People Want Us To Take Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories Seriously
26. AITJ For Calling My Sister An Idiot For Trying To Exclude Our Stepdad From Her Wedding?
“My bio dad died when I was young and my mom remarried when my sister was 8 and I was 10. We are now in our late 20s. Stepdad focused a lot of his time providing for us so I never got close to him but I am grateful for him.
I am engaged and my sister is going to marry in about a month. My wedding will be in a year. Both of us are close to our mom though.
My sister, who I will call Noelle, messed up, in my opinion. At first, I was on her side but now I just feel bad for stepdad.
Noelle isn’t going to have him walk her down and give her away. I understand this is her decision and when that came out I helped my mom and stepdad understand that it was her choice. The turning point happened last week when she told us that he would not be sitting at the family table, when I asked her why she made it clear he wasn’t family to her.
Again her right but gosh he is the reason we had such a good childhood and are debt-free (he paid for college and worked a ton).
I knew this would result in them not going to the wedding and they informed my sister. She called me upset and was ranting about how it was her wedding.
That she was being abandoned. I had enough and told her she was an idiot if she didn’t think her actions would have consequences. She called me a jerk and hung up.
I am unsure if I was a jerk and I feel guilty since I am now closer to my parents since I promised he could walk me down at my wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“A provisional NTJ. My reservation is this: I think you should also refuse to go. This man stepped up to provide for y’all, and went far beyond what a basically good stepfather would be expected to do. No one could fill the hole of your sister’s idolization of your dad, not even your dad if he had lived. But she not only refused stepdad the role that is traditional for a father if he can do it, but she insulted him further by refusing him a position that would normally be accorded to a parent’s spouse.
He’s not mom’s sidepiece, he is her long-time husband and he worked hard to be as much a father as the two of you would allow. Your sister is being evil, and you should have no part of it – don’t attend.” tocammac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your sister did mess up. Not having him walk her down the aisle isn’t the biggest issue. But not having him sit next to his wife at the head family table was a complete slap in the face. The man raised her, helped her, and was there her entire childhood.
So she says he’s not family to her and then complains about being abandoned. The question is who is abandoning her, not who her family is. Your sister thinks she’s immune to her actions and you are completely right in what you said, and your parents were completely correct about not going if she’s going to insult the stepfather that way.” Antique_Ad_4413
25. AITJ For Letting My Son Not Invite His Grandma To His Wedding?
“My son Adam was always a sensitive child. Interested in collecting bugs and reading as a kid. He would always tell us about his latest interest in detail and my mother was always the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ type.
My kids were not around her much and always referred to her as Mean Nana. She never got any better, and any time she saw Adam as an adult she’d make fun of him for anything. We’d call her out on it but it was always us being sensitive or it was a joke.
Adam eventually quit going to any family event on my side. I didn’t blame him at all. He just posted his engagement pics on Instagram, and Mean Nana saw it and started asking about the wedding. I know for a fact Adam is not inviting his mean nana and my lovely DIL is an outspoken woman who wouldn’t allow it anyways.
My mom doesn’t have Adam’s number. I refused to give it to her. My mother basically lost her mind when she found out she and 90% of my side of the family aren’t invited because most people make excuses for my mother and how my son went no contact with her years ago.
My mom was upset and crying about how could I let this happen and how his grandmother wouldn’t be at the wedding. It’s unheard of. I asked her ‘What did she expect when she treated Adam like that?’ She got defensive and asked if I could talk to Adam for her.
I said no. Then she said I’m no daughter to her if she can’t come and I told her that’s fine but I can’t force Adam to invite her. My siblings and family are extremely upset that the ‘family matriarch’ isn’t invited and that people have been sending all sorts of rude messages to me and my children over it.
My mom was crying nonstop when she realized we didn’t love her etc. I feel bad for my mom but I don’t know what she expected from Adam.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The family matriarch did finally find out that actions have consequences, just belated. I think that the fact that she got defensive means, at some level, that she knows the weight of her actions on your son, she just thought she was above consequences.
Otherwise, she would have been dumbfounded or would have asked for what you meant. Then, she immediately tried to guilt you into coercing your son. I’m glad you are choosing to stand your ground on this matter.” Daikey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe the family matriarch should have learned some etiquette, decorum, and manners.
Let her cry, and let them whinge. Love how she’s trying to say it’s your fault – snarky as I am my response would’ve been ‘Funny I don’t remember twisting your arm so you’d act like a witch.’ In less PG language. Don’t feel bad for her.
Her chickens came home to roost, and she still can’t accept accountability for it. Just ignore them and have a great time at your son’s wedding.” KnotYourFox
24. AITJ For Kicking My Mother-In-Law Out Of My House For Asking My Daughter To Give Her Baby To My Sister-In-Law?
“I (34f) have been married to my husband for 10 years. We have 2 daughters together 7 and 5. I have a daughter from a high school relationship who is 17. My daughter is 7 months pregnant. The father is in her life. They both are working hard saving money. I’ve already had the necessary talks with my daughter, but she is dead set on being a mother to this child.
My SIL (35) has struggled with fertility and basically has been told she cannot have children. They’ve been actively trying or just not using protection for the past 10 years, and only conceived twice ending in early miscarriages. My MIL already brought up the idea of letting SIL adopt this baby.
The other day I came home from work and my MIL was over, and I overheard her talking to my daughter about that idea. Telling her how she wouldn’t be fit to be a mother and SIL is much more prepared and how she wouldn’t want to repeat the cycle (because I had her so young).
She then pulled a guilt trip and told her how SIL’s dream is to have a child. I simply opened the door and just said ‘Get out.’ She stared at me in complete disbelief, then said I couldn’t kick her out of her son’s house.
I said, I can and I just did. She left, but then when my husband got home from work he said she had left a ton of messages about how in the wrong I am and how I’m setting my daughter up for failure.
My husband’s on my side. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I cannot imagine the tough journey your SIL is on as she navigates her fertility struggles, your daughter’s circumstance is not a patchwork for your SIL’s situation. There are tough conversations to be had when one is pregnant without planning it (regardless of age), but it was not your MIL’s place to have ANY of those conversations and she didn’t even approach it as a conversation: she was trying to manipulate your daughter emotionally.
She deserved to get kicked out. She has no respect for boundaries or decency.
Food for thought: Could you (or your husband) touch base with SIL to see if she knew what MIL was doing? I hope she was unaware, but if she was not, it may necessitate a conversation with both MIL and SIL about boundaries and what is and is not their place in regard to your daughter’s pregnancy (although I also encourage you to check with your daughter to see if she is willing, and comfortable, to have you advocate on her behalf this way).” Dramatic_Attempt4318
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s one thing to bring up the possibility of the adoption and that’s a HUGE stretch as she should have run it by you first before she even thought of broaching the subject, but to hotbox a teen like this and then guilt trip them is, frankly, nauseating.
I wish the best for your daughter. I was adopted and am a big fan of it, but I was born in 1962 so an unwed mother then is a far cry from today. That said, it’s still a hard row even with family support. An adoption with this crew would probably be disastrous though.” Temporary-King3339
23. AITJ For Not Opening My Husband's Real Gift To Me During The Family Christmas Party?
“Every year, my family does Christmas at my mom’s, and she insists that we open all presents together (even gifts between spouses, etc.). It’s normally an ok tradition, but sometimes it can spark jealousy or comparisons between families.
This year, my husband saved up and bought me my dream designer handbag for Christmas.
I know some people aren’t into that, but it’s something that I truly love. We’re not well-off, but we’re not doing poorly either, but I knew that the handbag would cause a lot of discussion amongst my siblings and parents. I just didn’t want their opinions and criticisms to ruin a special gift my husband worked hard to get for me.
So this year, my husband got me an extra gift that wasn’t the ‘real’ gift (it was a moderately priced skincare set). Christmas came and went without drama, but I recently posted a picture of my husband and our kids at dinner, and my handbag could be seen hanging off the back of my chair.
One of my friends commented underneath about how gorgeous my Christmas gift was as well.
Long story short, word got back to my family and they totally blew up. Some were annoyed that I opened a private gift separately from the family. Others were criticizing the price of the gift. My siblings are now calling me disingenuous for harboring a secret gift, and they said that I did it because I think I’m better than them.
I didn’t open it with them because I didn’t want their opinions, but now I’m starting to feel like a jerk for keeping it a secret. I knew either way they’d all criticize me though since it was so much more expensive than all other gifts, so I don’t know whether or not I’m wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a grown adult with your own family. You don’t have to follow someone else’s made-up rules about opening all gifts in front of your entire extended family. Do yourself a favor and next year, have you, your husband, and kids open your family and Santa presents alone at home without all of the judgment and jealousy and games.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It does not make sense to bring gifts between families to one person’s home and then take them all the way back home just because the family wants to see you open them. That is ridiculous. For next year tell the family you are not doing it.
Gifts between you and your husband will be opened when the two of you want to open them. AND any gifts ARE NOT OPEN TO THEIR CRITIQUES! Just who do they think they are? Cut and paste: ‘This is my gift from my husband. I like it.
I am not taking comments about it at this time. And because of your very NOT CHRISTMASY attitudes, my husband and I will be opening our gifts at our home.'” tropicsandcaffeine
22. AITJ For Planning A Trip That Doesn't Work For My Daughter's Partner's Kids?
“My daughter, Alice, has two children, one is with her current partner, Liam. He has three children from a previous relationship.
To celebrate my youngest child’s 21st birthday, I was planning a surprise holiday for us all to Disneyland. I found a great flight deal and was keen to get it booked. Prior to booking the holiday I spoke to Liam on the phone.
I told him my plan and asked him about his three children from his previous relationship coming. It was decided he’d speak to their mother, who is a very difficult character, to ask her permission. I booked the flight deal for 5, resigned to the fact that the flight cost would increase for the remaining 4 flights.
The flights are over the Easter holiday, and Liam’s ex has said the children cannot come. She wants to do an egg hunt with them. Liam wants to move the holiday to suit his ex. The dates suit my daughter whose 21st birthday we are celebrating, and of course, the cheap flight deal is a factor also.
This has all backfired on me because Liam is disappointed they can’t go, he says the other two shouldn’t go. He claims I am not treating the family the same, and has completely overlooked the conversation I had with him before booking, and the subsequent messages I have sent regarding an update on the booking.
What should have been a lovely surprise for everyone has been ruined by Liam’s fury at his ex-partner.
So am I the jerk for booking the deal flights for my children and grandchildren and not waiting for a response from his ex about their three children?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a trip to celebrate the 21-year-old’s birthday, not Liam’s children with his former wife. I totally understand his frustration, and it’s unfortunate (in regards to this issue) that your daughter’s birthday trip falls during a major holiday weekend (?) so there are normal blended family custody issues with who gets the kids when.
But it’s unreasonable to rearrange the entire trip so that his kids could come unless this trip was essentially for them (and the grandkids). Also, I assume the daughter celebrating her 21st WANTS this Disney trip, and wasn’t hoping to, say, get drinks with her friends now that it is legal for her to do so?” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“Here’s the way I would handle this. First, explain to Liam just like you did above: that you booked the vacation on your kid’s 21st birthday (to celebrate that), and invited Liam’s kids also but found out that those dates didn’t work for them.
Now Liam is complaining and whining about his kids being excluded even though they WEREN’T. They had a conflict and the trip was already booked. It’s not your fault. Second, explain this to anyone from his circle who cares to question you. Tell them to ask Liam why he is blaming you when YOU DID INVITE THEM BUT THEY CHOSE TO DO SOMETHING ELSE AND NOT GO.
NTJ.” peetecalvin
21. AITJ For Banning My Nephew From My House Because He Steals?
“On Thanksgiving, my daughter lost her AirPods. We did the find for my AirPods and they were at my sister’s house in my nephew Adam’s (13) bedroom. He claims it was a ‘mistake’ and he thought they were his. But when we got them back the Airpods were still in the pink doughnut carrying clip that my daughter uses.
Adam has made a lot of ‘mistakes’ over the years from taking gaming controllers, Airpods, and toys that he randomly finds.
This has been an ongoing issue and I think at 13 it’s time for Adam to stop making these mistakes. I told my sister Adam wasn’t welcome at my home for Christmas because he had made mistakes there and had stolen other people’s things.
I don’t think I’m being mean but I’m sick of the little thief who has no consequences and I don’t want him in my home anymore.
Because of this, my mom is now hosting Christmas because I don’t want to.
I made it clear to my family why. I think it’s past time we address Adam’s issue.
My mother and sister think I’m going about this the wrong way and I’m being way too mean on Adam over a little mistake but I’m honestly just sick of being around him.
I had to tell my kids not to take any expensive or new gifts they like to grandma’s. I have also told them no sharing with Adam and any gifts we unwrap at grandma’s goes straight to the car and locked in.
The situation makes me mad because I now feel like I have to punish my kids for Adam’s behavior and they can’t play with their own things on Christmas and be vigilant because their cousin steals and no one but me seems to care about how wrong that is.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If no one addresses his sticky fingers, if there are no consequences to his kleptomania, and you don’t have any mandate to do anything about it, you are entitled to ban him from your home. Educate your kids on how to protect their belongings from him and warn them about him by name.
He is a bad influence and you don’t want your home and your kids to be hurt by him or worse pick up those behaviors for themselves. As they learn by example that there is no shame or consequences to being a bad apple.” Fancy-Meaning-8078
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Adam’s mistakes aren’t mistakes. They’re ‘deliberates’. Protect your kids from theft, as you are doing. They need to learn at some stage that not everybody can be trusted, even relatives. And don’t be shy at reminding people that the reason you’re putting your kids’ new presents in the car is to protect them from ‘mistakes’.
More accurately, to prevent them from being stolen. If the family doesn’t like your honesty, they can deal with the thief properly.” WatchingTellyNow
20. AITJ For Calling My Brother Selfish For Wanting To Go On A Trip Leaving His Partner Alone With Their New Baby?
“My (26F) half-brother (39M) met his partner (36F) a little over a year ago.
She unexpectedly got pregnant and they decided to keep the baby. The birth is supposed to be in March.
In July, my brother and father are going on a three-week bike tour of some Nordic countries. His partner will be left alone to care for the baby as well as the house, the vegetables, the garden, and all their animals (a flock of sheep and a dog).
Her family lives abroad and while my brother’s mother will be able to come by occasionally to help, she won’t be able to stay the whole time as her health is poor and she’s elderly. It should be noted that the woman herself has a heart condition and a mid-risk pregnancy (the baby is fine).
I recently overheard my brother and father talking together about the trip, with my brother saying that his partner always knew that trip was in the cards since it was my brother’s present to himself for his 40th birthday, and he ‘told her so since they first met’.
When I later tried talking to them separately about postponing the trip for a year or so, that was the same reason I got. I pointed out that the baby wasn’t planned and should take priority over a trip, but they both got defensive and said I was welcome to go help her if I cared so much.
The problem is a) I work, b) I’ll already be caring for my elderly grandmother while my father is away on said trip, and c) I can’t stand babies and they know that.
I called my brother selfish and immature. My father said I was being too judgmental as usual.”
Another User Comments:
“Say she wasn’t in the picture, no partner and no baby. What was his plan for the caretaking of his home and animals? He said this had been planned for a long time before he met her so what was he going to do for help when he was gone?
Whatever it was is what should be happening now. Thinking that he can rely on a new mother with an infant to tend his house, flock, and baby is ridiculous. Just because it used to be done back in the day doesn’t mean it has to now.
He is a father now and those responsibilities are now the most important. He is 40 for goodness sake! NTJ but if his partner won’t stand up for herself there is not much you can do.” stickylarue
Another User Comments:
“Massive NTJ. He chose to keep the baby.
That comes with responsibilities like not swanning off for 3 weeks until your partner is 100% OK with it – and tough luck if that takes a decade. This is ridiculously selfish. In that timeframe, she could still be recovering from a bad birth, and it’s hard work to look after just a baby even if everything goes smoothly, never mind the sheep and garden.
Maybe suggest they go on a birthing/parenting course or something? Sounds like he has no clue what to expect. Also, hate to say it but his partner needs to decide if this is a person she wants to raise a child with.” Pristine_Usual_710
19. AITJ For Being Honest With My Friend When She Asked Me For Advice?
“I have an acquaintance ‘Lola’ (26F) who is single and has been looking for a partner for a very long time. She is on every app and wears white whenever we go out to ‘manifest a husband.’ I don’t choose to hang out with her alone (you will see why) but she is friends with a couple of my friends so we hang out in groups a lot together.
When we hang out, she constantly complains about her personal life. Even if we’re talking about something completely different, she finds some way to make the conversation about her boy troubles.
Though I avoid direct conversation with her about this, and leave it to others to validate her, it has become abundantly clear why she cannot bag a man.
Lola has a long list of demands, most of which she does not meet. She wants someone who is ambitious in his career and makes six figures (she works part-time, lives with her parents, and doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to move out).
He needs to go to the gym regularly and take care of his body (Lola is overweight and hates exercise). He needs to play an instrument and be into music (Lola says she has never picked up an instrument in her life). He has to be over six foot two (Lola is five foot two).
She complains that when we go out no guys approach her, but I’ve seen plenty of guys ask her to dance, buy her a drink, etc and she rejects all of them.
I stay quiet when Lola goes on her long, frequent rants, but a few days ago we were at brunch with some other friends and she asked me specifically for advice.
My fiancé ‘Jim’ is tall, athletic, ambitious, and musically gifted, and she wanted to know how I got him. I tried my best to explain to her nicely that people tend to choose partners who are similar to themselves. Jim and I go to the gym together every day, we both are very dedicated to our jobs, and we have a lot of similar hobbies and interests, so we have a lot to talk about.
I told her that if she wants to find a man like that, she should consider applying herself more in her job, going to the gym, and picking up a hobby she wants her partner to have. Otherwise, she could either go out with a guy who is as interested in her as she is or be comfortable with being single.
I thought I was being very polite, but this completely killed the mood. Lola got really upset and accused me of fat-shaming her (even though I never said anything about losing weight–just going to the gym because she wants her partner to go to the gym).
One of my friends told me Lola is worthy and deserving of a great guy and doesn’t need to change herself. I effectively ended the brunch with what I thought was helpful advice.
Afterward, I got some texts from friends demanding I apologize to Lola, but others supported me and told me that I was right and Lola was way too sensitive.
I was trying to help, but would it have been better if I just lied? Was that an inappropriate thing to say in that setting? Was it a jerk move for me to give that advice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave Lola honest, helpful advice when she asked for it.
You didn’t fat shame her, just pointed out that people often go out with those with similar lifestyles. If she wants a fit, successful guy, she should work on those things herself. Lola got defensive when faced with the truth. Your friends are enabling her unrealistic expectations by saying she deserves an amazing guy no matter what.
Sometimes we need to hear hard truths from our friends, even if it hurts at first.” Lucky-Procedure-500
Another User Comments:
“The truth hurts. You are NTJ for answering her question with your truth, and it doesn’t seem you were harsh about it (you might have been a little if some people told you you shouldn’t have said that, but not everyone has the same sensitivity).
And I personally think you are right. The question I am more ambivalent about is: will she hear you? If she rejects everything you said, then maybe it would have been better to keep it to yourself. I hope she will realize that she should stop her search based on a grocery list, look at the people around her, and give a chance to guys who don’t fit the profile but will make good partners.
I am quite sure it’s not the last time she will complain…” Mirabel214
18. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister For Pretending To Be "Struggling"?
“My sister (F 27) is a medical student and always seems to use this as a get-out-of-jail card every time she gets a chance.
I (M 24) on the other hand opted to go into sales straight out of high school despite my parents being against it. Over the years she has asked for money on several occasions for emergency food and utilities from me and since I was working and doing quite well for myself I always made an effort to help her out.
However last year I redownloaded Instagram after a long hiatus and saw that she’d been posting photos in Greece, Czech and Cyprus with her friends on various occasions. I didn’t want to bother confronting her but I felt she had been taking advantage of me so anytime she asked for help after that I just ignored her.
Fast forward to yesterday, the whole family got together for Easter Sunday. We had a lovely meal and for the most part, it was enjoyable. After that, we were hanging out in the garden and my sister was asked by my aunt how her studies are and she goes on and on about how difficult it is managing finances and that she’s struggling.
I tell her she’s overexaggerating and she says ‘You wouldn’t get it since you didn’t go to uni’.
I told her she should stop taking advantage of the family’s kindness, showed her the pictures, and in a pretty stern voice asked her ‘Isn’t this you enjoying holidays?
Oh you’re struggling right?’ Everyone except my brother comes to her defense and says what she posts about her life on social media is none of my business and that I should stop being a jerk.
I enjoyed the rest of the evening but we were no longer talking and the rest of the family kept trying to convince me I should make up with her.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you both need to grow up. Your sister should realize how terrible the optics are of both talking down to you because of your post-high school career path and posting about vacations while asking family for financial help.
You need to have an honest conversation with her instead of playing games during family dinners. You’ve made some assumptions here that might be easily cleared up (or confirmed) by having a chat.” Simple_Reception4091
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not in denial of the truth and the facts that are publicly on display through her social media accounts.
She clearly knows how to manipulate everyone in the family, but you are on to it now. Good for you! Hold firm, because she is never going to learn if you keep giving in to her. She obviously has an issue with spending and knows when she overspends, she can fall back on the family to bail her out.
The best thing you can do is just say no when she asks. It will do no good to call her out anymore. She knows you are on to her, but is arrogant because everyone else defended her. Just hold your own and keep saying no. She’ll quit asking you, but will continue to suck the money out of anyone else she can, and will destroy relationships in the process.
Sorry you have to go through this. You turned out to be the responsible sibling and hopefully, one day, she will get to the point where she’ll have no choice but to follow your example.” Jellyfish_Jambalaya
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but mostly because nobody is talking about it, or you haven’t explained the full situation.
You don’t know that your money was spent on her vacations. For all you know, she’s got a really rich friend who paid her way. If you feel taken advantage of, you should have spoken to her about it. She, meanwhile, needs to stop using her status, like you say, as a ‘get out of jail free card’.
The rest of the family can either butt out or start sending her money themselves.” otsukaren_613
17. AITJ For Insulting My Sister After She Yet Again Made Fun Of My Nose?
“I’ve (16F) been getting complaints from my sister (25F) about my nose for a few years now. She always makes comments about it whenever we meet.
Yesterday my parents and I visited her.
While I was playing with my nephew my sister took a picture of me and showed it to my mom saying: ‘From whom did she get this nose? We all have normal noses except her’.
This isn’t the first time she has done this, on other occasions she also said things like ‘I can’t stand seeing your nose, you MUST get surgery when you are older so people won’t laugh at you’ (but she is the only one who has ever made comments about my nose lol).
She always keeps saying how ugly and big my nose is.
For people wondering, I got my nose from my aunt, we have the same nose shape. But this time I snapped because I couldn’t hold it anymore and said ‘Maybe if you can comment on my appearance you can also start losing some weight, your shirt can’t hold your belly’.
She started to get mad, telling me that it was a joke and that I shouldn’t insult her. I told her that nobody laughed so it wasn’t a joke. She said that I shouldn’t judge her because she gave birth this year and I have no excuses to be a jerk.
My mom took my side and said that my sister should stop complaining about my appearance and mind her own business.
So am I the jerk for insulting my sister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is a bully. Your mother should have put a stop to this years ago.
Your mother needs to stop letting your sister come over until she can stop verbally abusing you and then blaming you for the pain she causes. I can only imagine how vile she will treat her children if they don’t look the way she likes.” Igottime23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Give as good as you get and you did. I would do that EVERY LAST TIME she was mean to you. For fun pick a different body part each time and it doesn’t have to be true, you just need to laugh out loud at your own ‘joke’ about her.
FYI, there are many men out there who love a strong nose. I know because I’m one of them. Those ‘cute little noses’? Yuck. So be strong and taunt her right back. Do it every time (no exceptions), and I guarantee she will stop.” gloryhokinetic
16. AITJ For Scolding My Niece?
“I (29F) have been married to my husband (32M) for 2 years and have been together for a total of 7 years.
I’m very close with his family, especially his parents and brother, but not so much my sister-in-law. She’s super lovely, but she tends to keep everybody at arm’s length, not just me. She has an 18-year-old from a previous relationship and has been in her current relationship for over 15 years.
The 18-year-old is an absolute brat. She gives attitude to the entire family, including her mom, saying all the basic bratty things an 18-year-old girl can say. But she can also take it pretty far and it makes people uncomfortable, yet it seems like the mom doesn’t say anything.
Some examples: she’d complain about food in front of the host/people who made the food; complain about gifts given to her in front of the gifter; talk about how she’d have more fun at home than hanging out with us; make very racy jokes; belittle her step-father in front of everybody.
Very recently, the entire family (minus the parents) were gaming together and having a casual conversation about vacations as we did. The girl then said to her stepdad: ‘If you just earned more money for the family we’d be able to go on more vacations’.
The mom just laughed it off and the stepdad didn’t say anything, but I was kind of surprised by the blatant rudeness. The mom currently is a stay-at-home mom and my brother-in-law is the only one that works. They live in a great detached, single-family home, go on one or two vacations a year, and honestly are able to afford everything they need and then some.
A little later I had a moment alone with my niece and I told her that it was rude to say something like that, especially to someone who works very hard to earn what he does. I then asked why she felt like he should earn more money as a way to keep the conversation more casual and not as accusatory.
She simply said he should be doing more and then left the room. Like quite literally said this and rushed out.
Later that night her mom texted me telling me that it was unacceptable that I questioned her daughter like that. That I had no place and that I was overstepping my boundaries and I need to apologize to both of them.
It’s been two days and I haven’t responded because honestly, I don’t think I overstepped my boundaries. I feel like the mother should be parenting and while maybe this would be acceptable if my niece was 10, I think that being 18 she should know how to be polite, even to people she doesn’t like.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your niece is a terribly ungrateful, spoilt brat and her mother is equally at fault as it is obvious that she has never bothered correcting her daughter ever, growing up. Both of them sound like nightmares to be around, sucks to be the stepdad.
I’m curious as to how the rest of the family never pointed this out and how your niece manages/will manage with that attitude in the real world, without her momma enabling her trashy behavior – unless she puts up a facade or starts working on herself.” Adwis_jungkook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as another mom here, I know it takes a village to raise a child. Your SIL has raised someone who feels entitled to comment on her step-dad’s wages – OMG if one of my step-kids said that about me I would be FURIOUS and so hurt.
I think you were trying to give your niece some guidance, and good for you for doing so! You did this out of care and concern, not control (in my opinion based on your testimony).
If I were in your shoes, my response would be something like ‘Fully aware that I might not know some deeper contexts here, but the way she treats you and him is awful, and this is just what I see, I can only imagine what it is like when it’s just you all.
Someone needs to step up and tell her so. So I did. I apologize if I upset you but not about what I said. She says awful things to you both and she needed to hear it. It made everyone uncomfortable, and she often does with her rudeness and entitlement.
I honestly just want to support you as I love you all, and don’t think you deserve to be treated that way.’
Granted, this approach might create more of a rift in the family than is needed, but still, this kid needs some tough love, from people who actually love her, or she’s going to go out into the world and be given a hard dose of reality.” SlowLime
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Watch My Wife Drink At An Event?
“My wife (35f) and I (37m) have been married for 8 years. She has always been a big drinker but things have gotten really bad after a bunch of personal problems the last 3 years.
I’ve tried to be there for her. But the drinking (and her behavior) has got really bad. I’ve had to cut down hours at work and make personal sacrifices which have caused a lot of stress for me.
We have a son (6), and her behavior affects him as well.
Sometimes he gets up in the morning and his mom is still hung over from the night before. I have always tried my best to be there and to keep him insulated from it all. (The reason I’ve cut down my working hours is to ensure I’m always there for school pickups/drop-offs, in case my wife is unable to do it.
I had to do this after a recent incident where she drove him to school while intoxicated).
All through these few years, I have tried to get her to stop drinking but in the end, there isn’t much I can do if she doesn’t do it herself.
At the start of the year, things were looking pretty bad with our marriage. We had a proper talk and she said she would change. There were a few things I asked specifically for her to stick to – the main one of these was not to drink-drive with our son in the car.
Things have been good and she’s had fewer binges.
This week, she had a major blowout:
Thursday: She drove our son to her friend’s, drank 2 large glasses of wine, then drove back home. She brought two more bottles of wine home with her and drank through the night.
( I took over childcare once she came home and I realized she’d been drinking).
Friday: BBQ with my family. I caught up with my sister, my son played with his cousins (who he hardly sees), and my wife continued drinking through the day.
Saturday: She went ‘shopping’ at 8 am and came home at 9 pm.
Stank of liquor and confessed she’d been in a pub all day.
Then yesterday (Sunday) we were due to go to my wife’s boss’s wedding. She has been looking forward to this. I don’t know anyone from her work and I didn’t want to go (social anxiety issues) but of course, I was prepared to go with her.
After the blowout, however, I told her I wasn’t going. I could not face another day of watching her drink herself into a stupor – while at the same time taking responsibility for our son and then making small talk with people I didn’t know, trying to keep a smile on my face and pretend that things were good.
The thought of it nearly made my head explode.
She tells me I’m the jerk for canceling on her, ruining her day, and making her look stupid in front of her work friends. She says I wouldn’t have done it if it was my family/friends and that I’m only doing it as revenge for being out all day on Saturday.
I’ve thought about and I think there might be a bit of truth in there; however, in all honesty, I simply couldn’t face the wedding and put a brave face on things. She says I should have gone to the wedding regardless and we could sort it out after.
I’m not sure.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for enabling her, especially because she’s been putting your son and other drivers at risk of injury or death. Not only that, I can assure you that he sees Mom’s behavior and will grow up thinking this is normal. Your wife will not change.
She’s a drinking addict. An addict. And there have been no consequences to her actions: for 8 years she’s been drinking excessively and for 8 years you’ve stayed with her. You’ve found workarounds for when she’s wasted. You’ve adjusted your schedule to enable her to continue drinking.
Thus, she will continue to drink.
An addict won’t quit because someone else wants them to. They have to feel the consequences of their actions, ie hit rock bottom, and make the decision, themselves, to quit. Please look up resources for loved ones of drinking addicts and hire a divorce attorney – not to file for divorce, but to get information on how to line up your ducks in a row, in the event that you separate or divorce in the future.
If that happens, you need evidence of her driving your son while wasted, in order to protect him by getting full custody. In other words, you would be hiring an attorney just to GATHER INFORMATION the same way you would gather information if you were considering buying a car or a house.
Good luck. Sadly, there are many people who, like you, are married to a drinking addict. The good news is there’s lots of support out there for you.” Ok_Perception1131
Another User Comments:
“Dude, I promise you, you’re not shielding/protecting your son as much as you think you are from your wife’s drinking addiction.
You know what really sucks when you’re a kid? Having a drinking addict mother. Even worse when other relatives around you, especially your dad, KNOW and don’t protect you from your drinking addict mother. You’re damaging your kid in HUGE ways by staying with your wife, and not filing for 100% custody or at least only supervised with her.
Next time she drinks and drives you need to report her, and you need to take that all to court and file for custody. You need to keep her away from your kid.” Hippopotasaurus-Rex
14. AITJ For Not Responding To My Grandparents When They Call Me By A Different Name?
“I (15f) started living with my grandparents last year because my mom ended up needing to be taken care of and couldn’t take care of me. So my grandparents took me.
Ever since I moved in they have tried calling me ‘Elizabeth’. That is not my name, that’s not even my middle name. I have always used my first name ‘Astraea’ or my cutesy version of my middle name which sometimes gets used as a nickname but is not connected to Elizabeth at all.
My grandparents never liked my name. They admitted that to me when I moved in with them. They asked me if I would be okay with a nicer more classic name and I told them no, because I love my name. They asked me if I would like Emily because that was their unused girl name when they finished having kids and my answer was no. So when I rejected Emily they decided Elizabeth was the way to go.
They call me Elizabeth and not my name or my middle name or even the cutesy version of the middle name. It annoys me so freaking much. I have asked them to use my name but they told me the name is weird and they have no idea what my mom was thinking of when she named me.
They told me they tried to get her to pick a normal name but she was set on that and she was 19 so at that stage where listening to your parents is seen in a negative light.
I reached the point where I refused to answer or respond to them when they called me Elizabeth.
I will totally ignore them. My grandparents told me I was being rude and I would want to start thinking of my future and how a name like Elizabeth or Emily would be better received by future employers and other adults in society. They told me even without that it’s rude to ignore people and to refuse to engage with them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a level of absolute insanity to this that I can’t even express. Pick a random name every time you speak to them, until you find one they really hate. If they object, tell them that you like X name better, and so they should change their name for you.
(Poindexter? Hubert? Martha? Prudence? Brunhilda?) Make sure they’re actual names that are used, just ones they don’t like.
Since the only people being immature here are your grandparents, giving them some personal experience with this nonsense is justified. That said, I’d consider this abusive, and you could talk to your school counselor about it.
They might be willing to step in and explain how trying to force you to use a name just because they ‘like’ it, can cause identity issues and trauma. People’s names are NON-NEGOTIABLE.” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s… your name. It’s time to sit them down and kindly explain some boundaries knowing that while you can’t control their behaviour, you can control how you respond to it.
Tell them you love your name, that you find it hurtful and troubling that they would choose to try and change your identity. Let them know that when they say the wrong name, you will correct them. And then do. Ignoring them will only add fuel to the fire (that they started).
So when they say, ‘Elizabeth ’ just repeat, ‘That’s not my name, I’ve told you it’s hurtful, please call me Astraea’. Rinse and repeat. They will get mad about it for a while because they are not getting their way but should get the gist in time.
I’m sorry about your Ma.” User
13. AITJ For Commenting On My Stepdad's Income?
“So, I (30F) had to move back home after living with my partner for years due to being on a year-long medical leave from work. My partner only works minimum wage and for less than 60 hours biweekly I am the main provider.
My mother never has any issues with helping me or anyone else in my family, we are all pretty close. My stepdad on the other hand I do not like and do not get along with. He has been in my mom’s life for like 10+ years and not once have we ever seen eye to eye.
So I’m moving out on April 1st. Everyone was excited, my stepdad was a little too excited. As I was talking to my mom about the plans to get everything moved over to the new place, my stepdad started telling us what to do, yelling from the living room (we were in the foyer).
My mom tells him to shut it and he gets pouty. We continue on and I tell Mom I’m paying for everything upfront for me and my partner. The rent, the security deposit, the pet deposit (don’t even get me started on that one).
Before my mom can reply, my stepdad pipes up again saying I should ‘ditch my housewife if he isn’t paying for anything.’ I tell him it is none of his business and that he can speak up when he works a job that’s more than minimum wage and more than 20 hours a week.
He got furious at me and told me to get out of his house, to which my mom screamed back that it was HER house cause he didn’t pay for anything.
I know it’s a low blow to go at someone’s income like that but he constantly talks down to people like he is high and mighty and everyone in my family is sick of it.
It was bound to happen cause he has been very judgmental of me being with my partner cause he doesn’t work a ‘good job’. My partner can help contribute to our living and he honestly loves his job. We don’t see me as making double+ what he makes an issue and we do a lot of things together because of it!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I tried to be understanding of the fact he does live there and has been with your mom for 10 years so if this was a boundaries thing or anything like that, I would weigh it in, but he is just straight-up insulting and trying to start things that are none of his business.
The hypocrisy in his statement is crazy because he is basically calling himself out by making that statement. It sounds like he is taking his own insecurities out on your partner. I am glad you stood up for your partner and yourself. Stepdad was out of line.
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – Your stepdad for interjecting into a conversation he clearly was not a part of, making nasty comments, and overall not controlling his temper. Your mom, for being with him, and you for engaging. Seriously OP, there was no reason to engage with him, let alone make that comment.
It’s poking the bear, sure he ‘started it’, but ultimately his opinion means nothing to you. In my experience, the best way to handle people like this is to ignore them and continue to have the conversation with the person you converse with.” olive_us_here
12. AITJ For Selling My Stethoscope?
“I’m (20s F) from an immigrant family in the US. There’s a stereotype among members of my community that only a handful of jobs are acceptable to have (i.e. doctor, lawyer, engineer). That pool is smaller when you’re a girl.
Even though I wanted to study linguistics, my family refused to let me study anything other than nursing.
I hated nursing, and the year I graduated was 2020. So instead of a congratulations from my family for doing what they wanted, I got thrown into the ER and forced to risk my life for others. The only acknowledgment I got at the time that I did right was a card that I promptly threw away.
I finally quit a couple of years later. The final straw came when I worked in the ER following a mass casualty event. I told my supervisor that I quit. To prove my point, once I got home I got rid of all my nursing stuff.
The stupid mugs and ‘Best Nurse’ tchotchkes went in the trash. I burned all my scrubs on the grill. I even shredded my diploma. By morning, it was gone.
A year after I graduated, my parents gave me a stethoscope for my birthday. I sold it and used the money to go back to school.
My parents always talk about how much I disappointed them by quitting nursing.
Well, my mom called me and asked if I still had the stethoscope. My cousin, who is less of a disappointment, is graduating from nursing school and my mom wants to give her my stethoscope since I’m not using it anymore.
I told her I didn’t and that some medical student in San Antonio has it now. She asked why and I told her that I sold it.
She flipped out and started screaming at me in Spanish. That I was ungrateful for all the sacrifices she and my dad made to put all of us kids through college and the least I could do was give back the (very expensive) stethoscope and give it to someone who would use it.
She broke down crying and said some things that hurt me too.
I’m still feeling guilty about this and my roommate agrees with my mom. Even if I hated my job, I could have given back the stethoscope. I did destroy a thousand dollars worth of stuff they gave me.
The problem is that my community is very biased and most people tell me that I’m ungrateful and a failure. And I just want an outside opinion. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you did was free yourself from other people’s obligations and expectations of you and decide for yourself how your life was going to go from that moment.
It seems like they knew you didn’t want to be a nurse but ignored your wishes and pushed you into it, and the gifts and trinkets were more about their wishes and desires than yours. Besides, a gift once given belongs to the receiver and what they do with it is their will.
Yes, this was a bit of a declaration of war on your part, but only after they kept pushing and pushing you into doing something you hated and being someone you’re not. Being asked to pass on an unwanted gift is kind of a slap in the face; it’s like an admission you failed to meet up to their expectations and maybe someone else can do what you couldn’t.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“Ordinarily I’m very big into the whole ‘if you don’t want your gift, don’t sell it, give it back’, but in this case, the issue is that the gift came with strings/pressure and that’s affecting the relationship. They’re not respecting that you don’t want to be a nurse, and they’re not supporting your right to go the way you want to go.
So in this case I don’t think it’s inappropriate to sell the gift and use the money to support your ambitions – because your parents should be supporting your ambition, and they’re not. The money from the stethoscope (plus a guilt trip) is what you got from your parents.
It’s still not enough, in my opinion. NTJ.” mifflewhat
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister Around?
“I’m (16m) starting the equivalent in my country of community college in just under a month. My sister, who we’ll call Mary is 13.
She was completely spoiled by my parents. She is the obvious golden child, and not a good person, due to her being spoiled. She always needs to be the center of attention and sulks and cries and wails when she doesn’t get her way. She also goes out of her way to bully and belittle people and she always tries to embarrass me in front of my friends whenever I bring them over.
Which is why I just stopped bringing them over.
Now to get to my dad. He was abusive never physically, just verbally and manipulative. I’m not going to go into details, but she (my mom) kicked him out when I was 13. We don’t visit him which I thought was because he didn’t want to see us, but turns out our mom basically said to him, which she confessed to, we’d be better off without him.
Which I believe back then would’ve been true, but he reached out to me over text asking to reconcile and saying he’s changed. I agreed to meet him and my mom surprisingly let me go and I went and talked to him at a cafe and I think he has changed.
He had never gone out with anyone in those 3 years and went traveling around England. He wanted me to come and see him in his new house and offered to help me with anything I needed help with which I was grateful for.
Now, to cut to the chase, my sister always has to come everywhere, no discussion, if she wants to come, she comes.
And she always tries to embarrass me, and my mum never does anything about it. From telling fake stories to calling me by a different name and then saying that I must’ve lied about my name to my friends? She always tries to ruin my social life.
Going to this community college is going to be my chance to start anew. I offered to take public transport but my mom said it wasn’t safe so I told her that if my sister wanted to come I’d just get my dad to take me instead.
She told me that I was excluding and ‘bullying’ my sister and that I needed to accept she was always going to be a part of my life whether I liked it or not. I told her to shut up and she told me to get out of her house and I am now staying at my friend’s house.
AITJ? Also in my country, you can skip some of high school and go to community college for those years instead.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’re on dangerous grounds though. You’re seemingly ripe to start excusing and downplaying your father’s heinous behavior.
He was abusive however you want to coach it as his abuse wasn’t the serious real kind of abuse like physical. Which is ironic considering most of your complaints about your sister’s behavior are verbal… y’know the same abuse you were trying to downplay when your dad was doing it.
He abandoned you but you coach it as your mom’s fault because she said they’d be better off without him. He wasn’t legally prevented. He wasn’t played and gave the run around with custody. He dipped at the slightest inconvenience ala feeling bad about his abusive behavior.
He looks like a better parent compared to your mom who spoiled your sister… and that’s because he has no record of parenting basically. He claimed to change… yet that change did not involve reaching out to his kids until his life was perfect and settled with a nice house and likely lots of disposable income.
That he managed to do so because he didn’t have the baggage of childcare.
You’ll be an adult soon. Time to find your own way. Do not look to your dad as some reformed hero or put him on a pedestal when forging that way.
It’s best to go low to no contact with both parents. Get therapy when you can afford it. And focus on school so you can move forward.” Maleficent-Bottle674
Another User Comments:
“It’s not safe for you to take public transit at your age but it’s safe for you to be kicked out?
I’m not sure her logic makes any sense. Eventually, your sister will still get to an age where your mom can’t save her constantly and she’s going to be royally screwed. Is living with your dad full-time not an option? Does the community college have any sort of housing accommodations to offer?
I would simply sneak out of the house every day to go to my classes. Also, can you get a part-time job to start earning some income? I would spend as little time at home as possible. But to your question, you are NTJ. Your sister has no sense of boundaries and is going to have a lot of issues in life thanks to your mom.” Individual_Water3981
10. AITJ For Telling My Son He Needs To Slow Down His Spending?
“I (42M) have a teenage boy who loves video games. Recently, I opened up a Venmo account for him. As long as the account is under my name, he can have one under the age of 18. That means I can see his balance and transactions at all times.
He got a LOT of money put in it for Christmas and his birthday was in February, so even though he doesn’t have a job he has money. I also occasionally send him money just because I love him.
I don’t go snooping in his transactions, but it sends me an email every time he purchases something and I couldn’t help but notice multiple transactions to something called ‘Riot’ almost every day.
I asked him what that was and he said it was for a video game he plays called Valorant. I like video games such as COD myself, so I understand wanting to buy in-game cosmetics. But he was spending close to $40 daily and was running out of money.
I told him that he needed to chill out with the video games, and he said he would.
But today I saw that he purchased another $100 worth of whatever he gets from Riot. I don’t want to police what he spends his money on, and I know he really likes the game, but I also don’t want him to become an irresponsible spender.
I told him that he wasn’t allowed to spend more than $20 a week on the game anymore and that if I caught him going over the limit, I would disable his Venmo. He told me that it was his money and that he had a right to spend it on whatever he wanted. To that, I responded with a comment about where the money came from in the first place (me and his family) and he stormed off to his room.
He won’t talk to me anymore. I talked to my wife and she said that I was harsh, and that even if I don’t agree with his spending that it is his money to use for whatever he likes. I don’t really agree with her, so here I am asking, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion, the best option here is to stop sending him more money if he’s going to continue spending it in such an unhealthy way, rather than controlling his spending habits. Your son needs to learn what it’s like to spend all of his money in a short amount of time, only to realize he has to wait until his birthday or Christmas to get more.
If you’re constantly giving him money outside of this, the problem will only become worse. He won’t understand what it means to effectively budget/save. He needs to learn such an important lesson the hard way, otherwise, he’ll have a VERY difficult time adapting to the real world (when he finishes school and has to get a job/pay bills).” Betelgeuse8188
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go ahead and give you a soft YTJ for how you handled this. I’m apparently going to be the odd one out here: your son has a serious gaming disorder and you need to do something about it. And by ‘do something’ I don’t mean ‘punish your son’, I mean ‘get him help’.
Games like Valorant are specifically designed to prey on people through a variety of nasty tricks that encourage them to make a series of small payments without thinking about the total cost, pushing anxiety about missing out and forcing them into addictive behavior. It’s basically like a gambling addiction coming from the other side, and if you don’t get it treated it can absolutely destroy someone’s life.
There are people who have gotten sucked into wrecking their life savings on these games. There are people who have DIED because of these games. It’s not about being irresponsible, it’s about being targeted by incredibly predatory and slick marketing tactics that border on the illegal. In the long run, this might mean that your son is not able to safely play these games.
But in the short run, you need to sit down with him and explain why you’re worried, and try to get him help.” DeckerAllAround
9. AITJ For Getting Rid Of My Husband's Dog?
“3 months ago, my husband (30) brought home a dog after I said no. We have 2 daughters together (5 and 6 months) and when our oldest was born he would never change a diaper.
If he knew I was coming home in less than a few hours he would let our daughter sit in waste until I came home to change her. This happened until she started getting severe diaper rash and he finally started helping. I’m sharing this to show that I knew from day 1 I would be stuck caring for this dog.
My daughters and I loved him, but the problem set in when I started helping too much. This is a continuous issue. The moment I offer him help with a chore, he drops the load permanently. The dog is not potty trained yet, so accidents happen.
I started picking up after the dog when I saw it, which led to my husband making it my job and he would sit in the room with dog poop on the floor and act like he didn’t see it until I came in.
Even if we did not have kids I would be angry with this, but having kids makes it so much worse. The last time he left the mess on the floor, our 5-year-old had stepped in it and climbed onto our light-colored couch. I would come home from work and have to take care of two kids, my husband, and now a dog.
I got fed up very quickly with this routine as adding another life to take care of made me reach my breaking point.
My last straw was when I was in the dining room folding laundry and suddenly got this bad feeling. I walked into the living room to see my girl with her face in the dog’s while he was bearing his teeth at her.
He had gotten into the trash and had food. I saw red. My husband was watching TV right in front of this. I was just so overwhelmed. I had tried explaining to my daughter so many times that an animal cannot be trusted like that no matter what.
She is only 5 so I am not blaming her, but this was one of my biggest fears about having an animal.
My husband kept saying nothing happened so I shouldn’t freak out and that Peeper is a sweetheart. I knew then the dog had to go.
Not because of anything he did, but because our household couldn’t handle him. We had many arguments about rehoming him but he refused. He said I would break my daughter’s heart if I gave our dog away and they would never forgive me.
I knew a friend looking for a dog and rehomed him anyway. I took off work to drop him off and told my daughter to say goodbye because he had to go. She only cried for 10 minutes before talking about how excited she was to tell Grandma about Peeper’s new home.
When my husband got home he completely lost it. He cried which doesn’t happen often. After arguing, he started completely ignoring me.
A few days later, my daughter, who had not even mentioned Peeper since rehoming him, came up to me crying and said I was heartless and cold.
I have never heard her use the word heartless ever in her life.
I know I should have given my husband a chance to say goodbye, but if I had told him the dog would still be in our house right now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It may have been more worth it, in the long run, to deal with the dog’s crap than all of the many years of crap that your husband has given you in the past and the future. It’s appalling to hear that he refused to change his child’s diapers, especially even if that left them sitting in their own poo for hours.
That is deplorable and disgusting. And he did the same with the dog, leaving all of the nasty bits to you. This man just wants to be the Good Time Guy and doesn’t care that his negligence makes you miserable. He is being a terrible husband, terrible father, and terrible pet owner.
At least the dog you could train.
Team, keep the dog, ditch the ‘husband’ but NTJ for doing what you had to. Just think about how many more years you can handle with this being status quo, if you want your life to be like this and if you want your daughters to grow up thinking that it’s fine for men to treat them like this.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was so prepared to call you the jerk. ‘The moment I offer him help with a chore, he drops the load permanently.’ So you come home from work, take on full mom duties, and he decides to add an extra responsibility of life to your already exhausting workload?
He sounds impulsive and immature. It happens. I used to be that way too. You rehomed the dog to a good home. That’s awesome. Good for you. The dog was also a very severe safety concern. As far as I know, they don’t speak human.
So explaining that he shouldn’t be bearing teeth to a child is probably out of your realm of communication. That is the most baseline point.” Maxi_Mills
8. AITJ For Blaming My Brother-In-Law For His Daughter Being Out Of Shape?
“My BIL (Bill, husband’s brother) is a single father to my niece Cindy. For some context, I’ve always made it a point to encourage my kids to be active and have a good relationship with exercise.
Bill isn’t the same way with Cindy.
My daughter bought Cindy a pair of skates for her birthday so they could go together but Cindy tried once, fell too much, and lost interest. She mostly likes to play video games at home and spends a lot of time in chat rooms. And it’s fine to have hobbies like that, don’t get me wrong.
But here’s the problem: When we, the girls, were out shopping a few weeks ago, we were going to take a break and grab lunch at a cafe in the shopping center. It was ½ mile walk on a gorgeous spring day, and Cindy couldn’t do it.
She needed to sit down and take a break. I did not make a big deal out of it to Cindy and we just hung out with her until she was rested.
I pulled Bill aside after and told him what happened. He didn’t see the issue.
I told him that she was only 14, and she shouldn’t have any trouble walking. That I was worried she was going to develop health issues or it was going to get worse. He got very defensive and accused me of saying he was a bad parent.
I told him no, he’s not a bad parent but that it’s alarming that his daughter can’t walk a half mile, and that she might need to see a doctor. He got even angrier and said that I was overstepping and to back off.
I put up my hands and just said ‘Ok, I won’t say anything more’ and left.
I know how it feels to have your parenting criticized, so I understand why he got defensive. But was I truly so out of line to express concern for my niece?
I wasn’t talking about forcing her into after-school sports and running laps. That’s a great way to make a kid hate exercise. But I fear for things getting worse and her not being able to climb stairs or something in the future.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It is worth bringing up in case there is a health concern. You were just expressing that worry. It sounds like he overreacted. On the other hand, you’ve made a lot of judgmental associations in your story, and that makes me wonder if you’ve given impressions of your feelings on it before.
You make it sound like you are correlating her need for a break, once, after a morning of shopping (aka you guys were already walking around before the half-mile walk, possibly for a while) with her lack of notable exercise. It could be that. But our bodies sometimes get fatigued and need a break for other reasons – she may have been up too late the night before and it just hit her, she might not have had enough water when she started her day, you guys might have a faster pace than she’s used to, etc. You also risk shaming a teenage girl when she finds out you were so worried about her just needing to sit down for a moment that it warranted a call to her dad.
Just… chill out. You’ve voiced your worry, and if he doesn’t take her for a checkup you can keep an eye on her for other instances. Hopefully, this is a one-off and she’s just fine.” Classic_Sugar7991
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I don’t think it’s out of shape but a potential medical issue.
I do think by the way you approached it as a ‘being out of shape’ issue vs ‘Hey, this happened and I’m concerned she may need to visit a doctor as I wouldn’t expect a child her age and build to struggle to walk this far’ was insensitive.
One is shamey, the other is not. Since he won’t listen to you, if you know her pediatrician’s office you can actually call and express a concern. They can’t even tell you if she’s a patient but you can still call and let them know.
It could be completely benign, or it could be serious. Consider it could very much change your relationship with him though. Because she isn’t overweight I can think of several medical issues that would cause this.” midcen-mod1018
Another User Comments:
“Doesn’t she have PE (or some kind of physical activity) at school?
If her condition is really that bad, this can’t be the first time BIL is hearing about it (or maybe her mother has). This seems like a business between Cindy’s parents, teachers, and pediatricians. It’s one thing to raise the question, but demanding that something is wrong with Cindy because of one experience with her is overstepping; there are so many factors you might not know about—maybe she was on her period and was struggling with cramps, or you were walking faster than she’s used to, just to name a couple off the top of my head.
You’re not in a position to know what’s going on in Cindy’s life, so you should mind your business.” Merlof
7. AITJ For Refusing To Eat More?
“I was invited to my Vietnamese friend’s house and I was cool with it ’cause we were gonna eat with his family and then just hang out in his room. When we got there I was greeted by his parents and sibling and they were nice.
When we sat down for dinner, they placed down tons of food, some looked appetizing some don’t. I tried the noodles and dumplings they were good but nothing else really looked good to me.
When his mom asked me to try the salad (I’m not sure what it was but it was banana flower salad I think, correct me if I’m wrong), I took her up on it ’cause I did not want to be rude.
I tried one bite but I didn’t like it. I smiled and said it was good just out of respect. She told me to eat more but I said no thank you and that I’m good. I tried to be as respectful as I could be.
She seemed polite about it and didn’t push me to eat anything else.
After we were done we went up to his room and he told me that I was wrong for refusing to eat more and that I should apologize. I told him I was sorry, I just didn’t like the salad but the rest was great.
He just shrugged it off and when I was about to leave I apologized to her for not eating and that I was full, but now I can’t stop but feel like I’m a jerk, so am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but for future reference, many cultures would take what you did as a sign of disrespect.
Just an FYI that I’ve personally always kept in the back of my mind as I often ate at homes from different cultures (military brat) and never wanted to accidentally offend. From a limited Google search that doesn’t seem to be the case with Vietnamese culture and it’s actually recommended to leave a bit of food on your plate so the host feels they were generous with the portions.
Anyways, I’d suggest not hanging at this friend’s house at mealtime or eating beforehand and making sure they know ahead of time that you’re not hungry.” Weird-Jellyfish-5053
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In some cultures it’s very normal to push food on guests and if something moves more than once you need to feed it.
Even if the guest is full and about to burst. The host will try to feed you, it’s down to the guest to push back once they get too stuffed, and mostly this is an understood social contract. It would be rude not to offer food, it would be rude not to eat at all but if food has been offered multiple times and accepted multiple times then the social contract has been observed. Face has been saved, and obligations met.
You tried the food and complimented your host multiple times, you enjoyed some of what you had and tasted other things. That’s polite. No harm done.” Lulubelle__007
6. AITJ For Complaining About A Lady's Dog On The Bar?
“I have a few bars I frequent, especially on Fridays.
I pull up a stool at the bar and hang out. Frequently my buddies will show up. I went to a new spot. It’s a new brewery/restaurant that has been open for a few months.
I was hanging out and this lady came in and took a seat a few seats over from me.
Promptly set her 5-pound dog on the bar top and ordered a drink. Like I was in shock, this felt brazen to me. It’s not allowed to have non-service dogs indoors at places that serve food, and literally on the bar top is gross.
I asked the bartender why she was letting that happen.
Said it’s a service dog and nothing the staff can do. Mentioned it’s a well-trained dog.
Well, I’m not staff, I’m disgusted, I told the lady to get her dog off the bar. She told me it was her service dog and for it to do its job it needs to be close to her.
I sarcastically said ‘service dog’ and did the finger-quote things. She called me a jerk for not believing her. I called her a jerk for her actions and told her to take it out to the patio (which is dog-friendly). She told me to get lost. We went back and forth for another minute and the bartender asked me to leave.
She comped my drink but said I was the one that had to go.
Before I left, I secretly took a picture that I plan to submit to the health department. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t believe it’s a service dog, either. And if it were?
She can put it on her lap if it needs to be close to her, not on a bar where its feet and butt can spread germs. Feel free to send that picture to the health department. There is no law about service dogs that allows them to sit on counters and tables and bars, even though we can guess it’s not really a service dog anyway.” TeamHope4
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Service dog or not, it shouldn’t have been on the bar where people’s food/drinks are set. She could have had it on a stool next to her or her lap if he needed to be close to do his job.
That being said, you attacking her like that was completely uncalled for. You could have moved places or gone somewhere else. You’re probably one of many people she has to deal with trying to tell her how to deal with her service dog. If the staff wasn’t doing anything about it and you were the one kicked out, it seems pretty clear that you were not in the right.” Hairann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I agree you should leave a review and contact the health department. Assuming that your locale has regulations for service animals, those regulations probably state that animals cannot be placed on the furniture of a food service establishment. And continuing with that assumption, the bartender is ignorant of health regulations – literally part of their job description is to not be.
Ignorance (or apathy I guess if they were aware) is not an excuse for breaking the rules. Now I probably wouldn’t have continued arguing with the woman, but I don’t blame you for it. Having a dog on the bar is trashy behavior and anyone who truly has a service animal would not let it on a bar top.” optimalmacaroons
5. AITJ For Refusing To Be Someone's Maid Of Honor?
“When I (24f) was a senior in high school, there was a freshman girl who was entirely obsessed with me to a level that annoyed me.
We had the same interests so we became friends, at first, she was cool and nice, but things started to get worse. She would dye her hair the same color as me. She would start showing up or ‘accidentally’ run into me when I was hanging out with my friends or my significant other.
She would be at every convention and concert where I was.
In the final two months of high school, she got the same tattoo I had. It was a matching piece with my mother, and we designed it together, so it was the first time when I confronted her about being hung up on me way too much.
She didn’t even consider it I think, because nothing changed, she would still show up to places where I was.
After I graduated, we stopped talking to each other. I removed her from every social media page I could. But like a week ago, she found me on Instagram, and texted me that she was getting married, and she wanted me as her maid of honor because I was her high school best friend.
At first, I explained kindly that I was in fact, not her high school best friend, and I declined the offer. She kept pushing to a level where I just ghosted her. Later, she would post on her Instagram story that I crushed her dreams, and my SO thought I was too harsh on her.
I told him she was delusional to think that after almost 6 years of not talking to each other, I would just be her maid of honor.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SO needs to understand this is a mentally unhinged woman who stalked you and basically tried to become you.
If you had reported this in high school it’s very likely she would have been required to get medical help and been legally required to stay away from you. She’s just using her wedding as a way to work back into your life. She needs to be treated as a threat and kept away and both your and your SO’s socials locked down so you can find how she tracked you.
I think your SO isn’t taking it as seriously as the situation was and is. He needs to understand that her feelings are not more important than your safety and mental well-being.” Silaquix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is honestly sad; she’s clearly not mentally well, and she’s probably failed to make friends who could encourage her to get help.
Stick to the firm boundary, but I hope you avoid being too derogatory; this sort of unhealthy attachment screams childhood trauma, and while you’re not the person to help her, personal attacks wouldn’t help anyone.” littlefiddle05
4. AITJ For Paying For The Damage Myself Instead Of Asking The Person Who Caused It To?
“I (24M) live with my partner Jen (26F). In our community, the kids put on a nativity on the 25th. Jen and I offered to make some of the props and she made a throne for King Herod with my sister.
It took them all evening and they used cardboard and foam to make a structure and then fabric to cover it all up. My nephew is playing the King and he’s very skinny, so it can support him. They left it to dry in our living room and put up a sign saying ‘wet don’t touch’ as it was drying.
I had a few friends come over last night for dinner and one of them brought over his new partner Kim (22F). Jen mentioned the throne and asked for no one to sit on it. When Jen and I were out of the room, Kim sat on the chair and fell through.
She also ripped an armchair. She was very embarrassed and kept apologizing. She left soon after with my friend and they skipped dinner.
Now Jen wants me to ask my friend to get Kim to cover the cost of materials to fix the throne. The throne needs to be replaced from the seat upwards as both the armchairs are connected to the headboard.
I feel awkward asking as neither my friend nor Kim has brought up fixing the damage. I also don’t want Kim to think I am shaming her as she is plus size, as this is also the first time we have met.
I told Jen I would cover the cost, but she is upset because she said it’s the principle of offering and fixing your mistakes, especially as she ignored the sign, that should come from her and she is upset as she feels I am not on her side.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Someone you brought into your home ignored instructions, used something they were told not to, and broke it. I suppose it’s good that you’re willing to pay instead, but Kim behaved very badly and should pay (really including extra to cover the trouble of remaking the child’s prop chair).
I get that you’re concerned about this coming across as shaming her for her weight, but it’s not about her weight, it’s about her behavior. It was a prop chair for a child, not an actual seat. Everyone was told not to use it, and she didn’t listen.
People not caring about bad behavior like that only encourages it.” calling_water
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – She is an adult and was told not to do something, did it anyway, and ended up damaging something that is going to take time and money to fix.
Her being plus-sized just makes what she did even dumber. Being plus-sized doesn’t change the facts or the need for a replacement. Send her a money request, or just pick up your Christmas balls and talk to her directly and tell her you need her to cover the costs of fixing what she broke.
If she argues or tries to play the overweight card, tell her, no, you’re not, you’re playing the ‘she’s an adult card, and adults cover damages that they cause.'” Butterfly_Critter89
3. AITJ Being Honest When I Was Asked To Choose Between My Partner And My Dog?
“When I was 14 my parents decided to get a dog for the family. It didn’t take long until everybody got over their ‘OMG we have a puppy!’ phase and stopped caring.
Except for me. His name is Rufus, he’s ten years old now and still going strong. When I moved out I took him with me, because my family didn’t even want to keep him.
I’ve had some very rough patches in my life. I’ve almost ended it several times, and each time the only motivation to keep going was the thought of who would take care of Rufus.
He’s a happy fella and loves me more than anything. I couldn’t do that to him. He’s the reason I’m alive.
2 years ago I started going out with my partner who I’ll call Gwen. She’s amazing and great and wonderful. She moved into my apartment a year ago.
She likes Rufus to an extent. She’ll take him out for quick walks when I’m sick and give him some pets when she gets home from work. I don’t expect more from her so this is fine by me.
Recently we were out with some friends, and we played some sorta game about hypothetical scenarios.
It was fun and we were all laughing. Eventually, my friend David asked me what would be more devastating for me; losing Gwen or my dog. I didn’t want to lie so I answered truthfully.
Now Gwen is incredibly mad at me and has been staying at her parents’ place for the past 3 days.
She said I’m a jerk for valuing my dog over her. I understand her point of view, but at the moment I thought answering with the truth would be better. David thinks I wasn’t wrong to tell the truth, but some of our other friends think otherwise.
I’m torn and don’t know what’s right or if I really was wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Look, I understand your dog is very valuable to you, but her anger is justified in a way. She probably sees this relationship as a very serious relationship (2 years) and hopes you see her as worth that.
Additionally, she also probably doesn’t want to be compared to, or more highly valued, than a dog. I can sympathize with the fact that this dog has been with you through so much, but you should have made it clear that that question wasn’t a fair one, and should have mentioned that those two cannot be compared and put in the same category.
You could’ve handled it better and you should tell her so.” basic_cinephile
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say a gentle YTJ. I feel like your dog means so much to you and you felt like your relationship with your dog is what helped you throughout your teens and early adulthood so you chose because of that.
Now, you have to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to see how that answer might hurt them. Your partner is entitled to feel upset because she heard that she’s second place in your life. That’s not nice to hear. But a relationship with a dog and a person is not the same.
Your answer should have been different. Should have been more diplomatic and considerate about how this will affect her. Tell her how important your dog is to you and why and the way she’s important to you as a partner. Don’t put them both in the same category.” bxclrm
2. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Pretending To Propose To Me?
“I (24F) and my partner (25M) have been together for 8 years. One of our favorite bonding activities is watching reality TV together. We recently watched the show ‘Unexpected’ and took a liking to James and Lily’s story. In the show, James gives Lily a promise/engagement ring and tries to say it’s ‘just a gift’.
We thought it was hilarious and joked about it for weeks. It’s now been 3 months since we’ve watched that show.
My partner and I went to my family dinner and everything was going normally until he told me he had something for me.
He pulled out a ring box and I started crying and got extremely excited since we’ve been talking about taking the next step in our relationship for years now. My family was also ecstatic for me and my sister even started recording on my partner’s phone.
I could barely speak and he just looked at me smiling. I said yes and hugged him and he put the ring on my finger.
As my dad was going to get the champagne, my partner said that it wouldn’t be necessary since it was ‘just a gift.’ Everyone looked extremely confused including myself and he then repeated himself and said that it was ‘just a gift.’ I couldn’t believe that he would embarrass me like that so I took the ring off, gave it back, and went up to my parents’ room.
My sister came up to say that my dad kicked him out.
A few hours later I saw that he posted the video on his Snapchat story saying that I ‘fell for it.’ When I got back home I told him how embarrassed I felt and he told me I was overreacting and it was just a joke and that I’d ‘get my real ring eventually.’ That was 2 weeks ago and we’ve barely spoken since.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is something I’d expect from a 17-year-old, not a 25-year-old man. The fact that you would’ve married him yet he was just playing a mean prank is arguably unforgivable. If you leave, he will learn a hard lesson about what it means to actually be husband material, and you will be hurt for a while but will find someone who would rightfully consider such a thing unthinkable.
On the other hand, you could work it out but he needs to be made SERIOUSLY aware that this sort of behavior can not be tolerated.” curious_loss_4387
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your partner has shown that looking cool to his friends is more important than your feelings.
When something is truly a ‘prank’ and it hurts someone you don’t double down defending yourself you own what you did and apologize, he did not. He showed you his true self. He will always make his jerk moves out to be your fault for ‘taking it too seriously’.
Move on and find someone who won’t treat you like crap.” runiechica
1. AITJ For Offering To Split The Bill?
“I (24f) have been going out with ‘Ben’ (26M) for eight months. For context, Ben and I are from different income brackets, and Ben has expressed that he sometimes feels a little bit weird about this because he is a gentleman at heart but he says it’s hard to treat me since I’m not really impressed by his gestures.
I’ve said many times that I’m not concerned about these kinds of things either way, but it comes up periodically.
Last night Ben and I went to dinner with 6 of my friends. There were 3 men in total and 5 women. At the end of the dinner the two guys ‘Max’ and ‘Harry’ said they would get the bill, as the guys usually do when we’re out.
Ben quietly said to me that he wasn’t really comfortable with the guys paying for his dinner so I said I’d chip in with the bill. Ben said thank you but could he chip in and then I could pay him back afterward because he didn’t want them to know I was paying.
This struck me as totally absurd because firstly, it was an unnecessary step. Second, even splitting the cost was something I wasn’t sure he would realistically be able to cover, and third I felt like he was trying to enter an ego battle with my friends which was just childish.
I said no I would just pay and then turned to everyone and said I’d chip in a third of the bill. No one batted an eyelid, but Ben was sulking.
He’s now mad at me saying I emasculated him and made him look bad in front of my friends.
I think he’s overdramatizing it because my friends couldn’t care less and he needs to get over himself.
Am I in the wrong for not letting him ‘save face’?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It sounds as though you have money. He doesn’t.
It doesn’t matter to you but it does to him. It might seem odd to you, but for people without money, it matters that they don’t have it. Particularly if he likes you and sees you guys going further. You need to explain to him that your friends would not see anything off in splitting the bill three ways.
That you didn’t emasculate him (assuming you didn’t make it explicitly clear to the table that he couldn’t pay. If you did you are a massive jerk). However, you don’t want to ‘front him’ in an income contest with other men – perhaps because you don’t want to have to put your own money up against the guys who sound like they pay easily.
So from your point of view, it was better for everybody to pay their own way than you having to pay for him and other people through him. But he also needs to understand that you cannot help him be something he is not. And be proud of the fact that you chose him irrespective of your financial situation.
I would also suggest that you have a frank talk about how he would prefer to go out – (maybe less fancy places? Maybe just for drinks, not dinner, etc?) so that he doesn’t continuously feel that he is ‘lesser’ than your friends.” LivsLivesLife
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, what your two male friends did was a power play designed to exclude your partner. Rather than challenge it and point out that everyone can pay their own way or just go along with it allowing them to do it without comment you chose the option that most clearly made their point for them which was that your partner was less wealthy than them and in their eyes just less than them.
By doing that you have probably lowered your own status in their eyes for having a relationship with someone that they deem to be of lower class.” notAugustbutordinary
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