People Urge Us To Speak Up About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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None of us wants to be a jerk, right? No one actually wakes up in the morning and thinks, "You know what? Today, I want to be the biggest jerk on the planet!" None of us wants to be that person who ruins someone's day or causes unnecessary drama. It's just not a goal anyone sets for themselves. In fact, we all strive to be decent human beings and treat others with respect. This is why these people want to be sure that they hadn't been jerks to others so they can have a clean conscience. Read their stories and be the judge. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Staying Connected With My Ex For My Son's Sake?

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“I (38f) have a son Fin (11M). His father and I were not together, and his father has never been in his life.

When Fin was almost 2, I met my ex Anna (38f) and we were together for 7 years. We had a great relationship and she was a wonderful step-parent to Fin and they love each other very much. After 7 years we realized our relationship was no longer working romantically and we broke up.

Since Anna had basically been a parent to Fin, we agreed that Fin could see Anna as often as he likes and that she would get every 2nd weekend with him and alternating weeks, and also that he could spend portions of his school breaks with her.

She is invited to all of his sports games and school events, and I gave her updates on parent-teacher evenings. I wouldn’t say that we’re friends exactly but we do co-parent.

11 months ago I started going out with Adam (41m) and had told him from the start that I have a son who I basically share custody with my ex.

He was fine with me having a kid, and he himself has a son with his ex-wife. We’ve been taking it slow since this is my first relationship since Anna. He has been around a few times when Anna has picked up Fin and they don’t get along all that well, but he’s mostly been an adult about it.

That is until a few days ago when he discovered that Fin wasn’t the product of Anna and I intentionally going through IVF together in order to have a child like he assumed and that we met when my son was almost 2.

He told me that it made him really uncomfortable that my ex sees so much of a child who ‘isn’t even hers’. I corrected him and told him that Anna has every right to continue to see the child that she helped raise since before he was even 2.

She essentially was a step-parent and it wouldn’t be fair to either of them to separate that. Fin calls her Mama, of course she’s his parent. He went on a rant and said it was weird and uncomfortable and I obviously still have feelings for Anna if I’m keeping her around.

I told him that he was being ridiculous and that our interactions are exclusively about Fin, and that she helped raise him. I asked him to leave and told him I’d call him but truthfully the whole thing is making me question our relationship.

I spoke to some friends and my parents about it and they agreed it was a little weird and they had always thought that. Adam’s reaction was reasonable and I’m being kind of a jerk. I can’t tell anymore, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The way you co-parent with your ex is admirable because you both prioritize what is good for the kid.

You should really focus on that: your son gets to spend as much time as HE likes with someone who has been in his life since they can remember.

They don’t share DNA but she sounds like she has been a parent to him in every other way.

The insecurities or worldview of your partner are nonsensical in the grand scheme of things. The emotional stability you and Anna offer your son, despite the outcome of your relationship, is the only thing that matters.

If you had adopted your son (so not related to either of you), would he expect you to be out of his life coz he doesn’t share your DNA or is not co-parenting with Anna? Families come in different forms and sizes and raising happy, healthy kids is all that matters in my view.

You are not in the wrong here, not for a second, and anyone who can’t respect your choices regarding how and with whom you raise your son is probably best kept at arm’s length from your family.” Cold_Light_299792458

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

There’s nothing weird or uncomfortable about you putting your child’s needs first and recognizing his important parent-child relationship with his former stepmom even if it was never legalized by adoption. It shows your understanding of his needs and your generosity of spirit.

You’re a good and giving person and parent. Don’t yield to small-minded people lacking generosity or compassion. Like Adam and the people who support him.” Curious-One4595

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – As a mom your job is to do what is best for your child.

Anna is his parent, she earned it by sticking around even after your break up. The fact that people are finding it weird shows what great parents they are… (irony, obviously). I don’t think that’s something you can compromise on because if you did it would affect your son.

Unfortunately, I don’t think your relationship with Adam is going to work out if he can’t accept this.” PuzzleheadedLime6510

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shgo 1 year ago
Your son has a wonderful life because of you two moms. It’s not weird and continue to co-parent and making your son happy.
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21. AITJ For Not Defending My Partner From My Friend's Partner?

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“My (25f) partner Alex (30m) refuses to be in certain areas of town past 10 pm. This makes hanging out with him really hard sometimes since places my friends and I like to go are in or near these areas, or like my apartment building he has to drive through one of them to get to my place.

Last weekend my roommate Megan and I went out to one of the bars and I invited Alex to join us. Megan invited some of our coworkers and the group of us were having a good time. When it got closer to 10 Alex goes ‘Why don’t we go to a different bar?’ No one wanted to.

Alex stayed until a little after 10 then asked if I was going with him or staying there and I wanted to stay with my friends. He told me to let him know when I got home and he left. At 11:45-ish Megan and I were ready to leave and looked up the bus schedule, and the buses weren’t running as often so it’d be close to 1 before it arrived and we didn’t want to be on the bus that late.

I called Alex and asked him to come pick us up. He asked if we could get a ride home with one of our coworkers or he’d send money for an Uber. None of our coworkers live in that direction and we didn’t want to Uber cause we were thinking of asking to stop somewhere along the way for food.

He said he wasn’t going out that late at night and just sent me money anyway. Megan wound up calling her partner who said he’d pick us up soon as he got off work and y’all we were at that bar waiting until 1:30 am, like right before the place closed.

I gave him some gas money out of the money Alex sent me and just crashed soon as I got home. Alex brought me breakfast the next morning on his way to work. Megan’s partner had stayed over and when he saw Alex unloaded on him about needing to step up and how wrong he was to leave us there by ourselves and not coming to get us.

I kinda agree with him so I didn’t say anything. Afterward, Alex goes ‘Why didn’t you say anything? I tried to get you to leave before it got too late and offered to pay for an Uber for you two.’ So I told him I agreed with Megan’s partner.

Fast forward to this weekend, now Alex doesn’t want to go out with us like we had all planned prior to this because he doesn’t want to be around people who give him crap when they know why he won’t go out late and is still disappointed I didn’t stick up for him to Megan’s partner.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

You might think your partner’s boundaries are dumb. I might think your partner’s boundaries are dumb. But that doesn’t matter. Because those are HIS boundaries, and he’s communicated them more than clearly.

He doesn’t want to be out at certain bars past a certain time.

OK. No adult is required to stay at a bar when they’d rather leave. He told you he was leaving. He asked you if you wanted a ride with him then. When you turned down his offer of a ride, at that point you needed to find another way home.

If you wanted him to drive you, you needed to leave with him when he left. He’s not your chauffeur, and it’s ridiculous to expect someone to come BACK to the bar they already left just to get you now that you’re finally ready to leave.

Besides, you HAD other options. You were just being picky because you wanted to go through a drive-thru.” tan_sandoval

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Ok, so you didn’t make any sort of plan to go home or take literally any responsibility for yourself, you refused the ride home when offered and didn’t like the Uber idea because you wanted more than a chauffer, you had stops.

You wanted your partner to get up and leave his place in the middle of the night, do something he had totally disclosed he was uncomfortable doing because you apparently can’t adult on your own AND you just sort of quietly expected him to wait while you also got food because you deserve to be treated like a queen or some such ‘never have to grow up nonsense’.

And after all of that trashy behavior on your part, refusing to compromise with your quote-unquote ‘partner’ at all because you wanted ONLY the least convenient, most demanding thing from him.

And then you let your also-can’t-adult-at-all friend’s little lapdog/partner scold your partner in his own house because you’re a princess and you should always be treated like a princess and he didn’t do absolutely every little thing you wanted so obviously he deserves a dressing down.

Why are you even asking? Is there a part of this story in which you don’t absolutely suck? If there is, I don’t see it.

Don’t make taking care of yourself, as if you were some kind of overgrown child, your partner’s problem.

Bus schedules are online, pay for your own Uber, or drive yourself. I have no patience for this childish nonsense, for people who actively choose to be a burden because that’s easier than assuming any sort of responsibility for yourself.

It’s YOUR job to figure out your way home, why you even thought it was reasonable to call your partner and make it his problem is beyond me. If you should find yourself single in the future, and that sure doesn’t seem super unlikely to me, you should use that time to work on ‘growing up’, if I were poor Alex I’d be livid.

Being with you sounds an awful lot like babysitting, only, you know, without getting paid.” SaltyDangerHands

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Of course he doesn’t want to go out with you. You all made him look like the bad guy when he gave you multiple options to go home.

Then you just stood there when the other guy argued with him because he didn’t want to drive back to a bar, go get food with you and hold your hand throughout all of this. This is so selfish he told you he was leaving and he left, you are not his responsibility.

The fact that he even sent you money for an Uber just proves that this guy is a gem that deserves someone better.” thatrandomuncle

9 points - Liked by lebe, IDontKnow, LilacDark and 6 more
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Storm 1 year ago
YTJ! You already know that he doesn't stay late. He paid for your Uber and brought you food in the morning. Frankly, that was amazing, what he did for you. Then when your friend went off on him (which he had NO reason to do) you didn't say a word in his defense! You are definitely the jerk! You know how he is at night, so find your own way home when you go out. Also your friends. SO is a complete jerk!
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20. AITJ For Comparing My Stepmom To Her High School Bullies?

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“I (24F) believe my stepmom (married to my dad) is a narcissist. Growing up she used to always find creative ways to backhandedly put me down and compare me to my bio cousin and her nephews. This cousin of mine is like a golden child in her eyes, she can do absolutely no wrong whatsoever.

I was always told I had to be more like her and less like myself. As a result, I was always increasingly self-conscious and embarrassed about failure.

This past Thanksgiving, I went home to visit all of them and my cousin decided to come up since she’s in nursing school close by.

The whole time my family fawned over her in front of me like she was the next coming of Christ, yet nobody bothers to acknowledge me. I currently am in graduate school for math, yet my cousin being a nurse takes the cake I guess.

The night before Thanksgiving, we were all hanging out in the kitchen while stepmom begins kissing cousin’s donkey once again, this time claiming she’ll make sooooooooo much money! She then turns to me and says ‘Too bad you’ll never make as much as her in your lifetime!’ I explained that most professors make well into the six-figure range in my department (which is true because I’ve seen the numbers myself) and she just keeps gaslighting me telling me I’m wrong.

I told her it was absolutely ridiculous that she was comparing us by money and not by the fact we want to help people through important professions. I then got fed up after everyone just blankly stared at me and nobody called Stepmom out for being a bully.

So I went upstairs to continue working on my schoolwork.

Later Stepmom comes up and smugly asks if she can help me. I told her nope, and continued back to my work. She then stands there and starts instigating a fight, claiming that I treat my dad like crap and that I’m being disrespectful.

I told her she embarrassed me in front of my family and ruined yet another visit for me. I then called her a bully to her face and told her she is no better than those girls who tormented her throughout high school if she even thinks her behavior toward me is acceptable.

She seemed stunned at my statement and ran downstairs crying like a baby.

Now here’s why I think I may be a jerk: my stepmom was horribly bullied by the other girls at her school growing up. They used to stuff dead animals in her parents’ mailbox and call her vulgar names.

I don’t think it’s fair she’s taking this pain out on me since I had absolutely nothing to do with it, but AITJ for making this comparison?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your step-mom played the old classic game ‘sneak around and find out’.

She sneaked around and she found out. Comparing you by potential salary is ridiculous and childish. You removed yourself from the situation and then she followed you to instigate it further. You’re NTJ for reminding her that she didn’t like being treated like crap and is now making someone else feel like crap.

Bullied or not. She’s the jerk.” beardedbenny

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

‘I then got fed up after everyone just blankly stared at me and nobody called stepmom out for being a bully. So I went upstairs to continue working on my schoolwork.’

Like a mature person, you removed yourself from the situation but then your narc of a stepmother followed you upstairs to continue to taunt you.

You are without a doubt completely right, she’s definitely no better than the girls that tormented her in high school.

Like she knows how horrible it feels to be bullied and yet she still does it to you, that’s not acceptable.

Also, is it normal for your family to overlook her bullying, like do they see it and just ignore it?

If so then you should cut them out of your life. Just be successful in your field and find a new family that will appreciate you for who you are and not what your stepmother wants you to be…” Redlett2004

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – She needs the wake-up call since she is literally bullying you.

She also isn’t as bright as she wishes she was, touting nurse wages over numbers you know your coworkers earn for your field. I’d be spiteful and copy/paste those numbers and the links to back them up and send them to her with ‘I’ll accept your heartfelt apology when you are ready’.

But then again I get spiteful when repeatedly bullied by someone that can’t even figure out how to Google to confirm their accusations.” C_Alex_author

9 points - Liked by lebe, IDontKnow, LilacDark and 6 more
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LizzieTX 1 year ago
Absolutely NTJ, and you handled stepmonster perfectly. You should be very proud of yourself. Well done!
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19. AITJ For Taking Back The Things My Sister Stole From Me?

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“I (19F) still live at home with my family; mom (46F), sister (14F), brother (10M), and stepdad (47m). Brother and stepdad are not relevant here.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been noticing my sister walking around the house in my clothes. Every time I ask her where she got them she says she ‘found them’ downstairs, which is impossible because I do my own laundry and never leave it downstairs (I have been diagnosed with OCD, I know for a fact it’s impossible something gets left behind).

Today I saw her wearing a pair of shorts I had just brought out for the warm weather and I had enough. I told her I was going to go and get all of my stuff out of her room because she seemed so comfortable going into mine.

My mom and sis objected immediately (mom is an enabler and has other issues so she defaults to sis’ side). I went up there and ended up bringing out a big basket of all my clothes and even found makeup, candles, and MONEY that I had hidden in my drawer that was missing.

My sister doesn’t work and my family is not financially capable of giving her the money that I was missing, I work 2 jobs and save my tips to get tattoos.

All while I was searching my sister was screaming and my mother was playing worship music and rebuking the ‘demon’ oppressing me.

(Like I said, issues) I got all the stuff out of her room and back into mine and now it’s quiet. My mom did say that ‘it’s just a sister thing’ and I should ‘be more respectful of her space’ but why would I do that if she isn’t going to do the same?

I don’t know, maybe this is childish and I should just drop it but it makes me irate when she does this kind of stuff. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No, NTJ, and you should not drop it. She stole funds from you that you worked hard for!

Put a lock on your door or move out, but don’t allow this behavior. If she wants to borrow something she needs to ASK. What she did was stealing. She stole your clothes, funds, makeup, and candles. She did not borrow them, and she did not ‘find them.’ Put a lock on your door, and see if she keeps ‘finding’ things.

If you can’t put a lock on your door or move out, install a security camera in your room and catch her stealing from you. You could take that footage to the police. Realistically, would you? Probably not, but just because you live with her/she’s family doesn’t mean that it isn’t theft.” cakemansham

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

This is all about boundaries. Your boundaries were overstepped and it’s okay for you to defend them. You are not obligated to share your stuff and resources with anyone, ESPECIALLY if they don’t ask respectfully.

At 14 years old you already have a certain understanding of what’s right and wrong, and your sister must know that that’s not okay.

And, honestly, shame on your mother for picking sides, instead of using this as a teaching moment.

Don’t ever feel guilty for defending your boundaries.

Also, I would suggest saving up to move out, instead of tattoos, if possible. You can get those eventually, and your peace is more important!” Practicallyperfect7

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stargazer228 1 year ago
NTJ! Your sister has no right to touch your personal property without your permission. My brother and I had the same musical taste when I was in college and he was startinghigh school; we always asked each other before borrowing CDs and always returned them. Your sister has ZERO respect for your personal property, and your Mom's behavior isn't helping. Lock your money in a lockbox/get a lock on your door until you move out.
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18. AITJ For Not Going To My Mom's Wedding Because She's Being Selfish?

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“I (f15) refused to go to my mom’s second wedding, she wants me to be a bridesmaid for the wedding which I accepted but she wanted me to buy a dress for 500$-600$ and it couldn’t be a dollar under.

She also told me I have to buy her an expensive present, I told her I can’t afford to buy such an expensive dress or present because the money I have saved is for flowers and candles for my brother who has passed away.

She said she didn’t care that her own son has passed away and said that her wedding was way more important.

I told her I will not go to a wedding if she was only gonna care about the expensive presents and dresses and not that her son has passed away.

AITJ for not going to her wedding because she was only caring about her and her expensive gift more than her own son who passed away?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

There is so much wrong here. One, you are a child… why is she expecting you to pay for this stuff?

Two, I really hope some context is missing about your brother passing… because if not your mom is a different level of messed up.

NTJ if you don’t go to the wedding or even decide to cut her from your life once you are old enough and able to support yourself fully.” LostandParanoid

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – who expects an expensive gift from their CHILD? That’s insanity. The brother thing is its own deal, grief can really mess with people in a lot of different ways so I don’t have any judgment on that.

But the demand for expensive gifts from your child is absolutely a jerk move and declining is about the only thing you can do.” TBoneTunes

Another User Comments:

“You’re a minor! She should be paying for your dress and she definitely shouldn’t expect a present from you!

Even if you chose to spend your money on something frivolous, she still should be providing for you. But you’re not – you’re doing something heartfelt to honor your late brother.

She sounds horribly selfish and is definitely the jerk.

Please make sure that any money you have and other valuables are safely out of her reach.

NTJ.” EconomyVoice7358

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17. AITJ For Not Liking My Birthday Cake?

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“My parents were planning my birthday a few weeks in advance. My mum had asked me what type of cake I wanted. I’ve always been a fan of chocolate cake and never really liked other flavors, especially Victorian sponge (I know it’s popular but I am not a fan at all).

She agreed and said she would find a chocolate cake for me. Come the day of my birthday and all was going well. I have a pretty big family of about 6 aunts and uncles combined and around 15 cousins (including second cousins).

We were all together when my mother brought out my cake to sing happy birthday.

The cake was beautiful and handmade from an expensive bakery. However, upon cutting into this cake I realized that it was not in fact a chocolate cake but a Victorian sponge cake.

I didn’t want to make a scene so I politely cut a slice and walked up to my room.

My mother then followed me and asked why I was being rude. I explained to her that I didn’t particularly want a Victorian sponge cake as I don’t like it.

She said she understood but had spoken to the family and everyone preferred a Victorian sponge to chocolate. She then said I was ungrateful and that she wasn’t going to spend money on a cake that only I liked. I found this pretty hurtful as it was my birthday and in my opinion, it shouldn’t matter if everyone else liked the cake since it wasn’t for them.

I had asked some members of the family and they all said that even if the cake was chocolate they still would have eaten it but that chocolate just wasn’t their favorite.

Am I the jerk for acting slightly spoiled?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You weren’t acting spoiled, you were acting hurt. Because for the one day and the one thing that is supposed to be about you, your mom completely trashed what she knew you wanted and got something you do not even like.

What are you supposed to be thankful for? I would find out all the food she absolutely hates. Including cake. Then when her birthday comes around make a big deal about how you are making her a special birthday dinner and cake.

That she has to stay out of the kitchen (and maybe the house too) because it is a big special surprise. What, you spent all this time and effort to do something special for her, and she is not thankful?” Corduroycat1

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but only because it’s your birthday. People so often overreact to cake flavors. It’s ridiculous. The birthday person should get to choose the cake, yes, but if their preferred flavor isn’t the one everyone else wants GET A FEW DOZEN CUPCAKES, enough for bday person’s favorite flavor and some for the party guests’ preferred flavors.

This is easily solved…” Constellation-88

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. When you’re asked for your input and request something you enjoy for your birthday, it’s natural to feel disappointed when you’re ignored.

Unless other guests are allergic to something, birthdays are a time to make one person feel special.

And, if your family were allergic (or just really hated chocolate cake, which doesn’t sound to be the case), there were other ways it could have been handled, such as two cakes, or birthday cupcakes.” AlwaysTimeForReading

7 points - Liked by lebe, IDontKnow, Amel1 and 4 more
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LizzieTX 1 year ago
Absolutely NTJ, and I LOVE Corduroycat1's suggestion on how to turn the tables on your wretched mother. Passive aggressive b!tch needs to learn how it feels to be willfully slighted and insulted.
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16. AITJ For Telling My Partner She Should Rest At Home?

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“Our daughter was born 10 days ago and has a problem with her heart where it’ll increase rapidly (up to 320bpm this past Sunday) unexpectedly and without warning so she needs to stay in the hospital while they get her used to the Beta-Blockers they said would help with it.

My partner has been staying in a Mother-Child room with her for a week, our daughter has had 3 ‘attacks’ during this time. My partner is looking worse every passing day due to the other patients crying or their monitors going off, having to use a breast pump every 3 hours, and taking care of the little one.

During the day while I am there she’ll get maybe 3 hours of sleep but with interruptions due to doctors and nurses doing check-ups.

Today I spoke to my partner about maybe spending the nights at home and the day, from 7~9am to 7~8pm, at the hospital with our daughter as going on like this doesn’t seem like a good idea for her.

We asked a few nurses and most said it would be better if she sleeps at home, however, the doctor said this was a bad idea and the only reason for it being a bad idea is because our daughter needs her mother here for mother-child bonding… No other explanation.

My partner now thinks she would be a terrible mother if we left our daughter here overnight. Would we be jerk parents if we left our daughter in the hospital so that we could have a better night’s sleep?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here

Get the concept of being a jerk out of your mind on this one. You are not gonna be able to argue a parent away from their kid. Doesn’t make you a better parent for staying, and doesn’t make you a bad parent for leaving but a parent is gonna do what they think is best and no back and forth will change that.

Frankly, the 1st year of parenting is just survival so just get rid of being a jerk as a thing when everyone is focused on the child.” pottersquash

Another User Comments:

“Is there some kind of compromise you can make?

Maybe trade-off shifts? You stay for twelve hours, she stays home to sleep, and then switch? That way, one of you is always there for the baby.

No jerks here.

Of course she’s going to feel terrible; her baby is sick, and there’s nothing she can do about it.

But her own health is important; she needs to take care of herself so she can be ready to care for your daughter when she comes home. She is not a terrible mother for needing sleep.” WolfGoddess77

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. I had a baby in the NICU and it was the most exhausting thing I have ever done. She needs a good night’s sleep, especially right now. I had to pump every three hours too (at home, there was nowhere for me to stay in the NICU and you were not allowed to spend the night).

I got so exhausted that I started hallucinating when I was pumping at 3 a.m. It was terrifying!!! We adjusted my pumping schedule after that so that I was sleeping for at least a five-hour stretch at night. I cannot imagine having to deal with that kind of exhaustion while away from home every night.

You both need to rest well right now.” WifeofBath1984

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IDontKnow 1 year ago
No your not a jerk. I think you're just looking out for your wife's health. But at the same time, you would not be able to tear me away. I don't care how I felt or looked.
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15. AITJ For Asking My Ex To Include My Son's Stepbrother In Their Camping Trip?

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“My ex and I got a divorce when our son (11) was six. When he was eight I started going out with my current husband. On the day my son met his stepbrother (11), they stood in front of each other, sized each other up the way little boys do, and were silent for a moment.

Then my son asked ‘Do you want to play Smash Bros?’ and his stepbrother said yes, and then ran upstairs. It was fraternal love at first sight. They’ve been attached at the hip ever since.

My stepson’s mother passed a few years ago, and my husband was actually reticent to introduce me and my son to his two kids because he thought it was too soon.

It turns out that where some kids get a pet after a parent dies, my stepson and stepdaughter got a brother. The first year we were all together my stepson asked if my son could come along when they visited their mother at the cemetery on her birthday, and he spent the whole car ride over telling my son all about her, and it seemed therapeutic for him.

Later that night I checked in and saw that my son had climbed up to the top bunk and they had fallen asleep curled up together. Before she entered her current 7-going-on-17 phase my stepdaughter used to crawl into my son’s lap as often as she did my stepson and ask them to read to her.

Since the divorce, my ex-husband has been unreliable at best. He cancels on my son regularly, making some excuse about work or what have you. The twice-monthly weekend together has trailed off to four times a year. Every time I have to tell my son his father canceled, my stepson goes to his father and asks if the three of them can do something together.

One of the few things my ex-husband likes enough to always follow through with is camping. He’s planning on taking my son to the Poconos in a few weeks the weekend after Father’s Day weekend. My son loves camping as well, and he’s the one who convinced my stepson to join Boy Scouts next fall.

The thing is, this year he wants to bring his stepbrother along.

I told my ex-husband this and he got upset, saying that it’s their time together and he doesn’t want someone else’s kid along with them. He says that it’s supposed to be the two of them bonding.

I told him he’s had plenty of chances to bond that he blew off for one reason or another and that he should consider himself lucky that he has such a compassionate and sensitive son and that our son still wants anything to do with him.

He hung up on a huff. His mother called yesterday to complain that I was expecting my ex to just sit there while my son and stepson went off on their own and ignore my ex completely and said that I need to look at it from his perspective since he only ‘gets’ to see our son a few times a year.

For obvious reasons, this annoyed me to the point where I hung up. My husband says that he gets it and thinks I should let it just be the two of them. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for asking, though I agree with your husband that you should let just the two of them go.

You asked, and he said no. Instead of making it a big deal, I’d just tell your son ‘Dad wants it to be just the two of you’ and let him make a decision for himself when he’s old enough how much he prioritizes a dad who won’t even let his brother who he loves come along once.

Also congrats on this beautiful blended family situation. Everything apart from your ex-husband warmed my heart.” Huge_Researcher7679

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your son is the one that wanted to bring his stepbrother, and you were advocating for your son’s wishes.

The ex is clearly gaslighting by stating he only gets to see his son a few times a year, implying you are withholding visits when he is constantly blowing him off. He also didn’t have to send his mother to come down on you, which seems to be a sort of back-you-in-the-corner tactic.

You didn’t send your husband to come down on him, nor did you send anyone else so that’s downright cruel.

I will say your ex has every right not to bring your stepson, but that doesn’t make you the bad guy for advocating for what your son wanted when he seems to be constantly crapped on by his father.

You are still his mother at the end of the day, and you have every right to speak your opinions. He clearly didn’t withhold his, so I’m not sure why everyone is upset that you didn’t withhold yours.” Skullry

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Your son is doing what 11-year-olds do. If it wasn’t his step brother it would be a friend that he wanted to bring along. Why? Because he has gotten used to being let down by his dad and the idea of backup is appealing.

If this were bonding time in your son’s eyes he wouldn’t have asked. If he wanted the one-to-one with his dad he would be asking for a second trip that his step bro could go on. But ex is a bloke who constantly lets him down and now at best he doesn’t mind sharing his dad and at worst the damage has been done and now he wants a buffer between them.

The ex isn’t a jerk for saying no but there are lots of other reasons he is one. If he doesn’t start being flexible there may not be a whole lot more camping trips with his son because his son might start saying he only wants to go if his stepbrother is there.

Let’s face it the only reason the camping trip is his reliable point is that HE likes camping and having a kid with him gives him an excuse to muck about. He knows he will be the spare wheel if his son has someone else along so it will no longer be fun for him.

If this becomes a sticking point, ex is gonna bail because the trip has nothing to do with his son’s enjoyment and everything to do with his.” Dazzling-Health-5147

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Spaldingmonn 1 year ago
Have a paper trail that indicates how many times to ex did not show up or cancelled. I'm not impressed with how he claimed he only gets to see his son a few times a year. You are NTJ for asking, but that is all you can do.
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14. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Have My Second Monitor?

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“I work fully remotely, and my partner is hybrid. We have two desks, one with a monitor and one without.

Through their job, my partner gets funding to buy home office electronics (like second monitors) and priced them out, but then never bought one. It’s been nearly six months. They’re ‘perfectly content using mine’ when they’re at home.

But here’s the problem – I need the second monitor regularly.

My laptop doesn’t have a camera, so I have to take meetings from that specific desk. But they also need the second monitor for their work.

Today, we have overlapping meetings, and both want the desk. I said I need it.

It’s my second monitor from my job, and we are having a big meeting with our project funders. My partner also needs it. They have a big meeting with another dept. I basically said, tough luck, this is why you should have gotten a second monitor.

They said, let’s find a way to compromise.

They’re right, of course, we should find better ways to compromise in the meantime. But long term? I think they should get their own second monitor. And today? My meeting takes precedence.

My boss and project partners expect me to be on camera using the office tech that they provided when I went remote.

I know it’s going to make my partner’s life harder, and I do feel a little harsh. So.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

The monitor is not yours, it belongs to the company which employs you and expects it to be used for you to do your job.

Your partner is an adult who needs a lesson in personal responsibility.

He chose not to obtain the necessary tools to do his job correctly. Not your problem. He messed around and found out. Natural consequences are the best teachers.

Tell him he needs to order a monitor today. End of discussion.” HisDukka

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your partner has had months to get a monitor… months. If their day is harder because they don’t have the monitor, that’s on them.

Your work paid for the equipment you are using, and it is their asset, not your partner’s.

The compromise already happened; you’ve let them use it for months.

Time for your partner to take care of the technology that their company is funding.

You refer to it as a second monitor, it sounds like it would be a second for your partner.

They have one at the office and the company will get one for home. You are fully remote and have a laptop and one separate monitor.” travelkmac

Another User Comments:

“This is a gentle example of mess around and find out.

They’ve messed around and put off doing what they need to do in order to do their job from home: buy a monitor with company funds. All it costs them is a small amount of time to shop for and set up the monitor.

Now they’re finding out, because they don’t have a way to do their job at home for this meeting because they can’t take OP’s work equipment to cover their own lack of proper preparation.

Yes OP, you put your job before theirs.

Because it’s yours and it’s how you make a living and support yourself, and this is your equipment that you use to do that. They don’t have a right to put their job above yours just because they’re irresponsible. They don’t get to take resources away from your company to use for the benefit of their company with no compensation to your company for that loss.

With no warning! They don’t get to make you shoulder the consequences of their inaction.

NTJ. Stop letting them use your monitor at all because their only reason for needing it is pure laziness. And that’s on them, not you.

Once you stop letting them avoid the consequences of their laziness, guess what? They’ll buy a monitor with company funds and it won’t ever be a problem again!” Cryptographer_Alone

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Spaldingmonn 1 year ago
It could be an issue with OPs company that a non employee is using company equipment. NTJ. Your partner , on the other hand, is lame and unprofessional; whining but I need it too. I would be embarrassed.
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13. AITJ For Allowing My Sister To Keep Living With Me?

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“My partner (24F) and I (31M) have been together for almost a year now.

Our relationship has been great up until now and we are in it for the long term. We don’t live together yet. My partner lives in an apartment with some roommates while I live in my house that I bought 2 years ago.

About 6 months ago my younger sister (19F) started to attend a college in the city about a 20 min walk away from my house. My sister is more introverted and doesn’t like the typical college life of living in a dorm with other people and being surrounded by partying and drinking.

Since I live so close by, she asked if she could move in with me for her first year until she meets other people she would be comfortable sharing an apartment with. My house is pretty big so there was no reason not to let her stay with me so she has been living with me for almost half a year.

She has her room on the 2nd floor that was previously empty while I do pretty much everything on the ground floor and first floor.

My partner has been talking a lot about moving in together recently and I am completely on board with that.

We were even making specific plans on when she would be able to move in and everything seemed to be going smoothly until she out of nowhere asked me when I am going to make my sister move out so that she could move in.

I told her that my sister will move out eventually but that she isn’t moving out for at least 6 months and might even stay longer if needed and that there is plenty of room for the 3 of us without getting in each other’s way.

This somehow riled my partner up and she started telling me that she doesn’t want anybody living with us and that my sister needs to be an adult and live on her own. I told her that I made a promise to my sister and that I’m not going back on my word.

This turned into an argument with her telling me that she wants us to live alone with nobody else around and me explaining that I can’t leave my sister hanging. I tried to reason with her but she kept repeating this so I told her that I’m not making my sister move out regardless of what she is going to do.

She got emotional and started to tell me that I am choosing my sister over her and that what I’m doing is wrong.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your partner doesn’t have a good reason for wanting to kick your sister out, especially if your sister is not the ‘partying and drinking’ type.

You also had the discussion and confirmation with your sister moving in first, it would be a jerk move to back out on that without good reason.

Your partner doesn’t own said house and has no say in who should and shouldn’t be living in it.

It seems she’s already trying to influence you and your assets to get her way. If she can’t give a good reason why she wants to live alone with just you, then it is simply her preference and nothing more.

If she is NOT willing to compromise, then there is definitely an issue you should address and watch out for. Communication and compromise are 2 very important things to consider in a healthy relationship.

Good luck, OP.” donna2tsuki

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your partner doesn’t sound like she has the emotional maturity for a relationship like this. Not that your age gap is significant, but there’s a lot of growth between 24-31. Also not saying that 24-year-olds aren’t capable of being ready or mature enough, but this one, in particular, doesn’t seem to be.

If family is important to you, as it appears to be, find yourself a partner who feels the same. Having once been the teenage sister with a brother who helped me more than once, but had a wife who hated it and me.

It’s hard to maintain any sort of relationship with your brother when his significant other is resentful of that relationship.

In a solid, stable relationship, there is no one forcing anyone to choose between them or their family (barring abuse).” Numerous_Release5868

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your sister has been living there well before your partner. And it’s your home. Your partner says that your sister needs to move out on her own and be an adult but… your sister is trying to set herself up to be a successful adult by going to college.

It’s hard and stressful as it is and she’s lucky to have a caring sibling who wants to help her make things easier. She should focus on school, not on making ends meet while studying as well if it can be helped. You’ve known and loved your sister for all her life, compared to your and your partner’s one year together.

You aren’t wrong for your decision.” Justcommenting121

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CG1 1 year ago
Get rid of your GF .Seriously She Is TROUBLE !@
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12. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mom To Buy A Monkey?

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“My mom is in her mid-70s, not in super great health, and is obsessed with baby monkeys. She wants a pet monkey so badly, so she keeps trying to find one for sale on social media.

Of course, she’s been scammed like 20 times since Christmas. Our entire family and I have all told her she isn’t going to find a legitimate monkey breeder on social media who is willing to accept $300 for a baby monkey.

However, she won’t listen and instead says, ‘This one is on the up and up’ Every. Single. Time. I’m to the point where I don’t even want to argue so I just tell her I hope she’s right.

Before you lose your minds, we’ve already gone down the whole ‘monkeys are not pets’ road but that didn’t stick.

Anyway, here’s where we are right now. My dad, also mid-70s, had emergency surgery on Monday and was just released from the hospital today (Thursday).

On the way to pick him up, Mom called me talking to me again about this monkey and how she’s saved $350 for it but had to use $120 of it to fix the lawn mower and probably needs to spend the rest on my dad’s newly prescribed medications so she can’t buy her monkey this weekend like she planned. She didn’t ever outright ask for funds, but I told her I felt awful and would buy her a monkey if I could afford it but right now wasn’t a great time as we just had to pay our federal taxes.

Later, I get this message from her saying she was so so sorry for being selfish and asking for help. How she’s never asked anyone for a dime, and it hurts so bad that she can’t even borrow $200 from me.

I told her I didn’t remember her asking for money but apologized if I made her feel weird by telling her I’d buy it for her if I could. No response. Moments later, I get messages from my brother and little sister at the same time pretty much describing exactly what I just went through with her.

Little sister feels awful and offered to buy her one from a reputable breeder in Florida. Brother is beyond mad as he just had to shell out all kinds of funds after a car accident, so he’s annoyed she is so upset over a monkey.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Does your mom not know monkeys can live for 40+ years? If she’s in her 70s she will not have the energy nor the time to take care of one like they need. They wear diapers and break everything!

Is your mom ready to start over changing diapers and can she afford to replace everything they break not to mention finding a vet that specializes in EXOTIC animals? Does she have someone in the family willing to take the monkey should she pass because unless the monkey gets sick and dies the monkey will absolutely outlive her?

She needs to answer those questions before she gets a monkey just because she wants one. If you can’t afford to buy a monkey then you don’t need one. Don’t give her a dime!” User

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Her for wanting to buy a monkey.

All three of you kids for EVEN CONSIDERING buying her a freaking monkey.

Get that Monkey off ALL your backs. Have a talk with Dad (when he’s recovered) AND ALL FOUR of you sit Mom down and do an INTERVENTION.

Explain that if she DOES succeed in buying a (baby) Monkey, that Monkey WILL BE SURRENDERED to whatever wildlife/zoo agency necessary to give it a safe and PROPER HOME.

Do NOT let her believe she’ll get to keep it.

THEN MAYBE she’ll come to her senses, if not, then she’s been warned.” Blacksmithforge3241

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You need to take her to the GP/doctor and request a competency test be done. It doesn’t sound as though she is capable of making rational decisions about her welfare and finances.

This could also impact your dad’s health and well-being. If this was anything else besides the monkey, it would smack of an addiction. People do crazy things with addictions. Sell medications etc. I would suggest a help group, but unsure if there is one for baby monkey addictions.

Could be wrong.” confused-88

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11. AITJ For Expecting More Gifts?

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“A few days ago was my (F26) birthday. I’m getting married to my fiancé (M26) in the fall. Something about me, I really really love birthdays. I always have. I love having cake, opening presents, feeling loved by my people, all of that birthday jazz.

I really love celebrating other people’s birthdays too. I take a lot of time and energy (NOT necessarily money) to find great gifts for people. The thing is, we’re super broke this year and have been busy busy busy.

I understand that money is tight and that life happens quickly but I was disappointed with my birthday gift this year. He got me flowers, which was really sweet. However, that’s all I got.

When I asked if he had more for me downstairs, he smiled and said no. His reasoning was that he doesn’t have as much money this year as he had before and that he couldn’t figure out what to get me.

My response was that if he was at Kroger to buy me flowers, I couldn’t believe he didn’t see something there that reminded him of me or he could’ve bought my favorite candy. Just SOMETHING. He hasn’t been acting the same since and has been kind of ignoring me, so I’ve been wondering if what I said made me a jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ because I really think you don’t care about the money but the thought. If he had gotten you some candy and drawn you a stick figure picture of the story of your relationship or something I think you would have been happy.

I also love birthdays. It’s not a present-related thing but I enjoy feeling loved and cared for on that day. I don’t know how your conversation with him went down but it’s a bit rude for him to ignore you.

I would try to hash this out and explain what parts mean a lot to you. It’s the thoughtfulness, not the money.” moonsherbet

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I don’t think money really has anything to do with this.

Assuming your partner knows how important birthdays are to you, this would’ve been the time to come up with literally anything homemade or inexpensive. Gifts are way more than their cost, and it sounds like receiving them is your love language.

I’m sorry you felt uncared for on your birthday! Maybe some further communication would help him understand it was the effort you were looking for.” olivia__star

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He knew how important birthdays are to you and failed to do something meaningful.

It’s not hard to write a heartfelt letter or spend an extra few bucks on some candy for your FIANCE… maybe even spend the money he paid for flowers on something you could actually use that shows how well he knows you.

I’m not sure that being angry about it was the right approach but I definitely can understand why you might have expected some more effort from him.” rat_lasagna

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LizzieTX 1 year ago
NTJ. My husband virtually ignored my birthdays for the first five years or so of our marriage, despite me reminding him of how our family always made a big deal of them, and how much they meant to me, but not expecting anything expensive; a card and some flowers or candy would have been fine. When he continued to disregard my requests, I took matters into my own hands. I went out and bought a lovely new outfit and a fairly pricey bracelet that I'd been eyeing for a while. Then I cooked a lovely birthday dinner for myself of all of MY favorites, and set a beautiful table, with flowers and candles, the whole nine yards. When hubby came home, I was dressed in my new outfit and served appetizers for us both, and thanked him for my birthday gift that "he" had given me. The shock on his face when he saw pricey bracelet and the bigger shock when I told him the price was very, very satisfying. I then informed him that if he continued to ignore my birthday, I would be forced to take matters into my own hands again, and the sticker shock would be bigger.
He hasn't forgotten since, and we're married 26 years.
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10. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Live With My Friend's Significant Other?

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“I (20M) live in an apartment with ‘Dan’ (20M) near our college. Dan and I have been friends since high school, but we only got close upon becoming roommates in college.

Dan has a significant other of two years, Kayla (19F). Kayla practically lives at our apartment, though she is supposed to be living with her parents and commuting to our college. She lived in an off-campus apartment with a few other girls until earlier this semester but was apparently ostracized there because it was a ‘toxic’ group.

Kayla racks up dishes in our kitchen, has her makeup and various girl stuff scattered about our bathroom, and will just stay on our couch smoking all day while Dan is in class. Kayla is an art therapy major; her coursework isn’t hard.

I’ve asked Kayla why she doesn’t go to class, and she’ll give me some snarky comment about how that’s none of my business or whatever. Fair enough. But then Dan will complain to me because Kayla said I was shaming her for her ‘ADHD symptoms’ and ‘making her feel pathetic for having a mental illness.’ Uh, no, I asked why she never goes to the class that she (cough, her parents) pays for.

Then, there was another incident when I confronted her because she racks up dishes and never, ever cleans them. I came home from spring break and the sink had grown into this moldy, disgusting biohazard, and our living area had become strewn with Kayla’s clothes and reeked of unscooped cat litter (they share a cat).

I confronted Kayla, asking her to clean up her mess, and she broke down into a blubbering mess because cleaning ‘reminds her of her abusive parents shaming her for being dirty’ so she doesn’t. Also, her ADHD.

My final straw was yesterday when I brought up next year’s housing to Dan.

He insisted we get a 3-person lease so that Kayla could live with us. I told him, no, I don’t want to live with Kayla, why would we do that? He said that due to Kayla’s mental illness, a) she has severe attachment issues so doesn’t feel comfortable in their relationship when Dan isn’t by her side 24/7, and b) Kayla refuses to keep commuting because her ‘mental illness prevents her from getting to class with a commute’ but has no roommates to board with.

I’m done. I started shouting at Dan that his partner needs to start acting like an adult and stop claiming mental illness to avoid every single inconvenience in her life.

Kayla is appalled and is trying to cancel me, thinking that I’m heartless and hate the mentally ill.

So, am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were pushed to your breaking point.

More of this anger should be directed towards Dan though. He is the one you share your place with, and he has a reasonable obligation to you to make your equally shared accommodations relaxing, reasonably tidy, and safe for both of you.

She doesn’t get a say, she isn’t on the lease. If his partner can’t get herself together enough to be a respectable guest in your home, then Dan can make up for her shortcomings. If she can’t clean up after herself, then Dan does it.

If he is not there to clean up after her, then she can’t be in the apartment without Dan. He wants to look after her every need, that is entirely his responsibility, not yours.

I think you already know not to sign a lease with these two.

If this is her as a guest in your home, you don’t know what kind of roommate she will be.” littleblackkatt1234

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I have a pretty good guess as to why she no longer lives with her former ‘toxic’ roommates.

These two jerks expect you to accept living in filth in your own home which is detrimental to YOUR mental health. Why is her mental health more important than yours?

And when you ask them/her to clean up after themselves they attack you by accusing you of shaming her for her mental illness (which you did not do) and threaten to ‘cancel’ you, which I guess is another word for spreading rumors about how awful you treat mentally ill people.

They sound like two people who deserve each other.

Don’t let them try to shame you and convince you that you are in the wrong. People with ADHD (etc) don’t get a free pass to the detriment of the well-being of others.

Her mental health does not supersede yours.

Sincerely, a person with severe ADHD Paralysis.” anewfaceinthecrowd

Another User Comments:

“As someone who suffers from mental illness (OCD and depression) I can tell you now that it can genuinely get gross, sometimes picking up a mess or cleaning something can seem like the most daunting thing imaginable and it’s humiliating for us to not be able to do the simplest stuff, it’s hard to explain which makes it hard for people who don’t have this problem to understand.

So even though Kayla doesn’t have the same mental illness as me and probably has different things stopping her from doing what she needs to do I still empathize with her. But that being said, it’s not her house. I’m assuming she pays no rent so she has no business making a mess that she can’t clean up, if she can’t do it and Dan wants her over there then he needs to pick up the slack.

It does sound like she’s playing up her issues a bit but it’s impossible to say for sure. I think you are better off finding different housemates.

NTJ.” ickycat16

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Squidmom 1 year ago
I'd take pics/videos and send them to the landlord and tell him about the 3rd person living there.
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9. AITJ For Deciding To Sell A Family Heirloom To Pay For My Wedding?

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“My fiancée (38F) and I (39M) are planning to get married this summer.

We both want to have quite a lavish wedding at a winery in another state. The two of us agree that it’s the most important occasion in our lives, so we should make it as memorable as possible. We both have stable jobs and a good amount of savings, but it’s not quite enough for the (admittedly ambitious) plans we have in our heads.

My father passed away in January, and in his will, he left me a very valuable (think five figures) family heirloom. I’m not much for big family traditions, so although it’s a nice thing to have, I’m not massively attached to it.

I have plenty of other good memories of my father and I don’t need a fancy heirloom to remember him by. My brother (34M) however is a huge history nerd and is really really attached to it. He was very upset by my father’s decision in the will (the reason it went to me and not to him is that this has been traditionally passed to first-born sons).

My fiancée and I don’t plan to have children, and I think he assumed therefore that he (or his children) would be in line to get it if I were to pass away.

After some discussion, my wife-to-be and I decided that we would like to sell the heirloom to pay for our wedding.

My brother, who is also my best man, was furious when he found out, and said he wanted nothing to do with the wedding anymore. He thinks my wife-to-be and I are behaving like spoiled brats. In addition, he convinced my uncle and cousins not to come to the wedding either.

With our parents having passed away, this means that none of my family will attend the wedding, which I’m really upset about.

I think since I legally inherited the heirloom I can do what I want with it. I think he’s just upset because I ruined his expectations of one day inheriting it, but since my uncle and cousins agree with him enough that they’re not coming to the wedding, I’m not so sure I’m in the right.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, legally being able to do something doesn’t mean it is the right thing to do. I doubt your dad would have given you the heirloom if he knew you would sell it off like it was nothing.

Your brother didn’t convince anyone to be mad or not to go, I bet he just told them and they made those decisions mostly on their own. You probably should have thought that all out before making a selfish, self-centered decision.” kspi7010

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

It’s not a question of whether it was legal to sell it, but more a moral one. Legally, you’re entitled to do whatever you want, I guess. But morally… man, you can’t see just how in the grey you are.

Your brother would have dearly loved to have the item and likely bequeath it to his firstborn son, and so the family tradition would carry on. It’s an item that is centuries old, that your brother and father ‘geeked out’ together over.

This right here, to me, would have been the signal to give it to your brother.

Now, you are in a position where your family doesn’t want to come to your wedding, and honestly, I don’t blame them at all.

It is a totally selfish thing to do to sell it so that you can fund a lavish party.

A wedding is just one day of the rest of your life. Have you never heard the phrase ‘live within your means’?

If this party wasn’t within your budget without selling the heirloom, you should have scaled it back to what you could afford, rather than hocking an item that is steeped in history and family tradition.

I’m honestly not surprised at all that your brother and other relatives are mad at you.

I would have lost my mind and turned my back on not just your wedding, but you full stop.” JaneDoe_83

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. If you’re going to sell a valuable family heirloom, you use the money to buy a house, make an investment in your future like going to school or starting a business, or pay for a life-saving medical treatment for yourself or a loved one.

You don’t sell a family heirloom to pay for a one-day celebration. If you and your fiancée don’t have the money to pay for a lavish wedding yourself, that’s a sign that you shouldn’t have one.

I don’t blame your family for boycotting your wedding.” Mother_Tradition_774

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Woogiesmom721 1 year ago
YTJ
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8. AITJ For Bringing A Gift Instead Of A Cake?

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“I (24f) am a baker. I started baking in high school and have been making birthday cakes for my family.

It was a good way to let people know I bake, to get feedback, and to experiment. Thanks to that, I’ve gotten a few cake orders from my relatives and friends. After high school, I’ve gone to culinary school and have been working professionally since.

I’ve made birthday cakes for my sister, her husband, her 3 kids, and my parents every year (excluding a couple of years in between when I was abroad.) I didn’t charge them anything as it was a present from me.

These custom cakes normally cost around $200-250. This year on my birthday I didn’t have anything planned and didn’t remind anyone that it was coming up. I was hoping at least one of them would remember and surprise me with something, but when I asked my mom if she bought a cake for me, she thought I would bake a cake for myself, on my birthday.

I was hurt. I didn’t make cakes wanting to get anything in return, but I realized I was being taken for granted.

After a few months, it was my nephew’s 7th birthday. This time I decided to not bring a cake and instead bought him a toy he wanted. When I got to my sister’s house, she asked me where the cake was.

I told her I didn’t bring one. She got mad at me, saying that she expected me to bring a cake and didn’t order one from a shop. I told her that it wasn’t my problem, she could’ve asked me and ordered one from my bakery.

My nephew was crying that he didn’t have a cake and my sister blamed me for making him sad on his birthday.

After the birthday party, I had numerous relatives making me seem like the bad guy and ruining the party.

When I talked to my friends and coworkers about this, they were on my side. I’m not sure how I feel.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – You don’t have to gift a cake if you don’t want to. Their assumption that you would, without any evidence or confirmation, certainly affirms that they are taking the cakes for granted. They made their son sad by not making sure there would be a cake.

Any of the people complaining could have asked you or provided a cake themselves. You gave a gift. That it wasn’t the gift they wanted you to give is not your problem. You gave the gift you wanted to give, a toy you knew he wanted.” joinedtosaythisnow

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. However, I think this was a good lesson to learn. Keep giving free stuff, and it’ll just be expected. Your family was absolutely taking advantage of you. So, going forward, I would send everyone a message that if they want a cake from you, they can pay you the normal rate, and if they don’t like it, then that’s their problem.

Your time should never have been free, but, being a professional in the industry myself, I 100% understand your sentiment. I’ve had family friends ask me to help them cater parties and as soon as I tell them ‘Sure, my rate is $20/hr plus the cost of food and any extra hands I need’ they immediately drop it.” R4eth

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… kind of. Sure seems like your family was taking you for granted, even if they didn’t realize that’s what they were doing. That is terrible and I’m really sorry.

HOWEVER, kinda sucks your nephew ended up in the middle of it.

This could’ve easily been avoided by communicating with your sister in advance that your approach to birthdays would be changing or by choosing an adult’s birthday to make your statement.

It’s absolutely your sister’s responsibility to ensure and not just expect a cake will appear at her son’s party, but regardless, I can understand her line of thinking, even if it’s inconsiderate.

But bottom line, your nephew got the short end of the stick on this one.” meagandelaine

4 points - Liked by lebe, Mewhoelse, Amel1 and 1 more
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CG1 1 year ago
Her Sister needed to ask for her to bake a cake ... not just Assume and I would not bake any cakes for them in the Future unless they pay for it AND who in the jerk expects Her To make her Own Birthday Cake !!?? That's BS !!
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7. AITJ For Making My Apartment Smell Bad To Deter Potential Renters?

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“I (23M) am a student in my final year of a pre-med program.

I live in a popular student apartment building in a tiny studio that is being shown to potential renters as my lease is ending soon. Initially, I was given a 24-hour notice before the showings. It started off with twice a week, and then five times a week, and now my studio is being shown daily.

Despite the inconvenience, I didn’t mind this until my landlord started to encourage the students to ask me questions about my unit. I tell him every time that I’m busy studying and I continuously have to tell the students to not bother me.

He started letting students rummage through my closet, cabinet, and even the storage under my bed. One evening he just entered my room without notice to take pictures. Unfortunately, this is all legal as it was baked into my lease agreement.

I started getting paranoid because I wouldn’t know if he brought people into my room when I was out. I would notice things were moved around and my door was left unlocked sometimes. I reached my breaking point when I had to put a sign on my door telling students to take off their shoes because I noticed shoe prints and dirt all over my carpet and in my bathroom.

At the next showing, my landlord tore down the sign in front of me and told the students to just keep their shoes on as the showing would be quick. I’m awful with confrontation so I just stood in front of them smiling until they took their shoes off.

After that incident, my landlord started to only show my place in the early morning.

After re-reading the lease agreement, I discovered that there was no mention of how my unit should smell, so there was no limit to how many air fresheners I could use.

So, I purchased a bunch of sickly-sweet air fresheners of all types, from plug-ins to automatic sprays, and even the one you pop open that has the blue crap in the middle. I placed them throughout my room. As soon as the next showing started, I popped on my N95 mask and I squirted out a thick cloud of strawberry Febreze to seal the deal. The students refused to come in.

I continued this for the next three showings, and no one could last more than a minute in my room. Success smelled so sweet, so I went back to the store and bought more. I did have to air out my room every night but it was worth it.

My building is really old, and the air vents in my bathroom are connected to others, which meant that the fruity scent sort of permeated through the entire building. I am on the 4th floor and people on the 20th floor started smelling my room.

Students started texting in the building’s group chat about it. The smell became so strong I could smell my room from the lobby. My landlord started berating me with emails accusing me of driving away potential renters.

While my friends found this hilarious, my parents thought I took it too far.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s an unfortunate by-product of a decision made out of desperation. It would be worth looking into the rental laws in your country/state. In most places, the terms of a lease agreement cannot supersede rental laws, and many places have laws not only preventing landlords from entering your apartment without 24hrs notice but also requiring that anybody who isn’t the landlord must have the tenant’s permission to enter.

Anything your landlord is doing that prevents you from normal use and enjoyment of your home could also be against the rental laws in your area. A lot of lease agreements have illegal clauses baked into them, so it really is worth making sure you know your rights.” CacklingMossHag

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

So because you have beef with your landlord, you decide to screw with the lives of everybody else in the building? You’re EXTREMELY lucky that nobody had a bad asthma attack or was allergic to any of the chemicals you put in the vents.

Not only could this open you up to a potential civil lawsuit, but I’m pretty sure your landlord will now have every right to keep your entire security deposit and I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to tell all of your future potential landlords about this little ‘prank’ of yours if they are responsible and do a background check.

I’m glad your friends find this funny because you’re gonna need a place to stay when nobody will rent to you.

Do not become a doctor. You lack the emotional intelligence and empathy to be a decent one.

You don’t seem to have the social skills either. How are you gonna have difficult conversations with patients if you can’t even tell people to take off their shoes when they enter your space? You have A LOT of growing up to do.” Sweet_Maintenance317

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, your landlord for invading your privacy and letting strangers rummage through your stuff. The viewers for actually doing so. You for the poison cloud you unleashed upon blameless neighbors.

Be smarter. Just use a little Febreze and tell any viewers ‘Something smelled funny’ or ‘I think the pipes in this building are old.’ If you can temporarily make things look messy they’ll also cut their visits short.

And the landlord can’t complain if he doesn’t give notice.” Like_the_rainbow

4 points - Liked by lebe, Amel1, LilacDark and 3 more
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Storm 1 year ago
NTJ- You are receiving no notice and there is no reason for ppl to paw through your clothes! They may look in your closets, but they have no reason to touch your clothing or any objects that belong to you. Check out tenant regulations and print off a list. There may be regulations that supercedes those laid down in your lease.
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6. AITJ For Assuming My Sister's Long-Distance Partner Won't Be Able To Come To My Wedding?

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“My (35) fiancé (27) and I are getting married next month. Obviously, all the RSVPs have been received, and catering and tables confirmed.

My sister (31) and her partner (34) have been long-distance for the past 6 months. She told me recently he’s visiting next month after he was able to get time off work.

Good for them, but she’s saying he should be allowed to come to my wedding too.

I said no because the wedding’s soon and everything’s set. Also, he doesn’t even live nearby and wasn’t going to be coming initially. I can’t make exceptions for every guest who has a last-minute honey coming in.

My fiancé also agrees with this, his stepbrother’s been seeing a girl for a few months and even she’s not coming. I tried to explain all this to my sister but she got pretty mad at me and is now refusing to talk to me.

My fam/friends who know about this whole thing are torn, some are saying it’s our choice but some are saying I’m acting like a jerk.

AITJ?

Edit: My sister and her partner have been together for about 8-9 years.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ… firstly because ‘everything’s all set’ is a fallacy. You’re going to have last-minute changes until the party is over. Everyone always does. Someone who RSVP’d they’d attend will be sick that day, or injured, or otherwise and unable to be there.

You’ll have paid for a meal or several meals that won’t be needed anyway. Allowing her to enjoy his visit and your wedding simultaneously will not amount to much.

Second, because it wasn’t just anybody asking you to accommodate a change, it was your sister.

Immediate family should get more consideration, without the rest of the universe feeling they are also entitled to it. Third, because your sister’s relationship is long term… not just long distance… it was fundamentally inconsiderate to not invite her SO to begin with.” cheekmo_52

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

After almost 10 years you don’t consider even inviting your sister’s partner? Even if he is long-distance, the RIGHT thing to do would have been to invite him.

At any wedding there are ‘no shows’ – people RSVP to a wedding and then something comes up and they won’t show up, so you can’t say ‘the numbers are all in’ because you will find that someone won’t show and there will be plenty of room (and food).

And even if everyone does show up, there’s always a way to add one more, its not that big a deal.

The best you can hope for is that when your sister marries him, they choose to be more gracious than you were, and invite you to their wedding.

Me? I wouldn’t.” MissSuzieSunshine

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It really isn’t that hard to squeeze in an extra person. I’ve worked at 500+ person galas where an extra person showed up that night and we were able to get them in, so having this much notice should be a breeze.

Therefore the logistics of it aren’t an issue.

You need to think about what you value. This isn’t a random guest – it’s your sister. And it’s not a random guy she’s seeing – it’s her partner of nearly a decade.

The fact that you didn’t give your sister a +1 when you knew she is in a serious relationship shows that you don’t really value family.

Just remember that you reap what you sow. Don’t start your marriage this way.” Iamwinning2022too

4 points - Liked by IDontKnow, shgo, leja2 and 3 more
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Chinky87 1 year ago
Ntj I'm guessing no one read that your sister boyfriend initially wasn't coming. Its not your job at last minute to accommodate anyone that choose to come. That is why RSVPs are sent out. I hope you enjoyed your wedding and anyone saying you the jerk allotment pay for anyone extra they thought should have been allowed at last minute to come just because they are in town all of a sudden.
4 Reply

5. AITJ For Telling My Brother I Am Better Than Him?

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“I (27F) have a brother (26M). When we were young starting in high school my brother started acting out. It started with small things like not doing homework or skipping class. My parents would ground him but it didn’t work, when he started to fail they got him a tutor.

Well, no matter what tutor you have if you don’t turn stuff in you will fail. It kept getting worse and my parents had to spend a ton of time trying to help him out. He kept messing up, got in a bad crowd, and was found with substances at school.

We moved to start fresh.

I didn’t cause problems, I was responsible so my parents gave me privileges, like being able to stay out with friends late, could get what I wanted, and so on. My brother not so much, he would be good for a bit, get some privileges back, and then mess up again.

Good for a month then would steal the family car, good for a bit, and then would curse at a teacher. My parents tried, but therapy wasn’t a thing back where we were 20 years ago.

He ended up dropping out, and eventually went to trade school at 23.

The whole time he lived at home. I went to college and so on. Well, we were having a family get-together and visiting my parents. He was there and when I mentioned having trouble with my car, my dad offered to have a look at it.

He made a comment about me being the golden child. Later in the day got mentioned again and by the third time, I was over it.

I told him I was the golden child due to me not messing up all the time and he couldn’t do anything right no matter how much mom and dad tried. He called me a jerk and left. My parents were over it and sided with me.”

Another User Comments:

“First off, NTJ.

I do feel bad for your brother, it’s possible there was an undiagnosed learning disability and he was acting out as school got more and more difficult for him. I would suspect it even more if he ends up thriving in the trades.

However, if he doesn’t get over that chip on his shoulder, he may continue to act out as an adult and your relationship will continue to suffer.

If you are feeling up to it, you could try to approach it again.

You could ask him what his experience as a kid in your family was like, how it made him feel, and even why he thought things were like that. Maybe that could lead to a conversation about him getting some therapy or help, or about what a handful he was as a kid… Or ask if he was his own parent, what he would have done differently.” LankyChickadee

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

He did start it, and he did push your buttons. But I don’t think your response was necessarily called for.

I believe your parents did put in a lot of effort to get him on the right track and save him from himself, but through that, I’m sure there was a huge internal upset.

I doubt there wasn’t at least one night where he wondered why he was so worthless that he needed his parents to help him out so much. People may seem one way on the surface, but everyone has internal battles.

It seems like he was a kid that just learned differently, and through his struggles in school, convinced himself it wasn’t worth it if he couldn’t learn like everyone else, and started to self-sabotage. Probably to the point he asked himself why he did those things but still wasn’t able to stop himself.

Like you said, you guys didn’t have access to therapy, maybe he’s been struggling with depression and some other mental things that made him feel different and even ‘wrong.’ You telling him that all he does is mess up everything probably doesn’t make that any better.

He knows why you’re the golden child, he knows the effort you put in and how you strived, he’s jealous of that because he never understood why it didn’t come to him the same way it did to you. And to bring Mom and dad into this, and for them to agree that he was a screw-up really just validates his feelings that he will never be accepted for what he is able to do.

You probably made him feel pretty worthless, which might be what you think he deserves, but I personally don’t believe anyone should ever feel that way.

Again, I know he kept calling you a golden child, but I think you also crossed a different line.” maddio2437

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Doesn’t sound like you’re a golden child at all. It sounds like your brother is trying to justify the way your parents treat him. He’s heard the term ‘golden child’ and thinks that because your parents aren’t fed up with you that you must be their golden child.

Instead, you’re probably their favorite child, a subtle difference, but come on, let’s be honest, if I had 2 kids and one was problematic and the other caused me no problems I’d have a preference, too.” Natural_Garbage7674

3 points - Liked by lebe, IDontKnow and LilacDark
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Spaldingmonn 1 year ago
OP was not the golden child. There is no indication they were treated like that. No, OP was a good kid who followed the rules and was successful. Sometimes family members need to behave and stop acting surprised when the person they are attempting to victimize or.villanize responds to them in the same.way. If you don't want to be treated like a jerk then don't act like one. OP is NTJ but the brother is.
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4. AITJ For Not Being Able To Get My Fiancee A Ticket For My Son's Graduation?

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“My son is graduating next month and he only gets a set number of guests (6). My fiancée also has a son that was supposed to graduate, but unfortunately decided to drop out. Since we had 2 graduates, the plan was for my fiancée and I to take 2 of her son’s tickets and my ex-wife could have all 6 of my son’s so her parents could come.

The dilemma now is that my fiancée’s son no longer gets tickets. My ex-wife’s tickets were for her, our other 2 children, her sister, and her parents.

My ex-wife already asked her sister to let me have her ticket (which they were happy to do), but now my fiancée is demanding she also should get one.

I told my ex-wife that I should get an extra ticket because he’s also my son and I should get a guest, but she said it’s not her fault that my fiancée’s son dropped out (which is also a valid point).

I’m just at a loss. My fiancée has done a lot for my son, but so have his grandparents.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The only jerk thing here is your ex-wife for commenting on your fiancée’s son dropping out.

Your other two kids, you, and your ex-wife should go. That only leaves 2 tickets left. Frankly, it makes sense for it to go to your son’s grandparents over your fiancee – given he’s 18 and you aren’t married yet, I assume he’s probably closer to them than to her by a smidge.

Has nothing to do with your fiancee’s son dropping out though.

Ideally of course everyone would go – it’s just an unfortunate situation. Maybe go out for dinner with everyone afterward, so your fiancee et al can celebrate.” AMadManWithAPlan

Another User Comments:

“Your ex-SIL is being very thoughtful in stepping out and giving you her ticket. Not her fault that you made all these arrangements based on your fiancée’s son and his now not being able to graduate which changed all of YOUR plans.

Your fiancée is not being thoughtful. Siblings and grandparents definitely should be at graduation. Look at who is choosing to put your child and your family truly first.

YTJ and so is your fiancée.” klurtin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Go and celebrate your son, and enjoy his night with him. It’s on your fiancée’s son as to why now she’s no longer able to come unless she probably goes to their school office and gets the extra ticket because that’s what I had to do when my niece graduated in 2022.

She can talk to the school about that. But it’s not your son’s fault that her son chose to drop out that’s on her son and her son only.” J_2993

3 points - Liked by lebe, IDontKnow and LilacDark
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3. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Get A Haircut Without My Ex-Wife's Permission?

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“My 6-year-old daughter ‘Amy’ stayed with me for a few days because my ex’s new husband’s dad is unwell.

On one of the days she was here, I went to the barber after I picked her up from school. I normally get my hair cut short.

Not quite a buzz cut but still pretty short.

After I got my haircut Amy asked me if she could get a haircut like mine. She had lovely long hair so I wasn’t sure if she was just interested and would regret it after.

Both I and the barber repeatedly asked her if she was absolutely sure she wanted a short haircut and warned her that her hair might take years to get as long as it used to be, but she insisted she did.

Fortunately, she liked her new hairstyle, and when she went to school everyone thought it was cool, so everything seemed to be fine.

But when my ex came to pick her up, she was enraged. She said I had ‘no right’ to cut her hair like that, that now she’ll think it’s ‘acceptable to look like a boy’.

Worst of all she was angry that ‘now she looks even more like you’.

Firstly, she’s a total girly girl. She loves pink dresses and tiaras, loves playing around with makeup and painting her nails, and even paints mine when she stays here.

I wouldn’t have a problem if she was ‘trying to look like a boy’, but that’s obviously not the case here. She’s just a kid interested in trying something new.

Secondly, I asked her repeatedly if she was sure this was what she wants, and warned her of the consequences.

She insisted and actually likes how it turned out. Yes, she’s only a child, but she’s old enough to make decisions about how she wants to look.

I’m not saying I shouldn’t have asked for my ex’s permission first, but it’s a haircut that she wanted, that she now likes.

I don’t see what the problem is here.”

Another User Comments:

“Your daughter is 6. Her ability to understand consequences is minimal at best & her abstract thinking is non-existent. She couldn’t see what was going to happen with just a verbal conversation.

You got very lucky that your daughter actually likes her haircut. What was your plan if she did not like it?

I don’t think you are a jerk but this could’ve easily gone sideways. This was out of the norm for your & your daughter.

It wouldn’t have hurt to get your ex’s opinion beforehand & had your daughter wait a couple of days before making a final decision. It’s an action that can’t be undone so it shouldn’t be made in haste.

I understand your ex’s reaction. A 6-year-old will want to do a lot of things just because they see their parents do it. If your daughter has never expressed her desire to get her haircut… this was a rash decision.

No jerks here.” Alarming_Reply_6286

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

If there isn’t anything in the stipulation agreement about haircuts… I don’t think you did anything wrong. And you didn’t force the haircut on your child. If you had forced the kid into getting a haircut that would be a different bag of worms.

Anyway, kids are not dolls. I think kids should be allowed to decide on their haircuts and clothing. If you limit their self-expression, you end up oppressing them. Deciding on haircuts and styles also helps them develop independence and decision-making skills, and helps their self-esteem.

And there is plenty of female-representing people who have ‘boy’ haircuts. They actually call the ‘boy’ haircuts ‘pixie’ cuts in some cases because of the Tinkerbell Fairy characters.” s0ggy5alad

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Be a parent, for Pete’s sake.

Your job isn’t to give in to every one of your child’s requests when made.

Moreover, you are not the custodial parent. The only reason you have your daughter for a few days is that your wife’s new FIL is sick.

She takes care of your daughter most of the time, not you. You have shown your ex you are not to be trusted when you have your daughter with you.

Your 6-year-old daughter getting a buzz cut is something that you should have discussed with your daughter’s custodial parent before you had it done.

As far as you claim not to see the problem, you are either being dishonest or incredibly stupid. Neither reflects well on you. YTJ.” AbleRelationship6808

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

It’s totally fine for your daughter to get a short haircut, and your ex is a jerk for being against it.

That said, at 6 years, both parents should be in the loop for any big change in a kid’s life—that includes a very different haircut. If your daughter was 10 years old, it would be a different story, but at 6? You should have checked with your ex-wife first.” peggingpinhead

1 points - Liked by Amel1, LilacDark, Sheishei101 and 1 more
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Squidmom 1 year ago
Ex is just mad because the child looks like OP.
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2. AITJ For Wanting My Son To Join A Military Program?

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“My husband wants our son to do some sort of military adjacent program… JROTC or civil air patrol or something like that… he thinks all kids should do something like that to learn leadership/discipline/how to maintain proper uniform and appearance.

He was an officer, and my older son goes to the Air Force Academy. My younger son has kind of wavered on whether he wants to follow in his footsteps or not.

My son settled on joining Navy Sea Cadet Corps and it looks like they do a lot of fun programs…

outdoor stuff, science, and scuba diving. But to start he will basically be doing a two-week ‘boot camp’ where he learns the ropes, wears a uniform, and buzzes his hair off. My son says he didn’t know he’d have to buzz his hair, and my husband said of course he would have to.

We both say that if he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t have to stay in the cadets after training, but at least he then has an idea on if the military life is for him or not an option at all…”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here: I don’t think this is a bad idea. JROTC isn’t a commitment to anything. Even regular ROTC you can drop out of. I think you giving him an opportunity to experience something before committing is smart.

If he hates the regulation of JROTC, probably shouldn’t join the military.

I am making assumptions here, but he doesn’t join the military, are you able to help pay for college? I think having a frank discussion about how he will need to pay for college (if necessary) if he doesn’t do ROTC or Service Academy.

A lot of people go that route because of the free education. In my opinion, it is worth it for the 4-year service commitment after school.” Additional_Day949

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – this sounds like an awesome opportunity, that doesn’t involve any actual serious military training.

People are jumping to hate on the military, and yeah it’s not great, but this is just a junior program.

The navy also has a lot of non-combatant positions, which it sounds like this program is oriented towards, that your son might find really interesting.

Not to mention that learning some discipline and routine can be really good for a kid. Shaving your head is a pretty minor sacrifice to go scuba diving.

This sounds like one of the things you might be reluctant about at first, but end up really grateful people nudged you out of your comfort zone.

Your husband also sounds like he just values some of the skills the military instills in you, leadership, self-discipline, etc. which are all valuable skills. It’s two weeks and if he really hates you told him he could leave, more than fair.” No-Dragonfly-8679

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here

Doing Sea Cadets is WAY different than joining active duty. Heck, even ROTC gives cadets the option of walking away until the first year is completed.

For a family with a tradition of military service, doing a high school program does give them some info on whether they wish to join, before making a commitment.

It isn’t a bad idea.

Sounds like the younger son isn’t opposed to joining, but isn’t certain. Being an officer is WAY different than being enlisted.

Hair is a way many teens express themselves. So I understand why shearing it off is also uncomfortable for the teen.” Algebralovr

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. If your son doesn’t want to buzz his hair, he should not be forced to. Having bodily autonomy doesn’t only start when you’re 18. Also, if getting a buzz cut is a problem for him, he probably has an answer to whether he should join a military organization.

Let him become his own person and figure out what HE wants instead of ‘encouraging’ (pushing more likely) him to follow in dad’s footsteps.” Bubble_Wyvern

-4 points - Liked by Amel1 and CG1
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1. AITJ For Lecturing Customers About Being Aware Of Their Orders?

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“As a side job, I waitress at an Italian restaurant. A trio came in and ordered a pasta dish. When I went over to the table to check on them, they were quite upset because the pasta has bacon bits in it (it’s actually prosciutto), and they can’t eat pork for religious reasons.

They were also upset because the menu doesn’t say there is bacon in the pasta.

I told them that it is a listed ingredient, and showed them the menu where it says ‘prosciutto.’ The man at the table stated that he and his friends don’t speak Italian, so how were they supposed to know what prosciutto is?

I told him that it was an Italian restaurant, so there are going to be Italian words on the menu, and if you don’t know what something is you should always ask, especially if you have dietary restrictions. I asked if they would like to order something else, told them which menu items do not contain pork, took the pasta off of their check, and ordered something else that they were happier with.

On their way out of the restaurant, one of them told my manager that I was rude.

I myself have a lot of food allergies, so when I go out to eat I carefully look over the menu and ask the server any questions I have before ordering.

I’m a firm believer that everyone is responsible for their own dietary restrictions, and if you don’t pay attention to the menu when you go out to eat that’s on you.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

The mistake in this case was entirely their fault.

Prosciutto is not a completely unheard-of item exclusive to Italy and should be familiar to anyone with an interest in Italian food, so expecting some passing familiarity isn’t completely irresponsible.

And even if you don’t know exactly what it is, it would take seconds to type it into Google or ask a server.

It is impossible to say how polite (or not) you may have been during this interaction, but honesty, given the fact that the mistake was idiotic and completely preventable I wouldn’t fault you for being curt or blunt with them.” nrsys

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Yeah, they should have asked if they weren’t sure. But your job as a server is not to chastise people if they mis-order.

You’re in customer service your job is to make customers want to spend money there.

Losing the cost of one entree if you need to get them something else is far less than the cost of losing a potential repeat customer or the potential cost of a bad review online.” thirdtryisthecharm

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

‘The man at the table stated that he and his friends don’t speak Italian, so how were they supposed to know that prosciutto is bacon?’

You either ask the server, or you google the word you don’t know.

Your job was to give them the food they ordered and answer any questions they might have.

Your job is not to be a mind reader.

Don’t ask if there are any dietary restrictions because you could offend some people by doing that.

Those of us with dietary restrictions/food allergies know to ask questions and inform the server without being prompted. It’s their fault they didn’t ask when they saw an unfamiliar word.” naranghim

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. The trio for being upset about the pork when they didn’t look out for it.

You for engaging them about it. It isn’t bad advice but a server isn’t there to give them sage advice about how they should be more careful about their own dietary restrictions.

Leave that to conversations between friends or even just strangers. Your job is to assist them with their ordering and eating at that restaurant. Just express dismay that they can’t eat their order and ask them if they wanted to add on to their order and you would be glad to point out the items without pork.” smurflings

-7 points - Liked by Amel1
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LizzieTX 1 year ago
NTJ. A server is not a mind reader. ADULTS with dietary restrictions inform those serving them, so that said restrictions can be accommodated. Annoying, self absorbed diners expect the world to accommodate them without stating what said accommodations should be. If they're too lazy/ignorant to ask questions, that would be on them, not their server.
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