me because I’m super creepy, and then told him all this garbage that I used to do.
Well, that did it for me. The guy and his partner had been in a relationship for something like 3 years, and I seduced the heck out of him. After the class was over, there was one afternoon where he fell asleep after sleeping with me, so I took a picture with his phone of him sleeping, with me sitting next to him with a big smile on my face and giving a thumbs-up sign. I sent it to her with a message saying something like ‘Salutations!’ Then I left and never saw him again.”
21. Good Luck Passing From The Failing Student
“Okay, so back in high school my last class of the day was algebra. I was (still am) horrible at it and I relied on my good friend to tutor me to get me through since the teacher wasn’t all that great either. Every quarter she’d change the seating arrangements and when she’d give out assignments and tests, she’d just tell us to put them on the back table.
Keep that in mind.
So after the first quarter, I was seated next to these two girls who kept spending most of the period on their phones, talking, walking out of class, getting detentions left and right, basic delinquent stuff. They had a small posse of other troubled kids who often got into fights on campus.
During our midterms, I overheard them planning to steal the answer sheet from the teacher’s desk and copying from it. I didn’t think they’d actually do it, but on that day one of the girls had gotten up to distract the teacher while the other snatched the answers, took a picture, then put it back.
It got me furious because I was trying so hard and failing while these chicks were winging it and sailing by.
The breaking point was when I caught them copying off of my friend’s papers. Just taking it after she’d turn it in and copying all of it.
I had waited for everybody to leave class then I told the teacher about them being sneaky. Didn’t work. I told my friends about it and THEY told the teacher, didn’t work.
Finally, these girls resorted to copying me. I already had a failing grade at this point and it was the end of the semester, so I let them copy everything.
Every. single. wrong. answer. Their grades sank like the Titanic and it became apparent that something was fishy to the teacher. Cue me reporting them one last time, then the teacher makes a public announcement the next day that she ‘caught’ students ing. The girls were ready to poop themselves then and there.
On the last week of school, the girls disappeared. I heard that they were both taken out of their classes by police and never seen again, save for one of them causing a brawl in the science labs. They were expelled that same week. I never told anybody about it until after I had graduated out of fear of retaliation, but I felt a bit bad that I had essentially ruined their academic lives for them. I retook algebra the next year and passed, so that’s a win.”
20. Jealousy Can Ruin A Person's Reputation
“I was kind of a nerdy girl, I liked video games, I was in band, but around 8th grade, I went from being kind of tall and lanky to quite pretty…I never noticed, (really, I had ugly duckling syndrome) but apparently, the boys did. So, this new girl came to our school that year, and I, knowing what it’s like to be new and friendless, tried to befriend her.
Everything was fine for a few weeks, then I guess she got a crush on a boy and said the boy told her that he had always wanted to be with me. I wasn’t at all interested in this boy because he was a bully and well, that just has never been a turn-on for me!
Anyway cut to me in the bathroom washing my hands before lunch, and her pushing me up against the paper towel dispenser threatening to beat me up if I ever came near ‘her man’ (lol, 8th graders), I went straight to the principal and told them that she was scaring me and I didn’t even know she had a BF.
She got in trouble, got even angrier, and tried to hurt again, so this time my mother got involved, and it goes on until she gets expelled. Then on my first day as a freshman in high school, she sees me on my way out to meet my mom and she spits on my shoes and tells me I’d better run, so I run for my life, dive into my mom’s car, and scream, ‘Drive, Drive, Driiiive!!!’ After that, the high school principal must’ve done something because the harassment ended there.
Cut to 8 years later. I’m the manager of a major staffing company in our town, she comes in, and interviews with me for a job. Needless to say, she never got the job or any from my company ever. Darn, did it feel good!”
19. Bad Teacher Finally Gets Fired
“In my school, there was this IT teacher who wasn’t exactly great at his job. Used to just drone on about useless stuff like ‘how come the mouse cursor on the screen leans to the left and not the right’ then got really upset if you asked him if you could actually learn something.
Anyway, when it came to our exam season (We were doing GCSEs at the time) our course was divided into a written exam and then a massive lump of coursework that we had to work on throughout the year. As you can imagine people wanted to walk in, sit down and get on with it.
With this guy, however, you weren’t even allowed to touch the mouse until he said, which was usually after a 20-minute lecture of pointless rambling about his week.
A few students, in particular, ended up getting incredibly frustrated and went to higher-up teachers to complain about this guy’s teaching since they weren’t going to get anywhere and needed him gone pronto.
The teacher was then spotted two weeks later having meetings with the headteacher as well as governors of the school. After that, he just let his class get on with it every lesson. When the students came they just sat down, put in headphones, and got on with what they had to do.
Everything was smooth sailing right up until a month before the deadline where the whole lump of coursework had to be handed in to be marked before being sent to the exam board.
Remember those students who complained? Guess who’s work mysteriously went ‘missing’ from the system.
Apparently, this wasn’t the first time this happy coincidence had happened either. Turns out (after talking to elder siblings that had been through the same school) that if you angered this teacher off enough throughout the year, when came the time to turn in your work at the end of the year it’d just go ‘missing’.
This butthole was straight up deleting students’ work. But no one could prove anything and the school had just swept it under the rug as to not alert the authorities. Our year was the last he taught. He was put on sabbatical and quietly fired later.
Now, how do I know this? My best friend’s dad was on the board of governors, and although had never spoken to my friend about what was happening, my friend put two and two together through overhearing phone calls, listening to other stories from past students and what he saw himself.
No idea what happened to the guy after he was quietly fired. I heard a rumor that he was spotted trying to get a new job as an IT teacher in a college but I hope, for the sake of the students, that’s not true.”
18. Revenge On The Bees
“When I was young, there was always (for years) a hole in the back wall of our garage where bees were always flying in and out. I’d been stung several times over the years and I guess I got fed up with it. One day I decided it was a good idea to start throwing rocks at the hole, purely from anger at the bees(?).
Well, as you can guess, the bees weren’t too happy about my activity and decided to put an end to it and came after me. An hour later I was in the ER in anaphylactic shock from the stings (I am now allergic to bee venom).
To set the stage a bit more, our garage wasn’t attached to the house and was no longer used for cars. My dad had converted it to a lounge, complete with rotating mirrored multi-level liquor shelf/bar, pool table, shuffleboard table, couches, fully carpeted, nice sound system, nice pine paneling – full-on 70s (yes, this was in the 70s) look.
Anyway, after coming home from the hospital 2 days later, I got it in my head that I wanted revenge on the bees. This was towards the end of summer/early fall, and we had an 80+ foot eucalyptus tree that grew next to the garage near the hole, and as was typical for the time of year, the ground was covered with eucalyptus leaves.
I apparently decided it would be a good idea to pile leaves against the garage wall and smoke them out. It took me several hours to gather up the leaves, but eventually, I got the pile up to the hole (which was about 5 feet from the ground) and started throwing lit matches at it.
The resulting fire not only could be seen for miles as it engulfed the 80+ foot tree, but the garage was decimated. The external siding of the rear wall was nearly completely ashed, and the roof was pretty messed up as well, but the interior was completely trashed by smoke damage and then by the firefighting efforts.
HUNDRED of bottles of booze, pool table, shuffleboard, couches, carpet, paneling – everything. And worse than just normal smoke, this was burnt honey. The smell lingered for years.
When the firefighters ripped open the wall to ensure no embers were still burning, they found the remnants of the hive. It was floor to ceiling, 7 studs wide. Thousands of dead bees.
The overall damage wasn’t covered by my parents’ insurance because the fire was intentionally set. Needless to say, I didn’t see too much daylight after that for quite some time…”
17. Got Back At Bully By Making Him Wait For A Revenge That Never Came
“Back when I was but a young’un, I was bullied. LOTS. We’re talking pushed to the ground and kicked repeatedly for being (apparently) a little bit overweight. By the age of 10, I had serious anger issues because I was never brave enough to tell the teachers the circumstances of my retaliation.
When I hit my early/mid-teens, I hit puberty like a ton of bricks. Grew into my weight, had been going to karate for years, and had built up a lot of muscle. I’m not a vindictive person by nature, but I made a special exception for the jerks who tormented me through the first two schools that I went to.
I hunted them down, weakest to strongest, after school and gave them each a pummeling… Except for the ring leader. Him, I followed home every night for a week, making myself just obvious enough to make him notice he was being followed. By now, he knew I had been after him and his buddies.
On the last night of following him home, I managed to… coerce him into a secluded spot with nowhere to run. He threw the first and only punch of that fight because I simply grabbed him and tossed him to the ground.
I stood over him for about two minutes.
The freaking coward was still mouthing off at me and calling me pretty much every insult he’d come up with in the last 10 or so years. After waiting for him to finish, I simply waited in silence, fists clenched like I was about to give it to him, then turned around and walked away…
But not before telling him that I wasn’t going to hurt him that day, but would eventually. I promised him his time would come.
For what felt like years (probably only a couple of months), he winced every time I made eye contact with him – something I got into a habit of doing upon seeing his reaction.
Never actually beat him up, I wonder when he figured out that I was just toying with him.”
16. Pick On Me Cause I'm Short? I'll Use My Height To My Advantage
“When I was 6, I was one of the shortest girls in the class so I’m usually targeted by bullies by taking an object from me and dangling it over my head, knowing I couldn’t reach it. Then at 7, I couldn’t take it anymore. I swore that the next idiot who makes fun of me will regret it.
First grade, lunch break. My mom has the habit of adding fruit to our lunchboxes and that day I had a banana. One of the usual bullies saw and snatched it from my hand as I was about to peel it while making monkey noises at me.
Soon, the other kids joined in making fun of me. I just looked at that brat straight in the eyes and smiled as I punched myself in the face. I screamed and they were startled. I did it again and a teacher ran towards me. Take note that because of my height and appearance, I look so innocent that when the teacher asked me why I punched myself, I said that the bully said so, otherwise, he wouldn’t return my food.
The other kids had scattered at that point, the bully was taken to the counselor’s office and I was carried to the clinic with my remaining lunch. The nurse said I got a few bruises and was lucky that I didn’t hit my eye/nose. The kid got suspended because he was too shocked by my actions that he believed that he did tell me to hurt myself.
As for the other kids who were there, they more or less did the same. I was avoided for a while before the bullying started again but it was less intense than before. I didn’t regret then what I did or realized how messed up I was at that age. That bully came back all nicer after his suspension though. From what I’ve heard he’s graduating this month in journalism at the top of his class.”
15. Two Clashing Lifestyles Come To A Head
“One of my best friends in college was assigned the most holier-than-thou, guilt-tripping, non-drinking roommate freshman year. They didn’t get along. My friend partied a normal amount, I would say, and had a fake ID. One night toward the end of the year, my friend came home to their room after a night of drinking and left her things, including her fake ID, out on her desk.
The next morning, she woke up to find her ID cut up in little pieces, which her roommate told her was ‘for her own good.’ A few nights later, my friend replaced the cleaning solution her roommate stored her retainer in with clear tequila. My friend gleefully watched as she popped the retainer in, tasted the tequila, started gagging, turned to her, and screamed, ‘what did you do?!?!’ To which my friend replied: ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it totally sucks when people mess with your stuff.'”
14. Mess With My Stuff? I'll Burn Yours
“I got into a car accident and was unable to go back to my apartment for about a week. I lived with two roommates at the time. Anyhow, I come back and almost all of my stuff was missing. Clothes, CDs, and even my grandmother’s perfume bottles she had gifted me.
Long story short, I go into one of my roommate’s rooms and she had most of my clothes hidden in her closet, under her bed, behind her dresser, you name it. The girl even had some of my bras and socks. So I took it all back.
When I called and talked to her, I pretended I had no idea she took my stuff. She tried claiming that some girls came over that our other roommate invited over, and they MUST have taken my stuff.
Long story short, I took some garbage bags and filled them up with almost all of her clothes and her bedding, went out to the middle of nowhere, dug a hole, and burned them. She called me hours later frantically asking what happened to her stuff and I told her those girls must have come over again. She then lost her composure with her lies and started screaming at me telling me to bring her stuff back.”
13. The Best Revenge Is Forcing Someone To Live In Their Own Unhappiness
“I used to work in a toxic management environment, lead by a real jerk at the helm. I could bore you with how much he made life miserable for everyone around him, but I won’t–suffice to say a number of us quit and sued (and settled out of court).
Ultimately he was forced to retire, but that isn’t how revenge was exacted.
I was in IT in a senior management position (read: I was not a tech.) One day the jerk is walking by my desk and he tosses his Blackberry at me (yes, literally…it hit me in the chest and landed in my lap).
He says, ‘This doesn’t work…fix it,’ before he walks away. Sigh, I get to work. After spending some time on the phone with the company’s wireless carrier and after investigating his user settings and preferences, I discover that he has elected to save ALL outgoing emails on his device.
Of course, once his account size limit was reached, his account auto-disabled.
I figured I would see if there were one or two attachments responsible for the bottleneck in his account. To my surprise, the emails sent and received indicated with zero uncertainty that this married father of two had been having an affair with another man.
I was surprised. So, what to do with this information? Especially during the court case, after, etc. I did nothing in the end. He had been living a lie his entire life and it had made him who he is, a miserable person who bullied everyone around him to cope.
If I were to reveal his affair(s), he would have been set free after a period of upset and turmoil in his personal life (possible divorce, children issues, etc.). He would have been liberated to live his life how he was meant to. Possibly, he would have known real love and happiness.
If only someone had forced his hand because he could not do it himself. Although the hot-head part of me wanted to shout his secret to the world, I realized that by doing nothing and keeping my mouth shut, I was entombing him in his mortal mental prison for the rest of his life.”
12. Pop My Balloon? I'll Cut The Straps Off Your Backpack
“Someone had given me a balloon for my birthday at school and I was carrying it around. After lunch, I was walking into my 4th-period class and this kid Michael was sitting at the door waiting for me with a pair of scissors. He popped the balloon as soon as I walked in.
Without hesitation, I opened up my backpack, removed my standard-issue scissors, and walked over to Michael’s desk, and cut the back straps off his backpack. He had to carry it around in his arms for the rest of the month until he got a new backpack.
The same kid also picked up my $7 mechanical pencil and threw it across the room, breaking it. I tried to push/punch him, but he was much larger than me and grabbed both of my fists. We’re now looking at each other dead in the eyes wondering what will happen next. So I did the only thing I could in that position….headbutted him in the face. That one didn’t end well for either of us as the teacher saw everything and sent us both to the office for discipline.”
11. Once A Liar, Always A Liar
“I had an ex deceive me a number of times – it was a mutually destructive relationship like that – but I wanted to ‘win’ the ‘game’ too, so I decided that I would. Problem was, she was getting ready to move to Ohio (to be with one of the guys with whom she two-timed on me with, she met him online) soon, so I had to hurry.
She had an aggressive, confrontational personality. She also didn’t know that I knew about any of her ways. So, I set her up.
The story’s already getting longer than I care to type, so let’s go to the speed round:
Her two best friends told me about the two-timing.
(Yes, I did get with one of them, too..) They gave me specifics. They gave me hard evidence.
I worked in TV production at the time and had a very nice, very small video camera and mic set-up that I kept in my bedroom.
I set up the camera and mic to record whoever was sitting on the couch in my bedroom.
I tested and double-tested both the video and the sound quality.
She and I went out one night, with plans to ‘go back to the house’ after the club. She, predictably, started flirting with other guys as soon as I turned my back at the club, so I had her friends tell her I got upset with her and left, saying something about ‘it’s over.’
(a quick note: she was a complete egotist; she took pride in the whole, ‘nobody breaks up with ME’ thing..
She, once again, predictably, chased me down back at my house to let me know as much as well, but I shifted gears on her… candles, wine, soft(er) music, etc… my room was, for lack of a better word, ‘pretty.’ I also made sure that I the remote control for the camera in my pocket was easily accessible.
After pampering her for a while, I directed the conversation in a way that she’d wind up on the couch and I’d wind up on the bed, unseen from the camera which I’d already started.
Once she was talking about tonight, and laying the usual bullcrap apologies out there, ‘I’m sorry, I just like dancing, and I don’t realize blah blah blah..’ I told her that it was okay if she acted like that, ’cause I hadn’t exactly been a saint either.
I then launched into a list of fake girls that I’d hooked up with. (I left the real ones off of the list, of course… especially her best friend. I was saving that bullet for later.)
She. Blew. Up. ‘Oh yeah, well guess what? I was with so-and-so, and I was with such-and-such, and I’ve been doing it since blah-blah and I’m going to keep doing it, too.
We’re through!’ And she left.
Except I wasn’t done. See, something else her best friend had managed to do was to get me the address of where she was going to be moving to in Ohio; the guy she was seeing up there. She got me his number, too.
It’s about 12-1 am. I call the guy, tell him that he doesn’t know me, but 1) I’m a friend of ‘Girl’s Name,’ 2) she is no friend, girl or otherwise, of his, and 3) he should be expecting a package from me in the next week or so.
I then copied the tape, mailed him his copy, and went on about my life.
She got there. Immediately got kicked out and broken up with. She had to try to find another place to stay so she wouldn’t have to admit to her friends/family why she was coming home immediately and didn’t even wind up enrolling in school up there; coming back home after about a week in a garbage hotel. She couldn’t find a job and she couldn’t get enrolled in school without a residence, apparently… too bad.”
10. Start A Rumour About Me? I'll Ruin Your Expensive Sweater
“When I was 15, there was a guy in my high school who told the whole school that I hooked up with him. One day several months later, this butthole is wearing his most expensive clothes. I walked right up to him, untwisted the cap to a bottle of Gatorade, and dumped it right on him.
I said, ‘That’s what you get for telling the whole school I was ‘with’ you, you piece of crap!’ and then I ran over to the principal’s office to turn myself in. I was suspended for three days and when my parents came to pick me up, I thought, ‘I’m in such deep doggy doo doo right now.’ Instead, we all sat at the kitchen table and laughed about what happened. To this day, I’m not sorry for ruining his $200 sweater. He was still a jerk to me after the whole incident but I still smile every time I think of that incident even ten years later.”
9. Sit In My Toy Car? I'll Kick You Out Of It
“When I was in Nursery (pre-school) a kid used to constantly bully me, take toys off of me, etc. One day, outside in the garden he stole a toy tractor I was riding on, he stood up on the seat and stuck his tongue out at me.
Age 4 I had finally been broken, I ran and kicked the tractor which jolted it forward, he subsequently fell off and rolled down a hill into some stingy nettles and got some pretty bad cuts and bruises. I remember thinking right then and there ‘wow I really didn’t need to do that but that little part of me felt great.”
Another User Comments:
“I have a story from when I was in daycare/preschool, but I was the victim.
I was probably about 3, maybe 3 and a half. I see a girl my age playing with some Barbie dolls by herself, so I go over to her and I ask if I can play with her. And she says something like ‘no go away I don’t like you.’ So I leave feeling pretty irritated that she wouldn’t share with me because this girl was hogging at least 5 Barbies to herself.
Eventually, I see her get up, and she leaves the Barbies there for a good while, so I supposed she was done with them and she just didn’t put them away. So I go over and I sit down with the Barbies, and as I pick one up this little girl comes barreling across the room and sinks her teeth right into my arm as hard as she can.
This all happened in the span of ~10 seconds like this girl was hiding across the room waiting for me to try and touch the Barbies. I started screaming and crying and trying to hit her in the face with the Barbie because she wouldn’t let go.
It was probably the worst pain I had experienced in my short time being alive. I forever hated Barbie dolls after that incident.” mspaintthis
Another User Comments:
“Yep, I did something similar with a cherry on top. There was this butthole in my class who would constantly bully me (hitting me, insulting me, taking my stuff, and so on).
He also had an equally mean-spirited friend, who often helped him so that it was 2 on 1. Once on our way home, they were bullying a girl whom I went to class with and I tried to defend her. So they hit me and emptied my school bag on the floor.
When I was maybe 8 or 9 my class went hiking and it was super hot, so most of us only wore shorts and nothing else. Jerk and I stood on top of some rocks, maybe half a meter high, and he tried to push me off.
It ended with him, not me, falling off the rock and into a group of stinging nettles. With a bare upper body, no shoes on, and shorts. He went pretty red and started crying. The teacher was on my side because she saw everything. Overall it didn’t stop him from being a jerk, however.
Fast forward a few years and he has been working the same crappy construction jobs for at least the last five years. How do I know? Because I’ve seen him carrying bags when inspecting progress on some of my buildings. I have yet to see him with any sort of power tool doing anything other than carrying stuff around. It feels so good knowing that his life is now crappy than mine, by a lot.” Cantremembermyoldnam
8. You're Messing With The Wrong Soccer Player
“Two days ago, actually, in my soccer game, this one clumsy defender kept catching my ankles seconds after I would pass the ball away. So one play he was clearing the ball and I just wanted to lay the kid out. As he was on his plant foot swinging I hit him with my shoulder hard and as he was falling he grabbed me and took me down with him.
I landed on his arm and it snapped like a twig between the wrist and the elbow. I feel awful.”
Another User Comments:
“I did something similar in high school. This guy kept sliding out guys from the back, trying to take out their knees, behind the refs back.
I was our stopper and also kinda our enforcer (even though I was a freshman on the varsity team, I also wrestled and played water polo). I felt a need to get physical with this guy, protect my team sort of thing. So there is a play where the ball is in the air and this guy is going to try to head the ball.
I decided to ‘go for the header as well.’ I had planned on getting a lot of body and just knocking him down. Instead, I realized I could get the header as well as knock him over. So I head the ball, he heads my head a little late (both our heads swung at each other from opposite directions), and I break his skull. He was just laying on the ground, unconscious. No blood, the breaks were all under the skin. I had a small bruise. He ended up with a severe concussion and had to be taken to the hospital.” 2JMAN89
7. When You Throw Chairs, Someone's Bound To Get Hurt
“When I was around 15 years old in boarding school, I and about 10 other guys in my year were in our common room. A couple of the other guys were chucking chairs across the room, trying to get them to bounce up back into normal position.
I was on the other side of the room and was starting to get annoyed with the chairs getting close to me. One particular throw brought a chair right in front of me, nearly hitting me. On this occasion, I decided to chuck it back. These chairs were plastic-type with plastic legs and all.
The chair hit the ground and bounced. Straight into his face. Knocked out 2 of his front teeth and spewed blood everywhere. He also wore braces so it mangled his mouth up pretty bad.
Safe to say, I pretty much pooped myself and ran to the medical room to get the nurse as fast as I could.
He ended up having to have 2 false teeth and I got suspended.
This kid was someone I didn’t like all that much at school because he was always trying to stir stuff and was always trying to get a rise out of me. Still feel really bad about it. The moral of the story, don’t chuck chairs that bounce easily at people. If you’re out there Doug, I’m sorry.”
6. Won't Pay Your Bill? I'll Ruin Your Night
“I was tailing at a super busy microbrewery that was across the parking lot from a big movie theater, some stupid Twilight or Harry Potter movie came out that night so we got slammed late and it was only me working. These 2 punk guys (just turned 21) sat at one of my tables and ran up an $80 bill drinking booze.
I overheard them talking about what movie they wanted to see so I knew that’s where they were headed.
Fast forward to 30 minutes later, they skip out on the entire bill, left me a folded up $5 bill in the book when it should have been closer to $100.
So I told the bartender, who is 6’5 and 250 pounds and intimidating as ever. I let him know the 2 poops were going to a movie. He ran across the parking lot and ended up catching them in line, shook them down for all of the money they had in their pockets, and told them never to come back again. I guess the one guy was crying. It was awesome.”
5. Won't Let Me Eat With You? I'll Throw My Spoon At You
“My parents built my brother and me an outdoor clubhouse when we were little. He got the top of the clubhouse and I got the bottom. The bottom was just a square pit of river rock and spiderwebs. The access to the ropes and ladders were at the top of the clubhouse and he had a table and some other stuff up there.
We were eating lunch outside one day and I wanted to come up and eat with him. He said no (like he usually did) so I climbed up the ladder and threw my spoon at him.
It hit him in the head and actually cut his head open. I feel slightly bad about it now since we get along, but he was such a jerk (so were my parents) when I was a kid.”
4. Steal My Toy? This Is War
“I was in fourth grade. We had a class party right before spring break and I got this little ragdoll bunny at one of the arts and crafts stations at the party and immediately fell in love with it, as children do.
That afternoon, I rode the bus home (as I normally did).
I live in Minnesota, and it was March so there was slush everywhere. My bus stop was at the end of the street, and I had to walk down to my house with this third-grade kid Evan who lived maybe five houses down from me and was a total brat.
But on this particular day I barely even noticed him because I had a little Mad Libs pad that I was filling in. The bunny toy was tucked under my arm so I could hold it and write stuff down into the pad at the same time.
I was completely absorbed in Mad Libs, so when Evan grabbed my bunny from under my arm I didn’t notice for a couple of seconds. When I did, he was dangling the bunny above a particularly muddy puddle. I screamed and told him to give it back.
He didn’t because he was a butthole. Instead, he dropped it into the puddle and stomped on it, which to me was the ultimate insult.
At the time I was a skinny, short, and introverted kid, and Evan was pretty big for his age, so even though I was older he managed to keep the bunny out of my reach.
I knew I’d never manage to overpower him physically, so instead, I stabbed him with my sharp little Mad Libs pencil.
Honestly, in retrospect I barely even scratched him – I don’t think it even broke the skin. But he was so angry about it that he dropped the bunny and bolted off crying to my house so he could ring my doorbell and tattle to my mom.
My mom wasn’t all that great of a parent during that time – she was a stay-at-home mom with a temper and I was an ADHD mess who forgot literally everything. So this threat was scary enough to me that I ran after him, yelling apologies, willing to do anything to keep him from telling my mom.
Luckily Evan’s mom saw him running down the street past his house (with me, crying, in pursuit) and opened the door to ask him what the heck was going on. My mom DID get told what happened and it didn’t go as bad as I thought it would, but man, for a good ten seconds I was full of deep regret.
In hindsight, he deserved it.”
3. Throw A Rock At Me? I'll Break Your Teeth
“Playing basketball in 6th-grade recess…these 2 kids were throwing little pebbles at everybody playing on the court. After they hit me 2 or 3 times I just picked up a decent size (about the size of a pocket watch) ….rock…and fired it back at them (sitting about 25-30 feet away).
Immediately I knew this was a bad idea. The rock smacks one of the kids in the mouth and knocks out a fair amount of his teeth.
I remember telling my parents it wasn’t a big deal because ‘his dad is a dentist’ ….. I was such a smart butt.”
2. Steal My Pokémon Card? I'll Steal Your Whole Binder
“Back in third grade, I met this dude with some awesome Pokémon cards who wanted to trade with me. I said yeah ok and was going to trade with him. Well then began a long string of crappy moves on his part – he stole my Charizard.
I was enraged but kept it to myself, never forgetting. So third grade kept going on as normal but this guy became more of a butt every day by stealing my things, yelling at me, and slapping me across the face a few times. I was sick of it.
So I acted like I wanted to trade Pokemon cards again, being a predictable third-grader, he accepted thinking he could steal more of my cards, so we both brought cards, but he brought his whole binder full. Every card he owned to make it really convincing to what I presume.
I had another one of my friends distract him and I ran off with the whole binder to the bathroom and peed on all of his cards, left them soggy, and returned to him. When he got them back, he looked at them with a tear in his eye and raised his hand like he was going to do something but before he could, I tackled him to the ground. He never bothered me again. Probably a bit much over a Charizard but darn, those things are priceless to a third grader.”
1. Ruin The Fun? I'll Ruin Your Soup
“So a now ex-friend and I had been drinking a bit at his house, and he was showing off in front of a few friends. He’s really into his tae-kwon-do and started taunting me into a fight and I refused. I was having a fine time drinking and didn’t want to mess around about it.
Anyway, he ended up kicking my drink out of my hand and being physically intimidating for laughs.
Later, he made himself soup. Chicken flavor as I remember it. Anyway, he left it to cool down and then went downstairs to get another drink. One of my closest friends who had tried to stick up for me earlier whispered to me…
‘Dude. Put your bollocks in his pot noodle.’
And so, without a word, I walked over and did it, in front of everyone. Naturally, there was sauce on my groin, I wiped it off and let it drip onto the table.
He came back in, saw the saucy mess next to his food, and thought nothing of it.
He then wiped it up with his fingers and licked those mofos clean.
He proceeded to eat his noodle voraciously until we all burst out laughing.
He kicked me, so I just stood up and laughed as me and 7 out of 9 people left to go out and start the night instead.”
Same User Comments:
“I have but one more.
I was in university when I was pinned to the ground in the common room by a few of the jokers and despite all my fighting, they shaved my eyebrows off.
That’s right. So, I knew the main culprit and the room he was staying in. I also happened to know the caretaker very well, and she sympathized with me after laughing at my folic mishap.
She gave me the keys to his room.
It took me about half an hour to pull up the carpet in his room and spread the cress seeds throughout the entire space, and then put them under and inside his mattress in the most subtle manner possible.
I sprayed a little water from a bottle across everything and left his window a little jarred open. I convinced the caretaker to water the grass outside his window and to accidentally get his window, just a splash.
So he assumed his room was a little damp because he left his window open on grass watering day.
One week later, he flipped his crap because cress started growing all over his room. He couldn’t get rid of it for three days and I felt like a manic genius.
The idea for the cress seed revenge was from Reddit by the way, and if it pleases you, he found out I did it and congratulated me for ruining his room. We’re pretty much best buds now and there are no hard feelings.” stayshiny