People Discuss Their Distressing "Am I The Jerk?" Stories With Us

Usually, we don't mean to treat someone badly. But occasionally, when situations are hard and we become very upset, we could act like jerks even when that wasn't our intention. Nevertheless, I believe that if we only add a little love and consideration to our words and deeds, we can all strive to be better versions of ourselves and stop acting rudely. The people below are thinking back on their past to see if they have ever treated someone unfairly. Tell us which of these folks you think are jerks after reading their stories. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Not Telling My Kids I'm Gay?

“I (43M) was married for 23 years. We got married at a young age because of religious ideas, I was 18 and she was 19. I was inexperienced before and things were fine for some time. We had two kids: Sol (22F) and Eric (20M).

We come from a very religious background, but with time, we decided to not raise our children in the same environment, mostly because we knew it was messed up and I didn’t want to raise them the same way I was raised. We always aimed to be very open and for them to be free as they wanted. We always talked and supported them on their decisions and feelings.

I wasn’t happy in our marriage, but I didn’t want to get a divorce while the kids were home so I waited until they went to college to get a divorce. It was okay, she was expecting it, and the marriage was dead.

After that I had some time to adjust myself, I started going out, meeting people, seeing other women again, and having experiences I didn’t have before.

With time, I started going out with men, going to clubs, and saunas, and then I started going out with guys in bars, but I didn’t know how to tell that to the kids. I talked with my ex-wife and she said ‘They don’t need to know now, wait until you have a partner, that you’re more sure of yourself and then you introduce him to them’.

This conversation was 9 months ago and I haven’t gone out with anyone seriously since then. I left that in the back of my mind.

At the beginning of the year, I was talking with a friend and he told me to install the G app, I had heard about it before, but I was a little bit afraid of installing it, afraid of rejection.

Last Tuesday I received a text from Eric with screenshots of my profile saying ‘Oh my God, Dad? Are you out of your mind?’ I didn’t know how to react and I tried to call him, but there wasn’t any answer. I called Sol, we FaceTimed, I explained the situation, and I came out to her, she was quiet, but after she texted me saying ‘You’re my father after all’.

Since then I have been trying to talk with Eric, but he’s acting very badly towards me. He says that I embarrassed him and our family, that I am not ‘acting like a man’ and being very mean to me, his mom, and his sister.

During the weekend he came home, his mom tried to talk with him and he said that he was quitting college so he could earn his own money because he didn’t want any of my money or even to ever see me again. I went there, but he refused to talk with me and I think he might have blocked my number.

One of my friends thinks that the problem is that he learned like that and that I was a jerk for not coming out to them before. Am I the jerk for not coming out to him?”

Another User Comments:

“A soft YTJ for not telling your kids before, for exactly this reason.

I can’t imagine how hard your situation is, but your kids deserved to hear that from you, even if you weren’t 100% where you fall on the spectrum. And you should have told them for all of you, so you can be your authentic self, and they could then have a real relationship with their father.

Hopefully, your son will come around, but I can understand him being upset at finding out this way. I also can’t help but wonder how he found those pics. Was he on the app too? ” Live-Pomegranate4840

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You dropped so many emotional bombs on your kids in the past few years.

You let your kids believe that you and your mother were ‘happily’ married until they were in college and then dropped a bomb on the kids because they weren’t in the home anymore. You robbed yourself and your wife of years of happiness. You finally explored yourself and instead of being discreet, you went to an app, in a small conservative country.

I don’t think it’s because you might be bi/gay, I think it’s because you’re not the father he knew. It’s less about the app but more about how he found out. You should have listened to your instincts and told your kids, who cares if you’re in a relationship they should have known.

NTJ for exploring your sexuality.” Reddit User

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21. AITJ For Deciding Not To Invite My Sister To My Wedding?

“I am getting married in 2024 and I decided not to invite my sister.

Let’s call her Judith.

Judith is 2 years older than me. Judith and I have always had issues since we were younger. Judith has always tried to make everything about her. Starting from us being young she would try to spoil any birthday surprises my parents would try to do for me.

In school, she would treat me so badly that one of my teachers had to tell her to stop being so mean to me.

Somehow my college graduation ended up being about her because she had a meltdown. She never apologizes and I always move forward.

Judith is also known amongst our family to bring drama and be self-centered. In our family, she tends to get a pass and we all just tolerate her antics because we know she’ll never change.

When I got engaged and I told her she didn’t take it well and said some nasty things about me and my fiancé.

A little context: Judith had a shotgun wedding that most of our family didn’t attend or support, including me. There were red flags that she ignored and she got pregnant less than a month after being married. Her husband left her shortly after and we had to step in to help her with my niece.

Including throwing and paying for her baby shower, getting her most of her baby items, and supporting her whenever she needed.

After what she said about me and my fiancé I decided just to move on because she was never going to apologize. I was originally going to invite her to my wedding but after some self-reflection, I decided to not invite her.

When I told her I didn’t want her at the wedding she blew up at me and said she didn’t consider me her sister. I know what I did was best for me, my fiancé, and for my peace of mind. However, it still doesn’t feel good and now I’m wondering if I am the jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – From what you said this isn’t just one thing but a lifelong pattern of cruelty and stealing the spotlight. The fact she specifically said nasty things when she heard about your engagement would be enough in my opinion. If family/friends ask you don’t have to go into the whole backstory but just her response to your engagement.

Let them know you only want people who support you and your fiance getting married. You could even act sad about how Judith doesn’t and ‘couldn’t even pretend to be happy for me’ (with tears if you can – really milk it). Even then it is probably unnecessary.

They should already know her well enough to be relieved she won’t be coming.” VoltesVoltron

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If Judith wasn’t your sister would you want to be around her? Would you consider inviting her to events? Would you have given her as many chances and made so many excuses for her?

If Judith had no relation to you, how far would you be willing to go for someone like her – constantly blowing up, unapologetically unhinged/extra, a source of great stress, constantly making events about her because she lives off of attention? My guess is that you wouldn’t be as willing to put up with nonsense.

I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older and become a jaded adult, I don’t mind rocking the boat if it means I’ll be at peace when I reach the shore. You teach people how to treat you, and Judith will continue to take advantage of you and anyone else who continues to enable her behavior.

Drop the rope. Leave her alone, don’t apologize, cut and cleave, grey rock, people like her need consequences for their actions. And your consequences don’t have to look like mine, if you don’t want to/aren’t ready to drop the rope that’s okay, but know that you deserve better than to be treated like that.” EJ_1004

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rbleah 2 months ago
QUIT LETTING HER MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY. This is EXACTLY what she wants to make you do HER BIDDING. You need to go LOW/NO CONTACT NOW. BLOCK HER and go on with YOUR LIFE. QUIT CATERING TO HER JEALOUSY AND INSECURITY. YOU ARE NOT THE JERK.
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20. AITJ For Not Giving My Partner A More Expensive Birthday Gift?

“So I’ve been with this girl for 11 months today and let me tell you, she’s the love of my life. I met her through a mutual friend from college and we started going out shortly after.

I won’t bore you with details but just know she’s the nicest and prettiest girl I know, I’m so lucky to have her.

A couple months into the relationship I told her that I was going to take a trip to Spain with my family.

It was pretty close to her birthday so she got a little sad, but I told her I’d be back a day or so before.

When I was in Barcelona I realized there was a Harry Styles concert going on, which is her favorite artist BY FAR.

I thought it’d be nice if I got her a Tour Shirt for her birthday since she likes it so much but since I didn’t have a ticket I had to bribe the security guard to let me into where the store was, fortunately, it worked and I bought her the shirt and a Special Edition Vinyl.

When I came back home I gave her the present for her birthday and she seemed to love it. Nothing came from that as it was a couple of months back. The problem came when today one mutual friend called me and said he wanted to talk.

He told me she came by his house today for a get-together their friend group had. Someone brought up the topic of ‘gifts’ to which my partner told everyone that she hated the gift I gave her for her birthday. She stated that she thought that since it was her birthday I’d get her a much nicer and expensive gift. She cares a lot about her birthday and she thought that a shirt and a Vinyl was really lame.

I was really hurt by this because I thought it was a nice and caring gift, if you wanna talk money the shirt was 150 EUROS and the vinyl was 40 (about $230 USD). We live in a Third World Country so that money is some people’s monthly salary…

Did I mess up by not getting her a more expensive gift? Should I tell her how I feel?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. Obviously, you’re not a jerk — your gift sounds perfectly appropriate for someone you’ve been seeing for a couple of months.

I’m giving your partner the benefit of the doubt here, but I can imagine her feeling that you didn’t put any thought, effort, or money into her birthday gift — you were on vacation, happened to walk by a concert, and grabbed a shirt for her.

I know you say the shirt was expensive, but I have to tell you, €150 is the most ludicrous price I’ve heard in my life. Tour shirts are famously marked up, but they still shouldn’t be more than €35 tops. Unless you specifically told her how badly you got ripped off, she probably has no idea that you spent that kind of money on it.

Finally, she didn’t complain directly to you. She was hanging out and chatting with a group of friends — she had no idea this would get back to you, and the worst thing she said was that she didn’t like your birthday gift. Frankly, I question your other friend’s motives in deciding this was such a scandal that he needed to call you up and stir up crap at all.” zenocrate

Another User Comments:

“You need to level with your partner about the effort (2 hours of walking) and money ($230 USD) you put into her birthday gift. Guaranteed she has no idea.

Also, get a better idea from her about what kind of gift she’d prefer. Maybe t-shirts are never good for her, and she always wants jewelry.

People have opinions on these things, and it doesn’t make them shallow to want something other than what they got – especially if they don’t know what it took to get the original gift.

Something concerning, though, is how she aired dirty laundry with your whole friend group.

Complaints about you to all of them just make you AND her look bad. Either she needs to stop that kind of behavior or you need to reevaluate if she’s really as nice as you said she was.

The other possibility is that your best friend who told you about her opinion is out to get her or out to ruin your relationship.

I think that’s unlikely, but this is the main reason why you need to talk to HER and hear it from HER, and why she should always come directly to you rather than playing he said/she said with your friends.” everellie

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rbleah 2 months ago
PAY ATTENETION TO THE RED FLAG WARNINGS. She is being awful greedy for such a short relationship. Take a good long look at her and decide if you want to be her jerk cow/ATM for life. Good luck
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19. AITJ For Suing My Aunt Over $2000?

“I (20M) and my aunt (26F) lived in different states. She went on maternity leave and her job didn’t cover it like she thought it would. After one of our calls throughout the week, she was stressing about paying her bills and her credit getting hit by it.

When she gave me a number on how much she needed to catch back up it was over 2K and I sent it over without hesitating. I’ve loaned her money in the past and she’s always paid me back with no issues.

My job at the time paid me extremely well and my cost of living was down so I had the extra money to loan out.

I moved closer to family and all was good for 2 months (I didn’t expect a payment until after Thanksgiving and Christmas since those holidays hurt everyone’s wallet) but I had a huge falling out with my entire family.

March came around and I went to her job just to see what her plan was since I had no way of communicating with her so I wanted to follow up with her.

She then said ‘What do you need the money for because your mom keeps saying you need it for other reasons’ to which I responded ‘It doesn’t matter what I need my money for it’s my money’. She proceeded to say I was harassing her at work so I left. I told her if I didn’t get anything I’d take her to court so she said for me to take her to court but I gave her 2 more months to do the right thing.

I finally got the paperwork to file a small claim against her and the judge awarded me the money she owed plus court costs. This was at the end of May, she told the judge she was planning to make a payment the following month so I waited.

October rolled around and I still hadn’t received a single payment so I garnished her checks for the highest amount I could get each pay period. My family thinks I shouldn’t have sued her and handled it like adults but the way I see it since she’s 6 years older than me she acted childish.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did exactly what you should have done.

1. You selflessly jumped at the chance to loan your aunt the money she needed.

2. You patiently waited, without being asked to do so, for her to begin paying you back.

3. You took into consideration the holidays and gave her months to begin paying you back.

4. You sought her out to discuss it when she didn’t bother to contact you to make any sort of payment.

5. You gave her roughly 1/2 a year to pay you back and she chose not to.

6. You waited an additional 2 months before filing the lawsuit in hopes that she would do the right thing.

7. You won the case and took her at her word that she was going to start paying you back the following month.

8. You waited several more months and received nothing.

9. You garnished her wages.

10. You waited, in total, more than a year to get a single payment.

Everything here sounds like you acted like an adult surrounded by children. Your family seems bothered by the fact that you are forcing your aunt to act like an adult as well.” inFinEgan

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You handled it. Feel free to remind your opinionated relatives that she kept making and then breaking promises to repay you.

And then she INVITED you to file a claim through the court system. And then she lied to a judge! In this case, ‘handling it like adults’ sounds like code for ‘Say goodbye to your money. Hope you learned your lesson.’ I am confused as to how you had no way to contact your aunt since you started by referencing your regular phone calls with her.

Is she the one person on the continent who doesn’t own a cell phone?” NetAccomplished7099

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18. AITJ For Going Back To Work?

“So I (25F) had my first baby with my husband (29M) back in August. She’s a good baby for her age, isn’t colicky, and loves to play. However, she’s never been great with naps and she won’t take more than a 30-minute nap at a time.

She sleeps a solid twelve hours at night so we know she’s getting enough sleep, it’s just hard sometimes to get anything done during the day, and it’s especially hard to put her down for a nap.

From the beginning, my husband and I had discussed my going back to work.

He teleworks 100% of the time, and I telework 50% of the time because my job requires me to be in the field some days. I thought we were on the same page about this until today when I had to go back to work.

My husband was pouting this morning.

I asked him what was wrong, and he sighed, stating ‘Do you really have to go back to work?’ I was confused, because we’d talked about this already, and I’d been reminding him my maternity leave was ending so this shouldn’t have been a shock.

We’d also worked out us being the primary caretaker of our daughter every other day (when I’m teleworking I’ll watch her) and I thought this was fair. He then proceeded to go on and on about ‘What if I get fired’ and ‘How will I have time to work’ and emphasized that I should just be a stay-at-home mom.

This is where I start to get frustrated. I have been caring for my daughter 95% of the time since her birth. When she was a newborn my husband used to leave me by myself with her so that he could go off to DJ somewhere, or go over to his friend’s house to make music.

I was the one waking all the time, every night, to care for her. I was the one who did all the regressions, growth spurts, and leaps. My husband, in my opinion, has had it easy with our daughter up until now because I’m not around to jump in when he decides things are getting too hard for him to deal with.

It’s even in his job description that he’s allowed to do childcare while he’s working so that’s not even a good excuse.

Now where I may be the jerk is that ultimately, this isn’t our infant daughter’s fault. She can’t feed or put herself to sleep on her own and I’m worried she’s going to be all out of wack from him caring for her because he doesn’t always pay attention, he’s relied on me to watch her.

Now I don’t know if I should just quit my job so I can watch her. I guess what I’m saying is I may be a jerk because my daughter needs me, if that makes sense. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Do not, I repeat, do not reconsider your decision to go back to work because your husband wants to throw a fit.

You want to go back to work, you guys discussed & agreed on you going back to work, & you developed what sounds to be a reasonable agreement to split childcare duties when you’re working at home. Now if the situation doesn’t work out because your daughter proves to be too much of a distraction for you or your husband to effectively work simultaneously to provide childcare, then you guys can revisit the issue & come up with a reasonable solution together.

Maybe that involves using outside child/daycare during some working hours, etc.

But bottom line, please do not feel guilty or remotely consider altering your plans because your hubby decided to have a tantrum on day 1 of your return to work. Your husband hasn’t even tried to follow through on your agreement at this point, he doesn’t even know if it’s going to be an issue for him or not.

You are definitely NTJ, OP. And if your hubby keeps up with this attitude, you need to have a serious discussion with him & remind him that you both agreed to this, you are both parents with equal responsibility to care for your child, & you will continue to be a working parent as planned.” SunnyBunnyHopHop

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There are other solutions to the issue, but quitting your job probably isn’t the answer. Quitting for the most part would be so HE doesn’t have to parent. That’s not supposed to be the goal here. He is actively choosing not to be a parent at all and by proxy is definitely not being an even halfway decent partner.

All this does not bode well for you if you become a stay-at-home mom without your own income. Especially since he is clearly not above emotional manipulation to get his way, if he were the only earner he would most likely use that tool against you again.

A recipe for trouble if I ever heard one: potential for financial or emotional neglect/abuse & the marriage falling apart. The job & childcare issue is a symptom of a much larger problem. Your husband is doing his best to avoid any responsibility to you or your shared child.

What advice would you give to a friend whose husband did that? Might be time for couples counseling.

I fully understand your concern about him potentially neglecting her, simply because he doesn’t seem to want to and has had next to no practice. She will be mobile very soon as well, which increases the difficulty tenfold.

You may consider outside childcare on the days when you go to work.

Personally, if my husband did the things yours is with our kiddo, I’d probably feel extremely upset, and resentful & as if my trust in him was broken. He’d have to put in a LOT of work & time to repair the relationship.” Left_Adhesiveness_16

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17. AITJ For Cutting My 2-Year-Old's Naps Out?

“I’m (f 26) a mum to 2-year-old and 10-month-old boys. I have a pretty strict routine in place each day.

I’ve always struggled with my 2-year-old in terms of sleep, he’s my firstborn and was pretty coddled. Only contact napped, not sleep trained and he wouldn’t put himself to bed at night so either my husband or I would have to lay in bed with him for like an hour till he fell asleep or else he’d get up and walk out.

That all changed since we cut his naps out. Now he goes to bed at 8 pm on the dot and all we have to do is put him in bed, give him a kiss, and close the door behind us and he’s too tired to even get up.

This has saved my mental health, to be honest, as I had so little me time in the evenings.

My 10-month-old has always been such a good boy, never needed sleep training and he also goes to bed at 8 pm and sleeps till 8 am.

I find a routine really helps so when we were at my friend’s earlier my 2-year-old got so bored he fell asleep on the couch, it was 6 pm.

I instantly woke him up, started entertaining him, and washed his face with some cold water.

My friend said I was cruel to do that and let him be. But even if I left him to sleep for just 30 mins that would set his bedtime back a minimum of two hours.

She also has 2 babies and doesn’t have a routine at all and they’re often awake until 1 am.

I told her that used to be me but I just can’t live like that. Yeah, they don’t go to school but a routine is so critical to our family.

She always complains about being tired, overwhelmed, and stressed whereas I at least get time to play on my PS5, clean my house every night, and have a nice bubble bath.

She went on to say she’d never wake up her kids and to just let them be.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“It’s a classic rule lived by many many moms that we do not let our baby take a nap after 5 pm from when they are like 8-9 months old if we want bedtime at reasonable hours. A short nap, even 10 minutes at 6 pm could set back bedtime and result in early wakings or night wakings.

Obviously, every baby is different, and you know your little boy best. If you decide he should not nap, then that’s that – nothing wrong with your decision as long as you don’t keep him up beyond his abilities. NTJ.” azvyll

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you absolutely have to do what works for your family and that includes you and your mental health.

I don’t think you are doing anything cruel. A lot of sleep is essential for kids and an 8:00 p.m. bedtime and sleeping through the night seems perfectly healthy and reasonable to me for a two-year-old. I don’t think that’s mean at all.

You deserve the time to yourself to clean and have a bath at night.

And also if his sleep was interrupted and was set back for 2 hours he would be cranky and miserable and dysregulated which would make him unhappy as well. That’s not good for him either. So no, you’re not a jerk for that. You’re being a good mom by doing what you need to do to make sure everybody is well-rested and happy.

And you didn’t criticize your friend either. You just kind of let her say her thing and ignored it. So good for you on that because it would have been hard for me to keep my mouth quiet because she wasn’t being very kind.” Fooftato

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16. AITJ For Sending My Mother-In-Law Home On Christmas Day?

“I (f 41) have been with my partner (m 53), let’s call him ‘Dan’, for over 5 years. This year my oldest son passed away too young. I have been in therapy and have a great mental health team keeping me semi-functional as I navigate through this season.

We found out Thanksgiving that I’m not handling things well so the team really stepped up to keep my mental health in check.

Fast forward weeks before Christmas MIL sent a text inviting us over for Christmas. Dan asked me about it and I told him ‘I don’t want the obligation.

I don’t know how I will feel that day.’ We expressed my concern and feelings. Nothing back until Christmas Eve.

She texted me asking if we were coming tomorrow. I told her if I had to make a choice now then no. If I could handle things tomorrow we would call & bring food so no one would panic to make food.

She lives 3.5 hours away. Explained my emotionally breaking manic episodes that have compounded the issues I’m struggling with daily. That the doctor changed my meds but it takes time to get into the system. My world was shattered & she said well you need to get away from the memories for a day.

I again told her no, I just can’t handle being around people right now. It is too hard to be functional at the moment.

Christmas morning: I was wrapped in a blanket with the pictures of my two boys crocheting a blanket to help my stress in pajamas.

It’s like 1 pm. I heard no knock. She just entered her door code & walked right in, saying ‘she figured since we weren’t going to her house we would be cooking at home & this is usually the time when it’s done so they (MIL & husband) are here to spend time with us and have dinner.’

Literally, I looked at Dan & not in a soft voice said ‘What is your mother doing here?’ as if she wasn’t even there. I lost my mind, tears were just streaming down in anger. This woman disrespected my home & my wishes to handle my grief my way.

I told her to get out & never step foot in the house again. (Note: I said never but I’m a softy) I mean never for right now.

MIL left & Dan started in about how I was too hard on her. She is well in her 70s and might not have long to go, we never know.

That I was a jerk for kicking her out when all she wanted to do was spend time with us & comfort me. I was not having it. That level of disrespect & carelessness is unforgivable at the present time. Dan & I sat down & talked after everything quieted down & he saw why I was so hurt & upset.

In turn, he said he would stand by me on my terms of when she is allowed back in the house.

MIL went back pulling the full victim card with the rest of the family. So now the rest of the family is all mad at me, saying I’m a jerk for breaking MIL’s heart & keeping her son from spending precious holidays together.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. In case she hadn’t noticed, YOU’RE the one who is trying to deal with NEVER being able to spend precious holidays with YOUR son EVER AGAIN. You made it very clear that you weren’t going to be emotionally ready to deal with other people on Christmas day, and she decided to bulldoze her way right past your boundaries.

Your husband could have gone to her house, but he chose to stay with you – as he should. Change the door code and have your husband let his mother know that for the foreseeable future, any meetings between them will be held somewhere other than your home.

Your mental health takes priority over her feelings.” LadyV21454

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Dan was right to stay with you, and I’m glad that he calmed down to understand how much his mother wronged you. You are not going to get through to his mom and maybe the extended family, but that’s not your concern.

Maybe Dan got through to some of his relatives. As long as his mom can’t understand; she doesn’t need to come back. Change the door code. She may have thought she was helping you ‘snap out of it’ but that was still tremendous gall on her part to (1) think she knew best what you needed, (2) think that her notions trumped what you said you needed, (3) to have no regard for the possibility that what she was going to do was harmful, not helpful… and maybe she didn’t even care about what was best for you.

Maybe she only cared about what she wanted for Christmas and was bound and determined to get it. You just can’t change a person like that. I’m so sorry for your loss and wish you continued healing.” swillshop

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15. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Keep Paying Rent?

“My partner suddenly broke up with me 2 weeks ago after we found out I was pregnant but miscarried, and he took some of his belongings. We are in couples therapy and now back together but he wants his name off the lease and doesn’t want to move back yet.

I explained that is not how leases work and we’d just be forfeiting the deposit by moving out early as I can’t get approved on my own for this place. He thinks I should stay, and says he may come back after he works on himself but the apartment is too big and expensive for just me and was supposed to be where we started a family and got married.

Due to having to pay for the miscarriage procedure out of pocket (he didn’t pay any portion) and Christmas presents, I can’t handle all the rent on my own. He agreed to pay the majority for the next two months, but his mom (57f) is saying it’s not fair because he doesn’t live here anymore and instead thinks he should just tell the landlord he’s moving out and disregard me.

All his furniture and belongings are here and he hasn’t gotten a new place and he stays over 2 nights a week. She also discouraged therapy for us. I suspect she is a big reason for him ending things as it was really out of the blue and not like him to leave when things get tough and also doesn’t really seem like what he really wants.

It’s strange to me because they both really liked me and called me part of the family and I’m not sure how a miscarriage could trigger such emotions as opposed to empathy/support for me. I’m guessing his mom never liked me but pretended to for some reason and the thought of us being stuck together by a child freaked her out so when I had a miscarriage she decided to reveal how she really felt to him?

They are very close and he has a lot of childhood trauma from her always yelling at him and making him do whatever she says. She blocked me so I am not able to ask her what is going on, we previously had a great relationship and talked weekly.

All his clothes and furniture are still here and he has no plans of taking it out so I have no clue what is actually happening between us. I don’t plan on renewing the lease, but I’d like our deposit back as it’s 4,000$.

In my opinion, it is not fair for him to just up and leave during this difficult time, and should definitely pay part of the rent until I can find a roommate to replace him, is that wrong?”

Another User Comments:

“Friend… I’m all for therapy when the couple can clearly see a path back to one another, but I have to question why you even want him back.

You were pregnant and he essentially ghosted you out of the blue. He apparently wasn’t there to comfort you during the miscarriage. He checked out emotionally, as well as physically. His mother essentially controls him. And he is still keeping one foot in and one foot out of this relationship.

His actions are telling you that he’s not the one for you. Trust me – you do not want him back.

Let him go. However, as he signed a lease agreement with you, he is obligated to pay his portion of that expense until the lease is up.

If you need to take him to court to make him pay for his half of the rest of the lease, do that. Start working on securing a place for yourself. NTJ.” moew4974

Another User Comments:

“First off I want to say I am sorry for your loss.

I don’t know if you have family around and just need someone to tell you it’s going to be ok but in the end, it will be. Your partner needs to be your ex in my opinion. While you are dealing with the loss of a child he runs.

That is not a man you need in your life. He is making sure that he can get an escape from his mom with you but not commit to you.

Going through therapy is great for you two but only if he is committed to the process and half in and half out is not it.

You might want to go and speak to the landlord and see what you can do. Tell your partner that his things staying there are not what you need and if he wants to do so then he needs to pay for half the rent.

Then look for a roommate. Talk to your family or those that you consider family and see if they can help you out with rent assistance or if a family/friend can move in with you. Take a breath to heal and once again I am so sorry for your loss.” LatinMom1971

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Squidmom 2 months ago
Nope. He needs to get his stuff out.
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14. AITJ For Eating The Last Prawn?

“I (13f) am spending the holidays with my extended family. My grandparents are hosting. Guests are my parents, me, two aunts and their husbands, and three cousins. Yesterday we all had dinner together though the adults sat on one end and the kids on the other.

Grandma made her special fried prawns. It was everyone’s favorite.

Once everything was almost gone, there was one large prawn left on the plate. Cousin Ben and Mike (both 8m) (from different aunts) began to fight for the last prawn. When I said fight I mean shouting they should get to eat the prawn and trying to spear the prawn with their fork.

The adults weren’t paying attention to us and cousin Jack (12m, Mike’s brother) and I tried to stop them.

I cut the prawn in half and said they could both take half but they fought over who got the head. I told them to flip a coin for it but while supposedly looking in their pockets Ben tried to fork the prawn head and Mike swatted his arm, causing the prawn head to drop to the floor.

They then looked at the remaining prawn tail but I’ve had enough and simply ate it myself, glaring at the boys. Ben and Mike just stared at me, before screeching and screaming.

That caught the adults’ attention. Ben and Mike ran to their respective mom and complained to them I ate the last prawn.

Jack told everyone what happened and Grandma said there were a few more prawns left in the kitchen and brought them over.

After dinner, Ben’s mother said what I should’ve done was check for more prawns either by asking Grandma or going to the kitchen.

She said my method upset the kids and disrupted dinner and as the oldest cousin I should do better.

I personally thought eating that prawn ended the evening nicely or I would have to cut the prawn tail in half over and over until the boys were satisfied. Still, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They were having a childish fight (probably a power struggle, really, where both felt they had to ‘win’), and you tried to solve it for them equitably. When that failed, you taught them that if they push their luck too far then sometimes it just doesn’t work out (lesson spoiled, sadly).

The real jerks here are all the adults, who aren’t properly including the children during the family meal.” LilacCrusader

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You at least tried to solve the problem by cutting the prawn in half so each boy got one but instead, they were being greedy and fighting over who got what half and yes you are the oldest cousin who thought quickly and made the most mature decision for a kid your age.

Your aunt is in the wrong because if the adults were paying attention to the kids they would have seen how mature you were in the first place. Also while one of the boys was looking for a coin the other boy tried to be slick and lost the half that was for him so no you’re NTJ.

If anything, you taught them a lesson about fighting over food, that they could have asked the adults. Also, dinner was not ruined cause all this happened after dinner, not during, so your aunt and all the other adults at that table should have been paying more attention to the kids.” jericagarcia347

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13. AITJ For Telling My Partner Not To Invite Anyone On The Friday Night My Parents Might Be Staying At Our House?

“I (f 32) live in a city 6 hours drive from my parents, so I only get to see them maybe 5 times a year max, when I drive to see them. They visited once, for one night, in June of this year.

My partner (m 42) lives with me. Not sure if it’s relevant, but I own the house. He pays half the bills, but does not pay rent or insurance, and uses my car as he doesn’t have one at the moment.

A week before I was due to visit my family (I’m not able to visit for the holidays), my father called me to ask if they could stay with me the Thursday and Friday nights before I visited. They were to attend an event an hour away and thought it easier to stay with me than try to make the journey twice in one day.

I agreed to the Thursday night but suggested it would be better to travel back on Friday so we could make the most of the weekend with family in my hometown. My father agreed but also said to keep the Friday stayover open, just in case (his back is bad).

I did not run it past my partner before agreeing because they’re family, my parents helped me out when I was buying this place, and we run a pretty open-door house here – if any friend wants to stay they get a key to come and go, even if we are not around – so I didn’t think there would be an issue.

My partner had plans already for Thursday, which was ok, I told him my parents made their plans last minute, and not to cancel anything. I asked him not to invite people around Friday night just in case my parents did decide to stay. I didn’t think it was going to be an issue because we rarely have people around, and he hadn’t said he was thinking of organizing anything.

The request did not go down well. He said I was taking away his autonomy, and making it impossible for him to make any plans for his Friday. When I asked if he had already invited people he said no, but that I was taking that choice away from him.

He said my parents shouldn’t feel like they can just invite themselves to stay whenever suits them.

I pointed out that I hadn’t asked him to not make any plans, just not to invite people around in case my parents stayed even though it was unlikely.

I never ask anything of him, and my parents so rarely visit that I didn’t think it was asking too much this one time. He then proceeded to stonewall me until after I returned from my visit to my hometown. I ended up traveling to my hometown with my parents in their car on Friday, and booking public transport back (an 8.5-hour bus ride) so he would have used my car over the weekend.

Still, he has been a bit awkward and condescending since. I also just found out he has ranted about me while out with a group of mutual friends on said Friday night.

AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“Hun, if he’s stonewalling you, treating you badly, and making a big deal about such a small request to his friends why are you with this man?

He is 10 years older than you and acting at least 10 years younger. You do not have to stay with someone just because it’s messy to break up. He may have good qualities and I’m sure you have good memories but he doesn’t sound like he respects or likes you at all no matter what he says.

His actions speak. Get outta there. You deserve better. If it’s a matter of money advertise for a roommate. Pick someone you’d like to live with who understands that parents drop by sometimes. NTJ.” Asleep-Tank3228

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This relationship needs a serious review: you don’t get to use your own car because he uses it, he rants about autonomy when asked for one night where he can’t bring people over, he threw a tantrum and refused to talk to you (this is what I am getting from stonewalling), and he’s bad-mouthing you to mutual friends.

Why are you with him? His behavior is unacceptable here, he’s blowing this out of proportion and expecting you to, what, say sorry your parents might have stayed over? You need to have a read about coercive control and gaslighting. There’s no way he should have reacted the way he did.” International-Fee255

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MadameZ 2 months ago
Throw him out, he's a leech. Do it sooner rather than later before he establishes tenants' rights in YOUR home. There are plenty more men out there and having one 'in your life' is not necessary anyway.
1 Reply

12. AITJ For Giving My Brother Money?

“My wife ‘Lisa’ (29F) and I (30M) have been married for two years. We both work and have no kids. Recently, Lisa’s dog ‘Mango’ (our dog now, but Lisa’s had Mango for a decade before we met) needed surgery that cost about $7,000, which made money pretty tight for us.

I ended up taking out a pet care loan for a big portion of the surgery under my name. If we pay it off in a year we won’t have interest, so we made a monthly budget to get it paid off within one year, and we’ve been paying it out of our joint account.

Also recently, my younger brother Johnny (27M) who has a history of addiction and mental health issues reached out to me asking for a $2,000 loan because he needed legal fees for a custody battle with his baby mama.

In the last few years, whenever he asks for money, everyone in my family refuses because it’s gonna go to his addiction, but this last year he’s actually been clean and able to hold down a job.

I care about him, and he’s had a really hard childhood compared to the rest of the siblings, so I sorta get why he ended up the way he did and want to help him this time. Johnny said he’d pay me back but I have a rule of never expecting it back when I give money to family (which I rarely do).

I decided to take on a bunch of extra shifts at work during the last month and made enough money to send to him plus have some left over to add towards our monthly pet loan payment.

I told Lisa the plan, thinking she was happy we could help Johnny out AND also have some additional funds towards pet loan payments, but she was mad that I was sending money to John when it all could go towards the loan.

The way I see it, we already have a monthly budget for the loan, and we can pay it off in time without interest. I know that Mango is ours now but technically that’s my step-dog that I am assuming responsibilities for because I love Lisa.

When we found out how much Mango’s surgery would cost, everyone advised us to put her down because she is also very old, but we went ahead with the surgery without thinking twice because Lisa LOVES Mango, and both of our paychecks are going towards paying off her surgery.

Meanwhile, I worked extra hours on my own to help my brother out so he could pay legal fees to be able to see his son. I told Lisa that if she wanted to pay off the pet loan earlier than the pre-planned schedule, I would take on more shifts at work this month too, but Lisa just seemed mad that I would want to help Johnny at all.

I don’t understand why she expects us to not think twice about a $7000 pet bill to save our 14-year-old dog but is upset when I want to send $2000 to my brother so that he can see his child. I went ahead and sent Johnny the money, and I’m totally sleeping on the couch now for that but I don’t think I did anything that outrageous.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. People think because you’re married you can’t do things separately. If you worked extra shifts and this money was not part of the expected budget you should do as you please. Of course your wife has no problem with spending $7k on a pet that was hers before you came along.

Because this is in her interest. Your brother is not. He needs help and is trying to really make a change. If $2k helps him further along with recovery and having a part in his child’s life, don’t let the internet tell you otherwise. Good luck!” Mother-Sound-1390

Another User Comments:

“NTJ (or not MASSIVELY the jerk) in the conflict with your wife, based on the extra shifts that you took on to help your brother without impacting joint finances. That said, I do think sending $2000 directly to a recovering addict is a wildly stupid decision, which has great potential to harm your brother, rather than help him.

I hope that he is able to withstand the temptation and all goes well. I also hope that he is genuinely in a good enough place to be trusted with any kind of custody of his child.

Your story gives the impression that his sobriety is still fresh in the real scheme of things, as the family hasn’t been able to trust him with money ‘in the last few years’.

I hope you are not being blinded by optimism here and making decisions that negatively impact your marriage, brother, and your brother’s family as a result… In short, your wife has no reason to demand you work overtime for her dog or that you prioritize her dog over your brother.

But that doesn’t necessarily mean this was a smart decision. Take care.” spookiesandcreamx

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11. AITJ For Telling My Parents They Were Being Asked To Leave?

“My wife and I have a 1-year-old toddler, her parents provide free daycare which is amazing, and they live nearby. My parents live about a two-hour flight away and rarely get to see their granddaughter, I think three times since she was born.

For her first birthday, we had a fairly large culturally (to my wife’s family) significant celebration.

I invited my parents to come, got them tickets, etc. All festivities were to be at my in-laws’ house, so I agreed to chauffeur my parents back and forth each day. On the day of the celebration, after everything winded down, the baby was napping, my in-laws were napping, and my parents were hanging out waiting for the toddler to rouse.

Once the older folks woke up around 5 pm I received a text from my wife asking me to get my parents out of the house so her sister could spend alone time with the baby. Her sister was also in from out of town and had driven about 5 hours with her own 11-year-old daughter.

I will note my wife’s sister has also not spent a ton of time with her niece, though it is probably 2-3x the time my own parents have spent with her. Her sister had also invested some in the party itself, running errands and getting things ordered, as I did myself.

Her sister was also departing the following day, whereas my parents were staying for one day more than her.

My immediate response was confusion, it seemed to me that ‘alone aunt time’ wasn’t really a thing. My in-laws were lovely and were amazing hosts to my folks, and when I told them my wife was trying to get me to remove my parents from their house they told me to ignore her.

I suggested to wifey that her sis and niece could come upstairs and hang out with the whole group with our daughter, to which she refused to back down, finally telling me she was too busy to talk to me and that I should ‘take it up with her sister’.

During this communication things got heated, I had a panic attack, all the parents could tell something was wrong with me and I finally had to tell my own parents, sorry your daughter-in-law wants you to leave, mostly because I had been trying to gently get them out the door but they weren’t taking hints (they’re in their late 70s and 80s).

My wife continues to insist her stance was completely reasonable and that I was in the wrong. Because of this, I admitted to her that I had tried to get my folks to leave even though I disagreed with it but because they weren’t taking hints the only thing I could do was to explicitly tell them they were being asked to leave.

My question is AITJ for telling my parents about this discord? My wife insists it was a breach of trust for me to say a word to them about the situation.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I was so ready to be on her side but her behavior makes no sense… if there was really a serious issue I feel she would have explained long before that her sister required alone time with the baby.

It makes no sense to me. Also feel for you being in that situation of having excited parents you had to push out the door who are old and flew all that way! I’m imagining my own parents in that situation and they would be so crushed and confused at what they did to be told to leave.

Forget about your wife. You are in the worst position! Even her family agreed with you! Her sister could easily have gone to another room with your wife to ‘bond’ if it was important. Something seems off.” FlyByNight1899

Another User Comments:

“Hmm going with YTJ.

The culturally significant part was over. Everyone was napping. Your parents were waiting for the kid to wake up. They were just milling around at your in-laws doing nothing, the party was over. Your parents got their time with the kid, it seems fair that the aunt gets her alone time too, without your parents being there.

It sounds like you’re leaving something out here. Where are your parents staying? The festivities were over – they were GUESTS. Why didn’t they leave when everything was over? Why didn’t they go back home when the event was over? When did they plan to leave?

Were they intending to stay overnight at your in-laws’ place? You had a panic attack? Why? Why did you tell the in-laws what you did? Did you want them to THEN invite your parents to stay over? It sounds a bit odd that your wife would suddenly become so mean and horrible to try to kick your parents out.” Rohini_rambles

Another User Comments:

“I’m going with ‘everyone sucks here’ but only because you put the blame solely on your wife. If you needed a blunt statement to get it through to your parents you could have just said it’s time to go. She obviously sucks for telling you to make them leave so her sister could have alone time with the baby.

No one family member is more deserving of time with a child over another. That said are you certain she wasn’t just overwhelmed with so many people trying to be around/take the baby from her?

I also have a 1-year-old and was at a family gathering with many people my child wasn’t familiar with.

My child wouldn’t let go of me for hours and it was stressful every time someone else was holding her because she freaked out. I literally had to tell my pushy sister to stop trying to hold my child because she would cry.” Maybaby31

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10. AITJ For Buying The Baby Stuff My Pregnant Partner Wants For Christmas?

“So my (25M) partner (24F) is 7 months pregnant with our baby boy due in March next year.

Now I’m admittedly bad at thinking of what gifts to get people, so I always take note of when they say they want something so that I have a list.

In the past several months though, almost everything that she’s mentioned has been related to the baby. I’m not talking about the essentials, but really high-end, expensive designer strollers, furniture, diaper bags, etc. that can cost up to a few thousand dollars each that aren’t really necessary.

She’s been absolutely fixated on some of these things, mentioning multiple times how much she wanted them, and was even toying with the idea of saving up to buy them herself (I’m not sure if she decided to or not).

Now I got a really healthy bonus at work recently, so decided to splurge on a few of the things she mentioned as a Christmas gift to her.

I made sure to remove anything related from her registry and off our list of things we still needed to buy so that no one else would buy it. I thought I did it discreetly, but she somehow noticed and quizzed me about it. I didn’t feel like there was any point hiding it, so I told her I had bought those things as a Christmas gift to her.

I thought she’d be grateful, but she was irritated instead and went on a bit of a rant about how it was unfair to count things for the baby as a Christmas gift to her, because it was something we’d both use, and no one ever gifts the father baby stuff.

And that it was inconsiderate of me to see her as only a mother now and not a person herself.

Now I get her point, but the way I see it is that the items themselves aren’t necessarily the gift, but more so the act of me buying them for her, given they are luxuries that she specifically wanted and were not necessities at all (e.g. paying $2000 for a pram vs $200).

Also, it wasn’t the only gift I bought her. I got her about a dozen smaller, cheaper things that were on my list, as well as a more expensive tennis bracelet + earring set that she had been eyeing, though I didn’t mention that to her.

So AITJ for including things for the baby as part of her Christmas gifts?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Soft but still. She is right: the gifts/luxuries are not for her per se. You could ignore her wish for a $2,000 pram (actually spending 2,000 on a pram makes you a bigger jerk).

Her Christmas gifts should be about her, like a spa day for pregnant ladies or that bracelet you mentioned. The moment anything baby-related goes under the mom’s pile, pregnant mommies-to-be, and new mommies tend to feel hurt, disrespected, and disregarded. Don’t try to understand it with 1+1 logic, it’s just what it is.

(Also don’t you dare buy anything baby-related for her birthday! There will be war.)” Cold_Light_299792458

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The functional part is that it moves the baby around = $200 according to you. The ‘gift’ part is the extra $1800 of fancy designer-ness so SHE can parade it around and feel fancy (both you and the baby don’t care about this part).

That’s 10% function that you’ll both use and 90% fancyness just for her.

That being said, this is about feelings and not about reason but she does sound a teensy bit ungrateful. She shouldn’t be angry with you as this was done with good intentions but she is absolutely right to explain how it made her feel.

I guess you want the other gifts to be a surprise but it may have helped to tell her there are non-baby gifts and the baby gifts were extra bonuses.

Petty option: buy a really cheap pram and use it when you take the baby out so you are not using ‘her’ gift.” SorbetNo7877

Another User Comments:

“YTJ although I get where you are coming from. To you, those are luxury items you wouldn’t normally buy because of the price (and I agree with you here!). So I get your logic that as a gift you could justify it.

However, for her, they are essentially baby items and an expense for both of you for the baby, not a present. A stroller is a necessity, not a bonus for her to have. Imagine you set your eye on a bottle that is easier to clean for a nighttime feeding – I guess you wouldn’t appreciate that as a birthday present either because for you it’s a necessity for the baby.

Instead, you should talk to her about the budget and why you shouldn’t buy overpriced stuff. Or to rectify the situation at hand: tell her that it’s actually from the work bonus and you wanted to surprise her but also get her non-baby stuff for Christmas, this was just a stupid way to surprise her.” Crystal010Rose

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9. AITJ For Not Accepting My Sister's Christmas Gift?

“I (20M) and my sister (24F) have had a bad relationship.

When I was 8 she started hanging with bad people. She took illegal substances and stole from us. She would disappear for months on end and we’d have police visits because of her. She’d bring home new men every week. When she was 16 she got pregnant and stayed sober for a while.

She gave birth and my parents were determined to support her. One day she gave my dad her 3-month-old son and said she’d go shopping with friends. She disappeared for 3 years after that.

My parents legally adopted her baby and they completely stopped giving me any attention.

It was bad before because they’d always focus on her because she was always making trouble but now I felt very neglected. I don’t want to blame my sister for all of my problems but I spent most of my teen years isolating myself which could be related to that.

She came back into our lives a few years back. She’s now married and she’s got another child. She comes over at Christmas and acts like nothing ever happened. My dad told me she would get me a present this year. An expensive leather wallet with ‘for my beloved brother’ engraved on the inside.

This just feels so ingenuine and fake. It fills me with rage and I don’t want to accept it. I don’t want her in my life anymore and I only see her during gatherings like this. I want to not accept it on Christmas, but I know that will lead to huge drama because she’s prone to emotional outbursts.

My parents say that I should be the bigger person and just accept it. But I have grown to hate her. She has never apologized, she is a horrible person and now she thinks some wallet she paid for with her husband’s money will fix that.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your feelings are justified, but you do need to exhibit self-control if you’re going to decline this gift and avoid a scene. Having your parents tell your sister ahead of time that you would prefer not to receive a gift from her is probably the best way to avoid Christmas day ending unpleasantly.

Have you considered that your sister has started to grow up and realize the impact her actions have had on you, and this gift is her way of trying to reach out to you and get to a place where she can sincerely apologize? That doesn’t mean you have to be ready to accept such a gesture, of course, but it may be that she is ready to start trying to build a relationship with you.” KittikatB

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your feelings are legitimate. However, will it help you to cause drama during Christmas? You don’t have to keep or use the wallet – and probably should not since it may just irritate you every time you see it. Just donate it and move on.

She’s unrealistic if she thinks a wallet or any other present will ‘fix’ anything, of course. It changes nothing. Maybe just explain to your parents that to avoid drama you will take the present but you’re doing it for the sake of a calm holiday and it changes absolutely nothing about how you feel about your sister.” PhoenixRisingToday

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8. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom My Step-Niece Isn't My Family?

“I (19F) live with my father (53M) and my stepmother (53F). My stepmother has a daughter (27F) from a previous union and this girl has her little girl (3F). My stepmom has been married to my father since the beginning of October and they’ve been living together for more than 10 years so she basically raised me since my mom wasn’t really a good mom (not getting into details because it’s not the topic).

I have been living at my father’s house since 2016. I work part-time and earn 500 euros per month and I have to give gifts to my mother, my stepfather, my father, my stepmother, her daughter, and the daughter’s daughter for Christmas.

Anyway:

So today I was browsing to find the perfect gift for the little girl, let’s call her Adel.

I was looking for a nice dress kinda princessy type. I already found one but the lady sent me a message saying there was a mistake with the website and that she already sold it to someone else. I was hesitating with a lot of options and my stepmom got mad for not ordering something quick saying ‘She will never get it in time for Christmas’.

When I told her that it was okay she would still have a lot of gifts and mine would just come a little late, she got madder saying ‘Then what’s the point? Give her a letter for her birthday instead while you’re at it’. I told her that Adel wasn’t part of my family so I had no obligation to give her a gift to start with.

She lost it saying ‘Go screw yourself. I married your dad and raised you. You have no empathy. She is your family and if you don’t accept her you’re a jerk to do that to a 3-year-old who sees you as family. You know what?

We don’t want your stupid gift.’ I told her that she wasn’t obligated to raise me when I was young. She said ‘I have a soul’. My father agreed with her saying that I was the jerk and that they were both disappointed in me.

Adel isn’t part of my family but I consider her as such so I plan to give her a gift as I always did.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Sounds like you’re both jerks, to be honest. Her because first off, she shouldn’t flip out because a gift was going to be late because you shouldn’t be obligated to buy anyone anything if you don’t want to.

YTJ for taking any frustrations out on the little girl because even if you don’t consider her family I’m sure that little girl considers you part of hers and if she ever heard you say something like that, it could stick with that child her whole life and not feel loved by anyone that isn’t blood family.

Be smarter kid and take your anger out on the right people.” CaperGirl84

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Your stepmom was being melodramatic about the gift arriving late (though c’mon, you’re old enough to be at least trying to get gifts ordered in time – obviously, things happen sometimes, but getting things to arrive on time is part of the gift-giving process.

Waiting until less than 10 days before Christmas isn’t good). But why on earth did you say that your step-niece isn’t your family when you consider her family? Why say the hurtful opposite of the way you actually feel? That excuse is going nuclear.

You should have just acknowledged your mistake and promised to do better with timing next year, or acknowledged you waited too long to have something shipped and go shop in person so the gift wouldn’t be late.” KaliTheBlaze

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7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Daughter To Get A Support Animal?

“I (male 61) and my wife (56) had to tell our daughter (32) no to getting a support animal.

Backstory: my daughter and her husband came to stay with us almost 5 years ago. It was to be a temporary living situation, but due to monetary complications on their end, it turned out to be longer. My daughter has three children – (8), (4), (2), and just recently lost her husband to a senseless crime.

Neither had life insurance, but that has nothing to do with my decision. I have 4 other children that live with me – (19), (17), (10), and (6); and due to the hardship my daughter is having, we have all shifted to accommodate my eldest daughter and her family.

Before my son-in-law was taken from us I have to say my daughter and son-in-law were slobs.

The main reason they came to stay with us in the first place was to keep from losing their children to the state. When they came to stay my wife and I along with my 4 other children basically became live-in nannies while my eldest daughter and husband basically slept most of the day.

When I say sleep I mean they would get home from work, sleep, and wake in enough time to go to work. On their off days, they would sleep in. I am retired and enjoy my grandkids. My wife and I did the morning routine for the school bus, homework, and potty training for the two younger grands.

It’s been a lot, but families are to support each other. Along with being a ‘nanny’ we became maids cleaning up after two grown folks so our house wouldn’t become like their previous home.

Now we already have 3 female cats, and 1 male dog.

Neither one my eldest would scoop a litter box for, or walk. Sure she would provide food and litter, but that’s the extent of her care for them. And this is where my denial of her request comes from. My dog I rescued from her because she couldn’t care for it, along with the two older cats I have.

So would it really be smart of me to take on another animal? I have no idea the needs of support animals, but wouldn’t they require the same amount of attention that 8, 4, and 2-year-olds would need? Or do support animals come with a care provider that I would need to make room for?

These are serious facetious questions with a hint of curiosity and sarcasm.

I know my daughter grieves… I just really hope there are other ways to support her grief than adding another animal to my and my wife’s already full plate. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Okay, this is a lot to unpack. First, you’re a trashy parent. Why? You let her get away with this for 5 years. And on top of that, it’s a burden on the rest of your family (including your four children still at home). She will never learn to grow up and stand on her own two feet if you keep enabling this behavior.

It’s unfortunate she lost her husband and yes, everyone runs into money problems. But something tells me she’s very irresponsible with every decision she makes. Who would get pregnant with more babies while living at home?

YTJ for enabling all of this to happen under your roof.

She needs more than counseling and an emotional support dog. She needs to be kicked out and let her figure it out. Keep her kids until she gets her act together. She’s 32, you know she isn’t going anywhere while she has it like this.” CaffeinatedMum

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Support animals are pets that make their owner feel better, not trained service animals. She has dumped her pets on you, and now she wants another one?! No! For 5 years, she has been taking advantage of you and your hospitality. There’s no reason for her to improve her situation because you’re there to clean up after her and raise her children.

You and your wife have been enabling her this entire time. Your focus should be on your other children while she starts taking care of hers. She can attend a support group or get counseling for support. If he was not part of the crime but just a victim, the state you live in may have a victim compensation program.

Do they qualify for survivors’ benefits through social security? Give her a bit of time to grieve, but start setting boundaries with consequences.” BleepYouToo

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for raising such a mooch of a daughter and establishing NO boundaries. What happened to her husband is tragic but your ABUSIVE daughter and SIL moved in with you because they would have otherwise lost their children (child?) and it was NEVER going to be ‘for a little while.’ It’s been 5 years and they started to have even more children under your roof.

Either she was already pregnant with the 4-year-old and struggling with the 8-year-old or they got so comfortable so quickly they decided to have another two children when they couldn’t take care of the formally ONE child! OP, that is DISGUSTING! YOU’VE not ONLY enabled all of this, but now you’ve involved your younger children in picking up the slack of your incompetent daughter and her late husband.

It would have been far kinder to the 8-year-old grandchild ‘and your other children’ for you to simply take custody of the one grandchild, not enable your neglectful daughter further. My god.

Either your daughter is seriously mentally unwell or she’s the laziest mooch ever with no drive for herself.

Establish some boundaries and expectations of your daughter or cut her loose. It should have never gotten to the point that this conversation should have happened after her husband was murdered.

You’re NTJ for not allowing her to have another pet, she can just try to bond with one of the existing four animals, but the question of the OP is like… SO missing the point.” Electronic-Panda-613

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6. AITJ For Not Getting A Christmas Present For My Mother-In-Law?

“I (27 female) got engaged this spring to my beloved fiancee (31 male). We’d been in a long relationship (6 years) before he proposed. His father died of cancer and he is only left with his mother and sister (closest relatives).

I have a full family, a younger sister, and divorced parents.

I am in a very tense relationship with his sister, she never accepted me, even though I tried sweetening the pill with presents and being very understanding, but I gave up after getting no positive response.

Moreover, we had a massive fight with his sister, and her painful words ‘I hate you’ still haunt me.

Nowadays, I live with my future husband.

For Holidays none of us is spending time with our families, we will be celebrating with friends, so I decided to buy gifts for my sister and mom.

As I am in a bad relationship with his sister, and my presents have always been in vain, I didn’t even consider getting her anything. His mom, on the other hand, was positive toward me and we are in an okay-ish relationship. But she is spending her holidays in another country and honestly, I didn’t even think about getting her anything.

Today I was buying my mom a spa treatment, and while on the phone with my fiance his mom overheard our conversation and got upset. She didn’t say anything, but now my fiance is confronting me with words ‘Why didn’t you consider my mom’s feelings and not get her anything?’ Well.

1. It’s not the time to yet so how does she know we didn’t get her anything? 2. Why is that my responsibility if it’s your mother we are talking about? (especially cause you never bought MY mom anything either). And 3. She is leaving the country during the holidays, how are we supposed to gift it to her?

He is making me feel guilty and I do feel guilty. I have asked him all day ‘So what should we get her?’ and I get no response and just judgment.

AITJ for not taking it into my hands or should I wait for his suggestions and some help?”

Another User Comments:

“Ok, I’d say NTJ but some caveats.

First, you can still buy someone a gift even if you won’t literally see them on Christmas. I think it is weird to get bent out of shape about it as an adult, but if you’d get a gift for her if she was home, you should probably buy one for her if she’s not.

Second, regardless of your partner overreacting (which I do think he is), you need to stop asking him what to get for his mom. He’s clearly not in the mood to be helpful and every time you ask him it is only going to frustrate the both of you.

Those (very minor!) caveats out of the way, I’m so sorry. It is dumb for an adult to get mad about not getting a present from someone (there are exceptions but this is the case generally speaking).

Additionally, with it only being December 15th, I’m not sure anyone can say you haven’t gotten a present for this woman only that you haven’t yet gotten her one.

Also, not for nothing, but it is pretty common for married people to give gifts to their parents as a unit so your fiance could/should’ve thrown your name on his gift to his mom and called it a day.” Payoff4Playoffs

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5. AITJ For Being Upset About The Birthday Card My Husband Gave To Me?

“I don’t care about presents or cards. My husband and I are not into giving each other gifts, mostly because we hate to shop so it’s never been a big deal to not get anything on special occasions like birthdays, etc.

My husband and his family however are hugely into card giving, they take the time to pick the right one for the receiver. They also write thoughtful and lovely messages, honestly, it’s so great!

My husband gave me a gift today from him and the kids – I knew it would be something simple but I was really looking forward to the card from my husband because they are always so sweet.

However, what I got was nothing like this. My card read as follows:

The front of the card reads ‘Ever get a card… with fifty bucks inside? Well, get ready…’

Inside it reads ‘Cause here they are’ and there are literally 50 bucks (the animal).

I grinned but I was surprised that it wasn’t his usual thoughtful card. This is something that he would pick for a buddy.

Now this is where my heart sank. He wrote ‘Love, your husband’ that’s it. I have seen this man write paragraphs on cards where he writes meaningful things not just random everyday things like ‘best wishes’ or ‘have a great one’.

In the gift bag was a box of chocolates and under that thrown in there was $70.

I smiled, gave my little guy a chocolate, and went up to our room to cry. He came in after and said ‘I knew you would be up here all depressed’.

I lied and said ‘No’ and he left. Later when I was ready to talk I said ‘Honey, I’m just upset because usually your cards are thoughtful and you write something nice but this time you didn’t’. His response was ‘So?!’

He later blamed me for not giving him any gift ideas, to which I responded ‘I don’t care about gifts and you know that.

This is about the card’.

So… I ordered them pizza for dinner and left to go and have dinner with my mama instead. Now, he’s all mad at me and giving me the silent treatment.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“INFO. I’m a little confused because at the start of your post, you said ‘I don’t care about presents or cards’ and then later you said you were really looking forward to the card from your husband because they are always so sweet.

So apparently you do care about cards at least if they are from your husband. Have you made it clear to him (before this incident) that while you don’t care about gifts, a thoughtful card is in fact important to you? It might seem obvious that “he should just know that” especially since his cards are usually more thoughtful, but since you said earlier you don’t care about cards, I’m confused about whether he actually knew how important his usual cards are to you.

Do you get him nice cards with a well-thought-out message written inside for his birthday? It’s also confusing because you said he followed you upstairs and said he knew you’d be depressed which makes it seem like he at least suspected that you might not like the card.

Honestly, I don’t know how to judge this. The whole situation is confusing to me. It sounds like some kind of communication issue between the two of you.” DirectionEvening256

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He was being thoughtless. He knows the gift isn’t important and in any case, the gift was from your little boy and him and mainly for the benefit of your little boy to be able to give you something, but what he says in a card is important to you.

What concerns me is he put “Love your husband” no sentiment not even his own name. That is just cold. Either he is having issues of his own he won’t talk to you about, issues at work, debt problems, substance dependency, or he is just not interested in you or the marriage anymore.

Whatever it is you both need to talk, maybe even couples therapy.” Successful_Bath1200

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4. AITJ For Not Introducing My Mother-In-Law As "Grandma" To My Baby?

“So in April last year my husband and I got married and the night before the wedding we organized a dinner so we could have a bit of a catch-up with those who could make it as most of his family lived over 8 hours away and my daughter had been born and was 6 months old at the time and had not met anyone other than a couple of people.

The night of the dinner we were driving to the restaurant when my daughter thought now was a great time to poo. But instead of going straight to the toilet to clean her up, a BIL and SIL were waiting for us at the entrance of the restaurant.

So instead of being rude, I went in to see the whole in-law family who was already at the restaurant which included Oma, Opa, MIL, BIL, and SIL, and introduced them quickly to my daughter ‘Hiiiii, this is ‘daughter’. Sorry, we have to rush off to the toilet as she decided to do a poo in the car.’ And I whisked her away to freshen her bum.

Once I had gotten back they were gone to order food and drinks (the type of restaurant where you get up to the counter to pay and get a buzzer and pick up your food yourself) so I sat down and started talking to my friend who asked to hold my daughter.

The night progressed as normal, food and drinks all ordered and then arrived and once everyone had finished eating people were moving around the room a little bit and my SIL asked to hold my daughter. And when they did this I asked my daughter ‘Would you like a cuddle with Aunty ‘name’?’ And then passed her to them.

But Oma, Opa, and MIL did not leave their seats (they were on the other side of the room where it was more crowded with the chairs and tables. It was difficult to get to, to just stand there). They never asked to hold her they didn’t even interact with anyone other than amongst themselves.

(Talked German a fair bit actually, so couldn’t understand or chime in to involve ourselves in the conversation).

It was then getting late, both my daughter and I were tired and I wanted an early night before my wedding day. So we all said our goodbyes.

And we said goodbye to everyone but they did not even get out of their seats let alone ask for a cuddle or anything.

Fast forward to 2 days after the wedding (which they left early as they were heading home early the next day), I messaged my MIL thanking her for traveling up for the wedding and for the gift, how lovely it was to see the family, and hoping they all got home safe.

She proceeded to reply with this and ONLY this ‘We are not home. We decided to make a holiday of this. We were so disappointed that we were not introduced to ‘daughter’ as Great-Grandma, Great-Grandad, and Grandma’.

In short: I had a lot going on.

So I think it mostly was an oversight on my part. But my MIL is bringing it up again a year and a half later and blaming it purely on me and I believe she implied I did it on purpose. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Poo takes precedence, that’s the law of the land. And MIL can be upset with her son, not you, if she wants an intro to the baby, because he is just as much the parent as you, and should be handling his own family. So I’d just ignore her, and if she brings it up, simply say ‘Your son was also at this event, and he could have introduced you in any way you preferred, in your preferred language, to OUR daughter, so you had all night, plenty of opportunities, and your son present to spend time with our daughter.’ End of story.

NTJ.” mfruitfly

Another User Comments:

“NTJ first and foremost. But I’m confused is she upset she wasn’t introduced at all or that in the quick intro before diaper change, she wasn’t introduced as grandma? Because both are ridiculous. If she wanted time with the baby she needed to get up and ask for it.

I’ve NEVER seen a grandparent who wasn’t all over their grandchild and wouldn’t get up to do so. I could understand her parents not getting up depending on their age but even then she should have acted as the bridge and had her son bring the baby over.

Made any indication that they wanted to meet the baby and be a part of the party. Even if they didn’t want to get up even just calling out asking for a turn and having you go to them would have worked. Instead, they sat there and brooded about it.” Rad_kerr

Another User Comments:

“I’m going with YTJ but also teetering with ‘no jerks here’. You both are still adjusting to being parents while planning a wedding! There isn’t much time to breathe. Your in-laws definitely felt slighted that after the diaper change, the baby wasn’t brought back over so they could properly meet her.

It sounds like it was a lowkey celebration dinner, but the fact that some of your guests were across the room at a table has me believing that this wasn’t a well-thought-out pre-wedding dinner. And both your husband and you should have gone to interact with everyone that attended even for a few minutes.

It would have been easy to make actual reservations at a cheap restaurant for everyone to sit together. It would have been even easier to go sit with your in-laws with your daughter for a few minutes and let them properly meet your daughter. By you, I mean you and/or your husband.” MrsBatDog

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3. AITJ For Learning ASL To Communicate With A Deaf Girl On The Bus?

“I (52M) have been a bus driver for the last 20 years. I love my job, even if most people think it’s not great.

In the town I live in, there is one high school, middle school, and elementary/preschool, so it’s a pretty small town.

I have driven some kids to and from school every day since they were in kindergarten, and I know most of them by name.

My wife (Grace) and I have been married for 30 years and she is my favorite person. She is a middle school teacher so she also knows most of the kids in the town.

Last month a family moved here: mom, dad, and two kids. The older boy is in high school (Cam), and the younger girl is in elementary school (Mary). They are both on my bus.

I noticed that Cam said ‘Thank you’ as he was getting off the bus every day, but Mary did not.

I obviously was not offended, I figured she might just be shy. But I saw that when she got off the bus she always made a little motion with her hand.

I casually mentioned it to Grace at dinner about 3 weeks ago but she also wasn’t sure.

Last week, Grace came home very excited to share the news with me. She knows Mary’s 5th-grade teacher, and she told my wife that Mary is hard of hearing and communicates mostly in ASL.

I was surprised and realized that when Mary got off the bus, she must have been signing something to me.

The next day, I watched more carefully and memorized the sign. When I got home, I researched it and found that it meant ‘Thank you’.

Honestly, this made me so sad that this girl has been communicating with me but I haven’t been able to say anything back.

That night I learned two ASL signs.

The next day, as Mary was getting off the bus, she looked at me and signed thank you. Before she could walk off the bus I signed ‘You’re welcome’ and ‘Good afternoon.’ Her face lit up and she gave me a hug.

I was so happy that I was able to make her day a little bit better.

I told my wife about it and she thought it was so sweet. But, yesterday when I got to Mary’s stop, I noticed her mom (Dani) was standing there and she did not look happy.

I signed the same thing to Mary that I did the previous day and Mary got off the bus but Dani stormed on and started yelling at me. She said that she didn’t want anyone communicating with Mary in ASL, because that was her job to interpret for Mary because Mary needed to ‘learn to communicate since not everyone knows ASL’.

She also said that I was a creep/weirdo for wanting to ‘talk’ to Mary so badly. I tried to apologize but she kept yelling. Dani told me to not sign to Mary again. Dani requested for her to have another bus driver but no other buses go to that neighborhood and she couldn’t pick Mary up because of work.

I and my wife can’t have children so in some ways, I think of the kids I drive as our kids (not in a creepy way) so I was upset Dani thought I was creepy when I was really just trying to brighten Mary’s day a bit.

My wife doesn’t think I was wrong, so I wanted to ask for advice.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Those parents are completely off their rocker, it sounds like. To try and make you lose your job for having learned a few signs to make their daughter feel welcome.

Well, I never. I would earn proficiency in ASL just to spite her. I think it is great that you made the effort and I am so sorry that these jerks are giving you trouble. I don’t know where they are coming from at all.” FragrantEconomist386

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, there is a big divide in the deaf community about parents like her. Some go as far as refusing to teach or let their children learn ASL. You did nothing wrong. Most deaf people would be extremely happy that someone went out of their way to learn something to communicate with them and you definitely made that girl’s day.

She will remember you fondly growing up and likely have a contentious relationship with her mother if that’s any indication of how she treats her.” mocha_lattes_

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HROB1 2 months ago
NTJ. Honestly this mother sounds crazy. I would appreciate you taking the effort to learn to sign and making my daughter feel welcome.
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2. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbor's Dog's Condition To Animal Control?

“Over the weekend I called animal control because our neighbor had left their dog outside in freezing weather. This dog has been outside for as long as I know. I’ve never seen them take it inside their house. The weather here is a high of 0F and a windchill of -20F.

The dog has no shelter, not even trees or bushes to block the wind. I think the dog is a shepherd/lab mix. I admit I’m not a dog expert, but it didn’t seem like this dog had any business being outside.

I didn’t talk to the neighbor first because I’d heard rumors that he had run-ins with a few other people in the neighborhood and I didn’t want to deal with that.

Besides, I figure they know they have a dog and they know it’s cold outside. I didn’t expect to get anywhere by talking with them. I also was hoping to remain anonymous if I had to report it and talking to them first would have made it obvious that it was me.

Animal control came out over the weekend while the neighbor wasn’t home. They took the dog and left some paperwork on their door. The next day he came over and asked if I was the one that called. I didn’t really want to admit it but I also didn’t want to lie.

I told him that I was really worried about the dog and I wanted to make sure it was alright. He started arguing with me, saying I should have talked to him first and blaming me for their kids’ pet being taken away. Note, I have never once seen the kids playing with the dog, and like I said it is always outside.

He was also saying I owe him $400 ($150 fine + $120 for boarding + $100 for medical).

Anyway, I figured if animal control came out and there was nothing wrong then they would leave and it wouldn’t be an issue. The fact that they took the dog makes me think it was the right thing to do.

Maybe I should have talked with them first, but I didn’t want to get into it with them. AITJ for not talking with my neighbor first?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re exactly right – animal control doesn’t want extra animals to board and care for, and to waste their time attempting to collect fees from jerks.

They absolutely wouldn’t have taken the dog just because you called – they took the dog because it wasn’t being cared for. Your neighbor is mad, fine. The dog is alive and not frostbitten, and you can simply tell your neighbor that if his kids want a pet, they need to learn how to keep it safe.” SpicyTurtle38

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Don’t hesitate to call without checking with the owner. Always stop an animal dying from the weather on your watch. His negligence is not forgivable. They took the dog cause they acted within the law. You are under no obligation to disclose you called in; your safety should be your priority.

Next time do not disclose this information, in my opinion. You owe him nothing but be watchful of future retaliation.” DesertSong-LaLa

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1. AITJ For Wanting One Of My Bridesmaids To Step Down?

“My wedding is coming up within the next year and one of my bridesmaids has informed me that she’s planning on being pregnant before the wedding.

She reached out and asked if I’d care about her being pregnant at my wedding, to which I was hesitant to respond. It caught me completely off guard as she isn’t married and has barely been with her partner for 6 months at this time. She then goes on to explain to me that her partner is planning to get her pregnant and starts to describe this grand scheme where they’ll fall pregnant, get engaged, marry, and then have a baby all in under a year.

My initial concern was the timelines and rush on it all as we’ve spoken several times about her plans and this completely contradicts all of them.

Beyond that, we started to discuss the actual timeline of the pregnancy, which if it goes to plan would have her well into her 3rd trimester during my wedding.

So close that I don’t think she may even be able to attend the wedding at that time (between 38-40 weeks). The initial shock of the conversation led me to ultimately answer ‘Let’s just see what happens,’ because I would hate to damage our friendship over things that haven’t happened yet.

It’s now been a few weeks and she’s brought it up again mentioning how her future pregnancy will change some things with my bridal activities and how she’s planning to have her own wedding 4 months after mine.

I love my friend dearly and I truly would never ask anyone to put a pause on their life for the sake of my wedding, but I’m starting to feel like I should ask her to step down.

With all the things she says she has planned, I feel it would be a lot for the both of us and the mere thought is stressing me out. It’s all making me regret asking her to be in the wedding because I don’t feel like she’d be able to commit to all the bridesmaid duties in addition to her own plans.

Am I the jerk if I ask her to step down?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She’s raised it twice with you, seriously/intently. I would listen to the message in between that and say ‘It sounds like you are concerned about the commitments you are making for the next year AND being able to fit in around all the needs of my wedding.

Let’s simplify things a lot – you can be a ‘Woman of Awesome’ on my special day and a revered guest. If you feel up to doing all the other things the bridesmaids are officially doing then let me know along the way, but don’t feel compelled to do any of it, because you are special to me without having to participate to prove it.

When you are up to things, welcome! When you aren’t… I totally understand! And if your plans change, you are still my Woman of Awesome, and will still totally be there at my wedding’ and let it be.” Particular-Try5584

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ if you ask her to step down.

You can have whatever opinion about the wisdom of her plans, but their impact on your wedding is a non-issue. Tell her that if she gets pregnant and wants to step down for her own comfort or health, you will understand, but you would be thrilled to have her stand up beside you on your wedding day regardless of whether or not she is pregnant or how much she is able to participate in any pre-wedding festivities.

Don’t ruin a friendship over someone maybe not drinking at your bachelorette or attending a Vegas weekend or whatever.” Moose4523

Another User Comments:

“For starts, you should pick your bridesmaids because they are the people you want by your side through it all, so to me, this seems like a silly reason to want a bridesmaid to step down.

Next, she’s only talking about it. She isn’t pregnant, it can take MONTHS to YEARS to get pregnant. My brother and his wife have been trying 3 years now with no luck, so as much as she ‘plans’ this, it most likely won’t be what happens.

Plus her timeline and much of it all make it seem like she doesn’t actually know what she wants to begin with so, wouldn’t worry about it until something actually does happen. Ask yourself before deciding: Is this worth potentially ending your friendship over? Not really about if you’re a jerk or not, so no vote here.” xEnraptureX

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