People Want To Test Our Keen Judgment With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
34. AITJ For Helping My Brother-In-Law More Than My Ungrateful Sister?
“I (34M) am married to Emily (27F) and we have two kids together (3M and 1F). My wife’s brother, Tom (25M), and his partner, Rachel (24F) have a son, Charlie (1.5M). Tom and Rachel were both addicts and decided to get clean when they found out they were pregnant.
We fostered Charlie for a few months and paid for them to go to an inpatient rehab facility.
They’ve been clean for about a year now. We rent them one floor of our house (it has a separate kitchen) for $500 a month. I put all of that amount into a college fund for Charlie. Tom is an apprentice plumber and Rachel is in LVN school (which I’m paying for) and has a part-time job.
We also give them pretty much all of our son’s old clothes and toys and my wife watches Charlie since she’s a stay-at-home mom. We have made it very clear that we won’t support them forever, just until they are able to live independently. My wife and I are the only people who can help them.
Tom and Rachel have completely turned their lives around and are completely committed to building a good life for themselves and their son.
My sister and her husband are both unable to hold a job. The only reason they’re not homeless is because we have trust funds from our parents. She is constantly asking me for money but does nothing to better herself.
After a while, I stopped giving her money because I knew she was going to use it for frivolous purposes, and no matter what I did, she always said that I didn’t do enough for her. I still buy some groceries, clothes, and other stuff for my nieces and nephews, but I no longer give her money.
She recently found out from a family friend that my wife and I have spent a lot helping Tom and renting them part of our house for a very low price. She called me this morning and started yelling at me for doing so much for ‘my jobless wife’s useless brother’ and neglecting her and her children by not giving her money.
I told her that I’m doing more for Tom because he appreciates what I’m doing and is working to fix his life while she and her useless husband do absolutely nothing to change her situation.
She hung up after I said that and later called some relatives and told them that I was refusing to help her at all (not true) and I didn’t want anything to do with our family anymore. My aunt called me and told me that I needed to be a better brother.
AITJ for telling my sister that I do more for my BIL than her because he appreciates it?”
33. AITJ For Not Being Comfortable Changing My Nephew's Diaper?
“I’m (25F) visiting family in my home country. I moved away around 6 years ago, and haven’t visited since 2020.
I arrived yesterday and we’ve planned a family gathering at my sister’s (F 34) house. She has 2 sons (3M and 1M). I also have another sister (mom to 9F and 5F) as well as a younger sister (16F).
We all met at my sister’s house yesterday, my parents, sisters, both BILs, all the kiddos, and my grandparents. This is not unusual for us, we do it a lot as a family ever since I was little. We meet at someone’s house for a day of BBQ or something similar.
I brought gifts for all my niblings, we played sports and games in the backyard, and we went to the park (myself and 9, 5, and 3 years old, the smallest one was napping).
After we came back from the park, they got to watch a movie while the adults were hanging out.
The 1-year-old woke up and my sister picked him up after my BIL brought him down from the bedroom. She said to him in a baby voice ‘Oh, did you get smelly again?’ indicating he soiled his nappy and then handed him towards me saying ‘Here, auntie OP will change you’.
Mind you, this is the first day I’ve met the smallest kiddo, he was pretty shy around me. He gave me a couple of high-fives but I haven’t held him yet at that point.
He immediately started crying (of course, he was barely awake and being handed to essentially a stranger). I pulled my hands back and said I don’t feel comfortable doing that especially because he’s screaming and grabbing my sister while she’s trying to force him into my hands saying it’s okay and he’ll calm down.
At this point I was panicking, my sister was shouting over my nephew crying, my mom talking behind me, and my other sister trying to stop all the other kids who came to see what the commotion was about. I’ve put my hands behind my back and kept repeating I’m not comfortable with this and I don’t know how to change a baby on my own.
Heck, I don’t even know where the nappies get changed in their house. I never changed any of my niblings, I’m always visiting and was never even asked.
My sister loudly proclaimed she’d do it on her own and walked away with my nephew still crying. My mom told me I should’ve just taken him and gotten him changed, that I’d upset my nephew.
My grandma said I should know how to change a nappy by this age and that it’s rude that I’m not helping my sister. My BIL said my sister shouldn’t have forced me and my nephew into this so then they started fighting too.
I’m not sure if I’m the jerk and if my refusal upset him. AITJ for refusing to change my nephew’s nappy?”
Btw, you helped out plenty but playing with the kids and taking them to the park. How ungrateful is part of your family?
32. AITJ For Kicking My Dad's Wife Out?
“My husband and I welcomed our daughter 6 weeks ago. My mum was with us for one week after the birth and then went home and it was just me, my husband, and our newborn care specialist.
One week ago, my mum and stepdad came back to stay with us and visit the baby (they’ll be staying another week).
I invited my dad to come and visit for the same period, but since he wanted to bring his wife Maggie along on the trip, they are staying in a hotel (we are paying for it). We had previously agreed that he would come to visit my apartment alone, and the rest of the time he would spend vacationing with his wife.
This had all been working really well, until yesterday when my dad brought his wife with him to the apartment. He said he thought it would be okay since he has been coming alone for a week and she just wanted to meet the baby. I told my dad that she would meet the baby when I was ready to receive visitors, not when he dictates, and she had to leave.
We went on bickering until my husband stepped in and told my dad the discussion was over. My dad ended up staying to visit because if he’d left with her it would have made the situation worse, and she went back to the hotel.
My dad has now said (via text and in person) that I overreacted, and that Maggie was not planning to stay long and I could have just let her see the baby.
I think that given the agreement was not to bring her, any length of time was going against that. He says I embarrassed her by having that argument in front of my mum and stepdad, and I think he’s the one who embarrassed her by bringing her at all.
My husband is on my side obviously, Mum and stepdad say it’s 50/50 but I veered into jerk territory by ordering her out the way I did.
Having a new baby is a lot, and I’ll admit I haven’t been my most level-headed, so I’m wondering if maybe I went slightly overboard.
Edit –
- Maggie is extremely awkward around my mum. She apparently feels uncomfortable around ‘the woman my dad loved before her’ to the point where she can’t hold a conversation or make eye contact with her.
This makes for a maddeningly awkward atmosphere when they are around each other (my 30th birthday dinner was AWFUL). I didn’t want to deal with that level of awkwardness. Also, I am not up to hosting. I am tired, I’m not looking or feeling my best, I am not presentable. I am not up to being sociable, getting dressed properly, and making sure the apartment is presentable.
I don’t feel the need to do that around my parents but outside of that, I would. I was not having even my closest friends around for this reason. When I am more settled, I’d be fine with Maggie coming round with my dad.
- I haven’t spent much time with Maggie, but she goes through periods of having a very volatile temperament, and they happen very quickly and she can be quite unpleasant to be around, so I’ve never sought to be close to her.
- I am aware that my dad probably told her it was okay to come.
My dad is someone who wants everything his way all the time, and if he has to use subterfuge, he’s fine with it. Most of the time people just put up with it to keep the peace, so often that he banks on that. It is likely this is what happened here as well. It’s unfortunate that my dad is like that, and unfortunate that Maggie didn’t stand up and say no, so I had to.
- My stepdad is here, my stepdad is an extra parent to me.
He has been for 17 years. He’s the first person who knew we were expecting, he’s the one giving my husband advice, I talk to him more often than my bio dad, I need and want him here just as much as my mum. My daughter is his granddaughter because I am a daughter to him. It has nothing to do with excluding Maggie, my stepdad is included because he is a parent here.”
31. AITJ For Wanting My Wife To Go Back To Work?
“My wife has been out of work since 2018, she had a mental breakdown during her fifth year of teaching. She has been going to therapy since, and we started marriage counseling in 2020. The reason for marriage counseling was that she thought I was pushing her too hard to go back to work before she and her therapist thought she was ready.
I tried to explain many times that was not my intent but realistically speaking for me to keep up with expenses, and retirement contributions I pretty much have to take on extra shifts which sometimes clock in over 18 hours a day, and on average I have been pulling 84-hour weeks. I have been doing this since she stopped working.
We recently had a fight cause I had an extremely rough week and had the conversation again about her going back to work. She opened up with the same line she always does ‘We do not feel it is the right time yet. She feels I have made great progress and if I rush it I run the risk of losing it.’ The ‘we’ being her and the therapist.
I told her I really do not care what her therapist has to say, and I am sick of you hiding behind her words whenever this topic comes up.
She started to cry, telling me she does not like being this way either and I am belittling her due to suffering from mental health issues. I replied saying I do not intend to belittle you or not take your issues seriously, the problem is I am running myself ragged, and what happens if I have a mental break? Do you think I will have the luxury of not working? No, I will have to push through my demons.
She said her therapist warned her this would happen sooner or later, I would try to manipulate her into doing something she was not ready to do. This is when I really lost it and just let it all out. I did not say anything kind. I told her she insulted me for thinking what I was doing was manipulation.
I told her I was working these extra shifts so she could be home and play games. I told her during this entire time she had not even made an effort to improve on certain skills, I told her she could still not cook to save her life, and that I was sick of coming home after 12 or 18-hour days just to make dinner cause her idea of making dinner is a pre-made one in the oven or ordering out.
Among other things, that said she stormed out of the house crying yelling, and shouting how I am a piece of work, and rather see myself comfortable versus her getting better.
So here I am, I do not feel at the core I am wrong, and while what I said was harsh I think it did have to be said.
So was I the jerk here?
Edit: Yes, I have been to a couple of sessions with my wife and her therapist. To be honest, it largely felt like I was getting ganged up on. My wife brought up how I was always tired, so I explained I was working harder to maintain our home. When I suggested part-time work would allow me to work less, their counter suggestion was to cut things like saving for retirement, and hold off on paying off debt, and tackle such things after my wife gets better.
Then I suggested renting out the house to cover the mortgage and we downsized to an apartment. Her therapist said such a drastic change to her environment could have a negative impact on her depression and advises against such major life-changing events.
During another session, she brought up my suggestion she try cooking to save money so we do not order so much.
She felt insulted because in terms of money coming in I am making slightly more than our combined income, and she was able to cover her expenses so she does not understand why we are having such a hard time. I was honest, it has less to do with money per se and more so the fact the amount of hours I have to work to maintain the income.
I told her I pretty much am working two full-time jobs. The cooking or doing things around the house dropped fairly quickly and became a critic on how I could not manage finances since I was making more, yet I never had issues when she was working with how she spent.
More or less every session became what I could do to help my wife, and I get it her therapist has to look out for my wife, and generally my concerns are small compared to my wife’s. My wife is not a huge fan of our marriage counselor because she offers suggestions that go against her therapist.
My friend has also suggested I speak with a lawyer to see exactly what my options are.”
30. AITJ For Kicking My Mom Out Because Of What She Said About My Significant Other?
“My (22m) significant other Nyla (21f) wanted to meet my mom after she had introduced me to her parents. I warned her my mom was a lot to deal with but she wanted to meet her anyway so we ended up inviting her for dinner. Nyla takes a while to get ready, like she usually starts getting ready 3 hours before events, and still manages to have me hurrying her up at the last few moments.
My mom has a habit of showing up early to things so I told Nyla to get ready early as well so she wouldn’t be caught off guard. Imagine our surprise when my mom showed up nearly 2 hours early while we were both only half-dressed, blasting music, and the cooking wasn’t done yet. Nyla still let her in with a smile and excused herself to finish up while my mom stayed with me in the kitchen.
I asked her why she showed up so early and she said she just missed me.
The main problem happened when Nyla had to step out after dinner bc she got a call from her sister. When she left my mom started going on about Nyla, saying she was showing too much cleavage, how she was eating too much for her weight, and that she looked trashy with her acrylics and makeup.
I told her off for saying such things and threatened to kick her out. She scoffed and excused herself to use the restroom. I used the time to do the dishes. I got worried when neither Nyla nor my mom returned and went to see what was up.
What I found was my mom standing beside our bedroom door listening in on Nyla’s conversation with her sister.
I loudly told her to go back to the kitchen to which my mom glared at me and went back to the kitchen, Nyla just shushed me when I checked on her before shutting the door all the way. I went back to the kitchen and my mom started trash-talking Nyla about the way she was speaking to her sister.
My SO’s family is from the Carribean and the way they speak is like broken English. (That’s what Nyla calls it)
Anyways, she speaks perfect English to my mom and outside the house but when talking to her family or me, she doesn’t. My mom didn’t like that and started saying she was acting artificial in front of her, her voice was too high, she cursed too much, and it was influencing me (I trip up on my words from time to time).
I was so fed up at that point that I just told her to get out. She was seething that I was throwing her out but she also seemed eager to leave as she immediately grabbed her things and left without another word.
Nyla came back about 10 minutes later and asked where my mom was. I told her everything that my mom said behind her back while we finished cleaning the kitchen.
She was sad about my mom not liking her but I made sure to cheer her up. My sister texted me later that night calling a bunch of names for throwing out our mom. I know I wasn’t wrong to defend Nyla but was I in the wrong to kick my mom out? Am I the jerk for that?”
29. AITJ For Refusing To Host My Cousin's Coming-Out BBQ Party?
“I (32F) have a large very close-knit extended family. I am the only family member who no longer lives in our home state, but I am still pretty involved in their lives. I keep up with everyone the best I can as I am not able to go back to visit thanks to the global crisis.
On Thursday my cousin Trisha (42F) announced that her son Chris (18M) is gay on social media. Everyone in the family (including myself) wrote super positive comments, or at the very least liked the post. My grandmother (92F) who is not on social media called him to tell him she was happy he was happy. As far as I know, no one said anything negative, everyone was supportive, and no one was surprised.
Yesterday my aunt called to tell me that Trisha is upset at my reaction to Chris’s coming out. She didn’t give any details but said to call her to sort it out. I was confused as I didn’t feel like my reaction was any less heartfelt than anyone else’s. So I called and she immediately lit into me.
She said that leaving a supportive comment wasn’t enough and that if I was ‘going to treat the lesbians coming out better than HER son I shouldn’t talk to HER side of the family anymore.’ then hung up on me. I was completely thrown, I sat there for a moment trying to figure out what she was even talking about and it clicked…
About 12 years ago my cousin Deidra came out to me as a lesbian.
She begged me not to tell anyone and it remained our secret for 5 years until she decided she was ready to come out to everyone. At the time she was attending college out of state (secretly going out with her now-wife), and I was planning my wedding to my husband. Deidra and I had always been really close, and as she’d been having a hard time figuring out when and how to tell the fam, I told her that if she wanted to bring her partner to the wedding I was fine with it.
She didn’t want to make my wedding her coming-out party, so I offered to have her bring her partner to our pre-wedding BBQ we were hosting in our backyard so they could meet the family in a casual setting without the spotlight being on them. She accepted and everything went great. Everyone was kind, welcoming, and happy that Deidra was happier than we had ever seen her.
I called Trisha back to confirm my suspicions and yeah… Trisha is mad I didn’t offer to throw Chris a coming-out BBQ. She thinks that if I did it for Deidra, I should do it for him too. I pointed out that it wasn’t a coming-out party, it was my wedding BBQ, I don’t live there, I haven’t even been back to visit because of the global crisis and I’m not having parties here, so why would I host one there? She called me a ‘sexist homophobe who plays favorites’ and hung up again.
My aunt thinks I should offer to pay for a nice dinner (which I wouldn’t be attending) or offer to have a party at a later date to keep the peace; my husband just laughed and called Trisha crazy. I love my family and I don’t want Chris to feel less than anyone, but I don’t feel like I should have to host/pay for this. AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Friend's Daughter?
“I (30F) have a friend ‘Pam’ (50F) from work who is a lovely & wonderful person. We became friends 4 years ago because we started at the same time & she was struggling with her daughter ‘Mandy’ (now 13F) being diagnosed with autism. I was happy to talk to Pam about educational tools/support as my sister is autistic.
Because of Pam’s culture & upbringing, most of her family do not believe in autism, & view Mandy as a brat. Mandy’s dad is not in the picture.
As we became closer, Pam suggested we all go to lunch & a museum. Mandy (11) was rude (such as remarking on my appearance, manner of speaking, & job), but Pam quickly corrected her.
I put it down as ‘she’s still learning boundaries.’ When we got to an evolution-based exhibit, Mandy started shouting about death coming for us all. It wasn’t fear but running up to strangers & literally laugh-screaming at how close they were to death (at someone with an oxygen tank in a wheelchair). It was disturbing. Pam & I agreed we should leave; Mandy was in meltdown mode (she hated me & my stupid ideas, etc.) but cheered up talking about drawing.
Mandy told me all about her furry community. I nodded along but was alarmed at the stuff she was saying, especially about being on Discord servers & 4chan. I followed up with Pam a day or two later personally over text to give her a heads up about internet safety. Pam had no idea Mandy was interacting with anyone, especially adults (in middle school I wrote wolf RPGs on geocities, so no leg to stand on).
Mandy went ballistic when Pam took her phone, destroyed all of Pam’s technology, & was kicked out of school for violence.
Cue the global crisis. Pam was able to telework while I couldn’t, so we didn’t see each other for 2 years. Mandy’s behavior improved with family support & her new special-needs school. Now in person, Mandy is having more behavioral issues & trouble relating to other kids.
She doesn’t have any friends & she picks fights.
Recently, Pam & I had dinner. Pam was talking about Mandy’s interests in costumes/comic con, knows I sew, read a lot of indie comics, & play DnD. She then said, ‘One of these days, I’m just going to show up at your door & drop Mandy off for a few hours.’ I couldn’t help it, I laughed & joked, ‘Let me know when, I’ll be out of town.’ Pam said, ‘I’m serious.’ I just stared at her & said, ‘Uh, no.’ Pam quickly packed up & left.
I stammered apologies. It’s been radio silence.
Honestly, I was surprised. The disastrous museum trip 2 years ago was literally the only time I’ve ever met Mandy. I think Pam hoped I might act as a weird-girl-grown-up role model when Pam herself was very sorority-style & traditional culture. I know Pam is tired & alone in our area but I’m certain Mandy hates me for outing her internet activity to her mother. I do not want her around me, my technology, or my pets. I’m probably a jerk for laughing, but AITJ for just flat-out refusing to watch Mandy?”
27. AITJ For Asking My Husband's Ex To Write A Letter Of Consent If She Wants Me To Deposit Funds To Her Mother's Account?
“I have been with my husband (recently married) for 5 years, his son is 6 and we get along very well, he refers to his mother as his ‘sister’ and calls grandma his mother. My husband and his ex were together for a while and when she got pregnant her parents forced her to live with my husband (husband is from Mex).
He was 17 and she was 19. When my stepson was born she left my husband and told him she and her parents only wanted him to pay for the birth, she never liked him (she has told me this in person and by text). My husband begged her to come back but she did not want to.
She started seeing someone else and wouldn’t allow him to see his son even though he was the one providing everything for him. Even though she does not care for him, she makes it hard for us to see him.
In Sept 2020 I went to Mex and started living with my now husband (then-partner). When she found out I was from the US she demanded we go to ‘court’ (wasn’t court more like settling arguments in town).
She wanted more money since he was ‘married’ to me (not the case). In the end, my husband had to give her less of what he was already giving her since legally that was the amount. She was mad.
Fast forward a few months, I came back to the U.S. (Jan 2021) and my husband came after (March 2021 – I helped him come here legally).
Since he didn’t have a bank account I was the one sending the funds to his ex every month and she was okay with this. We don’t get along but I would send her the code. She would never reply and I would get the notification that she picked up the money. She got married and she let us know her husband will be applying for her to be able to come to the U.S.
with a green card, and she does not plan to bring her son.
Two months ago she let me know she lost her ID and would not be able to pick up the funds from the bank if I could deposit the funds to her mother instead, I said yes but I would need her to make me a letter saying why she wanted this.
She got mad and started texting me saying my money to her was charity, that her son doesn’t need the money and he’s doing better since my husband left. Many of her family members have been harassing me for not sending her funds that are for my stepson, and they hope I never become a mother.
She took it to social media saying my husband is a jerk and has never helped her or her son even though we have proof of everything we have sent her and of the loan he took out when she gave birth to cover her hospital expenses (I helped him pay off the loan). The reason I wanted a letter was to later avoid going to actual court and the funds we sent being excused as a present (happened to my uncle, his money was considered a present to his ex since he didn’t have a paper stating why the funds were sent to her mother and not her). I just want to know, AITJ for not giving my husband’s ex child support?”
26. AITJ For Not Chipping In To Get My Neighbor's Fence Fixed?
“Our neighbors recently got a dog from another neighbor that has had a history of getting loose in the neighborhood. A few days ago, after letting our dog roam free in our enclosed backyard as part of their morning ritual, I found my neighbor’s dog messing around with our dog.
Spoke with our neighbor’s wife and found that their dog had ripped apart 3 planks of the fence sharing a border of our yards.
Hence their dog was able to get into the yard. And because it was on the far side of our house out of view from the windows and back door, we didn’t know about the damage prior.
The previous owner of our dog had informed us that our dog suffers from a medical condition that makes it extremely difficult for her to give birth safely, so we do our best to limit her contact with other dogs not in our view or our proximity.
Despite the fear that our dog could be pregnant (especially after finding out the neighbor’s dog was not neutered), out of good faith, we didn’t ask for any assistance to pay for treatment to end the potential pregnancy or get her spayed. I only offered to help pay for the cost of replacing the 3 planks and even offered to do it myself.
The next day, the neighbors pitched the idea of having their cousin fix and update the entire side of that fence we share for $1K. We told them we did not feel comfortable with having to pay for half the fence while also having to drop about the same costs for our dog AND because we did not want to fix the whole fence yet.
We told them we would get back to them in a few days to mull things over.
Literally the night before yesterday, the neighbors notified us they are proceeding with having the fence fixed in whole by their cousin for $900 and that we can pay our half back later. We told them we weren’t paying anything because we never agreed and again referenced the whole issue with our dog.
They basically gloss over that fact and reference that part of being neighbors is sharing costs for things like a fence.
AITJ for not wanting to pay for our portion of the fence? Because:
- We never agreed to it
- The initial determination of the fence needing to be repaired was never mentioned prior to their dog damaging the fence
- Their dog literally damaged the fence AND went into our enclosed backyard and messed around with our dog which resulted in us paying hundreds of dollars as a precautionary measure at this point.
Again, we aren’t even seeking any financial liability from them.”
25. AITJ For Living With A Friend And Not Telling My Parents About It?
“So, about a year back my family (me (17f), my brother, mom, and dad) got kicked out of our rental home. My parents struggled financially to support all of us and couldn’t find an affordable house that suited our needs, so they came up with a genius solution
They basically started renting a two-bedroom house and told me in no uncertain terms that I was to go find a family member to take me in.
They kicked me out and left me in the front yard with basically nothing but a bag of clothes and my cat. They didn’t even help me figure out a living situation.
I ended up staying with my disabled aunt for a few weeks, but she couldn’t financially support us both, so I had to figure something else out.
I ended up venting about this online and an older friend of mine, Ace (24 nb) privately reached out and offered to let me stay with them. Ace and I had been friends for a little while at this point and I trusted them, so I said yes.
They drove up to my aunt’s place and they stayed with us for a few weeks and then we packed up my things and headed back to Ace’s home.
(Disclaimer: I know this seems extremely sketchy and in most cases would be, but Ace is chill, and we talk with certain members of my family daily, so they’re up to date on literally every bit of drama that goes on in our lives, so no one’s really concerned about Ace doing anything. We only live about an hour-ish from my aunt.
I’m safe. Please don’t call Ace weird or sketchy or anything. They aren’t.)
Anyway, recently one of my cousins got married, and I got invited. I wanted to go, so Ace drove me home and I went to the wedding with a friend. This was the first time since they kicked me out that my parents saw me and they freaked out.
My mom grabbed me and started screaming and crying about how worried she was about me and my dad started yelling at me demanding where I went. This was in the middle of the reception. I told them that since they kicked me out, I left. A lot of distant family heard this and got mad at my parents for kicking a minor out of the house, and others for them ruining Cousin’s wedding.
In the chaos of people freaking out over my parents, and trying to calm everyone down so the party could continue, I managed to sneak out and go back to Ace. We went home and ever since I’ve been bombarded with calls from my parents and other family telling me to go back and ‘stop hanging out with that creep’.
I’ve been refusing and blocking numbers left and right.
(Also, my cousin forgave me for what happened at her wedding. She said she enjoyed the drama and having the attention off of her while her husband solely blamed my parents for what happened.)
I honestly think my parents don’t actually care about me. If they did then they would’ve contacted my school before now about me, or the cops. Or even my aunt who says that they never ever talked about me when they called her.
Either way. AITJ for running away, ruining a wedding, and making my parents look like bad people?”
24. AITJ For Making My Nephews Wear Diapers?
“Ever since my brother (30m) moved out, to start living with his family in another city, I (25m) have been living alone in my parents’ house (both of my parents went to another country to work and visit 2-3 times a year).
My brother has twin boys (4) and brings them over almost every week. He leaves them to stay overnight (usually Friday/Saturday or Saturday/Sunday) with me so ‘he can have some fun with his wifey’.
I love my nephews and don’t mind babysitting them at all, but gotta admit they can be a little too much sometimes.
So, the other weekend when they brought them over, Tara (brother’s wife) told me that they are, apparently, fully potty trained, had no accidents whatsoever, and no longer need to wear diapers in bed, so I should just let them sleep in their undergarments.
I did what I was told and as you can guess, they had an accident in my bed (I’m not sure if both of them did it, or just one, but both of them were soaking wet). Apart from wet sheets and clothes, no bigger damage was done (for some reason I never took off the plastic wrapping around the mattress?).
I told Tara what happened and she just said that accidents happen and that I should’ve made them go to the bathroom and not give them anything to drink before going to bed..
Last weekend they brought them again. I asked Tara if she brought diapers for them and she said, with raised voice: ‘It was an accident, it won’t happen again, trust me!’ and ran back to the car.
Night came and I was like, screw it, I don’t wanna deal with mess again. Managed to find some old diapers tucked away and had my nephews wear them. It wasn’t a great fit since they outgrew them, but something is better than nothing.
Apart from one soggy diaper, it went great, until I told Tara about it.
She literally yelled at me, saying that I was messed up for forcing her children to wear diapers, that it would ‘bring back the bad habits’ and it wouldn’t be a big deal if they had an accident in bed again. Tried reasoning with her, but she just called me a dumb jerk, before saying that she’ll never bring the kids again and storming off to the car. I looked at my brother, who was standing nearby, and it seemed like he was trying hard to keep a straight face. He followed after her and when he got to the car, he yelled: ‘See ya next week!’
AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Explaining Our Financial Situation To My Daughter?
“My husband and I have a 12-year-old daughter, Karlie. She’s is an absolutely great kid and I couldn’t ask for better. She’s been absolutely great through the global situation, especially when her dad lost his job in aviation. He started as a lorry driver last March, but that is significantly less than our previous income. Karlie had some understanding of the situation but not a full one because she is 12.
Every year, her school holds a trip for each different year. It takes place at the end of the year and it’s usually given short notice. This year is no different, we were given 3 weeks’ notice to hand in the permission slip and payment for the excursion. There has been none since 2019, for obvious reasons.
This year it’s to a theme park for my daughter’s age group. It was a bit of a shock to us since previous years we were given at least 6 weeks’ notice – we had actually started to believe it wasn’t happening this year.
Karlie’s birthday is in early July, and we had been saving for that, so we decided to sit down and explain to her that she could choose to go on the school trip or to do something with her friends for her birthday, but unfortunately, it wasn’t possible to do both.
She chose her birthday but asked why the trip wasn’t possible, so I took out pretend money and explained her dad’s old income, vs. it now, and how things had to change, but I also explained that she is a child and she doesn’t need to worry, that things will get better again but for now finances are a bit tight.
I didn’t tell her any real numbers, just so she doesn’t stress.
We thought all was well until her teacher called me for a meeting today, and at the time I was like okayyy… this is weird. Apparently, the teacher overheard Karlie telling her friends about the situation and said it was inappropriate to explain finances and outgoings to a child. To add to that, I put unnecessary pressure on my daughter by ‘forcing’ her to choose. I was talking to a mom friend of mine about it and she agreed with the teacher. So. AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Alone For My Birthday?
“So it all stems from my stepdad’s mother Brenda. My mum and stepdad have been together since I (17M) was about 5. Brenda has always been VERY clear that she does not consider me to be a part of her family/one of her grandkids and that she has no intention of treating me as such. She avoids talking to me when she can help it and if she has to she treats me in much the same way she treats the kids of family friends.
Mum got largely the same treatment for the first couple of years, til she had Brenda another ACTUAL grandchild.
It also means I get left out of everything Brenda pays for. She happens to be really wealthy, so throughout our childhood, this meant things like my siblings going to private schools where Brenda paid their tuition fees while I went to the local comprehensive and my siblings always having better toys and gadgets and stuff than I did.
It’s also meant that they go on a family holiday each year, which I don’t get to go to. These are usually REALLY fancy holidays; I’m talking first-class flights, five-star resorts, luxury cruises, and the works.
Prior to now, whenever the family went on holiday I would just hang out with my granddad. He never had a lot of money but he always found something for us to do for that week or two it was just me.
It was never anything flashy like the family was doing but it was always so much fun and so special. However, Granddad was sick for the past few years and not up for our trips so we just hung out at his house, and then he died last autumn. I was absolutely broken by his passing, I lost my granddad and my best friend all in one.
I still haven’t really gotten over it.
Anyway, that all brings us to now. Brenda recently announced the date for this year’s family holiday – two weeks, with the third day of the first week being my birthday. If Granddad was still around, I wouldn’t have minded so much – they’d been away for my birthday before, but it didn’t matter if I could spend it with him.
But this year will be my first birthday ever without him. I don’t really want to be by myself, so I’ve asked my mum if she wouldn’t mind staying at home with me this year. She said no and at first, I just accepted it but after thinking about it I REALLY don’t want to be by myself so I asked again and kinda said that if she did go I would be super upset and probably not talk to her for a while.
Mum and my stepdad both got super mad at me and said that I was being a selfish jerk just trying to ruin their trip because I was jealous. They say I’m an adult now so it’s silly for me to care this much about doing stuff on my birthday anyway, and my stepdad also called me a brat. Now I feel even worse than I felt about being home alone and I want to know if I’m really being a selfish jerk.”
Becoming an adult doesn't mean birthdays don't matter anymore, that's just the dumb justification they use for treating you like dirt your entire life. Please, let them read this. They are sad excuses for parents to alienate you this way each and every year, and leave you alone on your birthday without your grandpa.
Your mom needs to grow a backbone with Brenda and stop allowing her to act this way towards you. Her husband needs to get over hims3lf, because he also allowed this.
Your mom is just selfish herself, knowing that if she sticks up for HER CHILD, she will get cut off from the lavish gifts. It's sickening really.
21. AITJ For Not Giving A Gift To My In-Laws?
“My (30F) father had his birthday on Saturday and it was Mother’s Day on Sunday.
My wife and I have shared and separate finances (we have a joint account and separate accounts). Both have jobs that pay very well and usually, the end-of-year bonus is not in the shared account (according to our agreement), each one can spend as we wish.
I still hadn’t spent my bonus and I decided to give my mom and dad a gift. I know they’re struggling to pay the mortgage payments on their new home and I have access to the mortgage app (my parents don’t know how to handle it), so I paid off the rest of the mortgage and gave them a little more to enjoy (having a barbecue or whatever).
It was a very emotional moment and it was worth every penny spent on this surprise because the happy face of my elders was priceless. This happened on Sunday at lunch.
At night, we went to my in-laws’ house to celebrate Mother’s Day and between conversations, this surprise came up. My in-laws praised me and that was it.
Yesterday, my wife, after we arrived at lunch, said that she wanted to surprise her parents (later I found out they had dropped several hints about it) and that she wanted to pay for a renovation of their house (the house is really old).
I supported the idea, but the bomb landed in my lap. She started saying that she had already spent the bonus + already saved (her new car) and asked if I could give this money or take part of my separate account and the other part of our joint account.
I said no. If she spent her money from the separate account quickly, it wasn’t my fault. And that if I used only my account, it would leave nothing on it. In addition, the shared account is for 70% of our ‘basic’ expenses.
She got mad and said it was too jerkish of me to give my parents a gift and her parents got nothing and that sharing/giving is part of married life.
She pointed out that this is a value that I can give (I really can) and that it would be a beautiful action to do that and if I didn’t want it that way, she would gradually pay the amount.
I am still stuck with the decision because the funds in my separate account are something we agreed to spend on whatever we want.
She’s been mad at me ever since and my in-laws are disappointed in us.
To have an idea of values, I gave the equivalent (converted to dollars) of 11k to my parents and the renovation of my in-laws’ house would be 10k.
AITJ?”
20. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Change My Birthday Venue?
“I (25F) had a pretty sucky birthday last year. My partner (24M) bless his heart feels horrible about it since we were together but he was super tired and fell asleep the night of so we didn’t even get to cut my cake. I ate it alone as he was sleeping, LOL.
Though I don’t mind it, he wants to throw a get-together this year since all the restrictions lifted, and we haven’t done one in a while.
He’s been planning for it for over a month now and my birthday is in 2 weeks. He asked me what I’d like to do and who would I like to be present.
We know this winehouse in the city where we’ve been many times and I love it there. It’s a semi-formal, romantic place with a huge green garden and its own brand of wine which is delicious but affordable.
So we planned my birthday to be there, made reservations, and invited people.
One of our close friends and his partner (a girl I know back from college but haven’t interacted with since) have been suggesting to my partner that we change the venue since he invited them but we have been pretty set on that so he said no.
Then yesterday this girl messaged me and told me she’s been there before and she found a bug in her plate so the place disgusts her now. She asked me to change the venue, I said I’d consider it though we were going for the wine and not for the food. Then she messaged a bunch of venues and told me they’re all similar.
But they’re not as some of them don’t have a garden which I love and others are expensive which would not suit the budget of some of the guests and I cannot cover 10 people on my budget.
We discussed it between my partner and me, and I thought every time I’ve been there it’s been tidy and clean.
Since we are talking about a huge garden with trees maybe the bug fell from the trees or something. Maybe the place is really not that clean and I’ve been mistaken.
Anyway, it was labeled as a wine party and not a dinner party when we invited people and I can tell everyone to eat beforehand and only leave enough room in their stomach for the cake which we’ll make at home and bring to the venue.
But still, I’m really torn.
I don’t want to be a jerk for inviting people to a place where I heard negative feedback about the kitchen. WIBTJ if I don’t change the venue and tell her to not eat if she doesn’t want to?
By the way, honestly, if I were to plan a night with my partner, I’d still go there and eat because from what I’ve seen before they have high standards.”
There are tons of things I can't eat and most restaurants don't have food that accommodate my allergies. However, if my friend invited me to their party at a place I couldn't eat, I would NEVER expect them to change their birthday plans to accommodate me.
19. AITJ For Putting Up Cameras While My Friend's Daughter Was Babysitting My Son?
“I recently hired my friend’s 20-year-old daughter to babysit my 3-year-old son while my husband and I went out of town to celebrate our anniversary.
About a month ago my friend mentioned that her daughter was looking for side jobs to save for an apartment, so I hired her to babysit for a couple of days. Before she came my husband and I set up baby monitors in our son’s room and in the living room/kitchen area.
We did not put cameras in the bathroom or guest room where she would be sleeping. I trust my friend and her daughter entirely, but I set up the cameras as a precaution to ensure my son’s safety. If he got hurt or anything I wanted to have a clear record of what happened since my son has a limited vocabulary and can’t tell me himself.
The trip went great, my husband and I had a wonderful time and when we occasionally dropped in on the cam to check on our son he looked like he was having fun as well. My friend’s daughter was great with him and reported no issues when I called each night to check in on her.
Here’s where it went downhill. When my husband and I returned home, I mentioned the baby monitors and she asked why I’d put them up. I told her it was just a precaution, in the event our son got hurt we wanted a clear picture of what had happened. She asked if we thought she would mistreat our son, to which we replied of course not, but it’s best to be prepared for any possible situation.
She got angry and said this was a massive invasion of privacy, and asked why we would hire her if we clearly didn’t trust her. My husband and I tried to explain multiple times but she wasn’t interested in hearing what we had to say.
Later, I got a call from her mother calling me a paranoid jerk for putting cameras up. Did I handle the cameras wrong?”
18. AITJ For Being Disgusted By A Mom Letting Her Kid Pee In Front Of The Shopping Mall Entrance?
“I (24F) don’t have any kids. I like kids, and I’m sympathetic to the struggles of parenthood.
Two days ago, I went to a shopping center and parked right outside the entrance because it was 8.30 a.m., with plenty of space. Shops don’t open until 9 a.m., but the actual center is open at this time for toilets and a small cafe.
A woman came walking down the hill towards the entrance with her toddler, a young boy probably about 3 or 4. They got right outside the entrance and I could hear him say ‘Oh, Mum, I need a toilet!’
Now I should point out that the actual toilets at this center, are a twenty-second walk from where she was standing.
Instead of taking him to a toilet, she dropped her bags at her feet, turned him to face the shopping center door, and let him go against the wall. I’m sitting in my car watching this happen, so I put my window down because I asked her to move him into the bushes or at least take him into a toilet, but there’s now an actual puddle of urine outside the only entrance to the center so it’s too late.
I say something about it being disgusting because now I and others have to walk through that puddle. She tells me when he has to go, she lets him go right there and then. Make him wear a nappy then? Why should I walk through that?
She starts crying at this point, and her friend who she was waiting on shows up, she tells her I shouted at her and the friend said I was ‘mum shaming’. I can’t help but feel a little guilty because she did seem genuinely upset, so I am asking you if I am in fact a jerk?”
17. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My House For Stealing?
“My sister (25F) has been living under my roof for 7 months now without paying rent, buying food, or doing any chores. She basically lives for free. Not only that but she is super lazy. I (30F) always have to clean up behind her. It’s like I’m cleaning behind a pig.
It got so worse that on her cycle she would leave her used pad on the counter and leave me to throw it away.
That is where she crossed the line I told her she could not use my bathroom and had to use the downstairs bathroom which is super small and very unused.
I guess y’all wonder ‘how she even moved in’. Well, my sister never had anything going for her she dropped out of high school and went straight to working but with that attitude she has she never kept her job for long.
Almost a year ago she decided she just didn’t wanna work, my parents wouldn’t let a bum live in their home and me being me I told her she could stay with me til she finally decided to get a job and get back on her feet. Well, that was 7 months ago and I don’t even think she has been looking for a job.
Or to ever get her own place.
Recently she invited her partner over to stay, I said it was fine as long as he stayed away from my room, my bathroom, and my closet. She agreed. Well, I have a lot of valuable things in my closet hence why I did not want him to go in there.
Well, those valuable things were missing and her partner and my sister had been walking around with new shoes, new clothes, everything new.
Yesterday I got off work early and caught my sister and her partner stealing from me. I was furious. I opened my own home up to both of them from the kindness of my heart and they stole from me I immediately kicked them out, changed my door locks, and kept all the stuff they bought with MY money. My mom said I was a jerk for kicking my own sister out. So am I the jerk?”
16. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom For Letting Her Kids Use My Stuff?
“My (16f) mom (42f) got married three years ago and gave birth to twins. Her marriage fell apart and she got divorced from her husband, financial issues quickly followed as well. My mom started working pretty long shifts and I had to babysit her kids, it was really exhausting since not long after that she started treating me like her maid.
I wasn’t allowed to go out with friends, study, or stay at school for too long. She finally stopped working and found another man to support her, but she kept letting her kids use my stuff.
Every time I come back from school I end up finding yet another belonging of mine lost or broken on the floor.
I told her about it and she just kept saying ‘to let it go since they’re children’. They’ve even torn my school books and papers and ruined many of my pens. They even broke my laptop which I used for studying and now I’m expected to pay for it with my own money.
Every time I’m on my phone or watching something on the TV she tells me to change it to a cartoon or give them my phone to watch something so her kids won’t bother her and sit in front of devices all day instead.
Yesterday I was watching a series for the first time in a while on my phone but then of course like always my mom came in with a baby in her hands and told me to give the kid my phone. Obviously, I got mad and we got into an argument. She says I’m being selfish and sharing with my siblings is normal but I don’t think of them like my siblings, I know it’s not their fault but I can’t help but feel angry that I was forced to stay at home taking care of them while somehow having to cook for myself and keep up with my own needs. AITJ?
Edit: My dad and I aren’t in contact as he’s in jail. I am working and saving up to legally move out when I can.”
15. AITJ For Not Giving What I Got From A Lawsuit To My Mom?
“I (20F) am going to school at a university (this is important for context). My mom has not ever really supported the fact I wanted to go to a bigger school as she went to community college. About 2 years ago I was in a car accident and I decided to sue the person responsible for the accident (damages were over $10K, medical bills over $30k).
My vehicle was beyond repair and insurance only offered me $1,500 after it was all said and done. I tried everything and I am left with severe neck and back pain. I also have trouble with strength in my arms and legs. The driver was driving under the influence and hit me going at an unreasonable amount of speed.
It led to my car flipping over multiple times and needing surgery after.
Recently we went to court and although I only asked for $55K in court, the judge required him and his insurance company to pay $150K to me for damages, medical, and personal relief as well. I just got the first part of the check on Monday and my mom insisted I give her the entire check ($25K) so she can have some spending money.
After I told her no and told her I would be using it for college expenses as I still have three years left, she told me I was not responsible enough to handle it. I explained I am meeting with an accountant on Friday and we are going to open up an account specifically for this and I won’t touch the funds unless I absolutely need to.
She still didn’t like that and called me the jerk for not giving her the check. Her biggest reason after I talked to my grandma was ‘I gave her life. I’m entitled to something’. I am really considering cutting contact with my mom if she continues to behave this way but I want to better my future. So AITJ for this?”
She may have "given you life", but you didn't make that choice, she did.
It would be one thing if she was struggling for some unforseen circumstance and just needed some help. But $25k for spending money over paying for college is a bit absurd.
Maybe it's menopause clouding her brain, or maybe she's been this way your whole life- either way, you are making the right choice.
14. AITJ For "Insulting" My Partner's Mom's Cooking Over A Misunderstanding?
“I (24f) have been with my partner ‘Jack’ (25m) for 2 years. We have been living together for just over a year.
I have always been fond of cooking and usually make a lot of Asian dishes as I grew up eating a lot of them. So as a result I do use soy sauce and sometimes some MSG.
However when I got together with my partner he mentioned how he is very allergic to soy, so I had to be extra careful what I make. He has also mentioned how his parents dismissed his allergy and we had a long discussion about his allergies. I take allergies seriously due to an incident with a family member a few years ago, so when we moved in together I ended up purchasing an entire new cooking set to make sure there’s no cross-contamination.
Last week we went to see his family as they invited us over to their place. I have met them before and we had lunch together at a local restaurant, however, we haven’t visited them due to how far they live.
During the visit, Jack went to pick up his brother from a gig (our car is 2 seater), so I was there with his mother ‘Annie’ while she was making a BBQ.
At some point I saw her adding a lot of soy sauce to the marinade for all the meat and said she couldn’t do that as Jack is allergic to soy sauce, meaning he wouldn’t be able to eat it. Annie said not to worry and that Jack loves this marinade and she already made the first bunch.
I reminded her again that Jack could not eat it as it was not safe for him, in short, we ended up in an argument until Jack came back.
When Jack returned he was confused about why I was arguing with his mother and ate one of the glazed wings in the marinade. I was shocked and tried to tell him they have soy, but he said do not worry as they are very tasty and he is fine.
I have asked about the allergies and he said he didn’t have any and just doesn’t always like it in his food as sometimes food tastes very salty with it.
Now his entire family is calling me a controlling jerk and demanding a proper apology to Annie for ‘insulting her cooking’. I have apologized and said this happened due to what Jack said, but they are not having any of it.”
Moral of the story is that due to his lack of respect, I have fallen ill every time I visited. Eventually I stopped eating anything he cooked.
Sucks that you SO lied about it though. It's up to him to smooth it out with his mother.
13. AITJ For Charging My Friends Rent?
“This will be my first year in college. When I got accepted, the 1st person I told was my uncle. We’re very close because he took care of me when I was little because of my parent’s crazy work schedules. Anyway, my grades were good enough to get me in but not enough to get me any scholarships.
That means I’ll have to take out loans for tuition and work for my expenses. When my uncle found out, he said I should just concentrate on school instead of working but my dad (his brother) said that finances are tight right now so my parents can’t help me out as much as they want to.
My uncle has investment properties all over the place so he said it’s not a big deal for him to buy another one near my campus, which he did. Then he had contractors renovate the house so emerging in there is brand new. He even had them install a bay window in the master bedroom just for me and I got to pick out everything else like the carpet and counters.
He told me he wanted me to concentrate on school and not work. Instead, I can be his landlady and rent out the other 3 bedrooms and keep that money to fund my expenses.
I have a group of friends who are attending the same school so I made a deal with them. Studio apartments are going between $900-1500 (not including utilities) around campus with the expensive ones being closer.
My uncle’s house is one street over from campus so I can literally walk to class every day. I’m charging my friends $700 per room or if they double up, $350 per person per month and split utilities evenly.
They all jumped at the offer and no one asked any questions until recently when one of them asked me how much the overall rent was.
I was honest and told them about my uncle and our deal. That blew up in my face because now every one of my friends is calling me greedy for charging them rent and then pocketing the funds. We’re all in a huge fight and they all want to either pay nothing or ‘throw a couple hundred’ in for utilities.
I cried to my uncle but he said now that I’m an adult, I need to make my own adult decision. He’ll stand by my decision. I don’t want to lose my friends but I don’t want to disappoint my family with bad grades either. I thought I was being fair with rent but literally all of my friends are calling me a greedy jerk.”
12. AITJ For Not Sharing The Inheritance I Got From My Late Father With My Stepsister?
“My (17F) dad died when I was three and left me a substantial amount of inheritance. My grandparents are going to pay my college tuition. My mom remarried when I was six and I have a stepsister, Maddie (17F). My stepdad and mom haven’t saved much for Maddie and her college fund will barely cover two years of tuition, less if she goes to her dream school.
A little while after they got married, when I was six or seven, I promised that I would love my stepsister like my real sister and help her however I could. A few days ago we were talking about college and my mom told me that she wants me to pay for part of Maddie’s tuition with my inheritance.
I told her that I was definitely not doing that. I have that money because my father died. Maddie was not related to him at all. She has no right to use his money.
My mom and Maddie have been really mad since then because apparently, they were counting on me to help her out because my grandparents are paying my college tuition and I promised to always help her.
Yesterday Maddie talked to her counselor, who told her that she should rethink what colleges she wants to apply to because she would have to take out large loans to pay for her dream school. Her counselor told her she should go to community college first to save up.
Maddie started crying when she got home and said that her life was ruined and she had to go to community college.
I’m pretty sure she didn’t say she has to go to community college. She probably just suggested it and Maddie thinks she has no other choice. Maddie said it’s not fair that I can go wherever I want and she’s going to have to go to community college and she’s tired of always being second to me.
I told her that I didn’t owe her anything. If she wants to go to an expensive school then she can take out loans and it’s her own fault that she’s ‘always been second to me’. She was crying in her room for like hours after that and she still won’t talk to me. AITJ?”
Your mother and your stepsister can't hold you to a promise you made when you were 6. Besides, you promised to always help her out. You didn't promise to give her your money.
11. AITJ For Asking My Husband Not To Touch My Hair?
“When we met 10 years ago I had long curly hair, and after a few months I chopped it off for a long bob, and a little after that I opted for a pixie. My husband (then-parter) said he loved my long hair and the pixie, and that I looked like a fairy.
I grew it out for our wedding and maintained long hair until after the birth of our second child in 2020.
I had been losing hair (post-partum hair loss) and our newborn was ripping out my baby hairs on the bottom of my neck. Since we were in isolation I decided to shave my head because I’ve always wanted to and never had the courage to, and if I looked insane nobody would be seeing it.
I walked out of the bathroom with a full shaved head and to my surprise, I absolutely loved it.
I enjoyed not having to style my hair at all, my delightfully round head made my face really pop. My husband was supportive but always finished with, ‘I can’t wait until your hair is long again’.
I shaved my head twice more since then because I really love having shorter hair. Since my hair has started growing out again my curls have returned.
It’s so curly and I love it (still very short, nearly a pixie). With it being curly I’ve asked that he not run his finger through my hair as it causes it to lose its styling and makes the curl look frizzy and unkempt.
This morning he aggressively ran his finger through my hair, and I did as I have done many times before.
I gently move his hand away from my head and remind him, ‘It ruins my curls’. He was instantly grumpy with me and has been gruff since.
This seems unfair because I’m letting it grow out for him, but if I’m the one having to style it so it looks good I don’t want him messing it up.
So, AITJ for asking him to not touch my hair?”
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive My Wife For 6 Hours To Go To Her Family's Monthly Get-Together?
“My wife (33F) and I (35M) have been married for 3 years. Her family is very tight-knit and every month they have a family get-together at my wife’s parent’s house. It is always on Sundays because my wife’s siblings have kids and they all have activities on Saturdays, so Sunday is the only free day everyone has.
They live a 3-hour drive from us. We always make a day trip because obviously, we have to work on Monday. Needless to say, it’s a lot of driving in one day.
The get-together is usually just a nice meal and some games, nothing too fancy or crazy. I like her family and enjoy hanging out with them, but there have been times when I don’t feel like going and there are no hard feelings about not attending.
The problem is, that if I don’t attend, my wife doesn’t attend. She is a very anxious driver, especially on freeways and highways where aggressive drivers and semi-trucks tend to be more common. She’s never been in an accident or anything like that, she just doesn’t feel comfortable driving long distances on freeways with speeding cars, and it freaks her out.
So if I don’t go, she won’t drive herself there. There also isn’t anyone else from her family who lives nearby who could come pick her up without adding at least 2 hours to their drive.
Last month we didn’t attend because I had just gotten back from a work trip and wanted to use that weekend to relax at home.
My wife and in-laws understood. This month’s get-together is this coming Sunday. My wife is adamant that we attend this one because we missed the last one. I told her I would go, but she was going to have to drive at least one leg of the trip, I didn’t want to be driving for 6 hours like every other time.
This started a fight because she said I know how much she hates driving on freeways and that’s too far of a drive for her to keep from freaking out. I told her that if she wants to keep driving 6 hours for a day to see her family every month, then she’s going to need to start driving at least half of it because I’m tired of doing all that driving by myself.
I told her that I would be with her in the car and would be a good co-pilot to keep her calm and focused. Unlike when I drive and she buries her face in her phone for 2/3 of the drive. I told her we could take it slow and easy and it would be good practice for her to become more comfortable with that type of driving.
She is not agreeing to this and is insisting that I drive like every other time because of her anxiety about it. I am refusing to budge and told her that this is something for her family so she needs to start putting in at least some effort to make it happen. She thinks I am being a jerk about it, not taking her feelings into consideration, and being dismissive of her anxiety.
We have not come to an agreement on this yet, but I really don’t want to give in. Driving 6 hours in a day can be exhausting and I’m tired of being the only one to do it. Especially when it’s every month.”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay My Mother-In-Law $30 For The Gift She Gave Me?
“My MIL bought me a new coffee machine. I don’t know why as the one I have is still working fine but whatever, I accepted.
Before leaving, she told me I needed to pay her $30. I asked why and she said that she planned on putting only $50 in the gift but the cheapest coffee machine she could find was around $80 so I needed to put the $30 she added for the machine.
That confused me because if she planned on only putting a certain amount in the gift (that I, once again, didn’t ask for) then why not give up the coffee machine idea and buy something that actually was $50?
She said she didn’t care about paying more if it made me happy, I said well clearly you do care otherwise you wouldn’t ask me to pay the extra $30?
She said it was just a matter of principle and that if I had manners I’d pay her.
She then left.
She later texted my husband that she was waiting on the $30 and would take back the coffee machine if I didn’t. I told my husband to respond that she could come take it back cause I was not gonna give her the $30.
My husband is not okay with that because he got ‘attached’ to the machine, whatever that means, and to just give her the $30.
I told my husband if he wanted to keep the machine then he should give his mom the money she wanted.
He said I needed to do it because the gift was originally mine, even though I never asked for it. He said I was making this harder than it needed to be and was selfish to not pay the extra $30 for the coffee machine his mom got me, especially knowing that he likes it.
I have a hard time seeing how I’m wrong so I’m coming here because there might be a chance that I AM in the wrong.
Should I just give his mom the $30 like she asks and be done with it?”
8. AITJ For Not Giving My Dad's Significant Other My Quarters?
“I (17m) came to visit my dad for the weekend. His significant other ‘Tessa’ doesn’t live with him (I guess) but is here all the time, and she has a kid.
We all went out to dinner yesterday and stopped at Walmart after. I found a movie that I wanted so I bought it and used cash.
Tessa’s daughter got some candy and gave her mom the change. I didn’t think anything of it and figured her mom had her money. I bought my movie with the money I got from working, it’s not like my dad gave it to me or it was allowance or anything.
When we were leaving Tessa asked me if she could have my change.
I said ‘What? No?’ And looked at my dad. She said, ‘Not the singles just the change because I need quarters for the laundromat’. I said, ‘No, I save my change, sorry’. I thought that was the end of it.
Then later my dad talked to me while we were outside, he said that I came off as stingy and should have just given Tessa my change, she has to use the laundromat and it’s not even a dollar I’d be giving her.
I said, ‘Well it’s kinda weird for her to be asking a kid that’s not even HER kid for money’. He said ‘Again, it’s not even a dollar, she’s been having a hard time getting quarters’. I said ‘I have a whole change jar at mom’s, I can go get it’. He said ‘and give it to her?’ I said ‘No…
I’ll count it out and she can buy the change from me’ (I usually cash it in at the bank anyway). He said ‘Never mind, I just thought you could give her the change from earlier. Be the bigger person. You’re lucky you have it so good and don’t have to pay to do laundry’. I do my laundry at home, not at his house anyway.
Today Tessa kept making comments about how she’s glad she taught her daughter to share and not be entitled.
I don’t have a problem with giving her the 75 cents if even that, but I feel like then every time I’m over here and buy something/get change I’ll be expected to hand it over to her.
AITJ for not giving my dad’s SO my quarters?”
7. AITJ For Spilling Wine On A Guest Who's Wearing A White Dress?
“My best friend (m 28) of 12 years recently got married. I (m 27) was the best man.
Jump to the wedding day – the maid of honor came to the groom/us and informed us of a lady (we’ll call her Kathy) who had chosen to wear a white dress to the wedding and sit in the SECOND row on the aisle.
The maid of honor was freaking out trying to ask what we should do (ask her to change? ask her to leave?) and I remembered reading about other people who would ‘accidentally’ spill red wine on people who choose to wear a white dress to someone else’s wedding. I suggested the idea – the maid of honor loved it and went to go inform the bride that I would be doing this during the reception.
The groom (best friend) hated the idea. He said, ‘Look man, I know it’s an awful thing to do (wear white), but let’s not make a scene/give Kathy MORE attention than she deserves’.
The ceremony happened, and Bride was obviously upset when she walked down. The maid of honor had informed her of the situation, so it wasn’t a nasty surprise to the bride, but it was still tense.
This venue was one where the reception WAS the same room as the ceremony. So there was not an easy transition period where someone could ask Kathy to go change. However, this meant that my idea was getting closer and seeming more plausible. I already knew the maid of honor approved, and so I assumed that the bride also approved.
After 10 minutes or so of formalities/toast/everything, I began to walk towards Kathy. It was actually incredibly easy since right as I was walking past (not even ready to ‘do it’ just kind of mapping my plan) she backed her chair up right before I took a step in that direction. I took this opportunity to spill my entire glass towards my left (where she was sitting) down the back of her dress/chair.
Then, in order to make it less about her, I dove forward and landed on my side and yelled ‘Oh my god why would you do that!’
The conversations went quiet. Kathy stands up with her back soaked, looks at me and mouths ‘Screw you’, before quietly dismissing herself into the bathroom.
The bride and groom both came up to me after a few minutes had passed and told me that was totally not cool.
Neither of them wanted me to do that and it was as if I was trying to ‘be the hero at someone else’s event’. The bride said it was a ‘jerk move’ and that she ‘was bothered by her wearing the white dress, but not like, THAT bothered…’ The groom told me he was ‘disappointed’ and ‘Why would I do something that he LITERALLY told me not to do’.
I apologized to him and he said we were ‘all good, but like please don’t ever disrespect us or someone we know like that again’.
Kathy wasn’t seen afterward. Or if she was, I didn’t see it/hear about it. The maid of honor told me that what I did was ‘payback’ and ‘well deserved’, and I had a few of the bride’s family members ask me ‘Was that actually on accident? That was so perfect!’ afterward as well.
I’m torn. AITJ here? Do I need to bring this up later with my friend and apologize again? Was I just being the ‘funny best man’ and I should shrug it off?”
6. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Lying To Me About Kicking My Sister And Her Baby Out?
“My sister (20) got out of a terrible relationship and moved in with me and my husband and brought her 5-month-old son. She’s dealing with a handful of issues from post-partum depression to depression. I asked my husband if he’d be okay with her moving in and he said absolutely, not just this but he was the one who picked her up/brought her home.
She stayed for 2 weeks and helped around the house. My husband started complaining about the baby crying but a newborn is expected to cry, especially at night. He said it causes him stress although I suggested he put on earbuds. He suddenly told me to forget it and so I did.
Last week, I had to go out of town to attend a friend’s funeral without my husband.
He said he wanted to stay with my sister to make sure she was okay. I returned home the next day and didn’t find her or her baby home. My husband said she contacted a friend in another town and wanted to move with them and left that morning, he handed me a letter he claimed was from her.
This felt so odd… especially after reading the letter, I called her phone many many times but turned out my husband found it and said she must’ve left it behind. I was worried I had no means of contacting her to make sure she was okay, I contacted relatives but they knew nothing.
Yesterday, I got a call from an unknown number and it was her.
We talked and she told me that she didn’t leave on her own but my husband kicked her out after telling her that she was no longer welcome, and she needed to take responsibility for her decisions. I was in shock as she explained that she was not with a friend but at a shelter and she had no money.
I waited til he got home and I blew up at him, he admitted he faked the letter and hid her phone then argued that it’s his house too and he has a say, but he shouldn’t have lied to me about my sister and causing her to be homeless.
He said I was being unfair and wrong to lash out at him for wanting peace in his home.
I went upstairs and refused to argue anymore. I told him I was going to pick her up tomorrow and he said he’d change the locks while I’m gone and I won’t be allowed to bring her home. I’m thinking of going to a hotel but he kept saying that I’m letting my sister affect our lives by prioritizing her but there’s a baby involved, my nephew, and I can’t leave him homeless. I get that it’s his house too but I don’t see why he’s so against her staying.”
5. AITJ For Expecting My Dad To Pay Me For Babysitting His Kids?
“I (male 22) have a good relationship with my dad (43). When I was 16 my dad was caught having an affair, my mom kicked him out and got his affair partner (AP) pregnant. AP was so much younger than him and left him with the kids (5M twins, she is still in the picture but acts more like a distant relative), he’s been a single dad ever since.
My mom and dad have reconciled and improved their relationship for my sake, my mom even helped him watch the babies a couple of times. I love them and I’ve never considered them to be my half-siblings but my siblings, I’ve watched them a couple of times too (for a couple of hours).
After the divorce, he went out with a couple of people but nothing serious until he met Dan (40M) 2.5 years ago (No surprises here, my dad was openly bi, and even went out with men before meeting my mom).
They got married this past May, it was a nice wedding, mom was there, I was there, the twins, family.
My dad is a great dad to me and the twins, I have no complaints about him, he has never left us behind but I think he is in a part of his life that he wants and needs time for himself.
They couldn’t have their honeymoon immediately and they are planning to have it in a couple of weeks. Dan wanted to take the boys with them but my dad convinced him not to, he argued that they’d have their whole lives to see the boys and they needed this time for themselves. (Dan agreed)
They asked my mom to watch the boys (They call her mom; they know she isn’t their mom) but my mom refused because it’s going to be 3 weeks long and I get why my mom doesn’t want to be that responsible for the kids (she usually watches them for a couple of hours) then my dad asked me but I told him that I’m not a babysitter and if he wants me to be one, he’ll have to pay.
He got mad at me and said that they were my siblings and this was just a hand he needed.
Here is the thing, the boys are messy (like any other kid I know) but they are also a little shy/bratty so when another person watches them, they scream, cry, tantrums, etc. That’s why my dad can’t hire another nanny.
AITJ for expecting my dad to pay?”
4. AITJ For Telling My Mom Not To Babysit My Brother's Kids?
“So I (37F) am married and have two kids (11 and 8). My husband and I both work full-time corporate jobs so we don’t get home until 5-6 pm every night. We used to have a nanny who would pick the kids up from school and stay at home until one of us came back. Almost a year ago, my father unfortunately passed leaving my mother (60F) alone, so between her, my husband, and me, we all thought it’d be best for my mother to move in with us.
It basically became the arrangement that my husband and I renovated our home to create an in-law suite for my mom to live in full time and we help take care of her bills, and she will essentially replace our nanny and look after our kids at 2:30 pm-6 pm Monday-Friday. It’s been great having her around, but the issue is that my brother (32M) and his wife (SIL) think it’s unfair and showing ‘favorites’ if my mom only babysits my kids and not theirs.
Last week, SIL literally just dropped off her kids (2 and 4) at my house as soon as my husband and I left for work and I only found out through my Ring camera. My husband and I don’t want my brother’s kids at our house because 1) they’re very young and our house is not babyproofed and has many fragile items I know they will try to get into 2) the 4-year-old is extremely spoiled and his parents never say no or give him consequences so he goes to anyone’s house and has bad behavior 3) my mom only watches my kids for about three hours every day, but my SIL is dropping off her kids ALL day at MY house even when my kids aren’t being watched.
I talked to my mom and she said she doesn’t know if she’s comfortable with watching 4 kids at once but she’ll try if needed and it’s ultimately up to me if my brother’s kids can come over since it’s my house. So I told my brother and SIL no and SIL has been sending me the rudest messages about how I’m turning my kids spoiled and letting them have their grandmother’s favoritism etc etc.
Also that I could afford a nanny but I’m choosing to ‘use’ my mother when she and my brother can’t afford other childcare. I just reminded her that she’s a stay-at-home mom and it’s her JOB to look after her kids, not my mother’s, and blocked her. So AITJ?
Edit: I have absolutely no issues if my mom wants to go over to my brother’s/SIL’s house to watch their kids! But my issue is that SIL wants to just drop her kids off at my house ALL day to have my mother watch them so SIL can have an empty/mess-free house. She’s basically trying to use my mom and my house as a daycare. Also, I take deep issue with her just dropping off her kids at my house without notifying me/my husband or even asking my mom.”
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Responsible For Driving My Stepdaughter To School Every Day?
“My husband has 2 other kids from a previous relationship (9 & 17). We have 2 children together (8 years old & 8 months old).
My husband recently got a promotion which requires him to be on call 1 week out of the month. I work from home and am the primary caregiver for both of our kids.
Our 8-year-old recently switched to a different and better school, which happens to be minutes away from my stepdaughter’s school. Upon switching he asked if I could now take his daughter to school when he is on call and I agreed. Normally, she is dropped off with her mother very early in the morning and her mother handles the drop-off, daycare, etc.
I’m very inclusive with 4 kids when it comes to parties, Christmas, birthdays, etc. I cook and clean for them but leave homework, showers, discipline, etc. to my husband as I don’t feel this is my place.
Today is the 4th day of school and my husband asked if I could take his daughter to school. I assumed that nobody was available to take her since he said that nobody was available in our previous conversation.
I think it’s important to know that both the 8 & 9-year-olds start school at the same so this is a problem. I said I would try it anyway. But in doing so, it became very hectic trying to get both kids ready at once, feeding them breakfast, getting the baby ready, etc.
Ended up leaving 8 minutes later than planned so my stepdaughter was on time and my son was borderline late/running to class.
So I told my husband I couldn’t take her every day and questioned why I had to when her mom was home. He said I left too late & started saying things like ‘I didn’t know it would be such a big deal to help me out’ & ‘Sorry my children are such an inconvenience for you.’ Etc.
I explained that she was not an inconvenience, but had a perfectly ready and available parent to take her. It was hard getting everyone ready on time, the kids were playing and not getting ready, plus the baby, all of it. I reminded him that when we spoke, he said emergencies and when nobody was available but her mom called her this morning to tell her to have a good day and where to be picked up so this wasn’t the case today.
I told him his children are his responsibility and he can’t get upset when I can’t take responsibility for them as well as my own children and that it wasn’t fair to expect that.
I can’t help but wonder if this was his plan all along – to move my son’s schools and then assign me to carpool without even communicating- especially since he doubled down and was saying his kids were an inconvenience and trying to guilt me.
If the situation had been fully communicated, I would have said no. My schedule is crazy enough trying to manage the house, my job, and an 8-month-old while working.
However, I can’t help feeling like a jerk. If they were being dropped off at the same school, it wouldn’t be a problem. Our son was late, and it was just too much.
So, AITJ?”
NTJ
2. AITJ For Being Mad At My Daughter's Dad For Telling Her About His Diagnosis?
“My daughter’s dad (m 37) and I (f 36) got divorced 3 years ago. We used to share custody of Leah (13) but now that her dad recently got diagnosed with cancer, things are a bit of a mess.
He and his family have been busy with his illness and since Leah hasn’t gone to stay with him for 2 weeks now, he and his sister visited days ago.
They saw each other and he requested a private minute with her in her room. I gave them all the privacy they needed but as soon as I heard commotion I decided to enter the room.
I walked in on them hugging and both he and Leah were crying. I freaked out because I didn’t know why she was crying but she refused to answer when I asked.
She left the room and I immediately asked her dad what happened. He told me that he just told her about his diagnosis. I was in shock I asked if he seriously did that and he looked at me confused. I told him he shouldn’t have done that without telling me. He looked even more confused and said that Leah needed to know because he needed her as part of his support to recover and said that he didn’t get how and why he was supposed to wait for or consult me.
I got mad and told him this wasn’t okay – but he lashed back at me saying he didn’t need my permission to tell her since he is her father and since it doesn’t concern me but I disagreed… harshly. I told him he made a huge huge mistake because of how this could (and will) affect her mental and emotional health.
He responded by saying that it was unreasonable to expect him to hide his diagnosis from her and act like he was okay when he was not. He called me selfish because I know how his health will impact his time with her and he doesn’t want her to think he’s neglecting her when he’s going through rough times.
I told him she wouldn’t notice especially since I suggested having her come live with me while he gets treatment which is what we are doing as of now.
He didn’t like what I said and tried to walk out but I told him that we weren’t done. His sister came in and started arguing with me then told him to get ready to leave. She chewed me off for about 5 mins about how I should stop having expectations of her brother and acting like I have authority or legal connection to him then I had her leave cause I couldn’t take it anymore.
We haven’t talked since then because his sister has been all over me about it.”
1. AITJ For Punishing My Stepdaughter For What She Said About My Kids?
“My husband (45m, Dan) and I got married 2 years ago and have been together for 6. We have 2 toddlers together, and I have one child from a previous marriage, he has one from his ex. Julie has only recently started to visit us. She refused to go to our wedding and refused to meet me, simply saying that I was her father’s wife, not hers.
Dan and her mom never made her do anything, so when she said she didn’t want to go to the wedding, no one made her. When she said she couldn’t care less about her siblings, no one made her visit them.
Julie’s first visit was 2 months ago for a week. When she got here, I introduced myself and my kids.
She just said her name and Dan showed her her room. Later, the kids wanted to play with her, so I took them to her room. When I mentioned that the kids wanted to play, she said she despises loud children. I said her siblings were excited to meet her. She got up and said she had no siblings because my spawn isn’t related to her and the children her father sired have nothing to do with her.
I told her she couldn’t say that and she asked what I was going to do about it. I ended up taking the kids for ice cream to make them feel better. When it was time for dinner, I called her down and told her she was going to wash all the dishes. She said she would rather just not eat and walked straight through the door and came back with food.
I told her to wash them or I’d take away her devices. She said I couldn’t take what I didn’t buy and that I had no authority over her. Dan just said that since she didn’t eat anything, it’s not fair and he would just wash it.
She did this with every meal. She came for her next visit on Monday and the kids hugged her and she pushed them off.
She hadn’t left her room until it was time for lunch. She said she wasn’t hungry, but I saw her take out what looked like some sort of granola bar. She did the exact same thing for dinner and breakfast. On Thursday, I told her to watch the kids till Dan and I got back. She told Dan that there was no way she would watch them, took her phone, and left.
We ended up having to stay home. When she came back, I told her to wash the dishes and clean up the counters. She said she didn’t make the mess and she wouldn’t clean it.
I went upstairs into her room, took her laptop, and said she would get it back once she was done. She screamed for my husband and he took it back from me and said that I was being unreasonable.
She hasn’t even been here. This is no different than if she wasn’t here, so act as if she isn’t. He helped her pack up her stuff before he took her home, she called me a jerk and said I had ugly kids in front of my children. All he said was that she didn’t mean that and that she wouldn’t be visiting again.
When he came home, I told him her mom needed to punish her and he said she did nothing wrong. My children want to see their big sister, and he just says, they could’ve been if I had just left it alone.”
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