People Voice Their Concerns About Their Trivial "Am I The Jerk" Stories
37. AITJ For Ruining My Sister-In-Law's Relationships?
“I (30 M) have been married 3 years to my wife Nicole. Nicole has a sister named Bella who I absolutely despise. Just the kind of person I don’t get along with. Never have since the moment we met. I’ve tried everything to just keep it cordial between us.
In my opinion, she’s petty, self-centered, and just a jerk. But my wife doesn’t have a ton of family outside of her sister and her mom. So they have always been close.
Well for a long time, Bella was going out with this dude Cody.
Cody and I actually liked each other and would hang out. Well, Bella not only had an affair but the way she did it and who she did it with was awful. Totally crushed Cody and Bella wouldn’t let it go. She kept on contacting/showing up at his place until he eventually filed a restraining order.
She always tried to act like Cody was the issue and he forced her to do it lol. I stayed out of the whole mess. Basically telling my wife that she handles her family. And I’ll handle mine. But just don’t ask me to be kind to Bella or even cordial moving forward.
As I’ve seen her true colors and don’t want her around my life at all. Because god knows what she is capable of.
So recently Bella has started going out with a man again. And for some reason, she felt the need to bring these dudes over to our house.
I’ve said from the beginning that I would definitely warn any man she brings over about her. So that is exactly what I’ve done. I’ve already ‘ruined’ two potential relationships by telling the guys the truth. I simply ask them what they know about her.
They say only good things (Bella’s very good about putting on a good face).
We then have a ‘man-to-man’ type of conversation. I tell them exactly what happened with her and Cody and the RO. Both times the guys thanked me. And told me they appreciated me watching out for them.
Bella and I have gone at it over this. My wife tries to stay out of it. Telling Bella that she shouldn’t bring the guys over here if she doesn’t want me saying anything. But behind closed doors my wife is upset and saying I’m being a jerk.
That I’m putting her in a tough spot. I’ve said multiple times. If Bella was honest and told these guys upfront then it wouldn’t be an issue. But I’m not covering up a liar and these guys deserve a clear view.
And if she has a problem with it, then don’t bring the guys over. AITJ?”
36. AITJ For Kicking My Mother-In-Law Out Of My House For Making Coffee?
“I (27 female) am currently 5 months pregnant with twins. Due to a preexisting medical condition, my pregnancy is rather hard on me. I am on early pregnancy leave so that is that but at home, there is a lot that just doesn’t get done. My husband does his best but his job has always been rather demanding.
Due to not knowing that we are having twins, he scheduled his own leave for the 9th month.
My gyno recommended I get a household helper which the insurance will cover (we live in Germany), I told my mother-in-law (59) and my mother about this. Mum thought it was great but MIL said I should trust others and offered herself.
She moved into our home on the 23rd of June and it’s been miserable.
She cooks a lot of food that I am unable to eat due to pregnancy or allergies. She threw my bedsheets for mites allergies away (both mine and my husband’s) saying they were ugly.
But they are under the decorative sheets. And the worst? She drinks a lot of coffee and puts cinnamon as well as other spices in it and while my morning sickness is gone, I still think cinnamon (and vanilla) are disgusting, the smell makes me nauseous.
I, as well as my husband, have asked her multiple times to stop it but every time she just retaliates that I need to get over it. Yesterday I came home from my doctor’s appointment and found that not only did she make another pot of brew she also lit up multiple cinnamon-scented candles.
I yelled at her but then calmed down and just told her to pack her stuff her son will drive her home as soon as he gets here I also laid into her for not being an actual help in the past month as she barely did any housework and I often had to cook a meal for my self.
She cried and cried but I didn’t care. My husband agreed and drove her home. I went to stay in a hotel until he cleared the apartment of the smell.
My SIL and SIL called today and accused me of hating MIL.
So AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Not Replying To My Partner's Texts?
“I (25 F) have been with my partner (34 M) for around 7 months. My best friend (25 F) lives out of state but came to visit me in my city this weekend. As a habit, I usually put my phone in my purse during dinners so that I can be fully present during conversations.
Last night was my friend’s last night in town so we went out to dinner together to have a proper send-off. Altogether, the dinner lasted about 90 minutes, and the service was a little slow so it took longer than expected. My partner was invited but chose not to come after a long weekend, so I texted him when I arrived, put my phone into my purse, and went to dinner.
During dinner, he texted me a few times, updating me on a new book that he was reading, and I replied about an hour and fifteen minutes after that when I went into the bathroom. At first, I didn’t think too much about it, until this morning when I got a number of frustrated texts from him that I didn’t respond to him and that I had intentionally put him on silent.
I’ve tried to explain myself, I try to fully invest myself in dinner conversations when I can, so I thought that I was doing the right thing by putting my phone away. I feel like I may be the jerk though because he pointed out that the night before I had texted my friend when he had taken me out to a nice dinner, but that was because I was trying to give her the timing on when we’d be done because she was meeting up with us after.
I’m really confused in this situation and starting to feel like I’m the jerk, but I thought that I was doing the right thing by putting my phone away.
Am I the jerk?”
34. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Grandmother's Funeral?
“My dad is a greedy man where money is involved. Won’t part with a penny unless it’s spent on himself or his wife. Lavish holidays, expensive cars, huge house. Shun gifts that are ‘cheap’ but don’t spend much themselves on gifts for others.
My wonderful nan died two weeks ago, and the family is naturally devastated. She had been deteriorating for months, but still hurt when she passed, I was very close to her.
Her funeral plan will pay for about 60% of the cost, leaving about £6000 left to pay. My aunt and dad covered £3,000 each. But now my dad is asking me and my brother for £1000 each towards reimbursement of the cost. He’s inheriting £10,000 from her will, and my aunt is getting the same.
My brother is getting her car, I am getting her jewelry as per her wishes.
My brother and I are splitting the cost of buying funeral flowers for her. As I live 300 miles away, I sent him £100 to buy them for my share. He told me he had £40 left over after buying 3 floral sprays, and would send me the money back, I told him to keep it as an early birthday gift and buy himself some new stuff for furnishing his flat (his partner was having an affair, they broke up, he moved out, he rented a new place, she kept everything).
A few days ago, a friend gifted me 2 free tickets to Crufts (big dog show). So I went with my fiancé. After I posted on social media about the show, my dad called me angry saying if I can throw money at a dog show and my brother, I can pay my share of my nan’s funeral. I told him no, because I don’t have that kind of money to spare.
I paid for the flowers, and let my brother keep the remainder as a birthday gift, the tickets were free, I just spent all my savings (£8,000) paying for my share of my upcoming wedding (with no family contribution), and the rising cost of Iiving right now has me financially struggling, even with fiancées support.
It would cost £200 in fuel to travel the 600-mile round trip for her funeral, and days of unpaid time off work for me, plus a hotel for us to stay in (mother has cats and fiancee is allergic, and dad never lets us stay for free).
My dad called me and told me if I cared, I’d take out a loan and pay my £1,000 share. I told him it shouldn’t be up to Nan’s grandchildren to pay for her funeral, especially as her own children are inheriting a large sum, and Aunt had no problem paying her share of the £3000.
He called me a selfish jerk, and my family is divided on opinions. Some are saying I should just find a way to pay it, others are saying my dad is being very greedy.
AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Calling My Sister A Toad?
“My sister Tess (25 f) and her husband want to buy a house but since he’s deployed right now she asked me (27 m) if I could check out some houses with her and inspect the property. We went in for a tour last Saturday.
Took no more than a half hour.
The realtor was very professional and polite. She was there early ready to show us the house, answered all my questions and my sister’s in great detail. Honestly nothing unprofessional about her at all.
When we were leaving we saw her car parked out front and in the passenger’s seat, there was a kid who looked maybe 12 watching videos on an iPad eating snacks.
The car was on because when she opened the door the AC was on. When we walked by the car she asked him if he was okay and he said yeah. Like not even bothered.
All of a sudden Tess had a sour face. She started talking about how unprofessional it is to bring your kid when you’re meeting up with a client.
I asked her what was the big deal. Her son was in the car the whole time not like he was tagging along distracting her from viewing the house. When we got in the car she still wasn’t shutting up about the lady being a bad realtor and a negligent mother for leaving her kid in the car for 30 minutes.
I thought this was ridiculous. It actually made me laugh at how she was ranting about this. But when she was deciding to make a complaint about the realtor I said that’s going way too far now. That realtor did nothing unprofessional and she needs to stop acting like it just because it bothers her for whatever stupid reason.
Tess was all smiles until she saw the kid chilling in the car.
But since she wasn’t backing down about making this complaint I told her she’s a toad for making a big deal about this. Why a toad? I have no idea that’s just the first thing that came to mind because I’m not good with name calling but it still got the same offended reaction.
So I said she’s a toad for being so mad about this and she will be an even bigger one if she makes that complaint. Now she thinks I’m acting like a jerk for minimizing her being bothered by it since she shouldn’t be judged for expecting a professional realtor to be more professional and not have her kid around when she’s showing a house.
Now she wants to go see houses by herself which is fine by me I was the one doing her a favor but she still thinks I’m a jerk for name-calling. It’s childish but that’s the kind of relationship we have. Just wanna know if in this case it was warranted or was I really a jerk for insulting her.”
32. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Husband's Kids' Tuition?
“I’m (32 F) married to (36 M) Dylan. We’ve been together for seven years and married for the last three. We both have previous kids from prior relationships. My children are 12 M and 9 F. His kids are 16 M, 14 M, and 9 F twins, along with an 18 and 19 F who are not his biological children but he continues to help raise them.
Up until 2020, Dylan was making twice my salary. His job made cuts and unfortunately, his was one of them. He still makes pretty decent but now I’m making three times more than him thanks to a promotion a couple of years ago. His ex-wife I wouldn’t say she’s bitter or a gold digger, but that she thinks we’re in competition.
For example, we moved to a bigger house, so she moved to a bigger house within the same year. We got another vehicle and she got another vehicle. I thought maybe I was tripping that, that’s not what she was doing, but that’s exactly what’s going on.
Anyhow, my kids’ father just remarried and has a new baby on the way and they just moved into a new home. His wife was put on bed rest so that’s only one income coming into their household. Our agreement was that when we relocated closer he would pay for their tuition for private school.
Life happened, so I ended up paying for their tuition. Somehow or another it got back to my husband’s ex-wife and now she’s demanding that my husband does the same for their kids.
The way our finances are set up is we have a joint account for our expenses together and then we each have our own personal accounts.
He couldn’t afford the tuition, but he asked me if would I pay for their tuition and he would pay me back. He doesn’t care if they go to public or private. He’s trying to please his ex-wife. I told him no after he refused to sign a repayment plan and he called me selfish!
I told him if he wants to kiss his ex-wife’s butt then that’s where he needs to be!
He’s already in debt from loans he’s taken out for college for her older two children who are not biologically his. Given what I already contribute to our household and our kids as a whole, no this is something he and his ex-wife need to figure out or leave it alone.
Hubby has mismanaged money one too many times trying to please his ex-wife.”
31. AITJ For Only Paying For Half Of The Bill?
“My significant other and I went out with some of her friends because they were also going to watch the Doctor Strange movie and so she thought it would be a great idea, so she asked if we could join them and then we could hang out together, they agreed.
So we went to the closest mall and watched the movie (the other guy and I paid for the movie tickets and popcorn) and then since it was 7 pm we went into a restaurant and ate some pasta and some other stuff, then the other guy asked for the bill the total was 1522 rupees (Indian currency) and I asked the other guy to pay 760 rupees the half of the bill and the guy said to me to pay the bill myself I said I only have 1200 rupees on me, he told me that I pay 1200 rupees and he would cover the rest of the bill I said no we should pay the bill half and half, he told me that my SO and I ate way more than them (which was not true, they ate a lot more food than us).
I said to him we are going half and half on the bill, end of discussion. He said to me I have plans after this so please pay the bill and I said nah mate sorry. Then he was giving me the death stare and told me to pay up and I just left 770 rupees on the table and left (he probably paid his half).
Then he caught up to us saying that I give him 760 rupees back and I told him it was your half of the bill, he said he didn’t care and told me to pay up. He said he wanna go get some clothes for his SO and I said then you should have not eaten if you can’t afford it.
Then he said it was proper for me to pay the bill cuz I didn’t have any plans after eating the food, then I walked away while ignoring him.
Now my friends are saying that you should have just paid the bill cuz you didn’t have any plans after eating the food and I feel like I should have just covered the whole bill and asked the guy to pay me back later.
Was I the jerk?”
30. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Wasn't Her Princess?
“I (18 nb) was born a female and am the middle child/only ‘girl’ in a family of six.
I came out about my non-binary status in stages with my older brothers (they are awesome), parents (dad supports me in this and mom is not pleased), followed by my younger brothers.
This particular moment is between my mom and me. Mom is always trying to get me to be a girly girl and it’s just not me. I hate all of the stuff she tries to get me to do. I’m talking makeup, dresses, nails in Barbie pink.
She will yell at me if I talk about anything she doesn’t approve of (such as camping and backpacking like I want to do next summer before college). I have tried to be as polite as possible but most of the time just give in.
This all came to a head today. Mom decided to take it upon herself to buy me new clothes for school and almost all of them (with the exception of some jeans I actually like) are in shades of pale yellow, pink, light purple, and basically just blah stuff.
I told her there was no way I’d be caught dead in that.
She told me that I wasn’t going to school dressed as a punk rocker. The outfit I’m wearing right now (and during this argument) is a dark purple tank top with a rainbow peace sign, skinny jeans, and a simple pair of sneakers.
I then told her that she could take these clothes back and that she needed to realize that I wasn’t her princess and I never will be and I’m tired of her trying to make me be what I’m not. It makes me feel disgusted with myself because it isn’t me.
She left the room and apparently started to cry. Dad came by my room long enough to tell me I was grounded until I apologized. One of my brothers (older) says that while he agrees with what I said I did say it was really harsh but sometimes people have to learn that way.
So yeah, AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister-In-Law And Her Children Stay With Us?
“I (28 M) and my husband (30 M) live about 30 minutes away from his sister. He’s at a party with other families (that sister was at earlier) and decided to stay there because he drank too much and didn’t want to drive home.
He called me about 10 minutes before 1 A.M. to state that his sister had gotten into a fight with her partner and that she was on her way over to stay at our place with her three children.
This is probably the third or fourth time this year that this has happened. It’s becoming more frequent.
She’ll get into an argument with her partner, leave and stay with us, her partner will eventually show up the next day and apologize and they all go home. I’ve never said a word against it before, and always just accepted it as helping her out.
Tonight I put my foot down. She’s an adult woman with three young children who is ripping them away from home at 1 A.M. to sleep on a tiny twin mattress in our guest room because she uses leaving as a tool in arguments with her partner.
It’s inappropriate behavior that is becoming a pattern and he’s enabling it because he’s unable to set boundaries with his family.
Additional context: About 80% of our fights surround disagreements between us regarding his family. He was raised outside of the US. His sister had her first child very young and emigrated to the US shortly after.
She lived with us for the first few years she lived here, and we even leased an apartment with an extra bedroom for her for a year that she lived in for less than two weeks because she moved in with her partner. I’m not exceptionally close with his family as they do not speak English and I only speak brokenly in their language, making it somewhat difficult to bond.
He accuses me of not understanding his culture, and that family is always the first priority and they help each other no matter what.
I’ve always (in my mind) done what I can to support his family and their needs. Whether it’s helping his sister with her insurances (her car is still on my policy after 4 years), helping her daughter with homework, going to her OB/GYN appointments with her because the doctor doesn’t speak her language, helping her partner start a business, etc, etc. Navigating in the US when you don’t speak English is incredibly confusing and stressful, and I empathize with his family deeply.
I also have boundaries.
I’m sitting here wracked with guilt for putting his sister out. She ended up staying about 45 minutes further with the family where my husband is now. When I was on the phone with him telling him I didn’t want her coming here at 1 am without him being here or discussing it with me or even being asked she was on the phone, heard me, and got upset.
I feel as if I haven’t been unreasonable in this situation but I know in the eyes of my husband and his family, I’m a massive jerk for standing my ground. I know this is only my side of the story, but help me out, AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Giving Money To His Best Friend?
“My husband, Finn (M), and I (F) have a big difference in income, as he gave up a stable and well-paid job to start his master’s degree. The Master’s scholarship in my country is poorly paid and with the cost of research, there is very little left over.
A comparison with fictitious values: he earned 4k, he currently receives 2.3k and only 500 is left. I am responsible for 90% of the house’s expenses and everything else (I earn 7k). We have joint accounts and yes, I supported him to pursue this master’s degree and I don’t mind paying the expenses.
Finn has had a best friend since childhood, Marcus, who got married on Friday and my husband was the best man. He was responsible for the bachelor party and although the groomsmen agreed to split the costs, most of the costs were not split (many ‘escaped’ or ignored the messages) and Finn was responsible in the end which was 2k.
Finn asked if I could help and I agreed (I had money saved).
Another point to highlight to understand the situation: I gave my husband 500 notes for him to keep and use in emergencies.
On the wedding day, during the party, there was a tradition of cutting the groom’s tie and going from table to table asking people to put some money.
My husband was with Marcus and it was time to get to my table. He took the 500 from his wallet (he only uses cards, the money is from emergencies), showing himself and putting it on his tie. There was a whole celebration, but I was very angry.
Finn came back to the table 30 minutes later and I said that the 500 I gave was for emergencies and not for show off.
He said that to help his friend and that the money was ours, so he could also decide what to do.
I was very clear in saying that in relation to our expenses, including the emergency, it is ours, but to show off to a bunch of men with that money, it becomes mine and I want it back because I didn’t give it to that intention and remembered that we already paid for the bachelor party.
We argued a bit and spoke poorly during the week, but I still made it clear that I wanted the money back.
He’s saying that I’m manipulating him since I supported him to get into his master’s and he depends on me financially, I knew he doesn’t have many conditions and that it was stupid to ask for it back.
AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Pay Her Bills Under My Name?
“I (20 F) have recently started college. My mom (57) is moving back into her old apartment complex after living here with my grandma for a year going on 2. My mom pulled me aside and told me she wanted to tell me something. She proceeded to tell me that she got her apartment but there was an issue.
She owed the electric company money. 1200$ to be exact. She told me she wanted to use my name on the bill and that the way it would work was that she would put the money for the bill on my card. So the bill would just be in my name but she would still pay!
I proceeded to tell her that I was sure that was illegal cause she straight up told me she’d basically be using MY identity. She told me no it wasn’t illegal and that everything would be alright.
I spoke with some friends and they told me if my mom messes up and doesn’t pay her bills on time, it could severely damage my credit.
I tried to talk to her about this and tell her I was worried and she proceeded to say things such as, ‘I can’t believe you wouldn’t trust your own mother,’ ‘Why would I jeopardize your name’ and also insisted that my name being on the bill but her paying would also improve my credit.
I tried to explain I was just worried because it was my future at stake and she began to tell me, ‘I’ll find someone else to do it OP, I can’t believe you’re making an issue out of me just using your name’. I felt helpless in the situation.
I can’t help her with the money I don’t have a job but hearing her say things that it hurts her and that I can’t trust her makes me really think am I the jerk.”
If I were you, I'd get on one of those credit watch sites and check that she hasn't already done this without telling you. I'd bet much that she has smaller accounts in your name that she's never told you about. Good luck.
26. AITJ For Not Coming To My Nieces' Half-Sibling's Birthday Party?
“My brother died 6 years ago. He left behind a wife and two daughters.
My brother and his wife never had the best marriage and she was never close to my family. We adored the girls though and spent a lot of time with them and my brother while he was alive.
After my brother died we ended up in court to see my nieces because their mom was shacked up with someone days after the funeral and she decided if we wanted to see them, we needed to take his kid too.
I was granted access to the girls and have never passed on this time. She ended up married to another guy within 11 months of my brother’s death, with two of his own kids and she has two kids with him. Her family and his family are not involved in their shared kids’ lives.
Because of this, the kids have latched onto my family. We do not want to be in their lives though, so we focus on the girls and try to be kind to the other kids but not to lead them on. Their mom keeps letting them come and acting like we’re equally responsible for her other kids.
Once she even used the line that since she didn’t divorce my brother, they’re his stepkids and so part of our family.
The girls have talked about how weird life is because they’re discouraged from talking about their dad at home. They’re told they could see their mom’s husband as their dad.
They’re even told they should advocate for their siblings to be included. But neither of them likes that their mom remarried in the way that she did, and neither like her husband. They have expressed jealousy of his other kids who have no contact with him and don’t have to be part of that household.
So the older of their half siblings is turning 5 soon and when I went to pick up the girls, he came out and asked why I wouldn’t be at his birthday party and I told him he should ask his mom to explain. She came out and he asked her which is when she told him I needed to be invited. So he turned around and asked me to come.
I told him I couldn’t make it. He asked why. So I said his mom would need to tell him. I didn’t want to drag it out with the kids so I left with the girls quickly (one was held back by her stepdad but was coming out as all this happened in my car).
I got several messages after saying I was a jerk for making her answer for my cruelness.
I think it would have been worse for me to say anything. But I want others to judge. AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Pointing Out My Mother's Favoritism Toward My Other Siblings?
“I (16 F) and my brother (21 M) have always had a rocky relationship with my mother. My big sister and my little sister have not had as much trouble with her, but I’ve noticed over the years that she favors them over me and my brother.
For context, my sisters love makeup and fashion and ‘girly things’, but I’m more of a tomboy. I always got on the best with my brother. He was like a best friend to me, seeing as I’ve always found it hard to make friends due to my anxiety.
I’m pretty sure that I bonded with my brother mostly due to our shared situation with my mother.
My mother is quite unpredictable, and I’m not sure if that’s just her personality or if she has some sort of mental health problem, but it’s always been the thing keeping us apart.
One moment she could be screaming her head off at you, and the next she could be hugging you and saying that she loves you with all her heart. It’s hard to deal with, but we manage.
Recently though after I came out to her and my dad as pansexual, she keeps saying things to me along the lines of ‘Why can’t you be more like your sisters?’ and always calls me lazy when I take longer to process things due to my autism.
I recently got into an argument with her about this after my dad got home from work, and pointed out her blatant favouritism and how she needs to treat all of her children equally. She got mad at me and told me that she could treat us how she wanted to because she is our parent, but my dad sided with me and said that she was being unfair and ‘cruel for putting my sisters on a pedestal while I and my brother are left in the dirt’ (his words).
She’s now giving me and my dad the silent treatment, but my dad says that it’s not my fault and that if I didn’t say anything about it then he would have. I can’t help but feel guilty for what I said though.
Am I the jerk?
EDIT: My dad wasn’t usually at home a lot up until I was about twelve when he got a new job (mainly so he could see his family more), and when he was home my mother didn’t act horrible to any of us in front of him up until about three months ago.
He’s gotten into a few arguments with her about her behavior, but he’s not a very confrontational guy and either just walks out to clear his head or doesn’t speak much. He’s spoken to me and my brother about this and we all agree that we should try and get her an appointment somewhere that could maybe help her, however, my dad is appalled with her behavior.
We’re still trying to help despite how she acted, but if it keeps going then we’re not sure if we would be able to.”
24. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Visit His Dad Until He Was 7 Years Old?
“I (f 36) am a single mom of 3 boys. My third son was born in 2015. The father was a traveling worker whom I did not date. It was just a fling. I became pregnant, and he, knowing this, left the state and moved 1500 miles to another state.
We kept in contact bet he started a life, got married, had another kid, etc. He didn’t show up for the birth, because he was mad I didn’t give him the name he wanted.
So over the last 7 years, he’s come up to see him about once a year.
I wasn’t ready to let him take him to TX yet because he was so young and got homesick badly. But I’ve never told him he can’t see him. So he came up to visit him and I always let him go with his dad.
I even drove down to TX for a week so he could be at his wedding. I try to compromise, but every time I try to talk to his dad he shuts down. Completely. Then he just doesn’t call or message his son for 3-4 months at a time.
This year my son is almost 7 so I said he could go down to TX for a couple weeks this summer. This was his 2nd solo trip and 2 weeks is a nice chunk of time I thought. I told them now he’s older we can do more trips down there.
Well, when he showed up to pick him up and drop him off he got mad and told me that I was the reason he hadn’t been a father to our son. That it was my fault because I should have been letting him take him all summer every summer since he was born.
I don’t agree! We weren’t married, I barely knew him. He didn’t even see him until he was 4 months old.
I have a feeling he is gonna try to get custody but I don’t think he can win. I never deny my son his father and I always consider his feelings about the visits.
Am I the jerk for not sending my kid down until he was older?”
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Friend Plan Her Wedding?
“My friend and I have been really close friends for about eight years now and even were considered best friends in high school. Having graduated and become adults now, we have lost a bit of that friendship but we always pick up where we left off when we do see each other.
We’ve done a lot for each other and have overall very similar tastes and so on.
Fast forward to now, my friend shares the news with me that she is engaged. I’m so excited for her and I’m really happy for her future with this man.
She tells me she wants my help with her wedding planning and that she finds we have very similar tastes. She says she wants me to do this as I have an eye for this type of thing and that I’m very creative.
Later on, however, she says that she would love to have me as a bridesmaid but doesn’t have the space for me to be in the actual wedding party.
Honestly, this really hurt my feelings and I expressed this to her as I thought I would be a bridesmaid. She tells me she would try to make room for me but I could still be part of the wedding party by helping coordinate, greet people, handing out favors, or something of the sort.
I found this to be a bit insulting and told her I would think about it. This role was something I did for my cousins’ weddings when I was a child like handing out bubbles. She said she wanted help picking out the bridesmaids’ dresses and that I could wear a different dress in the same color to show that I was part of the wedding party.
She doesn’t trust her bridesmaid to plan the wedding and bridal shower for her so she wants me to help do it. The only thing I would not be planning would be the bachelorette party.
I feel like those hours are up to her bridesmaids and I don’t understand why she would want me to be so involved but not actually be in the wedding party.
So AITJ for not wanting to plan her wedding?
EDIT: I did not ask to be in the wedding party rather she told me after a couple of weeks of helping her with stuff that I was NOT in the wedding party and her other friends were.
These are all recent friends as well so no family obligation etc. They are people from work and college basically.
Secondly, yes I do look different from the rest of them. I’m of a different ethnicity but I do not think this is the issue.
I do wonder if it is because I’m curvy and they are all thin. I do understand it’s her final say but she wants me to be at the bachelorette, plan the bridal shower and engagement party, help with venue set up, pick out favors, design invitations, and find the stuff that fits the wedding theme and colors.”
22. AITJ For Not Spanking My Child?
“My daughter (3 F) and I (34 M) were at the grocery store buying groceries. She was good the whole time we were at the store, and she asked if we could get a donut.
I told her we could, but she could only have half of it now, and the other half for later. We got out to the car and she had already taken a couple of bites, so when I broke it in half, I gave her the half she had already bitten out of.
I set the other half on the front seat of my car and started putting groceries in the car. While I was doing this she reached and grabbed the donut. I told her this was not ok and to put it down or I would throw it away.
I counted to 5 before taking the donut away and throwing it in a trash can. At this time my daughter’s tantrum went from bad to worse.
Across the street from me, an older lady (~70F) yelled that I needed to spank my child. I ignored her, as my wife and I had agreed on a strict no-spanking rule.
She repeated herself, and this time I politely but firmly told her I wasn’t interested in her advice on how to raise my child. As I turn back to my daughter I hear ‘You aren’t doing her any favors, you need to spank her!’
This was the point I lost it. I yelled (she was about 10 yards away, but I have a loud voice when I need it) ‘I need you to shut up right now and walk away!’ She got the message and didn’t say anything else, but she continued watching.
I turned to my daughter and said ‘That lady over there thinks I should hit you. I’m not going to do that, but I need you to calm down.’
I told my wife the story when we got home. She said she would have gone off on this lady too and I didn’t do anything wrong, but I can’t shake the feeling I went too far.
What do you think? AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Limiting My Niece And Nephew's Interactions With My Son?
“My older sister (45 f) has 3 children, 2 of whom are slightly on the spectrum, Frances (21 f) and Jeremy (15 m). To further explain, when Frances was 12, the doctors informed us that she was mentally about 5 years old. We have had many concerns with Frances and Jeremy around our 10-month-old.
For example, at our baby shower, one of our friends brought their 6-week-old to our event at the park. Jeremy walked up to them and put his finger in the baby’s mouth after he had been playing in the park all day trying to catch bugs.
You could visibly see the dirt on his hands. He also did this when my brother brought his 2 week old home a few months later.
Now, we’ve spoken with my sister and talked to him about this and now they make him wash his hands when the babies are around, but we still feel uncomfortable because he still gets very close to the baby’s face and wants to touch their faces.
It also seems like he doesn’t understand that he could hurt them.
His older sister, Frances struggles with extreme body odor and hygiene issues. When she was in high school she was sent home multiple times by the principal because she was ‘a disturbance to the other students’ due to her stench.
I have also spoken with my sister about this and she has said she has tried to talk to her about it, but Frances just gets emotional. She also said that she does shower regularly, but for some reason, she still smells after the shower.
To further explain how excessive her smell is, she’s been known to leave a stench that lingers, to the point where when she sits on someone’s couch it will smell for days after. When she has come over to visit, we have to put the sheets down and wash them immediately after she leaves.
Since our son was born, both Frances and Jeremy have been very excited to hold and be around our son. I have tried to limit interactions as much as possible, but my mom said that I’m keeping the baby away from the family, so I’ve tried to be present for holidays and birthdays.
They have also noticed that they aren’t able to spend as much time with my son as other family members and are starting to take it personally.
At the last 3 events, birthdays, Father’s Day, etc, my niece has actually cried and thrown what I would call a tantrum because my mother (his grandmother) got to hold him and she didn’t.
It seems like they ruin these events if I don’t give in and let them hold or play with my son. My sister reassures them it’s only temporary because he’s so small and she keeps telling her kids that they will get to play with him more when he is older and able to walk, but I truly don’t feel comfortable with that.
My family is upset with me because they act out when I won’t let them hold him. My mom thinks I’m breaking apart the family by not allowing my sister to babysit or really be around my son too much because of her kids.
Is it my fault that these holidays and family events are ruined?”
20. AITJ For Kicking My Friend Out Of My House Because He Ate Our Chicken?
“My wife (23 F) and I (23 M) just purchased our first house about a year ago. My wife’s younger cousin (17 F) lives in this area and asked to stay with us for a while since she was having family problems, she even had a job and offered to help pay bills, which we declined, of course, she was still a kid.
But she always stayed tidy and helped with chores and was a perfect house guest. She moved into her new apartment when she turned 18 as well.
My friend (27 M) has recently fallen upon hard times and since he knew we helped her cousin and she had moved out, asked us if he could borrow the spare bedroom.
This was fine, except these last few months he has not helped pay for food and bills, or looked for a new job. He never cleans and always complains that he hates the food my wife and I make. We are both Mexican, so we mainly cook Mexican food, which he refuses to eat.
My wife found out she was pregnant a month ago and we are thrilled. We told my friend that he would have until the baby was born to move out since we needed the spare room. He asked why we couldn’t just turn my wife’s office into a nursery but she needs that space since she is in medical school and she is also a server at night so she needs a place to study and also have time for herself.
We never brought up him moving out again until last night.
My wife and I met when we were 16 working at a restaurant. It’s a chain restaurant but when my wife got accepted into medical school, we left our lives to move so she could keep going to school.
I know sometimes she misses the food and craves it now that she’s pregnant. So I called in sick for work and drove to the nearest one, about 3 hours south. I got her all of the favorites she used to love – especially this one chicken dish.
I came back home and put the food in the fridge and I waited to surprise her with it when she got back from her waitress job – which was usually very late, around 2 or 3 in the morning. I took a nap since I was tired from all the driving but when I woke up to my 1 am alarm, I walked into the kitchen to find out my friend had eaten all of the chicken, half of the pizza, and even taken a part out of two of the pasta.
I blew up on him but I had driven 6 hours only for him to eat all of my wife’s food. He said how was he supposed to know it was special (even though I texted him not to eat it) and that since my wife and I don’t know how to make ‘appetizing food’ it’s only fair he should get some good food.
That was the last straw and I told him to pack his stuff he was leaving that night. He had to live with his parents and he claims he’s humiliated to be a 27-year-old stuck at his mom’s house but I said that was his own fault.
His mom has called me and told me to take him back and some of our mutual friends have called and told me I was a jerk for kicking him out on such short notice. Maybe it was a bit harsh of me, but my baby is due in 2 months so it was going to happen eventually, AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Refusing To Reconnect With My Ex-Friend?
“My (17 F) friend (17 F – I’ll call her Amy) and I met a year or so ago when I was at a really low time in my life.
Amy was kind and supportive to me when I was struggling with finding my true group of friends and invited me to hang out and join her group (5 other girls) instead at the beginning of 2021. For a while, I was super happy with them and truly felt like they would be my friends for life.
However, they suddenly turned on me at the beginning of this year with a girl who we’ll call Ella leading the charge.
Ella and Amy have been best friends for a really long time and were always super, super close with each other. Ella is the glue of the group and the one who decides who stays and goes, and over the years she’s removed (through bullying – online and in person), those who get too close to Amy.
So, I got close to Amy and got bullied out quite viciously. I reached out to her finally, asking if everything Ella said about me was true and if she also felt like I was a jerk and got no response (Amy avoids conflict at all costs, hates arguing, and would rather stay silent than fight for anything.
This is kind of why I feel I might be the jerk). It took me some time to get over the friendship, but I moved on and it was all good.
Recently, Amy has been trying to get close to me again. We have a couple of the same classes in school, and she’ll always try to say hi and join the conversation.
Every single time I ignored her, feeling betrayed and hurt that she abandoned me when she KNEW I was at a low point and now wanted to reconnect as if nothing ever happened. But my other friends are telling me I’m a jerk for ignoring her and saying I should try to recover the friendship, since after all, ‘It was my fault that we fell out’.
So AITJ?
Edit: I think Amy has distanced herself slightly from Ella as they don’t seem as glued together but is still friends with many of the girls who participated in bullying. Only since she got some distance from Ella has she reached out to me, which led me to think I could have been the jerk.”
18. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Pay Back My $1000?
“My husband (33) and I (31) used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we lost our home and one of our incomes (his). We moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things, and gave up most of our ‘costly’ habits.
My husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session.
We live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. A single session is 250$, and he has to have it every week so that’d be nearly 1000 a month! I offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he’s used to her.
The problem is I’m the only income earner and I’m struggling to make ends meet. I’m also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. I told him to cut his sessions but he refused. I told him I won’t be paying for them anymore and he said he’d get the money himself.
Yesterday I checked and saw that he’s been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. I found that out when I went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said I had no money. I had to return everything then went home and went off on him.
I told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn’t tell me cause he knew I’d have an issue with it. I demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, I yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing the victim and that this had been affecting both of us since he’s going to be a parent too and it’s stressful for him and I keep dismissing his own needs as a human.
I went upstairs and he went out. He started giving me the silent treatment but I kept demanding the money back. he said I shouldn’t expect it back since we’re married then my money is technically his and I should stop using his unemployment against him.”
17. AITJ For Disrespecting My Stepmom?
“I (16 M) live with my dad and stepmom.
Four years ago, the two got together and I was finally happy that my dad could find a partner after hopping from one to another because they were using him.
And in the beginning, I was skeptical about her because I’ve always been skeptical of new people all my life. Eventually, I warmed up to her and I actually would talk to her more and share most of my problems with her like she was my actual mom.
3 years into the relationship, I’ve already moved in with them because my bio mom and my dad had split custody of me, and they are married. Here’s when I started having problems with her.
About 2-3 years into their relationship she started treating me differently.
It first started with making me feel bad about myself. Calling me a freak, being overly judgemental, making me feel dumb over small mistakes, and not understanding I have mild memory loss. She would start having a different time with me around her friends and my significant other when I did absolutely nothing wrong to deserve the disrespect.
In fact, I treated her with so much respect and sometimes it’d be okay but then I’d just have disrespect being shoved down my throat.
Well, a few fights have started with them and recently they had the gall to ask me what she did to deserve the disrespect I was giving her and making me feel like I’m such a bad kid.
I made the mistake of going onto a different topic and after a large fight between me, her, and my dad, my dad asked me to sit back down. He was cooled off by then and so was I even though my face was drenched in tears.
He asked why I did act that way towards her and I told him that I was treating her with disrespect back because she was doing it to me first and he said not to do that and he noticed a few things that he’s going to call her out on.
May I also mention I’m transgender and they both refuse to even use my real name instead of my dead name and he/him for me. My stepmom has also somewhat accused me of stealing her meds and other stupid things.
I just need to know, AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Being Upset For Feeling Responsible For My Partner And His Sister's Kids?
“My partner (30) and I (27) have lived together for about a year now. His sister (27) and her kids (both under the age of 10) live with us now. My partner has a kid of his own but shares custody, so he is with us part-time. I myself don’t have any kids.
My partner has always felt the need to step up and take on that father role for his sister’s kids since their dad isn’t around. Which I applaud him for deeply.
I work from home and my partner and his sister work during the day at outside jobs.
I used to love working from home, I’m a homebody. But lately, I’ve grown to hate it. Anytime one of the kids is sick or if they happen to not have a school that day, they stay home. Granted, they are ‘old enough’ to take care of themselves and entertain themselves throughout the day so I do not have to necessarily ‘watch’ them.
But I feel like they are still my responsibility when I’m the only adult that is here. I’m frustrated about a couple of things.
1) Hardly anyone communicates to me that they will be staying home.
2) Why should I be responsible for ‘watching’ them when I have a full-time job that just happens to be at home?
Makes me feel like I’m not respected.
I feel like I’m always the ‘go-to’ person because I work from home. Would they just stay at home, if I wasn’t there? I feel like the built-in babysitter. Whenever I bring up to my partner about these feelings, he says, ‘Well you don’t have to watch them, they aren’t your responsibility.’ And then gets upset and doesn’t listen.
And usually responds, ‘This is their house too’.
That frustrates me even more because he doesn’t understand that I still feel that responsibility when they are here. If they are arguing or hungry. I have to solve it or feed them. How are they not my ‘responsibility’ at that point?
AITJ for being upset that my partner and his sister make me feel like the built-in babysitter?”
15. AITJ For Being Angry At My Friend For Eating The Sweets That I Made For My Mom's Birthday?
“My mom’s birthday is 2 days away, I have been preparing (with my family too, of course) everything for the birthday party.
Anyway, I have been baking her sweets. Lots of sweets, her favorite ones. She always tells me that I make the best food.
I have been making 5 kinds of sweets: Palets Breton, Far Breton, Gatou Basque, Mille-feuilles and Galette des Rois. It took me many days but I finished them all 2 days ago.
I asked my friend to let me put them in her place until Mom’s birthday. I didn’t find a place in my dad’s place for my stuff, unfortunately. She accepted.
2 days passed, and I went to check on them if something happened to them… I found most of them eaten!
Of every plate! I asked my friend who ate them, she told me it was her. I was so mad and yelled at her why would she do that, it was for my mom. She said that she was really sorry, she was starving because she didn’t have enough money anymore and couldn’t resist the smell coming from the room.
She ate the first one then kept eating and couldn’t stop herself.
I couldn’t believe it. I told her that I didn’t care if she was starving, she shouldn’t have done that. She was very upset and embarrassed and offered to pay for them later when she gets paid as soon as possible.
I told her that it wouldn’t matter, the sweets were gone.
My best friend suggested for me to order some cookies or whatever but I wanted my mom to eat my stuff. I don’t want to buy her bland sweets, I want her to eat the stuff I baked with love.
She also told me that I overreacted and my friend texted her that I was a jerk to her.
Dad is going to ask me if everything’s ready tomorrow and I don’t know what I’m gonna say, I would have re-baked it all but I don’t have the time, I have classes tomorrow and the party is 16th.
AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Canceling On My Trip With My Aunt After She Invited My Cousin?
“I am the oldest of my cousins, when this particular cousin was born her father had died, and because of that the whole family used to spoil her a lot.
She was spoiled rotten for a long time, to the point she would make snark remarks to all of our aunts and other cousins.
I was mad at that because my aunts were really trying their best to help her develop, but she got better as she aged and we became indifferent to one another (she is 8 or 9 years younger than me).
On one of my vacations my aunt invited me to take a trip with her to another state, (I had a bit of money saved from some previous freelance/jobs, so I’d be paying for my share), I was pretty excited to go since I didn’t know the place we were going and agreed right away.
A few weeks went by and my aunt told me she had invited my younger cousin as well, she wasn’t of age yet, so I felt conflicted.
I didn’t want to go to a place I’d never been before and have to worry about keeping things entertaining for someone who wasn’t old enough to drink, drive, and several other stuff (my worries were: if we decided to rent those mini-jeeps to go dune driving she wouldn’t be able to get one for herself so I’d probably have to not drive one so we would both be driven around by my aunt.
If I found a pretty bar we wouldn’t even be allowed inside, etc).
I thanked her for letting me know but told her I’d rather don’t travel with a minor, she seemed a bit conflicted but understood and they traveled while I spent my vacation at home.
Thinking back at it I was worried if I was a jerk for taking back my agreement to the trip after my aunt invited another person. She was the one organizing it, so I didn’t think it was fair to make her uninvite someone, that’s why I said I would no longer go.
AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Accidentally Hitting A Little Girl With My Bicycle?
“I (22 M) live in Amsterdam, and my main means of transportation is by bicycle.
If any of you have ever been to or seen/read something about Amsterdam, you may be aware of the fact that it’s basically the cycling capital of the world. There are bicycle lanes everywhere, and some streets are only accessible by foot or bicycle.
There are millions of cyclists in this city, both tourists and people who live here alike.
So this is where the story begins. I live just outside the city center of Amsterdam and needed to go into the city center. Now, because it’s summer, there are so many tourists who come here.
The streets can get crammed with people because of how many tourists there are. Anyway, when I got to the center, I had to turn off onto a narrow alley with a wide bicycle lane in the middle but with very narrow sidewalks for pedestrians.
I have made this trip many times, so I was well aware that tourists sometimes decide to walk on the bicycle lane, so to be careful, I decided to slow down in case there were tourists who couldn’t see me so I could ring my bell to warn them of my approach.
I saw that a family was about to cross, but luckily the parents noticed me and held their children back before crossing. What I didn’t know was that they also had a little girl with them, and from my angle, she was hidden behind the wall of this family bunched together.
As I passed this family, I noticed the little girl, but because of how fast I was going (which wasn’t even that fast as mentioned before), there was no stopping this incident. She ran head first into the side of my front wheel, and quite fast at that.
Quick sidebar: my bicycle is very old, it is my grandmother’s bicycle from the 60’s, which means that there weren’t handbrakes, but pedal brakes, so in order to brake/slow down, I would need to pedal backwards.
Back to the story, the second she hit the bicycle, I pedaled backward with so much strength in order to bring my bicycle to a complete stop, but because of how old the bicycle is, it didn’t stop immediately, it skidded a good meter or two before it did, dragging the little girl with me.
Immediately after the incident, I stepped off and put the bicycle aside so fast. I felt so terrible about the incident and went to check on the family. They weren’t very happy with me, to say the least, which was understandable, the mother was yelling at me saying I was trying to kill her daughter and that I needed to go to jail for attempted murder.
As a local, their anger was entirely justified, but to me, they were in the wrong for not stopping their daughter from running across the bicycle lane, which they were aware was there. I even told them with sincerity that they need to be more aware of their little ones in this city because this happens a lot more often than one may think.
Anyways, AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Letting My Sister Be Homeless?
“6 months ago, my sister (40 f) came to live with me (37 M), my wife (39 f), and 2 girls (under 2). She lost her apartment in a large city and was staying with our mom (61 f) who has the same mental health issues as her. As she had nowhere else to go and was starting to have a mental health episode herself due to our mother not allowing her to sleep properly I invited her to come and stay in my mother-in-law’s apartment on our property in a small town.
She’s normally able to stay stable through healthy eating, schedules, and getting enough sleep every night. Because of our mother’s actions not allowing this shorty after staying, we were forced to have her placed on hold as she walked over to a neighbor’s house before sunrise and tried to gain access into the house.
Since then she’s been mostly fine except for one day but was able out of that manic state.
Last week; however, things changed. We started making the real steps for her to move on with getting a job and finding an apartment which was a condition of her moving in.
My wife and I have been paying her monthly expenses (about $400) since she moved in as she had lost her job shortly before arriving.
This is where it gets worrisome. In her mental state, she got into her SUV and rammed our closed gate causing somewhere between $12k-$15k damage and totaled her car.
In the process, she destroyed a sizable portion of an antique, hand-made, cast-iron fence. This was intentional as she lined up her car, validated she would hit the gate evenly, pulled forward, and rammed it in reverse as fast as she could. She also drove through the yard that my toddler was playing in less than 10 minutes before.
Without the fence, my goats and dogs are at risk of wandering onto the nearby freeway, so I have to keep them tied up till it’s fixed. She’s currently on a psychiatric hold. Unfortunately, there aren’t many resources for her when she’s released, and her options are to come back with my family or go to a homeless shelter as no one else in our family is willing to take her in.
She refuses all medication, but as stated when she isn’t in an actively manic state she can regulate herself. It appears that she put herself into a manic state on purpose by not sleeping, and refusing all sleep aids to not continue the next steps of finding a job and moving out.
How can I put my neighbors, my animals, my family, and my property at risk by bringing her back to the house, but if I don’t how do I justify letting my sister be homeless?
Added context: I am holding onto almost 2000 dollars that I will pay for her 1/last & security deposit that we earned by painting a house.
So all she has to do is get a job, and we will get her into a house/apartment.
Also, her car is totaled so I don’t know how to help her with transportation.”
11. AITJ For Kicking My 20-Year-Old Son Out Of My House?
“My (M 44) son (M 20) has been nothing shy of amazing for the first 18 years of his life.
I love him with all my heart, but we recently had an argument where I had to kick him out of the house.
It is important to note my son was very sensitive in his senior year of high school, and his friends weren’t the best people to be around.
He had depression, which we saw a therapist for weekly.
I love my son with all my heart, but I didn’t exactly like the lifestyle he adopted. The only issue was that he wasn’t exactly contributing to the house. He quit his job shortly after school was done, with the excuse that there was ‘a lot of negative energy there.’ I thought he was joking and laughed it off, but soon came to realize he was entirely serious.
I allowed him to live with me rent-free until he turned 20 before I couldn’t keep providing for him and me by myself.
I suggested that he could stay at home, so long as he was going to school (which was the rule with my daughter as well), and he did not take well to it.
It turned into a screaming match between us fairly quickly, with him saying he didn’t have the money to pay rent. I argued back and told him he needed to get a job, which he quickly shut down with something about abolishing the government and living freely.
I understood that he was happier than ever, but I felt the need to put my foot down and tell him he needed to do his share of work around the house. He finally agreed and told me he would start job searching after a music festival planned a few weeks ahead.
In those few weeks, I expected him to do chores at least, but he mostly just sat in his room and did some kind of meditation and crystal healing, and still only came out for food. Our back and forth about doing chores spiraled into an argument almost every other day, but he never lifted a single finger to help me around the house, so I felt I had to take more extreme measures.
4 days ago, I kicked my son out of my house. He hated me for it, and I’m starting to regret it. He took his car and drove off to what I could only assume was his friend’s house. I only expected him to be gone for a day before he came back to me and agreed to my terms, but I’m beginning to get worried. AITJ?”
And I have to admit I laughed when you mentioned "I argued back and told him he needed to get a job, which he quickly shut down with something about abolishing the government and living freely." That's the universal cry of the entitled baby these days. So, let him see about abolishing the government so he can live freely, and see how that works out for him. When he runs out of places to couch surf and friends to borrow money from, he'll do one of two things; he'll get a job, or he'll come crawling back to you and then he'll have to get a job. Either way, he'll have grown up a bit in the interim, so it's all to the good. You did nothing wrong, and a lot right. Well done, Dad!
10. WIBTJ If I Report My Daughter's Teacher To The Higher-Ups?
“My daughter has some chronic health problems that we have been on wait lists and just an all-around nightmare getting diagnosed and treated. She misses a lot of school and class because of this. She frequently has to use the restroom so I met with the school nurse to let them know what is going on and to get a note in my daughter’s record so she has unrestricted access to bathrooms. She also has missed 1 week of school due to being sick and 1 week of school due to being sick again.
In spite of all of this, she has straight A’s and zero missing assignments. Her classes are all advanced and college courses. She works HARD.
I would also like to note that I’ve never had to contact the school about anything else, no discussions with teachers about concerns or anything, and no teachers or staff have ever reached out to me about anything.
Here is where the issue is… my daughter has a teacher who hassles her about missing his class. He calls her out for having to leave early or being absent, in front of her classmates. He also frequently questions her about her medical issues, again, during class.
She mentioned to me one day after school that it bothered her that he made a joke about ‘Is anybody going to miss the end of class or will it just be (my daughter) again’. I emailed the teacher and explained my daughter’s health issues, apologized for him not getting the info from the school nurse, and asked if any future concerns about her absences be addressed to me.
He responded apologetically, said he would talk to my daughter the following day and apologize.
The next day he pulled my daughter into the hall and was mad at her. Accused her of making him out to be a villain, didn’t understand why she had to go babbling to her mom (while moving his hand in a mocking way like you do when somebody is talking), and told her ‘I’m sorry you took what I said that way’.
She let him know that she just talked to me about her day like she always does and mentioned she would be telling me about that conversation as well. He got upset with her and told her it was unnecessary for her to tell me about their conversation.
It really bothered me that her teacher was discouraging her from talking to her own parent. It feels weird and wrong for a teacher to think it’s okay to have conversations with students that they feel they should hide from their parents. I expressed this in an email to the teacher and CC’d the principal and superintendent.
It’s been a week and none of them have so much as acknowledged my email. So, WIBTJ if I escalated it?”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepdaughter To Babysit Her Brother?
“I (28 f) married my husband (39 m) almost three years ago. He has a daughter from his previous marriage (Abby, 15 f) and we have a son together (Odyssey, 4 m).
I consider Abby to be as much mine as her little brother and am very grateful for the relationship we have.
She also is very very good with her brother and is always doing sweet things with him like planning little ‘movie nights’ where she’ll watch Paw Patrol with him with a little treat like popcorn or ice cream. I am incredibly lucky to have them.
About a week or two ago I graduated from college and was very fortunate to land an apprenticeship with a little family-owned business.
Both my husband and I work, but while I was in school I did most of it at home so I never needed a babysitter for the children.
But now that I’m starting this apprenticeship I’ll be full-time outside of the house.
Due to this, I have been searching for a babysitter for Odyssey and Abby for when they get home from school and on weekends.
It was around this time that Abby approached me, and she asked me if she could watch Odyssey when it was needed as it would save us money, etc. A very sweet offer, but this is where my issue arises.
Before I came into the picture, Abby suffered a severely traumatic event (that went on for several months before being discovered) that resulted in a downward spiral. She was eventually diagnosed with chronic depression, severe anxiety, PTSD, and DID/BPD. None of this is her fault, obviously, and she is still in weekly therapy and taking prescribed medication.
Abby does disassociate, particularly when stressed or frightened or in similar situations. This means that one of her other ‘alters’ or ‘personalities’ takes over, and not all of them are responsible or healthy like Abby is.
I’m worried that if something were to happen that would cause Abby to disassociate something could happen either to her or Odyssey or both of them.
I asked her if she felt that she could manage it, and she believed she could. She is incredibly mature and responsible for her age, but she’s also fifteen. I feel like if we had a babysitter maybe Abby would be able to hang out with her friends and do things more enjoyable for a teen her age.
I had a long talk with Abby, expressing both my concerns as well as the desire for her to have time for herself to hang with friends or go out/attend events and I believed it went well. At least until I got a call from her biological mother the other day, accusing me of ‘stereotyping’ Abby’s mental illnesses as well as making her feel inferior and like ‘garbage’ which is the furthest thing from the truth.
My husband is half on my side but he insists that he can see it from his ex’s point of view as well.
So, am I the jerk? Did I go about this the wrong way in regards to Abby’s mental health? I would hate if I did, as I’ve been doing research and trying to be mindful of her and her feelings because in the end, she’s my little girl too and I would hate it if I came across as cruel or a jerk.
So, AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Not Covering My Shoulders?
“I’m currently in a Psychosomatic Clinic due to severe Depression. We have both private sessions and group therapy sessions. Today I had a psychological group therapy right after a sport therapy. So I was wearing a top without sleeves and had my jacket on my hands (other than that I was wearing loose sweatpants).
In the clinic there as clear rules that state what should be worn for which therapy, and there only mention for psychological therapy is ‘appropriate’ clothing to ensure a ‘neutral environment’.
After sitting the therapist turned to me and asked me to wear my jacket, I was quite confused so at first, I didn’t say anything, he continued saying that we need to dress appropriately for therapy, so I replied with ‘Why isn´t my clothing consider appropriate?’ which he never directly answer, he continues basically telling me that I needed to cover myself.
I only replied with ‘or…?’ asking for what would happen if I didn´t comply. He just said, ‘There is no alternative, you need to do as I say’. I replied, ‘I don´t want to, I´m hot and I´m sweating’. He continued to explain that it was necessary because some people could be triggered, to which I replied with ‘triggered by MY SHOULDERS?!’ I felt my body was being looked at inappropriately and held responsible for someone else’s reaction.
He said, ‘No, not YOUR shoulders specifically, anybody´s shoulder’.
At that point, another patient interrupted us saying that he believed it didn´t make sense to keep arguing about it, and if somebody in the group had a problem with it, they could say it, but if not, then we could continue the therapy since we had already lost so much time.
He looked around and asked the other patients in the group to speak if they had anything to say, no one said anything, so I thought that would be the end of it, but no. He said that he didn’t want to discuss no further and that I needed to put my jacket on – as if dismissing everything that had been said in the past 10-15 minutes – I said again ‘Or what?’ this time since the first time I felt my question was not understood, I added ‘What is gonna happen if I don’t?
I won’t be able to participate?’ Funnily enough, if he had answered and said, ‘Yes’ I would have probably covered my shoulders (even if just putting the jacket halfway on). However, his answer was ‘Why are you trying to provoke? It sounds like you just want to discuss it with me!’ I just replied denying it, ‘I don’t!’
He then tried to shift the angle and said ‘Do you have a problem with authority?’ which is when I realized that for him it was all about me obeying him, I said ‘No, or maybe, but it doesn´t matter, we can talk about it in a private session, but now I think we already took too long from the group therapy, and I do NOT wanna put my jacket on, so…?’ He asked me if that was a decision for the day or forever, I said I didn’t know, but for the moment I wouldn´t do it, so he asked me to leave and I did.
So AITJ for not following the therapist’s request?”
7. AITJ For Not Inviting My Stepdaughter's Half-Siblings To My Wedding?
“My fiancee and I are about to get married. We’re working out the guest list and what the seating arrangements would look like. We have a rough draft, but my fiancée’s list is causing problems. I never thought I’d be someone who cared this much about weddings or had an argument that used these words, but this got me.
My fiancée wants to invite her daughter’s grandmother who lives overseas as her own mother has passed and she was like a mother to her. She’s already asked, and the grandmother can come, she’d just have to be with her daughter to help her.
They’ve gotten everything worked out and bought tickets. Everyone is very excited to finally get to see/meet them as it’s been over 5 years since their last visit. Including her other grandchildren, my wife’s daughter’s half-sisters. This is where the problem comes in.
Due to how long the grandmother and aunt will be here, the only way the half-siblings could see them is if they attend the wedding.
I REALLY don’t that to happen. I realize that these are their relatives and they haven’t gotten to see either of them in over 5 years, but it would make things so much more complicated. If I invited them, we would also have to invite their mother, which means we would have an entire table devoted to, basically, my fiancee’s ex’s family with the number of people we’d have.
Even in the best-case scenario, it would destroy the entire idea of the wedding because my stepdaughter would only want to be with her sisters. We wouldn’t be able to get her to come sit with us or even take pictures. We’d also be risking my fiancée’s ex showing up to see his mother as well, something none of the kids would want.
It would just be maximum drama and stress. My kids wouldn’t understand what’s even happening.
I’ve voiced this, and now everyone is angry with me. My wife is willing to bar them but doesn’t actually agree. All of these people now know, and we’re hearing it from all sides.
They’re saying that we hate the girls and that we’re gatekeeping them from their own families. This isn’t true, we just don’t want to have the stress and drama and turn this into a family reunion for a completely different family when we’re trying to celebrate forming our own.
I’m getting calls and texts from everyone about it and we’re starting to question if we’re in the wrong here and just need to suck it up because we’re having this particular woman.
Edit: They’ll only be here for three days, so if they don’t come to the wedding, they’ll be in the area, but the grandmother will want to see them and not come to the wedding, and my stepdaughter will no longer want to go in favor of seeing the family as well.”
6. AITJ For Lying About How Much We Got For My Brother's SXS?
“My brother (38 M) passed away a few months ago.
It was unexpected and happened very quickly. He had no life insurance as he was a full-time caregiver for our father (67 M) who had a stroke last year.
My parents are divorced and have been since I was 2. At the funeral home making arrangements, my husband (28 M) and I (32 F) knew we would be covering my father’s portion of the burial costs.
My husband and I had just had our second child 5 months before my brother passed, so money was still a little tight but would be manageable if we kept costs as low as possible. My brother did not have many friends, so the ceremony would mainly be just for family.
When I asked to just have a grave-side service, my mother (59 F) started crying and said ‘You ALWAYS have a showing!’ The caretaker also asked about cremation or burial. We personally are not huge fans of the idea of cremation, but my brother wouldn’t have cared. Dad agreed with the cremation.
Mother started crying and giving us horribly dirty looks.
After that, we readdressed the showing. Since my mother already had the caretaker embalm my brother, we settled on a 2-hour showing.
The obituary was another big conflict. My brother gamed. A LOT. That was basically his life.
Final Fantasy XI and XIV all day, every day for almost 20 years. The few friends he had outside of family were made through those games. My father was very adamant that we included gaming as a hobby. My mother very loudly exclaimed, ‘I don’t want ANY of that gaming crap in the paper!’ I was pretty fed up at that point and asked the caretaker to please include gaming.
By this point, the caretaker was very uncomfortable with the tension between my mother and everyone else in the room.
When the final total was tallied up, my husband asked if we could make payments. The caretakers said no. I asked my mother if she had anything she could contribute.
She said she couldn’t because she already had a loan from her 401k. That left my husband and me to foot the entire bill.
2 weeks later, my dad asked my husband and me to sell my brother’s SXS (side by side) to make up for his half of the funeral cost. We sold the SXS for about $1000 more than half of my dad’s amount.
Dad tells us to keep it since we also had to take care of the lawyer fees and all the other legal issues. My mother kept telling me she would pay me back for the entire funeral, to which I told her multiple times that we only wanted half if any at all.
When she found out we sold my brother’s SXS, she asked me multiple times how much we got for it and if it was more than half. I lied and told her no. I also told her that we used the money to pay medical bills for Dad.
She promptly got crappy and selfish by responding with ‘Your dad should have money now for those things since he doesn’t have to feed your brother anymore!’
A month after that, my mother wrote me a check for her half of the funeral costs.
AITJ for lying about how much we got for the SXS?”
5. AITJ For Causing My Neighbor To Get Fined?
“I (25 M) have been working as a logger for six years and am fully licensed for my region. Earlier this month Alex (24 m) who is a close friend of mine asked if I could fell some trees for his family.
The trees they wanted to be felled were up at their cottage. In total, they wanted seven trees felled with them being in two different areas. The first area was next to their house as there were two trees at the end of their driveway that blocked trailer access to the lake.
The second area was on an adjacent plot they own that is undeveloped. On this land, there were five trees on a plateau above the beach they wanted to be cleared out. After confirming the price and getting the permits the first work day was yesterday however it was a solo day.
Due to scheduling their family couldn’t come up and instead gave me the house key and told their neighbors about the work. When I got there I decided to handle the second zone to get the hardest part done first. In the interest of safety, I drove my truck with its amber lights flashing onto the beach so I could use it to block access to the landing area.
The first tree came down without a hitch and landed right where I wanted. The second tree was different, due to its height I decided to trim it 10ft before felling it. While making the wedge cut I noticed that there were two young kids in the water.
I quickly stopped and ran to the water and told them to go back past the truck. Their mother had been in the backyard and did not like this and came up to me demanding to know why.
I proceeded to explain that while no tree will fall on them they are in an area where flying splinters/debris could injure them.
She disagreed and said it was fine however I had none of it. I tried again to reason with her but she refused so I called Alex’s family to see if they could help. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to reach them so I gave the lady an ultimatum; either she and her kids get back across the safety line or I call public security.
Once again she refused so I called public security and asked for them to send someone. About 10 minutes later two officers show up. I explained the situation to the lady and showed my permits and license. One of the officers then took the lady to their car while the other approached the kids and made them move.
After that, I didn’t hear from her again however I got a call from Alex the following day. He wanted to know what happened because the neighbor called them all upset that she had gotten a ticket/fine and demanded they pay it. I feel really bad for Alex and his family because they have nothing to do with this.”
4. AITJ For Calling My Daughter's Teacher An Idiot?
“My 11-year-old daughter is in 6th grade this year, and she’s been working really hard in math. She has gotten over 80% in every class test so far, by sheer blood sweat, and tears. She never used to be particularly good at school and exams, she’s of course an amazing kid in a million ways but really struggled with math, and other subjects as well.
Her math teacher has a pinboard where she posts the names of two kids who have ‘worked the hardest’ that week. She gives those kids a small reward, like a chocolate bar. I thought this was a good idea because it motivates the kids who struggle with math.
My daughter was crying a few weeks ago about how she’s never been picked as the week’s hard worker. I asked her how the teacher picks, and she said she doesn’t really know, but it’s usually kids who don’t do so great on tests.
If they show a little improvement, they go on the board. This seemed really unfair to the kids who worked hard and scored well, like my daughter.
Yesterday we had the first parent-teacher meeting of the year, and I brought this up to the math teacher.
She basically said my daughter does well only because she is naturally ‘talented’, so she only wants to give the hard worker reward to kids who are actually working for every mark. I just blew up on her. I yelled at her and called her an idiot, and that she has no idea how much my daughter studies even though she’s only in 6th grade for Christ’s sake.
I said it’s really unfair to so obviously favor kids who don’t get good grades.
I feel guilty for making a scene, and also is the teacher right here? I might be biased because I’m not a teacher, and my daughter is involved. AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Telling A Woman To Get Her Dog And Put It On A Leash?
“I (21 m) have been helping my brother out by walking his large dog (male) while he’s on vacation. He is generally well trained, but he’s still reactive to other dogs due to an incident with an aggressive dog so he has to wear one of those head-pulling harnesses and he has a thick collar so we can hold onto it if needed.
The other day, I was walking him down a long road when a woman turned the corner with her dog (I don’t know what breed but it was a smaller dog, think Italian greyhound size but not as slender). I made him sit and held his collar, but when I looked back up I noticed the dog was off-leash (not allowed in this area).
She was still a little while away but her dog was running up to us so I shouted ‘My dog’s not friendly, please get your dog’. She shouted for her dog to come back but it ignored her and kept coming at us. She didn’t speed up or anything though.
Now, my dog is usually pretty good with other leashed dogs. He’ll be alert and might pull once or twice but he’s more curious than anything so I make him sit so everyone is more comfortable since he’s a big dog. Unleashed dogs freak him out and put him majorly on the defense so he was growling and trying to get in between me and this dog.
I was trying to shoo it away but it wasn’t leaving so at this point I just full-body hugged him to try to calm him down and I shouted ‘Get your dog’.
When she got her dog, she said I didn’t need to shout and that ‘he’s harmless’ and ‘he just wants to be friends’ so I said ‘Yeah well mine’s not harmless and he doesn’t like dogs’.
She said I didn’t need to be rude about it and I asked ‘Would you rather I be rude or have a dead dog? Because he saw your dog as a threat and it wasn’t going to end well if you didn’t come to get him’.
This made her mad (fair) and she said ‘Well maybe he shouldn’t be in public if he can’t play nice’ and I just said ‘Or maybe you could follow the rules and keep yours on a lead. Not everyone wants to be best friends with your dog’.
She called me some words worse than jerk and stormed off with her (still off-leash) dog.
Important context: The incident with the aggressive dog was my brother being attacked by an off-leash dog, they both were okay but it was traumatic for both of them, so when a dog runs up to us or jumps on us it freaks him out and he tries to protect us.
The little dog kept jumping up on me no matter how many times I said no or gently pushed it away. We also specifically walk this route since there are lots of signs posted about keeping your dog on a leash. We’re also working to make him less reactive, but he just isn’t there with off-leash dogs yet.”
2. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Telling Me "I Told You So" After My House Fell Down?
“My mom was mostly a good mom but can be too judgey and overbearing and gives my wife unsolicited advice. This has caused some issues in our relationship. A year and a half ago my wife and I bought a starter house. We were proud of it and a little nervous to show my mom because she can be a snob.
My mom came over with her partner ‘Chris’ who is an architectural engineer (think that’s the right title) for a prestigious firm.
Chris is kind of a jerk and just deadpan said ‘Your house is going to fall over.’ Obviously I was like what?!
He was smirking like an idiot and my mom had to get him to clarify if he was messing with us or not. He said in his opinion it is structurally unsafe. Honestly, I didn’t totally believe the guy because he was a jerk and I was sick of my mom being so snobby and ignored him.
Well, that was a mistake and the house did fall down, or at least half of it has collapsed and the other half is probably going soon. I went to my mom and asked if there was any way she could help us (no insurance) Chris was with her and he began laughing in my face.
My mom told him to stop but said we should have listened to Chris and kept saying they were right all along.
I finally snapped and said that she was a trashy mom for saying told you so in an emergency situation and she should care more about her kid.
My mom did give us a very generous amount of money to help us, but she cried and accused me of hating her. Chris was very angry and said I disrespected her and I’m not a real man and pretty much went on a rant.”
And if your mom did gift you with a nice sum of money, she has every right to say "I told you so." because you acted like a spoilt little b!tch and now you're embarrassed for being shown up as one. Sucks to be you. Next time, be smarter.
1. AITJ For Being Bothered By My Partner's Purring?
“My partner (28) is a wonderful, brilliant, beautiful woman. I know I’m lucky to have her. However, she does have this one quirk that’s always rubbed me the wrong way – she sometimes purrs. Like a cat. I don’t know if she’s aware when she does it, but it seems to happen when she’s comfortable.
Some examples: when it’s cold, she’ll get bundled up in fuzzy blankets and turn on a heater, fall half asleep, and start purring. Every other weekend her friends come over and turn the pullout couch into a pillow fort and cuddle to catch up on their shows, which ends up the same way – her half asleep cuddling with them and purring.
We’re cuddling and I play with her hair. Half asleep and purring. It’s not a snore, I’ve heard her snore, it’s for sure something else.
I’ve mentioned it a few times to a few people, and everyone’s said the same thing – she’s always done it as long as they’ve known her and they all think it’s cute.
Her older sister and old college roommates she’s still friends with especially have confirmed that it’s a long-time thing. But I can’t help but think it’s weird. She’s a human, an adult with her own mortgage and a Master’s degree, not a little kid playing at being a cat.
So, when I got home last week and found her cuddling the dog in a pile of blankets on the couch purring, I took a short video as proof, woke her up, and showed it to her to talk about it. She seemed very embarrassed, apologized, and hasn’t done it since.
However, today was when her friends were all supposed to come over since everyone was free, and they all seemed angry at me. One of them pulled me aside when I got home and said I was wrong to make her feel self-conscious for something so cute that she couldn’t control, and that everyone else found adorable.
That the entire time she couldn’t relax like she normally did, and they ended up cutting their hang session short because she seemed so distracted and upset, and their being there seemed to make it worse. I guess she told them about our conversation and apologized to them as well.
I texted my own friends, figuring maybe the girls were just biased towards her, and one of them said it was weird but ultimately harmless and I should have let it go. The other said to come here.
So, was I the jerk for bringing it up?”
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