People Want To Test Our Judgment Through Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom And Telling Her That She's Wrong?
“My parents are divorced. My mom is married to Henry and Henry has a daughter who is the same age as me (15). I used to split time equally between both houses but I prefer my dad’s so I was able to get it so I only need to spend one weekend a month at my mom’s house.
Ever since mom and Henry got married 5 years ago it’s been less comfortable at my mom’s. She expects me and Henry’s daughter Emma to be besties or some crap. She has invited Emma to join me and my friends a lot, she has tried to get my dad to invite Emma over to our house when I’m there and to include her in stuff my two best friends are included in.
A few times I tried to tell my mom Emma wasn’t invited by my friends to something or they wouldn’t like random kids attending, but she claimed Emma was their friend too.
The truth is my friends and Emma have nothing in common and they never wanted her there.
Neither did I. She has totally different interests than I do and despite my mom telling me we’re sisters, I have never introduced her to anyone as my sister. She’s not someone I care about if I’m honest. I don’t hate her either but I would never choose to bring her along the way mom has forced me to over the years.
Emma for the most part has always been glad to be included without needing to put herself out there since she’s really quiet and introverted naturally.
So what happened is two weeks ago one of my friends had her 16th birthday party that was pretty fancy.
Her parents started out taking us all to paintball and then they had a small water park rented out for three hours for the party. My mom knows the parents on social media and saw the photos of it. The friend whose birthday it was is one of the friend’s mom says Emma is friends with too.
So she called the parents and asked why Emma wasn’t invited. They said their daughter hadn’t requested she be. Then mom went off on them and asked how they could turn down my request for Emma to attend. They told her I made no such request.
So last weekend I had to spend with my mom and she pulled me up at the party and not asking for Emma to be invited. I told her I didn’t want to invite Emma. Which turned into mom asking why that one party after all these years.
Then I yelled at her and told her I had never wanted to include Emma but she made me and it was never my choice. Then mom started in on making my friends choose between me and Emma and how unfair it is because they’ve known me longer and I told her she was wrong, that Emma had no friends and never had any because mom tried to give her mine without asking if they wanted to be her friends.
I told her she had no right to force this nonsense on us and how not one of my friends had ever actually invited Emma to anything or sought her out to include her and that mom did all the work.
Mom told me I was behaving like a bully, she called me cruel and said I couldn’t tell my own mother that she was wrong.
Then she yelled at me for yelling at her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even if you were full bio sisters, even if you were twins, there is no reason that you have to do everything together.
It is not your place to ask for an invite for someone else to a friend’s birthday party.
And your mother seriously overstepped by calling and demanding one.
Your friends have the right to only invite one of you, especially to a party where set numbers probably applied.
I do feel sympathy for Emma. It sucks being forced into social interactions when you are an introvert and even more so when you know the others don’t want you there.
Your mum needs to let go and realize that all she is doing is alienating both kids and that she would be far better at encouraging Emma to make her own friends with similar interests. And Emma’s Dad needs to pull his finger out and tell her to back off.” ForensicMammoth
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I agree your mom shouldn’t have forced you to include your stepsister in all your friend’s activities. However, you had no right to be so cruel. You don’t have to like her. You don’t even have to love her like a sister.
But you still at least have some courtesy. It’s like you said, Emma is introverted and quiet, but still liked being included. Would it have been better if instead, your mom phrased things as ‘hey would it be OK to include Emma in this activity?’ yeah, no kidding.
After you all calm down, you need to apologize to your mom and step-sister and calmly explain you don’t like feeling like you’re forced to include her in activities. Nobody likes being forced to do things, that’s fair. But, you also wouldn’t mind including her in things from time to time.
I’m positive Emma also doesn’t like that her stepmom has to literally force her bio daughter to be nice to her. I’ve been the introverted parent who forces their spawn to be nice too, and it’s not a good feeling.” R4eth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother wants the ideal blended family and you’re not doing what she wants. She’s either trying to basically buy Emma’s love with your time or doing it to make her husband happy. Regardless it’s been done at your expense. Bluntly ask her what her plan is once you hit 18 and a court doesn’t mandate you spend any time at her house.
What’s her plan for Emma then? She won’t like the questions because she’s living in a fantasy but she’s now starting to harm your social life.
Make the weekends you’re at your mother’s the weekends you do nothing. They’re the ones where you study or read or do anything that doesn’t involve being sociable.
Whatever happens outwith that time she has no power over.” Hoplite68
17. AITJ For Not Telling My Sister What Her Kids Are Telling Me?
“My sister lost the father of my niece and nephew when the kids were 6 and 8. She met her second husband in a grief group for widowed parents who also had children and they married. At the time she told me the reason it worked so well is they respected each other’s losses and knew they would have trouble transitioning the four kids.
But that is not how things went and almost right away they were asking the kids to remove the step from titles and present as a biological nuclear family.
Within a year of their marriage, all traces of the late spouses and parents were gone also and I know from my sister’s two children that they were not given their dad’s photos or things.
When the kids made their anger about that known they ended up in 4 years of family therapy where my sister and her husband had the goal of changing their feelings and outlook on the situation.
I spoke to my sister and so did a number of family members who felt it was badly handled. But she dismissed us all.
So her kids started confiding in me and I did not tell her about it. I know they feel let down by her and they dislike her husband and his kids. I also know they fight with his kids more than my sister and her husband realize.
I also know they wish they could move out but even now as teenagers that is not on the table for them until they reach 18.
But my sister and her husband recently found out the kids were still not happy with the new family. Then my nephew had a big argument with his mom and he told her that I listened better than she did and it was no wonder he and his sister were closer to me when they could tell me anything.
She confronted me over it and said I should have told her what her kids were saying and done more to help because they were just doing the best for their kids and now it might be too late. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, these kids have been screwed over by their mom and her hasty need to establish a new family as soon as possible and needed someone to vent to that they trusted. Clearly, they don’t trust their mom at this point and if you had told then all you would have done is shown them that they can’t ANY of their family members.
Sister needs to get it through her head that she can’t force everyone to just move on and pretend the past never happened since it sounds like she’s rapidly on the train to ending up with no contact with her kids.” Gyzener
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Clearly the kids confide in you because they know they can trust you and based on past history it sounds like she has been quite dismissive of them.
All I can say is good luck to her! It’s NOT healthy to just erase a parent because they’re deceased and try to ‘replace’ them.
Keep letting the kids know you will always be their biggest ally and that they can always tell you anything and it won’t get back to your sister.
Tell your sister if she doesn’t want to permanently ruin the foundations of a relationship with her kids and wonder why in years to come none of them speak to her anymore maybe she needs to actually be a parent and start supporting, and nurturing them and stop being so dismissive towards them.
I suspect this is going to backfire on her spectacularly and that also doesn’t bode well for her marriage long term either.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I could see an alternative universe scenario, where the grieving mom is just misguided and out of touch and needs help, that you could have gently told her some nonspecifics of what you and the kids talked about, to give her a heads up that her kids are unhappy and things need to change.
That is not at all this scenario, and it’s obviously extremely disingenuous at this stage for OP’s sister to claim that, had he told her, she would have fixed it. She has already been given that chance in the past!
It is a HUGE red flag that they’re been in family ‘therapy’ FOR YEARS with the express purpose/goal of changing their kids’ feelings about the situation—after they told her how they felt!
That is weaponizing therapy. The trust is broken. As others have said, what the kids need is one adult figure in their life whom they CAN trust. It sounds like that is you — good for you and don’t stop standing up for them.” mollydort
16. AITJ For Washing My Kid's Hair?
“My youngest son Zack is 9. I have two other boys, so this whole ‘not-wanting-to-shower’ mood is not new. I do check to see if he has showered and most of the time he doesn’t wash his hair.
At least not enough because it smells the next day.
I grew tired of sending him back to the shower, the crying, etc. So I offered to wash his hair for him. Less than a minute. He said fine. So now he’ll call me when he’s showering to wash his hair.
Sometimes we end up talking about random stuff or playing like he tries to squirt water at me. Then he’ll either ask me to play a game or read a story with him afterward. Now he’s asking me to lay with him until he falls asleep.
I end up sleeping with him a few times a week in his bed for a few hours.
It’s quite nice to bond with him instead of having nighttime conflicts.
My wife isn’t thrilled with this. Ironically she works late, so she’s never dealt with this.
She thinks our son should be washing his own hair, should be putting himself to bed, and sleeping by himself.
I said yes, that’s ideal. That’s just not how things are. It’s fine. It’s no different than letting your 14yo watch the same R-rated 80/90s horror movies you saw at 11.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You found an easy way to fulfill a need and fix a problem (bonding time with your son, and your son disliking washing his hair) all in one go; good for you! Instead of insisting on what he ‘should’ be able to do and turning the whole thing into a constant power struggle and torture fest you met him where he is and problem solved. This is what a good parent does!” SheepPup
Another User Comments:
“Your near-tween boy is asking you to spend time hanging out with him. That’s… really nice actually.
Still, there’s some complexity about the two things that he ‘should’ be able to do himself – washing hair and sleeping and solo.
I think it’s worth getting to the bottom of why he cries about washing his hair himself.
That doesn’t seem standard 9 yo to me. It’s not that it’s terrible that you wash his hair, it’s that it’s important to know if there’s an underlying issue that’s leading to tantrums.
Likewise, it’s worth knowing why he doesn’t/won’t sleep on his own. It may be nothing, it may be something worth dealing with.
He’s a bit lonely/sad/anxious and struggles to get to sleep. Well, then it’s worth knowing. He has bigger worries that he is uncomfortable being alone with. Well definitely need to know.
It doesn’t need to stop necessarily, and your bonding with him til now will actually make it easier to find out, but it is worth talking about what’s going on.
No jerks here.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This will be a fleeting phase in your son’s life, one where you get to share some extra comfort and bonding with him. Kids go three steps forward and one step back on maturing. Your son is in a phase where he’s growing up but seeking some of the comforts of being younger.
And you are there to provide them which is special and good for him. It makes him feel safe and stable and prepared for the life coming up. You’re not going to be washing his hair and reading him a bedtime story when he’s 16. If your wife thinks something is wrong, maybe try to talk to someone, and do some research.
I don’t see anything wrong and you’re a great dad.” Brennan_Boru1031
15. AITJ For Kicking My Roommate's Significant Other Out Of Friendsgiving?
“I (27F) have two friends that I met in college and became very close to, D (29M) and A (27F).
After we graduated, I moved to a different state to be with family after receiving some very devastating medical news, but we still kept in touch and they were there for me as much as they could be, stepping in for support whenever my family couldn’t.
After I got better, the three of us moved into a house together and D and I got very close, going out on one (very awkward) date that ended in an uncomfortable kiss and from then on we decided we’d be better off as best friends.
Three years and the discovery that I am asexual/aromantic (no desire for romantic relationships) later, D got a new girl, S (28F), and was completely taken with her. A and I suggested inviting her over to meet her and maybe introduce her to some of our friends since she was new to the city and didn’t know many people.
S was incredibly sweet, if a little shy, but A and I liked her and thought she was a good fit for D. We started inviting her to our nights out, movie nights, etc. and after she began spending the night more and more I started buying extra snacks and drinks that D told me she liked to keep at the house to help make her feel comfortable.
After a while D mentioned to us that S was concerned about how close we were and told us several issues she had: things like how much we hugged, how I wear shorts and crop tops around the house, how we share blankets during movie nights, that we text him too much etc. A and I were a little annoyed but they were little issues so we gave him and S more space and I started to wear longer shirts and pants if I knew she was over.
Everything came to a head at the Friendsgiving dinner I hosted. It’s a big deal to me and I send out invites a month in advance to make sure I can make enough food and know everyone’s dietary restrictions as I cook everything from scratch.
After telling me S couldn’t make it, D showed up with her when everyone was getting ready to eat. I welcomed her in but told her I wasn’t expecting her and didn’t know if I had anything for her to eat but offered to either give her my plate, make something for her, or go out and get her something if nothing sounded good.
S went off. She accused me of all sorts of things that basically added up to the idea I was trying to steal D from her. I bluntly told her I wasn’t interested in him and she knocked the plates of food off the table yelling that she knew D and I had dated and I still wanted him, that I was faking my sexuality to play hard to get, and that I was two-faced for trying to still be her friend.
I could’ve handled the yelling but after she wasted the food I had spent all day cooking, I told her she was delusional and to get out and D took her home. He hasn’t spoken to A or me since, outside of saying that he and S were fighting and I didn’t have to call her crazy.
I don’t think I was wrong to kick her out but I do feel guilty and wonder if I could’ve handled things differently.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you and A may need to start thinking about doing more than giving D space. It sounds like the friendship has run its course and if he wants to throw a years-long friendship away for someone that’s more than comfortable destroying food and dishes in someone else’s home?
Let. Him.
There’s nothing you or A can do or say to him, he’s already defending her despite what she did in your home. And I wouldn’t put it past either of them to convince themselves you’re going out of your way to sabotage their relationship, and that you’re still in love with him.
Because again, he defended her when she trashed your hard work and wasted both food and money. Yet the costs of food are skyrocketing and she disposed of meals for more than one person.” crocodilezebramilk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you absolutely did the correct thing by asking her to leave.
Her attack was inappropriate. She threw the food?! You were protecting other guests at that point.
If she has an issue with you and D, then her issue is with D, not you. She can state her boundaries (i need to feel secure, etc) with him and decide to leave if her needs aren’t met.
What she cannot do is control YOU, and that’s currently what she is doing with the comments about what you wear and how often you text.
Sadly, D is in a controlling relationship and needs to figure this out on his own. If you push him to end it, you’re also controlling him.
Give him space. Getting out of a controlling relationship is complicated and it will be very hard for him, but if he makes it to the other side you might get your friend back.” Condensates
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You handled this one just fine, in my opinion.
She’s clearly jealous, and insecure and she’s taking this out on you. It’s inappropriate. You’ve obviously gone out of your way to make her comfortable and welcome. You tried to put some distance there after she expressed being uncomfortable. Her reaction at Thanksgiving was over the top and uncalled for.
She’s the one who showed up unannounced. She’s the one who went ballistic. What were you supposed to do, sit there and let her continue to destroy your space for no reason? No. She was ruining your event and it was uncalled for. D needs to reign her in and address this stuff or let her go.
S is the giant jerk here.” DreamyDragonfly77
14. AITJ For Threatening To Kick My Dad Out Of My Wedding?
“My dad has been with Marissa for about 2 years and they just got engaged. I don’t have much of a relationship with her as she isn’t a pleasant person. I don’t know Marissa’s birthday and don’t see why I would be expected to, but my wedding ended up falling on her birthday.
When my dad found out about the date, I could tell he was stressed. He said she has a lot of trauma and he feels so guilty spending her birthday at my wedding. I didn’t say much and figured they could work it out.
Well, the wedding was last weekend.
I’m not sure if Marissa was upset or not. She is very very stoic so I don’t know, but my dad kept apologizing. When they first arrived and he came to see me in the bridal room he brought her for some reason, and as they walked in I could hear him saying sorry and asking if she was ok.
Right before the ceremony he had her on his lap and was whispering but I could hear it. He was saying he wished she would open her birthday presents and she was like I just don’t want to do it today. then he said what if she opens them and he buys new ones for the day they celebrate.
Then my grandma came over and tried to give her a gift and he was just so annoying about it.
The final straw was during the reception. Marissa was complaining to my grandma about how she hates chocolate cake (the only cake we had) and my dad took her in his arms and was asking if she wanted to go out later and get something, and again apologized.
I finally snapped and yelled at him if my wedding was such a burden take the child he is seeing and get out (I meant because of her actions, there isn’t a big age gap) He looked horrified and I was like well go. My grandma immediately began to berate me that I am awful and he paid for the wedding.
He asked if I really wanted him to go, and I told him to either shut up about her birthday or go. He stayed but was cold the rest of the night and I heard Marissa and my grandma joking about how he should rip up the check he gave me for how I spoke to him.
I don’t know if I overreacted as he was just having empathy for his fiancee.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and bravo! Everyone pushed you and you broke! Your father totally ignored the most important day in your life and he allowed his overgrown child he’s seeing, to make this all about her.
Your grandmother should have stayed out of this and shame on her too. You deserved a day where it was all about you and your spouse. Word of advice? CUT ALL THREE OUT OF YOUR LIFE! They’re toxic and ignorant. Congratulations on your marriage and wishing you many happy years together.
Live your own life and make new happy memories with your spouse and forget those ignorant people.” WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly, You should consider going low contact-no contact with all of them. Marissa sounds absolutely awful and both your dad and your grandma don’t sound much better.
They should have had this fully worked out before the wedding. Instead, they were passively making a big deal about it at your wedding instead of focusing on you and your husband. It was totally inappropriate. Marissa was acting like a 5-year-old. Your Dad was coddling her.
Your grandmother is the jerk for joking with Marissa about ripping up a check. Gosh. Your Dad should be absolutely horrified by what went down.” DreamyDragonfly77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s so frustrating to have someone turn up for you but then make it so clear that they feel put out by turning up for you the entire time they are there.
It’s frustrating and it is so incredibly rude. And we’re talking about your father here! He’s a very important figure at your wedding. And instead of actually being there for you, he was vocal, audible – to you and therefore obviously to other people present – and repeatedly so, about how he clearly didn’t want to be there for you and was prioritizing the feelings of his incredibly immature partner.
You had every right to get sick of it and let him know that he had purposely and actively undermined and poisoned any good that was supposed to come of him being there in the first place, so really why not just leave? Speak your mind chick, why not?
He did, all day!” faqhiavelli
She has a birthday every year, you get married once. She should have sucked it up for a day.
A bigger problem is your grandmother feeding into it. None of her business and to suggest tearing the check is disgusting.
But the biggest problem is your dad. He should have had enough courage to stand up to his girlfriend and tell her to get over it. He didn't, then played the victim when you called him out. Absolutely ridiculous on so many levels.
So NTJ and you should consider going LC/NC like someone else suggested. This will only get worse the longer he is with her. I wouldn't be surprised if she's convincing him to write you out of his will as I write this.
Good luck and congratulations. May you enjoy many happy years with your new spouse.
13. AITJ For Not Leaving Food For My Mother-In-Law?
“We usually do intermittent fasting meaning we don’t eat after 5 pm but when I’m on my period, my appetite gets several times bigger. Last night I craved for a chicken sandwich with chili and I asked my mother-in-law whether she wanted any.
She said no she wasn’t hungry and since my husband doesn’t eat at that time, I only made one.
I quickly gobbled it up and when my mother-in-law came into the kitchen again, the plate was already wiped clean. She asked me in shock you’re done that fast?!
I was pretty embarrassed and told her it was my favorite. Then she said and you didn’t think to at least offer people staying in the house with you a bite? I was confused and told her but you said you weren’t hungry and Jake (my husband) doesn’t eat at this hour.
She said you didn’t think to store some in the fridge in case I DO get hungry?! I told her I’m sorry I really didn’t think that far ahead. I’ll make a new one. But then I remembered that we were all out of chili and sheepishly told her imma go buy some.
She told me not to bother but I insisted.
But even after looking at several convenience stores, I couldn’t find the brand I was looking for and since it was nearly midnight by then, I didn’t have many options. I called Jake and asked him what I should do and he told me to just get take out.
When I got home though and brought it to my mother-in-law, she refused to eat it and said I told you to forget it I don’t eat takeout. She insisted she didn’t want it nor did she want anything else as she wasn’t hungry, that she had just smelled the chili earlier and wanted a bite.
I told her okay if you need anything let me know. I went back to the kitchen and… ate that sandwich too. The next day, Jake and I woke up to find my mother-in-law gone with a text sent to my husband that says she won’t be putting her foot in our house ever again for the amount of disrespect I showed her.
Apparently, she did get hungry later and went looking for the sandwich and couldn’t find it.
Jake was livid that I ate that one too and told me this is my fault and I should go with him to apologize to her. I got angry too and told him why couldn’t she have just asked directly instead of going around all these circles in the first place.
He ignored me and grabbed his jacket and keys and left.
Am I really in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“Let’s look past the obvious here.
The fact that you felt the need to make her a sandwich after she refused is weird.
The fact that you then went out to try to buy ingredients to make one, despite her telling she doesn’t want one is concerning.
The fact that you then had to call your husband to figure out what to do when you didn’t find the exact ingredient is deeply troubling.
It all gives the impression that you’re almost panically afraid of somehow slighting her.
Jake and his mother feeling after all this the problem is that you didn’t do enough is completely insane, and gives us a hint of where that fear is coming from.
It’s obvious there is a much deeper problem there, somewhere. This could be a ‘you’-issue, but that last part points to the problem not being you, at all. Please google ‘cycle of mistreatment’ and assess if you recognize a pattern.
NTJ.” Alissor
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ – your MIL is crazy and your husband is a jerk for not having your back on something so stupid and harmless.
If you want something, ask for it or at least acknowledge that you might want it in a bit.
Also, what kind of weirdo expects you to eat most of your sandwich and leave some of it?
It is the fridge just in case she gets hungry later? Then, when she doesn’t get ‘hungry’ later, and I use quotes because I don’t think this has anything to do with her being hungry, you’d have to throw out the nasty bit of sandwich and I’m sure she’d give you trouble for wasting food.
Were it me, I’d give the crazy town a perfunctory apology and make it clear that she needs to be more clear with her words. Such as ‘no thank you, I’m not hungry now. Though I might be hungry later so I’d appreciate it if you could make one for me and set it aside.
Thank you’.
Your husband didn’t have your back here. Remember that and think about where you stand on the hierarchy of his most important people.” davisty69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband and MIL are the jerks here. You’re on your period and he made you run around at almost midnight to please his mom who was throwing a little tantrum?
That’s wild. And your MIL is a grown woman throwing a tantrum. You asked her if she wanted anything, and she said no, changed her mind probably knowing you already ate, and then had the nerve to still throw a tantrum after you went out trying to make it up to her.
I’m shocked you even did this much. She was clearly looking for a reason to start something.” User
12. AITJ For Hating My Mom For Not Helping Me Financially?
“Ever since I was a little kid, my family never really supported me in doing any extracurriculars.
Especially the ones that cost money. What they would do, is my parents would say, ‘yes we’ll pay for the payment ($5-10 dollars) for you!’ Because I was like 12 and couldn’t work. They would keep telling me that they’ll pay the amount.
Then the day comes when they have to pay. They ignore me the whole day and then say they don’t have the money after the due date. This has been my whole life.
I am now a freshman college student and I’d say I’m very independent.
I pay my bills and I got my own phone so they don’t have to use my phone as a bargaining tool (saying they’ll turn it off). But then a bill that I needed to pay for one of my ‘extracurriculars’ (I don’t want to go into detail because I’m trying to stay anonymous-ish) came unexpectedly (I joined later than others and didn’t know about the bill.) I asked specifically my mother to help pay and she said she would.
We had a deep conversation about how this opportunity can change my life and teach me so much. She told me she was proud I got into the extracurricular. I asked every day for the money and she always brushed it off but said she’ll give me the money.
Now looking back I should’ve known. The day came for the due date and she ignored me. They pushed back the due time for me and she still ignored my messages. Then the second due date comes in and of course, I couldn’t stay because of the due date.
This is where I could be the jerk. I privately messaged her a HUGE paragraph basically saying ‘you broke your promise and my trust. I don’t want to come up for Christmas and I don’t even want to look at you. I’m done with the lies and this hurt my career.’
My sister has been tagging me in stuff that says ‘parents have feelings’ too and I understand she does have feelings but this was an amazing opportunity and it was not that much. Plus, she promised and could’ve warned me if she didn’t have the money.
I could’ve gone and gotten the 250 from a loan at the bank.
But please let me know if I was the jerk because I am second-guessing myself and the family is mad at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I find this type of behavior towards young women is common.
Parents are really just thinking that at some point you are going to get married and have kids so why waste money on your career? It is so harmful. And quite frankly it is more common than you would imagine. Parents don’t say it out loud anymore but the people who are middle-aged right now were raised by people who said this and who were raised this way.
It is ingrained in them that a woman doesn’t succeed like a man and that a man is still the superior in the family. They may even see your potential career as being something that will hurt your chances of a good marriage.
Of course, they would never say this out loud.
If you want to know if your parents think this way and you are a young woman, ask them what kind of man do you they think you should marry. Pay attention to how much they perk up and then listen to what they say.
When they mention anything about money ask them if they think earning more than most men will make it difficult to find a good man like that. See if they stutter before they politely say the right thing that you want to hear.” Any_Coyote6662
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have the right to be upset. It’s one thing if your mom can’t financially help you. It is fine if she just doesn’t want to help you. But agreeing to pay and then following through is ridiculously hurtful. It prevented you from trying to come up with another solution.
Your mom knew how important this is to you and just didn’t care enough to communicate honestly. If you don’t want to specs time with her – you are fine.” RedditDK2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents promise you the world and never deliver. You can only do that to a person so many times before you destroy any trust you ever had in them.
Your sister is either being childish or is the golden child to who this NEVER happens. Your parents raised you to adulthood, what you owe each other now is nothing. So decide the kind of relationship you want from them and go with that. You don’t owe anyone contact when it hurts you.” wayward_painter
11. AITJ For Saying My Husband Is Unreasonable For Canceling A Trip?
“My husband and I have been together for 4 years. I have two kids (17m /19f).
and their half-brother is 3 years old.
This past week. My husband had an emergency (dad had a medical emergency) and wanted someone to watch our son. he asked my older son and he refused because he was going out with friends. he also asked my daughter but she locked herself in her room to study.
I was at the restaurant with my brother meeting his partner for the first time. My husband ended up taking our son with him to the hospital and his mom watched him from there.
He came home and was lashing out at everybody. Calling us selfish and unfeeling.
I tried to explain that the kids were busy but he told me to get out with that crap because my older son could’ve skipped the hangout and watched his brother and, my daughter could’ve watched her brother while studying instead of locking herself in her room.
He scolded me as well but I told him I couldn’t leave lunch with my brother since he was visiting town and this was my only chance to meet his partner.
He yelled some more and then told us that he was canceling the family holiday trip for Christmas this year.
The two older kids were upset and said it was unfair. I called him unreasonable to cancel the trip and punish the kids (and possibly me) like that. He refused to discuss it later. Now I and the kids aren’t speaking to him and he’s saying ‘good riddance’.
Edit: My husband was supposed to watch our son at the time. That’s why I went to see my brother at the restaurant. The kids aren’t used to watching their brother when neither parent is home.
Update: My husband just told us that he’ll be spending Christmas with his family saying he needs to be around his dad anyway.
The kids said they will just go to their dad since they and my husband are still not talking. Neither of the kids is happy with how things turned out. So I feel like things have gotten out of hand and the problem got bigger.
He’s now choosing to basically abandon us on Christmas and also keep our son away from me and his siblings.”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you’re not only a jerk but you and your children come off as entitled. It’s honestly sad that you have to ask this question.
Your son definitely could have canceled with his friends to step up during a medical emergency. Your daughter definitely could have studied and watched her brother during the medical emergency. You definitely could have either rescheduled or brought your son with you to see your brother and partner.
You act like your husband asked for you all to help a stranger, it’s your son/their sibling.
There’s no reason your husband had to worry about watching a kid while also making sure his father was okay. What is the purpose of having a life partner if they won’t step in and help/assist when needed?
How would you feel if it was your mother/father going through a medical emergency and you have your youngest and he told you no because he and the guys planned on going to a game in 15 minutes? It seems like he’s raising 3 teens and a toddler.
Edit: Before I forget, if anyone should have dropped anything though; YOU should have been first as the mother.” Trick-Significance80
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You all COULD help during the emergency. You all CHOSE NOT TO (it’s called stepping up if it is something the kids haven’t done before.
They know how to learn, don’t they?)
You sound like a bad parent who passed on your horrible traits to your kids
Response to your update: You and your kids still don’t understand/see how selfish and apathetic you three are. He has every right not to speak with you all.
You and your kids show NO remorse or empathy and are now being brats for acting like entitled sociopaths when you don’t deserve the vacation. The family was abandoned when the three of you left him hanging.” Piper6728
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. My definition of family is one where people are there for one another.
And the step relationship is sometimes hard enough to manage on a good day. You all completely abandoned him in his time of need. To be honest, you are the most guilty. It’s presumably your child? And even if it isn’t, you prioritized dinner over not only helping your husband, but picking up the slack for your small child to not have to be in a tense hospital environment, for being responsible for your MIL having to care for a small child when her husband had some sort of issue, but also, just being there to emotionally support your husband through what was most likely a very scary time.
And instead of realizing how you all massively failed him, you’re calling him unreasonable. Which is doubling down on your initial failure, to begin with.
You all have made it perfectly clear that you’re not a true family in terms of being there for one another in times of need. I’d be concerned that this fractured the marriage permanently.
If you were married to me, my takeaway is that my life partner cares too much about dinner than being there for me. And I would honestly leave you for it. This would legit be the hill I’d die on. Because it shows you at your very base level, who you are, and what type of partner you are.
And instead of sucking up and then profusely apologizing, you’re calling him unreasonable. That he’s not taking you and your selfish children on holiday. This legit blows my mind and is a textbook insult to injury.
And you’re here upset over a holiday coming to the internet to ‘see if you’re wrong’.
It’s not a good look, by the way.” Spare-Article-396
You and your kids are selfish people and dont deserve a vacation. Husband should take his own vacay
10. AITJ For "Alienating" My Stepkids?
“So I have been with my partner ‘Adam’ for 5 years. He has three kids ‘Marco’ (16M), ‘Ash’ (15NB), and ‘Finn’ (13M). I knew of his kids since before we started going out but I didn’t meet them until about 7 months into our relationship and was introduced as their dad’s partner after 1 year, after about another year I moved in with them.
And about 3 months ago we moved into our current house.
We are a close family but the three-bed house we lived in before just wasn’t big enough. I’m also a professional interior designer.
The kids went to stay with their mother for a few weeks so I decided to start on their rooms, so while we were doing the rest of the house they had their own spaces.
In our new house, each kid gets their own room. Each room was customized to each kid’s likes and they had also each made a mood board of their dream rooms before. This along with ‘IKEA dates’, had become our thing. So I knew about their design preferences.
So I did their rooms. Marco’s room was alternate with a gothic focus. We recreated the spiderweb window from Wednesday and a wall covered in posters and magazine clipping from a bunch of bands he likes.
Ash’s room was very different, they also had a big window to allow sunlight for their plants, and they had an entire wall that was a floor-to-ceiling bookcase with a library ladder.
The bed was a reading nook in the upper corner of the bookshelf wall.
Finn’s was a fantasy and gaming-themed room, themed around Genshin Impact, the design was subtle, and this included an accent wall which was a mural of some of the landscape from the game as well as other hidden details.
Each room had a secret room in it as well as which was something all of the kids wanted. Marco had a rotating platform like from classic scooby doo shows. Ash of course had a hidden door on the bookshelf. And since Finn had the smaller room we sectioned off part of the attic, converted it, and added a hatch into his room.
We still tried to make it cool by having a button that caused a rope to be dropped down for him to climb.
When the kids got back today saying they were ecstatic would be an understatement. They loved their rooms and exploring all the little details.
We did go shopping for some extra bits they wanted (there were a few ideas I had that I waited for their opinions) and it was all fun, or so I thought. I just got a call from their mother and as soon as I answered she started yelling at me, saying that I was doing this specifically to target her and the kids so that they wouldn’t want to stay with her and that I was alienating them, I bearly got a word in before she told me that she will be talking to her lawyer about this and hanging up on me.
At the moment I only wanted to do something special for the kids, but now I’m not sure if I’ve messed up and it making my anxiety go crazy. I’ve kinda just locked myself in our room because I know my partner would notice immediately that I’m not ok and I don’t want to burden him.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong by putting your skills and talent to use on something those kids will love. Mom is feeling insecure and threatened, but that’s not on you, that’s something she has to deal with inside herself.
Please do speak with your partner about this, though.
First of all, mom shouldn’t be coming to you with any complaints, she should be going directly to your partner, as the person with whom she has a co-parenting relationship. And if she’s going to try to go after additional custody time or other sorts of ‘compensation’ you and your partner need to get on the same page and get your own lawyer involved asap, get out ahead of it.” Lyrasilverose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, their mom is obviously struggling with feelings of inadequacy with her teens. Teenagers are harder to please than little kids. You have connected with them and showed your love and care by decorating these rooms exactly how they’d want. That has nothing to do with their mom.
It’s pretty clear that mom isn’t putting in the work and wants to blame you, rather than looking at why the kids aren’t enjoying their time with her as much.” MrsSophiaBrown
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong. You gave the kids an incredibly cool and fun place and also bonded with them in the process.
Your partner should be upset and he should be involved. As the step-parent, you do not have to take any sort of nonsense from the kids’ mother. If she starts ranting at you, you hand the phone to their father. You do not engage and do not take the mistreatment.
That relationship is for your partner to navigate.
PS: you don’t need to worry about her talking to her lawyer. Her lawyer will tell her she is nuts and there is nothing to do about you giving the kids custom rooms.” BlueBelle2019
9. AITJ For Baking Only One Cookie For Each Person?
“Last weekend, my nephew Tate (5) started coming over for piano lessons with my husband. My SIL and brother brought him, along with my niece (3). I had a few cookies left over from a batch I’d made the day before, and I told Tate that if he listened to my husband during the lesson, there’d be a cookie waiting for him after.
Everyone hung out in another room for about 20 minutes while my husband and Tate did the lesson. Afterward, I gave him and my niece a cookie. He asked for another one and then a third, finishing them off. His parents were cool with it and mentioned his appetite’s been large lately.
I saw Tate a few days later (we get together for dinner every week with my parents) and he seemed to think he will always get a cookie after his lesson, as a matter of fact, which I thought was pretty cute and don’t mind obliging.
This week, I made and froze a few dozen different types of cookie dough balls for Christmas. So when Tate came over today for lesson #2 with his mom, dad, and sister in tow, I popped six cookies in the oven: one for every person. After the lesson, I put the cookies out and everyone took one, including me.
The problem began when Tate finished his cookie and asked for another one. I told him I only made one for everyone. Soon after that, I mentioned to my SIL all the cookie dough I’d been making lately. She asked if I had more ready to bake, why didn’t I bake more than six, since I knew Tate would want more than one?
I didn’t really have a good answer. I said I didn’t want to use up all the cookies that were intended for Christmas, which was part of it, but it sounded kind of lame on its own. The truth was it did occur to me to bake more, but I thought one celebratory cookie after a music lesson seems…
appropriate. Like a healthy, structured ritual. Whereas having three or more cookies seems like it’s crossing the line into anarchy (I am kidding, of course, just having a hard time conveying my feeling on this).
Even though I didn’t say any of this, I think it came across because my SIL and brother seemed tense and left pretty quickly.
Now I feel like maybe I was imposing my own morals on them, which may not have been cool. They’re not my kids. I don’t even have kids.
So, AITJ? Should I double up on cookies next week?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s really nice of you to treat your nephew to a freshly baked cookie after a lesson.
Your SIL is rude to ask why you didn’t bake more than 6 cookies; if she expects her son to eat more than intended by the host, she should have saved hers. He is a child and children can be greedy with sweets, which turns into unhealthy habits, you probably thought one was reasonable, so I completely get your position.
Not a jerk at all in my book.” michellllllllllle
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Not the jerk for restricting the number of cookies you made – good move! But it is important for health at least as much as morals. He is not entitled to demand as many cookies as he wants and neither are his jerk parents.
Also not sure if cookies are the best reward for completing a lesson and particularly to make it a habit and an expectation.” Time-Tie-231
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe Tate any cookies. It’s a really nice gesture that you’re giving him one after each lesson!
But for him to expect three or more cookies after each lesson and for his mom to expect you to bake three or more cookies after each lesson is excessive.
And really, this could have gone either way. If you’d routinely given him three cookies per lesson, at some point his mom might have been like, ‘why are you always feeding him so many cookies?’ Personally, I think when it comes to feeding junk food to other people’s kids, less is always the safer option.
If it seems important to her that he has three cookies after each lesson, she’s welcome to bake more at home.
ETA: I’m a mom whose kids take private music lessons. If their teacher gave them three cookies once, I’d be like, ‘oh, that was nice!’ If he gave them three cookies every lesson, I’d probably be on here asking if I was the jerk for asking him to stop giving them so many cookies.” BeJane759
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Parents Babysit Anymore?
“My wife and I have two daughters, Julia (5) and Alina (17 months). I’ve always been close to my family, and my parents are really involved with my daughters. They’ve regularly babysat Julia since she was around 1, and then Alina too. Currently, it’s two or three times a week.
I know that sounds like a lot, but it always seemed to be their choice. We were always able to afford normal childcare. Originally, that was the plan when my leave was finished. However, my parents thought it was a waste since mum could watch them and they could spend time with their grandchild instead.
The whole system happened because THEY asked for it. We do thank them and appreciate it. Our girls are really close to them.
However, around 3 weeks ago I went over and overheard my parents complaining to my sister about it. Apparently, we’re being selfish and basically just pawning off our children.
Basically abandoning our responsibility. I was pretty upset and we ended up arguing about it. They ended up saying that we’re essentially awful parents who refuse to do our job. That we shouldn’t just leave our children to them. But we literally only did that because they wanted to be there for the kids.
We didn’t bring it up or force it, and whenever they couldn’t we found backup options
Since then we haven’t left Julia or Alina with my parents. I have no interest in it after finding out how two-faced they were about it all. We’ve got a temporary alternative and are looking into more permanent options.
Last week mum asked when we were going to have the kids over and I basically told her we weren’t. I don’t want to ‘abandon my duty’ and feel uncomfortable having my children around someone who thinks so little of my wife and me. I mean I definitely don’t want our girls to start thinking we don’t care.
My parents are mad and think I’m being entitled and unreasonable, but I think it’s a reasonable boundary. My sister has jumped in claiming I’m a horrible son and taking advantage of them, but they CLEARLY didn’t think I should give my responsibility away to them, so I’m not.
My wife is conflicted and I know Julia was really close to them so a part of me is worried my reaction is unreasonable and jerky. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this straight.
You overhear mom and sister trash talking about you guys taking your parents up on THEIR offer to watch the kids in lieu of spending money on daycare.
You have an argument over it with them on the spot, and they to your FACE call you awful parents, again, for you guys taking your parents up on THEIR offer to watch the kids in lieu of spending money on daycare.
AFTER ALL THAT, they still ask when they can have the kids over next like it’s no big deal.
You are NTJ, your mom and sister are. Sounds like dad is kinda innocent in all this. I wouldn’t be surprised if any time she offers he’s around and wants to see them too so your mom is basically hiding her contempt from him.
I’d never take them up on a babysitting offer again.
Grandma and Grandpa wanna see the kids? They do it when you are all together as a family. You don’t need your kids exposed to family talking trash about their parents.” devsfan1830
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would stipulate that periodically it is important to check in and make sure everyone is still happy with the arrangements made (just because they were eager to be a primary childcare option doesn’t mean they always were or didn’t change their minds about how frequently they were ok watching the kids).
That being said they definitely need to understand that it isn’t ok to put your children in the care of someone so convinced you are being bad parents by leaving the kids with them. In her own words, she has made it clear kids should not be left with her.
You can absolutely set boundaries for their involvement with the kids. If they have any interactions at all they need to be supervised. The grandparents will need to regain your trust to ensure that you as the kids’ parents aren’t being disrespected, especially in front of the kids.” DinahTook
Another User Comments:
“I’m conflicted between NTJ and ‘everyone sucks here’. Obviously, you’re NTJ dor making other arrangements for babysitting after the absolutely abysmal way your parents handled this situation.
That said, your kids love their grandparents and if you’re completely cutting them off then you’d be the jerk for that because it hurts your kids too.
Time for a frank, in-person conversation with your parents where you tell them how hurt you were to hear them complaining about a situation they asked for and setting reasonable expectations for when they can spend time with their grandkids outside of the hours when your kids are with the paid sitter.
Tell your sister to mind her own business.” NorthernLitUp
7. AITJ For Demanding To Be Included On A Family Vacation?
“My mom is a difficult person sometimes. She will not talk about feelings or admit she has them, and she is super sensitive to rejection. Oh and she and my wife don’t really like each other, so that’s a fun bonus.
Years ago when my mom was single (and for context, she hates being single but doesn’t click with people often but it was still a huge insecurity) she took my then-partner and me on a trip. It was a really nice trip, but she seemed to expect us to do everything together the whole time and we wanted a couple of times.
When we got home my partner (now wife) mentioned that she wouldn’t want to travel that long with my mom again because she expected too much of our time. That got back to my mom and obviously hurt her feelings.
My mom said she would never travel with us again and took that very seriously.
She is now remarried and my sisters are invited on ski trips all the time. We are never invited. She claims it’s because it’s his house and he doesn’t like me, but I don’t buy that. She wouldn’t even hang out with us when we were both out of town for the same wedding.
My sister claims we humiliated her and I don’t understand.
Well, I recently found out that my mom and her husband are taking both of my sisters and their partners to Greece. I wrongly assumed I would be included. My mom’s husband heard and said he wasn’t sure but I need to clarify with my mom as he doesn’t think she wants me there.
I talked to my mom and she said we aren’t invited. she seriously never wants to travel with me or my ‘witch wife’ again. I blew up and screamed at her that she needs to grow up. She shouldn’t even have had children if she is this petty and immature.
My mom said I’m an adult and not entitled to a free trip, I continued to yell at her and said she can’t keep favoring my sisters if she wants a relationship, and she doesn’t deserve money because she uses it as a weapon. She told me to go cry to my in-laws as they like to kiss my wife’s butt, but she will never travel with us again and I should respect her decision.
She called me manipulative and accused me of guilt-tripping her.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone in your family is a jerk. As a parent, you just don’t take your kids on trips with high demands unless they are children. She should have given y’all a night together.
My in-laws years (decades now) ago took my husband and me to London and Paris – we got 2 days alone together, their insistence. With that said, clearly one of the two of you was childish, and instead of discussing this while on the trip or before, bashed her behind her back.
Then somehow, like Tinkerbell whispered to your mom, your rudeness and statements about your thoughts on a gifted trip got back to her. Jerk move. But your mom and sisters are jerks. Family pulls together not apart. If I did this to my kids, the two invited would not go until I made it right with their brother.
Period. I raised them to pull together because I won’t be around forever and they are all they have. The fact your mom is okay with this division in your family floors me. I would not lose my son over hurt feelings on both sides.
Be adults. Be family. Everyone here should apologize and fix the relationships.
Shame on her husband for not standing up to her and getting her to forgive her child.
Shame on your sisters for allowing themselves to be used and further your mother’s ridiculousness, demands, and wrong behavior.
Shame on your wife for being a baby when a paid-for gift didn’t cater to her.
Shame on you for allowing your partner-now-wife’s selfishness about a paid trip to get back to your mom.” Significant-Stage-54
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your mom paid to take you on vacation with her – a group vacation where the expectation should have been to spend time together.
She didn’t pay to send you on a couple’s getaway and if she was able to be aware of your wife’s feelings, that means you or your wife were trash-talking her to other people. So I completely understand her not wanting to shell out to take two ungrateful adults on vacation.
Your wife felt she expected too much of your time, well she feels you expect too much of her money! Pay your own way if you want to go, and if you can’t afford it, well maybe you should have been nicer to your mom.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, let me get this straight… so your mom paid for a pricey vacation for you and your wife, you and your wife were mad that your mom didn’t want to sit alone in a hotel room for a vacation she paid for, your wife bad-mouthed your mom to your family instead of being grateful for a free trip and called her a witch (she could have just vented to you, but no she had to talk behind your mom’s back), you and your wife don’t take accountability but instead blame the cousin who you clearly resent, your wife said she never wanted to go on a trip with your mom again, but now that your mom has a husband, it’s ok for your mom to pay for fancy vacations for you because you can now go without having to spend time with the person shelling out the money.
Ya, you and your wife are entitled and not nice people.
I think you and your wife need to grow up and not your mom. Your mom pays for your sisters and their husbands because they’re grateful, don’t use her for her money, and at least act like they want to spend time with her.
It doesn’t sound like you AND your wife ever really sincerely apologized. You apologized not because you were actually sorry, but because you want things from her. And instead of truly trying to mend fences for the right reasons, you have a tantrum and continue to insult your mom.
Your mom is setting boundaries instead of letting you take advantage of her generosity. Your wife said she doesn’t want to go on a trip with your mom… stop complaining and yelling at your mom for giving your wife what she wanted.” Previous-Bowler-1327
6. AITJ For Not Visiting My Dad On Christmas After He Argues With Me About My Major?
“I’m a college student (20F) and was going to visit my dad and stepmom this Christmas for 2 weeks.
They live a 4-hour plane ride away and I haven’t seen them in over a year. My dad’s birthday is on December 23rd so I would be there for his birthday too.
My dad and I until recently used to have a great relationship but lately we’ve been having big disagreements.
Most of it is around my major and the career path I want to do, which he strongly and vocally disagrees with. He pays my college tuition including housing and food so I guess he does get a say but we always end up arguing and I get so stressed out/frustrated by him.
Anyways we had a disagreement/argument yesterday over FaceTime. After the call, I realized I don’t want to see him at Christmas or spend time with him. And then I realized I don’t have to! So I canceled my flight and I’m planning to go to my partner’s friend’s house for Christmas day.
I texted my dad tonight that I won’t be visiting for Christmas since I don’t want to be around him and that I already canceled my flight. I told him that being around him is frustrating and stresses me out and I’d rather spend my Christmas holidays with people who build me up and also since I am an adult, I can choose who I want or don’t want in my life.
He tried calling me, but I didn’t answer because I didn’t want to argue with him and make us both more stressed out. He left me a voicemail asking me to call him back, I ignored it of course. He then texted me ‘If you’re trying to hurt me, congrats you win.’
Now I feel like a jerk. But also, it’s my Christmas holiday so if I don’t want to be around him, that’s my right. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You want to be an adult but you sure aren’t acting like an adult. You are punishing him for having a disagreement with him.
That’s childish. Then you won’t even take his calls. Even more childish.
You are right, you don’t have to go. He also doesn’t have to pay for college. If you want to be treated like an adult then act like one, go there, and discuss it like an adult.
It’s not fair to your family to cancel at the last minute like this. They likely had plans set up already.
Obviously, you want to major in whatever you want. But you are far from the first person who had that problem. My grandfather wanted to be an architect but his dad said no. It was the Great Depression and no one was building things.
He became an attorney and then a very well-respected judge.
I argued with my parents over my major too. But I didn’t punish them by not showing up for a holiday.
You need to face this head-on and be done with it. All you are doing is avoiding your problem and prolonging it.
That will only make things worse. You are compounding your problem by creating a new problem without resolving the other. I don’t think you will have a great time because it will be weighing on your mind. The best thing to do is resolve the problem, not run away and make your dad sad.
He obviously loves you very much. At least treat him with a little respect and love.
I no longer have the option to spend any holidays with my parents. So please be grateful you still have him, he won’t be around for you forever.” INFJPersonality-52
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
He didn’t agree with what you want to major in, boo hoo! He’s paying for your entire college experience, doesn’t agree with what you’re doing there, but still pays for you to do it? That’s great for you, some people have to pay their own fees, and some people’s parents pay and use it to control them, and when you get it paid for and aren’t being controlled, you decide you don’t want him in your life?
I suggest you rethink this. You’ve been rude and disrespectful to someone who is paying for your college. Someone who will likely stop paying if you cut him off. Is that what you want? You want to give up your college education and your relationship with your dad because he disagrees with you?
You want to be an adult now you have to act like one. You’re being childish and hurtful to your father for no reason. Shame on you.” MamzYT
Another User Comments:
“OMG – YTJ
You are young so you don’t get it, but let me help a little.
First – IF you were an adult, you’d be paying for your own schooling. I’m not saying you should or that it’s easy – I’m just saying as long as you are living off of daddy’s dime – he gets a say.
That being said – you are preparing for your future and you should pick a major and your own career path – as long as it’s not something childish, stupid, and/or will prove almost useless in the real world. you didn’t say which major each of you is pulling for.
It’s not unusual for parents and kids your age to fight. You are becoming your own person and it’s often hard for them to give up the control they’ve had for the last 20 years.
But refusing to see him and canceling your flight without further discussion was childish, selfish, and hurtful.
it does not say ‘I’m an adult,’ it says I’m a petulant brat and I just want to hurt you.
Now I don’t know your dad, so I can’t tell if he was calling to yell at you some more, or because he was hurt by your actions.
If it’s the 2nd thing, then it was even meaner of you not to answer.
You could have taken the time over the holiday break to have an adult discussion about why you’ve chosen that major and how you think it will help you in pursuit of your chosen career path.
Then you let him explain his ideas, which you listen to with an open mind. People that are older than you, know more than you do about some things, simply because they’ve experienced life’s ups and downs for many years. All you know is a life that’s probably been mostly problem-free and someone has protected/comforted you when it wasn’t.
So listen to what he has to say. You might learn something.
Of course, all of the above is assuming your dad is a reasonable human being, which hopefully he is.” Pure-Relationship125
5. AITJ For Being Unhappy That My Daughter Refused Child Support Money From Her Ex?
“My (48F) daughter (26F) and her six-year-old son live with me. She’s a single mother; her son’s bio father is out of the picture. Their relationship went fine until he found out he’d gotten her pregnant and bailed. He admitted that he wasn’t ready for fatherhood and wanted no involvement in his son’s life.
My daughter filed for child support. He wasn’t happy about paying, despite having a decent income. He refused, and my daughter had to go to the courts to enforce the order. He created all sorts of drama to dissuade my daughter from pursuing the support and made her life extremely difficult.
He has an insanely dysfunctional family, and a large number of them (especially his mother and sisters) continuously trashed my daughter on social media, saying horribly vile things about her. My daughter has since described her ex and his family as ‘raging narcissists’ and ‘toxic.’
But she continued to fight for support. That is, until the incident in 2019. Her ex went missing one day out of the blue, and a couple of days later he posted a message on social media suggesting he was going to end his life and cited my daughter’s child support as one of the main reasons for doing so.
His sister showed up at our house screaming and breaking down, and we had to call the police. Thankfully he was found and is alive. My daughter after this incident announced she was done dealing with her ex and his family. She stopped fighting to get child support (though didn’t officially lift the support order).
3 years later, in July, her ex sent her a letter and a check. In his letter, he apologized for his behavior and insisted he’s been getting help. He included a check for $3,000 and said he’d be sending more each month (which my daughter could really use).
He stated that he isn’t interested in a relationship with her or his son but that he still wants to do the right thing and support his child. My daughter said she wasn’t going to use it, saying she ‘doesn’t want any involvement with him’, because she might ‘risk being roped into his drama.’
I persuaded her to use it, but she resisted. Since then, he’s sent more checks each month, and my daughter hasn’t opened any of them. Whenever I discuss it with her, she says things like, ‘I’m not comfortable taking this money and having a connection to him,’ or ‘It’s not worth the risk of being dragged back into his drama.’ I’ve made it clear to her that I’m upset she’s not taking the money, and have suggested it’s selfish as my grandson has a lower standard of living.
The last time I said this to her she got really mad, and yelled at me, ‘You don’t know jack about the insanity of my ex and his family. Unless you want to deal with them yourself, shut up.’ She also told me that she thinks she’s protecting her son by rejecting the money; that she’s keeping ‘drama and nastiness’ out of his life.
AITJ for being unhappy about her rejecting this money?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She went through some stuff trying to get money from this man, and I guarantee she’s right when she says you don’t know as well as she does the level of crazy this man and his family can rise to.
I understand her being hesitant to have him in her life in any way.
At the same time, it sucks to be helping someone out with finances and/or housing and watch them turn down money that could help give a child you love a better life.
Maybe she could use that first $3,000 and talk to a family law attorney about her concerns and what protections could be put in place regarding his parental rights, agreements regarding contact, etc. I agree with you that she should take the money, but she probably needs some reassurance before she feels like that’s a safe option.” Top-Cartographer6695
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The money is for the child, not for her. She has the checks, she just has yet to open them, which makes no sense. They’re just taking up space when they could be used to buy things that her son needs and wants.
It’s for the betterment of his life, but she is too stubborn to see the usefulness of the money that she is now able to get. She doesn’t even have to directly interact with him to receive the money, all she has to do is get the checks in the mail.” compositionaquarius
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but softly.
Yes, she could need the money. The child could need the money.
But I have been there. Hidden strings attached, suddenly the emotional toil, suddenly new lawyer letters because she dared to use the checks, suddenly grandparents’ rights, and then she is back into the whole drama and can’t hold her child safe from the toxic family.
Better less money and free life.
Cut and erase as much as possible, get a restraining order, and file for harassment, when the letters and checks don’t stop. Every check is a reminder that he tries to force your daughters to think of him, of the trauma, he uses the money to force himself in her mind, etc…” adamtheundead
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was being manipulative with the stunt about the PROSPECT of paying child support driving him to go missing etc. that was three years ago. Now he SEEMS to have grown up, and is willing to make what he considers amends in the form of a lump sum, and proactively taking financial responsibility going forward.
This money is for the literal support of their child. She presumably lives with you for financial reasons as at least a pretty big factor.
Why would she turn away money for the benefit of her child? If he hasn’t harangued or harassed her in any other way, then her saying she doesn’t want any ‘involvement’ with him or getting ‘dragged back into his drama’ doesn’t make a lot of sense.
She has to think long-term about turning away money.” dart1126
4. AITJ For Not Giving Extra Help To My Sister Anymore?
“I (24F) have been taking care of my sister (18F) since I was 14-15 because my mother was facing a lot of mental issues. So I have tried to be there for her to my best abilities and parent her, tell her right and wrong, help her in school, and empower her.
I’d like to think that we’re pretty close.
She started uni in September, and my SO (29M) and I are fully paying for her school. We gave her a new laptop for school as well and keep on buying her whatever she wants and if it’s within our capability.
She started seeing someone in the past few months and then we even sat her down and talked to her and told her as this guy wasn’t up to no good (we could tell). She told us she’ll be careful but ended up getting her heart broken after two months when she found out that he is seeing two other girls as well.
We have been there for her since she took it harshly. Giving her advice, providing support, and letting her stay in my room with us as she doesn’t wanna be alone.
My SO is about to get a big amount from his work soon, so we thought we will send my sister to weekly therapy, as she has expressed that she’d like to go but doesn’t have funds and set her up a bank account and give her a good amount of money to kick start her savings.
As we were never able to save money because of our financial problems.
But my sister is very mean towards me, For example; I always ask if she wants to go shopping or food with us but whenever she has to go somewhere, she never invites me but our cousin instead.
My SO is from another country so we travel half the year to see his family, she says things like ‘well you roam around the world and live nice’ anytime tell her no to anything. Never wants to spend time with me.
To be honest, I feel used, I do everything in my capacity for her.
I’m trying to provide her with the support I never had growing up. Hence why, I have decided that I’ll stop with the extra help such as gifts, helping with saving, helping with therapy, and inviting her. I will only pay for her school as I’m obliged to do that because of my culture but that’s it.
My mom thinks I’m the jerk for stopping.
Edit: I have talked to her about this before. I told her how I feel and she said she understands and will correct her behavior, and be kinder toward me. She says she’s thankful for me and my SO but then her actions are completely opposite.
Anytime I need something small from her or her help, she would be very rude. When I wanna talk about something I’m facing, she’ll tell me to get out of her room.
Today my SO and I had planned a date night but she asked us if she could come with us two days ago, we changed everything and said yes.
Then she came today and said oh please give me some money I’m gonna go with our cousin (24F) instead. It was hurtful as I changed everything for her and then she just dumped me like that. When I told her this she said I was making a big deal out of this.
To clear up a few things: Getting an education loan in my country is next to impossible, and without a degree here your chances for any career are literally zero. Hence why I’m not stopping to pay for her college.
My SO and I are paying together because we work together, live together and share finances as well.
We’re partners in everything, we do.
The concept of a part-time job doesn’t really exist in my country as well. The work from school is so much that there’s no time left for anything. So she can’t get a job.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are her sister, not her ATM. It appears that she has a sense of entitlement with regard to you because of the role you were forced into as a child yourself. Your sister needs to learn to respect and value you as a person and sister.
She seems to think you owe her as a parent, not a sister. She doesn’t seem to recognize the sacrifices you had to make in order for her life to be better. This is unfortunate. You are right to want to pull back a bit of your financial support.
Don’t waiver if she has a tantrum. Try as best you can to communicate with her, without indulging her any longer. Perhaps with time, she will see you are more than an ATM.” Foreverforgettable
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Please stop being an ATM and a doormat.
Let your sister know she will have to get a job and will not be getting any more handouts. She is clearly using you and treats you like an ATM. She clearly doesn’t love or respect you and is just around you because you are paying for her education and her lifestyle.
If you want to see her true colors just stop paying for her, education and everything and see how she treats you then.
Make her get loans for her education and go low in contact with her. If your mother rages on you tell her you are fulfilling her responsibilities because she failed as a mother 10 years ago when you as a child had to start acting like a parent to your younger sister.
She is free to pick up her responsibilities and provide for her daughter now if she feels so strongly about it.” stunkshoezz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But also for context, unless her behavior toward you and your partner was ongoing before she dated this guy if it’s happening only in the wake of the breakup, she’s in a lot of pain and probably struggling with jealousy of what she sees as you having the life she wants because she is heartbroken.
That isn’t your responsibility and you are completely entitled and right to have boundaries and expectations of respect and appreciation, but I just wanted to offer that additional lens to the extent it helps. It doesn’t make it ok for her to take that out on you, but it’s not uncommon for people to lash out to the ones they love most when they’re in pain.
For what it’s worth, you and your partner sound like amazing people.” AdventurousDoubt1115
3. AITJ For Having A Dry Wedding?
“I (25F) just got married two weeks ago to the love of my life, Felix (25M).
And it was the happiest day of my life, aside from this little thing:
So I don’t drink any liquor at all. I don’t like it and more importantly, I don’t like how most (not all but most) people act after consuming a little too much, it makes me uncomfortable.
My husband drinks occasionally beer or wine, but he likes to drink for half a year at best.
We have people in the family who like to drink too much and they get really weird and that makes me as uncomfortable as stated above. Also, they get impolite and disrespectful when wasted. And they are not good at managing their liquor intake.
This and the fact we don’t really drink and that booze are expensive we decided together to have a dry wedding.
We served a lot of different beverages ( fruit punches, juices, booze-free sect, and liquor-free wine), so everybody could have something they liked.
We had delicious food and an amazing time until my one grandfather realized that it was liquor-free.
He troughs a hissy fit.
After he shut up, we still had an amazing time. But after we came back from our honeymoon, which was yesterday, we read some messages that we got during the honeymoon. Most of them were from my grandfather, but a few were from three friends complaining about the lack of booze and that they would not have come if they knew there wouldn’t be any drinking.
For clarification: There was no bar.
Everybody else wrote us that they loved the wedding. And at the wedding everyone (except my grandfather) seemed to have a good time. I went from 15 o’clock to 1 o’clock, where it ended after a midnight snack. And then 10 of our closest friends and family drove us to the airport so we could fly to our honeymoon.
And everybody seemed happy.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No one is entitled to drinking at any party
Liquor is not a requirement for a party
People who can’t enjoy any event without drinking are addicts whether they want to accept that or not.
Because if you can’t live and enjoy yourself without it and can’t limit or control your intake if it’s available, then it’s an addiction. If it’s just recreational, it doesn’t matter if it’s not there, you might think it would be nice if it was but would not complain just because it wasn’t, that’s the difference between an addiction vs an affinity.
I would ask those people who are telling you that they wouldn’t have come if they’d known it was a dry wedding if that means they didn’t come to celebrate your wedding or enjoy your company but just for the booze.
Because that’s what those people are telling you, in no uncertain terms. That you don’t matter to them, your marriage and happiness don’t matter to them, they’re just in it for free booze and getting their fix.
The ones who actually care for you are those who enjoyed the wedding because they had all they needed: being with you and having a good time.
Edit: yes I do drink. No, I wouldn’t mind if a wedding wouldn’t offer any as long as there’s something to drink to quench thirst.” GrayDottedPony
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You can have a dry wedding if you like, but you have to tell people beforehand.
Sometimes weddings are far away and an effort to get to. If you tell people beforehand that there will be no drinking, it gives people the opportunity to plan differently.
i.e. if I’m drinking, then I know I can’t drive home, so I’ll book a hotel. If I’m not drinking, then I’ll probably drive home that same night.
There is nothing wrong with having a dry wedding, but springing it on people is just rude, you’re not allowing them the information to plan accordingly.” Click_To_Sign_In
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wedding, your rules and it’s not that bad to have a liquor-free wedding.
The only thing I would have done differently is maybe made it known to the guests when they receive the menu of the reception or have it written somewhere so that they’re not flabbergasted on arrival.
But even if they found out the moment they arrived at the wedding, it’s no big deal, if they don’t want to be there without drinking, they’re are free to leave.” Responsible_Brain852
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I would personally still attend either way but I think you should have told them there was no drinking on the invitation.
Let them decide whether they wanted to come or not with all the facts. I also think it was a jerk move not to have even a bar and let whoever wanted to drink pay for themselves. This way you weren’t out any money yourself.
However, I do still think people would’ve complained about that as well. I get it. I’ve seen the prices.
There are a lot of places that want between $35-50 a person for an open bar. It adds up and if you guys don’t benefit from it why pay for it?
But you should’ve given your guests the choice. Either let them buy their own drinks or tell them there will be no booze served at the wedding so that they can either not come or drink beforehand.” honeycomb97
2. AITJ For Telling My Brother That No One Cares About His Breakup?
“I (19 F) have a sister (26) who has had fertility problems since a teenager. She was diagnosed with PCOS at 17 and has had multiple uterine tumors with 2 of them being cancerous, so she has been through a lot regarding that aspect of her life.
About three months ago, said sister and her husband told us the joyous news that they were pregnant and they were hopeful for this baby(my sister is currently 6 almost 7 months pregnant now, they waited a bit to tell us so that they could make sure this pregnancy didn’t end like ones before it).
I also have a brother 22, he was just broken up with by his significant other of a year about 2 days ago and for the most part, everyone has been very patient and understanding that he’s going through a heartbreak. However, my sister was in the hospital for 5 days and finally got discharged yesterday.
Her husband brought her by our house and my parents, my other brother, and myself flocked to her to see how she and the baby were (none of us were able to visit her in the hospital because she is a high-risk pregnancy and our county still has restrictions in place for their hospitals).
So at this point, everyone is hugging and checking on my sister when my fore mentioned brother chimes in to say to my sister ‘we get it, you’re pregnant, you don’t have to make things about you, no one cares, other people are going through a lot too.’
Now just a side note here, my sister had no idea that my brother was broken up with because she was in the hospital for 5 days! When she came into the house and asked my brother how he was and attempted to hug him, he ignored her.
This understandably made my sister upset and she started to cry, then my BIL and brother got into an argument. When my sis and BIL left, I asked my brother why he said to my sister and he said ‘because no one cares’ to which I replied, ‘you’re such a jerk, how about the fact that no one cares that you got broken up with, hurts doesn’t it?’ He got mad and stormed off and I was scolded by my mom essentially telling me that what I said was jerkish.
Edit: My brother caused his own breakup by having an affair.”
Another User Comments:
“Holy cow. Your brother is a major jerk. Telling the sis ‘other people have problems too’ when she just got out of the hospital is about one of the meanest things I think anyone could ever say.
He shouldn’t dish it out if he can’t take it.
Maybe telling him that no one cares about his problems is a bit below the belt, but you were 100% right to call him out for his cruelty.
And your mom getting mad at YOU in this situation?
It’s clear the brother acts like this because his parents have let him get away with it.
NTJ!” ghosts-on-the-ohio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… your brother needs to remember the golden rule – treat others how you want to be treated.
He can’t expect to be a gigantic jerk to your sister (who is legitimately going through some real-life stuff) and then expect to be coddled because he’s in emotional pain (of his own making).
Caring is a two-way street.
Your brother sounds very narcissistic and childish and is clearly unable to accept or solve his own problems. He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his actions and wants to be the victim, thus getting all the attention.” No-Studio-9965
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your brother acted so terribly and I’m glad you spoke to him. Buuuuutttttt. Returning his cruel and resentful behavior/words with your own cruel and resentful behavior/words isn’t maybe something I’d suggest you do all the time. This may have been a one-off and it’s clear he sucked.
Your sister did not deserve to be treated that way and you were right to speak with him privately and point that out. It’s right to hold our loved ones accountable.
But I do think that saying to your brother the exact same thing you’re mad at him for saying about your sister is definitely losing you the moral high ground here.
It’s like hitting a kid because he hit someone else. The message kinda gets lost right?
It sounds like it was a tough week for the whole family. I hope all of you can come back together soon on better terms.” Tasty-Efficiency-134
1. AITJ For Deleting The Last Video Of My Friend's Deceased Mom?
“I (22f) have not been speaking with my best friend (23f) for a few months. I’m not going to get into that here but we’ve had issues lately and haven’t been on speaking terms for a while. We’ve been best friends our whole lives though.
Before we stopped speaking her mom passed away. It was really sad for me too because she was like a second mom to me. My friend has tons of pictures of her but not many videos or recordings of her voice. She has a few but not much.
I was going through my phone to delete stuff I didn’t need and found a super-long video of her mom talking. I invited her over and we watched it together. Shortly after that, we stopped talking and there is anger toward each other.
I moved the video of her mom to my google drive and sent her the link.
Since we haven’t been talking she hasn’t even opened the message and it didn’t say it was ‘seen.’ Just because we aren’t talking didn’t mean I didn’t want her to have access to the video. But the video is long and large and takes up a little over half the space available in my drive.
I knew she wasn’t checking my messages so I asked a mutual friend to tell her that this is the footage of her mom. Shortly after that, I saw the message was ‘seen.’ In the message, I said that I am going to delete the file shortly after I see that she’s seen it because I need the space.
She didn’t reply but she saw it. I contacted the mutual friend and was told that she saw the message and was told that it was the video of her mom and that I’d be deleting it soon.
A couple of weeks after she saw the message I deleted the video and then months later(now) I get an annoyed text from her.
She’s telling me how I am a witch for deleting the footage of her mom and that she didn’t even download it yet. I told her that the message was seen and our friend told you. She said ‘I didn’t read that crap’ and when our friend was talking about me she just ignored her and was nodding and saying okay.
I told her that I feel bad that it is deleting but how is this my fault? She’s super mad at me. Should I have kept the video?
EDIT: I did contact and tell her. I called, texted, and involved a mutual friend. Not sure what else I could have done.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. When something is in a google drive, you kinda assume it to stay there. The purpose of the cloud is a backup so I can understand why she didn’t expect you to delete it. But at the same time, you did warn her so she did know.
Edit: I want to add, losing your mom that young is super rough. She is probably still grieving, and while that isn’t an excuse she may just be experiencing a wave of depression that made her feel guilty about not having the video. I’d just give her a little bit of grace all things considered.” creepturehijinx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You gave her plenty of time to download it. It is incredibly sad that she lost her mom. I had a USB stick filled with photos destroyed by my friend’s dogs accidentally that I’ll never get back of loved ones that have passed. It’s very unfortunate but you sent her the link, followed up with a mutual friend, gave additional warning, checked to ensure she saw the message, and still waited before deleting it.
You are not to blame.” Nobeernotvsmthgsmthg
Another User Comments:
“I think I am stuck in the fact that this was such a good friend for you and you knew how important this video was. You couldn’t save it to a computer, USB, etc. You knew you weren’t talking and that she probably wasn’t paying attention to them because of whatever is going on between you.
Then you use a mutual friend, but as you said her mom just passed away and is still obviously grieving and you decide that it has to be on your time frame and just delete something that important. How would you feel if you were in her shoes?
What if it was a video of your mom that had passed away? I get that apparently, you need space so desperately, but honestly it just kind of makes you seem cruel. That being said your choice and you did ‘warn’ her.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She sucks because it seems like she got plenty of warnings and didn’t download the video, but you also suck because relying on a middleman to deliver what can be seen as important information can have flaws.
What’s the reason you two weren’t speaking?
I can see how really serious issues could lead to zero communication, but if her mom was like a second mom to you, I personally might have taken extra measures to make sure the video was safe somehow.” freefaall
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