People Seek Advice Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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In our daily interactions with others, it's natural to want to be seen as a kind and considerate person. However, there may be times when we unintentionally behave in a way that comes across as insensitive or rude. Nobody wants to be a jerk, but it's not always easy to know what the right thing to do is. So these people come to us for advice. Read their stories below and let us know who you think are jerks. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

20. AITJ For Confronting My Significant Other About His Excessive Spending Habit?

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“Almost a year ago, I (19F) had a talk with my SO (21M) in which he asked for my opinion on if he should buy himself a new vehicle. He already had a car that was provided to him by his parents, whom he still lives with.

They also require that he pays for his own phone bill and part of the WiFi bill. I was also living with my parents at the time. We both make the same hourly rate, but he works more hours than I do.

When he asked for my opinion on this, I expressed my concern that he already had a vehicle and that he wanted to move in with me sometime soon. I told him that I strongly didn’t feel as though he needed a new vehicle.

About a week or two after we had this talk, he calls, asking me if I can transport him to a car dealership he works at. Confused, I ask why. He tells me that he needs me to take him there so that he can pick something up.

I go over to his parents’ house to pick him up, and he tells me that he has purchased a Chevrolet Silverado for about $18,500 and that his payments would be ~$600 with insurance.

I honestly feel betrayed by this point and tell him this.

His only excuse at the time was that he wanted a truck in case we needed to transport furniture and the like. In the coming months after this, I plead with him to find a way to sell it, so that he would be free of the financial burden.

I should also mention that he blatantly told me one time, that the truck ‘came into his life like I did.’

I put (probably too much) pressure on him to sell it that he called me at work one day, extremely angry with me that I’m so insistent on him selling it, and yelled at me.

I eventually had to hang up, as I was crying in front of my coworker.

Nothing ever came of this, and he still insists on keeping his ‘toy.’

Fast-forward to the present: He has now bought himself a new phone simply because his old one had an issue with its microphone… for $800: around half of his savings.

I’m obviously upset about this as well…

I’ve had several people tell me that I am in the wrong, and others tell me I’m in the right. I do not deny that it is his own money. However, I feel as though he has shown no concern for our future, and I am tired of having to be the responsible one by comparison (I have saved over $16,000 and am about to purchase my first home with my parents’ help in covering utility setup).

So, what’s the verdict? Am I simply too concerned about his own decisions?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but honey, the two of you are incompatible. He’s into satisfying his impulses and you’re into delayed gratification.

This is a normal reason to call it quits on the relationship.

Neither of you is a bad person for wanting what you want. He’s less responsible than you are, but he’s also only 21, and young men are often late to wake up to their adult responsibilities.

I hope that you will accept this as a lesson in knowing the difference between what you can and can’t control.

You’re neither his mother nor his wife, and berating him to be different puts you within smelling range of jerk territory.

One of the ways that people grow is through making mistakes and getting them wrong, and your SO needs to learn his own lessons in order to grow.” Johoski

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, he is allowed to do what he wants with his money.

Berating and yelling at him about it is not healthy.

Maybe try sitting down with him and going over housing costs (mortgage, utilities, repairs, food, rates, etc). Then ask him if he can afford to live with you and pay half the bills.

He probably has not thought ahead of this and with any luck, he can still afford it.

Yes, he has to think about your future together if that’s what you both want but neither of you has the right to say what the other spends their own money on (provided you both put your share towards the house and bills).” throwaway_39157

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but it sounds like you’re not compatible.

Financial disagreements are one of the main causes of divorce. You are frugal and understand the value of saving. Your SO does not understand the value of saving (this isn’t just a phrase, there are economic realities that dictate why saving is so important), and doesn’t seem willing to learn.

$600 a month is nearly double what I was paying for the brand-new car that I bought in 2016 in the low 20k range. That’s a big monthly payment, especially in your early 20s when you probably don’t make a ton of money.” deefop

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here – You are being mature way beyond your years, which is incredibly impressive.

You have a very clear plan for your future, which you are carefully working towards. Your SO does not have that same plan.

Your SO is behaving like many 21-year-olds – he’s having fun with his income and spending it now on fun things that he wants, and not putting it away for the future.

It’s irresponsible, but also pretty standard for many 21-year-olds.

You don’t have the same priorities. You are trying to make him invest in a future that only YOU want. He wants to play with his truck and fancy phone, not buy a house and settle down. You can’t make him no matter how hard you try (which is why I’ve voted ‘everyone sucks here’, not NTJ).” AlternativeAd3652

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alohakat 1 year ago (Edited)
NTJ, but by no means should you let him move into the house you are planning on buying. You will never get him out when the inevitable split comes.
Edit to update: Read the original thread. They decided to would be best to split after he went off and traded the truck for a Honda and hid it from her for a month. she was smart: she said "time to go, babe. This ain't working."
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19. AITJ For Making My Classmate Cry In Front Of Everyone?

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“My classmate (~24f) is very ignorant about mental health. Unfortunately, the program is about 2 years so I (29f) have to see her constantly unless one or both of us drop out from the program. Last semester, I had panic attacks (enough to make me very physically sick) for the very first time and missed classes for a week.

My professors were understanding. My classmate tried to ‘motivate’ me by saying she was anxious about classes but still showed up. I went off about how anxiety is not the same as panic attacks and she’s not empathetic at all. (This was in private.)

And well…

I haven’t had panic attacks since then but I lost a foster pet due to a medical emergency on Monday. I’m grieving but doing relatively fine. My depression is acting up a little though.

My classmate decided to comment about it yesterday and said how I ‘look depressed and need to cheer up’ in front of everyone.

I looked dead in her eye and said ‘I just lost a pet on Monday and have been diagnosed with depression by a licensed clinical psychologist. So thank you soooooo much for the fake support and ‘advice’. I needed to hear that from someone who believes that panic attacks and anxiety are the same.’

My classmate started crying as my other classmates gave her looks and ran out of the class.

She started DMing me through Discord and said how that’s not appropriate and I just said she shouldn’t have dished something out if she can’t handle someone doing the same. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She’s a 24-year-old acting like a 14-year-old and I feel justified in judging her maturity as I am a couple of years younger than her.

Any mature adult knows not to give out advice on stuff they know little to nothing about. Any mature adult can handle someone being upset with them without storming off crying. I honestly don’t care if she was ‘just trying to be nice’, her words were still harmful, and if she hadn’t learned the harm those words have in 24 years, it was about time someone went off on her to teach her that lesson.” late_vroomer19

Another User Comments:

“YTJ…

so everyone is supposed to read your mind and know what’s happening in your life? It’s not ok to act like a jerk just because you’re going thru a rough time. It’s not ok to embarrass others just because you think others should know by looking at you, what you’re going through.

News flash…. people can’t read minds. Maybe that was your classmate’s way of noticing you were sad, not knowing why and trying to help… but you were a jerk. And nobody cares what your diagnosis is… it’s not a badge of honor to use to whip at people as you please to gain extra sympathy and excuse crass behavior such as you displayed.” Necessary-Essay9932

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation, and it’s trashy to tell someone oh you should just cheer up. To me, pets are family members, and having just gone through that recently, I know that’s a pretty deep loss to process.

If she would have asked how you were doing and you went off on her, this would be a different conversation, but she decided to keep pushing her luck and it ended badly for her.

Block her on Discord and ignore any other crap she has to say.” Catman934

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

I think she was trying her best to relate to you when she was discussing her anxiety.

The cheer-up comment might not have been the best, but I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she was just trying to cheer you up.

She didn’t know you were diagnosed with depression. She didn’t know you lost an animal. You could have been kinder, and I’m sure you would have been embarrassed and apologized. The fact that she even noticed you looked depressed is a lot more than I can say for most people.

You seem like a very mean, negative person.” totallyawitch

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alohakat 1 year ago
To totallyawitch: at least you got your user name right.
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18. WIBTJ If I Don't Invite A Friend To My Wedding?

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“I (24F) am getting married to my partner (23F) in October of 2024. I first came out at 19 when my partner and I started going out and I had a really rough experience. I lost quite a few friends and a decent amount of my family doesn’t talk to me or is civil but has told me they disapprove.

Because of this my partner and I have decided that we are going to have a very small wedding in Vegas. Neither of us are big wedding people in general and we only want to be surrounded by people who we know are genuinely happy for us when we get married.

We were discussing the guest list, and we plan to invite only 14 people to be a part of the day.

I have a group of 3 friends and all four of us have been friends since we were 6 years old.

I have always been the least close to one of my friends, I’ll call Lacy. Lacy and I were the least close growing up and we’ve only drifted more apart since we went to separate colleges. I have been hurt by things she has done and said over the years and in all honesty I don’t think we would be friends at all today if we weren’t a part of the same friend group.

A couple of years ago she came to me unprompted and told me that she wants me to know she doesn’t think that gay marriage should be legal. She said that she was sorry to tell me that because I would most likely be marrying a woman but because of the bible she thinks it’s wrong and should not be allowed.

I was very hurt by this. I fully support her having her own religious beliefs but I feel as though she didn’t need to come to me and tell me she thought I was wrong. I feel as though she could have thought whatever she wanted but also kept it to herself.

Because of this incident and a few other things she has done throughout the years, I don’t want to invite her to the wedding.

On the other hand the other two friends in the group I am extremely close with and they have been nothing but supportive since day one.

I want to invite them and I also want them to be my co-maid of honors.

I think if I do that it is going to cause some problems. I plan on being very honest with Lacy and letting her know why I chose not to invite her but I am afraid it will cause problems between Lacy and my other two friends.

I feel bad because it’s not their fault that Lacy isn’t invited and I don’t want to mess up anything between them. On the other hand, I don’t want to invite Lacy just to keep the peace because I feel like that isn’t a good solution for me and my partner.

What do you think, WIBTJ if I decide not to invite Lacy?”

Another User Comments:

“If they are really your friends and you tell them why Lacy is not invited then they will still support you and understand. You also do not have to tell Lacy at all until after, if you .want.

Invite the two and tell them your plan and ask them not to relay the message to Lacy as you want to have that conversation with her in person and after your wedding so you don’t take away from your day.

They may even reconsider their own relationship with her.

There was no need for her to come to you and tell you she doesn’t believe you should have basic rights like every human should. I think that was her way of creating more distance and maybe ending the friendship.

You don’t need her in your life. You owe her nothing and you don’t even need to explain if you don’t want to.

NTJ.” Top-Butterfly-9582

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She told you outright that she didn’t think your marriage should be legal or allowed.

Unless she has wildly changed her views in the past few years you should assume that she is unsupportive and would not even want to attend your wrong wedding. You are really just being considerate of her stated beliefs.

Why you and the others choose to remain friends with her is a separate issue.

She seems pretty terrible. If it causes problems with her and your other friends maybe that is not a bad thing. It seems like their views do not mesh with Lacy’s views so much. Maybe it is time for that confrontation to happen. But that is between them.” Bluemonogi

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stro 1 year ago
Ntj. Don't invite her. If you do she probably won't show up anyway.
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17. AITJ For Not Defending My Wife?

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“My (33M) wife Ann (31F) has a bit of a short temper, she normally handles it pretty well, but when she’s going through a tough PMS it can get out of hand sometimes. I usually know when this happens so I know what to expect and support her as I can.

A few weeks ago, my wife and I were traveling abroad and went to a winter festival, and it consisted of many enclosed areas that were close to one another: one area had an exposition of ice sculptures, another area 2 blocks away had an ice skating ring, another area a few blocks away had some musical presentations, and so on…

just so you can get the idea.

In each of these areas, liquor was being sold. We grabbed each one a cup of Irish coffee when we arrived, and went to see some ice sculptures.

After a while, my wife wanted to see what was going on in the other parts of the event.

We were getting to the exit, and a security person stopped us and told us, in the local language that we didn’t speak very well: ‘Sorry, you can’t leave the area with liquor, you need to throw it away or drink it here before leaving’.

I stopped to drink my coffee, but I saw my wife keep walking.

I thought she didn’t understand what the security person said, so I called for her and said ‘Hey Ann, we are not supposed to leave this area with liquor, we can’t go yet’.

She simply exploded, she threw her Irish coffee away and stormed out.

The security guy was super confused, I just followed her to see what happened, and she was mad at ME.

She said the security guy was rude to her (he was not), and it’s a stupid rule not to allow people to leave with liquor since booze was being sold just outside, and she expected me to side with her because I’m her husband.

I told her ‘I thought you didn’t understand what the guy said! Besides, I also think it’s a stupid rule but I will not side with you if you’re disrespecting it, we need to do things right.’

She continued to storm off, saying she wanted to go home.

I insisted that we stay to see the other stuff, but she said I could go alone and she would be waiting in the car.

Of course I didn’t leave her behind, we went to the car and then went home. On the way, she called me a jerk for not defending her like any other husband would.

I simply said, ‘Sorry but I don’t agree with siding with you when it comes to doing something illegal, and I don’t agree with the way you reacted.’

She called me a jerk again, but I kept quiet, and eventually, she calmed down.

At home, she blamed PMS for her behavior, and still called me a jerk because I did not ‘defend her’ from the security guy who was rude to her, and not staying at her side when she walked with her Irish coffee.

I told her again, that I thought she didn’t understand what the guy said, and even if she didn’t agree with the rule, we can’t simply ignore it, we need to respect it. She called me, again, a jerk.

I can’t see why I was wrong here.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – You were in a foreign country at an event someone planned and put on. Your participation in the event is conditional on following the rules. And thinking a rule is stupid doesn’t exempt you from following it.

Your wife needs to understand that while her PMS may be hard for her, it doesn’t entitle her to bad behavior with no consequence. You can excuse it at the time, but she should still be able to recognize after the fact that she behaved poorly.

And she should recognize that you put up with her behavior, which isn’t easy when she’s berating you.

If she doesn’t feel bad, apologize for treating you poorly, and thank you for treating her well despite her behavior, you need to consider how to proceed in the relationship.

Because you don’t want to spend the next 30 years being her punching bag.” SonOfDadOfSam

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s important to be supportive, protective, and considerate of your spouse, regardless of gender. You were looking out for your wife by making sure she knew what the guard said so she doesn’t get in trouble.

That’s being protective. She, on the other hand, was actively trying to put you in a bad situation by flouting the rules and apparently expected you to get into it with the guard. That’s inconsiderate and petulant at best. Not only that, your wife was being rude to a guy who was only doing his job.

PMS is no excuse for that kind of behavior.” Chi396bj

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. When you visit a place like that, you are agreeing to follow their rules even if you don’t understand or agree with them. Her reaction was completely inappropriate.

PMS (especially if she has a medical disorder associated with it) may explain the anger and moodiness she is feeling, but it certainly doesn’t excuse her actions for taking it out on you or others.

PMS does not make her any less accountable for how she reacts and treats those around her when experiencing it.

If she is having such major symptoms that she literally cannot stop herself from lashing out at others however, she needs to seek help to find out if there is an underlying medical issue that is exacerbating the problem and pursue whatever treatment option is necessary… for both of your sakes.

I’m positive it is not fun living in her head right now and it isn’t fair at all for you to have to walk on eggshells however many days of the month either.

Good luck and I’m truly sorry. I hope this gets better.” Way-Grouchy

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CG1 1 year ago
Sorry but she needs to grow up .would she rather you both been Arrested??if her PMS is that bad then she needs to go to a Dr .I seriously would not put up with her BS month after momth
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16. AITJ For Commenting On My Wife's Baby Weight?

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“I (32m) have been married to my wife (31f) for 9 years. We have a 7-year-old son together, and 2-year-old twins. With our son my wife lost her weight pretty fast, she didn’t gain much to even start out with. My wife has always been pretty petite.

Before our twins, she was probably 120-125 lbs. She is now 180.

She has shown no attempt to lose weight and no longer goes to the gym. She used to always be in the gym, 4 days a week. The other night she was complaining her new jeans no longer fit and I pointed out that she still has her baby weight.

She got really upset and said I basically called her unattractive. That is not the case at all, I find my wife beautiful, but she keeps sizing up in her jeans and then acts confused as to why. We’re very open with each other so I didn’t think she’d take it so offensively.

I told her I thought she was beautiful and that wasn’t supposed to be an insult, just that she hasn’t lost it yet. She then got defensive and said she carried two babies in her body and what did I expect?

She slept as far to the wall as she could get and had an attitude with me for the rest of the night.

We are open about things, I never meant for it to be taken so negatively, or to insult her.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Unless you married an idiot, your wife knows perfectly well why her jeans don’t fit. I’m not usually in favor of people who want their spouses to read their minds, but, c’mon, read the room! ‘That sounds really frustrating’ is an appropriate comment.

‘Wow are you fat!’ which is what she heard, even if it’s not what you said, is NOT helping.

You don’t say if she’s working or a stay-at-home mom or how much her workload at home has increased since having the twins, how much sleep she’s getting, or how much outside help she has, but it’s probably not shocking that it was easier for her to get to the gym when she had one little kid than now that she has one school age kid and 2-year-old twins.

If she mentions that she would love to get back to the gym, is there anything you can do in terms of spending time or money to help make that happen?” Miriamathome

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. There is NO okay way to point that out no matter how comfortable and jokey you are with each other.

Also, SHE KNOWS. She is extremely aware of the changes her body has been through! What do you think your saying ‘Well, you haven’t lost the baby weight yet’ is going to do? Is she going to go ‘Oh my god, you’re right! I totally forgot about carrying twins for nine months and then expelling them from my body.

Thank you for reminding me! The jeans not fitting and the two babies at home were not enough of a reminder! You’ve solved the puzzle, my brilliant husband, I will feel fine about things from now on!’

Look, you seem like you mean well.

But this is not an area you get to comment on. The script for this is as follows: ‘I’m sorry you’re frustrated by your clothes not fitting right now! You are beautiful and you should go buy some new clothes that make you feel beautiful and comfortable.'” No_Rope_8115

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

You keep saying that you and she are open about things, but…

being open and honest doesn’t mean that she has no right to have feelings about what is being said. So I don’t fully understand why you keep offering that as some sort of excuse. She has every right to feel whatever she wants to, no matter how open or closed off either of you are.

Obviously, the weight gain is a touchy subject for her, and your remarking on it like that shows your lack of ability to read the room and be emotionally aware. Next time just tell her ‘You are beautiful to me’ and leave it at that.

And learn to be a bit more sensitive to her feelings.

She’s been through multiple pregnancies – they aren’t always the exact same. It doesn’t matter if she lost the weight the first time. She may be less able to this time. Pregnancy changes a woman’s body permanently, and sometimes those changes compound over multiple pregnancies.” that1LPdood

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DncgBbyGroot 1 year ago
As someone who has had dramatic weight changes which have occurred very quickly, I believe she really might not understand what is going on. There are several illnesses that make women more likely to gain weight, even if they have not changed their lifestyle's. She just had twins. This ckuld be a hormonal issue, a metabolic issue caused by the pregnancy, a gynecological issue, an autoimmune issue, a stress-induced issue, or a combination of multiple issues. She should speak with her doctor and get some bloodwork done, especially cortisol levels, thyroid hormone levels, and metabolic indicators. Bodies change with age and people do not bounce back from things as easily as when they were younger. I will never understand why men have such a hard time getting this through their hard skulls.
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15. AITJ For Not Moving And Not Getting Rid Of My Cat?

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“I’ve had my cat since I moved in and was very clear to my roommates, and they were okay with it. Signed the lease and cat papers, but it turns out one roomie has severe cat allergies, but really wanted a cat in the home anyway.

It’s now ten months later and she wants me off the lease. I’ve done everything from moving all cat supplies into my room, and deeply vacuuming the whole house every week to no avail.

I wish I could do this for my roommate because she is also chronically ill, and moving would be hard for her.

But I just got out of homelessness, and I think the stress would break me. I explained my situation and told her I can’t move for her but can get her some manpower. She won’t accept it and suggested getting rid of the cat.

The lil dude (cat) is for my PTSD.

I renewed my lease today anyway because the fear consumed me, but feel guilty. I keep trying to explain to her what I can and can’t do, but she avoids me. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your roommate approved the cat and now wants to backtrack. She is the one who should move. It would be different if you just brought a cat in with no discussion. NO WAY should you get rid of the cat. Your cat is a sentient being with feelings and your family.

Your roommate messed up. If they didn’t want the cat there, they should have told you before you signed the lease and moved in.” Devi_Moonbeam

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I think you have to go with the order of operations in this scenario.

You were invited onto the lease with a cat, which all roommates were okay with. That’s the point in time you should be judged, not that the sick roommate was there before you. If she KNEW she had cat allergies and invited you anyway, which it sounds like is the case from your wording, then you definitely aren’t the jerk.

If she didn’t know she had cat allergies, then that gets trickier, but I still don’t think it makes you the jerk for staying.

It’s just far closer to the dividing line between who should go and who should stay. Generally speaking, I’d side with physiological issues over psychological issues, though that’s a dangerous rule given the way physiology and psychology intertwine.

It’s a tough one. I hate to say it, but I could see certain scenarios and ‘what ifs’ where the best outcome is that all roommates in the house vote.” Glanced4

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you seem like a very sweet and caring person.

Don’t ever forget that. It sucks that she’s struggling with a decision she made, but it’s not on you to put yourself out so she doesn’t have to face the consequences of her own decision. If it’s so easy for her to tell you to move, it should be easy for her to move if it’s really that big of an issue.

In my opinion, you are already consistently going above and beyond to try and make her comfortable. None of this is your fault or your problem. If anything happens to your cat document it. If she decides to remove your cat from the house, start a case.

I don’t know how rational she is, but I’ve heard horror stories of this going very poorly. What do your other roommates think about this situation?

Do you think your other roommates would stop her from acting out against Kitty?” pomelo_rat

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DncgBbyGroot 1 year ago
Get a good lock for your door and lock your cat in your room whenever you leave the house, until this is sorted out. If you have any written evidence of the agreement that was made before you moved the cat in, keep it. You will need it if things get messy. If you can show she agreed to it in writing, case closed. It is even better if you can prove she knew about her allergy before agreeing to it. She made a bad choice for her own health. That does not mean you should have to compromise your mental health or your cat's mental health to help her.
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14. AITJ For Telling My Fiancée To Get A Job?

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“My fiance (f28) and I (m26) have been together for five years and engaged for one. We were supposed to get married in November but sadly something happened and we postponed the wedding.

She found out she was pregnant in September last year, when we found out we were very happy, and after talking it through we decided that she should quit her job as she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and it was okay for me as my job is good enough to live.

It was working out well, she quit her job in October (since she wanted to finish that month to get her full salary paid). But the next month she woke up one time in the middle of the night because she didn’t feel well, I drove her to the clinic and she was having a miscarriage, sadly there was nothing to be done and we lost our baby.

After that, we were both obviously very affected, but it was especially hard for her. I took a few weeks off work to be there for her and suggested therapy but she said she’ll get better on her own. She seems to be getting better now luckily.

Ever since a few weeks ago, she’s been complaining that I don’t make enough money for her to buy stuff for herself. I have a good job, but I’m barely out of college so I am in the lowest category at the firm I work in.

I make 26k per year (we don’t live in the US but that’s what the conversion to US dollars is, also this is without benefits) which is above minimum wage but not making us rich either.

Well since she keeps complaining I finally told her to get a job if she wants to spend more money because she’s not doing anything all day anyway.

Ever since that argument, she’s been mad at me because I don’t understand what she’s going through and she said that she was having the idea that I thought she was overreacting a bit with how she reacted to her miscarriage and that I basically confirmed it when I scolded her to get a job.

I already apologized because that’s not what I meant to do, I’m just tired of hearing her complain about money. I spoke to my parents about this and they seem to be broken about this too as my mom agreed that I should not push my fiance too much but my dad told me he doesn’t think it’s okay for her to complain about money if she’s not working.

I don’t know if I acted like a dummy or not.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Women all over the world have been known to actually be working when having miscarriages. Women all over the world are able to go back to work after miscarriage, in fact, it may be helpful to give her something else to focus her time and attention on.

She may need therapy if she doesn’t feel ready to go back to work.

However, in my opinion, she should work and contribute financially to the home and to saving money now while you don’t have kids so that when she gets pregnant again you guys will have a nice nest egg to see you through the times when she isn’t working due to children.

I personally think it is a bad precedent to have a ‘stay-at-home wife’ who is complaining about funds when there is no need to stay home without kids to take care of. I hope she isn’t a moocher. Time will tell.

I am a woman who raised 3 kids, by the way, so I am not anti-woman, anti-stay-at-home, I just think your partner has some other issues and maybe a different vision of the future than you.” Gladtobealive2020

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here

This is a heartbreaking time for both of you.

The best course of action here is open and honest communication.

In a moment where you are getting along well you calmly broach the fact with her that you’re trying your best, working really hard, and you would love to make more money.

But right now, in your field and career, you are still building and if she wants more money that would be great but she will have to contribute income. Make it clear that in no way do you blame her for what happened to the baby, that you love and respect her, that you are willing to support her process but that telling you that you don’t make enough is hurtful.

Tell her that you’re hurting too, that you wanted, more than anything, to be bringing up a baby with her, and that her miscarriage has affected both of you. Tell her you’re not pushing her to work but that right now, if she wants more money, her working is the main, realistic option.

See what happens OP and good luck.” speakingtoidiots

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She doesn’t want to go to actual therapy to cope with her grief, so instead she’s doing retail therapy on your dime and complaining that you don’t make enough to support that habit.

That’s not right. I don’t want to be insensitive but the agreement was for your fiancée to be a stay-at-home mom, not a stay-at-home partner. Unless you two are trying to get pregnant again, she should be planning to get a job soon.” Mother_Tradition_774

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alohakat 1 year ago (Edited)
I may be a heartless bastard but I would have four words for her: "No job, no wedding." It is one thing to lose a baby and grieve (I get it, different people grieve differently), but to work that grief out with retail therapy when there is no money for it is insane. Women have been working for thousands of years after losing children, and while they work through the grief, life goes on. Unless this girl (she is not acting like an adult woman at this point) has some talent that makes her truly special, she needs to get off her dead butt and get back to work, because her "retail therapy" is rapidly turning into a spending addiction. OP is not the jerk, and I would really rethink my position in life if I were him before marrying this girl.
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13. AITJ For Not Serving Allergy-Free Food?

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“My daughter, Lexi, had her 8th birthday party recently. We invited some of her friends, and some family, including my brother, sister-in-law, and niece, Claire (6f). Claire has several allergies, gluten and dairy being the main ones.

For the party, I had pizza, chicken tenders, and sandwiches for the food.

Chips, fruits, and veggies for the side. Vanilla cake for dessert. For Claire, I made gluten-free and vegan Mac and cheese, bought gluten-free chicken tenders from the store, and she could have the fruits and veggies, and chips. I got her a vegan and gluten-free chocolate cupcake for dessert so she didn’t feel left out.

At the party, Claire was upset that she couldn’t have pizza and Chick-fil-A like the rest of the kids and upset that she couldn’t have the ‘fancy cake’.

I tried my best to include her by getting special food and dessert for her, but my sister-in-law yelled at me afterward for not just offering allergy-free food and cake for the whole party so Claire didn’t feel as excluded.

I get why Claire was upset, she’s 6, and she’s still a kid. But I am furious at my sister-in-law for yelling at me and calling me cold and selfish. My daughter doesn’t have allergies. This party was for her. Most 8-year-olds don’t want to eat dairy-free and gluten-free if they don’t have to.

I told my sister-in-law that I went out of my way to try to make Claire feel included, and as her parent, if she wants more, it’s her responsibility to provide it for her child. I understand that it’s hard to have allergies as a kid and feel excluded (I had an allergy that I outgrew eventually), but that’s life and the world doesn’t revolve around Claire’s allergies.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Wow, you did a lot of extra for one child. Claire was not the birthday girl. She was a guest. She was provided with plenty of food.

Your sister-in-law is in for a rude awakening when she realizes that the world isn’t going to accommodate her child’s food intolerances.

She will be invited to other parties and these same issues are going to happen except nobody is going to make everything gluten and dairy free.

I feel sorry for the child. After all, she is going to expect everyone to bend to her needs because her mother is setting a really bad example.” tatersprout

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Good grief the amount of adults out there that will behave like that is just astonishing.

You did your absolute best to accommodate her. If her mom was that worried about her supposedly being excluded, then she, as the expert in what her daughter can eat or not eat, should have made arrangements to have more food options.

Claire is only 6, but she’s old enough that, if mom were doing her job properly, she’d have a much better understanding that her diet is always going to be different than others.'” canvasshoes2

Another User Comments:

“Whoa NTJ, you went above and beyond in making sure she had a lot of options that were similar to everyone else.

Yeah, I can get a 6-year-old being disappointed but at this point, she should already be learning why and accepting it. Her mother is a full-blown jerk. It’s absurd to expect everyone else to cater their eating to her 6-year-old. Not to mention the added expense because gluten-free usually means more expensive. She should have been thanking you for making sure her kid could eat something there.” herdingcats2020

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Squidmom 1 year ago
My son is weird with food. Picky and what he'll tolerate is always changing. When we go somewhere I make sure he eats beforehand and has snacks he likes. It's nobody's issue but ours.
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12. AITJ For Not Turning My Alarm Off?

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“My partner and I moved in together a few months ago. Our apartment is one bedroom and we have a couch.

I set an alarm for 6.30 so I can try to go for a run with my friends. It’s not possible for us to do this another time unless it’s at night.

My partner’s job doesn’t have standard hours, right now he has 2 days each classified as morning, afternoon, and overnight shifts, and day 7 is off. My alarm doesn’t usually clash with anything because he’s either already up or at work by then.

So now he has afternoon shifts twice a week. By the time he gets home from those and sleeps it’s 12 or 1.

The issue now is my alarm wakes him up at 6.30. Tried a vibrating one but it’s useless for me.

I said he can go back to sleep after, but my partner’s reply is that it’s hard for him to go back to sleep if he’s woken up like this and he needs to rest, and I don’t get up. He wants me to turn the alarm off entirely.

I don’t think this is fair because this is my routine, and I suggested he sleep on the couch those nights but he refused to.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. His job is important, yes. But that doesn’t mean you have to yield to his whims and schedule.

You live there too and have the right to get up when you want. If you let the snooze go off multiple times – that’s a different story. But one alarm at 6:30 is not a crime and he’s treating it like it is.

That said, you need to find a solution to this. Your man needs to wear earplugs or do something to prevent him from waking up.

You need to find an alarm that doesn’t disrupt him. Bose has Sleeppods that you wear with a bunch of white noise options and an alarm that can be set so that only you can hear.

It sounds like both of you could benefit from this.

Again, his job is important, but it doesn’t outweigh your needs. You have an equal voice in how this plays out for your benefit too.” No-Transition-8705

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. If he says he can’t get back to sleep after your alarm wakes him up, you could…

just believe him! 5.5 hrs is not enough sleep, and if that’s all he’s able to get because of your loud alarm, that’s a real, serious problem. My guess is that if a vibrating alarm doesn’t wake you, you have no idea what it’s like to be chronically underslept because you’re a light sleeper living with a noisy partner/roommates/neighbors.

It’s MISERABLE. It’s unhealthy, dangerous, and makes you feel just generally bad in your body all the time. Please have some compassion and consideration for this person you care about and just go sleep on the couch yourself if you’re excited to get up early in the morning.

Also, I get that cohabitation might be a financial necessity for you guys, but please consider getting separate bedrooms or even separate housing as soon as possible. I live separately from my partner of 7 years, and sleep is a huge factor. It helps a relationship stay strong and healthy when both partners have the space to get their basic needs met.” grufferella

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Doglady 1 year ago
NTJ If your alarm was to get you up for work would these folks calling you a jerk for the alarm setting continue telling you to sleep on the sofa? Really? You want to exercise for the sake of your health. I understand not wanting to run at night. Women running at night are at increased risk. This was your place first so maybe he needs to work on accomodating you. It is tough to have different sleep schedules. He could certainly get some noise cancelling headphones to allow him to sleep longer.
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11. AITJ For Hating My Husband's Valentine's Gift?

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“So for this Valentine’s Day, my husband and I agreed that we weren’t going to get each other any gifts and just focus on quality time together. My only exception was that he get me flowers for the day, nothing expensive or crazy just a small bouquet of daisies my favorite flower.

I’ve always been vocal about my desire for flowers once in a while and try to make it easy for him to understand what I want. He doesn’t get me flowers for our anniversary, my birthday, or any other special day of the year and I just really wanted flowers for Valentine’s Day.

The day comes up and we go out to eat and do other fun stuff, but the whole day I was waiting for him to surprise me with flowers. Instead at the end of our dinner, he tells me he has a surprise and it ended up being a pair of earrings.

They weren’t really my style but I still tried to be really grateful for what he got me. When we got home I couldn’t hold it in anymore and asked my husband about the flowers. He said he didn’t get them and I responded by saying I would rather have them than these ugly earrings.

I will admit my words were really harsh, but I’m really tired of him not listening and ignoring what I really want.

So AITJ for telling my husband I hate my valentines gift?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It’s a gift. Maybe he wanted to get you something as a surprise instead of something known.

Or maybe something a little more than flowers. In a guy’s mind, he’s thinking he got you something of more value that you will hopefully remember. It’s not that he didn’t listen, but most women receive so many flowers in their life that they don’t even remember most of them.

Possibly he wanted to get you something that would stick out. By the way, did you get him anything? I gotta say, if my wife ever got attitude over a present I bought her, I guarantee the next year, I would get her a mop.” Legitimate-Ad1084

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It sounds to me like you lost your temper and calling a gift ‘ugly’ wouldn’t usually be a thing you would do. In the grand scheme of things you might say when you lose your temper, I’m going to say it’s fairly innocuous.

And as far as whether you should’ve lost your temper or not, I think you had sufficient provocation. You made it clear that flowers would be really meaningful to you and that the absence of them would be really hurtful. It was such a reasonable, achievable request, and well-communicated to boot! You deserve a partner who hears you and sees you, and your anger was part of you that knows you deserve better speaking up and saying ‘This is not ok!'” grufferella

Another User Comments:

“Whilst you were super clear in what you wanted, he probably thought he was going above that by surprising you with jewelry.

It doesn’t seem like an act of malice or purposeful ignoring what you’ve said – it seemed like he was trying to do something nice and spoil you a little.

YTJ, the way you handled it was mean. You didn’t have to be so harsh about it.

You could have made the same point without putting down what was a well-intentioned act. Eg. ‘Thank you for the earrings, but you really didn’t have to do that! You know I would have been happy with the flowers I mentioned!’” egghex

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Your hubby should have listened. You should have just accepted the earrings as a nice gift & talked to him about it a couple of days later. Not about the earrings being nice or not, but the fact that he missed the flowers.

Clearly, you two weren’t on the same page. Now, I don’t know if that was him not listening, or you not communicating clearly. Maybe it’s some of both. Regardless, y’all gotta talk about how you communicate. Also, maybe there’s something he doesn’t like about buying flowers.

If it’s something you bring up often and he never does, see if you can talk through why he doesn’t like getting them.

Also, don’t make the rule ‘no gifts, except you have to buy me flowers’. Get your fella something small and nice too so that he feels appreciated.” theubster

2 points - Liked by lebe and LilacDark
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Spaldingmonn 1 year ago
The thing about gifts ... they should come with a receipt. You are not "ungrateful" (see how I'm projecting - this happened at Christmas. I write a list. I review everyone's lists. I get gifts for people from their lists. My SO had to turn in points and got a lot of things they want. They gave me two of these. They were not on my list. I asked for the receipt. I was told I was ungrateful). The earrings were not what you indicated you would like. NTJ.
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10. AITJ For Forcing My Brother-In-Law To Put Money In The Swear Jar?

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“I live with my husband and his 3 siblings. We have a 2-year-old son and I don’t want him to start swearing but my brother-in-law swears… a lot. I’ve asked him multiple times not to do it in front of my son but his response is to always tell me I should be more worried about my husband and his other brother than him.

They all swear, too, but they at least try to stop around my son. I decided to start a swear jar in the hopes it’ll make him stop before my son starts picking it up.

He swore the other day in front of my son so I told him he had to put money in the jar.

He asked me if I was being serious and refused at first but after I told him I was going to tell my husband he gave in and put the money in the jar. I thought that would be the end of it but he’s been complaining non-stop over the jar and said I was extorting him.

He’s even told my husband to stop being cheap because he thinks that’s why I was trying to ‘scam’ him.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, because you did not force him. He’s an adult. He can refuse to put money in the jar if he wants to.

By going along with it, however begrudgingly, he is maintaining this rule that you’ve set.

That said, I’d minimize time around him if he continues swearing in front of your child. The odd slip-up is one thing (especially if he’s so used to it), but if you sense that he’s making no effort then it’s fine to spend less time in his company.

Your key request isn’t about the swear jar, it’s about what your child is exposed to.” junglemice

Another User Comments:

“You’re the jerk. Not for asking/expecting people to not swear around your child, but for demanding and taking a grown adult’s money over an arbitrary system you created, which they obviously don’t agree to, and enforcing the rules as if you’re a lawful authority figure over them.

Demanding him to either not swear around the child or to take it somewhere else is reasonable. Taking his money is not. Honestly sounds like you need a different living situation if you feel it’s not suitable for a child.” chiggenNuggs

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you’re wasting your time and energy on the BIL.

You can’t change the words others use, but you can teach your child that you object to those words and why. Cursing is unavoidable. Teach your son a better vocabulary, and whenever your BIL swears in front of him, call it out.

What you want is for your son to know your opinion and have such a good vocabulary that he can find non-curse words to express himself. It will be more effective than trying to enforce a non-swearing environment. Turn your attention to teaching your son, not your brother-in-law.” User

3 points - Liked by lebe, LilacDark and LadyTauriel
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Doglady 1 year ago
If this is your home they are sharing, they maybe they need to move. I cannot imagine a small child being around a bunch of bachelors and not wind up hearing lots of swearing. It would take a large house to be able to keep the child away from the swearing.
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9. WIBTJ If I Keep My Baby Away From My Mother-In-Law?

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“I’m a new mom of a now 4-month-old daughter and one day a week my MIL has cared for her so I can have a break and she can bond with the baby.

She’s a sweet woman and her heart is in the right place, but she hasn’t been in contact with a baby in over 14 years.

She has overfed my baby multiple times causing the child to vomit all over herself and me having to up the amount in her bottle from 4oz to 7oz and still overfeeds her. I can no longer keep up with that amount since my daughter is breastfed and would be drinking 10oz in one sitting! My MIL treats her like a doll carrying her exclusively and never putting her down, she yells at the baby to stop crying instead of trying to soothe her, rarely changes her diaper, and keeps her awake for hours.

My last straw was today when I took my daughter home she could barely keep her eyes open enough to recognize me and when she did she struggled to smile. She looked miserable. I went to change her and had to peel off the overflowing diaper revealing dried-up crap up to her belly button.

The baby had not been changed all day. She was crying while I cleaned her up and bathed her. Afterward, she completely passed out within seconds of me holding her, I dressed her fully asleep. I don’t want to lose my ‘break’ or take away that bonding time with her grandmother or ruin the relationship between my MIL.

But it’s for the sake of my child that I keep her during that one day a week or only give fully supervised visits at least until she’s older. WIBTJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You should stop the visits immediately.

If you, as a parent, made your daughter lie in her poop for hours, you would be subject to a visit from CPS, at the very least.

So why do you tolerate this? Getting a break isn’t more important than your daughter’s health.

And where is your husband in all this? I think he’s the one who must have a conversation with his mother. MIL needs to be given clear, non-negotiable instructions on how to care for your daughter, and if she can’t follow them, she can’t babysit her.” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe

Another User Comments:

“No, you would not be the jerk.

Honestly, it sounds to me like your MIL isn’t ‘fully capable’ of taking care of an infant if she can’t/won’t change her, overfeeds her, and yells at her. I would say either supervised visits or shorten the day off to several hours instead of a whole day.

Sucks to lose that needed break but unless this changes I don’t see how you couldn’t. To preserve the relationship you could play it off as a ‘new protective mom’ and just say you know you probably worry too much but you’d rather keep your time away from her limited for now (not true but you know). Or, say you really want to visit with your MIL also while she enjoys time with the baby. I wouldn’t say ‘supervised’, I would say ‘but I want to spend time with you too!'” T_Lynn1971

 

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Squidmom 1 year ago
NTJ unless you let her do this again. You could have your daughter taken away because this is jerk.
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8. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister With Her Hospital Bills?

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“I (28F) just had my first baby 2 months ago. My sister (33F) had her third baby less than a week ago.

Now to the relevant background: when I was 18, I came to France on an exchange program, and I just fell in love with the country.

Then I decided to go to college here, met my husband and just moved here permanently.

My sister hated the fact that I left the US. She took any opportunity she could to trash talk France, trash talk ‘socialism and communism’, trash talk my husband and his family…

etc. It got to the extent that I went into low contact with her.

When I had my kid, my parents came to stay with me for a month. My mom was very impressed by the fact that we paid nothing to have this baby.

I didn’t have to pay for my checkups, my mandatory lab work, the birth itself, the hospital stay, and some post-natal care that includes pelvic floor rehab. I didn’t even have to pay for a preventative dentist appointment. Apparently, the same thing in the US would cost tens of thousands of dollars.

Anyways, they left directly to my sister’s, she needed help (had some health scare) and they planned to stay with her until she gave birth, and then for a while after to help with the kids.

I called to congratulate her when she gave birth, sent a gift and all that.

She was mad even then.

Then yesterday she called me and told me that her hospital bills were over $20k because of some complications and that it wasn’t fair that I didn’t pay anything at all (apparently my mom kept bringing up the fact that it was free for me).

She said since I didn’t have to spend a cent, then I can afford to help her, so she too can afford to stay with her kid, instead of going back to work as soon as possible.

Here’s where I might be the jerk, even though I could afford to send her a couple of thousand, I refused to do so purely because of how much she looked down on my decision to move to France and marry a French man.

So all I told her is ‘Sorry I can’t help you. But you are free to come give birth to your next child here. Even as a foreigner, it won’t cost you more than 3k’.

She called me a condescending jerk and said she will be going into no contact with me.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

If your sister is so intent on dumping on the notion of socialized healthcare, she’ll be glad to continue to navigate the US system she knows and loves. You’re under no obligation to help her, and since she already thinks so poorly of you and your choices, it’ll be no great shake to ignore her.

I don’t know why she thinks she’s entitled to benefit from you living in a country where healthcare is free, especially since she’s gone out of her way to let you know what she thinks of said country and your decision to reside there.

To be honest, she sounds a bit jealous that you got to have a different quality of life where you don’t have to struggle to pay for medical care or worry about it at all.

If you want to, you could think about putting a couple of grand in high-interest savings account for her new child, leaving it for 18 years, then sending the funds to the child for college.” Fearless-Golf-8496

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your sister’s reproductive decisions are not your financial responsibility.

If you had another sibling who wasn’t able to have children, would your sister be demanding they pay because it’s ‘not fair’ that they didn’t have to pay for the children they couldn’t have?

The fact you didn’t have to pay is not unfair.

She could have chosen to move to France too, she just didn’t.

And not only that, but she even went to the point of actively slating your decision and the country you moved to. She doesn’t deserve to reap any ‘rewards’ from your decision to move to France, she wouldn’t anyway, especially not considering her attitude towards your decision!

Also, how can she threaten you with going no contact when it’s thanks to her that you went low contact in the first place? She basically bullied you into going low contact, and now that she’s trying to use you for her financial gain and might not get her way in a situation that only benefits HER she’s threatening that SHE’LL go no contact? Unhinged.” sugarushpeach

Another User Comments:

“Mostly NTJ

France has a higher rate of taxes and social contributions vs the USA so your healthcare isn’t really ‘free’ the way your sister might think it is.

But that is not the major factor here.

You and your sister are both adults who are responsible for your own decisions and finances. Presumably, your sister has access to information about health insurance, maternity leave, and the costs associated with having a baby (and raising children for that matter) in her country.

It’s not your responsibility to supplement her income or help her with raising her children.

Your sister is a jerk for acting like you owe her and being incredibly rude and entitled in the ways she asked/demanded your help. I’m not sure what kind of reaction she was expecting but this was definitely not the best way to go about things if she wanted you to agree to help her.

I’m assuming she also wasn’t expecting to have to pay you back.

Here is where you were borderline a jerk, but your sister was so much worse that I’m giving you a pass. I think you could have just said no without the additional angry commentary.

You could have said gently but firmly, ‘I’m sorry, but no. We have our own family to support now and we can’t be responsible for you and your baby as well.’

In the end, if she decides to go into no contact over this it doesn’t sound like the worst thing. She obviously has massive amounts of jealousy and resentment towards you which will always make your relationship a challenging one.” Used_Mark_7911

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Ntj.. your sister sounds like a jealous jerk. Maybe she should just stop having children instead of complaining about how much it costs.
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7. AITJ For Not Helping My Classmate Who Accused Me Of Mansplaining?

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“I (M15) sit at my table group in physics class along with two girls, Ellie (F15) and Mia (F16.)

Ellie often asks me for help while we are working on practice problems after lectures. She doesn’t really ask specific questions despite me prompting her to, and instead just says general stuff like ‘I don’t get it,’ so I usually explain the concept to her from a more fundamental level to make sure I’m covering whatever she doesn’t understand.

It also helps me to give her a comprehensive explanation, because verbalizing the material helps me solidify it in my brain too so it’s a win-win situation.

Yesterday, I was explaining a problem to Ellie when Mia interrupted and told me ‘You don’t need to mansplain every single detail, stop speaking to her like she’s an idiot.’ I was really baffled because I never have tried to condescend Ellie and Ellie has never told me that she feels like I’m being rude.

I mumbled ‘sorry’ to Mia because I didn’t want to escalate the situation and I wasn’t sure what to say.

Today, we had an exam, and our teacher allows us to have ten minutes of review before tests. Mia pulled up her chair next to me like nothing had happened yesterday, and asked me to explain this one concept to her.

I told her that it’s probably best if she asks the teacher because I don’t want to seem like I’m ‘mansplaining’ to her either. She called me a jerk and then went to ask another table group for help. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

If Ellie didn’t have an issue with how you were explaining things, she would have let you know by either telling you directly or no longer asking you. Assuming you’re not automatically explaining everything to E before she requests your help, you’re not mansplaining.

Mansplaining is explaining something with a condescending attitude to a woman/girl unprompted and regardless of their understanding of the subject. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you were doing.” BoundPrincess84

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are all in the age of figuring things out, and it seems you are doing a good job of it.

In my son’s school, the concept of explaining stuff to each other as a win-win is done as well, and it works quite well. And the girl you explained to didn’t complain, and asked you several times, so it does seem to be a win-win situation.

Mia on the other hand has probably her own story, a story that you aren’t a part of. And therefore felt triggered by this. And this is definitely a ‘her’-problem, and she tried to make it yours.” Complex-Pirate-4264

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Don’t worry.

Certain terms become in ‘vogue’. Mansplaining is, in this context, being used by a teenage girl, without her fully understanding it. Someone saying ‘I don’t get it’ to you and you explaining is not ‘mansplaining’ as there has clearly been an implied question.

From your story, it does not seem like you’re doing this in a patronizing or condescending manner. It is then entirely appropriate when verbally dressed down for being misogynistic in your explaining, to throw it back at her and say ‘Sorry but I thought my help was mansplaining so you should probably ask the teacher’.

You are not a jerk and this young lady has quite a bit of learning and growing up to do. Don’t sweat it. Don’t make a big deal out of it just move on.” speakingtoidiots

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Ntj.. mansplaining is condescendingly going over things that people already know. You are not doing that, you are helping a classmate with something she does not already know fully. Being thorough about it is good because you don't know what information she isn't understanding. If she's not being specific then how can you be? Mia needs to suck it up and ask someone else for help from now on.
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6. WIBTJ If I Start Ignoring My Neighbor?

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“I just recently moved to a one-bedroom apartment near a dense neighborhood. I have to walk past several blocks of houses in order to reach my apartment building from the train station. A man probably in his 60s, really loves to sit in front of his porch and we can always see each other every time I walk home.

My SO and I always say hi every time we walk past and he would ask us to have a little chat with him. It feels normal when I talk to him with my SO around, but I walk past his house mostly alone after work because my SO works from home.

The first time I talked to him alone, he always addressed me as a ‘beautiful girl’ or ‘gorgeous girl’ while also looking at me up and down. That word slipped in between sentences 6-7 times, for example, ‘It’s nice to see a beautiful girl like you in this neighborhood’.

At the end of the conversation, he asked if I would like to join him for dinner sometime. The next time I said hi and stayed for a minute to chat, I told him I was eating soup for dinner, and he said ‘It’s sad that a beautiful girl only eats soup for dinner’.

Then he said I was going to eat chicken the next day. I asked him how would he know, he said ‘The chicken told me’. I was just confused and didn’t think much of it.

For a week or more I took a detour so I would not see him because I was getting bad vibes talking to him alone.

Recently I was very tired from work and just walked past his house to cut my walk short. This time he asked why I didn’t come after he said he would give me chicken. Turns out the chicken conversation means he would give me dinner because he doesn’t want me to eat soup.

But since I took a detour he couldn’t give it to me. He kept the chicken for 2 days and then gave it to a friend. He said the next time he promised me something, I should come and get it because he is serious.

Even if I work until late, I can just knock on his door. I just said yes and quickly walked home. In this conversation, he also addressed me as a beautiful girl as usual.

Is this creepy behavior or am I just overreacting? WIBTJ if I just ignore him and not say hi anymore because I’m uncomfortable?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

This is creepy behavior in my opinion and I would avoid him whenever possible. It may be that you have to find a way to politely tell him you feel uncomfortable when he extends invitations that don’t include your SO. If he wants to invite you and your SO for dinner, perhaps you could consider that if you wish.

But I think letting him know you have no interest in any alone time with him in a straightforward manner is the only way this guy will stop. These types of guys push and push until you shut it down. Then he will find the next ‘beautiful girl’ to make chicken for.” T_Lynn1971

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ, sounds like you’re in a bit of a sticky situation.

In my opinion, this guy is definitely creeping you out and it’s not okay that he’s addressing you like that. If you’re not comfortable with it, you have every right to just not say hi anymore. You gotta do what makes you feel safe, you know what I mean? Plus, you don’t owe anyone a conversation just because you walk past their house.

WIBTJ for not wanting to deal with that kinda weirdo? God no. Just do you, and don’t worry about being polite or anything like that. Your well-being is more important.” biopticstream

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I’m not sure what his intentions are. Maybe he is just a lonely old man who’s trying to engage you in conversation.

However. If that’s the case, he’s going about it all wrong. Calling you ‘beautiful girl’ all the time is weird. The chicken thing is also weird. The fact that he is making you feel so uncomfortable makes it completely inappropriate.

If I was in your position I’d avoid him as much as possible. Even if it meant I had a longer walk home.” TrayMc666

1 points - Liked by lebe
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rbleah 1 year ago
Don't stop to talk to him anymore. When he calls you from his porch just say sorry, things to do. Then keep going. Also have you talked this out with your SO? And I mean telling SO just how DISTURBING this guy has become? Just avoid this creep. In time you may need to call PD on his creepy jerk. Protect yourself.
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5. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband's Friend Stay With Us?

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“My (30F) husband’s (35M) friend (25F) came to stay with us over New Year’s. We live in London and she is from Finland and had come to the UK for a month and the last 5 days had her staying with us.

She got sick on day 3 with a cold and decided she was not well enough to fly home. Fair enough. 5 days later, she is still here (apparently had an open-ended ticket). I had my brother and sister-in-law due to stay with us, a week after her original leaving date but she was making no moves to book tickets home or give us details of flights (we were supposed to get her to the airport).

My husband and I were both frustrated at this point with a number of issues: She kept reorganizing our living space to suit her (she has ADHD and apparently how we had things arranged irritated her); I cooked every night, she picked at the food and didn’t eat but sent my husband out at 11 pm for noodles because that’s what she fancied; She kept one-upping me in conversation, and it felt like she was trying to show herself as a better version of me to my husband; She didn’t offer to pay for food or help clean up after herself; We had no personal space, she was sleeping on the sofa all day and then up watching TV all night so we had no space to relax after work.

I finally had enough and nicely reiterated we needed her gone as we had visitors coming and our house wasn’t big enough to house everyone but in all honesty, I feel she would have just kept staying and staying if I hadn’t pushed.

My husband was reluctant to talk to her about this as he was worried she would twist what happened and he would be ostracised from their mutual friend group. I have no such issue as it’s his friend group and I’m not particularly involved in things they do.

It was a very stressful time for us both but things went back to normal after she left.

The problem is that my husband has just approached me asking if she can stay again in the summer while she attends some events.

I’ve put my foot down and said no, and he says he will look like a jerk as she has nowhere else to go and can’t afford a hotel but I don’t want a repeat of earlier this year.

We are currently disagreeing on how to handle this and I need an outside perspective that I’m not overreacting.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

No.

For all the reasons you listed, she can’t stay.

You might want to inquire as to why your husband is more concerned about her than about you.

The notion that had you asked her to leave the first time – when you had other guests coming and given her terrible, entitled behavior – it would have resulted in your husband being ostracized by a friend group is ludicrous to the point of not being credible.

Why did your husband, in fact, not want to ask her to leave?

Show him the list. Tell him that not only can’t she stay, she can’t walk over the threshold of your house.” Nester1953

Another User Comments:

“If she can’t afford a hotel then she can’t afford to travel and attend events.

You don’t sign on to go somewhere out of town if you can’t afford accommodation. She’s too old to be couch surfing anyway, or taking advantage of her friend’s living rooms, their furniture, their home-cooked meals, their timelines, etc. Didn’t pay a dime for food!? Let me guess, she was too broke for that too…

Why was your husband going out at almost midnight to get noodles for this grown adult? Why was she trying to one-up you in front of him? Why did he express frustration over her staying the first time, yet is willing to fight with his wife over her staying again? Is there something going on there or had there been in the past?

She took advantage of your hospitality the first time — you do not have to extend your home to every person passing through town.

If the friend group doesn’t understand that, then they’re just as immature as this 25-year-old mooch. One way to avoid this is to white lie: say you’re going somewhere of your own or say you’ve got someone already staying with you.

Another is just to be honest and tell her and this friend group (stupid that they’re so involved anyway), that last time she overstayed her welcome; rather than avoid any future conflict or possibly hinder the friendship, you think it would be best to avoid any guests for awhile.

NTJ but hubby and his friends are. He should be more concerned over your feelings and peace at home over what his friends think.” Xtinalauren12

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you have a serious husband problem. I understand he doesn’t like confrontation and values this friend group, but to put their thoughts about him above you is wrong.

Not only that but if they gave him the cold shoulder over this, then they aren’t really his friends to begin with. It would also be childish on their part to act like that.

While she was crossing the line repeatedly and disrespecting you very clearly in your own home, he still put her above you.

Is he so desperate to resort to lying and making you the bad guy than to stand up for you and himself? This is ridiculous. He is a grown man in his mid-thirties, for Pete’s sake.

I guarantee you that she will ask to stay again no matter what lie or excuse is told.

It’s only been a month since she left and she’s already wanting to sink her hooks in. This is only the beginning so it would be best to be honest in the kindest way possible to nip it in the bud. Otherwise, it will continue and become an issue in your marriage. There are other people he can become friends with that won’t disrespect him and treat him like crap.” Disastrous-Nail8885

4 points - Liked by lebe, leja2, LadyTauriel and 1 more
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stargazer228 1 year ago
Nope! She's a mooch. If I arrange to stay with a friend, I always chip in or bring my own food etc. I don't blame you for not wanting her in your home, and your husband should stop enabling her.
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4. AITJ For Making A Snarky Comment Before The Concert Starts?

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“I (27F) live in a multilingual country where it is generally the norm to speak 2-3 languages. When you meet friends who don’t speak your mother tongue, the common ground is to speak English. I recently moved in with my roommate and one of my best friends, Leslie (26F) with whom I speak English.

On Saturday, we were going to a concert together and we were looking forward to it for weeks. We were supposed to meet two of her friends at the concert venue that I never met before and who speak Leslie’s mother tongue.

I am not shy but I am an introvert and I have anxiety. I usually have the fear of feeling left out in a group I don’t know. Thus, while driving to the concert venue, I asked Leslie if we could speak in English with her friends since I don’t speak their mother tongue.

She immediately reassured me saying ‘Of course, was planning on it, don’t worry!’ (as her friends also speak English).

When arriving at the concert venue, I greeted her friends and everything seemed to be good for a couple of minutes til they started speaking in their mother tongue.

At first, I was asking Leslie what they were saying to participate but then, I stopped doing it because I felt like I was intruding. I waited for a while thinking they were just happy to see each other but then 30 minutes passed and nothing changed.

I was sitting at the end of the row so I felt even more left out. I started to feel really mad because I wanted to meet her friends and enjoy the concert but at this point, I was just feeling alone.

Just before the concert started, I suddenly told Leslie ‘You are aware I don’t speak your mother tongue, right?’ She seemed taken aback by my remark, as if she remembered I was there, and then, tried to summarize what was just said but I responded ‘No, don’t bother’.

I know it was probably petty of me but I was feeling very anxious and disappointed by my friend’s behavior. The concert then started and I tried to enjoy it as best as I could but I could see Leslie glancing towards me several times during the songs.

She seemed kinda uneasy. She tried to do small talk but I was more interested in the songs.

After the concert, they resumed talking in their mother tongue. We eventually left and I didn’t talk to Leslie at all on the way home.

I was tired and honestly thought she would initiate the conversation.

The day after, we didn’t talk either. I started feeling guilty because I wondered if I ruined her concert experience by making my remark. Her friends probably think I am annoying too.

I decided to send her a text expressing my feelings and she apologized, saying she feels guilty about what happened. It seemed kinda forced and since then, we still haven’t talked normally and I don’t know what to do.

My friends are backing me up saying they understand my frustration, esp since I asked her before the concert if we could speak English but I can’t help but wonder if I am the jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

It’s valid for you to feel left out, but you also admitted to being ‘petty’ which sounds like guilt from perhaps other actions/words you haven’t shared.

Your friend should have included you in the conversation more but when you’re meeting friends perhaps of the country, it’s natural to speak in their mother tongue.

It’s possible the two friends aren’t strong in English so they prefer their mother tongue. It seems from your text that your friend was trying to understand what you were feeling but you cut it short by saying ‘Don’t bother’.

Again I think you may have been more or less passive-aggressive going about this but it’s what I’m reading between the lines of your story.

Just accept each other’s apologies and move on. Next time, just enjoy the concert and not let what you think is intentional or not ruin your experience. I bet your friend may have been oblivious because they were just enjoying the concert.

We can’t expect others to know exactly what we’re feeling without clear and concise communication which I think you’ve somewhat lacked to establish.” ReactionFickle657

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

She knew in advance. You reminded her during. All she had to do was speak English herself or say in her mother tongue to the others that she wants to include you but she clearly didn’t.

It sounds like they either didn’t care or they left you out on purpose. That would upset me, too. You’re not the jerk here, she is. I know sometimes it’s a relief to speak another language you haven’t spoken in a long time, and you let them have some time to do that, which was kind of you, but they should have stopped speaking it when you were asking for a translation if they all spoke English.

I’m sorry you had to go through that, OP.” roxysinsox

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Look I get it, she should have realized the issue and changed the language to English, especially after you pre-empted it. But sometimes people get lost in the moment.

Not once did you remind her or ask the group about changing language. You just chipped in a bit (which gave the impression that you weren’t bothered) and then made a snippy comment. After that, Leslie tried to engage you but you just ignored her.

And then expected her to speak to you on the way home after you were obviously annoyed? You were just passive-aggressive tbh and it wasn’t necessary. People make mistakes, so communicate them and move on. If you’d have reminded her, things could have been fine and then you wouldn’t have stayed mad and she wouldn’t have felt bad either. It’s just a classic case of chopping your nose off to spite your face and is just a waste of time.

She sucks a bit for not being more aware. But honestly, people aren’t infallible.” ForTheLoveOfGiraffe

-4 points (4 vote(s))
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Gamergirl 1 year ago
I'm going with ntj.. she knew well beforehand that you did not speak their language and she assured you that she would be speaking to them in English so that you would be able to partake in the conversation and then she didn't. She had every opportunity to and didn't bother. I don't blame you for being upset, I would be as well.
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3. AITJ For Wanting To Go Home With My Babies?

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“My (36F) husband (37M) and I met in 2015 at a wedding in my city. He and his family live about 8 hours away from my home town and they were just there for the wedding. (I am Canadian and he’s from the US) Long story short – we fell in love and got married around 2018.

I had to go through a lot of immigration stuff and I couldn’t travel freely for a while. I really missed my family. But life goes on.

During this waiting period, I got pregnant and had our first child (2019). It was during the last few months of pregnancy that I got my travel papers and could finally travel, but I couldn’t at that point due to pregnancy.

After the baby, we visited my family once or twice before the global crisis hit and everywhere was shut down.

After the craziness of the global crisis finally eased, we visited my family in March 2022 for a FEW days – I think a long weekend.

When we got back to the US, I found out 2 months later that I am pregnant with twins and I all of a sudden became a high-risk pregnancy.

Again – we couldn’t travel for a while.

We had our babies this fall.

They have gained good weight. They are good eaters and the pediatrician has no concerns. So now I am trying to plan a trip to my hometown. I miss my family terribly and I want them to meet my twins. I also feel very sad and alone since the only adult I talk to now is my husband and sometimes his mom when she comes over to help

This is where the issue starts – my husband is saying I am a horrible mother for subjecting my babies to an 8-hour drive (we would obviously take breaks) and that I am putting them in harm’s way all for ’15 mins of fame’ because I had ‘twins’ and so I can ‘show them off’.

We would fly, but the babies don’t have their passports yet.

He keeps telling me that they are gonna get sick and lose all the weight they gained. And keeps making me feel like crap. He has made me cry several times by calling me selfish and all other kinds of names.

They will be a little over 4 months old during our trip. I’ve told him we can’t keep putting our life on hold. I miss my family and of course, my family will be cautious around them – not being around them if they are sick, etc.

He finally admitted that he doesn’t want to do the 8hr drive and that he will be miserable with my family. But he keeps saying the trip is unnecessary and I am selfish. I made crazy sacrifices to be here with him – left my family, job, and friends.

I feel like my going back home shouldn’t even be up to him or his call. If I want us to go, we will go. It’s the least he can do for me. All the holidays, thanksgiving, and major events have been spent with what little family he has here.

We are now not talking to each other and he’s extremely angry at me. But I don’t feel like a jerk, but I am just wondering if I am missing something and maybe I am.

I’d like to mention – the babies have barely been outside the house because he won’t allow it.

In these 4 months, we have left only for doctor appointments, twice to his mom’s and once to Target.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your husband has no right to keep you and the kids from seeing your family. You shouldn’t be isolated from your family, and you shouldn’t have to put your life on hold.

Your husband is displaying, in my opinion, some alarming behavior. From my experience, when the partner is trying to prevent you from seeing your family, and is getting angry at you for wanting to see your family, they are trying to isolate you, and there may be some awful treatment in the near future.

Please go see your family. Do not let him prevent you from going. Be on the lookout for manipulative/abusive/red flag behavior.” Hawthorne_

Another User Comments:

“I am gonna go with ‘everyone sucks here’. Your husband sounds a bit unhinged but I do think it’s selfish for anyone to be traveling with such young infants.

They are not gonna remember or bond with any family they meet, so it’s only for your family’s benefit. Being a parent means putting your kids first. Adding recent health problems I wouldn’t risk it, if anything happens using a hospital/finding a doctor would be more difficult.” Repulsive_Cranberry4

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ for wanting to visit your family.

You clearly need to make some adult friends where you are at. Having literally no other people in your life is extremely isolating.

He’s also NTJ for his genuine and valid concerns for your still very small children’s health. You will also likely need his permission to take the children internationally.

Legally you’re supposed to have a signed letter. It’s supposed to help prevent someone from taking the children and never coming back.

If I was your husband and I’ve known you were that unhappy I’d be pretty terrified of the even extremely slim possibility that you might just disappear. Of course he can’t forbid you from visiting your family but he does get to have a vote on whether the kids can go internationally without him.” Odd_Negotiation_557

-5 points (5 vote(s))
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mima 1 year ago
This is jerk. See a divorce attorney and see what your options are.
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2. AITJ For Getting Matching Bracelets For My Sister-In-Law And Me?

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“So I (M30) am really close with my SIL (F32). My brother (M35) and SIL have been married for 7 years and been together for five years, so I’ve known her for 12 years and we got along since we met.

She has been one of my closest friends for the last decade.

I’m gay and in a committed relationship with my partner (M29) of eight years, so my brother has never had an issue with me being close to my SIL as he knows the chance of me being attracted to her is below 0.

A couple of days ago I was hanging out with my SIL in a mall and we saw a really cute bracelet. My SIL fell in love with the bracelet but she wasn’t sure about buying it. I knew my brother and SIL had been struggling financially lately because my brother got his hours cut off at work.

I decided to purchase the bracelet for her (since I could afford it, double income, no kids) and get an identical one for me because I loved it too and I thought she might refuse to accept the gift if I only bought one bracelet for her, but might accept it if I bought one for me too.

She accepted the gift and she was super happy with her bracelet. She even took a bunch of pictures of it to post on her social media.

The next day I received a call from my brother. He was upset, he asked me how I thought it was okay to buy his wife a bracelet.

I ask him what was wrong with him and he told me you just don’t give another man’s wife jewelry, he said it as if I had broken some code. I told him he knew there was no intention behind the gift.

I respect other people’s marriage and I’m not even into women anyway.

He was still upset. He said my sister-in-law posted on her social media something about having the best BIL and showing off her bracelet and there were a lot of comments accusing her of being unfaithful to my brother with me, so my SIL deleted the post.

My brother is not speaking with me until I apologize. My partner said I don’t need to apologize because I did nothing wrong. I don’t think I did something wrong here, but if I did I will apologize.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I don’t think you did anything wrong – but your brother’s feelings are hurt and he’s upset.

And that matters more than if you are ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’

Your brother is probably feeling a bit insecure about his ability to provide and then on top of that, a whole bunch of people suggest your brother is being lied to by his wife – he was looking for someone to blame – and he picked you.

A sincere apology would go a long way. Something along the lines of, ‘I never meant to upset you – and that certainly wasn’t my intention to cause stupid gossip. I think of your wife as my sister and I love her like a sister, but I can see how the gift was taken out of context by some jerks and I never wanted to put you in a position again where you had to defend your marriage.

I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.'” DragonFireLettuce

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did something nice for someone you care about. Your brother is hurt that he can’t give the things to his wife both he and she would like. He is insecure and jealous about that, and I can get that.

You should sit down face to face if possible for the conversation. Explain how much they both mean to you and that you had no intention of emasculating him. I would apologize for how it made him feel, but not the act itself because it came from love and was not inappropriate.

In the future consider bouncing things like this off him, but you didn’t do anything wrong.” gte105u

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

What your brother really is upset about is the fact that his wife posted on social media about the bracelet and said that it was from you.

He is projecting and probably sad that he can’t give his wife a bracelet like this and make her so happy that she is posting all over social media about it. He thinks it makes him look bad. This is what it’s all about.

You didn’t do anything wrong, OP. He is just insecure and upset about his financial status and that’s probably also affecting the gifts or outings he can give his wife. He should be happy that she gets a gift from you, but he can’t and that’s on him whether he realizes it or not.” Mandaloriana_2022

5 points - Liked by lebe, Botz, LadyTauriel and 2 more
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mima 1 year ago
Ntj but your brother is obviously jealous.
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1. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Noisy Roommate?

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“I live in a university dorm with two girls in a small room and we have been living together for a semester, one is L and the other is H.

In the beginning, everything was good and we even seemed like we could be friends, but since H got a significant other, she only stays in the room once in a while.

However, L and I gradually became friends and we even went hiking together and I genuinely thought of her as a good friend.

In the beginning, I told them that I’m a light sleeper and that I wake up at the least noise, and I thought that by telling them that, they will try to be quiet when I’m sleeping, however, they kept making noises all the time and since I didn’t want to make them feel bad, I didn’t say anything.

Finals came and I had to study from time to time in the room since the library is packed with students, and once H came into the room and started having a full loud convo with L about literally random stuff, even though I was clearly studying.

So I asked H to do me a favor and talk with her mom on the phone outside cuz she started talking to her after L left because I had a very important exam to prepare for.

Another night, I went to sleep and I was trying to fall asleep when they started again to talk about random stuff even tho I was clearly asleep on my bed.

So I told them to keep it until the next day since what they are talking about is not important.

L also ALWAYS has friends over who stay and talk for a long time but I never embarrassed her in front of her friends and told them to talk outside.

When finals finished, both of them stopped talking to me and were clearly avoiding me even tho I used to talk with L all the time like close friends.

Today, after a couple of weeks, L started talking on the phone with her friend I guess and I was sitting on my bed, I thought that it was okay since we are on a break and I have nothing to do.

I started watching a movie and put on headphones (as always to not bother anyone) and she was still louder than the movie. After the movie, I told her ‘Can you please talk outside since I want to read a book’ and she was no, and started rolling her eyes, then she said that I am getting on her nerves and that she had enough of me.

I told her that she being a jerk and I only asked her because she has been on the phone for over an hour, and she got mad and started cussing at me, so I told her that she needs to leave anyway since she is moving, (she told me two weeks ago that she will change rooms) but now she keeps cussing at me and telling her friend on the phone about it and being even louder than before.

AITJ or not? Because I seriously don’t know what is her problem, and here I thought we were actually friends.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – your friends were doing normal things in their home and you told them to stop because… (checks notes) you didn’t think of getting some earplugs.

Regardless of whether you are a light sleeper or find it hard to concentrate on your studies or anything else, your roommates have a right to exist and live their lives in your shared spaces without having you lay down the law on what they can or can’t do.

And you get extra jerk points for telling them that their conversations aren’t important. Even if they don’t matter to you, your roommates still find those things worth talking about and they should not be expected to be silent to accommodate you when talking to their loved ones helps them to let off steam and relax.” redcore4

Another User Comments:

“Sorry, but YTJ because it sounds like you live in normal dorms that just have your beds with no other common space.

You didn’t say they play loud music, constantly have friends over, or anything like that. You literally keep asking them to leave the room because they are talking. Again, sorry but that’s dorm life. You being a light sleeper and waking up at the least noise is a you-problem.

Then you are on break and you are still asking her to leave while she is on the phone because you want to read a book? Nope. Get earplugs. Their life doesn’t stop because you are sleeping or studying.

It’s considerate to whisper or speak low when someone is sleeping though so asking them to quiet down is okay, not asking them to STOP talking b/c what they’re discussing is ‘not important’, LOL.

Also, find other quiet places to study. The library is not the only option.” Ok-Context1168

Another Use Comments:

“YTJ for name calling.

Roommates and roommate relationships generally suck. The best you can do is be polite, hope they are polite, and not pick fights because if they escalate to yelling or name-calling you all still live together and now you’re also mad so everything is worse.

You & your roommates disagree about what a polite roommate is (almost all roommates forever disagree on things). No need to let it bother you, you can’t change them.

You’re going to need to seek other ways to deal with shared space, as getting mad & telling your roommates what you want them to do isn’t working.” llamakiss

-1 points (1 vote(s))
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stargazer228 1 year ago
I can understand super loud conversations, and they are the jerks for not toning it down when you were sleeping/studying (you know, common courtesy type things). I shared an apartment with a roommate in college, and though we had a living room, we still respected each other and didn't disturb one another. In this situation here, I think everyone is the jerk for the way it was handled.
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