People Discuss Their Fascinating "Am I The Jerk?" Stories With Us

We never intend it when we treat someone poorly. However, sometimes, when things get chaotic and we're genuinely angry, we could unintentionally react quickly. But even so, I think we can all aim to be better versions of ourselves and refrain from acting rudely if we only add a dash of kindness and mindfulness to our actions and words. In an effort to make positive changes, the folks below are looking into their past to see if they have ever treated anyone unfairly. After going through their stories, kindly let us know which of them you believe to be jerks. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

25. AITJ For Reporting My Ex-Best Friends To The Police Because Of A Prank?

“During the summer of 2022, my (18f) long-term best friend ‘Jessica’ and her now-significant other ‘Donovan’ (18m) were getting super close. This didn’t bother me much, even though I had gone out with Donovan, as that was years prior, and Donovan and I had seemingly squashed any bad blood and stayed friends.

In July 2022, I got a text on Instagram from an unknown account. The message seemed to have underlying tones that someone was stalking me. I checked the account and it appeared to be another male I had gone to school with, ‘Travis’ although he and I were never close.

I can’t remember the exact wording, but it was enough to get me paranoid and post a screenshot on my private story, asking if anyone knew why he would be messaging me so creepily. No one replied, but both Jessica and Donovan saw the story.

The text messages persist for another two weeks and get progressively more intrusive/scary. They started to state my home address and details that only close friends/family would know. I recall a text message that read ‘I will be watching you through your window tonight,’ going on to describe the exact location of my bedroom window from outside my house.

At this point, I had posted multiple screenshots pleading with anyone who knows anything to come forward. I was incredibly paranoid & ended up going to my mom sobbing because the texts were getting so persistent and severe. We made the collective decision to go to the police with evidence.

I posted one last time asking for any details that anyone might have, so I could bring them with me to the station.

This is when I immediately got a text from Jessica. She asked me to ‘please not go’ & went on to explain that the person behind the account was not Travis, but it was herself and Donovan.

They were supposedly ‘playing a prank on me.’ For me, pranks are something that last less than a day, and definitely don’t terrify me. I told Jessica that I was afraid to leave my house for WEEKS, and it was worse because she was watching my stories and failed to tell me.

My dad was deadset on going to the police anyway.

Donovan called me begging me not to turn them in, while laughing. I was not amused and was honestly terrified that my ‘best friends’ could do this, and not only think it was funny but could find amusement in it.

Long story short, I went to the police with my parents the next day. I said I did not want to press charges, but that I wanted them to essentially ‘scare them’ with the possibility that they could’ve been charged with multiple accounts of online harassment, stalking, cyberbullying, and impersonating online.

Since then, I have not heard a word from them. Both have unfollowed/blocked me. I have never really ‘mourned’ these friendship losses because, well, I don’t think what they did was funny or excusable in any way. But Jessica made it clear that I was a terrible person and shouldn’t have reported them to the police when I knew it was them and that it was just a ‘prank.’ So, AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:


I would press charges and file for a restraining order just for good measure. This is beyond a prank and into harassment and ‘terror’ (I have no idea the legal standard or definition of what this should be called) and you have no way of knowing if it was a legit threat or truly a terrible attempt at a prank.

While everyone has a different definition of a prank, both parties should be laughing once the jig is up.

Prank them back by letting them stand in front of a judge.” sunburst1966

Another User Comments:

“This, their actions I mean, is psychotic. A prank is supposed to be fun, but they allegedly milked this for the better part of several months to a year depending on the timeline (it’s kind of unclear).

There is no excusing this, and it is kinda DARVO of Jessica to flip this onto you. What a disgusting woman, and she picked a rather disgusting man. They’re a match made in the underworld and belong far, far, far away from you.

NTJ.” User

4 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918, Turtlelover60, LizzieTX and 1 more

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helenh9653 4 months ago
NTJ. With (former) friends like that, who needs enemies? Those two carried on with their 'prank' when it was clear you were terrified. Is it too late to press charges?
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24. AITJ For Not Allowing A Woman To Return The Dress She Bought From Me?

“My prom was about 5 years ago and I have been trying to sell the prom dress for 5 months now.

I know that they are a hard resell item but I wanted to get rid of it from my closet. I posted it on Marketplace and reduced the price 2 times in hopes that someone would purchase it. Originally, the dress was purchased for 700$, and I listed the price from $200 down to $150, then to $100.

Nonetheless, it was being sold for quite cheap compared to the original price. The dress was in good condition other than some browning on the white of the bottom from wearing it the one time.

Anyway, this lady messages me saying she is interested and is asking if I would consider 75$.

I am about to leave for a trip that night and I am stoked at the possibility of getting rid of it. I state that I am comfortable with selling it for 75$ but I will not be in the country for the next week due to travel plans.

Anyway, the lady ended up coming to purchase the dress as she lives in my neighborhood and was close by. I mentioned the small dirt spots when I passed her the dress but she basically just nodded and gave me the money and left. She did not do a close inspection prior to actually buying it.

Then when I am out of the country, she messages me on social media the next day stating that the dress is dirty and that the dress does not fit her daughter well. She wants me to consider letting her return it and giving back the money, but selling it is such a hassle to begin with.

It is slightly complicated as this woman knows my sister through various recreational activities as a child and she knows where I live. Anyway, I don’t want to face confrontation but I really don’t want to go through the process of selling the dress again.

What should I do and AITJ for not wanting her to return it?”

Another User Comments:

“Your mistakes were not showing close-up pics of the dirty areas or having it dry cleaned yourself before posting it. You also should have noted sale was final, with no returns or refunds.

Bite the bullet & take it back. Get it cleaned and post it again stating it has been cleaned. Also, add all measurements and the state sale is final. Post a lot of pics showing any and all flaws. I used to sell online so I know what I’m talking about.

Always be clear and note everything important. Leave nothing out. If you clean it you can post it for more than $100 bucks. Sometimes it takes a long time to find the perfect person for that one clothing article.” Puzzleheaded_Box_413

Another User Comments:


If you want a refund policy, you have to spend the money to buy products from an established shop that has one.

If you want to save money by buying used on social media, then you are accepting that you are buying from a private seller and forfeit that option.

There is the exception that if something was clearly misrepresented you should get your money back, but in this case, it sounds like you were honest, and the buyer just couldn’t be bothered inspecting and having her daughter try on the dress before buying.

This one is on the buyer.” nrsys

3 points - Liked by shgo, Turtlelover60 and LizzieTX

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. just tell her you told her about the marks at the bottom and she didn't bring daughter nor try the dress on so that's on her
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23. AIJT For Walking Out Of A Family Trip Because My Mother-In-Law Excluded My Children?

“I (33F) am a mother of 2 girls (7 & 5). Their dad passed away from cancer and it was a very devastating loss for both his and my family.

I met my now fiance ‘Jack’ (36M) 2 years ago. He’s very sweet and adores both my daughters equally.

However, his mom has a bit of a harsh view of single moms, especially with how low my income is compared to his (He’s a doctor). I tried my best to have a good, respectful relationship with her and she has started to respond positively, though I noticed that she’d excluded my girls a number of times on a number of occasions.

FMIL informed us of a 3-day family trip that is dedicated to adults only. She said it’s because it involved going to the bar and doing activities that aren’t child-friendly. She told me I needed to leave my daughters with someone before Jack and I could come and I immediately had my sister come and stay with them at home.

The trip was supposed to be by plane, a 3-hour flight. We were late but Jack said he intended to arrive late so we wouldn’t have to wait for long. I saw his mom and dad there. we talked as we waited for SIL & BIL.

I then saw them coming towards us with their 3 kids behind. I was confused, I looked at FMIL and she avoided eye contact. I immediately asked SIL why she brought her kids and whether she was aware that this wasn’t a child-friendly trip. SIL & her husband looked confused and said there was no such thing but I told them what FMIL told me and I didn’t bring my girls.

SIL didn’t say anything but her husband told me that FMIL must’ve lied and told me this story to prevent me from bringing the girls (BIL adores my girls and he too sees how inappropriate FMIL is behaving). SIL yelled at him. And I lashed out at both Jack and FMIL and called her horrible then I walked off.

Jack told me to hold on for a minute but I canceled my ticket and went home.

The family had to get on the plane and after Jack got home we had a big fight. He said no one enjoyed the trip because I caused everyone to fight by how I reacted. I told him she excluded my daughters but he said that his mom is entitled to her feelings and I shouldn’t expect to spring the girls on her all the time when she still doesn’t consider them as close as her other grandchildren.

He promised me all that is gonna change and I just have to give time and that I shouldn’t have walked off and canceled my ticket like that.”

Another User Comments:


Bestie, this relationship is already setting off some alarm bells for me. A MIL who has ‘views’ on single moms and already sees you as inferior to her son?

That’s a big N.O. from me dawg. That’s already spelling issues later on down the line. While it sounds like Jack is an amicable enough man, I don’t like that he’s already trying to get you to see things his mother’s way. Nuh-uh, OP those are your girls and I’m glad you stuck up for them.

Sweetie, you need to lay out some ground rules on how things are going to work – he, and the rest of his family, better learn to respect you and your girls or the the three of you can bounce.” Lingering-NB1220

Another User Comments:


But holy cow! Jack needs a reality check. He is enabling his mother’s behavior and is most likely contributing to her not accepting your daughters!

You did nothing wrong, cancelling was the right move. Jack doesn’t seem to understand that the problem is not only that she excluded your daughters but mostly that she lied to get what she wanted and was hoping you’d act like a doormat and let her walk all over you!” Monicawroteitbetter

3 points - Liked by Turtlelover60, Chull and LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
Run. Run away. Run away very fast. This man is expecting you to submit to a life of his mother's abuse (and his, I suspect). She will not change, and he will always enable her. But expect him to change, the further you get into this relationship. He's already asked you to put up with his mother's lies and insults by expecting you to go on this trip; be prepared for HIS behaviour to escalate when you refuse to accede to his wishes. Get out while you can. And NTJ and brava for your reaction to his behaviour. Good luck.
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22. AITJ For Not Giving My Neighbor's Groceries Back?

“I work from home, and my mom and grandma live with me. My grandma was gone and I thought my mom had just left. I went upstairs to go back to work and it’s been about 40 minutes since I thought my mom left. Suddenly my dogs freak out and I hear banging on my door.

I opened it and some lady who was visibly upset told me ‘Where are my groceries’. I was taken aback and didn’t know what she was talking about so she showed me a photo of a Walmart delivery and my door… again, no idea what she was talking about but my mom constantly gets deliveries at our house so she can take them to my grandpa (her dad) so I was like maybe she thought it was hers and took them since that’s where she was headed so I tried and called, no answer, so I told her when she called back or came back, I’d see if she has them.

I got her # and she left begrudgingly because I told her I needed to go back to work. Then all of a sudden my mom came upstairs and I told her what happened and she was like oh no I thought those were yours so I put them away (side note: I’m an organizing freak so pretty much everything is taken out of the packaging and put into bins/storage containers) so I’m like crap… so I looked through everything and this lady said it was over $300 of food, which I am not seeing.

I called Walmart customer care, explained the situation and they told me they would be refunding her and re-adding her things to get her delivery. I asked them to make sure they send her an email and to send one to me so I can prove it.

I texted her (from an app) and told her this, and then not to come over again because one, it’s creepy at someone’s house, and two I work from home. I didn’t hear from her so I thought it was settled.

Hours went by and she started BANGING on my door and shouting to open the door, etc. I don’t.

This happened two more times. I ignored her because she was really giving me bad anxiety and then she sent her husband, I assume, to do the same. So AITJ for not giving her the items back?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But that lady and her husband are.

When she didn’t get her deliveries she should have contacted Walmart, like you did. They made a mistake and made it up by refunding her and doing her shopping again.

Next time she or her husband shows up, call the police.” ThinkerWhoTinkers

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. At. All.

It was Walmart’s mistake. They refunded her. Case closed. You are now the happy owner of 300$ of groceries that were delivered to YOUR door by mistake. This lady is not entitled to it. She got her refund.” User

3 points - Liked by Turtlelover60, anma7 and LizzieTX

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helenh9653 4 months ago
NTJ. It was Walmart's mistake, which you got them to correct when she came to you instead of contacting them. She's not out any money, she got her groceries and that should be the end of it. If it isn't, call the police.
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21. AITJ For Walking Out When My Fiancé Wanted Me To Pay For His Friend's Meal?

“So, my (f 28) fiance Jack (m 30) has a friend Steve (m 33) who had cancer but is now doing better.

He’s one of Jack’s closest friends and Jack was there for him all the way to the end of treatment. Steve started going out and socializing again which is great! However, whenever we go out, Jack will expect me to pay for Steve’s meals or drinks using the excuse that ‘he had cancer, show some empathy’.

We went to an electronics shop one time and Jack told me to pay for Steve’s purchases because ‘he’s had cancer’. I sucked it up once and twice but then told him I couldn’t do it anymore. He emphasized the fact that Steve had cancer and reminded me of how his financial status was affected so ‘we’ should help from time to time.

But funny how I’m always the one paying.

Yesterday, Jack and I were at a restaurant for lunch. Steve somehow showed up and sat with us. We ate lunch and chattered then before we left and as I was about to pay the bill, Jack gestured for me to pay for Steve’s meal too.

I played dumb and said, ‘I’m sorry but why should I pay for his meal?’ Jack obviously didn’t wanna say ‘because he had cancer and is struggling’ out loud and in front of Steve so he asked me to step outside so we could talk.

I refused and said that there was nothing to say, that Steve had cancer which was unfortunate and all that but that in no way makes him entitled to my money. Steve looked stunned, he glanced at Jack and Jack was fuming. He told me to ‘just pay this time’ but I only paid for our lunch then got up and made my way out.

I heard him repeatedly apologizing to Steve as I was walking out.

Jack didn’t come home but left 4 nasty texts calling me unhinged, petty, selfish, and short-sighted as well as unsympathetic to what his friend went and is going through. I texted back that his friend’s unfortunate circumstances aren’t my responsibility nor are they my fault.

He said I’d lose nothing if I just paid for his lunch and that walking out on him was nasty beyond comprehension. I told him he could’ve paid for him if he felt so strongly about it. He responded by saying I was being willingly ignorant since I know he’s out of a job as of now and said that a small act of kindness could’ve gotten me a long way but I made it about myself, and my money, and jeopardized his friendship for no reason.

He’s still mad saying he won’t speak to me til I make it up to him and Steve.

AITJ for walking and refusing to pay?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and why are you paying for your fiancé’s meals all the time as well? You should think long and hard about this.

Let him support Steve but you should not be supporting both of them. I’ll bet he invites Steve by saying that he’ll pay or implying that your money is both your money. Honey, run.” lisalef

Another User Comments:

“Your 30-year-old jobless fiance wants you to pay for his friend’s food, drinks, and purchases?

Does he think that you’re Steve’s mom or something? I’m trying to figure out why Jack would want you to pay.

Oooooh, wait! I know why! Because he can then flex to Steve that he (Jack) is such a good friend that he’s paying for Steve and using your money to do so!

Marry Jack and you’ll be stuck paying for him and any other friends because he wants to flex like your money is his when he has no money (I’ll bet that when he does start to have money, he won’t reciprocate at all).

NTJ for stopping the gravy train. YWBTJ if you don’t put Jack off of said train.” RndmIntrntStranger

3 points - Liked by Turtlelover60, anma7 and LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
NTJ and please ditch Jack. Don't make any excuses, don't rationalize, don't engage at all - just block him. It's not like he doesn't know what he's doing, after all. Boot this loser from your life.
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20. AITJ For Buying My Partner The Expensive Dress She'd Been Looking At?

“I (35M) decided to buy my partner (29F) a very beautiful expensive dress. She was eyeing that dress from the moment we got to the mall but when I asked if she wanted it she said no.

Don’t get me wrong I love women, especially my partner but I sometimes really don’t understand them. Their eyes say they want it but then their mouths say no? Like, make your mind up.

Anyway, we went around the mall to buy a few more things for our new house but before we left we passed by the store with the dress and I once again asked if she wanted it.

She of course said no and so I explained to her that if she doesn’t want it then don’t look at it. She then told me that she did in fact want it but she definitely couldn’t afford it. I love spoiling my partner, I make a good amount of money so I always take her out on dates and buy her jewelry but now I didn’t understand why she didn’t want me to buy her that dress.

I told her to go try it on and I would pay for it, I told her that I would not take no for an answer. She agreed finally but said that she would pay for it saying that it probably wouldn’t even be that expensive.

She tried it on and when I tell you guys that I felt like that guy in the movie where they see that girl walking down the stairs in a beautiful dress, I felt exactly like that. She got changed out of it and went to the counter however the lady at the counter told us that it would be around $3,000.

My partner said that she didn’t actually want it but I just paid for it. She got mad and started calling me a jerk and that because of me everyone would start to think that she was just a gold digger, she also told me that she could never be independent when she was around me.

So AITJ for buying my partner a dress after she said that she didn’t want it?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Do you understand you ruined the experience for her? Before, it would either have been a lovely dress she dreams of the day she can afford or a lovely dress she worked hard for and rewarded herself with.

Now, it’ll always be the dress that her overbearing partner forced her to take even though she said no. An eternal reminder that she didn’t do anything to earn it and that the dress is now more about you and your ego rather than her.” Sebscreen

Another User Comments:

“‘Their eyes say they want it but then their mouths say no? Like, make your minds up.’

What a weird take.

This might come as a shock, OP, but financially responsible grown-ups can want things that they know aren’t worth the money.

And sometimes, the price is genuinely such a put-off that it makes you stop liking the thing. That doesn’t mean you should stop daydreaming about it. ‘Then stop looking at it’. Really?!

YTJ. I want to believe you meant well, but next time actually listen to what she says, don’t do what you THINK she wants, it’s almost never appreciated.” Kahaeli

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and anma7

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anma7 5 months ago
YTJ... just cos she likes it doesn't mean she wants it to the point she's willing to drop 3K on it... she's probably loving the dress hating the price and thin,ing where the jerk would I wear a dress that costs 3K!! Plus the fact at that price I would be worried about it getting ruined somehow. Honestly dude I get your love language is gift giving but she obviously feels someway about the obvious difference in salaries and is worried about being called a gold digger or on,y being g woth you for what you buy her.. something that men don't tend to have to worry about whereas women do!!
Apologise and ask her if she wants you to return it and see what she says
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19. AITJ For Donating My Son's Old Video Games?

“My (58f) son (32m), who I’ll call John, used to play a lot of video games when he was young. It started when we gave him an N64 for his birthday and for the next decade or so he would spend hours each week in the basement playing one game or another.

When he moved out to go to college he only took his laptop and most recent gaming console. The rest of his collection was left at home. It’s been more than a decade since then and he’s only come back to pick up a few of his old gaming things, and I don’t think he’s even touched the rest.

Over the past couple of years, one of the projects my husband and I have used to keep ourselves busy is cleaning up all the clutter that has accumulated in our house. A couple of months ago, we got to the corner of the basement that had all of John’s old gaming stuff.

Consoles, games, controllers, old magazines, and some other random stuff. It was a bit of a mess to clean and organize, and my husband and I didn’t really know what to do with it all once we were done. So we decided to call John to see if he wanted to take any of it.

He seemed kind of noncommittal on the phone, and we didn’t push. We kind of let the stuff just sit there until we were done cleaning the rest of the basement. I tried talking to John again, asking if he wanted it but still didn’t really get an answer.

At this point, I figured he didn’t really care.

I decided to donate the games and consoles to charity and recycle the magazines. This was a month ago.

Last week, John came over and asked about the games and stuff and said he could take some of it.

I told him that it was gone. He asked what I meant, and I told him about the charity. He got really upset and asked how I could do that. That was an important part of his childhood that I just threw away. I told him that I’d asked him to take it months ago and after asking again last month I figured he didn’t want it anymore.

He said that just because he didn’t answer back then didn’t mean he wanted it gone. He called me cruel, said I never cared about the things he liked, and then stormed off.

I felt bad for days before I tried to contact the charity to get the stuff back, but it was too late.

It was gone. John hasn’t spoken to me since.

I feel like crap, but at the same time, I did ask John if he wanted it and he never said he did. He hasn’t even touched most of it in more than a decade. I figured donating it to someone who would actually use it would be best for everyone, but I guess I didn’t understand just how much sentimental value John attached to those games.

My husband said John was overreacting. They were just some stupid games that our son had abandoned years ago. If he really cared, he wouldn’t have left them here.

But I don’t know, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, just a series of miscommunications.

You’re not wrong for thinking he didn’t particularly care about it, especially since you tried multiple times to get him to commit to taking it. John definitely overreacted, but his reaction is understandable given that he just lost a memento from his childhood. Your husband is oversimplifying John’s reaction, though.

Just because he thinks those were just ‘some stupid games’, doesn’t mean John thinks that.

It would have been nice if you gave John a final call and said ‘Hey, I need a hard yes/no on whether or not to keep this stuff, otherwise I’m going to donate it to charity’, but this is more of a lessons-learned kind of thing and not a ‘You’re a jerk because you didn’t do this’ thing.” CiaranAnnrach

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I was prepared to call you a jerk. Kids often leave things at their parents’ house and forget about them. Some of those old games and consoles could have actually been worth money as well but you reached out twice and he never said he wanted them or seemed to express any interest. It’s not your responsibility to hold on to them indefinitely.” keesouth

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and Chull

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
Definitely NTJ. You reminded a THIRTY TWO YEAR OLD MAN that he needed to make a decision about his old property. Being a thirty two year old man, it's not unreasonable to assume that John knows how to use his words and express his wishes. He didn't do this. You got tired of waiting, and made the decision for him, and NOW he's b!tching? Seriously?
I'd bet anything that John was all for leaving you to deal with his abandoned stuff, until he talked to a friend who told him that some of those old games could be valuable, and he reconsidered. IF that was the case, he could have again, used his words and called you to ask you to hold off on throwing it out. He didn't do that. John is not a six year old. John is an adult. John should have come and gotten his $h!t if he wanted it. You're not responsible. Tell John to grow up.
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18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Nephew Every Week For Free?

“I work in a job where I get paid summers off and a spring break (school schedule).

My sister’s in-laws and our mom provide free child-care to her 4/5 work weekdays with Friday being a day they need to pay a babysitter to care for my nephew. She started arguing with me that since I get paid summers off I owe her babysitting services every Friday during my time off and that I need to bond more with my nephew.

I see him about once a month if not more and any time I go to visit them the visit is 4+ hours and I end up babysitting anyway.

I love my nephew and he reaches for me when I see him (he took to me rather easily).

She and her husband work from home (both higher paying jobs, and live with in-laws so have no living expenses). I feel like it’s not my responsibility to drive 30 minutes away to babysit for free every Friday if not more. I’m trying to set up my private practice over the summer so it’s not like my time off I’ll be doing nothing, I’m setting up a business.

She pays our younger sister to watch my nephew on her days off but isn’t willing to pay me as I ‘already get paid over the summer’. My partner and I want to plan vacations for over the summer (he works over the summer so weekends will be our free time to do trips together) plus I’ll be working on my private practice.

I don’t feel it’s my responsibility to provide free child care every Friday. I don’t mind every once in a while but every week at least once if not more (if someone else can’t for some reason). I feel it is unreasonable.

My sister feels I’m a jerk as I should be jumping at the chance to ‘bond more’ with my nephew. My brother-in-law is passive and didn’t want to contradict her. So AITJ for refusing to babysit for free every week?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She’s receiving everything for free and now feels entitled to spread that free childcare further. Tough luck. She can either find someone for one day a week, or she can take 8-10 days off and watch her own child on those days. I wouldn’t even give her one Friday, because she’ll never be satisfied. You owe her nothing and aren’t responsible for how her child is cared for.

I’d simply inform her that’s not going to work for you and work steadily on your practice. If they call you, don’t answer right away, because you are busy. Her responsibilities and your life are not intertwined.” baobab77

Another User Comments:


You get paid summers off by your paid job.

Babysitting for your sister isn’t your paid job and you don’t owe it to your sister to give up your time to save her money.

This isn’t about bonding. This is entirely about money. Your sister is so cheap she wants to do anything she can to avoid paying a sitter.

Tell her no. You aren’t responsible for being her free sitter. She needs to budget her childcare needs and be prepared to pay a professional sitter.

This is not your problem.” teresajs

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and Chull

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
NTJ. Just because your other family members are providing free child care for her entitled @$$, doesn't obligate you to do the same. Tell her you're not available, and you won't be available permanently unless she decides to pay you the $20/hour your job pays you. That should shut her up. If she continues to complain, block her. I hate people who won't take care of their responsibilities. Your sister is a heinous jerk.
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17. AITJ For Making My Brother And His Family Homeless After His Son Stole My Engagement Ring?

“The reason I (26M) know that my nephew stole my engagement ring is because I literally caught him in my room going through my things. And it’s on freakin camera. My nephew is 9 and has a habit of stealing things. They’ve gotten in trouble a few times at stores because he’d leave with something in his pockets.

But of course, because he’s a kid they usually just say he forgot he had it. Even at school, my brother has told me they have had to talk to the principal on a couple of occasions. Doesn’t seem like they’ve done anything to stop it.

They had to come to stay here with me because my brother lost his job and they weren’t gonna make it with all their bills including rent. He’s doing Uber rn while he searches for a job and they can move out. I didn’t want them to because of my nephew specifically but family is family I guess.

A month ago I finally bought an engagement ring for my partner that I was planning on proposing to soon but now I don’t know.

It’s a $4k ring that I spent over a year saving up for. It’s been hidden in my room under one of my drawers.

One time when I found him snooping in my room I told my brother to control his kid, then got one of those cheap spy cams in my room just in case. Then last week I noticed it was out of its box, after checking the cam it showed he was in there again when I wasn’t home.

My brother and his wife have yelled at him.

He says he left it by the tv in the guest room but it’s not there. They looked through all their stuff and his too. I know for a fact he’s lying about not having it because that’s the same thing he said about one of my watches he took then ended up finding it.

By the second day, my brother tells me they can’t find it at all. And I told him either they find the ring or he repays me the $4k I spent on it, if not they can’t stay here anymore.

My brother got really upset, he told me I knew how their situation was right now, and yeah it was a tough spot but I couldn’t ignore the fact that his kid he couldn’t parent took something extremely important to me that cost a lot of time and money.

They were given a week to leave my house if they didn’t find the ring. They’re having to stay at a cheap motel but my brother won’t stop begging to come back because what they’re paying right now each night is coming directly out of their savings.

He won’t stop calling me heartless about letting something like this come between helping them out through a difficult time and my nephew keeps saying he’s sorry.

It’s just hard right now to want them around. Don’t even know what to do about the ring and every time I think about it it just makes me so mad that it’s hard to care about their situation.

Does that make me a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ—it’s a terrible situation but they should’ve taken measures sooner to get the kid to stop stealing. Also, I’m not sure a kid that young can do anything with a $4k ring.

It’s not like he can go to a pawn shop & sell it. Do you have homeowners insurance? Perhaps you can make a claim? However, that may cause more problems. Is it possible that your SIL or brother found & sold the ring themselves?” Newauntie26

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your brother knew that his son stealing things was a problem and he was already caught poking around in your room once. As sad as it is, your brother being homeless is a direct result of him not being able to control his own son.

They knew the kid had a tendency to steal things, so it was only a matter of time before he took something expensive/important. Your nephew can be sorry all he wants, but you are still out $4,000 and there is absolutely no guarantee that your nephew won’t steal something again if you allow him in your home.

What your nephew stole was not insignificant and you are 100% correct to demand that your brother either return it or repay you for it. And, even if he does, how can you trust that your brother can control his son when he has shown absolutely no ability to do so in the past?” bamf1701

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
NTJ, and I think you should press charges against your nephew for the theft. I don't think your brother and his wife are acknowledging that their spawn is a kleptomaniac, and won't, until something drastic is done. If you care about your brother's family at all, file charges against the kid, to wake the parents up. Might require them to make restitution as well, which would be another good lesson for the entire family. If I were you, I'd go no contact with them all. They need to wake up, and here's a perfect opportunity. Good luck.
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16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Ex-Friends Anymore?

“It’s my (19f) last year of high school and my so-called ‘friends’ decided in December last year to cut me off and hang out without me.

We were a group of 5 but because of the global crisis, we divided the group into 3 (me and two other girls, 19 and 18) and the other 2 (18 both). This is important for later on!

The reason I was cut off from their friend group was a joke I made with one of the girls who decided to turn all the others against me.

I was of course hurt and tried to talk to them and also apologized for the joke, but after a few months, I stopped trying.

You see, only the girl I made the joke with avoided me and spread rumors. The 2 girls I mentioned at the beginning of the story were on good terms with me and kept asking for help with stuff, mostly homework.

For the sake of our friendship, I helped them with all I could, but whenever they would hang out, they would take the joke girl while ignoring me.

This went on for months, until a few weeks ago when I decided to just tell them ‘I won’t help you anymore, go ask the joke girl for help, as you only hang out with her.’ I am good enough when it comes to helping them, but I’m not enough to hang out with them.

I also recently found out the joke girl actually stalks my socials and judges my pictures with one of her friends, and a girl from that group reached out to me to vent, calling the joke girl all sorts of names while STILL hanging out with her.

One of the two girls agreed with the joke girl that I’m a jerk for refusing to help them and avoids me as well. They were my best friends and now they act like I don’t exist and like I’m a bad friend for choosing myself.

Am I the jerk? Should I continue to help them? We spent 3 years as a friend group and I do miss going out with them…”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, they were never your friends. None of them. Do not help them. It is not a loss that they are not hanging out with you, tell them good riddance instead.

In the future, whenever someone badmouths a common friend, even when venting, stop them in their tracks and tell them that badmouthing someone to a common friend is not fair and you don’t want your friends to do that, and you will not do it either.

(Also I hope you realize that a person who badmouths their friend to you, will turn around the next moment to badmouth you to the other friend. This is how such people operate.)” LookAtNarnia

Another User Comments:


They aren’t friends, they are users.

As in using you for your help/work/money while not including you in social settings.

The fact they are mad you aren’t helping them after you pointed out they never hang out with you shows they disregarded your feelings towards being excluded and are focusing on only what they can no longer get out of you.

There are better people out there.” Status-Pattern7539

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
NTJ, and you need new friends. Those you thought were, are not, and never were. As you discovered, they're just users. Kick them to the curb and forget about them, and block all of them on social media. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
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15. AITJ For Moving Out Of My Brother's House Without Telling Him?

“I (30F) have two kids. My brother (34M) fell on hard times in 2020. He and his wife had even separated and were on the brink of divorce. I’d put my condo on the market, and it sold, but I had yet to find a home I was interested in, so we came up with an agreement of me moving in with him and I pay him rent to help him out and in the same, it gave me time to look for a place without having to shell out a bunch of money for rent and utilities.

At this time my kids were staying with my ex until I found us another home.

All was well for about six months, within this time my brother and his wife reconciled. They share two kids and recently had a baby about five months ago.

I won’t say I don’t like his wife, but there was bad blood there once upon a time, due to the way she’d spoken to my parents, and we crossed paths in the worst way there is. I have no issues with her, but she’s held the past against me ever since.

Those words haven’t come out of her mouth, but it’s in her actions.

Due to her having a newborn, I knew the feeling of being overwhelmed, so I continued doing the things I was doing prior like helping around the house cooking, cleaning, and helping their kids with homework whenever I could.

I was met with a rebuttal from her complaining that she didn’t like me ‘messing’ around in her house, so I fell back. She then would complain to my brother that I was in the way or that I was not holding my weight.

My brother and I have had a couple of discussions. The first couple of times, everything was cool, but after it became an issue of her complaining about it, I saw it for what it was. She was trying to cause issues with him and me and it worked. He started saying things like this is her house, you need to respect her.

You need to hold your weight. I’m doing my best trying to help you out and you’re taking advantage of it.

I’ve never had a problem looking after their kids. It went from them asking to expecting me to. Once I started telling them no, I would hear things like you’re staying here for practically nothing the least you can do is help out, (I paid my brother 1200 a month for a year and a half faithfully).

There was the threat of evicting me coming from both him and her because I refused to cook for her mother’s birthday party. I wasn’t asked. They expected me to. I settled for a pretty nice home in a rural area. I didn’t bother saying anything to either of them because things had gotten that bad.

Had our parents thinking I was causing strife in their household.

I didn’t have a lot of things at his place, so it was nothing to move out. I left their key on the island and chucked deuces. I received a call later that night and my brother asked why did I move out?

I told him it was time. He said I could have at least had the audacity to tell him because he depended on the income. I was called a few ungodly names, and then I had to hear from my parents on how he and his family were back struggling and that I shouldn’t have handled it the way I had.”

Another User Comments:

“Definitely no winning here. Had you notified them, they’d have scolded you for losing that income too. Inconsistency and hypocrisy are deeply embedded in their DNA, it seems. First, it’s next to nothing, now it’s their livelihood. First, you’re ‘invasive’, and now you’re ‘not pulling your weight’.

Especially in that light, them expecting and demanding you to cook party dinners and babysit is nothing but disgusting. Why communicate with jerks like these at all?

NTJ. This ship has sailed. Cut them off and move on with your life.” DynkoFromTheNorth

Another User Comments:

“Never bite the hand that feeds you. If your brother depended on the rent you paid him they should not have tried to make you into an unpaid babysitter, cook, and maid.

On the other hand, they were badmouthing you to your parents, insinuating that you are creating problems in their marriage.

And your SIL kept complaining that you were not pulling your weight.

They can’t have it both ways. Either you were a burden on them and it’s good that you went away. Or you were helping them a lot and now their family can’t survive without you.

If it’s the latter they owe you a big apology and need to set the record straight with everyone they have maligned you to.

NTJ.” ProfileElectronic

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
Definitely NTJ. This was a no win situation from the minute the wife came home. I think you handled the situation perfectly. Tell your family and anyone else who's criticizing you to suck it up, that they can't have your money and not have you living in the home, since that's clearly what they were angling for. Sucks to be them.
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14. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Making My Daughters Wait Outside The Restaurant?

“I’m a mother of twins (19f). Their dad and I split up 6 years ago and I’m now married to my husband ‘Kevin’.

Problem is… Kevin thinks that my girls are not disciplined simply because they don’t follow everything he tells them because they don’t see him as their father…We’ve already talked about that. Especially the part where he expects them to dress how he wants them to, and behave how he wants them to.

He even called them ‘weirdos’ but that’s just how teenagers are and it’s not a new thing.

Anyways. I told him he needed to loosen up a little and lessen his expectations of them but I get it’s hard to do given he was brought up in a ‘conservative’ household with a hard-core Christian family.

Last week. He started a fight after seeing one of the girls’ hairstyles and said that she was looking ‘trashy’. Because of that, we had to cancel our trip to the mall because he refused to drive us.

A couple of days ago. We wanted to go out for dinner.

I intended on getting off work at 6 but had some stuff to get done. My husband and I agreed that he’d take the girls and go to the restaurant and wait for me there. He called me before they got out of the house to complain about what the girls were wearing.

The girls sent me pics and I thought nothing was wrong with their outfits and told him to drop it and just go. He said fine then muttered something about me enabling them then hung up.

While I was still at work I got a call from one of the girls telling me their stepdad had them stand and wait outside the restaurant because ‘he didn’t want to be seen with them dressing like that’.

I was stunned I rushed to the restaurant and found them near the car. They explained he told them to wait in the car til he told them to come in (basically wait for me). They started crying. I had them get in my car then went inside the restaurant and found him on his phone.

I went off on him and told him he should be ashamed of himself for treating my daughters as if there was something to be ashamed of. He tried backpaddling saying it wasn’t like that but I interrupted him and then walked out after canceling dinner.

We went home and he came back hours later trying to argue that I couldn’t blame him for disapproving of the girls’ ‘recklessness’ and that he tried communicating but I shut him down and treated him as less of a parent when he’s just wanting what’s best for them.

He doesn’t speak to me or the girls anymore.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for marrying someone who treats your daughters like this. Of course they don’t see him as a dad, they are adults and he hasn’t even been around for 6 years. He cannot just have expected to marry you and suddenly gain two obedient robots.

That isn’t how it works.

You get that his issues with their wardrobe and appearance are him looking at them inappropriately, right? His upbringing is no excuse either, it can be a reason but he’s still responsible for adjusting his attitude and behavior once it’s pointed out as unacceptable.

Your choice, but if you let this continue your girls won’t stick around for that any longer than they need to.” gemmalynn

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for allowing this to happen to your daughters—the first moment he started policing their appearance, you should have considered that a dealbreaker.

Your daughters are 19 and past the age that they can be told how to dress by a parent. You are enabling this man’s bad behavior and it’s on YOU that this happened because you should have shut this nonsense down long ago. You’ve been with this jerk for SIX YEARS?

You’ll be lucky if your daughters are still speaking to you if this continues.” User

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
YTJ. Your husband is attracted to your daughters and because of his "Christian upbringing" it's making him uncomfortable. So because he's a sleazy jerk who can't take responsibility for his own emotions, or control them, he's taking it out on your daughters, punishing THEM because his fundamentalist upbringing tells him that it's the female's fault for making the male want her. Gods bless and keep your daughters, because not only do they have a letch and a jerk for a stepfather, they have an oblivious mother who is allowing her new husband to mistreat her children. You're pathetic, obtuse and a horrible excuse for a caring parent. Divorce this jerk now, that you never should have married, because if you don't, your daughters will go no contact with you as soon as they're able.
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13. AITJ For Asking A Woman At The Gym About Her Tattoo?

“I am a fairly big guy. I have lost 180 lbs in the past year with the help of a gastric bypass and now go to the gym 6 days a week.

I work out at Planet Fitness in my area.

I am also married and always wear my wedding ring even when I’m working out. I wear it because I love my wife and want everyone to know I am married. I also wear it at the gym in hopes people won’t think I’m creepy.

I actively try to not look at anyone and do my own thing so women don’t think I’m a creep or anything and they can feel comfortable around me to work out. My wife has some mental health stuff she goes through so I try to be as mindful as I can of others and their own mental battles.

I know normal gym etiquette is to not bother anybody while they’re working out. I never do and I didn’t think I did in this situation either. I should mention if you don’t go to Planet Fitness you may not be aware that it’s encouraged to wipe down the machines you use so they have stations around where you can get paper towels and cleaning spray.

It was at one of these cleaning stations I was spraying down my towel that I noticed her leg when she walked up as I was looking down spraying the cloth. Her entire leg was covered in this awesome dragon tattoo and I loved the art style.

I waved at her in a polite way to indicate I wanted to ask a question. I was smiling and my ring was clearly visible. She then reluctantly pulled off an earphone and gave me a quizzical look like she assumed I was hitting on her.

I said: ‘I’m sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to ask where your tattoo was done. My w…’

And before I could finish she said: ‘(insert name of a city about 80 miles away)’

I said: ‘Oh I see. Thank you. My w…’

And before I could finish she put her headphones back on, looked creeped out, and walked quickly towards the women’s locker room.

I am just trying to think if I had done something off-putting or whatever. I have a tendency to overthink a lot and I’m trying to figure out if I have done something wrong.

I am aware of how much women get stared at and probably hit on at the gym. My wife goes to the gym too and tells me about it which is why I actively try so hard not to be creepy. The only thing I think was she saw me as an overweight creep trying to have an affair or perhaps she has had a past issue with this scenario or something?

So am I the jerk here?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

It’s common to ask people about their tattoos, and you did so in a respectful manner. You also acknowledged her discomfort and did not follow her or attempt to engage with her once she left the situation.

I don’t see anything wrong here.

However, who knows her history? Maybe she’s hit on all the time and is understandably cautious. She removed herself from the situation and answered your question.

Just an unfortunately awkward situation, no one’s fault.” missshrimptoast

Another User Comments:

“Agh, you know what, this is just an awkward situation but really, no jerks here.

You didn’t do anything wrong and you clearly tried to not be a weirdo. But we don’t know how many dudes have used her tattoo as a segue to hit on her. From personal experience as a heavily tattooed woman out in public, it does happen a fair amount.

So I can’t fully fault her for expecting the worst in any situation. It is really unfortunate but it is something that we can chalk up to us living in a misogynistic world of human creation, rather than you individually. I get it! Tattoos are dope and curiosity happens!

You weren’t wrong for asking.

Don’t take it personally man. You did your best and sometimes these things just don’t work out the way we would hope.” FilledWithStardust

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and LizzieTX

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helenh9653 4 months ago
NTJ. You asked politely, she answered. She refused further conversation, you didn't push it. Nothing to stress about.
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12. AITJ For Banning A Woman From My Movie Nights?

“I started up movie nights within a mental health support group about a year ago. I made it clear I planned on showing some R-rated movies, and most of the people who showed up were wanting and expecting that.

Enter one woman – she started to pound her fists when she showed up because she did not want to see the movies I had scheduled. She threw a minor tantrum when I planned to show Schindler’s List because she claimed it was ‘too triggering,’ and then she threw another minor tantrum when I planned to show Park Chan-Wook’s Vengeance trilogy because she thought those movies were ‘disgusting’.

And everybody else who shows up does not know how to deal with her over-the-top reactions, so they pretend to give in to her at the time but then after she leaves they apologize to me because they wanted to see what I had scheduled, they just did not know how to deal with this woman.

This is an officially sanctioned activity by the mental health support group, and I have told this woman if she does not want to see what I have scheduled she should stay away. But instead, she always threw a tantrum whenever I scheduled an R-rated movie, so she could say, ‘We can’t watch this, and they think so too.’

I told her she was no longer welcome at my movie nights. She is now claiming I am hurting her feelings and she complained to the higher-ups at the mental health support group because of that. But the fact is she is the only one coming to my group who always wants to change the programming I have scheduled. Now I have a couple of people telling me I should have more empathy for her and her constant tantrums at my movie nights.

I know not everybody wants to watch R-rated movies, but most of the group made it clear they were showing up because they wanted to see what I had scheduled. And the only person complaining is this woman. Attendance has dropped sharply and I suspect it is because she will always throw a tantrum until everybody agrees to pacify her.”

Another User Comments:


She knows what’s on the schedule and she can make the choice to come or not. Everyone else is expecting the planned movie.

It’s your home.

She’s ruining it for everyone.

If she’s causing you trouble with higher-ups at the support group, have some of the others who attend write notes verifying that this is really happening.” TheQuixoticTribble

Another User Comments:


OK, so… you are inviting people to come to your home and watch movies, and you are telling everyone ahead of time what the movies are going to be so that they can decide whether or not they want to come and see them.

And everyone who comes to see the movie is coming there specifically because, yes, they do want to see that movie… except her.

She is coming there for the sole reason of throwing a melodramatic tantrum to make sure everyone knows that she doesn’t want to watch that movie, and doesn’t think anyone else should either, and to demand that you watch some other movie than the one everyone came to see.

You say it’s a mental health group, so I don’t want to judge her too harshly, but it seems clear that she’s in a very different place in terms of her mental health than everyone else in your group. Your options are to give in to her controlling, manipulative behavior and let her spoil a fun and probably very therapeutic experience for many other people, or accept that she just doesn’t fit in with what you’re trying to do, and move forward without her.

If it were me, I’d just let her start her own movie night, and invite anyone she wants to come and see whatever movies she wants them to see. And stop inviting her to yours. She’s made it plain that she doesn’t share everyone else’s taste in movies, so I would just tell her that you don’t want to make her uncomfortable by inviting her to attend an event she doesn’t enjoy, and perhaps it’s best if she just does not come.

I don’t think it’s fair to anyone (maybe not even her) to let her ruin this for everyone involved.” Unseen_Owl

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
NTJ. If she pitched a fit once, okay. If she did it twice, not so okay, but not horrific. But every single time? When she knows in advance what the movie will be? This woman just wants to get attention and make everyone else miserable. Ban her. Actions have consequences, no matter your state of mental health.
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11. AITJ For Wanting To Go On A Solo Trip?

“My partner (M 26) and I (F 25) have been together for 6 months. He’s my first real partner ever (a little important detail for later) and I honestly love him.

I love to travel. Before we started going out, I had gone on a lot of solo international trips and loved being alone. I will admit that being in a real relationship for the very first time has been a lot of work and adjustment for me.

I love my partner but I won’t lie, I love being single so much. I started working at a high school this academic year as a Counseling Administrator and I love it! One thing about working in education that I love is getting 5 weeks off during the summer.

This year I am planning on renting an apartment/Airbnb and just living in Spain for a month. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do and I’m super set on going.

Here’s the issue: my partner doesn’t want me to go at all.

I told him I had already thought about this before we even started going out and traveling solo is a big passion and hobby of mine. I said of course he’s invited but I know he wouldn’t be able to get all that time off work.

I said we can plan a lot of future trips together and it’s not like he can’t come to Spain too for a bit and stay with me for the few days that he can get off from work. He got really upset and said I didn’t know anything about relationships and it’s so frustrating being with someone with no relationship experience.

I told him he knew from the beginning who I was and that I loved traveling, and I honestly didn’t think I needed his approval or anything since we just had started going out, I had plans already, and honestly, I didn’t see how this is something bad.

Just because you’re in a relationship you can’t do things on your own? He got mad and left for his friend’s house. I don’t know what to do. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Go to Spain. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean giving up what is important to you.

But you guys should also talk about how compatible your love of traveling and long trips is with his shorter vacation time. If he doesn’t want you to travel solo because that makes him feel left out, that might be a dealbreaker.” Ruevin55

Another User Comments:

“No judgment, just a recommendation that if you end up single again, this is a conversation you have early into a new relationship. It definitely is a compatibility issue and you may want to consider what comes first for you, solo travel or your relationship?

It’s not fair to say you want to be the one in the relationship who does what they want while simultaneously upset that they are not willing to compromise for you!” Timely_Concept8516

1 points - Liked by Turtlelover60

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MadameZ 5 months ago
NTJ but dump him. Being single *is* better than being in all but the very best relationship, and this is not a good relationship. Your partner is a jerk because he is trying to put you in your place, which is submissive and prioritising his whims over your own wellbeing. There are many ways to 'be in a relationship' including polyamory and long-term FWB. And, at your age, any kind of long-term or monogamous relationship should be bottom of your priority list. Enjoy your solo travel.
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10. AITJ For Suggesting To My Significant Other To Get Professional Help?

“My significant other (22F) and I (22F) have been together for 2 years. For the past year though… we kept having some issues.

One of those issues is posting on social media. She has a problem with me posting anything, which I rarely do anyway, and when I do it’s a meme, my cat, or art.

Well, every time I did post something she ended up upset and wouldn’t even tell me why she was upset even if I asked her multiple times throughout the day.

(I’m trying to be patient with her considering she’s struggling with BPD and other issues but I do too and I feel like she expects me to fix her issues for her.) When she finally tells me what the problem is it’s after a mental breakdown.

Well last time it happened I posted some random art I found, she was asleep all day since she’s struggling to sleep at night, and when she woke up she was upset again. I kept asking her what upset her and she only said ‘I don’t know’ every time.

After about 3 hours she finally told me I made her uncomfortable with my post and said it’s weird I post in the first place. Kept asking why I did that and who do I want to see it.

I told her I didn’t do anything wrong, that I could post if I wanted to and I didn’t need a reason to post something if I liked it.

That’s when she actually got annoyed and told me I was mean to her, didn’t consider how she felt, and invalidated her feelings. She also said I neglected her because I didn’t show it to her and posted it instead. I explained that I didn’t show it because she was asleep and every time I did she ignored it and changed the subject to whatever she wanted to talk about.

I also said if she didn’t like it so much she should’ve said something in the beginning of our relationship not a year later and that I won’t be changing it.

At this point, she got really defensive and told me I was horrible and that I made her uncomfortable.

I am not gonna lie, this upset me so I ended up saying she was being controlling and needed professional help for this massive reaction, I shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells because a stupid post makes her uncomfortable and she expects me to change everything because of her issues.

I told her I tried to help as much as I could and reassure her but I was also not in a good place and she couldn’t expect me to enable controlling behavior.

I did apologize after this because maybe I didn’t deliver it the right way but I also don’t think I did something wrong for her to react the way she did and I don’t think I can handle this type of reaction every time she doesn’t like something.


Another User Comments:


You have spent so much time asking what she wants, and no time on what you want.

Ask yourself, honestly, what is best for you at this point? She needs love, but you do too. Does she make you feel accepted, supported, and loved?

I also recommend that you see a professional to help you communicate and set boundaries with her, especially someone with BPD. BPD is tricky for the person who has it and the people around them.

Good luck OP.” Angry_orchard1

Another User Comments:

“NTJ—as someone whose ex was extremely emotionally and mentally abusive and manipulative, I’d suggest you rethink the relationship.

I understand that this might not be what you want to hear, but she obviously has no plans to change and is putting highly unrealistic expectations on you by hoping you can ‘fix’ her. She needs professional help and support that you’re unable to give her and my advice is that you do what’s best to protect yourself and your own mental health.

If you don’t want to leave her that’s fine, but you need to start putting up stronger boundaries with her to protect yourself.” The-Kryomancer

1 points - Liked by anma7

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
NTJ, and your SO is a manipulative, passive aggressive jerk. Please leave her. All she cares about is herself. She objects to nearly everything you do, she doesn't put any effort forth in your relationship, and then she hides behind her mental issues? Nope - kick her to the curb and let her abuse someone else. This is not healthy for you. Good luck.
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9. AITJ For Claiming Our Family Dog As Mine?

“My family agreed to let us get a dog about two years ago.

Before we even got her it was decided I would take her when I moved, and that I would be the one doing most of the training and care for her. When we got her that’s what happened, I was the one who stayed up with her and potty trained her, played with her, made sure she was fed the right amount, made sure she got her shots, groomed her (which is a lot of work since she’s a poodle mix), trained her.

I did and still do at least 80% of stuff with her, my sisters only do stuff like cuddling her or throwing a toy once or twice. I’ve bought most of her stuff, her harnesses, toys, and proper treats, I make sure she gets enrichment so she’s happy.

I’m the only one who knows how to properly take care of a dog.

Recently my sisters tried to bring her to a dog park because they thought it would be fun, I explained that I’d seen fights happen at that park before and I didn’t want her going there, I don’t know the dogs and she would be too stimulated to listen to me.

They argued that she’d be fine so I told them I was not letting them take MY dog somewhere I didn’t want her to go especially not without me.

They got super mad saying she’s not my dog, she’s a family dog and I don’t get to make the rules for what we do with her.

I brought up how I am pretty much the only person who actually takes care of her and have been since we got her, how I am the one taking her when everyone else leaves, I’m the one paying for it if she needs an emergency vet visit, and that I have way more experience and knowledge about dogs than they do.

My parents agree with them, all of my friends and my two other sisters side with me. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:


You’re upset for a valid reason. I think you need to have a family meeting to determine what the expectations are. If it’s determined it’s your dog, then set some boundaries and try to get some enforcement from your parents.

If it’s a ‘family’ dog, stop paying for everything. Provide care to the degree you wish to, but push some responsibility on them.

It’s complicated when you’re living under their roof. In the short-term, work on moving out.” Alekusandoria

Another User Comments:

“I don’t think you’re a jerk, but I also don’t think they are either, to be honest. It’s all in your first couple of sentences – they’d let us get a dog and it was predetermined that you’d be the one primarily taking on these duties.

So from the get-go, that was the arrangement. A shared dog that you primarily take care of. I COMPLETELY get why you’re frustrated here, and I think maybe some follow-up conversations need to take place if everyone is starting to get upset with the current arrangement.” crybabytheghost

1 points - Liked by Turtlelover60

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. start asking sisters for half the vet bill, food and any other money you sold on the dog.. when they ask why tell them that if they want to claim her ad a shared pet then they share the financial costs too
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8. AITJ For Going With My Stepdaughter To Visit Her Late Mother's Grave?

“I (34F) am married to a man (36M) who lost his first wife nine years ago to cancer, we have been married four years. From his first marriage, he has a 10-year-old daughter. I adore her and consider her just the same as my 2-year-old daughter, and I’m the only Mum she can remember so we have a very close bond.

The issue in this scenario however is my husband doesn’t like going to his first wife’s grave as it was a hard loss to him, he refuses to even take his daughter there. Some of you will likely question his feelings for me if he’s this upset over her still, he loves me, I’ve never doubted that but it doesn’t mean a part of his heart isn’t still with his first wife.

That’s just part of being with a widower.

My stepdaughter, however, was very down the last few days as it was her mum’s birthday and she opened up about how she didn’t really remember her and how her dad never takes her to the grave, it was clear she was worried about upsetting me but I just listened to her and told her it was ok to feel this way, I then told her I’d take her if she wanted. I’d been to the grave once before as when we’d gotten serious he’d taken me there to sort of clear the air and also not feel as guilty, I think it was the last time he went.

Her family maintains the grave so he doesn’t go there for even that.

So I took my stepdaughter to the grave leaving my younger daughter with my parents as this was a serious moment that didn’t need an energetic toddler about, we brought some flowers and a birthday card and just sat there until she wanted to leave.

Then we went to Starbucks and relaxed for a bit.

When my husband found out about this he was angry with me stating it hadn’t been my place to take her and I should have asked him, I told him she’d come to me about this and he always refused to take her before so what was I supposed to do?

I also told him he couldn’t keep letting his grief get in the way of what his daughter needed and even suggested maybe some therapy would be good to help him process her loss as it was still so raw for him but he shot that down.

Maybe it’s not my place to have done this but she opened up to me about this, I’ve been raising her and she considers me a Mum so I feel that if he won’t take her I should. AITJ in this?”

Another User Comments:


I think the only thing you could have done ‘better’ in this situation is to talk to your husband before taking your stepdaughter to her mother’s grave. That being said, I think you did the right thing by her.

I was originally going to say no jerks here, but it seems that your husband is being selfish by not realizing his daughter’s wants and needs.

It could just be that he’s unable to see past his own grief. Grief makes people do things they wouldn’t otherwise do. However, refusing to do anything about his situation and letting it impact his existing family makes him a very soft jerk.

I think a sit-down family conversation, including your stepdaughter, can help the situation.

As you mentioned, he shouldn’t be allowed to impose his grief onto his daughter in the way he’s doing, and he needs to remember that SHE also needs to be able to grieve her mother as much as he needs to grieve his first wife.

I think at 10, your stepdaughter is old enough to try to communicate this to her father with your help.” Educational-Mix152

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The only critique I have is that you could have discussed it with him before, but his grief does not negate his child’s grief.

Just because she doesn’t remember her well and she sees you as a mom, doesn’t change the fact that she still needs the room to grieve in her own way. If she wants to go visit the grave, then that is entirely her decision and if your SO doesn’t want to visit due to his own valid reasoning, then you have every right to step in and help your child.

Your child came to you in a moment of vulnerability and you made every right decision for her. She will remember that day, probably for the rest of her life. She will remember that you listened and helped her when she needed it. This is the kind of stuff that really matters when it comes to developing healthy relationships with your children.

Honestly, I don’t believe your SO is the jerk either, but he will be if he continues to put his feelings and needs above his children’s. Losing a loved one is incredibly hard, but that’s never an excuse to ignore the needs of your children.

I really hope you and your SO can come to an agreement for the sake of your daughter and hopefully, he can get into therapy to help him through the grieving process. Best of luck to you and your family!” User

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ.. but if daughter isn't in therapy then i suggest you bring g it up to hubby then if she brings it up in therapy the therapist can bring g it up to him about how she wants to go to mom's grave but he refuses to take her, however you are willimg to take her and tnat therapist thinks this is a good thing for you and her to do if dad is so adamant he won't go
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7. AITJ For Judging My Father For How He Chose To Live His Life?

“My father has 18 children with 11 different women.

He didn’t marry all of them and I don’t think he sees all of his children. The oldest is my half-sister Sara (56), and the youngest is my half-brother David (5). I’m 48.

My father came to my daughter’s wedding last weekend. He brought David’s mother. She is younger than my daughter.

My father is rich so most people suck up to him. He gave me a check to cover all four years of university when I got in. I used it to buy a house since he was so uninvolved in my life that he didn’t even know I had a full scholarship.

I’m not on his level but I’m well off. The house I bought 30 years ago has increased astronomically in value. Renting rooms to my classmates during my university tenure gave me a nice nest egg to start my business and my family. I still rent it out to university students.

Sorry for the digression but I felt the need to explain why I do not suck up. I am not waiting for an inheritance or anything from him. I don’t need or want his money.

He gave my daughter a very lavish wedding gift and made sure everyone knew it.

Whatever. I spoke to his latest ‘wife’. She seems nice enough but I can tell she is already looking for the exit. She asked me if my dad was having an affair. I said I didn’t know that much about my father’s life but she needed to not talk about that crap at my kid’s wedding.

I talked with my dad and asked him if he was already bored of this girl and he said ‘No of course not’ which means yes.

I told him he was going to die alone and the only people that were going to miss him were going to be his tailor and his vintner.

I told him he needs to actually be a father to his youngest kids and a grandfather and a great-grandfather. I told him to settle down with this girl and behave himself.

He said I’m a jerk for judging him and how he chooses to live his life.

I think he is a jerk for how he chooses to live his life.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Since you obviously hate your father, why did you even invite him to the wedding?

Funny how you tell his wife you don’t want to talk about your dad’s flaws on your daughter’s wedding day, and then you spend a considerable amount of time chewing him out for those same flaws… way to spoil a wedding day, dude.

Your dad sounds irresponsible, but I can’t see anything he did here that makes him a jerk.

And what’s so bad about dying alone? It’s what I hope for. A massive heart attack and no one finds my body for at least a day.” stroppo

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. He’s a bad dad that’s been established. He didn’t do anything at the wedding but give your daughter a gift? So you felt the need to attack him for his lifestyle then? You may not need him but you sound insecure or… Jealous of his new kids?

I don’t know. Weird reaction for someone giving your daughter a gift.” Ok_Juggernaut89

0 points (0 votes)

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anma7 5 months ago
YTJ.. so you tell his latest baby mom off for tal,img about 'that crap' at your daughters wedding then go rip dad a new 1 for living his life the way he chooses... why invite him if you know he's barely involved and was on,y going to flex his financial muscle at the wedding? Maybe the baby momma is under the impression that he is very much involved in all your lives and that's why she asked you the question... Maybe the correct response should have been.. well I wouldn't know seeing how he hasn't been around that much and then leave it at that
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6. AITJ For Being Upset At My Cousin For Ditching My Wedding For An Acquaintance's Wedding?

“I (29f) got married in November of last year. We are Indian and I do not have a large family as per Indian standards, hence the guest list at my wedding was pretty limited.

About 18 months before my wedding my only female cousin (27f) who I have grown up with, let’s call her Sara, had traveled to Belgium to study.

When my wedding date was finalized my aunt told my mom that Sara wouldn’t be attending as she could not afford plane tickets. It was hard for any of us to digest money being the only issue as her family is REALLY rich and she is super pampered but we accepted the reason without any complaints.

My wedding preparations went on for almost a year and she never even called or texted me. Aunt always said that she is too busy studying but is always asking her about the preparations. The wedding came and I even gave the bridal party gift packet for Sara to Sara’s mom as I figured she would have been in my bridal party if she had been in India.

My wedding was over, months passed and I never heard from her except for a congratulations comment on my social media post.

A few months later I found out Sara had travelled to India and attended the wedding of her friend’s brother which happened just a few days post my wedding.

That was a destination wedding and she stayed with her friend’s family, helped them with preparations, went on a bachelor’s trip with the groom, his sister, and friends, and even stayed for a few days post the wedding (Indian wedding festivities continue post wedding day).

My aunt knew all about this.

Her choosing her friend’s brother’s (whom she hardly knew prior to the wedding) wedding over mine (someone who she has grown up with as practically siblings) hurt me and I told another cousin (31m) about this and also said that I am thinking of not attending Sara’s wedding which will happen next year.

My cousin promptly tattled to everyone and now I am being called selfish for creating a fuss.

I never complained to Sara or my aunt and have always been cordial to them. My aunt even said that Sara chose her friend because it was a destination wedding and hence she obviously had more fun there while my wedding was way too simple for a young person to enjoy.

Other relatives are also saying that I am older and married now and hence should act mature and understand why a student would use her vacation time for a fun wedding over mine. Moreover, I should stop being petty and not only attend Sara’s wedding but also help out as an older sister.

Am I really being unreasonable and AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s rude to attend a different wedding just because she thinks it will be more ‘fun’. Especially over close family members and some random brother of a friend. I would match her energy and act towards her wedding how she acted towards your wedding.

Just say you can’t afford to ‘travel’ at the moment (even if it’s being held close to where you are) and that you can’t attend because you are ‘too old and married now.'” jtwjtwjtw

Another User Comments:


I think you should talk to Sara and ask her about it, and express your feelings directly to her.

As I understand from the story, you haven’t discussed the issue with her. I would also be very upset if the person I grew up with and had a great relationship with didn’t attend my wedding. But the question is did you have a good relationship with her?

Because if she didn’t attend for no reason she’s just not a good person, but if she’s holding a grudge against you, it’s a different situation. Anyway, this should be discussed only between the two of you. But your reaction is pretty reasonable.” User

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anma7 5 months ago
ESH.. you for expecting her to attend.. as is your right to invite her it's her right to not attend... AUNT for lying instead of being honest and telling the truth... COUSIN for tatting to the rest of the family like a child....
If you don't want to attend or help woth her wedding then don't.. again it's your right to decline the invite as is her right to invite you and hubby... as for helping with her wedding just cos she didn't help woth yours you don't HAVE to help aoth hers although i understand that in your culture its expected of extended family to help with wedding prep... unless you plan on being pregnant during g her planning/wedding just tell them... i really don't want to help i am married and i have my own family to concentrate on now like the married woman i am should do.. just get hubby on board with you in case ffaammiillyy decide to get him to weigh in and demand you help cos he says you have to
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5. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Get Her Hair Cut?

“I (45m) have a daughter ‘Lily’ (14f). My wife ‘Marie’ (43f) and I have been separated for over 5 years now and have split custody of Lily, however, she prefers to stay with me.

I’m not sure if it is cultural, but my wife and her family have always insisted on Lily to let her hair grow as they believe the longer your hair is, the more feminine you are and they always took pride in how long their own hair is.

Lily followed as she didn’t want to cause a scene. Lily’s hair was going past her thighs.

Lily was staying with me last weekend and when I was about to go to bed I saw her crying while brushing her hair. I asked what was wrong and it felt as if Lily was having a breakdown.

She started to cry harder and told me how much she hates her hair, that it takes her hours each day to brush through it due to how thick it is and how hot and tired it makes her feel, I’m not even mentioning styling it.

She also told me how she wanted to dye it, but Marie would not let her do this as it would ruin her hair and is ‘bad taste’. I have hugged her and told her not to worry and I will think of something.

I called my sister and explained the situation to her, she organized an appointment for the next day with her hair stylist to look at Lily’s hair and do something with it.

So the next day I took Lily to the hair salon, where she had her hair cut (she chose a long bob?) so her hair is now just about reaching her shoulders with the rest of the hair donated. She also had some highlights done which made Lily super happy.

When Lily got home Marie called me immediately and said I am a jerk and what have I done to our daughter. She and her whole family started berating me for it and making horrible comments about Lily, so she ended up coming back to me and staying with me.

Marie took it to social media saying I am a horrible father who ‘has taken my daughter’s womanhood and femininity away’. Even my parents called me about it and said I shouldn’t have taken Lily to the hairdresser without discussing it first with Marie.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you are doing what’s right for your daughter. SHE is the one who makes decisions about her own body. Your ex’s outdated ideas of femininity are irrelevant. The ONLY relevant opinion is your daughter’s. Kudos to you for listening to her and standing up for her wants and needs.” druidoom

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I am 100% on Lily’s side. Long hair is an absolute bother, and I too hate it. I imagine her tipping point was like mine – an unreasonable mother who refused to let her cut it to a reasonable length. There is a certain point where not everything has to be run by the other parent.

Especially if it’s something the minor can easily do on their own. After all, nothing was stopping her from taking scissors to her hair and hacking it off herself. You did the right thing; Lily is happy and someone else will get a little joy in their life.” nikkesen

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anma7 5 months ago
NTJ you ex and everyone berating g you are though... your ex sounds mentally unbalanced for gods sake... did she grow up in a cult ?? Long hair is a pain in the jerk... long thick hair is a bigger pain in the jerk.. forst thing I did was get mine chopped off.
1 Reply

4. AITJ For Not Approving Of My Son's Engagement?

“My son Adam’s (24) best friend Carlos (25) passed away over 2 years ago in a car accident, this loss completely devastated Adam to the point where he lost his job, they were like brothers and our family has known his family for years.

So we’re also very devastated over this loss.

Carlos left behind his partner and their now 4-year-old son. We don’t know his partner too well since he didn’t bring her around much, they were on and off til their son was born. Adam told me he had been seeing and taking care of Carlos’s family’s needs which is great, we were glad he was stepping up to make sure that Carlos’s family was getting help.

Adam also got a new job and we sort of had limited contact for a few months.

He’s started visiting us lately and looked different in general, he is now calmer, smiles more often, and is even open to talking about Carlos without getting too emotional. I was relieved and happy for him but last week, he contacted me and his dad and said he had something to tell us.

He visited and brought Carlos’s partner and child with him, we had dinner, and then all of a sudden he told us that he and Carlos’s partner had started going out and announced their engagement there. I was in shock, I didn’t expect this at all.

I didn’t know what to say but I felt upset and shocked mostly. Adam noticed my reaction and asked what was wrong, I told him I never expected him to get with his best friend’s partner, of all people, and talked about how bad this would look to Carlos’s family who are close friends to ours.

Carlos’s partner excused herself and her son to the bathroom and Adam and I began arguing, he went on about how I upset his fiancee and that I should be supporting him but I said that he should’ve told me and that he shouldn’t have got together with his best friend’s partner and perhaps use her grief to get her to go out with him, he acted shocked and called me unbelievable.

That’s when I asked him to leave my house. He got up and left with them. My husband said I messed up by making a scene and reacting the way I did. I went upstairs and stayed alone for an hour. It’s been days and Adam hasn’t called and my husband keeps trying to get me to speak to him but I kept saying I needed time.”

Another User Comments:


It’s been 2 years. The girl is allowed to move on and find love again. I’m sure they grew closer in supporting each other, so this is unsurprising. Intimacy is not predatory.

You accused your son of being manipulative and predatory without cause.

You also made it seem shameful that she’s moving on and not staying permanently a grieving widow, which I’m sure she’s had to work through the emotions of already on her own.

You behaved very badly to both of them.” EwokCafe

Another User Comments:


Your reaction is very confusing. I could understand being concerned about them bonding over grief but you’re suggesting that your son is a manipulative creep and you’re more concerned about appearances than about your son’s happiness.

Personally, I think it’s wonderful that Carlos’ son will be getting a stepdad who knew & loved his biological father and can answer the boy’s questions, and tell him stories about Carlos, and that the young lady won’t be put through the painful experience of possibly going out with people who would resent Carlos’ memory instead of honoring it.

2 years is a perfectly respectable period of mourning and the only thing that I will fault your son for is his decision to spring the engagement on you without having told you a while ago, without her present, that their relationship had become romantic.” rapt2right

0 points - Liked by anma7

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
You're a huge jerk. Why are you so upset that your son found love with his friend's widow of TWO YEARS? They were thrown together by their mutual love for Carlos, and they both miss him - what could be more natural than them getting together? If you loved Carlos as you say, surely you can't have anything against his widow? You're being a fool, and for no reason. And you will alienate your son permanently if you don't change your attitude. You're a terrible person.
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3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Bring Our Dog Everywhere He Goes?

“We have had our dog ‘Gemma’ for a little over a year now. I’ve suggested so many times that we get behavior therapy and training for the dog but my husband refuses, stating that ‘WE just need to try harder’.

But the thing is, no matter how many times I redirect the dog and try training myself, my husband finds a way to mess it up. Like if I ‘punish’ her by making her leave the room and go lie down (which she hates) for getting into the garbage, my husband will go right behind me and give her a treat not even 15 minutes later.

For literally no reason at all. Or he will do this thing where he will say ‘paw’ and then he will physically grab her paw and shake it, say ‘good girl’, and give her a treat. She has not once ever done the trick but he always gives her the treat.

So basically she knows that she doesn’t have to do literally anything to get rewarded and can continue her bad behaviors (getting into the trash, taking food from people’s hands, etc) because my husband won’t do anything. I’m just seen as a complete jerk forever correcting her because apparently, I’m ‘too mean’, and says that my raising my voice is going to inflict anxiety and cause aggression.

Well, my husband lost his job 4 weeks ago after the company he worked for liquidated. He is currently job searching and in the process of receiving unemployment. Since he has been home the dog’s behavior has become 10 times worse, easily. For instance, he left to go help his buddy 3 weeks ago and I hadn’t even turned my back for 2 seconds before she was up on top of the table eating my entire plate of dinner.

I had only made enough for my husband and me so I went without food and it was not the first time either.

So that night I told him either he trains her or I’M gone. I didn’t say he needed to get rid of her.

I said I would take myself out of the house. I was fuming and I was done. His way of combating this issue was to start taking the dog with him absolutely every single place he went. To a point now where he and I don’t have a single second of alone time.

I told him I wasn’t going anywhere with him anymore and very clearly stated I needed a break because now I’m just overstimulated 24/7 (the dog whines nonstop, even in her sleep). So he asked me to go to the store with him today and I asked if he was bringing the dog.

He says yes. So I said, ‘I will stay home.’ He gets mad and says I have it out for the animal, which I don’t. I’m just sick of the nonsense. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Owning a pet is a serious commitment. The dog’s behavior is a reflection of its owners, not the pet.

I hate these stories because they always lead to dogs in shelters because people won’t train them properly. NTJ but clearly you don’t like the dog and they can sense it. Marriage counseling is minimal here, a professional dog training group, I mean PetSmart has one, you don’t have to be fancy.

The dog doesn’t know he is wrong unless he is trained to know. You and your husband are grown adults who chose to bring this dog into your home. Get help before you do more damage to your marriage and the dog.” OkRisk2232

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You are both torturing that poor animal because neither of you knows what you are doing. The most merciful thing would be to re-home her.

For starters, the dog’s memory is not 15 minutes long. Dogs live in the now. Gemma has NO idea why she’s being isolated from the pack, which makes her feel insecure which leads to neurotic behavior.

You probably do crap like that all the time so that doesn’t help her mental state. She definitely is not thinking about the garbage when she gets a treat. They live in the moment. Repercussion needs to be swift and then over.

At any rate, insecure and neurotic dogs turn into dangerous dogs.

You both need to work with a professional now. If he refuses to take a course with a professional dog trainer, leave. He’s not responsible enough to be a partner. Rescue the dog from him if you can.” User

0 points - Liked by anma7

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rbleah 5 months ago
Get and keep some rolled up newspaper or something. Every time he does his stupid crap whack him and tell him BAD PET PARENT. Tell him maybe if HE got some training that he could then train the dog CORRECTLY.
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2. AITJ For Letting My Fiancé's Daughter Call Me "Mama"?

“My fiance Miguel (now 25M) and I (now 23F) met while we were in high school. We became very close friends. We even planned on attending the same college, which was a surprise to both of us. Even after he graduated and I was still in high school, we remained extremely close.

Long story short, we grew apart when he got his partner pregnant and he began to focus more on working to support them rather than school like me.

So about two years ago, I was at the store shopping when I saw Miguel again. It felt like no time had passed at all because he made a dumb joke that made me laugh.

We made small talk which turned into us starting to hang out again. Eventually, I found out that he and his former partner hadn’t even lasted until the baby was born before they broke up. Because of that, they worked out a custody agreement where their daughter Ana would stay with Miguel full time and she would get every other weekend and every Wednesday.

Ana was about 4 when I met her and she was the most beautiful, charming little girl I had ever met. We hit it off almost instantly, which was great because her dad and I started going out a month later.

She’s 6 years old now. We were at the zoo a few weeks ago while my fiance was at work and she very casually slipped in a ‘Mama’ while telling me about the zebra.

I thought it was just a mixup, so I didn’t say anything about it except it kept happening. I told her Dad about it later but he didn’t really seem to mind. He said he’d have a talk with her if it bothered me, but it didn’t so it just kept happening.

Ana and I were close so it made me feel honored to be called that.

Well apparently while at her Mom’s, Ana was talking about her ‘Mama’ and the zoo trip. Her mother dropped her off on Monday and asked to speak to me. Basically, she told me that she wasn’t a deadbeat mom and that she provided money and time for her daughter so I didn’t need to try to ‘replace her’ or ‘mother her’.

I tried to respect her wishes, so I corrected Ana, but she just kept calling me her ‘mama’ and honestly she didn’t seem to want to break the habit. She even got upset when I tried to find a nickname for her to call me.

So I let her continue calling me that. Well, her mom and I had another talk that turned into an argument because I didn’t stop her from doing it. I told her that Ana could call me whatever she wanted as long as it made her happy.

Her mom said she was extremely hurt by Ana calling me ‘mama’ and asked if I could try to understand. I told her I had never encouraged her to call me that, but I wouldn’t discourage her either. I just wanted Ana to be happy and comfortable around me, no matter what she calls me.

This has caused a big issue with her Mom and she’s been slandering me to our mutual friends and on social media for trying to replace her and basically calling me a jerk for pretending to be her kid’s mom. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here yet. I see your position here. I also see why Ana’s bio-mom is hurt by you also having the title of mama.

I think it’s concerning that your version of keeping Ana happy doesn’t also prioritize maintaining a good relationship with her biological mother.

All parents having a good co-parenting relationship should be a priority to you. Talk with Ana’s mom again and see if you two can find an acceptable nickname for Ana to call you.” thirdtryisthecharm

Another User Comments:

“It was NTJ at first, but YTJ now that you’re not discouraging it.

Children’s behavior doesn’t always change right away, and it may take months before Ana understands and comes to accept the new nickname for you.

All that said, Miguel should be stepping in to help mediate and help. It should also be him talking to his daughter, as well as helping to reassure his ex that you’re both working hard to change this nickname.

Ultimately, parenting should be coordinated and collaborative. No one in this triangle is doing any of that. You should all be working together to find a solution that is best for EVERYONE: kiddo, you, Miguel, and mom. If this kid is 6, you have a long time with mom in your life.

Take some steps to build that relationship with her — it’ll make Ana’s life way better in the end.” Withzestandzeal

-2 points (2 vote(s))

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LizzieTX 5 months ago
NTJ. And this is not your fight - it's Miguel's. HE is the one who needs to explain to Ana's mother what will happen in his house and what will not. Sounds like Ana spends a lot of time with you, more than with her bio mom. What else is a six year old going to call the woman who mothers her when her own isn't around? "Mother" is a noun, but it's also a verb; to mother is to care for. You care for Ana. So does her mother, but not as frequently as you do. I say, if Ana's bio mom wants to break her heart and alienate her daughter, she should choose this hill to die on, but I think she'd be very foolish.
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1. AITJ For Laughing At A Teacher's Idea During A Parent-Teacher Meeting?

“I’m (f 32) in Europe. My kids will be going back to school soon and we typically have a parent/teacher meeting before school starts. This year, they’re having a new English teacher whom I believe to be from the US.

Anyway, she (f, mid 20s, I guess) was introduced to us, told us a bit about her background and plans for the school year, and then, gave us a list of supplies we have to buy for our kids.

Not unusual right? Wrong. It was a crazy list, like 4 glue sticks, 25 pencils each, so and so crayons, pens, notebooks, etc. I will admit, I had a knee-jerk reaction and laughed and said ‘You can’t be serious?’ She said that she is and that she’ll create a pool of things so kids who don’t have money will be able to have everything they need. She also told us that whatever our kids will bring will be redistributed so other kids don’t feel left out.

I was tired and couldn’t be bothered to explain everything to her so I just said ‘Absolutely not’ and threw the list in the bin. It wasn’t my best moment, I could’ve explained this to her. Other parents did the same and the teacher didn’t know what to do.

At that point the main teacher joined, she explained that she didn’t know about this list and not to worry about this and she’d have a word with the new teacher.

Here’s the thing, kids from poorer backgrounds get vouchers that can only be used to purchase supplies so every kid has them.

If someone doesn’t have something, the school provides extra supplies if needed, to the point where they have filled backpacks in the library in case someone needs them.

I was told I was the jerk for not explaining it to the teacher and was told I could’ve been more polite.


Another User Comments:


You’re not wrong, but you didn’t have to essentially cause a scene. You could’ve asked instead of explaining as well. Like you could’ve said: ‘I thought we had a voucher program in place for this exact reason.

Has this voucher program been discontinued?’

It does sound like she’s from the US. Teachers in the US regularly buy supplies for their classes or ask parents to donate supplies because unfortunately despite spending a tremendous amount of money using our tax dollars, our school systems are fiscally mismanaged. My parents owned private schools and founded one of the largest charter school organizations in the country.

They provided superior education at a fraction of the cost of our public school systems and supplies were abundantly provided because the children were prioritized as opposed to what we see in the public school systems here, where we prioritize the many hierarchal layers of administrators, assistant principals, superintendents, and contracts to buy from specific approved vendors that are in the local politicians’ pockets and naming their price.

It sounds like she was trying to do something nice for her class and wanted to encourage parents to participate. She’s likely unfamiliar with the voucher programs in your country or local school systems.” Tears4BrekkyBih

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for the way you treated someone new to the country/system.

And yeah, it ‘isn’t your job’ but it is your job as a decent human being to be helpful to others who may need help understanding new things.

You could have simply said ‘Oh we don’t do that here’ and explained it. But you acted as if the teacher asked if she could have your kidney and embarrassed her.

It isn’t my job to return a random shopping cart in the parking lot to the corral, but I do it anyway because I’m not a jerk who does the bare minimum of what is asked of me. It isn’t my job to clean up after myself at the movies, but I do it anyway because I’m not a slob.

You are a parent. Your job is to work with the teacher and your child(ren) to ensure the best quality education. Parent-Student-Teacher. All 3 are stakeholders in education. And if one fails, the others fail.” Syric13

-2 points (2 vote(s))

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rbleah 5 months ago
I want to know why the new teacher did not do her due diligence and find out WHAT SCHOOLS DO IN ANOTHER COUNTRY. She was going by the crappy way it is in the US schools. I have never been out of the US and even I know it is VERY DIFFERENT in schools outside of the US. And the school should have told her what to expect when teaching there BEFORE the parent/teacher meetings.
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