People Need To Deal With Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations Straight Away
23. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Join A Soccer Travel League To Keep It Fair For My Other Daughter?
“I am a single dad of 2 girls: GiGi (14) and Penelope (8). Their mother left when the girls were younger. I don’t have a huge support system outside the girls’ afternoon nanny, whom I’m very grateful for.
GiGi has played soccer since she was 6. She’s raised through the ranks of the local league. She does regular soccer in the spring and fall, then indoor in the winter. Penelope plays hockey. Saturdays can be a little hectic with both of these, but it’s worth it given how passionate they both are for these.
I always make sure that they have someone at a game and split which ones I go to down the middle.
Recently, GiGi’s coach approached me about a travel league. It would require me going out of town with GiGi multiple weekends. I don’t have anyone else who could go with her and be a chaperone.
We have no family or close friends that could take her. I wouldn’t know anyone on the new team right away that would be willing to take her nor that I would trust right away. Then in terms of Penelope, I’d either have to hire someone to watch her those weekends, which on top of these new lessons and travel would be financially impossible.
Or, Penelope would have to drop out of hockey to come with us.
GiGi feels that since she plans on playing soccer through college while Penelope isn’t sure if she’ll stick with hockey long term, she should give it up. But Penelope wants to stick with hockey for now.
I told GiGi I was sorry but she’ll have to table travel soccer for now, and it may not ever happen. I added if one of her current teammates joined the travel league and I knew their parent well enough and the parent was willing, I’d definitely consider it.
But as of now, her other teammates aren’t joining the travel team.
GiGi’s coach and a few of her friends’ parents feel that this is a sacrifice I should make. GiGi is also upset with me. But I feel it’s not fair for hers to take place over Penelope.
I wouldn’t let Penelope’s activity come before GiGi’s either and I’ve said that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Penelope shouldn’t have to pay for GiGi’s opportunities. GiGi can wait a year for travel league and you can see if parents you trust are on board, then.
This is a teachable moment for GiGi. You can’t always get what you want, and her happiness cannot come at the expense of others.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would be one thing if Penelope wanted to give up hockey, but she doesn’t right now.
Having an adult you can trust to take GiGi would be great, but I don’t blame you for saying ‘no’ right now either; being a single parent isn’t easy, especially when your finances only go so far.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I applaud your efforts to be fair.
This has got to be hard on you. They have to realize that they can’t always get what they want. Right now that would really spread you thin also. She’s young, this can come along again. She will get over being angry, but at least no one feels like you’re putting one over the other.
Sounds like you’re doing a great job.” Less_Ordinary_8516
22. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Jealousy And Victim Mentality?
“I (24M) got out of a long-term relationship last summer, and back in November, I decided to get back on the apps. My friend Josh (25M) also wanted to try them out, so I took some pictures for him and helped him make a profile.
Ever since making his profile, Josh has been a little bit hostile to me, especially whenever anyone asks about my social life. Lots of comments about how it’s soooo easy for me because I’m 6ft. Some about girls liking me because I’m “rich” or something dumb like how my parents could afford braces for me as a teen.
I’ve been laughing them off but it’s kind of annoying. He acts like it’s total luck that he struggles compared to me on the apps. It also bothers me how he exaggerates and acts like I’m a trust-fund kid with multi-millionaire parents.
Yesterday I was on a Discord call with Josh and some other mutual friends.
Some of them were asking about my romantic life and one of my friends jokingly asked for my “rizz tips.” Josh chimed in on my behalf with his normal nonsense about how 6ft is all you need. But he ended with a comment about being an “interesting color.” “Don’t be white, girls these days are bored of white guys.”
That bothered me enough to start an argument. Here’s a summary of the conversation. I asked Josh why should a woman want to go out with him. He said his high-paying job and ability to provide. I told him that does nothing to set him apart.
Half of the single guys in our city work cushy 200k tech jobs, heck plenty of girls do too. Josh got upset and asked what I bring besides being 6ft. So I told him. A good job and career. A variety of hobbies besides male-dominated ones like gaming and sports betting, including appealing ones like cooking and photography.
A respect and listen-first approach. Attention to fashion, fitness, grooming/hair care, and skincare. The ability to filter my humor so I don’t offend or weird people out.
I told Josh that besides a good job, those are all qualities he doesn’t have, and once he commits to improving himself instead of acting like he’s a victim he’ll be better off.
He disconnected from the call and has been telling our mutual friends that I’m a cocky jerk and some stuff I’d rather not repeat. While I don’t regret calling him out and due to some other reasons I wouldn’t mind losing Josh as a friend, some of my friends think I went too far and was hurtful.
I think my advice might have been too arrogant. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Josh sounds like an incel (or an incel in training) BTW they love to be mad when a person of color attracts women that they perceive they cannot get. He is NOT your friend…and neither is anyone who tells you that you were a jerk for putting him in his place.” No_Glove_1575
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your friends said you were too hurtful? Get some new friends, he was attacking you way before you said anything to counter. What I see here is that you are surrounded by people who are just like Josh, vindictive and jealous.
I would get with a new set of friends. You’ll be happier in the long run.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re a solid Ken. Your friend Josh is a solid incel. Your other friends are sort of weird for telling you that you went too far because honestly, unless you said it differently out loud, the way you typed it sounded firm and real. He’s a racist anyway though so I wouldn’t miss him as a friend, and if your mutuals can’t accept that find better friends.” viweaths
21. AITJ For Telling My Wife Not To Quit Her Job Without Having Another One Lined Up?
“My wife has been having a hard time at work lately in a toxic workplace, and she called me today saying she wants to hand her stuff in and quit her job, which I fully can understand given what she has been going through. We both work and have two kids who are on her insurance through her workplace (I have offered to put them on mine at my workplace).
She called and was on the verge of tears about wanting to leave there and asked my opinion. I talked to her and explained that I wanted what was best for her but I also explained to her what would happen if she were to quit her current job.
I gave my honest opinion and at one point she asked what I would do.
I told her I would stay there at least until another job was lined up. Thinking about bills, and the kids’ extracurricular activities. I completely understand that she is going through some troubling times at her current workplace and I said that to her as well.
I gave her my opinion. She also asked me what I would do and I told her I would stay with the job until an alternative was met and then she told me that she couldn’t talk about it anymore and hung up on me.
I even asked her if she wanted help with her resume for new job applications.
After about an hour she texted me stating that she finished her resume herself and to not worry about it. I message back stating that I would have helped and she replied “Nah.” I asked if she was upset about the phone call and all she texted back was “Sure am.”
We have another phone call and she tells me “You didn’t need to tell me about our future plans and about the kids losing their insurance, I know that.” Then I explained to her that she called me to ask my opinion, which I gave to her, and that I was sorry she didn’t like my opinion and that if she didn’t like it why ask in the first place?
I have been working at the same job for the last 8 years and she has changed jobs 4 times in that same amount of time. I want her to enjoy what she does as a career and not be in a bad job, but I feel when you are married and have 2 kids just quitting a job is counterproductive… AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked for your advice and your opinion. You delivered it kindly and thoughtfully. You are right in your observations, it is better to line things up before she quits. Based on her response to you, I do think she wasn’t actually looking for advice though.
It would seem she wanted you to back her up if she decided enough was enough and just walked off the job today. None of that makes you the jerk though.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“You don’t quit a job without having another one lined up.
If you leave without one, you will need to explain why you don’t have a job. And saying that you just up and quit will be considered a red flag. And will make it harder to find another job. So, unfortunately, you need to suck it up until you land another one and can leave.
Your advice is spot on. NTJ.” Waterlily-chitown
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked and you answered honestly. Her anger is misplaced. It’s going to happen again, based on her past performance. Straight talk upsets her so maybe when she is ready to move on again the answer could be succinct.
“I’ll help you with your resume, but the family needs you to work until you find a new job.” Better because it is a positive response, supports her feelings, and emphasizes the needs of the children.” harleybidness
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad And His New Partner On A Family Trip?
“So for context I am 24M, my dad is 49.
My mom and dad divorced about 2 years ago and I still have a pretty good relationship with my mom, however, my dad has sort of just changed into a different person. For starters, he was unfaithful to my mother which obviously you guys don’t know the lady but she’s just the sweetest soul ever, I’ve talked to him since about it and he just explained to me that marriages get sort of complicated the longer you’re with someone.
I accepted that and I don’t harbor any resentment towards him for the whole situation.
His new partner is the same person he was unfaithful to my mother with, and she is literally my age, or she will be 25 this year, I’ve met her a few times and was nice and friendly with her and she seems nice enough.
I just sort of feel weird about the whole situation, this has only recently really come up because I didn’t invite him or her to this nice trip I planned for my family, not out of any spite or anything but more so that my mother could be comfortable as I know it still hurts her.
The trip was supposed to be for a sports team that we all really enjoy as a family and was my 2 brothers and my mother and me. I just sort of maybe thought it would be weird if the two of them were there?
He and I aren’t really in the same place as far as trust and our relationship exactly after the divorce but I still talk to him regularly and love him very much.
I mentioned the trip to my father and he got really offended and told me that I’m basically choosing to cut him out of my life and he finds it rude that I don’t want to have a relationship with her and it’s not fair for me to alienate them.
That was not my intention in the slightest just didn’t think it would really suit the vibe of the trip, he’s really upset with me at the moment to the point where I could still make accommodations for them just so he leaves me alone about it but almost don’t want to because he’s acting like a baby about it and harassing me… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “he just explained to me that marriages get sort of complicated the longer you’re with someone” not that complicated to not be unfaithful to someone before the divorce goes through. Your dad massively messed up and rubbed your mom’s face in it and does nothing to reconcile or understand he decided to burn his family to the ground for a younger woman and you’re just like yeah whatever Dad?
Your poor mother. I would never speak to my father again. I would at a minimum not acknowledge that broken girl he was unfaithful with and hold him at a massive distance.” BriefHorror
Another User Comments:
““On what planet of the universe do you live that you’d think I’d invite you and your partner on a trip that included mom?
And why would you — or partner — even want to join us, unless cruelty towards mom is your intention?” That would be my response, along with carefully crafted, colorful strings of curse words. But you do you. This is bonkers. He’s either a fool being led around by a jealous partner, or he’s a cruel man who will continue to mock your mother with his affair.
And if he honestly just wants to spend time with you kids (highly doubtful), he can start dialing his own phone and making arrangements with you all to do that. You’re NTJ. Your father is. Help your mother keep some space and her own peace.” Hungry_Composer644
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father is totally overreacting. It’s hard enough for you to manage this situation, your father can call himself lucky that you do not resent him for being unfaithful to your mother. He’s a total jerk here. Demanding that you should include him and his partner in a trip with your mother is totally inappropriate.
What is he thinking? He and your mother are separated for a reason, and so he will have to accept that there will be many, many events where he is not included – would he want you to bring your mother along if you meet him?” EuropeanFreak
19. AITJ For Telling My Coworker Her Chosen Baby Name Is Bad?
“So my coworker is pregnant with her first baby and she asked me yesterday about my thoughts on her baby name and things didn’t go well. We work at a hotel that doesn’t get much traffic so there’s always a lot of downtime to sit and chat.
We’re not friends but since we’re both girls and the same age (23) we do speak a lot when we’re on the same shift together.
She asked me if I heard of the name Venus and I say yes and she says she’s going to name her daughter that but add an A at the end so it’s Venusa.
She said that it’s so exotic and unique sounding right? I said no, it sounds like the already existing name “Vanessa”.
She got upset and said no it doesn’t and that she’s asked her partner and her parents and they all said it’s a name that’s never been heard of before.
I said that it sounds like Vanessa and that it’s kind of a dumb name to give someone since every time they say it aloud people will call them Vanessa and it will always be misspelled. She started to cry and said “Great people are already insulting my parenting choices” and that I’m being a jerk, and left the shift early.
Now our other coworkers have been messaging me saying I’m disgusting for making a pregnant woman cry. AITJ? I was being honest since she asked me.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re right that it does sound like Vanessa and I agree that it’s a dumb name.
On the other hand, when someone you aren’t close with tells you their baby’s name, you just say “oh that’s nice” no matter how bad it is. That’s just common sense.” rainyday1347
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There are exactly two acceptable reactions when an acquaintance, coworker, or anyone outside your absolute inner circle tells you their future baby name.
1. “Oh that’s nice/lovely/pretty.” If the name is truly horrible, then you can go with number 2: “That’s an interesting name. Where did you find it?” And then whatever the story behind it is, YOU NOD POLITELY AND DROP IT. This isn’t your battle to fight.
You’ll gain absolutely nothing from it, nor will it benefit your relationship with the person. All you will achieve is making them feel bad.” MrsPomMummy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked and you gave your opinion. Personally, I can’t stand creative names that are susceptible to being mispronounced. I work part-time as a substitute teacher in a high school.
I can’t tell you how many times I have mispronounced a child’s name because the parents chose to spell it some stupid way. I just thank the kid for the correction and bite my tongue.” Specific_Anxiety_343
18. AITJ For Demanding My Parents Respect My Daughter's Name Preference?
“I (30f) emigrated from my home country years ago.
I now have a 4-year-old daughter – born and raised in the foreign country, her father is native as well.
When I first announced her name, I told my parents what the equivalent in our native language is – just as a fun fact. Her name is not difficult or unpopular – think Henry/Enrique (similar popularity, length, and difficulty), they can easily pronounce her name, but decided to use the equivalent instead.
I never had a problem with it, I just saw it as a nickname, I used it occasionally as well. My child didn’t mind it either.
However, when my daughter learned how to spell and write her name, she decided that it’s the only name she wants to be referred to.
I stopped using the foreign version, I don’t even shorten her real name anymore.
I informed my parents about it and told them that I want them to respect her decision. They seemed fine with it… until we came to visit my home country.
They wouldn’t go 20 minutes without referring to her by the translated name, they introduced her to other people using that name too.
My child was visibly upset every time we had to correct them. When she wanted to spell it for them and write it down, they corrected her and tried to get her to spell the other name instead. She stopped enjoying the visit and asked when we would be flying back.
I told my parents that they were being disrespectful and that if they couldn’t be bothered to learn their granddaughter’s name, then maybe she should not visit them until they did. That didn’t go down well, we argued, they said that she’s just a child and it’s not a big deal. That she should suck it up and respect her mother’s heritage.
That it’s just a name, and that I was being ridiculous for threatening to keep the child away from them for such a petty reason.
My reasoning is that yes, it is just a name, but it’s her name and it’s important to her; we’re not even asking for much – my parents are more than capable of using her actual name.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your child’s name! She’s not demanding to be referred to as some long, child-fantasy name with a sobriquet that makes it a dozen words long. She just wants her own name used. My own grandmother tried to stick me with a rhyming nickname that I took great offense to when I was around that age (my given name plus a rhyming word stuck on).
It took less than one day of me demanding she stop for her to shrug and go “oh well, guess not.” She thought it was adorable and loved it, I thought it was horrifying and implied I was fat (to be fair, it wasn’t just me – it did imply I was fat, and I was old enough to understand that was “bad”).
Your parents need to respect your child’s autonomy. If they’re willing to deny something this easy and basic, what else might they try to push if you don’t set the rule that your child gets to say no to things that upset her?” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s basic common courtesy. Call people what they want to be called. I’d be petty and teach her this response, for when the grandparents refuse to call her the correct name: “I learned in school that people forget things when they get really, really old.
Is that why you can’t remember my name???” (I probably wouldn’t actually teach her to say it, but I’d certainly imply it myself.).” HappyTrifler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This behavior is controlling and invalidating. A way to make both you and your daughter feel unimportant.
I’ve seen this kind of behavior used with girls and women many times – by trying to force acquiescence under pressure as a control tactic. Being taught that their boundaries or wants can be violated because what they want matters less than what other people want.
Completely unhealthy and I’d never subject my daughter (or myself) to that kind of behavior. If your parents want a relationship, then I think setting some firm boundaries is essential.” savinathewhite
17. AITJ For Making My Son Stay Up Late To Finish His Homework?
“I (39f) have a son (12m). My son commonly forgets to pass in his assignments and has ADHD.
I was looking through his Classroom yesterday and found at least 10 missing assignments that were due since maybe like last week. I was absolutely livid, so I told him that he was going to do every single assignment.
By the time he finished all his assignments online (and all the ones that I found in his binder that were also unfinished), it was almost 11 pm.
This morning, when I’m waking him and my other kid up, he thinks that he shouldn’t have to go to school because “he was too tired.” I just told him to get up and if he had done his work he wouldn’t have had to be so tired.
I don’t work, and my husband had the day off, and after I came back from driving them to school, my husband asked me why he looked so “horrible.” I just told him everything that happened, and he thinks I should’ve just let him go later or something and said that was kinda a jerk move.
And for some reason, he seemed so mad and has just been kinda distant since.
I don’t think it is, so I’m asking here if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You punished your son for his ADHD rather than helping him work out a system that helps him to remember to pass in his assignments.
It’s not uncommon for ADHD kids to be 2-3 years behind in certain measures of maturity. Would you do this to a 9-year old or would you think your job as a parent was to help him with some level of organization? I know it’s not easy to have a kid with ADHD, but punishing the kid makes it worse.
It breaks my heart that lots of ADHD kids don’t make eye contact because they associate being spoken to with being told off. Read ADDitude for tips. Please educate yourself on this condition.” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My parents did the same thing to me, as a kid with ADHD.
Did my parents help me manage my school work knowing that forgetfulness is one of the biggest issues in kids with ADHD? No! And it doesn’t sound like you do either. My parents routinely made me stay up until 2 AM when I had to leave for school at 6 AM, not just for homework, but to do chores or sit there and be subject to screaming and verbal abuse after working all night to pay my parents’ bills.
I was chronically tired, falling asleep in class, and my grades naturally started falling. My high school GPA was a 1.7 upon graduating due to this. Your kid has ADHD, for goodness sake. They’re going to forget homework or projects. They need help with managing it, not to be punished for something THEY CAN’T HELP.” randomlykat
Another User Comments:
“As the mom of a kid (now grown) with ADHD, I had to do a lot of work to help him with school. Every day I had to check his folder for homework and other messages. We tried keeping a journal for the work but I have ADD too.
The two of us struggled together. If you’re in the US, does he have an IEP? I get that you’re upset. I would get that way too. And it all fell to me, his father would not help at all. That’s why he failed 9th grade after he opted to stay with his father when we split up.
So take a step back and a deep breath. Getting angry will not make things any better. But he does need to learn to manage his time. Making him stay up what appears to be way too late for him was probably not the best solution.
If your husband has a problem with how you handled this, maybe suggest he take a little more active role in helping his son succeed?” cordelia1955
16. AITJ For Refusing To Change The TV Show I'm Watching That Disturbs My Sister?
“My (18) sister (17) and I do not like the same TV shows or movies, usually when she is watching something I will bring my laptop or phone out and watch something if I want to eat lunch or do any painting.
Yesterday I was in the lounge watching Bones when my sister came out with her art supplies to paint on the kitchen table, after seeing what I was watching she asked me to change the show as that much blood and gore made her uncomfortable, I told her that I didn’t want to and that she can put headphones in and go on her phone.
She complained so much to me and started crying so I stuck to my guns and kept it. She complained to mum when she got home and mum has decided to stay completely out of the argument as she doesn’t want to take a side.
I’ve come here to make sure I wasn’t being a jerk and if I am one I will apologize.
Extra info: we are not allowed food or drinks (besides water) in our rooms. And neither of us have desks to do art things so we bring it out to the lounge/dining room to do it.”
Another User Comments:
“I have a severe and extremely annoying issue with seeing people suffering, in pain, bleeding, etc. I avoid anything with such content because I’m liable to faint. I seriously cannot stress enough how annoying and inconvenient it is. It’s like my empathy is dialed to 100/10 and I can go into shock when I see even fictional scenarios.
Even so, I say NTJ. Unless you’re binging all day so she can never use the lounge, but it sounds like you were just watching an episode or two. If you were binging then stop it and give her some time as well. If you’re just watching an episode or two she can find something else to do for a couple hours.” TheVaneja
Another User Comments:
“This is such a ‘80s-‘90s argument lol. House rules then typically indicated that whoever was already watching the TV got dibs, at least until the end of that show/movie, over someone who came in late. It’s up to your sister to find something else to do if she doesn’t want to be in the room.
And even back in the ‘80s and ‘90s we had headphones. NTJ.” Rooney_Tuesday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you put up with her stuff when she’s in there first, she doesn’t get to start crying and get her way. She can have a conversation with you, and maybe you can agree on something to watch that you can both enjoy/tolerate, but if she’s just going to cry to get her way, then she can forget about that.
Your sister needs to learn that she’s not a baby anymore and that crying won’t automatically get her whatever she wants. I feel genuinely bad for her future partners who will be abused by this.” SquallkLeon
15. AITJ For Plating Food To Stop My Son And His Wife From Eating Everything?
“I have three people in the home right now.
My daughter who is going to college and my son and his wife who are staying to save money. The issue is with my son and his wife. They eat so much, and frankly, it is a concerning amount.
What I usually did before they moved in was make a meal, everyone eats and then pack up leftovers in the fridge.
The food is gone by the time I even try to get seconds. Sometimes I make food and my daughter isn’t home and it’s all gone. I make big meals that can easily feed 4-6 people with leftovers sometimes.
For example, I made a pound of spaghetti with meat sauce.
I didn’t even get any, I didn’t grab any and was going to eat after I finished some chores. My daughter wasn’t home and those two ate a whole pound of spaghetti.
I had a two-layer cake, almost all was there and went to work.
The cake was almost gone when I got home. That was less than 8 hours.
My daughter is very frustrated since there is never any cooked food in the home. I have made double batches and that gives leftovers but they don’t last. The next day the leftovers are gone.
It is hurting my wallet and I am over it.
I don’t want to charge for groceries since that won’t solve the issue with leftovers. Or if they eat everything before anyone has the chance to eat
So I sat everyone down and told them I will be plating everyone’s food.
That leftovers will be split evenly and labeled clearly. If anyone is still hungry then they can buy more food to eat.
I implemented it today, my daughter and I loved it since we could eat and have leftovers. They hated it and are still hungry, this started an argument and they think I am a huge jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It makes no sense to cook if those intended don’t get to eat so you plating and labeling leftovers seems reasonable to ensure all get to eat. I think it’s weird af that your son & his wife would think it’s ok to eat all or most of the food when you and your daughter hadn’t had a chance to eat anything.
That was so inconsiderate of them.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Every single one of these ADULTS can manage their own meals. It’s been very generous of you to do so for so long, and with your own time and money. I can tell you are a dedicated and loving mother.
But it’s HIGH time for these adult kiddos to step up and care for themselves. Make only your own meals and tell them hands off YOUR leftovers. Make the kitchen available for them to cook or call takeout for themselves. It’s understandable that you want to share with your college-age kid, but you might have to clarify it’s because she’s still a dependent, not because she’s mooching off mom to save her own money, like the other two clearly are.
Another suggestion if you don’t want to cut them off cold turkey: have them be in charge of 2-3 meals per week, for the whole family, with leftovers. Let them get a taste from the other side of the pot.” -Maris-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t matter if your son and his wife are staying with you to save money. They are soon to be 2/3rds of the people living in the household so they need to be contributing significantly to the household, which includes rent, utilities, groceries, and chores.
These two seem to sure like eating, which means they also need to learn to like COOKING. If they don’t know how to shop at the grocery store (on their own dime) and cook big meals for the whole household themselves with all those tasty leftovers, I’d say it’s time that they start.
Sit your son down man to man and come up with a cooking schedule where the three of you split cooking and shopping duties three ways. Everyone can figure out breakfast and lunch on their own, but this is a great opportunity for him and his wife to both practice their cooking skills, do their own shopping, and I’m guessing once they’re paying for their own food, they won’t eat it quite so fast.” dragonsandvamps
14. AITJ For Crying In Public Over A Stuffed Animal My Mom Wouldn't Buy For Me?
“I (F14) was shopping with my mom and younger brother in Target, we were going down the toy section because my brother really wanted to “look”. While my brother was checking out some Legos, I saw a Hello Kitty Stuffed Animal. It was adorable, I had a big net hanging up in my room for stuffed animals because I loved collecting them.
I’ve always wanted a Hello Kitty one. Without looking at the price I asked my mom, she responded, “How much?” I saw and it was 40$. Telling my mom this she immediately declines. I don’t argue because 40 dollars for a big stuffed animal is a lot.
My younger brother, (M12) grabbed a giant Harry Potter Lego set and asked my mom, I looked at the price and it was 80$. My mom said she didn’t care and he threw it in the cart, I was a little upset but didn’t say anything.
I did really want a stuffed animal though, so I looked around for a cheaper one. In the Mario section, I found a really cute Kirby. I checked the price this time and it was 20$. It was not huge, but it wasn’t too small.
I brought it up to my mom, and she said, “It’s not worth it, why do you even want stuffed animals? Grow up.”
I was a little taken back but I put Kirby back. I am a very emotional person so I couldn’t help but tear up in Target.
I was not sobbing, I was just upset, and looking back I probably should have just dealt with it and kept my emotions under control. My mom noticed this and started quietly yelling at me, saying things like, “Why are you crying? Stop crying. Act mature.” And I was forced to suck it up, my face was red and my nose was clogged up causing me to sniffle, when I did my mom always glared at me and kept repeating, “Why are you crying over it?” It really hurt my feelings because I felt like she was making fun of me.
When we got in the car she screamed in my face, calling me a jerk for crying and embarrassing her in public. I felt like she was being dramatic, there wasn’t anyone in Target which was surprising. She acts like there was a crowd who saw me and it would ruin whatever reputation she has.
Now I am home helping my brother put together this set because he asked me to, I cried in the bathroom for a little bit but now I am fine but her words still sting. Am I the jerk for crying in public? Should I have just sucked it up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think I would’ve been upset too if my mum made fun of me for my hobby, also at first crying over a Teddy may have seemed a bit overreactive, but when you put it in context that she bought something 4x the price for your brother and made fun of you for crying/your hobby, I completely understand!
Also op, the net thing for plushies sounds so cool, and I never understand the mentality of being ‘too old’ for a hobby – personally I’m 17 and still collect plushies – I did go through a phase at 11 when I hid them as I was scared of being made fun of, but as I grew older I realized it wasn’t something to be embarrassed about, as long you enjoy your hobby, that’s what matters.
Why should someone care about another person’s hobby if they aren’t hurting anyone? I’m sorry your mother shouted at you for crying I really don’t think that’s the best way to respond to your child for being upset, but maybe that’s just me idk.” judiepoos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please don’t listen to people telling you you’re “too old to cry over a stuffed animal.” It’s obvious you were getting emotional because your mother was favoring your sibling over you. That’d upset anyone. You weren’t throwing a fit or having a tantrum.
You were having a VERY VALID feeling. You are allowed to feel your feelings. The good ones and the bad ones. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re wrong for feeling them.” bactuator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am a very emotional person but as a teenager, I held it all in because I felt that my brother needed more of my parents’ attention and I didn’t want to add to their stress.
As a result, I am 35 and just had one of the first conversations with my mom in which I was completely open about my feelings and didn’t just push everything down so it would all be okay for everyone. So my advice to you is to start being open and fully honest with your mom/parents about how situations make you feel.
In my mom’s case, she had no idea that I would be upset over something because I got so good at hiding it. Also, please remember that you are still young and figuring out who you are and your place in the world. You aren’t an adult and shouldn’t be expected to behave like one.
And, you are most likely still going through puberty which means your body is flooded with hormones and at your ages, hormones = emotions.” jemoss9
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My Partner's Parents During His Golf Outing?
“My partner and I have been seeing each other for about 2 months now and he asked me to meet his parents this weekend.
They live an hour and a half away from us and it was going to be a day trip. I kept asking him for more details about what we’re doing and he kept saying that he was figuring it out.
Last night I asked him the plan so I could make accommodations for my dog while we’re gone.
He told me that he’s going to play a FULL round of golf with his dad on a walking-only course. He wanted to get there right at tee time and then we could leave after he’s done.
I was kind of taken aback because he usually only plays the front/back 9 but I wasn’t expecting him to play and not have me and his mom come along with them.
So then I asked what the plans were for me and his mom and he said “you girls can find something to do.”
I’ve never met this woman before. I’ve never even spoken to her and I’m a bit apprehensive about spending 4+ hours with her for our first meeting.
And by myself too! I won’t even really get to meet his dad because he’ll be on the course.
The biggest thing that makes this hard for me is that I need to pick up my dog from his daycare at 6 pm. If he goes over 4 hours playing then we won’t make it back in time to get him and I’ll be charged for an overnight stay.
(We have eclipse traffic coming this weekend so anticipating more traffic than usual).
I was really expecting a meet-up and dinner with his folks, or that he’d at least be there for the majority of the visit and I’d be able to meet both his parents but I don’t really like this situation he’s about to put me in.
My mom thinks I’m being ridiculous and that parents love me and I’d be a jerk to cancel 2 days out. My best friend thinks the situation feels more like a babysitting day than a nice day out.
So WIBTJ to tell him that I’d rather not go down to meet his parents this weekend and that I’d like to meet them another time when we can all be together?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not a “meet the parents” trip, it is a father-son golf trip that you are being asked to tag along on. Tell him you’re planning on canceling due to the dog care and eclipse traffic issue, but if his mom had a specific activity planned for the two of you, you’ll go so as not to back out last minute on her.
I say this because the issue could be poor communication on your partner’s part that could reflect negatively on you–force him to pin down what the plan for you and his mom is. If there isn’t a plan, then I’m sure she’ll be just as relieved as you are if you don’t go.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but… Your partner is either selfish or dense…perhaps both. Why on earth would he arrange a golf date that leaves you away from home with a stranger? His response that you and his mom can/will find something to do suggests that your comfort means very little to him.
If he really cared, he would be with you the entire time to help you navigate this first meeting. After all, you only get one chance to make a good first impression (and that goes for the mom too). I would hesitate to abandon the day as that might cause hard feelings however I would insist that the 4 of you spend the time together whether that is golfing or something else.
Leaving you on your own is off the table. If he won’t go for that, then he can go by himself. Good luck.” Pleasant_Test_6088
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your partner that you do not feel comfortable with this method of meeting his parents.
Tell him that you would prefer if he were there with you and not out golfing. Perhaps don’t scrap the entire weekend if your partner agrees to not ditch you for 4 hours, but overall, no you wouldn’t be the jerk here. And don’t let him turn this around and accuse you of being controlling.” seregil42
12. AITJ For Taking In A Stray Dog That Ended Up Being Neutered By Animal Services?
“Found a dog in a train station. The next week was going to be very rainy and cold so I took him home. Sweet little dude, good temperament, not trained at all. No collar, no microchip. I posted him on every pet finder and community social media site.
Did not get any responses for a week. Took him to the local animal services organization for a full check-up and to have him “checked in” as a lost dog, but everyone there thought he was a stray. Just in case they asked if I was willing to foster him after a 7-day hold because the shelter is always at capacity.
I reluctantly agreed (I already have 2 dogs and although all 3 got along amazingly, 3 dogs in an apartment is a LOT and I don’t even work from home so for feeding purposes all dogs have to be in their own rooms during the day – old dog is on a special diet and hangs out in my guest room, medium dog is just dog, she gets the run of the house, and found dog was on puppy food and in the bathroom which is luckily very full of light and is big enough for a huge dog bed).
The animal services agency fixes all animals at intake, full stop. That is their official process and I have nothing to do with that. They get a full check-up, initial shots if they don’t have records (which a found dog generally does not and it is not harmful), flea/tick/deworming, and a spay/neuter.
So the kid got a neuter.
A week later I picked him up to foster him with a fresh new set of no-balls. He was with me for 3 more weeks. At this point, I was contacted by his original owners, finally. They shared photos and it was the dog.
Of course I invited them over to pick him up and they came right away. This is mistake number one, because now they have my number AND my address. I thought it was okay, they seemed nice. But they became FURIOUS when they saw that the dog was fixed – they had intended to breed him and I had “cost them valuable income”.
This dog was missing for ~5 weeks and somehow that’s what they had complained about. Now, because they have my contact information, they are harassing me via text, voicemail, and had someone actually come by my house demanding payment. Of course they’re not getting it and the guy at my house backed off as soon as he saw my own big dog.
But AITJ for taking the dog to animal services, resulting in him getting neutered? TBH where I found him was next to a very busy road and he could have easily gotten hit by a car so a little snip snip is definitely a better future for him (also my area has WAY too many strays due to unfixed animals which is why the shelter is packed anyway).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — most communities have legal stray-hold requirements that can range from anywhere from a few days to 10 or so. Never have I heard of a stray-hold lasting 3+ weeks, which means that that dog wasn’t necessarily considered this person’s property anymore, not legally speaking (in the US, anyway), and taking it to animal control after holding onto it and trying to find its owner was the right choice.
AC then made the decision to neuter the animal. That was entirely out of your hands. Where TF were they that they didn’t notice their “valuable income” source was missing all this time? Why didn’t they look for their dog? Why are they actively contributing to the out-of-control pet population by allowing an unneutered male dog to roam?
The only jerks in this are the grossly negligent dog owners.” Impossible_Zebra8664
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the dog was so valuable to them, why didn’t they have the dog chipped? How did the dog end up on the side of a busy road?
I’m wondering why the heck these owners didn’t contact local animal shelters? They seem extremely lackadaisical to me. I’m rather sorry that they picked up the dog. I hope they treat him well.” Tranqup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t neuter him, an animal shelter did.
An animal shelter that wouldn’t have been needed had the original owners tracked their dog and kept a better eye on it. They say you cost them “valuable income” because they intended to use the dog to breed, yet they didn’t seem to value it THAT much seeing as they made zero attempt to find the dog.
You did the right thing and you saved the doggy from harm.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Laughing About Our Family Getting Lice And Upsetting My Mother-In-Law?
“I (39F) came home the other day to absolute chaos. My wife (Emma – 39F) was sitting in a chair, she had our kids (Leo 7M and Ava 6F) sitting on the floor and was quite angry, looking at their hair. My sweet and lovely mother-in-law (Ruth – 65F) was in our house as well.
She was watching the whole thing unfold.
When I walked in, Emma did not react or get up to say hi or hug etc which is very unusual of her. So I asked her what was going on. She said she received a call from school and Leo had lice in his hair, and apparently Ava did too.
(Emma is a dermatologist). The sight of her looking through their hair, and the awfully grumpy look on her and the kids’ faces cracked me up. I laughed for a few seconds only to be met by awful looks from my lovely mother-in-law and Emma.
Thankfully, the kids joined in. I sat down beside them and asked Emma to see if I had any. She said I did have nits. I laughed even harder. I checked Emma’s hair and told her she was infested as well. I said this proved we truly are a close-knit family and broke out laughing with the kids.
Emma was less grumpy but still upset about the delousing process we had to start and complete. Kids were excited to get to see the lice in their hair after cleaning up.
My lovely MIL said I was being extremely irresponsible, laughing at our whole family being infested. And that as a medical professional (ENT doctor) I should be more precise and teach the kids about hygiene instead of sitting down laughing at the misfortune.
She said my being a mother meant I needed to be more mindful, etc.
I have heard similar comments throughout our entire marriage (10 years). Emma usually sides with me but her mother tends to influence her sometimes. So for the first time in years, I took the kids’ hands and said we were going to de-louse ourselves.
Also told her she could try it sometimes. Maybe that’s why pleasant words abandoned her.
My wife is upset at me, says I disrespected her mother. I am however upset that she just won’t stop creating issues. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
There’s nothing wrong with making a little bit of humor out of a bad situation. That being said, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to insult Ruth in front of the kids. Not that it makes you the jerk, necessarily, but generally it’s better not to throw fuel on the fire.
If it was a constant issue of Ruth talking over your parenting decisions and Emma enabled it, then I wouldn’t see any problem, but it sounds like Emma usually has your back and Ruth’s snide comments don’t become anything bigger, so as much as it sucks, it might be best for your sanity and relationships to just let it slide instead of making comments back at her.” AngelicBear05
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as long as you are as involved in the cleanup process as much as your wife. It’s a ton of work washing everything in your house, as well as getting it out of hair. It comes back so easy too. And it usually isn’t a situation of poor hygiene, kids pick that up at school/daycare/park and bring it home.
I think the way you approached it with humor was great, as long as your wife isn’t doing all the work.” Outrageous_Lab375
Another User Comments:
“In-laws are difficult. Laughter can change the mood and environment in a heartbeat. The kids didn’t do anything wrong.
You came in and lightened the mood. This has a cure. Laughter helped lighten the mood and you knew what to do in order to get rid of the infestation. The MIL needs to remove the sand from her shoes and maybe calm down a bit.
Were you the jerk? Who cares. MILs in general overstep boundaries. Keep being awesome. Keep laughing.” Stevzeey
10. AITJ For Wanting To Drive Myself Around After Regaining Independence?
“So about 1.5 yrs ago I (38f) got diagnosed with epilepsy. I got my driver’s license taken away and lost pretty much any independence it felt. So I have a great WFH job, usually done with my days around 2 pm and after work, I used to run all the errands.
My husband works outside of the house and is usually gone Monday-Friday 6 am-5 pm. Since my diagnosis, my MIL has really helped me out during the week so my husband and I still have the weekends free together and do not take up our time running errands.
She’s done so much, taken me to doc follow-ups, takes me to get groceries, other appointments, Costco, vet visits, dog parks, etc. Mind you I try not to inconvenience her and bundle everything in 1 day during the week, she always says it’s not an inconvenience and will drop anything to help me.
So background on his parents. Both are early 70s, are retired, they don’t leave the house much or do much at all. My MIL often texts me when she’s really bored to see if I’m done working and if I want to go to the dog park or if I need to go to Costco so she can get out of the house.
My car was also at their house and she’s been doing all this in my car, to help keep my car alive and not just sit. (They have their own cars)
So a couple of weeks ago my neurologist finally said meds are working I’ve been seizure-free long enough to drive.
So I got my car back a couple of weeks ago, keeping it local but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the small things like going to the dog park in the afternoons alone, going grocery shopping alone, and running errands alone. I used to do all these things alone and really enjoyed it and I was crushed when I lost all of that.
Well, she’s been dropping hints to my husband she’s lonely and bored during the week now and my husband says I’m being a jerk because his mom enjoyed doing all those things for me and it gave her something to look forward to and a sense of being needed. And he thinks I should still let her do all those things for me.
But I’m so happy that I can finally do things on my own, feel like an adult again, feel somewhat independent again. It’s also nice to not feel pressured to rush. Yes, she helped but there was always some level of complaining about something, either parking or crowds in stores, traffic, nowhere she can go smoke, etc. She has a replacement hip so can’t walk that far, so I never felt like I could take my time doing something.
I’m not going to completely shut her out, and still do dog park days sometimes, and things like that because I know she likes getting out too. But she doesn’t need to drive the 20 minutes here to take me to the grocery store or to CVS to get meds or groomers, all the little local things I’m really enjoying doing on my own again.
So AITJ for not letting my MIL drive me around everywhere?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s great you’re getting your independence back! Sounds like your MIL is lonely. She may be one of those people who needs to feel needed as well. Have you gently explained that you are so excited that you aren’t limited anymore that you just have to spread your wings a little but you still need and want her around?
Maybe take an afternoon every other week and go to a late lunch or coffee and then shopping, let her drive to revive that feeling of her helping, for her, not for you? You are so fortunate to have a mil who wants to help.
As an aside your statement “there was always some level of complaining about something, either parking or crowds in stores, traffic, nowhere she can go smoke, etc.” A lot of people don’t realize that what they think is just a conversation sounds like complaining to others.
My mom was like that and so is a good friend. I’ve even caught myself doing that.” cordelia1955
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re not wrong to want time to yourself, she’s not wrong for wanting to socialize. I would suggest humoring her for a while just in return for having helped you out, and more gradually taking back your independence.
Plan other things together besides errands maybe, to reduce the inconvenience for both of you? But if your husband’s that worried about it, he can make time to spend with his mom himself.” InfamousButterflyGrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but maybe you should sit down with her and explain why after a long time being dependent on others, you really enjoy being able to master these situations alone again.
You could also make a conscious effort to include her, not always, but regularly. She is clearly lonely, bored, and enjoys spending time with you. Honesty usually goes a long way.” BluffinMcPuffin
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Family At My Wedding Due To Their Hostility Towards My Fiancé?
“I (29F) and my fiancé (31M) are getting married this year. He is my person and is adored by all of my friends and I feel the same from his friends and family.
Note I didn’t say adored by my family. Ever since my fiancé and I started seeing each other, my older sister (33F) has been awful towards him and as a result of refusing her request for me to break things off early on, she’s been awful to me too.
Parents have always been kind to fiancé but I could tell they had their guard up around him.
The week we got engaged, my parents were preparing for a move in the next week and my sister had just gone through a horrible breakup. I didn’t expect any of them to be at our post-engagement celebration but my sister was.
She clearly looked like she didn’t want to be there and brought a random friend as a +1 in lieu of her ex. I was shocked she was there and immediately she pulled me aside away from everyone to take a picture and video call my parents and then when we returned to the group at the party, she proceeded to make negative remarks about my nails, outfit, etc. She left after an hour.
Fast forward to wedding planning, my parents and sister had been uninterested in any details about the wedding research I was doing. Any time I brought up ideas, they’d quickly change the subject. Prior to my engagement, my parents cornered me on a trip when my fiancé was out and said they wanted to contribute under the condition that it be near their new house and that we keep it small (meaning fiancé limits who he invites from his family) to which I responded, “we should talk about this with fiancé but we can try our best.”
So we did. After struggling to pare down the guest list and trying to find an affordable venue in the location they requested, I let them know we were struggling to meet their needs.
Ultimately, we just found the conditions too hard to meet and since we hadn’t accepted any money from my parents and there was an abundance of tension every time we tried to talk about it, we let them know that we’d be paying for the wedding ourselves so they didn’t have to stress over their money going towards a wedding that didn’t meet their requirements.
We made clear our intention was to take financial tension out and go on with the happy times of wedding planning but they were offended by this decision we made and uninvited us from Christmas that year.
1.5 years later, I’m barely speaking to any of them.
We’ve tried to resolve things over numerous phone calls and in-person meet-ups but parents refuse to acknowledge any part they’ve had. Plus my sister and I have not talked in nearly 2 years.
I want to leave them off the guest list for our wedding coming up this summer because they’ve been verbally abusive towards me and my fiancé – gaslighting, twisting facts.
They have also expressed unfounded hostility towards fiancé’s family because they feel like they “rub their big family in everyone’s face.”
Given all this, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but what is going on here really? Why do they all hate your fiancé – especially your sister?
I thought maybe jealousy for her, but that doesn’t explain your parents. What aren’t you telling us in this story? What is it about him that they all hate him?” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“My parents didn’t like my ex-husband, thought he was a bad egg (they were absolutely right lol) but they never said a word and were at my wedding with smiles on their faces.
Your parents and sister are toxic selfish jerks. Whatever their (likely irrational) objections to your fiancé and his family, they don’t deserve to be at the wedding – it’s your fiancé’s wedding too after all.” rainbowbunnyofoz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the only people you should be inviting to your wedding are those who will celebrate you and your fiancé.
If you are concerned at all that they may create tension and/or be awful to either of you they need to be left off the guest list. It’s the first moments of your married life…make them as happy and celebratory as you can!
Best wishes for a special day and a long & happy marriage.” springs-72
8. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Ex The Child Tax Credit For Our Daughter?
“So I (35F) have a daughter with my ex (38M). We separated 2 years ago. I have tried to co-parent, but unfortunately, he has made some bad decisions that led the courts to grant me sole legal custody and primary physical. So I filed my taxes and claimed our daughter.
Recently my daughter’s father had his assets frozen for not paying child support. He reached out to me and told me not to think of claiming our daughter on taxes this year because he needs the money to try to catch himself up. He completely lost it when I said I already claimed her.
He has now demanded I give him the child tax credit. I said that I wouldn’t. Our daughter is special needs and there are things I need to get her. Such as supplies for her therapy/autism school, clothes for the summer and whatever is left I put into a savings account for our daughter.
He flipped again saying he needs the money to catch up. He’s behind on rent, car needs to be inspected, car payment is behind, and I am just stealing from him. I feel guilty, but I am firm that the money will be used for our daughter.
I wanted to get the opinion of someone on the outside. I feel I am doing the right thing by using the taxes for our daughter, but I could be the jerk because he is in a bad spot and the money could help him.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am pretty sure if he had filed and claimed her, the IRS would have seized it anyway. He owes back support, he isn’t entitled to a single cent of the EIC for your daughter. He can figure his own way out of his hole that DOESN’T involve taking from his child that he already doesn’t pay for.” MonkeyWrench
Another User Comments:
“Earned income credit is to help offset the cost of having children. You have sole custody and he doesn’t pay child support. So under what circumstances does he feel he has contributed to even get 1 penny of the earned income credit?
NTJ. The problems in his life are just that HIS problems. He doesn’t help financially with the cost of living and solely taking care of your kid. He can kick rocks and find a way to come up with the money rather than bullying you. ” No_Material5630
Another User Comments:
“As the custodial parent, it is your right to claim your child on US tax forms. The fact that your ex had assets frozen for not paying child support shows exactly who the jerk is here. The balls it takes to even ask for such an idiotic move is mind-blowing.
Can’t pay child support, expects OP to give her legal right to claim child on tax return, absurd. NTJ.” SnooDoughnuts4691
7. AITJ For Blocking My Elderly Mother's Internet Access After She Was Repeatedly Scammed?
“I (50f) and my husband (50m) took my mother (75f) in when my grandparents had both passed in 2007, as she’d lived with them her whole life.
My mother is in a wheelchair and has been nonverbal most of my life due to an illness she’s had since she was small. I have full POA over her at her request. She has always loved being on a computer and online because it’s her “gateway to the world”.
She has a smartphone that I pay for and she uses her disability check to buy things she wants or to shop for Christmas for her siblings (4) and her grands (2). She does not contribute in any way to household expenses and I don’t expect her to.
About five years ago, I found out she had been scammed out of over $10,000 by someone she was texting/messaging/etc. I told her to stop sending them her debit card/banking info, etc, and blocked their numbers on her phone (yes there was more than one person involved).
I also monitored her bank accounts closely for 6 months and there were no further unusual transactions.
Two years ago, I found out she was emailing these same people and had sent another $3,000. I contacted the SCBI and FBI and had them explain to her on speakerphone that it was alllll fake.
She didn’t care. So I took away her computer, expecting that this would motivate her to stop. I also set her phone so that she can’t download apps or accept texts from anyone not on her contacts list. I control that with a passcode.
Yesterday, she asked for help logging into Amazon (on Safari…not app) because she’d locked herself out. So I went through the process and when I went to her email to retrieve the OTC (also on safari) there’s an EMAIL between her and this same guy where he’s asking for funds and that’s why she’s trying to get into Amazon.
She’s been buying gift cards in random amounts so I wouldn’t “get suspicious”. I am LIVID. So, I blocked Safari entirely.
Let me say, I am not interested in her funds at all…but that doesn’t mean I want her giving them to random strangers.
My uncle had to buy her new bedroom furniture. I bought her a computer and phone. People have covered BIG expenses for her and to find this out is just nauseating.
Of course she’s mad at me and says she’s a grown woman and that she didn’t do anything wrong.
I’ve tried to explain that these people could be using her generosity for any level of illegal activity and her accounts would be tied to it!! She will not hear it from me even when I’ve been able to provide hard and fast proof that she’s being scammed.
So….AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you should talk to a lawyer, because the next step here is to take away her access to funds, and she clearly wouldn’t agree, and you should force the issue. These decisions are evidence that she’s not able to make decisions in her own best interests.
Talk about next steps with a lawyer.” nylonvest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ of course. She is an adult but she’s also been cared for her entire life because of her disabilities and you’re doing just that for her now. In the same vein, you’re protecting her from that outside world.
You’ll need to consult your POA to confirm you can do what you have been doing and whether ownership of her access via computer and phone makes a difference.” proost1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is your POA medical-only? If you have financial POA you might just have to take the reins here and become her bank.
She wants to order stuff for bdays and holidays? She sends the links to you and you purchase with her funds. Same for her gadgets and other stuff.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Wanting To Change My Son's School Against My Wife's Wishes?
“I am 40M, my wife ‘Lana’ is 38F, our kids are ‘Jane’ 13F and ‘Max’ 8M.
Our son Max is a special needs child. We knew he would be different when he was born, but there were more complications than the doctor anticipated and my wonderful son was born with more than one disability. Lana and I took care to make sure his daycare and pre-school environments were good for him, and once it was time for kindergarten we put him in the same school system as Jane, as they have a very good special education program.
Or so we thought. I discovered recently that the school’s special education program is run by someone who does not have the best interests of special needs children at heart, and many of the staff are underqualified for the work they’re doing. My son is not thriving, and my daughter has told me she’s heard that the teachers just let the children play and nap and make little to no effort to properly care for them or teach them.
This upset me, so I decided to search for somewhere else to enroll Max. I found a school that is a 30-minute commute away (as opposed to the current 10) and it’s not too far out of the way from where I work. I brought this information to my wife and explained that I would be willing to get up earlier in the mornings to take our son to this new school before I have to clock in, and that I would also be willing to take our daughter as well, seeing as changing the morning schedule would be putting additional pressure on her to get the kids ready earlier/quicker.
My wife has been arguing with me about this, saying she doesn’t want to change her schedule and that the school Max has been going to is perfectly fine. She has also said that Max will “never be that smart or that independent anyways, so there is no use sending him to a special school and wasting the money”.
This statement honestly appalled me. Even if my son never reaches the level where he can be fully independent or intellectually in line with those his age, I believe he deserves a good education and staff who are properly trained and interested in caring for and educating him.
AITJ? I just want what’s best for my kid.”
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk for wanting the best for your child. I do have questions though. You say your son is not thriving. Was he thriving at school prior to this year?
Have you spoken with your son’s current teachers regarding programming? Does your son have an IEP? Is it being followed? Have you audited a class to see for yourself what routines are in place? Has your pediatrician suggested that he could/should be doing better?
I would be extremely hesitant to rely on the word of your 13-year-old daughter regarding the quality of education that your son is receiving. A 13-year-old does not have the objectivity, life experience, or knowledge required to make statements like she did. She ‘heard’ that… is not something I’d take as gospel.
I hope things work out well for you.” Pleasant_Test_6088
Another User Comments:
“How do you know that the person running the program doesn’t have the children’s best interests at heart? Or that they just let the children play and nap? This all sounds like hearsay to me.
Also, I’m assuming from what you have said, but correct me if I’m wrong, that mentally your son is quite a bit younger than 8 and if that is the case then the children should be spending most of their time playing because that is how younger children learn.
And also from my extensive work with children special needs children often need at least one nap during the day especially if they get overwhelmed because that is exhausting and also causes issues if they don’t get a nap because they are too tired and overwhelmed to learn.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting the best for your kid. I don’t know Max’s specifics, but what your wife said is disappointing and insensitive because it suggests she’s given up on him and honestly doesn’t think much of him.
On the other hand, I don’t know Max’s specifics – are you being realistic with your expectations? She should have worded it differently. Being the parent of a special needs kiddo can be a gut-wrenching thing with hard realities sometimes, and what she said was terrible.
She should look into therapy, maybe. Every kid deserves more than that from their mom.” MerryE
5. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Father's Funeral After My Mom Changed Our Agreed Upon Cremation Plans?
“My (F30) father passed away. The “nocturnal death” at age 54. We didn’t have a great relationship due to his abusive and narcissistic tendencies but for my mother and 16-year-old sister, I drove 5 hours to get to their home and take care of everything.
I took care of the life insurance, the 401K, the pension, the services meetings, the cemetery plots. You name it I’ve been handling it. The point of this is that my mother, my sister, and I came to the agreement to cremate my father due to what we wish and he wished.
My grandmother just got here and being the obvious reason my father was a narcissist, had an entire breakdown about how she refused to let her son be cremated. She wailed and cried and begged my mother and pretty much immediately my mother agreed to have him buried. The automatic disregard for what my sister and I wanted and what we all agreed on was thrown out the window and while I wasn’t shocked, I was hurt.
Her reasoning is that she doesn’t want my grandmother to become ill. My mother is also ignorant to manipulation and will do anything to please my father and that extends to his mother.
It made me feel like I was 15 again asking my mother to please pick me instead of everyone else.
AITJ for telling my mother I will not attend the mass/wake when she didn’t even attempt to talk to my sister and me about the changes?
I truly just wish this was over. I’m having a hard time pretending I truly care about my father and while it doesn’t matter to me what happens to him burial-wise, it’s the fact that my sister and I were once again neglected in something so meaningful.
I don’t know. My brain is a mess. I’m sick of the pretense that my mom isn’t delusional most of the time and that it’s okay for my grandmother to hijack all the work and stress we did to make this all happen.
I feel like it’s cruel to say that I was sick of their nonsense and now making my own mother cry.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandmother needs to be told that it doesn’t matter what any of you wanted. At the end of the day, his wish was to be cremated and his wishes should be followed. She & your mother are doing your father a disservice by not following his wishes.
She’s being incredibly selfish and your mom is a doormat. I’m sorry for you and your sister.” GoreGoddezz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your grandma to plan the funeral and get out of town. You did your part and if your opinion doesn’t matter then stop giving it.
Who cares if people know how you really feel about your dad? People who judge you don’t matter. I say this because my dad died a few years ago. He was a complicated man and it really made me angry when his family tried to tell us how to run the funeral process.
Like they were there when opinions mattered. (They weren’t.)” Unseen_Unbiased1733
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the simple fact that your grandmother decided to overturn everyone’s wishes including your father’s if I read this correctly and your mother simply going along with that without any further consultation absolves you of any blame in this.
Even though your grandmother could have voiced her opinions, her forcing them through is plain wrong, after all, funerary rites are for the relatives of the deceased and should be as inclusive as possible. Personally, I’m quite unconfrontational and wouldn’t even have said that I would not be attending the wake, etc. I would have upped sticks and felt fine that I had done what needed doing for my mother and siblings and have peace with not having to deal with the dysfunction until the next funeral.” ComplexSyrup8848
4. AITJ For Not Waiting For My Perpetually Late Friend At A Dinner Party?
“I have a friend who is consistently late. And I don’t mean 10-15 minutes. I mean HOURS late. It took me a while to notice this about them because at first, the events were always very casual with no set time or something that they themselves would plan.
It wasn’t until it was an event that was important to me (or someone else) that I realized I was always waiting on them. Also, no heads up if they’re running late/if they’re even still coming. Which I took to mean that they only find it important to be on time when it’s important to them.
I told them this bothered me and I could tell that they felt bad about it, but they said they just have a problem being on time and that they’re always late.
I had a get-together with a few other people last week for dinner at my place at 7 pm and invited this person.
Everyone else arrived on time, but my “late friend” texted me at 7:20 pm to let me know that they would arrive at 8 pm. I waited until 8 pm and started dinner with the rest of my guests. We also played a few games. My friend arrived at 9 pm.
There was still plenty of food and drinks left over and I thought we had a good night.
A few days after the dinner, my friend reached out to me and told me that they were very upset with how I handled the dinner. That they had texted me that they were running late, and I should have waited to start eating because they felt left out that everyone had already eaten and bonded over the games.
I told them that they couldn’t expect me to put everything on hold for just them, especially since I DID technically wait until the time they said they would arrive. They told me that I was aware of their issues with being on time and that I was unsympathetic and not a good host to do what I did since I was in charge of how the night went.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If someone is perpetually late, the world will not stop for them. Your friend is incredibly selfish for thinking anyone should wait. You already stalled an hour and probably had angry guests at that point. You might want to rethink what you invite your friend to.
Eventually, people will stop coming over if they’re constantly waiting on one person. It’s not fair to them at all.” HolyUnicornBatman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From now on, be very clear with them when food will be served and that you will not be waiting for them.
If they want food, they need to be there on time. If meeting somewhere, make it clear you will not be waiting around for them. Be on time or you will leave. People who are constantly late don’t respect the people they are making wait.
You and your time are important.” Fearless_Ad1685
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There actually are people who do have trouble being on time (I have a family member who is like this), but the world (like, their job) does not stop for them. You actually held dinner for 1 hour just for her, inconveniencing all of your other hungry guests, and she still said you were not a good host and unsympathetic!
We know who the jerk is. Your friend knows she has this issue. It’s up to her to set a couple of alarm clocks to help her manage to be on time. If she cannot do this, that’s not your fault. From now on, if there are other events, let her know ahead of time what to expect: “If you’re not here by ____, we’ll be eating/leaving without you.” That’s all you can do.” Robbes_Watch
3. AITJ For Calling Animal Control On My Neighbor Who Constantly Lets His Dogs Play In Our Yard?
“My family and I moved to a town in NJ one year ago, we own a corner house surrounded by 4 sides of grass/yard. When we moved in, the previous homeowner told us that our two neighbors had dogs and were all very friendly, which sounded nice.
As soon as we settled into our new home, we noticed that one of the neighbors, who has 2 dogs, had a habit of coming onto our backyard/front lawn daily to play frisbee with his dogs, even though he has his own adjacent front yard/backyard.
At first, we thought nothing of it because we were so busy moving in, but he did it quite literally every day, from the early morning until about midnight.
It came to the point where when we would walk out to our car, the dogs (who never wore leashes) would run up to us barking.
Still, we were calm about it because we came from living in apartments our whole lives so we really did not know the etiquette. But then, even when we would take our 1-year-old son out to play in the yard, the dogs would still run up to us aggressively.
At that point, we asked the neighbor to please not play in our yard, it was getting dangerous. He said, “Okay, no problem”, and was back the next day.
It escalated to the point where we called animal control because it is illegal in our town to have your dogs without a leash, and he was fined. After that, he stopped. Fast forward to now, precisely a year later, he is back doing the same exact thing.
This time, one of the dogs is on a leash, but not the other. Today we found him casually playing with the dogs on our front lawn, even allowing other neighbors to pet the dogs and talk to him, again, on our lawn.
Are we the jerks?
Is this normal? Do we continue to just ask him to stop or do we do something else?”
Another User Comments:
“This is all happening because of your failure to establish and enforce boundaries. Etiquette? You lived in apartments so would it have been proper etiquette to have someone enter your apartment and use your living room for their purposes??
You walk up to that neighbor right now and tell him his usage of your yard stops now. Who cares what he thinks? You bought your yard, pay taxes and maintenance on it for your own enjoyment. Not so someone else can use your yard as a convenient dog park and waste area.
And you escalate to animal control & police until you train the neighbor with consequences, very much like a dog. NTJ.” BeeYehWoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, trespassing isn’t a good look. Get some security for your place, maybe cameras, maybe a fence, maybe both. It’s too bad, but I wouldn’t take chances with an infant/toddler in the picture.
It takes very little for a kid to get injured by a rogue dog wandering around off-leash.” SquallkLeon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have a corner lot as well and it seems like people just think that chunk of land is free right of way.
I previously had neighbors just stand in my driveway to let their kids sled down my front yard without asking. I felt like the jerk but it was necessary for everyone’s safety to have it known that someone owns the area. I let them sled for the most part, but they gotta ask. The conversation and boundaries have to be set first since that is all your property and you are liable for anything happening within those bounds.
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Buy A New Outfit For My Friend's Themed Bachelorette Party?
“I (36) female, am attending one of my best friend’s weddings in a few weeks in Mexico. She lives in Ohio, her family lives in New York, and I live in Europe.
She’s chosen Mexico for her wedding as it’s less expensive for her, and she thinks it can be a nice vacation for everyone attending.
I was out of work for a few months this year and am actively trying to save to buy a house.
Money is tight and going to the wedding is costing me thousands of dollars. I’ve made my peace with that and am genuinely looking forward to the wedding and the vacation.
Today, the bride told me that she’s picked a very specific theme for the bachelorette party – one that would require me to buy something new or borrow something.
I’m struggling to spend more money on this wedding so buying something, even second-hand, is off the table. Borrowing something is tricky because I’m not the same size as any of my friends and I worry I couldn’t replace something if I ruined it.
So, WIBTJ if I just wore something I felt comfortable in for the bachelorette party?
Extra info. She picked a specific dress for the bridesmaids for the actual wedding which she paid 30% of and I paid the rest. It’s also not something I feel comfortable in (as it shows a lot of skin) but for the wedding, it’s her day.”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. I was going to suggest you just skip the bachelorette part since it’s usually expensive to attend. But it looks like you’re a bridesmaid based on your extra info? In that case, is the bride a close friend of yours to have made you her bridesmaid?
If so, could you tell her that you won’t be partaking in the theme in terms of sourcing new items, but are still excited for the event, and if needed, explain that you’re working toward a specific budget at the moment? At the end of the day, you’re going to be at her actual wedding.
What you wear to her bachelorette is not going to ruin her party, and you don’t need to bankrupt yourself (exaggeration) for someone else’s event.” ChickadeePeachTree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re going to want to skip that particular party. Here is what you do – travel, go to the other things up to the point of the meal before the party.
Then you come down with a travel bug. You want the bright pink box of Pepto visible next to the box of Imodium. Make a vague reference to you must have eaten something that hit you wrong and you’re sure you’ll be fine by morning but you hope they have a wonderful time and you can’t wait to see the picture tomorrow.
Then tuck in with room service and call it a night.” nowaynohowanyway
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. Tell her sorry, I am the buzzkill. I can do 70’s blue eyeshadow and makeup and hair? If you rather I didn’t attend the bachelorette that’s fine.
The thing is, she could change her mind next week or others might also not be game for the theme and it falls apart. Or they do it and look awesome and you look like you missed the memo.” Icy-Pineapple-farmer
1. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out My Brother-In-Law's Absentee Parenting?
“So, my sister (32F) and her husband, Parker (35M), have two adorable kids, Serenity (8F) and Destiny (5F). Parker, however, doesn’t exactly win Father of the Year awards.
He works late most nights, spends weekends glued to his phone, and leaves the parenting heavy lifting to my sister.
Now, I love my sister dearly, but watching her struggle while Parker plays absentee dad rubs me wrong. Last night, it boiled over. We were at a family dinner, and Serenity, bless her heart, confided in me how she wished Parker would play catch with her like other dads.
Parker was literally right there, scrolling through Twitter as if she didn’t exist.
I snapped. Not my finest moment, I admit, but I blurted out, “Maybe if your dad wasn’t so busy being a thumb champion, he could find the time to throw a ball.” Parker looked up, face like thunder.
My sister shot me a pleading look, and the rest of the dinner was tense as a drum.
Now, everyone’s calling me the jerk for publicly humiliating Parker and embarrassing my sister. They say I should’ve pulled him aside privately, not made a scene.
But honestly, how many private “talks” does it take before a man steps up for his kids?
So, am I the jerk for calling out Parker’s abysmal parenting? Should I apologize? Let the judgment commence!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parker doesn’t mind ignoring his kids publicly so why shouldn’t he be called out for it publicly?
However, if instantly his face looked like thunder and your sister looked at you pleading, is she being abused at home so she lets this continue to try to keep the peace? Sounds like he has a quick temper.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“Leaning towards ESH, mostly for you and Parker.
Like every other person in the comments, it seems to me like your heart was absolutely in the right place, defending your sister and your nieces. That should be commended. But I can only imagine the arguments that you have inevitably started between your sister and BIL.
Potentially these arguments may lead to conversations about his parenting style and your sister might deliver some hard home truths, but in my opinion, it’s her place to decide when and where to deliver those, not yours. With that being said, I would absolutely have done the same as you.” MysteriousFan7983
Another User Comments:
“For saying something? No. For how you said it? Absolutely. Not only have you made it more difficult for your sister (because you can bet that their relationship will be more strained because of it) you’ve pretty much shot any chance you ever have of having any influence over this person again.
If you’re such a hot shot, why not offer to throw the ball with her? You had the opportunity to reinforce yourself as a good role model in her life and instead, now you just look like a petty jerk.” Nat20sArentmything
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