People Hope To Receive Some Strong Opinions On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Ex For Disturbing Our Valentine's Day Trip?
“This weekend, my partner Beth and I were traveling about 6 hours for a Valentine’s Day weekend trip. We have a routine when we travel, she loves to drive and I hate driving.
She doesn’t like talking in the car, she finds it distracting, and I love sleeping in the car.
So she drives and plays her music loudly while I sleep. We also both like driving with the convertible top off and the heat on unless it’s literally freezing.
It works for us, I get some extra sleep and she enjoys blasting the music and driving like a bat out of the underworld.
Anyway, this guy Leo… We have known him since high school, he was my ex from back then. And neither of us had spoken to him in years.
But last week he messaged me out of the blue saying he heard we were driving to my hometown and if we could give him a ride.
I told Beth, finding it weird that my ex was asking us for a lift, and said I’d rather not, I just wanted to have a romantic trip with her.
He then messaged her also begging to get a lift saying his cousin was in the hospital for surgery and he couldn’t find plane tickets this soon that he could afford and it was an emergency.
I still felt weird about it but Beth convinced me, saying that I sleep in the car anyway and she just likes to blast the music and drive, it wouldn’t even be that awkward because we could just pick him up, and hit the road.
We got to his place to pick him up and I was already in the passenger seat reclined and asleep. He apparently tried to wake me up asking me not to recline it because he didn’t want to sit behind Beth who is taller, and she asked him to sit behind her anyway because I was gonna be sleeping.
I slept through that.
At the first rest stop we took, Beth woke me up and it seemed like she and Leo had been arguing. He wanted to put the top up on the jeep because he was cold even though she’d told him to dress warm.
And he wanted me to drive because her driving was too aggressive. And he wanted the music on low. And he wanted to sit behind me because she was too tall and he had no legroom.
We said no, it was too hard to get the top on right, and it wouldn’t fit well with the doors removed anyway but we had blankets in the back.
And I wasn’t driving, Beth never lets anyone else drive her car. And she wanted the music on to stay awake.
He got really mad on the rest of the drive, he kept trying to wake me up to complain and I kept telling him to stop poking at me and let me sleep.
I eventually just pretended to be asleep.
She dropped him at his parents’ house and his dad came out to yell at us! I spoke up to say he pushed and pushed and pushed us into bringing him, my ex, on our Valentine’s Day weekend after we said no twice and beggars can’t be choosers.
Beth drove off.
He’s furious at both of us and he and his family kept texting so much that we blocked their numbers.
AITJ/Are we the jerks for how we acted on that trip?”
Another User Comments:
“No of course you’re NTJ! He wanted to drive with you so you do you.
And I would have kicked him out at the end of the street. I mean sorry for his cousin but he or she isn’t dying or was he or she? And if his parents feel so bad for him they should’ve bought him a plane ticket in the first place.
Ok, to be fair I personally would have been a little bit more social and don’t get the fact that the top MUST be down when someone else is cold. But again he’s a ‘guest’, an unwanted one, to say the least, because he pushed. So screw him and his parents.
And hopefully, you had a fun time in the end!” Mrs-Fleury
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You guys did a nice thing even though you didn’t want to. You said it best about beggars being choosers.
Leo was obnoxiously rude during the trip, it seemed like he was looking for anything to nitpick at.
Even when you guys offered him blankets, it wasn’t enough.
And I totally understand some people not wanting others to drive their car, it’s a huge liability. He had absolutely no right to try to make you drive or disrupt your sleep.” Red_enami
23. AITJ For Not Letting My Roommate's Partner In?
“I (24F) live with a friend (26F). We’ve lived together for a bit over a year now, she has this partner (35M) whom she has been with for around 5 months.
I’m okay with the guy. I’ve barely talked to him so I don’t know him that much.
My roommate gave him a copy of the key. She did it without telling me, which led to us having an argument. It was for him to stay with us for a week since his apartment had a gas leak or something like that.
The week was over like 2 months ago. I thought he didn’t have a key anymore since he would only come over with her.
Well, 2 weekends ago I was alone at the apartment. When one of us is alone we lock from the inside and the other one opens the door for her.
So I was just chilling and I heard the door. I was confused since she usually texts instead of knocking so I went and looked from the inside and it was her partner alone. He was trying to open the door but he couldn’t since it was locked from the inside.
I asked him how could I help him and he told me to open the door. I asked him where my roommate was and he said she wasn’t texting him back so he came over to see if she was here. I said she wasn’t here and was going back to my room but he kept trying to open the door and told me to let him in so he could wait for her inside.
I told him I was alone and that was not an option. He kept insisting since ‘I know him’. I told him I don’t know him and this is my apartment too so I get to decide who comes over and since she doesn’t even know he’s here he’s not coming in.
I went back to my room and like 20 minutes later he knocked again. He had been on the stairs the entire time. I thought he left, but he said she was still not texting. She didn’t text me back either so I believed him but told him he needed to wait for her somewhere else.
He said he would stay there then. I called security and told them there was a man in the stairs who didn’t live here and kept insisting on coming in even though the person he knew was not there and I asked him to leave.
They came over and told him he needed to leave and wait outside of the building and the parking lot or they would call the cops.
Almost 3 hours later, she came in and started to ask me why didn’t I let him in, etc. I told her that he shouldn’t be here alone and he shouldn’t have a key either, that she either take the key away from him and tell him he can’t do that again or I’ll move out.
She’s mad since she can’t afford the apartment by herself and also because of the situation, some of our friends are on my side but some said that calling security was too much and that I should have let him wait on the stairs. I kinda feel bad for her but I think I did the right thing.
AITJ for not letting him in and calling security?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. She should understand where you’re coming from. For all you knew, they could have just broken up and he could be trying to get in and trash her stuff. She also should have asked you if it was okay to give another person access to YOUR living space.
I’d be moving out if I were you, but I understand that’s much easier said than done.” thatbikerchick51
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has absolutely no right to just come over unannounced and try to walk into your house. Your roommate didn’t even know he was coming over.
He sounds super creepy. She wasn’t answering his texts fast enough so he decided he’d come to her house? And then to top it off he thought he’d unlock the door and barge in. I think he thought he was going to catch her doing something.
He sounds controlling.” Miss_Scarlet86
22. AITJ For Saying That My Pregnant Sister-In-Law Was Being A Jerk?
“My SIL (28f) and I (24f) have always had a ‘frenemies’ type relationship. Nothing against her, we are just two very different people, mainly in that my style is clean but casual and SIL is very conscious of appearances, both hers and others.
She frequently made passive-aggressive comments towards me, which I generally shrugged off.
Considering her interests, it’s no surprise that she decided to go to esthetician school. She also found out she was pregnant a month in but decided to continue while she could. During this time, her comments started getting meaner.
It could have been because of the pregnancy, or because she was in an appearance-focused atmosphere, but either way, any time I called her on it, she blamed it on pregnancy hormones.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. Part of esthetician training involves practical hours, so her school has a student spa/salon attached. SIL invited me to come get a haircut/style from one of the students.
She offered to pay and I didn’t care one way or another, so I said okay.
The entire time I was getting my haircut, she was nearby, joking about how she was trying to make me presentable, and that it probably wouldn’t last but she had to try, and various other ‘joking’ comments about me.
Finally, I snapped. I looked my hairstylist in the eye through the mirror, smiled, and said, ‘I can’t wait until I’m pregnant, so I have an excuse to be a jerk too.’
Cue record scratch. Things got quiet, my SIL walked away, and the rest of the appointment was very awkward.
We haven’t really talked about it since, and eventually, things went back to normal.
Recently I told the story to some friends and they were split. Some said that she deserved sympathy because she was both pregnant and going through rigorous training, while others said that since doing it in private wasn’t working, something more public was deserved. I still feel kind of bad for being so catty, but at the same time, she stopped making comments, which was all I wanted. So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if I am reading this correctly, she has been making these types of comments for a while, so she knows she has been putting you down and trying to make you feel bad about yourself. So when the opportunity came (while in a public setting) she continued these comments trying to make it seem like you’re some beast and she was saving you from yourself.
You are trying to convince yourself that her being pregnant is the reason and we all know it’s not. She is an insecure person and is trying to tear you down to make herself look better. She needs to keep her mouth shut regarding your looks.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pregnancy isn’t a free ‘be a jerk’ card. She just figured she could blame it on that and you’d be the jerk if you said anything to the poor old pregnant lady. So good job in giving her a reality check, because someone is going to eventually do it.” PeteyPorkchops
21. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit For A Woman Who Called Me A "Teenage Delinquent"?
“I’m a 14-year-old babysitter.
Almost 2 weeks ago I agreed to babysit for this woman for 3 days, the first day she called and told me she called out of work because she had a migraine. I was fine with that but then the next day she said she called out of work because her daughter was ‘sick’.
I again was fine with this, but on the 3rd day she had to go back to work, she showed up early which was fine but then she started peeking into our garage because we put our dogs in there. I asked her not to look in there but she just ignored me, so I asked her daughter to go and call out to her.
‘Amy’, her daughter, went and grabbed her mom. Once all 3 girls were in the house, I was talking to the mom. I realized it looked like she was waiting for someone. I was confused because she knew I was 14 and that my ‘aunt’ wouldn’t get there for another 30 minutes.
Once she realized that my ‘aunt’ wasn’t coming she looked annoyed and then left, I was confused but just brushed it off, the other daughter ‘Kenzie’ then exposed that her mom was talking about how she didn’t want to leave her kids with ‘a teenage delinquent that could taint her angels.’
I was a little upset because I’ve been babysitting since I was 12 (with supervision, of course) and I wouldn’t hurt a child or show them anything inappropriate. Then I got a message that her husband was on his way, I was confused because I was supposed to babysit for 2 hours but it had only been 30-40 minutes.
She called her husband to pick them up, but this weekend she asked if I could babysit and I said since it’s Father’s Day I wouldn’t be able to, she got angry and said that she had to go to a doctor’s appointment.
I told her that it wasn’t a ‘teenage delinquent’s problem and to take her precious angels with her.’
My family said I should’ve just agreed to babysit her kids because she couldn’t cancel her appointment and she couldn’t find anyone else.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not working for this family is very reasonable, and I think it was right to call her out on this comment. It would have been more impactful for you as a teenager to calmly call her out and act more maturely than she is acting – cannot overstate how much being the bigger person will work in your favor over the years.
You’re fine OP. Don’t let your family guilt/shame you into working for someone disrespectful and two-faced, no matter your age.” SisterAlliance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she canceled two out of three scheduled days – which carries a fee in most professions, trespassed, insulted your character, and then expected you to babysit last minute?
She is the one setting the bad example here.” the-Lady-Lazarus
20. AITJ For Not Letting My Guests Keep The AC On Overnight?
“A week ago, my (26F) friend (26M) ‘Josh’ and his significant other (25F) ‘Sara’ stayed overnight at my house.
Josh and I are Australian and live in Sydney, Sara is Finnish and lives in Helsinki. They were doing long-distance and Sara finally came over to Sydney on a partner visa (or something, I’m not sure of the specifics).
Josh and Sara are going camping for a few days and stayed at my place the night before as it’s much closer to the campsite they’re going to, which will already be an all-day drive.
When we were getting ready for bed, Sara was complaining about how hot it was. I laughed and said it must be quite a shock from the negative temps she’s just come from. She asked if I could keep the air conditioning on all night as she wouldn’t be able to sleep.
I said no because that would be expensive for me. I said it’s been on 23°C for a couple of hours so your room should be ok, but she said it’s still too hot. For context, it is quite humid at the moment, but it was only about 27°C outside and to be honest that’s very mild for this time of year.
I told her this and Josh backed me up. We went to bed.
The next morning we were having breakfast together and I asked them how they slept. Sara said she had a horrible sleep because it was too hot and because she had no covers on she also got bitten by mosquitoes.
I sympathized (hot mozzie nights suck) but said that she’d better get used to it because she’s about to be camping. I said this in a lighthearted way but Sara apparently thought I was being rude and didn’t say much else.
After they left I got a text from Josh saying I should have been more accommodating.
It’s been a week now and Josh is acting more cold towards me. I thought I was justified but now I think I might be in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I personally would have kept the AC on for a guest. I get it’s expensive but it’s only one night.
If you came to Europe and you were freezing I’d see it as my responsibility as my guest to keep you comfortable and keep the heating on all night.
Australian accents can sound a bit sarcastic and bossy to Europeans so she probably misinterpreted your comment as a jibe.
That can be put down to cultural differences. There’s no need for your friend to fall out with you about it.
I wonder if she really actually wants to go camping and she was hoping for one night in civilisation before going out into the wild.
Hopefully, they have a nice air-conditioned hotel planned for when they get back from camping.” Faithiepoo
Another User Comments:
“Eh, no jerks here.
Part of being a good host, is well, being a good host. Guests eat your food and boost your utilities, but that comes with being a host. You guys are young so I also don’t blame you for not cranking the AC or rolling out the red carpet.
And as for the guests, being a good guest is also rolling with the punches, but if staying at a place is uncomfortable, how much of a favor was it really?
I think both sides are within their rights in their perception of things, but also think you’re making a bigger deal than it needs to be.
Your buddy is trying to make a good impression for this chick he only e-knows, so if anything he’s the jerk, for not level-setting both his SO and you on expectations before the visit.” 7HawksAnd
19. AITJ For Being Mad At My Brother For Coming Out At My Wedding?
“I (27F) am engaged to Polly (F).
The fact that I am gay affected my relationship with my parents and it took more than a decade for them to ‘accept’ it.
I came out at age 12 and since then my brother, Olly (23M) has become my parents’ golden child. It made my relationship with Olly a little salty.
My wedding party was this weekend, my parents and Olly went. It was a very welcoming environment, with a lot of LGBT people.
The night was wonderful, the way I always dreamed of, warm and loving.
I noticed a commotion at my parents’ table and I went to check it out. Olly took advantage of the moment to come out (nothing new, I had doubted his sexuality since he was a child, but it wasn’t up to me to expose it).
My dad got mad when I wasn’t surprised and accused me of hiding that kind of thing. In addition to making comments about being disgusted with the fact that his children are two gays. Almost everyone at the party was listening.
I ticked off all 3 of them.
I told my parents: ‘You can’t for a single night swallow your prejudice.’
And for Olly: ‘Of all times, you knowing that it took them both a decade to accept me back, can’t you choose any other day? I don’t care about you being gay, you have to be whoever you want to be, but WHY today?’
My fiancée interceded and after my tantrum my parents left and so did Olly.
I admit it wasn’t my best reaction, but I just wish one day it wasn’t back to my brother or my parents weren’t prejudiced. It felt like the misery of my adolescence had all come back and again I was embarrassed by my parents and upstaged by my brother.
My parents aren’t talking to me and I honestly don’t feel like it. But I know my brother is saying that I was homophobic and destroyed his moment of coming out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Olly had no business coming out at your wedding.
He also would have had no business announcing his acceptance into a prestigious university, his own betrothal, or his winning of the lottery. It’s not what he announced, it’s that he made ANY significant disclosure.
Every civilized person knows that you don’t use someone else’s wedding to break big news unless the wedding couple knows and approves of your intention to do so.
The only way Olly would not be in the wrong is if it was something he blurted out because your parents were spouting homophobic nonsense and he just snapped… but he’d still have to be deeply sorry about creating drama at your wedding and he’s not sorry.
Congratulations on your marriage. I wish you long years, great joy, and small troubles.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is rough.
Sounds like they’ve put you through the wringer for decades, in comparison to which your reaction, though you know it wasn’t your best, is mild.
I wouldn’t describe hard truths as a tantrum, so try to be easier on yourself.
And yes it sounds like your brother pulled an attention-seeking move because the most obvious rule for all guests at a wedding is: don’t cause a scene. That means, don’t announce your pregnancy, have a gender reveal, propose, come out, convert, or start demonstrating your commitment to a unique lifestyle, whatever at someone else’s wedding.
Because it’s about the couple’s relationship, and the guests are there to support that, not distract from it with their own drama.
Your brother coming out could have been something that improved your relationship with him, but instead, it’s driving you further apart. Sorry to hear it.
Good luck.” User
Congratulations on your wedding, and best wishes for a long and happy marriage.
18. AITJ For Getting Dressed In Front Of My Roommate's Significant Other?
“My friend K (F 19) is not much of a friend but a really close acquaintance. We are roommates (allotted by our uni we didn’t get to choose) so we try our best to be civil and friendly.
K has a significant other, S, who also happens to be my friend. I am closer to S than I am to K.
So last week S was hanging out in our room. We were watching a movie but I wasn’t interested in the movie and I felt awkward like I was imposing.
I decided to head out to the library and get some work done. Before leaving I wanted to take a shower and our bathroom is so small that we can’t change in there without our clothes touching the wall and I hate changing in there.
I said, ‘Hey S I have to change in here so you might wanna leave.’ He jokingly replied, ‘Meh it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.’ I just flipped him off playfully assuming he would leave.
Now I don’t really care about S being there we are pretty close but I knew K would have some problem with it.
She is weirdly territorial about S. At least twice a week she goes on Twitter complaining about girls always wanting to steal her man and how ugly and disgusting they are. This gives you a general idea of how K is. So almost all of us in the friend group keep a reasonable distance from S.
Now back to the story after I showered I stepped out only to find S still there. Like I said I didn’t really care and I did have a towel around my hips and was wearing a sports bra. S and I play basketball together so like she said it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before.
I turned around, got dressed, and left thinking nothing about it but things went down after I came back to my room. K was accusing me of trying to steal her man and shamelessly showing off my body. I tried to reason with her saying that I did ask him to leave but she wasn’t having it.
She went on about how she knew all along that I was a homewrecker and a cunning jerk.
This is where I might have been a jerk: I lost my cool and said something along the lines of ‘You are so insecure that you are trying to take it out on me.
If you cared so much you should have asked him to leave when he didn’t after I did. You won’t because you know how crazy and petty you are and you are scared that he will find out and leave your butt. I am not going to sit here and let you talk trash about me just because you are pathetic.’
I know I am in the right for standing up for myself but I did say mean things deliberately out of anger. She told her friends and all of them texted me saying I was a jerk and a homewrecker. Almost all of my friends side with me but some said that I didn’t have to go that far knowing how K is (she has issues with self-esteem).
I am thinking about texting S but I don’t want to turn this into a drama.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You advised S to leave, but he decided to stay, case closed. If anything, K’s problem is not with you, but S. And as for saying what you did: that girl needed some telling straight.
No amount of insecurity is an excuse for berating and yelling at someone for doing what one does IN THEIR OWN HOME.
Definitely NTJ.” mustytomato
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was your room, and he was asked to leave. If it upset her, K should have told him to step out as well instead of sitting there like mold on a wet log while you got dressed. She didn’t confront him at all about it and then confronted you only after the fact because she didn’t want to bring out the psycho while he was there to witness it.
You told him to leave once. You didn’t feel like asking twice. It’s not your job to keep K’s SO from polluting his eyes with the sight of another female’s flesh. You’re not babysitting these people.
The fact that S’s SO is the kind of woman who has to desperately beg a guy to stay faithful to her isn’t your problem.
(And yeah, it IS pathetic. You didn’t say anything untrue to her. It’s not cute or endearing when women attack other women because their partners don’t exhibit enough tact to do very basic things like leave a room when asked so that another woman can get dressed. It honestly wouldn’t surprise me if he stayed put because he enjoyed getting a rise out of her.) I don’t think you should tell S what happened. If she’s posting such nonsense on social media, or on a public forum, then he knows she’s possessive and obviously doesn’t mind.
Your tattling to him about his SO’s behavior would be doing exactly what you never, ever should – inserting yourself into someone else’s dysfunctional relationship.
K’s probably the kind of person who would blame the other woman for a man’s infidelity whilst forgiving him because – you know – the brazen Jezebel ‘threw herself at him,’ so what else was he supposed to do?
Leave the room? Look away? Such outrageous expectations.” Fun-Art-8880
17. AITJ For Leaving Without My Wife?
“So my wife is constantly late, and she makes us late regularly. Most of the time I just suck it up and deal with it even though I hate being late (and have communicated that to her).
Sometimes we are half an hour late to things.
Many conversations lately have been centered around getting to our son’s soccer games on time after being so late one week we missed the start of the game. She took it seriously for a while and we were on time for several games.
Yesterday, a Saturday morning, the only thing she had going on before an 11:45 game was that she wanted to go for a run. There were no pressing time constraints, she wasn’t rushing home from work, etc. We had agreed we needed to leave by 11:00.
It was starting to become pretty obvious she wasn’t going to be on time. I got to thinking and realized if we took two separate cars I could run some errands after the game.
I got my son 100% ready to go; soccer gear, water bottle, change of clothes, and we were ready to go.
At 11:02 I walk into our bedroom and my wife is not dressed, obviously not ready to walk out the door. In her defense, she probably could have been ready in just a few more minutes, but we were already past the time we should be pulling out of the driveway.
I told her we would meet her at the game and I would run my errands after the game since we’d have 2 cars there. She was livid.
After we left she texted me saying that this was the most demeaning thing anyone had ever done to her.
I thought the response from her would have been ‘Sorry I’m late, see you there’. In hindsight, I get that I could have made it a conversation instead of a decision, but we were already late… do I still owe her a conversation that is only going to make us more late?
I get she was only a few minutes late, but we’ve discussed that leaving by 11:00 means pulling out of the driveway at 11:00. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her poor time management isn’t your obligation to defer to. Your support for your child, meaning getting them where they need to be, on time, is an obligation.
Your wife is failing in her side of that obligation, and you decided on a solution that doesn’t actually deprive anyone of anything. She took that extremely personally.
Your wife needs some therapeutic or psychiatric help. Sounds like she might have an attention disorder, and is living with it when she doesn’t have to.” toofat2serve
Another User Comments:
“I can’t stand when people are chronically late. It is poor time management, it’s inconsiderate and downright rude.
When everyone is calmed down I would sit her down and let her know that it is frustrating and embarrassing for her to always be late.
From now on anything that has a set start time – like your son’s soccer practice and games, together you will decide what time to leave and if she isn’t ready you will take separate cars. This means she isn’t rushed and you and your son are getting there on time.
She isn’t going to like it, but hold firm. She is going to be angry at you, chronically late people don’t think it’s that big of a deal when it is a big deal to others.
NTJ. Good luck.” BlueBelle2019
16. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Nephew While My Mom And Sister Were Having A Garage Sale?
“I (19F) live with my mom (46F) on the first floor of a triple-decker apartment building. My sister (27F) lives on the second floor with my 1-year-old nephew. I love my mom, and I truly love my sister and that little boy dearly. I’m very close with my sister, and as for the baby, I frequently ask to see him and am elated to spend time with him when I have the chance.
I LOVE kids and recently started a new job as a daycare teacher. I work with 5-7-year-olds mostly, and I love all of them. Like most kids though, these babies are very energetic and some days I come home exhausted because I have spent all my energy on and with them.
Yesterday was one of those days. I decided that since today was one of my two days off, I would sleep in late today to try and get my energy back. However, my mom and sister came downstairs with my nephew about 45 minutes ago to wake me up, and my mom informed me I would be staying with him while they hosted a garage sale, to which I politely declined. I really do love my nephew but I’m exhausted, and toddlers are even more difficult to properly care for than elementary school-aged kids.
You blink and suddenly they’ve gotten hold of a dangerous object. I just don’t have the energy for that today, which I tried to explain to my mom and sister.
My mom called me ridiculous for refusing to watch him, and my sister was dumbfounded and stood for 10 more minutes before saying ‘You’re really not going to stay with him?’ I felt guilty but still declined because I felt that not only would it not be fair to let myself rest, I would be doing a disservice to my nephew by not interacting with him like I usually do.
My sister angrily left while saying ‘You could’ve just slept in tomorrow’, and now, while I still feel like I was within my right to say no, I feel really guilty for not watching him. So AITJ for refusing to babysit my nephew while my mom and sister host a garage sale?
If it matters any, my sister is a 6th grade math teacher so she also works with kids, and my mom is a CNA at a nursing home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… That is not your kid therefore you are not required to care for it.
I honestly think your mother and sister are jerks for putting you into that position. If she wanted you to watch the kid, she should have asked you ahead of time, once you declined, she would have had the chance to find another babysitter. She does not have the right to assume that you will take care of her kid.
Your/her job has no impact. It is her kid.” Adventurous_Phase_94
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are two people. They can manage a garage sale while watching the child. That they not even asked before, no, they woke you up on your free day to tell you to watch the child?!
Not even ask… As if watching the child is a present and you should be thankful. And you could have plans? Not that sleeping in isn’t a great plan.
Don’t feel guilty. Their entitlement is ugh… Maybe I would move somewhere further away next time.
To live in the same building has negative sides…” EvilFinch
15. AITJ For Being Angry At My Parents For Letting Their Friends Insult Me?
“I (23m) still live with my parents because everything is so expensive right now. My dad is the type of guy who doesn’t believe in mental disorders, he doesn’t believe I have ADHD (I am diagnosed in 3 different places), or anorexia which almost killed my sister.
So when I was young I wasn’t the best student by any means. Got through my first year and a half of college and then messed up the first semester of my junior year. I simply wasn’t mature enough for college at the time.
So for the next 2 and a half years, I spent my time paying them back in full. Living at home has been a bit of a nightmare, my dad told me he won’t treat me like a son because of my mess-ups from school, even with paying him back.
I feel like at this point I can’t do anything right, I have a job saving up money to go back to school, and I’m trying to get back on the right path. I’m yelled at for everything I do, I remove myself a little bit I’m inconsiderate and only care about myself, I’m around they can’t handle me and can’t stand to look at me.
I go to the gym I get ridiculed for it. I order Uber Eats I’m wasting my money and I’m selfish. I get blamed for my parents’ marriage problems and my brother and my sister being uncomfortable living here. When I do something my parents don’t like such as wanting to see my buddy before he was deployed, since they didn’t like it my dad decided to take the fuel pump out of my car to stop me from driving anywhere.
Over the years he’s broken laptops, phones, Xboxes, or anything I get enjoyment from.
So the other night I ordered food and my parents’ friends were over, I went to the door and my mom said why did you order food, I said I was hungry and I didn’t want to disturb anyone.
My mom called me selfish and her friend proceeded to tell me how stupid and ridiculous I was. My parents added to it saying yeah this is how he always is (at this point it’s 9:30 and I had eaten the dinner my mom made but I was still hungry).
So my dad chimed in and after years of being calm and not fighting them, I lost my cool. I told my mom’s friend, ‘She was ducking crazy for calling me stupid for being hungry’. I also told my parents ‘You’re gonna let your friends just rip me to pieces like that’.
My dad looked me straight in the face and said ‘Yes we are’.
This wasn’t the first time they’ve let people insult me, it was an ongoing issue. So I told my dad, ‘He and my mom can both get lost if they’re going to let anyone just insult me’.
My dad and his parents haven’t talked in 8 years because of the same stuff he and my mom are doing to me now. I love my parents to death and all I want is a better relationship with both of them. But I’m the family’s black sheep and that’s what I’ve been accustomed to since I was little.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – let me be clear though, there is so much to unpack that you ‘could’ be the jerk depending on a lot of extra things.
To be frank though – these two sound horrible. First up, as a man with ASD and two sons with ADHD, the kind of school issues you have are perfectly normal in this scenario.
Without this sounding irresponsible, school is never really going to be a strength of yours (this is purely based on my sons) and the chances are you would benefit far more from active, apprenticeship-styled learning.
Your parents clearly do not understand it. Where is your sister in this situation?
Can you join forces to move out? It sounds like a situation to escape and at 23 – you are old enough to do it.
I don’t really want to comment further – purely because it’s such a huge dilemma and one with so many complications.
I just hope you get the help you and in honesty, they need, as well.” badreligionlover
Another User Comments:
“You really need to move out. Find a roommate or rent a room somewhere away from them. They are really toxic. It might not have been great for you to tell off your parents or their friends, but it doesn’t make you a jerk for doing it since it was deserved. You got to your breaking point and since they couldn’t protect you from their friends but they took part in being in the jerk group, telling them off isn’t a bad thing.
NTJ but look about moving out soon.” lil-peanutbutter
14. AITJ For Parking Too Close To My Neighbor's Car?
“I live in the UK and am a new driver. I have recently got a car which is a smallish Ford (Ford Kia). The apartment block I’m renting a flat has a designated parking spot for each flat. The neighbor in question has her designated spot with the wall on her left and my parking space to her right.
We are not allowed to switch parking spaces and those who have tried were fined by the parking company.
Now my job is pretty hectic meaning I don’t have a stable schedule and sometimes have to leave in a hurry and come back rather tired. Regardless I am always parking within my assigned parking spot which tbh is pretty narrow.
After I returned from the gym (it is literally next door to the apartment building) yesterday I found a letter attached to my car. My neighbor was frustrated that I had apparently parked too close to her parking spot so her child couldn’t get out and scratched herself.
She also said she struggled getting out too. The neighbour does have a bigger car than me which requires more space and I was parked within my parking space and didn’t cross any lines. With her car parked there, I could get into my car from both sides without an issue, the doors wouldn’t open fully, but still comfortable enough to get in or out.
I have also found some scratches on my car and the paint from hers.
I knocked on my neighbor’s door trying to discuss it and mentioning her scratching my car and my neighbor went ballistic. She called me a jerk for my parking and threatened to complain to the building management and complain to the police.
I have suggested if she struggles to park go take parking courses or see if she can let her child (I think the kid is between 4 and 6 years old) out before she parks since the kid is old enough to wait a minute for her to finish packing, but my neighbor doubled down on me being rude and a jerk.
I did receive an email from the management this morning about it, however, they told me as long as I’m within my spot there’s nothing they can do or my neighbor can do. However, when I spoke to some of my work colleagues today their opinion split between me being a jerk and those who believe I’m perfectly in my right to park how I wish within my parking space.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ.
You didn’t design the garage, paint the lines or assign her the crappy space next to the wall. You are parking between your lines (and presumably not scooted to her side). SHE has damaged YOUR property and also went ballistic and threatened to call the police.
The only thing where you went a bit wrong was to tell her how to park and what to do with her kid. Yeah… telling people what to do with their kid is not a thing most people appreciate.” throwaway20698059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She is damaging your car and demanding that you break the parking rules.
Fire back at the management company because you’re not the one being unreasonable, take photographs of this and any future damage (because there WILL be future damage), and then send her the bill.
You’re not the jerk here, and if she wants to try and force you into moving by gouging your car, hit her with the bill.
And maybe even go to the police. Purposely inflicting damage to a vehicle is a criminal offense.” Accomplished-Cheek59
13. AITJ For Telling My Son And His Partner That Life Must Still Go On?
“My (52f) son (28) has been with his partner, Harry (26), for 5 years. Harry and he first met at work, both of them used to work in Formula 1 (the car sport).
Since they stopped working within F1 (2 years ago) and stopped traveling all the time, they have been really passionate about fitness and living a more healthy lifestyle.
3 months ago, Harry had a very bad accident, which had us all worried for his life. They told us there is a high likelihood he won’t be able to walk anymore.
Harry doesn’t really have family here, because his whole family lives in Spain, so he feels even more like a son to me, knowing that me and my husband are the closest thing to parents he has here.
Then after a while, Harry got better.
He could talk to us normally and he could even get out of bed (with help, of course, and only in a wheelchair, but still major and fast improvements). After 1 month in the hospital, he was allowed to go home. My son and Harry moved in with us since the boys’ apartment is on the 4th floor without a proper elevator, so unreachable for Harry.
Some time has passed now and to be honest it doesn’t look good with Harry’s condition. He’s healthy it seems, but he still is unable to walk, although the doctors say they haven’t lost hope for him yet. I really wish everything turns out great and he is able to walk again soon but he doesn’t make any progress at the moment and it doesn’t seem like that will change soon.
He can’t work, cook, do sports, go grocery shopping alone, etc. and it’s really hard to see how he is losing his smile day by day. My husband told me that things need to change and I agree.
Harry needs a home that’s suited for his new disability and also needs to get himself a purpose in life again.
It’s similar to my son: he has dropped sports and the gym completely since the accident and he has been 110% focused on Harry and helping and supporting him in every possible way. I don’t doubt their trust and love for each other for even a second but what does love bring them, when their lives seem to be depending on Harry’s disability?
So yesterday my husband and I had a long talk with them about how they need to get into some kind of therapy and need to move to a place where Harry can live without help, he also needs to find a new job where he is able to do things either from home or where his wheelchair doesn’t matter.
He cannot just sit around and wait for his legs to work again, it’s a long process even if he will be able to walk again in the future. They didn’t take it well. My son said we should at least pretend to have hope and rather support them than openly display that we don’t believe in Harry and suggest that things will never change for him.
We haven’t talked since then, but Harry apologized this morning for being a burden. Which, of course, he isn’t!
So, AITJ for telling them that life has to go on even with a wheelchair?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, although if you keep pushing with your current tactics, that’s going to turn into ‘jerk’ pretty quickly.
Yes, your son and Harry need to start figuring out what the future looks like with no quick fix in sight, but they need to be the ones to figure it out. You pushing this very prescriptive, overwhelmingly comprehensive course of action that you don’t seem to have run by their doctors or any people who’ve been where Harry is will not help in that regard.
Honestly, I think you’d be better off being transparent about your feeling like the house really isn’t set up for this and you not being able to host indefinitely, provide a reasonable timeline for them to make other arrangements, and let them sort it out from there.
Or if you genuinely don’t mind them staying and are just concerned about them stalling, just see if you can focus on getting them to start with the therapy and see how that goes.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. They’re probably not ready to accept this as the ‘new normal’ yet, and that’s okay.
You’re looking to make the best of what it is right now, and that’s also okay. Not everyone is going to take this journey at the same pace.
While my situation is different for a number of reasons, I’m in a similar boat to Harry in that the doctor says I will get better at some point, but can’t say exactly when and can’t say how MUCH better I will get.
Emotionally, I’m at about the same point you seem to be at: ‘This is what it is for now, so let’s plan on this, and if/when it improves that’ll be good, too.’ But please note that for me to GET to that point, it took me a good nine months or so of being in horrible pain, constantly trying to adapt, and thinking every new medical professional I went to would have the magical solution for me to get better.
Three months probably feels like a long time to you, and frankly, it might feel like a long time to Harry and your son, too! But believe me, you’re still in the early days. How Harry chooses to handle his disability is entirely up to him.
You, your husband, and your son have the hard role of supporting him while also dealing with your own emotions about it. Do what you can to make your home as accessible for him as possible. You can also look into some wheelchair-friendly things Harry and your son can do just to get out of the house and enjoy being human, and/or encourage them to look into things that they can enjoy together.
Unfortunately, the world is not nearly as accessible as able-bodied people have the luxury of thinking it is, but that’s no reason to cancel your special night!
In short: you mean well, but you need to be patient. You do have some really good ideas that they might need further down the road, but for now, your best bet is to let them set the pace.” TogetherAgain18
I'm so sorry for Harry's accident and for the stress your family are going through. Best of luck.
12. AITJ For Choosing To Go To A Job Interview Instead Of Helping My Mother?
“I (19) recently moved out of my toxic home and into an apartment with my significant other.
We are still settling in so everything is pretty stressful for me (I have ADHD and anxiety).
Some backstory: I got yelled at for bringing home anything worse than a C (they said I should be thankful for them pressuring me). I never was enough for them and got called ‘lazy’ a lot.
When I got diagnosed with ADHD (at 18, had to do it all by myself because she refused to help) my mom said I was lying and attention-seeking. I got kicked out twice (at 16 and 18) because of an argument and me ‘talking back’ at them.
On multiple occasions, she refused to let me stay at home because I wasn’t sick enough (ear infection and the flu) and told me to basically stop faking and to suck it up.
I could go on for hours but I think that’s enough.
Yesterday my mom (47) called (not asking how I was doing) and said that she wanted me to come home immediately because she fell down some stairs (minor injuries, nothing broken only some bruising).
I told her that I was really sorry, but couldn’t come home this week because I was waiting for a call for a job interview which could be scheduled on the same day as the call, so I had to be prepared (if you have anxiety, you can imagine how stressful it is to wait for an important call or appointment or whatever).
It would also take me about 2 hours to get home, which doesn’t really make it easier for me to come (the public transport sucks where I live so I wouldn’t be able to get to the interview quickly). She then hung up and I thought that was the end of it, but no.
An hour later my dad called me, screaming at me that family always should come first (they certainly wouldn’t care if I was injured) and that I should move my butt home RIGHT NOW.
I again explained that I was sorry but that I really couldn’t miss that interview because I recently moved and needed the job.
He continued screaming at me for a bit and ended the conversation with ‘Don’t you dare ask us for a favor ever again’.
I had a massive breakdown after that call because I’ve been dealing with depression for some time now but luckily my SO comforted me.
Today my little sister (13) called me a jerk for putting myself first and told me that ‘nobody cares if you have time or not, if something happens you HAVE to be there’.
My issue here is that:
1. nobody even asked me to ‘please help out’, they just kept demanding
2. My family wouldn’t do the same thing for me
3. I wasn’t the only option, my grandma was home (next doors) and would gladly help out but my mom is a VERY tidy person and doesn’t like the way my grandma cleans and cooks
4. My family is very abusive and manipulative, they didn’t even offer to compensate me for possibly losing that job (they owe me money)
So AITJ for wanting to secure my future and not help my abusive parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP, your parents sound very similar to mine, except my mom was a bit more nurturing at least, my father was a complete jerk however.
You are 19 and moved out, I would just cut them off OP.
They aren’t worth it. If they decide to reflect and come back to try to apologize in the future (that was the ONLY way I accepted my father back in my life) don’t feel bad for still saying no. They have only themselves to blame and the emotional damage they had caused throughout your childhood, whatever good times there were don’t make up for that.” Kirin2013
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mum’s injuries don’t sound bad enough for you to drive two hours to help around the house, especially when you have a job interview.
It’s great that you’ve moved out from them, they sound verbally and emotionally abusive. I suggest that maybe you go low contact or no contact with them as the next step.
Parents like this likely won’t change and they will only negatively affect your mental health.” dietokitten
11. AITJ For Getting Turned Off After A Woman Assumed I Was Paying For Our Meal?
“I’m really kind of floored at my recent date with a new woman. This was our first date, we spoke for about two weeks, and she eventually asked me out.
For some context on the dynamic, she is a little older than me, we are both femme lesbians, but I assume (based on our careers) that I make quite a bit more money than her.
I planned to pay for the date for that reason but it was never discussed.
Anyway, we met at a local tapas place (her choice) and it was going okay but not well. She was fun but spent most of the time talking about herself, her friends, and her life and it was hard to get a word in edgewise.
She had also had like three drinks at that point, and although not wasted, she did seem to get louder and a little looser in her monologues. At that point, I just remind myself not all extroverts are self-aware and am kind of talking myself into not ending this as a one-time thing.
Eventually, we got to the end of the meal and the server asked if we would like any dessert. And no joke, this woman responded,’ How can I turn down dessert when someone else is picking up the tab?’ And gave me a little smirk I think she thought was flirty.
I was so taken aback. I just said no thank you and waited for the server to leave to ask her why she assumed I was the one paying when she asked me out and she chose the place. She literally said since I have my stuff together (have a good career, drive a nicer car, and recently paid off my student debt which came up when talking about politics before), I should pay.
The audacity to tell me I ‘should’ do anything when we were online strangers to each other was so jarring. So rather than get mad, I just immediately disassociated and said, ‘Okay’. Watched her eat her dessert, paid, and left. While we were walking out to the cars, she invited me to her place which I declined. She then asked when we could see each other again, and I told her we wouldn’t.
She started to get a little loud and wanted answers why not. I told her the truth, she isn’t what I am looking for and just assuming I was paying was the nail in the coffin for me.
She got so mad and said I wasted her time and that was normal for partners with more money to pay for the meal. I told her we aren’t partners and quickly got in my car, blocked her on everything, and went home.
I told some friends about it recently and to my surprise, they thought I was a jerk for making a big deal out of a joke she made before dessert especially since I had planned on paying.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t really care about who invited who or who chose the place, it’s just the assumption on her part that you’re paying that winds me up.
She could have asked at least!
Had she not made that assumption, it sounds like you may have offered to pay anyway. But it doesn’t matter how well (or badly) the date went, or how well (or badly) you got on, she shouldn’t assume that you’re paying.” ThatHoarder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends seem to be missing that it’s not about the joke she made, it’s about the attitude behind it. She’s just told you she doesn’t expect to be an equal partner, she’s looking for someone to spend all their money on her and never expect anything in return.
You 100% don’t have to go along with that.” User
10. AITJ For Breaking Down At 4 AM Over A Missing Phone?
“So basically, for the past several months I’ve been working 2 jobs. I pretty much get 70 hours a week of ‘free time’, most of which I’m either sleeping, running errands, or staring into a void until my inevitable next shift (because I don’t have the energy to even indulge in my own interests).
I work anywhere from 50-80 hours a week, depending.
My SO goes to school and works anywhere between 18 and 30 hours a week. Any time they’re home, if they’re not doing homework (homework is obviously excusable, along with a healthy amount of the following) they’re playing video games and/or watching TV/YouTube.
Every single day I come home to a dirty house. Every single day I buy and pick up dinner. Every single day I run on fumes and try to get a few things straightened to maybe ease my anxiety about the house. All I ask is for at least one or two chores on off days, but rarely get it.
My anxiety and depression have been through the roof.
Tonight, about 6 hours into my eventual 12-hour shift (that being 6 hours into my second shift that day, which turned into a 12-hour shift, overall totaling 18 hours in a 24-hour period), I asked what we wanted to do for dinner.
Typical ‘I don’t know’ response. I plead for them to make a decision because I’m exhausted and I’ve been working at that point for 12 hours already with no definite end in sight. I’m told I’m to pick up dinner.
Fast forward, I get home around 4 am.
I have to be back up at work in 5 hours at this point. I tell SO to come to bed, throw my phone in the bed, then look for PJs. SO turns all lights off, lays on the bed, and falls back asleep. I can no longer see and I also have no idea where my phone is to use the flashlight.
I look all over the living room, can’t find it, look on my side of the bed, can’t find it. Pat around blankets, can’t find it. Lift up the blankets, am immediately met with an extremely irritated ‘Jesus Christ’. Still can’t find it. Go back downstairs and to my car to check.
Not there. Back upstairs and looking all over the apartment, start getting frustrated and become louder than anticipated. Anxiety is rising. ‘Jesus Christ, it’s 4 am!’ I still can’t find my phone. Meltdown begins. In the most irritated ‘It’s 4 am so I’m going to try to be as quiet as I can, but also I’m angry’ voice, I go through my frustrations while still looking for my phone (I need it for my alarms).
Finally got some help, phone was under SO the entire time (I don’t think they even noticed). I couldn’t contain myself so I took a shower and cried it out. SO comes in and angrily asks what’s wrong. I can’t answer because I’m crying and can barely breathe.
They close the bathroom door. When I get out they tell me I can take the bed, they’ll sleep on the couch, leaving me feeling like a jerk. AITJ?
This isn’t normal, but lately, I feel like I’m the ridiculous one. We usually have a great relationship but me having 2 jobs has definitely put a big strain on it.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re going to get a mum telling off now. When you’re having an unstoppable breakdown over the phone at 4 am, your mind and body are telling you that they’re at breaking point. This level of stress has got to stop. NOW.
You need to be very clear to your SO.
They pull their weight, or you’re going to purposely drop the ball. Give them 24 hours to make a change… then start. Don’t clean. Only pick up dinner for yourself. Wash your own laundry. If the house is a mess, so what? If your SO can’t see your contribution to this relationship, make them.
Your physical and mental health comes before anything else. You need help. NTJ.” ohnosandpeople
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you can, you really have to stop working so much because as you’re already noticing, your body can’t handle it. If you don’t stop now you will eventually get so ill that you may never be able to work again.
Exhaustion and stress are extremely harmful when they’re constants and best case scenario for recovery is counted in years, not months, when you reach your breaking point.” tuttkraftverk
9. AITJ For Letting My Kid Quit His School's Sports Team?
“My kid (15) is currently playing on the JV team at their high school. They have played this sport since they were 6. Up until this past season, they loved playing it.
This year has been not fun for them for a multitude of reasons.
Some players last year were told they were going to be on varsity, even though it’s supposed to be merit-based. The kids selected were all part of the same parent/kid clique group.
The JV team does not get the resources due to them. All parents pay the same amount in fees, but practice times/turf locations go to varsity.
There is an assistant coach who is supposed to split time between the teams, but never does. They got extra gear for the varsity team, but have made JV parents pick up the tab for JV necessities.
Then there is also the outright disrespect, the JV team is expected to attend the varsity games, but then the varsity team leaves afterward.
They use the JV team as gofers and have them run errands during the varsity games. No pictures, videos, or announcers at their games.
So my kid has basically had it and told the coach they are going to quit the team. They are not having fun and feel disrespected. Some teammates found out and now they are quitting too.
The total number of players quitting is 11. This means that the JV team is basically dead. I would not say that my kid is the mastermind, but all of the ones quitting are close friends. They said if my kid goes back, the rest will follow.
The coaches are livid and the parents are pretty mad.
The coaches and athletic director talked to my kid letting down the team by quitting. They would have to take varsity players and have them play JV now. It would probably wreck both teams. My kid said they would think about it over the weekend, but they probably would not change their mind.
The coaches reached out to me and I told them the decision was up to my kid. What they are seeing is a result of their management of both teams.
I have had other parents reach out to ask me to force my kid to play and I have said the decision is up to them.
Some were mad because their kids would be playing on JV. I told them that I really didn’t care because of the trashy environment.
Other JV parents are threatening to go to the school board and complain because of what has come to light.
My kid has told me they would play if I wanted them to and finish out the season, which is not even at the halfway point.
I told them the final decision was up to them.
I have been called out, not by name but everyone knows it’s me, on the town’s unofficial social media page. I am not on social media so I don’t care, however, some parents are saying that their kids are being punished now and I could fix it.
So, AITJ for not asking my kid to play and preventing the teams from imploding and mass exodus of players?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘What they are seeing is a result of their management of both teams.’ Yep, and the adult coaches are trying to get you to pressure your kid so that they don’t have to fix their own behavior.
They, and the other trashy parents are making this about the kids not wanting to keep doing something that is not fun and denigrating to them, instead of their own mismanagement.
It sucks, though, that in a sports-deranged small town, these bullies have this kind of power.
You and your kids, and the other ones who want to leave need to be prepared for their Mean Girl nonsense and push back on it.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. School sports are a huge commitment of time, energy, and discipline, and the payoff is fun, camaraderie, and a sense of accomplishment.
But bad coaching, unfair treatment, or poor management can ruin it.
Your son’s withdrawal may have been the tipping point, but the fact that 10 other kids followed him shows loud and clear that the mistreatment of the JV team was both real and serious. His going back with no substantive changes would send the wrong message.
At a minimum, he needs to present in writing a list of 5 or 10 deficiencies and unfair practices that have demotivated him and others on the team and ask school management to develop a plan to address them. Even if he doesn’t go back, he should advocate for better treatment of future JV players.” Allimack
If the mean girl clique parents bother you again about forcing your son back on the team, tell them there are 10 other kids that made the same decision, so go bother their parents. Because if they don't stop bothering you, they'll hear from your attorney via a cease and desist letter. That should shut them up.
And pu$$y coaches and school admin need to clean up their act, if they want to be able to field both JV and V teams. Well done, to your son. You should be very proud.
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My Significant Other's Kids?
“I am a 58-year-old dad of 3 kids (16M, 18M, 20F), and my ex-wife (57F) and I got divorced when our youngest was a baby. I haven’t been in a serious relationship since my divorce, up until 3 years ago I had full custody of the kids and I wanted to devote myself to them but now that my oldest two are at uni and my youngest spends half the week with mum I wanted to start going out with women again.
I don’t mind going out with a woman with kids but her having young kids would be a dealbreaker for me as I’ve already mostly raised my children and I feel too old now to have the early nights you have with little kids, I raised my two youngest children almost independently through them being babies and toddlers so I’m done with little kids for life.
I met a woman recently on the internet, she is a 45-year-old mother and told me she had kids on our first night out. Sandra is GORGEOUS and incredibly smart and funny and interesting, we have loads of things in common, and it’s the first time I’ve had a real emotional connection (not a casual hookup) with a woman in 16 years practically.
I’ve never introduced a partner to my kids because they were all casual but things with Sandra felt like they were getting serious so I took her to meet my kids and they got on really well.
After the dinner, Sandra made an offhand comment when I was taking her home about how my kids were older than she expected and her expectations had gone out the window of her kids being friends with mine and she forgot how much older I am than her.
She has 4 kids. Her oldest two are adults/late teens but her youngest are 5 and 9. I told her that young kids were a dealbreaker for me but she said her kids weren’t that much hassle.
I like Sandra but I can’t be with her because if we get more serious I will be raising children again.
We remained together because I did like her but every time she suggested I meet her kids I refused or made up some excuse why I didn’t want to. I suggested we break up many times but she said she wanted to stay with me even if I didn’t meet her kids but became more and more frustrated by my refusal. She eventually accused me of leading her on.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Not for not wanting to meet the kids but for continuing to go out with her when you knew it was a deal breaker. For suggesting you break up without actually breaking up with her. For introducing her to your kids before you knew her well enough to find out basic information about her kids, like their age.
Honestly, your first night out should have been:
You: Do you have kids?
Her: Yes, 4.
You: I have 3, John who is 16, Omar who is 18, and Tanisha who is 20. Tell me about your kids.
Her: Billy who is 22, Kendra who is 20, Susy who is 9, and Aiden who is 5.
You: I’m not going to lie you’re an amazing person but I really don’t want to raise young kids again. I hope you have a wonderful life and meet someone great and thank you for such a wonderful night.
Then you guys never talk again.
Yes, she should have broken up with you once she found out but you’re definitely the bigger issue.” Arsenicandtea
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
‘I suggested we break up many times’
Dude, the second or third time you need to bring up breaking up over a conflict that you’re not getting any closer to resolving – and aren’t going to, because you not wanting to meet or deal with the kids does not change the reality of their existence or their importance in her life – you need to quit ‘suggesting’ and just walk away.
Even if she’s not willing to acknowledge that’s what needs to happen here, either.” User
7. AITJ For Trying To Make My Pregnant Wife Feel Better About Her Looks?
“My wife is pregnant, due any day now, and signed off from work a few weeks ago. She is the lead engineer on a huge infrastructure project but is involved in a political power struggle with one of the company directors, who has tried to remove her but was unable to because the job is running extremely well.
In response, she’s assembling a group of people to stage a coup and take his position.
Since she signed off she’s been very worried about how being off work gives this guy an advantage. She’s convinced he’ll find a way to replace her and use her maternity leave to his advantage.
It’s pretty much all she talks about.
My wife is also heavily into beauty and ‘self-care’. She gets her hair done and a manicure/pedicure every week without fail and never leaves the house without her makeup done. I’ve always said this doesn’t matter to me but she loves her beauty regime so I’ve never argued.
However, since she signed off work she hasn’t bothered with the beauty regime. She hasn’t even shaved her legs. We were cuddling and watching a movie today, and she was feeling bad about it. She mentioned the fact that since she stopped the beauty stuff, she doesn’t look or feel like herself.
To be honest, I didn’t even notice that she hadn’t shaved, so to make her feel better I said with her hairy legs she looked like a ‘hot cavewoman’.
She said ‘Shut up’, got up, and stormed off. Later I went to see if she was OK, but she was on our bed, curled up and sobbing.
I did want to comfort her but she shoved me off again.
I was trying to make her feel good and tell her that she’s beautiful naturally and doesn’t need anything else. I know she’s feeling bad about being off work and not doing her beauty regime, but I was honestly trying to make her feel good.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife is about to give birth. Hormones are all over the place. Did you ever think it’s hard for her to shave her legs with that big pregnant belly in the way? You admitted she’s worried about work and that she’s now on leave.
You making fun of her looks like that (when this is something she takes pride in), just brought it all to a hilt. You need to pamper your wife.” Serious-Currency108
Another User Comments:
“‘Caveman’ is negative in so many aspects – used synonymously with Neanderthal, it can imply low intelligence, bad hygiene, etc.
It would be like saying someone was a beautiful frog because they thought their skin was porous. You didn’t mean it bad but it could imply negative assertions especially because she is pregnant and naturally more sensitive.
I know you probably had good intentions, but next time you’re trying to reassure her, maybe say what you said toward the end of your story about her being naturally beautiful.
That way, there’s no room for any negative connotations, and you’re still making your wife feel good about herself like you want.” yellowbunnythrowaway
6. AITJ For Eating My Partner's Leftover Fries?
“We go to Wingstop to pick up some food. Normally I don’t eat a lot, but I was wicked hungry when we ordered so I splurged and got extra ranch and everything, lol. I was bummed because I accidentally ordered a regular fry instead of a large one, but my partner was already getting impatient with his brother for going back for something, so I didn’t want to hold us up any longer.
We’re all eating and my partner goes to throw away a nearly full basket of fries. There’s nothing wrong with them; he’s just full and doesn’t want them. I asked him over and over again if he was throwing them away, just to be sure, but he ignored me until it was back in the paper bag (the temporary trash bag).
I asked him if I could have them. Nothing.
He went to go clean. He was entirely done eating and those fries were bound for the garbage, so I just reached in and grabbed them. They were right side up and everything.
He told me to put them back.
I asked him why, since he was throwing them away, and I already finished mine. He said he spent his money on it, so he gets the last say in where it ends up. I almost get that, but why be so petty as to bogart your garbage?
I’m autistic so I’m not exactly new to asking ‘Is there some unspoken social cue I’m not getting here?’
He got mad and yelled ‘Fine. Eat the fries. I don’t care anymore,’ and then he stormed out. I feel like a jerk because I started crying.
I wasn’t crying about the fries or his yelling but because that was the stupidest argument I think I’ve ever heard. It was so avoidable.
Did I do something wrong? Should I have just dropped it? I feel so stupid and confused.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Your partner, on the other hand…
‘Leftovers’ implies food that one saves to eat later. Your partner was done and did not want to eat those fries. There is no scenario in which insisting on throwing away perfectly good food that someone else wants to eat is okay.
It’s wasteful, it’s rude, and the only thing it achieves is that you get to feel superior and smirk at a hungry person who has to remain hungry.
He gets more enjoyment from being cruel to you than from doing something nice that doesn’t even cost him money or effort.
This is not a person you should be around.” allyearswift
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It would be different if you were his friend and you both paid for separate meals. If in that scenario you went for his fries then yes it would’ve been a bad move to insist on eating them after he told you not to.
But you two are a couple. I don’t get why he’s like that.
He sounds like someone that doesn’t respect you. If he did he would’ve answered you earlier.” Minority2
5. AITJ For Leaving My Friends At The Bar?
“I was the designated driver last night and starting to think I might be a jerk because they’re still blowing up my phone. For context, I’ve been the DD the last two times we’ve gone out as well as last night because I’m on antibiotics right now.
Before we left I mentioned that since I’ve been DD three times in a row now it’d be nice if they chipped in on gas. Normally when we alternate this isn’t an issue, but we haven’t been alternating.
My friends said I was being greedy and money-hungry, so I dropped it.
At the bar, I asked one of my friends who was grabbing a round to get me a soft drink, but she ‘forgot.’ Everyone was being sort of standoffish, so I asked if they were upset about me asking for gas money and they brushed me off without really answering.
But they were basically ignoring me, and I got bored.
At quarter past eleven, I said I was tired and asked if we could start wrapping up. Everyone said they were still having fun and didn’t want to leave. I waited until 11:30 and then said I was going to wait in the car and was leaving in fifteen minutes.
One friend rolled her eyes. At 11:45 I texted I was leaving in five minutes and at midnight I left.
At 1:30 I started getting calls and texts. I didn’t answer the calls, but the texts were all asking where I was. I texted that I left. Immediately they start calling me a jerk.
So I stopped answering. They eventually texted that if they had to order an Uber I was paying and I just responded ‘No.’
I got a selfie of all of them in the Uber flipping me off, so I know they aren’t still at the club.
I think they were being selfish, but I know a DD ditching you can ruin your night. Thinking about it is keeping me awake. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Gas is crazy expensive. Their reactions from the start were wrong. You should’ve left earlier when you wanted. They’re grown enough to Uber.
I wouldn’t hang out with them, nor would I apologize at all. Also, do not be a DD anymore. You asked for gas money and kindly dropped it when they said no or whatever their reaction was… not getting you a simple soft drink and being passive and flipping you off after you communicated time and time again when you were leaving??
I’m surprised they’re old enough to drink. They sound entitled and immature. Good on you for even dealing with it for a moment.” AdventurousGas1435
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – With these petrol prices, the least they could do is to give some compensation for the use of your car.
Also, since being the DD means you can’t partake in drinking, they should have supported you with a soft drink here and there.
Nah, you are not a jerk, but you need to have a proper talk with your friends when they are sober and have had a chance to think about the situation.” User
4. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Dog Feces And Urine?
“I co-own a cleaning company and so far, I’m booked every week and vastly popular in my area. However, I picked up a new client whose wife is in treatment, so they kinda let the house fall apart. No problem, we LOVE helping clients fall back in love with their space.
On the first day, we got there and unlike what we were led to believe, no key was left in sight. We checked under mats, on lights, and under decor. Nada. We knock, waking the daughter, and she lets us in and leaves to her room to chill, no biggie, we got this.
Upon entering the den, we find two large piles of dog feces. We cleaned it because frankly, it had never happened before and we own a dog, so no problem. We get it.
We do our 5 hours, and head out for the day, knowing we’ll be back as this is a MASSIVE project.
On day two, we return and find more feces, and then upon cleaning the entertainment center, piles upon piles, upon piles of rodent feces. With that, we both were sick to our stomachs (my coworker was literally in the bathroom vomiting) and we left, for their safety.
Today, we gave them one more chance, and upon arrival, the daughter seemed completely unaware that anyone was coming, had two friends over, and ADMITTED that she had knowledge that there was dog urine and feces in the kitchen. And so she went to clean it, and her friend let us in a few minutes later.
We enter the kitchen, the teens leave, and we discover that they only placed paper towels over it for us to finish, and left feces on the floor.
We have now left, not five minutes into our shift. And we are quite conflicted on if the joke is on us for being crappy or if the clients should be more respectful of our time and work.
Our contracts outline that we do not handle animal waste of any kind. We took pictures and sent them to our client and she seemed rather mad that we had left, and stated they would go another route. She still has not paid us for the day we got sick.”
Another User Comments:
“Anyone who has feces of various types in their home is more in need of your services than they think. An accident by a pet is one thing but rodent feces? There are all kinds of diseases associated with rodent droppings and you or your employees should not be taking that risk.
Send her the bill & take her to small claims court if necessary. Imagine her embarrassment in court when you detail what you saw.” OneWithoutaName2
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely not a jerk for refusing to clean it, but if your contract says you won’t clean it but you do anyways, you’re kind of giving mixed signals.
For the sake of clarity in future cases, I’d just leave the first time it happens, not after multiple contractual violations. If you even seem to agree to do something that isn’t allowed by the contract, they could take you to court or argue that you violated the contract as well.
I wouldn’t want that for you.” Own_Age_3360
3. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Forcing Me To Go To A Family Reunion?
“For the past several months, there’s been talk of a family reunion sometime during the early summer, likely June. I (22m) have expressed my refusal to participate since there are certain individuals I’m very much not comfortable with who are also participating. There are also conflicts with pre-existing plans, alongside my current employer having a hostile stance towards requesting more days off at any time, with the reunion lasting about 5 days, not counting travel.
Unfortunately, the discussion between me and my immediate family regarding my participation never got anywhere. It usually ended up in my mother’s vague insistence or my father’s indifference to my decision. (I should also note that I currently live with my parents; Rent in the area is too brutal, I have no financial safety nets, and the only reliable friend within a reasonable driving distance already has a roommate)
Fast forward to the last 24 hours, I discovered that the tickets were already paid for, and thus I confronted my mother as a result. I was very angry, but despite this, she is now aggressively demanding that I go, on the basis that I ‘NEED’ to.
I still refused. The responses from my mother consisted of her calling me ungrateful, accusing me of thinking that ‘the world revolved around me’, and overall just digging into my head making me think I was insane or something in response to my arguments. She would even laugh in my face at anything I said instead of actually listening.
I even offered to pay the price of the ticket, but the offer was brushed off telling me ‘You don’t have a pot to pee in’.
I then tried to calm down and started a final argument with ‘Look, I know we don’t get alon-‘ She took immediate offense and began reiterating earlier statements saying I ‘don’t care about anybody but myself’ and so I lost it and yelled in her face: ‘DON’T EVER GO BEHIND MY BACK LIKE THIS AGAIN!
YOU DON’T CONTROL ME! I AM NOT YOUR PROPERTY!’
She just said ‘You’ve got some balls boy’ and told me I ‘WILL be going’. (My father, again, was indifferent to all of this.) I could have approached the situation with less aggression, but regardless, AITJ?
I’m now afraid to remain home in rebellion due to the potential of getting a 1-way ticket to homelessness, or worse. So I likely will be going.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it does seem like you are either going to have to find a different living situation or go to the reunion.
You are in a very tough situation. You are an adult but still very reliant on your family. They are treating you like a child who they have control over, which sucks, but they actually do have control over your housing at the moment. Whether you end up having to go to the reunion or not, I would focus efforts on finding another place to live.” Complex-Lemon-371
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s utterly ridiculous. If you go after she pulled this it only proves that she can control and steamroll you any time she wants! She will never stop manipulating you! Besides, if your boss said you can’t have the time off, how would you go anyway?
What happens if you don’t go? Will she kick you out? Would Dad let her?
It’s time you figure out a better living situation because your mama sounds crazy and I’m sure this is just one of many incidents with her pulling the strings.” La_Murano
2. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Friend Who's In Love With Me?
‘There’s this guy I work with, we’ll call him Dave. Dave and I became friends very quickly, bonding over similar pasts and our personalities being almost the exact same. We talked to each other about anything and everything.
All day, every day.
Side note, Dave’s wife passed some time ago, so he has been mourning her ever since. He’s told me that he sees qualities in me that matched hers, and he’s very drawn to me because of that. He’s hinted that he’s started to develop deep feelings for me because of these qualities.
Like.. love feelings. Not platonic, either.
However, I’m in a committed relationship with someone else that I am very very in love with. I had the thought recently that I would be uncomfortable if my partner were this close to another woman, especially if she had feelings for him.
After this personal revelation, I decided it would be best for me to pull back on the friendship. Not talk about stuff as deep as we were before, and I’ve tried to set some boundaries, to try to keep the friendship, but also to maybe make his feelings… fade a little?
I don’t know. But I know what unrequited love feels like, and I hate that he has to go through that. But as I tried to set boundaries, he took it extremely harshly, telling me he didn’t know what was real anymore, and didn’t know if I was ever even his friend.
He’s insisting that I’ve hurt him so bad, and can’t trust me or be my friend anymore.
I want the best for him, so if our friendship is gonna hurt him, I’ll gladly let go for his sake.
But I just want to hear someone else’s opinion, if I’m in the wrong for trying to set this boundary, and if his extreme reaction is how it should have been.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are in a committed relationship with someone else – and kudos for being self-aware enough to consider how you would feel if the tables were turned RE your partner – most people never step back and do that, and it’s a relationship-saver.
Your effort to set boundaries is completely reasonable, and unfortunately, he’s not taking it very well… but that’s not your fault, and you shouldn’t feel guilty.
It’s a sad situation, I can’t imagine how he must be feeling, but he also can’t project all his feelings onto you/your relationship with him.” gratefulnothateful11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, unrequited love sucks, also has a tendency to make people get lost in themselves and their own feelings, creating an imaginary world of pedestals and ‘maybe they’re the one.’ It’s not fun, it’s not healthy, and does nobody any favors.
So yeah, absolutely a good idea to draw lines here and be very clear about the ins and outs. You can be kind with it for sure and hopefully, it doesn’t ruin the friendship but really full honesty on how you see him, what you’re looking for (ie: friendship), etc…
is needed. That may end things or maybe he’ll need some space to get out of the unhealthy mindset and a proper friendship can continue without all the crap.
Either way, cards on the table are the way to go. No messing about.” Mr_Ham_Man80
1. AITJ For Not Buying My Daughter Her Own Computer?
“I (38M) recently got a promotion at work, and with it came a decent raise. Due to the global crisis, my wife (40F) was laid off, which put a bit of a strain on our family budget.
Our kids are very mature for their ages and understood that this meant we had a little bit less during Christmas and didn’t get to go on a vacation earlier this year. But with my new promotion and my wife starting a new job, we are in a good spot again.
We are building our savings back up and decided we wanted to reward our kids for doing so well, and not complaining when things were tight.
We decided to give our kids a budget and whatever they wanted to do with the money, they could do.
New clothes, remodeling their rooms, hobby supplies, and things like that (we of course bought our kids new clothes/supplies for the new school year, this was on top of that). All of our kids were happy with their purchases until our daughter (15f) found out that our son (17m) got his own computer.
He did go a little bit over the budget, but we told our other kids (15f and 12m) this, and let them buy a few more things to make up for it.
The problem is now our daughter wants her own computer as well, and says it wasn’t fair that our son got to go over the budget.
We told her that our son is going to be using the computer for more than video games and that now she will be able to use the family computer more since our son won’t be taking his classes on it (he is taking free computer science courses from a few colleges).
Our son is also going to be going away to college in the fall, so he will need a computer and now he has one.
To be fair, we have denied our kids their own computers in the past, and my wife and I do not have our own computers.
So she could have thought we would just say no if she asked. Our kids do have access to the family PC, and all of them have phones (not brand new, but they’re all smartphones).
So, AITJ for saying that our daughter can’t have her own computer and can’t use our son’s?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are overall a jerk, but I think the situation is of your own making so YTJ. Your daughter didn’t know that asking for something over budget was allowed, when your son asked for the computer you could have gone back to your daughter and said she could get one too, or made it the new thing that kids get a computer when they’re 17.
I think the best thing to do now is lay out the future path for her getting one, is it by earning the money by doing chores/job, is it for the next birthday, etc.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You put her in a situation where she didn’t feel comfortable asking for her own computer because you had refused to give everyone their own computers in the past, so she assumed the automatic answer would be ‘No.’ Then she found out her brother went ahead and asked for one and got it.
I’m sure a computer is much more valuable than any other item they might ask for and I bet your daughter really wanted her own for a long time, so no, letting them get more stuff to accommodate them because your son went over budget doesn’t cut it.
It feels almost embarrassing to have to use the family computer while your sibling gets a computer completely to themself which they can use for anything they want at all times without having to share with others. I understand your logic that your son asked so he got it but a computer is a pretty big deal. I don’t blame your daughter for being upset.” AssociationIll3926
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!