People Present The Causes For Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Responsible For Being My Partner's Late Sister's Kids?
“My partner and I have been together for about a year and a half but we grew up in the same neighborhood.
We’re both 28 with no kids.
My partner’s sister passed away in April, leaving behind 2 teenage kids. Now it’s like a big custody thing because my partner wants the kids and nobody wants them to go to their dad. I don’t understand the latter statement because he is a good father.
The kids live with him now because my partner and I live in a studio apartment and there’s not enough room. But even though I might not agree with the way my partner was going about the situation I still said I would be there for him and the kids, which I have been up until now.
I may not do financially for them but I cook and always make sure they’re comfortable when they’re around.
So moving forward I’m just going to say my partner is grieving and I totally understand but he takes all his frustration out of me, especially when he’s wasted. We were arguing about something last night can’t remember what and out of nowhere he started screaming and saying, ‘If I die tmm are you gonna take care of the kids?’ So my response was ‘I will do what I can when I can but I’m not obligated to do anything for anyone and it’s not my responsibility’.
My personal feelings towards this situation are, in all actuality, I feel I’m not obligated, and it’s not my responsibility and that that shouldn’t be placed on me. It’s not like I said screw the kids or I’m not gonna be around but I don’t like the way the situation was presented to me.
So now I’m this horrible messed up person because I said it’s not my responsibility to take care of kids that aren’t mine or his and they have a father. I’m just the partner. Am I wrong?”
35. AITJ For Choosing My Hedgehog Over My Best Friend?
“As much as I love my bestie, her room is an absolute dump. Every day I would get back from my 11-hour night shift and see clothes thrown all across the floor, 3 or 4 chip packets lying on the table, pots and pans, and spilled remnants of whatever she was cooking for dinner that night mushed on the kitchen stove.
I’ve confronted her many times about it but she always changed the subject. I talked to my landlord, but there’s nothing he can do, we’re both paying equal rent.
3 months later my best friend started going out with a guy and brought him back to the apartment.
He immediately is shocked by the absolute pigsty that is her room. I hate to admit it, but I felt justice and thought that my friend’s messy habits were finally going to catch up with him. Alas, they don’t, and he helps her tidy her room and wash her clothes for the first time in months.
Another 6 months passed and I was feeling as lonely as ever, so I adopted a lovely cute hedgehog friend. The poor little soul was being trapped in a cage for his lifetime. I let him roam free in my apartment. My best friend arrives home.
She and her significant other sadly broke up, but there was no bad blood, and he miraculously changed her life for the better. Her room and clothes were so clean and I’d never seen her so happy. However, she was MAD when she found out that I’d adopted a hedgehog without telling her, and was letting it roam around the apartment and ‘getting its muddy little paws everywhere’.
I angrily told her that just 9 months ago she was the monster getting her muddy paws everywhere and turning the house into a dump. She apologized but then said that there was only room for two in HER apartment, and the hedgehog had to go.
I was FURIOUS. She clearly recognized this and said, ‘You’re going to have to choose, me or the hedgehog.’ Long story short, I chose the hedgehog.
So, AITJ?”
34. AITJ For How I Reacted To My Classmate's Prank?
“I (18 NB) go to high school with a girl who I’ll call June (18 F). Around a year ago June started a YouTube channel and eventually switched to doing live shows on Twitch.
Her content is mostly her debating or sharing opinions on odd things/questions, and she usually has a different friend with her (mostly people from our school). She’s gained a pretty solid following, most of the school watches the lives and of course other people too.
Two weeks ago she asked me if I would join her for her show. I thought it was a little odd because we’ve only talked a handful of times in classes but I agreed because I thought it would be fun.
I went to her house and immediately felt a little odd because I thought it would just be her and I there, but she also had her friend doing the technical aspects, plus her group of close friends just sitting on the other side of the room watching us talk.
I thought it was odd but I tried to brush it off because I didn’t want to screw up the live.
June started by asking pretty tame questions but eventually, she started asking me about mental illness. I have multiple diagnoses but have never explicitly disclosed any of them with June and felt very uncomfortable with her bringing that up, I tried to avoid the questions but she was persistent.
At one point she asked if my OCD makes me paranoid (it does). After I reluctantly answered yes, I told her that if she was using that question as a way to set up a prank or a jumpscare, to please call it off because it’s not funny.
She assured me nothing like that was happening, but then a few minutes later one of her friends snuck up behind me, screamed, and grabbed my shoulders.
June and all her friends started laughing because I reacted to the scare. I was shaking and I could feel my face getting red, it was honestly so embarrassing so I told June she was a whole bunch of things that I won’t repeat here, and told her to find someone else to treat like trash for views because I was over it.
I stormed out, and I accidentally knocked over a light and broke it on my way out.
The next day at school June confronted me, she said I ruined her live show and embarrassed her on her own channel. She said almost everyone left the live after I stormed out and I ruined her chances of getting more exposure or money from the show.
Then she said she was starting to get lots of hate and threats from people in her comments because of my ‘outburst.’ Then she said I had to pay her back for the light I broke, which apparently cost around $100.
I told her I wasn’t going to pay her and that the hate comments weren’t my problem.
I told her she brought it on herself by setting me up on her show and being a selfish (redacted).
AITJ? I feel like my actions were justified but I would like some outside opinions.”
33. AITJ For Exposing My Sister To The Guy She's Seeing?
“So my older sister has three kids (twin two-year-olds and an eight-month-old). She is very irresponsible so my mom takes care of her babies most of the time. My sister and I are not that close but she’s always touching my clothes and makeup and it’s really annoying since I’m 17 and work a job to pay for all my things while she’s unemployed and borrows money from my mom and sometimes me.
My sister dates a lot and I honestly don’t care that’s her business. I don’t ask about her personal life and she doesn’t ask about mine. I came home last night to my room torn apart and a lot of my makeup and extensions I just got gone.
I was so mad. I called her a bunch of times and finally, someone answered. It was some guy and I told him to give the phone to my sister. He said she was busy and couldn’t talk and what do I want.
I said that I needed to talk to her and he said he could relay a message.
I said to tell her she needs to bring back my things the same way she took them and that I’m not babysitting her kids next weekend like she begged me to. He was like wait what but I hung up.
Like thirty minutes later my mom came into my room saying my sister called her crying hysterically that she was kicked out of some guy’s car on the road and needed a ride home and she was blaming ME saying I ‘exposed’ her.
I was so confused till she came home trying to come after me and I locked my room door. She was screaming that I told her ‘now ex’ she has kids which isn’t my business to tell which got him mad and that what I did was ‘child endangerment’ because you shouldn’t mention kids to strangers and that she decides to tell people on her own time.
My mom is on her side saying that there was no need to mention the kids if my sister didn’t feel comfortable but my dad says she’s wrong and overreacting. AITJ?”
32. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Nephew For Free?
“My husband (33 M) and I (30 F) babysit our nephew (let’s call him Harry) 3 days a week for 12 hours a day, for free as a favor to my BIL James.
Harry has autism, so naturally he has a set of special needs (zooms for OT and Speech) that I am more than happy to accommodate (because his mother Lily gave up these classes because they inconvenience her life).
Harry’s mom Lily (27 F) broke up with James last year but they still mess around even though on social media she likes to pretend she’s a struggling single mother.
Here’s the problem, 2 weeks ago when I was visiting James I casually mentioned seeing Lily out and about. James seemed uninterested and our conversation progressed to something else. An hour later Lily called me cursing me out because I told her ex (James) where she was, how I wasn’t supposed to ‘report’ her whereabouts to him, and how I broke the girl code.
Blah blah blah. I just said sorry and she hung up on me.
We took a family trip to Virginia Beach and the whole time he refused to talk to me or hang out, when he did talk it was to bark orders not to post pictures of Harry if he’s not smiling (things I think Lily told him).
Today (2 weeks later) James calls and says he’s dropping Harry off at 8 am tomorrow as if nothing has happened and all is forgotten, I said no. I said he didn’t make an effort to apologize to me for his role in getting Lily to yell at me.
Lily hasn’t apologized either and I refuse to continue helping them out with free childcare if they aren’t going to respect me. I am not confrontational so telling them no was hard to do as I weigh in that Harry has nothing to do with this battle.
AITJ for not taking care of Harry?”
31. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For The New Hearing Aids?
“I (23 F) was born prematurely with single-sided deafness and hearing loss.
When I was 15/16 years old, new technology arose that allowed me to have a BICROS system, which transferred sound from my deaf side to my ‘good’ side and amplified the sound on my ‘good’ side. I hope that makes sense. For my first pair of hearing aids, my parents paid for them (~$2,500 with insurance at the time), but I unfortunately lost one of them on a night out a couple of months ago.
Unfortunately, my audiologist told me that they do not make the version of my hearing aids anymore. Fortunately, she said that every 5+ years, I am able to receive a $2,500 credit from my parents’ insurance for new hearing aids. She has been suggesting that I get new hearing aids for the past two years because the technology has improved drastically (being able to place phone calls, listen to music, have access to a microphone on my phone, better reduction of background noise, etc.).
Overall, this seemed like a good opportunity to receive the updated version of my hearing aids since I couldn’t replace my old one anyway. With the insurance discount, the hearing aids are $700, which is drastically less than 7 years ago.
However, my parents told me that I had to pay for the hearing aids this time.
I said that it doesn’t make sense for me to pay for them because I did not choose to be born and especially be born with hearing problems. The hearing aids drastically help my way of living, especially in the classroom. I’m a graduate student studying for my master’s degree, and I only make about $1,300 a month as an RA (granted I receive free rent).
I have little to no money to my name, no insurance of my own, and thousands of dollars in loans from my undergrad. I spend most of my funds on loan payments, groceries, transportation in the city, train tickets to visit home, and my tuition bill.
Meanwhile, my parents both work and make over 6 figures a year. They already paid off their mortgage and are not paying for my school tuition anymore.
AITJ for not wanting to pay for the hearing aids?”
30. AITJ For Not Buying Dinner For My Sister?
“My sister is always stingy with food and can never get enough.
She’s also kind of selfish when it comes to food as well. There was a point a little over a year ago where my mother was skipping meals so we could eat. My sister didn’t seem to care. She would go out to eat with her significant other then come home with leftovers and eat what little food my mom scaped up for her while putting her fast food leftovers in the fridge.
She’d even put a sticky note on them and yell at anyone if they ate them.
Now for the issue:
A few days ago I bought dinner for my family. It was just a takeout but I wanted to treat my mom. So I got her favorite takeout as a thank you for her working hard for us.
My sister had work that day and told my mom she was going out with her SO after. I even privately texted her to ask if they were getting food. She said probably. So I didn’t order her anything.
Well, she came home (with Taco Bell leftovers) and saw us in the middle of eating.
She smiled and put her food away before sitting at the table and asking what was hers. My mom asked if she had wanted any and she got upset saying of course she wanted some dinner. My mom offered my sister her food but I cut in and told her that she could eat what she put in the fridge.
This didn’t go well and devolved into a screaming match. Which in turn led to both of us being grounded. Just a simple no going out and less screen time. My sister, however, is still mad at me for ‘not thinking or caring about her’ and ‘buying dinner for everyone but her.’ I was positive I wasn’t in the wrong but a lot of my friends and family are saying it’s wrong to have not gotten her anything since she didn’t actually say for sure if she was getting dinner and that she’s family and stuff like that.
So now I’m not sure.
AITJ?
Edit: Our ages are me being 18, my sister being 16 about to turn 17 in about 1 and half months, and my mother is 37.
When I say everyone, I was referring to me, my mom, and my young twin siblings. I didn’t mention them before since they weren’t a part of the conflict
My mom has always been willing to give up her food. She says she’ll make sure if she can’t get us everything we’ll at least have something to eat. Whenever there isn’t enough (which is rarer now since both my sister and I work) she’ll go without so we can be full.
My sister isn’t a horrible person, I promise. She’s normally a really selfless person. She works and gives my mom $100 on the bills. She also buys a lot of the miscellaneous things we need at the end of the month when the budget is really tight.
I’ve let it go more than once, despite my best efforts to not let it get to that point so that we’ll have everything until Mom’s paycheck. She’s only like this with food.
I’m in high school but I work after my mom gets off work on days my cousin needs help at his store.
As for the grounding, we weren’t grounded for the fight or anything like that. We were grounded because we were yelling in front of the twins. It is a house rule not to yell or fight in front of them.”
29. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Shouldn't Be Asking People For Money For Her Concert Tickets?
“I (36 F) have a long-time friend (34 F) who we’ll call Jen. Jen has had lots of little jobs and has started and quit dozens of career training programs over the years, so prior to the global crisis, she was already riding the unemployment train as long as possible.
I understand that maybe her string of jobs just got boring, but she’d always quit with some sort of about how the managers hated her or were out to make her look bad.
I also recognize that this could likely be a much bigger issue that comes from a lack of self-esteem, so I’m wondering if what happened next makes me a jerk.
Jen apologized to me for missing an important event because she had migraines and her fibromyalgia (sp?) was acting up and she missed the event to stay home and get high. (This is the daily routine anyway, always sick and always high.) I brushed it off because she often flakes out and it’s not worth getting mad about since I know I can’t count on her to show up to anything.
But then she told me that her favorite band was coming to town and she was so upset that she couldn’t afford a ticket to the concert. I ignored her comment because I wasn’t trying to buy her a ticket. I don’t know who this band is and I had no intention of going to this random concert.
She wouldn’t let it go, though, and asked if I’d want to go with her. I told her I wasn’t interested, and she sulked, saying she could never go anywhere and no one makes time for her.
I got a little upset and said that I always had time for her.
She snapped that she doesn’t have money and the only time her friends show their support is when she starts another GoFundMe asking for help to pay her bills. (No, I haven’t given her money in the past, but I have given her pet food and grocery cards.) I offered to help her with her resume so she could apply for jobs, and she exploded, saying I’m just like everyone else and I don’t take her disability (headaches and fibro) seriously and that the only reason she’s always broke is that she has to spend all her money on smoke to help with her pain.
(No, she has never been diagnosed with either, and she is not on disability.)
I just let her yell and then told her maybe she shouldn’t ask people for handouts for concert tickets and she could instead look for a side (uh, primary?) hustle and get the money herself.
That suggestion did not go well. There was lots of shouting about how she couldn’t work due to her pain level and that even when she did work, people tried to sabotage her. I asked what would happen if she got another migraine or had excruciating pain on the night of the concert, and she hung up on me.
Jen hasn’t spoken to me in over a week. I didn’t actually call her out on her unwillingness to work and the convenient timing of her numerous illnesses, but I know she expected me to ignore that and give her money.
So, AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Considering My Cousin My Brother?
“I (20 F) have a half-older brother (24 M) on my dad’s side. At a very young age, our dad passed away and when we were young we got along pretty well. Currently, we don’t get along at all, although we’ve seen each other since we have not talked to each other since I was 13.
The last time he talked to me he yelled at me and started blaming me for our dad’s passing. Ever since he and I stopped communicating my older cousin (22 M) started calling and checking up on me, and treating me like his younger sister, he even calls me sis occasionally.
About two years ago I saw my brother again and all he did was look at me and roll his eyes. I brushed it off and just stayed around my cousin and my mom so as to not cause any drama.
Well a few weeks ago my dad’s family decided to have a family dinner, I went despite knowing my brother would be there so I could see family that had come in from out of state.
After dinner, my aunt wanted to take pictures and asked if I would take one with my brother to which I politely declined because I didn’t feel comfortable with it, but agreed to take one with my ‘brother’ while pointing at my cousin.
To which my brother said, ‘What did you call him?
Last time I checked he and I weren’t the same person.’
I replied, ‘I called him my brother. I don’t see the issue because you have made it clear that I’m no sister of yours. Plus he has been there for me when I needed him, he’s always made an effort to let me know he cares about me and that he wants me in his life.’
My brother never said anything to me he just looked between my cousin and me and yelled at my family for ‘being okay’ with me calling my cousin brother. Then he left. I’ve tried to reach out to apologize for upsetting him but he leaves me on read and doesn’t answer my calls.
If I’m being completely honest though I don’t really feel bad about upsetting him because of how he’s made me feel for the past seven years.”
27. AITJ For Giving My Stepdaughter's New Clothes To My Partner's Niece?
“We are on a holiday with my partner’s parents and sisters and respective SOs. Along also came my 2.5-year-old stepdaughter and my partner’s niece (4) who is the daughter of his half-sister so not my MIL’s granddaughter, only FIL’s.
My stepdaughter sees us rather often as she pretty much comes to us for a week every month, also she has gotten used to planes and traveling a bit with us and with her grandma (her mom moved with her to the other side of the country).
Our niece has never done anything like that, she even still co-sleeps with her parents and she had never even stayed for a full day and night away from them, now we are traveling for a week and FIL is meant to be the main caregiver.
However, from the moment the trip started we all noticed a big bag of new clothes from a fancy department store (it was hand luggage size and we only took hand luggage so impossible not to notice) my MIL had bought these clothes for the trip for my stepdaughter.
So as the holiday started kids were behaving alright, I did notice that the mom of the eldest kid packed up 2 of everything for them to share and also noticed that the kid was having fun but also having a rough time eating, asking to go to the toilet and feeling comfortable in general, this made the preference for my stepdaughter much more obvious and I started feeling sad for her.
Around the third day luckily she started getting comfier with my partner and me and she stayed all day with us and came to our room, we got both kids a bath and pajama time. I didn’t want to go all the way to the other room for clothes since they both were super tired and I figured they could share clothes but of course, my niece is taller so we grabbed some pants from the bag of new clothes and she directly asks me ‘Can I grab these?
I thought everything was (name of the other kid) that her grandma got’ and I answered ‘Well it is new and not worn so I think you can keep it’ and she was happy about it and went to sleep (my stepdaughter didn’t care they picked clothes together).
So today my MIL told me not to do that again because she told the kid to take it off (when dirty) and put it in my stepdaughter’s bag and my niece didn’t want to, she said ‘I will put it in my bag and take it to my house because my aunt told me I could’.
I admitted I did, told her I didn’t mind replacing them later, and also that I don’t like seeing the preference for one kid. MIL was annoyed and just said they weren’t mine to gift and we haven’t spoken since.
I don’t really regret it but maybe it was inappropriate and not my place to make decisions about the kids who are not primarily in my care.
So AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Keeping A Client's Necklace?
“I (25 f) used to clean out houses with my father back when I was still in high school. The way it goes when someone dies usually someone older the family clears out everything they want and then we clear out what’s left. There actually is some stuff worth keeping while others we’d toss or see if anybody else wanted it.
During one of those jobs, I ended up finding a necklace that happened to have my birthstone. I told my father I was gonna take it but he snapped a picture of it and then sent it to the client making sure they didn’t leave it by accident.
The client Vanessa said, ‘It wasn’t an accident and it’s cursed and please throw it out.’
For me, that meant the green light and it was mine. I personally am not religious or spiritual so I don’t believe in curses and all that.
A few years later my father got sick and passed so this became one of the symbols of our time together.
Now present day I started working at a local company. As it turned out Vanessa’s sister also works there and recognized it.
Later I got a DM from Vanessa and her sister saying how it made them uncomfortable seeing it again and to throw it out.
I told them I won’t wear it to work but I still planned on keeping it because I don’t believe in curses. Vanessa told me since that was a job and she made a request for it to be thrown out I was violating contact and could sue.
I told her I wasn’t under contract my father was so I’m basically a scavenger who dug threw the trash and happened upon it.
Ever since depending on who you talk to in the office her sister is either saying I stole it or how I’m trying to bring tragedy and I have no respect for other people’s spiritual beliefs.”
It *might* be practical to tell them you threw it away, of course, and if they happen to find out that you didn't, tough. They could be sued if they fire you over it.
25. AITJ For Blaming My Mother-In-Law For My Son Getting Sick?
“I (25 f) have a 2-year-old son and 5-month-old daughter with my husband (26 m). His mother is here on holiday for 2 weeks. My 2-year-old suffers from extreme Asthma. Both hubby and I have never smoked… so it was easy for us to lay a strict no-smoking rule around our kids.
We’ve made it clear that if you go for a smoke… any kind of smoke… you must go away from the house (For context we live in a small 2-bedroom rural place, so it was easy to find somewhere else to smoke as there are trees all around the house.
We also made a smoking area as his family are heavy smokers).
We also put rules in place that you must sanitize your hands AND brush your teeth before having ANY type of contact with the kids.
Anyway, MIL continues to smoke right outside the door and doesn’t sanitize or brush her teeth before she comes into contact with the kids.
Before she came my son was in perfect health and there were no signs of him getting sick. However 2 days into her being here he’s already in hospital. I honestly didn’t think much of it! Until a few days later, hubby and I went to work, kids went to daycare.
We came home and the house reeked of smoke! That night, both my kids had extremely bad coughs (my son especially). I asked hubby to talk to MIL because I am always the bad guy! At dinner the next night she said ‘You need to do better with these kids, they’re always sick’.
I absolutely lost my mind! My reply was ‘Did you ever think that maybe the kids were sick because of you?’ Hubby and MIL both stood there in shock! I continued to say ‘We’ve been very clear from the start that there is to be no smoking around the kids!
Yet, you continue to do so! We don’t ask you for much if anything. So why can’t you just respect the rules and boundaries we’ve put in place to keep our kids healthy and safe?’ That night hubby and I got into a disagreement… He was saying that I was too harsh on her and that he had spoken to her already
Anyway, the next morning MIL had packed and asked hubby to drop her off at the airport. It’s been a few days and hubby is still annoyed at me for disrespecting his mother… so now I’m starting to think I may have been a little too harsh.
AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Criticizing How My Wife Manages Social Situations?
“My wife is one of the smartest, quickest people I’ve ever met.
She seems to know everything and is a really good conversationalist (which I am definitely NOT). But she always complains she’s ‘unlikeably fat’ and she dislikes being at any event where there are too many men or even being in a small group of most guys.
I know she’s absolutely gorgeous and I’ve personally never seen anyone treat her any differently. But I’ve always been thin so maybe I wouldn’t notice what she’s talking about. But I have noticed recently that she’s been more comfortable coming with me to work events and hanging out with my brothers and cousins and I’ve noticed they’ve started to like her a lot more.
We were at my sister’s engagement party when I heard her get into a lighthearted argument with my brother about some celebrity name or fact and she was proven correct when he googled it.
Later in the evening, I was surprised to see them in a very similar kind of lighthearted argument (because they usually don’t talk that much) about a TV show or author or something that I KNOW she knows a lot about but when she pulled out her phone to Google to answer she was wrong.
I thought this was super weird and asked her about it in the car on the way home. She told me that her new strategy is if she ever ‘proves’ someone wrong, she’ll purposefully construct another scenario in which she can be the one proven wrong so that there won’t be any ‘hurt feelings’.
I told her this was ridiculous and no one takes those kinds of things seriously and if anyone were to somehow catch her doing this (like it did) they would be offended or hurt. She got really mad and told me that how she manages social situations is her decision and that I wouldn’t understand having to ‘play dumb’ for guys.
But when I said that my sister’s new fiancee was a really smart woman in STEM and never seemed to dumb herself down for guys and everyone really loved her, my wife said that she could ‘get away’ with that because she was conventionally beautiful and easily accepted. I didn’t know what to say to that so I said I thought she was being overly manipulative and insecure.
She was really quiet the rest of the car ride home and then immediately went upstairs and started writing in her journal. I’m worried I really messed up and hurt her feelings but also I do still think it’s a dumb and manipulative thing to do.”
23. AITJ For Being Sensitive With Regards To My Bed?
“Our relationship is starting to get more serious (we’ve been together about a year and a half now) and we’ve been spending more time at each other’s places. Mostly mine, since he lives in a shoebox he rents and I own an actual apartment.
The thing is, I’m (33 F) an insomniac. Now, it was much worse for most of my formative years and though it’s gone from night to day, it’s pretty much nearly ruined my life at times. I still struggle with it often enough I take some scary meds for it, at times, as prescribed.
What helps more than anything, though, is that I have strict sleep-related routines. I NEVER use my bedroom for anything other than sleep or intimate time – and almost immediately, if the latter, I’ll get up to shower and ask to go back to the living room.
No phones allowed, no computers, TV, and seldom books. I make my bed every single morning, no matter how many spoons it takes, and then try to see it again at night. This helps consolidate my bed as a place to sleep.
My partner (32 M) started pushing it over time.
Cuddling after intimacy turned into his wanting to play video games or scroll his phone endlessly. When I complained, he’d not only resist but whine when I wasn’t there. It escalated. He’ll come into my place and flop into my bed and beg me to come hang out.
I’ve tried to explain the issues so many times and he sulks or pouts or gets angry if I try to say ‘Can we stick to bed for bedtime in my place?’ It was driving me crazy and I’ve not been sleeping well and I finally snapped and told him either he stops or we’re not hanging out here any longer.
He’s making it out like I’m the worst human being ever for rebuffing him when he was just trying to be closer and said ‘If it’s like that, I won’t come at all’.
My living room has a super comfortable pull-out couch and even better blinds than the bedroom, by the way, and is the only place you can hook something up to music or the projector screen.
Am I really being that unreasonable?”
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Try Surrogacy?
“I (29 F) was 5 months pregnant when I was involved in a car accident while going for my regular check-up.
It was a really bad one which resulted in multiple internal injuries, a fractured right hand, and a head injury. Once I came back to my senses in the hospital my husband told me about my miscarriage which I figured out before he even spoke by looking at my condition.
It really messed up my brain but I decided to stay strong since my husband was really depressed. 1 month later when I got discharged from the hospital I came to know that I was infertile since my fallopian tube was injured in the accident. This really got to me, I was really angry at him for not telling me this earlier but he was too scared because I was in a really rough shape.
Now my MIL sympathized with me around our relatives but a week after when we were alone in my room she started venting at me for being too weak and that I am a disgrace to this family since I can’t give them a child.
I was already feeling really low but now I started thinking that it would have been better if I died in that accident.
A few days later after being continuously called a disgrace, I consulted my doctor about any chances of me being pregnant again, she replied by saying that I could go for either surgery on my tube or go for IVF (test tube baby) but then she said that my body is too weak now for any of them and if I really wanted a baby then I should either adopt one or go for surrogacy.
I really don’t like the idea of surrogacy and my MIL will instantly reject the idea of adoption because of genetics and all that nonsense, but still, I discussed it with my husband. While I was telling him about all this, my MIL overheard us and told me to go for surrogacy.
I told her that I did not want to since I was really afraid that if it led to another miscarriage I would straight up go insane and never ever be able to get up again, but she called me selfish and again a disgrace to our family, this time in front of my husband.
AITJ for not going for surrogacy?”
21. AITJ For Leaving My Parents At The Restaurant?
“I (20 F) come from a traditional conservative family, but I’m not religious and neither is my brother (27 M). I speak fluent English and have been speaking it besides 2 other languages since kindergarten, always had great grades, and I’m the child that the entire family uses as a translator (all boomers and can’t use the internet besides social media) and a tech support agent.
My aunt lives in the US with her husband and lately, she fell ill so my parents decided to travel to America to pay her a visit and help in taking care of her until she gets better. They demanded I come with them to help them navigate through the country cause they never stepped out of our own homeland so I decided to go because my significant other lives in the same state where they’re going and dad’s paying for everything.
We arrive at the airport and my brother video calls my mom via social media to check up on us. I was doing all the talking, questioning, and paperwork while they were chatting. We were about to leave when I wanted to ask about a restaurant near the area so we could eat so I walked up to a janitor and asked him about it but when he answered he completely ignored me and looked at my dad who was beside me and told him instead.
My jaw was on the floor and Dad was looking at him awkwardly so I said ‘Excuse me, sir, I’m the one who speaks for this family so talk to me instead of my father’. Dude was visibly uncomfy but he gave a half-meant apology and told me about the restaurant.
I could hear my brother going silent for a small while and after we were done speaking to the guy my brother called for my dad and said ‘So you’re just gonna let her talk like that?’ In our language which prompted my dad to question what I said and ol’ bro said that I was making him less of a man in front of strangers by saying I was the one who speaks for the family and all.
Now my brother was always a pos so I didn’t really care and Dad didn’t look too bothered about so I didn’t say anything. We got to the restaurant and when we sat down, my dad was red to his roots with anger and mom gave me a whole lecture and jabs about emasculating him and pretending to be the head of the family ???
She went on and on making a scene in the middle of the restaurant and to be honest, I had nothing to say. I let her finish her rant and said that what the guy did was disrespectful and he should’ve answered me instead and I wanted to make him uncomfortable.
I excused myself to the bathroom, paid for their tab so they wouldn’t struggle in that department, and quickly left after texting my SO to pick me up.
After a while, my phone blew up with my parents screaming for help because they were clueless and asking about my whereabouts but I ignored them and spent the day with my SO.
I went to my aunt’s house using GPS by night and things went down as soon as they saw me.
Mom was crying and Dad was screaming about how they had to call my aunt’s husband to pick them up and how they were stranded in an unfamiliar area for 3 hours and he told me to get out.
Aunt defended me and gave me the couch to sleep on but Dad demanded an apology and explanation of where I went and who I’d been with. And I kinda feel bad for leaving them there with no means of communication.”
20. AITJ For Wanting To Feed Our Chickens Quality Feed?
“I am a veterinarian. I haven’t been practicing long, but my husband will tell anyone who listens that I’m the best vet in town. I do not specialize in poultry or food animal (I’m a pocket pet kinda girl) but I’m not far out of school so I remember much of what we covered about poultry.
We recently purchased some chickens. 3 baby hens to be precise. They’re adorable and I love them. We got them solely to produce eggs (and of course to be pets). We’ve only had them for about 2 weeks but they’re doing well.
I recently mentioned that we need more feed for them as our starter bag is almost out.
My husband mentioned that hopefully, it won’t be too long before we can transition them to adult food. I replied that they should stay on grower feed until they lay eggs, at which time we should swap them to layer feed. Here we hit a wall.
He said ‘Layer feed? Can’t we just give them corn?’ I was kinda gobsmacked and said uh, no. He basically said that his grandma had chickens and all she fed them was corn. I told him if he wanted malnourished chickens and crappy eggs we could feed them corn and nothing else.
He said they get the rest of their nutrients from ‘picking around’. While I might agree with free-range chickens, this will certainly not be the case for our chickens. We live on 1/4 acre total. Only half of it is backyard. Our yard also has a large deck which covers 1/3 the area and they can’t get under it.
We also agreed that we would only let the chicks out of the coop to roam the back when we are home to check on them, which means they’ll only be out and picking from 5 p.m. to sunset every day. I pointed out that he’s expecting them to get enough nutrients to survive AND produce eggs in just a few hours each day on a tiny amount of land.
He responded that he wasn’t looking to spend a lot on feed. After all, what’s the point of getting chickens to lay eggs if their upkeep isn’t less than what it costs to buy eggs every week? I told him I’m not interested in the cost of upkeep if our chicks aren’t healthy.
I also reminded him I’m a vet and I know what I’m talking about. HE was the one who wanted chickens (when he brought it up I told him I was overwhelmed with caring for our at the time 10 pets in the house). His response was that he never discounts my knowledge, but he doesn’t want me to dismiss his opinion just because I’m a vet and he isn’t.
I’m floored. I’m really amazed he thinks this is okay. I also think his grandma didn’t feed their chickens just corn, but that corn featured heavily in their feed and he’s misremembering because he was young. He wants to consult other people because I guess my expertise isn’t enough.
Chicken experts, please let me know if I’m the jerk.”
19. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Ferris Wheel Seat For A Mom With Three Kids?
“Last week my town had a small spring fair. It was supposed to happen last month in April but got pushed back after, I assume, one of the major overseers had a family emergency. Now keep in mind what I just said: a small fair.
For a small town. There were rides, but mostly meant for little kids. The only rides really any teens & adults could enjoy were the Ferris wheel and teacups, which were quite popular because of that fact.
Anyway, in this case, I (F 18) was in line for the Ferris wheel, and there was a bit of a line behind me.
And the Ferris wheel, being a bit small and almost 100 years old, only fits two passengers per ‘car’. I thought at least four people could go in behind me, but apparently, that wasn’t the case, according to a woman (I’d say about in her 40s) who kindly asked me to give up my spot for her and her three kids (don’t know their ages, but all younger than 13 probably).
Now if it hadn’t been so busy, I probably would obliged. But I felt since I was young if I gave up my seat for her, I’d then be expected to give it up for every other older adult or child in the line. And me being horribly socially anxious as I am, I didn’t want to have to reject them and potentially cause a conflict there, too.
So I told the mother no.
She wasn’t really rude about getting rejected, but her and her kid’s disappointment was palpable, she did scoff a bit when I turned away. I wouldn’t have felt so bad about this, but then I was seated next to her so she and her kids could actually ride at the same time (the kids were separated into two different cars) and it was awkward.
She even mentioned how she would’ve preferred riding with one of her children instead, with the implication that I was the reason she couldn’t.
The memory makes me cringe so much. AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Calling My Daughter "Warren"?
“My entire pregnancy I was told I was having a boy. My fiancé and I were so excited and he chose the name Warren for him saying he always pictured himself having a son named Warren.
I love to sew and knit and made so many clothes with the name stitched in. I have pictures of him holding the onesies up and smiling with so many of them since we were planning to make a scrapbook.
Sadly at 23 weeks, my fiancé passed away.
It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m still processing it. I mourned for me and my son never having a father. It was horrible. I ended up also not delivering until 41 weeks having the most excruciating and traumatizing pregnancy and labor.
At labor, I found out she was a girl. It was so shocking. I had a home birth like we had planned to do. I have done everything like we planned to because I still feel him alongside me. Changing anything we planned feels wrong.
I’ve been calling her Warren or Ren for three weeks now and my sister who has supported me this whole time is giving me dirty looks. She’s my only family and the only support I have and she’s been mad at me over a NAME.
I’m getting her birth certificate done next weekend and my sister came over last night. I assumed to help but instead, she’s pleading that I don’t go through with the name and to use ‘Wren’ if anything. And I’m setting my daughter up for failure and bullying.
I explained how I’ve been doing this since my fiancé passed thinking our child was named Warren and I would be dishonoring our agreement and it was the name he chose that our daughter would love and she’s still saying I’m a jerk and selfish and I should change it for ‘her sake’ and she’s saying I love my fiancé more than I love my daughter.”
17. AITJ For Taking My Baby To See My Family Behind My Wife's Back?
“We came home from the hospital 5 weeks ago with our first child, a boy. For the next 4 weeks, my wife did not let any of my family visit our son. Her mother and sister came over several times a week.
My wife refuses to let my family see him because she doesn’t want to play host. My family understands that being a new mom is stressful and they have no expectations of being treated like proper guests.
I told her it’s not fair that her family can come & go as they please but my family can’t even meet him. She said her family comes over to help her, which is not really true, they just hold the baby a little and if the baby isn’t sleeping then I am the one taking care of him while they are here.
They don’t clean or anything, at most they might bring some takeout on the way over.
Finally, I decided I would be taking the baby to see my parents last weekend. My wife doesn’t breastfeed so I got all the formula and diapers and everything I would need for a couple of days and packed a bag.
I thought this was a win-win because my wife could have some time to herself or come along and she would be under no pressure to host anyone. But she got mad when I told her what I would do but I told her this was happening, I am the baby’s father and my family has a right to see him just as hers does.
She refused to come along and said she couldn’t believe I was treating a new mother this way.
I left on Friday evening and didn’t hear anything from my wife on Saturday, but her sister & mom were over & sent a bunch of texts basically accusing me of ‘abusing’ a new mother.
Finally, on Sunday she started sending me text after text on how I was a terrible husband, how I kidnapped her son, how a baby can’t be separated from its mother, etc. It got so bad that I cut my visit short and drove home.
She was very mad when I got home and refused to speak to me. The next day when the baby was asleep I sat her down and tried to calmly explain to her that I am the FATHER of the baby so I have as much right to where he goes and who he sees as she does, we are equal parents and she needs to accept reasonable compromises when we disagree, like my family being able to see our son and her not having to host them.
She called me a jerk and shouted that she gets more say because she’s the one who was pregnant with him.
At that point, I said if she thinks that way & the accusations she texted me, I think she really needs to see a doctor and get assessed for post-partum depression because her behavior is not normal. She called me a jerk and said I was abusing my position as the earner (money was never part of any discussion).
She has been giving me a near-silent treatment all week, resisting any attempts to discuss therapy, and her sister has texted me saying I should apologize to her for what I said. I told her sister that I had said absolutely nothing wrong in response to being accused of kidnapping and being a lesser parent to MY son.
I am standing my ground but I need an outside perspective, AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Throwing Out My Husband's Meal?
“My mother-in-law calls every night to ask what we’re having for dinner. Then she brags about what she’s cooking to make me look bad, especially if we’re getting takeout.
I used to care but not anymore. But my husband would ask me to make dinner only for him to go eat the dinner his mom makes at her home, which is 10 minutes away, and using the ‘that’s my favorite meal’ excuse.
Yesterday, I wanted to surprise him by cooking one of his favorite meals and although I was busy, I took time off work to cook.
I even went grocery shopping to get what I needed. Later as I was setting the table his mom called, I told him he didn’t have to answer but he did. Like usual… she asked what we were having but acted surprised that I cooked this meal. She then went on to tell him she cooked X meal and told him to come over.
He said okay which shocked me, I said ‘Seriously?’ as he started dressing up and getting ready to leave. He told me no offense but this meal (that his mom cooked) was even more of a favorite than the one I cooked. And grabbed his keys and left.
I felt awful. I took his plate and threw it out then ate my portion. As I was about to put the plate in the dishwasher, he got home looking angry saying his mom lied about cooking that favorite meal and used it as an excuse to force him to eat dinner with her.
I was shocked but he sat down telling me to go ahead and reheat dinner. I told him no dinner after he abandoned it, I threw it out. He said what? and I told him he disrespected my time and effort and chose to go eat with his mom instead.
He began yelling at me asking if I really did that then called me petty and horrible then went upstairs saying what I did was 100 times worse than what his mom did.
I definitely feel like I let my anger and frustration get the best of me but it really felt unbearable having to live like this for so long.
By the way, I’m 26 and he’s 28.
ETA to make one thing clear: My husband only does this when it comes to food. He lived with his mom (attended community college) and loved and still loves her food and is used to it. She gave me recipes to make and I try to do that but he keeps switching homes just to eat what he feels like.”
15. AITJ For Refusing To Rent My House To My Grandparents' Former PA?
“I had a grandparent pass away recently and have inherited their house.
As it’s a 1.5-hour drive away and in need of renovating I am selling it.
Recently I had a call from someone who used to be a PA for my grandparents. She would sit and chat with them and was supposed to make their meals (this didn’t always happen but we forgave her as my grandpa liked her).
She wanted to tell me about an ‘Amazing Opportunity’. Basically, she wants to rent out the house for £400 per month until she has paid the worth of the house that she estimated at 100k. She gave me a huge sob story of how her current house is so small, so dangerous, so depressing, and making her children miserable.
I listened patiently but explained this wasn’t something I would be able to do. The house itself needs extensive work to modernize it to be able to rent it (and be safe), the value of the house is closer to 200k and I don’t want to rent it.
She kept on trying to convince me for several more minutes, trying to convince me her husband could renovate the house (he works in a pub). She was not listening to my interjections until I said I’m sorry I will not be continuing this conversation and hung up.
Background; when she was working for my grandparent she was in a huge fight with her landlord over unpaid rent & damage. Her husband made ‘alterations’ that weakened load-bearing walls and they were both barely able to hold down a job. She told me all of this thinking she was in the right each time.
I feel sorry for her but I’ve seen the issues people have with bad tenants and falling foul of housing regulations. My partner and I have decent jobs and reputations and can’t afford to fall could of the law/be stuck in a legal battle if they don’t pay.
Since the phone call, I’ve had multiple texts and missed calls, and my estate agent rang to ask if I was renting the house. It seems she was more convincing to them as they said they felt sorry for her and I could consider it, though when I asked if they would rent her a house they backtracked. I’ve made sure everyone is aware of the issue and the house is secure.
But am I a jerk? I could afford to renovate and let her rent from me, but if she defaults then I’d be stuck with two mortgages.”
14. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Pick The Movie?
“This afternoon I (M 34) suggested to my wife (F 34) that we watch a movie together.
We have a toddler (F 3) and don’t get a lot of time alone together. Watching a movie at home after the kid goes to bed is like a little ‘date night’, and we were both happy and excited to spend time together. Also since 2020, neither of us has actually watched a new movie in several years.
I know that my wife is pretty particular about movies. In short, she does not like watching movies with any adult themes: violence, interpersonal conflict, drama, or anything sad or upsetting. She ‘likes films with happy endings’ (her words). She mostly watches romantic comedies or animated movies, with the occasional harmless low-stakes action movie sprinkled in for fun.
Some of her favorite ‘comfort movies’ that we have watched together many, many times are The Holiday, Notting Hill, 50 First Dates, Practical Magic, Hocus Pocus, Pride and Prejudice, Independence Day, and Avengers Endgame; to give you an idea of what we are working with. I have known this about my wife for a very long time, since before we were married, and I think it is one of her endearing quirky qualities… most of the time.
Tonight, it got to me.
I pulled up a list of new movies that are streaming on the services we had, and we sat together to watch trailers. I just clicked on the first several or so ‘New Movies’ that popped up from a Google search.
They were: Fresh, The Power of the Dog, Deep Water, Against the Ice, Master, The Bombardment, American Girl, The Invisible Thread, and Turning Red. It so happens that, judging from the trailers, almost all of these movies feature adult themes: they are thrillers, psychological dramas, or historical fiction about tragedies.
She proceeded to veto every. single. one. (except for the animated movie, of course).
I don’t even know if any of those movies are any good. Some of them didn’t look great. But some looked interesting, and I got frustrated with the realization that in this rare chance to watch a full motion picture, I could not watch a movie for adults with my wife.
After the 8th veto, I got frustrated and shoved the laptop at her and told her to just pick the movie. She got upset and said I ruined the nice thing we were doing together as a couple, and said she didn’t want to watch a movie anymore.
So AITJ for telling my wife, somewhat rudely, to pick the movie herself?”
13. AITJ For Demanding A Court Agreement Before Letting My Ex Meet Our Baby?
“My (25 F) ex (29 M) and I went out for 3 years, and things between us ‘ended’ amicably (because I’m not sure it ended tho). He’s a biologist and before I even found out that I was pregnant he was sent to do some research and we couldn’t communicate for a whole year.
Our baby is only 2 months old and my ex came back last January.
Our baby has my ex’s name as a middle name and I included him in the birth certificate, his mother was present during the birth and they meet and visit my son regularly as well as my ex’s brothers.
I don’t plan to keep my ex away from the baby or anything, I still have feelings for him and I’m willing to work this out, but the thing is, he’s mad that ‘I didn’t tell him before’, even when I tried to reach him several times, I called, I texted, his family did it too but the only thing we had was small updates every now and then that ‘he was still breathing and loved us still’.
He says he’s done with me because I kept something like this from him but he’s not listening, he refuses to hear my side and says that he’s not sure if we can settle this between us or if he has to go to court.
To be fair, I’m tired of him calling me a liar, he couldn’t come right to meet our son because he had to quarantine after his arrival, and last week when he told me everything was clear and wanted to set the date and time to meet the baby I told him no. That if he couldn’t trust me or be sure that I didn’t deliberately lie to him, then we had to go through the legal route (as much as it pains me because I love him and I know he’ll love our baby too) and get a custody agreement before he decides I was a hateful jerk and force me to cut my losses.
He said that he wasn’t thinking straight and that if we do that, then it’ll take him weeks or months to even meet the baby. I asked him if he still thinks I willingly kept this information from him and he didn’t answer.
My mom says that I’m acting bitter and that I should let him meet our son but realistically, he has the advantage.
If he fights for full custody with the mindset that I ‘stole the baby from him’ he’ll surely win it because he has the budget and the connections and I don’t want to lose my baby too. But maybe she’s right?”
12. AITJ For Telling My Roommate To Send Her Mom Home?
“I (F 21) recently rented an apartment, so I thought of looking for a roommate to help with expenses. The rental contract is in my name, and I specifically chose a roommate whose lifestyle matches mine.
I mostly work from home and my job requires deep focus and silence for long periods, which is why I chose a roommate who works regular hours and goes to the office. Of course, all housing liabilities are my responsibility and I’m the direct contact with the landlord as well as the HOAs (my country’s equivalent anyway).
Things started off really well until her mother came to visit and brought a small cooking gas tank, which is a huge safety hazard in our very small apartment with practically no windows in the cooking area. I brought this up with the roommate and she apologized and promised to only use the electric heater like we have always done.
A few days pass by and her mom is still here. She was loud on the phone and kept leaving the door open when she went out to get groceries for her daughter. The last straw, however, was that while randomly going to the bathroom, I noticed the gas cylinder audibly leaking and myself feeling extremely dizzy.
I ran to close it and told my roommate that we needed to talk.
I sat her down and explained that I subleased the room to her only and that her mom staying for over a week and breaking our house rules was unacceptable. She got defensive and told me that she could do whatever she wanted with her property, and that included her room and her cooking utilities.
I responded that the law did not agree with her statement and that in case things went wrong I would be the one to pay since I was the only one to sign the rental contract with the landlord, which clearly stipulates that everything in the apartment is my responsibility.
She is now calling me heartless and that her mom is important to her especially since it’s her first time moving out, and that basically evicting her was inhumane. I just ended the conversation by saying that our lifestyles do not match and that she could hopefully find a better housing fit elsewhere in two weeks.
The heartless part did get to me however since it’s also my first time away from home, and now I’m wondering whether I did overreact. Maybe since she paid her portion of the rent, she should be free to do whatever she wants in her part of the apartment.
AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor?
“I live in an apartment and 3 months ago a new family moved into the apartment above me.
They have a child that looks to be about 2 years old. The first weekend that they moved in the woman came to my door, and I’m assuming to a few other peoples’ doors as well, and introduced herself and her toddler. She also gave me a goodie bag of candies, which I thought was odd but kind.
She explained that her toddler has a hard time adjusting to change and that getting used to his new room could cause some crying, and also mentioned he’s quite clingy and will cry if she sets him down. She gave me her WhatsApp to contact her if he’s being too loud.
I thought this was considerate and thanked her.
I heard some crying the first couple of weeks and didn’t mention it because of the adjustment period, but a month in it, and it was still happening. Her kid doesn’t really cry at night anymore, but during the day I can hear his tantrums, and I work from home so it is bothersome.
I ended up sending her messages that the crying was disturbing me on 4 different occasions and each time she took him out for a couple hours but then returned and he would end up throwing more tantrums. I then made a complaint to the apartment manager and was told that they could only bring it to their attention that there was a complaint, but they couldn’t evict based on a child throwing tantrums during the day.
In my opinion, it seems that a parent should be able to have these tantrums under better control, so it doesn’t make sense for this to be happening 3-4 times a day. I started to wonder if she neglected him during the day, so I made a report to DCS (CPS) and another to the sheriff’s office.
Officers responded the same day and looked like they left somewhat quickly after arriving (5 mins).
Then about a week and a half later I guess a social worker had come by because the kid’s mom came to my door and asked if I reported her.
I told her I did and explained why and she was angry and told me I have no clue what it’s like having a toddler and that my actions were ‘low and malicious’. My partner was over at the time and overheard. He said he couldn’t believe I would put her through that, called me heartless, then left. He then texted me later that night and broke up with me saying he wanted nothing to do with someone who would try getting someone’s child taken away over noise.
I don’t think he’s understanding that it’s 3-4 tantrums A DAY! AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Niece Play At My Dad's Funeral?
“My (37 M) father recently passed away, and we are in the process of planning for the funeral.
Yesterday, my sister (41 F) called me to ask if her daughter (11 F) could play Amazing Grace on her clarinet at the funeral. She said it would be a great way for my niece to honor her grandfather. I told my sister that I didn’t think that was a good idea.
I recently went to my niece’s recital and she completely froze during a small solo that she had due to nerves. She was very upset after, and I would hate for the same thing to happen again. She’s only been playing the clarinet since the beginning of this school year, and I think it would be better to have someone who is more skilled play at my dad’s funeral.
Also, I worry that some people would find it disrespectful to have a child play a song at the funeral.
I suggested that perhaps she could play something during the reception instead. Before my dad passed, he told us that he wanted his funeral reception to be a ‘fun celebration’ of his life.
I thought that this would be a more comfortable environment for my niece and that she could choose a song that felt special to her. I thought this was a pretty good idea, but my sister told me that I was ‘interfering with her daughter’s grieving process’ and that I don’t get to make all of the decisions.
I decided to reach out to my aunt (my dad’s sister) to ask how she felt. She was my dad’s only sibling, and I felt that her input was important. She liked my idea of having my niece play at the reception instead of the funeral.
I called my sister back, and she accused me of ‘talking about her behind her back’. Finally, I snapped and told her that this wasn’t a middle school band concert, it was our father’s funeral. She got really quiet and hung up on me.
I realize that I might have come off as a bit rude.
Obviously, we’re both struggling with our dad’s death, and I think our emotions got the best of both of us. I tried to reach out this morning, but she’s not answering my calls or texts.”
I wish I had put my foot down last spring when my mom passed away, and told my idiot cousin that her idiot son's poster boards with pictures on them weren't appropriate for the funeral service, but I didn't. My two cousins ganged up, so I gave in. What I was expecting was something on par with a 24 year old's skills. Instead, I got something that looked like a kindergartener had made. I was so embarrassed, but too distraught to do anything about it. Now I wish I had.
Please don't cave. Tell your sister and anyone else harassing you about your niece's request that she can play at the reception or not at all, and the subject is closed. Good luck, and I'm very sorry for your loss.
9. AITJ For Being Mad At My Sister For Not Babysitting My Kids And Lying About It?
“My (29 F) sister (34 F) is a critical care physician at a reputed hospital in town. She’s been with her high school sweetheart (34 M) for almost 15 years now and doesn’t have kids. I have a work-from-home job and my husband (31 M) and I have two kids (2 F, 4 M).
For Valentine’s Day, my husband and I had plans to go out shopping and have a nice dinner. Our babysitter couldn’t make it and he’d informed us about this a while ago. We couldn’t find any babysitters so I asked my sister and she gave me her usual response: ‘I don’t want to accidentally infect the kids with whatever I might be having.’ She did babysit quite a bit before 2020 but she has not helped even once since the global crisis started (Dec 2019-ish).
She’s been on paid leave for some time to rest and recuperate as the cases aren’t that high. I ask her to babysit but she tells me that she and her partner also have plans and I drop it.
Later I found out from my mom that those two didn’t go out anywhere but just lazed around the house and visited my parents.
I text her later confirming this and she accepts it. I told her that she could have just let 2F and 4M join them and that they were sad that they had to be left with someone else. She tells me that she’s sorry and that she was ‘really tired pulling her weight in the ICU’ so I tell her that she doesn’t know how tiring it is to be a mom.
She just replied with a ‘K’. But my mom tells me that it was insensitive of me to compare her job to my motherhood and that at least I could be in the comfort of my home while she couldn’t even meet her own family for months.
I am just disappointed that I am being blamed by my mom when all I did was ask for my sister to spend some time with her niece and nephew.
AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Talking Negatively About My Trip With My Siblings, Dad, And Stepmom?
“My (18 F) parents divorced when I was 12 and my mom has been bitter over it ever since.
I have two younger siblings, aged 15 and 13, and we split our time between our mom and our dad and stepmom, Ava. Recently, my dad and Ava announced that we would be going on a family vacation to Italy this summer! I was super excited as I’ve always wanted to go and this is likely the last trip I’ll take with my family before I go to college.
My mom has always been resentful towards my dad and Ava, she’s is not a person who forgives or forgets. When my dad first got together with Ava, we all had a general dislike of her purely because of all the stuff mom said behind her back to us.
We learned pretty soon after that Ava is actually a pretty nice and decent person. But just one mention of my dad or his new wife can put my mom in a foul mood all day so my siblings and I have learned to walk on eggshells and not talk about our dad around mom.
But with the upcoming trip, we’ve all been buzzing with excitement and it’s basically all my little sister can talk about lately.
When my mom heard about the trip she started saying all these negative things about Italy, and how the streets are dirty and it’s a tourist trap.
She keeps asking why we’re even going and says we’re probably going to get robbed or mugged in the street. I’ve lived with things like this my whole life and am used to it by now but I don’t want it to but a dampener on the trip for my brother and sister so I asked her if she could just refrain from talking negatively about our trip and she got mad, saying that I was always taking Dad and Ava’s side.”
7. AITJ For Telling My Partner I'm Going To Disneyland If We Ever Broke Up?
“I (27 M) had struggled with a gambling addiction and awful spending habits when I was younger, but I was able to turn myself around and have been quite good at budgeting for the past year and a half-ish now.
I am incredibly strict with my budget and have different ‘funds’ for different things now so that I never overspend on something. Since my partner and I started going out around 10 months ago, I started a ‘fund’ for her. Bduget for dates, gifts, shopping with her son, etc. It’s been working well since my love language is gift-giving and without the fund, I’d be buying every sparkly thing I saw for her.
She’s aware of my gambling addiction and spending problem, and I’ve shared with her my method for budgeting.
Lately she’s been asking if we can go to Disneyland for our 1 year anniversary. I don’t make a crazy amount of money (65k a year), and I’m still paying off some debts.
I told her that while I have some fun money saved up, it isn’t nearly enough to afford a Disney land trip for 3 (my partner, me, and her 3-year-old son). She was disappointed but understood, although she does bring up Disneyland a lot still and mentions how much she’d like to go.
Today, she was with me while I was distributing the funds from my paycheck. She asked why she had a separate fund, and I said that it was so I didn’t overspend on her. She made a comment about how much was in it (it’s around 3,000 right now) and jokingly asked me what I’d do with the money if we broke up.
I said I’d take myself to Disneyland. She laughed and said no seriously, and I said I’m serious I’d probably take myself to Disneyland or someplace similar. She asked why I’d say that knowing she wanted me to take her to Disney. I was honest and said I wanted to go to Disney too but I couldn’t afford to take her and her son and myself as well as keep money in her fund, but if we broke up I’d then be able to go to Disney by myself so I probably would.
I clarified that I had no plans of breaking up with her though and that it was just a hypothetical. I didn’t say this part to her of course, but if we’re being honest, the more she talks about Disney, the more I want to go, and I know if I had the means to do so, I’d probably go.
She’s still mad at me though even though she asked and I was just honest and it’s not like it’s gonna happen anyway. AITJ?
Edit: She makes half as much as I do and has a child, which is why she doesn’t contribute much to dates and group activities.
I was aware of this and agreed to it at the start of the relationship. I don’t mind paying for things for us since I can afford it, especially post-budgeting.”
6. AITJ For Not Giving My Adopted Daughter Back To Her Biological Mom?
“My wife (34 f) and I (35 f) adopted our first child, Susan, over 7 years ago, and two years later, her little sister, let’s call her Lynn. We haven’t had any contact with the bio mom, but about a year ago Susan got curious.
She asked more and more questions about her bio mom and as she was about to hit school, my wife and I decided that she deserved to meet this woman. So after six years of having completely no contact, I searched everywhere until I finally found her and informed her about the situation.
She agreed to meet Susan.
Before the meeting, I was beyond nervous. I have always been afraid of having to introduce the children to their bio mom one day.
The first meeting went great, Susan and the bio mom got along well.
As time went by, Susan spent much more frequent time with her and soon enough Lynn began going with her, even though she wasn’t her biological child and both loved her.
She became somewhat like a fun aunt to them. This was definitely something my wife and I had to get used to, but as long as the children were happy, we were okay with it.
But one night after the bio mom had brought the children home and they went to bed, she asked me if she could speak to me in the living room.
Then she said that nothing brings her more joy than taking care of the children and asked if she could have Susan back, now that she finds herself in a better position than when she gave her away.
I was too shocked to say anything at first, so I said nothing but ‘No – no you can’t have Susan, she is my daughter’ A little bit mad she explained that she was only asking for one of them and that I would still have the other one and that it’s a ‘jerk move’ to try and keep her child all to myself and that I was selfish.
At this point, I completely lost it, because I thought my biggest fear had just come true. I started screaming at her something along the lines that she isn’t entitled to have the child she chose to give away and that I love Susan and after years of raising and loving her, I don’t have to give her back.
Now bio mom started screaming back at me, calling me selfish, saying that I have ‘everything’ and can’t even let her have the one joy in her life. I told her that she is a child and not a trophy that can be passed around, that I could never give Susan away, and that if she can’t let the idea of getting her back go, she will never be able to see her again.
She left with the words that she definitely wouldn’t give up and that if she wanted Susan, she would get her.
The next weeks, she kept contacting me, telling me what a jerk I was for not giving her Susan, and threatened to sue us if we wouldn’t give her to her.
The children began asking more and more often what happened to the bio mom and I don’t know what I am supposed to tell them. I am extremely scared because I want to keep the children out of any legal fights at all costs.
What do you think? AITJ for not giving the bio mom the child back and then cutting her out of their lives?”
5. AITJ For Asking My Brother-In-Law And My Sister To Leave My House?
“My BIL is the youngest of 4 and is about 6 years younger than his closest sibling.
Due to a medical condition, his mom babied him his whole entire life and has always given him everything he wanted. When he started going out with my sister, we noticed severe red flags. He talks to her in grunts, texts her while they are in the same room, and just generally acts like a child.
Anyways, one of my wife and I’s dogs had puppies. My BIL wanted one, but my sister told him no. I really didn’t think anything of it, but he texted me a day later asking for more information about it. Initially, I figured they must have discussed it among themselves and were compromising and getting one of the puppies.
Because of my assumption, I gave him a bunch of information about them and set a time for them to come look at the puppies, come to have dinner, visit, etc.
Later that week when they came over, we were all chatting when I brought up the puppies and if they would like to go pick one out.
My sister scowled at me and asked what I was talking about. I told her about the text exchange between me and her husband. She was (rightfully) super mad that he went behind her. My wife and I let them hash things out a bit in your backyard before continuing with our evening.
My BIL spent the next few hours lying on the floor in the middle of the walkway. It was super frustrating seeing him act like a child throwing a tantrum in my house, but I let it slide since it’s how he has always acted. That is until he got in the way of my wife.
Long story short, my wife asked him to move and he basically told her no and he was going to lay wherever he wanted.
I was completely fed up at this point and asked him and my sister to leave my house. I had never felt so disrespected. I got a text later from my sister calling me a jerk for kicking them out of my house without eating after I asked them to come over for dinner.
My wife even says I may have acted a little irrationally.
AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom And Stepdad's Sarcastic Comments?
“My (33 F) partner (34 M) has spent months working on a creative project, and we kept it to ourselves because we weren’t sure if it would make any money.
He published it a few days ago and we’ve already made a few thousand dollars. I called my mum (63 F) excited to tell her particularly because she’s been worried about our financial situation, my partner and I survive pay cheque to pay cheque and have been hit with some massive vet bills recently as our cat is very sick.
Mum had the phone on loudspeaker so my stepdad could listen. Basically, they thought his whole idea was stupid, with everything I told them my stepdad laughed and made sarcastic comments, while they both criticized it. I was really taken aback and kept asking why they were laughing and why they were being so critical. Basically, they think it’s dumb that he spent countless hours working on something when he had no guarantee he’d be paid for it.
I should mention he works full-time at a job with a lot of pressure and responsibility. It’s not like he relied on earning money from this alone and we were risking anything.
After I got off the phone and thought about it for a bit I texted my mum saying ‘I’m really proud of my partner.
I would never laugh or make sarcastic comments about something you or Stepdad worked this hard on. I understand if you disagree but the way you went about it was hurtful’.
She wrote back two (agonizing) days later and said ‘I know you are sensitive but we’re allowed to have our opinion’.
I wrote back saying ‘I never said you can’t have your own opinion, I said the way you expressed it was hurtful. Laughing at someone and making sarcastic comments is hurtful, I don’t understand how you can say it isn’t’.
She wrote back saying ‘I’m not going to continue this argument with you’.
If the past is anything to go by, she’ll just ignore me now and wait for me to come crawling back to her. I don’t know how to move forward with this.
Now, of course, I’m looking back on this whole thing feeling incredibly guilty for making such a big deal out of it and wondering if it really happened like I remember it.
I don’t know why this has hurt me so much. I guess I’m just really proud of my partner. I never stick up for myself with my mum and stepdad, normally it’s just me being affected, but this time it was about my partner and I’m apparently a bit protective.
The last time I stood up to them was when I was a teenager and it was always pointless so I don’t know why I thought this time would be different.
I’m feeling very confused and having a hard time judging the situation.
If I’m a jerk please be kind and just explain to me how without tearing me a new one, please. If I owe her an apology, I’ll apologize.”
3. AITJ For Refusing To Help A Coworker With Her Work?
“I am a married 36-year-old woman with no plans to have kids.
I recently had an issue with a coworker where our boss emailed her/me to ask if one of us could cover an evening call (it’s a 9-5 job but we occasionally have evening calls due to collaborators in different time zones). The coworker asked me to do it because her son had a soccer game, but I said that I couldn’t do it because I had a volleyball game.
She said that I should do it because the soccer game was for her kid and my volleyball game was just for me. I said that respectfully my outside-of-work commitments are not less important than hers because I don’t have children and that she should take the call because I had taken the last two.
She scoffed at me, and I know that other people around the office have been gossiping about me since and saying that it was super messed up that I made her miss her kid’s soccer game.
I think that it’s incredibly important to support working mothers.
I am always more than happy to accommodate the schedules of the mothers I work with when it doesn’t cause a significant inconvenience to me – for example, some coworkers leave early to pick up their kids (our company is great about that), and I’m happy to work project schedules around that.
I also would have taken that call if I hadn’t had a conflict as long as it wasn’t a pattern of me taking significantly more evening calls.
I talked to a friend about this (who is a mother), and she said that I should have just done it because people who don’t have kids really should have more empathy for working parents and we don’t understand how hard it is.
I said respectfully that I do understand that working mothers have much more stressful lives than I do, which is why I decided not to be a mother. I also said that I can have respect and empathy for working mothers and also value my time/choices equally.
She similarly scoffed and said I don’t understand.
AITJ here?”
2. AITJ For Calling A Churchmate A Bad Mom?
“I (f 20) am a student at a community college. The high schools in the county have this independent study program and all of the kids have to come to my school twice a week to check in with a teacher.
This girl from my church, Sarah (f 14), is part of that program. The problem is, Sarah’s mom is ALWAYS at least 2 hours late to pick Sarah up and Sarah isn’t allowed to take public transportation. She can’t even use work as an excuse because, according to Sarah, her mom only works until 2 and Sarah gets out at 2:30.
Sarah goes to my school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On Tuesdays, my last class ends at 3:30 so I’ll sit with Sarah for around a half hour and if her mom still isn’t there, I take her home with me (she doesn’t have house keys) and she hangs out with me and my little sisters (f 16 and f 14) until her mom picks her up.
On Thursdays, I don’t get there until 3 and my class is until 5 so I give Sarah $5 to get a snack and a drink (90% of the time, she hadn’t eaten anything since morning) then at the end of class I take her home with me if her mom still isn’t there.
The other day, it was pouring. It was so bad that I almost didn’t go to class that day (attendance isn’t required). I parked and saw Sarah sitting on a bench. She was drenched and freezing. Apparently, her teacher hadn’t shown up that day so she had been waiting for her mom for the past hour and a half.
And to make things worse, her phone was dead.
I got her to my car, dried her off, and gave her my jacket before we called her mom. Her mom said she was at a friend’s house and didn’t notice the calls or texts. I said that I was taking her to my house and asked when she’d be able to pick her up.
Her mom said that she was planning on going out to dinner with her friends and asked if Sarah could stay with me until 9. I was annoyed but Sarah’s a sweet kid and she gets along pretty well with my sisters so I said okay.
Sarah’s mom didn’t come to pick Sarah up until the next afternoon. I answered the door and asked why she was so late picking Sarah up. She said that she ended up going to the casino with her partner and that she assumed that my parents would be okay with keeping her overnight.
I told her that my parents were out of town and having Sarah here made things difficult because I only had dinner for me and my sisters ready and because I had plans that I had to cancel because I wasn’t comfortable leaving Sarah alone at my house (she doesn’t get cell service at my house so if anything would’ve happened, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything).
She tried to say that it was my choice to cancel my plans and I snapped at her and said that if she tried being a good mom, we wouldn’t be in this situation.
Her mom yelled at her to hurry up and seemed mad at Sarah when she was ready.
Her mom was late again on Tuesday but she wouldn’t get in my car because her mom threatened to ground her if she ever came home with me again. Now I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for calling her a bad mom.”
1. AITJ For Showing My Mom A Message Video From Dave Mustaine?
“My (26 F) mother (51 F) has struggled with drinking addiction for as long as I’ve been able to retain memories. About a year or so ago, an intense situation occurred where she finally put down the bottle and said ‘No more’. I even told her to her face I didn’t believe her when she said this was the last straw (you just have to know to understand my harshness) but here she is proving me ALL the way wrong.
I am truly at a loss for words at how incredible the whole thing is, and I beam with pride at this new person I see in front of me. This is an entire lifetime coming.
Fast forward to the end of July and I know this month (August) will be her one-year mark.
So I was thinking of doing something really cool for her. I came across the Cameo website and decided this would be the way to go after searching the site and previewing a couple. I got a customized video from Dave Mustaine (she is a HUGE Megadeth fan) congratulating her on her sobriety and telling her to keep it up, that her family loves and supports her, etc etc. The video was actually really nice and worth the amount I paid for it, and I was excited to show it to her.
Yesterday, as she was getting off of work I set the family TV up in the living room with the video set up so I could sit her down and play it, instead of having her watch on a phone. Also, I wanted to use my phone to record her reaction.
I got everything set up, and after she got settled in from work I sat her down on the couch and told her I had something for her. I played the video. She originally smiled upon seeing Dave but as soon as he began to speak about her sobriety and the congrats and like, her face fell and she began to cry.
I was confused at first and thought they were happy tears, but she got up and left the living room without saying a word and that’s when I knew something was wrong.
She ran into her bedroom (which she shares with my father) and didn’t come out for a long while.
I was still confused so I left her alone for the time being. Only after my dad came out and I asked him what happened earlier, did he sit me down and tell me that my mom had actually relapsed at around month 7 (only once – been sober since) and that she’s been harboring feelings of shame and guilt about it… so my ‘gift’ sent her over the edge.
My dad began to berate me, saying I should have never gotten her a gift and that I was essentially making everything worse by making a big deal about one of her milestones, especially in such a grandiose way. And that you don’t even know what people are going through so this was wrong of me, and could essentially trigger her into relapsing knowing how sensitive my mom is to the topic.
This truly wasn’t my intention, but now I’m feeling extremely guilty and worried for my mom. I probably should have checked in with my dad beforehand, but was it wrong of me to try and celebrate something I thought was important? Or am I just a dummy and this is truly something you shouldn’t do?
My mom has been distant with me since.”
I hope your mother's sobriety journey is smooth from here on out, and I hope she gets to the point in the 12 steps where she has to make amends to those she's harmed quickly, because she owes you one heck of an apology.
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