People Disclose Their Tense "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

It is necessary to identify and deal with jerkish behavior in order to better oneself and engage in introspection. Rather than becoming a jerk, you can develop positive traits by persistently striving for personal improvement. These folks below realize that before they can stop being jerks, they have to figure out what exactly it is that they have been doing incorrectly all along. Let's help them by reviewing their stories and highlighting any mistakes that they made. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

23. AITJ For Telling My Mom That My Dad Wasn't Going To Pay For My Tuition?

“I (18 f) am a freshman in college this year.

We’ll get to that in a moment. My parents have been going through a pretty messy divorce for a long time, and to make a long story short, my dad treats me like crap and would give the world to my sister if she asked. Naturally, I stopped visiting him altogether, and I kept contact with him at a minimum because I got tired of dealing with a 48-year-old man bullying a 16-year-old girl.

Fast forward to the middle of Aug. this year. My parents had a mediation where my dad was threatened with legal trouble if he didn’t start paying the child support that he had been skipping out on for the past 3 years. What do you know, he doesn’t wanna pay child support for me, just my sister.

Eventually, they came to an agreement where my dad would pay regular child support for my sister, and pay for my college expenses and housing for me. This actually winds up being cheaper for him as I’m living in a cheap apartment, and my tuition is only 3k.

It’s now Aug. 27 and my dad sends me a text telling me that he got tickets for me and my sister to go to a concert on a Sunday in Oct. The issue was that I had early classes on Monday, and I already had tickets to go to the Saturday concert with my mom.

I responded, explaining why I wouldn’t be able to go to the concert with him, and offered for him to either sell my ticket or let my sister bring a friend. This made him livid. He told me that classes the next day don’t matter, and a whole bunch of other crap.

2 days later, I sent him the link to make my first tuition payment and let him know it was due the next day. His exact response was ‘LOL. Good luck with that.’ He was punishing me for not wanting to go to a concert with him by getting me dropped from college.

Sept 1 was my parents’ official court date, where this was brought up. He was told by the judge that if he didn’t pay, it was a breach of contract and he would be arrested, so he told them that he would pay.

Today, I got an email from my college letting me know that I had been dropped from all of my classes due to not paying tuition.

So, I called my mom and called my college admissions office. My mom called her lawyer, who turned it in, and my college is helping me out by keeping me in the classes for another week so that the courts had time to force him to pay, and he now has a fine as well.

He messaged me, letting me know that it wouldn’t let him pay because I needed to re-enroll, and called my mother a jerk for turning him in because ‘he didn’t know how to pay’ even though I sent specific instructions and he never asked questions.

After he paid, I let him know that I was the one to turn him in, to which he called me a massive jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I feel rude being harsh about your dad but I’m gonna be honest. Your dad is a slimy miserable person.

Favouring your sister. Hanging your education over your head and controlling you with his financial power. Lying about his intent to pay for your tuition. Turning him in was absolutely the right thing to do. It’s not even a moral thing at that point, you had to get the money that he owes you as your parent.

He is a failure of a father and I’m sorry you have to deal with him.” googlesduck

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. When your father acts up, you have a means of getting relief. Use it, screw him. He has already shown himself to be abusive towards you, so you shouldn’t feel you have to be considerate towards him.

He did what he did intentionally to screw you over, so you should talk to your mother about amending the contract so he will no longer have the opportunity to keep doing that.” Charlie_Parkers_Mood

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, and if he's going to lie to the court about paying what he agreed to pay for you, it's time for your mother to take him back to court and make him pay not just for your education, but for the three years back child support for YOU that never happened. That's what you have to do with jack@$$e$ who think they can screw their families and the court system at the same time.
I have an ex husband who tried that cr@p with me. He found out he needed to play nicely or Uncle Sam would AND the court system would both take a big wet bite out of his @$$ if he didn't comply with what he'd agreed to pay. Do NOT let your sperm donor get away with that garbage. Good luck.
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22. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Friend's Kids' Alone For 15 Minutes?

“A few weeks ago, my friend Wendy (29F) invited me (25F) over to her house for lunch. She is a single mom with two kids, ages 5 and 3.

Wendy and I are not super close. We met at an old job and have hung out a few times before, just casual things like grabbing dinner after work. This was the first time she had invited me over to her house.

When I arrived, her kids were screaming and racing around.

The younger one slipped on the rug and started crying when I came in. The older one seemed to be taunting her and ‘play-whacking’ her with a doll. Overall, it was a chaotic atmosphere.

Wendy told me she had forgotten the tomato sauce she needed for the pasta recipe she was preparing.

She said she was going to pop down to the store to grab it and would be back in 15 minutes. I hesitated because that would mean I would be alone with her kids, so I said that I could go to the store and get the sauce since she was busy with the kids.

She refused and added that she might need to pick up a few more items other than the tomato sauce, so it would be best if she went. I told her I wasn’t comfortable being alone with her kids since I had no idea how to take care of children.

Plus the kids weren’t just quietly watching TV – they were literally running around the house, tripping over each other, and play fighting. I have no children and don’t know the first thing about taking care of them.

She repeated it would be 15 minutes tops and that I would be fine.

I challenged that and said there was no way it would only take 15 minutes. What if there was a long lineup at the cashier, or she had to wait for parking, etc? Her statement that she needed more than tomato sauce also implied she might take longer shopping than 15 minutes.

She started getting annoyed and said something along the lines of, ‘Why can’t you just help out?’

I was getting panicked about being left alone with the kids. As she started putting on her shoes, I quickly put my shoes back on too, and ran out the door.

She started screaming at me, telling me to come back.

I was pretty frazzled and didn’t want to hang out with her anymore, so I just said, ‘Sorry, I have to go,’ and got in my car and drove away. Afterward, I texted her to apologize for leaving, but I really wasn’t comfortable watching her kids alone in case they got hurt.

She has not responded since then and it’s been 3 weeks.

AITJ for overreacting and refusing to watch her kids alone for ’15 minutes’, subsequently leaving the hang out instead?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

She was trying to set you up.

She figured you wouldn’t say no so she could ‘go to the store’ and I can assure you that ’15 minutes’ would’ve turned into 2 hours and her walking in with a lot more than tomato sauce and a couple of small items.

There are delivery apps, yes a bit expensive. She could’ve used those or curbside delivery, threw the kids in the car, and did that, etc.

She was playing on the hopes you’d say yes to be polite and she was gonna run for it regardless of your yes or no. If she had gotten her shoes on and was out the door before you she would’ve been.” Alyssa_Hargreaves

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Congratulations on your quick thinking and escape from forced babysitting. You did not overreact and I think the whole dinner invitation was a set-up to babysit her kids for a couple of hours. I had a neighbor pull something similar – invited me to dinner, then she had a ‘few minutes’ of work to do in her home office whereupon she disappeared for over an hour while leaving me to be entertained (haha) by her 4-year-old.

I think you can delete her contact information ‘cause you flunked the pushover test.” lonnielee3

3 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918, LizzieTX and anma7
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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Definitely NTJ and I think you handled your "friend" beautifully. She was for sure going to stick you for a couple of hours with her monsters, and you deflected perfectly.
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21. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Neighbor For Shooting Off Fireworks At Midnight?

“My neighbor three houses down is a big fireworks guy, every 4th of July he shoots off tons of them well into the night. For clarification, fireworks are illegal where I live but obviously, it’s the 4th and the police aren’t going to enforce it, I’ve never had a problem with it so no harm.

However this year he was apparently planning some big show for family and friends so he’s been testing different types of fireworks for the past two weeks. I am talking about stuff that I am certain is illegal to own as a private individual anywhere in the States.

Massive fireworks that you would see at fairs and professional shows being set off in residential neighborhoods. The community I live in is mostly elderly people and some migrant families who do not speak English very well, not the type of people who are too keen on calling the authorities.

Two nights ago was the final straw for me however, it was 12:30 at night when this guy shot off something that sounded like a freight train and it exploded right above my house, I saw the sparks come raining down right outside my window and this idiot and his friends just start cheering and hollering like they won the lottery.

Called the cops in the morning and to make a long story short he got arrested for the fireworks he owned. His wife must have worked out that it was me who called because she came over and told me through my screen door that I’m a terrible person and they were just having fun, what a great guy her husband is, and that he might lose his job over this now.

It left me thinking that maybe I should have talked to him about it before calling the cops but he fired that crap way too low and if he hit my house or anyone else’s house people could have been hurt. I did not intend to get him arrested I figured they would just ticket him and take the fireworks.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, his ‘fun’ was a fire hazard. Couple that with the fact what he used was illegal in the state you live in, you made the right call but now you have to face the fallout. He should have thought about risking his job when he bought those fireworks.

It’s ‘breaking the law 101’, if you are breaking the law, don’t attract too much attention to yourself, getting arrested is on him.” Plenty_Metal_1304

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

There’s a reason you have to be licensed or certified or whatever they call it to handle professional-grade explosives.

People die messing with this crap all the time, especially in countries where this stuff isn’t well-regulated or people just do straight-up illegal stuff and tragedy ensues.

But tragedy aside, you also deserve to sleep in peace.

His wife is out of line.” JennieGee

3 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918, LizzieTX and anma7
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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ. No one should have to put up with drunken @$$holes shooting off illegal fireworks in the wee hours. You did the right thing. That doesn't mean you'll be popular with drunken @$$hole or his wife or friends. But he won't be doing that again, so the objective was achieved.
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20. AITJ For Calling My Wife Homophobic?

“When I (37M) was 17, I got my then-partner (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to ‘ruin’ her future so they said that I had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them.

I wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to.

For the first seven years of my boys’ lives, I didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (They knew I was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons).

When I was ready to move out, I wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so I had to take them (I didn’t want it at first but I’m glad it happened). We started bonding as father-sons, I started loving them, and their love for me increased. I remember the three of us would sit on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while I wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and I often kissed their forehead.

We’ve been doing this since they were seven.

I met my current wife 5 years ago, (my kids were 15) we married 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4F), she saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything.

My kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. My boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while I wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and I’m watching TV.

My son Liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his partner. I don’t care how my kids live, their sexuality, or who they love, I love them no matter what, I just want them to be happy and I don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable.

My son visited me again last Wednesday (Since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time ‘officially out’). I was watching ‘Red’ with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son Liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while I wrapped my arm around him, then I kissed his forehead and said, ‘Good to have you back, buddy’.

We went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that it made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again. While she didn’t mind me doing it with Lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with Liam.

I told her that she had no business being in my relationship with my sons, I also called her homophobic. She accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus I said ‘That’s ok because you are not’.

My brother says I should understand because this is a big ‘change’ for her (a son coming out) but I seriously think there is nothing to get ‘used to’.

It’s neither her nor my problem who my son loves.

Am I in the wrong?”

Another User Comments:

“Man, I love the first three paragraphs of this story. Your parents really did right by you, and in turn, you ultimately did right by your boys.

Your current wife’s a problem though. First, she’s not an equal parent when it comes to your boys. They’re yours, not hers, and were already teenagers by the time she showed up. She doesn’t really get a say in how you bond with them, at all.

Second, she is indeed a homophobe. There’s nothing wrong with a father kissing and hugging his son, of course, but that she needs to make it about one of your boys’ orientation is just revolting.

NTJ, a million times over.” Zazzog

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

She’s being homophobic. Why would you cuddling and giving your son kisses be different if it’s with the one who’s presumably straight vs the one who is gay?

There’s legit no difference. You’re showing your son affection. What he does in a bedroom should NEVER affect how you give affection.

Unless HE says something himself.

Like I don’t get her thought process. Why does one’s sexuality matter when giving your kid a kiss on the head? Cause to me it doesn’t.

(I say presumably because he hasn’t said otherwise. There’s no mention that he’s gay, bi, pan, ace, etc. Just that as far as you know he’s a straight man.

I don’t want to assume he’s anything other than what you know him as because he hasn’t said otherwise. I’m sure you’d say otherwise if you were told.)” Alyssa_Hargreaves

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chwi1 4 months ago
Reading this made me tear up a little at how accepting you were of your son coming out. Im sure that took a lot for him and you're such a great dad with how supportive you are, he'll ALWAYS remember that. Most definitely NTJ. Now about your wife…… I would think long and hard about that relationship cause shes 100% being a homophob.
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19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Neighbor's Kids On My Property?

“I live in a middle-class to upper-mid neighborhood. The next-door neighbors are late 30s. The wife works full-time as a PA.

The husband stays home as Mr. Mom but often forces the kids outside. Then he disappears. Probably napping, the kids have said as much. 2 girls, 1 boy, and all 3 are destructive. The boy is mean to my dog who has a 40-foot plastic chain so he can go all over the backyard.

When the kids are out, my dog runs to my back door and cries to come inside. I have had MANY run-ins with the kids over the last 2 years. I do not allow the boy to play with my dog over how he treats the dog.

Now, whenever my wife or I come home, they run from their yard into mine to ask 20 questions or tell me about something going on in their house.

The boy once shook a ladder my wife was on cleaning gutters. We have yelled at them, we have spoken with their parents.

They act like MY yard is THEIR yard. Neither parent has taught the kids about personal property or boundaries.

Today I brought home an inflatable pool for my dog. It is big. It is in my driveway. The minute I filled it and my pupper started playing in it, all 3 came running over.

Of course, my dog saw the boy, jumped out, and ran to the back door again. He won’t go back to the pool now. Of course, I am leaving out AT LEAST 20 instances over the last 2 years where we had to speak to the kids or their parents about coming over when a car pulls up or when the dog is out.

Once the middle child, a girl, came over when we were washing the windows on the 3 season porch. Within a MINUTE, she was taking her fingers and putting prints all over the windows. That one got my wife. Usually mild-mannered, she yelled at the girl and went over and spoke to the parents.

After all this, they still come running and show no respect for my property or any compassion at all towards my dog.

I am not going to call CPS, it’s not that kind of situation, BUT it’s obvious at this point the parents have told them we must not like kids and there’s no problem, because even when we say ‘Please stay over there, we are busy doing______’ they still, within seconds, are in our yard bothering us to no end.

I know most of their behavior is boredom. Parents plan few to no outings for them in the summer. I am super frustrated about this and looking for serious replies. Don’t want an ongoing issue with these people, but am afraid we are already there… help?

Am I the jerk for wanting these kids out of my yard?”

Another User Comments:

“I would just scare the kids every time they came out. Step toward them and bark like a dog, scream bloody murder as soon as they step foot on your property, leave mouse traps around the yard (where the dog couldn’t get to them obviously), and tell them you will call the cops for trespassing.

You should definitely get it written that you do NOT want their children on your property under any circumstances, they are not to interact with your dog or be in your yard. If a kid gets hurt on your property, the parents could sue you.

This is actually a serious problem, I’m sorry you’ve gotta figure it out. Written warning to have on file is top priority I’d say, cover your butt there. But nothing short of making them crap themselves will get them to stop, either the parents or the kids.

NTJ.” neverleftdrafts

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think you should consider filing with CPS because clearly, no one is watching the kids. If someone was then they would come over looking for the kids when they’re not in their own yard. I would call the police to file a report against the parents for negligence and the children’s trespassing after you have expressly told everyone they are not welcome on your property.

I would also consider putting up a fence and cameras to document them trespassing.” tinaroyam

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rbleah 4 months ago
Screw that nonsense. Call CPS AND THE POLICE. File a report and keep filing reports. Put up NO TRESPASSING signs. And EVERY TIME they come over call PD and CPS and get a paper trail going. Consider SUING THEM over this. And tell them either they keep THEIR KIDS OUT OF YOUR YARD or you will nail them for trespass and CHILD NEGLECT.
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18. AITJ For Uninviting My Biological Dad And His Family From My Wedding?

“My mom passed away when I was 14. My bio dad ‘BD’ married his new wife ‘Jane’ (probably affair partner, now that I reflect back on their relationship as an adult) less than a few months after mom died. BD brought Jane and her kids to Mom’s funeral. After BD and Jane got married, BD treated Jane’s three kids as his own while basically pushing me to the side.

Something he did often was tell me ‘Oh, can you hold this?’ while passing me a present he bought for one of my step-siblings. He would smirk at me and say something like ‘Nice, isn’t it? Perhaps if you had gotten an A on that math test/Done a better job at cleaning the house I might have gotten you one too.’ (I also want to note BD and Jane expected perfect grades and constant chores from me while my step-siblings were just encouraged to try their best and had no chores.) I went to live with my maternal grandmother after a few years because I was in such a bad place mentally from living with BD and Jane.

I met my fiance ‘John’ in college, and we will be marrying in September. I am extremely close with my family-in-law as they have basically all adopted me. I am especially close with John’s parents. I have barely kept in contact with BD and have just about no contact with Jane or my stepsiblings.

BD emailed me asking if he should show up to my wedding two days or the day before the day because he expected to walk me down the aisle. I told BD that my FIL was walking me down the aisle. BD responded ‘Come on, you must be joking right?’ and started getting really aggressive and saying stuff like how he gave me life and provided for me for 17 years so this honor is his right.

I responded to BD that he lost that honor when he threw me aside for his new wife and kids and he’s lucky that I haven’t gone no contact with him. BD continued to try and argue how it was my right and acting like my decision to have FIL take me down the aisle was some temper tantrum.

I told BD that if he could not act civil and stop making my day about himself, he and his new family would no longer be invited to the wedding. I have also blocked his email and plan to keep it blocked for a while.

Friends and family of my BD and Jane are reaching out to me telling me ‘how heartbroken’ BD is that I’m not letting him walk down the aisle because he is never going to have the opportunity to walk his daughter down the aisle again and I’m going overkill to ban them.

They’re also saying how I look just like my mother, so it was probably hard being reminded of his wife when he looked at me and that’s why he was ‘distant’ after marrying Jane. I told them none of those excuses are good and plus it’s my wedding and I can do as I want.

But they told me that attitude made me a textbook Karen and Bridezilla. John and his/our family support my decision, but BD and Jane’s loved ones say I’m not even realizing how important this honor is for BD, so I’m looking for non-biased perspectives on here.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! Stick to your guns OP! Your dad is trying to guilt you and using his family to do it. If he cared about you so deeply he would have acted like it the whole time you lived together. And you called this exactly what it is, a temper tantrum.

He had next to no contact with you until he asked when to show up at your wedding. And I’m sure is now riddled with embarrassment that his only(?) daughter chose another father figure to walk her down the aisle because he actively chose to not do a good enough job.

They’re calling you a bridezilla for making a day that’s supposed to be about you, ABOUT YOU! Preserve your happiness. You’re marrying a man you love and joining a family that loves you back. Focus on how happy you want to be on your big day.

And if that means pushing aside the family that did the same to you, then do that! You don’t need to be the ‘bigger’ person. That only benefits the people who do you dirty.” carolinareapxr

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, this is classic emotional abuse, and the people supporting his behavior are enablers.

What you describe is a pattern of behavior aimed to make you feel like you don’t deserve respect. You set clear boundaries and stated your decisions directly. Your dad not liking your decision and trying to manipulate you into changing it is your dad’s choice to continue being abusive and manipulative towards you.

Good for you for being strong and maintaining your choice. BD needs to earn a place in your life by growing up.” Agreeable-Account480

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rbleah 4 months ago
Tell the idiot that he and HIS FAMILY are NO LONGER INVITED TO YOUR WEDDING, PERIOD. And make sure you have someone at the doors to block them/throw them out. HE IS NOT NEEDED since her decided to NOT NEED YOU when you were growing up. SCREW HIM AND HIS WIFE. BLOCK THEM and go live a HAPPY LIFE with your NEW FAMILY who loves you.
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17. AITJ For Talking To Our Landlord?

“I (30F) and my partner (28M) have been together a little over a year and a half and just moved into a house together about 2 months ago. The landlord (LL) is technically a couple but the primary point of contact is the husband.

My partner (I’ll call him B) has reached out to LL several times about small things but has only received one response about whether they received our rent check.

I have had zero communication with LL at all and have not attempted to.

Recently, LL called me while at work to ask if I could send him photos of the backyard so he could prove to his insurance that there is no trampoline, as the previous tenants had one.

I just assumed he had tried to contact B already and didn’t get a response. B is incredibly busy while at work and does not respond quickly.

I told B about this conversation, and he told me he had no missed calls from LL, and expressed extreme dissatisfaction about LL contacting me.

B says it’s ‘creepy’. I play devil’s advocate and say maybe LL thought I would be home so I could resolve the issue quickly. B gets angry with me saying I’m ‘defending LL’. Okay, I let B cool off, things are fine.

I forgot about this whole thing until I got a text from LL yesterday asking for yard photos. I was home and off work so sent him the photos he asked for and went about my day. Didn’t really think anything of it, knew B was busy at work.

B gets home and we are talking while eating dinner and he asks if I heard anything more from LL. I said yes and that I sent him what he asked for etc. B was immediately enraged because ‘Don’t you think this is something you should have told me knowing how I felt’.

I agreed and apologized for not mentioning it to him.

Then, it turned into a BIG fight because B told me to ‘block LL’s number’. I was weirded out by this and asked why. B has blown up at this point telling me he doesn’t trust me and how that’s creepy…

Some background on our relationship for fairness. When we met, I was a bartender and had a lot of regulars at my bar. Admittedly I would flirt for better tips. B knew this. Regulars would text me outside of work and ask when I was working next.

Apparently, this was ‘being unfaithful’ and he has never ever let me live that down. I also quit that job to get out of that industry and out of respect for B and his sanity. Was out of work for months due to this.

B’s only words to me since then have been ‘I can’t believe you would do that knowing how I felt’ and it’s now ‘How do I know you don’t have other guys on the side’… like come on.

AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your partner sounds incredibly jealous and controlling. I would seriously reconsider that relationship if I were you. If your name is on the lease there is no reason the landlord wouldn’t assume you are equally involved in home matters.

Your partner flying off the handle every time another man speaks to you is the reddest of flags.” Pretty_Yellow_9601

Another User Comments:

“Seriously, why do you think that being treated like this is ok? Please give that some thought because being controlled, manipulated, yelled at, called names, or accused of nonsense by your partner is not ok!

I’m saying this out of concern for you. He doesn’t trust you. He said that to your face. Why are you still with him? There is no love without trust. You’re not being loved in this relationship, you’re being possessed. Reconsider this relationship because it will get worse, not better.” jenny_tallia

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rbleah 4 months ago
So he thinks he has the right to treat you like a child/second class citizen and HE IS THE MAN so you must do as you are told? RED FLAG WARNINGS. He is a controlling jerk and you may need to rethink this relationship if he is not willing to understand that YOU ARE AN ADULT and WILL NOT JUST SUBMIT to his DEMANDS.
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16. AITJ For Walking Out Of The Restaurant When I Saw That My Partner Brought His Son With Him?

“So, I met this guy ‘Will’ 5 months ago, he’s really sweet and loving. he has a 2-year-old kid with his baby mama.

The problem I have is that whenever we plan on going out, Will’s baby mama would call and demand he take their son to stay with him.

They never married so there are no legal custody arrangements in place. Every time we planned to go out, she’d call and demand that Will come pick their son up to stay with him for hours resulting in our plans being cancelled. I told him his baby mama has been doing this deliberately, he said he noticed too but can not tell her anything because if he refused to take their son, she’d not allow him to see him for a whole month as punishment.

I told Will he has to put an end to this because it’s affecting how our relationship is progressing and he said he’ll try.

Last week, he invited me out for dinner at the restaurant. I was excited because he told me he was already at the restaurant so I thought ‘his baby mama doesn’t know so she won’t wreck our plans’.

I got dressed nicely, did my hair, and just took care of myself real well looking forward to some quality time together.

However, when I arrived at the restaurant I saw Will and his son there. I felt rage and disappointment washing over me. Will saw me and waved me to come closer but I turned around and walked out.

He followed me outside trying to explain but I decided to go home and the date was obviously canceled.

Later he texted explaining that his baby mama did it again (he said he didn’t know how she figured out we were going out) and demanded he take their son for the night.

He said he didn’t want to ‘be punished’ but neither wanted to cancel our date so he brought his son to the restaurant and I was wrong to turn around and walk out. I told him I was sick of this woman dictating our life and being intentionally hurtful, but he said I ruined our night after he tried to compromise and he didn’t appreciate that.

Maybe I did but I just wanted a quiet dinner for us both and I’m disappointed that he once again let his baby mama bully him into doing what she wanted.

But AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“I don’t feel like it’s fair to make a judgment here because this is a tricky situation.

I get that you want time for just the two of you, but you’re now putting your partner in a situation where he has to choose between you and seeing his son. This is a battle you’ll never win (and if you did somehow win it, you’d be going out with someone who chose solo nights with you over access to his own kid; that’s pretty unattractive, in my opinion.)

His ex sucks here, no doubt. She’s the ultimate jerk.

But this isn’t your partner’s fault, he is stuck in a really crappy situation and is obviously terrified that he will be removed from his son’s life.” chronicpainprincess

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

He needs to talk to a lawyer and have a formal, legal custody arrangement so she can’t both ruin your fun nights and use his child as a pawn against him should he say no. That he won’t set boundaries with her is a huge issue that is going to be ongoing in your relationship, he’s already proven that time and again.

You need to decide if this woman is someone you want in your life for the rest of your life because she’s not going anywhere. You’re not just in a relationship with your partner, you’re in a relationship with your partner, his son, and his baby mama.” RNGinx3

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and LizzieTX
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rbleah 4 months ago
He needs to take this to court and get child custody arrangements so this does not happen again. PERIOD. Otherwise you should walk away.
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15. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother After He Lied About My Gambling Addiction?

“I have a gambling problem. I’ll be honest about that. I’ve been clean for 17 months. I didn’t start gambling until I had been an adult and out of my house for 8 years and I lived in another province 5500km away from where my brothers and parents live.

I didn’t even tell my family about the gambling until I had been clean for 6 months because I was so ashamed of myself. It took lots of therapy for me to even get up the guts to tell them.

I found out from a friend in my hometown that one of my brothers has been telling everyone about my gambling problem and how I screwed over my family.

There are 3 of us – 32m, 31m, and me 29f. This is my brother (31m) who is telling everyone. I was surprised my old friend knew because we had been out of touch for years. But he told me my brother had been telling everyone I was in jail because of my gambling, (not true I have no criminal record) that I messed up my parents’ retirement and stole from my family (not true), and that I owe him 25k because I told him I was laid off and instead used the funds for gambling (also not true).

I do have a problem with gambling but I never took any amount from my family or anyone else, by theft or borrowing. I screwed myself over and my rock bottom was when I had to move to a smaller apartment because I couldn’t afford my rent any longer due to the gambling.

I started going to GA and therapy after that. I’m not an angel and I screwed myself but no one else was involved.

I found another friend from back home online and reached out to her. She immediately asked me if I was okay and told me she heard from my brother I had a hard time lately and was in jail and everyone was praying for me etc. AITJ for calling out my brother about this?

He claims he didn’t do anything wrong and that gambling ruins lives. He isn’t wrong about it but he wasn’t along for the ride on my part. My therapist is helping me work out the issues that led me to gamble and how my life changed when I got out of the service and part of it is taking responsibility.

I would take responsibility if I ruined my family’s lives or affected them but they didn’t even know and I never stole from them or borrowed anything. My parents and my other brother say I have no right to comment because of how badly I screwed up and I shouldn’t care because I’m being open about how gambling affected me and I don’t even live here.

I definitely messed up in the past but not this.”

Another User Comments:

“‘He claims he didn’t do anything wrong and that gambling ruins lives.’

Except your gambling did not ruin his life. He is using his moral problems with gambling to shame you to anyone who will listen, with lies.

Your parents and other brother enabling it makes this seem like a good no-contact scenario.

NTJ big time

You had an issue, you solved it on your own, you needed therapy to tell people about it, and then they started using something that was already dealt with to shame you and make you seem like some awful monster.

You’re a saint. They all suck.” ghostofumich2005

Another User Comments:

“It sounds like your brother may be struggling with an addiction of his own – an addiction to drama and attention. He is so desperate for attention that he’s willing to destroy his credibility, your reputation, and both of your relationships to get it.

This is a deeply unhealthy need he’s got if he’s willing to go this far to satisfy it. NTJ at all. As for your family… he’s completely trashing your reputation and going out of his way to spread his lies as far as he can, including what sounds like reaching out to people he is only connected to because YOU know/knew them.

Of course you should care! He’s making it seem like you did some genuinely bad things to others rather than just harming yourself. He’s turning an essentially victimless crime into a cruel, deeply selfish mess that seriously destroyed multiple lives, and he’s doing it for his own amusement and enjoyment.

That is really the nasty part of this – he’s harming you because it makes him feel good, and accusing you of having done the same but to a dramatically higher degree.” KaliTheBlaze

2 points - Liked by LizzieTX and anma7
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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ. Not only would I call him out in person, I would send out a text to all family and friends and tell them the truth about your situation. And because I'm petty and mean, I would think about filing suit against him for slander. Good luck.
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14. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Help More Around The House?

“I get about 2/3 hours a week free time on the weekend. My dear husband (DH) gets about 1-2 hours a night on his laptop whilst I cook.

So for context: I have 3 children, my youngest is 2 months old. I’m on maternity. My DH does an average of 40 hr per week which includes the travel time.

My calculations are: I do 74% of the housework, 75% of paying the bills, 85% of the childcare, 75% of the cooking, and 100% of household organizing (appointments/food/what needs doing, school, doctors, activities, bills, etc).

He recently told me he would start to do one feed a night to help, this hasn’t happened yet and this was over a week ago.

In the daytime I have roughly 5 hours between school drop off and school pick up. Usually, my list of tasks is about 15-20 tasks some really quick easy ones like feeding the dogs or phoning the doctors and others like vacuuming the house or doing laundry, going shopping, etc.

Today I have 23 jobs in total not counting the list-making and organizing to check what needs to be done.

I asked DH to help and he got defensive, saying I was basically insinuating he does nothing and then going on a rant about how he has worked and he’s tired. I’m on 3/4 hrs of sleep a night if that but it’s not a competition.

So here is where I may be the jerk. The baby woke at 4:39. I asked DH if he could check if the baby was hungry and I’d make a bottle if so and I’d feed him. This sparked him being grumpy complaining he has 4 hours of driving to do (gets up at 4:45 so 15 minutes less sleep) and he doesn’t want to be tired. I reiterate that I just wanted him to check then his alarm went off and he went downstairs.

Since then it’s been a back-and-forth of me saying that every time I point out I’m doing the brunt of all the home jobs he gets defensive and I’m pointing out that if I’m asking for a bit more help and I’m not saying he does nothing but 1.

I shouldn’t have to constantly ask for more help and 2. When I do ask for help I shouldn’t have to fight my corner to get it.

So this went on until I’d had enough and sent him voice notes of how he was an adult and if he lived alone he’d have to pick up after himself and clean and tidy 100% so why is helping me so hard, a lot of shouting as I was annoyed, overtired, overworked. And he ended up calling me at work telling me I was going to get him sacked if I kept messaging him (he called me).

I think he should have said ok I’ll try. What I got was a bunch of excuses why he didn’t do as much as me. I do understand he is also working and can only help when he is at home which is fair but there has to be some give somewhere surely.

The calculations are full of my estimates. I’m not jotting down times and stuff just going off a week’s view just for this story. I’m not screaming at him I’m doing 85% specifically.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Maybe it’s time for you to go on strike!

Care for yourself and your children only. Don’t do his laundry. Don’t cook for him. Don’t clean up after him. You may be a stay-at-home mom right now, but my guess is you do it all even when working outside the home.

Is this a harsh response? Yes. Is it necessary? Yes.

I am a stay-at-home mom. While I do the majority of house/home-related work, my husband is not a lump who does nothing. He cleans, helps with dinner and laundry, gets up in the middle of the night with our son when he was an infant, and does home maintenance.

I could go on and on. You have your hands full and being a mom never stops. At the end of his work day, he is done.

So. Strike!” Beck2010

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but maybe the tone/shouting isn’t great but to be honest, I get it, sometimes you reach a certain breaking point.

Maternity doesn’t mean you 100% do all the work. It means you spend time recovering and caring for a newborn which is hard from what others have told me. Have you considered splitting your maternity? We had a couple where the woman did 3 months, then the guy did 3 months, then the woman, etc till the year was out.

It gave them both bonding time etc.

Of course, in this situation, your husband would have to take on the current role you have in those 3 months by his own standards. Perhaps a wake-up call? I’d also perhaps write down every household chore and sit down and calmly go through and assign 50% each.

This way it is equitable and fair. You aren’t looking at the past just putting together a plan for the future.” User

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ. I know this fight all too well. The only way to combat his attitude is to just say no. No to cooking, no to laundry, no to intimacy, no to favors - just for him. You'll still have to take care of the kids, of course, but the man-child doesn't need to be waited on hand and foot if he's not going to share in partner duties. And tell him, when he asks why you're not doing for him anymore, that it is a partnership, and if he's not going to hold up his end, he's not going to get the beneift of that partnership, which is the cooking/cleaning/laundry/intimacy/child care. He's either in, or he's out. If he's out, he needs to learn to either pick up his end or get used to fending for himself. His choice. And then don't discuss it again. If he brings it up again, smile, rinse and repeat, but do NOT engage. GOod luck.
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13. AITJ For Letting My Cousin Play Video Games?

“I (18F) recently agreed to watch my little cousin (10M) for the day while my Aunt and Uncle were decorating, he has Asthma so they didn’t want him around the paint fumes and he’s generally a good and quiet kid so it was no trouble for me.

When he got here I asked him what he wanted to do, if he wanted to watch something or do anything. He spotted my PS5 and asked if he could play it so I booted it up for him and stuck on Miles Morales as it’s one of the games I have that would likely interest him.

He spent the day just enjoying playing that and I alternated between doing my homework and playing the game with him. When my parents got home they even ordered pizza for the two of us as a treat, when my Aunt and Uncle picked him up they asked if he had fun and he told them he had and began to ramble on about the game and the pizza.

I thought nothing of it just glad he’d had fun but my Aunt got annoyed with me and asked me why I’d let him be glued to a screen all day playing a game, she told me I should have taken him to a park or on a walk or done something creative as it’s not ‘Good’ for him to just play games.

It’s February and he has Asthma. The weather is not great here at the moment but SURE I’ll take him outside, sounds like a great plan.

My parents overheard this and my dad reminded my aunt that I’d been doing them a favor so they shouldn’t be rude and that there was no harm in playing games.

She is insisting though that I had no right to let him play games all day and has even taken to social media to make some comments about how hard it is to find someone trustworthy to babysit and how many are happy to just stick kids in front of screens, some other relatives and friends of hers are siding with her about this not knowing she was talking about me.

I honestly thought what I was doing was harmless… was I wrong to just let him play games?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your aunt should have told you at the start what she expected (like, ‘Thank you for watching him all day. We’d really like to avoid video games and have him play outside’ or whatever).

But she didn’t, and you were doing a big favor for her. One day of video games isn’t going to permanently damage him or turn him into a serial killer. He had a great day and you kept him alive. Win-win.” pinkyeti91

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You babysat your cousin for free on short notice AND your dad paid for the pizza – which they should have given you money for if we’re following the traditional rules of babysitting. Taking an asthmatic little kid out in February is asking for trouble and your aunt knows that, so she needs to lay off.

Little cousins are supposed to have fun with their older cousins, for Pete’s sake. You did nothing wrong.” i_raise_anarchists

1 points - Liked by anma7
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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, and suggest to your aunt the next time she wants your free babysitting services that since she scolded you the last time you obliged her, that you don't want to put any more stress on either her or your cousin, so it would be best if she'd pay someone whom she can instruct as to exactly what activities she wants her son to engage in. And then smile, rinse and repeat. What a choosing beggar.
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12. AITJ For Refusing To Pay $600 For A Bridesmaid's Dress I'll Never Wear?

“It’s been a few years since my brother and his wife were married and I’ve had no contact with them since. We weren’t particularly close but we got along.

He’s an Ivy League-educated lawyer, I’m into the Arts. He got engaged to his wife fairly quickly after they began going out. (His words: ‘I’m not getting any younger and she’s not the prettiest or the smartest but she’ll be a good mom and she’ll never get fat.’) Shallow, but that’s him.

Despite my trying to form a relationship with her, she was always standoffish. She would make plans to leave or be away during my visits and never seemed to want to form any type of relationship with me. She comes from an extremely well-off family and she is very close with her parents.

She considers herself an only child though she has a brother she no longer talks to.

When asked to be a bridesmaid at their destination wedding, I accepted. Her parents, kindly, offered to buy all the bridesmaid dresses.

Fast forward several months, we don’t live in the same city, but I get a visit from my brother.

He tells me that they have decided that my personality doesn’t mesh with them or their friends and ‘everyone thinks you’re weird.’ They’ve chosen the significant other of one of their friends to take my place as a bridesmaid and they would prefer if I sat in the back row during the ceremony instead of closer to the front with the rest of our family.

He is adamant that he still wants me to be there. I told him thanks but no thanks, I’d rather not cause them any further distress or embarrassment. He said I was immature/overreacting.

Back to the bridesmaid’s dress. I never shopped for, tried on, was fitted for one.

I was replaced before having that opportunity. Yet, according to my brother, his fiancé, and fiancé’s mom, I owe them $600. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

That is hateful behavior. They kicked you out of the bridal party AND wanted you to sit in the back like some dirty little secret.

Then compounded this with expecting you to pay for a dress that hadn’t been ordered and was offered as a gift by the bride’s family? Goes to show money can’t buy class.” Knittingfairy09113

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They’re asking you to pay for a dress for a wedding that suddenly went from you being a bridesmaid to being as distanced as possible short of being uninvited. I don’t wanna make assumptions but if you didn’t mesh with the bridesmaids’ party and if they’re anything like the bride then I’m not sure what kind of people would mesh with them.

I respect whatever decision you make cuz I’m no relationship expert or anything but:

‘I’m not getting any younger and she’s not the prettiest or the smartest but she’ll be a good mom and she’ll never get fat.’

Wait until they actually have children and see how everything works for them.

If it’s a relationship that works for both of them, then let them do it. Good luck to their future children.” Tdropz7

1 points - Liked by anma7
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anma7 4 months ago
Also tell the parents exactly what they are demanding and that you won't be attending and you would prefer they didn't offer to pay for the dress that was never ordered etc... butif they do don't come to you for the money cos you ain't paying it to them either.. then block brother and his inlaws and tell the lot to get lost
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11. AITJ For Being Upset That My Sister Got Pregnant?

“Back story: My sister (31f) and I (36f) have always been extremely close. My family is dramatic and tumultuous. There’s always a dramatic episode. I moved to Vegas for 5 years.

That was great to not have to participate in that anymore.

She got pregnant in 2019. When she told me she was pregnant I was happy for her. But inside I was a little bothered. I told her that I was just a little upset. My younger siblings all have kids, I’m the oldest and I do not by choice.

I told her I felt we wouldn’t be as close anymore. I felt like I would lose her. We talked about it and I felt better. I love her to death and I WAS happy for her. I never brought that up again.

So it’s 2020 and my sister goes through her first pregnancy where she can’t do all the normal things a pregnant woman should enjoy.

My sweet sister got screwed out of the pregnancy experience she deserved.

My humor is offensive. My sister knows how I am. Unlike me, she is way more sensitive and dramatic. I also don’t want kids and I don’t hide that. I didn’t even like kids, not until my sibs started having them.

Everyone in my family for the most part accepts this about me.

She gives birth in May 2020 and things go bad in Vegas. I moved back to my home state in October 2020. One of my sibs went to jail, and custody of her son went to my mom.

We all picked up responsibility, me less so and my sister more so. Also, my life is a mess hence why I’m back here, I didn’t need this added stress due to someone else’s bad choices, Anyway, I’m doing what I can and I know my sis is having a rough time of it from then to now.

Last week, I couldn’t help as much as everyone expected, she got angry and accused me of ruining her entire pregnancy. These are her texts:

When I think back on my pregnancy I think of all the ways you hurt me. You would send me anti-mom or anti-baby memes and pictures of Jen’s daughter crapping on herself saying nope not for me, you attacked me over how I felt about Michael Jackson and had me in literal tears.

When I told you I was pregnant you weren’t happy for me and when you finally came to and explained how you felt like I was becoming a part of this club with our siblings and you felt like you and I were going to grow apart.

I listened even though it hurt me to think you were more concerned about how it made you feel rather than how it makes me feel. And we did grow apart, but not because of me. And what hurts most is the person I considered my BEST FRIEND who made my pregnancy a literal nightmare almost every day.

Ask Tabby. Every day I would cry at her house or on the phone with her. Why can’t you just be happy for me? Why do you have to send me this crap? Why are you bullying me in the group message?

This is the first time I’ve heard about how I ruined her entire pregnancy.

Almost 3 years later.

Now AITJ or is she mad and overwhelmed and looking for someone to be mad at and blame for something?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You started off her pregnancy by making it about yourself, how you felt, how you were afraid of things changing then you sent her hurtful things throughout her pregnancy and expected her to be okay with it because that’s ‘just how you are.’ Newsflash: Knowing you’re offensive and doing it anyway is just another way of saying you know you’re a jerk and don’t care who you hurt, so don’t be surprised that she thinks you’re a jerk and that you hurt her – you knew when you were doing it but expected her to be okay with it because everyone knows you’re a jerk already.

Neither she nor anyone else has to be okay with you being like that.” ProfPlumDidIt

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. There is a big difference between not being a fan of kids, and fully hating them and crapping on someone else’s experience. You are not fun, you are sending on-purpose memes about a subject they are sensitive about and not being able to be a little bit human without making it all about you.

No one is asking you to give a kidney to this kid, just to be civil to them and the mom. If you really loved her (it doesn’t seem you do), you would at least try to protect your relationship with her. Instead, you want her to forbid herself from enjoying an already hard experience by making her kiss your hands and begging you to love her.

You are a crappy sister, and a crappy aunt and honestly, you seem to be a crappy human to have a relationship with.

If you want your own sister to forbid herself from getting pregnant to protect a relationship you are not ready to work on, you are not someone who’s worth the fight.” Least-Designer7976

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anma7 4 months ago
YTJ.. for crapping all over her telling you wbput her pregnancy then cos your life in vegas was going to jerk you crap on her pregnancy even more with what you think are funny memes... err NOPE.. they all KNOW you are child free by choice and theor choice is to have kids... so now your life is down the sewers you had to go back and cos 1 of your siblings broke the law and lost her kid your poor sister now has 2 kids to care for and YOU CHOOSE to do the bare minimum to help cos you don't like kids... AGAIN they KNOW THIS and they are only asking you for the bare minimum for gods sake.. either help out or BE HONEST and tell them all you won't do anything
But stop expecting sister to be on your side when you CLEARLY HAVE NO iota of compassion for anyone except poor you.... you made her pregnancy announcement and the WHOLE pregnancy making her feel bad for being excited about having a baby.... its all been YOU YOU YOU... you expected her to stay child free with you so you didn't lose your best friend....
I think you owe HER AND THE WHOLE FAMILY a heartfelt apology for your actions and words and lack of help and that you will not stay in contact if that's what they choose os for the best
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10. WIBTJ If I Quit Being The Maid Of Honor?

“I (27f) am the maid of honor in my friend’s (26f) wedding. I shared the role with her sister (29f) and there were three other bridesmaids.

In sharing the role with her sister, we needed to make decisions together when it came to things like her bridal shower and bachelorette party.

I started a group chat months ago so the girls could all put in ideas for her parties and everyone seemed to be on board. Well, weeks go by with nothing.

When I texted her sister about her bridal shower, all I got was ‘We’ve got it handled’.

Ok, whatever. I also reached out to her mom to see if there was anything I could do and she begrudgingly gave me the job of games. I’ll spare the details, but basically, the entire time I was given the impression that I was just in the way.

I ended up leaving early because I was getting so frustrated.

All of a sudden a bridesmaid sent in a different group text that a decision had been made on bachelorette. Everyone had to pay a certain amount for 3 days in the mountains. I just got back to work from maternity leave, I really can’t afford to do what they planned but I figured it out.

The problem is they didn’t discuss any of the finer details i.e. rides, food, entertainment. I suggested we get on Zoom to discuss details, even asking what day would work for everyone. Both of her sisters didn’t respond but the other two bridesmaids did.

After waiting for a few days we set a day/time for that weekend. The day arrived and I got a text from the maid of honor sister saying she couldn’t make it but she came up with everything we were going to do.

The other sister says she also won’t be there and agrees with her. I still had the meeting since we still needed some details. We came up with a plan and sent it out to everyone.

I didn’t think this was a problem until last night.

The bride called and said her maid of honor sister dropped out (she didn’t say why, I didn’t ask) and she brought up how she thought it was rude that I had a meeting and didn’t include her sisters. I told her I did, they just chose not to come.

I told her about all of the communication problems we’re having and she blamed me for it all. We kept going back and forth, but she’s made up her mind. No matter what I said, I was wrong. It got to the point where even her fiancé was defending me.

She hung up before anything got resolved.

I’m over it. I’ve been disrespected throughout this whole process. I’ve only stayed as long as I have because she’s my friend and I want to be there for her. But after this, I feel like my title as maid of honor is nonsense.

I want to step back for my own well-being and to try to save our friendship. I feel like if I stay we’re just going to hate each other. I took time and money that I didn’t have for her, and to be treated like this just shows me how little I’m appreciated. So, WIBTJ if I backed out now even though she’s getting married in 40 days?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I would send her a message saying that you love and support her but that you being a co-maid of honor seems to be causing her more stress than happiness and as such you feel it is best for you both if you just attend as a guest. Keep it simple and non-judgmental. Don’t make it more of a conversation than it needs to be, if you want to really get into it with her (lost money, time, etc.) wait until after the wedding.” Forward_Squirrel8879

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The bride and her sisters are all jerks. Interesting that the bride’s fiance stood up for you. Kudos to him.

Be ready when the bride tells you that you are no longer invited to the wedding and when she does, don’t feel bad.

Be thankful that you don’t have to deal with the whole drama anymore. As for the bride, she’s not your friend. Real friends don’t react this way even if they’re getting married. It’s obvious that she’s always going to take her sisters’ side even if they’re wrong.

Count your blessings you don’t have to deal with such pettiness. There are other friends of yours who are real friends. Go be with them.” Slow-Cherry9128

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ. I would use that same group chat and copy the bride, to tell everyone that you don't want to cause any drama so you'll be dropping out of the MOH position for someone more suitable to take over. And that you also won't be attending the wedding. Period. I detest the mean girl bull$h!t that seems to go on between bridesmaids at just about every wedding. You don't need that kind of headache. Just say no.
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9. AITJ For Being Angry At My Grandma For How She Acted When My Mom Was In The Hospital?

“Six years ago, my mom had moved to a town a few hours away to live with my grandma after some personal upheaval. One day Grandpa called me (28, M) & my sister (30, F) & said that she was worried about my mom because she didn’t seem like herself, & that we needed to come up & get her.

Since Grandma couldn’t give me any specifics, I asked if we could have a few days to figure out some accommodations. At the time, my sister & I both lived in small apartments, so we didn’t really have anywhere for her to stay. Grandma wasn’t happy.

Not even a day later, she called screaming at us to come get my mom RIGHT NOW. She said we were terrible children for foisting my mom off on her when we knew she was sick. We had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.

Finally, she explained that my mom started having bouts of confusion & disorientation. We told her we would be up as soon as possible, & asked if she could have my mom taken to the hospital, but she just screamed that was our responsibility, & said again that we were terrible children.

We didn’t know if it was early-onset dementia or what, but we got Mom & brought her immediately to the hospital. Turns out it was much worse than dementia. She had a massive brain tumor. She couldn’t make decisions for herself & since my folks are divorced, it fell to me & my sister to handle everything.

One of us had to be at the hospital with her round the clock because she couldn’t even process what was happening or understand what the doctors were telling her. I would stay during the day & my sister would stay overnight.

Naturally, we called & told Grandma what was happening, figuring she would want to be there.

But all she said was ‘I’ll be praying for you.’ The kind of thing you say to a distant acquaintance, not to your family. We were overwhelmed. We had never gone through anything like this, & we had no idea what to do. Others in our lives helped as much as they could, but we were basically alone, not knowing if we were spending our last days with our mom.

As soon as I got home from the hospital every night, I would break down & cry for hours. Having family there to comfort us would have meant the world. But no. At the darkest point in my life, she just offered thoughts & prayers.

Thankfully we were able to get the cancer treated. But no sooner had the danger passed Grandma wanted to go back to normal like nothing had happened. But I refused to give her that. I stopped taking her calls. She sent money for my birthday, but I tore the check up.

My mom & sister tell me that she’s crushed. She cries telling them she misses me. But here’s the thing: she never apologized. Because she refuses to consider that she did anything wrong. My mom has said that she thinks I should just forgive & forget, & my sister has started talking to her again.

But I can’t. As far as I’m concerned, she showed me the extent of her love. When things are going okay, she wants me to be her grandbaby. But when the chips were down, she abandoned me.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

So obviously you aren’t a jerk.

While it’s true she may have been allowing her fear to rule her behavior it is the fact that she won’t acknowledge the harm her actions unintentionally caused that is the real injury here.

The true root of a great many familial estrangements.

You wish to have your feelings and experience validated by someone you loved and trusted who let you down in a moment of great need.

She seeks to have her cake and eat it too.

Mom and sis can do as they like but pressuring you to do the same is a jerk move.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do. Just make sure the decision to cut off your grandmother is not hurting you more than it’s helping. Sometimes we want to punish people and end up hurting ourselves in the process.

If you feel good about your decision though, then screw it. That’s your call. But if it’s hurting you, then maybe there are ways of reconciliation or restoration that you could consider. You’re definitely not the jerk tho.” tiannatorres

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. tell them BOTH, that just because they chose to forgive and forget you however DONT HAVE to amd you won't. That them pressuring you to do so is only adding to the feelings you have for grandmother... that NOT ONCE did she ring to check on you or sister nor would she take mom to the hospital instead insisting that it was your job as mom's kids... that neither of you had ANY IDEA what to do whether mom was gonna survive and even so all grandmother offered was prayers... well obviously tney worked and as such you will pray that grandma never needs your actual help cos she won't be getting it
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8. AITJ For Telling The Bride It's Her Own Fault She Showed Up Underdressed At Her Wedding?

“My family and I are from Albania but we live in the US. My cousin David got married to his wife Lizzie this weekend. In Albania, we always go all out for weddings and David wanted to keep many cultural traditions.

Lizzie didn’t like the idea.

Lizzie had sent out the invites via mail and also had some rules written down as in no kids allowed, black tie dress code, and absolutely no plus ones unless both bride and groom approve of the +1.

I am engaged and I thought my fiancé would be included but David said Lizzie is against +1s.

I said that even if Lizzie is against it, my fiancé has been in the family for years, way longer than Lizzie has been around plus he’s a friend of David as well so he would come as a friend. David was frustrated and said Lizzie has set down most of these rules and whenever he goes against her she gets mad so we should cut him some slack and just bear it for his sake.

I thought it was ridiculous how he didn’t stand up for himself but not my business after all.

All of my Albanian side side-eyed the fact that the wedding was kid-free because we are used to involving kids at weddings. The bride and her family refused to make any compromises about it and show respect to David and his wishes.

But again none of our business despite our frustration.

Despite the black tie dress code, most of the bride’s family turned up in jeans and flannel shirts and the women just wore casual maxi dresses. Our side of the family dressed more formally. The bride just wore a white knee-length lace dress from H&M.

The reception took place in a cabin by the lake which had animal head trophies hung on the walls. The only music we heard was some slow pop songs and then country music. Every time the DJ tried to play some traditional Balkan music, the bride’s family would get him to change it.

The bride also made a big deal out of the fact that we were dressed formally and how we overdid it – we upstaged her. She kept complaining about it all night long and was throwing tantrums to David about how we as his family are very disrespectful.

After constant insults thrown around all night long I told her to chill out. She said she won’t chill out because we disrespected her. I told her first of all if she was scared she was going to be upstaged she shouldn’t request a black tie dress code and secondly to be honest it was not that hard to upstage her because I’ve seen grandma dresses fancier than the one she’s wearing so she is the underdressed one for her own wedding which was supposed to be a black tie event.

David’s entire family sided with me but David said that I’m a jerk for speaking to the bride like that on her wedding day. I told him that if the bride requires kindness she should start from herself. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The bride sounds like a nightmare.

So many red flags here:

  • Actively ignoring David’s culture and background by refusing to have kids at the wedding without compromise.
  • Not accounting for situations like the one mentioned with OP’s partner by refusing all +1s outright (although I’d bet it only applied to David’s family, not her side)
  • Establishing a dress code, then punishing the people who… abided by it? What’s that about? Aren’t you going to call out the folks turning up in casual gear who ignored the dress code?

Being a bride doesn’t give you a carte blanche to absolutely suck as a human, so I think you were justified in calling her out after a day of slights and insults to your family.

Hopefully, your cousin has a wake-up call and sets her straight about how she treats his family if she wants to continue being married.” wannabewisewoman

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and it’s hilarious that the bride requested a black tie, didn’t dress like it herself, and then was whining about it.

The whole disrespect came from her. She didn’t invite the whole family (no kids), was controlling the +1, and disrespected the wishes of her husband. Just because you are the bride doesn’t give you the right to insult your guests.” LiaArgo

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. so she set the rules then her OWN FAMILY disregard them and she blames you lot for following her rules and her family not lol.... really i am no psychic but i foresee a divorce in david's future
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7. AITJ For Calling My Brother's Fiancée Entitled For Wanting A Separate Wedding?

“We’re of South Asian descent, mainly Indian Punjabi so our wedding etiquette is different.

I (26F) am engaged to be married to my fiancé (28M) next year in November. My brother (32M) was also recently engaged to his partner (27F) ‘Sara’ of 3 years and since then my parents have been busy planning. My fiancé and I are both of Indian descent while Sara is white, this info is relevant later.

In South Asian cultures the parents take over all the expenses of the wedding so our parents obviously will do the same.

This weekend we all got together and my mom proposed the plan. Apparently, my in-laws had contacted them to congratulate them and told them we could have a joint wedding back home in India in a large fort in Jaipur (my fiancé’s family is from the region) which would be a week-long event.

Day 1, my brother and Sara’s Sangeet (a traditional Punjabi and North Indian prewedding ceremony), day 2 will be their mehendi, day 3 is the haldi and wedding ceremony, then my Sangeet, mehendi, and wedding for the next 3 days, and our joint reception on the 7th last day.

I loved the idea, especially since I’ll be able to enjoy my brother’s wedding before having my own and it’ll be less of a financial strain on my parents as my in-laws will split the expenses with them.

Well, Sara wasn’t happy with the arrangement, she said she didn’t like the idea of sharing her day with me when we tried to explain that she’d be the focus during the three days her wedding was happening she said it would be quickly overshadowed by my wedding.

When I suggested having my wedding first she didn’t like the idea as well as I’d still have the spotlight on me as a newlywed. Finally, when we asked what she wanted to do she said she wanted the wedding to herself. My parents explained that they wouldn’t be able to afford a big Indian wedding like this and would only be able to do a wedding here in the States which wouldn’t be as elaborate.

Sara started crying and left all of us shocked.

The next day my brother called trying to get me to convince our parents to have a separate wedding for him and Sara and I told him I wouldn’t be doing that. He knew my in-laws could easily pay for my and my fiance’s wedding but our parents couldn’t afford two separate weddings like that.

I told him Sara was acting entitled and he got angry with me and hung up. My parents agree with me while my brother is flip-flopping on the situation, he’s upset with us and the other hand had a big fight with Sara for not compromising or agreeing to a smaller wedding but she’s adamant about having ‘The big Indian wedding’.

Even her parents have gotten involved telling my parents off for forcing their daughter to share her day with me.

So I ask you, am I the jerk here?”

Another User Comments:

“There’s a very core issue here that can’t go without comment: you and Sara are from very different cultures and so your compromise will never be enough for her culturally.

That’s not wrong per se, it’s just unfortunate that the cultures here are so opposite.

Sara is not a jerk for wanting a wedding matching her culture any more than you are. But she may have to accept that means she can’t have it funded in the same way.

She and your brother can deal with this compromise on their own.

You may be a jerk for the way you dealt with it but not your reasoning.

Overall probably ‘no jerks here’, just a breakdown in communications.” IGiveBagAdvice

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sara needs to understand that as she is marrying into a different culture, there will inevitably be significant differences in the way some things are done.

If she wants the big wedding, fine, but she needs to accept that it’s done a certain way. If she doesn’t want to share ‘her big day’, also fine, but she doesn’t get to have the big Punjabi wedding. She needs to make a decision, basically.” LegoCaltrops

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rbleah 4 months ago
HER PARENTS pay for HER WEDDING and YOUR PARENTS pay for YOUR WEDDING. Problem solved for your folks not being able to pay for TWO INVOLVED weddings. Besides in OUR CULTURE it has for the most part the girls parents paying for most of the wedding. Keep this in mind. AND she wants the type of wedding that YOUR CULTURE uses? She wants it ALL HER WAY and she WON'T GET IT. I feel sorry for your brother.
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6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Coworkers To My Birthday Party?

“It was my birthday over the weekend. I had a small get-together by my house and invited 3 coworkers, one had something to do but 2 came.

I work for a big company (probably 50-100 work in my location) so it’s not like I have 4 coworkers and invited 3.

Anyway, we had fun, and some pictures were posted on social media and whatever.

There are these 2 women I work with ‘Amber’ and ‘Cheryl’.

They’re around my age but we definitely aren’t friends. Amber is okay if she’s not with Cheryl but I learned to keep it strictly business and avoid Cheryl if at all possible. When they’re together they just trash-talk everyone, talk down to people, act like they’re better than everyone and basically behave like they’re the popular mean girls in high school even though they’re in their mid-20s.

I mean whenever I’m on a break with them all I hear is ‘This person did this’ ‘That person said that’ ‘I can’t believe that person would do that’ blah blah blah. It’s a small breakroom so I try to take a break when they’re not in there.

Anyway, today at work Amber asked how my party was. I said ‘Good’ figured someone told her or something. She said ‘Yeah I’m friends with coworker on social media, looked like you guys had fun. You must have forgotten to invite Cheryl and me’.

I said, ‘I didn’t forget’.

She said, ‘Oh well it’s kinda rude to only invite certain people, if you invite a few you’re supposed to include everyone’.

I said, ‘First of all this isn’t school. Second why on earth would I invite you guys? So you’d have more to babble about?

Nah I’m good’. She just laughed and walked away.

Now here’s the thing, this is work not school I can invite who I want, and not that I would have invited them anyway but I know they would have said ‘We were invited but why would we go’ or come for a bit just to spread rumors about me later at work.

Of course, she/they ran around telling everyone what I said. And someone came up and asked me about it later. I confirmed it and said I’m sick of their judgmental nonsense and acting like they’re perfect all the time.

She said I was wrong for saying that and adding fuel to the fire because they got what they wanted which was something to talk about.

That I’m a jerk for stooping to their level when I know how they are.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You could have tactfully said your guest list was limited or stood quiet. But I guess you used this opportunity to unleash your low opinion on them (they do sound like high schoolers) to get your message across on how you truly feel about them.

And your suspicions were correct when word spread at the office.” stacity

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, invite who you want to invite.

But just remember, if one or two people start trash-talking you in a workplace eventually everyone will. Don’t put your potential career back for them.

Work is work, you go for money not friends, and sometimes that means inviting and putting up with nonsense. Don’t make yourself a workplace outcast.

This political crap is why I could never work in an office.” Rose_Archway

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rbleah 4 months ago
Just go to HR and tell them those two are making the work environment TOXIC by what they are doing/saying. Tell them you are NOT FRIENDS with them and so did NOT invite them to YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY. Now they are trying to undermine you AT WORK. Tell HR that this is unacceptable.
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5. AITJ For Siding With My Sister-In-Law And Not My Wife?

“My (35m) wife Crystal (33f) and her sister (28f) don’t get along.

(My SIL gave birth to a baby girl in June a few weeks early and the baby had Down’s Syndrome. Which didn’t matter, in my opinion, she was healthy.)

For the Fourth Of July I had invited over our families, a few of my buddies, and my SIL because shockingly enough my wife ASKED ME to invite her because she wanted to see her niece.

It looked like a baby was all that was needed to bring the two together.

My SIL arrived a little late which would usually annoy my wife, but once she saw her baby it was like a switch flipped. Crystal was all smiles and insisted on holding the baby.

While everyone ate I did some fireworks. A few minutes into the light show, my SIL came out of the house and asked me if she had to wash her own dishes. I tell her if she wants to she can. (My wife has this weird rule that if you use any of our utensils or dishes you wash them before you leave.)

She goes back in and some of my buddies and I do more fireworks and light some sparklers for the kids before we head inside too.

I’m in the kitchen and thus it begins. I hear yelling coming from the living room. I walk in to hear my wife say it’s rude to leave dishes out at someone else’s house that isn’t yours.

SIL says that’s nonsense and that a good host wouldn’t mind because they’re hosting. The dishes are their responsibility. Crystal says it’s a barbeque. SIL says it’s a barbeque that you and (my name) are hosting why do you care about one plate?

Crystal goes overboard and says you don’t have to wash it just goes to show what a dirty lifestyle you live, that’s probably why your baby has Down’s Syndrome.

It got uncomfortably quiet after that. My SIL asked Crystal what she meant. Crystal goes on to say that because my SIL had a baby out of wedlock. It is disgusting, that her baby’s disability is due to her inability to correctly take care of her child and lack of money.

My SIL starts crying. I tell Crystal to stop being so harsh on her. She blows up on me asking me why I’m siding with her sister and not her. I yell at her that she’s being a jerk for no reason and she gets even more annoyed, saying that I’m her husband and that no matter what I should be on her side and that what she said wasn’t even that bad.

I tell her she insulted her niece which is bad enough and my wife storms off upstairs.

I helped my SIL pack up as she just wanted to go home. I drove her home as she wouldn’t stop crying and got me an Uber back.

After everyone left there were dishes left over from EVERYONE, not just my SIL. I know my wife came down so hard on her just because they don’t like each other, but I just can’t fathom what she said to her.

It’s been three days and my wife’s been giving me the silent treatment.

My friends say I had a right to back up my SIL, but some say I may have overdone it by calling her a jerk. A buddy’s wife said I should’ve talked to her in private and not embarrassed her.

AITJ for my reaction?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What is wrong with your wife? First, the dish thing is extremely odd. No one I know does this or requires others to do the dishes they use. I mean if someone is staying a few days, sure do yours and the host’s dishes.

But if you’re hosting a get-together, you don’t ask guests to wash dishes. And your wife is not only ignorant but a jerk to boot. Down’s Syndrome is caused by missing a chromosome and has nothing to do with how you raise it, or not being married. Jesus, your wife needs therapy to rid herself of her vile feelings.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You should ask your wife what would she do or say if her child was born with autism or another neurological disability. Would she treat that child like a mistake and burden like how she views your niece? Does she view other unrelated people with disabilities or their parents like how she views her sister and niece?

She seems to view unmarried mothers and poor people as terrible people based on her words. Both of you need to see a marriage counselor or therapist. Her words and behaviors shown towards her sister and niece are not going to be a one-time thing if you let this slide.” bluemewrobin

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Wow. Your wife has serious mental problems. Who says something like that to a new mom? You were absolutely in the right and your wife is absolutely in the wrong, and she sounds like she has OCD and could benefit from some therapy. Bless you for standing up to your wife.
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4. AITJ For Telling My Mom She's Been A Bad Mother To Me And My Younger Sister?

“I (19f) have just recently graduated with honors and am planning on moving out after I save up enough for college tuition.

But I’m concerned that if I leave more brutal treatment will be forced onto my younger sister.

For some background: my mother and I have always had a strained relationship and when I was younger she would constantly verbally and mentally abuse me and my younger sister (17f) and treat us like dirt (she still does to this day) while in contrast, she treats my older sister (21f) like she is an angel that had come from the heavens.

Fast forward to a week before my younger sister’s birthday, my mother had woken me up out of my sleep and literally told me she needed someone to yell at cause my dad had left the house after they had an argument (their marriage is extremely toxic) and my younger sister was at her friend’s house.

At this point, I completely lost it and started going off on her saying that she had absolutely no right to wake me up just to yell at me and treat me, my sister, and my dad the way she did and that if she needed someone to yell at then to yell at the spoiled brat she calls a daughter.

She then told me that I was being rude and disrespectful and demanded an apology. Stating that she was the one who gave birth to me and kept clothes on my back and food on the table. I have no idea why but I started laughing my butt off, while she just stood there confused.

After I stopped laughing I told her that she had the chance not to give birth to me when she first got pregnant with me in the first place and that is in no way my fault. And that she in no way kept a roof over my head and clothes on my back because she was a stay-at-home mom who was basically never home and when she was she never paid attention to me or my younger sister and my dad was the only one making any income and that I had to basically raise my younger sister and that whenever she had money she would waste it on stupid things such as expensive clothes, nails, makeup, etc. All of which went to my older sister.

Then she started to cry and ran out of my room.

After all this happened I told my dad and my best friend, both think that I went too far and that I should apologize since she’s the one who gave birth to me, after that, I started questioning if I really did go too far so I’m trying to get a different perspective on this.

So was I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

‘… she was the one who gave birth to me and kept clothes on my back and food on the table.’

Even if this is true (and I understand that for her it’s not), then congratulations Mom!

You’ve done the bare minimum required to keep you out of jail for child neglect. Respect is not so easily earned, nor should it be. Your remark was abrasive, but when you wake up a sleeping person specifically for the purpose of emotionally abusing them for your anger at somebody else, you can and should expect an abrasive reaction.

You get no sympathy for picking a fight and then getting the worst of it. Your mom basically got what she asked for, and is as such undeserving of an apology.” TurtleTheMoon

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Being a parent is not a pass for accountability.

Instead of apologizing for your words, you could express compassion that she was hurt AND make it clear that your words were honest. You could take the position that you are not retracting the truth of your experience and express regret or apologize only for the manner in which you expressed that truth.” felice60

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and don't apologize. Just because your mother is a malignant narcissist doesn't mean you have to buy into her delusions. I feel your pain - my late mother was also a malignant narcissist and made our family's lives he!! if she didn't get her way and if someone had the temerity to tell her she was wrong about anything.
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3. AITJ For Being Upset At My Christian Dad Because Of His Social Media Posts?

“My (32F) dad (62m) is a pastor. He’s a Christian and has strong beliefs. I’m his first and only child and I am married to a woman. I won’t say he wasn’t in my life, as he was in the army and we stayed in one state while he was being stationed all over the US, but we remained in contact yadda yadda yadda.

Little back story: He called me one day back in 2015ish to have ‘the talk ‘ that basically said ‘Well you know you’re gay and I’m a Christian and because of that you’re not going to heaven’ and that was about it. I’m not quite sure why he felt the need to call and discuss this, I don’t know.

But I stopped talking to him for about a year or two after that.

Then I started talking to him again, and one day, he shared a post with a video of some pastor guy explaining that being gay is basically being a predator and all that, so I blocked him and didn’t talk to him for another year or two.

I don’t even think he’s aware it happened.

Move to last year. I got pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl. He came up to my state to meet her and to stay for a week. He met my wife and my in-laws, and got a glimpse into my life and how happy I am.

And has been very open seeming.

Fast forward to last month: He shares a post that says ‘homosexuality is a sin’ and it says that babies are born in sin and continue sinning and will never go to heaven unless you repent and join God.

So my wife commented on his social media pointing out that I am gay and that it was hurtful to see this and opposed his views. He ended up blocking her. (I will say, she wasn’t disrespectful in any way)

I blocked him and sent him a text telling him that I see him, I see his posts and I’m hurt.

He messaged me saying it wasn’t what he was intending to do and wanted to do nothing but lead people to Christ. He’s made a few attempts over the past few weeks to get me to respond to him.

I’m just really bothered that he keeps sharing that stuff.

This means that his view still remains that I will burn for all eternity because of my relationship. And, I would say I’m agnostic. Definitely not a Christian. So since that’s not my belief, it shouldn’t bother me but it really does. My thoughts are, if this is your belief, and you know I will not leave my wife, convert, or even consider joining a church, then what is the point of trying to maintain a connection with me?

AITJ for not talking to him anymore?

I’m really sad, because it’s my dad, and I know he loves me. But at the same time, seeing those posts and knowing where his views are religiously just doesn’t sit right with me. I feel silly for feeling this way and I’m a 30+ year-old woman.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Of course we want our parents to love and support us and it hurts you to see your dad treating you like a bad person just because you married a woman. He’s your dad, but you don’t have to keep in contact with someone who can’t respect your identity even if they’re family.

Stay close to the ones who make you happy.” sad_codfish

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

He’s not going to change his beliefs and he’s not going to stop sharing things like this online.

That is the sadness and the realness. It’s okay to be angry.

To be hurt. To mourn the relationship you want to have with your dad… And to acknowledge that the relationship you want is not and will not be possible.

I’ve been there (though not in the exact specifics). Walking away is an option and you are not obligated to be deeply harmed over and over again by someone claiming to love you.

Love does not look like this.” JetItTogether

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anma7 4 months ago
NTJ.. honey if dad loved you he would not be posting his anti gay crap online for the whole world to see KNOWING his own child is gay and had a child... do you want your baby to grow up surrounded by that shite??? NO.. your wife pointed out NICELY how his post upset you HIS DAUGHTER and how it was apparently condemning hos own GRANDDAUGHTER to jerk fire and brimstone... but he claims that's not his intent .. sorry to say but your father is one of THOSE christians... does it not say that acceptance for all no matter race gender or creed is the sign of a GOOD christian? Or words to that effect... so basically his church isn't accepting of all wouldn't welcome you and your family into a service 1 day IF you chose to go visit him.. tjat WOULDNT allow you into his church because of your marriage which is perfectly legal and lots or same jerk couples get married including gay pastors etc... yourdad is a zealot and will never change sorry to say
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2. AITJ For Questioning My Paternity?

“I’ve (27 m) never questioned my paternity before because my parents were – and still are – married, but some stuff has been going on recently that has made it more important to consider.

I have always had undiagnosed health issues that sometimes cause me to become ill and I have to alter my diet accordingly. I have multiple children and some are beginning to show the same sensitivities. Doctors believe it is a genetic condition (which I had no idea about before having kids or I would have fought for a diagnosis sooner) and that is it probably completely treatable, but without anyone else in my family having these issues, it has become a guessing game.

That is why I care.

Here’s everything:

My mom claims she had to stop taking her meds 6 months prior in order to conceive me, but my parents only met a month prior to my conception.

My mom had a long-term partner right before my father who was a tall white man (important in a second).

My parents are both on the shorter side of average and Native American. I am 6 ft tall and have blonde hair.

I have an apparent genetic condition that my kids also seem to have (they are all young, it’s yet to be seen if they all do or not) and no other relatives in my family do.

When my wife asked my mom for our family medical history because my son was sick, my mother told her that my father did have the same issues to tell the doctor – but my dad doesn’t and hasn’t my whole life so who was she referring to?

I took a 23andme test with the health option to try to see if anything came up, but my results were confusing. I didn’t have a single DNA match on my dad’s side. I asked him if he could take one to compare and make sense of (since my mom said the health issues were from him) and he not only refused but insisted on never talking about it again.

My younger sibling is treated completely differently than me and my dad has favored them in big ways my whole life.

These among other smaller things raised my doubts. I asked my mom privately because my dad is my dad, but for my children’s sake I wanted to know biological medical information.

She answered me by saying none of that mattered because we were just ‘an oddball family”. I got annoyed and told her that the dismissive replies were what made me not fully believe her and that if she knew anything, she needed to stop this.

They both won’t talk to me now after telling me that I’m being utterly rude and disrespectful for even mentioning it, but given the circumstances, I feel it justified. I’m frustrated because I want answers, and my wife suggested I speak to my grandmother about it, but I really don’t want to go behind my mom’s back either.

My mom has gotten mad at my grandmother for telling me things before. I just want the health information. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You brought it up privately & emphasized your reasoning was specifically for health reasons & those health reasons are pretty frickin valid.

You need to know this to keep you & your children (their grandchildren) as safe/healthy as possible.

I wouldn’t back down on this. Sensitive or not, it’s also your own personal history & you have a right to know about that. I would, however, wait til things cool down & broach it again more sensitively.

Remember, you don’t know the circumstances of it all & there may be a reason she’s so sensitive about it that has nothing to do with pride.” AllPerspicacity

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

This is directly related to your health and the health of your children.

Any decent parent should want and be willing to do whatever they can to help the well-being of their children and grandchildren even if it means exposing some long-hidden secrets.

If you haven’t realized it yet, it’s fairly clear that your dad is not your biological father.

If you happen to know the name of the man she was with before your dad you might be able to track him down.

Beyond that you can look at the close relatives list on your paternal side and perhaps use that to track it down.

Best of luck to you OP! I’m sorry your parents are not being more helpful!” codismycopilot

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anma7 4 months ago
Apply online for a copy of your birth certificate and possible adoption too but talk to grandma definitely
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1. AITJ For Not Telling My Significant Other That I Understand Their Language?

“I (18F) am of Japanese descent, it is not in my surname because it is on my mother’s side and I only have my father’s surname.

But I grew up at my maternal great-grandmother’s and grandmother’s house, who spoke almost 70% of the time in Japanese, so I can speak Japanese, as does my whole family (including my parents).

I live in another state far from where my parents live (who are from Brazil will understand, my relatives are from Rio Grande do Sul and I live in Brasilia).

I’ve been going out with Lara (19F) for 5 months, she is also a descendant, but unlike me, she has Asian traits. She knows I am of Japanese descent, but we never got into a conversation about whether I speak or not, she never asked and I never commented.

It’s been about 2 months since I’ve had lunch every two weeks at her parents’ house where she lives (both of whom are of Japanese descent) and a funny thing always happens.

They would say in Japanese some things like ‘Go make the bed’, ‘The dishes for lunch are yours’ to the parts that spoke badly of me ‘She didn’t eat everything on her plate’ or ‘Strange way to dress’.

My significant other used to scold her parents also in Japanese and this has been the case for the last 2 months.

I’m not necessarily offended, but I find it extremely funny that they think I don’t know and talk about everything in Japanese thinking I’m lost in the conversation.

(It is worth mentioning that they keep the conversation 97% of the time in Portuguese).

My parents came over this weekend and Lara’s parents insisted that we go to their house so they could get to know each other.

At some point, my mother had to leave the table to talk to my grandmother and when she came back she said in Japanese ‘Your grandmother sent a kiss’ and I replied ‘Send one of mine to her later’.

I know Lara and her parents were surprised, but they didn’t comment and dinner stayed that way for the rest of the night.

After I dropped my parents off at the hotel, Lara asked to talk to me via video call and said that I embarrassed her parents because they didn’t know that I understood and spoke in Japanese, and they talked about family things in another language.

Precisely because I would not understand.

I replied saying: ‘Just like they badmouthed me, didn’t they? But I didn’t want to talk about it and you never asked, despite knowing that a part of my family is of Japanese descent.’

She still stood her ground saying that I could have said and avoided all the awkwardness at her parents’ dinner.

I didn’t really do it on purpose, I just responded unintentionally to my mother talking in a language I’m fluent in.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“The only jerks here are Lara’s parents and her for not defending you. Japanese people always like to hide their true opinions and feelings from strangers so my guess is that they felt extremely embarrassed because they showed their true colors to you and didn’t realize it, in other words, their little façade came tumblin’ down, plus I mean, it’s all on Lara to not put 2 and 2 together if she knew you were of Japanese descent.

Do you really wanna keep being with a person who lets other people badmouth you because they think you can’t understand them? If I were ever in Lara’s position I would have put an end to that real quick even if my partner couldn’t understand it.

NTJ.” artistintheshadows

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, people will break this down as you didn’t directly lie, you didn’t do something illegal, you didn’t kill their family dog, whatever. What you did do was lie by omission. You two are close enough and serious enough that you’re regularly having meals with her family and your family is meeting hers.

Is this really the standard you want in your relationship? You didn’t directly question me so I had no duty to disclose this information? It would have been cute if you’d said goodbye in Japanese to her parents after the first meeting. This, congrats, you got to eavesdrop on some people doing the thoughtlessly rude action of discussing personal and household matters in a second language.

Instead of a good-natured joke on your side, you instead protracted it over months and eviscerated their sense of trust in you and goodwill towards you. You displayed to your SO how you operate in a relationship. She assumed the best of you, that you’d be honest and communicate relevant info and you cleared that assumption up as well.

At least she knows you far better now.” Vertigote

-2 points (2 vote(s))
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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Definitely NTJ. If Lara and her parents are so rude and clueless that they would insult and criticize you to your face, assuming you don't understand them, then those are people you don't need in your life. A wise polyglot NEVER assumes that someone doesn't understand them when they speak a different language than the one in which they're used to conversing with that person. I only speak a little street Spanish, but I won't let the native speakers around me know that I do, for exactly this reason. Not everyone is your friend, as you've just discovered. Boot your SO and her tactless, rude parents from your life. You can do much better.
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