People Look For Straightforward Feedback On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Not Getting My Fiancé's Best Friend's Kid A Christmas Gift?
“So my fiancé (M 28) has a best friend (M 28), we’ll call him ‘Alex’.
Alex is married to Anne (F 29) and they have a 2-and-a-half-year-old son called ‘Nate’. Alex and my fiancé have been best friends since childhood but unfortunately, Anne and I haven’t connected. We’re civil around each other but that’s it. I really like Alex tho.
The issue is, I’m not close to their son AT ALL.
But I don’t stop my fiancé from being close to that kid. I mean, I can’t love a kid I don’t have a relationship with but whenever we’re going to see him I’ll bring a treat and it’s always me thinking about that because my fiancé is super forgetful.
My fiancé also has 3 nephews I love as my own and I’m always getting small details for them and my SILs love that. I also have two cousins (9M & 8F) I love as my own and I always get them the same things I get my nephews.
But of course, I can’t get ‘Nate’ the same things because Nate is not even in my life. I see him once every 3 to 4 months (they live 1 hour away from us) but I won’t stop my fiancé from getting gifts for him if he wants to.
I also must mention that Anne has said very nasty and awful things to me. I always shut up and suck it up because I know how important Alex is to my fiancé.
This Christmas I got gifts for my nephews and my cousins and I also got a gift for my bestie (we usually don’t gift each other but she was going through a hard time) and my bestie got one for me (I’m still waiting for it due to international shipping).
The issue is, last weekend I mentioned this while we were hanging out with Anne and Alex because my best friend (who lives far away) texted me saying the gifts were in her house and she was packing them cute and sending them to me on Monday.
I was super excited. That’s when Anne made a passive-aggressive comment saying how ‘childish’ it is to get gifts for the adults and to forget kids that are like family. I was like ‘WHAT?’ I like your kid but it’s not def like family to me.
I told her, my best friend is like my sister and she’s not one to judge other people’s gifts. The situation was super tense and after an awkward silence my fiancé and Alex started talking about sports and I and Anne went to our phones.
AITJ for not getting her kid a gift? I feel like that’s on my fiancé not on me and she doesn’t even say happy bday on my birthday even tho her husband does and she has me on every social media. It’s not like we’re even friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Modern-day Christmas is a societal construct to get people to spend money. You’re not obligated to buy a gift for anyone. If you want to, go for it.
Anyone who thinks they’re entitled to a gift doesn’t understand the Christmas spirit and doesn’t really deserve a gift at all.
Additionally, people who act like this about their kids are the worst kind of people.” namastebetches
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like Anne was just taking an opportunity to take a shot at you. It’s a shame people make Christmas into a gift grab.
Honestly, it is your fiancé who is close to the kid, if anyone should be getting him a gift, it’s him.
Of course, the other implication is that it is the woman’s job to buy gifts for the couple. That outdated concept needs to go away.” bamf1701
24. AITJ For Replying To My Mom's Comment On Social Media?
“Over 2 years ago I (27M) moved in with my roommate Sara (28f). In 2020, we started hooking up a lot and anyway one night we weren’t as careful as we hoped.
Now we are expecting a beautiful baby boy. It’s not the most conventional way to have a baby but it doesn’t matter we are happy to become parents and have even taken parenting classes together to really get ready for this.
Just to say we are doing everything to be ready to co-parent together.
My family (mainly just my mom, dad, and sister) didn’t approve because we weren’t married or a couple. I mean at some point once we are more settled with our son we would like to try out a more serious real relationship together but they still don’t agree with it.
They won’t even acknowledge that this is their grandchild. It’s really trippy. He’s my son, he’s my blood and they’re acting like he wouldn’t really be family because of how he was conceived. We had a baby shower and they didn’t even come.
Just my other family.
Then a few days later my aunt asked me if I was having a fight with my parents or why weren’t they invited. I honestly had no clue what she was talking about so she showed me her social media post.
She posted a pic of the cake and then tagged my mom asking her where she was before she ate the whole thing (just joking around with her) but my mom said ‘Oh James didn’t want us there but don’t worry about it we don’t want any problems on their day’.
Making it seem like I’m the one keeping them from being there and acting like all they’re doing is obeying my wishes.
That same day I logged into my old account and replied to my mom’s comment telling her they were invited but remember her telling me my son was apparently not her family just because I slept with my roommate.
Apparently, everyone started piling on them about what they were doing. My mom texted me ‘I hope you’re happy.’
My dad told me that was completely unnecessary and mean. She only made that comment to avoid any issues or have people poking into their business and even tried to make it sound like it isn’t a big deal that they weren’t invited. It is to me that they tried to make it sound like it’s me with the problem but since others want to get involved in telling them things for acting this way about their grandchild I’m not sure.
They don’t feel like they should be punished for feeling differently about my son but now they are being attacked.
For my own peace of mind because they are blowing this out of proportion making me seem like the bad guy for making that comment I wanna know if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents decided to complain because of (in my opinion) outdated and archaic views on marriage and family. I think your story is absolutely beautiful. I’m absolutely sure you and your roommate will be loving parents to your child. That’s the kind of family I can see myself having in the future.
Also congratulations on keeping your temper and even inviting your parents/being civil to them after their horrible behavior. If my parents were to pull something like that, you’d most likely be able to hear me shouting at them no matter your geographic location.” ClearlyNotAlpharius
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents and sister don’t want to be part of your child’s life because you’re not married. But also don’t want to be called out on it publicly so they choose to make it look like you’re the one cutting ties with them instead?
That is messed up and you owe them nothing. They should be apologizing to you. It’s really a shame they are being this way. But you don’t need that toxicity in your child’s life.” Curls_Knight
23. AITJ For Not Introducing Our Kids To My Sister-In-Law?
“My husband’s sister had a no-contact relationship with me and is in low contact with my husband. When we first married our relationship with his family was stern due to his parents not liking that we were tying the knot ‘so young’ (21 years old).
And she was rude to my mom.
It was 16 years ago and now I have a strong bond with MIL, BIL, and the other SIL. We have 2 kids (14 and 5) and SIL never tried to get to know them.
A few years ago MIL asked for a favor regarding SIL.
She and her husband got into debt and MIL asked if my husband could help her pay the debt. We ended up paying for all of the debt (around 1,500 USD. In our country 1,500 gets you a motorbike). SIL didn’t even thank my husband. And continued to have no contact with him.
Last week my husband’s cousin got married and SIL came to our town to attend. MIL called my husband and asked him to come to the bride’s house (where MIL and SILs stay) two days before the wedding. Turned out MIL wanted my husband to lend SIL his motorbike for the time SIL and her husband stay in our town (so that they can comfortably sightsee and play tourist) and deliver the motorbike to her.
Mind you, the public transport in our country is a joke, and I don’t really mind SIL borrowing the bike. However, SHE should come to our house and get the bike herself. It was so rude to ask my husband to be an errand boy.
My husband would have to take the trashy public transportation or have me escort him with our car to get back home. My husband ended up taking the motorbike to his office and getting SIL to take it from there (my husband and I take public transport to our offices because that route has a somewhat reliable schedule and it is less stressful than bringing our own vehicle every day).
At the wedding, we have a civil exchange. However, BIL told my husband and me that SIL complained to him since my husband didn’t initiate introducing our kids to her. My oldest is 14. SIL could initiate and greet her first (she was an introvert who doesn’t do well in big family gatherings, and honestly she didn’t know nor care about her ‘aunt’ because said aunt didn’t even congratulate us when any of my kids were born).
SIL is childless.
BIL and MIL asked us to please introduce the kids to SIL. However, my husband and I didn’t care to do that. And honestly, I personally felt that she isn’t entitled to get to know the kids. Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
SIL sounds like a drama llama! And it sounds like she’s trying to consistently pick a fight. Asking for things she isn’t entitled to (money, loan of a bike) if you guys say yes she doesn’t say thanks, if you were to say no she would say you guys are selfish, etc.
I think you should tell your oldest about her (as unbiased as possible, just give the facts) and then leave it up to your daughter if they want to have a relationship with that aunt.
Alternatively, if you feel that the aunt could bring her drama-seeking ways into a relationship with your kids then stay on your current path.” Free_Motor_9725
Another User Comments:
“The biggest jerk here might be even MIL, who is constantly battling for a bond with SIL that she doesn’t deserve. And having your husband run errands for her. And trying to get the two of you to finance an ungrateful SIL.
NTJ. Your husband’s family should learn to speak for themselves. MIL is constantly acting as the messenger/courier between the two of you and SIL. Apart from the wedding, where SIL appointed BIL for the job. And hey, this is someone with autism telling you!
Anyway, you don’t owe these people the light of day.” DynkoFromTheNorth
22. AITJ For Turning In My Pee-Soaked Homework?
“I was talking to my cousin (a teacher) about stupid things students do and I told her something that happened when I was in high school. She said I am a giant jerk.
I had a teacher whose classroom policies were ‘zero tolerance’ (meaning no exceptions whatsoever for all the rules) to prepare us for the ‘real world’.
Two of them were no late homework and she wouldn’t give a 2nd copy of a handout. Late policy was that all homework had to be turned in by the end of the school day on the day it was due or there would be 0 credit.
She never handed out a 2nd copy of anything because she wanted to ‘teach us responsibility and organization’.
We had a Chihuahua puppy who was not fully potty trained. We put newspaper in the bottom of his play area in case of accidents. This inadvertently trained the dog to pee on paper.
A few weeks into the semester I went to grab my homework from the desk by our back door and it had fallen on the ground. The puppy had peed on it. When I got to the class I told the teacher what had happened, I asked for another copy.
Since her policies were zero tolerance she said no and told me it was my responsibility to keep track of my homework assignments and turn them in. I said again that I hadn’t lost it and that it was peed on. She said ‘That’s not my problem’ and told me if I wanted credit it needed to be turned in by the end of the day.
I took that to mean I should turn in the homework.
So at lunch, I went home, got it (it had dried by then), and put it in her inbox. Last period of the day I get a detention slip. Needless to say, I went to the office and argued my case.
I relayed the conversation and said since she refused to help me in any way, I took it to mean I should turn it in as is. She said I should have hand-copied out the assignment on a separate sheet of paper and turned that in instead.
I told her that would have been a helpful suggestion instead of just saying ‘That’s not my problem’. Ultimately the administration decided that there had been a ‘miscommunication’ and that I would be let off with a warning and would get credit for it.
Clearly turning in the peed on hw wasn’t the best course of action but I wasn’t trying to be clever.
I honestly couldn’t think of anything else to do. If she had made the suggestion to me instead of being a jerk about it there wouldn’t have been a problem. It also demonstrates the stupidity of zero-tolerance policies. Due to her policy my friend who had missed school because her grandmother died was told she couldn’t get credit for the homework she missed turning in while she was gone (she was of course overruled by the school administration).
Her zero-tolerance policies were just a way to say ‘I’m too lazy to deal with things fairly case-by-case’. I know from friends who had her after me she took out the part about not handing out a 2nd copy of assignments. I was wrong to turn it in but really, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She shouldn’t have been so strict. She’s a teacher, not a dictator or a warden. She could have helped you find an appropriate solution instead of telling you that you were SOL… it was not on you to read ‘in between the lines’ so to speak.
A nice compromise could have been for her to ask to see the proof that the assignment was in fact completed and peed on and it wasn’t just you trying to get out of doing it.
Again, NTJ. Your teacher deserved the pee LOL.” RileyRhoad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she was being unreasonable. I can understand wanting to teach people ‘responsibility and organization’ but surely there are occasional situations where a replacement copy (or an alternate suggested solution like photocopying it) could have been offered. She didn’t even need to have clear ‘rules’ on what would count, just that it could be a case-by-case basis.” User
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Partner Babysit Her Nephews?
“My partner (F 30s) and I (M 30s) live together and have a child-free life which I thoroughly enjoy. Neither of us wants kids because we just simply don’t want that responsibility, want more time for each other, and ourselves. It works for us and we take advantage of the weekends to go out and basically do whatever we want without having to worry about anyone or anything else.
Now that that has been established, my partner today hits me with the news that she’s gonna take on the responsibility of taking care of her nephews. Both are only about 8 months old or so.
She’ll be doing this for most of the day every Saturday from now on.
Her sister told her she didn’t know what she was gonna do since she had no one to watch them which led to my partner volunteering. This caught me off guard because I’m not sure she knows how to change a diaper or what a pacifier even is.
She can barely hold them for a minute before she gets tired and wants to give them back
Regardless, I understood and found it admirable that she was willing to help and lend a hand. However, I don’t. I have little to no desire to spend one of my only couple of days out of the week getting up early to spend my mornings and late afternoons watching babies.
Just like anyone else, I’m exhausted from work throughout the week and want to catch my breath on weekends.
I understand it’s completely selfish, but I don’t feel like I’m obligated to take on that responsibility given that it’s a lot of work. One baby is tough, but we’re talking about two here.
Not to mention this is gonna start taking place by next week which seems like such a curve ball being thrown at us and our routine.
My partner, while telling me all about this, assumed that I would be home to help out. I explained to her what I explained above to you which led to her getting upset over this.
I told her on Saturdays, I’ll be making time to visit my family since I don’t get to see them often.
It sucks because I feel like now our Saturdays are totally gone which is the one day we had time to go out and do stuff together.
Our work schedules are completely different as well so it’s not like during the week we can just plan stuff to make up for that time, but I also don’t think I should be feeling guilty about not wanting to be stuck spending Saturdays babysitting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner can volunteer herself, but she can’t volunteer you. She can’t expect you to give up one of your two days off to help her babysit.
She probably should have communicated this babysitting assignment to you before she agreed to it.
Sorry your Saturdays with her are gone, but I hope you enjoy your newfound time with your family—just as she’s spending time with hers!” IpsumDolorous
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sis’s childcare emergency is not your partner’s problem to solve. And while it’s nice of her to volunteer if the only way that’s actually going to be practical for her is if someone helps out, then she needed to talk to you before committing.
As it is, if she’s realizing she’s in over her head, she needs to go back to Sis and admit that, but that’s still her business to manage.” User
20. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Bus Seat For A Pregnant Woman?
“I (16F) was riding the bus with a few other kids, and our end side, where I was sitting, got hit. I got thrown on the floor, where I landed on my arm and it ended up being broken from the force I was thrown with.
You can tell something is wrong with me since I’m paler and obviously my arm is wrapped, it looks like pigs in a blanket.
My parents won’t be home, since they both are traveling nurses, they found out what happened but they won’t be able to get here until this Saturday, and that’s just fine with me.
Recently I was released from the hospital and my older brother (19), walked me home. We both do not have a car yet. This is where the problem starts. I live in a pretty small town, but I’m out in the woods, and by mid-day, I was really craving a Monster energy drink and some hot fries.
I asked my brother if he wanted to come but he said no and to just go without him, he gave me some extra bucks to buy him some and I left the house. I caught the bus and sat in the seats for people with injuries.
The bus was pretty packed but there still were some seats scattered around.
A couple of stops later this lady got on, she was obviously pregnant. This guy got up and offered his seat but she declined and explained she wanted to look out the window and asked me if she could have my seat, I was sitting in those priority seats where you have armrests and can look out the window.
I explained that I couldn’t exactly stand without falling face first, pointed at the guy, and told her there was a seat open. She gave me this look and said that she was pregnant and she really wanted my seat. I explained again that I can’t.
She got mad at me and told me to just give her the seat so she could sit down. I shook my head and said no.
The guy from before offered the lady his seat again but she declined and said she wanted mine. The bus driver told me to get up and get off the bus since I was causing a disturbance.
I didn’t go to the store and I asked my brother if I was the jerk and he told me no. I asked my parents and they said that she was pregnant and pregnancy is one of the worst pains ever, they explained that it was rude of me and that she needed it way more than me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she was offered a seat and she should have taken that. Being pregnant doesn’t give her the right to choose what seat she wants, it also doesn’t mean that she should have a priority seat. You were well within your right to decline her the seat when she had a different one available.” numberjen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You should file a complaint with the bus company over the driver, kicking an injured person out of the bus with no reason, not cool.
The pregnant lady was the one causing a disturbance and she could see you had a broken arm.
The nerve of some people.” Kashaya72
19. AITJ For Kicking My Brother-In-Law's Partner Out Of My House For Criticizing My Paintings?
“I (28) just gave birth to twin boys. It was a massive surprise and I was downright terrified. I had a lot of anxiety and fear my entire pregnancy and as silly as it seems, thinking of baby names was the only thing that would bring me comfort.
I went all out, did research on every name I liked, stitched or painted names onto things to see if I vibed with it, and more.
My brother-in-law’s partner Kelly (24) mentioned a few times that I was acting a bit crazy about their names and that it isn’t that deep and I should just name them ‘Josh and Mike or something’.
But like I said, brainstorming names eased my anxiety.
The boys have names now and I’m not as anxiety-ridden anymore but to help with the random bursts I get, I started a sort of painting of their names. I rarely ever have time for it so I’ve barely even started lol.
My mother-in-law sometimes comes over to help us with the babies and for some reason, Kelly came too yesterday. My husband was at work.
I quickly went to go shower and when I finished I found Kelly in my basement where I keep my paintings.
She kind of looked at me and went ‘Really? You’re still doing this nonsense? It’s just names.’
I told her that I don’t see a problem with it and she said yeah but it’s weird how obsessive I’m being.
I told her that she was being really overdramatic and that I could paint whatever I wanted and it didn’t affect her in any way. I then said if she came to criticize me then she could please get out.
She got offended and said that she literally came here to help and all because she voiced her opinion, I’m kicking her out?
She called me crazy too.
I said yes and made her leave. My mother-in-law said that she gets it but I also shouldn’t have kicked her out. She doesn’t think I’m a jerk for it but when I asked her if I should apologize she said yes.
Kelly blocked me and my brother-in-law said that she was really upset. AITJ? I don’t think so but it’s true that I haven’t been thinking straight so I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Kelly literally has nothing constructive to offer in her criticism, so she can’t be upset with you for not appreciating it.
There’s nothing to appreciate. She just wanted to be a brat about something she clearly doesn’t understand, and if she wants to voice her opinion on something she knows nothing about, that’s all her. If painting makes you feel better, even postpartum, then paint away.
Art is therapeutic, and there is nothing wrong with using it in any way you deem healthy for yourself. You were correct to hold your boundaries and stick up for what makes you feel better. Kelly is judgmental and not at all helping, so you don’t need her help.
Plain and simple.” StonedMajo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Art is a form of therapy. It seems like this name research/painting is helping you find stability in a very anxiety-filled time. Many (if not all) great artists used their art to help heal and express emotions.
There is nothing weird or crazy about what you’re doing. Kelly has no right to come into your home and insult you. It’s crazy that she would think it’s acceptable for her to act that way to a woman who just had twins?!
Has Kelly asked you why you’re doing this? Has she shown any genuine concern for your feelings or is she just bullying you? You’re NTJ. You’re not crazy. Using art as a way to heal, relax, or a way of escape is healthy.
It’s a way to manage our stress and create something beautiful. That’s why a lot of artists like myself do it.” RCArtworks
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Older Sibling's Carer Anymore?
“I’ve (19) had my future mapped out since I was 14, daydreaming about every detail. I want to buy a school bus and I want to renovate it into something perfect for me so I can travel by myself with my cat. So we can have the life I’ve always wanted.
But there’s a problem, from age 14-current I’ve been forced to take care of my older sibling (21). My sibling has dependent personality disorder and I’m their dependent person or rather caregiver. I was fine with this even though it essentially robbed me of my entire childhood because I was helping my sibling.
They could not do anything by themselves and we couldn’t afford to get them professional help or figure out how to give them dependency while working with their personality disorder. I don’t blame my sibling for being dependent on me at all. And I was fine with caring for them until now.
My mom keeps mentioning how I should account for my sibling in my bus floor plan and how I’m taking my sibling with me right? And how I can’t leave my sibling with them.
It is so frustrating. I want freedom, I want to live by myself, I want to travel by myself.
I cannot share such a small space with someone else. I’ve explained how my future simply doesn’t account for another person and how I think it’s time I stopped caring for my older sibling and they step up and finally give their child the professional help that they need. That they finally step up and be parents.
But they keep guilting me. I’m the only person my sibling is 100% safe around. How dare I leave them in the dust. It’s exhausting but I’m seeing their point now.
I feel like a jerk because my sibling depends on me to act as a caregiver and I have fulfilled that role willingly since I was 14.
But I also feel like I’m not the jerk because I spent my entire teen years babysitting someone older than me and I finally see a place where I can be happy by myself. I should be able to live my life without being forced into a caregiver role that only exists because my parents didn’t want to step up and do their jobs.
I feel like I should just buy an apartment and let my sibling move in with me but I don’t want to give away my every life plan and ideal for this. I feel selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are in fact, allowed to have your own life.
Your sibling will sort themselves out, it might be tough at first, but you do not have to act like their parent for your whole life, you aren’t, and your parents need to help your sibling sort this out.” Sleipnir82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are absolutely right in that it’s time (Past Time) for your parents to step up and get your sibling professional help and actually parent their child.
Dumping this responsibility on a 14-year-old is abusive and you should seek counseling yourself. They are trying to guilt you into continuing in this role so they don’t have to.” TrenttheUncatchable1
17. AITJ For Not Giving My Brother A Bigger Elopement Gift?
“I (34M) have 3 siblings. All of us are now married however my youngest sibling opted to elope with my now SIL a few months ago.
We were all kind of surprised and disappointed that there would be no wedding but my wife and I hosted a congratulatory dinner in our backyard over the Christmas period.
When they announced their elopement in a WhatsApp chat, we all congratulated them, and my wife and I had flowers and a box of chocolates sent to them as a gift. I think my siblings also sent them small tokens like flowers as well.
But to be fair, I feel a little bit distant from their marriage in the sense that they were already living together and since there was no wedding and such, things are pretty business as usual – nothing logistically changed because my SIL has been coming to family events and stuff since forever.
My cousin had a wedding a few weeks ago and my wife and I were invited but couldn’t make it so I mailed a check to them with congratulations. On the day, my cousin sent me a livestream link so we watched the recording and even messaged me on the day to say she wished I was here but would celebrate another time with us.
But recently my brother and SIL expressed to my wife and me over brunch that they were hurt that there wasn’t a larger celebration or happiness that they were married and I kind of thoughtlessly blurted out ‘a larger celebration – like a wedding?’
My SIL got irritated at that because weddings are expensive and they were saving for a bigger house so they could start a family. My wife jumped in and said that, that totally made sense but weddings are more tangible celebrations and by eloping they had basically sent a message they didn’t want anyone other than the two of them involved in their marriage.
I kind of then stuck my foot in a little by asking them what they were expecting post-elopement outside of congratulations and I pointed out we did send them flowers but my brother pointed out that everyone else had gotten a cash gift or something.
I countered by saying that we had also had weddings and incurred the cost of hosting people – that there’s a give and take there.
My brother just responded with ‘whatever’ so we dropped the subject but the rest of the brunch was a little tense and things have been tense with other siblings as well because we didn’t give huge cash gifts.
The way I see it is – they’ve saved money by eloping and in the process also opted to exclude family from this milestone. So I’m not sure there is an onus there to send a huge gift the way you would for a wedding.
I feel congratulatory tokens like flowers are more appropriate.
I understand from a very mercenary perspective wanting to bank the savings from eloping and also benefit from the cash but you can’t be mercenary with family. If the marriage is only about the two of them, why do they then want gifts/cash from everyone else?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but let me clarify a few things: your brother and his wife DID in fact, have a wedding, they just didn’t invite any guests. Their level of hosting (or lack thereof) has nothing to do with what gifts people choose to give them.
Gifts come from the heart. They aren’t the price of admission to a wedding.
Second, your brother and his wife were out of line for demanding more of a gift out of you. That was crass, and if they can’t afford things, that isn’t anyone’s problem but their own.
Third, it’s generally a good idea to be equitable with gifts among family, especially if you think word may get out. That said, you already hosted a party for them, which is more than enough.” siempre_maria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ only because you did throw a celebratory dinner for them, which was your way of welcoming them into marriage and a gift at that.
Most people who are close give gifts whether it is an elopement or a wedding, so your stance should not be that they don’t get a gift but that you hosted an event in their honor as a gift.
You sent your cousin a gift because you couldn’t make it.
Your brother is a jerk for expecting gifts. He could’ve had a small wedding and made an announcement to extended family and friends if he wanted to make a bigger deal out of it. But yeah if they just eloped it’s like – hey, no big deal. Well no big deal then no one makes a big deal.” ladyblue56
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Mother-In-Law Nor My Mom To My Son's First Birthday?
“My son is turning one soon and we want to throw him a party, but the issue is there has been drama between our moms for a while, and we don’t want anything going down at the party.
My mom and MIL have been feuding for years, but right before the wedding MIL’s partner, now husband, was brought into it.
My mom and some of her friends were at a local ice cream place and saw MIL and her partner. He was driving a convertible with the top down. They decided as a prank to get down in the back, but MIL spotted them before he began driving again.
I get it was a stupid prank, but he won’t let it go. It was two years ago and when he sees my mom he brings it up every time and asks why she was in his car. MIL makes jokes about it and has bullied my mom over it.
The drama ended up getting so bad at our wedding that we were about to kick them both out but MIL volunteered to leave. She claimed there was no bad blood but when she got married she didn’t invite us and didn’t even tell her son.
MIL’s friends still joke about it and there has been drama going on in their social circle.
So now we are planning the party and I want zero drama. My rule is neither of them can come if they don’t sit down and hash it out ahead of time.
They are both refusing. My husband thinks it is unfair and we should invite MIL and not my mom because it was going to be her first time meeting our son. I’m not really sympathetic to that argument because MIL lives like 20 minutes away. MIL says I’m being overbearing and she shouldn’t have to sit down with my mom.
My mom is beside herself and says she should be invited and not MIL because she knows and loves our son and MIL hasn’t even met him. Also, MIL has said she will sit it out but will not come without her husband. He is still laughing over the car incident and doesn’t seem to want to make it right.”
Another User Comments:
“So your mom committed a crime and you’re acting like this is all just pettiness and annoying for you? Your MIL has refused to meet her grandson and that’s also just petty drama?
YTJ for insisting on putting these two in the same room when they don’t seem to believe law and order applies to their interactions.
Whoever breaks laws, or rules of the party venue – shouldn’t be treated neutrally. They should be unwelcome at large events until they acknowledge that what they did was wrong and can’t be repeated. And your MIL should have her first meet and greet with the grandson before the party.
If she can’t bother, she can’t bother and neither can you.” newbeginingshey
Another User Comments:
“Let’s be clear here. Your mother is at fault. Either she was really stupid and thought she could hide in a convertible with the top down, or she broke in and committed a crime.
Either way, she escalated and is the one who should be making amends. I don’t blame the guy for ‘not letting it go’, there seems to have been no apology or actual remorse.
Unless your MIL has been locked down for a year, then there is no excuse for missing the first year of your kid’s life and only NOW wanting to see him.
She also has no right to dictate who you must invite.
NTJ. I’d invite neither. This should be about your son, not them. However, expect fallout.” saran1111
15. AITJ For Not Pretending To Be My Brother's Dad To Get Him Out Of Trouble?
“So I (24m) have a younger brother (16m). Let’s call him Jake. We never had a very close relationship due to being far apart in age. Jake and I are pretty different people as of now and don’t really have too much in common.
That mixed with his teenage angst and me living in my own apartment we almost never talk.
Jake is a pretty stereotypical ‘lacrosse bro’. He has a significant other and goes out to parties. My parents have issues with Jake’s lifestyle but at this point, they are done parenting so he kinda does whatever he wants as long as he gets ok grades.
It is pretty much known that Jake is drinking and smoking on the weekends. Nothing out of the ordinary for a high school boy but he just sucks at hiding it. I don’t have a problem with this just would like to see my brother go down a better path.
During high school and college, I had a massive substance problem. I was pretty good at hiding exactly what I was doing but my parents knew I was on something. I hurt a lot of people and put myself in some very dangerous situations. I almost died and could have spent SERIOUS time in jail.
It is a miracle I made it out.
I got clean after leaving my senior year and lived a relatively successful life without illegal substances.
Last weekend my brother texted me that he was in trouble. He was at a party, drinking, and he needed someone to talk on the phone with the police.
He wanted me to pretend to be our dad and say that he could go home. Otherwise, the police would drive him to our parents’ house and tell our parents he got in trouble.
I saw his text messages… and didn’t respond.
I could have called and pretended to be our dad easily but I didn’t want to bail him out of punishment.
I look at my past and almost wish I got in trouble at his age. Something to set me straight and see that breaking the law has consequences.
Underage drinking is really a slap on the wrist in my area. Half the kids in my high school get one eventually and it won’t mess up his life for more than a few weeks.
I texted him the next day and said that he needed to face the consequences of his actions. That this is a good lesson about being an adult and the real world. I also told him about my issues and how I didn’t want him to end up down the same road as me.
He cursed me out and didn’t respond.
I know my past doesn’t mean my brother will go down the same path. I just see him making the same decisions I made and becoming the same person I was.
I’m wondering if I’m being the jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to get his life together. Criminal charges at his age can definitely be a hassle, but if he doesn’t grow up soon by the time he’s a legal adult in a couple of short years, any charge can be a massive roadblock to getting into college, securing a job, etc. I work in criminal defense and constantly see 30-year-olds struggling to get work because they got a DUI at 17.
They end up having to shell thousands to attempt to seal their records.” Misterfrooby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – what kind of trouble would you have been in for misrepresenting yourself as your parents? Maybe no trouble, but maybe something far beyond what you’d think.
No one should be expected to lie or cover for someone, especially when it opens you up for crap on the back end. Not the least of which is your parents finding out anyway and never trusting you again because you covered for him and pretended to be them.” Lurkingentropy
14. AITJ For Refusing To Reconcile With My Father?
“I (17F) was never close with my father (37M). From the age gap, you might’ve guessed that I’m an accident baby. I never knew Mom and she doesn’t seem interested to be in my life. My father is a pianist and is loaded. He has a landed house and a penthouse.
I currently live in the landed house because it’s closer to school. My dad was never present in my life. The last I saw him (before now) was probably when I was in 5th grade. So when I was about 10.
I was raised by my grandparents, my nanny, and my dad’s aide (I don’t know if he fits aide, to be honest, more like a butler?
But I don’t think he fits into that category either.)
Lately, I’ve been active in my school’s orchestra as a pianist (surprise surprise), and I could say I’m not bad myself. We had a play last week, and we sold tickets as per usual. People who play (theater kids and orchestral kids) get 2 free passes for parents usually.
Because I’m fatherless (LOL) I give one of my tickets to my friend and the other I sell again. (Look, I had no one to invite anyway). There was an evaluation after that, and usually, parents can come and see it since it’s on stage (about 15 minutes after the auditorium clears).
Then my conductor started evaluating, yadda yadda yadda, and then my friends brought a cake out. It was my birthday. I forgot about it genuinely.
So then we blew out the candles, my friends gave me a card and a close friend gave me a gift. I then went home alone on my motorcycle as usual and there’s that.
But when I walked in, my father’s aide looked weird and said, ‘Your father is waiting in his office.’ I was confused, but what can I do? I walked into his office, and he seemed mad. He said, ‘You did well on your play.’ It was really weird.
But there’s that.
A couple of days in, he’s still in the house. It is HIS house, but like, he usually acts as if it doesn’t exist. Then one day he was like, ‘Let’s eat dinner’ and took me to this fancy restaurant. He said something along the lines of, ‘Let’s reconcile.
I’ve realized that we’re not close, and we should be.’ Then a girl came up to us and said, ‘Is this the daughter?’ I was enraged. So I left and went to my friend’s house.
Since then that woman has been spamming me with calls, texts, emails, you name it, begging me to reconcile with my father because, she ‘doesn’t want to give birth’ and ‘I’m already perfect as their daughter.’ I felt OFFENDED and blocked her.
But as a normal human being, I refused to go back home. I stayed at my grandparents’ house for the time being. That rando kept calling me an ungrateful brat. And I kept saying my father and I were strangers. So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even if your dad had been present in your life it would have been presumptuous for his new partner to appear and assume she could play mom to you. Considering his lack of involvement, the whole thing becomes exponentially worse.
Block the woman on everything and don’t bother replying to her.
If she uses a new account, block that one as well.” Knittingfairy09113
Another User Comments:
“The one thing the woman said correctly – you are already perfect.
Kudos to your grandparents, your nanny, and yourself.
This attempt at reconciliation is driven more by the woman than your father.
He is being pressured to present to the world a perfect family image.
It’s hilarious actually – She does not want to give birth so wants her partner to magically present her with a child who can be an accessory.
Actually her not wanting to have children is a blessing in disguise – imagine your emotionally challenged father traumatising another child.
NTJ.” Haunting-Row-3961
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Left Alone At Home With My Stepdad?
“My (M 17) mom and my brother are going out of state for an archery tournament and won’t be back until the weekend is over.
Because of this, I would have been left home alone all weekend which I was very excited about! Until I found out my stepdad would be staying over too.
‘Ex-stepdad’ would be a more appropriate title for this man. We’ll call him Jake. Jake and my mom have been filing for divorce since April of last year and it only got finalized in January (my mom was stalling hardcore).
I can’t specify the reasons why they were getting divorced, but I will say the police were involved at one point. But recently for some ungodly reason, they started going out again.
Needless to say, I hate this man. I’m incredibly uncomfortable around him, the house feels unsafe with him in it, and I’ve expressed this to my mom but she will never hear any of it.
Now back to the main part of the story. I didn’t even find out that he was going to be staying the night until the morning my mom and brother were leaving. You wanna know why? Because Jake didn’t tell my mom he was going to be staying and he told me while driving me to school.
I flipped out. I got so angry, I didn’t want to be left home alone with this man and was willing to do anything to make him get out.
I called my birth dad’s mom, Nana, to tell her about this. Everyone on my dad’s side of the family HATES Jake and that he and my mom are going out again, so naturally she was shocked and appalled that he was going to be left alone with me.
She then called my dad who then called my mom. But here’s where I feel really guilty.
Jake was staying the weekend so that he could clean the entire house while my mom would be away for an early birthday present. He told me this while I was in the car with him going to school.
But I went forward with telling my bio dad’s family knowing that fact anyway, and now that this fuss has been made, he’s going to be staying in his apartment instead.
I just really wanted him out of my house and out of my life frankly, but I feel bad for ruining his birthday plans for my mom even though I could easily clean the whole house (and I will now be doing that).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jake was planning to stay at your house and did not tell your mother. He knew that only you and he would be there.
He made up that story about cleaning the house when he realized you told your grandmother, who told your dad, who told your mom.
Don’t feel bad or guilty about this, not for a single second. Trust your instincts. Don’t be alone with him. I don’t think you need to clean the whole house, either.
Your grandmother and dad knew very well that it was a terrible idea for him to be alone with you in the house.” NoxWild
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m gonna tell you this as bluntly as I can, that man was not going to be at that house to clean. He was not trying to give your mom an early birthday present. He knows you’re uncomfortable with him trust me he knows.
He wanted to be in that house with you alone. You did the right thing. Your safety your boundaries and what you are comfortable in are what’s important. Enjoy your weekend by yourself, do not let this man in your house.” One_Condition_7001
12. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Go Camping With My Ex And His Partner?
“I (35F) had a baby with my ex, Mic (34M) in our 20s. He knew I was pregnant but refused to be a part of our daughter Hana’s (12F) life if we weren’t married. I tried to get him involved, but there was an incident that made me uncomfortable with the thought of her being alone with him, so I dropped filing for child support.
He has never met her and refused pictures until last year.
Last year, Mic married a lovely woman Grace (30F). She is the only reason I think I might be a jerk. I know her from work, and I found out that her Mic was my ex when she invited me to the wedding.
I declined and said that I didn’t feel comfortable going because I thought it would upset Hana. Grace was confused and asked for clarification, so I said that Hana was his daughter, and just said that we couldn’t come to an agreement so he has never met her.
I didn’t explain everything because it was so long ago, and I was worried that she might report me to HR or something.
He never told her that he had a kid (shocker, I know). Grace and I remained friendly, and she eventually brought up Mic and Hana’s meeting.
I told her that Mic would have to reach out for that. Mic reached out and started saying he was going to get full custody if I didn’t let him have visitation, etc. I forwarded him all the emails I saved where he said he didn’t want Hana if I didn’t marry him, he wouldn’t pay a red cent for her, etc. I also reminded him that he only had five years after learning about her to file a claim for paternity, and he didn’t, which means that my wife was able to adopt her.
He has no legal right to her, and my saying they can form a relationship is a courtesy.
He became a lot nicer, but it’s been a year and he still hasn’t met her. Grace has met her multiple times, even before they got married, and she adores Hana.
She mentioned how she and Mic were going on a camping trip when she came over for coffee. Hana said she had never been. That night, Mic asked if she could go. I told him that she could but they would need to meet a few times first to make sure Hana was comfortable spending a weekend with him.
He went off saying that he didn’t have time for that and they were going this weekend, so am I going to let her meet her dad or not? I said no. Grace was really disappointed but said she understood. She explained that she wanted Hana to come because she’s pregnant, and she doesn’t want Hana to feel unloved when she comes over so she thought this would be a good bonding experience.
My wife and my family are on my side because Hana has literally never met him, and they’ve spoken only a handful of times since he usually texts/calls me, but my friends are split because it does seem like Mic is trying now, and he’s gone to therapy and gotten his meds straightened out, so he’s much better than he used to be.
AITJ for saying she can’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds a lot like he’s doing all of this for Grace and has no real interest in any of this, and if not for her he’d never have met your daughter.
If you don’t have Hana’s life set up and know who has agreed to take her if anything happens to you and your wife, get it set up as soon as possible.
Including college funds that are untouchable by anyone but your daughter, as well as other things.
Good luck.” AbbyFB6969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grace sounds lovely but your daughter doesn’t know Mic. Regardless of any genetic ties, Mic is a stranger to your daughter. You wouldn’t send her off with a stranger off the street, so I see this as no different.
He HAS to have a proper relationship with your daughter before overnight stays. If he wants to be in her life, he has to do it properly. He can’t just pop up after however many years of absence and expect to be given his way.
ESPECIALLY after threatening you with a custody battle to try and manipulate his way into doing what he wants.” Panaccolade
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Father's ATM?
“I’m 22. I live with a relative in order to save money for my own place later down the line. I’m employed and pay an agreed rent. My dad rents an apartment elsewhere, the second bedroom has a lodger to help with bills.
My dad is chronically unemployed, has struggled to get government support (for various reasons not all of which I understand), and has suffered from a gambling addiction for what I believe to be decades. I lost my childhood home (and future inheritance) a few years ago as it had to be sold and split between him and his now ex-wife to cover his gambling debts.
I lived with him for a little bit after, but he repeatedly asked for funds to help with bills, and I always helped. I never got any of it back. I realized if I was going to be stable in my youth, I needed to get out of that situation, so I did.
Stayed with a friend for a little while, and now I’m with that relative I mentioned. I plan on living with other friends in the near future if we can find a place.
I’ve been told just today that his lodger at his apartment is moving out, and he’s scared that he’ll have nowhere to live.
I suggested he just move in with his partner (who owns her home) but he says he likes his own space. I sort of lashed out and said paraphrased that his pride matters less than having shelter. I was really mad. He still asks for funds a lot, but I usually say no now, unless it’s for something reasonable like driving me somewhere that I couldn’t get to myself, so I’d give him funds for the gas.
His mother (my grandmama) thinks I’m being heartless. I think I’m being completely reasonable. I think it’s unfair sure, but I can’t let him effectively ruin my twenties, a time when I’m supposed to be enjoying myself, by taking all the funds he can from me, just because he didn’t take better care of himself years ago and is now facing the consequences.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If grandma is so worried then your father can go live with her.
But he won’t because he is a selfish, entitled jerk with an untreated gambling addiction who would rather mooch off family and cry to his mommy to bully his CHILD into taking care of him.
He isn’t even trying to better himself and for that reason, you can walk away from this mess without any guilt.
You HAVE tried and he’s the one who’s FAILED YOU.
Take care.” JennieGee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t owe him anything.
There is a case with support between multiple generations that help can go up as well as down but that has to be a long-term thing.
If you care for a very old and frail relative who has been there for you in the past.
There can also be to and fro between adult relatives as people are more or less able to afford things.
What a parent shouldn’t do is treat their offspring as an ATM.
You’re starting out in life, you need to save or use every penny you can earn.” Normal_Fishing9824
10. AITJ For Not Letting Our Neighbor's Daughter Borrow Our Camera Again?
“Last year, my partner and I moved into a new place. We got friendly with our neighbors pretty quickly, as they seemed like genuinely kind people.
A few months after we moved in, we were exchanging pleasantries, and it came up that their 16-year-old daughter was very interested in photography. My partner and I are both professional photographers, and we manage a rather large team, therefore, we have a lot of spare camera bodies, lenses, etc.
Knowing what gear costs, and knowing that her new interest might very well just be a phase, I offered to lend her one of my Canon 5Ds, a lens, and some basic accessories. They accepted this gratefully. My only T&C was that, in about 6 weeks, we had a particularly busy weekend coming up, so I was going to need all my spare gear, so she was to please return it before then.
After she borrowed the gear, their attitude towards us completely changed, and I mean completely. The dad was still nice enough, but the mom and daughter started ignoring us completely, to such a degree that they would look the other way if they saw us on the street.
The 6-weeks came and went, and nothing was returned. About a month after that, I messaged the daughter telling her I needed it back. She kinda brushed me off and said she’ll bring it back in a week. Another 2 weeks passed, I messaged her again, and the dad returned it.
They mostly continued to ignore us in the months that followed, until they finally stopped, and started chatting to us again as if nothing had happened. Two weeks later, the daughter messaged my partner to borrow the camera again. My partner ignored her, and then a week later, the mother messaged her, saying it was for a school project and urgent.
I replied to the mother and refused, and now they’ve gone back to ignoring us. Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t feel I’m the jerk here, but my partner was enjoying the peace, so I’m hoping to just prove to her that these are not the kind of people we should be associating with.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Borrowing things, especially expensive things, isn’t a given. If she had returned it on time or communicated with you at the 6-week mark, I imagine your answer might be different. However, she abused the privilege and you are not obligated to do her any favors.
At this point, it has been more than a few months, and the hobby is no longer a passing fancy. Perhaps her family should look into purchasing her a camera for her hobby rather than being rude to neighbors. I would hold your ground on this one.” Dr_rach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did a nice thing. Then they shunned you. And when the time came they didn’t return the camera until much later. Now they’re back to friendly and want to borrow it again? Nope. I’d demand an explanation and then still refuse to lend it.” OptmusJonzz
9. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Mom's Wedding Co-Planner?
“My (21F) parents got divorced about 6 months ago, it was a long time coming, and they’ve had problems for ~5 years now. My mother (45F) got engaged to her current partner a few weeks back and they’re planning the wedding for the end of the year.
She’s been seeing him for ~4 years even while she was still married. I found out early on but for multiple reasons, I’ve never told her I knew. I’ve never fully blamed her either because honestly, my father’s pretty trashy. (I know infidelity is bad but my father is no angel, it’s complicated.) She only told me and my brother (16M) about her current partner about 2 months ago and since then we’ve met him maybe like 5 times.
He seems fine, I don’t really have an opinion on him.
Current situation: My mother is asking me to pitch in a lot for wedding planning (organizing/sending out invites, booking venues, helping her pick out her dress, helping her pick things up if she’s busy, etc).
I told her I’m happy to help out here and there if she’s in a pinch but I really don’t have the time to be co-planning the whole shebang with her and her fiance. She got a little upset and said she just wanted me to be involved with a big milestone in her life especially since I’m her eldest, her daughter, etc, and it would be a good way to get to know her future husband better too.
My POV: I genuinely am busy at work right now, I work full-time in the arts and it’s a packed period, and she’s not exactly planning a tiny wedding (it’s not a MASSIVE affair but it’s not city hall either, there’s the church ceremony AND tea ceremony AND dinner-banquet, there’s going to be lots to organize).
Also, it’s not MY wedding! Not to mention I barely know her fiance! Shouldn’t it be a thing they handle mostly between them?
Am I seriously the jerk for not taking on a co-planner role for her wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re busy you’re busy, period.
Your mom should be understanding of that. Besides, you did offer to help here and there, so it’s not like you completely dismissed her (though you have zero obligation to help at all). I also question her argument that it would be a good way to get to know her fiance better because planning a wedding doesn’t seem like the best way to get to know somebody.
If she wants you to get to know him, spending quality casual time together (like having dinner together) where you can just chat about your lives, interests, etc. would be a far better way for that to happen.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not bonding if it’s forced. That’s just binding.
And I mean, I know lots of people get divorced and remarried but it’s not like it’s some dream she had as a little girl ‘One day, my adult daughter and I will plan my second wedding together!’
I hated planning my own wedding with all the micro-decisions.
No way do I want to help someone else (other than my own children should they get married). Yuck.
And like, from her (untruthful) story she’s getting married to a guy she’s known for a few months and you’ve known even less, doesn’t really sound like a good bonding moment.” Lacroix24601
8. AITJ For Kicking A Kid Out Of My Carpool?
“Two of my kids (14 & 16) are in high school this year; because we’re not far enough away for the bus to take them (less than 1.5 miles) I drive them or they ride their bikes.
Before the semester started I was asked by another parent in the area if I would join a small carpool, my two kids, a set of twins in the same grade as my older, and one kiddo in the grade between my kids.
I said I could drive to school on Tuesday and Thursday, and I could pick up on Wednesday and Friday.
There are two other parents who drive the other 3 days.
Last week was the first week of school starting on Tuesday. The kids were outside their homes waiting when I pulled up both days.
This morning I asked my 16-year-old to text the carpool kids and remind them what time I would get there.
She did and showed me the positive responses from the twins, the 3rd kid didn’t respond.
I picked up the twins (waiting outside) and drove to the last kid’s house, they weren’t outside waiting, so I sent my older to knock on the door.
She knocked twice and no answer, so I just took the other kids to school.
When I got to work at 8:15 I had 3 missed calls and a couple of angry voicemails from the kid’s mom calling me a jerk for not picking up her kid.
I called her back and told her how my daughter texted to say what time we would be there. That my daughter knocked on the door when her kid wasn’t outside waiting, and they didn’t answer.
The mom said I should have called her kid to ‘wake him up’ before I left my house, and that I should have ‘waited until he was ready’.
I told her that waking her kid up is not my responsibility and that I can’t wait around more than 5-10 minutes in the morning, since I don’t want the other kids to be late to school. She called me a jerk and hung up on me.
Thankfully she wasn’t picking up the kids today.
I called the other carpool parent and explained the situation, that I would be dropping out of the carpool. The other mom told me that no, she’d had trouble with this other kid and his mom too, and if I was willing to still drive her kids she was still willing to drive mine.
Essentially getting this kid & his mom kicked out of the carpool.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s a 15-year-old. If they’re old enough to have a cell phone they’re old enough to wake themselves up in the morning and, if they miss their normal ride, arrange something else—ride a bike, walk, use their pocket money on a taxi, take the city bus, call mom.
15 is young in a lot of contexts but in ‘can get up for school and deal with the consequences if they don’t’ is definitely old enough. NTJ.
And for the mom who said you should wake them up and then wait around, LOL no.” Errvalunia
Another User Comments:
“NO NO NO! NTJ!
Instead of being thankful for the help in getting her kid to school, she thinks you are his nanny and are supposed to wake him up, remind him he has school, and wait for him to eat so everyone else is late to school?
What?! The kid is in HIGH SCHOOL and should be old enough to do this on his own, and if his mom knows he doesn’t get up then SHE should wake his butt up before she leaves or call him herself. You’re not the babysitter.
Good thing school isn’t that far away and he could walk his butt there (but I’m sure he stayed home).
Steer clear of this family.” 1moreKnife2theheart
7. AITJ For Not Taking Care Of My Sick Daughter Because I'm Pregnant?
“I (35f) have two kids (6f, 4m) with my partner (37m). I am also 41 weeks pregnant (1 week overdue) with our 3rd.
Today I had several medical appointments to try and get labor started and also to ensure the pregnancy was healthy (a sweep, an NST, an ultrasound). After those appointments, I had to pick up vitamin K from the pharmacy that needed to be administered at the birth and stop and pick up a cell phone that was repaired (less than a 5-minute errand).
Some background info – I didn’t have much choice over the time of the appointments, given how much I’m overdue they schedule them when they can. This has also been a pretty difficult and risky pregnancy. Yesterday I suggested to my partner that I just do all this stuff myself and he insisted on driving me to avoid parking at the hospital. Our daughter (6) started getting a cold yesterday, although today it actually developed more fully.
While at the hospital I bought a couple of trinkets for the new baby and my daughter. I accidentally left it behind but didn’t realize it until some time later (but before we went home). My daughter was pretty stuffy and just wanted to go home.
I asked my partner if we could run back to the hospital quickly so I could check (I had been calling but was having trouble getting through by phone), and he started getting upset saying we were wasting the day on all my errand running.
I said I could just drop them off at home and go back myself and he just blew up. He was making angry guilt trips and accusations about me wasting time and being an awful mom for not wanting to take care of my sick child.
I’ve taken care of her a lot, in fact, I do 90% of the child care. I have done most of the care when the kids are sick (even when I’m sick). I also want to avoid getting sick right now because I’m supposed to be giving birth any minute now (and will probably need an induction in the last day or two).
This escalates quickly into a full-blown argument with him continually criticizing me for being a terrible mom and me trying to defend myself and suggesting he can take care of her too. Also, for reference, he doesn’t work, so it’s not like he’d be missing out on a job.
Whenever we argue I always end up doubting myself. Logically I feel like I am in the right to want to try and avoid getting sick but he insists I’m the jerk. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 100% NTJ. If he doesn’t work what the heck does he do all day if he isn’t taking care of the kids?
You should absolutely avoid getting sick before labor. He should be taking care of the kids. And why is he controlling you going places? Does he do that a lot? It clearly isn’t out of concern for you or he would be relieving you of caring for a sick kid!” katamino
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless a person is doing something to actively harm their child (born or unborn) at 41 weeks pregnant, someone calling them a bad mother when they are an able-bodied person who could and should carry all the pregnant person’s slack is a complete jerk move.
Your husband is absolutely a jerk. He took your greatest weakness and crapped on you in your most vulnerable state. It’s cruel and it’s abusive. Pregnant people are very vulnerable to anger and issues that don’t surface until pregnancy with partner violence. I hope you’re safe and I hope you have a safe and uneventful labor and delivery.” wildferalfun
6. AITJ For Demanding Payment For The Watch I Gave To My Coworker?
“I (20f) gave my old Apple watch to a coworker (19f) who said she wanted it because she couldn’t have her phone at work, but just had a baby and wanted to keep in contact with the sitter.
I use the word ‘gave’ because I never got the money for it, but it was supposed to be a sale.
She didn’t have money at the time I dropped it off, but we agreed that she’d pay me back (I only asked for $50) when she could and I took her word for it.
I’m a college student who doesn’t work too many hours due to school, so I could really use the money. Which is why I sold it to her in the first place.
A month went by and I still hadn’t gotten any money from her, but I noticed she posted a new watch on her Snapchat story.
I asked her about it the next time I saw her at work and she said that her mom bought her a new watch for her birthday and she sold the one that I gave her, which she never paid me for.
She never paid me for it and got mad whenever I outwardly asked her about the $50 that she owed me for it.
She told me she only sold it cause she needed money really bad and that she had a baby to take care of. She blocked me on Snapchat and I noticed her shifts were taken off of the schedule, so I think she quit. Another co-worker of ours confronted me and said I was being selfish and to just let it go.
I understand that she has a baby and other things to pay for, but I don’t think her situation excuses the fact that she agreed to pay me and didn’t, then sold what she never paid me for. Plus I also have things to pay for too!
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – A good deed goes sour. Sorry you were generous and encountered someone who disrespected kindness and wrongly justified her actions. She believes ‘… I’m entitled to this, I can sell it cause I have a baby and life expenses.’ You too have life expenses and priorities to juggle.
You were wrongly treated.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We’re out here thinking people can be held accountable out of a sense of hope. Some people just don’t know how to communicate that they’re in a tough spot and may not be able to put back what they took out.
It is not on you to be a debt collector.” beansnack
5. AITJ For Telling My Wife My Mom Had A Point?
“My wife and my mom hate each other.
I’m talking deep deep wouldn’t pee on each other if they were on fire type hate.
I’ll admit I wasn’t the best with boundaries in the beginning. The way I grew up, if someone was rude to you, you just needed to be wittier, so I was confused about why my wife found my mom toxic and wanted to cut her off.
I did figure it out, and thankfully my wife was willing to work through it. So we laid down boundaries with my mom.
One thing was that my mom couldn’t act however she wanted, and then have our company for important events, such as her birthday and Christmas.
My mom said she understood but got angry when we asked about going to lunch for her birthday on a different day. She said she didn’t owe us her time and if we can’t make the party, we don’t get to inconvenience her.
That was a couple of years ago.
I haven’t really seen her in two years. We still refuse to go to those two events, and my mom said seeing us is inconvenient. I’m mostly at peace with it, but I do miss her. I was drinking the other day and it came out that I really miss my family.
This upset my wife, so she called my mom and invited her to a Mother’s Day cookout. My mom said no and my wife began begging. I told her to stop, but she refused.
My mom told my wife that she thinks all of us are better off not seeing each other.
The hate is too deep, and then she said that if she can’t command our presence on days important to her, then we can’t do that to her for some nonsense hallmark holiday. She said boundaries work both ways and she has no interest in seeing us.
My wife began getting very emotional, yelling and crying, so I took the phone and hung up. I hugged her and told her that I appreciated everything she did, but my mom had a point, and everything she just said was true. We don’t own her time.
My wife pulled away and asked how I could side with her. I tried to explain that I was not on her side, but we don’t own her and can’t force her to attend Mother’s Day. My wife was very hurt and wouldn’t talk to me all evening.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Unless I’m misreading this a bit, it seems like you’re all jostling for the position of ‘winning’. You and your wife refuse to see your mom on her birthday and Christmas because of her behavior, because that’s her winning.
But you’re completely willing to celebrate those two occasions with her on your terms, and she refuses to do that because that means you’ve won. Then she doubles down on saying any other potential get-together is a meaningless occasion. You’re all playing a giant game of chicken waiting for the other side to cave.
Also, while your mom is technically correct, saying anything that validates her response at that moment is devastating to your wife, and you should know that.” badger0511
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like maybe everyone would benefit from counseling to better understand both how boundaries work and communication.
Boundaries aren’t there to score points and I can’t quite tell from the info how reasonable each party has been with them.
I’d love to know why you couldn’t make it to Mom’s birthday or Christmas. I also agree that you can’t turn around after years and invite her to a literal hallmark holiday and get mad that she says no. Not taking her side, because it sounds like she burned some bridges with her communication style early on.
But I don’t know, I get the impression that this could be a relationship you could gently rebuild with the right emotional tools.” ActivelyLostInTarget
4. AITJ For Ditching My Friend At The Grocery Store?
“I (23M) have this friend (25M) who recently moved to my small southern city from NY.
He’s only been living here for about a month and hasn’t gotten used to our terms or accents.
I asked him to go grocery shopping with me because I was having a pretty bad depression episode and didn’t want to go alone as my partner had to go do his own stuff for the move we were doing.
We finally make it to the store but I have to go back out to my car because I left my phone. I asked him to grab a buggy. (e.g. a shopping cart.) He asked me what I meant and I told him. But he got mad.
Saying ‘I don’t understand why you can’t just use words I understand! I’m not from here I don’t know your terms!’ I laughed it off thinking it was a joke.
He just kept going about how stupid I talk, he can’t understand my accent half the time (it’s not strong I’ve never had anyone else have trouble.) At first, I was trying to be understanding because I knew he was adjusting to life here.
It’s slow compared to NY, which I’ll admit that I hate too, people do talk very different than what he’s used to, and he’s been homesick.
I said, ‘I’m sorry, I’ll keep it in mind.’ But again he kept going and was making this huge scene.
Then he said ‘And you’re the worst about it because you know I don’t know the terms you use and you keep using them.’ At this point, I finally lost my temper which I don’t normally do. I said ‘Look I tried to be understanding and I’ve tried to help you adjust to life here, but all you do is insult the way I talk, my accent, my partner because he’s a little too ‘country.’ I don’t understand why New Yorkers compare everything to New York and act like everything has to be like New York.
Stop acting so stuck up and turning your nose up at everything I do! You aren’t from here so you don’t have the right to tell us everything we do is stupid!’ He did eventually apologize.
For a few minutes, it was all good.
I went to the bathroom and calmed down and we were fine. But then I said something else he didn’t understand, and he got mad all over again. I was done at this point. I left the buggy in the middle of the store, didn’t get the groceries, and told him he better find a ride or take the bus because he wasn’t getting in my car.
At this point, he called me a gay slur, which really hurt because ever since I came out I had lost a lot of friends and have just had an overall hard time. I just drove off. He called me 4 times saying he couldn’t get a ride.
I didn’t care. He said he was sorry and he was just having a hard time. I didn’t care and blocked his number.
When I got home my partner said I was a jerk for leaving him without a way home, but he understood.
I really do feel bad now for leaving him there not even knowing if he had a way home or money to pay for the bus.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If he’s moved to where you are, it’s on him to learn the regional accent/vocabulary and not be a jerk about it.
Even if you try to use more standard words around people who aren’t from your region unless you’ve lived somewhere else, you probably aren’t going to know what it is about your accent or vocabulary that outsiders don’t understand… but that’s ok. It’s always on the person who moves from elsewhere to learn how to talk with the locals.
He’s allowed to be homesick but he’s not allowed to make fun of your regionalisms while he’s in your region. That’s an arrogant jerk New Yorker if I’ve ever heard one. You’re NTJ here, even for getting fed up with him and leaving him at the store.
He can figure out how to make and keep new friends now, and I bet he won’t be making fun of their accents now…” friendly_cub
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His whole rant about using different terms that he doesn’t understand feels like it is rooted in some other topic that he’s not directly bringing up.
I honestly understand how you feel about this though, my stepmom is from New York and so is her whole family and I swear the New York entitlement is so real. We also live in the south and I swear it is a constant thing about how ‘well that’s not how it was where I came from’.
Girl you’ve been here for multiple decades now get over it.” spectrumtwelve
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Give My Fiancée A "Better" Engagement Ring?
“So ever since I told my mom about me proposing a month ago, she was non-stop hounding me about the ring I gave. She was not impressed and wanted me to give her a better ring. I told her the fiancee didn’t want to change it.
My mom did not accept that answer.
So after a month of bothering me about how the ring isn’t good enough, and me happening to visit home, she reveals she bought an expensive ring from Costco and wants me to propose a second time. I told her the answer was NO.
So she invited me and the fiancee for dinner that evening. While we were eating she pulled out the box and said I had something to give the fiancee. I told her to stop. My fiancee opened the box and thought the ring was pretty.
My mom changed her story saying it’s from her, my dad, and my dead brother. I know my dad and dead brother wouldn’t care. I was really mad and the fiancee was trying to calm me down. It all seemed like some episode of Everybody Loves Raymond.
So after not being able to give the ring, my mom goes to my fiancee’s mom’s house. It’s where both of them are trying super hard to convince me to propose a second time, saying to get down on one knee and they’ll take pictures.
They are both saying my engagement ring diamond is too small and this new ring is a family heirloom and such an amazing deal. What’s worse, is that my fiancee is looking at me for permission to keep the ring.
What I find really disgusting about all this is my mom never said congratulations to me on getting married. Ever since the beginning of March, it was just being critical of the ring.
If I bought some giant ring like the one my mom wanted me to give, she wouldn’t have tried to pull this stunt about how this new engagement ring ‘would make (my dead brother) happy’, or how this Costco ring she bought this morning is a family heirloom from her to the fiancee.
I feel like I can’t trust my mom anymore with information.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s crazy that your mom is trying to give your fiancee a different ring and it’s from Costco to boot.
That said… are you sure your fiancee actually wants the original ring?
It’s possible that the reason her mom is involved and your fiancee isn’t shutting anything down is because she doesn’t love the first ring but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. (If she actually does like the ring you proposed with… she can step up and tell them both to knock it off… but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case.)” tiredjavelina
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancée may want to keep the ring to get them off your back. However, if it was happening to me I would have accepted the ring and left it in my jewelry box to collect dust while I wore the ring my husband picked out for me.
If they ask why, I’d say I’m saving it when my engagement ring breaks or whatever excuse I come up with. It’s not like they can force me to wear their ring over a ring I prefer to wear? Talk to your fiancée and see where she stands on the ring.” AlternativeAlias42
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Speak Welsh To My Ex And Daughter?
“So I (43m) left my wife (43f) a few years ago after we’d been living in Wales for a year.
I’m English and she’s Welsh and we’d been raising our daughter (17f) in England until then, speaking English but my wife had taught her some Welsh. Basically, the details of the breakup are: my wife and daughter started speaking Welsh CONSTANTLY once we moved. I don’t speak Welsh and asked them to talk in English sometimes.
They refused and my wife and I got into a lot of arguments about it. It got to the point where we didn’t speak anymore because I didn’t understand what she was saying.
After one big argument she made me sleep on the couch and accused me of basically having a colonist mindset towards the Welsh and my daughter backed her up.
I’ll admit some of my remarks and thinking were along those lines, and I lay awake that night really upset. I realized she was right about that part.
However, I also realized that she had been incredibly rude and borderline abusive towards me in the way she (and my daughter) went about it.
Seriously, cutting me off from all conversation?
So fast forward, I worked on myself after the divorce and stayed in Wales. I learned more about the culture and now speak Welsh almost fluently. I’ve got a new partner and we speak Welsh together.
The problem is I have never once spoken Welsh in front of my ex or daughter.
Earlier today we were out for lunch, which we still do rarely so my daughter and I can see each other, and I accidentally spoke Welsh to the waitress. My ex immediately jumped on, demanding to know where was this when we were together?
Here’s where I might be the jerk.
I told them I would never speak Welsh to them because they had lost that privilege with how they treated me. I spoke in English the rest of the time even when they switched to Welsh, and my ex eventually said I’m just the same as I was back then and left angrily.
I don’t care about my ex but my daughter seemed really upset. I don’t really blame her for what happened back then though of course am still hurt by her actions. I suppose I feel bad for keeping this from her, but we really don’t see each other that much anyway and I know she has a hand in that.
I’m really conflicted. AITJ for not speaking to them in Welsh?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You married a Welsh woman. You have a Welsh daughter. You didn’t even bother to learn their language when you had 17 years to do so before the divorce.
Yeah, your wife should have communicated her desire for you to learn Welsh.
But come on dude. That’s part of being in an intercultural relationship, especially with someone who speaks a minority language. And now you are punishing your daughter for something she did when she was a literal child. Grow up.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you’re punishing your daughter for the bad relationship with your ex.
It’s likely that there was some parental alienation going on with your ex and daughter, but the way you are acting now, punishing your child for decisions that were clearly influenced by her mother, makes it clear you were ALWAYS part of the problem.
Also, your daughter is still not an adult with a mature brain, and you are still messing things up with her, even though you could be working on repairing that relationship at a time that will be formative for her as an adult.
Grow up.” User
1. AITJ For Not Helping Our Mom More?
“My (f 14) mom always complains about how my sister and I treat her like a slave which I genuinely don’t understand because we don’t force her to clean up after us, she takes it upon herself to enter our room and raid through every week after work and always goes on rants about how we ‘expect’ her to do everything but it’s actually quite the opposite.
Both me and my sister dislike it when she likes to micromanage everything we do.
But onto the story from today, so about 2 years ago my mom’s husband came from Africa after a few years of trying to come and I want to make it very clear that before he came, we didn’t have to cook as much as we do now.
Before we cooked about once every two weeks but now, we cook every 2-3 days and the portion sizes are very large considering we cook African soups. He also never helps with cooking but he eats the most out of all of us.
So today I did the usual things I do to help which are cut the okra, blend the pepper, thaw out the palm oil and the beef, and usually after that I just go in my room to chill.
But after I went in the room my mom started yelling about how we never help her with cooking (we do), and that we expect her to cook for us like she’s our slave (I thought providing food for ur child is a basic necessity?) and that we aren’t boys and we shouldn’t be away from the kitchen while she’s cooking (sexist much?).
Also, she’s sick of having to cook all the time and ‘What is the point of having girls if they don’t do anything to help you’ which makes it seem like we are abusive or take advantage of her which we don’t.
She does this all the time but today I was so sick of it so I decided to respond by saying something along the lines of ‘If you are going to complain about having to provide for your children, you shouldn’t have given birth to us’ and how the man who is responsible for her constant cooking should also be out here helping too.
This turned into a huge argument since my mom tends to get very defensive every time we bring up her husband.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, parents owe kids and not the other way around. The cherry on top is that she’s apparently only doing all that because you’re female.
If I were you I would leave the moment I turn 18 because quite honestly, she seems to be quite the abusive person and all the guilt-tripping throws me back to my own childhood living with my selfish, narcissistic mother and her emotionally abusive partner.
You do enough, you have school to focus on and are entitled to rest and some free time that you should spend with whatever you want because you are a child.
Yes, doing small tasks is definitely the right thing to do but you already do that and it’s enough, you don’t have to cook for your parents because you are the child in this situation, and providing a warm meal is your parent’s duty.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… Simply for this; Sexist attitude is irrelevant and age doesn’t matter. You live there and need to contribute equally and appropriately to your age level. If she has to ‘raid through your room’ then you obviously aren’t keeping it clean enough on a daily basis; respect her house and keep your areas clean and tidy.
In regards to cooking; yes everyone should cook equally, but clearly, her husband doesn’t contribute in that manner; honestly, it may be because he’s contributing financially (an arrangement or dynamic you may not be privy to) and you, your sister, and your mother pick up the household duties; which is perfectly normal in ANY culture.
Your mother may also just be overwhelmed by other tasks and duties and is isolating the ONE task she expects you and your sister to contribute to more frequently and simply lacks the necessary communication skills to adequately inform or discuss that expectation.
Lastly, before ya’ll jump on me; my husband and I split ALL household duties evenly because that’s what both of us need; in addition my 7 (yes, I said 7) cleans her room, playroom, bathroom herself and for extra allowance any extra space she feels like doing; she does her own laundry; chooses to feed and brush the dog (again for extra allowance money); does the dishes; helps cook meals; helps her brother with his responsibilities and helps me with his care (he’s 2).
And yes, a 2-year-old has responsibilities; cleaning up his toys, the playroom, and his room; bringing his sippy/snack container into the kitchen; wiping down surfaces in the common areas.
Again equal and appropriate responsibilities for everyone in the house.” censormenow2
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