People Question If These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories Are Over The Line
25. AITJ For Exposing My MIL's Financial Mistreatment and Deception to My Husband and His Family?
“My MIL has always caused issues, fights, drama, pain, and suffering. She is a narcissistic person with no remorse for her actions.
My FIL died last year and it was sudden and messy. This touches on financial mistreatment and unfaithfulness.
I also found out she has been trying to meet up with her other Bio son’s father to have relations when she has been telling him (M25) that she didn’t know who his father was.
When in reality she has known his entire life. She has now also tried to take belongings from the boys to sell, has taken out loans in their names more than once before now without their knowledge, and has started an affair with her married boss to get free accommodation.
Also, we are 100% focused on the recovery of funds/ government input to arranging custody/ public trustee management of my husband’s brother’s funds to ensure this doesn’t ever happen again.
Recently my MIL moved away. She left items at everyone’s homes in our state, including mine.
My husband and I have been friends our entire life and married for close to a decade with 1 child. His entire family has always hated me, caused issues with me and my husband, and tried to break us up. That seemed to be resolved once our child was born.
However, when my FIL suddenly died my MIL changed again, not for the good. She began partying, spending money like crazy and her lies catapulted beyond belief. She has left a decent sum of money plus through the sales of a lot of assets should have been able to comfortably live though always claimed She was broke.
She has a few boys (stepsons including my husband and a couple of bio children) one being severely disabled. He is managed in a care home for which his pension should cover expenses.
Recently something was amiss and I found her old mobile phone. Now don’t get me wrong it’s not okay to snoop but given a tip-off that my BIL bills had not been paid and he was at risk of homelessness I looked and found that she had not paid a cent since he moved into the facility.
To the sum of almost $20,000. Immediately I knew I had to tell my husband who also informed his other brother. I handed the phone over so he could do more investigation as I’m technologically poor.
Pandora’s box has now been opened. They found evidence that she had been living a bad lifestyle, had been unfaithful to their dad for over 10 years before his death, had been embezzling money from her disabled son, sleeping with her other son’s friends, and a lot more.
This has now caused extreme distress to my husband and his brother. We now must find the money to repay the care home and they have decided to never speak to her again. My guilt has taken over me as I feel like I have caused this distress.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ while there’s distress from that, it’s important to have the truth. ie- embezzling money from her son is messed up, not to mention the whole litany of other issues with no remorse and no regret” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Are you asking yourself that question ?! It’s better for them if this woman gets out of their lives in my opinion… But their priority should be to take over the guardianship of their brother first.” Far_Dependent_8975
24. AITJ For Borrowing My Employer's Wife's Car Until She Passed Away?
“I’m a caregiver and have been taking care of this elderly couple for 7 years, they are like family to me.
My boss (the husband) and his wife don’t drive anymore. My wife has dementia, and my car broke down at the beginning of December. I was working on getting parts for it, and funds because it was extremely expensive.
I work almost daily, and I come sometimes twice a day to care for their needs.
My boss let me borrow the wife’s car because she hadn’t driven it in a couple of years. He insisted, I never asked. I knew without a reliable car I wouldn’t be there every day or on time.
Well, she was on her deathbed the last few days.
My car part came in finally. And was fixed immediately (thank god) I even asked for the day off previously so I could fix it. I told him I would be bringing his wife’s car back the same day. Well due to my wife not doing well, her son comes and is livid about me having the car.
I told them I would be there around 430-5 pm to drop the car off, I just had to find someone to follow me in my vehicle. I ended up finding someone around 6 and headed straight there. The son was mad and said her car should be at their house while she took her last breath.
I’m completely aware he’s grieving. His mother was 96 and full of life. I took care of her daily and was there for her on her hardest days. I would have never taken that car but my boss insisted because he needed to make sure he and his wife had someone there at all times and not stressing that.
But I firmly believe the son isn’t thinking of it on those terms. To be honest, it was all bad timing.
She ended up passing away tonight, and the son wouldn’t even look at me. And acted like he needed to hold back flipping out on me.
Like I was taking advantage of them, but I wasn’t.
So am I the jerk for borrowing the car until the night she died (which happened to be the day my car was finished?)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At some point, the son will learn, if he doesn’t know already, the circumstances and sequence of events.
Hopefully, the real takeaway will be how long and diligently you cared for both of his parents, and that’s why his dad let you borrow an unused car. He’s grieving and not looking at everything the right way right now.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The husband told you too before you even asked, because he knew it would help you be here on time for his wife. The son is probably grieving now and he needs to find a culprit for something, anything really, to let some anger out.
The car doesn’t have to be home for her last moments, it’s not like some emotional object. Don’t overthink it, avoid the son for some time maybe but you did nothing wrong.” MathematicianAny3777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you were permitted by your boss who is the husband to use the car.
The son is just clearly upset her mother passed away and it is easier to rage and be mad than deal with the actual feelings of losing his mother. Is this right to yell at you? No. Do not let that get to you. He is grieving and has a hard time but he should not set his feelings on someone who did him no harm.
He knew she was dying, he knew she did not need the car, he knew you did not steal the car. You did nothing wrong. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time and got the wreath from someone who cannot deal with their emotions.” United_Fig_6519
23. AITJ For Leaving Home After My Stepdad Drank My Special Wine Gift?
“About seven months ago, I (21F) was gifted two bottles of wine that were gifted from a beloved friend for my 21st birthday.
I left both at my mom’s house for safekeeping as I went back to my college dorm. Well, I went home for the holidays only to find out that they were missing to which my stepfather confessed that he drank it. I was in disbelief especially since it was clear they were mine (from the very unique packaging and he was present at the gathering), and kept asking whether he was serious.
He just laughed each time and said he couldn’t find anything like it, etc. never once apologizing.
I then felt the need to leave. My mom followed me to my car and questioned why I would leave such special gifts at the house and why I was just now asking for it seven months later (not true, as I had asked about it 3 months ago while the house was getting cleaned).
She also said that it was an “honest mistake” and that she’ll find a replacement, and what more do I want for her to do… I proceeded to tell her that I left some possessions behind since it was my home too. I also told her that it seemed like there wasn’t any room for me at her place due to her other family now.
There are other instances where my mom would have a pattern of disfavoring me. Anyway, my mom then told me that it sounded like I was making an excuse to go live with my (biological) dad instead of her and how she was trying her hardest to raise us.
She brought up the fact that she pays for my car insurance and phone plan again (which is true).
I decided to live with my grandma upon graduation for my gap year since I don’t feel welcomed at my mom’s anymore, nor can I live with my dad (even though he offered) since it would upset her.
It’s not like I expected an apology, but it would’ve been nice to receive any acknowledgment of how I felt over losing a cherished gift just like that. But am I the jerk for overreacting/blowing things out of proportion, especially after everything she’s done for me?
And am I also being ungrateful by harboring a bit of resentment towards my stepfather over something so materialistic?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but stepdad sure is. Ok, he may have forgotten they were yours, maybe. But he didn’t immediately apologize and offer to replace them, he laughed. That is a power move.
And Mum joins in, it’s your fault because… well because this isn’t your home anymore. You are being edged out, they might not realize it. (SD does) Yes, she raised you, but maybe subconsciously, she thinks it’s time for you to go.” boredathome1962
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just go live with your dad if the only reason you didn’t is to not offend your mother. As commented before by Cool_Star2028, there is much more going on than the wine. Reading your story I get the feeling that you are not feeling at home anymore (to put it lightly).” Meester_Ananas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your stepdad is, he helped himself to something that he knew was a gift to you. A decent person would apologize for taking your gift and would have replaced them already, it shouldn’t be up to your mum to apologize for him.” Stillconfused007
22. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Didn't Track My Drive Home In A Snowstorm?
“I’m 46F partner is 40M. I’m an RN. I have scheduled three 12-hour shifts (Fri, Sat, Sun) in a row and work 90 minutes from home. Which is not normally an issue. Except this weekend we had a major snowstorm and cold front come in.
I planned and stayed at the hospital so I could be there all three shifts without worrying about not making it back to work. Roads were so hazardous it took me 3 hours to get to work Friday morning. Sunday night when I was driving back home there were still high winds and black ice.
I asked my partner to track me. I made it home and hadn’t heard from him. He had fallen asleep. Through the weekend he was shoveling a lot and then went on long runs both Saturday and Sunday in the bitter cold. I get the need for running.
I’m a runner too. I told him that my feelings were hurt that he didn’t know I had arrived home safely. I was very anxious driving. Roads were so bad a semi had jack-knifed into the ditch and partially blocked traffic at a major juncture.
He said he fell asleep because he was tired from running and shoveling. He said I had no right to guilt him for falling asleep and lacked empathy for his fatigue.
He said he “didn’t need this nonsense” and he was “too old for this” when I told him I was hurt because the point of him tracking me was to check in if I stopped moving in case I was in a ditch or an accident and he could help.
He threatened the relationship a few times in the conversation saying “Go find a partner with more energy” and “Clearly I’m a failure”. I continued to repeat that I wanted to feel like he was concerned for my basic safety and I wasn’t asking anything from him I wasn’t willing to give myself.
By the time he responded it would have been hours if anything happened. He continued to repeat that I lacked empathy for his fatigue running and shoveling all weekend and it was already past his normal bedtime. We ended the conversation with me apologizing for making a mountain out of a molehill.
I’m posting this because he said. Go ask other people and see what they say. AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. He is a jerk for threatening the relationship. Weather happens. The important part is what to do with them. I’d shovel or run less so I have the energy to track my loved ones because they are important.
Shoveling can be done as needed when more people come home. Just saying.” they
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely 100% NTJ. You asked your adult partner to help keep you safe. He didn’t even need to move physically to do this. He was exhausted from going for a run and shoveling snow?
His disregard for your safety and your incredibly exhausting job are concerning.” Strict_Librarian1683
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I once went into a ditch during a horrific snowstorm after dark and if it weren’t for a man crossing the road I would have been stuck there with no one to call.
Visibility was 0! It was very scary, to say the least. Your partner is unnecessarily being defensive and trying to get an upper hand because he knows should have stayed up to see if you got home safe, especially since you asked him to. “Go find a partner” is a childish threat one shouldn’t make easily because you just might!” Yazzok2021
21. AITJ For Not Helping My Troubled Brother Move Back to the UK?
“I (18F) live in London whereas my brother (24M) lives in Dubai with my father.
I have 3 whole siblings and the other 2 live in the UK however my brother used to live here and he got mixed in the wrong crowds, put our lives in danger many times, and got heavily into bad habits.
My single mother decided she didn’t have the facilities to look after my brother since everything she tried fell through so she sent him to live with our father.
My father is a very traditional man.
That happened around 5 years ago and my brother recently got back in contact asking for help to get back to the UK, I’ve recently come into a large sum of money due to a family issue that I claimed compensation for and he knows that.
He started calling and telling me about all the stuff my dad puts him through, I’m going through uni and do not have the means to help him get over here, help him get a job, and also give him a place to stay.
He insists he has money and just needs help getting a plane ticket but I have a feeling he’s just using me. I’ve asked my mother and siblings what they think and they want to try and help him get over here but I feel like I have a lot of unhealed trauma from everything he put us through.
Being the youngest child I was home with my mother and it was just us when his friends tried breaking into the house because he owed them money. Luckily my mother woke up and scared them away and they only stole a scooter and a bike.
They only managed to take our side window out and even then the police didn’t arrive until the next day so we didn’t have a window for around 12 hours. There’s so much stuff he put us through. My siblings are a lot more brutal than I am and if he got into the wrong crowds they’d cut him off and leave him on the streets but I wouldn’t be able to do that to him.
He has a good job in Dubai and can afford to move out of my dad’s house. AITJ for not helping him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If your Mom and siblings think your brother should return, they can save up some of their money to help pay for his travel expenses. But if your brother truly has a “job”, he could also pay his travel expenses.
don’t give your brother any money under any circumstances. And don’t buy him a ticket.” Teresa’s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear that you have unhealed trauma from the experiences you went through, and it’s essential to prioritize your well-being. While it’s understandable that your brother may be going through difficulties, it’s also important for him to take responsibility for his actions and work on improving his situation.
You have your own life, studies, and responsibilities to focus on, and it’s okay to prioritize your own needs. If your siblings and mother are willing to help him, that’s their decision, but you have every right to set boundaries” DreamyDahliaDance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if he supposedly has the money to support himself living in the UK then he has the money to buy a plane ticket.
What’s more, if it’s a matter of him being worried about someone monitoring his online purchases (your father) then as a grown man he can afford to buy a VPN subscription to cover his tracks. There are way too many red flags flying here.
20. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Stepmom With Her Minor Allergic Reaction After She Ignored My Severe One?
“I (16F) have a bad relationship with my stepmom. She’s treated me like garbage since she married my Dad and done things I can’t even talk about on this subreddit.
We were in Washington D.C. not too long ago and I had an allergic reaction to the body wash at the hotel. I had hives covering every single part of my body except my face because I didn’t use it there. Every. Single.
Part. It was painful and itchy and I was miserable. I also sometimes had a little bit of trouble breathing and had a fever.
I begged my parents to at least get me some Benadryl, anti-itch cream, or find a darn doctor, anything, but they said they didn’t feel like going out of their way to get some.
I was forced to spend three days walking around like this and suffering before they finally got me anything. I still haven’t forgotten it.
I wanted to sleep in today because I had a rough day yesterday. My arms ache from my Dance class at school because my teacher had me practicing catching the girls midair all period yesterday and I’m pretty sure I pulled something.
My crush rejected me. I was up late studying for my AP class. So yeah, I wanted to sleep in. My mom wakes me up and says she’s having an allergic reaction and I need to do everything for her today.
I of course go to help, but then I look at her and can’t figure out what’s wrong.
I asked her what the allergic reaction was. She says her face is swollen. I take a closer look and see that yeah, it’s a little swollen, but so little that I didn’t even notice at first. She says it’s not itchy or painful, just swollen.
I get irritated and go back to bed and she starts screaming at me.
I brought up Washington D.C. and she says that it didn’t matter because I should have just sucked it up and that she needed my help right now. We got into an argument and I refused to do her responsibilities for her.
I told her that when I’m ready to get out of bed, I’ll do my chores and whatever I’m supposed to do (I’m required to do all the cleaning in the house btw).
Anyways, she’s furious now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s having a severe reaction, as delusion and amnesia have set in! Gently remind her that you are not Cinderella, and remind her that you are only following her example of how to react to another person’s discomfort.” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Swelling compared to an all-body rash is nothing. You asked for help and they denied it, but now that she has something slightly wrong with her, she expects you to drop everything and pick up everything simply because she has a very minor reaction? It’s very hypocritical and I don’t think she should expect your help if they wouldn’t help you when you had a fairly moderate reaction.
If you already do everything in the house, what else was she asking you to help with? Or was she asking you to just do it now?” Is-ThisAllowed77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s unfair for your mom to treat you this way. She needs to understand that your feelings and well-being matter too.
Taking care of yourself, especially after a tough day, is completely reasonable. Your mom should respect your boundaries and not place all the responsibilities on you, especially considering your recent experiences. It’s okay to stand up for yourself and prioritize your own needs.” FlawlessFemmeFable
Next time yiur have such a severe allergic reaction go to a walk on clinic or ER because they will see you and get you some relief. Is there a grandparent or ither family member with whom you can stay until you can legally move out?
19. AITJ For Not Informing My Coworkers When I Order Lunch?
“So, for background, I (24m) work as a direct support professional (DPS) for the mentally and physically disabled. All my coworkers are women but the two that are involved in this are 54 and 34, we’ll call them Jane(54f) and Dana(34f). If it matters at all, they are both married with children and I am single.
Dana is my assistant supervisor and Jane is in the same position as me. This all happened yesterday.
I would sometimes order Uber eats for lunch because I don’t drive. Dana has been asking me questions about Uber Eats here and there and I don’t usually think anything of it, but she’ll also make remarks like “So when you gonna buy me lunch,” or “Are you ordering lunch today,” which I brushed off as a joke but when she kept doing it I would just always say no.
Now every payday, as a group we would get a work lunch all together, but as yesterday was not a payday, I just ordered for myself, which I didn’t think anything of until Jane came over and said “Oh you ordered lunch, why didn’t you tell us?”
I honestly didn’t know what to respond, but before I could Dana said “he’s always doing that man,” and then Jane said “It would be nice if you announced to the group that you’re ordering lunch,”
I just got annoyed, and as I had told Jane about Uber Eats too, I just said to them bluntly “Well then you can just download the app yourselves and order it,” to which Jane cut me off and said “No we don’t need your money, but it would be nice if you would tell us so we can give you money to order for us,” to which Dana chimed in “thank you.”
Before I could say anything else, Jane said that she had her issue with me and not to get into it with her, so I just didn’t say anything else. Jane then drove out and bought lunch for herself while Dana brought lunch from home.
AITJ for not telling them I was ordering lunch? It made me feel selfish for not saying anything to them, but at the same time I just feel that if they wanted it, they could have either said something earlier, or just downloaded the app and ordered for themselves, but I have been wrong before so maybe there’s something I’m not seeing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You probably would be stuck with all the delivery and service fees if you asked them. I stopped ordering for everyone at work for just that reason. They wanted to pay for the price of the food on the app and not all the fees that brought the food to them” suziespends
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a prime example of a weird workplace culture that 1) doesn’t need to be like that and 2) they are expecting you to just know magically without anyone telling you. If you want to play nice, you could start telling people from here on out, now that you know their expectations.
But you also don’t have to if you’d rather just keep things easy. If you want to address it somehow, I would say to my supervisor, “It’s clear to me that you had this expectation of me, and addressed it in a passive-aggressive manor. In the future, I would appreciate you being direct about norms of this workplace culture to avoid that.” mrsmae2114
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I ended up having to get food from Wendy’s for 10 people I worked with before all because I mentioned I forgot my lunch. It sucked and two people’s orders were screwed up and they blamed me. Nope, won’t do that again.
After that, I leave to go on “errands” and eat in my car at a nearby park.” laughter_corgis
18. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Mom About My Dad's No Trespass Order?
“My parents (M50 and F 47) have pulled me (M17) into their separation/divorce a year ago. They’re currently in the process of getting a divorce. My father went to get teeth surgery in Costa Rica in July and left my dogs (unneutered at the time) with someone to watch them.
This girl let her sister watch them for a day who left them out while my female dog was in heat, ending up in 4 puppies. My father “takes responsibility for this” while leaving all the duties except feeding and watering them to me. I’m a full-time high school student, I work 2 jobs as well, and I’m rarely home when I am home I bathe, clean up after them, cook, and clean for my siblings (M13, F9) (my brother helps out but is so detached from everything that happened before the divorce (yelling and screaming) that he spends most of his time in his room, my sister is j entitled and has always been his golden child (he wasn’t around for my brother or me because of working in dc but got fired and started working from home by the time my sister was born), I’m taking 2 college classes as well.
He doesn’t cook for either of my siblings and orders pizza on the days I can’t cook because I’m working. And don’t have the time to clean up every time a puppy poops and he doesn’t tell me if he cleans it so they end up festering and then tracking their poop all over the main floor of the house.
Because of the detrimental state of the house, my dad doesn’t want my mother to see the state of the house because she’s going to “yell at him” (he’s been caught in his lies before). We’re going on a trip this weekend and he’s decided to take the puppies instead of my original 2 dogs because of the Airbnb rules.
I called my mom because I’ve raised both of my dogs and I think it’s cruel to leave them. I told him that I was going to have my mom come over to take them on walks and he said a stern “No, your mom won’t come near this house” he’s going to send my mom a no-trespass order for a house that she owns half of after the trip.
She also owns half the dogs. So WIBTJ if I told my mom about the no trespass order?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! That’s messed up. You should tell your mother everything because she’s the only one to help you, your siblings, and your dogs right now to get out of there.
The way you’re describing it makes me feel like you and the rest of your family (besides your dad of course) are literally in danger! So please tell her!” LaLeo98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What your dad wants to do to those dogs is mistreatment.
Abandonment, even just for a few days, is abusive. The dogs could tear apart the house and/or hurt each other and themselves. Please tell your mom. Your father is neglecting you and your siblings too.” No_Confidence5235
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but man… how quickly can you get out of there?
Is going to college far away a possibility, perhaps with financial aid and living in the dorms? Graduate high school early if you have to. Anything sounds better than this.” nosecohn
17. AITJ For Losing My Temper With My Sister Who Doesn't Help Around the House?
“I care for our mum in every way imaginable.
I bathe her, toilet her, prep her food, help her walk places, keep her spaces clean, all of that. I also generally keep on top of the house.
My dad works full time and my sister (15) does nothing. She lays in bed all day doing nothing besides talking on the phone and playing Roblox with her friends.
Sleeps all day etc.
This morning I woke up to dirty litter trays, all water dishes empty, cats had no food – ten tonnes of dishes (not a single clean one), so much laundry the basket was overflowing – as well as all my bits (care wise).
It was also wash day for my mum today.
I woke my sister up to come help as our dad was at work. It was maybe 8 am and she only went to bed at 6 am (according to her).
She complained that she was tired and didn’t want to do any of the chores.
I left her for a bit and attempted to do them myself, but was running out of time and energy. I went and woke her again to do the dishes. Thats it.
She huffed and told me she was tired and asked if I could do it.
I might have lost it a little bit on her.
I didn’t yell but got like, angry talk, you know? I said “Tired? You don’t understand the first thing about being tired. You’ve never experienced tired.”
I’m exhausted, constantly, but because I get paid to be a carer she never acknowledges the caring part of my life as “work” (and neither does my dad).
I lost it on her because I’m overworked. Or something. Idk.
I cried in my room, and she complained to our mum about me, who told her to do the washing up (and also some other bits, so score).
When our dad got home he “had a word” about giving her a break.
Our life is stressful yada yada. She has autism & adhd so we need to be nicer to her and more understanding. Then he had to redo the dishes because she hadn’t cleaned anything.
I don’t know how to feel. I mean, it’s not even 4 pm yet and I’m done, so I could have just done it myself.
I haven’t apologised and stuff is weird now. My parents fought too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to sit down with both mom and dad together and write down what your duties are as the “carer”. Because right now they seem to be treating you as more than that.
Your sister can help with basic household chores, your dad needs to put his foot down and find a way to make it easier for her to help if the diagnosis is his reasoning for sister not helping.” BigBroTKD
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. I understand how you feel and those feelings are valid but exhaustion is not a competition.
Your sister may be struggling with a condition that makes her chronically tired. That can be debilitating in conjunction with her autism/ADHD. Your father needs to step up for both of you. Not that it’s your job to take care of her, but you can always ask something like, “Aside from being tired, is there any reason why you can’t do X thing?” Like, if you ask about the dishes and she says something along the lines of she’s unsure how to properly clean them, you could show her how to do it so she can do it right next time.
Otherwise, if she’s just going through that rebellious teen phase, all she might need is some patience. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.” Sorry-Giraffe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re getting PAID to be a carer – that’s your JOB. Are you an adult? Then you’re an adult with a job and your sister is a minor you’re trying to parentify and push your job off on her. If she’s not doing her chores, that’s something else, but because YOU are burnt on your job does not mean you get to lose it on her.
There’s so much else going on here – she lays around all day? Is she going to school? She should be….? Is she getting help for her autism/ADHD? Like there’s so much missing here. If you can’t handle this job alone then you need help and support and you need to talk to your dad, not lose it on your minor sister.” Kai-ni
16. AITJ For Feeling Upset When My Partner Expresses Concern About Me Meeting Unknown Men?
“My (26f) partner (27m) says that he’s just concerned for my safety, but I feel so uncomfortable with the way it comes across. We have plans to go to a concert in ten days, and I need to find a dog sitter for my incredibly anxious dog.
I already knew that my partner would prefer a woman dog sitter, so I messaged about 8 local female dog sitters before messaging a couple of males too. None of the women could do it, the first guy I messaged could. I told my partner that I was arranging to meet the dog sitter, so he could meet the dog first, and he responded with things like “Hmmm dno how I feel bout you meetin’ a random dude” and “But it unsafe with this male”.
When he found out that it was arranged at a time when he could be there too, everything was fine. This isn’t the first time he has reacted this way. I was selling a wardrobe a few weeks ago on Marketplace and a man came to pick it up, and a similar conversation was had.
My stance is that I’m a grown woman, and I don’t need anyone grilling me for arranging to meet up with a guy I don’t know. I live in a block of 6 flats, I’m close to my neighbor and everyone would be able to hear if anything went wrong.
It’s not like I’m going somewhere random in the middle of the night, it’s safe here. The other thing is there was a not-so-great situation with a male, many many years ago, and it took years to get over it. Being told that being around men I don’t know is “unsafe”, is starting to feel like it’s undoing all of the hard work I went through.
But on the other hand, he says that he’s not telling me what to do, and “Of course, you’re not property and right it doesn’t matter but I am right to vocalize when I feel my other half could be unsafe”. It makes me feel guilty but I still feel so angry about not being able to arrange simple things like this if it’s with a male.
The last thing he said to me was “But you will not get me to shut up when I feel something”, so did I overreact? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why not just stop telling him? You can even give him a heads up, “I know you get uncomfortable when I’m going to be alone with a strange man, and you know that I don’t like hearing about your discomfort.
I’ve decided to solve this problem by not telling you about when these scenarios occur, so you don’t have to worry”. It’s not his job to protect you or make you second guess yourself. As you mentioned, you’re an adult.” HomelyHobbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are allowed to express your feelings just as much as he is.
Make your discomfort known and explain how it affects you. Talk to him about setting boundaries (even the most loving of couples shouldn’t be forcing their feelings on each other, you’re both individuals before you’re a pair). And after all that, if stating his opinion or getting his questions answered is more important to him than respecting you and your autonomy then I’d say he’s the jerk here.” Historical-Lie4952
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not shutting him up when he feels something, you’re asking him to be more thoughtful so that he doesn’t undo years of working on yourself and make you feel unsafe in situations that aren’t inherently risky. I think you need to talk about your different views and come to an agreement on how to handle this.
You probably can’t only be in the company of men in his presence. It’s been a while since women needed chaperones. However, it does make sense to limit the amount of time you spend with strangers alone in your home (rather than in public) to hours when neighbors are likely to be around and to have a video doorbell recording for safety.
Maybe there is room for compromise. If his safety concerns keep you from living life normally and seeing people, you should proceed with care. That kind of concern – taken to an extreme – can isolate people and turn abusive. ” Squiggles567
You are nuts. You msy live on a safe place sland have nice neighbors but tell that to the many women who die each year in nice, secure places because some bad person decided ttey needed to die
Your neighbor is of no help when you have been stabbed in heart or had your neck slit or you are being smothered . It only takes seconds. Even if the unknown dude appears to be a nice guy, just remember so did Ted Bundy and I don't know if we will ever have sn accurate headcount of how many women he murdered. To exchange hours goods for jerk do so in a well monitored parking lot like directly in front of grocery store or even the police department's lot
Make sure it is well lit and do noy go alone. Your SO has every right to be worried because you sre reckless and careless
15. AITJ For Wanting To Use Tampons On Vacation Despite My Mum's Disapproval?
“My mum, brother, and I are on vacation. It’s summer in Australia so our plans for the day require at least a swimsuit.
Yesterday was the second day of our vacation and I (15f) got my period.
I got my first last year so it’s not very regular so I didn’t predict this to happen. I happened to find out when I was about to get changed for the beach so my mum and brother went swimming and I just watched the bags.
I asked my mum if we could stop at the gas station on the way back to grab some tampons but she’s very, very conservative about them. The last time I mentioned them she went on about TSS and probably how she doesn’t want me to lose my innocence to a piece of cotton and only people who have been pregnant can wear them and how I wouldn’t know how to use one and all that jazz.
I do cross country so I have used one before (from a friend) and I know how they work.
I like to think I’m old and responsible enough to know when to change my tampons but my mum said she heard some stories and doesn’t want me to risk it.
Her main concern is that she thinks I will get an infection.
I’ve tried my best to persuade her but she does not trust Google and apparently, the only person she will trust enough to get information about this is her nurse friend, whom she said she would call yesterday night.
She says that I shouldn’t be risking my health just to have fun. She ended up forgetting to call her nurse friend and it’s so hot I don’t think I can stand another day of watching bags while my family go surfing and swimming all day.
Here’s where I may be the jerk. I said to her that since I can’t swim we should do other things for the next few days and I am sick of watching them have their fun. In my opinion, I gave her a perfectly fine solution to having our vacation with all our original plans and if she doesn’t accept that and I have to sit out, then we should do other things.
She got mad and defensive saying my problems shouldn’t ruin vacation for everyone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all your mom is the one ruining the vacation by not letting you swim? Nobody wants to sit at a beach and watch their whole family have fun in the water.
Also, you’re 15 and should be able to be safe with tampons and trusted by your mom” mr_pinetree_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please show your mom this thread if possible, as a former teen and parent of the same tampons are very safe, hundreds of competitive swimmers, divers, dancers, and gymnasts can prove good health using the the devices.
Let you have fun!” quarkfan4552
Another User Comments:
“Your Mum is being ridiculous, however, if you can’t get through to her on this – perhaps you can ask her to buy you some period swimwear? If they aren’t selling them locally to where you are, you could get the Modibodi ones from Amazon on next-day delivery” Vegetable-Low-9981
14. AITJ For Wanting to Tell My Upstairs Neighbor His Snoring Keeps Me Awake?
“My upstairs neighbor (M40s) keeps me (F34) awake at night because I can hear him snoring through my ceiling. I‘ve lived here for almost 2 years, it’s a small apartment building and I never hear my neighbors from either side of me at all, absolutely nothing.
I try to walk lightly and don’t bang around at odd hours because I’m on the middle floor and have lived in a lot of noisier apartments so learned to be considerate to the people below me.
My upstairs neighbors are a little more oblivious to the noise they make but I usually work long hours so it only really bothered me on my days off they have small children and kids will be kids, I don’t mind them running around as long as it’s not constant.
I can sometimes hear them banging pots and pans, turning their taps on as it makes the pipes whine, but I’ve lived in worse so a bit of ‘living’ noise doesn’t bother me. The thing that has become more obvious to me though is if I don’t get to sleep before the guy that lives upstairs does (which is rarely) his snoring will keep me awake.
I‘m a night owl anyway, I do struggle with insomnia and my generally not-so-great mental health is pretty low as I’m currently unemployed, apart from a few bar shifts, due to strikes having a knock-on effect on the usual industry I work in, so I’m noticing the snoring a lot more now than I did over the last 2 years.
Although I have previously been kept awake about once a week, I was exhausted enough from work/gym/etc that I’d just fall asleep all the other days but it’s now pretty constant.
WIBTJ if I told him I could hear him? I’m aware I’ve been here for 2 years and he would be like why now?
And also I’m aware it’s something people can’t always control and I don’t want to insinuate he needs to get it fixed. I don’t know how his family sleeps through the noise being in the same apartment but if they haven’t asked him to try to fix it then why should a stranger feel entitled to ask?
I’ve only met him a few times, he’s a nice guy and I don’t want to be rude but I need some sleep!”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. He can’t do anything much about snoring. I used to live in a flat so I feel your pain.
Try earplugs or a white noise machine if it bothers you. That’s the problem with flats. The bedrooms are usually laid out the same, so his bed is directly above yours.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I would suggest earplugs and a noise machine. There’s nothing that will come out of telling him you can hear him.
It’s highly doubtful there’s anything he can do about it. I guess you could ask them to put down a rug to help dampen the noise but honestly, it’s kind of rude. I would just turn up your music or wear earplugs while you sleep.
If they complain about your music you can politely explain why you need it and maybe come to a better arrangement but again it’s doubtful anything will change.” Evening-Cantaloupe30
Another User Comments:
“I believe it would be best not to bring up your neighbor’s snoring.
While it may not make you the jerk to bring it up, there is no real benefit to doing so. Your neighbor is likely well aware of the problem and may not have been able to find a solution within their financial means. By broaching the subject, you risk creating an uncomfortable and awkward conversation, especially if you’re not close with your neighbor.
Additionally, there is a possibility of building resentment and strain in your relationship.” Marigold1245
13. AITJ For Reminding My Mom About Her Harsh Punishment Over Pokémon Cards?
“FWIW I know this is a pretty small issue, but it’s been bugging me these past few days. In the grand scheme of things, people have/had it way worse than I ever did.
The backstory: when I was 8 or 9, Pokémon blew up in popularity here.
The trading cards were outright banned at my school, due to people fighting over them, stealing them from people’s backpacks, etc. Our priest also told us all about how it was satanic, that each Pokémon represented a demon and stuff like that. In my house, we weren’t even really allowed to watch the cartoon.
Needless to say, my sisters and I didn’t have any Pokémon merchandise, because it was 1) satanic and 2) expensive. One of my older sisters gave me some cards because she knew how much I wanted. When my mom found out, she demanded to know where I got them from and I wouldn’t tell her.
I didn’t want my sister to get in trouble too. So, my punishment was that I wasn’t allowed to leave my room other than to go to the washroom. I wasn’t allowed out to eat or do anything else until I told my mom where I got these cards.
I was allowed to go to school still, and I was able to bring a sandwich. Probably so nobody would ask why I wasn’t eating. This lasted for three days until I told my mom I got them from a kid at school. This isn’t the only time one of us was punished in this way or worse, but this is the only relevant incidence.
Now to today. I’m 33f, my mom is 64. My nephew is turning 8 and we were talking about what we were going to buy him. My mom says “Well, ___ likes Pokémon, maybe I should get him some cards to add to his collection.” I scoffed and said something along the lines of “Seriously?
Remember how I was locked in my room for three days for having Pokémon cards?”
My mom got mad at me for bringing up something from her “dark days”, making her feel bad and like she was a bad mom, and how she did what she thought was best at the time.
I might be the jerk because she is a lot better than she used to be, but these things still hurt and it was just a knee-jerk reaction.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Even taking into account that most of us spoil the heck out of grandkids compared to how we were with our children, this is ridiculous.
Your mom was overreactive to you back then for having those cards, and it is hypocrisy at its finest for her to say she will buy them for her grandson. “My mom got mad at me for bringing up something from her “dark days”, making her feel bad and like she was a bad mom, and how she did what she thought was best at the time.” If she wants to feel better about how she behaved then, she should start with a full apology and admit that she was wrong.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all for calling her out on that. Your mother starved you for three days when you were a kid. That’s not “dark days”, that’s mistreatment. And don’t think I didn’t notice this sentence: ‘This isn’t the only time one of us was punished in this way or worse, but this is the only relevant incidence.’ That’s mistreatment, OP.
Your mother was abusing you and *should* be called out on that. I think she deserves more than just being called out on what she did.” Anon_457
Another User Comments:
“It honestly is just a small act lol from you nothing to be upset about, nor do I think it had such a big impact on your mom compared to what she did to you.
She already acknowledged her problems and you know it had hurt her a little. It is sort of a no jerks here- NTJ situation.” Assingment
12. AITJ For Wanting To Proceed With Buying My Late FIL's Ranch Despite MIL's Objections?
“My father-in-law owned a large ranch that has been in his family for a few generations.
This summer he was starting to lose his sight from diabetes so I drove out and spent a few months rounding up his cattle and cutting his hay to get sold. When the work was done he said he wanted to sell my wife and me the ranch.
He named his price, which was certainly under-market, but would provide well for him and his wife until they passed. We agreed and had attorneys draw up the purchase agreement, had land surveys done, legal, etc. Everything was signed and set to close. The day before closing FIL was served with divorce papers, halting the sale.
MIL stated that she wanted to make sure she got her fair share out of the deal and getting a divorce was the only way she would be legally entitled to half.
A few days after getting served FIL had a heart attack and passed away in the ICU about a month after.
My wife and I dug the hole with a backhoe, bought him a casket, and put him to rest yesterday. Mother-in-law didn’t even bother to show up for the burial, and neither did his other daughter.
Today, I stopped in to say goodbye to MIL before my wife and I started the two-day drive home.
She asked what needed to be done to cancel the land purchase agreement, to which I told her that we still intended to proceed and that all of the money would now go to her alone. She said that we weren’t paying enough for the land and she wanted us to cancel the agreement.
We said no, we had a deal with FIL that we would buy the land, and provide for them, and also promised to keep the ranch whole as long as we could. This didn’t end well; she accused us of stealing her inheritance, going behind her back, screwing her over, etc. It got to the point where I just had to say I’m sorry, I love you, but I have to get back home.
So, I plan on enforcing the purchase as agreed with my father-in-law, despite my mother-in-law’s wishes. I feel guilty as heck. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are following through on your FIL’s wishes. As long as the agreement is still valid (check with your lawyer) it is a nearly a done deal, just settling up at this point.
I trust this was property solely owned by FIL in that it was brought to the marriage. And if so, he freely entered into the deal before his passing. So, MIL has no claim at this point. She will get a nice chunk of change anyway.
But prepare for a lot of drama on her part in probate I would think. But a reasonable judge will see through her shenanigans.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“When my wife’s parents got divorced, it was because my wife’s mom had somebody whispering in her ear that she could get so much out of my FIL if she left him.
Then that person ended up getting everything from my MIL. I would 100% bet that this is the case. You have a contract; Execute it and buy the land. NTJ at all. MIL will get her money, her worm tongue will get theirs. And you’ll have the ranch.” karlsmission
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I don’t understand how, if Fil passed before the actual sale, mil is not now the sole owner. Does she not have the right to cancel the sale, or was what he signed to you binding somehow? And how could he have signed an agreement with you in the first place, if she wasn’t happy with the terms?
Wasn’t she then half-owner?” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Refusing To Swap Shifts With My Housemate Over Christmas?
“I (22M) was very lucky in the way my days off work fell over the Christmas period – I had the 25th -28th December off of work and as I am working in my home country, was able to spend Christmas with my family.
My (23F) friend and housemate was less fortunate and was due in work on the 26th and because she is not working in her home country would not have been able to go home and spend Christmas with her family.
For some context, this girl has spent weeks saying how much she hates Christmas and that she doesn’t care to celebrate it.
I love Christmas and am always excited for it to come around – and have had plans for the 26th specifically since the beginning of November.
At the start of December, my friend asked me if I would swap our shifts so that I would work the 26th and allow her to go home for Christmas, I told her no, but said that I would ask around and see if anyone else could give her the day off – also telling her that if she couldn’t get the swap she would be more than welcome to come and have Christmas dinner with my family, so that she wouldn’t have to spend Christmas alone in the house that we share.
A few days later she asked me again to swap our shifts and I again told her no. I explained to her that it was my brother’s and my aunt’s birthday and that I had plans for a night out since November. It’s the first Christmas my whole family got to spend together since before so I was not going to miss a second of it.
She got very angry with me, saying that the 26th wasn’t festive and that I would have other days to spend with my family. None less – it was my day off, and I already had plans. She ended the conversation by saying thanks for nothing and that I had lost a friend who had barely spoken to me since.
She ended up getting a swap with someone else in the company and I have since found out she behaved the same way to another one of our friends who also had the 26th off and had plans with their partner – am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holiday time off needs to be planned. I am already getting my holiday time off for the entire 2024. It is always first come first serve. It’s one thing if it’s an emergency but other you need to plan.” Penelope_2023
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she can’t respect that you had plans including family members’ birthdays and is willing to threaten the friendship/abandon it over not being able to bully you into a shift swap she wasn’t much of a friend, to begin with, and you’re honestly losing out on nothing other than someone who doesn’t respect you or your time and plans.” positivity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You very politely told her that you couldn’t do it because you already had plans and even invited her to have dinner with your family for Christmas. She got unreasonably angry.” SailorCentauri
10. AITJ For Not Taking My Baby Out of Her Car Seat to Feed Her in Stop and Go Traffic?
“My husband and I were on a recent road trip with our 2 kids under 2. We drove through a winter storm during the first few hours of our drive on the second day. The storm created icy road conditions, periods of poor visibility, and eventually an accident that led to us sitting in stop-and-go traffic for quite some time.
My husband has done a lot of driving in his life but does make me nervous because he’s a distracted driver and uses his phone while driving. This means sometimes I see things up ahead before he does and he hits the brakes harder or more suddenly than if he hadn’t been distracted.
While we were sitting in traffic, both kids started crying. This is typical for sitting in traffic – they’re happier in the car while we’re moving. It was also about the time that our 4-month-old should be starting to get hungry. I started trying to distract/entertain the kids to keep them happy.
My husband mentioned a couple of times that I should just take our youngest out of her car seat and feed her. We were only going a few miles/hour in stop-and-go traffic, on an icy road, surrounded by semi-trucks. There was an exit coming up that would take about 10 minutes to get to, and I decided I’d wait until we could get off the freeway and pull over.
By the time we got to the exit, traffic had started to pick up again, we were going 40mph, and our youngest wasn’t crying anymore, so my husband kept driving. A few minutes later we were in stop and go again and she was crying again.
He ended up angrily pulling over and feeding her himself (at that point he wouldn’t let me, and I was worried if I was feeding her he’d keep driving again anyway).
He maintains that I was being “psycho” and “neglectful” for not wanting to get her out of her car seat when we were driving “as fast as I can walk” while she was hungry.
I feel that traffic can pick back up unexpectedly and we were in conditions that didn’t feel safe, even if we were going so slowly.
AITJ for not getting my daughter out of her seat in stop-and-go traffic to feed her when she was hungry?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – safety first. Your family’s safety is number one. You mentioned a stop in your story ‘…10 mins to get to.’ If you both knew this was the nearest exit to feed everyone and have a breather etc. why didn’t this still happen?
Feel that regardless of standstill traffic, you would have had fed, happy kids?” badreligionlover
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your husband is the jerk for driving incredibly unsafely and thinking that driving with an unsecured baby is OK. You’re also a jerk though for letting him drive with you and the babies in the car when you know he is not a good driver.
You are also allowing him to put your kids at risk.” CrabbiestAsp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, car seats are a legal requirement for a reason. Stop-start traffic is dangerous, too, especially since people allow themselves to get distracted. You did the right thing, and your partner should have pulled over when the exit came up, being that they knew the baby was hungry.
Sounds like they were taking their frustrations about the driving conditions on you.” plantlady1-618
9. AITJ For Being Upset About My Husband's Late Night Gaming Habits?
“Approximately once or twice a week, after dinner and a bit of TV together my (F,29) husband (M,32) asks if I will go to bed so he can play FIFA in the lounge. I usually do and think it’s important he has a bit of time for himself (This is not his only time for himself).
The problem lies in the fact that he stays up super late until 3/4 am.
He has to be up at 5 am for work and we have a baby and toddler so our sleep is often broken. My husband is always complaining about being tired and it affects him in the daytime.
To encourage him to sleep at a reasonable time I ask what time he will come to bed. He will always agree to a midnight/1 am bedtime which is always at least an hour and a half of gaming. He always breaks this and is much later.
I know I am not his mother or in charge of him but it more than bothers me that he doesn’t keep his agreement. He’s making himself more tired and complaining about it. It’s irritating that his words mean nothing and to me, he is consciously lying.
This is not a one-off accident, nor is he only a little bit late. It’s hours. He says he thought I’d be asleep so wouldn’t notice but him coming upstairs wakes me up.
The most hurtful thing is that I was married before and my first husband died in a car accident on his way home from a night shift. I was woken traumatically by police pounding on my door and my worst memory is looking to his side of the bed and him not being there.
When I wake in the night (baby/toddler ensure this) and look at the time realizing my husband hasn’t come to bed I have the same panicked feeling. He knows this and it upsets me that his game is more important than my feelings.
In my eyes, he’s being irresponsible and selfish. He has time to unwind and enjoy gaming but he takes the mickey with it. He should be able to stop and come to bed instead of acting like a teenager. He knows how I panic when I wake up and he’s not there when he should be, but does this regularly anyway.
AITJ for being so upset?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but not for the main reason you’ve put forward. Your trauma regarding your late husband is entirely understandable, but it does not mean that your husband’s sleep schedule should be dictated by it. That is something you need to learn to handle.
This may require compromise on his part. However, his behavior is being affected by his lack of sleep, and that is a problem. You have every right to expect him to keep to his promises and to sleep at a more reasonable hour because of this.
It also sounds like he is not helping his child at night because he’s away playing video games, which is unacceptable.” deluge dirge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Dealing with your past trauma is something you need to address on your own. But your husband is acting irresponsibly.
Regularly having nights with only 2 hours of sleep? I’m betting he’s irritable, it’s affecting his job performance, and how he cares for and interacts with his kids not to mention he is a danger on the road. No wonder he needs so long to unwind, he’s a big old mess due to lack of sleep.
It’s a foolish cycle and he needs to deal with it.” Laines_Ecossaises
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but why do you keep playing this game with him? You ask him every time if he is going to go to bed at a specific time, knowing that he is not.
He believes he has to say yes even though he doesn’t want to do it. This is not an insignificant dysfunction in your relationship. There is a bigger reason why he doesn’t want to go to bed. You’re not exactly hiding your reason for wanting him in bed, but clearly, you don’t know his reasoning.
The two of you should have an honest conversation about why he feels the need to stay up all night. I’d put safe money on he is not happy with daytime life or he is not happy with being in the bedroom. The question is, why?
I’m gonna guess baby is in the bedroom.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Stepmom And Dad On My Birthday?
“Here’s a simple background check, my parents both split when I was the age of 13 since my dad had slowly lost love for my mom, and my mom lost love for my dad too. They both agreed on split custody over me.
Things back then were fine, I was entirely ok with going back and forth and I found it even amusing to spend one time with 1 parent at a time. But when I turned 15, my father met my step mom, she already had kids, 1 boy and one girl, my step-brother is 12, and my step-sister is 8.
I don’t hate them though, I don’t hold them accountable for anything their mother does. But God, their mother is not really what I expected. Every time I tried to come over to see my dad, it just so happened she had plans, when I do come over, it’s like I’m completely out of the picture.
I’ve tried talking with my dad about how I felt several times.
My birthday came up on Jan 1, I was going to stay with my dad for the week, I was excited to finally spend time with him. But my stepmom had other plans. My stepmom bought gifts for her kids, to open on my birthday, when it was time for presents, my dad asked me why I wasn’t opening mine.
It wasn’t the best thing to do but I completely lashed out and started screaming. My stepmom said ‘you’re from the past, your dad needs to move on, he has a new family now’ That stung tbh. I’m not very proud of this but I will openly say that I said this ‘So maybe this is why your last marriage failed’ not proud of it but I was angry.
My mom quickly came over and picked me up, cause I just couldn’t stand to be there anymore. Yesterday I had gotten a text from my dad, and to summarize it up, what he pretty much said was that he wanted to move on and focus on his new family.
I feel like I’ve completely lost a part of me, I have a cool stepdad but now I am losing my actual father, it hurts. I don’t know what to do anymore. AITJ, did I go too far?
Not an update but just something fun: my stepdad played video games til 12:30 last night, it was pretty epic and calmed me down.
He’s a really neat guy, and now that I’m most likely gonna lose my bio dad. My stepdad will probably fill that void. He’s an awesome guy, he and my mom have opposite hobbies but both find each other’s hobbies and interests interesting so they try to engage in new things together, my stepdad never hides anything from my mom, and my mom knows all the passwords to my stepdads accounts, and devices.
I’m happy to have him around.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And your dad should be ashamed of himself! As his son, you’re not something he can just dispose of just because he’s got a new wife with kids of her own. You’re a human being that he helped make.
And as such, he has an obligation to you, which he is neglecting.” RighteousVengeance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. By no means did you cause this, and there are no secret actions or words that you could have figured out in time to prevent it. Your dad and stepmom are horrible people.
You can’t just “move on” from a child. Only bad people do this. You do not deserve this, OP, and I hope you find the help you need to process this loss” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in this age of disposable relationships, the 2nd 3rd, and 4th spouses tend to forget the world doesn’t revolve around just their children.
The families/children that came before are all a huge factor in going forward. You are not someone to just be dismissed, which is what your stepmother wanted and your dad did. This makes them both huge jerks. Please have empathy for the younger children living with them, like you, they did not ask for this.
I am glad your mother and stepfather are being so supportive.” many_hobbies_gal
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Rent My House To My Unemployed Cousin?
“I bought my first house in 2018. My life has been a little crazy since I got the place. I’ll high point the lows because of the high spot. I got a new job and my dog. Since I’ve gotten that place that’s all the good that has happened to me.
The low points. I’ll preface this by saying I am epileptic.
1. I have a seizure and wreck my car
2. I go into the hospital for a procedure to look further into my seizures and break both of my shoulders during one bad seizure (I don’t think I’ve ever had one that bad).
Have to have surgery and move back in with Mom and Dad leaving the house empty for 3 months
3. My Mom passes away while I’m at their house on FMLA
4. I get a promotion and have to go between my dad’s house and that house for a while.
While I’m training one week the water main breaks and 80,000 gallons runs through. Ruins every floor and all the drywall. It takes 8 months to get it fixed.
5. I finally got back into a schedule of teleworking at my house and office working in my hometown where I got the promotion.
And Dad gets pancreatic cancer. I take care of him and leave the house alone again for the most part.
6. Dad passes away. Leaves my brother the house in my hometown (the one I’m staying in).
So where I’m at now? I have bills in two different towns.
One set to a house that I hardly stay in and one set to my dad’s place. I wanted to put my house on the market so I asked my cousin to do a little work because he doesn’t have a job and could probably use the cash.
The only way he makes cash is by selling pot. Now my aunt and other cousins are constantly blowing me up trying to get me to rent it to him instead of selling it trying to guilt me and make me look like a jerk to the rest of my family if I don’t.
AITJ for not wanting to be a landlord to a house I just want to get rid of?
Plus. The neighbors are older with heart problems. They wouldn’t want a 40-year-old that just worries about substances all the time next door.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not rent to your cousin. Contact a realtor to put the house up on the market. If there are things that have to be done, they can put you in touch with someone to do them. Your cousin will want to rent well below market, and because they have no gainful employment, they will fall behind in the rent and you will have to spend cash to have them evicted. That will create so much more chaos in your family.
Just sell the house and move on.” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s not your responsibility to provide your cousin with housing. And renting to an unemployed family member sounds like a nightmare landlord-tenant situation. It would be a shame for your extended family members to ostracize you for making a perfectly logical choice that aligns with what’s best for you at this juncture of your life, but it would be their loss, as the goals you stated sound like you’re working toward building an amazing life for yourself after a very tough few years.
Onward and upward!” rose_travis13
6. AITJ For Not Letting Our Nanny Go On A Date During Our Vacation?
“My wife and I had our first child last year and it’s been quite an intense few months.
My wife has been on an extended ‘maternity leave’ but on top of that, we’ve also hired a nanny/maid to assist us with the baby as well as keep the house in order. She stays in our guest house. To celebrate our anniversary I planned for us to take a trip by ourselves just to reconnect and give her some proper time away from our son.
She was excited about leaving but was slightly concerned about leaving our son behind (her mother was going to come down and babysit with the nanny). Trying to ease things I asked the nanny if she’d be willing to come along with us on our trip and take care of the baby – stressing that this was supposed to be our couple vacation so most of the childcare will be hers and more than usual. She jumped at the idea and so I also arranged her ticket and accommodation (to be clear she was also paid extra for the ‘overtime’).
The trip was a week-long and our arrangement was going quite well at first. My wife was relaxed, we reconnected and our son was close by whenever we missed him. We would take our son and give her a break either in the mornings or afternoons.
On our last day, she asked if we could take the night shift as she’d met someone who’d asked her on a date. Besides that going against our arrangement (the point was to give us a break from the sleepless nights), I’d already paid and planned an intimate date on the beach with my wife for our last night.
It became a bit of an issue with her trying to guilt my wife and saying we were being unfair but by the end of it, we didn’t give in and she looked after the kid. Upon returning my wife heard her on the phone saying that she was thinking of quitting over all of this and that we were blocking her future so here we are.
My wife thinks we made a mistake, I don’t disagree that it might’ve been jerkish but ultimately it was our arrangement and she was paid extra for it. Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“Your wife isn’t working, your baby is a few months old now, and you have a nanny to take care of the baby and the house.
Why exactly is your situation so “intense” that you guys needed a full week off? That alone is out of touch. Then expect care for your child around the clock 24/7 for that week from one person? You guys can’t even do that on your own and YOU’RE THE PARENTS.
This is insane. YTJ.” orchiddream22
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Good nannies are hard to find. Having someone you trust with your child, who is capable & responsible and gives you peace of mind is priceless. If you don’t change your mindset and start realizing that they are people too, you will have difficulty keeping a good nanny.
A little appreciation & kindness goes a very, very long way in the nanny world.” NYDancer4444
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I read some comments. you essentially had this woman on 24/7 with nights AND days and you couldn’t give her one night off. You should have planned a day off for her during the trip period.
She should have had preplanned hours. What you did might be a labor violation. If she reported you you could get in trouble.” Asleep-Tank3228
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go Swimming On Family Vacation?
“So I’m on vacation with my family [me(21), my sister(16), her partner(17), my mother(45), my dad(49)]
So let me try and give you the situation. We are currently on a 4-day vacation. On the first day, it was raining heavily, my sis and her partner went swimming in the pool. On the second day, Dad and mom went swimming in the evening after another rainy day.
Today was normally a bit clearer with no rain, so we went and walked a bit with the family to check out the area and our dog could enjoy the walk.
Afterward we (me, mom, sis, and her partner) were supposed to go swimming but after the walk turned hike, I was tired and started to feel a bit sick.
I told my mom I didn’t want to go, and my mom didn’t like that and started to get upset and shouted but then I have nobody to go with. She got upset, I asked my dad if it was my fault and dad said yes.
I also went upstairs to my room, my mom went down and asked dad if he wanted to go swimming, he said no. She got upset again, I went to her room and explained why I didn’t want to go, mom was still upset but now with everybody.
Dad went and got my sis and her partner to the pool, came back went to my mom come I will go with you to the pool, mom said she didn’t want to go, they got into an argument. At the end of the argument my dad said to my mom if you are not coming this is the last time we go on a vacation.
Dad then went to my room and said to me if the vacation didn’t interest me I should have stayed home. Then they both went to cool off a bit, dad went to their room again and argument 2 started and now both my parents are angry at each other and my dad’s angry with me for not saying I wasn’t feeling well.
So I kinda feel, because I admit I didn’t do much this vacation, that because I didn’t want to go swimming again my mom and dad are angry with each other.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is your mom acting like she’s 12?
And your dad needs to learn how to deal with his anger instead of taking it out on someone. Do be sure, in the future, to tell people if you’re not feeling well — I’ve found communicating that soothes a lot of situations.” Unpopable_Bubble
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I grew up in a family of people who would hold me emotionally accountable for not wanting to do things at times and it’s annoying. You went on vacation with them, you’ve done activities with them, and you have every right to skip out on swimming.
I hate swimming so I can especially relate to” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, neither of your parents seem emotionally mature enough to be parents themselves. Your dad is upset at you for being sick and not wanting to swim? Huh? Your mom is having a meltdown like a toddler for the same reasons?
They have some growing up to do, although I would take your dad up on his offer. Staying home instead of vacationing with them sounds so peaceful.” BigNathaniel69
4. AITJ For Asking My Mother To Be Quiet During The Day While My Husband Sleeps?
“AITJ (or rather is my husband the jerk) for requiring my mother/his mother-in-law to be quiet during the day while he sleeps, because he works graveyard? About us: I (43/f), my husband (40/m), and my mother (65/f) all live together. She is on social security disability and cannot afford to live on her own.
She lived with me when my husband and I were seeing each other and now she has continued to live with us. She pays $400 per month “rent” to us, which doesn’t even cover 1/3 of the rent, nor any utilities. She has access to his car while he sleeps and rarely puts gas in because she’s always broke.
(She’s terrible with money and didn’t plan for her future, has zero retirement, etc.) His new job for the last six months is a graveyard, so he has to sleep during the day now. We live in a small 2-bedroom apartment and he can hear every little noise.
He uses a white noise sound machine, but it can’t drown out everything. Her normal routine/schedule has always been to wake up early, drink coffee and watch the news, and then start cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, or whatever it is she wants to do that day, around 10 am, which is the exact time he needs to go to sleep.
He has asked her to not do anything like that between 10a-5p and she is mad and offended and saying “what am I supposed to do all day long?!” He doesn’t care because he says he is already doing more than what he would choose by letting her live with us with very minimal contribution, and really, he just doesn’t like her.
She is overbearing, talks a lot, and he gets annoyed by her easily. She doesn’t like him either but she has nobody else to live with and refuses to take the initiative to get a roommate, try to get on senior housing, etc. I feel like I am always caught in the middle and am getting to my wit’s end.
I am afraid of my marriage getting hurt by this animosity and don’t know what to do. I figured I’d start by posting this to figure out if most people think my husband is in the right or not. I think he probably is, but at the same time, have this “you have to take care of your parents” voice in my head so I just don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. To be honest, I see both sides of this 100%. From her side, what is she supposed to do from 10-5pm? And from his side, he’s accepted someone he dislikes into your home who isn’t carrying her weight, who is overbearing, and who needs to sleep.
None of this is workable and you will spend the rest of her life caught in the middle. There really is only one solution and that is you doing the homework for her to get her a roommate or into senior housing. As to your last question, I think both sides have a very valid point, but yeah…I’m on your husband’s side.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Reading between the lines there will likely come a time when you will have to choose between allowing your mother to continue living with you and your marriage. It may be in everyone’s best interest to have your mother find her place.” retroambassador
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is coming from someone who worked graveyard. I lived with my husband who worked normal 9-5 from home. He has to take meetings all day and we still worked it out. He lowered his volume and closed his door while I wore earplugs.
Vacuuming doesn’t NEED to happen at 10am, she can find something else to do that is quieter or get out of the house.” Bac0negg
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Bridesmaid's Wedding?
“28F here engaged to the absolute love of my life. My partner (27m) is a gem and a half.
My good friend (26F) who I met through my job as a school counselor taught at my school for 2 years.
We got close in that time and we always talked about her being my bridesmaid because she loves my fiance. Her now fiance (26m) a year into her 2-year teaching contract at the school abandoned her and moved to a random state, saying “she wasn’t intellectually stimulating enough for him”.
That was the second time he broke up with her for this reason after 2 years of being together. The first time was before she and I ever met.
Now even when they were together I HATED this man. So did my fiance. He is rude and arrogant and she is a literal 10/10 catch.
He is 200k in debt from being dishonorably discharged from the military for an inappropriate relationship with a subordinate and she is gorgeous, athletic, kind, and working on her MBA. So naturally when 6 months after the breakup she told me they were talking again I was skeptical and didn’t understand.
She promised she would take it slow and not uproot her life for him because she enjoyed her job and living in our current state.
Anyway, they begin being together long distance as she is finishing out her contract. This past summer 2023 (the end of her contract) she had planned to follow him to his new state to be with him.
In June 2023 my partner proposed to me after 3 years of being together and I was so excited. 2 days after that, her bf was in town and proposed to her with a piece of aluminum foil. They had only been together again for 5 months after he left her, saw other people, and came crawling back.
I set my wedding date for July of this year and asked her and my close friends to be my bridesmaids. A few weeks later.. she set her wedding date for May 31st of this year… in a state across the country from where I live.
She is getting married to someone I hate in her aunt’s back yard and it’s going to cost me over a thousand dollars to be there just 5 weeks before my wedding.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sounds like he doesn’t like you either from the impromptu proposal. While I don’t think the time frame is that close for a gap between weddings, I can’t blame you for not wanting to watch/support your friend in making a decision you feel will end with her in pain.” Novel_Particular9610
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, politely decline (don’t give the real reason), buy something nice off the registry. Hopefully, she’s been a kind and good friend to you because she’s going to need it after this guy breaks things off. Assuming you’ve expressed your strong dislike of this man in the past, SHE KNOWS you don’t like him — no need to remind her.
FWIW, I would suspect your friend has some unhealed trauma and self-esteem issues if she’s marrying someone unsuitable. But that’s her battle to fight.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you want to stay uninvolved, you could just explain it away as a date/too close conflict.
But, this guy she’s marrying sounds awful. If you’re willing to risk your friendship (she’s moving away anyway?) to help her, maybe talk to her about how much he sucks or your concerns in a kind, caring way if you haven’t already. I don’t know her or him and I’m still cringing that she’s marrying this guy.” SentenceForeign9180
2. AITJ For Thinking My Friend Baby Trapped Another Friend For Funds?
“So my friendship group is currently in shambles over this situation so I’m looking for some outside opinions.
The two main people are my (24F) friends Alex (25M) and Lia (24F). They hooked up and now Lia is pregnant but Alex isn’t happy about it. Alex and Lia have always been weirdly close but they’ve never crossed the friendship line and clearly for good reason because the whole thing has been messy since Lia told him she was pregnant.
He asked her to reconsider it and she said no, so he asked her not to tell his family about the baby yet but she went ahead and told them.
The majority of our friendship group thinks she baby-trapped him for financial gain since her family doesn’t have much and Alex’s are more than comfortable.
I originally was defending her but then while she was ranting to me about what a jerk Alex is, she said the only thing Alex would be good for was financial support and that her baby wouldn’t need him as a father. She kept talking about Alex, finances and him being an ATM for a good 30 minutes.
The conversation left a bad taste in my mouth so I was discussing it with Charlotte, my best friend, and Alex’s ex, and we both agreed that it seems like Lia only cares about the finances I said I was starting to agree with the friends who think she baby trapped him for financial gain.
Unfortunately, Charlotte mentioned it to a few other friends who told others and it’s gotten back to Lia. She hasn’t said a single thing to me and the only reason I know she now dislikes me is because Alex, of all people, confronted me about it and she blocked me.
He told me to leave Lia alone and tried to guilt me because she’s pregnant and needs her friends right now but he’s the one causing her the most stress. He said if I (or anyone else) said anything else about her we’d have to deal with him so most people are now denying ever saying she baby-trapped him so I feel like I’m being thrown under the bus here.
Charlotte said he’s only playing hero because his family are all on his case now because Lia keeps running to them so he has no choice but to act like he cares.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Stop calling Lia your friend because you are not a friend to her.
Both Alex and Lia had consensual intimacy and are aware of the need for birth control. That’s between the two of them. Alex is financially responsible for the baby and he knows that. That does not mean Lia baby trapped him, only that she expects child support for his child.
You said nothing to Lia but then sneaked around gossiping and spreading rumors with no actual knowledge. Now you are reaping the consequences of running your mouth and thinking you’re the victim. Your friend group is finding out that you are no friend but a malicious gossip.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here except for Alex and Lia. Look, you & your friends are causing stress and drama because instead of letting Alex and Lia figure things out, you’re chatting about them, speculating, and making accusations. I don’t know if Lia’s baby trapped Alex, and from what you’ve written, neither do you.
All we know is that she’s pregnant and if Alex isn’t willing to be a father, she’s optimistic about financial support. Alex has stepped up to tell his ‘friends’ to quit gossiping and I think that was very mature of him.” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Alex knows what happens when you have intimacy without protection. All you needed to do was stay out of it. Your involvement is nothing shy of 12-year-old middle school gossip. It brings no value to the table and isn’t any of your business.
Regardless of how or why she got pregnant, she’s pregnant and that means she’s going through a lot of hormonal changes and body changes and life changes and if her “friends” are being jerks behind her back, she’ll likely haven’t to get new friends too.
And remember, Alex knows what happens when he has intimacy without protection. Don’t go acting like he’s some sort of victim here. None of you are. Grow up and stop gossiping when it’s none of your business.” Flimsy-Advantage4681
1. AITJ For Confronting My Family Over Their Dislike of My Son's Name?
“My husband and I welcomed our son into the world in November. We chose the name Reid for him after some searching. Neither of us got our first choice but we love the name and it fits our son beautifully, we believe.
I knew my son’s name was a bit of a standout among my family. They like to reuse the same names that are popular and always seem to float pretty high in naming charts. For boys, the top three in our family are James, Benjamin, and William.
But Reid isn’t a weird or unheard-of name.
My family were all very quiet when we announced the name and almost immediately they started dropping comments about “people making weird naming choices for their children” which never directly mentioned my husband and me but we both felt it was aimed at us.
Then they commented a few times how there’s nothing wrong with good, solid, classic names that everyone knows and loves and reuses. But then they started to say Reid was an “odd choice” or that they had no idea where we found such a name, even though it’s in the top 400 choices.
My parents accused me of trying to be trendy and not thinking about my son’s future.
I decided to confront my family without my husband present because I felt like it wasn’t fair to drag him into it more. I asked them what their problem was and why they were being so mean about the name.
They told me they HATED Reid and they felt it was a very unattractive name and we did not think it through at all. They told me we should have reconsidered and given him a real name, not something trendy that came up in the last 20-30 years.
They said we had so many beautiful names to choose from and we made a horrible decision. Then they said they had tried to gently show us the light but we ignored their efforts.
I told them if their comments about my son’s name were supposed to make me regret the choice then they failed because all it did was make me regret them.
After all, they were being rude and hurtful. My family did not take my comment well and told me I was being rude and I was behaving like a child who couldn’t accept the truth.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well unless Reid is how it is pronounced but spelled something like Ruhwayeehd.
Or spelled Reid but pronounced Ruhwayeehd. I’m not sure how they feel that is a “trendy” name. But, if the only names they like are Ben, James, and Bill, then something like Jeremy or Roger would seem pretty exotic to them. Reid is far from one of the trendy names.” killjoygrr
Another User Comments:
“I am kind of judgy about parents naming their kids “creative/made up” names (in my head..I would never say anything!)…just the whole idea of making your kids name some exercise to express your creativity…eyeroll.. With that being said, Reid is not a “creative” or “made up” name.
It is pretty traditional. So good choice! And either way, it’s your kid..so tell them to go pound sand!” Acceptable_Peanut557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, Reid is not an uncommon name at all, there is a notable official who worked with a state agency in my state with that name who was highly respected. Second, they can not like it all they want, but it isn’t their child.
It *might* be acceptable to mention *once* that they don’t particularly like it (*might*, I don’t think so ), but what they were doing was beyond the pale. He isn’t their child, they don’t get a choice. And they were wrong about one thing – they did not gently sow you the light – they were about as subtle as a stampede.
And you weren’t rude – they were. They were wrong about everything they said. So, I can’t blame you if this incident made you want to go LC with them, especially if this is an example of their behavior. They were rude and arrogant (and just plain **wrong**).” bamf1701
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