People Speak Honestly About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
24. AITJ For Not Packing My Partner's Belongings After He Left My House Due To Alleged Paranormal Activity?
“This is silly and I can’t believe I’m even considering mentioning this, but my partner has been claiming seeing…weird stuff happening since he moved in with me in my deceased father’s house.
He said he no longer feels comfortable or safe living there because of the terrifying things he saw and experienced, especially the most recent incident of him seeing a figure standing over him while sleeping, which was his final straw.
Anyways. He wanted to move back in with his mother who lives hours away for now, but we will still be seeing each other. He called last night while at his friend’s place asking me to pack his stuff so he could come over in the morning and pick it up.
I was at work (nurse), I said I was busy and told him to come pack since he has a key. He freaked out saying never ever will he step foot in “that house” again and said “no thanks but I want to keep whatever is left of my sanity” and insisted I do it.
I said I was working a night shift maybe when I get home in the morning? But let him know I won’t guarantee it and he just hung up after saying “I don’t know just do it before 10 am ok?”
I got off work at 9 am and got stuck in traffic. I made it home at 9:50 and when I was about to pack my partner arrived with his truck and was furious to find that nothing was packed yet. He went off on me saying great now he’ll miss his train because I hadn’t packed his stuff yet.
I said I just got off work after being up on my feet all night but he argued that I should’ve signed out or whatever and gotten home early and got his stuff ready but apparently I was too lazy to do “that”.
I argued back that I was working that’s what I do then moved aside and told him to go inside and pack his stuff by himself. He refused and said there was no way he was going to get inside that house again and I can’t force him.
I ignored him at this point and walked back inside. He started shouting after me saying he’ll miss his train because of me refusing to help. I sat on the couch and about 15 minutes later his friend arrived. I greeted him and showed him where his friend’s stuff was as he packed but couldn’t do it in time.
He and my partner then drove back to his place. My partner ended up missing his train and kept texting me basically saying I wasn’t being helpful nor careful about his mental health even though this is all my fault for not even considering his suggestion to sell my house and move with him to Florida which is something we’d already discussed and I said no. I tried to call but he didn’t pick up….
I felt horrible after he broke down saying I was making his life more complicated and not doing what he wanted me to do although it’s for our own good.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner expected you to sell your inheritance and spend 100 percent of your money on HIS DREAM.
That’s what this is all about. He wants your money so he can buy himself something he wants that he can not afford for himself. In this case a super expensive house in a super expensive state that he can never afford without YOUR inheritance.
There is no ghost. This is a temper tantrum and manipulation. He thought that lying about ghosts it would scare you into selling. He thought by throwing a tantrum and moving back to mommy you would give in to his FL demands.
Now he can’t even be bothered to pack his own stuff because he is so upset that none of these tactics worked. Let his dumb self go. He’s a gold digger and a manipulator.” variant123456
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I would have chucked his stuff out the window and told him to pack it on the lawn and never come back.
It isn’t your responsibility to pack for him and he knew you were working. The fact that he KNEW this and still has the audacity to call you lazy or anything else is repulsive and abusive. NTJ.” Manviln
23. AITJ For Refusing To Use My Inheritance For House Repairs After My Husband Didn't Help With My Late Mom's Medical Bills?
“I am (29f) a SAHM, I take care of the home and my son (4m) while my husband Sam (31m) works.
I haven’t had a job in four years as Sam wanted me to be a SAHM by the time our son was born. I accepted, since Sam has an absurdly good salary, and mine was not that great.
My mom fell ill half a year ago.
Her diabetes became quite complicated and she needed some medical care. We don’t live in the US, so the expenses were relatively small. I asked Sam to please give me half of the total medical bill, since my brother (25m) was going to pay the other half.
Sam refused to pay a penny from the bill, and since I have no income, my brother had to pay it all.
Sadly, my mom passed away a month ago. My brother and I just got the whole estate in order.
Each of us is going to get a somewhat considerable figure, since my mother had some properties (which she did not sell as they are in poor condition).
This morning my husband told me he wants me to sell my part of the inheritance, so we can make some (non-vital) house repairs and possibly go on vacation.
I laughed, more out of anger than anything else, and told him that he had no right to suggest how to make use of the inheritance that my mother left when he refused to even pay half of her medical bills.
He called me a jerk and went to work.
I got a call from his sister, who was extremely angry. She called me irrational and told me that since I was living off the money Sam earns, I have no right to demand money from him, and that the inheritance gives me the opportunity to return some of the money he has spent on me.
The call really got me thinking, and now I wonder if I’m really behaving like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sam wanted you to be a SAH parent, then he and his sister use money to control you and berate you?
Take the inheritance and use it to get away from this controlling, selfish man.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But if Sam’s attitude is that since he makes the money, he controls it completely, you have bigger problems than what do to about an inheritance.
When both partners have decided that one person will stay at home, then all monies have to be pooled. You should always have an equal say about money and should not have to go begging. Getting his sis involved is also bizarre – what kind of marriage is this?
If Sam refuses to have joint finances, you have got to go back to work or demand a “salary” for the childcare and housework you do. This way you can establish some financial independence while you figure out if this is a good situation for you and your kid.
Don’t sell the properties until you guys have worked on your marriage. It’s easier to keep an inheritance separate from marital assets in the event of a divorce if you haven’t liquidated the properties and comingled the funds.” starchy2ber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Girl this is red flag city. He’s financially abusing you, or trying to. He’s definitely trying to leave you without options. He needs to get himself sorted out before you do it for him.
Don’t let him near that money or any of the investment properties, make sure his name isn’t on anything.” whoistimkono
22. AITJ For Telling My Adoptive Sister She Isn't Entitled To Our Grandmother's Inheritance?
“My sister Lara (27f) was adopted by our parents at 12 years old. She really never bonded with our parents.
Lara attended therapy, and my parents showered her with love and attention, but they never managed to have a close relationship. I (24m) was the only one with whom Lara was able to open up. My grandmother (87f) was also very fond of Lara, however, she always rejected her affections, and on many occasions, she was rude to my grandmother.
Lara went to college (fully paid for by my parents) at 18 and moved away from home (her housing and transportation were paid for by our parents as well). When she graduated at 22, she cut off all contact with our family.
We later found out that her bio family contacted her a little after she turned 18, and they kept in touch for the 4 years of college. Lara waited for my parents to finish paying for her university to move in with her biological parents.
Obviously my parents were devastated. With a lot of effort, they managed to get out of their sadness and life went back to being “normal”. We haven’t heard from Lara in five years.
My grandmother recently passed away, and she left an inheritance and will.
Somehow, Lara found out about my grandmother’s death and appeared at the meeting where the will was to be read. The commotion was so great that the reading of the will was postponed. That happened last week. Lara left her contact information with my grandmother’s attorney.
Today was the reading of my grandma’s will and Lara was there, since she is still legally the daughter of my parents and the lawyer did not want to read my grandmother’s will without her. My grandma left Lara one of her rings of average value and an amount of approximately 10 USD.
Compared to what she left me or my cousins, it’s nothing.
Lara was furious. She threw a tantrum and said that surely my parents had manipulated my grandmother to make her leave nothing for her. At this point my dad was crying.
I got angry, and I told her that she had no right to anything that my grandmother left because she was the one who cut off contact, not us. I also called her some not-very-pretty names.
Lara called me a jerk and left the place.
Now my mother is mad at me because she thinks this was our chance to talk to Lara again and reestablish a relationship with her, and that I ruined that opportunity.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Lara cut off contact for five years after your parents finished paying off her university fees and now she’s throwing a tantrum because she thinks she’s entitled to your deceased grandmother’s stuff?
She’s entitled and sounds like a giant jerk. She did you a favor when she cut contact and she should have stayed away. Your parents are still grieving and Lara was a massive jerk to show up when they were grieving the loss of your grandmother and potentially try to take advantage of that emotional state.
Also 10 USD is about all I would have left her too just to stop her contesting the will but if that wasn’t an issue, I’d say that $10 is maybe $10 too much.” Downtown-Law-3133
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Lara sounds like she showed up with her hand out.
I highly doubt she would have stayed in contact for one minute longer than it took to get what she wanted. Your grandmother sounds savage and smart! Generally, if someone in the family is left something (no matter how small) it is very hard to contest a will.
Sounds like grandma knew it too.” Ok_Bus_2038
Mom and dad need to accept that Lara isnt interested in a relationship with them and you need t be aware that she WILL show up when anything happens to parents and that mom will give her whatever to try get her back and its not going to work
21. AITJ For Not Changing My Workout Schedule To Accommodate My SO's Friend Using My Home Gym?
“So I have a nice garage gym, with everything an average person would need to get a full-body/cardio workout that always gets a ton of compliments from folks when they see it for the first time.
My significant other has a friend who doesn’t make much money, and the little she does make goes towards her children as she is a great mother. The friend is severely out of shape, to the point her doctor was telling her she needs to lose about 100lbs because she is at extreme risk for a heart attack or stroke.
So I offered to let her use my gym, completely free, no strings attached, whenever she wants, so long as she gives us a heads up that she is coming over.
Fast forward a few weeks, and the friend has been very consistent with using the gym for the cardio equipment, coming three times a week for about an hour at a time.
The thing is, she never tells us when she is coming over, as we agreed. However, being I work from my home studio, I am home all the time, so letting her in isn’t a problem. The issue comes because she always seems to show up when I am already mid-workout.
I am a man of routine with a tight work schedule, so I work out at the same time every day, but the thing is, she is only free to come over during the same time I am in my garage.
Because of this scheduling issue, we found ourselves working out at the same time, and I knew it was making her uncomfortable. She clearly did not like working out with other people around.
She told my significant other she doesn’t want to work out here if I am going to be in the garage with her (even though we aren’t in each other’s space) and that she would like me to work out at a different time.
I said absolutely not.
I understand people have a personal comfort zone, and apparently, me being in my own gym while she was using it was violating hers. However, I am very busy and am not about to change my schedule to accommodate someone who I was genuinely just trying to help.
I want her to get healthy so she and her kids can have a lot of time together, but AITJ for not accommodating her?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She could avoid this problem by letting you know when she planned to come over.
A lot of people also work out before the start of the workday and at the end of the workday – she can consider these times. Finally, it’s your gym – you get first choice.” shannofordabiz
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ. You are already accommodating her by letting her work out there in the first place. I have a friend with a similarly nice gym, and he literally has people book times with him. Unless she already had a literal booked time, and you decided to start working out at that time as well, then she needs to either deal with it or set a different time to come.” Coooturtle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but come on, this can be easily solved. You say you are a man of routine, right? So you work out at the same time, the same days? Just give her your schedule! Tell her that these are your workout times and that you don’t want to change those.
She’s free to either come on those or at different times. She won’t be surprised or annoyed you’re there when she knows beforehand exactly when you’ll be there.” Jazzisa
20. AITJ For Not Being Friendly To My Coworker's Child In Our Office?
“First, I don’t hate children.
I (24 F) share an office with 3 other women who are 10+ years older than me and all have children. It’s usually very quiet in our office, except for the occasional conversation or client/internal call. We get along well, we’re just very focused on our tasks.
A month ago one of my coworkers started bringing her 3-year-old with her. Apparently, her daycare has shut down for staff reasons, she has no one else, and the boss allowed it.
I hadn’t expected just how much noise a 3-year-old makes.
Babbling, crying, running around, my coworkers cooing over and talking to her, it was rarely silent. I did feel bothered by it, especially the running, but I just sucked it up, because I know a small child can’t be quiet for 8 hours.
Some days she was so hyperactive I could barely concentrate on my work. I considered wearing headphones, but I felt that it would be on another level of rudeness and I also wouldn’t hear the phone.
Most of the time I ignore her.
I don’t go out of my way to make conversation and when she shows me something, I comment on it but keep it short. One time she asked me if we could ‘play the card game’ (solitaire), as my coworkers had done with her and I said sorry, no, I gotta work.
I’m also not very emotive and I don’t put on an ear-splitting smile and an excited voice when talking to her.
I’m here to work, not to play daycare, and right now it feels exactly like that. Once I had to ask my coworker to take her crying daughter outside because a client was on the line and I didn’t want to seem unprofessional, which she didn’t take very well.
Today I pulled the coworker aside and asked her if she had any idea when the daycare situation would get resolved and she unloaded on me. How I’m such a jerk for being so unfriendly with her daughter, I don’t pay her any attention when she wants something from me, I always have a mean face and don’t talk to her nicely, how she (the mother) can feel my ‘negative energy’.
Apparently, her daughter thinks I don’t like her, which makes her sad. Then she mentioned the time I asked her to take her daughter out, and how I clearly have no empathy for a small child in distress.
I was a bit taken aback and I explained to her that I didn’t mean to be unfriendly, but my job here is not to entertain children.
Then she said I must be a miserable person if I can be so bothered by a child being a child and left.
On one hand I feel bad because I didn’t want to be mean and she has no other options, but on the other hand I don’t see why I have to just put up with this when I was never even asked if I’d be okay with the child being there.
On top of that, no prior warning and no information as to how much longer this circus will be going on for.
So AITJ for not going out of my way to be friendly?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re working at an office, not a child care.
It’s not your place to make this office inviting for a child. I would argue that the office should be for paid workers only. No matter the age, having a nonworking human in a workspace is distracting. I don’t understand why your leadership is allowing this behavior.” Nannookdoowah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t work at a daycare, your job isn’t to be entertaining children. From what you’ve described, you’ve been polite about the whole situation. Instead of getting mad at you, this mom should be grateful no one’s complained about her kid being a nuisance and that she hasn’t yet been told to stop bringing her in.” RedoubtableSouth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re there to work. One day is fine but a whole month of having a child there? No, that place is not a daycare and that mother had so long to find someone else to take her child.
That’s super unprofessional. She also has no right to call you out for asking her if she can soothe her child somewhere else because it is super unprofessional to have a baby crying in the background of an office.
She should be out on FMLA to take care of her child.” KandiJoe
NTJ.
19. AITJ For Calling My Husband Out For Favoring His Youngest Daughter?
“I (40f) got married to my husband (40m) in 2019. He has three kids (17f), (15m) and (12f), and I have one kid (14m). I noticed that he likes his youngest a bit more and spoils her quite a bit, and I have mentioned it but I never made too much of a big deal because I tried to make it seem reasonable because I loved him, and I justified it by saying he might resent his oldest for having a large amount of health conditions, and maybe he wanted a daughter so his youngest daughter is his favorite, which I now realize I shouldn’t have done.
Another thing I noticed is that his 2 older kids are really close and seem to not quite like his youngest. The public transport line that goes to her community college also stops at his high school so they get on together and come home together.
Earlier today his eldest was having a flare-up and was vomiting quite a bit due to pain. I asked her if she needed anything but her brother was helping her so she declined and I went on my way. Yet I hear yelling from the bathroom, so I go there and I hear his youngest daughter yelling about how she wanted to use the shower in that bathroom because it had a shower handle so it was easier for her.
Yet his son was yelling at her to use the other bathroom. I asked them what was going on, and apparently his youngest wanted to use the shower in the bathroom where the eldest was vomiting because it had a shower handle yet his son was telling her to use the other bathroom because she needed the toilet to vomit and walking would be much easier for her.
My husband came up at this point and when he heard what happened he told his eldest to get up and go downstairs into the other bathroom. I asked why she couldn’t use the bathroom in the master bedroom and he responded that it was only for his precious (he mentioned his youngest by name).
I thought he was being ridiculous but he told me it was his kids and his choice. I was still furious and told him he was being a terrible parent and he told me to parent my own kid, and I am starting to think that maybe I am a jerk because, he is right in that it is his kids and his choice what he does with them, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“His precious YoungestDaughtersName? He actually calls her that? sigh. He is high-key ridiculous, not a great parent, and a total jerk. The way he babies and coddles the youngest will not bode well in the future. It’s not working out well in the present.
She knows she has your husband wrapped around her finger, and is demanding and entitled. I feel so sad for your oldest SD. Good for you for calling out this behavior. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d really question a marriage in which you’re ever told “these aren’t your children so stay out of it.” He’s absolutely the jerk and making a sick kid move to another bathroom is abusive and cruel.
He’s a cruel man to have any of these tendencies and this one especially.” cutibeaver26
18. AITJ For My Dad And Stepmom Reading My Therapy Journal From When I Was a Child?
“When I was 10 I went to therapy because my dad’s wife tried to pick me up from school one day and I claimed I didn’t know who she was.
It caused a huge stir and I really didn’t want to be taken home by her. This was 4 months into their marriage, and 3.5 years after my mom died. In therapy I had a journal. Something for me to write on stuff we needed to talk about in therapy.
In the journal I wrote a lot about how my dad’s wife wasn’t good enough. I wrote about each and every way I considered my mom better than her, how she would never compare to my mom and she was unlovable to me because she was the person who replaced my mom.
For three years I wrote a lot of stuff. A lot of the early stuff (first year) was about how much I disliked her and how she would never win a place in my heart. The rest was about my mom and missing her.
Though there were times I was still honest about no love growing for her. And also about how I wish my dad had waited to remarry because I was repulsed by her being considered my parent because I didn’t want to grow up with her in my life.
When therapy ended at 13 I asked my dad to burn the journal. He told me he had. But he kept it. Now a decade later my dad’s wife has seen it. She was hurt, obviously, but also incredibly mad at me.
She was mad that after 3 years of therapy, I still wrote about not loving her or wanting her to be in my life growing up. I asked dad why he kept it. He told me he read it when I gave it to him and he wanted to make sure I didn’t treat his wife like a jerk, that he wanted to watch out for me saying that stuff to her.
He told me he always felt the chill with me, he always felt my lack of love for her, the lack of respect for what she did for me. And that he knew he needed to be reminded of the stuff I had said to the therapist.
I told them that journal should have been private and they had no right to read any of it. She said I had no right to write it and that obviously I still felt that way when I hadn’t apologized. I told her if she wanted to blame anyone it should be my dad for keeping it.
That no good could ever have come from them reading it and it didn’t. That she needs to be mad at him and not me.
They told me it was wrong to put it back on my dad. They still have it too.
Refused to give it to me to do whatever I wanted, said it was their property since I was a minor when it was bought and it was left in the house after I moved out.
AITJ? They sure think I’m the unkind person here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were a child in therapy. Your dad’s a major jerk for lying to you and betraying you, and your stepmom could have a little bit of sympathy and understand that you were a child and that those words had a context.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holding something against you years later that you were saying in a therapeutic journal? And not burning it when you trusted your father to keep his word? And they are mad at you? Not their property at all.
So wrong to treat you this way.” Floridagir1
17. AITJ For Wanting To Send My Daughter To A Better Private School Than My Stepdaughters?
“My (30F) husband (39M) and I have a daughter who just turned 4. My husband also has 2 daughters from a previous marriage (9,7). They found out his ex was pregnant with their second child in the middle of the divorce.
My husband is in the army and his ex is a preschool teacher, she started working just a couple of years ago since they had an agreement that she would be a stay-at-home mom until the kids were old enough to go to school.
I am a software engineer, I have a really good job, and make pretty good money, more than my husband and his ex’s salaries combined (I’m not being arrogant, this is relevant to the story). Since our daughter is now of age to start school we have been looking for schools.
I said I wanted her to go to a private school and told my husband I would pay for it since he pays for his daughters’ school. They’re good schools also private but not like the one I want my daughter to go to.
He was okay with this. The problem is my mother-in-law found out and told his ex who is now claiming we are excluding her daughters and playing favorites with my daughter since they go to “inferior” schools. My husband explained that I am the one paying for it and not him.
She said it is still bad that I plan to send my daughter to a private school and not hers, that they should all get the same education since her daughters will feel that their dad loves our kid more than them.
That’s not true, my husband loves his kids and I love them too. For her to say that is simply not true. I even contribute to their college funds. Here is where I might have been the jerk. I told her that her daughters’ education was not my problem, my kid’s is so I will send my daughter to whatever school I want to and if it bothers her so much then she can find a job that pays more.
My husband understands and agrees that they can’t afford to send them to school like that and I can’t afford to send 3 kids to that school. I would compromise to send my kid to their school for preschool but that’s it.
I won’t compromise my child’s education for anyone. I worked my tail off to get where I am today and for her to have the best.
So, AITJ for wanting my daughter to go to this school, should I just send her to where her sisters go permanently?
I am genuinely worried the girls would feel we love them less because of it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not the ex’s business where your daughter goes to school and she gets no say on the subject. It isn’t favoritism to give your child what you can and if she wants the same or better for her children, then she can work that out with your husband and his mother (since she wants to point her nose in let her get a snoot full.) The back and forth needs to stop, “This topic is not up for discussion.” And mother-in-law would get no information about anything again seeing as how she is using it to cause trouble.” MelodyRaine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We stepmoms are always told to treat our bonus kids the exact same as our bio kids while constantly being reminded by their biomoms that we aren’t their moms. We are supposed to bear 100% of the responsibility with none of the legal rights to our children.
And we are supposed to ignore the fact that a lot of the time our bio kids have 2 parents to look out for them while bonus kids have 3 or 4. As a child of divorce myself I can also say I would get it.
My younger sister (half) got things I didn’t always get but then again she didn’t get Christmas presents from 4 sets of grandparents. Turn the tables for a sec. Let’s say you made what BM makes and she made what you make.
Let’s say she wanted to send her kids to private school. Would you insist she pay for half of your kids? Or would that be seen as ridiculous? Would she compromise her kids’ education if you couldn’t afford to send yours to the same school?
I promise you no.” mcattaj13
Then tell hubby that if the rolls were reversed you wouldn't expect her to pay for a better school for your daughter else she be up in arms over it... and that if they all expect you to contribute YOUR MONEY to THEIR KIDS schooling then all other financial help you have been providing will be pulled as he KNOWS what you help him with whereas his mommy and ex maybe don't...
Either way he needs to pull his mother up for this cos she has NO RIGHTS telling his ex anything that YOU choose for your daughter grandma or not
16. AITJ For Refusing To Make Christmas Bread After My Family Ate The Pies I Made Without Me?
“Background: I (24m) was the only one interested in baking so I got all of my grandmother’s recipes when she passed away. For the past 11 years, I have been making her Christmas bread (a braided cardamom loaf) for breakfast on Christmas morning.
When I got to my parents’ house this morning I had two pies with me which I made for dessert. I asked that they not be touched as I hadn’t had time to do a taste test and I wanted to make sure they were good.
I then went to the store to get the ingredients for the mentioned Christmas bread, and some tofu takeout for myself (I’m a vegetarian and my family doesn’t serve any main dishes without meat).
When I got back both pies were gone, to the point where my mother had already washed the dishes for me so I “didn’t have to bring back dirty dishes.” I was (I think understandably) pretty upset.
I didn’t get to even taste either one, much less have a slice. And they ate both before dinner as well.
It evolved into an argument pretty quickly because they’ve done things like this before (I almost didn’t get a slice of my own birthday cake because I was cleaning up from baking it), and I just wanted at least an acknowledgment that they should have waited for me to start eating my pies.
They refused and said they were perfectly in their rights to do so as the pies were my “payment” for staying with them and “eating their food”. I told them that if the pies were my payment then I obviously didn’t need to make the Christmas bread, and they could do it themselves.
They acted like I had told them Christmas was canceled. I tried to backtrack a bit and told them that my mom could make it because she did until I started helping my grandmother, and that the ingredients were already bought.
I’ve been called “entitled”, “spoiled”, and accused of actually “ruining our family Christmas”. I get that they were expecting me to make it, but it’s not like they’re out of options for food tomorrow. I’ve been hiding in my car for the past half an hour trying to figure out if I was in the wrong and should just make it or not.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only did they eat two entire pies while you were out & didn’t even save you a slice (never mind you asked them not to touch them), they had the gall to claim it was your PAYMENT to stay in your own parents’ house & eat their food, when you have to get your own food because they won’t include vegetarian food in the dinner.
You also have to buy all the ingredients for the bread they demand you make for them. These are selfish, self-centered, entitled people. They are disrespectful & rude to you as a guest or as family. They demand labor from you & won’t give you the smallest courtesy or consideration.
Go home. Make yourself the bread with the ingredients you bought. Send them pictures of you enjoying it yourself. Sometimes we have to make our families.” Gimmecheesenow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Certainly not. But your family certainly seems like a bunch of entitled self-centered jerks.
I’d pack my stuff (including the stuff for the breakfast cake) and go home. Seriously, “payment” for “eating their food”?!? You had to buy your own food too, since they don’t serve veggie-friendly stuff.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Ignoring My Niece's Numerous Phone Calls And Refusing To Apologize?
“To begin with, my half-brother is double my age. He was 22 when I was born, and he is now 43. We share a mom, and that’s probably all we have in common. I speak to him maybe once a year, and I speak to his children even less so.
I can’t stand kids, and I will go out of my way to avoid them if I can.
My half-brother is a father of three, and recently he purchased his 12-year-old daughter an iPhone. He exclusively stated to us multiple times that he only purchased a phone for her because she is now walking to a bus stop alone, and he wanted her to have something for emergencies only.
Out of the handful of contacts he put on the phone, he added mine, without asking or informing me. I do not know any of his family members, never mind their numbers, and I live over 1000 miles away. The most I can do in an emergency is call my mom and ask her for help.
A few days ago, my mom informed me that my niece had just called her multiple times, just bored and wanting to chat, and told me that she might be calling me too. While I was in the shower, she called, but I didn’t answer because I genuinely did not want to talk to her, and, well, I don’t want to answer a phone call when I’m in the shower.
Within 10 minutes, she had called me 6 times, and I got fed up with hearing my phone ring and temporarily blocked her number.
I eventually unblocked her, but over the course of my day, she called me 18 times. I was busy, I was in a bad mood, and I did not want to talk to her, so I did not take the call.
I absolutely loathe phone calls, and I’m not obligated to answer the phone and entertain your child, just because she’s bored.
Late that night my brother called me. By this point, I was on my 2nd peach margarita, so I didn’t take his call.
I can be a bit mean when I’ve been drinking, so it’s probably for the best that I didn’t answer.
Today, my mom talked to me about what happened and asked if my niece or half-brother had called. Come to find out, he’s called my mom and told her that he is very upset with me for ignoring him and his daughter, and said it was extremely rude of me to not answer or call her back.
He asked her to revoke my phone and driving privileges until I give him and his daughter a full apology!
I am 21 years old, and I pay for both my car and my phone with no help from anyone but myself, so my mom told him that even if she wanted to, she could not take those things from me.
My brother has not spoken to her ever since and is still demanding that I apologize. I might be the jerk because my niece idolizes me a lot, and she’s always called me the cool aunt. My ignoring her calls may have upset her, and I’m sure she just wanted to tell me about her cool new gadget, but I just did not want to talk that day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I seriously laughed out loud when I read the last paragraph. Is your brother delusional or did he forget how old you are? What made him think it was appropriate to demand that a grown woman’s phone and driving privileges be revoked simply because they won’t answer his and his daughter’s phone calls?
Even if you were a teenager your mom can’t force you to talk to him if you don’t want to. His daughter should be the center of his world, not yours or anyone else. You are definitely NTJ in the situation.
You probably would have been if you answered the phone and told your brother and niece how you really felt about all the phone calls.” Fickle-Willow4836
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your half brother gave your number out without your permission.
Honestly I hate talking on the phone with anyone so I never answer, but no one calls me 6 times in an hour so idk how that feels. You should definitely tell your brother that she can only text you. And how can you be the cool aunt if she hardly even knows you?” Mayo-on-a-stick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother needs to teach his daughter not to be rude with her phone. She can call and leave a message or text and wait for the party to get back to her – unless it’s a true emergency.
He should be parenting his child. Just because she has a phone doesn’t mean people are obliged to talk to her whenever she wants. It’s not your job to manage her expectations especially when you have no relationship with her.
You are an adult and don’t have to talk to people if you don’t want to. Your brother views you as a child and doesn’t respect you.” PotatoLover-3000
Then block his jerk... his issue is that he had to deal with HIS 12 yr old whinging at him cos aunty OP ismt answering the phone... i doubt it upset her i bet she was driving him mad and he told her to ring you to get her out his hair
14. AITJ For Refusing To Open The Door For My Husband?
“My F,29 husband M,33 recently got kicked out of his job and he decided to sue his former boss for misjudgement.
He’s been feeling upset ever since. He really worked hard to get his position and seeing years of work go to waste was devastating for him.
His friends have been taking him out to cheer him up and let off some steam.
The problem is that he’d be gone for hours and show up late at night inebriated.
He did it 2 times this week. He came home at 2 a.m. while inebriated and made noise because he expected me to open the door for him when I was asleep.
I couldn’t wait for him and stay up late because unlike him I have work and other responsibilities. When he complained about how I should be quick to open the door for him I told him that next time he comes home late like 2 am and up then I won’t be opening the door for him.
Period. He said he won’t stay out late again and that my “challenge” was accepted.
Last night he went out with his buddy who dropped him off outside at 2:30 am. I was awake at the time when my husband kept ringing the bell then knocking on the door.
I remained in bed and refused to open the door. He called my phone telling me he was outside and I needed to open up. I asked him to tell me what time it was and he said “it’s 7:30! It’s still early come on open the door!” It was obvious he was inebriated. I said I won’t open the door for him after I already warned him and told him I was going back to bed then hung up.
He kept calling over and over then knocked several times on the door then he stopped.
Turns out he slept in the garage on the floor. He had a huge argument with me calling me petty and ridiculous for keeping him out of his house and refusing to open the door for him.
I reminded him that I didn’t have to stay up every week to wait for him and open the door for him. He said he forgot his key and that I was clearly trying to prove a point here but said that it’s his house and I should never and under any circumstances keep him out of it like that.
He told me to apologize and say I’ll never do it again but I walked out of the kitchen while he was talking which angered him more. He then said he was going through rough times and I was making it worse and being unsupportive.”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly I thought you would be, but NTJ. He said challenge accepted and didn’t take his key, that’s on him. Perhaps he should’ve just arranged to stay at a friend’s house and text you so you don’t worry.” BazTheBaptist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he took your feelings as a “challenge”, he purposefully forgot his key just to annoy you. Red flags there with his attitude towards you. He may be feeling jealous as you’re still working, etc. So has put you as the “bad guy” because he needs someone to blame.
Yes, he’s going through a hard time but to take it out on you is unacceptable. He deserved to sleep in the garage and should have learned by now to take his key.” Ancient-Wolverine763
13. AITJ For Insisting A Couple Move From My Reserved Movie Seats?
“So this happened yesterday and I still feel pretty bad about it so I wanted to ask for opinions. I (25F) went with a friend to watch the new 007 movie at a pretty popular theatre.
We booked our seats in advance online, and our seats were M10 and M11, towards the back in the middle. We got there 10mins before the movie started, and saw that there was a couple (20s?MF) sitting in our seats.
I asked if the seats they were sitting in were M10/M11, and they might be sitting in our seats. The guy in the couple said this was N10/N11. My friend and I were confused, so we asked the row in front of us to see what row that was.
They said it was L. So if we go by the alphabet (and the row letter was also on the carpet) the couple were not sitting in their seats.
I asked the couple again nicely that they might be sitting in the wrong seat, and the guy started to get really frustrated saying that “these are just seats” and that they even asked a worker here and mentioned that this was N10/N11.
This is where I might’ve been the jerk. My friend said let’s grab a random seat, but I went outside the theatre and grabbed a worker and explained the situation. The worker came up to the row with me but mentioned that “there were still empty seats”.
I replied to him that people were still coming in so I didn’t want to take someone else’s spot if the seats the couple were sitting was actually our spot. The couple saw us bringing a worker in and the guy came up to us and started to talk bad about me in front of the worker and how I’m blowing it out of proportion and said crude things about me.
The worker went out and got another person (I assume the manager) to verify the seats. At this point the movie didn’t start yet but people who overheard us were also saying that these are just movie seats and that I should just sit anywhere else.
Turns out the couple was wrong and those were our seats. The guy started to yell that he wanted a refund because the N10/N11 seats were not in the middle (any row after M only had seats on the left and right side, and empty in the middle for accessibility reasons).
He said that I ruined his “freaking birthday” and I told him ok, and told the worker to give us a seat that’s not taken and we’ll sit somewhere else and he said no, it’s too late and I ruined his birthday night.
He stormed off and his partner walked out and cursed at me that I ruined the guy’s birthday. The movie began shortly after so we didn’t cause a scene during. However, I feel bad for things to escalate so much, but I didn’t know where else to sit as it could’ve been reserved. Plus, it was his birthday.
Should I have just let the couple have my seats? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They ruined their own day. They bought different seats, they refused to move when the actual ticket holder showed up. They decided to dig in and react with anger… you simply asked for what you paid.” ollyator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t ruin his birthday, he did that ALLLLLL by himself. If it even WAS his birthday. Lots of jerks like this throw out comments like that because lies are all they’ve got to make a justifiably upset person like yourself feel even worse.
Don’t sweat it.” Mirianda666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Birthday or not, they were wrong and threw a hissy fit about it. You didn’t ruin anything, they were just using ‘birthday’ as leverage to make you feel bad, which makes them jerks.
You paid for your middle seats, just like they paid for their not-middle seats. Most theaters have maps where you can choose where to sit – and it’s not your fault they didn’t pay attention to what they bought.” PrincessBuzzkill
12. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Bedroom In Our Inherited Beach House With My Brother's Wife?
“Twelve years ago our grandparents passed away, leaving their beach house to me (37f) and my brother (35m). The place is within drivable distance of my town; my work is such that I can do it remotely a lot of the time; I now have two small children.
Because of all these factors, through the years, I’ve been in the beach house much more, basically spending my summers in it, while my brother, who lives much more distant, only stays occasionally or requests it for a couple of weeks, while I often visit during the winter.
My brother is now married to my SIL (25f). My SIL has very specific ideas of what ‘their new married life’ will be like (Pinterest board, custom hashtag for social media, Cricut affirmations pasted around the house). The beach house features prominently in it.
Despite their having to drive four hours to get to it, she insists we should ‘divide time equally’ and ‘leave it free if they want it’ and that she may well ‘redecorate to make it more hers’.
I have redecorated that house to suit me.
I asked my brother for no contribution, except for structural issues. There are three bedrooms, so there is no reason we couldn’t be there together. My brother literally told me he ‘wasn’t there enough to care’ about swapping use of the main bedroom, which is the only seafront one, and in which my husband has built our bed. She wants that particularly, claiming it would be ‘their perfect love nest’.
I think it’s my bedroom and while she’s welcome to my brother’s, she can’t have mine. As well, we had established how to work it, I have built my patterns around it, and I don’t want to change it now.
She says she can’t be there while we’re there because ‘it would ruin the feeling of retreat’. My brother is happy with whatever she’s happy with, but I know very well determined opposition on my part will make him back down.
(The last discussion we had about it, when I pointedly asked ‘would she like to decoupage ‘live love laugh’ on the kitchen table?’ He winced and left the room).
So if I want to hold on to the house on my terms, I can.
But does it make me the jerk?
To be clear:
- I don’t object to their being here more
- I don’t object to their having more alone time
- I don’t object to their redecorating their room/bathroom however
- I don’t object to their bringing some things in
But I object to having to swap my room after 12 years, having her overhaul spaces I redecorated and spent money on, and agreeing to a rigid 50/50 schedule when I already know my brother can’t be bothered with regular long drives.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your brother is suddenly changing what he’s agreed to because his new wife is demanding it. They don’t get to redecorate without your approval since you own half. Good luck with the new negotiations. If you have the cash or credit, buy his share.” myevillaugh
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It is half your brother’s place too and he has rights. BUT I would advise buying your brother out pronto for a peaceful life. His new family can then buy and decorate their perfect retreat in a place and manner of their choosing.
IG eagerly awaits the blessing with bated breath.” Knitsanity
11. AITJ For Leaving My Own Birthday Party Because My Sister Showed Up?
“I caught my former brother-in-law making out with another woman but when I told my sister what I witnessed, she dismissed it and pretty much called me a jealous, ugly girl with no future who is trying to ruin her marriage because I was jealous of all the things she had.
She yelled at me for half an hour making fun of all my insecurities and mistakes.
I was 17. I was just a child who loved her sister and wanted the best for her. I stopped talking to her and everyone thought I was lying.
I already had low self-esteem. Her words didn’t help at all and on bad days I still think about what she said.
They were together for 3 more years before she realized that he was lying to her. She tried to apologize and build up a relationship again but I was done with her.
Everyone in my family has been asking me to forgive her and I haven’t. She hurt me when she said all those things about me. It was my birthday last week. My mom wanted to host a small party. I told her that I didn’t want my sister to attend.
She said she wouldn’t invite her. She did turn up. I think mom invited her. I was incredibly upset. My partner asked me if I wanted to leave and I nodded. She found the right moment and slipped out without anyone noticing.
I told mom about 5 minutes after we left.
Everyone is upset with me. My dad thinks I was childish. My mother is not speaking to me because I embarrassed her in front of the family. I feel like I’m not in a good place because I just wanted to be away from my sister and I didn’t care what happened or what mess I left for my family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you did is called enforcing a boundary. You have made it clear that you don’t want anything with her, so you made sure that you wouldn’t. The jerks are everyone trying to force something you don’t want.
(e.g. your mother embarrassed herself.)” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I love, love, love that dysfunctional families always want the person that was wronged to just “let it go and forgive” so they can pretend it never happened and they get to play happy families.
For all of them, each and every one of them, it’s better for you to forgive because it makes their life easier. It was embarrassing for them because you showed the truth, they couldn’t hide it. Let them know if they do that again, you’ll do the same thing so if having you around doesn’t work for them, well there’s an easy solution to it.” whatsmypassword73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your family still isn’t treating you right and that they’re not actually thinking of you in any of this, especially since they decided to do it on your birthday. They didn’t respect your boundaries, so you 100% owe them nothing.
If they give you a hard time, ask them why they thought it was okay to upset YOU on YOUR birthday, and is it about them being happy or you being happy? Also, I hope you get the chance for a make-up birthday.” Designer-Memory
10. AITJ For Not Dropping Child Support To Prevent My Ex From Going To Jail?
“For the last 3+ years since our split, my son’s (6 years) father has been mediocre at best. Lots of drama, and he dipped out for 2 years. I ended up filing for child support in the beginning so that I could get state assistance.
I’ve always worked and was the breadwinner when we were together. He’s rarely paid (actively). He’s a job skipper, though I don’t know if it’s to escape child support or just poor work ethic. Either is plausible.
The only time I get child support is tax time when they take it from him, and I got his stimulus checks in 2020. Plus a short period while he worked. He got summoned to court for unpaid CS and didn’t show.
Now he needs to come up with 1500 or is under arrest, currently has a warrant.
He didn’t know. I got a letter and told him to be careful out there. I don’t wish him harm, I’ve done my best to encourage my son’s relationship with him, as far as driving back and forth, willingness to share time, or invite him to my son’s extracurriculars.
I never throw unpaid support in his face because I’m independent, I don’t need the money and I make it work. I’m frugal and responsible and not afraid of work.
I called child support on his behalf.
They say the only way the warrant can be dropped is if I drop child support or lower payments so he has an argument to bring the attorney (no promises). I thought about it for a few days and said no.
He’s upset and saying the system is against him (black male) and I’m using my privilege (white female) against him in a white demographic. That I got him in trouble in court and that our son is happy and needs for nothing, his birthday is coming up, and he can’t come up with the 1500.
He’s throwing in my face the tax and stimulus money I got that he didn’t, and saying being in jail helps nobody. That I can drop it for now and reapply so he can get the warrant dropped.
I say it’s not that easy. It’s doing everything all over again in court and reapplying for benefits. I point out that he’s happy and needs nothing because I jump through hoops to make it work. (Two jobs, after-school care, sports, etc).
I also point out that I paid for and invited him to his birthday party, and the activities he’s in, and he pays nothing at all – that’s all on him being irresponsible and has nothing to do with black vs white.
I agree jail solves nothing if he loses this new job he’s supposed to be starting, but he only sees his kid maybe 2-3 days a month, or less. He wants to swoop in when convenient and face zero responsibility or accountability.
Just because I don’t NEED the child support, doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to it, right?? AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: it’s simple you’re not “letting” him go to jail. He put himself in the position to go to jail.
The only way I would disagree was if he was an active father and him being in jail will affect his son. Hopefully this can be a wake-up call.” OneMikeNation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are 100% entitled to child support and your son’s father made his choice.
This is a deadbeat dad issue and has nothing to do with racial bias. The system sucks, he should really just have a penalty and not be jailed as that solves nothing – you didn’t make the system though and you can go to the hearing and explain that jail doesn’t solve anything but the decision sits with the judge.
Also consider that your son’s dad deliberately ticked off “the system” over $1,500.” Graz_reddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1) Child support is for your child. Your child deserves to grow up in a household with a financial cushion and enough reserves to save for emergencies and college.
Your child deserves the child support. 2) He’s asking you to scam the system. Don’t become a scammer just because a scammer pressures you. 3) Take the pressure off yourself and trust the state to determine what your ex can or should contribute.
4) Tell your ex that you want to support his visiting his child but that you won’t discuss child support again. If he brings it up you’ll hang up each time. Prepare to practice over and over. 5) Don’t hold yourself responsible for his failures to parent, to work or to stay out of jail.
He is the master of his fate, not you. NTJ.” capmanor1755
9. AITJ For Taking The Blame For My Brother's Accident?
“I’m just really confused honestly. I don’t know what I did wrong so maybe you guys could help..
I (16F) have a little brother ‘Kyrie’ (14). Our grandmother lives with us.
All three of them are really strict. Kyrie and I share a room since the third bedroom of the house is our grandma’s. They’re strict in ways like not being allowed to do extracurriculars/sports, cannot leave the house unless an adult is with us, we still have a bedtime at 9:30 pm, only got our phones when we turned 13, chores & homework must be done by 6 even if we get home at 3, and our room is only for sleeping (Can’t go hang out in our room until 9:30).
My mom has this 30in. glass pedestal sitting in the hallway with a glass vase filled with flowers that make the entire thing 60in. Two days ago my brother was having trouble turning in an assignment so he was pacing in the hallway.
I ran to go see Kyrie when I heard glass shattering. Grandma heard the noise and was calling for one of us from her room. My brother looked like he was going to cry so I told him to go to our room while I cleaned up the glass.
I took the blame and told my grandmother I knocked over the vase. Grandma started yelling at me for being irresponsible and wasting the money they spent. After that, I tried to reassure my brother that mom wouldn’t be too mad about an accident.
Oh how wrong I was..
When mom came home grandma told her that I broke the vase. My mom asked me if it was true and I said yes. She called for Kyrie. Kyrie’s bloodshot eyes were a giveaway because mom snapped at me to stop lying.
Kyrie started bawling right then and mom was scolding him nonstop.
Yesterday after school mom took Kyrie out and returned alone. I asked her where Kyrie was and she said he was by a friend’s. I knew something was wrong since she never lets us stay by anyone with her around but I didn’t ask because she was already irritated about me asking for Kyrie.
This morning I asked about Kyrie again but she had a confused expression and asked who Kyrie was. I told her and she said that I don’t have a brother. I kinda got a temper after that and told her to stop messing with me.
She snapped and told me to go to school with my imaginary brother and leave her alone. Mom was sitting in our room with Kyrie when I returned. She welcomed me and left the room. I followed her and asked why she told me all that nonsense this morning and she yelled at me to stop making up stuff.
When I asked, Kyrie said he was by our aunt’s. He didn’t want to talk about what happened there so I left him be and did both of our homework and his share of chores. I went back to my mom one more time and asked her why she was so hard on Kyrie for an accident.
She just smiled at me and said that if I hadn’t lied she wouldn’t have had to punish Kyrie and that it was my fault that he had to stay with our aunt. Grandma called me a jerk for lying and making her waste her breath on me.
I feel really guilty…AITJ for taking the blame and causing him to be punished?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh sweet girl, I wish I could hug you!!! NTJ – obviously lying is not good but there’s lying for evil and then there’s lying to protect someone.
You sound like an amazing big sister and your mom and grandma sound like awful narcissistic controlling people. My advice stay focused on your future and get out of there as soon as you can.” ChaosNHamHam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You were trying to do a good thing for your brother. But having your brother disappear, pretending he didn’t exist, and then telling you it’s all your fault for the punishment he got is one of the most messed up things I’ve ever read.
That is not something that is done in a healthy parent/child relationship. In the future, remember that your family members do not make good parenting decisions and protect yourself, your brother and both of your self-esteem from their mind games.” Haber87
8. AITJ For Demanding Payment For My Unpaid Work Hours From My Parents?
“I’ve (18M) been working for my parents for around 2 years now. I get paid $9.50 an hour (in CA). After getting paid around $300, my parents stopped paying me altogether. They justified this by saying that I get whatever I want if I ask them for it.
After I heard this, I started buying a few things depending on the number of hours I worked. I eventually saved up to around $1300 in unpaid hours and used them all at once to buy myself a gaming PC. I told my parents about it, and they let me buy it, but they told every relative I knew that they had bought it for me and completely left out the part about how I had worked for it.
After this, I stopped buying things. I talked to them about it, and they said that they would pay for my college if I stopped buying more things and continued to work.
My 1st semester of college was coming up, and I wanted to get a dorm, as my commute would be nearly 2 hours per way.
(I have enough aid that I get $3,000 back per semester). I told my parents about my desire for dorms, and they said that they couldn’t afford to pay for my dorms at the moment. Their reasons were
- our business wasn’t making as much money.
- my dad’s commercial truck was semi-recently stolen, so he was out of work for 2 months
- we bought a new house for $830,000
- had a 3-month period where they had to pay the mortgage and house rent simultaneously due to renovations.
So I spent the entirety of the 1st semester commuting 4 hours twice a week and working 30 hours a week at a job that doesn’t pay me.
Now it’s time for 2nd semester, and my parents are again not paying for my college. They say that I can get a college education with how things are going right now. This annoys me since I want to live in dorms. Their solution is for me to spend the money I made at the new job I got.
I can afford it, but I don’t want to spend my own money since I was always told that they would pay for it. Not just the job, but also on my birthdays and stuff. My parents took all my birthday money under the pretense that it was for a college fund.
My parents aren’t that bad. On my 18th birthday, they threw me a surprise party that cost them $3,000. On my graduation, they threw a party that cost them another $2,500. On my birthday, I was gifted an iPhone 12 Pro Max, and on my graduation, I got an Apple AirPods Pro.
Around 2 years ago, I got a $2,000 MacBook Air. My parents pay my current monthly $50 gym fee and buy all my acne products (probably another $50 a month). They pay for the food that I eat while I’m out at college (around $20 a week).
WIBTJ?
My parents are going on a trip to India for 3 weeks. I need to work at the store during this time, and I need to do everything a manager does. During this time, I won’t be paid. I’m thinking of telling them that they need to pay me for the 270 unpaid hours and that they need to pay $15 an hour while I work at the store, or I won’t work, and they need to figure something out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop being free labor for them. Have them legally hire you, pay you at least minimum wage, on the books, or quit and go work a real job. But take out student loans like millions of people do.
They are required to pay you for working, they are not required to pay for college dorms.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“This is a confusing one. At first I thought you’re young and don’t understand the financial stress of being an adult and it sounded like they just legit couldn’t afford it.
But then… $3k bday party? 2.5k graduation party?? Maybe they just don’t understand finances?? And THEN a trip? They can’t expect to spend $3k on a vacation without PAYING someone to run their business while they’re gone. I would definitely refuse to work if I’m not getting paid.
Surely they have other employees. Try asking one of them to work for free instead NTJ.” attabe123
7. AITJ For Kicking Out My BIL After He Called Himself Our Son's Father?
“My (30 F) wife (29 F) and I welcomed our son into this world a year ago, both of our families are very accepting of us but my wife’s family has this weird obsession with “passing on the family genes”, which made adopting out of the question very early on.
I and my wife have always wanted to start a family but things got difficult when my wife found out she was infertile, we knew her family would be understanding but I am terrified of pregnancy, from what I have been told I’m almost physically identical to my bio mom who died during childbirth so that has led me to believe I wouldn’t hold a pregnancy very well.
After a few months of brainstorming, MIL suggested that we do IVF, using my eggs and my BIL’s sperm, and let my wife carry the baby. I was skeptical at first but gave in because the plan hit all marks, her family got their genes “passed on”, my wife and I get to start a family, and I don’t have to carry the baby.
We went through extensive counseling and therapy to make sure everyone was on the same page and could handle it. The procedure was a bit expensive but my wife’s grandma happily covered the cost since our baby would be the first of the new generation in their family.
Everything went great, my wife loved being pregnant (aside from the morning sickness) and we were more than overjoyed to welcome our baby boy in the winter. The problem arose last week, we were preparing for my son’s first birthday when BIL made a comment about how he should get a say in the planning as the child’s father.
I was shocked. I cringed and told him that he wasn’t, he just provided the sperm, he looked me straight in the eye and said “yeah, so he’s our child”.
I looked to my wife whose mouth was wide open and MIL wasn’t making eye contact.
Before he could say anything else I demanded that he get out of my house and that he’d be able to come to the party when he apologized, he got angry but left when my wife started to cry.
My wife has always struggled with self-esteem and her infertility really took a toll on her, for months I had to constantly reassure her that she was an amazing mother and that she wasn’t “wrong” (she faced a lot of homophobia and misogyny growing up).
SIL called me later that day and called me a jerk, I argued that BIL had no right saying any of that but SIL just kept yelling. My wife and I have cut all contact with her family, it’s turned into something bigger than it needs to be but I refuse to let someone call my family incomplete again.
Call me dramatic but I grew up with family in and out and never knowing who is “real family” and I refuse to let the same happen to my son.
BIL signed away his rights and verbally agreed multiple times that he’s just an uncle.
He’s never had a problem until now and it’s kinda out of the blue. If he was starting to feel more of a connection to my son then I’d understand if he calmly spoke to my wife and me instead of staking claim.
I’ve reached out to BIL a few times looking for a reason but he has just thrown insults at my wife and me.
My wife is devastated over losing contact but neither of us wants to forgive BIL until he apologizes.
So… am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, just wow. I’m inclined to believe that MIL has already had at least one conversation about this with your BIL because she stayed silent. Now SIL is going to drag you too?
I cannot stress this enough, I hope you have your ducks in a row from a legal perspective because this sounds like a huge dumpster fire. I’m really sorry that you’re both facing this situation however, I hope you find comfort in knowing that you’re facing it together.
NTJ.” dragonfly825
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what an absolutely ridiculous and cruel thing to say. Your child will not have a father, but two wonderful moms, and that’s okay. He doesn’t get to be involved as a “father” because he was a donor.
That’s all he is: a donor. He can be an uncle, but not a dad until he has his OWN children.” Resident-Standard526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you need to speak with lawyers and the clinic where everything was done to verify that he is only seen as a donor with no rights over the child.
While the child is biological from him, he gave over rights when he donated. It might be that he and SIL are stressed because they haven’t gotten pregnant and in his mind he has a son out in the world.
But his role is uncle and they do not get to have a say in how the child is raised or how birthdays get celebrated. If your wife did have issues with her family about being in a gay relationship this might be their way of ensuring your son has a “male” role model in his life, but that again is a choice you and your wife make.” PurpleBugBull
6. AITJ For Wearing Matching Outfits With My Daughter At My Cousin's Wedding?
“The wedding was my cousin’s (30M) and his now wife’s (27F). I’ve (31F) always been close to my cousin because we grew up on the same street and we would hang out at each other’s houses a lot growing up.
We still talk regularly now.
Due to certain global issues not a lot of my family have seen my daughter (4F) in the last couple of years. Unfortunately, she’s not keen on dressing up, due to it being an important occasion I wanted her to dress nicely.
The only way she would agree to dress up was if she matched me and her daddy (31M).
We sat together and shopped online for our outfits, she wore a little version of my jumpsuit. The jumpsuits were seafoam green with a little white heart pattern over it.
I thought we looked cute together. We even got my husband a matching tie.
When we turned up at the wedding my mum and some other family wanted pictures of us (my husband, myself and my daughter) together. This was before the church ceremony while we were waiting outside before being seated. We were not the only ones taking photos, lots of others were taking selfies and group photos as well.
We weren’t late getting into the church either.
It was a truly lovely wedding ceremony and the reception was decorated beautifully. At the reception people commented on our outfits. I didn’t think anything of it as it’s normal to compliment other people’s outfits.
I know it’s generally my go-to compliment, especially if I don’t know the person well.
My cousin called me during the week and said that his wife was upset with my behavior at the wedding. She thinks I wore a matching outfit with my daughter to draw attention away from her.
It’s so bizarre to me because she was absolutely gorgeous in her dress. She honestly looked like she had stepped out of a magazine.
Did I commit a massive social mistake? AITJ? How do I apologize/talk to her about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d just let her know it was completely unintentional, apologize “if I made you feel bad in any way,” and let her know that to you, she was gorgeous and the star of the show. Maybe then just ask her if there is anything you can do to make her feel better.
Sometimes there isn’t anything but just asking this question makes people feel better because it demonstrates the speaker cares and desires to fix things. You haven’t haven’t explained what kind of person she is so it’s hard to more specifically advise how to fix things.
Not sure if this will work but worth a shot.” MadoogsL
Another User Comments:
“OP I’m not going to pass judgment but I do think you should try to see it from her point of view. Weddings are pretty hectic and usually you don’t notice something unless it is causing a lot of attention.
So although you may have thought you were receiving a normal amount of attention it could be possible that it wasn’t. Is it possible that people were approaching her at the wedding commenting on how cute you and your family looked in your matching outfits?
I understand your reasoning for why you wore them, but a lot of times people wear matching outfits to get attention. So from her point of view it could appear that this person she barely knows showed up at her wedding wearing matching outfits in order to make themselves the center of attention on her wedding.
I know that wasn’t your motive but we have seen plenty of stories where people have done things similar to this at weddings because they don’t like the bride. I don’t think it would hurt to reach out to her with an apology and explanation.” Fickle-Willow4836
5. AITJ For Wanting To Tell Our Child We Used An Egg Donor After My Wife's Comments?
“I love my wife very much but I’m starting to see her in a different light. When we started trying for children and having difficulty we saw a specialist. There we found out that my wife’s eggs are not viable and basically don’t work.
She can still physically carry a pregnancy just not with her eggs. We were devastated especially my wife. She took it hard and went to therapy and everything. I was open to whatever solution she wanted. She didn’t want adoption and made it clear she wanted a baby related to me.
We decided on an egg donor.
She wanted full control of who it was which I didn’t mind. I allowed her to spend thousands on different clinics and specialists to find the perfect egg she wanted. I just wanted to help her fulfill her dreams of becoming a mother.
Finally, she decided on the donor and we had the embryo implanted and it worked. She got pregnant with our daughter on the first try.
She didn’t want anyone to know of her fertility issues or that we were using a donor egg and I didn’t care.
Whatever made her comfortable. The pregnancy went great. Fast forward three years now. Our daughter is turning three at the end of the year. My wife and I had already discussed having another baby during this time. To my surprise when I brought it up she said she was having doubts.
She said our daughter “didn’t come out how she pictured”. Visually or personality-wise. She doesn’t act or look like her at all. She even started crying. I was shocked. She’s a stay-at-home mom and seems to love our daughter.
This came from nowhere. I asked her what was wrong and she said that next time she wants another egg donor. We had already planned to reuse the same donor but I really took offense to the fact that she thinks our daughter isn’t good enough.
She got upset and said that’s not what she means, she just wants a “better” donor that fits her more than the first donor did in terms of looks and personality. I then got upset and said that if she wants two different donors and is going to treat the kids differently because of it (subconsciously or even consciously) then I’m not gonna go along with our original agreement to never tell our daughter or future children we used an egg donor.
This sent her over the edge in hysterics and she hasn’t spoken to me in days. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Um, your daughter is going to need to have that information so she has an accurate medical background. NTJ for being concerned about your wife treating your daughter differently if you have another child by a different donor, but what on earth made you think it was ok to lie to your child?” anathema_deviced
Another User Comments:
“You have bigger issues with your wife. Her idea of children is warped. Even biological children do not always have their parents’ personalities. Her idea of how your children should look like and how they should behave is worrying.
I don’t know if therapy/counseling is part of the fertility process, but it seems there’s a big disconnect between reality and what is going on in her mind. Regardless of the outcome of the second child, your wife needs some help.
There’s a reason why most people advise couples to let their children know as soon as possible about their genetics. Most of the time when this information is not provided properly, there are lots of problems that are harder to deal with, than when the topic is dealt with early.
No jerks here, I don’t think both of you are jerks, you are both in a difficult situation. Infertility is a hard issue to deal with.” rediitbuju
so wife wants to spent more money trying to find a more match match egg donor... and you are right cos god help if it's a boy and takes after you cos then poor daughter is screwed whether it's her fault or not
4. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband Baptize Our Son Behind My Back?
“To start, I grew up as the eldest daughter in a Quiverfull cult family, so when I say that I’m done with overbearing Christianity, I am suuuuuper done. I’m agnostic and am not that fussed about religion as long as people leave me alone.
My husband and I bonded over that because his parents are Very Catholic and we had the shared experience of growing up in large families and deconstructing religious upbringings, so we’ve always had the understanding that religion was not going to be part of our life together other than very occasional family functions.
I set boundaries with his parents about what I will and won’t tolerate and we had a stable detente until earlier this year.
While I was still pregnant with our son, I was in a really bad car accident.
They almost lost both of us and our son was born very premature. He’s healthy and fine now and I will eventually recover fully, but it was a nightmare for my husband sitting in a hospital for days wondering if we were going to pull through.
He claims he had a religious experience while he was waiting and that he promised to return to the Church if God would save both of us. Since we survived, he has become a practicing Catholic again. I can’t blame him for falling prey to religious thinking at a time like that, but I do not want that energy in my life at all so for me it was like waking up to a different man on top of a premie and serious injuries.
There’s been a string of arguments and problems since. I don’t really care what he does in private, but I won’t participate or discuss his beliefs. The real battle has been over baptizing our son, though. I’m adamantly against it or involving any children we have in religious practices until they’re old enough to make an informed choice.
We agreed before we were married that we wouldn’t let his parents guilt us into having our kids baptized. He says he has a duty now to at least try and raise his kids Catholic and this is the least thing I can let him have.
I think it would just turn into more pressure later, so I’ve said no and our son can get baptized and go through conversion as a teen if he wants it and I’ll support his choice as long as it’s his choice.
My husband had planned to take our son over to his parents for an afternoon so I could rest, but his mother spilled the beans on a family group chat (she opened the wrong messenger convo by accident) about it actually being a planned baptism.
I hit the roof. He acknowledges now that hiding it was wrong, but he thinks he should be allowed to raise his kid however he wants. I reminded him that we married with the understanding that we were on the same page and he’s going back on that, so this is a dealbreaker if he keeps it up.
He’s not a bad husband or father but this is trigger city for me and I’m not sure how rational my feelings are.”
Another User Comments:
“This is hard. I was going to go no jerks here but the secret baptism is messed up for real and a huge trust violation, he’s the jerk for that, but I get his change of religious belief, can’t imagine how hard that was and faith got him through it.
Being on the same page about religion and raising a family is so much more important than people think. One of you will have to change or the relationship will eventually fail.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Document everything, dates texts emails, etc. Reach out to the church via email or mail, get it in writing what was set to happen and that it went against your permission, and that you give no future permission either.
Save their response etc and I’d say talk to a family lawyer. It’s going to be a never-ending pull from both your husband and in-laws. At least then you know what to prepare for in case of anything. NTJ.” poseidonsbutthole11
Another User Comments:
“The very nature of baptism is a public declaration of faith, so doing it behind your back goes against that. That being said I understand that he thinks it’s his duty to teach his kid about Christianity and you saying we’ll let our son decide when he’s older doesn’t go great with “I refuse to discuss his beliefs”.
End of the day on the baptism though is totally in the wrong NTJ.” DoOfferRefFood
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Husband's Son To Christmas Because He Doesn't Fit In?
“My husband (64) has two kids, a daughter (35) and a son (31), his daughter lives in a different country, but is low contact with us, so we have very little to do with her.
Their real mother passed away when they were both in their teens.
His son lives only 15 minutes away, and we see him from time to time. He’s not a bad guy, just very different from my husband and me.
I also have a son of my own (41), he is a very successful stock broker, while my husband’s son is a moderately successful photographer.
My son is married with 3 kids, while my husband’s son is still single, this usually causes problems over Christmas, as I like to spend it with my son and his family, and I expect my husband to join.
We invited his son along four years ago, and even though he did try to fit in, it just wasn’t a good fit.
He thought it appropriate to show up in jeans and a t-shirt; I was so embarrassed, I could hardly look anyone in the eyes.
Ever since that year, we decided not to invite him again, this never seemed to be an issue until this year.
We showed up at his home early morning. We had plans to go over to my son’s house at around 11:00, so we didn’t really have time, we just dropped off a gift for him and left. He bought nothing for us.
Later that day, my husband texted him to ask if he had enjoyed the rest of Xmas, to which he replied “Oh right, that’s what today was, thanks for the chocolate and 3-minute visit”.
My husband was very upset by this, but I was outraged. I wanted to contact him and put him in his place, but my husband took my phone away and told me to let it go.
It’s been two days now, he and my husband are talking again, and both seem to have just moved past it, but I’m still mad. It’s not my fault that he is less successful than my family, and just can’t fit in with us.
So, am I the jerk for not inviting my husband’s son to Christmas? I think I might slightly be because my husband wasn’t super rich until he married me, so his son was raised in a lower-class environment, which obviously he can’t help, but at the same time, it’s definitely not my fault either.
I feel very conflicted.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You knew what you were doing with that visit. It was a driveby so he couldn’t say you totally ignored him, but it was literally the least effort you could possibly expend and say you saw him on Christmas.
If you’re gonna pull nonsense like that don’t be surprised when people call you on it.” thirdtryisthecharm
Another User Comments:
“It’s not unreasonable for a son to expect his parent, if able, to spend more than a 3-minute visit and a text message on him for Christmas.
I can absolutely see where he comes from, especially when dealing with a woman whose main takeaway from a previous Christmas party was he wore jeans and a t-shirt and he isn’t quite as successful as your son, and he doesn’t have a family, the absolute monster.
Oh no, he didn’t fit in perfectly, better never make any attempt with him again! Meanwhile, you seem to insist to your husband he spends most of Christmas with you and your son, because… reasons? Your husband’s son may not have shown his displeasure in the best way, but he did just give you an insight into what he thinks of how you treat him (which based on this post is incredibly poorly) and it is up to you to either use this for introspection to see how your behavior is affecting him, or you go ahead and call him up to “put him in his place” as you so delightfully put it.
YTJ.” Noltonn
2. AITJ For Wanting To Cancel My Daughter's Birthday Over Her Attitude?
“I have a teenage daughter who will be turning 15 this week. She is very independent and apparently responsible for her age so we give her quite a lot of freedom, at least by our standards.
Lately she has been acting out anytime we do something as a family, as teenagers do.
Spent all our holidays at the beach locked inside with her phone, protested anytime we included her in any activity, the usual stuff. But I think this time she crossed a line and we should do something about it.
For birthdays, we usually get together with her uncle and grandparents and have a family dinner.
This year she said she would be celebrating with her friends, she wanted nothing to do with her family and she is sick of us controlling her and telling her what to do. She threw a big fit, raising her voice and playing victim.
My wife was very hurt, trying to reason with her but she wouldn’t budge, it’s her birthday so her friends come first and we have to settle for another day if we want to celebrate.
Of course we could make her come to the dinner but that would mean long faces all around, complaining and picking fights over small things, and it seems counterproductive for a celebration about her.
I’m really sick of this stuff, she’s being cruel to us and treating us with contempt. I say we completely skip her birthday just as she said she wants, but that also means no cake, no presents or money, no celebration of any kind (she’s expecting some expensive presents and money from our relatives).
But my wife says it would be going too far and she will remember it all her life.
I said it’s time she starts having some consequences for her actions and maybe she will learn something. But also I’m doubting if this would really accomplish anything and will just drive her farther from us.
What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ she’s a teenager and wants to hang with her friends for her birthday. You could do what my parents do and schedule a “birthday dinner” with family for another day. She should enjoy her birthday by hanging out and having fun with friends instead of sitting at a dinner she clearly doesn’t want to have that day.” depressho
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and a huge one. You’re making her birthday about yourself. Her birthday is the one day that’s supposed to be for her – of course she’d want to spend it with her friends: people who are her age, whose companionship she chose, and who she can relate to and have fun with, instead of sitting at a dinner table for hours listening to a bunch of adults talk about politics or some stuff.
Let her have her day, let her be a kid. Schedule the family dinner for another day. And your wife is absolutely right – she will remember you sending the message that she doesn’t deserve a day for herself and doesn’t deserve anything if she doesn’t do what you want, for the rest of her life.
Something I wanted to add. I understand that you’ve had problems with her leading up to this, but for the sake of your relationship with your daughter you’ve got to put them aside just for a moment. This is not the time to discipline her.
This is not the time to force her to do something she doesn’t want. This is the time you show her that despite your differences, despite all the conflict, despite the fact that she can be difficult, you still love her enough to let her have her one special day a year.
She already sees you as controlling; regardless of whether that’s true or not (and I’m not going to draw conclusions on that from this one post), denying her this one thing that’s important to her will only cement that.
It will teach her nothing except that you don’t care about her happiness, and it will drive her farther away.” azure_atmosphere
1. AITJ For Telling My Widowed Friend To Get Therapy For Her Kids' Sake?
“My (41m) friend (43m) passed away four months ago.
He had a wife N (41f), a daughter (15f), and a 13-year-old son. Since the passing of my friend, I have been watching out for N and her children.
I go to N’s house every two weeks to see her and her children.
I have built a strong relationship with them, so aside from N, they see me as a safe presence in their lives.
N has not received therapy, only the children. I also know that N has depression and other mental health problems. I have tried to convince her to receive treatment, but she refuses.
Until a few days ago, I thought that everything was fine between the children and N.
Yesterday, I got a call from the 15-year-old. She told me that her mother has been behaving erratically for a few days and that she and her brother were afraid for their mother.
She asked me if I could please get them both out of there.
I accepted. I picked them up and took them home. They called their grandparents and told them where they were. Their grandparents have no problem with them staying with me.
Then I went back to N’s house, where I found her in a bad emotional state.
I tried to talk to her and make her see reason. I told her that when your own children are worried about you, something is really wrong and that it was necessary for her to receive therapy.
This made her very angry, and she began to yell at me that I did not understand what she was feeling, and that therapy was not going to bring her husband back.
I replied that I did not care what she felt, she needed to suck it up because she has children who depend on her.
She called me a jerk and kicked me out of her house.
Now even my friends are mad at me. They say that I shouldn’t have said that to a grieving woman and that I am a jerk for telling her that I don’t care how she feels.
They say I should apologize to her and take her children home again, because they belong with their mother.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh I was so prepared to call you the jerk. But no, NTJ. You didn’t say you don’t care how she feels you said you don’t care what her excuse is for not taking care of her kids is.
And make no mistake, that’s the heart of the matter, the kids don’t feel safe. If she isn’t willing to get help it might be time to involve outsiders, the kids come first.” Secret_Werewolf1942
Another User Comments:
“Okay first, good on you for getting the kids out of the house there.
Gonna say this is a no jerks here though. Your phrasing wasn’t great and likely did more harm than good, but she clearly needs to seek help for her kids’ sake. Feeling alone when you’re grieving is awful, and hearing how much someone doesn’t care just cements that.” Hecktothenono
I KNOW how she feels and what she's going through. But her kids need her. They lost their father, and now they are losing their mother. She NEEDS to get her sh¡t together for those kids.
She can't take care of them until she takes care of herself. That was something I had to learn the hard way.
Apparently N needs a kick in the @$$. You shouldn't be the only one giving it to her. But I'm glad you are giving it to her.
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