People Talk About Their Challenges In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
31. AITJ For Defending My Wife's Body Hair Against My Friend's Partner's Insults?
“So my (40m) wife (34f) is (in her words) a furball. She has very fair skin and has VERY thick and dark body hair all over, partially due to genetics and partially due to a hormone issue.
She was teased horribly through her life for it and it caused a ton of mental anguish for her.
Her skin is also super sensitive so shaving caused horrible rashes. She used to spend HOURS shaving/waxing/using chemicals etc.
As she got older she became more comfortable in her own skin and she just goes fairly natural now, which I will admit, as she will, is pretty fuzzy. We joke about it and she will joke about it with close friends as well.
It is kind of her way of taking her power back over it.
We were at a friend’s (Kelly 36f) for game night last week and after the girls wanted to get in the hot tub.
My wife asked Kelly to borrow some shorts and a tank top. She hadn’t shaved her legs in months, and when she came out Kelly’s new partner (Chad mid-30s m) started laughing and said ‘Wow!
You’re hairier than a flipping man! What the heck?!?!’ Then started laughing.
My wife said something along the lines of ‘more man than you’ll ever be!’ and laughed and they headed out to the hot tub. Chad yelled after ‘You’re gonna clog the darn filters!’
Once we were all in the hot tub he kept making jokes, and referred to her as a ‘squach’ (as in sasquatch) a few times.
My wife laughed it off but it was pretty obvious she (and everyone else) was getting uncomfortable with it.
I told him to knock it off, as did another guy who was there. He said ‘oh come on, it’s funny. She should cover that stuff up if she doesn’t want people to say something.’
I told him it is amazing how a grown man like him STILL acts like a frat boy, especially since he never even went to college. I asked him what he was going to do if his career in fast food restaurant management didn’t work out, things like that.
He ended up getting angry and leaving and later had a big blow-up with Kelly over it.
Kelly thinks I should have let it slide because my wife doesn’t let things like that get to her, but that is after years of therapy and body image issues. Shaving is actually pretty triggering to her which is part of why she doesn’t.
Kelly also has always been one of those types who will keep around jerks because she is desperate to get married and start a family.
AITJ for causing an argument between a friend and her new partner.”
30. AITJ For Banning My MIL After She Permed Our Daughter's Hair Without Permission?
“My (30F) husband and I (28M) have a 3 y/o daughter with 4C hair, I’m black while my husband and his family are white as paper, our child is obviously mixed but looks more like me.
I recently went back to work so my MIL takes care of our daughter 3 days a week from 10 AM to 5 PM, she has been complaining for a few weeks about how hard it is for her to detangle and manage my daughter’s hair, I’ve been teaching her some tips and multiple ways to do it but I told her that at the end of the day, there’s no easy way to do it since her hair is difficult and she’s still a child, so she needs to be patient.
To note, she doesn’t do her hair every day, before I leave for work I leave her ready, but sometimes she gives my daughter a bath in the afternoon and says that she doesn’t like it when her hair is undone. I’ve told her that she doesn’t need to do complicated hairstyles and that she can always put her in a bun or two buns and that looks cute on her, but she told me that ”she was gonna take care of it”.
Days passed and yesterday I came home with my daughter having straight hair and found out that my MIL had permed her. Saying that I was mad is not enough, I asked why she did it and she said that it was easier to take care of now but I told her that it wasn’t her place to do it and that she was just 3 so perming shouldn’t be done at her age.
My daughter was also crying because her hair looked ”ugly” and she didn’t look like mommy or daddy anymore (my husband has light curly hair). I told my MIL to leave and that my husband and I were going to talk to her very soon. I called my husband and told him to come home ASAP, my baby ran to him crying as soon as she saw him, after I told him what happened and seeing how distressed our daughter was he agreed with me.
Neither of us thought that my MIL acted out of racism but she still did something bad anyway, so we told her that she wasn’t allowed to see our daughter until she apologized, truly apologized, to our daughter.
I’m going to take a few days off to see if we can do something about her hair and to make sure her scalp doesn’t have a reaction to the perm, we also told my MIL that she has to pay for anything that needs to be done to salvage or repair my daughter’s hair because she doesn’t like how it looks.
My MIL is refusing to do any of those things and went to cry to my FIL who is calling us jerks because ”she only meant to help us” and accused me of calling her racist for ”some hair” which I never did. I told my husband that I’m willing to not make her pay for the treatment, but that without a serious apology, she isn’t welcome back in our house or near our baby.”
29. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Family Meet My Daughter After They Abandoned Our Wedding?
“I come from a conservative Christian family. All my family members were/are involved in the church and have church-based jobs. When they met my wife they loved her and embraced her as their own. We were together for 2 years and discovered she was pregnant after we got engaged. Invitations were already given at the time and we decided to still have the wedding on date when my wife was 5 months in.
My family was furious when they found out my wife was pregnant. They asked if we even still considered having a wedding. I said why not but they were very upset, especially mom and dad who said they’ve always been known for their decency and good Christian values and weren’t willing to let this “stain” their reputation, as in my wife and I getting married while pregnant.
They officially dropped out and refused to negotiate saying it was done and I have only myself to blame for this outcome and should move the wedding out of town. I was hurt, I tried to change their minds and checked with other members but my brother said he had no intention to look like a joke in front of his fellow church members and dropped out.
My aunt pretended to be sick and said she may not be able to make it, she’s 100% healthy. My cousin said he had a business trip and stopped his wife and kids from attending and my uncle cussed me out, tore the invitation, and kicked me out.
I felt terrible with no family members of my own to support me and share my joy at my wedding.
I even broke down crying after the ceremony. I haven’t spoken to them for months and then got busy with my 4 weeks old daughter. My cousin reached out to hand me gifts and well wishes for the birth of my daughter sent from my family. I returned everything. He sat with me on behalf of the family saying I shouldn’t have returned gifts that were from my family who want to see and hopefully be involved in my daughter’s life.
He said mom’s longing to meet her grandbaby and everyone else is wanting to visit soon to celebrate my daughter’s life. I asked him this question, I said wasn’t my daughter the reason why the entire lot of them abandoned my wedding? He just stared grudgingly as I went on about how they treated my daughter as something to be ashamed of and hide (my daughter at some point will ask about the wedding and I have no intentions of lying to her).
He replied saying he guaranteed I got it all wrong and no matter what goes down between us I can never deny that my daughter is their granddaughter/niece/etc. and they’re her family. He asked that I arrange for them to visit but I refused. He kept pressing the idea but I shut him down.
My wife says I should let them come but I still refused.”
28. AITJ For Choosing My Aunt Over My Parents After They Rejected Her?
“I (17F) was essentially brought up by my aunt (38F). My parents never had the time and since my aunt works from home, they’d always drop me at hers on their way to work and pick me up at 10 pm (if they did). I have my own room, my own clothes, and even my own bathroom at her house.
They’ve been dropping me there since I was 3 and until I was 14 I stayed over every day. I’d only visit my actual house on weekends basically. We have a special bond. She knows everything about my life and I know everything about hers. It’s probably because she was very young at the time she started taking care of me that we’ve created this friendship kind of relationship.
I still visit her all the time and we go out every Tuesday.
Well, among the secrets that she’s told me is that she’s a lesbian. She told me that when I was 12 and I honestly didn’t care, it wouldn’t change anything in our relationship.
Last week she told me that she was going to tell the whole family so on Saturday we all met at my grandma’s and she told them.
Keep in mind that they are all very conservative. They flipped out at her saying that she was a failure and stuff like that. I stood by her the whole time but after a while my brain just shut off until I heard my mom saying that I wasn’t going to see her anymore because she’s ‘bad influence’.
I told her that yes, I’d still visit her every day and that I’ve known her secret since I was 12 and that that didn’t make me gay. She then told me I wouldn’t be welcome at home anymore and I said something along the lines of ‘My home is her house. You guys didn’t raise me and I’m not even sure if I can call you guys my parents’.
I might have crossed a line there but it’s not like they didn’t cross several others. My mom then told me that I would have to choose between them or her and, without hesitation, I chose her.
We were basically kicked out of the house. I drove us to my parents’ house, grabbed some of my stuff, and then went to my now home.
I had to comfort her all night. I also had to adjust my schedule because her house was farther from school than my old house so I would have to take the bus.
I have been living with her for about a week now and it’s been amazing. My mental health couldn’t be better and I have absolutely no regrets, though most people who hear the story think I shouldn’t have talked to my parents like that nor have chosen my aunt over them.
Was I the jerk?”
27. AITJ For Complaining About My Landlord's Restrictions, Leading To Her Suspension During Her Husband's Illness?
“4 years ago I moved into one of those home communities (the ones where all the houses look exactly the same on a very quiet dead-end street). I love it here. My kids love it here. It’s safe, quiet, clean, etc. My rent is $1900, nothing included for a 3 bedroom house with a massive yard and garage, which is actually pretty good.
Anyways, nowhere in my lease does it state that I am not allowed to use my porch, garage, or storage bin (that came included with the house). However, my landlord is being a complete jerk. She came by (she gave me 24-hour notice) to do an inspection and went absolutely ballistic because I had my kids’ bikes and winter clothing bins in my garage.
She also flipped out when she saw that I had my lawn chairs and table sitting on my porch. Near the end of it, she stated ‘You don’t have anything in that storage bin do you?’ So I said I did. My kids’ lawn toys are stored in there. She was fuming mad by the time she left and I received a notice 2 days later stating that I had exactly 1 week to remove all of the items off my porch, in my garage AND the storage area because they are ‘not for personal use’.
What? I argued it. I told her I pay $1900 a month and nowhere in my lease does it say that I cannot use my porch, garage, or storage bin. She then threatened eviction if I didn’t move the items. I’m not confrontational so I DID move these items. She tried claiming the porch and garage were a direct order from the fire marshal (doubtful – it wasn’t dirty by any means – I’m VERY organized).
Anyway, I tried talking to her. She doesn’t want to hear it, whatever. So I did move the stuff but I was very mad about it so I went directly above her to the housing community staff and pulled a meeting for lowered rent due to not being able to use at least 1/4 of the property that I pay for.
The way this works is that there are 25 houses here and it is broken up between 5 ‘landlords’ (people who work for the community- not actual landlords, more like property managers). So when you file complaints against one of them, they are placed on leave and an investigation is launched. So my landlord was placed on leave.
The investigation only started 2 days ago but I have been told that I am a jerk because apparently this woman’s husband is in the hospital very sick and this woman needs as much money as she can get to pay medical bills. Since she is now on leave for this she is not getting paid.
AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Getting Angry At The Pet Cremation Company For Not Honoring Our Appointment?
“I lost my cat last week, and took him an hour away to an independent pet cremation company. Everything went fine, and we talked to a woman on Friday and scheduled to pick him up at a certain date and time and also paid (almost $200) for the services. Fast forward to today, we call before leaving as instructed to let them know we’re on our way.
We get a guy who tells us nobody is there. My husband tells him that we had an appointment to pick him up, they’ve had him for over a week now. The guy tells us we will have to reschedule because the person at the shop got bored and left early. We were upset and he told us he’d see what he can do but that he has plans for the day.
He calls back a few minutes later and tells us we can’t go pick him up. I took the phone and got angry and told him multiple times that we had an appointment and I just wanted my deceased cat back. I used strong language once and was visibly upset. He told me it was our fault for not going in the morning, to which I told him we agreed to come just before 2 p.m. (we corrected that it was actually 1 p.m. and we were still within that time frame).
We had an appointment. He told us he talked to my husband yesterday, which we told him he did not, and have not talked to anyone since Friday. He insisted he talked to us yesterday and then checked his call history to find that he DID NOT talk to us. He was telling me that he has plans and doesn’t want to drive the 45 minutes to the shop.
I told him we had plans too, to pick up our deceased cat and drive an hour there. We argued back and forth for 10 minutes which I was extremely upset and yes, rather rude about the situation considering it’s MY DECEASED CAT. I told him his company made a mistake and they need to fix it, and we planned our day around coming to pick up the remains.
In the end, the woman called us and profusely apologized as she didn’t communicate our appointment to everyone and is currently driving him to our home. Before she called the man told me I was never welcome at the shop, that I was a nutcase, and he would mail my cat’s remains. Am I in the wrong here?”
25. AITJ For Wanting My Partner's Invasive Friend To Stop Overstaying Her Welcome?
“So I (m22) have been with my partner (f21) for a year, and over the course of the past few months, one of her friends (f20) has been more and more present when I’m spending time with my partner.
The situation with me and my partner is that I would stay at her small house for four days during the week, then the other days to do our own thing and work, etc. It’s her place, I pay my dues by buying groceries and cooking.
We always make sure we have time for ourselves and friends etc., and sometimes meet as a bigger group. But one of her closer friends started to turn up to the house unannounced during the day, then staying till late. If we are out she would pester either of us to see where we are, on two occasions she has used the Snapchat map to try to find us when we are out.
At first it didn’t bother me at all, it wasn’t as frequent and it’s nice to hang out with people. But now it’s not really hanging out anymore, it’s more her coming to use my partner’s Netflix account, and the only time I get to spend with just my partner is going to sleep. Two weeks ago my partner suggested that we do a pottery painting session, I was up for it until the friend heard of our plans and wanted to come along.
I just said it was going to be more of a date rather than anyone coming along and my partner told her that we would do it all another time.
I have tried telling my partner that I don’t mind her friend being around, but it’s nice for sometimes just be the two of us, she did agree, but didn’t talk to her friend about it.
The final straw for me was a few days ago, I was going to take my partner out for a meal, her friend inadvertently found out about it and then came along to my partner’s house on the day, asking why no one else was invited to the meal and that if she could come.
I tried politely to say that it wasn’t a thing for everyone and that it was a date night, then the friend just said that they would just sit quietly while we “do what we have to do”. When we returned from the meal, she stayed until late, when she left she admitted that she went around to the side of the house to try and peep in through the small gaps in the blinds to see if we would get up to anything.
When I told her that it was weird and invasive, she just laughed.
So I spoke to my partner, I told her that her friend is just too invasive and doesn’t respect the boundaries of our relationship and that sometimes it’s nice to spend time with just my partner. She did agree with the friend overstaying her welcome with the date night, but I shouldn’t be controlling and telling her that she can’t see her friends.
I explained that isn’t what I was saying, just boundaries and time with just each other but she still got upset with me.
AITJ for telling my partner that I want her friend to stop coming over so often and being invasive?”
24. AITJ For Threatening To File An Insurance Claim After Falling Through My Brother-In-Law's Poorly Made Porch?
“My brother-in-law’s front porch is poorly made and not to code. He’s been replacing pieces of it for years: a rotted board here, a handrail there.
Yesterday, I dropped off a package at their house while they were out. On my way down, I went through one of the stairs. Basically, the end of the board was rotted out and it no longer had any support on one side, so it basically just turned into a see-saw. My left leg went straight down and hit the ground so I was kind of trapped in a weird position as I tumbled forward.
I scraped up my leg, with some decent gouges from the splintered wood. The end result was that my leg was cut and bleeding, my pants were torn, and I strained something in my upper back/shoulder. Not life-threatening, to be sure. I sent them a text when it happened.
An hour or two later, I get a text that he and my sister-in-law couldn’t stop laughing when they checked their doorbell cam.
I responded that it wouldn’t have been as funny if it was either of their elderly parents, one of their kids, or any of the delivery people who bring stuff to their home-based business. At no point did he apologize or offer to pay for my pants. I did get a ‘you ok?’ text.
Today, I get a ‘how are you feeling?’ text. I said, ‘Little sore, but nothing that would stop me from helping you tear down that porch and rebuilding it safely. You know, with proper stringers, risers, and treads.’ His response: ‘I’ll be replacing the board today. Expect a bill in your mailbox, lumber ain’t cheap’.
My response was, ‘Good, when you stop by, bring your insurance info so I can make a claim.’
Later today, my wife gets a call from her brother asking if I was actually going to file a lawsuit or insurance claim and how he let his homeowners’ insurance lapse because money was tight. When my wife told him that we weren’t actually going to file a lawsuit, he got even madder because he was ‘really stressed out for a couple of hours’ and how he doesn’t want us to come by on Christmas (their family was hosting this year) because we might stub our toe and sue.
Wife wants me to attempt to mend fences so as not to ruin Christmas. I suggested that she and I talk about it on Wednesday so we can get some perspective….
AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Refusing To Be Godparents Due To High Expectations?
“My best friend (and best man at my wedding) is having twins next year.
They’ve been trying for ages for their first children and my wife and I are super excited for them.
We’re all roughly the same age (30 – 36), we’re relatively close as couples and I’ve been best friends with my buddy for about 10 years.
We don’t have kids ourselves or want them, but my friend has gotten extremely into being a Dad – all the usual ‘it changes you’..
‘you don’t know real love’ etc. And has pre-emptively asked us to be God Parents (he’s an only child so is keen for his kids to have ‘uncles’ etc.)
We initially were like ‘cool’. We figured I see him all the time anyway, and we’re happy for them. We’ve already put away about $1,500 for the kids in a savings fund as a little present for them.
However, as we get closer to the due date, they’ve been starting to say some things that are making us rethink. Stuff about how we’ll be looking after the kids on their date nights, saying things like ‘when the twins are over’ and most recently ‘I expect you to love them like they’re your own, I would with yours if you had them.’
We also offered to get them something from their baby list and were a little surprised when they picked a $4,000 ‘buga boo’ double buggy. My wife and I do make a fairly decent living (run my own business and my wife is an accountant), and we don’t have kids, so have quite a bit of disposable income.
He justified it as us ‘being the only people who could afford it, and that we are the godparents’.
After a relatively heated discussion between my wife and me (we have nephews that we’re close with, but don’t do anything like that for), we decided we needed to set expectations.
We went for a beer (me and my pal) and I explained to him that while we’re super excited for them, we don’t think we are able to meet the expectations he has for godparents.
We wouldn’t be doing any babysitting and while we’ll obviously make an effort with their kids, they won’t be ‘one of our own’. So would be declining the offer.
He got quite annoyed and the conversation heated up with him saying ‘you’re saying if my kids were in a fire you wouldn’t run in and save them’.
I replied ‘Of course if it was safe. But I wouldn’t risk mine or my wife’s life if that’s what you mean?’
He then asked if we would look after the kids (financially and parental) if something were to happen when they were off on holiday or something. Again I said we’d definitely help but wouldn’t be parents or anything.
He stormed off saying this was about us being ‘cheap’ and selfish and that we have no appreciation for how special having kids is. We haven’t spoken in about a week now and he no showed our boys Christmas night out, telling a mutual he’s heartbroken and furious.
Are we the jerks here?”
22. AITJ For Telling My Family I'm Joining The Military To Escape My Toxic Brother?
“A little backstory, my bother is a real jerk, he’s inconsiderate, obnoxious, toxic, and a pain in the rear to be around. He smells because he doesn’t shower often and he refuses to pull himself out of a dead-end job.
He will play video games at 2-3 a.m. which I’m sure we have all done except he is loud, obnoxiously loud.
He plays with his friends for hours screaming at his game, yelling at his friends, talking loudly and stuff. Genuinely just being a piece of rubbish.
He tried to charge me for a Redbull I tried (and disliked) that I didn’t know was his. I refused as he had consumed and eaten stuff I had bought before and I never tried to get him to pay me back.
That is another thing, he eats other people’s food without asking. It’s a bunch of small stuff that he does that annoys me.
I have tried to get my parents involved because if I tried talking with him it would just be a screaming match between us, and to their credit, they have tried but failed. He will say “okay okay” the entire time until they leave then continue to be a piece of rubbish.
Things only got worse when we moved to a new state where I don’t feel like I belong, I hate it here.
Many months back I started my enlistment process for the military and just a few weeks ago I finished it and I am currently waiting to ship out.
There is a problem though, my ship-out date is right before Thanksgiving.
My family is torn. They asked me why it’s so close so I decided to tell them.
For those who don’t know the military will ask you “how soon can you go to basic” and if you put ASAP they will try to get you into basic ASAP.
So I told them I put ASAP and I guess they put me in ASAP.
My mom asked why and I told her…. I told her in the kindest way possible that I wanted to leave as soon as possible, I’m tired of constantly fighting my brother, I’m tired of waking up at 3 a.m. to him screaming at his game, I’m tired of them not enforcing rules on him.
I don’t like this state, I want to leave this house as soon as possible.
My mom didn’t answer and just went to her room….I feel terrible but I frankly feel like it needed to be said. So, am I the jerk for saying why I am leaving soon?”
21. AITJ For Telling My Partner That My Daughter Hid His Contacts As Revenge?
“My daughter Madison (16) suffered from abandonment at a young age. Her bio dad left suddenly when she was 5. We weren’t married and it was easy for him to just…walk out and disappear. He was mentally unstable so I’m grateful at least I was able to keep Maddie safe.
When Maddie met my partner Chris she latched onto him and they established a bond in no time. Chris is a great man, he cares about Maddie and considers her as his own. They have activities they spend time doing but unfortunately due to an unpredictable work schedule, Chris may not always be available. He explained this to Maddie but clearly she doesn’t fully get it and gets mad when he has to cancel plans and go to work despite trying his best but it doesn’t happen often.
This past week Chris promised Maddie that he’d take her and friends to visit an old factory and take videos for their project but then apologized later saying he had to cover an urgent shift the day of the trip and she got upset and didn’t accept it claiming his shift was more important than her.
She kept complaining till I told her to drop it.
Next day I was in the kitchen when I heard Chris shouting saying he just fell down the stairs. I rushed to check on him and saw that he hurt his ankle after falling down the stairs. He was in so much pain I asked how it happened. He said he woke up and couldn’t find his contact lenses (He doesn’t go to bed wearing them and has reasons not to) and kept looking for them but didn’t find them so he wanted to try looking for them downstairs.
I said there’s no way they were left anywhere else besides the nightstand where he left them and he agreed. I took him to the hospital after the pain intensified and got him disposable contacts from the pharmacy which cost $80 as a temporary solution.
We got home and I went into Maddie’s room to ask for some help but she was in the shower.
I took a quick look around and a small white box caught my eye. I discovered that it had Chris’s contacts in it. I was shocked and furious. I had her get out of the shower to explain why she hid the contacts and she denied but I shouted her into submission and she admitted she hid them to get back at Chris for breaking his promise and for choosing work over spending time with her.
I said what she did was messed up as Chris and his work got affected by her harsh punishment for him. I grounded her, taking her savings in return for the money I spent on new contacts, and took her camera and laptop away. She started crying saying I was making her feel stranded by taking her project equipment away.
I told her to apologize and get right with Chris soon but she begged me not to tell him she did this otherwise I’ll ruin their relationship. I said she shouldn’t expect their relationship to be the same after what she did.
I told him and he understandably got upset and wanted space from her but she didn’t take it well.
She’s been going mad ever since, crying, refusing to eat, accusing me of ruining the bond she has with him over something she did in a moment of frustration.”
20. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Parents' Filthy House After Discovering It Caused My Allergies?
“My entire life I had what I was told were severe allergies. I constantly had a runny nose or got headaches because of how stuffed up my sinuses were.
There is a home video of me with a runny nose as a baby. My parents gave me allergy meds but they never worked enough or made me tired. I missed lots of school when I was a kid because my headache was too bad for me to go to school or the school thought I had a cold and made me go home.
I was shy when I was a kid and I did get made fun of a lot for being the kid whose nose was literally dripping all the time. I’ll say my grades and my self-confidence were not great.
I tried to get into college when I was done with high school but my grades and attendance were a barrier.
I tried again the next year and I did get into a community college because I won an essay contest. I got free tuition for a 2 year Associate’s degree. The campus isn’t here but I found a part-time job and a room to rent. I started college in August. Since I’ve been here I haven’t had a single headache when I used to get one a week at least and my nose no longer runs/drips.
I haven’t had to blow my nose or had any stuffiness in 2 months. I know it sounds lame to regular people but I can’t believe how good it is to breathe properly. I haven’t missed any of my classes at all.
I couldn’t figure out why at first. The place I’m staying at has 2 cats and 2 dogs.
There is a garden and there is a forest and more trees around where I am staying and on campus. I thought my allergies would be haywire. I grew up with no pets in the city and my allergies were bad. Living here has made me realize how filthy and run down my parents’ (and both sets of grandparents too) house is.
Growing up I thought it was normal but I’m realizing it was not. The doctor I saw here said if my parents had dust, mold, dirt, and other stuff it definitely affected my sinuses. (When I say filthy and run down I mean the entire bath and shower crusted over, mold in the basement, actual dirt everywhere, old magazines and newspapers, paint and wallpaper peeling, and thick dust).
When I told my parents I wasn’t having allergy trouble they said the doctors told them when I was a baby that dirt and dust could bother me. But they never told me that and they never tried to clean their house. My mom is a pharmacist and my dad is a dentist. We weren’t poor they were just slobs.
Until I moved here I thought people with nice looking clean houses only happened on TV. I never had any friends whose houses I went to and besides my 2 grandparents’ houses, we never went anywhere. I told my parents I wouldn’t visit them at the house or come there for the holidays. I said that they can come here (my host offered) or we can meet in public.
They are really mad at me now and so are my grandparents but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to want to avoid a runny nose and headaches after having to deal with it for 19 years.”
19. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Cooked Food I Can't Eat After Wisdom Teeth Removal?
“I (F16) got my wisdom teeth removed today. I’m home now and what drove me to make this post is what happened a few minutes ago.
(I will get to that.)
So, it was around 7 AM, and my mom (37) and brother (7) were at the dental office with me. We had arrived at 7:00, and the appointment was scheduled for 7:30.
7:30 hits and she asks them why they aren’t starting my appointment. They reassure her and tell her that the dental surgeon and other staff are preparing.
She didn’t like this, and she said, “You guys should’ve been preparing, I have to take my son to school at 8:15 and if I knew you were going to take all day I would’ve stayed home and come later!”
I felt embarrassed. “We require all patients to be here a half hour before their appointment starts.” One of the receptionists attempted to reassure her.
After a few more attempts to get me back there and going, my mom leaves, (It’s 8:00 AM, and she leaves to get my brother to school). (We don’t live far away from the office at all.)
Well, I’m there sitting still and they tell me that I can come to the back.
They can’t start the procedure though.
Fast forward like 30 minutes later, my mom is finally back.
(The surgeon explains for the whole time of the 30 minutes what I need to be prepared for, what to expect, what to eat, etc.)
They let my mom know that they’re starting and she agrees with it.
Finally, the sedative is in my arm and what happened next.. I don’t know.
I wake up in the car and am influenced by the medication obviously. I get a smoothie and we go home. I take a nap, then I wake up, do some things.. fast forward to now, 9:00 PM.
“I’m about to go hang out with R.
(F20 something??) do some adult things. Call me if you need anything. By the way, I made turkey meat for nachos tomorrow.”
“I can’t eat that,” I reply. There’s no gauze in my mouth but I still can’t open it all that wide.
“You can’t eat it now but tomorrow you can.”
“They’ve explained to me that I can’t eat chewy things mom.” I’m clearly agitated.
“Chewy things? That’s not chewy and if it is eat it with your front teeth.”
She continues to talk but I ignore her. She leaves my room and I start crying. I feel like I’m developing an ED anyway because I stress eat.
She comes back a few minutes later asking me if I had taken my pain medicine and I told her not yet..
She’s sitting here arguing with me about my pain medicine and chewy food and what the definition means to her. At this point we are both passive-aggressive and I completely stop talking and ignore her.
I do have better communication skills, just not with her. She’s so hard to talk to, so I give up. Anyway, she says she’s leaving and I’m just really mad at this point.
I do have Jello and other things. But this is the only time she cooked this week, (when I can’t eat the food) and it’s the fact that she’s being inconsiderate about my teeth..
AITJ for feeling this way?”
18. AITJ For Firing My Dad After He Ruined A Batch Of Sauce At My Restaurant?
“For context, I own my own restaurant and have had it for about 18 years. We are a classic Italian from scratch farm to table.
So naturally a lot goes into this.
One of the sauces we make goes into several different dishes and we make this in large batches. On a normal day, we cook this for about six hours. On the days that we make it I come in around 04:00 AM to get it going since we have a lunch service and then dinner service.
It’s one of my favorite recipes and I love making it even if it means I’m sleep-deprived. LOL. My father recently retired from his job and has been working with me three days out of the week. Normally he is just helping with some of the daily cleaning and pre-opening work I needed help with and it has worked out.
However, my dad thinks he knows more than other people and thinks he is usually right and everyone else is wrong.
The sauce that we make has exact and specific measurements for spices and we have not changed this. This is what works best for us and how it needs to be and stay this way.
The other day I was making the sauce and had to go in and do something in the office. I asked my dad to just stir the sauce for me and I would be back in a few minutes. Should have been it and no issues. I think I was gone for five minutes.
Later on, I went ahead and tasted everything and I was shocked that the pepper flavor was so high that there was no way I could serve this and no way to salvage it.
I called my Executive Chef over to test it also and see if she did anything different and we were both shocked. The whole batch was ruined. And we were opening in two hours. My dad asked what the problem was and I told him and he said that he added some black pepper because the sauce has always been too bland for him.
Long story short was that we had some serious words and I told him he just cost me a lot of time and resources and did something that he had no business doing and that he was fired and to get out of my restaurant. He said I can’t fire him because he was dad and I said I was his current employer and that when we are behind these closed doors (referring to my restaurant) all personal relationships are null and void and I could and just did fire him and that he needed to leave and not come back and that I would mail him his final check.
My phone has been blowing up from my mom saying that you never fire a parent that he was only trying to help and make an improvement and that I need to take him back. I said no. Then the rest of my family started to blow up my phone saying that what I did was wrong and that I either hire him back or none of them will be here for Thanksgiving.
My husband says I was in the right and did nothing wrong.
So AITJ for firing my dad?”
17. AITJ For Making Light Of My Disability At The Gym?
“I am a 45 yo male & a manual wheelchair user. In 2017 I decided I would join a gym, not so much for the free weights, but because they had a pool. Because of my disability, I spoke to the manager to find out how they felt about having a disabled person using their facilities (I know it wasn’t really necessary, but any gym that does express a problem (in the subtext) usually isn’t worth the effort).
Also, it can be a bit of a shock to watch my not-very-graceful dismount & remount of the wheelchair, so I wanted to give fair warning.
So I should also say that I am prolific at mocking my own disability, & I am fine with people poking (well-intentioned) jabs at it too, as far as I am concerned, if people are comfortable with the wheelchair, it stops being an issue & everyone can just get on with their lives.
I made a particular effort with gym staff as they seemed particularly apprehensive at the start, making jokes & acknowledging my disability whenever it was appropriate. Just the usual stuff… “Good news, today is leg day!” & “I am ‘wheely’ excited to get into the pool today!”, nothing overly crass or offensive, just good-natured fun.
I should point out that I never made fun of any of the staff, just my own lack of lower body strength. This seemed to work well. In no time I was well-known for my humor & I think most people found it endearing, fun, & maybe just a little shocking.
Fast forward six months – At 0600hrs I roll into the gym & I am waiting my turn to sign in, when I see the assistant manager look over at me while talking to one of the female personal trainers & say, very loudly, “The line would move a lot quicker if it wasn’t for that spastic!” I was shocked. And so were the people around me.
For those who don’t know, the term ‘spastic’ is an arcane word for someone with certain forms of cerebral palsy & has been retired from general use due to its offensive usage. Even when I am being my most controversial, I would never use that word. She had no expression of humor on her face & just turned back to the PT.
I had talked with this person on many occasions & assumed there must have been a misunderstanding. So, after I signed in, I rolled out of the queue & waited for the stream of early morning members to finish before calling her over to a quiet area of the reception desk.
“Good morning Jill, you know, we don’t really use those sort of words anymore – they are too hard to spell on police reports.” “But you are a spastic!” she replied. I took the time to explain what cerebral palsy was & why we don’t use the term ‘spastic’ – it was just plain offensive.
She did not take this well & I was forced to move to a different gym.
I can’t help but feel that I was at fault because I tried, & it could be argued that I encouraged (or at least gave tacit permission to) others, to make light of my own disability.
Am I the jerk?”
16. AITJ For Refusing To Use My Expensive Yarn For My Sister's Christmas Gift?
“Some background: I (29/F) crochet as a hobby, and have a very large yarn ‘stash’. Over the years, I’ve collected hanks of yarn from a company called Manos Del Uruguay. The company is fantastic; the yarn is hand-dyed and hand-spun and the company employs all rural women in the country. The yarn can be expensive, anywhere from $10-$48 depending on yarn size and weight.
Because of this, I keep the yarn for personal projects; I don’t use them for commissions or gifts. My family knows about this collection; they’ve even given me yarn from Manos as gifts in the past.
I’ve been out of work for the last 3 months, and have a new job that doesn’t start until January.
So, I’ve basically been making do by using my crochet skills and taking commissions. I make enough to get by, with some small generosities from my family. $20-$40 here and there. Nothing that I won’t be able to pay back. Because of the money going towards bills and food, I decided to crochet my family’s presents this year (10 people overall; my parents, siblings, their spouses).
Instead of dipping into my stash, I set aside some commission money to buy brand-new wool yarn in everyone’s favorite colors. As we live in a cold state, I made everyone a set of a hat, scarf, and fingerless gloves. I’ve been working on these for the past month or so, tried to pick patterns that looked nice but worked up quickly.
A couple of days ago, while I was out running errands, my sister Bianca decided to pop in to grab a gift she had shipped to my apartment to keep hidden (been asking her for years to call before coming over. She won’t do it). She found the gifts on my worktable and also found the labels from the yarn I bought.
I got back to my apartment to find her there. She called me cheap and demanded that her set be remade in my ‘fancy’ South American yarn since she’s been nice to lend me funds recently and that she’s also given me some of the yarn.
I explained that most of the Manos yarn is the wrong weight for the patterns I used (most of it is weight 3.
The patterns I used asked for weight 5 or 6 yarn). I also explained that I wanted to keep it for personal use, so I could enjoy the yarn after working with it. She called me a selfish jerk and said I wouldn’t be getting any more help from her. I called her spoiled and told her to get out of my apartment.
She left after saying neither she nor her husband wanted my cheap presents.
My mom is upset at both of us for having this fight days before Christmas but is more upset at me for not just remaking the set. I explained the yarn weight issue and while I could change the amount of stitches needed to make the set fit, Christmas Eve is tomorrow and I don’t have a DeLorean.
I also don’t want to give in to her demands. My mom told me to remake the set and that I’m being too stubborn.
AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Getting My Eye Color Corrected On My License?
“This is the stupidest thing ever, but here we go. My eyes are green and blue and sometimes look grey depending on the lighting and whatever color I’m wearing. I used to just put “blue” for eye color, but about 10 years ago I had a DMV employee change it to green after he told me that blue was not the “predominant color”.
I’ve left it as green ever since and it’s never been an issue.
Except now it’s suddenly an issue. A couple of months ago I moved to a new state and had to get a new license. They let my husband and me schedule back-to-back appointments and come in together. I filled out the application, handed it over, and waited while the person we had our appointment with looked over my husband’s application.
She was friendly with my husband and joked around with him about the process.
When she got to me her entire demeanor changed from happy and friendly to the stereotypical DMV employee. As she was inputting my application she said “I don’t know who you’re trying to fool, but your eyes aren’t green.
I’m going to have to change that.” While I thought she was a bit rude about it, I said “no problem, just switch it to blue.” She looked at me like I was an idiot (obviously my interpretation) and said “your eyes are obviously brown to anyone who actually pays attention. I’m changing it to that.” I told her that she could put blue or green, but not brown because my eyes clearly aren’t brown.
We argued back and forth before she finally told me she was putting my eye color as brown or I could get out without a new license. I said fine, whatever, and I got my new license with the wrong eye color.
My husband let me vent in the car and then we laughed about how stupid and inconsequential the whole thing was.
Turns out it’s not actually inconsequential. My new job required a high-security clearance and the facility has very strict security protocols. I have to show both my badge and a non-expired photo ID every time I enter the building, both of which are scrutinized. I’ve been denied entry six times since getting my new ID because, not only does the eye color printed on my license not match their records, it also doesn’t match my eyes.
My husband brought this whole ordeal up at Christmas dinner with my family as a funny story, and I mentioned that I had to explain to my supervisor what happened, and he was going to contact whoever was in charge at the DMV to get it fixed. My new, corrected license was mailed to me two weeks later (got it three days ago).
My mom told me that I was a jerk because I probably “got that poor girl fired” and she was “just trying to do her job”.
I don’t think I’m the jerk, but I also don’t enjoy the thought of getting someone fired, and my mom is pretty adamant that I’m the biggest jerk in the world for getting someone fired before Christmas.
So. AITJ?”
14. WIBTJ If I Told My Mom Why We Really Hate Surprises?
“Okay some backstory. When I (F20) was 13 my family would go to a church study.
One Friday morning, my mom woke us up really early, packed up some stuff & we were off. Imagine my surprise to wake up and find we were in a completely different state. I woke up my sister Kate (11 at the time) & explained the situation. We were going to see my mom’s family 3 states over.
Fast forward a week, my mom dropped the bombshell on us that we were moving here & she brought us first to get us out of the way & was going back to get our stuff. We freaked out. I demanded to phone my dad but my mom refused to let me call him. Apparently during the week she was gone I had a psychology breakout, attempted to run off, & just became a zombie.
I was finally allowed to talk to my dad. He said that he was sorry but we were moving. Kate really stepped up with the twins (younger than us) & stopped being a kid after that. Both my parents came for us after a week & we’ve lived here ever since. I found out later that my mom had just taken off without saying anything then threatened my dad saying she wasn’t coming back & she had the kids.
My dad didn’t want to split up his family so he left his high-paying job (for CA) & moved with us.
Unsurprisingly, my whole family hates surprises. I absolutely hate surprises. I hate being put on the spot and expected to give a good reaction. Christmas/birthdays always suck for me because of this.
Whenever we went out I needed to know where we were going & why. I can’t even watch a movie or read a book without looking up the ending online because just not knowing gives me extreme anxiety. On the other hand, my mom absolutely loves surprising us but then gets extremely hurt/mad when we don’t react the way she wanted so we all learned how to fake it.
On to the issue. About a month ago, I found out my mom wanted to surprise Kate (now 18) with a surprise birthday party. Kate is an extreme introvert who has 4 close friends including me & my hubby (21). I told my mom it wasn’t a good idea and to not do it. My mom got upset with me saying it was a nice thing she wanted to do for Kate.
Thing is I’ve only ever seen Kate genuinely smile about a gift she got once and she knew what it was ahead of time. I ended up giving Kate a heads-up. Kate’s birthday happened & we had a nice family dinner.
A few days ago, my mom called me upset that I told Kate she wanted to throw a party.
I don’t know what Kate told her but it didn’t sound good. I just told my mom that she shouldn’t be surprised that we all hate surprises. My mom asked me what I meant and I didn’t answer. She’s been pressuring me for an answer and I want to tell her the truth but I’m just not sure.
She gets super defensive whenever the circumstances of why we moved are brought up and blames me for being over dramatic about it. But I’m so tired of pretending.
WIBTJ if I told my mom the real reason why my family hates surprises?
Edit:
So, no my mom wasn’t fleeing an abusive situation.
She just was annoyed that we lived in the same apartment complex as my parental aunt.
The reason I still talk to her is because I keep an eye on the twins & Kate who is in her senior year of HS. I’m worried if I angered my mom she won’t let me see them.
Thankfully, the twins are in 10th grade now. I also live 15 mins away just in case.
And I’ve finally been able to work up the courage to find therapy now. Doctors & teachers had recommended it to my mom when we were younger but she refused to get us any.”
13. AITJ For Doing My Niece's Makeup And Defending Her Against My SIL's Anti-Makeup Rant?
“I (21F) have a 13-year-old niece named Paula. She is the daughter of my brother (37m) and my SIL Ella (38f). Although me and my brother have a big age gap, I’m very close to him, so I’m very involved in my niece’s life.
My SIL, I hate to say this, can be a little bit of a pick me. She herself has said that she is ‘one of the dudes’. She also has very toxic relationships with women and almost zero female friends. Ella hates makeup and anyone that wears it, in her opinion, with ‘double intentions’, whatever that means.
I like wearing makeup. I love a full beat. I consider it to be a form of self-expression and has nothing to do with me wanting attention. My SIL has made very ill-intended comments about my appearance and how I must feel very insecure to wear that amount of makeup. I’ve kept the peace just for my brother’s and niece’s sake.
Paula has shown a lot of interest in my makeup. She compliments me and says that she wishes to be able to do that to her face. With my brother’s permission, I’ve gifted Paula some lipglosses and blushes, nothing too extreme, just for her to play with. She absolutely adores them. I made sure she knows how to remove the makeup properly, for her to not damage her skin.
My family and I went to a fancy restaurant yesterday. My niece asked me if I could do her makeup, and showed me a picture of this really simple pink eyeshadow look. We asked for permission from my brother and he said yes (Ella was going to meet with us at the restaurant, so she was not at home).
So I did Paula’s ‘makeup’, which was only blush, lipgloss, and a bit of eyeshadow. She looked so happy, my brother did a little photoshoot. We all three had so much fun doing that.
We arrived at the restaurant and when Ella saw Paula, I could instantly see that she was upset. Ella pulled aside my brother for a few minutes, and when they returned, my brother looked like a sad puppy.
Ella started a rant on how makeup is bad for a child’s self-esteem, and how ‘women like me’ only want male attention. IN FRONT OF PAULA. I could see how my niece was getting more and more upset from what Ella was saying, so I interrupted her and said, ‘Paula, makeup can be empowering too.
You have control over your body, and if you want to paint your face, do so’. At least Ella stopped after I said that.
My brother called me today to tell me that Ella has decided that I’m not a good influence to Paula, and that from now on I would only have supervised contact with her.
He also said that Ella threw away everything I gifted Paula, and forbade her from buying anything related to makeup. My brother says that Paula is devastated.
I think that my SIL is overreacting but I also feel absolutely gutted. I think I should have kept quiet and just talked to Paula later, but at that time it felt like the right thing to say.”
12. AITJ For Spending My Own Money On School Activities?
“So I got into an argument with my parents because they were yelling at me for spending money on school-related things. I’m a senior in high school and have never (even in middle school) gone to any dances or bought any merch because I knew money was tight. Since I have a joint account, they’ve been taking money out of my own account to pay for things like bills and my mom’s online shopping.
They would get sarcastic and call me obsessed with money when I complained about it. (They took around $2500 – maybe more – since I started working)
Since I got a job, I’ve been working full-time to save up and I have a lot of my own money now. I have been using that money this year to buy senior merch and go to dances to spoil myself as it is my final year.
My parents disapprove of all I’m spending.
My parents just yesterday yelled at me for spending money on school and how it’s nothing but a waste and I need to stop spending money the family doesn’t have as they are already almost $15K in credit card debt that they are struggling to pay off and I’m not doing anything to help it or contribute much to paying it off when they spent that money on me as well.
This is the part where I might be a jerk because I yelled back at my mom that she is selfish and a hypocrite because they’ve been spending “money we don’t have” on my younger brother to get him things like his Nintendo Switch, expensive lego sets, new controllers when he broke his (after less than a year), and anything else he whines about while I sacrificed everything to stay home because money was tight.
I also yelled at her that they barely spent any money on me because they taught me from an early age to not ask for anything until I desperately needed it while they get my whining little brother everything he asks for right away and that it’s not my fault they are so much in credit card debt as they did that to themselves by spending money without being able to pay it back.
She yelled at me that since it’s apparently all their fault for spending that much money then I should give them my phone, car (that my dad uses since his car broke down and I haven’t since they got it for me), the clothes she got me with her own money, and every luxury item I own from their money back.
She called me an ungrateful kid. That really struck me as I’ve tried so hard not to be a financial burden on my parents that I don’t know what to think now. Am I in the wrong?”
11. AITJ For Demanding My Brother-In-Law Pay For The Dress He Ruined With A Prank At His Wedding?
“My 23M sister F26 recently got married to one of those “It’s just a prank, bro.” guys.
The guy is hysterical, he laughs at any and everything that he lays eyes on. He jokes, teases, makes fun, and pulls very very nasty and cruel pranks all the time. It’s like he has no filter. Some said he’s mentally ill especially after he started telling jokes at his own father’s funeral and almost caused my sister to get injured from his “count the stairs” prank.
Me and the family got our fair share of his ridiculous pranking campaign and we’ve had enough but to him it’s not enough apparently, the kids love him and say he’s fun so that’s one positive thing about him.
The wedding was days ago. Once he learned I was bringing my partner who he teased/pranked a couple of times he started making comments about pulling some funny pranks at the wedding.
I told him I won’t react well and he can do with this info what he will. He just laughed me off hahaha type of laugh then I didn’t see him til the wedding.
After the ceremony and while the guests were eating. He saw me and my partner standing talking to several guests and mutual friends and he approached us with a glass of milk in his hand (no idea why he had it) and kept commenting on me and my partner.
He “invited” me to propose to her right then so the memory of my proposal will always be overshadowed by his wedding. Then said, “relax, just a joke bro!” Then laughed. My partner was standing next to me in her $320 dress when my brother-in-law pointed to the left and shouted “look! There’s a dog over there!” My partner and I looked to the left and the next thing I knew he threw milk from his glass on her dress (it was a blue dress).
My partner was so shocked she froze. He started laughing saying “Gotcha.” I was stunned then I asked why he did that. I lashed out at him as my partner rushed to clean up and I called him obnoxious and mean because he shouldn’t have done that. He said he was just messing with us and my partner should feel lucky for being served milk at a wedding but my partner was being too uptight and couldn’t take a joke.
She left looking angry and didn’t respond to my calls. I was livid. After my argument with my brother-in-law, I left.
The next day I called him and my sister about what happened and told them I’m expecting him to pay $320 for the dress he ruined. He threw a fit saying it was just a prank and my sister said milk doesn’t ruin a dress and said an apology should do it but I said no and demanded he pay $320 after humiliating and getting my partner wet and messy.
My sister argued saying I’m being overprotective of my partner but I hung up telling them they had til Friday. AITJ?
ETA: My partner doesn’t work, her parents paid for her dress and so they’re equally upset as her if not more. My sister said my partner and her parents shouldn’t be spending that much on a dress if they can’t handle the possibility of it being ruined by any chance.
My partner is 20 years old. I offered to get the dress cleaned but she said she no longer wants it due to the bad memory attached to it since she wore it for the first time that day (she suffers from anxiety and depression) so I get why she no longer feels comfortable keeping it.”
10. AITJ For Making Homemade Pasta That Upset My Mom?
“About five years ago my Mother (62) asked me to move back in the house with her. It’s a fairly big house and she was two times divorced and all the kids had been gone for a while.
I was staying with a roommate and they had really begun to test my last nerves, so I gladly accepted. I have no problem admitting that my Mother is also my friend, we have similar tastes in most things, it’s just easy to get along with her.
She still works, although she doesn’t drive anymore. I take her to and from work, while working a job myself later on in the evening.
Mom usually cooks during the week, while I will cook on the weekends (or at least order takeout). She has done this on her own for ages now, while occasionally asking for my input.
I don’t expect it, but I do appreciate it.
I tend to cook with more appliances than she does, the most she will use is a crockpot.
I recently purchased a pasta maker that does a bunch of different kinds of noodles, it mixes it and everything and works out pretty well. We eat pasta several times a week in my house and I figured we might save a little on making it at home, plus it’d probably taste better.
Mom is having none of it and I’m really having a hard time understanding. I decide to make spaghetti and she takes the smallest possible bite, like imagine a petulant child when all you want them to do is take a darn bite.
Immediately she says she doesn’t like it and pushes the plate away and I got kind of upset.
I told her that wasn’t a ‘bite’ and asked her to give it a shot.
She suddenly gets weirdly defensive about it and she’s like ‘don’t you like my cooking?’
I’m so confused, I ask her what she’s talking about and then she says something about making her food with love.
This is just ridiculous, the only difference between making noodles in a machine or by hand is that someone is getting dead skin cells in the latter.
And also, she has literally never made noodles from scratch, it’s been half a decade since she has even made dumplings.
At this point I’m completely bewildered, I say, ‘whatever’ and just take her plate away. The noodles were fine, just like the stuff we buy in a box at the local IGA.
I was just going to pretend this never happened, but my sister ended up calling me later, complaining at me saying Mom called her all upset, like I had intentionally done that to upset her.
I’m at a loss, AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Up My Room To My Sister's Friend?
“Context: My mother came out as bi when she was younger and was disowned by her parents when she started seeing a woman. My grandmother came back into her life once my mother had my older sister and me.
My sister caught on quicker and chose to dissociate from her. I was younger and didn’t know. Due to this I was named the sole inheritor of everything my grandmother owned, including her house. My grandmother’s final spiteful move against my mother it seems.
I (f18) recently started college and got a scholarship which included living on campus.
I thought it would be a good idea for me to get out of my comfort zone and have a level of independence.
My sister’s best friend ‘Jen’ (21f) was recently disowned by her family after being outed so she spent Thanksgiving with us/staying with us. Obviously, my mother has taken Jen in. The day after Thanksgiving my mum told me that Jen will be permanently moving in.
Both she and my sister go to school about 30 minutes away so it’s more convenient. My mum told me that she is going to give Jen my room as it’s not convenient for her and my sister to share a room.
Up until this point I was on board and felt bad but I had a problem with this.
We have a 3/4 bedroom house, the fourth one is currently being used as a storage room. I don’t think it’s fair for me to be displaced when there is a room she can move into. The stuff inside of it can easily be moved into closets around the house and is a big room. My mother argued that I go to school 6 hours away and will only be home a couple of weeks out of the year and it’s selfish to keep my room.
Jen also likes the fact that my room has a balcony and stated she liked being on the same level as everyone else/felt isolated sleeping on the ground floor. I said that she was prioritizing someone else over her own child and she said I didn’t have a say because I’d never be discriminated against based on my sexuality and didn’t know what it’s like to be disowned because of it.
I told her I felt like she was disowning me right now and there was a bedroom for Jen to move into but she couldn’t have my room.
Next day rolls around and Jen starts thanking me for letting her move into my room and starts talking about redecorating, painting, etc. I’m confused and tell her that’s not happening and that there was a bedroom downstairs if she wanted to move in.
My mum and sister both got angry and I was getting overwhelmed and shouted ‘I won’t let you kick me out of my own home. That is my bedroom and will continue to be my bedroom. If you want to choose Jen over me, go live in another house and have your family there.’ Apparently, now I’ve made Jen feel unwelcome and she thinks I hate her because of her sexuality.
My mum and sister keep making comments about being ‘inhospitable’ and ‘can’t believe she pulled the ‘I own this house’ even though she doesn’t pay any bills’.
I have paid the tax on the house through inheritance money and we live in my grandmother’s house.”
8. AITJ For Supporting My Wife's Decision To Ground My Disrespectful Daughter?
“My (37m) wife (43F) and I married when my daughter (now 15) was 6, she had never gotten along with her stepmom and we don’t try to force any relationship with her, I only expect some respect and things to be civil.
My wife and I decided to not have kids but she tries to connect with my daughter by casually inviting her to get their nails done, shopping, or baking together, she has told her that she doesn’t want to replace her mom (as my daughter has accused her of) but wants to have a relationship with her.
Every time my daughter snaps at her and says that she’s not her mom and will never be and to get pregnant and leave her alone, my wife ends up apologizing and spends the rest of the day sad. It’s not like she forces her or tries to, she only asks from time to time and my daughter always treats her poorly.
I take her phone for 2-3 days and have a long talk with her, but she refuses to listen.
My daughter has a partner and loves to talk to him for hours on the phone, she has a loud voice so it doesn’t matter if my wife and I try to give her some privacy, we can hear her talking in every part of the house.
Yesterday she told him that she was excited to see him next weekend so they could go to this new waffle place in our town. At dinner, my wife mentioned that same place and told her that it was kinda cute they had a date there.
My daughter totally snapped, she threw her spoon and told her that she was out of the line for listening to her PRIVATE conversation.
I told her that we could hear her no matter what but my daughter kept berating my wife and told her that she was a middle-aged ”Pati Chapoy wannabe”, PC is a commentator on a Mexican program that talks mostly about gossip and everybody hates her. She was in the middle of her tantrum when my wife stood up and told her that it was enough, that she only wanted to have a civil conversation and that it was her who crossed the line, that she was grounded for the next 3 weeks, no phone, no tv, no seeing her partner or her friends and that she had to clean the kitchen and the bathrooms for that time.
My daughter said that she couldn’t do that but I backed her up and said that it was our final decision. She said that it wasn’t fair and that my wife disrespected her privacy and that I was just proving to her that my wife came first. I just sent her to her room.
I called my ex and informed her of her punishment but she told me that she wouldn’t respect it since my wife was a nobody and couldn’t do that to our daughter.
I told her that if that was the case then, she had to make up for those 3 weeks every time she came here, and instead of being punished for 3 weeks, she’ll be punished 6. My ex called me a jerk and said that my wife only brought problems to my daughter’s life.”
7. AITJ For Demanding Better Care For My Autistic Brother In His Group Home?
“I (37F) am the guardian of my autistic brother (35M).
Two years ago, we (my husband and I) discovered that my stepmother was neglecting him. He was grotesquely overweight, had psoriasis untreated all over his body, broken teeth, the works. We filed for custody and got it. We took care of him in our home for a year, (got him injections for his psoriasis, lots of dental work, on a regular exercise routine he loved) suffered horrific caregiver burnout, and with the help of the state, put him in a group home about five minutes from my house.
He is my favorite brother and after learning what happened to him, I’m very protective of him. His first group home was terribly neglectful as well, and he ended up getting ill, wasn’t being taken care of, etc. We didn’t cause a scene, just quietly moved him. We moved him to a new one that promised us the moon and the stars for him.
So. It hasn’t been great. Firstly, we discovered through his therapist that he hasn’t been taken to his psoriasis injections, even though we made those appointments for the group home, so it came back with a vengeance, covering his head and face. They haven’t taken him to a dentist, despite the fact that he still needs work done and it’s in his Personal Care Plan.
Some of the people working in the house refused to get health protection but still walk around without masks on, increasing his risks of getting sick. And, just because I’m mad about everything, they haven’t paid his therapist bill (they requested to be his rep payee for his SSI so that would be their responsibility) and have asked to go to a cheaper therapist rather than pay it.
They also refuse to buy him his favorite drinks (kombucha) and get his hair cut at a barber, insisting he gets it cut by a member of staff, even though I have told them he prefers the barber experience. There are sinks and drawers that don’t work in the house and I don’t understand why they won’t fix them.
I gave them gentle pushes to get their act together, but after the incident with the psoriasis, I lost my cool at them, demanded to speak to the Executive Director, and threatened my lawyer unless they take better care of my brother. He cannot advocate for himself. They told me I was asking for a level of excellence that was unreasonable, I told them I could pull him from that home and sue them at any time.
Why I might be the jerk: These are underpaid people in a thankless job. I am a rich white lady. At the same time, I just want to protect my brother. It seems like the other people living in this apartment have been abandoned by their families and I refuse to do that.
Should I back off?
Please note: Apart from one worker who was screaming at my brother when I was there I am never a Karen to the workers in the house. They are good people and definitely not the problem.
EDIT: We had a full-time caregiver in the house from 8-5 when he was living with us, but he needs constant care, so we still burned out.
I wish that was a possibility.”
6. AITJ For Exposing My Friend's Lie About Being Related To A Famous Game Developer?
“I have this friend we will call Andy (28M) who for the longest time has always told people that he is related to this pretty famous guy in my state who founded a game company that is well known.
They do share the same name so it was not unheard of. Anyways, for the past 10 years it’s always just been this thing, Andy is related to so and so, that’s cool.
But since for some reason it’s really amped up. He’s been mentioning it quite often out of the blue. Every topic somehow can relate to how he’s related and or knows inside information about this game company and when they are going to be releasing their next big title.
Everyone is usually just like ok cool.
Well, I had the opportunity to hang out with the famous guy’s son for a day at a racing fundraiser event. Anyway, we were talking and hit it off and exchanged details and hung out another day after the event. I told him about my friend and he told me that he’s never heard of my friend Andy and they are not related. And he told me that for a laugh I should let him know the next time he starts telling one of his stories at a get-together, he would show up if he was free.
So house party happens, Andy predictable starts talking about how he was at the famous guy’s house a few weekends ago. So I text famous guy’s son and am like ‘yo it’s happening’ and give him the address. He lives nearby so he showed up and I introduced him as a friend. By this point, Andy has stopped talking about famous guy so I queue up the topic by saying ‘Man I really wish XXXXX would at least finish the storyline to XXXXX’ and that gets Andy talking about how he knows the ending and how it was supposed to end.
Famous guy’s son is like ‘oh wow how do you know the ending?’ and Andy is like oh famous guy is my uncle. And at this point famous guy’s son is like no he isn’t, I’ve never even met you, famous guy is my dad.
Andy is like no you’re not, and famous guy’s son is like yeah I am Google me.
And it came up that he was in fact so and so’s son. People at the party started ragging on Andy and making fun of him. Andy ended up going home and kind of disappearing from the friend group and we haven’t really heard from him since (this was like 2 weeks ago). Some people in the group say what I did was pretty uncalled for, while others in the group think it’s hilarious to call him out but I should probably reach out to Andy.
AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Revoking My Partner's Mom's Baby Shower Planning Privileges After She Broke Our Agreement?
“I (26F) and my partner (25M) have been together for about 1.5 years and currently live together. Shortly after our anniversary, we found out we were expecting a baby boy to join us in early Feb next year.
I personally have never been a huge fan of children and used to have a hard time imagining it as a reality.
But I did know that I would want one eventually of my own. So it took me a while to get excited or want to do a baby shower/gender reveal.
I did finally decide on having one and my partner and I agreed to have it done together (baby shower and gender reveal) since our parents both live 2 hrs away from us in different directions.
However, another thing we agreed on was we would learn our baby’s gender first and do the reveal for both families so no set of grandparents were told first to be fair. This is important.
Ever since we told his mom she has been nothing but overly excited and bombarding me with letters about pregnancy/babies.
She even asked if she could come to my first sonogram and ladies we know how the first one is….This is her first grandchild so I understood but it was still a lot. We visited his parents back in early Aug and mentioned our plan for a baby shower and gender reveal and that I wanted to do it in Oct.
His mom immediately volunteered to set everything up. I agreed as far as the baby shower since she loved setting up parties and my parents and I were more introverted. But the issue came to the reveal when I told her what I and my partner agreed on. I waited for the men to walk away before approaching her again to tell her no to the gender reveal. She begged and even said, “Please I promise I won’t tell anyone.” I sternly told her no again and thought it was settled.
It wasn’t. Sometime later I came home after a girl’s day out to my partner telling me “Hey mom called and I let her know the gender so everything should be okay for the baby shower.” I was furious. I felt my stomach drop. My partner explained that his mom called him earlier that day and said that she and I talked and that I said it was okay for her to know since she was planning everything.
Needless to say my partner and I got into a big argument as he was defending his mom and that everything would be okay. He called me selfish and that it was his mom’s first grandchild so maybe she was just excited and forgot.
I did reach out to his mom that evening by text and yes I was polite though every part of me wanted to scream.
I confronted her asking her why she would do something like that after I had told her no multiple times. Her response was sorry for the miscommunication but I won’t tell anyone. I did question how it was a miscommunication when I was very clear. I took away her permission to plan the baby shower which my partner later stated was cruel of me and just because she made a mistake I shouldn’t punish her.
Punishment or consequence of crossing boundaries?”
4. AITJ For Praising My Friend's Achievements And Overcoming Her Difficult Past?
“I (25F) have my own two-bedroom apartment that used to belong to my Uncle.
I made a friend during my Uni years that I’ll call Mary (27F). Mary had quite a hard home life – too long to detail here. I let her know that if she ever needed my help, she could always rely on me no matter what.
When we graduated I asked her to move in with me rent-free, she tried to pay but I knew she had a lot of debt trying to pay for Uni so I told her no and to spend her money freeing herself from it. She was so thankful for this, and I loved having her live with me.
We never fought about anything, both of us have the same cleaning habits and TV interests so there’s never any arguments over the remote or who has to take out the bins, etc.
Tonight we were out at a super fancy restaurant in London as Mary had finally paid off the last of her debt, secured herself an amazing promotion at her job, and also finally passed her driving test. All these achievements in the same month were more than deserving of an award, so we splashed out.
It was me, Mary, four of her work friends, and two friends we’ve known since Uni.
It was a great night, until I handed Mary a card saying how amazing she is and how lucky I am to have her as my best friend, with quite a bit of cash inside to put towards her first car.
She started crying and thanking me and we hugged for a long time. When she pulled away I told her I was so proud of her for kicking life in the butt, becoming successful, and showing her dad that his jerk ways couldn’t keep her down. After how she’d struggled through Uni, pushing pennies together, and working terrible jobs, seeing her in her dream career and being such an accomplished woman is absolutely inspiring to me.
She looked mad and said, “please don’t do that, you know I don’t like it when you do that.” She’d never said anything like this to me – ever, so I have no idea where this was coming from. I apologized and said that I didn’t realize saying these things would upset her as it’s never been my intention.
She just scoffed and rolled her eyes, and when I looked up at her colleagues they were all shaking their heads at me and glaring. I felt so awkward I wanted to shrink back into my own skin, and I was mortified that I hurt Mary.
Mary didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night and ignored me at the table.
When we split up to head home, none of her colleagues even looked at me as they left.
I said sorry to Mary as she was heading to her room to turn in but she just shrugged me off, told me she was tired, and that we’ll talk in the morning. I’m so anxious that she’ll want to move out or never talk to me again.
I keep going over every interaction in my head to see if I crossed a line in the past but she never gave any indication that I upset her saying these things before. All her colleagues messaged me saying I was a jerk for saying those things to her and ‘belittling’ her but I never ever meant any of those things like that.”
3. AITJ For Not Attending My Daughter's Lizard's Gender Reveal Party?
“This is literally really stupid but she’s really upset about it. So my (48) daughter (23) has a blue tongue skink who she heavily adores. She jokingly refers to it as her daughter, I’ve found it weird but she says it’s because it’s the closest thing she’d have to a child and she feels a strong emotional bond similar to a child.
She has decided to remain child-free for multiple reasons and I have been very supportive of this decision.
Well, she recently took her Skink to the vet for a checkup and she was excited to find out her skink’s gender. Afterwards, I got a text asking if I’d come to her gender reveal party she was having.
She explained it was just a small get-together with cake and food for her friends she hasn’t seen in a while with the gender reveal being mostly a joke (and a way to make fun of real gender reveals).
Well I didn’t come. I didn’t see a point. It’s just a lizard and I’m a busy person.
She later called me and expressed she was kind of sad I didn’t come cuz it’d been a while since I’d seen her but she understood I was busy. I told her she couldn’t actually expect me to come to a gender reveal for a lizard. She said that it wasn’t a real gender reveal, that was more of a joke and it was really just a small gathering to catch up with everyone.
I told her if that was the case she should’ve just called it a gathering because I’m not coming to a gender reveal unless it’s for a real granddaughter.
She got quiet for a minute and then turned my words around, claiming I wasn’t supportive of her decision to be child-free. I told her she couldn’t possibly expect me to treat a lizard as a granddaughter, she said she didn’t expect me to but it was clear I didn’t respect her bond with her lizard and her decision, and she just wanted to see me and my reason for coming was hurtful.
I told her she was being ridiculous over a lizard, she claimed it wasn’t over the lizard and it was a gathering and not even centered around the lizard, but I stuck by what I said. It’s ridiculous to have a gender reveal for a lizard.
She hung up and I got a message from her best friend about how I’m a jerk for treating her that way, but I don’t think I’m the jerk for not wanting to go to a party for a lizard.
EDIT:
- My issue is that she said the party was a gender reveal, if she had called it just a party I would have come. But calling it a gender reveal makes it sound like it’s for the lizard, and I’m not going to that even if it is a “joke”.
- I don’t know why it matters but the Skink is a girl which is why I said “I’m not coming to a gender reveal unless it’s for a real granddaughter.”
- Even though I don’t agree with my daughter for being child-free, I have been supportive and only shown mild frustration. The reasons she decided to be childfree are she claims she’s asexual, she just doesn’t want one, she has emotional baggage and feels unable to care for a real child, she fears pregnancy, and she has a carrier gene like me, and “doesn’t want to go through what I did” (I had 4 miscarriages and a highly defect child that died after 3 months due to the gene).
Yes there has been slight tension between us because I think she just hasn’t found the right man (she never went out with anyone growing up) and her other fears are unnecessarily exaggerated, but it’s ultimately her decision and I don’t resent her.
- We haven’t seen each other in three months. I’m a single mother and we have always been close which is why she invited me with her friends, I just didn’t want to go to a party for a lizard, and if it wasn’t for the lizard she should’ve called it a party instead of a gender reveal.”
2. AITJ For Not Attending My Daughter's Wedding After She Lied About Her Relationship For A Decade?
“About ten years ago, a close friend of our daughter’s came out as gay.
This friend in particular slept over at our house so much that she was almost like a daughter to us. We even had a separate bed in our daughter’s bedroom just for her. When we found out she was gay, our husband and I had a discussion about whether we should continue to let her sleep in our daughter’s bedroom, or if we should move her to the guest bedroom.
We were hesitant, but we had a conversation with our daughter, who was 17 at the time, and she told us that even if her friend tried anything, she would shut it down because she was straight. It made sense, we believed our daughter was trustworthy and responsible, and so we allowed the friend to continue sleeping in her room.
Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. They finished senior year and went off to college. We never suspected anything. Every time they would come home for the holidays, my daughter brought a boy with her and my daughter’s friend brought a girl with her. Come to find out, that the boy we thought our daughter was seeing was actually seeing the girl that we thought our daughter’s friend was seeing.
And the way we found out is because one day I get an invitation in the mail. To a wedding. For our daughter. And her friend. I was so confused. I called my daughter, thinking there had been some type of typo or something. No answer. I call the friend and I can barely ask, ‘What’s going on?’ before the friend breaks down crying and confesses that she and my daughter have been in a relationship for a decade, which was around the time we agreed to let her sleep in our daughter’s room.
My husband and I felt – feel – so betrayed. Our daughter gets on the phone and says, ‘Mom, Dad, I know you’re upset and I promise we’ll talk after the wedding and I’ll explain everything.’
I said, ‘Okay, we’ll talk after the wedding.’ I hang up. The next day she calls me.
I pick up and say, ‘Why are you calling me? I thought you didn’t want to talk until after the wedding.’ She said, ‘We are, but I wanted to know what times you’re available so we could go get measured for our dresses.’
And I said, ‘What do you mean ‘we’? You don’t think that your father and I are going to your wedding, do you?
You lied to us for ten years. For no reason. And you expect us to just automatically disregard that? We’ll talk after the wedding.’
I haven’t spoken to my daughter since then and the wedding is sometime this month. My husband and I have been getting a lot of calls from family members on both sides telling us that we’re being ‘selfish’ for ruining our daughter’s special day over something that ‘happened ten years ago.'”
1. AITJ For Standing By My Daughter After My MIL Insulted Her For Criticizing Her Marriage?
“I have 3 children. MIL is not particularly close to my daughters but is close to my 24-year-old son. To be clear, I don’t think that is a sexist thing, because she is much closer to her own daughter than to my husband.
My son bonded with her as a teenager but besides that, she has mostly kept some distance from my kids because she doesn’t like me.
My 13-year-old daughter “Hannah” is very into social justice right now and pretty outspoken. I get the impression that MIL thinks that I should tell her to shut up, but that is not how I parent at all.
We recently saw my husband’s family for a pre-Christmas dinner because MIL refuses to spend Christmas with us but that is a whole other story.
MIL told my husband that her stepson was trying to sue them because he claims MIL stole something from his family (she has receipts, she did not steal the thing in question).
My son was like you have a stepson?
MIL said FIL “technically has two children” with his ex, but they were never around when they were kids and he cut them off as adults because they gave him so much grief for marrying his secretary. My son’s fiancée was laughing at the fact that MIL used to be FIL’s secretary because it is just so cliché.
FIL then started laughing at what a bad secretary she was and how she refused to do anything, like literally anything, so we were all laughing, because if you know MIL it’s just funny. She is extremely lazy and defiant and it’s always been a family joke that she is lucky she never had to work because even McDonalds wouldn’t put up with her nonsense.
Hannah said it isn’t funny and that marrying your boss is actually really toxic and abusive. MIL asked if Hannah really called FIL abusive, and Hannah clarified that while their marriage does not seem abusive, marrying your boss is not ok. MIL was like oh shut up.
I was furious and said we were leaving.
My husband asked MIL to apologize and she wouldn’t. She said we are coddling Hannah and someone needs to be honest with her. I asked Hannah how she felt and she said she never wanted to see MIL again. I said that is fine with me. We don’t see MIL too often and she is old enough to stay home alone.
My husband says I’m not helping anything and that Hannah was rude to criticize a 40-plus-year marriage that is still strong and healthy, and that Hannah was pushing 2021 ideals onto MIL. He said MIL was rude as well but that it isn’t grounds to just never see her again. My son also thinks I’m overreacting, but MIL is in the process of paying for his wedding, so he is going to agree with her.
As of right now, I am standing by Hannah.”
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