People Lose Sleep Over Their 'Am I A Jerk?' Stories
26. AITJ For Reporting A Co-worker Who Accused Me Of Faking My Epilepsy?
“I work as a secretary in a doctors office(26f). I also have epilepsy. The past 6-8 weeks my seizures have gotten really bad and I’ve had to leave early quite a few times and missed a couple days. My boss is completely aware of the situation, has even communicated with my doctor, and I have HR accommodations.
The girl who sits next to me isn’t my favorite but I didn’t specifically have a problem with her and we’d never had any issues. Today she got up and left her desk leaving me alone 3 times, once for 20 minutes, once for 40 minutes, and once for 35 minutes.
When she got back the last time I said “Hey, if you’re going to be gone from your desk for longer than 10ish minutes can you let me know so I can know to focus on checking people out and not answering phones?” I was particular to be polite when I said it because I was really annoyed and sometimes have a hard time masking that, so I was making a special effort.
She replied “and if you’re going to have to miss hours and hours 2-3 times a week from your “seizures” do you think you could let US know?” (She did air quotes around seizures, I’m not sure why as she’s seen me have multiple herself).
And I was just completely dumbfounded. I let her know I’d be reporting her to HR, to which she resolved “really? You’re that pathetic?” So I ignored her. Our boss talked to us and I let her know what she said, and she completely ignored it.
I feel like if my supervisor isn’t going to do anything, I need to go to HR. I feel that you can’t make out of pocket comments like that and expect no repercussions. But on my way out I let my boss know I would be talking with HR as a courtesy heads up and she was very unhappy about it.
So now I’m wondering, WIBTJ if I go to HR over this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She basically accused you of faking your disability. A lot of people are very ignorant about disability and seem to think if you don’t “look” disabled enough or your disability doesn’t work how they think it should, then you’re not really *that* disabled. That ignorant bs should be met with consequences.
And the fact that she called you “pathetic” is just icing on the cake.” Charming-Barnacle-15
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I work in a job that has a specific number of employees each day and if someone leaves early it screws up the entire day, so I understand the frustration of your employees.
However. As long as your supervisors know then it’s frankly none of their darn business. You have seizures, at work. That’s all the “proof” they need. Regardless, I hope you find a solution that helps you and I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but your coworker had no reason to talk to you that way and your supervisor should have addressed the situation” xViolet_Ryder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are hired by the workplace not her. They are aware of your medical needs. It’s not up to her to decide what happens. If she is unhappy working with you then she needs to bring it up with boss’s, not make pathetic and demeaning air quotes.
. Report her .” PsychologicalBit5422
25. AITJ For Confronting My Dad's Ex-Partner About Her Messiness?
“I (22F) live at home with my father (60M) still until I’m on my feet enough to get my own place. This woman, let’s call her Lana, is in her 50s. Initially she moved here into our house when I was like 13 as my father’s partner.
They split pretty soon after, but she’s stayed here ever since out of the kindness of my father’s heart rent free because she says if she moves back home, she will likely get back into bad habits.
Lana is a very messy person.
She dirties dishes and our kitchen table to the point where she pretty much makes it a pigsty. Her room is a hot mess too. Several times a week I wash the dishes, clean off the kitchen table/wipe it down with soap and warm water, pick up the living room, vacuum the floor, and sweep the kitchen.
But she literally never helps, I’m basically cleaning up after a woman like 30 years my senior. My father has diabetes, back problems, and esophageal cancer and is out often taking care of my sick elderly grandma so I make sure to keep up on the cleaning both so that I’m contributing and because I don’t want to put any more stress on his shoulders.
(My dad would not accept money from me so this is how I help, he doesn’t believe in charging his child to live here)
Today I finally got sick of Lana never lifting a finger to help out, leaving big messes for me to clean up, and sitting in her bedroom playing on her electronics instead of ever helping that I told her she needs to get off her big lazy behind and contribute because at this point she’s nothing but a freeloading individual. Obviously that resulted in a huge argument between herself and I.
My dad is upset because there was an argument and he doesn’t want to have to worry if things are all good here when he leaves even though he does see where I’m coming from.
I think I may be the jerk because the fact there was an argument stressed my dad and I think I probably could’ve handled it better.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The situation is untenable. Move out as fast as you can AND ensure that you have an important conversation with your father about his will/estate planning. If he doesnt specifically name you as his beneficiary, and dies without a will, based on where you live, etc., Lana might very well get his house and even more.
It sounds really hard for you, good luck.” BruceShark88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You need a sit down talk with your father and explain that you can’t go on like this anymore. You need to tell him, if she stays you are going because she is a freeloader who is taking advantage of not only him but you and you are through with it all.” AmbitionEven884
24. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Younger Sister's Expensive Birthday Dinner?
“I (29F ) would call myself pretty successful. I do have a pretty great amount of money in and out of the bank. My sister has always been the sister who doesn’t work and gets rewarded. I, on the other hand, fit the exact stereotype of “older sister who works hard.” It was my little sister’s 26th birthday and of course I wanted to enjoy my sister’s birthday party.
She was hosting a party at this expensive restaurant that’s like $90 per person? I get she wanted to spoil herself but we don’t come from a rich family and she barely does anything to gain that kind of money, all she did was be in a relationship with rich people.
When we got there it was a beautiful place, me and my (31M) husband arrived early. My little sister already seemed upset at something, I didn’t ask and just told her happy birthday. 7 other people arrived when 12 people were supposed to arrive, if anything I get why they didn’t show up – that price is absolutely atrocious.
Keep in mind this is like a restaurant where you set reservations and pay later. We all brought her gifts and she ended up getting $400 in total with a couple of clothes and a purse. After dinner, my husband paid for me and his dinner before everyone else.
My sister had the money to pay alongside with her wealthy partner she is in a relationship with. The price for her came up to 90 and she didn’t want to pay.
She asked me to pay and I told her “You have all that money and can’t pay for your meal yourself?” She told me that she shouldn’t have to pay for her meal because it’s her birthday.
I was furious, and told her I can’t. She can’t just put me in a situation where I’m responsible if her meal doesn’t get paid for. Luckily our mother paid for her meal and I left right after that. We haven’t talked since and it’s been a week.
All I see on her story is her flashing her thousands of dollars her partner gave her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was hosting this restaurant party. But why didn’t the wealthy partner buy her dinner? Why didn’t the wealthy partner pay for everyone’s dinner?
She doesn’t seem to be the most skilled gold digger.” Sea_Firefighter_4598
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she isn’t little. She is 26. She invited people, expected gifts AND for them to pay for her meal? Perhaps her partner and your mother think this is normal but what does she get you for your birthday?
A card?” Fancy_Avocado7497
23. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister After She Consistently Neglected Her Babysitting Responsibilities?
“My sister (F 29) has been seeing this guy from her work for a while now and she’d ask me to take care of her kids ages (2) and (3) while she went on a date, I was cool with it for a while because my sister’s baby daddy was a dead beat he has 3 other baby mommas and has at least 3 kids with each of them and doesn’t pay child support, and when she was pregnant with her first child he made her work until she was about to pop because he couldn’t hold down a job same thing happened with her 2nd until me and my other sister and cousins told her to leave him.
So best believe I was so happy for her when she started seeing someone until she would ask me to stay with her kids almost every night so she could go on her appointments (that’s what she calls them) I was fine with it until she wouldn’t answer my text asking her if she was coming home and would answer until 3am, and recently I snapped because she left at 10pm and I texted her at 3am asking her she was coming home and I got no answer until 4 am and she said she was on her way.
(She would also pay me or bring me food when she would go with men)
I had told her that her kids where crying and asking for her but again no reply, I asked her to buy me food because I hadn’t eaten since she left 10pm she came back at 5am and with no food and not even an apology for not answering my messages asking if she was ok and that her kids where crying for her I snapped and said ” if you’re not even gonna text back and have your phone on silent while you have kids at home waiting for you don’t bother asking me to babysit anymore it’s not hard to give me a heads up you’re gonna be really late” and I left I ended making myself dinner at 6am.
So am I the jerk for snapping at my sister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s acting entitled & rude. Single parents have to date according to their sitter’s schedule or not date at all. She can’t just bail. Not answering was a jerk move, because what if she’d been driving home hours earlier but got in a wreck?
She should have answered just for your peace of mind. Then top it all off with not bringing you food? Total jerk move.” Evening_Produce1070
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Imagine if there was an emergency with one of her kids and she didn’t respond for hours?
I get she needs a break every once in a while, but she is taking advantage of you. Next time she calls for babysitting duty have your phone on silent.” mattromo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it’s time to stop enabling her and it seems like she is well on her way to baby #3 for you to babysit.
She’s a mom. It was a choice she made to have those kids. Going out and spending time with the new guy every single day without her kids are not the actions of a good mom. Stop babysitting for her at all so she has to actually take responsibility for her children.” moew4974
22. AITJ For Wanting An Apology From My Half-Sisters For Breaking My Late Dad's Gift?
“I (f16) have always been close to my dad. I was always a daddy’s girl his princess, he is also my best friend. Just 2 months ago he passed away. A week after my dad passed away it was my 16th birthday. My grandma informed me my dad got my gifts just a few days before he passed. One thing is a necklace I’ve worn it all the time since then except when I shower or workout.
Now some info is my mom and I use to be pretty close until she had my half sisters with my stepdad. Then I was less of a priority. Up until my dad passed away I was only seeing my mom every other weekend. Then after my dad passed away I had to start living with her all the time.
My half-sisters are 5-year-old twins. They can be brats sometimes. Which wasn’t an issue until I started living with them. A few nights ago I was taking a shower and when I went back into my room the twins were arguing about something and I made them leave then I noticed the necklace my dad got me was on the ground broken I had left it on my nightstand.
I immediately told my mom and stepdad what I saw and how I think the twins broke it. They asked the girls and they denied it I said it had to be them. My mom and stepdad got mad at me for assuming the girls lied. And said I should take better take care of my things.
So I stopped talking to them and just stayed in my room when I was at home. Well, today they finally asked what’s up.
I explained I truly think the twins broke the necklace and I want them to be held accountable for it and think I deserve an apology so I won’t talk to them until I do.
Well, they got mad and said I’m a jerk for still thinking the twins lied and I need to get over it because it’s “just a necklace” and I’m being immature. I feel like I could be a jerk but I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 16 and you just lost one of the most, if not the most, important person in your life and that necklace was the last thing your dad got you. Why would you lie about the twins breaking it? Your mom and stepdad are the jerks and I’m sorry you’re going through this OP.
And I’m sorry for your loss. In case nobody has told you, I’m proud of you for getting through it the best you can” anaturalalien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Things like necklace don’t break when you let them lying on the shelf. They did it they know it and biggest jerk here is your mom with her ‘its Just a necklace’.
Can you go live with your grandparents? This doesn’t sound like healthy environment for you. But don’t doubt that you are NTJ.” JournalistCreative33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry for your loss and the damage to your gift. Take the necklace to your grandparents and see if they can help you take it to get repaired. Might also be worth gradually moving all of your things to your grandparents place.
See about getting a part time job to earn some money outside of school and spending as much time out of the house as possible. Once you’re fully out of school and saved enough money to be able to live on your own. Get your independence.” ConfusionPossible590
21. AITJ For Staying At A Public Event Despite Making My Ex Uncomfortable?
“Some backstory, so me and my ex were together for a long time, like middle school to our late 20s. And then out of nowhere about 4 years ago, she wanted to break up. I never got an explanation why, but it absolutely broke me as a person for a good 2 years.
Luckily with therapy and a supportive group of friends and family, I was able to get through it!
Now onto the issue, my buddy owns a brewery in the small farming town I grew up in, and every 4th weekend, there is a large cornhole tournament.
Me and another mutual friend have competed for the past 3 years. It’s a general all day affair with music, beer and just good company. The tournament has a ton of competitors and can go on for quite a while.
Well, this year we were competing, and apparently my ex and her partner walked into the outdoor area of the tournament, saw me, and walked away.
I didn’t even see them the first time, but apparently they came back an hour or so later and saw me again and left. I happened to see her out of the corner of my eye. Another hour later, they came back and left immediately again.
I then got a text from her telling me that I was being a jerk by being at the brewery all day, and making her uncomfortable.
I simply texted her back and said that I was there for the competition, and that if she was uncomfortable with being in public around me, then she was going to need to get over it seeing as I live back in our hometown, and will be frequenting places of business as I live here.
I didn’t get anything back. But a couple of my friends said that I didn’t do anything wrong, while another said that I should have been more considerate. I was literally at this bar for maybe 6-7 hours total. I don’t think I’m the jerk but maybe I am?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were there 1st. She can either put on her big girl pants and deal with it like an adult or tuck her tail and run. Apparently, option B was her course of action. Her, her partner, wants, feelings, or anything else is not of any of your concern or business.” PlentyHopeful263
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It doesn’t matter if you were there for 5 minutes or 5 days. You have every right to be there. You don’t have do leave because she’s too immature to handle being in the same place as you. If she can’t handle it, that’s a HER problem.
She can either suck it up or find somewhere else to go.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were at a bar that you’ve been going to for a while for the whole day competition. Your ex sounds a highly unreasonable to think that she has any right to try to tell you what to do or where to go.” Narrow-Natural7937
20. AITJ For Wanting to Report My Housemate and His Wife to Our Landlord?
“Long story short, my housemate (Peter) got a civil partnership with his partner (who does not have legal rights to live here, she’s only allowed because she’s a student). She moved in at the start of our tenancy without our landlord knowing – as it was meant to just be the 4 of us not 5 people – under the promise that she would pay rent and bills and contribute to the house equally.
She left to go back to her home country in late October, and for 3 months before he went home for Christmas the rest of us partied and hung out pretty much the whole time.
Peter went back home for Christmas after all 3 of us equally messed up the house from being inebriated every few days and came back in the new year absolutely fuming at the “state of the house”, ONLY because his wife was upset.
His piles of empty beer cans and discarded items were still sat in the living room because the rest of us refused to clean his mess up after him, but he kept pinning the blame totally on us just to seem like a saint to his wife.
Me and one of my other housemates ended up in a relationship, and this seemed to somewhat annoy Peter as the two of them were friends in school. He became a lot more irate towards just the two of us and not our other housemate.
Eventually I’ve had enough as him and his wife have pushed their luck. WIBTJ if I reported them to the landlord and/or told his wife about the inappropriate comments & substance misuse?”
Another User Comments:
“You want to tell the landlord that you have allowed this woman, who is not on the lease, to stay there for almost a year.
And you also want to tell the landlord that she is undocumented and the domestic partner to one of your roommates. I don’t know if that is the wisest course, but NTJ if you rat our yourself and your other roommates for not following the lease.” fuzzy_mic
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk – what does “who does not have legal rights to live here, she’s only allowed because she’s a student” mean? Students have a legal right to live somewhere they have a student visa. Many universities rely heavily on their fees for funding.” Bangeederlander
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for jumping straight to reporting them to the landlord and potentially getting them (and you and the rest of the roommates) thrown out of the house. It doesn’t sound like you’ve made any meaningful attempt to resolve this conflict with Peter or his partner.
You’re adults, talk to each other and work something out. Also clean up your house. It’s not cute to live in filth, even if it’s someone else’s filth that you are refusing to clean up out of spite.” GermanDeath-Reggae
19. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Cut Back On Her Animal Rescue Obsession?
“Me, my wife, and 2 children recently moved into a 2000 sqf 3BR 2BA home that has been overtaken by my wife’s obsession with “rescue” animals.
The animals are either injured or given up by their owners and range from multiple lizards, snakes, a tegu, a kinkajou, a few giant birds, raccoons and skunk for rehabilitation, a dog, a cat, and others. Yes, she has a state license for all animals.
Although she started with “rehabbing” 2 or three at a time its grown to a total of around 25+ animals. She takes extremely good care of them spending hours every day feeding, checking their health, and cleaning their cages. She has done this for years however the amount of animals in the home seems to have reached my limit.
The birds especially are bad as they squawk and scream ALL DAY LONG and are currently in our living room. There is literally no place to escape them, I can even hear them squawk outside. It makes working from home a nightmare. The bird cages alone take up approximately 300 sqf of the home.
As for the other animals, they take up even more space and we spend a decent amount of money feeding them. Somewhere between $500 and $700 a month not including the extra utilities for water and reptile heaters.
She will get extremely mad if I even bring up the idea of cutting back.
It’s not up for discussion as I am “destroying her dream”. We have recently discussed spending upwards of $40k to build a separate structure with HVAC on the property for the animals however she still has expressed her displeasure at the “small” size of the proposed building (48×26).
Don’t get me wrong, our 13 year relationship otherwise is good and I walked into the relationship with the agreement of just a few animals here and there. However over the years it’s grown exponentially and costing us a lot of money. AITJ for wanting her to cut back on the amount of animals?
Would that truly be destroying her dream just cutting back and saving us money and space?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You two should talk to like a couples counselor so you can work this out, since obviously you can’t bring it up without her reacting negatively.” Marble_Narwhal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can she develop a strong social media presence for her animal sanctuary and get funding for her dream that way? Companies with pet related products donate to these sanctuaries. Instagram, youtube channels, etc. She could maybe partner with local rescue groups.
There are things she can do to make her dream a reality and not be a big financial drain on your family. This is too large an undertaking for a hobby. If she can’t see this counseling might help. There are definitely emotional triggers here.
(And yes, birds can be beyond annoying. Good luck.)” Sea_Firefighter_4598
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Her excuse that it’s her dream is a bit of a low blow. Automatically you look like the Grinch who stole Christmas. A dream is all good and well but is your dream affecting my life and by how much?
There comes a point where your dream is now encroaching on mine and compromises, or discussion will need to be had. I can tell my wife it’s my dream to take a dump inside the living room, but I don’t think she would like that idea and who would blame her?
Just for the record it’s just a joke and not a fair comparison. Just saying.” h3llios
18. AITJ For Changing My Name Despite My Grandma's Objections?
“So I was named after my grandma’s mom who I have never met because she passed away long before I was born.
We’ll say for example the name is Constance. Ever since I was 13 I swore I would change it when I was old enough. My mom and dad were ok with it, but my dad’s mom was not. She said I was doing her mom a disrespect by discarding the name, so I compromised with her.
I was going to go with a completely unrelated name, but I decided on Connie. Not even close to my favorite, but more tolerable than Constance and it still honored the original.
She swore she would object in court until she realized you have to have a valid reason.
Unfortunately I live with her, and when I got and filled out the name change documentation, she threw it in the trash. What she didn’t know is that I got copy of the documentation and filled it out as well, but with a twist.
Since my grandma is as toxic as nuclear waste, I figured she might not be an adult about it.
I filled out the second copy with the name I actually wanted and hit it away. Went to court, had the hearing, got approved and changed all my documents to the new name. Came home from getting my new ID and she says, “I’m still really upset with you, and I don’t think I’ll ever really get over it, but at least you had the decency to honor her memory a little bit with your new name.” so I say, “I was going to do that, but those forms mysteriously disappeared. Good thing I had copies, only I didn’t write Connie on those ones.” Showed her my new ID with my epic name that I know she hates.
I understand her side a little, naming kids after relatives is common, but once I’m an adult, is it not my right to change it? Like I’m seriously asking, do you guys think what I did was mean? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you were willing to compromise and settle for naming yourself something your grandma would agree as she was the one insisting on naming you to honour her mom. Then she screwed her own deal by her own dishonesty and snicking behaviour. Therefore breaking thrust and invalidating her part of the deal by trying to sabotage the process.
It’s on her. She’s so caught up at having you named as her mom she forget you are your own person. Btw there is no honour done by forcing someone to be named something to the point the name is hated and become tied with resentment.
OP could have keep the name as a second or third. The only thing grandma accomplished by her shenanigans was making her mother name even more associated with awful feelings. OP congratulations on naming yourself. Take care and enjoy yourself” GrouchySteam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
To be clear did you have your given name legally changed to a nickname of your given name?” Kris82868
Another User Comments:
“Nope, why would anyone want to be saddled with a name of a deceased relative? YAY the new you and I hope granny gets with the program that you are an adult and will decide what is best for YOU, EVERY TIME.” Aggressive_Duck6547
17. AITJ For Waking Up My Insomniac Partner To Meet My Parents?
“My partner has severe insomnia, I am not that well versed in his condition but I do know that he struggles with finding the right medication. Last he accidentally overused his medicine trying to sleep.
So he was prescribed medication that put him right to bed but he doesn’t like taking it until he like 2-5 day deprived of sleep (he does this against the prescribed usage, he supposed to use once everyday) because he feels like it triggers his anxiety and depression.
We came to an agreement that when he takes his medication, I won’t wake him up because he won’t be able to go back to sleep.
My parents show up to surprise me. My parents live a 14 hour drive away and probably 2 hours plane ride.
They came for a wedding and thought to surprise me. They had only met my partner 3 time in the past. And this would have been the first time meeting him whilst we were living together, my dad has been really skeptical about him moving in with me.
I woke him up to greet my parent and to put my dad mind at ease. He greets my parents, we went for brunch. Then my parents left to their hotel. When we were driving back home in the car, he started ranting about how selfish I am for waking him up considering his history and that when we get home he going to enter his room and I should just leave him alone until he is less irritable.
I get why he is sleep deprived, but wasn’t that just an overreaction. I rarely see my parents and my parents have shared concern about us moving too fast and he told me he would do ANYTHING to put their mind at ease plus I keep telling him to take the pills in the night because I might need him in the day and he told me if I felt like it was really important then I should wake him up and thats what I did.
A part of me can’t really understand why he so upset.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Insomnia is a serious condition and it’s tough to get a great sleep quality, so wherever it happens this is the most important thing. You have the right to disturb him in two situations: 1) saving his life because of things like the fire or something; 2) saving your life because of the stroke or heart attack, or something like that when human life is at stake.
In other situations, let him sleep and get your guests to the restaurant quietly. If they don’t understand, that’s another problem.” Fuczaczek
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – dude was sleeping, a rare and beautiful thing for him. No it wasn’t an overreaction, I’m impressed he managed to hold it together until your parents were gone.
This would have been a great opportunity for you to set some boundaries with your parents like that they can’t just show up on your doorstep with no warning and expect your partner to entertain them.” OrangeCubit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Your parents haven’t met him since you lived together?
What does that even mean? They know who he is, they met him before, What would change now that you live together. He has a medical condition and you agreed you wouldn’t wake him up.” WickedAngelLove
16. AITJ For Advising My Younger Cousins To Prioritize Career Over Passion In College?
“Today at the family 4th of July BBQ, a bunch of us (cousins, aunts, uncles) got together to do 4th of July stuff and whatnot.
A handful of us were sitting inside because it was too hot outside. The conversation turned to the two cousins (16F, 17M) who are going into their senior year of high school and their upcoming college applications. One of them (17M) said he knew what he wanted to major in, whereas the other (16F) was still deciding.
People started sharing their insights (“I did this, my pal did this, follow your passion”, etc.)
I (30F) shared with my two younger cousins (and everyone else there) that I wasted 6 years after high school going to the local state college and getting a degree with no clear career path.
I enjoyed college but post-grad was a struggle because I (and a ton of people in the same major) couldn’t find any jobs that paid well or had any kind of clear career trajectory. Two years after graduating college (I was 24) I realized that I had made a huge mistake, I decided to start from scratch and started researching what degrees I could complete in 4 years that had solid earning potential. I saw RNs (registered nurses) in my area make great money ($60-65 an hour starting) and that the overall program would take 3 years.
I fortunately had my parents support as they allowed me to stay with them rent-free and I went all-in on the program. It was exhausting but I did it and I am so, so, so glad that I did.
After I told my extended family that story (^) I stressed to my cousins that pursuing your passions often doesn’t go well if there isn’t a clear career trajectory attached to it and that prioritizing money ended up bringing me a lot more happiness.
My other cousins (21F, 20M) were very against what I said and said that I shouldn’t discourage the kids from following their passions and that things often work out in the long-run. They said that college is a time for exploration. I disagreed and said it can be for exploration or it can be to find gainful employment, it depends on the person and their needs.
We went back and forth for a bit and both sides felt personally attacked.
Am I the jerk here? I am willing to apologize to my cousins but I don’t think I was wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, though you’ll probably get dragged for this opinion on this platform.
People going to college and getting into 6 figures worth of debt with no clear plan is why there’s a massive student loan bubble. I didn’t know what I wanted to do after high school, so I ended up just getting an associates degree at a dirt cheap community college and then getting into the workforce.
It’s fine to go after a degree if you actually have a plan(and hopefully the plan involves a degree that’s actually useful), but this whole hand wavey vaguely hippie-esque notion of “Go to college and find yourself, man” makes no sense when college costs 10’s of thousands of dollars every year.
Have a plan that involves being able to afford living, because pursuing your passion won’t mean anything when you’re constantly stressed about making rent every month.” deefop
Another User Comments:
“YTJ; just because it worked for you doesn’t mean it’s right for them. Focusing on just money almost always leads to less happiness; that’s been proven over and over.
Also, anyone with a degree can get a decent paying job; as an example, one of the best software engineers I knew was working for a world class company and making well into 6 figures; his degree was in Women’s Studies. My sister-in-law has an art degree and is now a criminal profiler for a federal agency.
I could go on with many more examples.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are allowed to express your point of view and it sounds as if you explained why. The cousins heard other points of view from other people. They have to learn that sometimes we make choices with limited information ( who knows at that age what we will prioritise in 10 years time?).
And that what works for one person does not work for another. Then they choose what to do. It’s advice, but they don’t have to take it.” anemoschaos
Considering your earning potential is a HUGE part of choosing a degree path.
It is also very normal for kids to grow up and not have a carved in stone career path planned. College has nearly half of the hours as general education. So they can literally go in undeclared and take gen-ed classes to see what interests them.
Your advice was sound. You are entitled to your opinion.
15. AITJ For Forgetting To Request Time Off For A Family Cruise?
“My husband and I had tried to get my in-laws and brother-in-law on a cruise for the past year and a half.
They are not big travelers and we saw this as a way to get the family together on a nice trip.
We were supposed to go last year then his family cancelled and then we had finally planned for Labor Day week.
We were not really thinking about this when we booked it because from this June, we were in Peru for 3 weeks.
Plus, I was the acting manager until my new hire was hired. So a lot was going on with trying to get coverage at my job for Peru, while doing the work of two people.
This Peru trip was in June while the cruise would start August 31.
I forgot to mention something to my new boss so I mentioned something to her, only to forget that she had asked me if she can take Labor Day and I completely forgot that that was when the cruise was taking place. With just getting back from a big trip and my job and catching up on stuff I was stressed.
She said she already booked this trip and that we can’t both be away at the same time…even though when it was just me here it was possible for my job to get covered at one site.
She also mentioned that it doesn’t look good for me to take a full week a month and a half after taking 3 weeks.
My husband said that the time to change this and say that it was too much time should have been a few months ago and that he doesn’t want his family to be annoyed with me since it took so much to get them on this trip.
I do not want to be in trouble with work or my husband’s family and I saw that my husband and I can cancel because we have travel insurance and perhaps let them go.
It seems like a big misunderstanding. What do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You planned this with more people involved, and you also wrongly confirmed to your boss she can take time off you’d cover. It is not a big misunderstanding. You messed up. It happens, though.” Icy-Significance-337
Another User Comments:
“Well, you kind of messed that up.
Why didn’t you put in on your calendar and arrange for the time off right after you booked the cruise? Sounds like hubby is going on a cruise with his family while you’re back home working. Great bonding time for him and his family.
Don’t know how many cabins you booked, but if three, cancel one for future cruise credit and hubby and brother can share. But why should hubby’s family miss out because you forget how to use a calendar.” cachalker
14. AITJ For Begging My Grandparents To Babysit My Brother So I Could Have A Break?
“I am 24 and am raising my little brother.
I have been raising him since he was born, he’s 10 months currently.
A lot changed for me. I moved into my grandparents basement in the middle of literally nowhere because I cannot afford anything right now. I had to leave my job because of all this and everyone I knew.
My partner broke up with me too.
I’ve been miserable. I love my brother but I don’t remember the last time I felt happy. My grandparents keep giving me a hard time about noise or the mess or whatever too. I’m just so tired. Yes the basement is a mess, yes my brother still can’t walk and he can’t talk yet, his hair’s too long, he cries too much, wears the same clothes too often, etc but I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m going crazy because the only times I leave the house are for work or to get food and other things my brother can’t live without.
I never leave my brother either. He comes to work with me.
My grandparents are only my grandparents, they aren’t related to my brother. I appreciate them giving me a place and I understand them not having any obligations to babysit, but I asked for one day.
My coworker offered to take me out to go get dinner with her and some of her friends last week. There are literally 0 babysitters in the area, we live nowhere. I asked my grandparents if they could watch him for 5 hours tops. 12-5pm. They said no. I started to cry.
I didn’t mean to but I was so desperate.
I begged them, and said things I’m not proud of. I specifically brought up my deceased father and said my dad would hate them for treating me like this. That struck a nerve but they still didn’t accept.
Just kicked me and my brother into the basement after calling me ungrateful, rude and disrespectful.
They’re still upset with me and I honestly feel like I’m not doing well. It was a low blow and well it’s not like what I said worked. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes you are under a lot of stress but your brother is not their responsibility. You are lucky they are giving you a place to live. If taking care of your brother is too stressful for you then look into other options for his care.
Somewhere in all of this you agreed to raise him. Your grandparents did not.” Dontbither
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have you tried having a conversation with them about how you’re feeling currently? A conversation where none of you are emotionally charged up in the moment.
I know that’s probably easier said than done but it’s the only way my stepdad ever listens to me It’s very kind of you to be looking after your brother, I’m sure nothing like this was in your life plans and I’m sorry that it’s being such a struggle.
Do you have the means for counselling at all? They might be able to give you some tools to feel less overwhelmed at times.” Martymcflym81337
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know that your brother isn’t their biological grandchild but you are and they can clearly see that you are trying to do right by your brother but you’re struggling.
You’ve mentioned that you don’t know what you’re doing and it’s sad that they can’t even offer up a little guidance so you can figure out what to do.” mischiefnmayhem0215
13. AITJ For Leaving My Brother's Wedding After He Misgendered Me During a Game?
“So I (19m) went to my brother’s (20m) wedding the other day and some stuff went down.
For context, I am a trans man (the only LGBTQIA member of my immediate family as far as I’m aware) and nobody has ever had a problem with it before. So my brother has been engaged to his now wife for a few months and they’ve both been very happy with each other.
My parents are amazing, they’ve always been so supportive of me and my brother and they adore my sister-in-law.
So it was all going great, the ceremony had been beautiful and everyone was having a great time at the party. That was until everyone decided to play a game, I won’t go into the specifics of the game but it ended up being split into a women’s team and a men’s team (which I already had a problem with as I knew a few of my cousins were NB).
Naturally I went on the men’s team but my brother spotted me and kinda nodded over to the women’s side while giving me a ‘what are you doing??’ look. I, very confused, walked up to him and just said ‘isn’t this being split into guys and girls’, to which he just muttered out a ‘yeah but like you’re technically a woman so can’t you just…’ he then trailed off when he saw the look on my face.
I told him, probably a bit too loudly, to get lost. I tried to walk off but he grabbed my wrist, a very desperate but angry look on his face. He went to say something but I just pulled my arm back and left the party.
I later got a bunch of texts from him ranging from apologies to attacking me for ‘ruining the party’.
I’m still mad at him but now that I’ve had a chance to calm down I’m starting to wonder if maybe I should’ve just accepted it and talked to him about it later.
So anyways what do you guys think, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you had a right to be mad. Could you have handled it better, maybe, however you are 19 and hindsight is 20/20. I get the sense your brother has accepted your identity in the abstract but not in the actual world.
Advice from a random person on the internet is to take a moment and take a breath and compose a letter to your brother to let him know how much he hurt and shock you.” paranoidgoat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would have decked him if it were me.
In all seriousness, it’s not that serious! It’s a game! And for him to say that to you is all kinds of wrong. I don’t care if it was his wedding, it doesn’t give him the right to be transphobic to his own brother. I bet you most people did not care about what side of the room they were on.
Good on you for standing up for yourself, it’s so hard to stand up to family!” DependentConfusion6
Your brother may have worried about the opinions of his wife's family and whatever friends were there. I'm not excusing his behavior. It's just a common thing at weddings and all the parties before and after to try to impress everyone.
Does he understand that he was asking you to deny your true self? Does he understand how much that hurts?
At any rate, I doubt anyone would have really noticed if he hadn't made a big deal about it. If the party was ruined, his actions caused that, not yours.
12. AITJ For Not Wanting to Celebrate My Friend's Birthday Due to Her Lack of Effort in Our Friendship?
“I (25M) and (25F) friend that I’ll call C have been friends since high school. Since last year I’ve noticed that she’s been treating me more like an option than a friend. As in texting me super dry, just leaving reactions to messages or posts I send her, to leaving me on seen for hours then texting me a super dry response.
Around new years I made my resolution to start matching energy with people especially people that are dry and hit me up out of convenience. A couple of years ago we did go to this nice restaurant that seemed like a resort in the city for her birthday it was a nice experience but the usual unnecessarily expensive restaurant with food you can get at a normal restaurant for a whole lot less experience.
So that restaurant shut down and moved to an island that you have to take a ferry to. We did say at some point during summer this year we would go in at least to celebrate her birthday.
But nothing has changed, I always have to initiate conversations with her and get nothing but dry responses back, and she only ever texts out of convenience example: she asked for my Hulu password and then went about her day.
Last month I called her to ask her opinion on my dentist appointment and the conversation shifted to her asking if we were still friends because I barely talk to her now and if we were still going to the restaurant to celebrate her belated birthday.
Yesterday she texted me if we were still on for the restaurant and I responded no. This morning she texted back asking is it because I forgot or because I didn’t want to hangout with her anymore.
I don’t know how to respond.
I understand we have our own lives going on both being grown adults with jobs, relationships and responsibilities, I know she has her own mental battles that could possibly lead her to shut down from time to time but I’m just tired of putting effort towards someone that doesn’t seem to be trying”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s normal to grow apart with time. You should do the dinner that you said you would do. She could be going through a rough patch and needs you, or you two could just be growing apart. After the dinner, you’re not going to have anything else hanging over your head.
You shouldn’t have to be the only one who tries.” Sara_Summers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ just reply with what you’ve put here “I’m tired of putting effort towards someone that doesn’t seem to be trying.” Ask if there has been something going on or if you are now just two people who know each other?
It will open a conversation that may (or may not) help sort any issues. But if it’s the end of the friendship, wish her well and move forward with good memories of your time together.” Heraonolympia123
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here or E.S.H use your words!
Different people see communication differently. I don’t disagree with you matching the energy level, that’s awesome! But if you never said how you felt then she might not think there was a problem. I have friends I talk to nearly every day but my best friend has three kids now and we go weeks without anything but a cute picture.
When we meet up it’s the same as it’s been since we were kids, there is just more stories to share. Before you completely give up on the friendship have a conversation!” swansong5
11. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Less Time With My Dad's Partner?
“My dad (47M) is a person struggling with drinking who has recently been sober and in AA (which I’m very proud of him for). This was very important because I (17F) have been through a lot of verbal and physical mistreatment from both parental figures and DCFS was getting involved every few months, and so I hoped that him getting sober would fix some of this.
The problem is, with finding friends and a partner in the sober community, his behavior never changed with me. The screaming and physical tendencies stayed, while he changed to everybody else around him. His reasoning is that I’m a trigger to him, especially when I’m messy (I have ADHD and can have a really hard time staying organized).
He met his partner (49F) in AA, they’ve been together for a year. She has 3 kids of her own, she lives about 15 min away. Part of the reason I get so uncomfortable is because she gets upset when my dad talks to me more or is around me more.
She gets jealous when he’s talking to me and gets mad that he’s not talking to her instead. She’s over every second possible, and right now we are on a road trip, and they don’t conceal their fighting at all, which is hard, because that’s how I grew up with him and my mom.
I have to hear all the screaming about how she’s upset and me and sometimes I have to calm her meltdowns.
This is getting really hard on me mentally, and I feel bad for making myself a problem, but now she’s involved in everything.
My dad gets upset when I mention that I don’t want to be around her as much, but he also talks bad about his partner around me when we are alone, and makes fun of her to me. I don’t want to move in with my mom as she has a horrible body image that really damages me but I might, because it’s getting a lot.
AITJ? I’m genuinely thinking I might be because he got sober and I feel like I should just suck it up and be grateful.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. It’s not easy, being a teenager and also the more mature one in your parent-child relationships.
Dad’s partner is a walking, waving red flag. Any woman who is jealous of a man’s relationship and connection with his child is not a keeper. She’s a jerk and so is your dad for dumping his drama with her on you, and exposing you to her.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! I’m so sorry! Your Dad is incredibly abusive, and from the sounds of it, also hypocritical (making fun of his partner and saying mean things about her behind her back, while getting mad at you for not wanting to be around her)!
He’s also blatantly gaslighting you, and doubling down by accusing **YOU** of gaslighting?! That’s horrible, and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I really hope things improve for you soon, you deserve so much better!” jdlauria1
10. AITJ For Giving My Room To My Younger Brother Instead Of The Entitled One?
“I (18M) am going across the country for college.
I have four brothers (16, 15, 10, 7) and one sister (12). Me, as the oldest, and my sister, as the only girl, have private rooms while my brothers have to share, 16&15 and 10&7. Only Jay (16) and Ty (15) are important in this (fake names).
Jay has been annoying me for years about moving into my room when I move out.
Like demanding that he has the right to the room as the second oldest to which I consistently shot down since that sounds like nonsense to me.
Jay and I don’t get along with each other since he feels extremely entitled to everything and is all around jerk (such as telling our sister she needed to lose weight and ‘accidentally’ breaking Ty’s lego collection).
Last week when I told him I wouldn’t give him my room he went to our parents about how badly he wanted his own room. My mom sat me down and, while not forcing me to give away my room, heavily implied that I should give one of my brothers my room.
A couple days ago, while Jay was on a camping trip with his friends, I offered Ty my room. Ty is a good kid and I am probably closest to him out of all my siblings so it just made sense. Ty accepted the offer and my parents agreed to it since it seemed that everyone would be happy with this arrangement.
Yesterday Jay came home to us moving Ty’s keyboard into my room and started frothing at the mouth at the realization that Ty was getting the room instead of him. My dad quickly shut down Jay’s thinly veiled insults about Ty and Jay ran off crying while my mom went to comfort him.
My dad is fully on the idea that it’s my choice if and who I give my room to and that Jay got the private room he wanted so he can’t complain. My mom is annoyed that her golden boy is upset and is saying that I should just give him the room to avoid any more conflict.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Both got a solo room–he needs to quit whinging about it. ETA <> Reading your comment that your room is the smaller room and does NOT have a private bathroom, he actually got the better deal but is only pouting because he demanded it and didn’t get it.” MountainMidnight9400
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk – and by everyone I mean you and mainly your parents. You should have stayed out of this, I don’t understand why your parents would let you decide. You get your own room because you’re the oldest but when the same logic applies to your brother Jay, suddenly being the “oldest” is “nonsense”?
Your parents are jerks for even letting you decide whether you keep your room or not while 4 of your siblings are sharing. They should have found a fair way to distribute the rooms that are available to the people actually living there and since they came up with the dumb idea of being the “oldest” being worth something in the first place, Jay should have gotten to choose which room he wants.” well_actuallE
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it is nice for the older siblings to get their own room in favour for the younger once. Jay will have his single room and I don’t think you or your dad should give in, just because he is throwing a toddler-like temper tantrum.
It sounds like Jay really needs to learn that he won’t always get things his way.” Thegirlwithkittens
My point. Tell entitled one that your room will always be where you sleep and keep your stuff when you're on school break, like all summer.
Remind him that sharing a room with you isn't on his wish list. Staying in his current room pretty much keeps it only his room.
9. AITJ For Wanting My In-Laws To Shorten Their 6-Week Visit?
“My wife and I have been together for 20 years, married for 10 years, and have a 4 year old. I have gotten along so-so with the in-laws over the years.
They are not people I would have a relationship with if not for being my wife’s parents. They hold different political views, lead sedentary lives, and spend the majority of their time prying into other people’s business and generally complaining about everything. They are tolerable in small doses.
They live in Florida where they gloat about warm weather in the winter and then complain about the heat in the summer. My wife, kid and I happily live in the New England.
Last year they stayed with us for 3 weeks during July. It just about ruined my summer.
I talked with my wife and she half-understood my perspective and we agreed that they would not stay with us for so long if it happened again. Well, fast forward a year and here we are, 3 weeks into a 6 week stay and I’m beginning to lose my mind.
Sure, we get some built in baby sitting while they are here and they will occasionally make dinner for everyone. I miss the day-to-day of just being with my wife and kid. My in-laws are always at my house. I get up and see them in the morning and my blood already starts to boil.
I work from home full-time and they are always just here doing pretty much nothing. They are constantly in my way while I try to do chores around the house, gossiping about unimportant nonsense, or telling my wife or I how we should be doing things.
There is no chance my wife would be as accommodating as I am if it were my parents staying with us for this long.
I talked to my wife to see if she could talk to her parents about going somewhere else. Maybe a weekend trip or stay with other family in the area.
She told me it’s not too long and to just get over it. AITJ for thinking 6 weeks is too long for houseguests?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- how did your agreement from last year get overrun? Did your wife unilaterally decide this with her parents and just not tell you?
Is this part of a bigger pattern? For the sake of your gig- I would look at your local resources to take your work laptop and spend some time getting work done elsewhere- coffee shops, libraries often have the capacity to reserve rooms. There are also some co-working spaces you can rent.
I would want to be out of the house for the work day in order to focus.” ChakraMama318
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is. Get over it? What kind of answer is that? You should be able to be comfortable in your own home and if you’re not something needs to change.
A 6 week visit? Are you kidding me? I’d lose my mind! It’s time for you to stand up to your wife and put your foot down. It’s time for them to leave.” Embarrassed-Math-699
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You agreed to 4 weeks, separated by a week they were to go elsewhere.
Instead they came early and refused to leave for the agreed to week elsewhere. And your wife let them. You have a wife problem. I’d find places to go work out of the house, and plan to do other things away from home too.” leggyblond1
8. AITJ For Telling My Nephew About My Deceased Son?
“I (49f) lost my son eleven years ago when he was ten.
Within the past two years or so I have grown comfortable enough to talk about him in casual conversation.
There was a situation and my sister (43f) needed me to watch her son (6) for an afternoon at my house. My house is small so I normally don’t have company over, and this is my nephews first time being at my house for an extended period of time.
I have a few pictures of all of my children (I have two others) and my nephew didn’t recognize my deceased one, so he asked and I explained that my son died when he was a kid. This kind of freaked him out – I didn’t include any details other than that he died without further prompting, but my nephew was off put at the idea that a kid could die.
I didn’t know that this would disturb him. He bounced back after a few more questions and some time and was fine by the time my sister picked him up, but I still gave her a heads up that he had some questions and he did learn that he has a cousin that passed away.
My sister was upset that I had a heavy conversation with him at all, and said it was her place to talk to him about death and not mine. I would understand if I pointed out pictures of my son to him, but my nephew decided to ask these questions.
When I explained this to her she told me that I should have lied, or told him to ask her, especially with how the idea bothered him.
I don’t know how to feel – it wasn’t quite an argument that we had, but she was upset that he learned that anyone can die at my house or without her to guide him.
I feel like telling him to ask my sister would’ve just confused him more, but I can understand that discovering your own mortality at your aunt’s house can be off putting. Not sure how to feel. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ asking you to lie is seriously beyond the pale.
If your sister wanted to be the only one to talk about death with her child then she should have prepared you and her son. It’s unreasonable to expect that every experience a child has with other people will be filtered through her first. I used to teach 4 year olds.
One year my brother was killed and I missed a bunch of school days. When the kids asked why I was out I told them. It is what it is. Death is a part of life for everyone.” loverlyone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should never have to lie about your child.
You don’t have to hide him either. While I know it’s a heavy concept for a six-year-old and it would have been better if mom were there, the question arose naturally and you answered it with truth. Sorry for your loss.” Constellation-88
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. A parent wants to protect their kids from everything, so I can kind of understand why your sister was upset. But telling you you should have lied is Not It. I think you handled the situation well, and now your nephew will know that he can ask you questions (even ones he might not feel okay asking his mom) and get an honest answer.
That’s a win. Also, I’m very sorry for your loss.” MacAlkalineTriad
7. AITJ For Telling My Dad About My Stepmom's Intrusive Behavior?
“I (f16) has been noticing strange things about my stepmom, (f25) for about a year now. I have always been very close with my dad, (m35) since I’ve been with my mom the majority of my life, so when I’m with him, he always manages to do fun things with me.
He’s always had a lot of women throughout his life, but he has always chosen me over them. If I don’t like them, they’re gone. My dad met my now stepmom, about a year and a half ago. She had just recently been through a divorce with 2 younger kids.
I liked her when I first met her, seeing she was young and was easy to talk to. I was expecting her to disappear like the other girls, but she stayed. She moved in a couple of months after me meeting her. It was all okay until she decided that it was time to buy a house with my dad.
Keep in mind, they weren’t even seeing each other yet.
My dad and stepmom got married late 2022 and that’s when I started noticing things around the house that didn’t make me feel safe. Ever since they gotten married, I’ve been feeling a different type of energy in my room, like it’s been gone through.
I know it’s not my dad because he values privacy, and I know it’s not her kids because they are with their father most of the time. I knew I was right about my suspicions when I come home to my private items laying on my bed. I brushed it off.
A couple days later I found pictures of me and my dad torn apart all over my bed. After that, I found a wrapper from a snack that I had eaten that belonged to her sitting on my bed, which was originally at the bottom of my trash can.
It’s like she’s trying to tell me she wants me gone. I’ve now told my dad about what’s been going on because I now don’t feel safe. He’s threatening divorce if she doesn’t stop. AITJ for telling him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… honestly it sounds a little psychotic to me. Not just weird, but eerily weird and you have every right to be worried. I’m glad you told your dad and props to him for supporting you. Document everything with pictures and notes.” Chickentender0702
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you should ALWAYS be able to feel safe in your home and have privacy. You have done nothing wrong by telling your dad about your step-mom’s behaviors. SHE and her actions are the reason your dad is threatening to divorce her – it is NOTHING to do with you.
If she starts blaming you or saying things to you about this, please also tell your dad. He’s got your back.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, if a boundary was set, she knows he knows and he said to stop and she’s not stopping, you are trying to get them divorced. You’re give thin information and facts that are for him to make decsions with.
Remember: if she’s still doing things then she’s the one who is the problem. She was told to stop and isn’t. That’s on her. If she’s stopped then it would be settled.” User
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Biological Mom At My Birthday Celebration?
“My (15M) biological mother signed away custody of me and my (18F) sister and ran off when I was like 2. I was never as affected by her absence as my sister was but my Ma (stepmom) did her best to take her place as our mother figure.
Six months ago she reappeared with a husband and 2 kids (11M and 9M) and asked for a chance to be a part of our lives. She and my sister had a heart-to-heart and my Pa accepted her apologies so we ended up giving her a chance.
Since then we’ve seen her at least once every week and I can’t say she hasn’t been making an effort.
Now, my birthday is in two weeks. I celebrate with my friends on another day but my actual birthday has always been just family.
Every year we try to bake an edible cake without a recipe and poorly sing along to 90s songs all day and then watch Indiana Jones DVDs until we fall asleep. It’s truly my favorite day every year.
Today my bio mother asked me what I’ll be doing for my birthday.
I said I was just having a movie night and she jumped to invite herself and my half siblings over. Honestly, I didn’t feel comfortable with that and respectfully told her so. She looked devastated but my sister changed the subject after a bit.
After she left my sister and I got into a spat since my sister called me ungrateful and said I should’ve just included her since she would’ve killed to have our bio mom for her sweet 16. I said that it was my choice and just because she’s so eager for our bio mom’s approval doesn’t mean I am.
The argument devolved from there until our parents stepped in. She stormed off crying with Ma in tow while I explained my piece to Pa, who agreed that it was up to me. I feel bad for making her cry and bringing up her need for approval but I think that her problem in the end is with bio mom and not me.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your day and you should celebrate it the way you want to with the people you want to celebrate with. You and your sister were essentially abandoned by your bio mom for most of your lives. It’s great that she’s making an effort to get back into your lives now and that you & your sister are willing to give her a chance, but it should go at a pace you’re comfortable with.
Bio mom should hopefully be able to understand that. Your sister is apparently more ready to include her in family things right now, but that doesn’t mean you have to be ready too. It’s your birthday, so you get to decide. And I hope you have the happiest birthday!” emotional_lemon8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and look out for your relationship with your sis, she seems to be the type that will end up burning herself and others for mommys approval, you clearly know you don’t need that so keep the relationship with your mom in whatever length you want, she made her bed and now she doesn’t get to crash into your life.
You are the only one who gets to decide how close you want to be with her, try to not feel guilty just cause the waterworks keep running.” Poku115
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Take it easy on your sister. She has memories of bio mom that you don’t because you were so young when she left. But sis was around five.
A part of her might blame herself for bio mom’s leaving so she’s anxious to get her back. But she’s a stranger to you, like a distant aunt who pinches your cheeks when she sees you. You have to be polite because she’s family but you don’t have to like it.
So no, you don’t have to celebrate your actual birthday with bio mom. However, you could do a small thing with her and your sister on a different day like you do with your friends. Maybe out to a movie or a lunch?” Jeweler-Medical
5. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Watch My Daughter Even When She's Struggling With Her Mental Health?
“Ok, I’ve been struggling with this for awhile, I think I’m right, but my significant other thinks I am unreasonable.
We have been together 7 years, we have a 5 year old together, and she had two kids from a previous relationship. I have a kid from a previous relationship.
So that’s 3 full time kiddos in the home, and 1 (mine) that comes over every other weekend during the school year and alternating weeks during the summer. For the purposes of this question, it’s really only the summer we have an issue with.
I work four days a week.
I pick my kid up Friday night and do not return to work until Tuesday. We drop her back off with her mom on Friday. That means my significant other has to watch 4 kids instead of 3 on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday throughout the summer. This schedule was actually her idea.
She is in therapy for various reasons, and she always says stuff like her mental health isn’t doing good this week, so we need to send her back early. So, we have to come up with excuses for her to go back early. I don’t want her to go back but I can’t physically watch her myself.
Her mom works too, so instead of my significant other watching her it’s usually her partner watching her when this happens.
Points I have made, and am not sure if they are valid, is what’s the difference between having 3 or 4 kids? The kid in question is 10, fairly quiet, and probably the most well behaved of the lot.
My significant other does not work and stays home and takes care of her kids.
I really do want to respect my significant others mental health, but the fact she stays home with the kids, which is possible because I have a decent job amongst other factors, I just don’t see why my kid has to go back to her mom’s house and I don’t see why I have to cover up that she’s “having a hard time with things”.
Her mental health complaints are vague “I’m having a bad week” “I’m just having a hard time this week.” Which further compounds this issue of me trying to understand.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your significant other shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship with you, knowing you had a child, if she wasn’t willing to take care of that child alongside her own.
You mentioned the summer schedule was her idea, and she is denying you time with your child by flaking out early every time she’s over.” soog0704
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this doesn’t make sense – why is she sending back just one child (your daughter).
If she’s having mental health issues shouldn’t all the children leave? I don’t want to insinuate but it sounds like she just doesn’t want your child around, and your daughter will notice and stop coming…” SnooTomatoes9819
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk – this is a really cruel thing you are doing to your child.
Imagine how she feels being constantly sent home and treated like she’s unwanted. You didn’t cause that necessarily but you have supported your significant other in treating your child like this, which is your responsibility.” OrangeCubit
4. AITJ For Yelling At A Classmate Who Ignored Safety Instructions?
“I am finishing up a university course in hospitality. The campus has an actual restaurant where both hospitality and chef students work while the teacher supervises.
The job we have as hospitality students is doing all the normal waiter stuff (take orders, serve customers, present and clean up food, etc.).
The fellow classmate is a 21m who has an intellectual disability. I don’t know exactly what he has but he barely talks (and always in a whisper) and struggles to communicate or do half the tasks.
In the past there have been multiple incidents where he doesn’t listen to orders and refused to do certain tasks because he “doesn’t feel like it”.
What happened was behind the bar another classmate accidentally broke a glass and it went everywhere. We told other student who came over to check that we have it under control and not to come in as it’s not safe.
While the student who broke it was cleaning the glass I was on spot checking and ensuring no one else walks in.
In comes the disabled student and I tell him the exact same thing, we have it under control don’t come in as it’s not safe.
But instead of listening to me (as he never did) he looked at the mess, shrugged, and started to walk into the middle of the mess.
This annoyed me as he decided to ignore me and put all of us in danger. Broken glass doesn’t just lead to cutting and getting it stuck in your shoe but you could slip and fall badly, especially since the bar floor was wet from the nearby dishwasher, it was a massive hazard.
I yelled at him to stop, turn around and leave the bar.
The teacher pulled me out of the restaurant and told me I was very out of line for yelling and I need to be more patient with him.
I don’t think I’m the jerk as I was trying to prevent an accident from happening but I did yell at a disabled student and half the class is decisive on should I have yelled or not.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If his disability makes him unable to follow certain instructions to the point he puts himself and others in danger, then he’s in the wrong place. He needs to be studying something that doesn’t involve sharp objects, heat, slippery floors, etc..
And if he’s completely able to follow instructions but just “doesn’t feel like it” then he needs to be reprimanded because that’s a terrible and dangerous attitude to have. Either way he wouldn’t last a day in the service industry and the teacher isn’t doing him any favors by telling everyone else that they need to be nice to him.” cbm984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! As an autistic person, I completely understand how you feel. In my animation classes, there is this disabled student who is a lot like the one that you described. Unlike him, he interrupts the class and talks quite loudly. Interestingly enough, my primary college professor has gotten more annoyed with him each semester.
Thankfully, I don’t have to deal with him currently.” SophieByers
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. He should have listened, despite his disability, and if he’s so severely disabled that he can’t follow instructions he should have a job coach or the like.
But yelling at co-workers is never professional.” katsmeow44
3. AITJ For Banning My Roommate's Partner Over His Unhealthy Influence?
“I (26f) and my friend (25f) have been sharing a flat for the last couple of years. I pay all the rent because I have a decent job and she’s unemployed.
We both agreed before we moved in together that if 1 of us brought home a guy/got into a relationship, they could use the flat but weren’t allowed to stay overnight.
In the last couple of years we’ve each not had many people over (we’ve both always been quite shy and a bit overweight) so it’s never been a problem.
However, a couple of months ago my friend got into a relationship with another guy and it looked like they were getting on really well. My friend’s confidence grew massively and they seemed happy together. Me and him also got along well and he’d often come over in the evening.
He was also very generous and always brought food over which he encourages my friend to eat such as cakes and doughnuts. I didn’t think much of this at first but the amount of food he brought kept increasing to the point where my friend was stuffed by the time he left.
I didn’t bring this up to my friend at first because I thought it was just his way of showing affection but after a couple of months it was taking its toll. My friend had clearly put on a large amount of weight and I was beginning to worry about her health.
I had also got a bit heavier from eating some of what he brought but not nearly as much.
When I confronted her though, my friend simply told me that he preferred larger girls so she wasn’t gonna restrict herself and said she could see herself becoming obese soon.
She even went as far as to say I should try it as well. This freaked me out a bit and I told her I didn’t want this guy going round the house anymore. My friend told me it was unfair because we had a deal but I told her I wasn’t comfortable with this and told her if she couldn’t accept this she’d have to leave.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have boundaries and even you pay the bills so I think NTJ. You could also be influenced into their mindset as well which is unhealthy. The fact that the friend said you should try it is also a red flag.
If you feel uncomfortable in a situation you dont have to be in it to make the other person comfortable. This is your home, your safe space. Best of luck!” onethatgotaway_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s unhealthy relationship with your friend as you put uneven efforts to keep you living space.
You work, she doesn’t. Now she brought even more unhealthy person which affects not only her, but you also. I would ask them to leave. You know, you don’t control your friend which needs a job and income but she is adult and made her choice to get feeder and gain weight to please him.” Trespassingw
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. While I understand your concerns and this dude sounds awful, it’s not your place to be so controlling. She’s not breaking your rules, you didn’t say he was spending the night. You can’t just kick someone out bc you don’t agree with their life choices.
Yes, her partner is truly awful.” FizzWizzSnug
2. AITJ For Asking My Mother To Stop Making Passive Aggressive Jokes About Me?
“My friend, who I’ll call F, came over today and we were chilling in my room, playing games, watching a movie, etc. At one point we were both feeling hungry and we went to the kitchen to make something.
I started making some food, and my mother came upstairs (where we were) to greet F. She was cheerful and nice, a little obnoxious, but nice none the less.
F was struggling with an assignment she had (she’s learning arabic) and they joked about it, and that’s where my mother started making passive aggressive comments and jokes targeted at me.
F laughed it off as she felt a little awkward, but my mother was laughing with all her heart. I felt really uncomfortable.
I asked F if they could go to my room which they did and asked my mother, very politely if she could quit making these jokes because I was feeling uncomfortable and so was F.
She laughed and told me I was ‘acting crazy’,that ‘F wasn’t feeling uncomfortable as they were laughing too’, that I was ‘overreacting’ and such. I kept my voice down and my tone calm and asked her again if she could stop, and she started getting mad and yelling at me, while F was still in the other room.
I told her to stop yelling, as F was here but she didn’t care. She started yelling even louder and insulting me.
I finished making our food and quickly went to my room where I apologized to F (they heard everything). They told me it’s okay, we ate, and after a while F left because they had to be somewhere.
I grabbed our plates and went to the kitchen to wash them, where my mother started yelling at me, berated me, insulted, mocked and belittled me, told me I was overreacting and that I couldn’t even take a joke and called me crazy and a jerk.
Was I a jerk? Was I really overreacting? Did I do something wrong in my approach toward her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Things like “you are overreacting” and “it’s just a joke” when you ask someone to stop are sure signs that they are bullying you.
Your mother was enjoying your discomfort and reacted badly when you challenged her power over you, doubling down on the bad behavior. A good person would have stopped when you asked them to. It’s made worse because of the parental authority angle on this.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your mother is. A joke is only a good joke when it is funny to everyone in the room. Jokes are often underhanded ways of insulting others at the expense of that other person being joked about. Your mom was out of line.
She should have heard and respected your request to stop it. Shame on her for berating her daughter.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You can’t read minds so have no idea what F was thinking. Doesn’t matter because your mother seems to believe they have license to mistreat you to your face as long as it’s “only jokes” and then without the “jokes” when called on it.” solidcordon
1. AITJ For Getting Upset Over My Broken Laptop That My Kids Were Not Supposed to Touch?
“A couple years back, I spent a good chunk of change on a laptop. I play leisure games. And I wanted my games to run well.
I told my significant other multiple times that I didn’t want the kids (aged 2 and 7) to play with my laptop because they didn’t treat it well and it’s expensive.
I would always come home from work and find it moved from its hiding spot and either in my 7 year olds bed and on the floor.
A couple months back, the obvious happened. The touch screen on the laptop was cracked. It was a decent crack but it didn’t affect the graphics, so I just reiterated that especially now the kids cannot have access to the laptop because I don’t want it to break more.
Today I went to go load up my Sims after over a month of not being able to play because of normal life stuff (kids, full time job, etc.) And the mouse keeps disappearing. After doing a lot of troubleshooting it seems that it’s related to the screen being cracked.
And honestly I was upset and frustrated and I snapped. I told my SO that if he had respected what I told him, this wouldn’t have happened. He first tried to insinuate that I actually broke my own laptop. Then he tried to say that even if he didn’t let the kids use the laptop, it probably would’ve been broken anyway eventually.
Then he tried to say I was addicted to my laptop and therefore it was a good thing it was broken. Then he just plain said did he didn’t care.
I told him I didn’t want to be with someone who cared so little about the things that bring me enjoyment.
And that this could have all been avoided had he just shown me and my things some respect.
He says I’m a jerk and overreacting over something material. I don’t feel I’m a jerk for getting angry because I wasn’t respected and that he has no remorse for letting something I care about get destroyed.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and wow, this is almost exactly the Narcissist’s Prayer That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it. Conclusion: you’ve got major trouble.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It was an expensive laptop, that isn’t designed for children, and didn’t want the kids to play with it. You’re allowed to have things that the kids can’t use – my husband has a lego car our kids aren’t allowed to touch, and I would never think of getting it down for them!
Also “addicted to the laptop” when you haven’t been able to play for over a month! That’s ridiculous.” Tanaquil1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Video games are for kids and you should let them play. Also, your SO clearly is more intelligent than you and you are obviously lying because he said that you broke it, and to be frank, he seems much more credible than you based off of this whiny post.” SheevSpin6
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!