People Seize The Opportunity To Tell Their Controversial "Am I The Jerk" Stories
39. AITJ For Kicking Out My Son And Accommodating My Other Son?
“My son Jack (26 M) just left his wife of 3 years after finding out she’s been having an affair. He didn’t want me to know the details at all, just insisted only he and I spend time together somewhere public.
I thought it was because he just didn’t want anyone to know what was going on, but it was really because my other son Andrew (27 M) was living with me and he didn’t want to see him.
Jack told me he was running out of funds and couldn’t afford the motel he was staying at right now.
But he refused to come back to live with me while he was going through the divorce. He finally told me Andrew was the one his wife lied to. To say I was ‘disgusted’ and horrified is an understatement. That night I gave Andrew a piece of my mind and told him he was no longer welcome in my home.
The reason he was living with me was also because of his financial problems since he was out of work.
This entire time he knew what was going on but acted like the innocent party until I confronted him. He pleaded with me not to throw him out when he had no place to go.
But I told him as of right now I only have one child because we sure as heck didn’t raise our kids to betray their own family and involve themselves in someone else’s marriage. Since he’s been living with me for a while, he was given a timeframe to pack up his things and leave.
Once he was out Jack came to stay with me but haven’t heard the end of it from my ex-in-laws or his mom. Who conveniently cannot house him either, for one thing, because they’re back in their home country, and they are yelling at me for playing favorites with my kids and punishing Andrew when he was already in a rough spot.
They believe as their father I should’ve mediated between them so they could learn to live together.
But I wasn’t about to put Jack through that. He wants nothing to do with Andrew and I feel like I need to respect that, not make them hug it out and make up.
I’m also just very angry at Andrew and frankly don’t want to be around him at all either. Yes right now he’s stuck crashing at different friends’ houses, he keeps begging to come back because everything has been hard. Does it make me a jerk to not help him out?”
38. AITJ For Not Letting My Nephew And His Pregnant Partner Come To Our Beach House?
“Friends of mine own a beach house. They were kind enough to let my husband and I stay there with our 2 sons.
My sister wanted to come as well. I inquired about how many people could stay at their beach house (Airbnb/VRBO usually have body count suggestions with beds/space, etc.) and my friend said it slept 8 tightly. My friend’s words.
My sister and her family make 9.
I figured one of us could sleep on a couch or maybe double up in a bed. Not ideal, but it’s one person extra. Then my sister asked me if my 20-year-old nephew could come because his partner was working and he’d be home alone.
I explained it ‘sleeps 8 tightly with 4 beds’ and that he’d have to be on the floor since we have no space. Now we are at 10 people. Again, not my rental so I have no idea what to expect.
Fast forward to the last conversation I had with my sister and she said my nephew’s pregnant partner was able to get the time off so she’s coming too.
Hold up. So, now we have 11 people and only 4 beds. My sister assumed she could sleep on the floor with my nephew. She didn’t even ask. She just invited her to join my friend’s beach rental.
I said no. I said that my nephew now wasn’t alone and could spend time with his pregnant partner.
My sister was livid. She claims I was willing to let him sleep on the floor and now won’t let her sleep on the floor too. She claims I overthink everything and that I’m being ridiculous.
This is the only family vacation my husband and I are able to take this summer (job change for him, summer sports for our two children) and I do not want to be tripping over bodies and cleaning up after 7 people on top of my family of 4… not to mention a pregnant woman on the floor isn’t ideal, so several people will be sleeping on the floor so she can have one of the 4 beds.
Am I the jerk? Should I just let everyone come and stay at the rental that is my friends? Am I overthinking this?”
37. AITJ For Not Lending My Partner Money?
“I (24 m) have been in a relationship with my first partner (29 f) for about a month now (I have known her roughly since the middle of April) and she struggles financially as she is currently without a job to take care of her mental health, while I just finished my master’s degree last year and now have a job at a big firm that pays very well for my age.
She told me today that she has no budget left for the rest of the months and asked me to lend her money so that she can buy groceries and really has no options left. I know that she tends to spend a lot on stuff she wants instead of stuff she needs (like clothing or cosmetics over food) as she both showed me that since we knew each other and seemed to not take advice on that matter, so I felt uncomfortable just giving her money.
So we agreed on a compromise. She suggested that we go shopping together and I just pay for the groceries.
A few hours later she calls me and says that she talked with her friends about the situation and is now mad at me that I ‘treat her like a child who can’t take care of herself’ (real quote).
And she also thinks I am a jerk because I forced that on her and says I make her feel bad because I‘m going on vacation soon (I worked a lot of overtime the last few months and wanted to relax, I also booked the vacation before I knew how much she is struggling currently).
She also tells me I don’t understand how she feels and says that I don’t know the real world as I still live with my mother (I know that and she knows I am actively searching for my own place to rent right now).
So I want to know: am I the jerk in this situation?”
36. AITJ For Reminding My Annoying Coworker That She Used to Be Very Overweight?
“So I have this colleague (Sharon) who, since 2020 and work from home, all of a sudden became a healthy lifestyle fitness ‘Guru’. She used to be very overweight and lost 10 pounds. I’m happy that she is doing that for herself.
We started back in the office last week and since then, eating healthy and fitness is ALL she talks about. We work in finance and sometimes people want silence to concentrate because we have no room for errors.
Anytime someone is eating something she would make a comment about how many carbs or sugars there are and it’s bad for you.
Our company provides free breakfast usually a croissant, fruit, cereal, avocado toast. Everyone loves it and digs in. But I never do. I am just not hungry during breakfast, I’ll just have a coffee for breakfast and I’ll probably have a snack around 2 p.m. But I do eat a proper meal when I get home for dinner with my family.
That’s just how I have always been.
Anyway, Sharon has been noticing I don’t eat breakfast and my eating habits, last week’s Wednesday she told me in front of everyone that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, then constantly sat near me to tell me why.
I told her I was just not hungry. And don’t worry about it because I have dinner at home not like it’s any of her business. Every single day she won’t leave me alone, constantly nagging about breakfast.
Today while everyone was eating their breakfast she came up to me and tried to give me toast and fruit and asked me when was the last time I ate.
She was horrified that it was 16 hours since I last ate. Sharon then lectured me and told me that I was going to get fat and obese because I only really eat one full meal and a snack a day and my body will store the fat and hold on to it and it’s not healthy.
(I am 5’4 110 pounds. She is the same height as me but 170 pounds)
I had enough enough of Sharon today and snapped reminding her I’m skinnier than her and to mind her own business and get to work.
Well, Sharon told everyone that I was a jerk because she was just being concerned and nice and bringing me breakfast and I turned around and called her fat.
Which did not happen at all. I hate working back in the office.
AITJ for reminding Sharon I was skinner than her ?”
35. AITJ For Refusing To Ask My Dad For More Money To Give To My Mom?
“I (21 F) live alone in an apartment that my dad pays for. My parents have never really been together, they ended on bad terms, and don’t have much of a relationship today.
My dad covers all my expenses and I am a full-time student.
My mom has never really taken financial care of me, she’s had a few long-term romantic partners over the years that she has needed to support (which is completely okay with me because she’s always been my most present parent and we have a really great relationship).
I developed a habit of internalizing my needs in fear of feeling burdensome.
My mom has been unemployed for a few months and she’s been asking me to ask my dad for money for her, but to say that it’s for me. I’d do absolutely anything to help my mom, but I don’t have that type of relationship with my dad and I struggle to ask him for anything, I even avoid seeing my cardiologist (I have a chronic heart condition) sometimes because I’m anxious to ask him to pay.
He has never made me feel bad about asking for anything and is always willing to help me, my fears about asking for help are personal. I also don’t want to take advantage of his generosity. Whenever I mention my mom needing help, it’s always an immediate no from him.
My mom recently asked me to pay for a few of her internet bills from my allowance and just ask my dad for more money, but because I’m scared to ask him for more than he’s already given me. I paid her bills from my allowance and cut down on the things I needed like groceries and personal products.
I’m afraid to talk about anything I do for myself because she makes me feel terrible for spending my money when she needs it, and I feel horrible about it too. I’ve been struggling to talk to her because of her overwhelming hostility, but she will call over and over, call and text my partner incessantly, and email me saying she misses me and that she’s scared for my life, but when I call her back, she treats me terribly over the phone.
When I see her calling me, I get sick to my stomach, and so anxious and afraid.
She needs financial help again, but I have so many personal expenses, but that doesn’t make my needs more important than hers, and I guess I could think of a reason to ask for money from my dad.
AITJ for not wanting to give her my money or ‘swindle’ my dad? I feel terrible even saying that.”
34. AITJ For Refusing To Reschedule My Wedding For My Best Friend?
“My partner of 5 years proposed last weekend and we are so excited that we simply don’t want to wait a whole 1-2 years to plan a big to-do wedding.
We are a pretty low-key couple and an elopement has always appealed to us, but we know we’d hurt some family and friends by running off to get married alone. Instead, we are planning a semi-elopement where only our closest loved ones are invited to a nice ‘rehearsal dinner’ the night before the wedding and then the next morning whoever of that group would like to join us to witness our vows and have brunch afterward is welcome.
Then, when we’re ready, we’ll throw a big ‘WE GOT MARRIED!’ party where ALL friends and family are invited.
Well, my partner and I discussed where and when we want to exchange vows and the obvious choice was on a nearby island that holds special meaning to us.
Given it’s a popular local vacation spot, we either had to jump now or wait an entire 1.5-2 years for booking to open up. Well, by some miracle the stars aligned in late August 2022 and we found the perfect lodging (my new husband and I will stay on the island for a mini-honeymoon), got tickets on the ferry that books so far in advance it’s a miracle in itself, and ALL of our family members a have cleared their schedules with enthusiasm and excitement.
Well, except for my best friend of 25 years. We met at preschool when we were 3-4 years old and she is so much like a sister to me, she and he partner are the only ones not related by blood or marriage to be invited to our wedding.
Turns out, she already agreed to be a bridesmaid at a wedding for a girl she met in college on that date. While I was disappointed I tried to be understanding, telling her that it’s okay to keep her promise to the other friend since she agreed to be a bridesmaid months ago (I didn’t know when this wedding was when we booked everything).
Instead, maybe she could come to the rehearsal dinner the night before since not everyone will join us on the island to get married. Or, if that doesn’t work, she can just come to the big party in the fall and take her rightful title as my Maid of Honor there.
Instead of accepting whether she is able to come or deciding to turn down the other wedding, my best friend has the audacity to ask me to change the date of my wedding so she can attend. I was hurt beyond words and tried not to be indignant, so I calmly responded that I was unable to change the date for all the aforementioned reasons.
Now, she hits me with the statement that she needs time and space to think and that I’ve put her in a really tough position. Ouch.
Am I the jerk for refusing?”
33. WIBTJ If I Back Out Of Being The "Wedding Attendant" At My Sister-In-Law's Wedding?
“My SIL (30) is getting married in November. She was one of my (35 f) bridesmaids after I gave her the option and she chose to take a spot in my bridal party.
I have one son (5) and her sister, my other SIL, has 3 under 3.5 (almost 1-year-old twins) plus there are a lot of other small children under the age of 3 in the extended family on our side at a minimum.
In December, the engaged SIL handed me a present that when opened said, ‘Will you be my wedding attendant?’ Now, having been to about 50+ weddings, I know this role is a relatively uncommon unnecessary one but an easy one, handing out programs, helping people to seats, etc. So I said, ‘Of course I will.’ Her response was, ‘Awesome!
Yeah, there are just going to be a lot of kids and we are going to need someone to help with that…’ I thought maybe I heard wrong or misinterpreted what she meant, however, it was then confirmed when my husband asked his Mom what this role entailed and she reiterated, ‘Helping to watch the children during the wedding.’ My husband responded that it was very inappropriate to ask me to do that and that if they need a babysitter they need to hire one.
She responded that she is staying out of it.
I have been to weddings with hired babysitters which is a nice addition in case you have to bring your child and don’t want to be chasing them the whole time but it was never a guest.
Lastly, I am also newly pregnant and due in October (hopefully) so I will also be managing just trying to get to this wedding while figuring out what to do with a newborn let alone any additional responsibilities or children other than my own. If the pregnancy goes well and I have a newborn, there is no way I could do this anyway so it may be a moot point.
But I need to know if the pregnancy doesn’t go well, or actually, even if it does, WIBTJ for saying no to this role after agreeing to it before I knew what they had in mind?”
32. AITJ For Being Mad At Parents Not Caring About Their Kids Being In A Bar?
“So a new arcade just recently opened up in my area. The arcade is aimed at adults and it is a licensed bar. You are allowed to walk around with your drinks and there are very strict rules about children inside since it is a bar.
The rules with kids are all guests under 19 MUST be gone by 9 pm and while they are inside, they must be accompanied by an adult at all times which brings me to my issue.
I went to this ‘barcade’ on Saturday with my significant other at about 5 pm and the place was CRAWLING with kids, which didn’t bother me much at first however when we got our drinks and got into playing the games, we noticed lots of kids without their parents, they started cutting in the lines in front of us and giving us a lot of attitude about putting 2 scans on a game or “taking too long” at a play until you win machine.
We were very considerate, and would never play more than two turns on a machine (one for each of us). One kid in particular cut in front of us at a claw machine and my SO said ‘Hey buddy, the line is back there’. He FREAKED out and screamed ‘ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!’ And ran off.
It got so bad we complained. A mother heard us and started telling us we were horrible people for complaining about kids at an arcade and that if we didn’t like kids to not come to places for kids. I told her I wasn’t complaining that children were there, I was complaining that none of the parents seemed to care about the rule that they must be with their kids at all times.
I reminded her we were in a licensed bar, but she just said I was a jerk for bothering to say anything and walked away. We left after that but I’m wondering if I was in the wrong here.
At the end of the day, it is a bar and they do have policies you need to follow if you want to bring your kids inside… so AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend's Wife Use My Pool?
“My friend Andrew (29 M) is testing out a D&D campaign based in the 80s. The group loved the idea and we all planned to dress up as our characters. For example, I (25 F) am an elf, so I have ears and an 80s outfit.
Andrew wanted to do a one-off campaign and asked if he could host it at my house.
Mark (31 M), who usually joins these campaigns, asked if his partner, Marcy (25 F), could join.
The night of the campaign comes, and Mark shows up early.
The game started at 7 PM, he was there at 4 PM.
I asked him where Marcy was.
He said — Oh she went around the back.
I told him — The gate was locked, to keep my dog inside the yard.
Marcy ends up coming to the front door in a swimsuit, with a tote bag.
I tell them — I am right in the middle of my online class, so you guys should come back at 7 PM.
Nothing is ready yet.
Marcy says – I want to use the pool.
I tell her —I don’t let people use my pool. I am also in the middle of class, so please come back at the right time.
Marcy says she just wants to swim, she won’t be loud.
She will just use the pool and leave.
I tell her — No. You cannot swim. Not now, and not in the future. I absolutely hate when people use me for my pool.
Mark said – She is not using you for the pool. She just wants to swim.
Marcy said — I have a costume for later, but I wanted to swim.
I told Mark — I am going back to class. Don’t come to the game night, we can talk when I have cooled off.
They didn’t come to the game night and I told Andrew (the game designer) what happened. No one else knew.
Mark and Marcy ended up breaking up a few weeks later. Mark says that the whole conversation was weird, that I was a jerk about the pool.
AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Calling My Friend A Leech?
“I (22 F) have been best friends with ‘Eden’ (23 F) for nearly ten years now. However, throughout our friendship, there has always been a lingering discomfort; I am ‘rich’ and Eden is not.
Recently, I got a new job at a prestigious firm with a very nice salary. I took some friends, including Eden, out for drinks to celebrate. All throughout the night, Eden made several comments about how I should be paying for everyone since I was ‘doubly rich’ now.
I just took it as a joke and did indeed pay for everyone since I was the one celebrating my new job.
But this attitude persisted. Ever since I’ve had this new job, Eden keeps suggesting we go out to eat at expensive restaurants, and every single time the bill comes, I’m expected to pay since I’m ‘so rich’ now.
I tried explaining to her that now I have a job, I’m trying not to take any money from my parents and I am paying for everything myself. While my salary may be nice, London’s living costs are extremely high and I’d also like to save as much as I can for my future too.
I expressed that while I don’t mind paying on occasion, it’s not fair to always pick out expensive places to eat/go out if she can’t pay for herself. She snapped at me and said I was being insensitive and not understanding how hard it is to live paycheck to paycheck.
A few weeks later, Eden said she’d found an opening for a nice job and needed help with her application. I was excited and happy for her and spent hours combing through everything to make it perfect for her.
Later that night, it was a mutual friend’s birthday and we all went out for drinks.
Drink prices in London are extortionate and I already knew Eden would be asking me to buy her drinks – and sure enough, she did. I was annoyed but didn’t want to say anything during someone else’s birthday, so I let it go.
Later, I made a joke to Eden that she could finally pay me back for the drinks when she got her new job (the one I had helped her with the application). She looked puzzled for a minute and then laughed, saying that she hadn’t realized that the deadline for the opening had already passed. I felt it was beyond careless and really inconsiderate for her to waste my time like this when she should have checked the deadline at the very beginning.
I swallowed my feelings for the rest of the night but refused to buy her any more drinks (she had already spent £70).
The next morning, I called her to say that she was becoming a bad person who was taking advantage of me. I said she wasn’t acting like a friend, but rather a leech who kept forcing me to pay for everything and had absolutely no respect for me.
I am extremely busy with my new job and I’d taken time from my own day to help her with an application she didn’t even bother to read properly. Eden called me a jerk and said my new job had gotten to my head and that I was being overdramatic by calling her a ‘bad person’.
Am I the jerk for crossing the line and calling her a bad person?”
29. AITJ For Telling My Sister To "Put Her Talents To Work" So She Could Afford An Apartment?
“Last month my parents were visiting an old friend of theirs who was sick. They ended up staying for a week because he died just when they were planning on returning.
My (16 M) sister (22 F) has been living with us since she finished college last year, she is very arrogant and loves to order me around and even treat me like I was her personal servant. For the whole week, my parents were away she kept bringing different guys she met online to our house to sleep with.
Whenever she’s with someone she’ll tell me to go up to my room and not leave until she calls me out.
One day it was getting late and I was feeling hungry because I hadn’t eaten anything since I got home from school so I went downstairs to the kitchen to get something to eat.
When she saw me she got very angry asking me what I was doing, I told her I was hungry so she grabbed a box of cereals, escorted me to my room, and told me here’s your dinner. She took the key from inside my room and locked the door.
So I called my parents and told them what was happening. After a few minutes, she opens the door and asks me if I am happy now, I sarcastically answer yes and she leaves. When my parents came home they were furious at her and told her if she kept bringing guys to the house they were gonna kick her out.
Afterward, she came to my room and started calling me names because she didn’t have anywhere to go if our parents kicked her out. I told her they weren’t going to kick her out if she followed their rules and even if they did, she could just put her talents to use so she could afford an apartment.
My parents overheard the whole conversation so now I am grounded for the whole summer.”
28. AITJ For Having Disagreements With My Partner About Our Vacation?
“My partner and I have been planning on leaving the country to go on a 2-week vacation.
We are both in our early 20s and like most 20-year-olds, we are broke.
My partner’s parents are pretty wealthy so they offered to give her money to pay for herself.
My partner and I both made lists of where we would want to go, mine were relatively cheaper places compared to hers.
It started annoying me, seeing that the things she chose were extremely expensive and well out of my budget because her parents were now paying for her.
She finally settled on a trip that would literally cost 4k minus food and basic necessities.
I told her that there was literally no way I could save up enough to go on a trip that expensive.
We got into a huge argument and we sort of stopped talking about it for a while.
A couple of days later she had a huge smile on her face and showed me that she bought two business ticket flights. At first, I thought she bought me a ticket without telling me, which made me mad, but what she did was invite her friend, buy her a ticket, and tell me after she bought them before even consulting me.
I got angry, and she couldn’t understand why. ‘It’s cheaper now that we are splitting it with my friend’.
First off, I hate her friend, out of all the people she could have picked, she picked the most unbearable and rude person to be stuck with for 2 weeks, secondly, this trip was meant for the two of us.
She then told me that she was going to pay for half my expenses but I had to tell her right now and commit to this trip.
I didn’t say anything and just went back to my parents’ place.
She has been calling them nonstop and they are telling me to at least talk to her.
They say her heart was in the right place and Im really just blowing up because of my ‘pride’.
AITJ? I feel like im justifiably upset.”
27. AITJ For Telling My Fiancee Just Because She Earns More Doesn't Mean She's The Breadwinner?
“My fiancée and I moved in together shortly before we got engaged. Before we did, we discussed how we’d split the housework and bills.
50/50 down the middle with some wiggle room for when the other needs help. When we moved, it was into her parents’ 2-story garage that they converted into basically an apartment. They offered a low rent (700 total) and pitched in for the electricity and internet so we could save funds for our own place and wedding.
My fiancée earns more than me and that’s cool, I’m proud of her. Before we moved in together it always seemed like she was living paycheck to paycheck and I chalked it up to the apartment she had prior to having insane high rent.
She stuck to the 50/50 arrangement at first concerning bills but she missed often and I had to remind her about it. Post-engagement, she’s back to living paycheck to paycheck, either missing or very late with her part of the rent monthly, the two utilities we pay, groceries, and late with her car payment.
Her parents have talked to me multiple times about rent and I’ve covered her missing portion to get us caught up, and then try talking to her. It always turns into her saying we should just move if her parents are going to hound us.
I told her we’re lucky it’s her parents because anywhere else would’ve kicked our butts out. On top of that, I pay my own bills, do about 65% of housework, arrange and pay for most of our dates and vacations, gifts for her, and pay most towards our pets.
I’ve suggested a financial coach but what kicks me is whenever we’re around others, she boasts about being the breadwinner since she earns more. Goes on about the stresses of being the main source of income, all the hours she has to work to ‘pay all our bills’.
I was letting it slide until a few days ago we were at a get-together. She and her sister started up again about her being the breadwinner. Her sister said something to the effect of her ex having a hard time being with someone who earned more, and my fiancée went ‘Good thing OP doesn’t mind me bringing home the pay’.
I told her just because she earns more doesn’t make her the breadwinner when she blows it all on herself and I’m paying most of the bills. She’s embarrassed now and keeps saying I made her look bad and got her in trouble with her parents because they want to see what she spends her money on each month, but I don’t think I did anything wrong.
AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Ignoring My Sister-In-Law And Her Husband At My Mother-In-Law's Birthday Party?
“I’m Irish. I moved to the US 5 years ago after meeting my husband, we’ve been married for 3 years now. My accent has not faded at all in the 5 years I have lived here.
Actually, it stands out a little more than ever to be perfectly honest. My SIL has made some comments in the past about how I talk, little jokey things that were annoying but I let it go for the sake of peace. A few times she has said my name wrong too.
About a year ago she started outright mocking how I talk. Making fun of the way I say three and the words in general. Or the way some words are said differently like aluminum. My husband told her to knock it off. Her husband was joining in too.
If it wasn’t words it was Irish names they would mock or laugh about. I always attempted to be good-humoured about it but it was so hard to hear it. More than once I held back so I wouldn’t give out to them.
The breaking point was his joke that I sounded dumb and illiterate for dropping letters or saying them a different way.
Telly was a word they went crazy over me saying. They said it was childish. My husband told them if they were going to treat me that way then we’d just not see each other anymore. They didn’t think he was serious but outside of bigger family occasions, we don’t interact now.
Not even a phone call or text.
My MIL turned 60 a few days ago and there was a small family party to celebrate. SIL and her husband were there and did attempt to talk to me, but I ignored them and walked away, not wanting to be mocked by them again.
They didn’t like that and went around complaining. My MIL’s two sisters told me I should have been a civil adult and engaged with them briefly to not be rude. MIL and FIL told them it was better than the alternative of an out-and-out fight.
It did put a damper on MIL’s birthday and she’s been lovely to me, so I feel a little bad about it.
AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Not Coming To My Sister's Best Friend's Funeral Because She Bullied Me?
“I have three older siblings. My brothers are already out of the house which leaves just me (15 f) and my sister (16 f) at home. She was best friends with Katie for as long as I can remember. They hung out all the time and my sister loved Katie.
But Katie was the worst. She was a bully. She bullied me and several other kids. I know she added to my struggles with my mental health (diagnosed with anxiety and depression) and she made life kinda miserable for me at school. My sister was always quick to defend her and say she was a really good person but most people in our school would disagree She was even disliked by her siblings for treating others badly.
She died really suddenly. She had asthma and died of an asthma attack. My sister was really broke up about it and I was really not. I told my parents I could not do her funeral so I stayed home while they went with my sister.
She called our brothers and asked them to come support her and they wouldn’t, so she asked me and I wouldn’t. She told me she needed us and I told her I could not go to Katie’s funeral under any circumstances.
She told me I didn’t know Katie the way she did.
And I pointed out she wasn’t treated like I was by Katie, and that she would never know what it was like. She said family was more important than anything and I told her that wasn’t true or she would never have stayed friends with Katie.
The funeral was a couple of days ago and I didn’t go and my sister thinks I’m a jerk for that. My aunt wanted to know why I didn’t go either and said I should have supported my sister even if I disliked the ‘dead girl’ (her words).
I told her I couldn’t honestly sit there and listen to her being talked about as a good person when she worked to make my life miserable. Turns out Katie’s siblings didn’t show except for the youngest either. Which made my sister all the more angry at me.
I feel like she wanted Katie’s treatment of me dismissed and by not going to support and comfort her, it was another sign that nobody else really liked Katie.
AITJ?”
I think sister expected lots of people to be at the funeral to mourn her best friend but there wasn't. but like you said bully's don't have lots of friends they have lots of victims who refuse to attend the funeral cos no-one liked her so why take time out their day to put on an act....
As for supporting sister.... ask aunt where sisters support for you was when her best friend was making your life jerk even in your own home...
No not the jerk at all
24. AITJ For Not Chipping In For A Gift For My Pregnant Coworker?
“I have this coworker, Mel. I don’t like her and never have. She’s a judgmental gossip who thinks she’s better than everyone else. She and her little minion ‘Belinda’ just talk trash about EVERYONE. Then Mel either acts like they’re friends to their face or just talks down to them and is very abrasive almost aggressive.
I avoid her because I don’t feel like dealing with it.
I guess Mel is pregnant with her second kid.
Belinda came up to me Thursday and said she was collecting funds for a gift for Mel. I said, ‘Doesn’t she already have most baby stuff?
It’s her second kid’. I have friends who didn’t have baby showers for their second/third because they already had stuff.
Belinda said, ‘Well this is her first with her partner so I figured we could all pitch in for something for her’. I said I’d think about it.
I’m the type that will get gifts myself if I want to give someone something, I don’t really like doing group/obligatory stuff.
Friday she approached me again and asked if I was going to give money. I said I didn’t have cash but maybe Monday.
I’m not really good with confrontation and saying No. I was hoping she’d forget, but figured if she kept bugging me I’d throw in a few bucks to shut them up.
She said, ‘Okay don’t forget’. I asked what she was planning to get Mel.
Belinda said, ‘Oh I’ll probably just give her the money so it can help with whatever she needs’.
That just… cemented my decision. I wasn’t going to chip in so someone can do whatever they see fit. She basically could take it and go out to dinner or buy herself something, and why should I give money to someone I don’t like?
Yesterday she asked again and I said ‘Sorry I can’t, budget is tight this week.’
Belinda said, ‘Well you still manage to get coffee every morning. Maybe you could skip coffee one day this week and throw in 5 bucks instead’. That just really annoyed me for some reason.
I said, ‘Nah I’m good’.
She said, ‘So it’s just that you don’t want to not that you can’t. Wait til you have a baby. I hope no one collects for you’.
I said, ‘I’m not having kids. So…’
She said, ‘Oh so that’s why’.
I said, ‘I’m not debating my decision. You’re not my financial advisor and you don’t sign my paycheck. I’ll do what I want with my money. Thanks’.
She said ‘Yeah and be stingy. You’d probably give to a charity but if a coworker needs help you won’t’ and walked out.
Well, word got around about ‘my confrontation with Belinda’ and a few coworkers approached me. Some said they agreed and others said they just threw in a few bucks to be nice and that I was being mean when I didn’t know her circumstances and maybe she really needed help, but you can’t give money with strings.
Which was why I didn’t chip in… but anyway AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Come With Me On My Vacation?
“My (23 F) mom and I don’t have the best relationship but I am sure if you asked her she would say the opposite. She is a narcissist and hasn’t been very nice to me growing up.
I have a lot of family that lives abroad in Europe and I wanted to go visit them. I’ve been doing this once a year since I was 19. So I saved up my PTO and money and booked a trip to Europe. I also had a friend who was coming with me.
I told my mom that I was going to Europe and what dates I would be there. We had multiple conversations about it before I left too. I would repeatedly tell her the dates I was going.
When it started getting closer to the time (about a month before) my friend and I decided to go to a second country while we were over there.
I tell my mom this and she starts saying things like ‘Oh I WAS planning on going there too’ or ‘WE should MEET UP when we go there’. I tell her that I do not want her coming along on any part of the trip.
I feel like being with that part of my family is my safe space away from my toxic mom so I wanted to enjoy this alone/with my friend. I also didn’t want my mom to come with me to the other country because I wanted to enjoy without her negativity and judgment.
My mom is obviously offended and she keeps pressuring me to tell her the dates so she can see ‘if I’m going at the same time as her’. At this point I asked her ‘What dates are you going’ and she REFUSED to answer.
She started saying things like ‘I’m not playing this game with you’ or ‘I can’t believe my own daughter would do this to me’ and continuously said offensive things because I didn’t want to tell her when I was going.
The trip was a little over a month ago.
I stayed for 2 weeks and visited 2 countries. But when I arrived at the country my family lives in I found out on the first night I was there that my mom was coming to the country the week after I left.
I haven’t spoken to my mom since her texts about me being a bad daughter and trying to hide things from her and that was over two months ago.
AITJ for not telling my mom when I was going to Europe?”
22. AITJ For Telling Our Mom That My Sister Canceled On Me For Her Friend's Birthday?
“I (18 f) was supposed to celebrate my birthday the other day by just hanging out with my younger sister K (16 f).
We made plans earlier in the week to go to this movie I wanted to see, and get dinner afterward. It’s normal for my sister and I to spend our birthdays with each other because our dad (who we live with) has never been the celebration type.
So as soon as my sister and I could drive we just started celebrating on our own.
On the day of, I got dressed and everything because I thought my sister and I were still going through with the plans we made, but she came into my room and told me that she was going to her friend’s house because it was his birthday and they were having a party.
I tried not to look hurt about it because it’s understandable that she’d want to hang out with her friends at a party more than she’d want to hang out with me at a movie theater watching something she isn’t interested in.
I told her to have a good time and just kinda sat on my bed for a while.
Our mom FaceTimed me a little while later and asked why I was still in my room if the movie had started already. I told her that K and I weren’t going to the movie anymore and that K was at her friend’s house celebrating his birthday.
My mom hung up a bit after that, and I ended up buying myself a cake and eating it in my room while watching TV on a group call with some friends.
When my sister got home later that night, she immediately came up to my room and told me how petty it was for me to have told our mom about her and that she was tired of always having to hang out with me instead of having a good time with her friends.
I didn’t know she felt like that, I don’t really go out often so when I do, she’s with me. If I had known she didn’t like hanging out with me I wouldn’t have offered all the time.
I told her that I didn’t realize she wanted the party with her friends to be a secret, but she rolled her eyes and went to her room.
She told our dad what happened, and he got onto me for ‘getting back’ at my sister for canceling on me. He said that I should’ve known what would happen if I told our mom that K had other plans and that I was in the wrong for snitching.
I really didn’t mean to do that, but I guess the impact of what I did matters more than the intention.
One of my friends said that I didn’t do anything wrong and that my sister should be apologizing to me, but I don’t know.”
21. AITJ For Disregarding My Partner's Concerns About My Dress?
“I am going to a friend’s house party. I’m staying over at her house because of the distance and that I’ll be drinking.
My partner ‘Mike’ and I have been having intimacy issues for a while now and have been arguing back and forth.
I just want to note that Mike has never had an issue with what I wear before, I have gone out clubbing with my friends in almost the exact same outfit and he never had a problem before.
So I told Mike about the party a week ago, he asked a few questions like who my friend was, who was staying at hers, does he know any of the people at the party (just in case he can’t get ahold of me and needs to get in touch with one of our mutual friends).
I answered all that and it was good.
Today as I was leaving a bit early to help set up, Mike saw what I was wearing and asked ‘Is that what you’re going to wear’. When I asked what was wrong with it he did not say anything except ‘If you’re going to flirt with other guys, do it’.
I rolled my eyes and told him he never had an issue with this outfit before and that he had seen the way I dress, this outfit is not the norm for my style. Also for the record, I would never flirt with someone.
He started to argue with me about my out and the lack of ‘coverage it has’.
I let him just say what he needed to say and then I just said see you later and left. He was mad at me and I had been forwarding his calls. My sister said whilst it was my body, my choice of what to wear, I should have at least changed to give Mike peace of mind instead of just leaving anyway.
So, AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Not Letting My High School Enemy Come With Us On A Weekend Getaway?
“I (26 M) moved away from my hometown and with the global crisis and everything I haven’t been around my friends from high school for years.
Some have gotten married so I wanted us all to get together. Months ago I planned this weekend. I got this lake house for a whole weekend and a boat. My best friend is a girl named Chelsea. I also invited two of our other friends from high school and their wives.
And one of our other single friends was coming as well (7 people total). Originally they wanted to invite this girl named Olivia, who I despise. Thankfully before I had to voice my concern, she said she couldn’t go as she had to work that weekend.
Awesome. So everything is bought and paid for. People have requested off work, flights booked. Everything is all ready for next month.
Chelsea FaceTimed me yesterday and told me she had news. Well, she told me that Olivia could come now and would gladly pay extra even for her spot so she could go.
Olivia and Chelsea are best friends. But she knew we hated each other.
To give the backstory: Olivia and I were enemies in high school. I’m a ginger. And she was by far the worst of anyone at making jokes. I had a big mouth because I always felt like I had to have it to defend myself.
I’d go back at Olivia too. Chelsea admitted that Olivia was the instigator. But I would say hurtful things too. I would call Olivia dumb and comment on her height (which I knew she was sensitive about). I didn’t want her coming on this trip.
But Chelsea wanted us here too. A couple of reasons she was saying:
1. Olivia coming will save each person almost $200 on the cost of the weekend.
2. Olivia, whether I like it or not, is friends with both Chelsea and the other girl coming. So it would be unfair to leave her out of the friend group.
3. It’s been 6 years since we’ve seen each other. And we’ve both matured. And she knows Olivia knows now that her picking on me was wrong.
4. We could use this weekend to get past our issues.
I’m refusing because I planned and set up the whole weekend.
Everyone was fine with paying the original amount. The situation was settled until Olivia decided she wasn’t working and we had to make all these changes. I personally know that her presence would ruin my time. Also, my guy friends are on my side.
Chelsea was saying it wasn’t my call because it wasn’t my weekend. Everyone is paying and if it saves everyone money then I just need to suck it up. Olivia reached out to me personally asking if Chelsea had spoken to me. And I’ve yet to respond till I get my verdict here.
AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Not Helping Pay For My Wife's Sister's College Tuition?
“My wife (F 30) and I (M 30) have separate finances and a shared account for house expenses, this was her idea. Her sister (F 20) is in college (private one). Her parents and my wife pay for it and her expenses.
She doesn’t have the best grades and almost failed all her classes last semester.
She doesn’t have any mental problems. She sees a therapist, but said therapist has said to her that there is no excuse for her to not try harder. She’s smart enough but only does the bare minimum, she’s more interested in putting her energy into other things (mostly friends).
Her dad is tired of it and is not going to give his share for the next semester, but is willing to pay for a public school or tutors. My wife wants me to contribute so she can stay in that school.
I didn’t accept, stating the same reasons as her father.
She didn’t like it because if she put in the rest, it would put a dent in her account. Although there is some truth to that, it was her decision and hers alone to help pay for her sister’s college, I didn’t agree with it but there is a reason why we have separate accounts.
She mentioned that I help to pay for my nephews and nieces’ education. I do, but I do it with conditions they always fulfilled.
I said fine, I will pay the rest, but she will have the same conditions, if she doesn’t fulfill them by the end of the next semester, I want my money back.
I have to mention that this conversation happened with her family present, which I think is nonsense. She, her mother, and sister didn’t like it. Even less when her brother (M 15) jokingly asked me if he could get money, I said that if he met the conditions (he does), he would get it.
She’s been short with me and said that I shouldn’t put conditions if I’m helping. I’m not helping, I’m willing to contribute but not for free. AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Reminding My Wife That She Said She Would Never Tag Along With Me And My Parents Again?
“So a few weeks back, I (27 M) treated my parents and siblings to their first-ever live soccer match. They were super hyped!
My wife (28 F) decided to join because why not, even though she isn’t a fan of the team we were watching or the sport. I purchased tickets for the supporter’s section (which admittedly can get a bit rowdy – constant cheering, chanting, beer showers, etc.).
Within 10 minutes of arriving, my wife wanted to leave. My other family members were in awe like little children and having a blast! The whole game, she was miserable and got angry and walked off 20 minutes before the game ended.
The following day, we had an argument about how she hated it, and I could understand why she was uncomfortable (to add the the section we sat at, it was also 90 degrees during the game).
She said that was the last time she would tag along with us.
Fast forward to now, and we are on a family road trip. My parents hadn’t taken a vacation away from home in 20+ years so we decided to go around the US Southwest region.
At each stop we take, my parents take their sweet time exploring the sites (note: I picked these sites due to my wife and I having enjoyed them before) and she tries to hurry them. I told her she shouldn’t be rushing them as this is their vacation and we are simply tagging along.
She says she doesn’t know why she joined and I reminded her about how she said she wouldn’t tag along with my family to other events. She got mad at this and stormed off.
I tried to talk to her and she said she was annoyed/mad at my ‘tone’ when I reminded her of her ‘never tagging along again’ comment.
In retrospect, perhaps my tone was rude due to me being annoyed at her attitude during the trip but like I told her, this was my parents’ trip, not ours. They cover almost all the costs vs. when just us two travel.
AITJ for making that reminder or should I be more understanding of my wife’s feelings.”
17. AITJ For Hanging Up On My Coworker?
“I (37 F) was contracted to program a few very technical areas of a new job site. I am manufacturer-certified to work on the equipment we’re using and have been working in the general field for almost two decades. My coworker (‘CW,’ mid-twenties M) is not but was working heavily on the gear for a month before I arrived. He is responsible for several other smaller areas.
We have both taught each other several useful things about several aspects of the job. The technology is always changing; you can’t stop learning.
That said, there isn’t always a ‘right’ way to do something (many ways to skin a cat, right?), but CW will argue something to the death if you’re not doing it HIS way.
Today, in my area, I was running Test A on some hardware and finding faults to correct. When I walked away to get my charger (and I told him where I was going), he closed up and locked the rack, knowing I did not have a key.
I called to confirm that he was the one who’d done it (many people have keys). He confirmed he was ‘but you don’t need it because it would be quicker for you to run Test B, anyway.’ I told him I was in the middle of something and he needed to unlock the rack (and note: if Test B – software – failed, I would have needed to dig up drawings and access the rack anyway to do Test A, taking more time).
We went back and forth about this, literally repeating the same thing, five or six times before I said, ‘CW, I want you to come and unlock this rack right now so I can finish what I was doing.’ He responded with, ‘Well, I’m on the other side of the job site now, so it would just be quicker if -‘
I clearly wasn’t going to win and I was beyond done arguing (we’ve played this game for two months). I hung up on him and got a rack key from someone else – only to find he’d also closed up ‘every single piece of the inside of the rack’ so I couldn’t access that, either.
When I called him, furious, before I said a word, he told me ‘We’re on the same team and it was childish and disrespectful of you to hang up on me.’ I told him that childish and disrespectful was arguing with me about how to do my job at every opportunity and intentionally undermining me.
He told me that accusation was beyond the pale. I told him beyond the pale was locking me out of my own workspace. AITJ?”
16. WIBTJ If I Don't Give My $4000 To My Father?
“I’m 18 years old. I got money after an accident, 4000 dollars to be precise. I promised him that I would give it to him to use after I found out about his issues with taxes, he said he was very thankful, and I thought he was, but perusal l everyone treats me as a 12-year-old and like I’m a burden to the family so I already feel like I’m useless like they don’t even care about me just my money.
Fast forward to yesterday, I forgot to do a chore because I was playing a game (I have been helping my family move into a new home by renovating, moving furniture, etc., and hadn’t had any time to myself to do what I want so when everyone was out I decided to play on my Xbox that I had bought from my job) I hadn’t been asked to do them, and I had already been doing chores for them all day and just wanted some time to myself to relax my mom comes home and, perusal complains on what I didn’t do and not thank me on what I have done.
This is where my dad comes in after work, he comes in and immediately starts to lecture me on not doing the 1 chore I didn’t do, and he ends the lecture with ‘You should stop being so selfish, what’s wrong with you I didn’t raise you to be a selfish jerk’ that broke me so I tried to walk out to take a moment so I didn’t say anything stupid.
This was the conversation that ensued:
D: Where are you going?
Me: I need to get some air and think.
D: What is there to think? Don’t be a selfish jerk, simple as that.
Me: I don’t care. I need space.
D: Give me your Xbox.
Me: What, no, I paid for it.
D: I DON’T CARE. IT’S MY HOUSE AND MY POWER.
Me: No I’m leaving.
D: OK THEN GET OUT AND DON’T COME BACK YOU SELFISH LITTLE JERK.
I left and sent him some texts about how I couldn’t believe how he of all people could call me selfish after I gave him 4000 dollars without any strings attached, and how I helped him during the move.
So now I’m thinking if I’m so selfish then he doesn’t need my money, my help, or myself. We had a great relationship but now I don’t know what to think or what to do if it matters if I’m not a jerk then I’m going use the funds to get a plane ticket and move out somewhere else so WIBTJ?”
DO NOT give him the funds get your things move out and go NO CONTACT with all of them. They don't want you they want your money you know this so on top of being the family maid your also the family bank account... by that I mean as long as your cleaning or giving them money then that's ok but when you take 10 mins for your self then your berated and yelled at called names then he wants 4000$ from you that you got from an accident and from working but apparently your useless... get your things go and block them all then use your funds to get a therapist.. get the police to go with you. You are 18yrs old and legally an adult just leave them to solve their own tax issues and do the9r own housechores
15. AITJ For Not Teaching My Sister's Kids Her Values And Beliefs?
“My sister (28) lost custody of all 3 of her children (8 f 6 m, and 2 f) because of her substance use and neglect.
I (26) had my sister’s children for 2 years now and in those 2 years she changed her beliefs 10 times and expects me to teach her children about those beliefs each and every time, I had to stop at the 5th time as I see it having a negative effect on her children as it’s very confusing for them to one day be vegan buddies and the next meat-eating Christians.
My sister ever since been mad at me and refuses to see her children until I start teaching them her values and believes I’m taking away her rights as a parent. The thing is it’s extremely hard for me to keep up with all her switching and if it’s hard on me I can’t imagine how hard it is on her children.
She recently changed again and has demanded I enlighten her children on her beliefs and force them to live by them. She told me that it was not her fault she found a better truth and I replied to her why isn’t your better truth ever getting off of illegal substances.
She believes that I don’t ever be supportive of her or encourage her and that she’s trying her best.
I have 2 children a 4-year-old boy and an infant girl who’s 6 months and I’m married it’s just a lot to keep up with each and every time I have to study her new beliefs and then teach them to her children.
I really wanted to give my sister some sense of parenting as I felt it might help her get back to her senses but I’m starting to believe she’ll never do so. I only was supposed to have her children temporarily until she was able to go through rehab and take some parenting classes but she doesn’t seem to be putting in the work.
My mom always enables her and always sides with her, I guess it’s because she’s the golden child, she had such a bright future and even was on her way to a great career, I just don’t understand how things could change so fast
My mom thinks I should respect her beliefs and values and teach them to her children as she believes it will bring them closer to their mom.
My mom said I’m removing chances for them to bond.
Am I the jerk here or should I stay strong?”
14. AITJ For Not Lying To My Work About Who Died In My Family?
“I (26 f) have a half-sister I’ll call Ashley (38 f). We share a dad. Ashley’s mom, Donna, never acknowledged that I exist. Mom, Dad, and I spent ten living in a different city for Dad’s work, starting when I was 4. Ashley didn’t move with us and only came to visit once.
Donna wanted nothing to do with me. I never spoke to her or met her. I’m honestly fine with this, but think I need to make that clear. She had no obligations to me, I was a stranger’s kid, basically, even if I was also her ex’s kid.
In the years since we moved back, I’ve seen Ashley only once a year, until Donna passed away last month. I spent the time I could when I wasn’t working with Asley, and so did our dad, and my mom did a bunch of cooking and gardening for her after work and on the weekend.
Donna’s funeral was held late morning on a weekday.
I’ve had my current job (medical clinic receptionist) for 10 months. I’m not entitled to vacation/PTO until I’ve been there 1 year and I already used up my sick days. The employee handbook says bereavement time is only for ‘IMMEDIATE’ families (children, parents, siblings, and grandparents).
But I talked to my office manager anyway and told her: ‘My sister’s mom died, can I have the funeral day off or just leave for a few hours?’ My manager asked ‘Is this your step-mom’ and I said ‘No, I’ve never met her’ so the answer was no and that anyway we didn’t have enough staff to rearrange the schedule because someone else would be on vacation.
I didn’t try going over her head to any of the doctors because coworkers say that the only people who get exceptions to the bereavement rules are the doctors.
But Ashley is furious with me. She says I should have said my aunt died, but I’m a really bad liar and an aunt isn’t ‘immediate family’ for my workplace.
Also, 3 people on my side of the family have passed away in the last 7 years including my grandma (mom’s side) and Ashley didn’t show up to those funerals or even send us flowers.
My mom is on my side (but she thinks if you aren’t literally dead or grieving a child or spouse, you should be at work).
Dad went to the funeral he thinks I should have been there and I’m getting bombarded by his side of the family who think I’m history’s worst monster now. I’m feeling awful, but I prioritized work because I like the doctors I work for and didn’t want to cause trouble.
So… AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Having Armpit Hair?
“Today, on a car ride home, my dad (47 M) pointed out that at the beach (2 days ago), he noticed I (15 F) had armpit hair and, as I was going to the pool later that day, suggested I shave.
For the record, this is not the first time he has told me to shave before.
Every time, I tell him the same thing, and at this point, I was tired of it, so I told him ‘Dad, can you please not point it out?
I shave once a week (I do) and you don’t need to point it out.’ When we got home, the situation escalated to the point where I ‘snapped back’ and as a result, he yelled at me, and for the rest of the day, he ignored me while I cried one of the hardest cries I have ever had.
An hour ago, he came to my room to talk about it and explained that 1) he’s a guy and from a guy’s perspective no guy will want to date a woman with armpit hair and 2) if I can’t accept little advice like this now from my parents, I can’t accept other advice as I grow older.
He explained that he yelled at me because I snapped back instead of reasoning out normally- I do tend to argue and yell a lot with my parents so I understand.
But my point is not that. I don’t care about what guys or other people think of hair that they will never see.
It’s my body and I get to decide when I want to shave, which I already do. I told him this, but he kept going back to the reasoning about what others would think about me and that I should accept advice like this because shaving armpit hair is ‘hygienic and an unspoken rule.’
He eventually ended the convo with ‘Do what you want’, which frustrated me even more – is he gaslighting me now?
At this point, I’m just gonna give it up. He clearly won’t listen to me and stands clearly with his reasoning.”
And yes he's kind of gaslighting you by telling you to do what you want.... which derr your gunna do anyways... maybe ask your other parent for their opinion of the frequency of your shave routine and whether you should be trying to attract random men at the beach or pool...
12. AITJ For Not Answering Work-Related Calls After 5PM And On The Weekends?
“I accepted the promotion that I questioned so long ago.
About a month later, I went to the doctor and explained that I was always so tired, etc. He went back and checked my iron, RBC, and WBC for the past couple of years and decided to send me to a hematologist and oncologist. I went and had extensive blood work done.
Come to find out, I have a CML and am a level 3 anemic. This is relevant, I promise.
I was scheduled for blood transfusions/IV iron infusions and would have to go back and have my levels tested afterward. On March 28th, I went for a transfusion and went to work the next day and told my boss that I’d have to leave at 4 one day to go get my levels rechecked. He lost his mind.
He was yelling and telling me that they needed me there until 5 p.m. every day. He got out the handbook and was pointing to it, stating that I had signed it and that I would be at work from 8 a.m.-5 p.m. every day, except holidays and approved PTO.
I calmly (at this point) reminded him that I come in at 6:30-7 am every morning and am there until around 7 pm every night and then I go home and work and work all weekend as well (I’m on salary). It’s the only way I can keep up with the work and not fall behind and I’m still always behind on something.
He insisted that didn’t matter because ‘You signed the handbook for 8 am-5 pm’. He repeated this, no matter how many times I pointed out the hours I worked. So, I put my hands in my lap, looked at him straight in the eye, and said ‘8 am-5 pm Monday-Friday correct’ – He said YES!
You signed! I said Mon-Fri 8 am-5 pm. Are you sure? He said YES! You work 8 am-5 pm Monday -Friday. I nodded and said okay.
Here’s where things have gone off of the rail. Since that talk, I’ve done exactly that. Monday-Friday 8 am-5 pm. Things are falling behind.
Things aren’t being done. I don’t answer my phone anymore after 5 p.m. and on the weekends. I don’t answer emails. I don’t answer Skype messages. Everything waits until MY Monday morning (Our HQ is in China and I report to the Director in China).
So that means, an entire day to them, things go unanswered. Now, they are trying to write me up and put me on a PIP because things aren’t getting done. I’ve tried to explain to them, why, but they don’t care. AITJ for just following the handbook?”
11. AITJ For Telling My Coworker There Are No More Cupcakes Left?
“This past Friday was my coworker’s birthday, so our supervisor brought in cupcakes. They were in a box in the breakroom and we were expected to help ourselves if we wanted one.
Here are the three interactions that I (28 F) had with my coworker ‘Sarah’ (35 F) on Friday.
11:00 am: Sarah comes into my office to tell me there are cupcakes in the breakroom, and asks if I want to go with her to get one. I say not right now, but I might get one later.
Sarah says to suit myself and goes into the breakroom. She comes in again on her way back, eating her cupcake, and tells me that they’re really good. I agree they look good. Sarah leaves.
12:30 pm: Sarah stops by my office again on her way back from the breakroom with a second cupcake.
She says that she’s on her second one and asks me if I’m sure I don’t want one. I say not yet and tell her to enjoy hers. Sarah says thank you and leaves.
1:00 pm: ‘Katie’ (31 F) comes into my office and asks me if I’ve had a cupcake already.
I say no. She says she’s about to get one and that there are only a couple left, so I should get one now if I want one. I say okay and go with Katie to the breakroom. We each get a cupcake and start eating them while chatting in the breakroom.
Sarah comes into the breakroom during this time. She sees me and says it looks like the cupcakes finally got to me. I say that I decided to get one before they all got eaten. Sarah gets a beverage out of the fridge and leaves.
Today, two different coworkers have come up to me to ask me what happened between Sarah and me on Friday. One of them explained that Sarah told all the workers in her section of the office that I made a fatphobic remark about her eating too many cupcakes.
I didn’t mean anything of the kind, so as soon as I heard this I went to Sarah to apologize for the misunderstanding.
When I spoke to Sarah, she said she couldn’t accept my apology because I obviously wasn’t being honest with her.
She says it would be one thing if I had just accidentally fatshamed her with my words, but that I also refused to be seen eating with her when I was fine eating with Katie. (Katie and I are both thinner than Sarah.) I explained again that I didn’t mean to hurt Sarah’s feelings at all and said I was sorry if she took it that way.
She said that she’d just have to see what my supervisor thinks about this.
So AITJ? I want to have an idea of whether I’m in the wrong before my supervisor talks to me.”
10. AITJ For Sticking To The 50-Person Limit On Our Wedding?
“Last night my (27 F) fiancé (29 M) had a nightmare that woke him up. (What it was about is irrelevant.) So we were up talking at 5 a.m. All of a sudden he tells me that his dad started speaking to his brother (fiancé’s uncle) again and that now we had to invite them to our wedding.
We’re on a tight budget. So tight it’s unheard of in our area. So far we think we can pull it off, but we need to keep our guest list under 50 people so we’re considered a ‘micro wedding’. I’ve had to cut a lot of people from my side who we both love and really want there.
But it’s the price to pay if we want a wedding and not just elope so I accepted it.
His sister has absolutely tortured me the entire 10 years we’ve been together. (Not enough characters to get into details.) It makes me sick to my stomach to be in the same room as her.
But he said, ‘She’s family, she has to be there!’ So I gave in and reluctantly said fine. (Because of how she treats me they’re definitely not close anymore, but he says ‘She’s still my sister’.)
We’re at our 50-person limit. We can’t invite more people.
So I told him hard no to his aunt, uncle, and cousin coming. Besides, his aunt is just as bad as his sister. She doesn’t even want us together. I don’t want 2 people who make me uncomfortable. This aunt, uncle, and cousin did not congratulate us on our engagement, nor have they ever reached out to my fiancé to say hello, happy birthday, ask to see him, ask how he is, etc. There was no fight between the uncle and his family and my fiancé’s family.
They just grew apart over the years.
So here’s why I think I’m not the jerk. I’ve already compromised twice. I cut so many relatives who mean the world to me and who I can’t imagine getting married without. And I compromised by agreeing that his sister could come.
Also, I had to knock two additional people off so there was a spot for his sister and her partner. So I feel like I’ve done my share of compromising and losing out in the guest list department. In addition to my personal feelings, we have a strict limit from the venue that keeps us under 50 people.
If we go above that we’re considered a regular-sized wedding, which adds thousands in fees that would put us too far over budget. This is the cheapest venue in our area and they all have similar rules, so switching isn’t an option.
I think I might be the jerk because it is his family.
Maybe I should care less about my own feelings and cut something else (would have to be the DJ or photographer) so we can afford to invite them? He was mad enough that he rolled away from me (we were cuddling) and didn’t talk to me the rest of the night (technically morning) And he didn’t wake me up to kiss me goodbye in the morning.
(I ask him to do that, he’s not being a jerk by waking me up.) That’s not a typical reaction from him so I could tell he was hurt.”
9. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Fiancé About Donating His Inheritance?
“My fiancé (24 M) comes from a wealthy family. Due to some history of addiction and poor choices from his parents, his grandparents have decided to give away everything they have to him.
His grandmother has cancer and his grandfather has to have around-the-clock care. It’s hard to tell how much time they have left.
They are immigrants and worked very hard for what they have. They’ve offered constantly to buy him a house, pay off his student loans, and invest in a business for him, pretty much from the day he turned 18.
However, he’s consistently stated that it made him uncomfortable and it wasn’t ‘his money’ despite the fact that his grandparents treat it as such.
Recently, he’s dabbled in the idea of starting a business and I threw my full support behind him.
He’s financially very responsible, has a good brain for investments, and seems to have a real passion for his idea, so I love it.
However, his mother brought up the possibility of his grandparents passing away soon and that he needs to seriously think about what he’s going to do.
He said he didn’t want their money and would likely donate it. I didn’t say anything until we got home, but when we did I told him I thought it was disrespectful that he planned to give it away. They worked hard to be able to provide for their descendants and if they didn’t want him to have it, they wouldn’t be giving it to him.
He got mad and accused me of only wanting money, which is ridiculous because we agreed that I would sign a prenup. Now he’s giving me the silent treatment.
I do understand that it makes him uncomfortable and he’s stated repeatedly, that he didn’t want to gain wealth from his the death of grandparents.
I think I may be the jerk because when I accused him of being disrespectful, I didn’t take his feelings about it into account. So AITJ?
EDIT: Just to clarify a few things. My fiancé and I first met when we were 16 and we started going out when we were 17, 5 years before he confessed and told me his grandparents were extremely wealthy.”
8. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Babysit My Kids For A Night?
“I have three children (12 m, 10 f & 8 m), all of whom I have full custody of.
We also have a dog. My partner does not live with us, but he spends most nights at our house so he knows my kids well. He gets on with the boys, albeit not as well with my daughter, and is capable of looking after the dog.
My father died of pneumonia last year and my mother has not been coping well. My sisters and I have been unable to visit recently as she has been ill, but one of my sisters still does her shopping for her. I received a phone call from my sister two nights ago telling me my mother had fallen down the stairs and badly damaged her hip.
Immediately, I wanted to jump in the car and go, but that was not possible. I spoke to my partner (I did explain the situation to him) and asked him if he would be alright if I left him alone with the kids for the night.
Realistically, all he would need to do was cook dinner, drive them to school, and make sure that the boys don’t attempt to kill each other. He has a daughter (26 f) so he has parenting experience, but he thought that it was unfair of me to spring this on him.
What if he had had plans? He told me that I seemed not to care about his time and that I should have a babysitter ready for things like this. I asked him again if he’d do it and he said no, so I asked him to leave while I contacted a friend, who agreed to come over and watch them.
I’ve spoken to my sisters about this and one agrees that it makes sense I would ask him, he’s always at my house anyway, but the other thought it was unfair of me and that he would probably have wanted to be invited to visit my mother with me instead.
I honestly don’t know what to think. AITJ?”
What's in this for you? It feels a bit one sided.
7. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite My Brother From My Wedding?
“I (27 M) have a brother (35 M) that’s pretty awful. He mistreated me as a kid, and I always kind of repressed that. He was my hero when I was a kid, and it was hard to wrap my head around why he would do such a thing to me.
It wasn’t until I met my fiancée that I began to realize the destruction this trauma had caused and I began to try and heal.
My father was a sales executive with a multinational drilling equipment company for 35 years so needless to say he made a lot of money.
However, he fell on hard times when he was laid off years ago and got duped by everyone’s favorite televangelist, Kenneth Copeland, into giving most of his money away to ‘ministry’. He struggled for a while, working whatever jobs he could to provide for himself (65) and my little sister (16).
I’m a realtor and my fiancée has her master’s degree working in the education industry so together we make quite a comfortable living for ourselves. I paid my dad’s rent more times than I can count and bought them food quite often. They lived over an hour away, so it was a bit hard to visit them often but I made sure they were taken care of, and I always assumed my brother did the same, as he makes great money as well.
Last year, I put together a plan to get a large house and have my dad and sister move in with us. We could help my sister stay on track with school and I could work to help him get back on his feet with work.
It was rough, as the financial burden was significant and raising a troubled 16-year-old is hard, but we did it and it’s worked out well. She’s on track and he got his old job back.
During these struggles he was having, he opened up to me that my brother had pretty much refused to help.
He never helped my dad financially except for gas money a couple of times so he could get to work. It’s his money, he can do what he wants, but I would’ve expected him to help the man who had allowed him and his wife to live in our house rent-free for three years.
The final straw, for me, was this past week. My dad loves talking to his sons about our lives, he’s a caring and compassionate man who loves celebrating our successes and counseling us in our failures. My dad was talking with him, because he wanted to set up a day to bring my niece’s birthday presents over to their house.
My brother let it slip that they were setting up for her birthday party, and even though he tried to hide it, my dad was heartbroken that he hadn’t been invited. You could hear it in his voice. I assume my brother heard this because he gave my dad a ‘pity invite’ after this.
My dad still went, but I could tell he was hurt. I’m used to it. I haven’t been invited to a birthday party for either of their kids in at least 4 years and I wasn’t even invited to their baby shower last year, but I was absolutely crushed for my dad.
I want to uninvite him from my wedding and plan on telling my dad and fiancée today, but I don’t want to make a bad emotional decision. AITJ?”
has brother always been this way with dad or is it since he moved out the house he lived in rent free etc... in other words was it dependent on what dad gave bro to benefit bro and family and once dad hit the bad patch bro walked cos dad ain't useful any longer....
I personally would send the invite and if he declines then leave it but if dad tries begging him to attend you need to tell dad straight.. look HE ISNT INTERESTED dad now drop it cos he aint gonna change and if he's only coming cos you had to beg and we don't need him there to have a great wedding
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Arrive At My Brother's Wedding At 7 PM?
“I (F 24) have just been informed by my brother (M 26) that I have to arrive 10 hours early for a wedding. I am a bridesmaid (not the maid of honor) which I understand has its own responsibilities.
There are 3 bridesmaids in total. I am told it is nonnegotiable to arrive any later than 7 a.m. The photographer is hired to arrive at 2:00 for ‘getting ready’ photos and the actual photos should start around 3/4:00 and the wedding is at 5:00.
Some pertinent info:
– it is my only brother’s wedding
– the venue is taking care of all decorations and preparations
– there is a rehearsal the night before and for finishing any final touches
– the wedding is an hour away, meaning I need to leave at 6 a.m. at the latest and wake up by 5 a.m. to shower and take care of pets.
– the wedding is scheduled to last until at least midnight
– a woman was hired for hair and makeup starting at 7 am and going until 2 pm but I am not getting my makeup done and I said it’s okay if I don’t get my hair done, I’ll still pay for it (so the hairdresser doesn’t lose out) but if I need to arrive at 7 to get hair done then I’ll simply do it myself, it’s not a big deal. Both hair and makeup were optional for all bridesmaids and there was not one ‘look’ we all had to match)
– there is nothing else on the agenda aside from ‘getting ready’ other than hair, makeup, and breakfast/mimosas
– I have two dogs. I have one trusted former roommate coming after work at 5:00 pm to let them out and feed them but everyone else I know will be attending the wedding.
The big dog is reactive and cannot have strangers care for her. I can’t lock them up from 6 am to 5 pm and anyone else the big dog is comfortable with also has to attend the wedding
– I offered to arrive at 9 am (still 8 hours early) instead of 7 am and was denied
– this schedule was not known or disclosed before I accepted being a bridesmaid
Am I the jerk for thinking this is a little unreasonable? I love my brother and we’re very close but I’m struggling to work out a solution for my dogs that doesn’t greatly inconvenience others.
I don’t want to be a jerk by causing issues on their wedding day though.”
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Tell My Wife's Daughter That We're Moving To Europe?
“I (50s M) live in Canada but received a job offer in Europe. I don’t want to say which country due to privacy, but needless to say it’s a big move. This is especially a big deal for me because I haven’t been able to find a permanent job in my field for more than ten years.
Not taking this job is just not an option for me.
I recently married my wife (also in her 50s) and she’s going to be moving with me to Europe. Both of us have children from a previous marriage who won’t be moving with us.
My children have always lived with their mother and aren’t really affected by my move because they’re used to me living far away due to work.
My wife’s daughter, however, is 18 and just went off to college. She has a massive anxiety disorder and she’s always calling my wife to complain about her anxieties.
My wife is really worried about telling her about the move because she almost certainly won’t take it well (on top of her mom moving she’s never liked me in the first place).
I think that we should just move and tell her after we’ve already left. Her daughter is 18, living on her own at college, and should be old enough to deal with it.
I don’t want her to get upset and delay everything. I think that once she sees that her mother is moved and is happy in her new country it’ll be easier for her to accept it and she won’t put up a fuss. My wife is more on the fence about it, but after explaining my reasoning she’s coming around to the idea.
The problem is with my daughter (17 f). I’ve been staying at my ex-wife’s apartment (I know it’s a strange arrangement, but I’ve lived with her on and off after the divorce due to my job situation), and my kids of course there too. I like to talk with my wife via video call each evening, and last night we were talking about the move and her worries about how her daughter is going to take it.
After I hung up last night, my daughter came up to me and said that what I was doing was extremely messed up and that my wife absolutely should tell her daughter she’s moving before it happens. I got mad at her for eavesdropping, to which she said that we live in an apartment and with how loud my speaking voice is she has to listen to me talk whether she wants to or not.
I conceded that that was true, but she still had no right to give me advice on my relationship, especially not using information she wasn’t even supposed to overhear.
My daughter called me a jerk and went back to her room to sulk. She’s been ignoring me all day today.
I need to know, am I the jerk?”
4. AITJ For Making My Husband Uninvite His Friend From Dinner?
“My husband and I both work from home most days of the week. A childhood friend of my husband (let’s call him Simon) is a little bit of a loner. He went through a divorce a couple of years ago and has bounced around serious relationships since then.
Often talking about weddings and children after a couple of weeks then ending it after 3 or 4 months. So because of this, he is lonely.
I like Simon but if I am being totally honest, I do find him a little bit exhausting. So when my husband invited him over for dinner every Monday on an ongoing basis I was less than thrilled. But, I am sure you are all thinking, just suck it up for a couple of hours.
Well, I did and I would continue to if it wasn’t for the fact that my husband refuses to come out of his office to talk to his friend (he said he finds Simon boring and only invites him because he feels obliged). I cook and entertain the guest while he is upstairs waiting for dinner.
I have other things going on in my life and I don’t have the mental bandwidth to play therapist to someone else’s friend (I really think he needs to see a therapist and have recommended it many times). My husband will come down for dinner or if he is cooking will ignore his friend till I am ready to make conversation with him.
I think this is bizarre and not fair to the friend or me. My husband told me that he could cook and I could hide upstairs till dinner was ready then come down and bear small talk till the friend left but I think that’s mean as I know my husband will not talk to Simon while he cooks.
I said to my husband if he doesn’t want to talk to the friend he shouldn’t invite him over. I also said it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable not knowing what I can do/if someone will be there in my own home once a week.
He said I could just ignore him till dinner time but I think that’s so strange and rude.
Well, now I have said I’ve had enough and if he wants a friend around he needs to be the one to entertain him. He blew up and said that he just won’t invite him anymore but it’s cruel that I am banning him from the house.
For the record I am not banning, I just don’t want to play pretend with someone else’s friend. But I feel so guilty now as the guy doesn’t have a lot going for him and I know he loves weekly dinner with us.
Please give it to me straight.
Am I the jerk?”
3. AITJ For Complimenting My Daughter's Cousin?
“I’m a mother. My daughter, ‘N,’ is 18 years old. Her cousin, ‘S’ is 15.
N is very very beautiful, she knows it and I’ve always told her about how pretty she is. She is also really intelligent and kind. We have a really strong bond.
My daughter has always been insecure about her height, and small build. She is 5 feet, and people often give her a hard time about it, call her out on it, etc. She is insecure about her figure. In the past, I’ve definitely not been so understanding of her insecurity and I have made remarks about her height, asked her if she wants to try treatments to increase her height, compared her height to other people, and once I brought up her height in front of a random stranger and she said it was very humiliating.
I’ve thoroughly apologized for these things that I did in the past. (although she wasn’t too happy with the way I apologized).
Last night, the two of us were talking about something, when I said that S was extremely beautiful. I said that she had beautiful eyes, long eyelashes, the perfect height, and a perfect figure.
I said that she had it all in the looks department. My daughter concurred and said that she was indeed really gorgeous.
She later brought it up to me and said she was hurt because she thought I knew how insecure she was about her height and figure and even though I never compared her to her cousin, I still spoke about her height and figure as being ‘perfect’.
She also said she acknowledges that she is nowhere near perfect, and there will always be someone more beautiful, intelligent, kinder, etc. than her, and she is trying to work on being at peace with it, but the way I insensitively talked about it still hurt her.
I am at a loss for what to do here. AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Not Coming To A Birthday Party I Wasn't Invited To?
“Last week some of my co-workers started planning something to celebrate someone’s birthday.
The main organizer sat directly in front of me, so most of the planning happened right in front of me and within earshot. They wanted to have dinner at a good restaurant and then go to a club to dance and drink.
I suggested some nice restaurants in the area, as well as a nice, cheap club they could go to. They were excited and thanked me for the suggestions.
There was no, or at least I think there wasn’t, any indication that I was welcome to join.
In fact, it would have surprised me if they had invited me. I am friendly with everyone at the office, but I don’t actually consider any of them a friend. They’re acquaintances, at best. Besides, the main organizer personally invited a lot of people. As I always do, I made my own plans for the weekend.
Friday comes and I leave to meet my friend. A few minutes later, however, I started to get flooded with texts. A lot of people were asking where I was. I was confused and told them I was at X restaurant with my friend. They started to get angry because I ditched last minute.
I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about; I had even forgotten about the birthday celebration.
I told them I didn’t know I was invited, so I made plans on my own. This was apparently a bad move; how could I not be invited if they asked me for suggestions on where to go?!
I told them that idea never crossed my mind and reiterated that since I was not explicitly invited, I simply assumed I was not invited. There was an audible groan before they hung up.
I think I was put in an impossible situation. If I had showed up but wasn’t invited, I would have made everyone uncomfortable.
I was invited but didn’t show up so I made everyone uncomfortable. If I had asked to clarify, it would have been awkward, made me look desperate, and would have made them uncomfortable.
So, AITJ for missing an event because I wasn’t explicitly invited to?”
1. AITJ For Asking About Someone's Gender?
“I (31 F) was recently invited to my partner’s cousin’s wedding as his plus one. It was a really nice wedding ceremony and then later on we were sitting at the reception as the wedding party entered.
The entrances were like they all were, a little ridiculous and cringe but it is what it is, just your typical wedding entrances. Then the best man and the maid of honor were introduced and in their entrance, the maid of honor twirled the best man.
I thought that it was a little weird but just chalked it up to being silly and having fun.
Then came the toast from the best man. In the toast, the best man didn’t use a script on his phone and just spoke to everyone, a crowd of 400, which was surprising to me because typically men, at the other weddings that I’ve been to, need some material to go off of and keep their speech going.
In the speech, he didn’t really seem to touch on the more masculine things that you typically see in best-man speeches but rather on things I thought were more feminine. When he finished the speech, he went directly in for a hug with the groom rather than a typical handshake or whatever else guys do.
All of this plus how much it seemed he cared about his appearance led me to say to the girl next to me; ‘That was a good speech and all but do you think that he is bi?’
She responded, ‘Well that is his fiancée right there’ as she pointed across the table to a girl, to which I then turned to her and asked the same thing if he was bi.
She looked confused and said, ‘No’ to which I responded ‘Are you sure?’
The girl next to the best man’s ‘fiancée’, immediately responded, ‘Well I am his (the best man’s) sister and I think I would know if he was.’ And it turns out that I was at a table with many of the groomsmen’s plus ones and some of their family members.
I took the hint to change the subject but it seemed like it was a touchy subject for some reason.
The night went on and apparently, word had gotten back to the groom’s family, my partner is the groom’s uncle, and the groom’s family was upset with the comments that I made, as it turns out the best man is really close to their family and felt embarrassed that someone would say this to him and some thought I should apologize to the best man and his fiancée for continuing to press questions.
But I felt it was a valid question that I was curious about and even tried to defend it more by saying he seemed to care too much about his appearance and that he danced with a bunch of people and not just his fiancée throughout the night (not grinding or anything but just didn’t have his full attention on only dancing with his fiancé).
This has caused a small strain in my relationship with my partner because his family is upset with me but I don’t think it is valid. I just want to know, AITJ?”
Don't hold out for this relationship to last or for you to be invited to anymore family events if it does seeing how the whole family are disgusted with your ongoing comments based on the fact he didn't need a written speech when most guys do... maybe he memorised it.. the fact he danced with people other than just his fiancee cos you think he should is more proof..
The fact he's well groomed and takes care of himself is more evidence... GET A GRIP!!!
A small strain!! He's gonna drop your closet bigot jerk and good riddance...
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